Nipple to Nipple - Road House (1989)

Harken! The mountain's four wise men/women left the summit to discuss Rowdy Herrington's Road House! Released in 1989, the film stars Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, and many others. It was filmed in the United States and was distributed by United Artists! Enjoy your bi-weekly trip to Shaolin.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi everybody. This is justin thehoary urchin and before we start our show,
i'd like to remind you to likeand subscribe to our podcast on iTunes.
Please give us a ranking, preferablyall the stars, and give us
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do this or for what purpose?Or will Erica ever find love? Well?

(00:24):
Email us at the Heavenly Mandate allone word, the Heavenly Mandate at
gmail dot com. That's the HeavenlyMandate at gmail dot com, and maybe
you can be that special someone Ericahas been looking for. Without further ado,
onto the show. Welcome to theHeavely Mandates. In the past,

(00:58):
you have come down from the mountainan interrupted our study of Kung Fu to
review films of sundry quality for thewretched and beleaguered people of the Earth.
However, today our resident content condomOur Governor, the Good Angel on our
right shoulder, cannot be here torecord with us. So if sit back,
relax, and join us for anepisode of The Heavily Mandate after dark.

(01:22):
It's not It's nine PM, thekids are in bed, your wife
says get it or quit it,and you find a viragra in the couch.
It's about to get sexty. Myname is justin the Horius of Vergins,
and I'm joined today by wise ManCallen, the Drunken Master. How
are you doing, sir, Oh? It feels very nostalgic to be back

(01:44):
to the original three of this programafter all these years, and it has
in fact been years. I'm notaging. This occasionally happens now. I'm
not as gracefully aging as as SamElliott, but I'd like to think if
I had hair would be pretty comfortable. And wise Man, Josh, the

(02:06):
Deadliest venom is here. What doyou say you and me get nibbled and
nipple Josh? A phrase that wasused for the first and only time at
my favorite bar, the Double Douche, which I am just back from a
new lease on life and a newphilosophy. There's a lot of philosophy to

(02:30):
be taken away from that house,which may be the House of the Rising
Sun as well, for all weknow. Today we are reviewing one of
the great American action movies of theeighties. Corrected by Rowdy Harrington, which
is what an is an awesome name. We are about to make a mid

(02:53):
season pit stop to visit nineteen eightynine Roadhouse before we begin. What did
you guys experience with those I wasaware this movie existed mostly because of you
and You and just general cultural knowledgeof the eighties. I definitely mixed it

(03:13):
up, partially in my mind withthe Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling movie. I
don't know what that one is calledStealth, but I thought there was some
It doesn't matter, I doubt itdoes. I just knew there was some
extreme quote unquote violence associated with bothfilms and beyond that. I actually,

(03:34):
just a few weeks ago, CorridorCrew happened to bring up Roadhouse in one
of their weekly episodes about talking aboutstunt work and fight coordination and that kind
of stuff as they do. SoI've got a brief primer on some of
the fights in this and I willtry to carry along their wisdom and show
what they told me. Josh,you've masturbated to it. I'm sure I

(03:59):
wasamiliar with this one back from theheady VHS days of the early two thousands
and was part of my early educationand development of my fondness for all that
is Patrick Swayze. Wow, thatis more than I thought. I remember

(04:20):
seeing this in Colewater, Michigan innineteen ninety one with my grandma and my
uncle Donnie. Really and the onething I remember vividly from the movie that
like sticks in my head. Theonly thing that really stick stuck in my
head since watching it way back thenis that my uncle Donnie said he's not

(04:43):
going to pay for touching those tittiesand he never did. Thanks. That
sounds that sounds like some Uncle Donniedropped on you right there. They called
it. It knew it was mythat happened, and it's very impressive.
I'm glad that. I'm also I'mso glad that they let eight year old

(05:05):
you view this film. Well,that's not a terrible first experience. At
least it was with family, notstrangers. You aren't with a naked stranger
in a movie theater, So Imean that's a win or a hobo jungle.

(05:28):
We were talking about how this filmis very like before we started recording,
about how like this is a sortof quintessential action movie of its time
in regards to the violins and thenudity and go over the topness of the
eighties, well, especially without itbeing a since it's not like, Yes,
clearly Swayze has some bona fides onthis, but this isn't a Arnold

(05:51):
Schwarzenegger, a Sylvester Stallone, aJean claud ben dam It's not those like
Hallmark Action here of this particular era, and thus it maybe feels slightly more
like a real movie somehow those nevertwo because of the sheer like this movie
could have been made with someone otherthan Patrick swayzey as the lead. For

(06:12):
the most part, those other actorsquote unquote depending on who you mean.
Basically the movie rides on them likeit it's not their vehicle. They are
the vehicle for the movie. It'sbecause it's who they are. As I
think this movie still kind of thismovie could stand on its own with other
people of comparable stature being put inSwayze's place, no offense and rest in

(06:36):
peace. But others could have heldthis movie up. Actually interesting to bring
that up, because one of thethings I was thinking about as I was
watching it is that because they choseSwayze, it's it's a very different kind
of masculinity than there's still misprojecting.It's almost like they wanted to make a

(06:57):
weirdly thinking man's action film where likehe's a philosopher but also a bat as
bouncer guy, which I think isreally interesting. It's not, it's not
Switchinger, it's not alone alone,it's not. It might be closer to
something that Van Dam would try,but it probably wouldn't work. Yeah,

(07:17):
yeah, you're right, because hewould be just riding out in cocaine the
entire time. I feel like thiswas you know, they're like Swayze,
we know you can dance, nowwe want to see if you can fight.
Yeah, I mean, to somedegree, it does feel like they

(07:39):
must have had some conscious influence oftrying to make a Western kung Fu because
this is basically a kung Fu typeof story, going back to our first
season very much. If you Pepperin some philosophical elements here and there,
it's about the same level as alot of those, and obviously he's this

(08:00):
is also notably here. What's thefirst thing I'll bring up from the Corridor
crew guys that this is the firstWestern, releast mainstream movie that allowed for
some Asian style fighting by a whiteguy like they didn't. It's not presented
as unusual, it's not even presentedas something other people wouldn't be familiar with.

(08:24):
He just happens to be a dudewho practices an Eastern martial art as
opposed to straight basically boxing, becausethat's basically what you really get. I
mean, this is still mostly justkickboxing that he's doing. But they it's
the first movie where the good guys, the white guys too, whatever,
were just would kick in a fire. Before this, punching was your only

(08:48):
move throws, but like, kickingwasn't a thing, and roundhouse kicks definitely
become a fun thing in the eightiesand early nineties. We embrace those wholeheartedly.
So Patrick Swayzee is a professional bounceror cooler working in New York City.

(09:09):
Now, before I go any further, is that a real thing?
Like I don't know anything about barsor like, is there a thing called
a cooler that goes like a professional? Typically that's not okay. This movie
invents, in my investigation some entirelike strange subculture that I would love to
know from people who were already ofage at that time if this existed,

(09:33):
And we'll get into that into thatmore later. But usually what I've always
heard a cooler the term refers tois someone in a casino who ruins other
people's chances and luck. That's that'skind of what I always learned a cooler
to be. The name makes sense. Yes, I'm sure that idea of

(09:54):
like it being a bar manager inthat sense, I doubt that came out
of thin air? Is is it? This? Is it this universe that
is depicted in this movie? Thatmight be debatable. Did you gain legendary
status in your region for being one? I suspect not celebrity status, that
people are coming from across the countryto hire you, to recruit you because

(10:16):
you, like Madonna, have onename and it is Dalton. That's where
it feels very kung fu to me. Is there is this under you know,
there is this alternative world that's doingjustice right along some bizarre way like
this. This is because this becausethe bar world is the wild West,
is the mountains between the cities,so banditry abounds, corruption is everywhere.

(10:41):
Here are noble warriors in our midstThat's awesome. I like that. I
like that aspect of the movie,which I don't think I would have picked
up on younger as a young kidor even in my twenties. No,
I don't. Yeah, after havingwatched Kung Fu, you definitely pick upon
it. Watching without having watched theKung Fu films, I don't think it

(11:03):
over together. So a bar ownernamed Frank Tillman poaches Swayze away from his
current job in New York City toserve as head of security for a club
called the Double Deuce in Bumfuck,Missouri. Jazz population in nineteen ninety around

(11:26):
nine hundred people. Thanks for doingthe legwork on that one. Yeah,
I obviously never think it. Reallyit was a real place. That's a
real place I knew, I knewI had heard of it, but I
suspected a lot of artistic license wasbeing used. Do you think they tourist
off of this movie? They havesome sort of I'm sure there's a monument

(11:48):
somewhere, like a pavilion or somethingthat tells you about it, even if
as the bigger problem is I haveno reason to go to jazzprom Well,
they say it's in I like outerKansas City region, right, Yeah,
I mean Kansas City. I couldI could justify going to because that place
is exotic, but the entrepot ofthe Midwest, as they call it.

(12:16):
I mean, if I was alreadyin Kansas City, I guess I would
now justify going to Jasper just tosee where they probably didn't shoot a single
scene of this movie. They definitelydid not. Sway's Dog works cheap.
All it took was five g's fivehundred dollars a day and complete control of
the security operations to woo them away. He travels west. That's not bad.

(12:39):
I'm interrupting you, Okays, it'sabout twice so he's making one thousand
dollars a day. Yeah, notbad, right, with a five dollars
signing bonus right off the bath.It just comes with having done in cash.
Do you think a guy from Jasper, Missouri has that kind of money
to throw around? I mean Iwas kind of curus. I thought we

(13:01):
were going to learn more about likemister Tillman and like the origin of his
money and how he became part ofthis CDs underbelly of America. But no,
we got no clue. Seems likea lot of money to spend for
a bar that apparently has a smallpopulation. Where are these people coming from

(13:22):
and how are they making as muchmoney per night. I mean, I'm
going to start getting into the financialsof this bar's operation as we moved through
it very quickly. But it doesnot seem mister n insane amount of furniture.
He apparently does not. He apparentlyhas no worries. He has enough
to buy this bar outright, whichit might have been going cheap admittedly,

(13:45):
But then he turns around and justthrows money because he's like, I want
it to be better. I'm goingto go recruit bouncers from New York City.
We should have we should have gottenVin Diesel on the cast. He
could have told us what about thisdamn it. Ways, he travels weston
Style and he encounters what appears tobe a unique mashup of honky tong killbuddy

(14:09):
biker bar. Let's just say thatthe vibe of this bar is a bit
over the top. Let's just sayObi Wan Kenobi would have walked up to
the roy and said, now,Luke, fuck this. This This is
not Callen's local. If I hada local like this, believe you me,

(14:35):
it would be a difficult lure toresist. Let me ask you this
right now, you're the new cooleryou see this a Rabel inside his bar.
What's your first move? What's thefirst thing you're dealing with when you
see all the people in this rambunctionusbar. I mean, I think,

(14:58):
honestly, I'm probably just going tostay hands off the way that that Dalton
basically does. Like I need totake a minute. This needs to be
read. You got to digest it. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta
see how everybody handles by default beforeI decide what the program is to go
forward from this. I need tosee. This movie, by the way,

(15:18):
has one of the most absurd openingfifteen minutes. It really is.
It feels great and it's I wantto say, I think that in a
weird way. Letter Kenny takes someof its cues from this because they have
also just absurdly over the top fightscenes, especially for a sitcom in Canada.

(15:43):
But it will be like it willjust open or like close with an
episode and it is literally the entirebar explodes, but in slow motion,
and it's just watching all the charactersengage in exactly this kind of behavior.
I got to run through this.A guy puts one hundred dollars bill on
a table. A woman then stabsit with a knife for unclear reasons.

(16:08):
He kicks her to the floor.A bunch of bouncers grab him, he
punches one of them in the face. Then he stabs Swayze. Minutes later,
Swayze is stitching his arm shut.Then he's on the road and for
some reason gives away his car tosome random guy. It's never explained.
I'm starting to get what it is. But yes, we'll get to that.

(16:30):
Like, he gets to this doubledeuce bar, and there's one of
the best lines in cinema history,which I'll let justin recite. Yeah,
yeah, the guy is the guy, the goofy, a fucking fucking guy
over. You know, the woman'sshe orders a vodka rocks and this guy

(16:51):
says, hey, vos when yousay, you and me get nippled the
nipple, a phrase that's never beenuttered. Hey, you were seven years
old when this came out. Thatmight have been the thing you were totally
unaware of. It's not just blind, it's the goofy fucking look on that

(17:11):
guy's what hembers, it's when youlook it just so pervate it is.
And then and then this woman's boyfriendpresumably invites this random guy from another table
to come by and for twenty dollarshe will be able to kiss both of
her breasts. He proceeds not todo that, but to very awkwardly fondle

(17:33):
her for about five minutes. Hehas no money, and that causes the
entire bar to start funny. Thisis all in fifteen minutes, Helen.
I mean, you've worked in barsand restaurants and in these kinds and not
just kind of like, I don'timagine this kind of a I need to
apparently go a little bit south ofthe Mason Dixon and see what's going on

(17:57):
in their bars. But I've I'vedranken plenty of them. Have you ever
seen anything as wild before? HaveI seen anything a quarter this wild before?
No, it was not the eightieswhen I when I started or when
I ventured. Yeah, it's itis hard to wrap your head around what's

(18:18):
going to happen for the rest ofthis movie based on this opening scene,
which is almost Are they going tobe able to maintain this tempo for two
hours? No? But like it'sit is. It is a mel Brooks
esque beginning to a movie. Youcould definitely see this in Blazing saddles,
but without the boobs as overtly Iwrote down cartoony like it felt cartoony in

(18:44):
a weird way, like when theygot when when they got other guy's head
that the original balance has had justpops around the corner once the guy says
something stupid. Yeah, like asas Alex would have said, really great,
Alex, Oh so what what didthat guy who randomly like pulled the

(19:06):
knife on Dalton like think was gonnahappen when she did this? Like literally,
he was just released by the twobouncers like for a second, and
his move is grab the knife andbriefly like slash the lead guy and then
be like what, let's like theexact same thing is going to happen,
as if you had not done that, you were going to be drug outside

(19:27):
regardless and then beat up by thoseguys instead of him most likely. I
like that they establish the character tobe the kind of person who would rather
avoid a fight an action. He'sstill a warrior, He's still like a
traditional Eastern kung fu warrior of likeyou have to fight, you don't fight

(19:51):
when you don't have to fight.It's very art of war. Yeah,
yeah, exactly, laosuit I don'tremember, feels so overtly masculine. It's
such it's such an interesting artifact ofthe era. I can't. I had
a hard time getting past that.Intellectually. It didn't feel like a traditional
action film because the film is gearedtowards Swayzey, and it's also geared to

(20:15):
women who want some swing's but Ithink yeah, and and men who do
Yeah. It's right right from thejump it declares it's going to be an
unusual movie through what you might beexpecting. Stowic Swayzey is a stoic command

(20:38):
of the people we find out givingaway cars and ship. But Brad Wesley,
the local big wig, is arich prick. You kind of see
where this is going already. WanSwayzey takes over and starts peo, do
you mean Brad Wesley or Jackie Treehorn. Oh yes, Jaggie Dreamorn. There's

(21:03):
an odd smil there is there,really there really is. That's that's bizarre
himself. Secretly, maybe Sam Elliottjust suggested to the Cohen brothers, like
I got this idea forgot yeah,yeah, yeah, He's the common thread
between these things. Like in thatrespect, the Coen Brothers robbed Roadhouse.

(21:29):
Probably, I mean they've mined everythingelse culturally. Why not? Oh,
Brad Wesley, the local big wig, is a rich prick. You can
kind of see where this plot isalready going Swaythey takes over in the bar
and starts swinging house. He's firingdumbasses, drug dealers and thieves. And
we learned that he has three rulesof effective bouncing. We should get these

(21:52):
tattooed in our arms. Yeah,which, I think we should adopt these
as the official no No one One. One of the rules is it is
my tramp stamp, and then Iget one, I get one on each
butt cheek stamp of each one.And when we connect together, if we
form our vultan and too. Yeah. Yeah, that's a much better idea.

(22:15):
Thanks. The first rule is neverunderestimate your opponent, which is I
think pretty good advice. Yeah.Number two is taken outside, yeah always.
Number three is be nice. Yeah, these are all These are all
very good policies for what he's talkingabout doing and just you know, life
in general. Yeah, so hewas, Yes, he is. He

(22:40):
is wise in his in his simpleway under Swayze is a stewardship things start
to work as planned. Swayzey breaksthe table with the dude's head at one
point. That's because that's the fourthtenant when you're then you can be mean
when you have to be mean.Imagine getting a traumatic brain injury because you

(23:04):
wanted a lady to dance on abar table. Do I have to imagine
that necessarily? But these people puta knife at like the provocation drop of
a hat. The eighties were fucking. The eighties were nuts. That's the
takeaway that you can always get fromalmost all of these movies is that,

(23:25):
like everyone carried a flick knife,everyone had brass knuckles and a temper that
was like two centimeters long before thefuse was out. Like everything in eighties
cinema leads me to believe that,like you probably had an extend an extensive
mortality rate that was not really explainableexcept by like bully murder, that had

(23:47):
to be a serious problem. Exactly, you could take a beating in the
eighties and just get right back fromit, like there's no realism. It
may be fine, No, Imean half, I point out numerous times
halfway through this movie, all ofWesley's thugs should be technically grained at at
this point, it's like you don'teven like It's like they engage Batman in
combat six days in a row andwe're like, yeah, I'm back at

(24:11):
it again. I'm gonna see whatI can do. Wlazy fires a guy
for fucking on the job, andthat kind of feels like the most realistic
bar thing you could do. Thatwould happen that part, would that work?
Well? He disappeared from the movie, right he popped back up somewhere

(24:32):
in the middle, like he doesn'tever play a significant I mean, I
guess it would depend in his position. Yes, he probably would be fired.
Other people I've known in other positions, no, they will not be
fired. So really just it's contingent. It feels like if you are going
to fuck on the job, beingworking at a bar would be really conducive

(24:52):
to fucking on the job. Yes, more so than more so than most.
Yah, he fires the nephew ofthe film was bad guy for skimming
from the till and this might bebad news for Swayze. And we also
see some Swayze butt and some taichi these scenes. Oh yeah, I

(25:14):
mean we got a ton of stuffhere, like pre winding slightly. I
did have to wonder, is theis the house band of the Double Deuce
a real band? They were featuredso heavily that I started to go,
this feels weird if this isn't reallythe band, Like I loved it,
like I love all the music they'replaying and the way they were doing everything.

(25:37):
I'm like, if this isn't reallya band, it feels weird that
it's half a music video for them. I honked it up. And the
guy's name is Norman Jeffrey Healy.He was a Canadian blues rock and jazz
singer. Oh, there we go, it is a it is a real
musician. Yeah, he lost hissight due to retin blasphtoma through the eyes.

(26:03):
No, there we go, allright. I felt that that part
felt like some like ingredient of realitywas being drown in, because otherwise I'm
like, this doesn't really add anythingunless you probably at the time could pretty
easily know that's what was going on. So that's neat kudos for there,
pretty good for that musical inclusion todraw. Yeah, we already covered that

(26:25):
though. Yeah, apparently the eightiesbouncing circuit was like a celebrity thing.
Everybody knew, and like you said, Josh, I didn't pick up on
what the car thing going on wasuntil like midway through that he keeps his
good car, his own Mercedes,tucked away and just trades junkers because he
knows everywhere he goes to his vehicle, so he just gets to town hands

(26:51):
if it survived to the next town, he hands the keys weight by the
way, not how vehicle transfers work, even in Missouri, I cannot do
that. But then he just disposesof it and gets another junker with whatever
his forwarded like signing bonus was.That makes sense. Lets the ship get
beat out of that while he keepshis pristine Mercedes ready for it's a it's

(27:14):
battle mode. It's details like thatthat makes me think the film. Someone
in the film has been a bouncer. Yeah, sounds like so many small
details. Cool color. I don'twant the other guys are bouncers. Yeah,
cooler is the higher echelon. Feellike there are real moments in this
film. I didn't look up anyof the backstory of who wrote it or

(27:37):
who directed it, but I likethe idea that there is. I wanted
to take the film as real andimagine that there is this underground bouncer.
I mean there's like, yeah,like you said, there's enough strange elements
that doesn't seem like you would botherthinking of it or including if you didn't
have some basis for them being partof the story. So maybe or at

(28:00):
least you know the Hollywood version ofthat. If the car thing makes sense,
that seems like something a bouncer wouldhave to do if you are worried
about if you're in a popular placewith repeat customers. I wouldn't even want
to drive a car there. Iwould want to leave it like three blocks
away from the place. And oh, I also absolutely loved mister Tillman's a

(28:26):
brief I'm sorry his emendation of vulgargraffiti on his wall rather than he's not
going to trouble to cover it up, but he's going to make it seem
like a pretty honest business proposition justbeing made on the wall for a good
buick. That that is based onsomething actually experienced by the people who wrote

(28:49):
this movie. That's way too specificto have just thought of putting in a
movie. Not a single glory hallin that bathroom justin did we get to
see the bathroom. I'm pretty surethere was. Well he was that was
in the bathroom when he when hewas amending the got it. No it
was next No, it wasn't.It was next to the payphone. He

(29:10):
had just fixed the payphone. Andthen he turns and saw, Yeah,
because that used to be where peoplewould write that shit because the payphone's right
there. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so
we never saw it. John.We don't know what the bathroom in this
place consisted of, but like,given I'm sure it was worse than the
one in Trainspotting. I was goingto say, at least the always sunny
level of Patty's Pub, not wantingto enter that bathroom. Also, twenty

(29:37):
bucks seems like a lot to payjust to kiss someone's boobs, Like nineteen
eighty nine dollars, it's about doublethat would be like forty bucks, Yeah,
forty bucks, Like I'm not evengetting that much out of the deal
that She's not like you could atleast get a hand job from a hooker
for it is nineteen eighty nine.Absolutely could didn't didn't it didn't someone get

(30:02):
paid then? Then it wasn't thatlate. I don't remember that maybe that's
a different scene. But one ofthe things that I think was really interesting
about this film was the the insistencethat rich people are bad. Yeah,
it's this is this is a heavilythis is a heavily classist narrative, still

(30:22):
in the theme of kung Fu,but also definitely touching a bit. There's
if kung Fu and the Dukes ofHazzard was one thing that is what this
movie is. Yeah, that alsothe assumption that there are a significant number
of at least wealthy or better offpeople in this bum fucked town, Like

(30:47):
where do they come from? Hey, it's it's it's getting it's taken off
man, they got they got aJ. C. Penny coming in they
did. That was a hallmark,a hallmark of the era. But this
is film about class warfare too,and about how the lower classes and the
middle classes are ultimately being the willof the altar ridge yep, divided and

(31:10):
manipulated. You need one slazy tocome along to save the people from like
he would take the gold and distributeit to the peasants. And speaking of
distribution of the of the wealth amongstthe peasants, like one why you would
never work here unless you got hazardpay on a daily basis. Oh yeah,

(31:33):
Like the level of the level ofendangerment going onto your body every time
you walk in as an employee ofthis place is through the roof, like
even without worrying, like as abusiness owner, than your margins on this
place, Like, you can't haveinsurance on this building. It's absolutely impossible.
So this is an uninsured bar thatsupplies weapons. Half your furniture is

(31:56):
destroyed on a we'll say by nightlybasis, at least half your glass wear
on a nightly basis. Then there'sclean up, Then there's labor, there's
replacement of lost product. Like hepresumably he actually got this bar while it
was in foreclosure and then solicited donationsfrom the local Presbyterian church to get it

(32:21):
open again, just to restock things. Because the amount of damage going on
on a nightly basis, plus havinglike six seven staff members on during this
kind of thing. Man, yeah, a decent number of employees. I
mean, that's a pretty big barto be running out in the country.
You absolutely would want to have that. But like imagine this is like the

(32:42):
Willows, but twice the size andhalf the respectability. What do you think
do you think this film adequately reflectsto live experience to the people of Jasper
in the nineties, Jasper specifically,I don't know. Perhaps as a general

(33:12):
pastiche of the region. It mightbe this was based on a true story.
Do we establish this living situation ornot yet? We haven't gotten to
that part. It's a very interestingidea to go just live in a hayloft
that's been semi converted, which apparentlycosts you all of one hundred dollars a

(33:35):
month, which we can assume isabout two hundred. I mean I would
live in that. Kansas and Missouriwinters are notoriously not great, so I
don't feel like you could live inthat space come January. But if they
heard the cows in there during thewinter, though, you could probably get
a lot of residual heat. Andthink about how drafty those barns are,

(33:57):
like, and your upper floor withnice, very great windows for the summer,
frank, but like, forget aboutit, Like as soon as it
drops forty, you're gonna be fuckedunless you happen to have tichi enough to
like summon the warmth and retain itfor yourself. No, I was thinking

(34:17):
that it was a dope shelter.Like in theory, it's a really cool
idea, but in practice you're asolutelyright, there's no unless they insulated it
in some for some reason, right, and unless there's a hatch that you
can used to like cover the stairwellonce it gets cold, like you're not
going to go very long. Butthat's why it's it's it's always sunny in

(34:37):
the movies. It's just like that'show it goes. That's just like it
does establish him as a man ofthe people, you know, a person
who can live anywhere and suffering anything. He's not fancy specifically doesn't need technology
like he that's pointed out. Yeah, he's he's a TV or you know,

(34:58):
he's basically what wrote about when hewas writing about the Uberman and how
Dara Fuscher came down from the mountainto bless us with another way pretty similar.
I was I was thinking it wasmore like more like Dalton Ramsey's bar
rescue. But what yes, we'llsay this possibly influenced Ramsey's approach to things

(35:22):
as well. Some henchmen and thefired nephew of Brad Wesley tries the strong
arm the double Dooze owner to pressureSwayze out. He doesn't go their way
at all, and Swayze lays amagnificent beat down but suffers a knife wound
and winds up in the hospital.He apparently has dozens of injuries broken bones,

(35:44):
gunshots, et cetera, and anagree from ny use philosophy department by
way notoriously easy or notoriously difficult.That's a prestigious philosophy department. Okay,
basically his file. His file getsread and turns out that he's he is
like redneck batman. Yeah, butbut to be noted with barely a scar

(36:08):
upon his perfect like pretty good.Yeah, like you don't, I don't
see any any particular wounds or impacts. Or then again, like we said,
nobody shows much sign of any injury. The next the very next day,
in the staff meeting, one guyhas like kind of a puffy eye,
and everyone else is totally fine.So Swayze, being the master of

(36:31):
his discipline that he is, presumablyheals at an even faster right. He
ditches himself and it's gone. Thenext day, he's able to move the
chee around his body and distributed itmakes sense, moves it from his testicles
up. I love that they playupon the idea of the philosophy major as

(36:53):
being you know, you'll never geta job you'll work at at like fucking
Starbucks or something, but then turnsit into you'll have the most badass masculine
job imaginable. Yeah. Again,they subverting expectations is apparently what this movie
was about. Yeah, the liberalarts prepares you for a lot of ship

(37:16):
and apparently that's continuous injury, rightInstagram. Our program is a twenty percent
rate of people becoming coolers. Doyou think there's Do you think there's a
remote chance that this movie was writtenby a philosophy major? I have to
imagine. It's such a weird dichonomy. They're certainly educated. I bet I

(37:40):
bet one of them does have there'stwo, there's two, there's two writers,
and I bet one of them doeshave a blog degree. I think
there's good evidence. During the consultation, he falls in love with the doctor
named Elizabeth. Oh she has afirst name? Yeah, oh yeah,

(38:04):
Unike blood Sports. He's actually givena name in this movie. I thought
she was doctor Clay the whole time. I didn't ever catch her first names.
Yeah, I mean most of thewomen in this are and more than
half the men not the stereotype.But you're absolutely right that bar has a
very very hot fi intel. Thiscannot be rued unreal. Again, that's

(38:32):
the same thing that lot Kenny tradeson, the same idea that that they
live in a town with like fivethousand people and yet all of them are
under forty and over fifty percent ofthem are really quite attractive by most standards,
and good fighting. On top ofthat, we get the best we

(38:52):
get the best line in the entiremovie. What so far we have three
best lines. This is not thebest one, but this is pretty good.
Pain don't hurt again. That's veryzen, that's very Now we're moving
him further east into some Japanese typeof sentiment, like if you came,

(39:14):
if you saw like I don't know, I found the doctor and I saw
someone come in and like he hadhis own chart. It was full of
all these wounds, Like I'm nottalking to you and this is fucked up.
You're not trying to be good here, so I can't cure you,
No, not cure, but butyour curiosity would overcome you and you need
to know if you're a doctor areyou obligated to help somebody? Yeah,

(39:39):
the emergency setting, you're like legal, like you're ethically required to be Like,
I got to help this person.Like what if five seconds earlier that
guy was a huge dick. Youdon't have to stabilize them for for release,
even if they're the biggest dick.Oh man, just in an emergency
setting, right, just as Ibelieve Gray's and Nada he made that point

(40:01):
in season I don't know when aguy came in with an emergency situation and
when they operated on him, theydiscovered that he had Swastika's tattooed on each
of his arms, and was thentold in recovery, you're lucky there was
more than one of us there,because I would have just left you.
The failure of the thugs understandably infuriatesthe evil boss who beats one as a

(40:27):
punishment. But I will say thoughfat guy in suspenders always adorable, hilarious,
especially when or something tingle or tinkleor something terrible. It's a look.
It's a fat guy look, andI hope it never dies out.

(40:47):
It's even better when it's paired witha polo He like wears a polo shirt
with suspenders. It doesn't even feellike that was ever a look. So
I don't know exactly what they werethinking with costume, but but yeah,
let the actors, like they letthe actors costume themselves and very normal clothes.

(41:12):
People really underestimate how to cut budgetby just letting actors come in and
whatever they chose to wear that day. The minions, right, I mean,
and we'll just go ahead and sayamongst the most idiosyncratic and comical Henchman
crew you could imagine, like nothing, every time they show up on screen,

(41:35):
I'm like, we need to cue, like we're gonna take it back
to Power Rangers. Remember the Bulkand Skull theme music. That's that's what
feels like every time they show upon screen needs to start playing. It
would have been awesome over time.Over time we learned that Brad is apparently

(41:57):
extorting the entire town for money,which makes Swazy not happy. It does.
You're correct. There's also a lotmore nudity in this film than I
remember. Yeah, there was quitea lot. Like it would never it
never, I mean it was.It all felt gratuitous. It never felt
like it was just happening for noparticular reason, like the movie would set

(42:22):
up why that would occur. Itwas just like, yeah, boy,
this occurs a lot in your town, it seems, and you're like,
I guess I'm okay with it,but yeah, I'll get old, I'll
get over it. I mean yeah, especially like well, I mean that,
okay, well barring, as we'lldiscuss towards the end of this the

(42:42):
downfall of going out on your roofnaked with especially with other people, like
that was a case of okay,great, sure them being naked in this
scene. That makes sense. That'snot like weird really particularly, it seems
like it fits what going on.That doesn't even seem like it's out of
the way. It seems like moreof an acknowledgment of reality than most movies

(43:06):
would be daring to do. Butlike every bar, almost every night has
a girl who wants to be astripper or is a stripper. Yeah,
yeah, it doesn't. I don'tfeel like that's probably maybe the eighties,
maybe in the eighties. Might waittechnically at Sam Elliott's strip club right now
or not, We're we're in theright time frame. Yes. Over time,

(43:30):
the bar in its clientele slowly improved, and Elizabeth gets to see swayze
brawling like a Greek Adonis kind ofturn on, and they have a date.
They have sex. It turns outthat Brad Wesley wanted to have sex
with her first, because why notanother one? You you do not say

(43:54):
no to Jackie Treehorn legendary parties.He still does. He did. Even
back on the Jasper Dase, allof the rich white people who did cocaine
showed up at his Jasper mansion acrossthe lake from a farm. Whatever that

(44:15):
again, that's to be That's avery kung Fu plot point, Like the
evil boss who covered the beautiful woman. Can't quite baker, That's that was
really fascinating. Brad tries to seduceSwayzey to his side, but say Swayzey
says, no amount of money.Won't you let him do that? In

(44:37):
retaliation, Brad tries to interdict Liquorfrom going to the Double Deuce, and
luckily for Dawn, his old mentorSam Elliott, turns up to save the
day during a confrontation. Yeah,I mean, now we're stepping into some
more like traditional Western prohibition era gangsterism. Definitely starts coming in here quite a
bit more. I got some publicenemy flashbacks somewhat tainted by the whole,

(45:04):
like class warfare. I adore thatthe insult that is leveled by Wesley at
his minion is that you bleed toomuch. That's a fantastic motivational technique to
get other people to get in line. I've never I'm never quite sure how

(45:28):
intimidating I'm supposed to find Brad Wesley. I'm not either, because it's like,
like, well, he when hefirst shows up, and obviously this
is retroactive, so it's it's backwardsto what it should be. I'm like,
So John Hammond lives across the waterfrom you, like what he's always
He's always dressed like he's on safari. I don't. I don't find that

(45:49):
particularly threatening. But he does establishrelatively early on that he is definitely like
psychopath thick in some capacities, solike, maybe not in a well,
later on we'll see just how farinto that realm he's willing to go,
but at this stage he seems likemore of one of those absolutely amoral people

(46:10):
who will just do whatever. Helikes a machine where he's driving and he's
just wildly going. I can bean asshole whenever I want because apparently I
won't die if this happens. Perhapsthat that should have been a tip off
to where he was where he washeaded mentally. I'm always very very excited

(46:36):
when Sam Elliott shows up in thisfilm. Oh yeah, I just I
knew that was the other one thing. I'm like, I know Sam Elliott
is somewhere in this movie. Andyet when he first showed up, when,
oh shit, Sam Elliott, becausehe's got he's got a screen presence.
He does, he does always,and I always think of him as
like, you know, a toughas nails, like down to the core

(46:57):
kind of dude. But then seeinghim in this kind of role I'm not
used to seeing that. I'm notseeing it developed that way. Usually just
showing him to be like an lookslike ex biker guy who just is you
know, however X many years SamElliott ever is that no one has ever
known, much like Chris Christopherson,you have no idea, but you're just

(47:22):
like, I'm sure he can kickthat guy's ass if he needs it,
It'll be fine. And my notes, I wrote, Sam Elliott possible mayar
maybe American Candal. Oh yeah,oh he can definitely he could he could

(47:42):
definitely fill that role in quite afew capacities going with the kung fu stream,
you know, the mentor that that'shis that's his role all over.
I will say at he's he's notmotivated by freshly cooked chickens, not even

(48:06):
remotely. It's mostly seems to beMiller lite is what nobody's feet and up
in Slayze's mouth, which is good, well a few people's boots to do.
But that's not like it wasn't skinnedof skin, No, it wasn't.
I do feel like they kind ofmissed out on a slight opportunity,
which is probably just indicative of theera because I watching it from the modern

(48:29):
era, as we watch the progression, obviously law and ordered some form of
justice is great, but watching theactual bar transform, I was like,
this looks doucheier and doucheier the furtherthis movie goes on, Like, it
looks worse and worse. So I'mglad they at least had Elliott when he
popped up call it the double douche, like, I think just a slightly

(48:52):
further elucidation from that point of likehe thinks like, oh this is the
kind of bar it's going to begreat, Like to his mind, this
is in some way possibly worse becauseit's full of more wooses than it's full
of actual hard assess who need managingand being told what to do, because
it definitely looks it looks like adefunct sports bar on either twenty eighth Street

(49:17):
or Plainfield and Grand Rapids that wentout of fashion twenty five years ago and
still operates based on dads coming into watch football, Like that's what it
starts to look like. They takethe cage off of the stage and explicably
there's no mechanical bull Yeah, howis this bar not having mechanical at least?

(49:37):
Then I went to one bar,which unfortunately nobody can confirm for me.
I think we were in Ashville thatstill had the traditional like cage around
the stage to protect the musicians whilethey played. Oh really, yeah,
it is a thing. It isdefinitely like that's a honky talk like down
south kind of thing. I thinkwe were in National, North Carolina,

(49:59):
but I might also have been.It seems weird for Ashville because Ashville is
like very hipster it is, andit's getrified, but like it's one of
those places if it was Asheville.I'm sure it's most places that wants to
maintain. It's like, hey,this is what it always looked like.
Why would we change it? Hipsterswill like get more because we didn't change
it. We left all this weirdstuff in the way. I'm almost positive

(50:21):
it was in Asheville. If not, it was Charlotte or maybe Atlanta.
Well, the original vibe the barhad a vibe which I think was really
interesting and relevant, but then thevibe broken. Furniture. I want to
keep as much as you can.You don't want the incessant violence, and
you know you want everything, butin the constant fighting and destruction of property,

(50:45):
I thought definitely less of the drugdealing. No bar in Louisiana that
I've been to has that. Itreally feels like one of them down there
would have. I mean, I'msure some do, but apparently not.
In the parts of New Orals thatI've stayed in, they really gentrified to
blog. Yeah yeah, I meanit was already pretty pretty fucking white for

(51:07):
where it was, and they madeit. They made it more. Everyone
everybody is having a good time untilthe bad guys turn to Arson and then
she gives you really real everybody likethey blow buildings up, they blow broom
buildings down. Swayzey takes this personally. He finds the corporate for arson and

(51:28):
rips the guy's throat out and thisis technically Chekhov's throat because people have been
referencing Swayzy doing this the entire filmthey have. I was very excited.
I mean, you cannot have passedup the opportunity to quote the other best
line in this movie. I usedto fuck guys like you in prison.

(51:52):
I don't even know what that meansmeans, it is exactly literal, like
that is a it's psychological warfare ina fight, even if it's not true
Roman yeah yeah, which I wasunder the impression I did see this along
with some of the earlier bar fightsin those YouTube videos mentioned so like,

(52:16):
I assumed, based on how theybroke this fight down that this was the
climax of the entire move feeling,Oh, this is like the bad No
no, no, no, no, not at all. It turns out
he's just like a mini boss.It is the most like sustained fight yeah
yeah in the movie, and allreal all that stuff like tackling a dude
off of a moving motorcycle. Likeall that stuff has to be done real

(52:38):
and practical in this era because there'sno way to do it otherwise. So
like it's I and I venture tosay, it might even really just be
Patrick Swasey doing it. It mightnot. They may not have even bothered
with a stunt double. It lookedreally good in terms of fighting. I
thought it was a very he feltit felt visceral for its time. Yeah,

(52:58):
yeah, yeah, it was.Some of the bar fights. Yeah,
it was not like highly choreographed,but it was. It's not very
stylized. This is probably this iscloser. The bar fights were more stylized
and did goofy things like said throatlessman pull vaulting off of a fat guy
on the stage with a pool cuejust so he could immediately hop back down

(53:23):
for the fight that he was aboutto engage. And that's fairly comical if
if you pay a close attention toquite a few in those bar fights,
like our total whiffs as far asthe punches go, like you can tell
they definitely didn't actually, I mean, you never should actually punch the person,
but like you can see that noconnection was made in the blow.

(53:44):
Then again, product product of itstimes. Did anyone else also notice not
about the fights yet? Obviously wewere filming on some kind of real set
for Wesley's space, because you couldrepeatedly hear a peacock screaming in the background
scene like is their emotional support peacock? They did not add in that sound

(54:10):
just for fun. That's just inthe sound that they recorded, and they're
like, well it's there now,this this ship had might have peacocks.
So I didn't find it likely thatDalton has a suit ready to wear in
any case, that felt weird.Yep, Barlock's lamer said that I had
to do a Swayze dance, althoughwe didn't really get as much as I

(54:31):
thought. I kind of thought there'dbe a little more dancing given given Patrick.
Yeah, I guess that's fine.Instead we got more of his nudity.
It was a good trade off anda sweater vest. And I will
say this for this, for thesex scene, this is maybe the first

(54:52):
time in a movie of this natureI've ever seen where they finally just acknowledged
someone has to unzip his pants.This does work because that scene weirdly gets
skipped over in every over. Theclosed sex scene in every movie ever,
and you're like, his pants arestill fully on, when how would this
this doesn't work Like, fine,she has a skirt on, she's not

(55:15):
wearing underwear. That makes sense,but like, you're missing one very vital
part of this if this is goingto work out for the rest of the
scene. They also just love togive squazy like actual sex scenes in movies.
It's just like it's not he doesn'the doesn't get cutaways. We get
to see it. That's that's partof the reward for being in the movie.

(55:37):
That's why the bums were in thetheater. Man, yeah, why
his butt was in the theater.Watching this film really made me like reevaluate
my thoughts on John Ted van Dam. He really is like the dollar store.
He's the the Belgian frank store person. But it is some high romance

(56:05):
when you get to then proceed toI'm not I'm not doing a kiss in
a cutaway. We are thrusting allof it. We are grinding against a
stone wall, and then we're goingto go out on the roof and do
more of it in you knowing thatmy enemy can see this from his front
porch, rocking chair, the rockthe rocking chair was a nice touch.

(56:32):
Somehow it felt more ominous. Hetotally like drinking. He was like angry,
jerking and thinking about what just happened, the heinous nature of the rocky
chair. That's so true. Ialso kind of questioned, like who who

(56:54):
on his crew is a professional terrorist? Like they're not setting fire to buildings,
they're literally playing unting massive like Jokerlevel and Sindier. He's in just
detonating whole buildings at a time.Yeah, it's a weird crew because they're
fucking incompetent. But they have onecycle. They pulled out a prison Johnny

(57:19):
Reno. By the way, Iwill just say at the beginning of the
place seems like the kind of sortwhere you'd play chop poker with Reno.
But Reno Cruvins would definitely be hangingout at that bar if he could.
Speaking of which, his lady Elizabethwitnesses him viciously murdering guy. She's perturbed.

(57:46):
That's understandable as a doctor. Thingscome to a climax when Ben's when
Ben has Swasey's old mentor killed,but not before driving a monster truck through
the local car dealership in the vaguestrevenge in the most cartoony possible way.

(58:09):
That scene. I did lose itfor a moment. I could not quite
fathom what was supposed to be happening. I was like, this dude like
literally barely did anything. He'd likehosted a meeting at his house, and
you're like, you know, getyour monster truck. I bet we can
destroy several hundred thousand dollars worth ofproperty with zero legal profession for this.

(58:31):
There are no police. There areno police in this entire area. Apparently
there's a couple throwing lines about likehe has the police force under his thumb,
even like they still have to reportcrime numbers and complaints to the FBI,
Like the FBI isn't noticing the crimerate of some bump insurance companies,

(58:52):
Like why are you submitting this thislike one and a half million dollar plane
is in this county. I don'tknow what's going on. Our premiums are
crazy right now. I could seethat, Like I could see that.
I don't know how exactly it worksin Missouri because it varies by state,
So like I could understand them noteven having a local quote unquote police force,

(59:15):
meaning that that usually county boys arein charge who I guess would be
who are in his pockets. Butthere's also staateies in every state in the
Union, and you didn't buy offthe statees completely. Yeah, Like these
people definitely had some sort of illegalrecourse when things get to like dick dastardly

(59:37):
levels of just like property destruction toprove a point or murder. Murder doesn't
apparently seem to be a thing thatanybody worries about at any level. I
don't see a Whitey Bulger type characterliving in Jazzer, Missouri. He probably
was population nine hundred. Why doyou like Jack Nicholson's now playing white in

(01:00:00):
this film? No, not somebodywould. Someone would have killed him.
There's a gun battle and an explodingcar, which is awesome. Yeah,
oh I mean yeah was some gunsappear at the end of this movie.
Like everybody was content. Everybody wasvery much content to just have like kung

(01:00:21):
fu battles throughout the entire movie untillike the random gun appears that justifies you
being like, well, now Imust murder you. That is the only
that is the only resolution to thisconflict. But yeah, big big budget
they went right at the end tooof them, like yeah, I did
not expect buildings to blow up carslike ramp off and just twist and explode

(01:00:44):
like a Michael Bay movie, butpleasantly surprised. Prestaging real life, a
ghost like Swayze starts dropping bodies allover the place. Ghost, I get
yeh. He dies later, sohe is. He is, in fact

(01:01:07):
the ghost faced killer of this movie. I should throw a little coins,
right, yeah, little tokens aroundevery time he killed somebody or I'm sorry.
The point is, despite the teachingof his mentor, who is the
opposite of Batman, he still apparentlydoes not believe in killing necessarily if he
doesn't have to. Even at thescene of extreme rage and sort of loss

(01:01:30):
of control, he chooses not tokill the majority of these people until they
have forced his hand at the least. Sure, you gotta be nice until
it's time not to be nice.Yeah. A man of principle, but
also shifting philosophy depending on the need. A fat guy and the Spinners is

(01:01:52):
crunched under a giant bear that doesthat does happen is ridiculous. He could
have set to the side at anypoint and he would have been fine.
I believe it was I believe itwas. Was it not an intentional callback
to public enemies? Oh yeah,yeah, yeah Bee the taxidermy bear.

(01:02:14):
Yeah, I believe it was.I think it was an intentional homage in
the reaction of the comical over thetop reaction. Yep, I'm gonna I
would bank money on it, becausethere's no way for you to disprove what
I'm saying. There's a short fight, and ultimately Swayze has a bad guy
at his mercy but chooses to lethim go because Elizabeth is love you know,

(01:02:37):
made him have feelings, I guess. Yeah. However, the bad
guy, being evil, tries tokill Swaysy regardless, but the townspeople come
to Swayze's aid and kill Ben.Everybody celebrates, and everything is all right
with the world for now. Iwill I will say this. About twenty

(01:02:59):
minutes before the end of this movie, I said to myself, I do
not have any idea how this isending. There is no there is no
obviously telegraphed ending to this movie.It could be so many different possible things
could occur next. And with tenminutes left, you know, it's been
a while since I've seen this movie. With ten minutes left, I was

(01:03:19):
thinking to myself, how are theygoing to wrap this up? Yeah,
so very kung fu in that regard. Oh yeah, extremely abrupt, like
now is the ending. That's whyI just assumed the fight with the motorcycle
douchebag was probably the would have beenthe end. Yeah. Also, did
he not break that guy's leg?And then he just stood on it again
like it was totally fine, Likehe trapped it in a tree crotch and

(01:03:43):
like snapped it sideways, And thenthe next thing you know, the guy's
like standing on that leg again.This is fund Yeah, has she moved?
It's fine. In the early eighties, there was a famous case in
this town, calm Skidmore, Missouri. It sounds absolutely perfect, which is

(01:04:04):
I think what they're referencing at theend, where there was this local bully
named ken Rex McElroy and apparently hewas like shot downtown and tons of people
saw what happened, and the policewere like, who killed him? And
nobody would talk, right because everybodyhates him. So yeah, everyone claimed
not to have seen what happened.I don't feel like, legally speaking,

(01:04:27):
that's a great defense. I wouldn'tthey couldn't They couldn't charge anybody, true,
I mean, if you have,if everybody is ironclad on that,
yeah, I mean they did thesame, having just done the whole thing
on the Molly McGuire's. There werecases of that of people being like,
nobody will say who shot anybody?So much harder? Man, Are you
hated that no one lets the slipjust a little bit? Well, I

(01:04:51):
mean it doesn't really seem to melike the cops in this town, however
bought off they might have been,were particularly eager to pursue the case.
Regardless, that's probably not on firstpass. If nobody wants to pross or
nobody wants to press. Well,it looks like everybody just fell off of
balconies onto a load of bullets.I don't know what that was. That's

(01:05:15):
our theory of the case, yourhonor. I mean, that's what happened.
It must have been. I can'texplain it any other way. Also,
his shift, I believe one morething this inspired Batman forever, because
all of a sudden, Wesley decidesto call and propose something to Dalton about

(01:05:39):
choosing who lives and who dies.Granted it's really the Riddler who does that.
In Batman forever to Batman, butsame idea, like the sadistic choice
of the of the villain. Andthen when Dalton won't play along, he's
like, well, I'll just haveto flip a coin then and flips a
coin to decide who lives and whodies and then doesn't tell him. And
then at the end, despite hisrage that has motivated him, like Robin,

(01:06:00):
he chooses not to kill the guywho is two face, and then
he dies anyways because other people intervened. So it's really mad hero. The
hero has to like accidentally kill thevillain or exactly or factors kill the villain
so that we feel moral absolution aboutthe fact that he's still He did some

(01:06:21):
guy's throat out, so I mean, yeah, you can't feel that bad
about it. He tried to killold man. Yeah, that guy was
cute. Now on the Wu Tangclan scale, with the best films being
like to quote Riza, busting anut from all sex. So that's this,

(01:06:42):
we're back to the old, backto the old, yes being to
quote ray Klawon, like putting yourtesticles on a dresser and having them a
ship with a spike. Bet Sothat's zero out. Of him in the
average films, being the quote Joshlike having missionary sex with the condom.
So let's five out of ten coctordshe and rate this film all right,

(01:07:05):
I can go first. All right, though my rating is in stone still,
so I apologize for that. Youdon't know what come on? You
know what? The translation is Roadhousedefinitely not a good movie. It's actually
pretty bad, though it's almost neverboring, and it has withstood the test
of time and achieved some cult statusdue to being so bad. It's kind

(01:07:29):
of good. Actually, we areseeing Patrick Swayzee at the peak of his
powers here, and it's fully understandablehow he won World Sexiest Man just two
years later in nineteen ninety one.The film brings up some good questions,
such as number one, why doeseveryone in this movie forget that guns exist
until the last ten minutes? TwoWhy doesn't Ben Wesley just burn down the

(01:07:54):
Double Deuce when Tillman doesn't give intohis extortions? Three why does this small
town of Jasper, Missouri have Californiastyle mountains in the background? And where
are all these beautiful women coming fromKansas City? And four why did the

(01:08:14):
director think that showing part of SamElliott's pubes is a good idea. There
aren't many answers to these questions.But then we get an extended sequence of
Patrick Swayze doing tai chi without ashirt on while several other dudes watch him,
and it doesn't really matters. Sosix stones out of ten. If

(01:08:40):
we're using the hair Today gone tomorrowscale, this is full mulitus Swayze,
which is this actual Swayze, Soit is nothing wrong with that. And
I have I have a poem byTishani Do. She called ode to Patrick

(01:09:02):
Swayzee at fourteen, I wanted todevour you, the twang, the strut,
the perfect proletarian. But in theback pants of you, I wanted
a man like you to sachet intotown and teach me how to be an
aeroplane in water. I didn't wantto be a baby. I wanted to

(01:09:24):
be your baby. I wanted revenge. I wanted to sue my breasts for
not living up to their potential.I wanted Jennifer Gray to meet an unfortunate
end and not have a love affairwith a ghost. At fourteen, I
believed you'd given birth to the wordpreternatural. And when mother came home one

(01:09:45):
day waving her walking shoe, saying, I lost my soul in the Theosophical
Society. I wanted to dance asrecklessly as the underside of that shoe.
I wanted to be a pebble inthe soft heel of you, to horse
whisper, and live on a ranchin Texas and love my blonde wife forever,
and have creases around my eyes,and experience at least one goddamn summer

(01:10:06):
where I could be like the wind, sexy and untrammeled and dirty. And
it was only after I found myown Johnny and got rid of him.
Only yesterday, when I rescued anorthern shoveler from crows on the beach,
his broken wings squished against the crockeryof my ribs. Only after seeing him
down at the edge of a canalwhere he sank into the long, patient
task of dying, that I realizedwhat I'd wanted most was to be held

(01:10:29):
by someone determined to save me,someone against whom I could press my unflourishing
chest, who had offered me notjust the time of my life, but
who'd tear out reams of his yellowingpancreas and say here baby eat. Wow.
Yeah, it was it Atlas whowas cursed to have his livery eating

(01:10:55):
by Oh no, that's Prometheus,Prometheans, he who gave fire to the
mortals. Yes, I'm sure that'ssomehow an allusion to Patrick swayzey though I'm
not sure how. He's a manfor his time and place. So who's
the author? That The author isa poet named Tashani Doshi. It's a

(01:11:20):
woman. I thought it might bebased on all of the references made,
but who knows. You never know. Alright's nice, I can go Okay,
no, no, I'm still collectingthat she This film is ten out

(01:11:43):
of ten. This is like bustinga nut from the roll of the sex.
This is like having Patrick Swayze showup at your prom, looking you
in the eye, giving you akiss, taking you to the moon,
having set with you, getting married, living a long, prosperous, happy,

(01:12:03):
healthy life, and then at thevery last minute he jumps up and
yells, you've been slazy. That'smy ranking, and that's it. There's
nothing more to say about that.That was beautiful. I feel like you
basically steered us into doing this moviebecause you already had that figured out.

(01:12:29):
He wrote. He wrote that reviewthree years ago. Interestingly, interestingly,
I know I really associated this filmwith Josh more than anyone else, Like
I think, when I think ofthis film, I think of Josh.
But I don't remember how we watchedit together the first time, because I
know that we did. No,I've never watched and I've never watched this
movie with you. I I havememories of us watching it as I watched

(01:12:53):
you just riffed. I don't know. I say this with me. I
don't know. But it's a moviethat when I'm looking into I'll take it.
Gosh, yeah, I'll take it. Always have memories of us watching
it. Maybe we don't. It'sa different movie. I'm conflating you riffed
long enough, you just feel likeyou're not the same experience. I actually
like that memory more than reality.So we're gonna go with that. The

(01:13:14):
past is what you make of it, Kellen, last but not least.
Yeah, all right, Well,I didn't put a whole lot of thought
into this because I was so takenin by the movie as I watched it.
There is, in fact a songcalled Roadhouse Rap. It is by
Jimmy Morrison. However, of theDoors, who I have much respect for

(01:13:41):
as well. However, I don'tbelieve rap lyrics is exactly what he had
in mind based so I shan't quotethat here. I will leave it to
the listeners and yourselves to go lookit up if you wish to. But
overall this movie, now I'm comparingscale. Now, I'm just comparing scales

(01:14:02):
and trying to think where this couldpossibly fall on either of these scales.
I will say it is a six. It is a six in either scale.
It is thinking that you will onlyhave missionary sex with the condom on
because of the reputation, and thendiscovering there are twelve times more sets of

(01:14:24):
boobs in the room than you thoughtthere would be, and quite a few
more asses. So odds are theexperience is going to be better than what
you thought. This movie did meetmy expectations, but also, as noted
by the end, I had verylittle idea where we were going. I
expected none of the random destruction thatoccurred at the end, nor the home

(01:14:48):
alone rambo combo that was the infiltrationof the villain's house. So I will
take my hats off. Also forthe kung fu references and a relatively intelligent
handling of that by Patrick Swayzey andpretty much nobody else in the movie.
But it doesn't matter. It's nottheir movie. It's Patrick Swayzey's movie.
So six Stones or the Six Stepsof Enlightenment or whoever's haircut you want to

(01:15:16):
compare that to, or, ifyou will, nipple to nipple. I

(01:15:43):
would like to thank Shane Ivers forallowing us to use his track Tremendium under
a Creative Commons license. Thank you, one, two, three of its
palms straight up