L.A. Based writer/blogger/proud father of 2 Lane Igoudin is my special guest with “A Family, Maybe”!
September 12, 2025 • 47 mins
L.A. Based writer, blogger and proud father of two children Lane Igoudin talks about his latest release “A Family, Maybe” as a journey through foster adoptions to fatherhood and shows the human side of public adoption while discussing the complicated legal process in a tangle of drama-filled parent versus visits and countless court hearings! Lane was born in Moscow, Russia; graduated from CSU-Long Beach & Stanford, teaches English & Linguistics at L.A. City College, authored multiple academic book chapters and articles, taught at workshops on college writing and writes about adoptive parenting, fatherhood, faith, and spiritual growth! Check out the amazing Lane Igoudin and his latest release on all major platforms plus “Blessing the Sea” at www.laneigoudin.com today! #podmatch #laneigoudin #author #losangeles #writer #afamilymaybe #blogger #father #fosteradoptions #legalprocess #moscow #russia #csulongbeach #english #linguistics #lacitycollege #adoptiveparenting #spreaker #iheartradio #spotify #applemusic #youtube #anchorfm #bitchute #rumble #mikewagner #themikewagnershow #mikewagnerlaneigoudin #themikewagnershowlaneigoudin
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (01:19):
Make sure you check it out today We're here.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
An amazing gentleman who's an LA based writer blogger, proud
dad of two wonderful children, writes about adoptive parenting, fatherhood,
gay families, faith and spiritual growth. He was born in
Moscow and a graduate of cal State University, Long Beach
and also Stanford as well. He also teaches English and
linguistics at La City College and author multiple cat academic
(01:42):
book chapters, articles, taught workshops and more, and also does
some writing and been teaching professor of twenty years. He
has a new book out which is a journey through
foster adoptions to fatherhood. The book is called a Family.
Maybe We'll see about that. Liveladies and Gentleman, a play,
students and beautiful Downtown Los Angeles. The amazing LA based
(02:03):
writer blogger Proud dad to children and the book of
family maybe the multi talented Lane Eagle.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Lane, Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Thanks for joining
us today.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I'm glad to be here. I like to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
What's great they have you on board?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Lane here an Ala based writer, blogger, proud father of
two children. You write about adopt the parenting, fatherhood, gay families,
faith and spiritual growth.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You were born in Moscow.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
You're a graduate of cal State Long Beach and Stanford University,
teaches English linguistics at La City College.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And you've been a writer for quite some time as well.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
And your new book is a journey about foster adoptions
of fatherhood and shows the human side of public adoption
and what's that about with the family. Maybe we'll find
out for getting all that, Lane, tell us, I first
got started.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
I'm sorry, say it again, No, No, tell.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Us, I first got started. Go way back, Sherman, way back.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
How it all got started me in the book? Okay,
are actually just you in general? Just going way back,
like halving the time machine? Okay, hmmmm, like starting off
in Russia.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
Oh no, that's wait, wait, way far back.
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Well, Mike, I'm I'm I'm really happy, really glad to
be on your show, and so, you know, and I'd
like to talk about my book of Family Baby, but
but I want I wanted to know that this is
the book that I never planned to write. As you mentioned,
you know, when you were going over my bio. I'm
trained as a linguist and also you know, as an
(03:38):
English instructor. That's that's what I do. And before I
wrote this book, I had done quite a lot of nonfiction.
I've done book reviews, music reviews and things like that.
But I never planned to write this book. What happened
was that my my husband at the time, he was
my partner, and I decided to you know, to to
(04:00):
to have a family, to have children. And so at
the time that we went and we went into this process,
there were multiple venues already available to us. It was
international adoption, private adoption, surrogacy, and also foster adoption. And
we we we really we chose we chose to go
(04:20):
to the foster adoption route because we felt that we
really wanted to help out the community just beyond us
wanted to have children. So we were like very very enthusiastic,
very sort of proactive, very clear eyed, excited and once
we actually got into the system, and once the first
(04:43):
child was placed placed with us, things began to go wrong.
I was at that point that I decided that I
really need to document what's happening, because there was nothing
written about, you know, when things go wrong when you
try to give a child at home. And so our
(05:05):
our story which which is which, which sort of on, uh,
which went on for about three years. The rollercoaster that
we were writing was Yeah, that's that's that's what it was.
I I didn't plan to write this book. I was
(05:26):
like going into but I started to collect the material
and I was basically saving the faxes, the court orders,
all the emails, photographs, what have you, so whatever happens
at the end, because it was extremely uncertain, So whatever
would happen at the end, I would still I would
want to share with other people so they'll know what
it's like to actually go into the system, what it's
(05:47):
like to deal with children's courts, because this is an
area that which is closed off to the public. You know,
you can't just walk in onto into a into a
court hearing in the children children's courthouse. And so we
reached the end, you know, and and then I couldn't
(06:08):
write about it, so because it was so raw, it
was like, you know, I just lived through this, and
and now I did want to reopen all the ones that.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
They were left.
Speaker 7 (06:17):
So I actually didn't write about it for another four years.
And so in the meantime, the boxes with all the
materials set in my garage and I couldn't I couldn't
face them.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
So it was only after, like I said, a certain
period of.
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Time, about four years, I was able to actually go
in and start sort of digging through and see how
I can put a coherent narrative as to what happened
while we're in it. So so that's how the book
came about. And so from that point on, I wrote
for about seven years and wrote and edited and then
finally and then I found a publisher and the book
(06:50):
came out about a year ago. And yeah, I've been
talking about sharing our story and such as, Hey, I'm
really glad to be able to share our story with you.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And that's amazing as well too.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And since you chose choose a Foster rup what is
the difference with the Foster rouge and with that and
the international route and also the circuit you mentioned the
three of them, if I'm right, actually foster and circuit.
What is the difference between between the three and what
influenced you to go to the foster group?
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Right, So, the international adoption is when you travel to
another country and bring a child from a from another country.
And even though this was roughly you know, fifteen twenty
years ago, there were already countries which were open to
gain individuals more so than gay couples, but gain individuals
to go to go in and adopt a child. And
(07:45):
so this was one route. The second route was the
private adoption still is by the way. This is a
situation when a woman, sometimes the very young woman, sometimes
the career woman, decides to basically carry the child to
to to to birth, but she doesn't want to raise
(08:05):
the child, so she she's looking for a family to
place a child with and usually to remain in some
sort of a contact. So those situations are usually ranged
through a through an attorney. They do not involve the
state in any shape or form. And and so there
you know, it's it wouldn't be as actually a prolonged
(08:26):
I guess situations as ours was.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
But yeah, so this is that's kind of a.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Direct arrangement between between the woman giving birth and the
family and then surrog of course, you know, we know
what that is. We are you know, My husband and
I were both you know, working professionals, so we we
we could have we could afford it, but it was
not really a matter of affording something. It was really
a matter of of of really given a child or two,
(08:54):
as you know, in our situation, a home because we
live in Los Angeles County, which has the largest foster
system in the country, larger than New York. At the
time that we were we went into the process, there
were over thirty thousand kids in Los Angeles County who
did not have a who did not have a family.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Thirty thousand, over.
Speaker 7 (09:16):
Thirty over thirty thousand. The number fluctuated. I think at
the highest it hit close to thirty five thousand. A
few years later it went down, and now it's been
sort of trickling back up. I think there's still about
I think there's still around twenty thousand kids. You know,
and back then thirty thousand that met like one out
(09:38):
of every four one out of four foster kids in
California was in Los Angeles and that was pretty also
pretty significant chunk of half a million foster kids across
the United States today, we still have three hundred and
sixty eight thousand kids in foster system system. And to me,
that's three hundred and sixty eight thousand kids too many,
(09:58):
because yeah, go ahead, I.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Was just going to say that's a rather high number
as well too. And of course, you know, there are
just the obvious factors and everything, and you know, it's
kind of disturbing, and I guess it's like, you know,
how they manage to, you know, try to keep it down.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Where's the best solution? And I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Throw this out there, if you're run the foster care system,
what would you do to try to keep the numbers
down or try to get the foster kids into homes
much quicker? And with all the all them legal tangles
and everything, I mean, well, would.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
You mom all for it? And I think that's what
our story illustrates.
Speaker 7 (10:33):
The thing is, actually the federal law, which has been
around since the mid nineteen nineties, sets out that's kind
of a two pronged approach for the for the child
that's been taken into the system.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
You know, because and there are a lot.
Speaker 7 (10:46):
Of misconceptions I think about the system. Believe me, the
state does not want your children. They have so many,
it's so expensive, it's it's such a burden on the
state that if they have to, if they have to
remove a child from from a home, there's usually some
some important reason. If the child can't go back right away,
(11:08):
you know, the reason's ben't resolved, then then actually the
federal law sets out, like I said, I kind of
a too two track approach where one is returning back
to the biological family, and that's something, of course, of
course we all pray for.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
But also this is what's called the concurrent track.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
Is what will happen if the child, you know, is
unable to go back, you know, because of whatever situation
that is there. And so what's happening in real life
and still still does unfortunately, is that the system is
really overwhelmingly overwhelmingly I don't only use the word biased,
(11:48):
because that would not be the.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Right thing to say, I guess, but but.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think that's really.
Speaker 7 (11:54):
Exactly incline, inclined towards inclined towards supporting the reunification with
with the with the birth family. And again like this,
of course we all want biological children to be their
biological parents. I'm all for it too, But I think
the concurrent track, which is long secure but which I
think is horrible, but the adoption of a child who
(12:18):
will end up not having an opportunity to go back
to their biological family. So I think that track should
be given just as much.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
Respect. That's I think we should begin with.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Respect, support and place at the table as as the
other track, which is the return to the biological family,
you know. And and this is not taking away any
of the rights of the birth parents, you know, No,
it's just saying that, you know, from the very beginning
it should be, you know, if the child is in
the system, you know, let's really build up both both opportunities.
(12:50):
Because what happens, you know, My Bookshould you Know brings
up some statistics from from the sample we're in it
less than half of the kids were actually able to
reunify with their family and and so and what about
the other half?
Speaker 5 (13:02):
What about the other half?
Speaker 7 (13:03):
You know, of them rotting and group homes, foster homes
being shuffled from one place to another, you know, the
traumas multiplying there, you know, and there, and the older
they get, the less the less of the chance that
any anyone will take them in, and you and you,
I should even cite the horrible statistics of what happens
when they make it to the adulthood.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
You know, three.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
Percent of them only go to college, a third of
them end up in the criminal system. I mean, is
this is this the kind of a situation that we
really want to have? So what we encountered was that
as a foster adoptive family, we were treated as unwanted,
less than we try to have a voice, you know,
(13:49):
in the process, and literally we we we we tried
to go in, you know, to get a status over
the child that's been with us longer than she was
with her birth mother, and we were thrown out. They
didn't want us there and so so so I think
in some ways, the the way we were treated was
really the driving force behind my book because I was
(14:11):
I thought, you know, I think I poured my I
guess at the time, anger or you know, into into
telling the story, you know, but it's not written from
the angry perspective, I should say, no, it was more like, okay, okay,
well what what what?
Speaker 5 (14:28):
I had a lot of energy.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
To put into so I I was fighting for the
future of these children, the two children, and the future
of our family, you know, and later, you know, I
really wanted to share that story.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
And I think you got a great story to tell.
I like to hear more about your children with Landy
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Mic Winnershow dot com. We're here, amazing Alia based writer,
blogger and prowdad two children, Lane egouldon here on the
Mike Wedner's Show with a family.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Maybe before you get.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Back to your book, your proud dad and I'm very
happy for you two doubted children. We'd love to hear
about your two kids. First of all, I'm we're actually
very excited.
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Oh well, at the time they were a one year
old and a newborn and their sisters and today they're
young ladies. They are they're now young adult women, and
so we're very very proud of them. We're happy for them.
(17:25):
We're actually anti nasty because our older daughter is working
at the theme park.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
She writed high school. She is very, very bright and
very driven.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
Our younger daughter is away at college. She is at
A Yeah, she is at A Yep, she's a pretty
pretty prestigious school. She is studying environmental science. So yeah,
but we were still a very close, closely knit family because,
like I said, one of our kids lives near us
(17:57):
and the other one of the college is not far
so she comes home every a couple of weeks. A
matter of fact, I'm we're meeting tomorrow. It's her birthday.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Happy birthday.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Yeah, thank you, thank you, well, thank you. I'm sure
she'll thank you so.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Thank you. Everybody wears your happy birthday, so she's.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
But you know, every every birthday is a milestone. You know,
it's a milestone for them, but it's also a milestone
for us as a family because you know, I remember,
I remember the first, the second, and.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
The third of of of of both of them.
Speaker 7 (18:28):
So so yeah, it's been a journey, and it's been
a parenting journey too, because this entire time raising our kids.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
It was just.
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Jonathan and me, you know, my my husband and I.
We didn't have the luxury of, you know, have an
extended family. Uh So it was a lot of it
wasn't easy, but but it was also I think there
was a lot of freedom in it.
Speaker 5 (18:50):
You know, we were learning by doing. I guess learned
by doing.
Speaker 7 (18:55):
And the kids, what I noticed is that they're always
kind of one step ahead of you. It's like, you know,
just when you sort of you get a certain parenting
stage down, you know, you learn how to I don't know,
parent a preteen, you know, another teens. You know, once
you sort of you barely survive your daughter's adolescens and
now they're off to young adulthood. You know, it's always
(19:17):
so as a stepping stone, so now we're learning to
be parents to adult children.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
That is that's a great story you've got right there.
Of course you talked about some of the adoptive families.
Their stories haven't worked out. But but but I guess
my question is what made you, you know, adopt those
two children. Was like a criteria had to meet? Was
it based on, like, you know, certain questions? What was
that one moment that simply said I would love to
(19:43):
have these two wonderful daughters.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Well when there it comes to adoption.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
When it comes to adoption, of course, you know, you
it's it's a you know, it doesn't just happen, you know,
it's it's something that you plan, you know, And I
usually compare it to the fact that it's like you
conceive the child, but in your mind, you know. And
as part of the process, we had to fill out
a question which really kind of got us thinking about,
(20:09):
you know, who exactly do we want. And you know,
I helped to raise my younger sister, so this is
something I was familiar with, and and we kind of
felt like, you know, maybe that would be a better
match for us. It's two dads with two daughters, and
it has been I think.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
It really worked out pretty well.
Speaker 7 (20:29):
Sometimes they get a question, you know, did your daughters
feel stigmatized because they have gay parents? Never, and I'll
be just completely honest, never, If anything, I think gave
them some sort of a kind of a.
Speaker 5 (20:42):
You know, it's it's cool.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Because I like it's like what twenty years ago or
something like that, when it was somewhat controversial, Now it's okay.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
So I mean, you pretty much learned from that kind
of trailblizing.
Speaker 7 (20:54):
I mean, given that we're also living in the second
largest city in the country, it's a very liberal environmental
but it's it's I think it's a little bit more
than that. I think there's a certain idea of of
the relationship between the father and the daughter. With the
father is sort of a spoiler, you know, the giver
and all that. So when you have not you know,
one father, but two that are you know, they're worshiping you,
(21:15):
that's is not great. In real life, it's not quite
like that because I think in you know, we're parents
just like anyone else. You know, I'm I'm a you know,
we're demanding, we're in some ways controlling, but also extremely supportive.
So all of that comes into play. So now, honestly,
I believe that you know, it takes and this I
(21:36):
think in some ways, I think that's probably one of
the core messages of my book because what you see.
Speaker 5 (21:43):
There is the.
Speaker 7 (21:47):
Is this certain tension about the question who could who?
What what makes someone a parent? Is it just your
you know, biological connection to the child, or is it
the raising of the child, which which in our in
the case of our kids was completely separate. We are
not the biological parents of our children, but we're the
ones who raised them, you know, and as in our
(22:09):
younger daughters since birth straight from the hospital. So who
lays a stronger claim to the child, the one who
to whom the child is biologically related, or the one
who's actually been there for the child twenty four to seven,
around the clock, right week after a week, month of
the month, year after year. So I think that's and
(22:30):
in that sense, yeah, that's that's that's I think that's
one of the main points of our journey.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Also too with the daughters that you adopt as well too.
What was the background of the parents? Why did they
give up for adoption? Were you ever given them a
story about? Why were they given after adoption?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Was the parents?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Was it like, you know, financial, mental, anything like that.
What was the main reason for the two dods you
adopted got given by their parents?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
I wouldn't say the world. Well, eventually that the birth
mother did.
Speaker 8 (23:05):
Agree to to to the adoption, but she was, let
me just put it this way, she was very very young,
too young.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
And oh god, and she had a lot.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Of issues that she really needed to resolve to be
able to to live independently, you know, to take care
of herself. So much as I'm sure she she loved
the kids, and much as she probably was she wanted
to raise the kids, it was just not within her
capability to do so. Unfortunately, what was happening is that
(23:40):
that that the court, which should have been building her
up and helping her to to to become a fully
functioning adult, instead was was sort of gambling with children's lives,
you know, based on it. So and I think in
a way it was misleading the mothers to what she
could possibly do.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
You know.
Speaker 7 (24:02):
It's just that there's there's a huge distance sometimes sometimes
between what you want to do what's you're capable of doing,
and and and I feel grateful to her honestly for
giving us these kids and for for being their mother.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
But I wonder sometimes I wonder if.
Speaker 7 (24:25):
The system traumatize her even more exactly because they were
giving her the unrealistic hope of being able to parent.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
I guess that one as one concern had as well too.
Do you think the Fosters system y'all does this job
trying to you know, uplift, encourage and everything or they're like,
you know, just trying to bring them down psychologically, or
they're they've been told to bring down because of the
restrictions going on.
Speaker 7 (24:55):
Even though I was pretty angry during the time that
we're going through because things are going completely the wrong way.
I do not really hold any grudges against any social
workers or judges or anybody who is because I think
they all mean well, the problem there is that the
system is chaotic. Their case lows are unimaginably high, you know.
(25:19):
And for example, you know, I had a lot of
issues with the judge. The judge I thought was biased
a certain way, and so on and so forth. But
I read a study which shows that which says that
a children's court judge is supposed to manage about one
hundred and sixty cases. In California, a children's score judge
may have up to six hundred cases.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Oh my god, up too.
Speaker 7 (25:45):
So is there any wonder that the child I mean,
that the judge really doesn't.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Know, like you know, and.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
In the courtroom, in the children's courtroom, you will see
the judge, the presiding judge. You will see the birth parents,
you will see the end with their counsel, so with
their attorneys each, right, So that's already five people.
Speaker 5 (26:07):
You add in the county.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
Council, which represents the county in our case of Los
Angeles and represents the interests of the country. That makes
sure that the county is not at fault over anything
that's going on. Then you get the children's attorney, you know,
and we have two kids, it could be two. And
as you you you realize that none of these people
(26:32):
will ever actually meet the kids except for the birth parents.
Everyone else making crucial decisions, from the judge down to
the children's attorney, will have will never meet the kids.
To them, the child is a is a folder with reports,
and they got two hundred, three hundred, five hundred of
(26:54):
these folders sitting there.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Oh my god.
Speaker 7 (26:55):
So that's you know. In the meantime, In the mean time,
I'm twenty miles away in our hole. We're raising the kids,
and we have no voice in what's going on in the courtroom.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
None.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
We're not wanted, we are excluded, we are marginalized from
the process of decision making for the kids that we
are raising. And I think that's the reality that my
book unpacks in a way. And when I speak to
the audiences. It's interesting because anybody who has been through
(27:32):
foster care system or who has adopted or has an
adopted you know, brother, sister or what have you, knows
the system and they relate to my book in a
very sort of visceral level.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
And it's like, yeah, that's exactly how it is.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
Because the rest of us who have never actually dealt
with it directly, we all have those wonderful ideas, you know,
sort of this pine the sky notions of how things
should be, but that's not how they really are, are.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Right, Yeah, and plus two And you can also read
more about in the book if you want to maybe
read a chapter some of the chapters well show and
by the way, we'll get to that in one minute
with Lanaguden. You listen to the Mike Widners Show at
the Mike Widnershow dot compowered by Soundweb Studios. Write to
barroficial sponsor to the Mike Widner Show. Introduction worrying author
me and most is missing the Sweet Semas prest Readia
(28:24):
writing based on life of David Amazon dot com keywords sweets,
Amastrada Wagner. We'll be back with author Lanaguden of a
family maybe after this time.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
The Mike Wagner Show is powered by Sonicweb Studios. If
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Dot Sonicwebstudios dot com. For all of your online needs.
Call one eight hundred three oh three three nine six
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(28:53):
To get started today, Mention The Mike Wagner Show and
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Speaker 9 (29:02):
Hey there, Dana Laksa here, American news anchor. Hey, let
me ask you something real quick. Why do you read
a book. You're buying a story, a thought, a message,
and a good book entertains and inspires. And that's exactly
what A Missing By Award winning author of Me on
the Zia does. I have his book right here, and
it's based on real events with relatable characters that hook
(29:24):
you from start to finish. I personally love this book.
It's super powerful and meaningful through you can actually get
it on Amazon right now.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
The Mike Wagner Show is brought to you by Serena
Wagner's book The Sweet Sawmist, now a velve on Emson.
This book includes thirty exquisite pintings by well known and
unknown painters and King David Soalms. The Sweet Sawmist gives
us a new perspective on his life in this book
through the songs he wrote. His time as a shepherd
in the field is where the book starts, and it
goes on to describe his complicated and turbulent relationship with
King Saul, as well as other events. It's a story
(29:54):
of love, betrayal, repentance, and more. It also offers advice
and approaching God and living a life that pleases him.
Check out the book The Sweet Sawmist by Serena Wagner,
now available on Amazon keywords Sweet Salmis, Sorena Wagner.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Hey, Hey, this is Raye Powers and boy are you
in luck right place, right time? Tuned into the Mike
Wagner Show.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
You heard me.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
We're back on out there lanea Goudin of a family
maybe here on the Mike Wagner Show, and give us
the synopsis of the adoption process and his daughters and
everything else and the whole story. Now, speaking of the stories, Lane,
once you go ahead and pick a chapter. Read some
of the chapter excerpts from your book, A Family Maybe
like to we like to hear more about it. But
(30:45):
I think your microphone is off, Lane, your microphone is off. Okay,
now we're back on. So okay, can you hear me now.
Speaker 5 (30:54):
Lane, Yes, yes, I can hear it perfectly.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Okay, it's like you're we're cut out for a minute,
so go ahead here.
Speaker 5 (31:00):
So okay.
Speaker 7 (31:03):
So my book is called The Family Maybe, and the
very first chapter is called curbside Delivery. And just to
give you the background, the day was six six six
June sixth two thousand and six, and my partner Jonathan,
and I were waiting for a very unusual delivery. It
was on a hot early summer afternoon, just before the
breezes would begin blowing inland from the ocean. The Jonathan
(31:25):
shot me an irritated sideways glance.
Speaker 5 (31:28):
Where is she?
Speaker 7 (31:29):
Didn't she say? Early in the morning, that was hours ago?
What's taken her so long? A six foot three athlete.
My partner Jonathan was lining up daisy patterned onesis and
bird claus by the bassinette in the baby room. I
heard him vacuum in this room earlier and before that,
tiding up the crib and the toys in the baby
room upstairs. Patience dear, I sighed, give her a few
(31:50):
more minutes, she should be on her way. Like John,
I was trying to control my anxiety by being useful.
Yet I couldn't help rushing into the window every time
I heard a car drive by. Jackie Willis, our designated
Los Angeles County social worker, was neither here nor responding
to my calls. Did the county change its mind? Did
they release the baby to her mother, Jena. We've been
(32:13):
living with this uncertainty for months. Jena was due around
Memorial Day, which is would just have by the way
you can.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
It went perfectly.
Speaker 7 (32:23):
Yes, it's perfectly. It's Memorial Day story. But with office
closures and Jackie out of medical leave, the baby could
have gone to the wrong home. But that Memorial Day
I received a phone call from Babushka, my Russian speaking grandmother, Mazeltov.
She announced, your Jena give birth today. How on earth
you do you know that you've heard nothing from the county.
(32:45):
I just know, she said, it's actually if I'll know
its Sam of Iddish. Don't worry, You'll see it for herself.
I related to announcement to Jonathan and he chuckled, my
dear eighty four year old grandmother, our closest la in
the family. I chuckled too, but deep down I felt
even more anxious.
Speaker 5 (32:59):
What if she was right?
Speaker 7 (33:01):
I had no experience raising a newborn, nor did John Zero.
We've been trained certifying that. I was all just textbook learning.
What we're really about to become the caretakers of a tiny,
fagile life one hundred percent twenty four to seven, what
we're getting ourselves into. Three days later, a social worker
called from the hospital with the news that the baby
had been born on Memorial Day, just as Babisch could said,
(33:24):
but she couldn't be released yet. She had sepsis, a
potentially fatal blood infection, and had to.
Speaker 5 (33:29):
Be put on medication. Ooh.
Speaker 7 (33:31):
Other arrangements had already been made by Jackie's Department of
Children Family Services. The newborn would not be released to
the mother. Instead, she would be detained, that is, put
in the court's protective custody and placed with US as
her emergency foster home. The baby would remain with us
as her long term foster parents, while Jenna would be
given an opportunity and resources to reunify with her child
(33:55):
sepsis made it easier for the county to carry out
its plan. Jan recovered quickly and was discharged home to
continue as we were told with her drug rehab and counseling. Meanwhile,
the baby was improving on antibiotics while the court on
the DCFAS request formally detained her, but Jenna came back
to breastfeed and the nurse licked the secret. Devastated and desperate,
(34:17):
Jenna refused to leave, pleading with the staff to let
her take her baby home.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
Would you like me to continue?
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, I think that would be really interesting as well.
And I can understand the attachment the mother, the baby
and everything like that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
And of course I guess the question is.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
During that time, is the real mom allowed to still
be in touch with you or is it just like
they said, no, you can't touch or talk.
Speaker 7 (34:44):
I should say, well, ours was a closed adoption and
it was really not our choosing in a way, because
all of that was decided before we were led into
the process to become the adoptive parents of the children
of women raising.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
So no, there is no there is no contact. There
is no contact.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (35:06):
If the children ever want to find their birth parents,
they can you know approach.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
The county has to see their cases, so that's that's there,
that's their choice.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Yeah, okay, but I was going to ask too that
were you given information about the the actual birth mom
and we allowed to contact her as well too, Were
you allowed to do that or the course tell.
Speaker 7 (35:27):
You, Oh, she is very much a part of the
part of the book, I mean, okay process, Well, yes, yes,
because basically as what you will, you know, you'll see
how the story will develop when when the child is
being brought to our house and at the end of
the chapter, you know, I'm sitting on the couch feeding
the baby, giving her first feeding, and Jonathan gets up,
(35:49):
picks up his car keys, and heads out to the
daycare to pick up the baby's older sister. And that's
the end of the first chapter. So that kind of
gives you a snapshot as to where we are.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (36:00):
In this process. We had many, many, many visits with
the birth mother and with the birth father of one
of the kids, and so it did get to know
her very well, and we also got to know the
birth father as well and his family. So uh, and
I tried to withhold any sort of commentary as to
(36:22):
what I think of what I feel about them. I
just I just tried to portray what was happening and
what what at the business during the contact and things
like that, because that's I'm just I was just documenting
what was going on. Uh, So the reader can make
their own conclusions about the situation.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
And of course, so what's the best did you want
to tell people that you know, I say about adoption,
you can adopt, be careful or you know what to
expect and everything.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
What do you want readers to get from the book?
Speaker 7 (36:54):
Even though my my book is pretty dramatic. Uh, it's
a thriller and it was not meant to be, but
that's what it ended up being.
Speaker 5 (37:03):
You know, it has a happy.
Speaker 7 (37:05):
End, and I want your listeners to really focus on
that happy end. Yes, we had we went through a
pretty difficult ordeal, but it was worth it.
Speaker 5 (37:16):
It was worth it.
Speaker 7 (37:17):
We're so blessed that we have our children, and I
would not want anyone to to get discouraged or in
somehow it sort of you know, lose heart over it.
What I would say is to just make sure that
you learn about the process that you know, you you
you read, you meet with other parents, you know, you
(37:37):
go to the orientations and all these things because the
system is complex, it has many parties involved, and you
you know, and that's something that I felt like, you know,
we should have done more before we wanted. Yes, we
got certified you know, home study parents and classes, that
was all fine, but we really didn't understand the system
until we're fully in it. So so yeah, they're resources
(38:00):
out there. There's more now maybe my book is one
of them, but but yes, you know, educate yourself and
if you have an opportunity to take a child in
and give them a home despite everything, just do it.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Do it?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Okay? And where go you find your book? And I
works at Lane.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
Well, it's published by Traditional Press.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (38:22):
So it's available on Amazon and Bookshop. If you want
me to sign it for you, you can get it
on my website which is Lanagoden dot com.
Speaker 5 (38:31):
It's right there, but yeah, it's it's available. It's available as.
Speaker 7 (38:36):
A as a hard copy but also as an ebook,
uh for those who prefer you know that that format.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
And what's your website again.
Speaker 7 (38:46):
Lane Igodin dot com which is l A N. E.
I GS And George oh you Diaz and David I.
And like New York Lanagoden dot com, we.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Will certainly check that out once again with author Lana
Gooden of A Family and Baby hairlell of Mike Winners Show,
just a few more things.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
What else can we expecting twenty twenty five? And beyond.
Speaker 5 (39:07):
What am I expecting?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yes? Or what can we expecting you in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 7 (39:11):
And sure, sure, sure, sure sure sure. Well last year
I had a pretty busy book tour. I spoke at
twelve different places, from Portland to Los Angeles to Mexico City.
Oh wow, I'm actually continuing. I just just gave a
pretty pretty pretty big author talk and there will be
another one later this summer, in of all places, in Jerusalem,
(39:33):
because I'm going again in just a couple of weeks.
And but what's happening is there's a lot of interest
in the story because it's a it's a it's a
there's a lot of interest I think in the world
of child welfare, especially from the angles that people are
not quite aware of, and given the magnitude of the
of the issue, of the problem and so many ethical
(39:54):
concerns about it.
Speaker 5 (39:55):
So I've been.
Speaker 7 (39:56):
Pretty uh, you know, I think I told you before
the interview. It's I think this is my twenty third interview, this.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Correct, Yeah, and of course y'all more to come and
getting more people educated, especially with a state of the
situation in the United States and the world there.
Speaker 5 (40:10):
Were children, yeah, yeah. But I'm also.
Speaker 7 (40:14):
Another project I've been it's been an ongoing sort of
a labor of love for me, is writing about mindfulness,
mindfulness and spirituality from the Jewish perspective. And really what
brought me into it is, you know, we raised our
kids with faith, that that was a given, but parenting itself,
you know, kind of.
Speaker 5 (40:35):
Becoming more more.
Speaker 7 (40:39):
I would use the word mindful of the way I
parent instead of being reactive. That's that was another sort
of driving force for me to write more about it.
So I've been publishing quite quite a bit about the
sort of the intersection between spirituality, mindful and spirituality and parenting.
And so I have a a three month newsletter. You know,
(41:01):
I would invite anyone to check it out. It's called
Blessing to See, which is one of the traditional Jewish
blessings and in which I you know, I bring in
and comment to various sources which relate to to this
like I said this, this intersection of of parents and mindfulness, spirituality,
faith in daily.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Life, and you also use it in your blogs as
well too, and being a writer as well.
Speaker 5 (41:26):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7 (41:29):
A couple of the articles came out recently. One of
them was, you know, I mentioned too that we're we
are empty nesting. So I published an article in a
Jewish journal here in Los Angeles about empty nesting from
a spiritual perspective. You know what it actually means, you know,
if you are a personal faith. So that that's kind
of a thing that's that's been important for me recently.
(41:50):
So that might be my next project.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Oh, that'd be that'd be that'd be wonderful looking forward
to that. We're blessing the CM Martin.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Who do you consider biggest influence in the career.
Speaker 5 (42:01):
I'm a nonfiction writer.
Speaker 7 (42:02):
I do not invent things, but I'm very interested in
life and observing life. And I would say the one person,
the one writer that's been a major major influence on
me is Joan Didion because she really takes a sort
of like microscope to to the society and she's able,
she was, unfortunately she passed away recently, able to look
(42:22):
at at life from very I would say, sharp but
very unusual angles. And the way she writes also influenced
me a lot, I would say she in terms of nonfiction,
she's been my primary influence.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
And certainly amazing. What's the best advice you can get
to any boy at this point.
Speaker 7 (42:40):
Well, if if your listeners are considering adopting kids or
the no someone, I think, you know, I would like,
I would like them to not to lose hope. But actually,
like I said, you know, learn more, And I don't
(43:02):
think it's a very good question for me.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Oh that's perfectly okay.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It could be in general or simply say just do it,
or be positive everything like that.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
But I think there's really good advice as well. Well
people do that, so.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Yeah, okay, we can rewind it then, okay.
Speaker 7 (43:19):
So the advice that I would give your your listeners
is that if you are considering adopting for foster care,
just do it. But in general, if I'm asking you know,
what does a child need? I would say the child
needs needs love and commitment, and that's where it should
come come from. But you know what else, I would
also add to it. If you are in a couple,
(43:41):
you know, as a couple. You this is where it begins.
And I think you really you know from what I
learned from my experience as a parent, that our family
begins with the relationship between me and my partners.
Speaker 5 (43:55):
So I need to.
Speaker 7 (43:57):
I need to pay attention to them, don't take them
for granted, you know, I need to love them and
give them more. So basically, care about your partner, and
you know, the piece between you and your partner will
will bring the piece that your kids will know in
your family.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
And I think that's a really good point as well, too,
very wonderful here with the amazing author Lania Gooden of
a family maybe here on Mike Winner show Land a
very big thing for time.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
You've been absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Learned a lot from you soon and don't forget to
keep us up today, keep in touch, lave av back
and maybe your daughters can come on and talk as
well too. You're welcome to join on the family thing.
And one more thing, what's your website? How do people
contact you? Where in people purchase or check out your book?
Speaker 7 (44:43):
Okay, my website is Laneygodin dot com. L A N
E I g O U d I n at dot com.
But my book Family Maybe is available on basically any
book selling websites you know, such as Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes
and Noble, even in some store too.
Speaker 5 (45:00):
I noticed.
Speaker 7 (45:01):
So if you if you give my book you know,
if you would like to reach out to me by
all means, I love love love hearing from my readers.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
We will certainly do that as well. Once again, Laane,
a very big thanks the time you've been. AB's amazing.
Looking for him soon, keeps up today, keep in touch, Leve,
I'd be back. We wish I'll best Lane you definth
have a great future.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
Head. Thank you, Mike, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
The Mike Wagner Show is powered by Sonicweb Studios. If
you're looking to start or upgrade your online presence, visit
www dot sonicwebstudios dot com for all of your online needs.
Call one eight hundred three oh three three nine six
zero or visit us online at www dot sonicwebstudios dot
(45:42):
com to get started Today, Mention The Mike Wagner Show
and get twenty percent off your project. Sonicweb Studios take
your image to the next level.
Speaker 9 (45:51):
Hey there, Dana Laxa here, American news anchor. Hey, let
me ask you something real quick. Why do you read
a book. You're buying a story, a thought, a message,
and a good book entertains and inspires. And that's exactly
what's a missing by award winning author me on that
Zia does. I have his book right here, and it's
based on real events with relatable characters that hook you
(46:14):
from start to finish. I personally love this book. It's
super powerful and meaningful through and you can actually get
it on Amazon right now.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
The Mike Wagner Show is brought to you by Serena
Wagner's book The Sweet Sawmist now availab on Emsong. This
book includes thirty exquisite pintings by well known and unknown
painters and King David Psalms. The Sweet Salmist gives us
a new perspective on his life in this book through
the songs he wrote. His time as a shepherd in
the field is where the book starts, and it goes
on to describe his complicated and turbulent relationship with King Saul,
(46:42):
as well as other events. It's a story of love, betrayal, repentance,
and more. It also offers advice and approaching God and
living a life that pleases him. Check out the book
The Sweet Salmist by Serena Wagner, now available on Amazon
keywords Sweet Salmist, Serena Wagner.
Speaker 4 (46:59):
Thanks for listening to The Mike Wagner Show powered by
Sonicweb Studios. Visit online at Sonicwebstudios dot com for all
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(47:21):
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The Mike Wagner Show is powered by Sonicweb Studios.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi, This is Mia. Morsons are also known as Mea
No Time for Love. Check out my latest book Missing,
available on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
The Mike Wagner Show also brought to by The Sweet
So Much by Serena Wagner, Available on Amazon, highlighted up
bogat David.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
It's now time for The Mike Wagner Show. Powered by
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great guests and interesting people from all across the globe.
(00:40):
So sit back, relax, and enjoy another great episode of
The Mike Wagner Show.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Everybody, It's Mike for the Mike Widner Show, powered by
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Internet worrying out there mean bussons here Missing we have
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Speaker 2 (01:04):
Check it out on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Also brought to by a Sweet Songist by Serena Wagner,
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King David Songs, Amazon dot com keywords sweet sum Serena
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Speaker 2 (01:19):
Make sure you check it out today We're here.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
An amazing gentleman who's an LA based writer blogger, proud
dad of two wonderful children, writes about adoptive parenting, fatherhood,
gay families, faith and spiritual growth. He was born in
Moscow and a graduate of cal State University, Long Beach
and also Stanford as well. He also teaches English and
linguistics at La City College and author multiple cat academic
(01:42):
book chapters, articles, taught workshops and more, and also does
some writing and been teaching professor of twenty years. He
has a new book out which is a journey through
foster adoptions to fatherhood. The book is called a Family.
Maybe We'll see about that. Liveladies and Gentleman, a play,
students and beautiful Downtown Los Angeles. The amazing LA based
(02:03):
writer blogger Proud dad to children and the book of
family maybe the multi talented Lane Eagle.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Lane, Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Thanks for joining
us today.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I'm glad to be here. I like to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
What's great they have you on board?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Lane here an Ala based writer, blogger, proud father of
two children. You write about adopt the parenting, fatherhood, gay families,
faith and spiritual growth.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You were born in Moscow.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
You're a graduate of cal State Long Beach and Stanford University,
teaches English linguistics at La City College.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
And you've been a writer for quite some time as well.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
And your new book is a journey about foster adoptions
of fatherhood and shows the human side of public adoption
and what's that about with the family. Maybe we'll find
out for getting all that, Lane, tell us, I first
got started.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
I'm sorry, say it again, No, No, tell.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Us, I first got started. Go way back, Sherman, way back.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
How it all got started me in the book? Okay,
are actually just you in general? Just going way back,
like halving the time machine? Okay, hmmmm, like starting off
in Russia.
Speaker 5 (03:10):
Oh no, that's wait, wait, way far back.
Speaker 7 (03:17):
Well, Mike, I'm I'm I'm really happy, really glad to
be on your show, and so, you know, and I'd
like to talk about my book of Family Baby, but
but I want I wanted to know that this is
the book that I never planned to write. As you mentioned,
you know, when you were going over my bio. I'm
trained as a linguist and also you know, as an
(03:38):
English instructor. That's that's what I do. And before I
wrote this book, I had done quite a lot of nonfiction.
I've done book reviews, music reviews and things like that.
But I never planned to write this book. What happened
was that my my husband at the time, he was
my partner, and I decided to you know, to to
(04:00):
to have a family, to have children. And so at
the time that we went and we went into this process,
there were multiple venues already available to us. It was
international adoption, private adoption, surrogacy, and also foster adoption. And
we we we really we chose we chose to go
(04:20):
to the foster adoption route because we felt that we
really wanted to help out the community just beyond us
wanted to have children. So we were like very very enthusiastic,
very sort of proactive, very clear eyed, excited and once
we actually got into the system, and once the first
(04:43):
child was placed placed with us, things began to go wrong.
I was at that point that I decided that I
really need to document what's happening, because there was nothing
written about, you know, when things go wrong when you
try to give a child at home. And so our
(05:05):
our story which which is which, which sort of on, uh,
which went on for about three years. The rollercoaster that
we were writing was Yeah, that's that's that's what it was.
I I didn't plan to write this book. I was
(05:26):
like going into but I started to collect the material
and I was basically saving the faxes, the court orders,
all the emails, photographs, what have you, so whatever happens
at the end, because it was extremely uncertain, So whatever
would happen at the end, I would still I would
want to share with other people so they'll know what
it's like to actually go into the system, what it's
(05:47):
like to deal with children's courts, because this is an
area that which is closed off to the public. You know,
you can't just walk in onto into a into a
court hearing in the children children's courthouse. And so we
reached the end, you know, and and then I couldn't
(06:08):
write about it, so because it was so raw, it
was like, you know, I just lived through this, and
and now I did want to reopen all the ones that.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
They were left.
Speaker 7 (06:17):
So I actually didn't write about it for another four years.
And so in the meantime, the boxes with all the
materials set in my garage and I couldn't I couldn't
face them.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
So it was only after, like I said, a certain
period of.
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Time, about four years, I was able to actually go
in and start sort of digging through and see how
I can put a coherent narrative as to what happened
while we're in it. So so that's how the book
came about. And so from that point on, I wrote
for about seven years and wrote and edited and then
finally and then I found a publisher and the book
(06:50):
came out about a year ago. And yeah, I've been
talking about sharing our story and such as, Hey, I'm
really glad to be able to share our story with you.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
And that's amazing as well too.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And since you chose choose a Foster rup what is
the difference with the Foster rouge and with that and
the international route and also the circuit you mentioned the
three of them, if I'm right, actually foster and circuit.
What is the difference between between the three and what
influenced you to go to the foster group?
Speaker 7 (07:22):
Right, So, the international adoption is when you travel to
another country and bring a child from a from another country.
And even though this was roughly you know, fifteen twenty
years ago, there were already countries which were open to
gain individuals more so than gay couples, but gain individuals
to go to go in and adopt a child. And
(07:45):
so this was one route. The second route was the
private adoption still is by the way. This is a
situation when a woman, sometimes the very young woman, sometimes
the career woman, decides to basically carry the child to
to to to birth, but she doesn't want to raise
(08:05):
the child, so she she's looking for a family to
place a child with and usually to remain in some
sort of a contact. So those situations are usually ranged
through a through an attorney. They do not involve the
state in any shape or form. And and so there
you know, it's it wouldn't be as actually a prolonged
(08:26):
I guess situations as ours was.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
But yeah, so this is that's kind of a.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
Direct arrangement between between the woman giving birth and the
family and then surrog of course, you know, we know
what that is. We are you know, My husband and
I were both you know, working professionals, so we we
we could have we could afford it, but it was
not really a matter of affording something. It was really
a matter of of of really given a child or two,
(08:54):
as you know, in our situation, a home because we
live in Los Angeles County, which has the largest foster
system in the country, larger than New York. At the
time that we were we went into the process, there
were over thirty thousand kids in Los Angeles County who
did not have a who did not have a family.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Thirty thousand, over.
Speaker 7 (09:16):
Thirty over thirty thousand. The number fluctuated. I think at
the highest it hit close to thirty five thousand. A
few years later it went down, and now it's been
sort of trickling back up. I think there's still about
I think there's still around twenty thousand kids. You know,
and back then thirty thousand that met like one out
(09:38):
of every four one out of four foster kids in
California was in Los Angeles and that was pretty also
pretty significant chunk of half a million foster kids across
the United States today, we still have three hundred and
sixty eight thousand kids in foster system system. And to me,
that's three hundred and sixty eight thousand kids too many,
(09:58):
because yeah, go ahead, I.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Was just going to say that's a rather high number
as well too. And of course, you know, there are
just the obvious factors and everything, and you know, it's
kind of disturbing, and I guess it's like, you know,
how they manage to, you know, try to keep it down.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Where's the best solution? And I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Throw this out there, if you're run the foster care system,
what would you do to try to keep the numbers
down or try to get the foster kids into homes
much quicker? And with all the all them legal tangles
and everything, I mean, well, would.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
You mom all for it? And I think that's what
our story illustrates.
Speaker 7 (10:33):
The thing is, actually the federal law, which has been
around since the mid nineteen nineties, sets out that's kind
of a two pronged approach for the for the child
that's been taken into the system.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
You know, because and there are a lot.
Speaker 7 (10:46):
Of misconceptions I think about the system. Believe me, the
state does not want your children. They have so many,
it's so expensive, it's it's such a burden on the
state that if they have to, if they have to
remove a child from from a home, there's usually some
some important reason. If the child can't go back right away,
(11:08):
you know, the reason's ben't resolved, then then actually the
federal law sets out, like I said, I kind of
a too two track approach where one is returning back
to the biological family, and that's something, of course, of
course we all pray for.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
But also this is what's called the concurrent track.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
Is what will happen if the child, you know, is
unable to go back, you know, because of whatever situation
that is there. And so what's happening in real life
and still still does unfortunately, is that the system is
really overwhelmingly overwhelmingly I don't only use the word biased,
(11:48):
because that would not be the.
Speaker 5 (11:50):
Right thing to say, I guess, but but.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
I think that's really.
Speaker 7 (11:54):
Exactly incline, inclined towards inclined towards supporting the reunification with
with the with the birth family. And again like this,
of course we all want biological children to be their
biological parents. I'm all for it too, But I think
the concurrent track, which is long secure but which I
think is horrible, but the adoption of a child who
(12:18):
will end up not having an opportunity to go back
to their biological family. So I think that track should
be given just as much.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
Respect. That's I think we should begin with.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Respect, support and place at the table as as the
other track, which is the return to the biological family,
you know. And and this is not taking away any
of the rights of the birth parents, you know, No,
it's just saying that, you know, from the very beginning
it should be, you know, if the child is in
the system, you know, let's really build up both both opportunities.
(12:50):
Because what happens, you know, My Bookshould you Know brings
up some statistics from from the sample we're in it
less than half of the kids were actually able to
reunify with their family and and so and what about
the other half?
Speaker 5 (13:02):
What about the other half?
Speaker 7 (13:03):
You know, of them rotting and group homes, foster homes
being shuffled from one place to another, you know, the
traumas multiplying there, you know, and there, and the older
they get, the less the less of the chance that
any anyone will take them in, and you and you,
I should even cite the horrible statistics of what happens
when they make it to the adulthood.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
You know, three.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
Percent of them only go to college, a third of
them end up in the criminal system. I mean, is
this is this the kind of a situation that we
really want to have? So what we encountered was that
as a foster adoptive family, we were treated as unwanted,
less than we try to have a voice, you know,
(13:49):
in the process, and literally we we we we tried
to go in, you know, to get a status over
the child that's been with us longer than she was
with her birth mother, and we were thrown out. They
didn't want us there and so so so I think
in some ways, the the way we were treated was
really the driving force behind my book because I was
(14:11):
I thought, you know, I think I poured my I
guess at the time, anger or you know, into into
telling the story, you know, but it's not written from
the angry perspective, I should say, no, it was more like, okay, okay,
well what what what?
Speaker 5 (14:28):
I had a lot of energy.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
To put into so I I was fighting for the
future of these children, the two children, and the future
of our family, you know, and later, you know, I
really wanted to share that story.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
And I think you got a great story to tell.
I like to hear more about your children with Landy
Gooden of a family Maybe first listened to the Mike
Waitner Show. At the Mic Winner Show dot com. Power
by Softwab Studios, visit our line at sound crab studios
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(15:20):
You're not actually Worrying Author MEA mulsonse Ea. If you
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(16:16):
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Mic Winnershow dot com. We're here, amazing Alia based writer,
blogger and prowdad two children, Lane egouldon here on the
Mike Wedner's Show with a family.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Maybe before you get.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Back to your book, your proud dad and I'm very
happy for you two doubted children. We'd love to hear
about your two kids. First of all, I'm we're actually
very excited.
Speaker 7 (17:02):
Oh well, at the time they were a one year
old and a newborn and their sisters and today they're
young ladies. They are they're now young adult women, and
so we're very very proud of them. We're happy for them.
(17:25):
We're actually anti nasty because our older daughter is working
at the theme park.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
She writed high school. She is very, very bright and
very driven.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
Our younger daughter is away at college. She is at
A Yeah, she is at A Yep, she's a pretty
pretty prestigious school. She is studying environmental science. So yeah,
but we were still a very close, closely knit family because,
like I said, one of our kids lives near us
(17:57):
and the other one of the college is not far
so she comes home every a couple of weeks. A
matter of fact, I'm we're meeting tomorrow. It's her birthday.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Happy birthday.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Yeah, thank you, thank you, well, thank you. I'm sure
she'll thank you so.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Thank you. Everybody wears your happy birthday, so she's.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
But you know, every every birthday is a milestone. You know,
it's a milestone for them, but it's also a milestone
for us as a family because you know, I remember,
I remember the first, the second, and.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
The third of of of of both of them.
Speaker 7 (18:28):
So so yeah, it's been a journey, and it's been
a parenting journey too, because this entire time raising our kids.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
It was just.
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Jonathan and me, you know, my my husband and I.
We didn't have the luxury of, you know, have an
extended family. Uh So it was a lot of it
wasn't easy, but but it was also I think there
was a lot of freedom in it.
Speaker 5 (18:50):
You know, we were learning by doing. I guess learned
by doing.
Speaker 7 (18:55):
And the kids, what I noticed is that they're always
kind of one step ahead of you. It's like, you know,
just when you sort of you get a certain parenting
stage down, you know, you learn how to I don't know,
parent a preteen, you know, another teens. You know, once
you sort of you barely survive your daughter's adolescens and
now they're off to young adulthood. You know, it's always
(19:17):
so as a stepping stone, so now we're learning to
be parents to adult children.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
That is that's a great story you've got right there.
Of course you talked about some of the adoptive families.
Their stories haven't worked out. But but but I guess
my question is what made you, you know, adopt those
two children. Was like a criteria had to meet? Was
it based on, like, you know, certain questions? What was
that one moment that simply said I would love to
(19:43):
have these two wonderful daughters.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Well when there it comes to adoption.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
When it comes to adoption, of course, you know, you
it's it's a you know, it doesn't just happen, you know,
it's it's something that you plan, you know, And I
usually compare it to the fact that it's like you
conceive the child, but in your mind, you know. And
as part of the process, we had to fill out
a question which really kind of got us thinking about,
(20:09):
you know, who exactly do we want. And you know,
I helped to raise my younger sister, so this is
something I was familiar with, and and we kind of
felt like, you know, maybe that would be a better
match for us. It's two dads with two daughters, and
it has been I think.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
It really worked out pretty well.
Speaker 7 (20:29):
Sometimes they get a question, you know, did your daughters
feel stigmatized because they have gay parents? Never, and I'll
be just completely honest, never, If anything, I think gave
them some sort of a kind of a.
Speaker 5 (20:42):
You know, it's it's cool.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Because I like it's like what twenty years ago or
something like that, when it was somewhat controversial, Now it's okay.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
So I mean, you pretty much learned from that kind
of trailblizing.
Speaker 7 (20:54):
I mean, given that we're also living in the second
largest city in the country, it's a very liberal environmental
but it's it's I think it's a little bit more
than that. I think there's a certain idea of of
the relationship between the father and the daughter. With the
father is sort of a spoiler, you know, the giver
and all that. So when you have not you know,
one father, but two that are you know, they're worshiping you,
(21:15):
that's is not great. In real life, it's not quite
like that because I think in you know, we're parents
just like anyone else. You know, I'm I'm a you know,
we're demanding, we're in some ways controlling, but also extremely supportive.
So all of that comes into play. So now, honestly,
I believe that you know, it takes and this I
(21:36):
think in some ways, I think that's probably one of
the core messages of my book because what you see.
Speaker 5 (21:43):
There is the.
Speaker 7 (21:47):
Is this certain tension about the question who could who?
What what makes someone a parent? Is it just your
you know, biological connection to the child, or is it
the raising of the child, which which in our in
the case of our kids was completely separate. We are
not the biological parents of our children, but we're the
ones who raised them, you know, and as in our
(22:09):
younger daughters since birth straight from the hospital. So who
lays a stronger claim to the child, the one who
to whom the child is biologically related, or the one
who's actually been there for the child twenty four to seven,
around the clock, right week after a week, month of
the month, year after year. So I think that's and
(22:30):
in that sense, yeah, that's that's that's I think that's
one of the main points of our journey.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Also too with the daughters that you adopt as well too.
What was the background of the parents? Why did they
give up for adoption? Were you ever given them a
story about? Why were they given after adoption?
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Was the parents?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Was it like, you know, financial, mental, anything like that.
What was the main reason for the two dods you
adopted got given by their parents?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
I wouldn't say the world. Well, eventually that the birth
mother did.
Speaker 8 (23:05):
Agree to to to the adoption, but she was, let
me just put it this way, she was very very young,
too young.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
And oh god, and she had a lot.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Of issues that she really needed to resolve to be
able to to live independently, you know, to take care
of herself. So much as I'm sure she she loved
the kids, and much as she probably was she wanted
to raise the kids, it was just not within her
capability to do so. Unfortunately, what was happening is that
(23:40):
that that the court, which should have been building her
up and helping her to to to become a fully
functioning adult, instead was was sort of gambling with children's lives,
you know, based on it. So and I think in
a way it was misleading the mothers to what she
could possibly do.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
You know.
Speaker 7 (24:02):
It's just that there's there's a huge distance sometimes sometimes
between what you want to do what's you're capable of doing,
and and and I feel grateful to her honestly for
giving us these kids and for for being their mother.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
But I wonder sometimes I wonder if.
Speaker 7 (24:25):
The system traumatize her even more exactly because they were
giving her the unrealistic hope of being able to parent.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
I guess that one as one concern had as well too.
Do you think the Fosters system y'all does this job
trying to you know, uplift, encourage and everything or they're like,
you know, just trying to bring them down psychologically, or
they're they've been told to bring down because of the
restrictions going on.
Speaker 7 (24:55):
Even though I was pretty angry during the time that
we're going through because things are going completely the wrong way.
I do not really hold any grudges against any social
workers or judges or anybody who is because I think
they all mean well, the problem there is that the
system is chaotic. Their case lows are unimaginably high, you know.
(25:19):
And for example, you know, I had a lot of
issues with the judge. The judge I thought was biased
a certain way, and so on and so forth. But
I read a study which shows that which says that
a children's court judge is supposed to manage about one
hundred and sixty cases. In California, a children's score judge
may have up to six hundred cases.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Oh my god, up too.
Speaker 7 (25:45):
So is there any wonder that the child I mean,
that the judge really doesn't.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Know, like you know, and.
Speaker 7 (25:53):
In the courtroom, in the children's courtroom, you will see
the judge, the presiding judge. You will see the birth parents,
you will see the end with their counsel, so with
their attorneys each, right, So that's already five people.
Speaker 5 (26:07):
You add in the county.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
Council, which represents the county in our case of Los
Angeles and represents the interests of the country. That makes
sure that the county is not at fault over anything
that's going on. Then you get the children's attorney, you know,
and we have two kids, it could be two. And
as you you you realize that none of these people
(26:32):
will ever actually meet the kids except for the birth parents.
Everyone else making crucial decisions, from the judge down to
the children's attorney, will have will never meet the kids.
To them, the child is a is a folder with reports,
and they got two hundred, three hundred, five hundred of
(26:54):
these folders sitting there.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Oh my god.
Speaker 7 (26:55):
So that's you know. In the meantime, In the mean time,
I'm twenty miles away in our hole. We're raising the kids,
and we have no voice in what's going on in the courtroom.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
None.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
We're not wanted, we are excluded, we are marginalized from
the process of decision making for the kids that we
are raising. And I think that's the reality that my
book unpacks in a way. And when I speak to
the audiences. It's interesting because anybody who has been through
(27:32):
foster care system or who has adopted or has an
adopted you know, brother, sister or what have you, knows
the system and they relate to my book in a
very sort of visceral level.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
And it's like, yeah, that's exactly how it is.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
Because the rest of us who have never actually dealt
with it directly, we all have those wonderful ideas, you know,
sort of this pine the sky notions of how things
should be, but that's not how they really are, are.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Right, Yeah, and plus two And you can also read
more about in the book if you want to maybe
read a chapter some of the chapters well show and
by the way, we'll get to that in one minute
with Lanaguden. You listen to the Mike Widners Show at
the Mike Widnershow dot compowered by Soundweb Studios. Write to
barroficial sponsor to the Mike Widner Show. Introduction worrying author
me and most is missing the Sweet Semas prest Readia
(28:24):
writing based on life of David Amazon dot com keywords sweets,
Amastrada Wagner. We'll be back with author Lanaguden of a
family maybe after this time.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
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Speaker 9 (29:02):
Hey there, Dana Laksa here, American news anchor. Hey, let
me ask you something real quick. Why do you read
a book. You're buying a story, a thought, a message,
and a good book entertains and inspires. And that's exactly
what A Missing By Award winning author of Me on
the Zia does. I have his book right here, and
it's based on real events with relatable characters that hook
(29:24):
you from start to finish. I personally love this book.
It's super powerful and meaningful through you can actually get
it on Amazon right now.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
The Mike Wagner Show is brought to you by Serena
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Speaker 2 (30:08):
Hey, Hey, this is Raye Powers and boy are you
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Speaker 5 (30:16):
You heard me.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
We're back on out there lanea Goudin of a family
maybe here on the Mike Wagner Show, and give us
the synopsis of the adoption process and his daughters and
everything else and the whole story. Now, speaking of the stories, Lane,
once you go ahead and pick a chapter. Read some
of the chapter excerpts from your book, A Family Maybe
like to we like to hear more about it. But
(30:45):
I think your microphone is off, Lane, your microphone is off. Okay,
now we're back on. So okay, can you hear me now.
Speaker 5 (30:54):
Lane, Yes, yes, I can hear it perfectly.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Okay, it's like you're we're cut out for a minute,
so go ahead here.
Speaker 5 (31:00):
So okay.
Speaker 7 (31:03):
So my book is called The Family Maybe, and the
very first chapter is called curbside Delivery. And just to
give you the background, the day was six six six
June sixth two thousand and six, and my partner Jonathan,
and I were waiting for a very unusual delivery. It
was on a hot early summer afternoon, just before the
breezes would begin blowing inland from the ocean. The Jonathan
(31:25):
shot me an irritated sideways glance.
Speaker 5 (31:28):
Where is she?
Speaker 7 (31:29):
Didn't she say? Early in the morning, that was hours ago?
What's taken her so long? A six foot three athlete.
My partner Jonathan was lining up daisy patterned onesis and
bird claus by the bassinette in the baby room. I
heard him vacuum in this room earlier and before that,
tiding up the crib and the toys in the baby
room upstairs. Patience dear, I sighed, give her a few
(31:50):
more minutes, she should be on her way. Like John,
I was trying to control my anxiety by being useful.
Yet I couldn't help rushing into the window every time
I heard a car drive by. Jackie Willis, our designated
Los Angeles County social worker, was neither here nor responding
to my calls. Did the county change its mind? Did
they release the baby to her mother, Jena. We've been
(32:13):
living with this uncertainty for months. Jena was due around
Memorial Day, which is would just have by the way
you can.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
It went perfectly.
Speaker 7 (32:23):
Yes, it's perfectly. It's Memorial Day story. But with office
closures and Jackie out of medical leave, the baby could
have gone to the wrong home. But that Memorial Day
I received a phone call from Babushka, my Russian speaking grandmother, Mazeltov.
She announced, your Jena give birth today. How on earth
you do you know that you've heard nothing from the county.
(32:45):
I just know, she said, it's actually if I'll know
its Sam of Iddish. Don't worry, You'll see it for herself.
I related to announcement to Jonathan and he chuckled, my
dear eighty four year old grandmother, our closest la in
the family. I chuckled too, but deep down I felt
even more anxious.
Speaker 5 (32:59):
What if she was right?
Speaker 7 (33:01):
I had no experience raising a newborn, nor did John Zero.
We've been trained certifying that. I was all just textbook learning.
What we're really about to become the caretakers of a tiny,
fagile life one hundred percent twenty four to seven, what
we're getting ourselves into. Three days later, a social worker
called from the hospital with the news that the baby
had been born on Memorial Day, just as Babisch could said,
(33:24):
but she couldn't be released yet. She had sepsis, a
potentially fatal blood infection, and had to.
Speaker 5 (33:29):
Be put on medication. Ooh.
Speaker 7 (33:31):
Other arrangements had already been made by Jackie's Department of
Children Family Services. The newborn would not be released to
the mother. Instead, she would be detained, that is, put
in the court's protective custody and placed with US as
her emergency foster home. The baby would remain with us
as her long term foster parents, while Jenna would be
given an opportunity and resources to reunify with her child
(33:55):
sepsis made it easier for the county to carry out
its plan. Jan recovered quickly and was discharged home to
continue as we were told with her drug rehab and counseling. Meanwhile,
the baby was improving on antibiotics while the court on
the DCFAS request formally detained her, but Jenna came back
to breastfeed and the nurse licked the secret. Devastated and desperate,
(34:17):
Jenna refused to leave, pleading with the staff to let
her take her baby home.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
Would you like me to continue?
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, I think that would be really interesting as well.
And I can understand the attachment the mother, the baby
and everything like that.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
And of course I guess the question is.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
During that time, is the real mom allowed to still
be in touch with you or is it just like
they said, no, you can't touch or talk.
Speaker 7 (34:44):
I should say, well, ours was a closed adoption and
it was really not our choosing in a way, because
all of that was decided before we were led into
the process to become the adoptive parents of the children
of women raising.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
So no, there is no there is no contact. There
is no contact.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (35:06):
If the children ever want to find their birth parents,
they can you know approach.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
The county has to see their cases, so that's that's there,
that's their choice.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Yeah, okay, but I was going to ask too that
were you given information about the the actual birth mom
and we allowed to contact her as well too, Were
you allowed to do that or the course tell.
Speaker 7 (35:27):
You, Oh, she is very much a part of the
part of the book, I mean, okay process, Well, yes, yes,
because basically as what you will, you know, you'll see
how the story will develop when when the child is
being brought to our house and at the end of
the chapter, you know, I'm sitting on the couch feeding
the baby, giving her first feeding, and Jonathan gets up,
(35:49):
picks up his car keys, and heads out to the
daycare to pick up the baby's older sister. And that's
the end of the first chapter. So that kind of
gives you a snapshot as to where we are.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (36:00):
In this process. We had many, many, many visits with
the birth mother and with the birth father of one
of the kids, and so it did get to know
her very well, and we also got to know the
birth father as well and his family. So uh, and
I tried to withhold any sort of commentary as to
(36:22):
what I think of what I feel about them. I
just I just tried to portray what was happening and
what what at the business during the contact and things
like that, because that's I'm just I was just documenting
what was going on. Uh, So the reader can make
their own conclusions about the situation.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
And of course, so what's the best did you want
to tell people that you know, I say about adoption,
you can adopt, be careful or you know what to
expect and everything.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
What do you want readers to get from the book?
Speaker 7 (36:54):
Even though my my book is pretty dramatic. Uh, it's
a thriller and it was not meant to be, but
that's what it ended up being.
Speaker 5 (37:03):
You know, it has a happy.
Speaker 7 (37:05):
End, and I want your listeners to really focus on
that happy end. Yes, we had we went through a
pretty difficult ordeal, but it was worth it.
Speaker 5 (37:16):
It was worth it.
Speaker 7 (37:17):
We're so blessed that we have our children, and I
would not want anyone to to get discouraged or in
somehow it sort of you know, lose heart over it.
What I would say is to just make sure that
you learn about the process that you know, you you
you read, you meet with other parents, you know, you
(37:37):
go to the orientations and all these things because the
system is complex, it has many parties involved, and you
you know, and that's something that I felt like, you know,
we should have done more before we wanted. Yes, we
got certified you know, home study parents and classes, that
was all fine, but we really didn't understand the system
until we're fully in it. So so yeah, they're resources
(38:00):
out there. There's more now maybe my book is one
of them, but but yes, you know, educate yourself and
if you have an opportunity to take a child in
and give them a home despite everything, just do it.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Do it?
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Okay? And where go you find your book? And I
works at Lane.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
Well, it's published by Traditional Press.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (38:22):
So it's available on Amazon and Bookshop. If you want
me to sign it for you, you can get it
on my website which is Lanagoden dot com.
Speaker 5 (38:31):
It's right there, but yeah, it's it's available. It's available as.
Speaker 7 (38:36):
A as a hard copy but also as an ebook,
uh for those who prefer you know that that format.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
And what's your website again.
Speaker 7 (38:46):
Lane Igodin dot com which is l A N. E.
I GS And George oh you Diaz and David I.
And like New York Lanagoden dot com, we.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Will certainly check that out once again with author Lana
Gooden of A Family and Baby hairlell of Mike Winners Show,
just a few more things.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
What else can we expecting twenty twenty five? And beyond.
Speaker 5 (39:07):
What am I expecting?
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yes? Or what can we expecting you in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 7 (39:11):
And sure, sure, sure, sure sure sure. Well last year
I had a pretty busy book tour. I spoke at
twelve different places, from Portland to Los Angeles to Mexico City.
Oh wow, I'm actually continuing. I just just gave a
pretty pretty pretty big author talk and there will be
another one later this summer, in of all places, in Jerusalem,
(39:33):
because I'm going again in just a couple of weeks.
And but what's happening is there's a lot of interest
in the story because it's a it's a it's a
there's a lot of interest I think in the world
of child welfare, especially from the angles that people are
not quite aware of, and given the magnitude of the
of the issue, of the problem and so many ethical
(39:54):
concerns about it.
Speaker 5 (39:55):
So I've been.
Speaker 7 (39:56):
Pretty uh, you know, I think I told you before
the interview. It's I think this is my twenty third interview, this.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
Correct, Yeah, and of course y'all more to come and
getting more people educated, especially with a state of the
situation in the United States and the world there.
Speaker 5 (40:10):
Were children, yeah, yeah. But I'm also.
Speaker 7 (40:14):
Another project I've been it's been an ongoing sort of
a labor of love for me, is writing about mindfulness,
mindfulness and spirituality from the Jewish perspective. And really what
brought me into it is, you know, we raised our
kids with faith, that that was a given, but parenting itself,
you know, kind of.
Speaker 5 (40:35):
Becoming more more.
Speaker 7 (40:39):
I would use the word mindful of the way I
parent instead of being reactive. That's that was another sort
of driving force for me to write more about it.
So I've been publishing quite quite a bit about the
sort of the intersection between spirituality, mindful and spirituality and parenting.
And so I have a a three month newsletter. You know,
(41:01):
I would invite anyone to check it out. It's called
Blessing to See, which is one of the traditional Jewish
blessings and in which I you know, I bring in
and comment to various sources which relate to to this
like I said this, this intersection of of parents and mindfulness, spirituality,
faith in daily.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
Life, and you also use it in your blogs as
well too, and being a writer as well.
Speaker 5 (41:26):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7 (41:29):
A couple of the articles came out recently. One of
them was, you know, I mentioned too that we're we
are empty nesting. So I published an article in a
Jewish journal here in Los Angeles about empty nesting from
a spiritual perspective. You know what it actually means, you know,
if you are a personal faith. So that that's kind
of a thing that's that's been important for me recently.
(41:50):
So that might be my next project.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Oh, that'd be that'd be that'd be wonderful looking forward
to that. We're blessing the CM Martin.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Who do you consider biggest influence in the career.
Speaker 5 (42:01):
I'm a nonfiction writer.
Speaker 7 (42:02):
I do not invent things, but I'm very interested in
life and observing life. And I would say the one person,
the one writer that's been a major major influence on
me is Joan Didion because she really takes a sort
of like microscope to to the society and she's able,
she was, unfortunately she passed away recently, able to look
(42:22):
at at life from very I would say, sharp but
very unusual angles. And the way she writes also influenced
me a lot, I would say she in terms of nonfiction,
she's been my primary influence.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
And certainly amazing. What's the best advice you can get
to any boy at this point.
Speaker 7 (42:40):
Well, if if your listeners are considering adopting kids or
the no someone, I think, you know, I would like,
I would like them to not to lose hope. But actually,
like I said, you know, learn more, And I don't
(43:02):
think it's a very good question for me.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Oh that's perfectly okay.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
It could be in general or simply say just do it,
or be positive everything like that.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
But I think there's really good advice as well. Well
people do that, so.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Yeah, okay, we can rewind it then, okay.
Speaker 7 (43:19):
So the advice that I would give your your listeners
is that if you are considering adopting for foster care,
just do it. But in general, if I'm asking you know,
what does a child need? I would say the child
needs needs love and commitment, and that's where it should
come come from. But you know what else, I would
also add to it. If you are in a couple,
(43:41):
you know, as a couple. You this is where it begins.
And I think you really you know from what I
learned from my experience as a parent, that our family
begins with the relationship between me and my partners.
Speaker 5 (43:55):
So I need to.
Speaker 7 (43:57):
I need to pay attention to them, don't take them
for granted, you know, I need to love them and
give them more. So basically, care about your partner, and
you know, the piece between you and your partner will
will bring the piece that your kids will know in
your family.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
And I think that's a really good point as well, too,
very wonderful here with the amazing author Lania Gooden of
a family maybe here on Mike Winner show Land a
very big thing for time.
Speaker 2 (44:23):
You've been absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Learned a lot from you soon and don't forget to
keep us up today, keep in touch, lave av back
and maybe your daughters can come on and talk as
well too. You're welcome to join on the family thing.
And one more thing, what's your website? How do people
contact you? Where in people purchase or check out your book?
Speaker 7 (44:43):
Okay, my website is Laneygodin dot com. L A N
E I g O U d I n at dot com.
But my book Family Maybe is available on basically any
book selling websites you know, such as Amazon, Bookshop, Barnes
and Noble, even in some store too.
Speaker 5 (45:00):
I noticed.
Speaker 7 (45:01):
So if you if you give my book you know,
if you would like to reach out to me by
all means, I love love love hearing from my readers.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
We will certainly do that as well. Once again, Laane,
a very big thanks the time you've been. AB's amazing.
Looking for him soon, keeps up today, keep in touch, Leve,
I'd be back. We wish I'll best Lane you definth
have a great future.
Speaker 5 (45:20):
Head. Thank you, Mike, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
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(45:42):
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Speaker 9 (45:51):
Hey there, Dana Laxa here, American news anchor. Hey, let
me ask you something real quick. Why do you read
a book. You're buying a story, a thought, a message,
and a good book entertains and inspires. And that's exactly
what's a missing by award winning author me on that
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based on real events with relatable characters that hook you
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Speaker 3 (46:21):
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Wagner's book The Sweet Sawmist now availab on Emsong. This
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