#504 - Carla Bezanson - TikTok Star Snarly Carly Opens Up About Mental Health

Guest Bio:

Carla Bezanson is a TikTok influencer with over 60 million views on her channel!

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hello, and welcome to another episodeof The Jimmy Rex Show. Today on
the podcast, we sit down withCarla Bezansen, better known as Snarly Carly.
If you guys are not following heron Instagram and TikTok, you definitely
need to. She's got over sixtymillion likes now on her videos on TikTok
and she is just blowing up.She barely started doing the social media game
less than a year ago and isalready one of the biggest influencers on that

(00:24):
platform. So she just uses herown experience. She has a lot of
thoughts that she's able to articulate ina very good and way, and that's
just very interesting and very funny tobe honest, to listen to her.
She's from Canadas, of course shehas a great sense of humor. Without
further ado, let's get to thepodcast with Snarly Carly. Hey, guys,

(00:53):
before we jump into the podcast,I need to tell you about my
new book B One, How toBe a Healthy Man in Toxic Times.
I'm so about this book. It'sgoing to be here, it's going to
be coming out here in a couplemonths, and I'm really trying to get
this to become a best seller.The more hands I can get this into,
the more lives it's going to change. And I've just really poured my
heart and soul into this book.All the best material I've taken from the

(01:15):
conferences and the seminars, the workshops, the masterminds, all the different coaches
I've had, guys like ed myLatt and Stefano Sefondos and you know,
Melissa and Kathy and every coach I'vehad over the last fifteen years. I
took all their best information I putit into this book. This is why
my program weird that they is sosuccessful because of the exact exercises, skills
and knowledge that are inside of thisbook. Be one. So do me

(01:38):
a favor. I want you tohead over to my social media. My
Instagram is mister Jimmy Rex and clickin the link in my bio so I
can let you know when the bookis launched and we can get you to
the VIP party. And now let'sget to the show. Carli, Welcome
to the podcast. Hey Jimmy,thanks for having me on. Yeah,
it's you cracked me up. Ijust got to be honest. I you

(02:00):
know, one of my roles withsocial media is I try to spend twice
as much time creating content as Ido consuming it, and it kind of
helps me get a good balance there. And it's very rare. I find
somebody's page and I just like getI just can't stop. And you just
have this dry sense of human remindme of one of my friends, my
friend Ben, And it's so funny. I was just watching and I just
was like, I have to havethis girl on my podcast and talk about

(02:21):
these things. So first off,just you're in Canada right now? Is
that correct? I am in Canada, yep, Gray, cold, dry,
No. Well, it's just funnybecause so many comedians come from Canada.
I think there's something to be saidfor that. When you're just in
a place where you're in inside alot, or you're cold a lot,
you're uncomfortable a lot, you findways to cope with that. And I'm

(02:43):
assuming that's a little bit of kindof where your sense of humor comes from.
Yeah, well don't they say that, Like, you know, the
best comedians are the most depressed ordisturb people. And like I was saying
to someone the other day, inCanada, we have seasonal depression for every
season because all of the seasons arekind of bad. So, I mean
it makes sense. There's not alot else to do other than try to

(03:04):
make people laugh during the you know, depths of our terrible It's true.
So I can't remember who the comedianwas. I think it was Adam Sunder.
You say there's nothing funny about privatejets and silk sheets, you know,
it's like it's hard to come upwith the jokes. That's the truth.
Yeah, I know, kidding,Yeah, I love it. Well,
you've battled with a lot of depressions. What you talk about a lot

(03:25):
different mental I don't know when youcall mental issues illnesses things like that.
Maybe if you would kind of talkabout your story, I'd love for people
to get to know because you know, people know you as Snarley Carly.
That's obviously your handle on TikTok,which is just funny in and of itself,
but maybe give a little bit ofbackground of who you are as Carla.

(03:46):
Yeah, so it's funny. SnarleyCarly was like a joke that one
of my friends said to me whenI was creating my TikTok account years ago,
and I never had any intention ofever creating content tent right, Like
I just was going to use itto you know, look at other people's
videos and doom scroll and disassociate.But so, yeah, so I never

(04:10):
really imagined that that nickname would goanywhere. No one in my life has
ever called me that, you knowprior to now or called me Caroly in
general. But it's definitely stuck.So but yeah, it's definitely been an
interesting ride. I you know,recently a little over a year ago,
year and a half ago, wasdiagnosed with several different mental illnesses that some

(04:34):
of them were not a surprise,Like, you know, I always knew
I had depression. I think thatthat's pretty well for me. It was
pretty obvious from a very young age, like, you know, just always
a dark cloud over might I understandthat is something that was out of your
control. Uh well, you knowas much as you can when you're ten
years old, right, But tothe point where teachers would call my parents

(04:56):
and be like, what's wrong withCarla? Like is there something going on
at home? She always looked likethat, why doesn't she want to speak
in class? Like you know,and they you know, we would joke
about it at home because people wouldsay to my brother even in high school,
like your sister looks like such abitch all the time. She's it's
just like you know. So asI got older, I started to understand
more about mental health, and becauseyou know, if it's the only thing

(05:16):
you've ever experienced, then you thinkit's normal. Yeah, like it does
a fish notes in water, right, I mean, it's just yeah,
exactly exactly. So certainly, notuntil I started to be a little bit
more educated with those things, whichI think naturally happens as you're introduced to
the world, you know, onceyou hit your teens and so on.
But yeah, looking back, Ican certainly recognize that it's all For as

(05:42):
long as I've memories, it's beenmy experience just feeling like I kind of
saw the world differently or didn't quiteenjoy things the same way other people were
looking around, like how is everyoneso happy? That's where are they getting
this happiness from? So yeah,so getting some of those diagnosis was like,
all right, that makes sense,and some of the others were like
huh. But but it rocked myworld a little bit, and that's kind

(06:04):
of when I started creating content.And you know, obviously now I'm kind
of grateful for the way everything kindof worked out, but it's quite quite
a couple of years. Yeah.Well, I think it's one of the
reasons why what you're doing is resonatingwith so many people, because number one
is mental illness is one of thehardest things to understand. Depression. I

(06:25):
have one of my best friends,like I said, he suffers from depression
in our twenties. I hate toadmit, but I was the guy that
was like, dude, you justneed to freaking be happy, you know,
like saying all the wrong things.Now as I'm a coach and I
understand the psychology behind this and understandthat it's out of their control in a
lot of different ways. He actuallyand maybe I'll share it at the end
of the podcast or whatever, butin my new book that's coming out in

(06:46):
April, I had him right whatit feels like to be in that state
because I couldn't ever understand it,and people that aren't in it don't understand
it, and so I think it'sone of the hardest things about it.
And he would always say it's evenworse because like, you don't want to
be a burden on other people.But and so even talking about it.
You know, I'm people. Icoach man. That's my day job is
I have a men's coaching group.And people always say, if you're in

(07:09):
a bad spot, if you're depressed, call me, And I say,
guys, they're not going to callyou, Like, that's not how this
works. And so that is sofunny, it's so true. Yeah,
when people say, of people,just call me if you're feeling down,
it's like, no, yeah,they're feeling down and they don't want to
feel worse and that's why they don'twork call you. Yeah. Yeah.
And that's the thing too, likeadmitting how you're feeling can be there's a

(07:30):
lot of shame that you can carrywith that. So not only not wanting
to be a burden, but thennot wanting to change how people see you
or think of you. And sopeople say that to me all the time,
like, oh my gosh, ifyou're ever feeling that way, just
you know, you can call me. I'm like, I know I can,
but I won't be Yeah. Yeah, So I just tell them,
I say, look, just pickfive people every day and reach out to
them and maybe you'll get lucky.When somebody's depressed. Sometimes, like Uh,

(07:53):
you definitely will statistically for sure.Well it's funny because I you know,
for years I was a real estateagent too, and I just my
job is the people all day,and so I'd call people and just check
up on them. And one ofthe things I'd always say is, you
know, most people will only callyou when they need something or on a
special occasion. So when you callsomeone for no reason and just start talking
to them, I'll just be like, dude, I have the funniest thing
happened to me. And it's thistotal bullshit story that's just stupid, right,

(08:16):
but it's funny and you really connecton a deeper level. And I
can't tell you how many times peoplelike, dude, how did you know
to call me today? Like wereyou inspired to call me? And it's
like, no, you were justnext on the list, don't you know.
Don't take it so personally, butit's true. And it's funny because,
like I've made a lot of TikTok'sactually about how I hate talking on
the phone. And it's the samething with really anything. I think when

(08:39):
you're depressed, you think I don'twant to pick up the phone, I
don't want to go out and seepeople. I don't want to leave my
bed, I don't want to leavemy house. But as soon as you
do any of those things, youimmediately feel better. It's like I'll pick
me up instantly. And it's likeyou said, somebody calls me and I
do happen to pick it up becausemost of the time I ignore, he'd
ignore screen the call. But it'sjust this silly little story or they're rambling
about something, and it does itkind of imediately. You're kind of like

(09:00):
maybe life's not so bad, likeit's lighthearted, and you feel better.
So a little goes a long way, honestly. Well, and one of
the things I've heard people talk aboutwhen they were depressed, like they don't
want you to have any answers.They just need to know that you care.
And so the mistake that I usedto make too is thinking, Okay,
I'm a solver, I can fixthis. I'm going to give him
this, give him the piece ofinformation he hasn't thought of yet, you
know, and it's like, no, just literally call. I remember one

(09:24):
time that same friend as his mompassed away, and I remember we sat
and been we're both baseball guys andwe sat in his basement and just watched
a baseball game for four hours,and it was like the first time in
my life I knew to just keepmy damn mouth shut is be quiet.
Literally sat there for four hours andjust held space. Ye. And it's
funny because you say, like,you know, if you don't have depression,
you can't understand it, and peoplewill say, you know, like

(09:45):
I know how you feel. I'vebeen depressed before, I've experienced And I
think the difference is that people whohave never really experienced depression or only experienced
situational depression, right, Like ifyou're going through a breakup, of course
you're going to feel depressed, forexample, or if you're experiencing greef or
whatever. But when you tell someoneyou're depressed or anxious or feeling really down,

(10:07):
in their response it's like why.Then, I'm like, Okay,
you've never been depressed too. Ifyou had, you don't understand. There
is no why. And I know, like I know that that always comes
from a well intentioned place, because, like you said, people their instinct
is to problem solve. It's okay, how do we fix this? So
why what's the root of this?And I just want to be like my
brain is broken, like it itdoesn't work right, that's why. So

(10:30):
and it's funny because that question canbe so frustrating, but it's just like
I know people are just trying tohelp, right. Well, you said
something interesting though, you said itdoes help when they get me out.
So one of you know, myfriend the same one is I was kind
of the guy that I'm a communitybuilder. I'm the guy that gets everyone
together. I'm the guy that's goingto initiate conversation and so and I kind
of just took on that role andit never needed to be equal. It's

(10:50):
like you help ground me, youdo that, I'll be the guy throwing
shit around and causing problems over hereto make sure we have a good time,
you know. And exactly when youstart to expect people to show up
the way that you want to be, you know, maybe that you show
up that's I think where you runinto problems. And so when you have
a friend that you said, youknow, like it does help you to
get out. And he would alwayssay to me, dude, like I

(11:11):
need you to keep calling me,I need you to keep inviting me.
And I just kind of like,thankfully I really like being around the guy,
so it was really easy for meto call that person. But if
you start to horse trade a littlebit or think like, well they're not
calling me or I'm not getting thenyou're just going to get frustrated with that
person. And then it makes youfeel even worse because you're like, I
would do better if I was ableto. And I think that's such a

(11:31):
common phenomenon too. It's like,you know, this expectation in friendship that
there should be an equal balance andeverything right, Like I called you yesterday,
you called me today. Well,I reach out to make plans last
time, you reach out this time. And that's just not the reality.
Like you said, everybody brings differentcards to the table, and maybe you
know one person is always making theplans like you apparently, and I think

(11:52):
we need one of those people inevery friend group. But it's so true.
You know, I'm not typically theperson to reach out or to plan
things, and so I've had instanceswhere people, you know, relationships or
friendships have broken down and later I'myou know, finding out why, and

(12:13):
it's while you never seem to putany effort in to make plans, and
I'm like that's fair. Like it'sfair. Don't get me wrong. I
understand where they're coming from, butit's like not everything's always going to be
fifty to fifty. And I thinkit's just so important to recognize, like
exactly like you said, people bringdifferent things to the table and finding those
you know, finding those things thatthey bring and appreciating them rather than having

(12:37):
expectation to, you know, forthem to be the same as you are.
Yeah, it was a long waywell. And one thing that you
do so well is you kind oflet people get into the mind of a
person that maybe does have some depression, and so you're able to understand a
little bit more some of the thoughtsbecause you just say your thoughts. Basically
your TikTok is you saying your thoughts. And when I first found out,

(12:58):
I was like, is this ashtick? This just like her being funny?
Like I don't know, if you'veever seen Jack a Lot, Yeah,
Like, if you've ever seen JackHandy on Saturday Night Live, you
might be remember that or not.And you know, they're so damn funny.
They're just like, you know,if Jesus really lives inside us,
I hope he likes inchilata is becausethat's what we're getting today, you know,
or like stuff like that, andor it's like I remember one it

(13:18):
was like, if you ever dropyour keys into molten lava, just leave
a man, They're gone. He'slike, so dumb, but you're just
like, but like, where doesthe mind go? Right? And so
yeah, but I think that,you know, it's helpful for me because
as i've I've really tried to understandthis. I mean, I was like,
if I'm going to coach men andtry to understand their situations, I
need to be able to have empathyfor this. I need to be able
to get another angle on this andsee why people act the way they do.

(13:41):
And the more you study it,I think one of the mistakes we
make as humans because we just assumepeople are like us. I used to
think everybody thought the way that Idid. I was like, wait,
because I have certain things I doreally well, there are things I do
not do well at all. AndI was like, wait, that's not
how your mind goes. And theyjust laugh. They're like, no,
dude, you're very unique in thisway. Yeah, And I was like,
oh, that's interesting. But trulytrying to understand different types of people.

(14:05):
And I think once you have thatunderstanding, you have empathy, and
I no longer need you to showup in a way that's going to work
for me. Exactly. I canfind more joy in just being that friend
for you than I would in youtrying to do it. Back to mean,
if that makes it's almost like givingthem Like what we're really describing is
like diversity in general, right,Like, and you show up assuming making

(14:28):
the assumption, having all these biasesthat everybody should be like you. Everybody
thinks the same as you, everybodyacts the same with you, everybody's have
the same experience as you, andyou know that your way is the best
way all of these things, ratherthan appreciating the diversity different people and their
own experiences. And I think,like my content, it's like when I

(14:50):
started making it, I thought thiswill be helpful for people who needed to
be educated on mental health because myday job is in the same lane.
Like, I'm an equity diversity inclusionconsultant, so this is kind of what
I do every day, and soI thought it'd be a good opportunity to
spread awareness and to get people talkingabout mental health. But it's turned out

(15:16):
to be really twofold. Like there'sthat angle for people like yourself who doesn't
struggle for mental health issues, andit's just learning something. But then the
people that relate right and they seethemselves in it, and the like the
amount of grateful messages that I've receivedfrom people saying like, I don't feel
alone anymore now, that's been amazing. Does that boost to you or give

(15:37):
you a little bit of anxiety knowingthat there's that many people you know,
paying attention to what you're doing andbenefiting from it. Is there a little
of anxiety about oh my gosh,I got to keep doing this now or
anything like that, or are youable to kind of disconnect from them?
No, I don't really find thatthat gives me anxiety, to be honest,
I'm more excited about it than anxious. I just like it's in such

(16:00):
an incredible experience that I never expected, and I think there's so many opportunities
that can come from you know,social media that I really didn't understand,
and so it's just been exciting everyday. The message is getting those messages,
and like, sometimes it's overwhelming,for sure, and sometimes you know,
I try not to think about justhow many people are actually seeing my

(16:21):
videos. But but yeah, butit's like you said, you know that
phone call, It's the message willbe like at the exact moment I need
it, right, I'm getting downon myself about something or I'm thinking everybody
hates me, and then I getthis message. It's just like amazing and
it's exactly what I needed to hearin the moment. And it's like damn
that they know. So it keepsme going. I think that's the cool
part about being a creator. AndI think people, you know, there's
this misconception that creators get a lotof hate. They really don't. I

(16:45):
know, for me, it's likefor every negative person, you get a
hundred positives, right, And sometimesyou need to pick up. Like I
had a couple of weekends ago,I was just I was kind of just
down about something and I ran intoone of my buddy's wives, It is
one of the guys I coach,his wife, and she started getting pretty
emotionals. She started crying. Shetalked about how I've given this space for
her husband to be himself and tobe able to heal these things that he

(17:06):
never had a place to go before, and I just it was like it
was viseral. I felt it likeand I was like wow, and it
was like I even looked at herafterwards. I didn't even know this,
but I think I needed that thankyou so much, you know, And
so that is the benefit of doingit. And this is again another part
that I love about your page isI tell everybody, I'm like, look,
the most popular page is like,I'll be on TikTok, I'll find

(17:27):
myself watching a video about pulling dirtout of a horse's shoes, or about
a bee keeper or about like youknow, spraywashing a rug or something like,
I am watching the dumbest videos thatare so entertaining to me. I
mean you, guys, yeah,just make the video, like, just
put it out there and don't needit to be anything else. But again,

(17:47):
one thing that you've done is youfound an original way to do it.
Because people are attracted to people thatare unapologetically themselves and that's what you
do on your page. And soyou know, I kind of had to.
I talk with a bunch of theguys that I coach the other day.
I said, guys, quit postingthe cold plunges like you're just doing
what everyone else is doing, likefind an original take, find anything that
nobody else is doing. Yeah,And I think like one of the things

(18:11):
I've learned is that your content hasto offer something either whether it's like educational
entertainment or relatability, right, butthere has to be some kind of value
that you're not getting every video yousee. And so I honestly feel like

(18:33):
I was lucky because I kind ofjust like stumbled into this niche where it's
kind of a combination of humor andthat relatable factor that made it a success,
I suppose, but but I completelyagree, like you have to be
original to some degree, and youdid. You did something that nobody is
willing to do. Is you gotvulnerable, and vulnerability is a superpower.

(18:56):
And most people, you know,think if people knew what I was really
thinking, they wouldn't like me.And you leaned into that one hundred person.
And you know what, It's funnybecause when I said earlier that you
know, I received these diagnoses andit was like a really tough year.
I was in a really bad placementally and just you know, things weren't

(19:17):
good. And that was around thesame time I started creating this content and
I truly felt like I had nothingto lose. I thought, you know,
I've already had friendships that have fallenthrough, I've burned bridges. You
know. Yeah, I feel like, why if not now, then when,
because why do I like, there'snothing to lose, I just may
as well go out there and sayit. And so like, while that

(19:41):
was a really hard time for me, at the same token, I'm like,
I wouldn't have done it otherwise.I don't think I would have.
So I think sometimes some of thebest things come from some of your first
times, and that was the casebecause that it gave me the I don't
want to say courage, like itwas almost just like rock bottom vulnerability.

(20:02):
Well it's you know, it's there'sa superpower in hitting a rock bottom because
you know that you can survive that, right, so all of a sudden,
you're not afraid to go back therebecause you're like, that wasn't even
that bad. Like for me,that happened in the real estate market collapsed
in two thousand and eight nine,and you know, I was full all
in every way you could in realestate. I owned my brokerage, I
owned fifteen houses. I was fulltime real estation selling one hundred homes a

(20:22):
year and all my world's collapsed atonce. And I mean I remember borrowing
five bucks to grab some McDonald's formy sister. And I'd been the number
one agent in the county, solike people thought I had all this money,
and I remember being like okay,like and it was honestly though,
I was kind of like, thisis actually kind of fun, Like I'm
here. It's like it wasn't reallyright, yeah, and all of a
sudden, it's freeing because you're like, wait a second, nothing worse can

(20:44):
happen. I'm here, yeah,And so that's scary. It really does
create a little bit of a superpower. I tell people, I said,
go for broke, because if nothingelse, you're going to learn the lessons.
And it's like you said, sometimesyou go through something you're like,
Okay, I don't want to dothat again, Like I don't want to
go back to that place. ButI'm not afraid of that place. It's
like, I'm so glad because itdoes kind of forge. Like you know,
I get asked to speak about thirtytimes a year, and the stories

(21:04):
I share aren't all my successes.The stories I share are the struggles and
the way that you get through those, and it really does create this,
you know, this connection to youraudience or the other people because they're like,
oh, if he did it andhe can get there, then I
can do it as well. AndI think with you, you've been able
to turn you know, depression itselflike this thing that is just has such

(21:26):
a horrible stigma, and you've reallybeen able to turn a one eighty on
it and make it this really fun, exciting way to connect with other people,
which I know sounds weird to evensay, but it's really what you've
done that's and that's exactly what Iwanted to do. I say this is
if I had some kind of elaborateplan, which I absolutely did not,
But once I started to get rollingwith it, you know, I was

(21:48):
like, this is an amazing opportunityto make depression and mental illness in general
something that we can be lighthearted about, and we're not afraid to touch it.
We're not afraid to say it.We're not afraid to you know,
text someone and say I'm not comingmy mental health is not good right now,

(22:10):
or you know, hey, i'venoticed you've been really you know,
to yourself lately, are you likehave those conversations see the words. I
think it's time we do it.And so it's just normalizing it, right,
It's just and you give you givean easy way for people to kind
of bring up those conversations. Ithink that's again one of the beautiful things

(22:34):
of what you're doing because it hasbeen such a touchy thing in the past.
I remember when I was a kid, like I had friends whose parents
were depressed, right, and You'relike, you don't want to go over
there, you want to talk aboutit? Yeah? Yeah, And it's
like, there's no way we're goingto talk. You know, I grew
up in a pretty staunch religion thatin that religion you're really not allowed to
talk about the things that aren't okay, and so people just pretend everything's fine.

(22:57):
So I've always said, like,what I've really tried to do these
last you know, four or fiveyears, is just create spaces that are
safe enough for people to be inspiredto change themselves, or to talk about
things, or just to be ableto be okay not being okay and all
of a sudden, because most ofthe time we're hiding that part of us
that's not okay. And so whenwe get love or when people are trying

(23:17):
to connect with us, we think, deep dead well, if they knew
who I really was, they probablywouldn't, you know, love me.
So when you're able to just beand be a shit show and be a
little bit of a mess and benot your best or have problems and you
feel loved still, then all ofa sudden you can trust the love you're
getting and it really changes it forthe person. Yeah, it does.
It really cultivates stronger, more meaningfulrelationships. So yeah, and I just

(23:41):
hope that you know, like yousaid, these conversations start to happen more
frequently and more honestly, it's uh, so, how does somebody that's not
as familiar with like having somebody I'msure with your friends and family, there's
been some struggles and things like that, But how can somebody that's in on
the other side, maybe for yourfriends or something, how can they first
approach somebody if they want to haveone of these difficult discussions about mental health,

(24:06):
so like from the side that they'restruggling or they no, let's say,
like they know you're struggling, right, what would have been helpful for
you to have somebody say to you, or a nice way for them to
approach it with you where you'd feltsafe talking. Yeah, I think,
you know what, it's probably differentfor everyone, but I think what's important
is that you make it known thatyou're there unconditionally, right and it's like

(24:29):
maybe you don't want to talk rightnow, or maybe you don't even want
to see me for the next month, that's okay, I'm here when you
do want to. Because I thinkthere's so much fear and shame and like
we talked about, you know whenwhen you're depressed and you don't want to
be a burden and somebody might reachout and you're thinking, like I don't
even have the energy to respond totheir text, and then all of a

(24:49):
sudden, my next thought is,well, screw it, they probably won't
even like me in a couple ofweeks because I can't call them back and
they're not there. Like that fearis really real. If you go into
like a depressive episode, you're thinkingto yourself or my friend's even going to
be there when I when I comeback, or if I come back from
this, So like that that genuineand authentic care has to be care that

(25:18):
is consistent and ongoing, regardless ofthe ups and downs. So when I
think a good way to do that. So from my angle right, what
I teach again the that I coachesis, look, guys, you can't
take it personally because it's not personal. We as humans, we want to
just take everything so personally like oh, she didn't call me back, she

(25:38):
must not like me, or shedoesn't want to talk to me, and
it's like, no, she can'tright now, she has no energy for
that. And so the more youcan disassociate from needing it to be a
certain outcome or from just taking itpersonally, I think you can keep showing
up for somebody and not drain getdrained by doing that, because again,
it's not about you. You're focusingand it's about Hey guys, this is

(26:00):
Jimmy and we're taking a quick breakfrom the podcast so I can tell you
about my new book, B One. I'm so excited for this. We're
about to launch. This is mynew book. I've been pouring myself into
this the last couple of years.As most of you know, I've spent
over a million and a half dollarsover the last twenty years hiring the best
mentors and coaches, going to everyconference, seminar, mastermind, you name

(26:21):
it. And I've poured all ofthat into this book, all the greatest
things I've taken from coaches like Edmy Lett and Neil Strauss and just to
name a couple. But it's almostfinished, and I'm really excited to get
this book into your hands. SoI need you to do me a favorite.
Head over to my social media andclick the link in my bio so
I can let you know as soonas the book is launched. And now

(26:41):
let's get you back to the podcast. Absolutely, and like, trust me,
I've been on both sides of thattoo, right where I'm like,
they have been text me back forthirty minutes. They hate me, you
know what I mean. So it'sso important to keep that in focus that
it's, like you said, ninetynine percent of the time, it's not
personal. And es actually, ifit's someone close to you in your life
that you know has in the pastexperienced mental illness, periods of mental illness,

(27:07):
and you know mental illness is it'skind of one of those things that's
periodic or episodic and fluctuates right interms of severity, and you know,
you might feel perfectly fine for ayear even, right, and then have
a period where you feel terrible.So keeping that in mind when you interact

(27:30):
with people, when you notice behaviors. Oh yeah, so and so actually
did mention to me last year thatthey struggled with depression. I should keep
that in mind because I'm noticing thatthey're being a little distant lately. So
maybe rather than you know, jumpingto defensiveness or taking it personally, approach
with curiosity and empathy. And Ithink that that's just a good rule of
thumb for anything in life. Buthow do you help your own self too?

(27:52):
So I think one of the thingsI saw, so I've been doing
this program for a couple of yearsnow, and something that threw me off
was a lot of the guys madegiant leaps and changes early and then they
would fall back right and some ofthem it was a depression issue. And
so I think one of the mistakesthat we make is thinking, Okay,
now I've beat this, Now Ishouldn't have problems anymore. And so I

(28:15):
try to remind them over and overagain that this thing, it looks like
this, like it's going to gothrough seasons, and so how do you
keep from, you know, reallygetting being hard on yourself when you go
back to one of those seasons wheremaybe you are feeling a little bit down
or depressed. It's such a goodquestion. And I actually had a friend
say that to me one time,you know, when I went through a
really bad period and afterwards we hada talk and they said, how are

(28:37):
we going to make sure this doesn'thappen again? And I was kind of
like, ouch, like, youknow what, I can't make sure this
doesn't happen again. I wish Icould, but you know, like this
is who I am, and it'sa disease, Like you know what I
mean, it's not something I havecontrol over. If I did, I
wouldn't be here all, Like Iwouldn't have you know, been in this

(29:00):
this period of mentally. So yeah, it's hard because one of the things
about the like episodic nature of depressionand mental illness is that when you're up,
you kind of forget what it's liketo be down. When you're down,
you forget you were ever up.So it's like you believe all the
negative thoughts that you think about yourselfwhen you're in those really dark periods.

(29:22):
So it's tough not to be hardon yourself and not to you know,
go to that place where you blameyourself. But one of the things that
I've been told to do, Ican't say that I've been very consistent with
it, but it was a therapistthat recommend it, Like, you know,
journal and make notes, even ifit's just a little bullet note of

(29:44):
some of the good things in yourdays when you're having good days, and
then when you're down, you cango and you can look at it and
you can be like, okay,yeah, true, true, I do
have good days. I do enjoythings. Is that helpful? Like when
you're in your good place, doyou set up routines and then try to
be more strict to those routines whenyou're down, or like put you know,
like affirmations and quotes or you know, things like do you try to
set those things up when you're feelinggood so that if you get down you

(30:07):
can go to that. Yeah,I mean I definitely do. But I
think the problem is that no matterhow much preparation or routine or consistency you
apply when you're feeling good, it'sso quick to fall apart when you're not
right because you just don't care.You don't care. It's like, you
know, I physically feel like Ican't even get up and walk to the

(30:30):
bathroom to take a shower. SoI'm not going to go do my skincare
routine. I'm not going to journal, I'm not going to go for a
walk. I'm not going to doall these things that I've been putting into
place. But what I will sayis that, you know, enforcing those
kinds of routines and consistency helps memaybe avoid some of the like episodes of

(30:52):
depression. I think when I'm ina really good, consistent routine is when
I see longer periods of good times. Easier said than done though well.
And I think a lot of timeswith depression, there's depression where it's like,
you know, more chemical, andthen then there's like you're just not
doing the things that would make youfeel good or be happy, and so
maybe it's extending it because you're maybeyou know, some of that depression was

(31:15):
just just not feeling good, ormaybe you just weren't doing the things to
help get you to a better person. I mean, I I know that
there's certain things that you know reallymake my depression and anxiety way worse,
and I'm guilty, like I'll dothat like drinking, for example, as

(31:37):
a classic I think everybody experiences theanxiety or like but for me, it's
like, you know, if I'mdrinking, going on drinking for a night,
I'm going to have like two threedays at least sometimes like a whole
week where I, honest to God, feel like worthless, lifeless. I
don't want to. I can barelyget it. Like it's terrible. Alcohol
does that if you go out anddo percent And I know that. So

(32:00):
it's like, you know, certainthings you do have to help yourself,
but again it's easier said than done, Like I too want to enjoy the
things that other people seem to getto enjoy for a lot less punishment or
you know, I'm downside, butbut yeah, like you know, I
see the frustration that people could experienceif they're watching people they love and care

(32:27):
about, who you know, aredepressed or in a bad place mentally continue
to not help themselves. And I'vehad people tell me that before you know,
you're not helping yourself, we can'thelp you. And I can appreciate
how frustrating that would be and it'salso just as frustrating to be the person
who can't seem to help themselves,help me live, damn it. Yeah,
Like both sides are frustrating, butit's just what kind of stuff have

(32:52):
you done that has been helpful?Do you recommend people do medication? Do
you recommend therapy? Do you ifyou've ever tried psychedelics? Like, what
are some of the things that youhave I've done, or that you recommend
to help with depression. Yeah,it's interesting because I've not had any success
with medication, and I've tried Imean, I would say probably at least
ten different medications, and that inand of itself was I don't want to

(33:14):
discourage anybody from trying medication because Iknow that it's life changing for so many
people. For me, it wasjust frustrating and a lot of side effects
starting and stopping. You know,for people who've never been on any kind
of antidepressant, your anti anxiety medication, they may not realize the implications of
starting and stopping those medications. There'sa lot of side effects withdrawal and it's

(33:42):
you know, complicated. So thatperiod of trial and error was not fun
and it just turned out that nothingever ended up working, and some people
are just resistant to medications, solucky me one of those people. And
therapy again seems to work wonders forpeople. I don't know why I don't

(34:06):
have and it's not just sad.I've done a lot of therapy, but
it's helpful here and there. Iwouldn't say it's always helpful for me personally,
and I think part of the reasonfor that is I struggle to be
honest and therapy just like, whyam I paying to light to this there?
I think I heard one of yourvideos. You're like, I don't
want to make the therapist feel badbecause they're doing their job, So I

(34:27):
just lie and pretend I'm not.I literally, I swear to God I'll
go in there. I'll be likethinking to myself which things should I leave
out so they think I'm like professional, I don't want them to think bad,
And then I'm like, why amI even going? So I don't
really know how to get past that. But the things that have been helpful,
like honestly the basic things like exercise, good sleep, trying to get

(34:47):
good sleep, and consistent sleeping patterns, not drinking, not you know,
not using drugs and alcohol, andyou know if I do in moderation like
very And I'm not saying that Iapply all of these things consistently because I
don't, but I want to getstretch. Right now, I'm doing drug
January until tomorrow on my birthday obviously, So I'm like, I'm kind of

(35:09):
on my high horse right now.I'm like, yeah, I don't drink,
but yeah, we'll talk to meon Saturday. We'll see. I
like it. So you turn thirtytomorrow, right, I do? How
you feel about that? Three zero? I'm going back. I have waves
Like one minute, I'm like,doesn't matter, It's just a number.
And then I'm like, no,thirty sucks. Where is my life gone?

(35:31):
You know? What am I doingwith my life? So yeah,
we'll see how it actually lands whenI wake up Tomorrow's interesting because remember when
I turned thirty two, You're like, are my best years behind me?
Am I on the right path?If I like screwed this up? And
you have all these thoughts, yeah, twenty nine actually, weirdly was weirder
was harder for me than thirty becauseI only have one more year till I'm
thirty. Yeah, I'm like,it might be almost easier to do.

(35:52):
It is like, once you hitthirty, you're kind of like, all
right, and honestly, my thirtieswere a dream, if I'm being honest,
If it's helpful to hear that mythirties were so much better than my
twenties because everyone says that, yeah, because you kind of know who you
are, and you mean, youhave money, you have a little bit
more freedom, you're not afraid totake chances, and those usually pay off,
and so you end up kind ofreally surrounding yourself with better people.

(36:15):
Like in your twenties, there's alot of pettiness, there's a lot of
still being around people that are tryingto, you know, make themselves look
good at your expanse all those kindsof things, and so at thirty,
you're kind of and you're kind ofokay just being okay. In your thirties
too, you're like, I don'tneed to go do anything. I don't
need to feel this pressure anymore.You're like, my life's working. I
don't know for what that's worth.I think it's true. No, I

(36:37):
think like I keep thinking of myself. I wish I was twenty five but
you know, with everything I knownow, in the financial situation and the
setup that I have now and everythingI have now, and then I'm like,
okay, so then wait, whatam I even rushing for? Like,
you know, thirty's fine, itwill be fine, and it's true.
I think when I think about mytwenties, especially in my early twenties,
I'm like, they weren't very goodand sore. I'm set up for

(37:00):
a much better decade a year thanI was at twenty. Your twenties is
like learn as many things you can, as many adventures as you can,
and just don't do anything that foreveralters the rest of your life. And
so if you avoided that, Ithink you're probably in a pretty good spot.
I think I got out okay,you know what, I could do
something drastic tonight. We're not scottfree yet, like knock on wood.

(37:23):
Do you have any birthday plans ordoes that give you anxiety? I know
you've talked about that a little bit, but like, do you want to
have a big party and celebrate youor is that just oh I thought I
did. I planned a huge partyand now I'm like, okay, so
probably two or three weeks ago.I planned it like a month in advance,
maybe, and about two weeks agoI started going, how do I

(37:43):
get to this? How do Iget to this? And then you know,
I had my cousin who's already bookeda hotel room because she's coming from
a town, and a couple otherpeople who would rearrange plans, and I'm
like, oh my god, Ireally can't get out of it. So
there was a period of panic forabout a week where I was like,
this is the worst thing I've everdone. But now I'm like, I've

(38:04):
accepted it. It is what Ican't get out of it. I'm sure
it will be great. Honestly,if anyone who's coming to my birthday parties
listens to this, no it wasn'tme, It's not me, someone else,
I'm sure it'll be a great time. But yeah, it's definitely giving
me my of anxiety. I thinkI was scared that if I didn't plan
something, I'd be sitting at homefeeling like a loser, like it's my
thirtieth birthday and nobody loves me.So's the opposite extreme. It's tricky with

(38:28):
your own birthday too, right,because you don't want to throw yourself a
party. There's just like it's kindof weird, but you also want a
party. But you're like, well, if they don't do it the way
I want, then I wish i'dget it. But then if nobody comes,
that's personal. And that's the thingthat's the big one for me.
And I'm like, what if likenine people show up and I've got this
huge cake and all these decorations,and so I'm just hoping, well,

(38:52):
I've probably throw I mean, that'sone of the things I do is I
throw a lot of big parties andI've probably thrown two hundred parties in my
life. And I would always tellmy friends, especially in college before I
got good at doing it, Iwas like, here's the deal, you
guys. I'll throw the party,I'll pay for the party, but you're
going to be there by nine o'clock. I'm not going to be sitting there
at ten o'clock hoping that people showup. You're all showing up early,
and you're all going to be thereearly, I know. And I think

(39:15):
that's I have, like, youknow, so many plans that I will
bail on, but parties or likeevents that people put a lot of effort
into planning. I do have onelike moral you know, we'll compass there
that I'm just like, I haveto go. I have to show up

(39:36):
because I feel it's mean. It'smean when you're the you know, like
you said, it costs money.It takes a lot of planning a lot
of effort, especially when you're throwingyourself a party. Then it becomes personal
and embarrassing. So I'm like,you know, I've been putting in a
lot of good birthday karma. Iwent to a friend's birthday party last weekend,
sober, did you go for thesole reason so people would come to

(39:58):
yours. I don't want to saythat and say they're listening, but yeah,
I know I did. I waslike I need. I was like,
if I don't go, then nextweek it's going to come around and
they're going to be like, wellshe can't come to mind. Yeah,
I was like showing face. Andit was actually a good time. But
you know, of course, leadingup to it, I was thinking I
don't want to go. I don'twant to go, but yeah, no,
I love the honesty. Well,for people that are struggling to find

(40:21):
their voice online, a lot ofpeople want you know, it's the number
seventy percent of the younger generation inAmerica, for example. I know you're
in Canada, but they want tobe influencers. That's what they want to
They want to do what you're doing. And you've kind of taken off pretty
quick. I mean, you reallystarted this lesson a year ago to really
go after it. So what advicedo you have to the young people that
are people your age even that aretrying to get find their voice and can't

(40:43):
do it. I think my mainthing is that you got to just go
for it. I think people getreally caught up in trying to perfect things
or being scared of what people willthink, you know. I think that's
the biggest thing that holds people back, and that's and ly what helped me
back. And as soon as Ilet go of that, I found so
much success. Like when I saylet go of it, I mean fully

(41:07):
let go of it, because ifyou're thinking in the back of your mind
is this cringey? Or are peoplegoing to like this? Then you're not
really being your authentic self. Andyou said it earlier. People respond well
to vulnerability, they respond well toauthenticity and originality, and you can't do
any of that if you're trying tobe something you're not, or trying to

(41:30):
curate content that you're you know,you're trying to avoid people talking about it
or saying it's cringey or whatever.Like, just go for it and be
consistent. Consistency is the other thing. I post every single day. I
have since I started really you know, committing to this about six or seven

(41:52):
months ago. And I'm sure thatpeople thought, what the hell's Carola do
when she's posting three to five timesa day? This is craziness, But
it works, it really does.The algorithm responds well to it, your
followers respond well to it. You'llget better at your craft if you're if
you're consistent with it. So Iknow that's easier said than done, but

(42:12):
I think that's an important piece thatyou know that a lot of people miss,
is the consistency piece. I launchedmy podcast seven years ago and I've
never gone more than a week withoutposting one, Like I just it's automatic,
right, it's yea, And peopleknow that, and they can expect
that because nobody's going to exact getbehind you if they don't know if you're
going to be there in a coupleof months or well that's it. And
I think people ask, how doyou say motivated. I'm like, I

(42:34):
don't. It's you don't rely onmotivation, because motivation comes and goes,
rely on, you know, strengths, discipline exactly. You say to yourself.
You know, I go through thisevery single day. When it comes
to going to the gym, Ithink, ah, well, I could
get out of it, and thenI remind myself, like, no,
we're not. We're not negotiating.This isn't a negotiation. You do it.
You just you just you're doing it. It's not like maybe later or

(42:57):
I don't have you today because thisand that, you just do it,
like through to one, go doit. So I think that's you know,
and it's not. It's not easy. It's not supposed to be easy.
If it was easy, literally everybodywould be doing it. True ways.
I have a there's a movie thatI love called The League of their
Own And if you ever seen it, it's about a women's baseball team and

(43:22):
the star player is like halfway throughthe season, she's she's like packing up.
It's during the war, so that'swhy the women are playing because the
men are all at war. It'sa true story. But and she's packing
up and leaving, the coach goesover. It's Tom Hanksy's like, what
do you what are you doing?And this character played by Geena Davis,
She's like, you know, itjust got to be too hard, and
Tom Hanksy says, he says,it's supposed to be hard. The heart

(43:42):
is what makes it great. Andit's kind of just this quote that I
love because it's like, if it'sanything easy is so fleeting. It's it's
you can take a helicopter to thetop of a mountain. You're not going
to feel very competent rewarding. Youhigh cup the thing and you get that
reward. I love that. Ineed to watch that movie because I love
a true story and I love asports movie, so you'll get on my
list. But it's true exactly.Yeah, nothing worth having comes easy.

(44:07):
So well, the last thing Iwant to touch on, and it's a
little bit more sensitive subject obviously,but as like suicide is obviously something that
I'm sure you get asked about alot. You have a lot of people
maybe reaching out to you because thatkind of follows depression a lot of times.
For the friend that maybe like,how do you know when your friends
just depressed versus you should be reallyworried and it's going suicidal And have you

(44:28):
ever gotten closely I don't know ifthat's something you're willing to talk about or
whatever, And how does what cansomebody from the outside do to help in
those situations? Yeah, I thinkthat's a very interesting question because I think
you know, it's it's one ofthose things where the people who you might

(44:49):
think are okay are often really arestruggling the most and hurting the most.
And that's kind of a cliche,but I think it's a cliche and it
said so often because it really istrue. So I don't know that there's
like, you know, a certainlike telltale sign or indication that you could

(45:09):
be like I think so and sois at risk or that we really need
to be to be worrying about themor checking in on them, because sometimes
it is people are so good athiding it, right, and I think
oftentimes that is when it is themost worrisome, is because they're not that
you know, you carry so muchshame that you don't want to reach out

(45:30):
and talk to anyone, whereas ifsomeone's almost you know, crying out for
help. That's good. That meansthey want help, right, They want
to talk, they want to workit out, they want to get better.
I think it's when people aren't givingyou anything right that that's a lot
more concerning, because at that pointhave they given up? And I can

(45:52):
speak for myself when I've experienced suicidalthoughts, it's exactly that you don't want
to talk to anyone. If someonereached out and said are you okay,
like do you want me to comeover or do you want to chat?
Or my answ would have been like, oh, I'm fine, And that
would be at my worst time,right as opposed to if I was feeling,

(46:14):
you know, just depressed, butnot necessarily or not even close to
having those kinds of thoughts, Imight say, yeah, let's talk,
right because I'm in a better placeto talk, or I'm thinking yeah,
like I want to feel better.It's when you don't want to feel better
that's when it's veriesome. So Idon't know, I don't know if that
really is helpful at all, ButI think again, just and you don't

(46:39):
it's it's tricky too, because youdon't want to be pushy and jumped down
someone's throat either, right, butyou know, if someone if you notice
that someone is really turning in orlike not present, not willing to talk,
just isolating themselves, maybe faking asmile but not giving you anything that

(47:02):
that might honestly be like the mostconcerning for me if I were looking for,
you know, for signs. ButI'm not an expert expert. And
the threason I ask you those you'regoing to have, you're gonna be having
so many people reaching out. Imean, I don't even I very rarely
talked about one of the reasons whyI wanted to understand it more. And

(47:22):
I love having these conversations. Andeven then I get a lot of people
will reach out to me, andyou know, and so I'm always trying
to I guess, just understand more, I think, And I think in
general, the more we can tryto understand, the better off we can
put ourselves in a position to behelpful, whatever that looks like, whether
that's not doing anything or doing everything. Yeah, and you know what,

(47:44):
like as somebody who who lives withmental illness, it is so meaningful when
you see a friend who is tryingto understand, right, like if someone
said, I don't know a lotabout it about this, but I'm going
to like read this book or doyou have any resources that you could share
that could help me better understand orI want to educate myself. Like that

(48:04):
goes so far. Just is like, wow, you know what this person
actually really cares and that means aworld. So I think that that's definitely
that goes a long way. Yeyeah, if you don't mind, I
want to read this part from mybook. I want to get your take
on this. I'm trying to Iwanted people because I've I for years didn't
understand it at all, and Ihad my buddy actually write this part of

(48:24):
it. But I would love tohear how this resonates with you. I
think a lot of people are goingto be attracted to this podcast for people
that have mental health, they're sufferfrom depression, things like that. Let
me just read this real quick andthen you tell me how it resonates.
Okay, do this is lost?Okay? So you said, once you
start to think about it as areal option, it makes you feel like

(48:44):
you're trapped, like there's nowhere togo. The things that normally bring you
joy or feel good. Just don'tdo it anymore. It's like you're never
going to feel like you once felt, so it's really hard to get back
to a baseline. Then, whenloneliness sets in, it seems like there's
no one talking, no one,no use talking to anyone because they're not
going to be able to help.No one can help you, no one
can understand you, and no onecan do anything about it. If you

(49:05):
reach out, then you're going tobe a burden to people. You'll just
bring them down. Eventually, itfeels like your existence is like a burden
on yourself. Then once you feellike everybody will be better off without you,
there that's the darkest point. Butwithin that you get to this place
where it actually starts to make somesense that you're just freeing yourself in others
from this pain. Everyone else mightbe sad for a little bit, but
they'll be better off anyway. They'llforget. While there's this hopelessness, there's

(49:27):
also a primal desperation to change it. But the worst part is feeling this
desperation but having a lack of motivationto do anything. This is why the
only way out is by being honestwith yourself and vulnerable with someone else,
but talking about it with someone canand often makes it worse. So some
people are very uncomfortable and they're afraidof talking about suicide or even just anxiety,
depression or feelings in general. Whenyou're in these dark places, you

(49:49):
can easily see somebody who's afraid ofwhat you're experiencing. A lot of times,
I've found that when I bring someoneinto what that experience is, they'll
energetically pull away or start to manageme. Yeah, I now know it.
It comes from a place of themwanting to help, but really they're
making sure that they're not responsible forpushing me over the edge. But once
I found safe places and people,the most helpful thing was being able to
be completely honest with somebody about whatI was experiencing and then just them accept

(50:13):
it and accept me. They joinedme exactly where I was. They didn't
heart the process, try to changemy mindset, influence me, give me
advice, dismiss it, or tellme to look on the positive side.
What we all need is someone who'swilling to say I hear you, and
I'm with you. None of thischanges how I feel about you. Will
get through this. Wow, thathits home for sure. I just think

(50:36):
he speaks to the isolation really reallywell, like that feeling of truly feeling
like you're alone because you know noone can make it better and you don't
want to be a burden. Andit's true sometimes when you share how you're
feeling, it makes you feel worsebecause you suddenly feel like the person's reaction
is, like he said, energeticallypulling away. Right, it's like a

(51:00):
knee jerk reaction people people do haveand it's hurt It's hurtful, and it
makes you, over time want toshare less and less and isolate yourself more
and more. So that that definitelyI haven't heard such a great summary.
That's what what he told me.I was like, I was like,
this is like I knew it ashe was saying I had. I was

(51:22):
like, wow, this is I'mjust going to put it right in my
book because this is a very validating. Honestly, it really is validating of
the experience. He says it.He articulatelys it very well, and I
think being someone who has a friendwho's going through something and reading that would
also be helpful because it's like,wait a minute, have I done some

(51:42):
of these things probably, right,Yeah, well to help me just being
able to have we have so muchdepth to our relationship that he's really helped
me be able to help him differently, right and see that so incredible.
For people that want to follow youto see your funny videos, I recommend
everybody go give her a follow SnarlyCarley. Where else can we send people
so they can see more of whatyou're working on and get inspired by your

(52:06):
thoughts. Yes, I'm on TikTokand Instagram as Carla Bezants and that is
my handle for both or you know, if you search Snarli Curly, I'll
definitely come up as well. Butyeah, definitely come see what it's all
about. Awesome, Well, keepdoing what you're doing. There's a high
purpose in it and it matters.So thank you for doing that. Thank

(52:29):
you for being on the show.Thanks so much, Jimmy, it was
a great time. Thank you againfor listening to The Jimmy Rex Show.
And if you liked what you heard, please like and subscribe. It really
helps me to get better guests,to be able to get the type of
people on this podcast. It's goingto make it the most interesting also want
to tell everybody about my podcast studio, The Rookery Studios, now available in

(52:51):
Salt Lake City and or in Utah. If you live in Utah and want
to produce your own podcast, wetake all of the guests, work out
of it for you and make itso said well. All you do is
you come in, you sit down, you talk and leave. We record
it, edit it, even postit for you. If interested in doing
your own podcast, visit our Instagramand send us a dmt Rookery Studios,

(53:13):
or go to our website, therookriyestudiosdot com