Instagram Live with Joseph Bonner and Gino Medeiros

Instagram Live with Joseph Bonner kicked off this week with Foster care Youth Advocate Gino Medeiros.
Stay connected with Gino Medeiros to get notified about when his book drops at www.ginomedeiros.com

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, you guys, what's goingon? This is Joseph BARNR. And
Welcome to Instagram Live with Me,yours truly. Today we have a very
special guest with us. He isa youth advocate as well as an author,
Geno Medellos, and he's here totalk with us more about not only
his upcoming book, but just hislife and his journey. And I really
really wanted to get to know hima little bit more deeply and explore the

(00:24):
man that he is. And Iwant you guys to come join me today.
Before we give him the official welcometo the show, I do want
to let you know that today's showwas brought to you by the Bully of
Venders International. They are the humanrights organization designed to fight against human rights
violations legally for midwomen and children globally. Also, today's show is brought to
you by Joseph barn Or PR again, though number one publicity firm in the

(00:47):
United States, offering affordable publicity toanyone and everyone that has a brand.
Welcome to today's show. How areyou today? I'm good? How are
you? I am fantastic? Sohappy we finally got Instagram to work for
us. Yeah, that was likea night are it really was. I
hope my people are still on wellyou know, if you know, even

(01:11):
if they're not, keep in mindthat this is going to be shown on
multiple television channels and so you're gonnadefinitely get the reach. But I'm so
excited to have you on today.So, Geno, I guess my first
home. Where do you go?You lost it? I'm right here?
Hi, Yeah, where do yougo? Gino? Tell us a little
bit about your legacy. Like,I know that you grew up in the

(01:34):
foster care system and life was anythingbut easy for you in the foster care
system. So can you tell usa little bit about what life was like
for you growing up and how youwere able to navigate through the foster care
system. That's a really good question. I haven't I've been asked that many
times, and I think it wasjust sort of programmed into my DNA.
I'm a survivor by nature, andI just kind of I don't know.

(02:00):
I just I had a will.I had a will to make it,
and I had I think I hada guardian angel, to be perfectly honest,
because it seems like every time Itook a hard turn, something guided
me towards the next step, ifthat makes sense. No, I appreciate
that. Thank you. So whenyou were putting into the foster care system,

(02:23):
how old were you I was?I think I was just either shy
of five or five or so.I think I was in kindergarten. I
was in kindergarten, so I wasfive. Wow, So you had a
whole life before you know who.I was with my birth mother and the
State of California took me away fromher, and I bounced around for a

(02:46):
little while, and I think Iwas seven or eight, and then the
state and ultimately stripped her of herparental rights and I was put up for
adoption. But that didn't say Ihad too many issues. After what I've
been through as a little kid,I needed I needed a lot of help,

(03:10):
psychological help. We're pretty intense.So, I mean, you were
five years old, so it's Imean, as a five year old,
I'm sure that you weren't you even'treally be able to process really what was
going on, what was happening,you know. I can remember it.

(03:30):
I remember the day the police came. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I remember the conversation, and Ithink I just kicked into survival mode
and I just went with the flowand did what I was told. Wow,
Wow, and so and so,transitioning then into again a whole life

(03:51):
change now at five years old,a completely new environment, a new family
now, as it were. Andwith that came so it wasn't a family.
I was actually put in a placecalled the Dependent Unit, which is
a large We live in Sannoma Countyand I happened to be born in Sanoma
County, so it was a SonomaCounty organization. And now it's called Valley

(04:15):
of the Mood Children's Home, whichI highly encourage people to note it too
as a side note. But backthen it was very institutionalized and it was
a huge building that was the colorof pepto bismol. I can remember it
so clearly, and it was theold VA Hospital and it was quite overwhelming

(04:36):
for a five year old. AndI remember it because it was Easter time.
I read about it in the bookand they put they after I went
through the processing, which involved delousingand hot showers and all that stuff,
they take me to a huge dormroom where all the boys were and there

(04:57):
was an easter basket on my bed, and well, I'm not going to
say everything because I put that inthe book. I'll just say that I
did something with it. Um.And I remember when I realized at that
time, oh my gosh, it'sEaster. And I didn't even know it
was Easter because I was I'd beenthrough so much at that point that time
really was irrelevant to me. Itwas more more about food and shelter and

(05:23):
and just making sure that I couldsurvive. But something in me when I
saw that easter basket just rose up, like what the hell is going on?
I couldn't I couldn't process it andit and unfortunately it didn't get any
easier for you in the foster caresystem. I mean, how long were

(05:45):
you in the system? My momwho ultimately adopted me, and forgive me,
I get a little emotional when Italk about her, because I just
lost her last summer. Um,she took me seventeen. But up until
that point, I've been in andover twenty five different places. Um.

(06:06):
Between the age five and seventeen.That's that's a lot. That's that's a
lot of moving around and and alot of loss of stability. So is
it stafe to say that you reallydidn't feel that you had a stable place

(06:27):
growing up. Never, not evenwhen I was with my birth mother.
I remember her. When I waswith her, it was very She she
married well, her second husband,so there was money, but then when
they split up, it sort ofwent downhill and we were so broke.

(06:47):
We were living in her car.M I. The details I can remember
are crazy, um, and asthe five year old at the time,
I think I was four three orfour, that was an adventure for me.
But when I look back, Ican remember being very stressed out and

(07:08):
I'm worried about my mother, andyeah, and she didn't know what to
do with me because she was ayoung mother. She got married when she
was seventeen, she had me whenshe was barely nineteen, and she did
the best she could. But shecame from an abusive background as well,

(07:29):
and she just didn't She just didn'thave an anner to be a mother and
she knew that, which is whyshe never had any more children. But
she adored me. I mean Iremember worshiping her. I remember thinking she
was the most beautiful, glamorous personI'd ever seen in my life and tried
to emulate that, which freaked herout when you have a little boy who
asked her a dress for Christmas orbirthday or whatever it was. And she

(07:53):
came from a rural background in asmall town. She didn't know what to
do with that. So you know, she ended up leaving me with men
because she thought it would teach mehow to be a man and that didn't
go well. Um, but shedidn't know. She had no idea she
was either out partying. I mean, she was nineteen twenty. I'm not

(08:13):
making excuses because there is no excusefor it, but I can I can
understand how that would have been toughfor her should no support. My father
did send child support payments regularly,it's my understanding, but I don't have
many memories of him, if any, from my childhood. Wow. Wow,

(08:35):
So growing up as a I mean, so it's that's a lot of
processes, you know, I'm gonnathat's that's a that's a whole lot of
process I mean, And to thinkthat you had to bear all of that
before you were five is heartbreaking,you know, you know, it's utterly

(08:56):
heartbreaking. I have been told manytimes I wouldn't stay told, but throughout
my life, when I do talkabout my story. People always say I'm
so sorry you went through that,and I can honestly say, at my
age now that it made me whoI am, good, bad, or
otherwiwise. And it took me along time to get to the point where

(09:16):
actually I like the person that Iam. As our children call us,
say, Sarah, if you're watching, I'm a little extra, and that's
okay. I've earned that. Ittook me to being a little extra to
get through it. I mean,it was hell. There's no easy way
to put it. But when Ithink of the alternative, which have been

(09:39):
Jackie, who's my birth mother,raising me, I think I would have
been even worse off. And that'sa heart that was a hard realization for
me to come to. And withall the homes, and I'm still in
contact with many of them. Infact, one of them I write about
her in the book, kind ofbecame a grandmother to me. Another one

(10:03):
I'm still close to. I talkedto her at least a few times a
year. Of course, my mom, who passed away last year, she
was in my life pretty much fromday one. There was no doubt.
I mean then, that's what ittook for me, and I think That's
what it takes for any kid,is just have someone believe in them and
know that this kid is worth it, because all kids are worth it ultimately.

(10:26):
But I kind of lost my vigorby the time my mom came into
my life, and I was justfighting to survive and you go. You
and I we talked a little bitabout this before I'm coming on live today.
Is I mean, you went througha lot of traumatic experiences before the

(10:48):
foster care system and in the fostercare system, and you mentioned something about
eventually, as you order now thatyou know in the space that you are
now, you've learned how to speakof how to voice concerns. But a
lot of the kids who are rightnow in the foster care system, maybe

(11:11):
they feel that they don't have avoice. Can you tell us a little
bit more about that why that thatis fear? When you're in that kind
of a situation, kids go oneof In my opinion, kids will go
one of two ways. They'll eitherstart acting out, which I did,
or they're completely clam out and theywon't talk at all. And the acting

(11:33):
out isn't necessarily an expression of howthey're feeling. It's just so much rage
and anger justifiably that it turns intoa physical manifestation of anger, and it
would. I was a teeny littlekid, and it would take two to
three adults to hold me down.But through psychological treatment and a lot of

(11:56):
therapy, you know, I waseven in a play a group home that
was more of a like a Ican't remember what they call, like a
residential treatment program for kids, littlekids, And through step by step going
through it, I slowly started tokind of realize that I was going to

(12:18):
be okay. I don't know howor why, but I was determined.
But the thing that was the hardestfor me was I never felt heard.
I never felt like anybody really listenedto me, which is probably why when
I became an adult, I wasnot the greatest listen and I'm still working
on it. Kids that are inthose situations, they lose their voice,

(12:39):
they lose their ability to be humanbeings sometimes because of the atrocities that they've
gone through. And it wasn't untilI'd say I was fifteen and I was
finally in a situation that I knewwas not my control, was not my
fault. I finally stood up formyself and then there was no shutting me

(13:01):
up. And then when my momcame into my life, she taught me
that it's okay to have a voice, and she taught me healthy ways of
expressing that. And I don't knowhow she did it, because my mom
had a little bit of a tempertoo, and I think it was just
well, I know it was consistent, unconditional, unbreakable love. She loved

(13:26):
me from the beginning until the dayshe died. And right before she died,
she looked at me and she justthanked me. And I asked her
for what she said for showing upfor me, and I said to her,
I will show up for you untilthe day you die. And you
know why. And she said whyand I said, because you shoot up
for me. And that is mymessage to prospective foster parents or a prospective

(13:50):
adoptive parents if you get into this, please it may not work and that's
okay, but you when that childdoes leave your care, they should always
feel safe to be able to reachout to you if they need you.
And I've had a lot of fosterparents who did that. One of them
became my grandmother. For forty years, she was in my life and she

(14:13):
was unwavering in her support of me. And that's the consistency. It just
takes one person, one person tobelieve in you, and you'll find your
way. And I had several,but the latest was my mom and she
she saw the light in me whenI couldn't even see it. And that
has so much power for people youcan't even imagine. I mean, most

(14:33):
people grow up with parents, goodbeat or otherwise, you got a parent.
I didn't have that until my mom. And she she didn't care,
She didn't care what anybody thought.She didn't care, she knew. She
just knew I was going to beokay. And she was right. I
didn't believe it, but she did. And I want to ask you,

(14:58):
oh ahead, I want what we'regonna say. Because of that belief,
I was able to find a healthyway to express my voice as opposed to
violence and anger. Well, howdid you As a teenager? It was
more of a little kid thing.When I hit about nine and ten,
the rage kind of left my bodyand I kind of adjusted. I still

(15:24):
hated school, and you know,kind of did my own thing, and
I became very stubborn, which isultimately why my grandmother couldn't keep me all
my grandmother her name was Brunie,but she was a grandmother to me.
Um. But that and her husbandwas terminally ill and he knew that she
couldn't handle me. After he passed, he said, your you said,

(15:48):
your mother helped you find a differentway to to express it how she talked.
And I think that's where I gotit because I'm a talker. Anybody
that's watching this that knows me,they're gonna agree. I can talk your
ear off. It's a family tree. But she taught me that it's okay.

(16:08):
And she taught me that I didn'thave anything to be ashamed of.
And that was a big thing forme because most of these kids, we
just wanted to be normal. Wejust wanted to be like everybody else.
We didn't want to be special.We didn't want to be the foster kid,
because back in my day, thatwas in stigma. People. I
had people's parents that wouldn't let kids, parents wouldn't let me hang out with

(16:29):
them just because I was in fostercare. It was pretty rough, pretty
brutal. Um. Yeah. Yeah, So she just taught me. And
you talk about you talk about yourexperiences in the foster care system. I
mean and even before the foster caresystem and some pretty some pretty powerful details

(16:51):
in your upcoming book. What's thename of your book? I know,
I know it hasn't dropped yet andit's coming out, So you guys,
if you guys want to check,sign up for the mailing list so that
you get moistication when the book doesdrop. I visit his website Geno Medels
dot com. You guys can seea link to that in the description of
the show when you're watching on television. I forgot to put it in the

(17:11):
description on the Instagram, uh fad, But you guys, if you're watching
on television, you'll see it inthe description of the show. Um,
so you talk a lot about thosedetails in the book. I guess my
question is because you know, youtalk about your mom, you also talk
about your father, and you talkabout a lot of individuals in your book.
How oh was how did they respondto that when you when they knew

(17:34):
that you were writing about them inyour book? Um, well, my
mom, she was funny because Isent it to her of course first,
and I started writing it in twothousand and six, so I as I
was writing, I would just sendher snippets and here's ten pages, here's
and she would read it furiously,and then she hit a point where she

(17:56):
was like, Okay, I needto take a break because I can't stop
crying. And for her to knowwhat I went through like in detail was
really hard for her. Jackie mybirth mother, when she read it,
she was very proud of me andshe supported me. My father, you

(18:22):
know, he's never really talked aboutit. I have let him read some
of it, but he doesn't.I honestly just don't know what his thoughts
are on it. And to beperfectly honest, it doesn't really matter to
me what even if Jackie was alive. And no disrespect to my father,
but this is my story and Iearned the right to tell it, and
no one's going to take that awayfrom me. So if anybody does have

(18:44):
a problem with it, I'm speakingtruth. So that's not my problem,
it's theirs, absolutely absolutely. AndI think it sends a very powerful message,
and he froze ago thinking I think. I think it's sentient of a
powerful message to other young people whoare going through the same thing, knowing

(19:04):
that they do have a voice andthat they shouldn't be so overly concerned about
people either being favorable to their truthare not favorable to it, but to
speak that truth anyways. Agreed,And I think that's the message that when
you take a kid in that's beenthrough the kind of trauma that I went
through, your primary goal is toteach that child how to process what they've

(19:29):
been through and to let go ofany shame that they feel, because it's
not theirs. And I will saythat until the dying day, what people
did to those children, it's theirshame, It's it's not the child's shame.
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, AndI want to thank you Gino for
being so so authentic with your ownpersonal experiences. And I know that there's

(19:53):
a lot that you haven't said,but there is a lot that can still
be said on on your experiences.But I do really encourage those of you
guys who are watching on Instagram live, are watching on on one of our
television stations UM to definitely dig intoum geno stories, explore his life as

(20:15):
well as his experiences, and thenuse those experiences to help other young people
in your life, other young onesgoing through the foster care system, or
if you're a child who's going throughthe foster care system, no doubt you
can use this as a support andsome encouragement to not give up and to
continue to push and fight through thedifficulties and struggles that no doubt you experience

(20:37):
in your unique experiences. Geno,do you think that Do you think I
said that correctly? I think so? Yeah, Um yeah. I mean
the whole reason I wrote the bookwas to give kids a voice, and
I want you know, it's atough read. It's not you know,
you're not going to sit down andnot have any emotion when you read it.

(20:57):
Um, But I think that itwill help because a lot of these
parents they come from they come fromthe best intentions. Most people do.
There are some that don't, butmost people they want to help. But
my message to them is that loveis not enough. I wish that it
were, but it's not. Andthis what kids that have been through this

(21:22):
need is stability, discipline, structure, and of course love. And they
need to feel safe. And ifthey don't feel safe, you're not going
to get anywhere with them. Absolutelyabsolutely, And I love what you mentioned
too about even if it doesn't workout or if there's some separation, letting

(21:45):
them know that you still care sothat they feel comfortable coming back to you.
That is such a profound statement.You know, my husband and I
adopted a teenage girl from the fostercare system and talk about going from zero
to sixty overnight. And when wedivorced, she pretty much let go of

(22:07):
me and and I can't really saythat I blame her, to be honest,
because I was really rough on her. I didn't I was. I
did the best that I could withwhat I had, and I was very
protective. But what I learned wasthat projecting my stuff onto my kids is
not not a good thing. AndI always felt like I was relating to
her, but it was her ownexperience that I was sort of taking away

(22:30):
from her. And I learned thatwith our next The next time I did
it with my current husband, Idid the same thing to him. Now
with my stepchildren, who are inmy heart, my children. I learned
that from Juju, my mom.Sorry. I learned that when you give
a child the gift of becoming aparent in their life, you take that

(22:53):
on for the rest of your life, and you don't you don't disassociate if
when I'm married Tony, I agreedto love his children like and that was
easy because they're amazing human beings.And it's I struggle sometimes when I see

(23:14):
family dynamics of new husbands or newwives that don't really bond or try to
bond. You know, they haveMy stepchildren have an amazing mother, so
they don't really need me, andI've never tried to be their parents,
but I've also you know, Ijust loved them unconditionally, and I know
that no matter what, as longas I love their dad, which is

(23:37):
pretty much forever, I'm going tolove them. And and it's sort of
the same thing when you're dealing withchildren foster care or you know, if
you're adopting an older child, theyjust have to feel like you love them
no matter what, even when youdisagree, even when you fight. And
that was what Brunei, who wasultimately became my grandmother, she did for

(23:57):
me. I was just a littles word. I'm not sure if I
can swear on Instagram and she noton my network, you can't. You
may am. She never did anythingbut love me. The most violent thing

(24:18):
she ever did to me was sprayingme with a house because she was so
frested and I deserved it. Nodoubt. Yeah, But because I've had
strong women in my life show meunconditional love, I can give that.
So even though my daughter from myfirst marriage doesn't talk to me, but

(24:40):
doesn't change that she's my daughter.She's always gonna be my daughter in my
heart, never gonna change. Andall I can do is hope that one
day she figures out that I tried, even though I may not have done
the greatest of jobs. And thenmy current husband and I took in a
teenage boy in twenty sixteen and thatwas challenging and he ultimately also went his

(25:03):
own way, but we don't haveany regrets. He's a good you know
he did. He went through traumatoo, So you just have to give
them the room to find their ownway and do their own thing. I
hopefully hope they find their way backto you, And even if they don't,
I think you, like you said, you've given them something that they'll

(25:25):
always be able to bank on inthe future, and that's love. And
even in the back of their mindand heart, no matter what they decide
to do with their lives or wherethey go, they're gonna always know that
they were loved. And I thinkthat's the point, because you know,
growing up in the system, mostdon't feel that they don't have that,
that's that's safety to even feel thatso consistently. So I love your philosophy

(25:48):
and how you've done it with yourfoster children. I think it really speaks
to how it should be done,because it really is is what our children
needs. So well done. AndI'm so proud of not just you for
taking your experiences and turning them intoa blessing for other foster care students or
other foster care children, but alsonow sharing that with us and putting that

(26:11):
in the book so that we allcan benefit from those experiences. So thank
you for being brave enough to dothat. Thank you for saying that.
And honestly, anybody that's watching thisor reads my book, I highly encourage
you to write about any of yourtrauma because when you write about it and
you put it down on paper,you can just sort of let it go.

(26:33):
And I'm not the title of mybook for people that don't know,
is broken Boy, And I'm notbroken. I was broken, but through
love and patience and kindness, I'vebeen able to heal and I have a
great life. I'm so blessed.The life that I have now is nothing

(26:57):
that I mean, honestly, didn'tthink I was going to live to CD
age of thirty. I was convincedof it, and I lived my life
accordingly in my twenties and here Iam now. I have a wonderful husband,
beautiful children, we have a lovelyhome. I live in a farm,
which I never thought I would doin my life. I'm a self

(27:18):
proclaimed city boy, but Tony's mylife and his kids are my kids,
and we have somehow managed to findour way and become a family, and
I am so grateful to them,to their family on their mom's side,
to their mom, to Tony.So many different things could have happened,

(27:38):
and we could have gone in somany different directions, and ultimately we made
it and everybody's good. So Ican't say that I have any regrets.
I'm just I'm proud of where I'vecome from, and I'm proud, proud
of my journey, and I havezero shame in my heart because of it.

(28:02):
Wonderful. Why that's that's wonderful tohear. And for those of you
guys again tuning in, we definitelyappreciate you being here, and joining today's
your segment. You guys can actuallyjoin Geno's waiting list, so will you
get you get notification when that bookdrops. So if you get one to
see where that's take a look atthe description and the show. If you
guys are actually listening to this onone of the podcasts again, go to

(28:25):
the description of the podcast. Ifyou're actually watching this on instagrammb like a
link to that, Just go aheadand bem me our Geno and we'll be
more than happy to link it tothe website so that you guys can join
his mailing list and get notified whenthe book drops. Um, we did
get a comment from M. E. K. Richardson. I wanted to
make sure that we read such abeautiful comment and proud of you, my

(28:52):
friend. It says, um.I work with foster students and the hopeless
children daily. I see the pain, the rags and trauma. You are
giving them a voice by sharing yourstory. Absolutely absolutely are very very beautifully
stated, very beautifully stated. Sothank you, Gino, Thank you for
giving our children a voice, andthank you for sharing yours. And I

(29:15):
hope that your voice continues to getlouder and louder and louder and stronger so
that more can hear. Thank you, Joseph, and thank you everybody.
That's all right, yes, Andthank you everybody for tuning in on the
JB and Television network as well asour national syndicated podcast I'm your host,
Joseph Bonner, and you are listeningor watching Instagram line with me. And

(29:38):
until next time, you guys,please stay safe and take care of each
other. GINO, once again,thank you so much for being on today's show.