February 14, 2024 • 16 mins
Dot loses her dog. Mark gets scolded. Karen spies on her neighbors. Someone is up to something. Josh tries to reconcile timelines. Ellen catches a mouse.
Starring:
• Lori Snyder as Dot
• Nina Innsted as Bonnie
• Jeff Powell as Mark
• Sara Stapleton as Karen/Herself
• Sara Beth Poole as Ellen
• Alyse Braaten as Leslie
• Chris Green as David
• Josh Hallmark as Himself
Music by:
• Podington Bear
• Marti
• Broke For Free
Starring:
• Lori Snyder as Dot
• Nina Innsted as Bonnie
• Jeff Powell as Mark
• Sara Stapleton as Karen/Herself
• Sara Beth Poole as Ellen
• Alyse Braaten as Leslie
• Chris Green as David
• Josh Hallmark as Himself
Music by:
• Podington Bear
• Marti
• Broke For Free
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:28):
Helena Happy twenty twelve. It's sogood to see you here on Facebook.
You look great. How are youbeautiful? I'm doing well. That is
a pick of me and my dogMisty, who died in the spring.
The kids are all grown and outof the house with families of their own.
(00:54):
I retired back to Scottsdale last May, and then I took a cruise
in the fall. The food wasso so and the sites were okay.
There were a lot of beggars andpoverty there. I went with Jackie.
Do you remember Jackie? Her husbandpassed in two thousand and nine, around
(01:15):
the time my robber left us.How is your Paul? Is he still
in practice? I bet he is. He always was a workaholic. I
think I'm going to get a newpuppy pal over the summer. Jackie found
us a quilting cruise, so we'regoing to do that soon, and then
I'll get a puppy to replace Misty. I don't think we're going to go
(01:38):
to Mexico this time. Dear MarkCW contacted my office this morning to inform
(02:21):
me that you're still in contact withEllen Mark. This is not what we
talked about. I appreciate your relationshipwith her and the fun you've had with
these letters, but it's time toput this whole thing to bed. Please
send me the letters Ellen sent you, and any copies of the letters that
you've sent her if you still havethem. I still need you to send
(02:46):
me the letters that were not inthe original package. You've had your fun,
but this needs to stop. CWhas been reasonable and easy to work
with so far. Can we pleasekeep it that way. I left all
this on your answering machine, butI thought it was important to put it
in writing too. Please don't makeme look bad, Mark. I'll see
(03:10):
you at the series party. Letthis also be a reminder to bring your
deviled eggs and some of those candiesif you have any despair. Also note
in writing that I told you thatas would lose yours Allen, I mean
Bonnie, yours, Bonnie, DearBonnie. Here is the remainder of correspondence
(03:36):
between me and the girls. Asyou requested. You're right, I should
have ended all communication. I justfelt bad not responding to her. You'll
see in my final letter I've requestedshe stop writing me. I've also included
a handful of letters i'd filed awayand forgotten about. Please keep me informed
as things progress. Mark Heidno,Kasney didn't know when the baby don't stand
(04:46):
there over my two boy to mystro June twenty fifth, nineteen eighty seven.
Dear Mark, here's a cashier's checkfor my first month's rent and a
(05:06):
cashier's check for the security deposit.I don't know why they're called cashier's checks.
I had to get them from thebank. It doesn't make a lot
of sense, if you ask me. I also don't think it makes much
sense that I'm supposed to pay youfor rent before I move in. When
you go to a restaurant, youdon't pay for your meal before you eat
it. You pay for your mealafter you eat it. So I think
(05:29):
I should pay you for July's rentafter July is done. My father says
that's not how it works, andthat I shouldn't complain because it's not my
money anyways. So I'm just lettingyou know that if it was my money,
I would be complaining, but sinceit's not, I won't. Sincerely,
Karen, I'm your new tenant.Bobby. Attached is Ellen's rental application,
(05:55):
which she handed to me after shehad already moved in, and wonder
whether, if given a choice,I'd actually rent to her. Mark personal
information, social security number, driver'slicense number. I don't like to drive
because I'm not very good at it. Telephone born June nineteen four, thirteen
(06:24):
am in Tucson, Arizona. Idon't smoke and I have no pets.
Addresses June nineteen eighty five to present, Berkeley, California, nine four seven
zero four May nineteen eighty four toJune nineteen eighty five, Budapest, Hungary.
(06:45):
Ava is the owner prior to nineteeneighty four my parents' house income.
My parents give me one thousand,two hundred dollars a month each month.
I had a summer job last yearsee below, and I plan to work
there again this year. I alsoreceived three hundred and fifty dollars a month
(07:08):
each month from a family trust fund. I can give you copies of my
bank statements if the back will givethem to me. What I'm looking for?
Ideally, I would like to finda landlord who is either a Gemini
like myself or a Sagittarius. Sagittariusis one hundred and eighty degrees from Gemini,
(07:29):
so we would get along very well. I would consider renting an apartment
from a tourus or a cancer,but obviously they would not be my first
choices. I would not rent froma Scorpio. The owner of the building
where I am living now is aVirgo and I'm a Gemini. Our signs
are at a ninety degree angle,so we don't get along. I can't
(07:51):
rent an apartment from a Virgo orPisces. Their signs are at right angles
to mine, so their son isin a sign which is square to mine.
Landlord's born very close to ninety onedays apart, will have their son
square the other, which would bea real problem for me. Moon's square
sun is also difficult, but I'mwilling to risk that for a really great
(08:13):
little place. For example, aLeo would irritate me at times, but
with patients we could deal with eachother. References did ice cream company my
manager was. I had a summerjob there last year. They didn't fire
me, they just didn't need meanymore. I think they'll need me again
(08:35):
this year, though. Ava Ilived at Missus's house for the summer two
years ago. Ask for Operator seventeenin Budapest. Have her ring. Ava.
Budapest is in Hungary, but Avaspeaks English, so you don't have
to worry about that. Madam.Madam's phone number is unlisted, but I
(08:58):
can get a message to her andshe can call you back. Madam is
my astrologer. She will have todo a chart on my new landlord before
I can sign a lease. Pickles, I had a job there for a
short while, but I don't thinkyou need to know about that. If
you do, let me know,and I'll let them know, and then
(09:18):
I'll let you know whatever they letme know. October second, nineteen eighty
seven, Dear Karen and Ellam,I received your rent check for the month
of October, which is two hundredand thirty one dollars short. I cannot
accept any of the deductions you includeit. I'm not sure how one loss
(09:41):
is a porch light, but replacinga lost porch light is not a landlord's
responsibility. Had the light broken throughnormal wear and tear, it could be
considered the responsibility of the landlord toreplace. However, your admittance that you
lost it makes it wholly your responsibilityto replace. Additionally, it is not
(10:07):
the responsibility of a landlord to payfor a tenants binoculars. I appreciate your
willingness to look out for trouble.However, I cannot condone nor pay for
the spying on of a tenants neighbors, regardless of how fishy they seem.
(10:28):
I will be at her cottage onWednesday to fix the Caldwell sprinkler heads,
which were all mysteriously broken late lastFriday night. Please have a check prepared
for the remaining two hundred and thirtyone dollars of your October rent. Sincerely,
Mark, October fifth, nineteen eightyseven. Dear Mark, when I
(10:52):
said we lost the porch light,I meant that we think it got stolen.
Does that make it your responsibility toreplace it? We needed the la
so we could see who stole theporch light. I think that means you're
supposed to pay for those too.We're sorry we didn't see you when you
were here. We didn't hear thedoorbell ring. Yours, Karen, October
(11:13):
seventh, nineteen eighty seven. DearKaren. In my many years of experience
as a landlord, I cannot thinkof a single reason a landlord would be
responsible for buying their tenants binoculars haveyour porch light actually been stolen, binoculars
(11:35):
would offer no help considering the crimehad already been committed. If you truly
believe your porch light was stolen,Ah, I would be happy to fill
out a police report for you tosubmit to the Oakland PD. Once that
report has been submitted, I wouldbe willing to rebate you the cost of
(11:58):
the porch light already purchased without myprior authorization. Sincerely, Mark, October
eleventh, nineteen eighty seven. DearMark, I don't think we need to
do a police report. Here aretwo checks for the rest of the rent.
One check for me for one hundredand six dollars, one check from
(12:22):
Ellen for one hundred and twenty sevendollars. Ellen is paying more because she
wasn't home when the porch light gotlost. Yours, Karen, this is
unbelievable. Where did you even getthis? It's a long story, but
I want to get to work onthis right away. We need the entire
team out here like yesterday on it. Hey, and until I say so,
(12:43):
no one knows about this. Okay, Well here's what I found.
So I was Facebook talking Karen andyou know she has like nothing up there
(13:03):
she's got like fifty friends or something, and then like, imagine that she's
just well considering like the average Facebookuser has like three hundred. That makes
sense, and so of course I'mlooking for a Rob. There's like no
Robs in there. Yeah, Idon't think there is a Robert amongst her
friends. So I was like,okay, so maybe they're divorced. They're
(13:26):
not talking. But then there's abunch of people name So I started looking,
and there's this one guy who justseems really really like he should be
Rob. He just has the lookof a Rob, and he's into like
classic cars and shit, and soI'm like, it's got to be him.
So I start looking at him andhis friends and his family, and
(13:48):
wait, what's his name? Ilove it. So it's basically the equivalent
of being named like Rob Robertson.So I looked at it. I looked
at it. So I looked athis profile, and I looked at his
family and whatever, and I waslike, I just have a feeling about
(14:09):
this. So I went I wentto ancestry and lo and behold, they
are married. They were married.They were okay, okay, So then
I started doing a little more digging, and I'm looking at like photos of
him, and it seems like he'sgot these kids. So I was like,
(14:31):
okay, are these her kids?You know? Well, first of
all, so they were born inthe like fifties. Okay, so this
is like the whole time you're talkingto me, I'm trying to absorb all
this. But all I'm thinking isif he's sixty and she also is,
which I somehow never even picked upon. Maybe it's not in her profile,
(14:52):
Like that doesn't add up to themteenagers in the eighties. No,
they would have been like twenties,early thirties. My mouth is failing me.
I don't have my murder board infront of me. But like,
according to the birth records that Ifound, they would have had one child
already, at least one. Wasit a girl? Think? Yes it
(15:13):
was a girl? Could yes itwas? Could it be Ellen? Very
well? Could be because she wouldhave been like seven or eight, which
explains like the strange child like sheeswell no, I no, but wait,
you said you found Ellen or youthought you did. Well, yeah,
(15:33):
that's a different Let's we'll get tothat. Okay, this is my
first video using this phone. SoI'm not really sure if I'm doing this
right. But this is a mouseI caught with a humane mouse trap,
and I wanted everyone to see itbecause I think it's the right thing to
do if you have my sore amouse in your house. Now, I'm
just gonna I don't know if Ishould put my finger in there. I'm
(15:56):
just gonna pull this lever and oh, oh, there he goes. There
goes the mouse, and he's fine. The mouse is fine. He didn't
have to die, and now he'sfree. Next time. On the Karen
(16:22):
and Ellen Letters, Helena reconnects withan old friend. Josh finds something alarming,
Ellen still wants free firewood, Ellenleaves something behind, and Mark encounters
an ant infestation.
Helena Happy twenty twelve. It's sogood to see you here on Facebook.
You look great. How are youbeautiful? I'm doing well. That is
a pick of me and my dogMisty, who died in the spring.
The kids are all grown and outof the house with families of their own.
(00:54):
I retired back to Scottsdale last May, and then I took a cruise
in the fall. The food wasso so and the sites were okay.
There were a lot of beggars andpoverty there. I went with Jackie.
Do you remember Jackie? Her husbandpassed in two thousand and nine, around
(01:15):
the time my robber left us.How is your Paul? Is he still
in practice? I bet he is. He always was a workaholic. I
think I'm going to get a newpuppy pal over the summer. Jackie found
us a quilting cruise, so we'regoing to do that soon, and then
I'll get a puppy to replace Misty. I don't think we're going to go
(01:38):
to Mexico this time. Dear MarkCW contacted my office this morning to inform
(02:21):
me that you're still in contact withEllen Mark. This is not what we
talked about. I appreciate your relationshipwith her and the fun you've had with
these letters, but it's time toput this whole thing to bed. Please
send me the letters Ellen sent you, and any copies of the letters that
you've sent her if you still havethem. I still need you to send
(02:46):
me the letters that were not inthe original package. You've had your fun,
but this needs to stop. CWhas been reasonable and easy to work
with so far. Can we pleasekeep it that way. I left all
this on your answering machine, butI thought it was important to put it
in writing too. Please don't makeme look bad, Mark. I'll see
(03:10):
you at the series party. Letthis also be a reminder to bring your
deviled eggs and some of those candiesif you have any despair. Also note
in writing that I told you thatas would lose yours Allen, I mean
Bonnie, yours, Bonnie, DearBonnie. Here is the remainder of correspondence
(03:36):
between me and the girls. Asyou requested. You're right, I should
have ended all communication. I justfelt bad not responding to her. You'll
see in my final letter I've requestedshe stop writing me. I've also included
a handful of letters i'd filed awayand forgotten about. Please keep me informed
as things progress. Mark Heidno,Kasney didn't know when the baby don't stand
(04:46):
there over my two boy to mystro June twenty fifth, nineteen eighty seven.
Dear Mark, here's a cashier's checkfor my first month's rent and a
(05:06):
cashier's check for the security deposit.I don't know why they're called cashier's checks.
I had to get them from thebank. It doesn't make a lot
of sense, if you ask me. I also don't think it makes much
sense that I'm supposed to pay youfor rent before I move in. When
you go to a restaurant, youdon't pay for your meal before you eat
it. You pay for your mealafter you eat it. So I think
(05:29):
I should pay you for July's rentafter July is done. My father says
that's not how it works, andthat I shouldn't complain because it's not my
money anyways. So I'm just lettingyou know that if it was my money,
I would be complaining, but sinceit's not, I won't. Sincerely,
Karen, I'm your new tenant.Bobby. Attached is Ellen's rental application,
(05:55):
which she handed to me after shehad already moved in, and wonder
whether, if given a choice,I'd actually rent to her. Mark personal
information, social security number, driver'slicense number. I don't like to drive
because I'm not very good at it. Telephone born June nineteen four, thirteen
(06:24):
am in Tucson, Arizona. Idon't smoke and I have no pets.
Addresses June nineteen eighty five to present, Berkeley, California, nine four seven
zero four May nineteen eighty four toJune nineteen eighty five, Budapest, Hungary.
(06:45):
Ava is the owner prior to nineteeneighty four my parents' house income.
My parents give me one thousand,two hundred dollars a month each month.
I had a summer job last yearsee below, and I plan to work
there again this year. I alsoreceived three hundred and fifty dollars a month
(07:08):
each month from a family trust fund. I can give you copies of my
bank statements if the back will givethem to me. What I'm looking for?
Ideally, I would like to finda landlord who is either a Gemini
like myself or a Sagittarius. Sagittariusis one hundred and eighty degrees from Gemini,
(07:29):
so we would get along very well. I would consider renting an apartment
from a tourus or a cancer,but obviously they would not be my first
choices. I would not rent froma Scorpio. The owner of the building
where I am living now is aVirgo and I'm a Gemini. Our signs
are at a ninety degree angle,so we don't get along. I can't
(07:51):
rent an apartment from a Virgo orPisces. Their signs are at right angles
to mine, so their son isin a sign which is square to mine.
Landlord's born very close to ninety onedays apart, will have their son
square the other, which would bea real problem for me. Moon's square
sun is also difficult, but I'mwilling to risk that for a really great
(08:13):
little place. For example, aLeo would irritate me at times, but
with patients we could deal with eachother. References did ice cream company my
manager was. I had a summerjob there last year. They didn't fire
me, they just didn't need meanymore. I think they'll need me again
(08:35):
this year, though. Ava Ilived at Missus's house for the summer two
years ago. Ask for Operator seventeenin Budapest. Have her ring. Ava.
Budapest is in Hungary, but Avaspeaks English, so you don't have
to worry about that. Madam.Madam's phone number is unlisted, but I
(08:58):
can get a message to her andshe can call you back. Madam is
my astrologer. She will have todo a chart on my new landlord before
I can sign a lease. Pickles, I had a job there for a
short while, but I don't thinkyou need to know about that. If
you do, let me know,and I'll let them know, and then
(09:18):
I'll let you know whatever they letme know. October second, nineteen eighty
seven, Dear Karen and Ellam,I received your rent check for the month
of October, which is two hundredand thirty one dollars short. I cannot
accept any of the deductions you includeit. I'm not sure how one loss
(09:41):
is a porch light, but replacinga lost porch light is not a landlord's
responsibility. Had the light broken throughnormal wear and tear, it could be
considered the responsibility of the landlord toreplace. However, your admittance that you
lost it makes it wholly your responsibilityto replace. Additionally, it is not
(10:07):
the responsibility of a landlord to payfor a tenants binoculars. I appreciate your
willingness to look out for trouble.However, I cannot condone nor pay for
the spying on of a tenants neighbors, regardless of how fishy they seem.
(10:28):
I will be at her cottage onWednesday to fix the Caldwell sprinkler heads,
which were all mysteriously broken late lastFriday night. Please have a check prepared
for the remaining two hundred and thirtyone dollars of your October rent. Sincerely,
Mark, October fifth, nineteen eightyseven. Dear Mark, when I
(10:52):
said we lost the porch light,I meant that we think it got stolen.
Does that make it your responsibility toreplace it? We needed the la
so we could see who stole theporch light. I think that means you're
supposed to pay for those too.We're sorry we didn't see you when you
were here. We didn't hear thedoorbell ring. Yours, Karen, October
(11:13):
seventh, nineteen eighty seven. DearKaren. In my many years of experience
as a landlord, I cannot thinkof a single reason a landlord would be
responsible for buying their tenants binoculars haveyour porch light actually been stolen, binoculars
(11:35):
would offer no help considering the crimehad already been committed. If you truly
believe your porch light was stolen,Ah, I would be happy to fill
out a police report for you tosubmit to the Oakland PD. Once that
report has been submitted, I wouldbe willing to rebate you the cost of
(11:58):
the porch light already purchased without myprior authorization. Sincerely, Mark, October
eleventh, nineteen eighty seven. DearMark, I don't think we need to
do a police report. Here aretwo checks for the rest of the rent.
One check for me for one hundredand six dollars, one check from
(12:22):
Ellen for one hundred and twenty sevendollars. Ellen is paying more because she
wasn't home when the porch light gotlost. Yours, Karen, this is
unbelievable. Where did you even getthis? It's a long story, but
I want to get to work onthis right away. We need the entire
team out here like yesterday on it. Hey, and until I say so,
(12:43):
no one knows about this. Okay, Well here's what I found.
So I was Facebook talking Karen andyou know she has like nothing up there
(13:03):
she's got like fifty friends or something, and then like, imagine that she's
just well considering like the average Facebookuser has like three hundred. That makes
sense, and so of course I'mlooking for a Rob. There's like no
Robs in there. Yeah, Idon't think there is a Robert amongst her
friends. So I was like,okay, so maybe they're divorced. They're
(13:26):
not talking. But then there's abunch of people name So I started looking,
and there's this one guy who justseems really really like he should be
Rob. He just has the lookof a Rob, and he's into like
classic cars and shit, and soI'm like, it's got to be him.
So I start looking at him andhis friends and his family, and
(13:48):
wait, what's his name? Ilove it. So it's basically the equivalent
of being named like Rob Robertson.So I looked at it. I looked
at it. So I looked athis profile, and I looked at his
family and whatever, and I waslike, I just have a feeling about
(14:09):
this. So I went I wentto ancestry and lo and behold, they
are married. They were married.They were okay, okay, So then
I started doing a little more digging, and I'm looking at like photos of
him, and it seems like he'sgot these kids. So I was like,
(14:31):
okay, are these her kids?You know? Well, first of
all, so they were born inthe like fifties. Okay, so this
is like the whole time you're talkingto me, I'm trying to absorb all
this. But all I'm thinking isif he's sixty and she also is,
which I somehow never even picked upon. Maybe it's not in her profile,
(14:52):
Like that doesn't add up to themteenagers in the eighties. No,
they would have been like twenties,early thirties. My mouth is failing me.
I don't have my murder board infront of me. But like,
according to the birth records that Ifound, they would have had one child
already, at least one. Wasit a girl? Think? Yes it
(15:13):
was a girl? Could yes itwas? Could it be Ellen? Very
well? Could be because she wouldhave been like seven or eight, which
explains like the strange child like sheeswell no, I no, but wait,
you said you found Ellen or youthought you did. Well, yeah,
(15:33):
that's a different Let's we'll get tothat. Okay, this is my
first video using this phone. SoI'm not really sure if I'm doing this
right. But this is a mouseI caught with a humane mouse trap,
and I wanted everyone to see itbecause I think it's the right thing to
do if you have my sore amouse in your house. Now, I'm
just gonna I don't know if Ishould put my finger in there. I'm
(15:56):
just gonna pull this lever and oh, oh, there he goes. There
goes the mouse, and he's fine. The mouse is fine. He didn't
have to die, and now he'sfree. Next time. On the Karen
(16:22):
and Ellen Letters, Helena reconnects withan old friend. Josh finds something alarming,
Ellen still wants free firewood, Ellenleaves something behind, and Mark encounters
an ant infestation.
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