March 22, 2023 • 22 mins
Welcome siblings! New updates on what Little Sis Chris is working on and an apology. Check us out on YouTube and on the new website!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, sid, this is little sister Chris and I want
to just you know, chop it up with you all
about the podcast. I am really looking at so much
going on. I can always tell you guys, so much
is always going on with me having a private practice
(00:21):
and then working a full time job. And I'm now
in a class, an entrepreneurship class.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I'm also writing my manuscript. Ye'ah.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I'm writing, finally getting to writing that book about surviving
sibling loss.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And it has been an eye opener. Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
And I say that because if you have, if you've
written a book, like I know sibling Judy has written
a book Celebration and sisters Earladon has written a book.
And I want to say there's another sibling out there
working on some other things, Like there's a sister Tarot
Tarot that little sister Jenny is working on or is out.
(01:04):
She has her Kickstarter out for that. There's a lot
of different projects that a lot of you are working on.
And that's awesome because you're turning your sister brother and
this grief into creative projects. So I'm also creating a
project and that is a book and prayer forly this
book will help those who are in grief and those
(01:27):
young people who don't have the words to express what's
happening on the inside and how shifting grief can be
young people, hopefully, guardians' parents and even those who are
seasoned individuals who have lost a sibling can learn and
grow from this book.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So that is what.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
My prayer is and what my hope is once I
get this out of my head onto paper or into
the manuscript, So think about but think about me, excuse me,
and pray for me that I'm.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Able to focus.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I've also been in a huge transition in my house
and in my life. This year twenty twenty three really
shifted some stuff in me and was out of my
house for about a week so that my mom and
her paint are friend could come into the house and
really organize it for me, organize my office space, paint
(02:27):
for me. I bought my house four years ago, and
when they when they built this townhouse, they put in
the cheapest material and the cheapest paint. And over the
four years that I've been here, I could just tell
that me wiping the walls or cleaning the walls, I
(02:50):
could see where I wiped and cleaned the walls off,
and it was just starting to bother me. So I
was able to get my mom here at my house.
We did a a house swap and I was at
her house for a week and she was here at
my house. And while she was here with her painter friends,
they absolutely redid my walls and closets. My mom cleaned
(03:14):
out closets and got rid of a lot of furniture
that I've been trying to get rid of for the
past year and to replace this furniture. And what I'm
really trying to do is replace this energy in my house.
And I'm just in a huge transition about who I
let into my house, who I let into my energy,
into my space, because I am working on this creative
(03:37):
project with the book, and I'm really doing a lot
of self inventory because this book is hard to write.
And I'm not even gonna lie to y'all, this is
very hard to write.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Podcasting is challenging because of timing and all of that
and setting up schedules and.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know, but it's not anything.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's not as hard as writing and remembering things that
I went through, especially when I was a younger person
in college and in right now and just you know
how everybody is getting older in my life, my parents
are getting older and just contending with age and just
really kind of thinking ahead of time sometimes and sometimes
(04:21):
a little too far ahead and having anxiety about what's
gonna happen next, and instead of that now trying to
be more in the moment and enjoy every moment that
I have with my family. But it just, y'all, this
book is hard. That's just all I'm gonna say about it.
So it's not like I can just tackle it like
(04:44):
I thought I was and just write to my heart's content.
I realized I could not write in my house without
my house being in order, and it just got an order.
So I just got back in the house. Had this
horror right before the whole painting situation. It has really
(05:04):
slowed me down. And now I'm trying to get back
in my house and get settled and just really think
about some things that I need, like furniture, some new furniture,
some things on the wall. And I'm sitting here looking
at a picture right now while I'm talking to you all.
I ordered some prints for my house to go on
(05:27):
the wall because I don't have any prints of my
family on my walls in my house.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I just have really old pictures.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
And when I mean by old, I was in the
elementary school and younger, an infant, and there are old
school pictures that I got from my dad's house or
my mom's house. And I don't have anything of my
brother here in my house that is an older picture
of him, because he passed when he was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I have nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I had nothing, but I was able to buy big
canvas prints, and in one of the prints is my
brother's picture and it is the significantly Well, this picture
is significant to me because I'm looking at this picture
and it is a picture that you see on some
(06:15):
of the ads for this podcast. It's a picture that
I'm holding with my dad. And I took that picture
of my brother. He was seventeen years old. He hadn't
turned eighteen yet. He was just a few days shy
of his eighteenth birthday. We were at Ryan's Steakhouse with
a friend of ours who did the Saint Jude run
(06:35):
for him not too long before that, and.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
We were sitting there eating.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
He had gained a little pudge in his face and
because he was on steroids, and you know when you
have chemotherapy and things of that nature, that it runs
your blood sugars high.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
And makes you a diabetic. And that's what happened. My
brother became a.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Diabetic when he he became on steroids and doing chemo
and all these different things that medicine brings to us
to heal us, and then it brings a whole significant
other issues. And so diabetes and steroids was the thing,
and his blood sugar would rise so fast and so
(07:19):
significant that there's times where he had to go to
the hospital or he would get sick because of that.
But his face is pudgy, But I thought he was
just the most beautiful kid in this picture, and he
is actually sitting with the lady, our friend. But in
the picture I have in my house, it's just him.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
We have edited the picture and it's just him.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
You can see that he looks like his mother, our mother,
and his big old smile. He's not faking this smile,
but he's feeling okay this day. I know this because
I remember taking this picture and that is the last
picture that we ever had of him, and it went
downhill fast after that. So this was the picture was
taken in February of nineteen ninety seven. My brother was
(08:05):
dead by April tenth, nineteen ninety seven, so it went
down hell fast. But the Lord was able to provide
me this opportunity to snap this picture. And this picture,
a copy of it sits in my dad's house and
has been sitting there since nineteen ninety seven. And now
I have a copy in my own home, which makes
(08:26):
me so excited. And I'll put it up on my
walls once I get it leveled and everything, I put
it up, and when I start to do podcasting in
my new office space in my house, I will be
able to do that with my brother's picture behind me.
So I can't wait for you guys.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
To see that in the new YouTube channel.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
So with that, me and said, I'm sitting here looking
at this picture in his little puffy face and his
smile and the fact that he has there's a straw
in this picture because he was drinking water and he
has chewed on the straw, so you can see the
bike marks on.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
The straw in this picture.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And I just adore it and adore this picture and
glad that I was able to get a really good
picture of a picture blown up in my house that
I can put in my office space. So I really
wanted these pictures. Not only do I have my brother GP,
but I have some other family pictures that I had
blown up for my fortieth birthday party in August, and
(09:28):
I'm excited about that because I want to feel surrounded.
It's really important for me right now to feel surrounded
by my family. And I can't tell you enough how
I love my friends. I love my brothers and my
surrogate brothers and sisters from the church and from you know,
college and things of that nature. I can't I love
(09:51):
them so much. But I'm gonna put.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Pictures of them too.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It's gonna be a little smaller pictures, but I really
feel like I need to be surrounded by my blood
line and feel.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Supported in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
So when I have those days where I feel insignificant,
or I have those days where I'm just in prayer,
that I can look at these pictures and know that
my parents have prayed for me and know that my
parents are always there for me. And I just appreciate
them for all that they are and all that they do.
And I can tell you that now as a forty
(10:25):
year old woman, and I just really love the place
that I am in right now, although what I'm doing
right now seems like I'm dredging up a lot of
memories and some memories that I had forgotten. I can
sit here and not remember what I was going through,
you know, twenty years ago when I was in college.
(10:47):
But as I'm writing this book, these memories are coming up,
and I'm having to contend with these memories and heal
myself while I go through these memories. And I was
not really expecting it like that.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And it's a good.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Thing that it's happening, because, as you all know, I've
told this story before, I am in or wasn't therapy.
My therapist has now graduated me until I need her
father in the future. If I do need her, I
know when to call her. But I told her I
was writing this book, and what we had been working
(11:24):
on for a while was me compartmentalizing my feelings. I
would put it in a drawer, stepping in a drawer somewhere,
and then come back to it if I wanted it,
or come back to it if I needed it.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And it was involuntary. I had to come back to it.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I told her I had a podcast, and she
said that you really are stepping outside of your feelings
in order to do this podcast.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
There are times where I.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Have and she is right where I kind of and
I'm a therapist, and I kind of narrate, you know
how in the movie Shawshank Redemption, where Morgan Freeman's character
was a narrator of the trauma and narrator of everybody's life,
That's how I would.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Do my story about my brother.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I would narrate it as if I had no real
emotional attachment to it. And y'all, I didn't know I
was really going there like that. I was just putting
on my therapist voice, putting on my podcast voice, and
doing what I do best, and apparently that was not
(12:31):
being emotionally connected. Now, you know, there are some podcast
episodes on here where I am crying, where I am emoting,
where I am singing, and I allowed myself to go there.
But for the most part, I have not. And so
(12:52):
this book is really pulling me out of those times
where I learned where it was not okay to express
myself or I didn't feel comfortable expressing myself. Now I
am expressing myself in this book and having to heal
that part of me. So my therapist is loving the
(13:14):
fact that I'm writing this book and has graduated me
because she knows that I know what I need to
do in order to heal myself and see myself as
a young person in college, in high school, in young adulthood,
what I need to do to heal her as I'm
telling this story and also trying to reach others and
(13:40):
guardians and kids about their story and reach them about
their healing and what it looks like and normalizing feeling sad,
feeling angry, feeling all the different emotions that you may feel,
even relief, feeling all the different emotions that you may have,
and that it's okay to feel these things. So I'm
(14:04):
gonna say I'm say that and you know, take a
little break.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
On that.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So that's what's been happening. But I really really came
on here to say that you are I have a
little twenty seven second I believe episode on this podcast,
And because my office space has looked horrible since I
(14:34):
moved in four years ago, I have usually been using
my mobile device to upload these episodes into the audio,
and I believe I had some type of ADHD or something.
One day and for all those who have suffered from ADHD.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I'm not making light of ADHD.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Because I feel like the older I get, the more
easily distracted I get, and because this year has been
a different, transitional year. I don't know what happened on
January to twenty fifth, So I'm just gonna apologize to
you right now.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I just saw this a minute ago.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I just saw that I posted on January twenty fifth
an intro to twenty twenty three, and at the end
of the intro, I said, here's the guest coming up.
And I really feel like, I don't know. I must
have got distracted, had a phone call, or I was
lost in space maybe, but I know there's a lot
(15:38):
going on in January, and one of them was anxiety
and depression. And I'll get to that, you know, in
another episode. And I apologize again because what I wanted
to do was upload Sibling Andrea's or Andrea's episode, so
(16:00):
right after that, that's what I wanted to do, but
I never downloaded her episode at all. So I just
downloaded that on March twenty seconds. I'm just letting you
know on audio only, I have downloaded Sibling, and it
says when tragedy strikes with sibling Andrea. I think I
(16:21):
said her name Andrea. Sorry, and that just got uploaded
on March twenty second. I want to say that was
the intro on January twenty fifth, So I apologize. I
want to delete it, but I also want to leave
it there because.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'm human, and y'all know I'm human, and y'all know
I do this podcast a little bit differently than anybody else. Okay,
for all of those who.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Are in the listening audience and audio only, you know
that I have a YouTube channel as well. YouTube channel
is Surviving Sibling, and you can see sibling Andrea, and
Andrea and a little sibling Jenny. On the YouTube channel.
You can also see shorts. You can also see me
(17:10):
going to the cemetery with Daddy Man to celebrate my
brother's forty fourth birthday. This past Saturday was three eighteen
when we celebrated or commemorated his forty fourth birthday. Now
it's a little seven minute, seven and a half minute
clip on YouTube. Go ahead and share, subscribe and like,
(17:34):
go ahead and go on the channel.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I know you guys are listening. I know you are, but.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Go ahead and see and check us out on YouTube. Yeah,
and also for this year, I've created a website for
you all, so I wanted to create more of a community,
and I love that you guys are in my community,
in the community on Facebook, on email, YouTube, this audio only,
(18:07):
as well as the website. So the website is www
dot Surviving Sibling looss fmpodcast dot org dot org. Again,
that is www dot Surviving Sibling loss fmpodcast dot org.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, y'all got that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
So hopefully you guys can go on there and shoot
me some correspondence.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I want to say.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I have some groups things in there, and then you
can look at the latest link to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Also you can do the latest audio only.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
So I wanted to update you guys on all of
that information. Hopefully you have followed through with all of
my randomness almost it's not random, it's just that I
wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you
guys because it's been a while since I've sat down
and had a real true conversation update on what's happening
(19:13):
in little Sister Chris's life. And I just really hope
that this book will be done by the end of
the summertime.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
And I can able.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
I can able to be m well move forward, be
able to move forward with the book and do journals
and work books and retreats. I have my first retreat
coming up on Saturday as well. First retreat is only
an hour long. For my part, I will be doing
grief and loss in the quote unquote post pandemic error.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
With a group of ladies.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So I appreciate the opportunity to go to Franklin, Tennessee
to be able to present this information and prayerfully be
able to get refri because.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I am moving my.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Private practice out of doing more individual and wanting to
do more consult work education about grief and loss. What
that looks like, What that means that it circumferences more
than death itself. It can be a medical diagnosis, It
can be a house fire. It can be a promotion,
It can be graduation, It can be a lot of
(20:27):
different things.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Grief and loss can be.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
And just educating organizations, schools, corporations. That's where I want
to go more into doing console work and education and
trainings and retreats.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Versus more individual work.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Individual work can sometimes be a bit heavy and a
bit more time consuming. I love it, but at the
same time, I'm trying to make sure that I'm keeping
my soft sharp sharpening myself. So yeah, guys, I'm glad
that you are here and listen to all of this.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I love you guys so much. Big hugs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
And if you are just like me and you are
going through this huge transition in twenty twenty three, I
am thinking about you. Reach out, come on onto the
podcast group on Facebook. It's Sibling Lost the podcast on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Did I tell you guys?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
There is another Sibling Loss podcast out there and it
looks similar to my name, and it basically is my name,
but it's not me.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
So if you don't see the blue.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Emblem or you don't see the Forgotten Mourners Podcast part
of the name, then you're on a different podcast. And
I'm not gonna worry too much about that. Just know
that I started this podcast in twenty nineteen, and the
(21:59):
other young lady they started somewhere in twenty twenty two.
So it's nothing, nothing but love and because the siblings
don't have a lot of resources.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
So love you guys.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I will talk to you soon, and don't forget to
look me up on YouTube and on the website.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Bane
Hey, sid, this is little sister Chris and I want
to just you know, chop it up with you all
about the podcast. I am really looking at so much
going on. I can always tell you guys, so much
is always going on with me having a private practice
(00:21):
and then working a full time job. And I'm now
in a class, an entrepreneurship class.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I'm also writing my manuscript. Ye'ah.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I'm writing, finally getting to writing that book about surviving
sibling loss.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And it has been an eye opener. Uh.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
And I say that because if you have, if you've
written a book, like I know sibling Judy has written
a book Celebration and sisters Earladon has written a book.
And I want to say there's another sibling out there
working on some other things, Like there's a sister Tarot
Tarot that little sister Jenny is working on or is out.
(01:04):
She has her Kickstarter out for that. There's a lot
of different projects that a lot of you are working on.
And that's awesome because you're turning your sister brother and
this grief into creative projects. So I'm also creating a
project and that is a book and prayer forly this
book will help those who are in grief and those
(01:27):
young people who don't have the words to express what's
happening on the inside and how shifting grief can be
young people, hopefully, guardians' parents and even those who are
seasoned individuals who have lost a sibling can learn and
grow from this book.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So that is what.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
My prayer is and what my hope is once I
get this out of my head onto paper or into
the manuscript, So think about but think about me, excuse me,
and pray for me that I'm.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Able to focus.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I've also been in a huge transition in my house
and in my life. This year twenty twenty three really
shifted some stuff in me and was out of my
house for about a week so that my mom and
her paint are friend could come into the house and
really organize it for me, organize my office space, paint
(02:27):
for me. I bought my house four years ago, and
when they when they built this townhouse, they put in
the cheapest material and the cheapest paint. And over the
four years that I've been here, I could just tell
that me wiping the walls or cleaning the walls, I
(02:50):
could see where I wiped and cleaned the walls off,
and it was just starting to bother me. So I
was able to get my mom here at my house.
We did a a house swap and I was at
her house for a week and she was here at
my house. And while she was here with her painter friends,
they absolutely redid my walls and closets. My mom cleaned
(03:14):
out closets and got rid of a lot of furniture
that I've been trying to get rid of for the
past year and to replace this furniture. And what I'm
really trying to do is replace this energy in my house.
And I'm just in a huge transition about who I
let into my house, who I let into my energy,
into my space, because I am working on this creative
(03:37):
project with the book, and I'm really doing a lot
of self inventory because this book is hard to write.
And I'm not even gonna lie to y'all, this is
very hard to write.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Podcasting is challenging because of timing and all of that
and setting up schedules and.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know, but it's not anything.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's not as hard as writing and remembering things that
I went through, especially when I was a younger person
in college and in right now and just you know
how everybody is getting older in my life, my parents
are getting older and just contending with age and just
really kind of thinking ahead of time sometimes and sometimes
(04:21):
a little too far ahead and having anxiety about what's
gonna happen next, and instead of that now trying to
be more in the moment and enjoy every moment that
I have with my family. But it just, y'all, this
book is hard. That's just all I'm gonna say about it.
So it's not like I can just tackle it like
(04:44):
I thought I was and just write to my heart's content.
I realized I could not write in my house without
my house being in order, and it just got an order.
So I just got back in the house. Had this
horror right before the whole painting situation. It has really
(05:04):
slowed me down. And now I'm trying to get back
in my house and get settled and just really think
about some things that I need, like furniture, some new furniture,
some things on the wall. And I'm sitting here looking
at a picture right now while I'm talking to you all.
I ordered some prints for my house to go on
(05:27):
the wall because I don't have any prints of my
family on my walls in my house.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I just have really old pictures.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
And when I mean by old, I was in the
elementary school and younger, an infant, and there are old
school pictures that I got from my dad's house or
my mom's house. And I don't have anything of my
brother here in my house that is an older picture
of him, because he passed when he was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I have nothing.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I had nothing, but I was able to buy big
canvas prints, and in one of the prints is my
brother's picture and it is the significantly Well, this picture
is significant to me because I'm looking at this picture
and it is a picture that you see on some
(06:15):
of the ads for this podcast. It's a picture that
I'm holding with my dad. And I took that picture
of my brother. He was seventeen years old. He hadn't
turned eighteen yet. He was just a few days shy
of his eighteenth birthday. We were at Ryan's Steakhouse with
a friend of ours who did the Saint Jude run
(06:35):
for him not too long before that, and.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
We were sitting there eating.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
He had gained a little pudge in his face and
because he was on steroids, and you know when you
have chemotherapy and things of that nature, that it runs
your blood sugars high.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
And makes you a diabetic. And that's what happened. My
brother became a.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Diabetic when he he became on steroids and doing chemo
and all these different things that medicine brings to us
to heal us, and then it brings a whole significant
other issues. And so diabetes and steroids was the thing,
and his blood sugar would rise so fast and so
(07:19):
significant that there's times where he had to go to
the hospital or he would get sick because of that.
But his face is pudgy, But I thought he was
just the most beautiful kid in this picture, and he
is actually sitting with the lady, our friend. But in
the picture I have in my house, it's just him.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
We have edited the picture and it's just him.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
You can see that he looks like his mother, our mother,
and his big old smile. He's not faking this smile,
but he's feeling okay this day. I know this because
I remember taking this picture and that is the last
picture that we ever had of him, and it went
downhill fast after that. So this was the picture was
taken in February of nineteen ninety seven. My brother was
(08:05):
dead by April tenth, nineteen ninety seven, so it went
down hell fast. But the Lord was able to provide
me this opportunity to snap this picture. And this picture,
a copy of it sits in my dad's house and
has been sitting there since nineteen ninety seven. And now
I have a copy in my own home, which makes
(08:26):
me so excited. And I'll put it up on my
walls once I get it leveled and everything, I put
it up, and when I start to do podcasting in
my new office space in my house, I will be
able to do that with my brother's picture behind me.
So I can't wait for you guys.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
To see that in the new YouTube channel.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
So with that, me and said, I'm sitting here looking
at this picture in his little puffy face and his
smile and the fact that he has there's a straw
in this picture because he was drinking water and he
has chewed on the straw, so you can see the
bike marks on.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
The straw in this picture.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
And I just adore it and adore this picture and
glad that I was able to get a really good
picture of a picture blown up in my house that
I can put in my office space. So I really
wanted these pictures. Not only do I have my brother GP,
but I have some other family pictures that I had
blown up for my fortieth birthday party in August, and
(09:28):
I'm excited about that because I want to feel surrounded.
It's really important for me right now to feel surrounded
by my family. And I can't tell you enough how
I love my friends. I love my brothers and my
surrogate brothers and sisters from the church and from you know,
college and things of that nature. I can't I love
(09:51):
them so much. But I'm gonna put.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Pictures of them too.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
It's gonna be a little smaller pictures, but I really
feel like I need to be surrounded by my blood
line and feel.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Supported in that way.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
So when I have those days where I feel insignificant,
or I have those days where I'm just in prayer,
that I can look at these pictures and know that
my parents have prayed for me and know that my
parents are always there for me. And I just appreciate
them for all that they are and all that they do.
And I can tell you that now as a forty
(10:25):
year old woman, and I just really love the place
that I am in right now, although what I'm doing
right now seems like I'm dredging up a lot of
memories and some memories that I had forgotten. I can
sit here and not remember what I was going through,
you know, twenty years ago when I was in college.
(10:47):
But as I'm writing this book, these memories are coming up,
and I'm having to contend with these memories and heal
myself while I go through these memories. And I was
not really expecting it like that.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And it's a good.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Thing that it's happening, because, as you all know, I've
told this story before, I am in or wasn't therapy.
My therapist has now graduated me until I need her
father in the future. If I do need her, I
know when to call her. But I told her I
was writing this book, and what we had been working
(11:24):
on for a while was me compartmentalizing my feelings. I
would put it in a drawer, stepping in a drawer somewhere,
and then come back to it if I wanted it,
or come back to it if I needed it.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
And it was involuntary. I had to come back to it.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I told her I had a podcast, and she
said that you really are stepping outside of your feelings
in order to do this podcast.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
There are times where I.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Have and she is right where I kind of and
I'm a therapist, and I kind of narrate, you know
how in the movie Shawshank Redemption, where Morgan Freeman's character
was a narrator of the trauma and narrator of everybody's life,
That's how I would.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Do my story about my brother.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I would narrate it as if I had no real
emotional attachment to it. And y'all, I didn't know I
was really going there like that. I was just putting
on my therapist voice, putting on my podcast voice, and
doing what I do best, and apparently that was not
(12:31):
being emotionally connected. Now, you know, there are some podcast
episodes on here where I am crying, where I am emoting,
where I am singing, and I allowed myself to go there.
But for the most part, I have not. And so
(12:52):
this book is really pulling me out of those times
where I learned where it was not okay to express
myself or I didn't feel comfortable expressing myself. Now I
am expressing myself in this book and having to heal
that part of me. So my therapist is loving the
(13:14):
fact that I'm writing this book and has graduated me
because she knows that I know what I need to
do in order to heal myself and see myself as
a young person in college, in high school, in young adulthood,
what I need to do to heal her as I'm
telling this story and also trying to reach others and
(13:40):
guardians and kids about their story and reach them about
their healing and what it looks like and normalizing feeling sad,
feeling angry, feeling all the different emotions that you may feel,
even relief, feeling all the different emotions that you may have,
and that it's okay to feel these things. So I'm
(14:04):
gonna say I'm say that and you know, take a
little break.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
On that.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So that's what's been happening. But I really really came
on here to say that you are I have a
little twenty seven second I believe episode on this podcast,
And because my office space has looked horrible since I
(14:34):
moved in four years ago, I have usually been using
my mobile device to upload these episodes into the audio,
and I believe I had some type of ADHD or something.
One day and for all those who have suffered from ADHD.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I'm not making light of ADHD.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Because I feel like the older I get, the more
easily distracted I get, and because this year has been
a different, transitional year. I don't know what happened on
January to twenty fifth, So I'm just gonna apologize to
you right now.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I just saw this a minute ago.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I just saw that I posted on January twenty fifth
an intro to twenty twenty three, and at the end
of the intro, I said, here's the guest coming up.
And I really feel like, I don't know. I must
have got distracted, had a phone call, or I was
lost in space maybe, but I know there's a lot
(15:38):
going on in January, and one of them was anxiety
and depression. And I'll get to that, you know, in
another episode. And I apologize again because what I wanted
to do was upload Sibling Andrea's or Andrea's episode, so
(16:00):
right after that, that's what I wanted to do, but
I never downloaded her episode at all. So I just
downloaded that on March twenty seconds. I'm just letting you
know on audio only, I have downloaded Sibling, and it
says when tragedy strikes with sibling Andrea. I think I
(16:21):
said her name Andrea. Sorry, and that just got uploaded
on March twenty second. I want to say that was
the intro on January twenty fifth, So I apologize. I
want to delete it, but I also want to leave
it there because.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
I'm human, and y'all know I'm human, and y'all know
I do this podcast a little bit differently than anybody else. Okay,
for all of those who.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Are in the listening audience and audio only, you know
that I have a YouTube channel as well. YouTube channel
is Surviving Sibling, and you can see sibling Andrea, and
Andrea and a little sibling Jenny. On the YouTube channel.
You can also see shorts. You can also see me
(17:10):
going to the cemetery with Daddy Man to celebrate my
brother's forty fourth birthday. This past Saturday was three eighteen
when we celebrated or commemorated his forty fourth birthday. Now
it's a little seven minute, seven and a half minute
clip on YouTube. Go ahead and share, subscribe and like,
(17:34):
go ahead and go on the channel.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
I know you guys are listening. I know you are, but.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Go ahead and see and check us out on YouTube. Yeah,
and also for this year, I've created a website for
you all, so I wanted to create more of a community,
and I love that you guys are in my community,
in the community on Facebook, on email, YouTube, this audio only,
(18:07):
as well as the website. So the website is www
dot Surviving Sibling looss fmpodcast dot org dot org. Again,
that is www dot Surviving Sibling loss fmpodcast dot org.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, y'all got that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
So hopefully you guys can go on there and shoot
me some correspondence.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I want to say.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I have some groups things in there, and then you
can look at the latest link to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Also you can do the latest audio only.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
So I wanted to update you guys on all of
that information. Hopefully you have followed through with all of
my randomness almost it's not random, it's just that I
wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you
guys because it's been a while since I've sat down
and had a real true conversation update on what's happening
(19:13):
in little Sister Chris's life. And I just really hope
that this book will be done by the end of
the summertime.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
And I can able.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
I can able to be m well move forward, be
able to move forward with the book and do journals
and work books and retreats. I have my first retreat
coming up on Saturday as well. First retreat is only
an hour long. For my part, I will be doing
grief and loss in the quote unquote post pandemic error.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
With a group of ladies.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
So I appreciate the opportunity to go to Franklin, Tennessee
to be able to present this information and prayerfully be
able to get refri because.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I am moving my.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Private practice out of doing more individual and wanting to
do more consult work education about grief and loss. What
that looks like, What that means that it circumferences more
than death itself. It can be a medical diagnosis, It
can be a house fire. It can be a promotion,
It can be graduation, It can be a lot of
(20:27):
different things.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Grief and loss can be.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
And just educating organizations, schools, corporations. That's where I want
to go more into doing console work and education and
trainings and retreats.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Versus more individual work.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Individual work can sometimes be a bit heavy and a
bit more time consuming. I love it, but at the
same time, I'm trying to make sure that I'm keeping
my soft sharp sharpening myself. So yeah, guys, I'm glad
that you are here and listen to all of this.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I love you guys so much. Big hugs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
And if you are just like me and you are
going through this huge transition in twenty twenty three, I
am thinking about you. Reach out, come on onto the
podcast group on Facebook. It's Sibling Lost the podcast on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Did I tell you guys?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
There is another Sibling Loss podcast out there and it
looks similar to my name, and it basically is my name,
but it's not me.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
So if you don't see the blue.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Emblem or you don't see the Forgotten Mourners Podcast part
of the name, then you're on a different podcast. And
I'm not gonna worry too much about that. Just know
that I started this podcast in twenty nineteen, and the
(21:59):
other young lady they started somewhere in twenty twenty two.
So it's nothing, nothing but love and because the siblings
don't have a lot of resources.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
So love you guys.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I will talk to you soon, and don't forget to
look me up on YouTube and on the website.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Bane
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