We've Come Down from the Mountains - The Man with the Iron Fist (2012)

Harken! The mountain's four wise men/women left the summit to discuss RZA's The Man with the Iron Fist! Released in 2012, the film stars Russell Crowe, Cung Le, Lucy Liu, RZA, and many others. It was filmed in the United States and China and was distributed by Universal Studios. Pictures! Enjoy your bi-weekly trip to Shaolin.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi everybody, This is Justin theHoary Urchin, and before we start our
show, i'd like to remind youto like and subscribe to our podcast on
iTunes. Please give us a ranking, preferably all the stars, and give
us a view, preferably glowing.We'd also like to talk to all of
our listeners and answer any questions thatyou all might have, For example,
why do this or for what purpose? Or will Erica ever find love?

(00:23):
Well? Email us at the HeavenlyMandate all one word, the Heavenly Mandate
at gmail dot com. That's theHeavenly Mandate at gmail dot com. And
maybe you can be that special someoneEric has been looking for. Without further
ado, onto the show. Today, we are reviewing twenty twelves The Man

(00:53):
with the Iron Fist, a filmthat dares to ask once and for all,
if risk and direct, We're aboutto find out. Stars Riza,
Russell Crowe, Chung Lee, LucyLou Rick, Yune, Dave Bautista and
many others. My name is Justinto Hory Urchin, and I'm joined today
by my fellow wise Man, theDrunken Master, the Venom and the Culture

(01:15):
Hero. Please introduce yourselves to gentlemen, I am a drunken master. I
wanted to things that would speak foritself. Welcome, drunken master, And
I am and I haven't matured atall in the last four years. And

(01:36):
your Josh. Yes, And lastbut not least, is I am Alex.
Culture is the culture hero the chronicleson returns. Isn't it more blessed
because he was lost? Now he'sfound? Yeah, this is this is
biblical right now? Oh my goodI cannot believe it's in four It's been

(02:00):
three years since Alex has gracelist with. I can't believe you're here either,
can I? This is where theysimulated. It was all very very it
was all carefully plotted return. Honestly, I was just taking a lot of
naps, you know. That's whatone does in the depths of Catulu.

(02:25):
That's everyone knows that we have comedown from the mountains to walk among the
people and claim the wondrous heavily mandate. You hear us putin, Yeah,
you hear us shi jimping? Youhear is Donald Trump? You despoil the
people. The signs are ominous,and we are about to unleash that divine

(02:46):
revolutionary fervor. Okay, first,first, but first, let us take
a trip back to early two thousand, early April twenty twenty, the early
days of COVID lockdown. Justin thewhoary Urchin is taking an advantage of michigan
newly legalized weed law and watching oldkung fu films, laughing maniacally and coping

(03:06):
with the existential onwe of a globalpandemic. What were you all doing during
early April twenty twenty. Give usyour your state of mind, your physicality,
what your vibe was, so webring people back into the past.
Sure, sure, sure, Iremember standing in a bathtub and shotgunning a

(03:27):
beer at like one o'clock PM,one pm. Those are looking numbers.
Why were you in the bathtub?To ask? It was messy. The
first few days of lockdown were mostlymostly spent in bathtubs. I think I

(03:52):
was in a perpetual state of disbelief. So each day I would wake up
with a vague sense of unease thatthere was something I should have been doing,
and then I would just go itdoesn't matter, like the world is
not ending. I'm not a dramatist. I'm not dramatic in any way,
but I'm like, quite literally,the world has come to a stop right
now. I can sleep more,get up. I literally have any schedule

(04:14):
I want. So, for whateverreason, when you approached me with this
idea, I was probably in asomewhat befuddled state, like an owl woken
up at noon and was like,Yeah, that seems fine. I guess
we can all do that. AndI felt the rest of the world was
probably on the same page, sothere was no harm, no foul.
I was living the dream I wasdidn't have to go to work, didn't

(04:39):
have to interact with people, Ihad no obligations whatsoever. And you were
on the cusp of discovering the oneSenji. Oh yeah, that's true.
Wow. We were like five minutesthen he brought up since I had completely

(05:00):
forgotten that reference at all. Wehave since fourth new Scales on Erica who
just like you? Just like them? Yeah, many money and Sundry.
I spend a lot of time watchingKung Fu film Stone, and I thought
it'd be funny one day, justto record my thoughts, I invited you

(05:26):
all to do a podcast. Joshand Callen were first, and I thought
they would say no, but theydidn't. Nothing, and in late April,
we recorded our very first episode featuringnineteen seventy eight to the Five Deadly
Venoms, directed by Chang Chan,starring the Vindom Mob, and then shortly

(05:47):
after we asked Alex, who Ithought would just do a one off,
but then we kept him there forsix months. Yeah, I kept him
there through prisoner. He felt sociallyobligated to play a long until he didn't

(06:10):
have to until until the pandemic approach, which is that's a fair breaking point
as well. Four years later,we have now explored horror films, Kaiju
films, pre Code Hollywood, theNick Cage, Cannon, and now we

(06:30):
are currently watching musicals. Our longestseason was the horror season. Would be
can we say, whenever I watcha movie now it is immediately filter through.
Oh, this would have been agreat movie to watch. I can
take it like things that we cantalk about Alex's commentary on our commentary,

(07:00):
Yeah, that comentory. Uh.The longest season was the horror season,
which lasted thirteen mouths, which lastthirteen months. I guess that's fitting it
went on. Alex. You gotout at the right time because we literally
record we started in January and ourlast episode was released in February thirteen.

(07:24):
I am I am somewhat disappointed thatwe didn't force Alex to watch Sleepway Camp.
I redream that I have seen thatbefore. I know I've seen Candy
Man. I know you guys saidCandy Man. Yeah, I would have
been good for that one. Ithought I was very apt that you guys

(07:45):
picked Horror after I left, becauseI had some very interesting things to say
about the horror. No. So, the shortest season I believe was the
kaiju season in terms of like timespan. We spent the fewest amount of
months on Kaijuice. Sorry, Kellen, that's my production tends to rise from

(08:07):
the depths again after a hiatus,so we'll see Alex miss kind of disaurus
Rex though, So that is athat is a blessing on him. You
can count your blessings Alex, becauseI don't think Alex missed out on the
pre Code season. Now across that, although that was also a fairly brief

(08:33):
one. Yeah, we've gotten brieferright like that was yeah, Yeah,
we've gotten slightly better at cutting itdown. We went from twenty five pay
six episodes of season now to abouteight eight to twelve it's more manageable though,
Yeah, and we can reasonably recordthem in like three months rather than

(08:54):
more than half a year for ayear. That was your own fault for
choosing that many films. I justkept choosing. We just kept choosing horror
films. I don't know, well, I don't even know why we stopped.
I don't know because there was neverseen what there was any plan.

(09:15):
I believe that that season was thereason that we went. Perhaps we should
have a plan when we go intothese rather than just open end doing this
Now across this epic span of bothtime and place, can we talk about
what we're what so far? Whatwere our favorite films, our least favorite
films? And do you have aenduring memory of our our long, slow

(09:39):
journey together? Hm? So,honestly, I was looking at our past,
the ones that I've done. I'mreally struggling to find a movie there
that I really enjoyed. I rememberComing Through he was probably my favorite.
But oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Kung Fu Hustle. I remember enjoying

(10:01):
quite a bit in Season one.I think we all universally found some entertainment
in that one, That one,or Shadow or Last Samurai. I'm sure,
we're our top three for that seasonas far as just giving them overall
positive Marxist films, don't forget that. Yeah, hilarious and it's right in

(10:28):
its own right. Shogun Assassin waspretty good. Okay, honestly, the
first season was pretty good overall.I mean, let's be real, when
we start with the original idea,we probably did better. I think Justin
also proctered that one a little bitmore heavily, so we would find Justin
was more of a dictator, moreof a showgun, if you will,

(10:48):
when we started this series, sohe decided what we would watch based on
what he thought would probably have apositive outcome for us. Whereas that we've
turned into a frail Western democracy.We get, we get, we get

(11:09):
the good with the bad, theugly, with the worse. Post that's
post that season, I want tosay Cabin in the Woods for horror probably
top marks, as we all kindof thought it would be so re Animator
definitely a lot of the best seasonwas certainly one of the funniest. Certainly

(11:33):
one of the funniest of the oneswe did. Let's Eric realizing Candy Man
wasn't actually that good of a movieas we were doing. It was pretty
good. Yeah, yeah, Ithink I think I think we all more
than most seasons. I think duringthe horror season, maybe we opened Erica's

(11:54):
eyes to the idea that a lotof these movies weren't that great. Like,
even though they might have they mighthave seemed effective at one point in
your life, maybe they're not somuch. Uh. And I kind of
got it. I mean, Idid the I proctor the whole Kaiju season.
None of those are my favorite Kaijumovies. I kind of tried to
make it a lecture series on Kaijumovies rather than the top ones I would

(12:20):
have picked, although we did.I did really enjoy rewatching the first Godzilla
movie ever. And yeah, thenbasically it's the unbearable weight of massive talent.
I think everybody enjoyed immensely. Ohyeah, Uh. Pre pre Code's
best was Cagni's whatever. That onewas, the south Side movie, Public

(12:43):
Enemy, I would say, Iwould say that, or Black Cat.
Those were kind of like even inthat season for most of us. Oh
you like that one. That's prettymuch yeah for our listeners. The episode
that we couldn't actually release, Sorryabout that, folks. Also, I
believe my favorite episode is Five ElementsNinja episode. You get to see some

(13:11):
tit in it, and that's alwaysa little always a little bit digitive,
right, but if you see theninja, just if you see the ninja's
tits, they've already failed. That'slike a that's a bumper sticker. Man.
Yeah, I know, I wouldlove to see that. Oh wait,

(13:35):
it wasn't. That wasn't that movieas well as as that one had
odd that had that. That onehad three five Elements Ninjas, though had
odd nudity that was like, thiswasn't really necessary in this scene. It's
the best kind of nudity, andthen we wanted. I love that episode

(14:01):
because I remember I specifically remember editingit in the basement when I'm into wit
and I'm laughing so loud that myson comes down and he does, like,
what's going on down here? Andit's I'm laughing at this line that
Alex says. I asked Alex abouthow he would try to fight off the

(14:24):
the Gold Ninjas, and Alex saidsomething to the effect of I probably asked
him not to fight, but thenyou kicked my ass, so I don't
know. And it was literally thefunniest things that I've ever heard, and
what made I was trying to explainto my son and what made it so
enjoyable as I was like, Alexdoesn't say like seven or eight things per

(14:45):
episode total, but when he alwayssays something, it's always one of the
funniest things that you'll absolutely hear.And that's sort of my most enduring favorite
memory of this podcast. Good,it's the most soundlight contribution to the entire
person. Yeah, let us conveneand focus on a nineteenth century on nineteenth

(15:05):
century China in a small place calledJungle Village. We learned via voiceover that
to forge a weapon, we needthree things suitable weapon, hot ass temperatures,
and the need to kill. Andthis place has all three factional factional

(15:30):
violence. So old school rules isthat you guys can jump in whenever the
fuck you want. We did weactually tell that, Oh maybe we did.
Maybe I'm lost to be saved atitle the movie was very very beginning,
so long so long ago lost.Yeah, our new system is a

(15:52):
much more intuitive and logical system becausewe had introduced the film and then we
would digress and digress and digress,and the Okay, there is a plot
here we're going to talk about it. I was curious about. Okay,

(16:14):
let's let's discuss the beginning. Thefirst three lines. Is that to you
guys, you guys interpret that asbeing the only three things to the forge.
I believe ingredients they just they justthe fourth, the fourth, the
fourth ingredient to forge a weapon,which is greed. No weapon is forged

(16:40):
without the need that greed provides,whether it's greed for profit, greed for
blood, revenge. There is noweapon without a greed, without a lust
for something. I think that's theone thing. And then just bounce.
You could probably lump that in withthe kill, that with the need to
kill, But I feel like it'sinherently a little separate. Bus He wanted

(17:03):
to get his prostitute off from theI like this theory telling. So if
we all had to forge a weapon, what would our fourth factor be?
Would be booty? Would it bebooty? The other kind? Would it
be balloons? Ducats? Okay,so what would be I think I would

(17:30):
be vice? That was the advice, all right. I don't want to
narrow myself. I would have beena multi person, like a multi reasoned
sword producer. So like drugs,women, maybe even booze money our respect.

(17:52):
I don't want to limit myself.I want to be able to faction
violence, to find day to daylife and the riza I e. The
Blacksmith forged his weapons to purchase thefreedom of Lady Silk. Alex, Yeah,
he knew this was coming on theSinji scale. How do you rate

(18:14):
Lady Silk? That's a tough oneman, probably like an eight. I
guess I will say we did notlearn much about Lady Silk. Yeah,
she's a very one dimensional character.She was just getting having things happened to

(18:37):
her, rather than being someone thatwas like doing. Alex was our original
feminist on this podcast, and thathe was really more focused on the personality
and what this person could offer insociety. It's true, though, It's
totally true. Even just now.He talked about like female agency and the

(19:00):
desire to know more about like heraction as an independent woman than anything else.
And what's fucking crazy is that Alexis actually probably a bigger feminist than
Erica. Well, undoubtedly, areyou sure about that? Yeah? Eric?
If he takes no? Oh wow, Okay. Alex gave us his

(19:25):
opinion of Lady's Slip. What doyou always think about Lady Silk as as
a character. She's a classic because, as we'll see throughout going over this
film, this is all the basicbones of an old school kung fu movie
that's just dressed up in modern,modern garments trappings. So she has nothing

(19:45):
beyond her physical charms as we asfar as we can tell, which isn't
a denigration to the actor or thewriting. It's just that that is intentional,
Like we can't we know nothing abouther. She is a very tractive
woman who is presumably very devoted,and she is deserving of the efforts of
a hero, full stop. That'sjust what I couldn't tell. Go ahead,

(20:15):
I couldn't tell if she was playinghim for much of this film.
That's true. Yeah, I got, maybe intentionally a little bit vague,
So I didn't I didn't know whatto think about Lady Silk, to be
honest. Yeah, it was avery emphatic love I had to say.
When I first saw this, Josh, I had the same vibe where I
was like, this can't be onthe up and up. So yeah,

(20:36):
interesting. Interesting. The Blacksmiths andLady Silkar lovers, and they hope to
leave the village One day, however, things go awry when Gold Lion,
leader of the Lion planned tasked withprotecting a large shipment of gold, dies
at the hands of his lieutenants Silverand Bronze Lion. They conspire to take

(20:57):
the gold for themselves, but knewwho soon reaches vin Ye, gold Lion's
son, who hastens home to revengehis father. Were they having some type
of like friendly dinner party that turnssour? No, no, no,
This is I think a classic caseof like five elements Ninja's see. The

(21:22):
idea of having a quote unquote friendlytournament where your two clans spar quote unquote
is probably not a good idea inthis sunning in general, because it just
seems to always yield someone's death,which immediately results in a brawl, and
then the next thing you know,you're at war with somebody, which I
think this is an inter Again,anything about this movie is an intentional hearkening

(21:45):
back to something from an actual kungfu movie that we've seen in the past,
so I think it's fitting. Butit also seems like if you're the
head of a clan, do notinvite another clan over dinner and be like,
what if our boys spar let's seewhat happens. Like, you don't
do that, It's just a badidea. It's weirdly cartoonishly graphic violence.

(22:08):
Weird. Yeah. I saw Alexdo the same thing in Hubbard Hall back
in twenty twenty four four at thecalf. At the calf, he's like
an orangutan, just like ripping people'sarms off. Yeah, you know that
classic that very classic kung fu formof orangutan or or chair fu, as

(22:33):
we also see practice using your chairas a distinct weapon. The violence of
this film, Josh brings up.The violence of this film is over the
top, even for like most kungfu film, like I was used to
the cartoonishly red looking blood and likepeople like spinning up blood everything they get
like we're having like innerds coming andtheir shirt just bleeding for no obease and

(22:57):
just blood coming out of their shirt. Eric would have loved to gore in
this. Yeah, yeah, Alex, did you this movie to get you
back into the mood for the seasonthat you left a few years ago?
Like, were you like, didyou like enter right back in? No?
I gonna be honest up front,very this movie had lots of weaknesses

(23:18):
and very I had a hard timeof the first like ten minutes of the
film trying to understand exactly who thebad guy was. Like, I liked
that they started with the fight sequence, but it felt so disconnected from like
I didn't know who these people wereat all. Definitely, you can tell
you can tell that, like Tarantinois involved in this because it's nonlinear at

(23:42):
the beginning of like we're skipping aheadto the fight that's going to lead up
to the rest of the events,but now we need to backtrack. I
kind of got that vibe within thefirst ten minutes, like I don't need
to understand right now. We're probablygonna get a flashback with at least is
his narration, and then we'll understandbetter what's going on. So in the

(24:04):
meantime, I'm just gonna take thisas random credit sequence with martial arts and
people committed. Would be shocked.Again, sorry to interrupt, but I'd
be shocked if Tarantino had a hugeimpact on this movie, like it's it
literally could just be like his namebecause he's friends with a couple of the
people responsible that I don't know.I can see quite a bit of Tarantino

(24:29):
in here, just I see selectI see like mimicking Tarantino, but not
necessarily like was he he was likean executive producer. Yeah, he was
the producer of this at least,like not the actual producer, like executive
right, Yeah, I think thinkhe might have been more than I wrote

(24:49):
it and he was the director toright, that's right, that's I mean,
it feels like it was probably apretty tight knit group of like four
dudes who were responsible for the wholegood opening sequence. It's pretty engaging.

(25:11):
It immediately feels like a nicely shotversion of the seventies Shaw brother It feels
like a Shawbrithers movie right from theget go, yeah, right down to
like bad over the top wigs,but like cool looking sets. And maybe

(25:32):
it's just me, and it's melike putting impressions on it, but like
there were certain points where I waswhere I almost thought, did they intentionally
slightly unsync the dialogue or even ifit's not UNSYNCD, did they intentionally go
back and ad r some dialogue sothat it's explicitly not very diegetic to what's

(25:53):
going on. Yeah, just togive it a little bit more that old
school feel. Of like out thatmatch is what his lips are moving,
but it doesn't sound like it's comingfrom him right now, because they want
it to feel like you're watching anold kung fu move. The only thing
they would make it more real wouldbe to have correct English dubbing with children.

(26:18):
Which movie would be? Which moviehad I remember that? Which?
Which ones didn't have that? Theytotally used that that functionality in the film.
They filled this in China, sothere's some of those actors are actually
Chinese and they overdubbed just like youwere talking about. Yeah, Yeah,
this is very much a really lovelyvalentine to the lot of them. The

(26:41):
reason why I was so happy thatwe picked this for the hundredth anniversary is
that it does very much serve aslike a valentine to those old nineteen seventies
kung fu films. Yeah, anda lot of it is kind of effectives.
And the flaws I can kind oflive with, and Alex was talking
about, which are certainly there alsoI can kind of live with pretty easily,

(27:03):
because all those old kung fu filmsare quite flawed to begin with.
Meanwhile, news of a gold shipmentbegins to spread and strangers come to town.
An Englishman named jack Knife takes upresident at the Pink Blossom, a
brothel owned by Madam Blossom, whois Lady Silk's mistress. He makes quite

(27:23):
the interests. It starts killing peopleand eating pusfy. Like you read about
can we stop here and talk?I go, yeah we can. Russell
crow is actually kind of funny inthis movie. Yeah, I will say,
I don't know what role, like, what purpose his character really served.
It seems like a superfluous one whiteguy. He's like one white dude.

(27:48):
We can all identify with that sortof but we can't because he's way
too awesome. This is classic.I love seeing I love seeing bad boy
Russell Crowe. I don't care whatmode that is in butt of him just
being like from this scene immediately itwas like, oh, he's going to
be like the low key villain ofthis piece. I didn't I did not

(28:10):
even think it would be an Asianbad guy in this. I'm like,
oh, it's going to be theclassic like English bad guy showing up in
the East Asia the fuck things upand the first scene definitely kind of doesn't
necessarily encourage a positive impression of him. But he knows what he wants vision.

(28:30):
Yeah, he parties hired. Yougotta respect just the sheer effort of
it all. Immediately viscerating a dude, then being like opium three women and
that coniac will go from there.I don't know, we'll see. I

(28:52):
totally like forgot that. He literallythere's a scene in which his head is,
his face is and water. Hepulls up and there's a beaded string
of like a sex toy that hejust pulled out of the lady's vagina.
Yeah, like, and that's howit's the ben I'm pretty sure that that's

(29:14):
actually the the change of his spectaclesthat he wears that he uses a second
choice. You're telling me Quentin Tarantinowasn't involved in this bullshit. There were
no fe though, there were likeno feat that is true. It seems
weird that he he seems to takecenter stage at this point because obviously we

(29:37):
have there is a narrating and thenshowing up, but then questioning when you
get to this point in the movie, who is the main character of this
movie? Usually at this point thekung Fu you can pretty much tell who's
going to be the central character.The at least the overall narrative arc.

(29:57):
At this point, we're not evendone being introduced to the main characters,
and it feels a little bit disjointedas a result. I feel like Rizza
probably can't carry an entire movie,and he probably recognized that, even though
he is like the main character centerstage per se. This really shows up

(30:22):
that I don't think there was anyreason for Riza to be in the movie.
This is his idea and definitely hisvision. I don't think him starring
as well really serve any purpose.It would have been better served by him
just being the director and behind thecamera and casting someone that he trusted to
be the blacksmith, because it doesn'treally serve any purpose for him to be

(30:45):
the director slash star of this movie. But he's not the most charismatic person
I've ever encountered. It's very strangehow subdued and like flat his acting is
across this entire film. I mean, you can play that stoically quite a
bit and get away with it,but especially when you start sacrificing scenes to

(31:10):
show side characters, because the characteryou've written for yourself isn't that much of
a narrative agent. That should probablybe an indicator that someone else should be
in that role. Members of theRat Clan, sent by Silver and Bronze
Lions, fail to assassinate zen Nye, and we learned that the Jibnis killers

(31:30):
are out there protecting the gold.Meanwhile, Silver Lion hires brass Body,
a vicious mercenary, to kill zenYee. They fight in brass Bodies,
whose skins turns to metal, hasthe upper hand until one of Zennye's men
collapses a wall on them. Thisallows the Blacksmith to rescue zen Yi.

(31:53):
The Russell Crow line, what ifI put the baby arm inside you?
Yeah, a fucking great wine.It's some alex ship to say, no,
it's way more clever than anything.The thing about, what was the
thing about? Like the Inquisition anda heretic or something I don't even remember.

(32:15):
Oh no, yeah, he says, let's let's let's let's play a
game. It's called We'll pretend we'reCatholic. Oh yeah, what, you
don't even get it? That isjust And he's then holding up like a
glass dildo, so I don't evenknow what he's referring. This almost feels

(32:42):
like they were They were asally confused, like why, like why is that
a reference you make on the likesome Asian prostitutes, Like, we don't
really know what you're talking about.It's like it's an inside joke to everybody

(33:04):
on the crew or something, orthose who built the movie and they just
put it in there and you're youas the audience, or have no idea
you think Russell Crow is actually likethis off camera the entire shoot like this
these message I mean, other otherthan him having an Australian accent. Yeah,
I imagine it's probably sort of similarto this. I want to go

(33:27):
back to what if I put thebaby arm inside you? I don't know
where that line even comes from.No, or why would even say there's
there's there's way more interesting in findingor even like crash ways of saying the
same idea. But baby's arm,that whole expression just ruined. You got

(33:50):
to you gott to integrate that intoyour life. Just this is the message
here. Also, it also didn'tseem like in reference to anything she had
just said either, Like that wasn'tlike he was like, what the hell
are you talking about? They werehaving a moment. Yeah. Did he

(34:13):
also like kind of imply that hewas getting ready to cut off the three
women, and like, what,yeah that I was there. Yeah,
that was more innuendo. That wasjust more innuendo. Sexy I was,
I was. I was a littleconfused. I also didn't know if this
character was a bad guy or agood guy, and so right, I

(34:36):
didn't know where to put my sympathiesbecause yeah, the movies are often very
black and white. Yea, Ithink maybe he was just like hedging his
bets the entire time until somebody likecommitted, but moving on, moving on
to other white guys. The factthat Batista is in this, I didn't

(35:00):
even know that. He didn't evenknow that he is half Asian? Oh
is he? Yeah, he's his. I think his father was Filipino,
Okay, or is philip I'm notsure if he's still alive or now living
or dad rest in peace or livein power. But I did not know
that anyways. And also I didn'trealize that the teast of his doing stuff

(35:20):
this early. He looks like thiswas one of his I think he does
an age, but I think thiswas one of his earliest movies. He
is he is part Filipino then,because like this is twelve years ago,
and he looks like it's still exactly. His muscle mass is like identical.
Yes, yeah, I mean theonly reason he has said that he's going

(35:44):
to stop doing Marvel movies is becauseit's too hard to maintain that mass.
Because he never gets to wear ashirt in Marvel movies. He would literally
all the time, and he's like, I can't do that. I can't
do that forever. So so soBatista went from the Scorpion King three in

(36:04):
two thousand. Terrible movie was thatmovie? He was the third one.
It's yeah, so bad, it'sso wait, not Scorpion King, Scorpion
King three. Yeah, of asequel of a sequel to another franchise,
Ye, not with the Rock Okay, I did not the DVD second sequel

(36:30):
to The Man in the Iron Fishin twenty twelve, to Riddick in twenty
thirteen, and this makes sense,Yeah, to Guardians in the Galaxy in
twenty fourteen. So that was kindof a big run from Meteoric. That's
a that's a meteorg. I wouldto say, yeah, I would say
that's blowing up, yeah yeah,and all the way and then all the

(36:53):
way to Dune. We're other thanthem putting him with baby Powdery still looks
the same. It's just in abig space suit all the time. I
think he's got Lazarus. He alsohas the ability to selectively apparently turn his
body into bronze, which I thinkwe have to acknowledge must have somehow in

(37:17):
some bastard backwards way inspired the newMortal Kombat movie from two years ago where
the made up character the where thethe new character that we had to be
introduced to, could turn his bodyinto what appeared to be patterned bronze and
deflect gloves. Also, right,I mean this has to be that's a

(37:40):
pretty cool ability, though, Ithink they did obviously. Yeah. I
love the reference to the kid withthe golden nerves. So another one of
our earlier yeahilms. Oh yeah wedid do that one. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, Although I don't remember asmuch about that one, but that
was the one where we showed likethe channeling of the chief through a dummy.
Right, it had like the ballbearings rolling through the suit that you

(38:05):
had to out thick golden iron.The one with the gummy berry juice.
Oh you're right, you're right,gummy berry juice. Yeah, he kept
drinking from the jug. Yeah yeah, the drunken master. Yeah yeah,
you're right. No, you're right, you're right, you're right. Oh
man had low bangs and low bangs. Yeah yeah, I did. Oh

(38:31):
Man, if you had to bepart of a plan, what plan would
it be in this show? Well, we only see two, right,
We see Rat like six o clan, that clan Lion can't clan, Wolf
clan, Jackal clan, and oddlyno reptile. One would think there'd be

(38:55):
like a sink clan or a lizardclan, but there is Rat clan.
Probably be part of the Lion toget some shielding. Can't make up your
own. Although I deeply respect theI deeply respect the Wolf clan's commitment to

(39:16):
this weird like Asian rolling stones aestheticlike Silver Wolf is a fantastic villain who's
like somehow meta aware of the rolehe is in Silver into it or I
say no silver, Oh yeah,he is Silver Lion. For some reason

(39:37):
in my brain, he's already awolf. Yeah, maybe that is the
wolf connection. But his his portrayalthroughout the whole thing is just golden.
He seems like he's a rock starof the kung fu world quite literally,
So I think, yeah, Iwould probably be be part of his clan,

(39:57):
even though he's a douchebag. Eventually, I eventually hope that he went
away, and given his nature,he probably will. How about you,
Alex, I say, I don'tknow, because they all kind of blended
together to me. So just likecuriousity, what clan was Dave Bautista's character

(40:20):
a part of that he murdered hewas associated with, well he was they
they said tiger style kung fu,and that kind of implied that was also
its own clankay, so it's alittle confusing. Yeah, do we know
why he murders his clan or anything? Just so he's so bad, he's

(40:45):
so bad ass he didn't want toclan his son also, like, is
that not like a rumor that wouldtravel that? Like, by the way,
like an entire clan was the bodyof like the largest guy there?
Like maybe maybe maybe you should avoidhim. I would, certainly, they

(41:07):
think so if I if I were, if I were in this world,
yeah I would, I would avoidhim. What do you all think of
our other protagonists than you? Uh? Pretty flat? I mean, he's
obviously the classic not that interesting.He's obviously the classic. Yeah, he's

(41:27):
the he's the classic kung fu hero. He has a he has a case
for revenge, he has some coolgadgets. Yeah, he has a reason
to fight. But that's basically it. He seems. He also seems to
be I think, the most dubbedcharacter, even if it's by himself later
a d r ing, But likehe's the most because he's the most classically
kung fu character. He needs tobe presented that way, so he has

(41:52):
the most classical motivation performance. Hiskung fu is definitely the most like Stagy
anti gravity kung fu aided by someweird batman armor with blades. So that's
that's that's an innovation we haven't reallyseen that much of that was kind of
cool to see, like somehow heis a reactive suit of blades that does

(42:15):
whatever he wants it to do.But yeah, he's not really. Yeah,
I don't feel that much for him, but I get that he's the
name is Chi Chi. Listen.I catch that he had a girlfriend.

(42:36):
They were getting matching tattoos. Yeah, oh at the very beginning. Yeah,
she was there at the very beginning. You're right, Yeah, Mary
Mary fuck kill silver lined Grass,Brass, three Men, jack Knife.

(43:01):
I think jack Knife is is justa good time. He seems he seems
like a good lay. So yeah, that's probably Actually that's pretty that's actually
pretty easy. I would say killas fuck brasses kill and then Zin Yee

(43:30):
is married. Yeah, like that'sactually putting aside all sexuality. I think
all those guys fall pretty fairly intoa category. I think this is the
first time we've ever reached consensus onMary. And you know what, maybe
because Riza knew ahead of time,people like I'm gonna, I'm gonna categorize

(43:52):
these guys. You're not gonna anyquestions which way they should go. It's
one is there western right? Itis. Ever since Shakespeare codified, it's
basically been the same. I don'tunderstand why brass body doesn't just kill everybody

(44:15):
and take the money, Like,why is he working? It seems like
he must have more. It seemslike he must have some weaknesses he's not
telling anybody about, because otherwise,yeah, why not just step it and
just crush everybody. That's such athing to bring up, Josh, because
there's so many movies like that whereit's like, why does that the real

(44:35):
bad guy. Just kill all theother real bad guys, just like the
Minion has. Yeah, has abilitiesfar exceeding his boss. You're right,
why wouldn't this guy be first first, first string? Here are you?
Why you can't do it? Hejust because you know he does it for

(44:57):
the love of the game. It'snot to be in charge just because he
enjoys henshing. I am, atmy very nature minion. I feel that
way sometimes I feel like I couldbe because I don't want. I don't
want to make decisions. Usually meneither. No, I'm not. I'm

(45:19):
absolutely not that guy. Point me, point me in a direction, I'll
kill that. That's fine. Iwould totally hitch for Alex if Alex,
I totally do it. The Gemini'sthe Gemini Killers and the Gold arrived in
jungle village and the Lion Klan immediatelyin an open daylight tries tries to steal

(45:43):
the gold. They struggle until poisonedDad were assassinates the Geminis with a mercury
tipped darts. Jack Knife reveals himselfto jack Knife reveals himself to be an
agent of the Emperor, who theninvestigates, which leads him to the blacksmith.

(46:05):
This is quintessential kung fu film,where, out of all the seasons,
I find narrating kung Fu films theabsolute hardest because there's all these weird
subplots. Meanwhile saying he asked theblacksmith for help crafting a new suit of
armor, These actions draw the ireof Lion Clan, who then torture the
blacksmiths for information He refuses to yield, so as punishment, they cut off

(46:29):
his forearms. It's not as abruptand surprising as Jamie Lanyser's dehanding in Game
of Thrones, but it's pretty quickof like, oh fuck, okay,
yeah, I'm messing around. Whydid they cut off his arms? Again?
I can't know. He couldn't bea blacksmith, but is that a

(46:49):
smart move when he's like the onlypersons in that area. I mean,
it's probably would you rather have noarms? It's gonna be dead. Yeah.
I don't think the line plan isthat forward thinking when it comes to
long term strategic Like every move theymake is so dumb. It's like by

(47:15):
accident, it seems to work outfor it because of the fucking poison dirt
guy. Yeah, oh we haveto address this. So when the Lion
Clan shows up to confront the GeminiKillers or whatever, we're not sure awesome
are we supposed to assume Gemini meansTao in this instance? It's a really

(47:36):
weird juxtaposition of like a Latin ideaonto a Chinese idea. But we're talking
about like Yin and yang, right, that's what they're trying to say.
I'm not sure kind of I guess. I mean it has to be because
they have like an interplayed, flowedcombat style to them, although inexpertly an

(47:59):
act can think of better ways todepict that. But I think we have
to at least show this scene toErica so she can see a form of
like death ballet being used in akung fu movie where they're like one guy
is they're basically figure skating without skatesand killing people at the same time.
It feels like something that Erica shouldbe into. Eric's taken a lot of

(48:27):
shots. That's really how brass body, Okay, yeah, I want your
opinion something. So, so there'sa guy named his penis is also brass.
Yeah, well I assume that,but so you we all know that

(48:51):
moving on him and as soon asyou attack him, he turns brass and
your arms hurt and stuff, andyou can't get through to him. At
what point do you stop doing thattack get out of there? Because this
the careers in this movie did notseem to ever. They just kept going.
They're like no, like the responsewas bad. This is why Alex

(49:12):
survives. He realizes when it's timeto flee, and he does like,
I'm not gonna win this one.Correct, You're not. This is when
you resort to full fledged explosives andhope it does something. But from a
distance you don't. You don't keepthe frontal assault. But you know,

(49:37):
it's a kung fu movie. Noone, no one has that much forethought.
It's just that's true. Let themdo or where their kung fu resides.
So so now you're stuck in acombat where you're like, fuck,
I guess you can do that.There is a weak point, so like,
yeah, if you keep my mightget to it. Yeah, maybe

(50:01):
if you punch enough you'll hit it. Seems like a really low bar effort.
This is also the stage where weapparently learned that Jackknife is like the
Imperial Investigator of some sort. He'sapparently like in charge of Sherlock holmesing weird

(50:25):
incidents dealing with the ever changing trafficof gold. Can we just address the
fact that for some reason the kungfu, the emperor, or the governors
or the judges are always shipping goldsomewhere around the country through the worst possible
places, with like eight levels ofbetrayals going on. But apparently this is

(50:47):
how China functions all the way upto the nineteenth century. It's just like
wagon of gold shall go into banditcountry. We'll see what happens if you
like the way have national policy,both on a state level and a federal
That's true, not China was togive China credit. It was collapsing slowly

(51:12):
in the so it may just bejust what they were doing to figure it
out, I suppose. But inthat case, in that case, perhaps
the best undercover investigator you could haveshould not be a portly white man.
This, this gringo in going aroundtrying to figure out what you're all up

(51:38):
to, feels kind of the worstpossible agent for that sort of text.
Not to say that he couldn't doother things, But I don't know that
I would send that guy, like, you know, undercover. That's you.
His reputation up and put your face. His reputation is a investigator is

(52:00):
unmatched. Yeah, that's true.A whisper, as they say, which
might get him far with certain places. But mm hmmm, and why was
that even in the movie but himunclear. Yeah, it doesn't really make
sense. Yeah, look, wehave to think maybe I think maybe he

(52:23):
I think maybe Russell Crowe wanted thatto be in the movie, like he
like, there needs to be ascene where I'm like, my face is
in this woman's crotch, like theyeah, I mean, and then I
blame him. I can't. Ineed I need a scene with a steel
dildo, like I need it.This is like may where Russell Crowe goes
like this is this like request?Like then they're like gladi there shut him

(52:47):
down. They're like, no,we can't. He can't kill comminants with
a steel I'm not doing that.Those are his specific rock star requirements.
His agent's yelling in the phone,Russell Crow's munching box or he's out seems

(53:10):
redundant. But okay, Russell Crowe, if you hear this, we want
to know if that's part of yourwriter we would actually love to know.
I'm gonna push back on this.He directed and wrote a movie called poker
Face where there was none of thisin it, So like, unless he's

(53:34):
actually that period of Actually I've seenanother I've seen another movie that he wrote
and directed and none of this wasin it either. Now that's a pretty
good movie. It was out ofhis system. Luckily Jack is there to
save the day, and as theBlacksmith recovers, we learned that he was

(53:57):
a former slave who fled to Chinaafter accidentally accidentally killing a bitch ass white
So likely, I know, soridiculous specific voyage. Yeah. Training with

(54:19):
monks, he learns how to controlhis chi and together with Jack they four
they forged a pair of iron fourforearms. Oh by the way, did
you did you recognize the head abbotat this monastery? Yeah? Yeah,
yeah, who is that? Whois that? Gordon? Yeah, Gordon
lou he was he was a andyeah yeah, oh and killed Bill there

(54:45):
it is okay, no wonder.This was also the time in the movie
though, where I went. Onceagain, I have no idea what period
we're supposed to be in across theworld, like in any in any literal
events, because timelessness, cool,some people have gun, some people have

(55:05):
guns. Some things feel like fantasy, other things feel like very modern reality.
And now immediately I'm like, okay, now we're apparently in the American
South pre nineteen sixty eighteen, sorrysixty five. I was not at all
sure this was the era we weresupposed to be in, other than Russell
Crowe is a cowboy of some description, but a British cowboy, so I

(55:29):
have no idea if this is supposedto be historical. Anyways, the whole
thing this movie was away. IfRizza and Eli Roth were a little more
informed, they could have had Rizabe a member of the Buffalo Soldiers who
are in China during the Boxer Rebellion, and that would have damn kind of

(55:54):
storytelling. The slame thing, thext slave thing was kind of I don't
know, lazy, yeah, butI mean like one of those like do
we we should have some kind ofexplanation for why there is a black man
in China at this time for thesepurposes, Like I thought they were just

(56:16):
gonna I thought they were just gonnago with it. Yeah yeah, yeah,
and some races had a coming.Oh yeah, I mean, let's
broadcast and telegraph right out fron thisguy's gonna die because look at him,
obviously he's going to I love andpeople are cartoonishly something like like I love

(56:43):
that they gets that. Those aremy favorite kind of stock characters movie.
It's such a lazy way to be, like, you don't have to feel
morally anything about change. Though,on another like weird not cultural cultural,

(57:04):
but traditional that like, dude,there are way easier ways to shave your
head than that dry like a dryshave with a knife is not the best
way, especially with like a fullafro, to go about shaving your head.
You can do that. There area lot of ways to go about

(57:28):
not shaving your head that way.It just filled it a little bit over
the top, over the top,that was your your suspension. That's where
it fell apart. And I don'tthink he would just take a knife to
his head for that. I believethat many of the monks in this monastery
would be able to show him anotherway. That's kind of the idea anyways,

(57:53):
but you know, the suffering,et cetera. And we're supposed to
assume that he lost his way toend up doing what he was doing,
which was making blacksmith weapons. No, no, I'm being serious. Yeah,
well right, the loss of waywas his his going back to the

(58:14):
material world and like supplying things toit. I guess it was one of
those, right. It was oneof those montages that I got why it
was there, but it felt likea very belated attempt to recenter the story
to make it about the blacksmith whenit wasn't clearly for the first half.

(58:38):
So it was like a quick makeuplost ground of being like and here's why
this happened, and this happened,and this happened, and now we're almost
at the climax. So everybody gotthat. I hope you took that.
We desperately needed a training montage here, right. What did you think about
the kong Ku fighting with this stilmoverall? Was it effective for you?

(59:00):
Very? Fifty to fifty? Yeah, it wasn't My favorite movie. Parts
that were very good. M hwhat do you think, Alex? Not
so much, just kind of soalbaramas is this movie did not really add

(59:22):
much to the kungfu genre. I'msorry. The body of work. I
don't know what the purpose find themovie was, Like, that's Alex,
He's always looking for the purpose.I totally agree. I like this movie
a lot, and I agree withAlex. It doesn't have any true like

(59:45):
it just exists. It's really fascinatingmoment. Yeah, I will say I
am going to add something new though. Griz Rizza was a much better actor
than I thought he was actually gonnabe. I know, we we critique
him a little bit early on,but okay, but I didn't know anything
about him going into this, andthen I hadn't heard of him. But

(01:00:07):
then, like I thought, heactually did a decent job. Well that's
I actually thought for some reason thatyou did know who he was at least.
No, at first I thought itwas Sizza, but it's not.
I'm not really hip to the dayslike this stuff, Like I don't uh

(01:00:29):
to the days of two thousand andthen from twenty ten to twenty twenty four.
I have no clue. Really,it's a big blur. So you
never you didn't grow up? Youdid grow up listening to the tanganus,
I didn't. I kind of wishI had. I should get into them.
But yeah, like I don't havelike any feeling stars in one way

(01:00:49):
or the other, like yeah,yeah, yeah, who is you who
do you listened to? Yousten?Where are we narratively? I think we
should We're not going to We're notgoing to pause to listen to anything.
I want to hear Alex talking aboutthe Pet Shop Boys for continuously. Oh,
I used to love the pop boys. Oh Man for Alex. It's
all ugly kid Joe Man in thenineties, early long Joe. Yeah,

(01:01:17):
Kellen's getting annoyed. Let's get backto the narrative. We can talk about
nipple back to you never made itas a wise man. Oh god,

(01:01:37):
they're the most loved handed band.Yeah, Madam, hold on my face
is hurting. Madam Blossom offers theLion Clan a secret place to store the
gold in her brothel. Later thatnight, Lady Blossom and her girls serve

(01:02:00):
and then assassinate many members of theLion Clan. Lady Stilk tries the poison
brass body, but he does hedoesn't, and he beats her senseless,
healed and now recovered. Then Ye, jack Knife and the Blacksmith enter the
fray. Jack Knife quickly kills thepoisoned dagger, and then Ye crushes Silver

(01:02:21):
Lion with a coffin full of gold. Meanwhile, the blacksmith finds the dying
Silk, he confronts the brass body, and with his mighty fists of fury,
he pummels and shatters his foe intopieces by finding the weak spot.
Yeah right right, by tracking theweak spot, everybody's going where where would

(01:02:51):
you be? Was your weak spot? I can move mine around? Obviously
migrated. So I'm surprised you guyshave not asked me about Lady Blossom yet.
Like sounds like like l wait likeMadam Blossom? Right? Yeah,

(01:03:15):
yeah, yeah, what's up withthat? I haven't seen it recently.
Where's where she been in like thelast few years? Anyone know? It
seems like she's not in as muchstuff anymore. I don't think she asks
that much anymore, to be honest, could be, but I don't understand
why Lucy Lou did this movie,to be honest, I mean, any

(01:03:42):
that's a good point. You canfinish that, yeah, actually, obligab
No. I think they probably didit out of a genuine interest. Lucy
low had already worked with Quentin Tarantinodoing a kung fu movie, and he's
like, hey, you want todo another one. I think she's probably
always game for this kind of movie, and she got I assume she has

(01:04:06):
martial arts training at this point,and that's not a stereotype. I'm just
I'm just guessing she does. Andwhen Tarantino and Riza talk about something,
he's like, you want to seeif Lucy Lou wants to show up add
some cred to this, and hewas like, yeah, let's see,
and she was like, cool,I've got fans, so let's do that.

(01:04:29):
She plays that kind of role reallywell, and then she insisted on
the baby arm line. I don'tI don't do a movie without that line
gotta be in. There goes LucyLou much higher than ladies though probably yeah
quite SENDI level. I don't know. It's tough for me because I have
a hard time balancing. My thoughtswere like being a madam of a brothel,

(01:04:53):
but also like you know what Imean, like the moral quandary of
it. Yeah, like she's she'sin a powerful position as a woman,
but she's also she's got like womenwho are prostituted, So it's like it's
a little bit like justin What's upwith Kanan, What's up with Kanye showing

(01:05:15):
up in the soundtrack and the sceneof this ore that feels that feels extremely
he hadn't gone totally out of placeto have Kanye no no, But at
the same time, he's in amovie at this era with Rizza directing,
and then suddenly there's Kanye track inthe background. I was just like,

(01:05:38):
Eh, this now, it's takenme out of it. It's literally taking
me out of the moment of thisweird made up capsule of time to throw
Kanye into this fucking soundtrack mix.I'll say it made me kind of sad
because it reminded me how much Iliked Kanye and how much I'm like,
when he was good. Yeah,he was going totally insane. Yeah sorry,

(01:06:08):
no offense, but pre Kardashian likethat was. That was when he
was good at doing things. Nooffense, no offense taken. This is
that weird period in Kanye's life wherethis is like the last good moment because
he does Beautiful Twisted, dark,Twisted Fantasy in two thousand and ten,

(01:06:29):
and then he does watch this rollwith the jay Z in twenty eleven and
like this is twenty twelve. Thenafter that we get Jesus, which gives
us some of the worst Kanye linesof all time. What do you think
of the final climax? Anyways,climax and all over the place. Now
are you talking? Are you talkingabout the climax, climax or the credits

(01:06:50):
scene? Talk about the climax,which is the credits scene, which is
fucking weird. I think I watcheda different thing than you guys, because
I didn't have scene. So watchedthe extended version. I watched the extended
version. I watched the extended unratedversion. I'm really curious what they cut.

(01:07:17):
I have my running for another twentyfour hours if you want to watch
it, which is like fifteen minutesshorter. Oh man, I didn't watch
the extended cut. I watched theAlex and Alex has Oh really, I
feel cheated. I'm not sure whatthe difference was. I'm assuming there was
this more cartoonish violence in the RussellCrow doesn't really fight nor well rizz Is.

(01:07:46):
It's okay, that's great. Ilove that his final power was just
hitting hard like that like everyone elsehas. Yeah, it was like I
was. I was disappointed that SilverLion didn't really fight. Yeah, all

(01:08:10):
of his a little by yeah.Yeah, so I was hoping for the
build out classical kung fu fight withYeah, we didn't really get it.
Every fight didn't really have that muchkung fu, which is a weird conclusion
to this movie. Jackie chan Ithought it was a weird I thought the

(01:08:34):
ending was not great. But Iwanted to touch on the wicker basket kind
of face covering the guy. Andwhen he was making his metallic objects,
why, like you work with metallike on some on several occasions have a
metal mask, a metal masks?How yeah, you just blend. Yeah,

(01:09:05):
I didn't think of that either.Those are the details you notice distance
high five Alex, because I thoughtthe same thing that was a weird wicker,
a weird wicker work mask for playingwith fire. Oh good. The

(01:09:26):
important thing is that he had plansin place for someone else to help him
build metal arms that worked perfectly forhimself without his intervention. I mean,
he knew how to make weird,weird claw armed batons that would realistically be
pretty shitty weapons. But he alsoknew how to make actual robot arms.

(01:09:50):
As long as you enough, yeahenough, like this is the this is
the origin story of Jack's from MortalKombat that we we needed. This is
this is the real story behind him. That's a reference. I don't even
get man, Come on, Jackhad the metal arms, right, mm

(01:10:15):
hmmm, it was the black guywith metal arms. It's pretty one for
one I vaguely remember. I don'treally remember that at all. They lifted
from Mortal Kombat Jack a little bit, stole it and still did it better
than the Mortal Kombat. It's badwhen Mortal Kombat is giving you the inspiration

(01:10:39):
for movie. Wait, first ofall, we have to address we have
to address the down issue first.Okay, fine issue, obviously, as
all these have been. If brassbodies, body automatically reacts to any sort

(01:11:00):
of invasion with the brass like metallictransformation as we see it does even he's
unconscious with Lady Silk. Yeah,how did he ever get tattoos? How
is his body covered in tattooes ifit rejects all blades unconsciously? Because it's

(01:11:21):
the Wolverine conundrum. Wolverine addresses thisone time in the comics and says like,
I can get a girl's name tattooedon me anytime I want. In
twelve hours, it's gone. Yeah, like interesting, there's no way about
that. Yeah, mate, unlessyou got the invulnerable skin, unless he

(01:11:42):
got the tattoos before he gained thatability, before his chee, before his
chee was complete. Perhaps he justpushes the button and turns it off.
He gets tattooed, and he pushesit back on and right, So perhaps
it's okay. So it's a defaultthat his body has to turn off as
long as his body is self responsive. It's like an immune response. It

(01:12:05):
rejects any blade that comes in.But he can consciously turn it off.
Okay, I'm believe I'm nature bynature, he has never struggled with the
wrect out this function. That's notpossible. And no one's ever stuck a
finger in his butt without him knowing. He cannot be diddled without knowing.

(01:12:31):
He's gonna know. Most people wouldn'tknow, though, Right, that's not
that big of a skill. Like, that's true. This is why we
cannot be allowed to bother the PonyShow. Oh my goodness, Now there's

(01:13:12):
a there is a sequel to thismovie. There is there is, We
could do part two. We're notwhy did he warnt a sequel? Like?
Why there was no? There wasnothing unanswered? No, they set
it up in the credits scene wherechee Chi is writing a letter to zen

(01:13:34):
Ye that she's pregnant and then shegets like abducted by bird people. They
show her in like a cage anda bird's nest. So then zen Ye
goes to Uh to get Riza againto help him free her. I'm down
for that. Totally bizarre. I'massuming that's what the sequel is about,

(01:13:55):
but I could be wrong. It'snot that about that at all. Yep.
No, no, it's set upfor nothing. So let me with
the gold restored, jack leaves andwith the clans destroyed, jungle village finally
earns peace, the Blacksmith and zenYe become brothers. However, as Josh

(01:14:17):
alluded to, we learned that ZinYee's fiance is kidnapped by the Bird clan.
The saga continues, Wu Tang,I should probably put this before.
It doesn't matter at this point,it doesn't matter. Now, let us
rank this film on the Wu Tangclan scale, with the very best films

(01:14:41):
being like to quote Rizza busting anut from raw sex. So that's ten
out of ten, and worst filmis being like to quote Ray Kwan,
putting your nuts on a fucking dresserand then banging them shits with a spiked
bat. So that's zero out often an average films being like to quote
Josh, missionary sex with a condom, so that five out of ten.
How do you rate this film?You want to go first? Me?

(01:15:06):
Yeah, okay, I give thisfilm a six out of ten. It's
missionary sex with the condom, butthe condom breaks, but she doesn't get
pregnant. Nowistically unlikely with shut up. This is a good, bad film

(01:15:39):
that pays deep and abiding homage tokung fu films. It's a bit inexplicable,
it doesn't carry a lot of weight, it's structurally unsound, and they're
surprising little little nudity for a filmthat I thought would have much much more
when I first heard about it.I give this film a six out of
ten. It seems like a havemore. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna

(01:16:01):
give it a five out of ten. Film is This film was delightfully average.
I actually decreased two points from myscore because of the lack of nudity.
Really inexplicable. If you ask me, this movie is a moment in

(01:16:25):
time like it happened. I watchedit and I'm probably not gonna do it
again. This is uh, thisis quintessentially missionary sex of the condom.
I'm never gonna do again. That'sinteresting, wood on woods, who's going

(01:16:54):
there? Right? How let yougo next, Alex, Alex will be
right, Dan we we si play, I'm gonna get I will straight up

(01:17:18):
give this a six out of ten. So it's an average red Man method
Man joint. It has glimmers ofthe glory of the full group, but
it's not quite there. It definitelyhas that goes of kung fu things that

(01:17:43):
we've watched in the past. Itdefinitely pays homage to those and is respectful
about that while trying to be modernand a little bit more ahead of the
time. It doesn't necessarily succeed inthat, but it does. It is
trying to do what it does.I don't think it falls dreadfully short of
it, and given the people thatare involved, I think everyone seems to

(01:18:06):
be having a pretty fucking good timeabout it. So yeah, I'm going
to give that six out of ten. Stones I have I should have been
fair. Did we not even havethose? We didn't have the stones?
No, thank you Buddha. Allright, the stones emerged from the birth

(01:18:30):
canal later. Yeah, at leastthe culture hero Alex. Oh. Okay,
so I was not prepared for theranking of the thing I should have
been. So I'm thoughts the moviewas not very good. I thought the

(01:18:57):
acting was not super amazing, butbetter than Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtles three.
Yes, definitely all right. It'smaybe a little more interested in like prostitution,
which I thought was interesting. I'mgonna give the movie I think a

(01:19:27):
five, which sucks. It's likeI'm it's oh wow, okay, because
that's pretty much what you guys gaveit too, So it's not like I'm
doing much for it. But yeah, average really just an average movie that
didn't make me, didn't inspire me, didn't make you want to go do
kung fu. It just made youwant to like yeah and slave brass body.

(01:19:51):
It didn't kill it did not killyour will to live. It did
not do anything. No, no, it didn't. It's true too.
Yeah. Actually that's a good addition, Kellen. It did make me like
hate the world or hate life,just maybe not appreciate stupid movie you said

(01:20:12):
I don't want to watch or Ihave to say the fact that you joined
us was amazing. Five movie clause. Can we all sign off with Alex's
favorite boy boy, oh My God? One? Two, Three poems straight

(01:20:49):
up boy boy, Oh My God.