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August 12, 2024 16 mins
You have control over your expectations and using them to your advantage can be a superpower. In this episode, Kristi discusses how choosing and setting your expectations mindfully can help level up your life and bring more happiness, joy, and success. Plus, a small habit that can have big payoff. 
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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Joyschool podcast. Real talk about what it
takes to create your happiest, healthiest, and most dynamic life.
And now here's your host, transformational life coach, happiness strategist
and best selling author, Christy ling Spencer.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Well, hello, my friends, and welcome to another episode of
the Joyschool Podcast. Thank you so much for being with
me again. I'm excited for this week's topic because it
is a simple thing that has such great power over
our lives, and that is our expectations. And oh my gosh,

(00:41):
I can think of so many stories in my life
where I expected one thing and got another. A real
simple example is have you ever taken a sip of
a beverage expecting one thing, like you're expecting water, and
you pick up the glass and take a sip in
its vodka or something completely different, and your brain is like,
what just happened? So in life, our expectations of things,

(01:03):
we can set ourselves up for similar experiences like that
with situations with what we're expecting out of other people
or from ourselves, or what we're expecting to find when
we're looking for something online or whatever it may be.
And learning the power of expectations is such an amazing

(01:23):
tool to have in our happiness and best life toolbox.
And this is one of my favorite topics. And I'm
actually going to share with you a little excerpt from
my book Operation Happiness Today, and this is also on
the audiobook, and it's really about this topic and it
says everything I would want to say. So I was like,
I'm just going to do a little reading, which is
something a little bit different, So we're going to have that.

(01:44):
But before I dive into that, you know, I just
wanted to share, like, I think we can all relate
that sometimes we set ourselves up with expectations and then
we end up with this massive amount of disappointment when
things don't meet those expectations. But have you ever had
those moments where you're in that place of disappointment and
you realize, you know, I really shouldn't have expected that

(02:06):
much in the first place, and we kind of can
take a step back and see that we were over expecting.
Right now, however, there is a line to walk here
because I do believe and this will you know, I'll
talk about this a bit when I do the reading,
but I do believe that when we expect amazing things,
that we generally get amazing things. So it's really about

(02:29):
walking that line. Because we also all know people who
pretty consistently expect negativity and negative things, and they expect
the worst outcomes like, oh, yeah, no, that's not going
to turn out well or you know, whatever it is,
or oh, the chances of me achieving that are really slim,
and they're setting themselves up with not only negative expectations

(02:50):
that are probably going to be matched, but also negative
energy around whatever the thing is. So when you are
mindful about your expectations and really not up setting unrealistic ones,
but looking to expect the best outcome, right, the highest
and best outcome from most everything, will bring that energy
into whatever the thing is, and I truly believe increase

(03:14):
the chances of the wonderful positive outcome occurring. So we
actually have, you know, ways to influence how things turn
out by managing our expectations around them a lot of
the time. Now, of course, not one hundred percent of
the time, but a lot of the time. And you know,
sometimes we want to manage our expectations by not keeping

(03:37):
them too high. You know, we think something's going to
be so great, but we're not super sure and it's like, Okay,
let's keep this in check. And when we do that,
sometimes when it does turn out to be absolutely amazing,
it's even that much more exciting because it exceeded our expectations, right,
And that's one of my favorite things in life. When
something absolutely exceeds my already post of expectations, isn't that

(04:01):
a magical thing? So with that, I want to dive
into this little reading. If you have the paper copy
of the book, this is from page two thirty one,
and if you're listening to the audiobook, this is toward
the last part where there is the thirty Days of
Positive Reading, and it's a bunch of positive essays and
blog posts that we pulled together with my editors, and

(04:23):
this one is day twenty five, and it's Expect amazing things.
How expectations shape your days. Much of the way we
experience our day comes from what we expect of it.
Expect amazing things today and it will be Expect a
bad day, and that's pretty much what you'll get. It's
pretty simple. A while back, I took a day off

(04:45):
to go stand up paddle boarding in Malibu. It was
totally delicious. The water was gorgeous, the sun was shining
and a pot of dolphins swam by. I'd look forward
to this for days. I can tell you this for sure.
One thing that helped make it so great was that
I expected it to be. In the days leading up

(05:06):
to going, I was making statements and affirmations really like
I'm going paddleboarding on Thursday. It's going to be amazing.
I grew up with a major fear of the ocean.
I wouldn't even go in past my knees. For a
southern California girl, you can imagine this might have been
a bit of an issue. Years ago, I finally set

(05:27):
my mind to overcoming the fear, and now I'm passionate
about water sports. I snorkel, I free dive, I surf,
I swim. Anywhere or near the ocean is a very
happy place for me. But to be honest, there is
still a little sneaky voice inside of me that will

(05:47):
creep in now and then and stir up anxiety when
I'm faced with going into the open ocean far from
the shore. Before my day of paddleboarding in Malibu, that
annoying little voice was tempting me to make statements like
I'm nervous about this that I might fall in or
going that far from the shore can be scary. I
guarantee that if I were in the mindset, in this

(06:10):
mindset prior to hitting the water, it would have been
a drastically different experience. But I chose to ignore those negative,
limiting thoughts and expectations and instead chose to expect a
fantastic experience, and it was. Changing your outlook and expectations
can literally change what you experience. Our expectations for the

(06:35):
day usually begin in the morning when you wake up.
Be conscious about the statements you're making and the thoughts
you're choosing about the day ahead. If you're thinking that
marketing meeting this afternoon is going to suck big time,
you're not only setting yourself up for a negative experience,
you're also putting out low vibrations that affect other aspects

(06:56):
of your life too. Changing your outlook and expectations can
literally change what you experience, and aligning your expectations with
your positive intentions gives you that much more momentum. This
isn't to say that everything will always turn out the
way we expect it to. That would be boring. Actually,

(07:17):
it's also not to say Having powerful positive expectations will
never lead to disappointment. That happens sometimes, and there are
always lessons to be received there if you look. This
is just to say our expectations play a huge role
in shaping the way we live, the richness, the light,
the growth, and the joy. So when it comes to

(07:40):
creating a fantastic life, be sure to add setting high
quality positive expectations into your happiness toolbox. It's a powerful
thing to expect awesomeness, to expect fantastic experiences, expect an amazing, delicious,
joyful life and it will be not a great little

(08:01):
essay that is actually one of my favorites. It's such
a good little reminder about our thoughts and our expectations
and how the energy and the thoughts that we choose
and the way we choose to perceive things and the
way we choose to expect things can truly affect our lives.
It is so powerful and it really is a great

(08:24):
little habit to start practicing. So what are a couple
of the ways that I've learned to do this? Because
we're all different, right, and different things in different habits
might be different for everybody. When it comes to what works.
So a couple of things that worked for me in
creating this shift in my life is so the areas
that we tend to really create a frenzy in our

(08:47):
minds of expectations around are the big things, right, maybe
somebody knew that you just started dating, or maybe a
class that you're going to take, or maybe an event
that you're going to or a new job that you're starting,
whatever it may be, that's when we really sometimes need
to check ourselves. So for me, learning to recognize when

(09:08):
my brain was creating a little bit of an expectation frenzy,
to take a step back and really be intentional about
it and say, Okay, with this new opportunity or a
new person that I'm going to be meeting, or you know,
a new project I want to do, whatever it is,
how about I mindfully set expectations and sometimes I'll even

(09:29):
journal about it right or create a bullet pointed list
of outcomes that I would love to see from that situation,
whatever it may be. For me, I love journaling and
creating bullet pointed lists. It really helps me get focused.
And the studies do show that when you write things
down it really gives them power and helps your brain
remember what it is you want to be focused on.
So that is something that's really worked for me is

(09:51):
just recognizing when that little expectation frenzy is happening, and
then learning to check myself and just be like, Okay,
chill out, Christy. You're putting way to much onto this person,
which isn't fair, or you're putting way too much onto
this situation, or you're being negative about this, and maybe
you need to make a shift and create more positive
expectations because our expectations do and can impact outcomes. And

(10:16):
so just learning to recognize that, right, And the other
area where I really really step things up, and I
mentioned this in the little essay, is part of my
morning practice is really consciously thinking about with intention, what
are my expectations for this day, What are my expectations
for the things that are on my to do list today?

(10:36):
What outcomes would I like to see happen? And really
focusing on that each morning has been super helpful to me.
And really it kind of goes along with setting intentions
in a way. Intentions go hand in hand with outcomes, right,
And so maybe linking those two habits, stacking those two
habits together many of us already set intentions, and maybe

(10:59):
after you say your intention, think about setting what outcome
would I like from this or what expectation would I
like to have of this? And there is such a
thing as, of course, disappointment or a little bit of
ick after things, when things occur in your life that
really let you down or did not at all meet
your expectations, and those can be opportunities to learn, Those

(11:22):
can be opportunities to change course. They can also be
opportunities to get to know ourselves a little bit better.
Sometimes we expect one thing and get another, and the
other thing that landed in front of us is actually
exactly what we needed. It's kind of like the rolling
Stone song. You can't always get what you want, but
if you try, sometimes you get what you need. And

(11:45):
so sometimes really learning to recognize that and spot those
sometimes letdowns can actually be opportunities, right, or they can
be a chance to reevaluate and kind of change expectations
a little bit for the next time that you try
that thing again, or the next time you're going to
experience that thing again, right, all right, So that's what

(12:06):
I wanted to share with you all today. It's a
bit of a short show, but sometimes short is sweet.
So if I can recommend a podcast to you, if
you enjoy this podcast, you might also enjoy Jim Quick's podcast,
which is called quick Brain, and his are all short
and sweet, and it's really all about brain health and ways,

(12:26):
you know, brain hacks and ways that you can make
your brain your bff. And as most of you know
who have been following me for a while, you know
that's one of my favorite topics. So that's podcast I
do enjoy. Shout out to Jim Quick. And so today's
is a short and sweet episode and that brings me
I did not forget my friends to the part of
the show called Joyschool Habits, where I share a small

(12:50):
habit that can actually have big impact. And today's Joyschool
habit that I would love for you to try adopting
is simply to smile more. Now this sounds very simple, right,
but studies show that smiling is actually a natural antidepressant.
When you smile, your brain releases dopamine and endorphins and serotonin,

(13:14):
and these neurotransmitters are actually linked to lowering anxiety, lowering stress,
and leveling up feelings of happiness and joy and inner peace,
just simply from the physical act of smiling. Now, the
other thing that goes along with this is that when
you smile, your entire energy changes. In fact, they say

(13:39):
that when you smile when you're talking to someone on
the phone, the person on the other end can actually
detect that you're smiling. They actually pick up on that energy.
And so it's a great habit to be And when
you're on phone conversations like business conference calls on the phone,
smiling can actually help bring more positive energy and help

(13:59):
you eat even seem a little more credible, right because
people who are engaging come across as you want to
listen to what they have to say, and smiling is
part of that. It's also a great tool when you're
meeting new people, when you're networking, when you're first walking
into a room, When you walk into a room, smile,
look around and smile at people. You will naturally attract

(14:20):
the type of people who want to be around positive
energy and great energy and who spot you and think
that's a person I want to know. So just being
mindful about smiling a little bit more. This is also
effective on zoom calls. Now, of course, you don't want
to just sit there and smile the whole time, like
just endlessly smile, especially if there's a subject that isn't
really something to smile about. But throwing in an extra

(14:43):
smile here and there and a little enthusiasm along with
a smile when you're speaking can make such a difference
in the way people perceive you. And at the same time,
like I mentioned, it triggers your brain to go, oh,
we're happy right now, we're smiling, to release those feel
good endorphins time to feel great. And another tip is

(15:05):
that smiling even when you feel down, even when you
don't feel like it, If you hold your physical smile
for about thirty seconds or so, your brain doesn't know
the difference between something great just happened or all you're
doing is just physically smiling. Your brain will still respond
by releasing those great neurotransmitters that will lift you up

(15:28):
and make you feel better. So this is a great
tool when you're just kind of feeling block. Just go
smile at yourself in the mirror for thirty seconds, or
just smile at your dog or whatever it is. Smile
at a picture on the wall, hold it for thirty seconds,
and take in a few deep breaths to get some
oxygen to your brain and see how you feel. So
that's today's Joys School habit. Just smile a little bit more.

(15:50):
Incorporate more smiling to your life. I promise you it
will make a difference. It's a small habit that can
have some big payoffs. All right, my friends, if you
and enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful if
you would leave a review over on Apple Podcasts for
your favorite platform. This makes such a difference for the
show and helping people find it who might also enjoy it.

(16:13):
It's a great way to support the show and also
remember you have the power to create more amazing days.
And more amazing days add up to a pretty amazing life.
Go out and create a beautiful week, my friends, and
I will be back with you soon. Have a good one.
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