RECLAIMING RESILIENCE_- A CONVERSATION WITH DR_ SHERRONDA BANKS

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And we have a great show lined up for you.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm your host, Kim Jacob's better known as the Balance Doctor.
And all of our guests that come on there either
people that have overcome some tremendous odds in their own
lives as they balance this thing called life, or they're
experts and they're here to share tips and strategies that
will help you better balance and manage your life. Grab
your virtual seats, and let's get ready for some real,

(00:24):
relevant and relatable content on today's episode of a Kim
Jacobs Show.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
That Jacob.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Yes, everyone, it is the Kim Jacob Show, and I
am super thrilled to be here with you today as
we bring balance to the world, one household at a time,
and today we are doing that with none other than my.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
It's not just a regular guest show. It's my cousin.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Right is my cousins, doctor Sharonda Banks. How are you,
doctor Sharonda Banks.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Well, I'm so excited. I'm excited at a different level.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
I'm almost like a proud parent because my cheeks are
burning and I'm like eight for everybody to experience you
and all that encompasses who God has created you to be.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
So I'm looking forward.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
To this episode probably more than the most. Okay, I'm
a little bit biased, y'all. Okay, I love it. I
take that you ever been biased?

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Like you're not supposed to be biased, no respective person.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
I try to live by that creed, but when it
comes to my first cousin, I'm like, sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
I feel a little bit biased. You know, absolutely, I
love it. Thank you. I appreciate the bias for me.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Good good.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
And listen, as you all are coming into the studio audience,
let us know where you're visiting in from. Put your name,
put your city, whatever it is. That is how you're
connected with our show and with our special guest today.
We'd love to be able to put your comments up,
any thoughts, any congratulations, whatever it is that God is
putting in your spirit, make sure you put it up
and we will pop it up throughout today's discussion.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Now, see some of you on Instagram too, So if
you have Facebook, please hop over there and put the comment.
Because I can't pop it up on the screen from Instagram.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
It's a lot going on.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Okay, all right, but we will acknowledge your comment as well.
And for the iHeart iHeart radio listeners and Roku and
all of these different places, just know that we're glad
that you're here today and really honored. All right, so
we're going to jump right into our conversation today. Let
me give a special introduction and not be too common.
Sometimes people get too common when they know the person personally,

(02:36):
so then you don't give the same level of accolades
and respect. That's not me, So I know the doctor.
Sharonda Banks LCSW along with LSWCP, is a clinical therapist, educator, speaker,
and visionary founder of Intentional Steps Counseling Services p LLC.

(02:58):
She has over twenty two years of experience in social work,
mental health, and higher education, and she specializes in creating
spaces that are not just supportive, but transformational. She's helped individuals, institutions, communities,
all of which he'll grow and lead through culturally responsive,
faith informed, and clinically grounded strategies. Now, I'm not going

(03:20):
to go through every single piece of her accolades because
that would literally take the whole hour of our time together,
but i will tell you that she is a licensed
clinical social worker in both North Carolina and in Virginia,
licensed independent social work or clinical practice in South Carolina,
and she provides therapy that meets people where they are.

(03:42):
So no matter what phase of life you're in, what
journey you're in, she can meet you where you are.
I'm going to let her talk about even some of
her academic success and the things and the degrees that
she's attained.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
You name it, she has it.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Doctor Sharonda. Thanks, Welcome to the Kim Jacobs Show.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Thank you so much. Thank you. I'm so happy to
be here, I really am.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
I'm excited to have this conversation and create space not
just with you, but with all the viewers that are
tuned in as well.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Absolutely, and I don't know if you recognize, but probably
one of the only days you'll see me in this
pink and green over here.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
As ma'am. I tell you. As soon as I popped in,
I said.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
Oh, I love that I see my sorority colors.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Oh, my cousin.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
But let's not get a twisted I am.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
I appreciate you honoring me in that way because I
do know that that is not your sorority.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
But you know how I am with my pink and green.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yes, I was like, I'm wearing pink and green today
no matter what. And it's not even about a color
one way or the other, but about true sisterhood. So
I'm really glad to be able to wrap this for
you today.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
All right.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
All right, So Sharanda, like I said, you're not just
a regular guest. You are my cousin.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
And one of my first cousin when it comes to
my dad is your mom's brother, which makes us first cousins.
And so I really wanted us to just even just
start about us and the fact that we have these
cousin lunches, and it's like a really big thing to us.
How do you feel like that helps you stay grounded

(05:23):
amidst all the things that you do in life.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
Yeah, so, I mean, as you know, but the audience
says it. No, I'm my only child, right, I'm a
real only child. I'm the only child for my mom
and for my.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Father, And so my sisterhood I.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
Have with my cousins is nothing like it because I
don't look at y'all like my cousins y'all and my sisters,
and so we are extremely intentional to make sure that
we connect once a month in some capacity and do
an annual trip once a year.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
And the annual trip just started. But it is the
bomb dot com.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
But it's my Teapherd Girls truck.

Speaker 4 (06:00):
But it's so important because life gets busy, life lives right,
and then we get caught up in our own family
dynamics because that's what we should be doing, making sure
our family runs well and making sure that you know,
our our professional life is doing what it needs to
do as well. But we have to put that same
intentionality and making sure we pour into each other because
we are real and we are honest, and we are

(06:21):
raw during our time together.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Right.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
Oh my gosh, y'all, I'm not even exaggerating.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
You can think that you you know, you've got it
going on, you doing this and everything. By the time
that you finished talking to the cousins of the Cousins line,
they're like.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
What are you doing? Like, I know it's supposed to be.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
A safe space, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
But nobody holds any thing back. Whatever we all feel.
We just really say it.

Speaker 4 (06:52):
Yeah, And what we talk about is between us, like
it's a code. We don't go out and say anything
to our mamas or our children, and this is the cousins,
the first cousins, and so we always post our pictures afterwards.
I typically put foe, which is family over everything, right,
And I really mean that I love my cousins tremendously.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
I love my family.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
We got to put a few of these cousin pictures
up there, and trust me, we have thousands.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Okay, it's like limited.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
By the time we go into our cousin's chat, we
have pictures for last I'll be popping, popping, popping up.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
But these are just a few. This is us. What
is this? Tell everybody?

Speaker 4 (07:30):
This is when we went to Woman of alved twenty
twenty four in Texas, and that was actually our first
cousin's annual trip and we had a phenomenal time in
the Lord left with just being empowered.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, and we all had the same colored T shirts.
I was like, what you know, I need a black
T shirt. I'm I'm hormonal and have hot flashes and
she was like, no, it has to be pink because
she coated.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
Yes, that's just said another luncheon.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yes, because even when we even when we go to
family events, we pull out and take our own cousins pictures.
People are like looking at us like this is ridiculous, right,
And here's us at another luncheon recently recently.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, that was a recent cousin lunch.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
And we try out new restaurants in the Charlotte area
as well, right, Like, we tried different places, different brunch locations,
things that have different things. I think our next one
is going to be a sushi spot. So you know,
we just you know, hang out and try different spots.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
Yeah, and this one right here, we we up to right.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
This.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, my cousins were celebrating me and my accolades of
graduating with my doctorate degree.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
And that was one of our evening hangouts. So we
fancy a little bit.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Oh yeah, especially when we were eating. I think it
was like nine something or I was yawning. I was honest,
what was I yawning?

Speaker 1 (08:59):
Like? I know why he was so tired, but I
was excited.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
I was so tired, y'all because I'm not used to
I don't know. I mean, I guess once I get
in the dating world in the future, I am not
a person that just be out hanging out lating to me.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
It was nine thirty.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
We were just meeting. I was like, whoa, it's not
a bed for me. I'm ready to get wine down
and they're ready to turn up.

Speaker 4 (09:23):
Had to get that together absolutely. And one thing, I
don't know if the audience knows. We're almost in our
orders and a lot of the pictures. I'm the baby
cousin of our first cousin group, so I'm the youngest,
and our host.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
She's the oldest.

Speaker 4 (09:35):
So it's like for me, this is super special to
be on her show because you got the older generation
and in myself as the younger, all in one space
doing amazing things.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yes, yes, each one of us have our own area
of focus and expertise, and I'm really proud that we
take this time. I'm gonna move some of these pictures
so we can put some more up and make space
some more. But that is already just an exciting stuf.
And we do have some people that are on. I
know my auntie, she's like, is that what is that?

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Shaking my head? Oh that's funny.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
I thought that would smile all my life, right every
time I've seen I know not what these acronyms mean,
but so SMA, she's shaking her head because they want
to be a product.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
They want to come, they can't come.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
She definitely all of my my mom and my aunt
Sadie and my aunt Irma.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
They're like, oh, the cousin's lunch.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yes, we're gonna find out where it is and we're
gonna just kind of overtake it. And we're like, no,
y'all will not find out where it is. We're not
going to tell you.

Speaker 4 (10:37):
Yes, but we did invite them to the Woman's of
alved twenty twenty five, so they got a chance to
do the annual conference with us and it turned into
a mother daughter trip which was super.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Awesome, it really was.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
And then having doctor Austin there.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
Too, Yeah, doctor Austin being there. Ye after other cousins
Evanie and Lacey who are in our picture.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Those are other first cousins.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yes, yes, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
So we talked about the cousins, and I really wanted
to make sure we said a little bit about that.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
But family legacy is really like a big thing in
your life.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
So how is your family shaped the way that you
show up, especially when it comes to being a therapist,
an educator.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
And even a mother. So from that.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
Perspective, absolutely. So I grew up in a single mother household.
So that's my mom who said shaking my head in
the chat. And my mom made sacrifice after sacrifice after sacrifice.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
For me to not want for anything.

Speaker 4 (11:33):
And if I can just truly say I had everything
a two parent household had consistently right because my mom
made those sacrifices. And then she also partnered with my
auntie who kind of stepped in with my mom worked
out of state to make sure that I was good.
So she sued on my second mom as well. And
when I look at that, it was no way that

(11:54):
I was going to give less and excellence than anything
that I touched as I grew up. Our family has
a lot of people in the helping field, right, social workers, teachers,
So I grew up with that mentality that I really
thought I was going to be a teacher, like of
an elementary or middle school. And when I graduated high school,
I went to Old Dominion University for undergrad and they

(12:16):
put me in a cohort.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
So I was seventeen, fresh out of school, happy and y'all.

Speaker 4 (12:20):
Sent me to a middle school. I changed my major immediately.
I said I'm not gonna be on a teacher at all,
and social work was my next best thought process about
where I would land, and that's exactly where I should be.
Our family is built on entrepreneurship, right from our great
grandparents growing up in a time where it was not

(12:40):
okay for black people to own businesses. Right, our great
grandfather he had two businesses.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
I took you just learned this.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
He had two businesses, a feneral home and then he
had a life insurance company, and they made him choose,
saying that it was like double dipping almost both. And
he ows the funeral home which still in existence to today, right,
the boy Boy Funeral Home. And so being built on
that and being built on the importance of education is

(13:11):
super big within our family as well. And so being
able to navigate those two spaces and figuring out where
where does that land for me completely shaped who I
was absolutely and being able to land into this space. Yeah,
they're going, iarn and a mom right. You know, they
are so pivotal within my life. You know, I don't
take anything for granted. They can always have anything they

(13:33):
want from me without there being a question, because there
were true sacrifices made in my life to ensure that
I had everything I needed.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
Right, that's good. That's good.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
I'm just popping some different pictures out that I had
my bones dad, Yes, your bonus dad.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Let's see. Let's see.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
I saw some more pictures on social media.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yes, doctor Austin. She's always so supportive. So that's why
I had a picture with her in it.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
And that's also has been in my life since I
was young and has not missed one event that I've
had ever.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
That's right, look at us, that's grandma.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
That's how grandmother, mother Tom Senor Clark, super pivotal in everything,
taught me how to read at a very early age,
got me started on this educational journey early.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, okay, So I just I mean, I know we're
gonna pop lots of pictures up because since you were
my cousin, I had so many. I don't always have
too many of everybody else. But I just wanted to
make sure that I talked with you about what role
does your family play in your own resilience? Because we're
talking today about resilience, So what role does your family
play in your own radical perseverance?

Speaker 4 (14:48):
Perseverance that you teach absolutely so when it comes to
figuring out what does self care and resiliency look like
for you and the world. Right now, those are hot
topics right everybody's talking about it, and in some ways
it's good because it's getting a conversation out there for
people to think about what do I need for myself?

(15:08):
But in the space that it is typically presented, it's
very commercialized. And yes, we need to do the commercial
things right. We need to do the getting your hair done,
getting massage, just getting your nails, and I love all
that I do all them things, right.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Y, yeah, we know halfily.

Speaker 4 (15:24):
But I also know how to check in on myself
to ground myself when I'm not feeling like I'm the
best me I can be. I know how to do
deep breathing when I feel myself getting overwhelmed or escalated.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
And I also know how to lean into my.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
Family right to be able to know that this is
a space for me that's safe, that I can say
my truth in this environment. I'm not going to be judged.
I'm going to be given really sound advice, whether I
want it or not. Right sometimes I may not want
to hear the sound, but I need to hear it
in that moment and my family's going to do that
for me, or just going out and hanging out and
let my hair down. Well, I don't have to be

(15:57):
doctor SHRIONDA Banks or MS Banks and all these other
titles that I have. I could just be playing on
Shoranda from Hampton, Virginia, right And I know that that's
a great place to.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Be and you and you are so right because guess what,
we treat you like that at least if the cousins
walk the title at the door, because you can read get.

Speaker 4 (16:16):
Schooled, right, I'd be like, y'all, I'm grown, what is happening?
Because I am the baby, so sometimes I get the
baby And even with Mom.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
I get that.

Speaker 4 (16:25):
We were at an a bit the other day and
all I hear is shaboo, shaboo, shaboo, And I'm like, Mom, like,
we're in a very public environment and professional environment is
doctor Banks.

Speaker 3 (16:36):
You know what she calls you.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
I've heard her.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
She then actually says doctor shabou.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Doctor saboo, And I let her have it. I let
her have it. What can I say?

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Well, these people right here are very near and dear
to you as your your children, and I personally have
watched you be a wonderful mother and a wonderful leader,
and you're building legacy right while you're here on this earth.
Just talk to us about your children and how important
they have played a role in your resilience.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
Absolutely, my babies are my heartbeat. You know.

Speaker 4 (17:09):
The reality is when you're in your family, especially your children,
they see everything, right, They see the undercover stuff, they
see the I mean, they see everything.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
They're seeing the journey.

Speaker 4 (17:19):
They see where it's been hard and you're struggling, and
now they see, you know, excellence, and you see excel
and overflow and abundance.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Right.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
And so I love my children. I am a mama bear,
tried and true. I would do anything for them, you know.
And I appreciate that they had a chance to see
where it wasn't so good, where it was tight days
and money wasn't flowing like it needed to happen, and
how I still showed up in certain atmospheres. I love
that they they have seen my self love and self

(17:48):
care journey for myself. You know, they are my biggest,
my number one supporters. I mean, I cannot tell you,
you know, in this weight loss journey that I've had
and how much You're like always, you're doing so good
and pouring into me when I'm pouring into them, But
they don't know that they pour into me every single day.
You know, watching my daughter, you know, navigate being a

(18:10):
young adult and she's now a senior at her university
and my son's now a freshman at his and just
watching them transition into their young adulthood and how our
relationship is shifting, right, is shifting in a way that
we're learning and growing and you know figuring out Now,
I'm not an authoritarian. Now, I'm an advice giver, and
I'm like, great.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Big when you're raising and managing adult children, they have
the right to make their own decisions.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
And whether we agree with them or not.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
So this is just a balance tip for everybody that
we are literally working alongside our adult children, but they
don't have to choose.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
Whatever advice that we give.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (18:52):
I actually have an example of Jemiah the other day said, Hey, Mom,
my friend and her family are going out of town
for Thanksgiving. I really want to go with them. Are
you okay if I go? So I'm be transparent. My
answer was, no, I'm not okay with you going.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
I love my I want you with me.

Speaker 4 (19:07):
And then she waited a little bit and then she
texted me back and she said, hey, Mom, and she
was like, I really want to go. And I had
to take a step back because I said, how fair
is it that I'm telling her she can't go and
this is what she right, no matter how much I
want something different. So I told her, baby, I got
your back. Whatever you want, whatever you on, I'm on.
So if you want to go with your friends, I
support that we can celebrate Thanksgiving before you go. But

(19:28):
that was a life lesson for me that I needed
to take a step back because I was almost being
a helicopter parent and I had to tell her it
was okay because it is okay for her to be
able to celebrate with everybody.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
That's good. Great example. I have an example to you know.
I've had some moments where I'm crying and I'm calling
Sean and I'm telling her or you mean you guys.
I've told my cousins and I'm like, my kid said
this and they didn't do it the way I wanted
them to do it. And everybody's like, calm down.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
They have the right to choose.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Whatever their outcome is And the one example just recently
that is I have two of my children that are
getting ready to move out together and start.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Their own journey. And I'm like, okay, I'm excited for you.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Way to spread things.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
But I'm like and I was like, well, even though
you're moving.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
Out, can you come back every Sunday and we eat
together and we play some games and try to keep
the tradition going of us. We usually have like meetings
as a family and where we talk about things that
we learned from the previous week.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
So they're like.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Okay, sure, absolutely, mom, But I'm thinking, what if that
happens where they don't come on a Sunday.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
I have to get my mind right, you know.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Put your hands on your head, get your mind right right.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, of course, anybody in the studio audience, you can
share examples too, maybe where you've had to deal with
your adult children and something that worked well didn't work well,
and feel free to put it in the comment section
will pop up for you. So all right, so you
will be one of the guest speakers coming up here
at our Unity Sunday at Promised Fellowship Church. And so

(21:09):
what does unity and you don't have to say what
you're gonna say on Sunday, But what does unity really
mean to you from your perspective?

Speaker 4 (21:16):
For sure, unity really means to navigate space with like
minded individuals that you respect and that you don't mind
spending time with.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Right.

Speaker 4 (21:27):
I think sometimes we are in spaces where we feel
like we have to right, We have to be in
this space, so we have to do certain things.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
And we do right. Certain things are not optional.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
But when it comes to really being a unified front,
it's a lot of intentionality in that, right, and a
lot of that and I'm not gonna go too much
in detail, but a lot of you have to do
with first how you take care of yourself, Like how
are you taking care of yourself so you can show
up holly in the space with these like minded individuals,
so that it's not just a joy for you to
be around them, it's a joy for them to be

(21:59):
around you as well.

Speaker 3 (22:01):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
I cannot wait to hear because doctor Sharonda Banks is
going to be one of our guest speakers on this
Sunday for our Unity service Unity Sunday Service. So if
you are some people Jack and Jill Easton Stars, you
know all of these different Divine nine sorority fraternity organizations.
If you're not a part of any of that, that's fine.
Just come and rep God, okay, and make sure that

(22:25):
you're in the house on Sunday, September twenty first, at
ten am. We also have President Chris Ray from Barbara
Scotia College will be one of our guest speakers, and
we have hip hop.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Gospel artists Greg H. Jackson.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
He will be performing two songs and he is also
the president of Heal Charlotte. So this is the inside
of the event venue where we are having our services
and it's at one two zero eight zero University City
Boulevard this Sunday, September twenty first. If you're watching a
replay and it's not September twenty first, just enjoy the show, y'all,

(22:58):
because this I run you was over and over some times.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Just what an episode.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Okay, all right, but we look forward to posting you
on Sunday.

Speaker 4 (23:08):
I'm excited to be there, excited about it as well.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Okay, So, how do you even believe that church?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Because I know that you're heavily involved as a Christian
woman and a faith based woman. How do you feel
that that plays a role in everything that you do
as well, and from your therapy.

Speaker 4 (23:26):
Yeah, absolutely where it does it not play a role. Right,
I don't move or make any type of step without
without it being directed by God. And he always tells
me I think too small, and so I'm always expanded
my thought process.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
But grew up, of course in the church environment.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
We have lots of pastors and bishops and first ladies
and all the things within our family.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
So I grew up in that space growing up and
went to college and had a little bit of fun, right, and.

Speaker 4 (23:53):
Then gret a little bit older and went back to
my foundation because I don't know how not to be,
you know, linked to God and was able to transition
into a space of Okay, I know my mom told
me this, I know my cousins told me this, I
know my aunt told me this. But now I've had
experiences that nobody else had to tell me, right, Like,

(24:14):
no one commit me doubt it, because I've been able
to go through spaces that the only person that could
help me was God within that space, which is why
I elevate within my spaces, first through prayer and then
faith and then action. Right, those things are really big
to me is that I believe God has told me
a lot.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
But I'm not just sitting on what he's told me.

Speaker 4 (24:33):
I'm puting action to it so that he knows that
I believe that this is what He told me to do.
And so that's how I navigate all every aspect of
my therapeutic practice, of my speaking engagements, of all these
different programming that I'm building. I pray about it, and
I ask God for focus in and I act on it. Right,
I take more than a mustard see the faith, and

(24:53):
I act on it.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yes, more than that little must to see the faith
can move mountain. So imagine you said a little bit
more than a mustard seed, And can you imagine how
big a tree becomes just because of that small seed.
That's planet, and it's enormous. I was looking at some
of the trees, the trees that come from just the
must seed. They're enormous trees. So I'm excited about your

(25:20):
a little bit more than muster seed. Yeah, I'm excited
about it. So you've created radical perseverance, perservation, radical preservation, preservation. Okay, okay,
let me put my glasses. Yes, radical preservation, and that's

(25:42):
your signature model. That's actually something that you've created, and
I want you to explain what it means and how
it works, especially when it comes to women leaders and
caregivers specifically.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
Yes, So when I was going through my doctorial journey,
we have to do a capstone, and our capstone has
to focusing on a topic, and a topic of interest
for me has always been self care and resiliency, especially
post pandemic, because what I see in college students, what
I see in adults, what I see in adolescens is
that during that pandemic time, there's a lot of spaces

(26:17):
that we've lost, and one of those spaces the ability
to bounce.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
Back from hard situations.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
I deal with a lot of mental health crises, especially
from college age students, because there's a time period where
you would have had to deal with situations that they
lost because they were at home during that time period
and didn't go through the making friends and dealing with
failures within certain spaces and figuring out what skill sets
do I need. So I went into my doctoral journey

(26:42):
knowing I wanted to lean into that space, and so
I did a lot of research and a lot of focus,
and I built programming then, and so when I graduated,
I wanted to continue that journey. And so in continuing
the journey, I started looking at from professional women and
from other adults, where do we sho struggle at? Like
where do we really struggle? And we struggle with taking

(27:03):
care of ourselves. We'll take care of everybody else in
the world. Do we have to do for our children,
our family, our friends, our church. We show up and
sometimes we show up because it's just the norm, and
really sometimes it's unfair. It's unfair that the expectation is
that we're just going to step in in that off
it's a societal norm. And so I know that we
needed to have something in place that was more than

(27:25):
just self care, more than just resiliency, because it's not just.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
A hit and miss thing, it's a lifestyle.

Speaker 4 (27:31):
And so I built Radical Preservation because I really wanted
to be able to shift systems and disrupt systems. There
are a lot of systems that work the way that
they do, whether it's the school system, the political system,
the educational system. They operate the way they do because
we don't know how to take care of ourselves. Even
our work system, right like our job when we're getting

(27:52):
asked to go above and beyond in certain aspects, and
we say yes, even though we know that that's a
situation that it should be just no peace period, or
that is a situation where it has to be oh,
I can't do that, right, we stand and do it.
But if we put in a plan to say I'm
not going to do I'm gonna take care of myself,
it'll shift the system. And so that's and we're gonna

(28:13):
shift it radically, right, We're not just going to do
that every day. And so I built Radical Preservation. I
built it on four different pillars. And within those pillars,
it's like, if you can focus in on that and
you're able to be able to see, how can I
make sure I'm the best need I can be in
that space, then you'll feel balanced. You'll feel really balanced,
and you'll feel like you're able to move forward. And

(28:35):
so what I've done is with the Radical Preservation is
I do have workshops on it. I go and do
speaking engagements, and I built an e workbook, and the
e workbook really takes these different pillars and explains them
and then it gives you exercises. So, for example, one
of the exercises is to think about who are your
energy givers and who are your energy drainers? Right to

(28:56):
be able to identify what that looks like, so you
can be intention you know, to say, I'm gonna give
less to them drainers. I'm gonna give more to those
givers right within. And these are things that we may
think about, but it's on paper and it's in front
of you, it looks very different.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
I'm typing what you're saying, energy drainers, y'all, like doctor
Lotus says, it's a lot.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
She said.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
She said that note takers are moneymakers, and so I
am encouraging you if you are not taking notes, take
notes right here on this episode, and that way you
can go back and look at it later.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
Energy drainers and.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
Energy givers givers.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Yes, this is great, and this is doctor Sharonda, doctor
Banks is giving this wonderful advice typing in the comments section.
If it's something you're going to apply, looking at who
drains your energy and spending less time and who gives
you energy and pours into you more, those people you

(29:53):
want to spend more time with, So keeping that keeping
that in mind, great point. And I see other comments,
that's coming in as well. My Aunt Sadie, which is
the mom of doctor Sharonda Banks here today. Awesome, looking
forward to being there this Sunday. Looking forward to having you. Uh, Auntie,
can you help with ushering? I don't want to, I

(30:14):
might not give call, but we're gonna need some help
with some ushers.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Okay, let's see.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
I am so thankful to God for the journey of
my daughter and grandchildren. God has a plan for each
of you, and just incredibly grateful, is what she says.
My mom is on too, my mom and my mom
she's gonna be like, I know you did not not
put a picture of me up this.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
Hey that looks beautiful.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
Oh I got you in the photos.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Okay, that's that's on a cruise, absolutely celebrating Aunt Sadie
and Uncle Deacon I call him uncle Deacon, Uncle Williams.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
It was their twentieth year anniversary. Yeah, and look at
you you're looking for We got Jayla and address. You
know that right there was the whole thing.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Listen, she said, I will I want to attend the
cousin's lunch is also ir me, Mercedie and Marcilla. We
can chime into the conversations to Okay, y'all, you will
not be.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
All right.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
Glad you're on, though, Mom, very very glad you're on.
Let's see.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Oh hey, beneath the said hello, Queen and family is everything.
I'm trying to make sure I get all your comments
and I want to attend the Okay, we're going to
stop this.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Francisca said, good afternoon, Queen's good.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
After noon, Good afternoon. And I did want to share
the pillars when we get an opportunity.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Oh, Clinton said hello, he has a show that he's
traveling the country with called God Answer Me is coming
up in South Carolina next. So y'all go over to
his social media page and follow him. And I think
if you put Kim Jacobs.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
And the thing, it'll give you like a five dollars
discount or something of the show. All right, all right,
so let's see over on Instagram too. I see you,
coach A, Queen's I see you, Lady Yay, I see you,
sister Cheryl, I see you, Lady Jay. She said, I
like that energy draining and giving is what lady j
Justine Hilliers did.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yes, absolutely, I'll tell.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Us about the pillars.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
So there are four different pillars. So the first pillar
is protecting your piece, right, and so protecting your pieces
really figuring out how can I safeguard my mental, my emotional,
and my spiritual balance, like what does that look like?
And having the ability to say no one needed, and
so I say that I actually have one of my
shirts it says no period with no qualifier, because we

(32:45):
have to remember that we don't have to qualify.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
I know, I know it's enough.

Speaker 4 (32:50):
No is a complete sentence, right, and so sometimes we
feel like we always have to justify and we don't
have to. Sometimes it just doesn't work and that's okay.
So that's one pillar. Then we have preserving your energy, okay,
and that's the ability that's where that energy drainers and
the energy givers falls in, right, So paying attention to
what those drainers are and then being intentional to choose

(33:13):
your relationships that you put that energy in.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Right.

Speaker 4 (33:16):
That was a game changer for me too, because I
felt like everybody had access to me and I know
that with me, I know I have something about my
spirit that can draw people in. So I have to
be really intentional who I allow that to happen with
or it can overwhelm me, right, it can overwhelm me
in that moment. So that's pillar two, and then pillar
three is practicing intentional rest. That is so important. Sometimes

(33:39):
we look at rest and we think about going to
bed at night, going on trips, but.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Sometimes it's even mini breaks. Right.

Speaker 4 (33:46):
So every morning when I wake up, I say to myself, Serianda, girl,
how you feeling? So I do a check in, and
if I'm already in a space that I'm not feeling
like I'm at my best, I say, Okay, I'm gonna
need to do like a ten minute break every hour
today because I need that to pour into myself.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
So figuring out what your.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
Needs are, because rest really is a form of resistance
in recovery. Our body needs that. It literally needs the
ability for us to rest and relax. And then that
last pillar is pursuing purpose.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
I'm your assistant type of fast.

Speaker 4 (34:25):
It's pursuing purpose with boundaries, And sometimes we have to
think about as we're pursuing our purpose, if it feels
heavy and overwhelming, what are we doing. That means that
we got to put a boundary in place so we
can still excel in what we're trying to do so,
you want to align your actions with your values and
with your calling while trying to set that healthy limit

(34:47):
in there as well.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
That is so good.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
So just to go back one more time and go
back to what the four pillars are. One, say it
one more time. Protecting your piece, protecting your piece. Number
two preserving your energy.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
That's all that wrong? Is it? Preservant?

Speaker 3 (35:04):
I don't know, right, okay?

Speaker 4 (35:06):
Number three practicing intentional rest, all right?

Speaker 1 (35:11):
And number four pursuing purpose with boundaries. Wow.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
I think that even as we're talking today on how
to balance different aspects of your lives, I actually bring
guests on the show that can be able to help
you in your personal home and the comfort of your
home have some level of better balance in your life.
And that's what doctor Sharonda Banks is doing with us today.
And you often speak a lot about resilience and how

(35:39):
important it's not just like a buzzword or anything. Can
you actually talk about how it can really help African
American communities and people that are sometimes even less fortunate.
Talk just from that perspective of how you really believe
that it can make a difference in communities.

Speaker 4 (35:55):
Absolutely, resiliency is important it's important for a lot of reasons.
So since I had finished my academic journey, it really
opened my mind up to really ask the questions, especially
when it comes to societal norms.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
So when you really think.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
Of people of color, right, we are born into situations
that we don't even have a choice for. Right, we
are born, and now we're dealing in a space where
there's a power differentiation that's going on between those that
are in power and situations of authority and those that
are not. And so we are built in a space
that it's expected that we know how to be resilient, right,

(36:31):
or we're expected to be in a space of resiliency,
And when we aren't able to accomplish that, then we
feel bad, right, Like, it makes us feel really bad
about ourselves. And so the first thing is we have
to give ourselves grace and we have to give ourself
permission to learn how to be resilient because it's really
not taught, right, it's not taught to us, it's just
expected that we know how to do it. The ability

(36:53):
to bounce back from hard situations is a necessary skill
set because it allows us to be able to propel
and to excel I'll tell you about four years ago,
I really had to have some hard conversation with myself.
And my conversation with myself was, Shroana, do you love
yourself the way that you tell people you love yourself?
And I had to be honest and say no, I didn't.

(37:14):
I was like, I don't love myself like I like.
I think I need to. So I had to put
some intentionality in it. My bounce back skills were good, right,
But that bounce back without having that speed, that piece
of being balanced, and that piece about being able to
really focus in on that radical preservation, all that has
to happen together. So I went on a journey, right Like,

(37:35):
I went on this journey to say, I need to
love myself. So I'm gonna get a therapist, right, let
me talk through some places where I have trauma. Let
me talk through some places where I have hurt that
I have not had a chance to really work through.
And some of the positive benefits from that is that
I love myself. I think I'm the best thing since
life bread, I really do. I think I'm the mom
dot com.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
I love me right, you.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
Act like it too when you come into the restaurant
we're like, oh, we ain't to make some space for
actually some space first alone because.

Speaker 4 (38:05):
But it's because I love me. I love the good
things about me. I love the things that I'm continuing
to grow in.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
I feel like, you know, how I show up is enough.

Speaker 4 (38:12):
I don't have to duplicate anybody. Just being Sharanda is enough.
And then from that journey, I lost weight, right, I
lost one hundred and twenty pounds so far, I'm still progressing.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
You're going in a different direction way, let me let
me put those pictures into you load yet about go
ahead and keep talking.

Speaker 4 (38:30):
I'm yes, but like you know, going through those journeys
in order to be the best version of myself that
I can be, and really pushing into all the area's physical, spiritual, emotional, financial, professional,
and love, like being really intentional and creating those resiliency
spaces in each one of those so that I could say, oh,

(38:51):
look at me on the big screen here Wanda.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
Kim Jacob's show, find me a picture.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
Because you yes, that is me.

Speaker 4 (38:59):
That's where I and that's not even I'm smaller than
that now actually in the secondary picture, yes, yes, that's
my journey.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
And you know I had to do the inside work.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
And I want all those dresses.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
By the way, I know I'm interrupting you, but I
don't want to forget to say that, because you've already
passed me a few dresses I have. I'm like, girl,
I don't care. I know, I know in your bigger
version dresses. I'm like, this is good on me.

Speaker 4 (39:25):
You won't absolutely, you know, but you know, even with that,
And I say that to people who are on that
type of journey for themselves as well, is do the
inside work too.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Because you can be smaller.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
You can be smaller and fit and still not feel
good right, still feel heavy in the moment because you
didn't do that inside work. Both of those have to
happen simultaneously. Because what happens is our mind is a
really great tool. But there's something that's called body dysmorphia.
It's a real thing. I deal with it all the time.
I don't see myself the way everybody else sees me.
I just don't. And so something someone told me and

(39:58):
my journey was take picture. And that was the best
advice someone could give me, because I see it in pictures.
I see it in side by side. But there are
times that I don't see it when I look at myself,
And if I didn't do that inside work, me not
seeing it would make me feel bad about me. But
because I did the inside work, I'd be like, Okay,
I don't see it right now, but I'm doing it.
I already know, right, I big up myself in those moments.

(40:21):
So make sure you're doing all the work, doing the
whole journey and building resiliency in the process.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
Wow, I love are you all?

Speaker 2 (40:29):
I mean, please put it in the comments section how
much you're taking away from what doctor Sharonda Banks is
sharing with us today. I normally go to commercial breaks
and stuff, but I just want to take this full
hour and really make sure that we get everything that
we can in our conversation. To transform from that version
of yourself to this version of yourself, it just takes,

(40:50):
I believe, a significant mindset shift. And you're always at
your burn boot camping and five five o'clock in the morning.
I know you've invited the cousins, always seven days for
your barn boot camp.

Speaker 1 (41:01):
Come on, You're like, what time?

Speaker 3 (41:04):
She's four five?

Speaker 2 (41:06):
We're like, wait, wait, I am believe it or not,
I'm up at that time. Anyway, I just need to
drive on down the road four.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
But then what happens is done, is done for the day.
It's gotten your day started, You've gotten your endorphins going.
You've been able to prove to yourself that you can
do a hard thing right. So you're already starting your
day off in a way that you like, I'm the bomb.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
I can do anything right anything. You know what.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
All of the advice that you're giving today on the show,
Doctor Shronda is so critically important because if we literally
implement the.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Things that you're sharing, life is better. Life is just better.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
When I wake up in the morning, I pray, I
drink a simple I drink like not just a sip,
like a whole canister of water, just to get hydrated
because I'm so dry. I don't know if I just
sleep with my mouth over like I thought, Mommy or something.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
I'm like, what all I have when I do I'm like,
I need.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
To know, do I just yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
So I'm drinking all of this water and I have
my music, my spiritual music playing, and then I'm just
talking to the Lord like I'm like, okay, Lord, I
am not in my best space right now. But what
are we going to do for me to get what
I need throughout the day, And it may require like
a nap or whatever. So everything that you said has
already been so helpful. Wow, Okay, I.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
I'm like, I'm trying to think of all of the
directions to go in because it's so much to you.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
But you're currently working.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
On a book. I do know.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yes, you're not going to give us all the details,
but can you give us a little sneaky peek into
what the book is going to be about?

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (42:40):
Well, the book is radical Preservations, I got. I mean,
that's what it's going to be. It's going to really
really push into tell my story in the process. Because
one thing I want to say is I'm not pushing
radical preservation because I built it. I pushed it because
I live it, Like I really live this, Like this
is no joke, It's really the truth is what I do.
And so in the book, the book is really going

(43:02):
to talk through my story and how to incorporate radical
preservation within your life. So that's one thing, And I
don't know if you know the second thing, but I
am writing a chapter in an academic book about resiliency,
which I'm very excited about, and so it'll be something
that students will be able to look at and they'll
be able to read my chapter because again I think

(43:23):
there are expectations of your ability to be resilient, but
it's not taught, and so this is just another method
of being able to teach it.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yes, yes, And you incorporate faith into some of your
counseling and your theories. How does that work out for you?
Because you still want to be your authentic self, but
you also want to make sure that you don't walk
away from your faith based processes.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
So I offer Christian base and I offer non Christian
based therapy, right and just kind of like a little plug.
So Intentional Steps Counseling Service is a group practice, right,
So what does that mean. It means that I have
therapists that work at Intentional Steps, right, So you may
get me, or you may get one of my amazing
like minded, unity feel right therapists that provides supports in

(44:12):
the same way. And so I did want to make
sure I share that when it comes to me as
a therapist, before every session, I have I pray about it,
whether it's a Christian based session or not. And what
I ask God is let me show up in this
session the way that my client needs. Let me be
able to share with them what do they need in
this moment? Right, so that when I'm coming in, I'm

(44:32):
not coming in with my own thoughts.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
You know, I'm coming in. I'm bringing without learning.

Speaker 4 (44:36):
This an academic environment, which is great, right, but I'm
also bringing lived experience, right that lived experience is nothing
like it.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
When you mesh.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
Those two together and you're able to bring in the
Christian base, it just adds another layer, creates a different environment.
And with my clients, I'll say that I'm especially my
ones that want Christian base. You know, I'll say, I
don't know why I'm saying this, but I'm gonna honor
God and I'm gonna say this right now, and I do.
And I don't know why I'm saying it, but there's

(45:05):
a take away from them. God knows why I'm saying
it to them, and they know why I'm saying it
to them. One thing recently that I've allowed myself to
agree to with God is that I'm an I know.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
When you do that, I like that. That means that
you don't necessarily agree with it, but I don't want it.
I mean, is it gonna be real? I don't want
to be an aneccessor. I don't want to feel what
everybody else feel. I don't want to stand in the
gap for people.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
But it's not about what I want, and God continues
to put me in spaces where I got to stand
in the gap for folks that I gotta feel what
they need to feel. So I don't have no choice
but to accept it at this point. So I'm taking ownership.
I'm taking accountability to say I'm an ancessor. So when
I hear God speak to me, I'm just saying the things,
and even with my sessions that are not Christian based,
if God says it, I'll say it. I don't know,

(45:49):
I don't know why I'm saying it. I'm just gonna
say this. I'm gonna lead this little nugget. My clients know.
I say that, I'm gonna get his little nugget, and
you do what you need to do with that. And
so that's how I bring my faith into into this
process as well.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
That's good, that's good, and you do have gear too.
I'm just looking over here now, merch yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
About that.

Speaker 4 (46:10):
So we have T shirts now and so as you
can see, one T shirt says rest, Reset, Rise, Radical Preservation.
That's what I've been talking this whole time. We have
the shirt that says no period with no qualifier. And
then we have the shirt that says, we got golds baby, you.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
Say that all the time.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
We got goals baby.

Speaker 4 (46:31):
Yes, that one is personal for me because I've been
standing for like four years now every single day. So
on the days I don't feel like pushing in, I
remind myself, we got goals, baby, get up and make
this happen. And so I make it happen. So our
shirt took twenty eight dollars. Then the other thing that
was up is my E workbook. It's the Radical Preservation
E workbook that goes through everything that we're talking about.

(46:54):
They're twenty five dollars. So you can capture any of
this on my website shrindabanks dot com. With the E workbook,
you would as soon as you purchase it, you will
get the download, so you'll have immediate access to it.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
It's so good and it's not just an E workbook.
It has actionable steps where you can start making significant changes.
In your life today, so it's not like you have
to read it and then oh then you can start
applying it thirty days from now whatever. You can start
your transformation today. So make sure you go to Sharanda Banks.

(47:28):
And for those that are audio listeners, is spelled she
r r o n da Banks Sharanda Banks. And just
sometimes I'm saying stuff and people are like, why is
she spelling it? Like, yeah, because I have audio listeners
that never even see the show. So they're only on
like Google Music or Spotify or iHeart Radio, so they're

(47:51):
not seeing this. And then also just so you all know,
the Chemic Show is now streaming on rokup, Fire TV,
Apple TV, and door TV, whatever you name it through
CTR Media Network. So if for some reason you haven't
downloaded that app on rokoup, make sure you take a
moment to do that. And the Kim Jacobs Show is
under the Self Improvement Channel, so once.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
You get there.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
We're in over three hundred and fifty million households thanks
to your media network. And guess what, we got a
notification we're in number five. So we're doing but thank
you for your support over there and the viewership because
we were ranked number five this past congratulations, But that's because.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm trying to keep up with you, doctor Brown.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
And the funny thing is, guess what, we don't have
to try to keep up with anybody else. I'm a
big believer in the quote that says flowers don't compete
with other flos.

Speaker 1 (48:43):
Absolutely, absolutely, let.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
The flowers bloom around them and we all celebrate each.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Other beautiful garden. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
What are some of your thoughts, What are some of
your thoughts pertaining to even just when I think about motherhood,
because we're talking about balance. Yeah, you're it's like you've
proven that you can be a mother, you can be
a business woman, you can be a doctor, you can
be whatever you want to be.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Any advice to mothers that have these goals and dreams.

Speaker 4 (49:11):
That they on a back burner, Yeah, I think you
just got to do it. You just you have to
do it. You take it one day at a time, right,
and when you're successful that one day, make sure you
patch yourself on the back and say, now I'm gonna
do two days, and now I'm gonna do three days.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
And when you get to the next week, let me
add another goal on. I think it's really.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
Important for you to be able to reach your goals
right and to be able to navigate what that looks like.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
And you can really you can't do it in a
silo by yourself. Create community.

Speaker 4 (49:37):
Right on the days that I feel heavy, I go
to my accountability partners, my cousins, my friends circles to say, ya,
I'm feeling heavy right now, and if I need to
take a break and go on a trip, I'm gonna
take a break and go on a trip. You got
to figure out yourself, So I would say the first
step is to know yourself, figure out what your goals are,
and then figure out how you balance that in I'm

(49:58):
really big on like time management.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
You know, all those things take intentionality. A game changer
for me was block scheduling. I don't know why I
didn't know about block scheduling before.

Speaker 4 (50:09):
But it is a thing and it is amazing because
we honor our calendars, right, we really honor our calendars.
So if I plug in, I'm going to write my ebook,
write in my book for two hours on Monday. I
write in my book for two hours on Monday. If
I give myself an agenda and I get my agenda
done early, game changer the rest.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Of the time you already blocked out for it. I
do something for self care.

Speaker 4 (50:32):
So if I blocked two hours and I get done
in an hour and a half, that gave me thirty
minutes to do something that's self care related. And I
love it, absolutely love it.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
That's so good.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Now, a lot of comments have been coming in, so
and you know if Uneerma, if I in this show
without comments, would.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
So let me just make sure that we take a.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Moment and acknowledge the studio audience. Uneerma Mason is going
and she said, a man, a man, it's your.

Speaker 4 (51:01):
Calling, absolutely, and if I can plug our ima. Our
Arma is also a clinical therapist at Attentional Steps Counseling Services.
So if you want somebody that got some experience, and
if you want somebody that got that background as well
for being a social worker and a clinical therapist and
who is also a older all the things, y'all send

(51:24):
a message to me. Let me know if I can
connect you with my auntie.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
Yes, I'm trying to find one of the pictures back
here that have your aunt in it, because I'm I
think I put it up earlier. But I just want
to pop it up again because at Irma is somebody
that has always showed up, not just for you, but
she shows up for all of us. And she's always
sacrificing to make sure that she shows that she's more
than just our aunt, you know, and I absolutely love her.

(51:51):
So I just want to make sure I put up
another picture and with her being in your practice, I'm
so excited about that because she is so compassionate, absolutely,
and she loves everybody. I walk the butch back then
see it looks like I'm be in this picture absolutely
very supportive family, and this is your logo. Talk to

(52:13):
us about the intentionality behind your logo.

Speaker 4 (52:16):
Yes, And so when I was thinking about even when
I started my practice and figuring out what did I
want the name to be, right, I really leaned into
intentional steps because I really feel like that's what you
have to do to be successful. You have to do
it on purpose and you got to move forward, right,
do it on purpose, move forward. So that's where intentional
steps came from, and that the center of that is love.

(52:37):
And so in my logo, it has the heart in
the middle and hands together because it takes community. It
takes communities surrounded by a central idea of love.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
And so that's how intentional steps was born.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
And you know what, even though we're talking about intentional steps,
I just know from back in the day, and I'm
going to pop some of these up too, because you
have always been intentional in serving in some capacity. So
and I didn't put a bunch of pictures, but I
found some that had my daughter in it too, because
you literally helped her.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
Oh look at.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
It was not anybody's dancer right under any circumstance, not
coordinated like that, but you pulled out something in her
that was different. And a lot of these young girls
back many years ago feel like they are somebody, they're especial,
and so talk to us about just being intentional and

(53:33):
even helping young girls see the potential.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
So what's really ironic is that I went to a conference,
and when I went to the conference, there was someone
there that was prophesied over your name, and so I
went to them, I see what you said, And when
they did my name, they drew all these little people
around me and they were like, I don't know what.

Speaker 1 (53:53):
This means for you.

Speaker 4 (53:54):
I said, I don't know what it means either, because
I have no more kids know little people mean, but
it meant that that's who I'm impactful for, especially in
that season of my life when I had my dance studio.
I remember times being in church and crying and I
feel pans on me and I opened my eyes and
it will be all my dancers surrounding me, touching me,
and I was just like, Wow, how amazing is that?

Speaker 1 (54:16):
And so that doesn't stop now.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
It still is happening with intentional steps in that capacity
as well, whether but it's from a clinical standpoint.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
It's something that you don't know and I haven't even
really shared out yet. Cousins. This is easy. It's about business, like, well.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
We're gonna have a whole phone call after this, and
we don't know that.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
I'm it's about the business.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
But what it is is I have one of my
clinical therapists also has a arts background, and so what
we're doing this is like breaking news. What we're doing
is we're really going to be leaning into movement therapy
and leaning into art therapy. And what's going to happen
is we're going to take what we're teaching and we're
gonna presented to the community as a recital. But it's

(55:03):
going to focus in on mental health, mental health and movement,
mental health and the arts. Y'all a lookout that's going
to be coming. We're going to be inviting everybody to
show up for these different clients that are really just
trying to work through whatever they got going on. And
if you're interested and you're like, yep, that's the thing
for me, reach out to us at Intentional Steps so
that we can get you connected with someone so that

(55:25):
you can really work towards this. But this is like
breaking news. That's what we're going to be doing. Another
layer of what we provide and how do they get
in touch with you at Intentional Steps. Yeah, so I
have a website. I got two websites, but I have
another website which is www dot Intentional Steps Services dot com.

(55:45):
And they can also email admin at Intentionalstep Services dot com.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Okay, man typing, okay, Intentional sets service.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
So it's steps and then services dot com. Step Services,
Uh huh dot com? Okay, So let me make sure
I got this right. Please tell me if that's right.
Intentional Steps Services dot com and then email admin at
Intentional Step for the website, it's only one as so

(56:20):
it's Step Services remove the as off of steps. Oh
step Services, Okay, I get I get there.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
We go.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
Yeah, we want to get this right because I want
you to be connected with doctor Sharonda Banks Intentional Step
Services dot com and you can email admin at Intentional
Step Services dot com.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
And y'all heard some breaking news. She has a whole
new Yes, and one other thing.

Speaker 4 (56:47):
If you are a social work or you're in a
helping field, a counselor or psychologist, anything like that, and
you feel like you would like some mentorship, I have
a mentorship program and I actually have a informational session
coming up up. I have one on October third or
October tenth. And so if you're interested, you can email
that admin account again and you can at least hear

(57:08):
more about what does the mentorship program look like, because
it's different levels to it based off of what you're
looking for.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
Yes, and I know I found a flyer.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
I think I did great work. I'm your company here
to do.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
We want to do some media press. Get KIVI because
she don't find everything. She can find me found everything.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (57:29):
Growing with guidance. Talk to us about your mentorship program
some Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
So the growing with guidance.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
Mentorship is exactly what I said is for if you're
just graduating and you're just getting in the field, you're
trying to figure it out, We're able to work together
for me to provide those supports for you. I've been
in this field for almost twenty three years. It's what
I do. And I know we talked a lot about
my practice, but I'm also a professor, and so part
of what I do at the university is I mentor, right,

(57:54):
and so I'm bringing that into my space without boundaries
or limits. Right for somebody else, I have to navigate
a certain way and my own practice, I can navigate
my mentorship the way I feel like we all need it.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
And then it goes all the way up.

Speaker 4 (58:06):
Into more season professionals who maybe wants to start your
own private practice, or you may want to elevate what
you're doing. You've been doing it for a long time,
you're feeling burns out, and you want to do something different.
So the informational session, it really is going to go
through all of.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
That good good and you still.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
I mean, I know y'all came to my initial service
when I became a pastor.

Speaker 3 (58:29):
This was my initial service and you all, my cousins,
y'all came and danced and ministered and danced over my
life and it really was so impactful.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
So I just wanted to because you know, you got
other cousins and they're gonna be like I know, she
did not do it.

Speaker 3 (58:44):
An angel up in there right.

Speaker 4 (58:46):
Yes, dance being our spiritual gift right and having the
opportunity to manifest that. And we have a dance troup
that my cousin Elasier oversees for us where we do
go out and we minister and dance.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
And y'all do a wonderful job.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
I know you're going to be at our one year
church celebration, and just so everybody knows, that's coming up
October seventeenth weekend for those of you that would like
to go ahead and get your gala tickets. On October seventeenth,
we're having our one year pastor church anniversary, which is
Promised Fellowship Church, and Bishop Jenwright will be our speaker.
That Saturday, October eighteenth, we are doing our ten year

(59:26):
five k walk in honor of my son that passed away,
Gabriel Michael Jacobs, and we raise funds primarily for defibrillators
to be put in public spaces, and if you're an organization,
we're going to be giving away a portable talking defibrillator
and we're asking people to just do a one minute
video and tag at Gabe's Heart Foundation. If your organization

(59:48):
or office it's a defibrillator, make sure you go ahead
and participate in that. And then we have our church
anniversary church service on October nineteenth, and Pastor Selwyn Davis
from Serving Church will be speaker.

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
So that's just some other.

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
Announcements that I didn't let you know this as well
that on October twelfth, that was when me and Pastor
Stephanie Frank became pastors together, and she's going to be
here in Charlotte, North Carolina to speak at our pastoral
service on Sunday.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
October twelfth. What would you say to your younger self,
doctor Sharon de Bank.

Speaker 4 (01:00:23):
I would tell her to believe in herself, enjoy the journey,
enjoy the journey, and to take care of yourself and
prioritize that because the world is your oyster. You're going
to meet every goal that you set for yourself, every ambition,
You're going to go above and beyond what you even
thought was even imaginable at the time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Okay, I've tried to get everything in this one hour,
but I definitely have to make sure that I reference
the fact that you have a new title and I've
called you that title the whole episode. How does that
make you feel to give this level of accomplishment.

Speaker 4 (01:01:00):
Absolutely, honestly, I think it was a little overwhelming. Right
at the time, it was just like, oh, I did
this right. It's like when you're going through the journey,
you're like taking the classes and you're learning and growing
yourself and expanding yourself. But to get to the end
of it, it just was like, you know, in the
midst of me still running a business and in the
midst of me still being a professor and a mom

(01:01:21):
and all those things, it was a moment where, truly,
I'm proud of myself for being able to accomplish something
that as a little girl I said that I would do, yes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
And you did it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
New title the new title is my pronoun is doctor
is out of a magazine right now. I was like
that picture going up, no matter what we picture right there,
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
And then of course, in.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Honor of your sorority for a moment about your sisterhood
with Ka Alpha Sorority Incorporated.

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
Absolutely, I am a very active member in the OMEGA.
I owe to Omega chapter here in Charlotte, North Carolina.
And I absolutely love my sisterhood no matter where I'm
at and I see one of my sisters that is
always loved and it's always growth. And I have the
ability to pour back into the community because again that's
my thing that I love to do, and so being

(01:02:21):
able to do that in a sisterhood has been amazing
for me.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Good and you also received an award recently talked to
us about that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
Oh you got all the pictures up here. So yes.

Speaker 4 (01:02:33):
So I was nominated to be a Woman to Know
in North Carolina through an organization called Women Know, And
in the nomination I had an interview process and I
was chosen to be one of the fifty women and
it was a phenomenal experience. I got a chance to
go to Raleigh, and my family supported me so amazingly,
so proud of me and made sure that I knew

(01:02:55):
that by either their words or their actions or being
able to come. And it's something that He's on my
website all of the things, because I truly believe I'm
a woman to know in North Carolina, you are, you are.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
You are? And then I think, is this your best tie?
I hope it isn't.

Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
That's my bestie. Yes, it's the old picture. Yes, that
is Nicki.

Speaker 4 (01:03:14):
Nicki and I have been best friends since we were fifteen,
so thirty years now that we have maintained our friendship.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
We are the godparents of each other's children, all the things.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
That's a good thing, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
I put that picture up because we all need a
best friend that we can say this is our lifelong friend.
We're a spoon coon, ride or die type of thing,
and everybody has not everybody, but a lot of times
people think people are always against you, but there are some.

Speaker 3 (01:03:42):
People that will ride with you to the will absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
And Niki definitely is that for me? Right? I can
tell her anything. She definitely knows the secrets in the
classes tall her the cousin stuff, though I'm the secrets
of the cousin. She does. Yes. Good.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
I had another picture of y'all, but for whatever reason,
I cannot find it, and it's like too much happening
over here.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
So I'm like, I'm doing my best. I did my best.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
I wanted a cousin wall, any closing comments, thoughts, anything
that you did not get a chance to say, Oh,
here is this her too?

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Let me just see.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
I'm gonna see if this is her, because I was
trying my best to put a couple of pictures in
you and your bestie.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
Okay, is that her?

Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
No, that's not her, that's one of my old parents.
That was for F two the urn for dancing.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Cat like too.

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
I was like, I don't know, I'm get the most backstage.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
But what advice would you give people today that are
really struggling and they're trying their best to figure this
thing out called life.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
And really feel stuck. Is there anything that you can
help them just walk away with today to help them
get on the other side.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 (01:04:50):
I think the biggest thing is it is okay to
ask for help, right, It's okay to reach out and
get people who are trained to be able to provide
that service for you. Sometimes we can only do what
we can do in our own silo because who's checking us.
I'm asking myself self for you, okay, yeah, I'm okay,
who's checking that process? So having another person step in

(01:05:10):
to provide you support is necessary, and when you get
your other person, you want to make sure that they
get in some help, right because as a therapist, I
create space for a lot of people, and so I
need my person that I'm able to talk through things with.
So just don't be afraid to say I need help
from somebody else outside of yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
That's really good advice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
I really hope that you all have learned so much
from today's episode and hearing doctor Sharanda Banks share her
story her personal journey, and I encourage you if you
have not partnered with the Kim Jacob Shell, please take
a moment. The only way and I'm PBS and CBN
and TV in different places when they do these different

(01:05:51):
call to actions, people are like flooding and pouring in funds.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
Listen, I'm asking you to please support the Kim Jacob Show.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
The only way we can come on at this level
Monday through Friday, right in the comfort of your home,
is by community contributions. So whatever way you can donate
to keep our subscriptions and our ability to come into
your house, please take a moment to do so. For
the audio listeners is PayPal dot me forward slash Kim
Jacob's Inc. Venmo at the Kim Jacob Show, Zell you

(01:06:23):
can use seven oh four nine six two seven one
six one and Apple cash as well the same number.
All right, So I really hope that you will take
a moment to pour in and as final comments that
came in, thank you for sharing, Doctor Sharonda Banks, your
mommy said.

Speaker 1 (01:06:37):
Of course, and Darlene.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
Darlene said, awesome, awesome, I see you Era fat advertising.
So the people are CEO over there. Elder Irma Mason says,
your grandmother Clark is smiling from heaven to see how
God has blessed both of you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
You will make us cry exactly at the end.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Come on, awesome, awesome, Yeah, because to keep Grandma's legacy
alive is so important. She was a charter member of
Bethune Cookman College in nineteen forty two, playing basketball at
a little four feet six inch self in honor. Doctor
Shane Gordeen says, amazing. My mom says Shronda has always

(01:07:21):
been intentional. I love her and her actions.

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Love you too.

Speaker 3 (01:07:25):
Doctor Shana says, good afternoon.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
Yay yay, yay yay, yeah, yeah, okay, what questions do
you have I see congratulations.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
Okay, y'all, we gotta get ready, get off the show.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Amen, And is your calling, Sharanda, congratulations, So proud of you,
And Sadie says, I'm starting a new journey since I've
been retired to join a gym. And now you know,
I say, it ain't gonna be running from none. So
the only time you see her running somebody chasing you,
you'd be like.

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
Yes, this is huge, huge. I'm so proud of her. Yes,
and kind of my mom too.

Speaker 4 (01:07:58):
My mom now works with me as well at intentional steps.
She's really pouring into that space. I'm happy to have her.

Speaker 1 (01:08:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:08:05):
So she now literally from retirement, she's gonna be unretired
because she's gonna be going with her daughter, doctor Shawonda Banksy,
so you'll be seeing her in an administrative capacity. They're awesome,
looking forward to being there. Okay, all right, I think
I've said everything. Let me go over here to Instagram
because I know people were comming, I see you Brown DSB,
I see you Redbone.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
I may be saying y'all nicknames because y'all got these
Instagram names.

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
Now I see you, Lady Jay, I see you coach
a queen, I see all of y'all. Okay, all right, y'all.
Thank y'all so much for tuning in to this episode
of The Kim Jacob Show. We greatly appreciate you. I
love you, Shiranda, I.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
Love you too. I love you big, and I'm so
proud of you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
All right, everybody. That's today's episode of The Kim Jacob Show.
Make sure you tune in Monday through Friday at eleven
o'clock am Eastern Standard Time right here on The Kim
Jacob Show. I love you All'll see you backstage if
you stay back there, all right, Love you, guys talk.
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The
Kim Jacobs Show and for being in the virtual studio audience.
Your presence truly does make a difference, and I look

(01:09:09):
forward to you bringing your friends and family to join
you in the virtual studio audience Monday through Friday at
eleven o'clock am Eastern Standard Time.

Speaker 1 (01:09:18):
I look forward to seeing you and making it a
great day.

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