August 5, 2025 • 26 mins
Ever wonder what happens after “happily ever after”? 💖 Maurice and Kafi get real about the trials that test love and share how facing challenges together can create a bond stronger than any fairy tale.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The most powerful expressions of love don't happen and ease,
but they're revealed through endurance. Let's talk about it right after.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This, Let's talk about love and movement, the way of God.
Intend like experience to be shawl time, God help you speress.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello, hey everyone. So when real love gets tested, real love,
I'm searching for a real someone to make mon Is
there a reason why you're looking at me like that?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Real I'm trying to figure out where my note would
be to come in and I can't join you because
oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That was that was all over the breath baby way
when real love gets.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Tested, because that was a test.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
But see, it's not just passion. Mm hmmm, when real
love gets.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Tested, what is it?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It's not just fun or share interest. It's the resilient
resilience that we have. When real love gets tested and
childs pin strip away the surface of that new salact
(01:35):
floor and show us whether we're building on the solid
ground well or the shallow soil. So choosing to stay,
work it through and grow together through trials creates a
depth that no Disney fairy tale clevery tale. Well, So
(01:59):
we're here to tell you of a day that you
need to get yourself together. We need to get together.
I mean, because the reality is that when the honeymoon
is over, are you able to see the reality of
(02:25):
life now? The honeymoon now, some people have said the
honeymoon is forever, it's as long as you're alive, as
long as you're married. That sounds good in theory, and
that happens in some great TV shows, Hallmark movies, Disney movies.
(02:46):
That sounds fine, rom coms, whatever it is, right, That
sounds good in theory, but for some of us is
a struggle. And so how do you stay grounded when
when those storms come through? And do you have an
(03:12):
emergency plan when that happens? For the storms, for the storms,
oh yeah, they're gonna come. And most importantly, well I'm
talking about really when it comes to this, how do
you deal with conflict? Right? How do you deal with
those difficult conversations? And can you really say I'm sorry?
(03:41):
Can you learn how to say that. I've had to
learn how to say that. I've had to learn to say, hey, babe,
I apologize. I've had to learn how to come down
off of my egotistical tree, that fake sense of confidence
(04:01):
that you know, hey, we're growing, we're growing, we're doing,
we're doing, we did whatever else, and you know what,
you know, our reality is robrato. So I had to
learn how to calm that down. And I think some
of the things that we've where we might have had
our emergency plans, if you will, of how to deal
(04:23):
with those type of situations. I know one thing that's
always helped, and we've if y'all listened to us in
the past, we do this role play thing at times, Hey,
can I talk to my best friend for a moment,
you know, can you not be my wife for a
hot second and just you know, listen to the gossip
(04:45):
column real quick, right again, not saying anything too crazy,
raunchy or whatever else, because I still respect her as
my wife, you get what I mean. But you know,
I've had to be able to say, hey, you know
what I need. I need the friend part right now,
because sometimes I just can't say what I need to
(05:07):
say respectfully to my wife, you know, And so so
going through those hard.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Times, and let me just back up the way you're
picturing it's like you're not saying anything that's disrespectful when
you get into hey, I need to talk to the
friends side of our relationship. It's just you feel a
little more at ease, I guess to share certain things
and not you know, kind of worry about the protection
(05:44):
side of protecting your wife and protecting her feelings and
protecting your feelings and whatnot, and being in that that
protector role of husband. But you get to be a
little bit more vulnerable and say like, m you're right, hey, friend, like,
I'm not so sure about these things. How should I
handle them?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
And I think those when you give me that opportunity
to say, you know what, I see that you're struggling here,
here is an opportunity. And that's the part where sometimes
we don't do that. You know, I don't. I don't
always do that very well. They say, hey, cough, I'm
struggling right now.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know, And I think again, because of the roles
that we get into again, like I said, of protector
for yourself, of the one that is creating things and
making things happen, that it's kind of hard to say, oh, hey,
things ain't happening the way I want them to, and
(06:47):
I'm a little frustrated and to kind of vent if
you will, you know, we talk about hey, you know,
we kind of vent on a daily basis, but sometimes
these things are a little bit deeper and need a
little bit more attention. And I think that's when you
come and sit down very intentional to say, hey, I
need I just need somebody to listen to me, because
(07:11):
sometimes you don't.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Exk for feedback or advice.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
You just want to like, hey, vent and kind of
say hey, am I off in my thinking? Or just
sometimes validation. Sometimes it is for feedback, and then I
give feedback on whatever it might be, you know what
I mean. But again it's not well, Dad, I thought,
(07:36):
you know you could do this, and you could do that.
You know, it's just more so like hey, I hear you,
and you know, here are some options and ways to
handle it. So again it comes across still very much
friendly and not so much in that partnership relationship side.
It's just you know, communicating things. But I just wanted
(07:58):
to also follow back on something you had said in
reference to just conflict. And then I was running, you know,
through my mind like hey, where do we see conflict
in TV? Or where do we see conflict in movies?
And a lot of times you know it's either a
(08:19):
wrong com you know, like conflict and it gets all
south by the end. But life isn't always like that, right,
you know what I mean? So that the conflicts for
those who are listening and new to this, conflict doesn't
always get resolved at the end of the episode. It
doesn't get resolved at the end of the day. It
(08:40):
doesn't get resolved in the two hours of a movie
type scene. Sometimes it does last for some time, and
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But sometimes we don't give ourselves permission to allow it
to last for wow, right, no.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Go ahead, that's not as it does last for a while,
I think, you know. The point is not to be
angry about it and be bitter about it and to
be you know, argumentative or however the word would be,
just don't argue about it, like hey, like there can
be conflict, like hey, the tire is flat. That's a conflict.
(09:18):
We can't get up and go, you know, so how
do we resolve it and handle it? But it's pouring down,
raining and whatever, So it might not be able to
get resolved right away, and it's going to take some
time to think about it and what are the best options.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
We don't give ourselves that space though, because again, we
think in some cases I speak for myself where you know, well, kinfa,
I'm right right, and if I think I'm right, then
you need to believe I'm right as well. And so
we don't give ourselves that space to say, well, you
(09:53):
know what, this is a different person again, they have
different experiences, they have a different outlook on.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Life, and that's grace and we have to practice that grace, right,
you know, to understand begin to understand that, like you're stating,
everybody's kind of different. We can't always think the same,
act the same, and there's benefits in being somewhat different
(10:21):
from one another. But I think allowing and providing grace
to one another and moving forward or staying still, you know,
but still just understanding like I have to to offer
you a little bit of grace at that particular time.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
And I agree, But again I think that's that's something
that you have to really practice with because again we're
not always in that space again that that hey microwave mentality,
right that and or uh be a broken home where
(11:03):
you're not able to see that because of limited time
and energy, right you know. So so I guess I
look back on.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Go ahead, you said something broken home.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I think a lot of times we put those labels
on things.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
That that put us in a box. You know what
makes the home broken? You know what I mean? Like
it's still.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, all right, So so I put it like this,
Then the the coming from a a situation of where
you're growing up where you don't you're not able to
see in real time problem solving situations because you do
(11:49):
not have the one that the foundational part where you
and I have I eat us being married, right, and
then the the the real interaction between mother and father
in those and with those and around those very very
hard conversations. And so you're really making me use my
(12:13):
words tonight, I mean today whatever, because you know you're
and I think it's a great point that you brought
up of that term of broken home. We you know,
it's thrown around a lot of you know whatever, And
so having me to sit down and use my words
to explain what I'm referring to, I think that used
(12:34):
up you know, five hundred words, I guess. But anyway,
uh but but I think those are the type of
things that that when I speak about it, you know,
because my father wasn't there, right, and I had just
my mom. So there was a lot of times or
situations where if I had a conflict, my mom had
(13:00):
to deal with it and not have that person to
bounce at least what I can see all the time,
that person that bounced those ideas or issues or situations
off of. So if like, right now, let's just say
(13:21):
one of our children breaks the lamp, one of us
is gonna be upset. The other one may not be
right and.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
So because you didn't like that lamp anyway, but you.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Know so, so if you think about that for a second, Right, so,
if I didn't like the lamp, I'm gonna be like,
oh no, y'all should have done that. But right where
you're like, oh, Marie's like, you know, they broke the
lamp and whatever, and in your mind you're like, hey,
(13:58):
well I got to clean it up, and I gotta do,
I do I gotta do when I'm like, hey, this
ain't that bad. Let's go get a new lamp, right finally, right,
you know, so, I think those are the things that
sometimes broken up, I mean broken up sometimes I'm still
thinking about broken lamp. But sometimes when you're you're in
(14:23):
a situation where you're unable to see real time conflict resolution.
There's not a lot of uh ah, a lot of
ways for you. As you get older and you're in
a long term relationship, how do you resolve those conflicts,
(14:44):
those moments of conflict in a more rational, maybe less emotional,
because it's gonna be emotional, right, it's gonna be emotions
in it, but maybe not so emotional where the whole
world is on fire and you're not gonna talk about
this because I mean conf I mean a lot of
times I was on fire. I don't care what the
(15:06):
situation was, you know, and so on where you're a
little more I mean you're already soft spoken, quiet anyway,
but you're like, hey, Maurice, it may not be that bad, right,
or let's consider because you get into your let's balance
it out mode, you know, if I'm in my fire
(15:29):
mode and you're kind of like, no, let's let's you know,
let's that's that fire a little bit Reese, you know. Mode.
So I think those type of things when you don't
see it and you don't experience it and or ah.
So so now you don't have a point of reference
(15:50):
and say, you know what, maybe I do need to
take the time and reconsider the pros and cons, you know,
the repercussions of that type of decision, jumping full steam
ahead or whatever it is. I think a lot of
times we don't do that. So when you look at
these rom coms, right, a lot of times they have
that moment of where even though somebody might be on fire,
(16:14):
but there is that other person in most cases that
can hey, I can't talk to you and I, you know,
being a friend. Let's just say it's a friend, and
I could go to my friend and talk to my
friend and say, hey, you know what, why won't you
reconsider won't you sit down and have this coffee or
this Moca latte and won't you chill out? Right? Because
(16:38):
a lot of times our friends are just like us, right,
we have a lot of yes people around us. So
I think those are things that we have to learn
how to deal with in the non rom Cohn situation,
(16:58):
m con, rom com, rom con whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
I thought you was putting a spin on conflict. I
was like, that's a new category, romantic conflict.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Not romantic comedies coming to you soon?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, I mean, I think again, what is displayed in
TV and on movies it's just a portion of what
really goes on behind closed doors an average married household.
(17:42):
I think we have some of those things that are
displayed on those movies, tv shows, but there's so so
much more that goes into what makes a marriage work,
what makes it last. And these are just a few
(18:03):
things you know that you know we're sharing today, right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And I think some of us as we're sitting back
and wish we could be in that fairy tale space.
It's just as a fairy tale because they're not hitting
because a lot of times you only can hit in
that fairy tale, you only can hit like one or
two points. You can't hit everything, you know. So so
(18:30):
if you look at like a beauty and a beast, right,
what was his real issue? It was just that he
was a beast? Right? But in reality what other things
was he really dealing with? In all honesty, you know,
but a lot of times people just didn't want to
deal with him because he was a beast, you know,
(18:54):
spell on him whatever, right? But with that being a beast,
was he angry? Was he jealous? Like envy?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Like?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
What else did he have going on? And when he
turned back, did all that magically go away? Or did
that continue on? And who was in Beauty and the
Beast Bell that wasn't okay? Yeah? And so did Bell
have issues two nights later, you know, because somebody was
(19:26):
talking to Belle, whether it was the you know, the
pots and pans or whatever else. Still, you know. So,
so sometimes we see that like, hey, we uh we
see the happy ending quote unquote for that moment or
that day, for those five minutes, But what happens after
(19:46):
those five minutes are gone, after the credits finished rolling?
What did he say? What went on? You know what
I mean? So? And then not only did we hear
that from his side again what issues he might have had,
But now that he's back to his regular self and
he's walking down the street, is anybody trying to highlight him? Right?
(20:11):
It goes both ways, right, you know? So does she
have challenges or issues too? So I think those are
things that we have to be able to say, Hey,
you know, we understand humans are humans, and how can
we ensure that we give the other person grace and
understanding through these these human actions? Pretty much?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And I think that's the thing that we focus a
lot on the human actions. We focus a lot on
those moments, because those are the things that we look
forward to as as just human nature, but true endurance
and true things within a marriage and having a long
(20:56):
lasting marriage is focusing on the little things, not just
the hallmark moments, not just the milestone moments, Not just
the big things that you want to write in your
diary about or you're going to call somebody up and
tell them about, or you want them to be a
part of. But it's those other pieces in between, because
(21:18):
you can make those things big as well. It can
be something simple, but it's all about your perspective and
how you look at it and how you see it.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
I think you know, it's just.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
I mean, I will say this. You're entitled to your opinion,
right because like I am right and so and I'm
saying that because you said I think, and I want
you and I want everybody out here to understand that. See. See,
there are some things that in marriage when someone says,
(21:52):
well I think, and then now you make a response,
they kind of could kind of pull back on their opinion,
whether it's valid or not. So I just want to
take an opportunity to say, copy your your opinion, your idea,
your thought process is valid. Right, It makes a great point,
you know, And so a lot of times we don't
take the opportunity to validate what that person is saying.
(22:14):
We don't take the time to validate their opinion that
they are just as important as yourself, you know. So
I just want to say that, And I think that
was a great space because of again, in this place
of resiliency and being able to get through the hard
moments and opportunities, do you take the moment to take
that opportunity you see that opening to say you're valid,
(22:38):
you are important now, I'm gonna be honest with y'all.
I haven't always been there though, either, right, And it
takes time, It takes energy to see that to understand
that it's correct it now. Correction doesn't mean that it
(23:00):
changes overnight. Correction doesn't mean it changes right at that moment.
Correction could be over a period of time of hey,
you know what, step myself on a handpand you know,
you know, And so I think those are things that
as we go through this thing called life, are we
able to see what our deficiencies are personally and not
(23:25):
look at ourselves in the mirror and like, hey, all
we see is the beast. Can we actually see who
we are without that and not be upset because we're
not there today, Grace right, and so so you know,
I just want each and every one of you to
hear this we're talking about you know today is just
(23:47):
how it's not going to be easy, just like you
look at sit down and watch that the Hallmark movie,
that Disney movie is not going to be easy. It's
not gonna be a it's not gonna happen overnight. And
and when the honeymoon is over quote unquote, it all
(24:11):
depends on how you respond to that as well. And
what is that moment that where the honeymoon seem like
is over? How do you deal with that that moment
and how you and how present are you in that moment?
Do you revert back to how you were when you
were a kid and what you saw? Example wise, do
(24:31):
you refer back to that TikTok video that you saw
when people are going, you know, hand or something that's
an old word, Maurice, How old are you? You know? So?
So yeah, So that's all I got to say. No
more words, Kauf. I used all my you may me
use all my words in this particular podcast not at all.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Many many many many many many many many many many
many many many many many many many many many many,
many many more words.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Not at all. There were some more paultte no, because
you know how you say not at all? Saw, And
then I said, Paul, I'm like, there's no there's no
female version of Saul that I could think of. So
I was like, all right, Paul, all right, Paul atte.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
But it doesn't rhyme.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I know, it doesn't. I just you know, I had
to use another word, I guess. But we thank you'll
very much for listening today.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Thank you so much, and we hope that.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
You enjoyed that movie. I hope that you know you
watched and you laughed and cried. And because I'm gonna
be honest with y'all, sometimes I'll be looking at some
of these movies and a little tear just rolls down
my little cheek. I'm sorry, y'all. I'll talk to you
(25:59):
a little bit later.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. We hope today's discussion left
you feeling uplifted encouraged and ready to take on life's
journey with purpose. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget
to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with
someone who could use a little inspiration in their dead
(26:22):
You can catch up on past episodes, send us your thoughts,
or learn more about us on social media. Until next time,
stay rooted in love and remember every seed you plant
today shaped the fruit of tomorrow. Take care and we'll
see you next time.
The most powerful expressions of love don't happen and ease,
but they're revealed through endurance. Let's talk about it right after.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This, Let's talk about love and movement, the way of God.
Intend like experience to be shawl time, God help you speress.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hello, hey everyone. So when real love gets tested, real love,
I'm searching for a real someone to make mon Is
there a reason why you're looking at me like that?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Real I'm trying to figure out where my note would
be to come in and I can't join you because
oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That was that was all over the breath baby way
when real love gets.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Tested, because that was a test.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
But see, it's not just passion. Mm hmmm, when real
love gets.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
Tested, what is it?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It's not just fun or share interest. It's the resilient
resilience that we have. When real love gets tested and
childs pin strip away the surface of that new salact
(01:35):
floor and show us whether we're building on the solid
ground well or the shallow soil. So choosing to stay,
work it through and grow together through trials creates a
depth that no Disney fairy tale clevery tale. Well, So
(01:59):
we're here to tell you of a day that you
need to get yourself together. We need to get together.
I mean, because the reality is that when the honeymoon
is over, are you able to see the reality of
(02:25):
life now? The honeymoon now, some people have said the
honeymoon is forever, it's as long as you're alive, as
long as you're married. That sounds good in theory, and
that happens in some great TV shows, Hallmark movies, Disney movies.
(02:46):
That sounds fine, rom coms, whatever it is, right, That
sounds good in theory, but for some of us is
a struggle. And so how do you stay grounded when
when those storms come through? And do you have an
(03:12):
emergency plan when that happens? For the storms, for the storms,
oh yeah, they're gonna come. And most importantly, well I'm
talking about really when it comes to this, how do
you deal with conflict? Right? How do you deal with
those difficult conversations? And can you really say I'm sorry?
(03:41):
Can you learn how to say that. I've had to
learn how to say that. I've had to learn to say, hey, babe,
I apologize. I've had to learn how to come down
off of my egotistical tree, that fake sense of confidence
(04:01):
that you know, hey, we're growing, we're growing, we're doing,
we're doing, we did whatever else, and you know what,
you know, our reality is robrato. So I had to
learn how to calm that down. And I think some
of the things that we've where we might have had
our emergency plans, if you will, of how to deal
(04:23):
with those type of situations. I know one thing that's
always helped, and we've if y'all listened to us in
the past, we do this role play thing at times, Hey,
can I talk to my best friend for a moment,
you know, can you not be my wife for a
hot second and just you know, listen to the gossip
(04:45):
column real quick, right again, not saying anything too crazy,
raunchy or whatever else, because I still respect her as
my wife, you get what I mean. But you know,
I've had to be able to say, hey, you know
what I need. I need the friend part right now,
because sometimes I just can't say what I need to
(05:07):
say respectfully to my wife, you know, And so so
going through those hard.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Times, and let me just back up the way you're
picturing it's like you're not saying anything that's disrespectful when
you get into hey, I need to talk to the
friends side of our relationship. It's just you feel a
little more at ease, I guess to share certain things
and not you know, kind of worry about the protection
(05:44):
side of protecting your wife and protecting her feelings and
protecting your feelings and whatnot, and being in that that
protector role of husband. But you get to be a
little bit more vulnerable and say like, m you're right, hey, friend, like,
I'm not so sure about these things. How should I
handle them?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
And I think those when you give me that opportunity
to say, you know what, I see that you're struggling here,
here is an opportunity. And that's the part where sometimes
we don't do that. You know, I don't. I don't
always do that very well. They say, hey, cough, I'm
struggling right now.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
You know, And I think again, because of the roles
that we get into again, like I said, of protector
for yourself, of the one that is creating things and
making things happen, that it's kind of hard to say, oh, hey,
things ain't happening the way I want them to, and
(06:47):
I'm a little frustrated and to kind of vent if
you will, you know, we talk about hey, you know,
we kind of vent on a daily basis, but sometimes
these things are a little bit deeper and need a
little bit more attention. And I think that's when you
come and sit down very intentional to say, hey, I
need I just need somebody to listen to me, because
(07:11):
sometimes you don't.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Exk for feedback or advice.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
You just want to like, hey, vent and kind of
say hey, am I off in my thinking? Or just
sometimes validation. Sometimes it is for feedback, and then I
give feedback on whatever it might be, you know what
I mean. But again it's not well, Dad, I thought,
(07:36):
you know you could do this, and you could do that.
You know, it's just more so like hey, I hear you,
and you know, here are some options and ways to
handle it. So again it comes across still very much
friendly and not so much in that partnership relationship side.
It's just you know, communicating things. But I just wanted
(07:58):
to also follow back on something you had said in
reference to just conflict. And then I was running, you know,
through my mind like hey, where do we see conflict
in TV? Or where do we see conflict in movies?
And a lot of times you know it's either a
(08:19):
wrong com you know, like conflict and it gets all
south by the end. But life isn't always like that, right,
you know what I mean? So that the conflicts for
those who are listening and new to this, conflict doesn't
always get resolved at the end of the episode. It
doesn't get resolved at the end of the day. It
(08:40):
doesn't get resolved in the two hours of a movie
type scene. Sometimes it does last for some time, and
that's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But sometimes we don't give ourselves permission to allow it
to last for wow, right, no.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Go ahead, that's not as it does last for a while,
I think, you know. The point is not to be
angry about it and be bitter about it and to
be you know, argumentative or however the word would be,
just don't argue about it, like hey, like there can
be conflict, like hey, the tire is flat. That's a conflict.
(09:18):
We can't get up and go, you know, so how
do we resolve it and handle it? But it's pouring down,
raining and whatever, So it might not be able to
get resolved right away, and it's going to take some
time to think about it and what are the best options.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
We don't give ourselves that space though, because again, we
think in some cases I speak for myself where you know, well, kinfa,
I'm right right, and if I think I'm right, then
you need to believe I'm right as well. And so
we don't give ourselves that space to say, well, you
(09:53):
know what, this is a different person again, they have
different experiences, they have a different outlook on.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Life, and that's grace and we have to practice that grace, right,
you know, to understand begin to understand that, like you're stating,
everybody's kind of different. We can't always think the same,
act the same, and there's benefits in being somewhat different
(10:21):
from one another. But I think allowing and providing grace
to one another and moving forward or staying still, you know,
but still just understanding like I have to to offer
you a little bit of grace at that particular time.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
And I agree, But again I think that's that's something
that you have to really practice with because again we're
not always in that space again that that hey microwave mentality,
right that and or uh be a broken home where
(11:03):
you're not able to see that because of limited time
and energy, right you know. So so I guess I
look back on.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Go ahead, you said something broken home.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
I think a lot of times we put those labels
on things.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
That that put us in a box. You know what
makes the home broken? You know what I mean? Like
it's still.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, all right, So so I put it like this,
Then the the coming from a a situation of where
you're growing up where you don't you're not able to
see in real time problem solving situations because you do
(11:49):
not have the one that the foundational part where you
and I have I eat us being married, right, and
then the the the real interaction between mother and father
in those and with those and around those very very
hard conversations. And so you're really making me use my
(12:13):
words tonight, I mean today whatever, because you know you're
and I think it's a great point that you brought
up of that term of broken home. We you know,
it's thrown around a lot of you know whatever, And
so having me to sit down and use my words
to explain what I'm referring to, I think that used
(12:34):
up you know, five hundred words, I guess. But anyway,
uh but but I think those are the type of
things that that when I speak about it, you know,
because my father wasn't there, right, and I had just
my mom. So there was a lot of times or
situations where if I had a conflict, my mom had
(13:00):
to deal with it and not have that person to
bounce at least what I can see all the time,
that person that bounced those ideas or issues or situations
off of. So if like, right now, let's just say
(13:21):
one of our children breaks the lamp, one of us
is gonna be upset. The other one may not be
right and.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
So because you didn't like that lamp anyway, but you.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Know so, so if you think about that for a second, Right, so,
if I didn't like the lamp, I'm gonna be like,
oh no, y'all should have done that. But right where
you're like, oh, Marie's like, you know, they broke the
lamp and whatever, and in your mind you're like, hey,
(13:58):
well I got to clean it up, and I gotta do,
I do I gotta do when I'm like, hey, this
ain't that bad. Let's go get a new lamp, right finally, right,
you know, so, I think those are the things that
sometimes broken up, I mean broken up sometimes I'm still
thinking about broken lamp. But sometimes when you're you're in
(14:23):
a situation where you're unable to see real time conflict resolution.
There's not a lot of uh ah, a lot of
ways for you. As you get older and you're in
a long term relationship, how do you resolve those conflicts,
(14:44):
those moments of conflict in a more rational, maybe less emotional,
because it's gonna be emotional, right, it's gonna be emotions
in it, but maybe not so emotional where the whole
world is on fire and you're not gonna talk about
this because I mean conf I mean a lot of
times I was on fire. I don't care what the
(15:06):
situation was, you know, and so on where you're a
little more I mean you're already soft spoken, quiet anyway,
but you're like, hey, Maurice, it may not be that bad, right,
or let's consider because you get into your let's balance
it out mode, you know, if I'm in my fire
(15:29):
mode and you're kind of like, no, let's let's you know,
let's that's that fire a little bit Reese, you know. Mode.
So I think those type of things when you don't
see it and you don't experience it and or ah.
So so now you don't have a point of reference
(15:50):
and say, you know what, maybe I do need to
take the time and reconsider the pros and cons, you know,
the repercussions of that type of decision, jumping full steam
ahead or whatever it is. I think a lot of
times we don't do that. So when you look at
these rom coms, right, a lot of times they have
that moment of where even though somebody might be on fire,
(16:14):
but there is that other person in most cases that
can hey, I can't talk to you and I, you know,
being a friend. Let's just say it's a friend, and
I could go to my friend and talk to my
friend and say, hey, you know what, why won't you
reconsider won't you sit down and have this coffee or
this Moca latte and won't you chill out? Right? Because
(16:38):
a lot of times our friends are just like us, right,
we have a lot of yes people around us. So
I think those are things that we have to learn
how to deal with in the non rom Cohn situation,
(16:58):
m con, rom com, rom con whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
I thought you was putting a spin on conflict. I
was like, that's a new category, romantic conflict.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Not romantic comedies coming to you soon?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, I mean, I think again, what is displayed in
TV and on movies it's just a portion of what
really goes on behind closed doors an average married household.
(17:42):
I think we have some of those things that are
displayed on those movies, tv shows, but there's so so
much more that goes into what makes a marriage work,
what makes it last. And these are just a few
(18:03):
things you know that you know we're sharing today, right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And I think some of us as we're sitting back
and wish we could be in that fairy tale space.
It's just as a fairy tale because they're not hitting
because a lot of times you only can hit in
that fairy tale, you only can hit like one or
two points. You can't hit everything, you know. So so
(18:30):
if you look at like a beauty and a beast, right,
what was his real issue? It was just that he
was a beast? Right? But in reality what other things
was he really dealing with? In all honesty, you know,
but a lot of times people just didn't want to
deal with him because he was a beast, you know,
(18:54):
spell on him whatever, right? But with that being a beast,
was he angry? Was he jealous? Like envy?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Like?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
What else did he have going on? And when he
turned back, did all that magically go away? Or did
that continue on? And who was in Beauty and the
Beast Bell that wasn't okay? Yeah? And so did Bell
have issues two nights later, you know, because somebody was
(19:26):
talking to Belle, whether it was the you know, the
pots and pans or whatever else. Still, you know. So,
so sometimes we see that like, hey, we uh we
see the happy ending quote unquote for that moment or
that day, for those five minutes, But what happens after
(19:46):
those five minutes are gone, after the credits finished rolling?
What did he say? What went on? You know what
I mean? So? And then not only did we hear
that from his side again what issues he might have had,
But now that he's back to his regular self and
he's walking down the street, is anybody trying to highlight him? Right?
(20:11):
It goes both ways, right, you know? So does she
have challenges or issues too? So I think those are
things that we have to be able to say, Hey,
you know, we understand humans are humans, and how can
we ensure that we give the other person grace and
understanding through these these human actions? Pretty much?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
And I think that's the thing that we focus a
lot on the human actions. We focus a lot on
those moments, because those are the things that we look
forward to as as just human nature, but true endurance
and true things within a marriage and having a long
(20:56):
lasting marriage is focusing on the little things, not just
the hallmark moments, not just the milestone moments, Not just
the big things that you want to write in your
diary about or you're going to call somebody up and
tell them about, or you want them to be a
part of. But it's those other pieces in between, because
(21:18):
you can make those things big as well. It can
be something simple, but it's all about your perspective and
how you look at it and how you see it.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
I think you know, it's just.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
I mean, I will say this. You're entitled to your opinion,
right because like I am right and so and I'm
saying that because you said I think, and I want
you and I want everybody out here to understand that. See. See,
there are some things that in marriage when someone says,
(21:52):
well I think, and then now you make a response,
they kind of could kind of pull back on their opinion,
whether it's valid or not. So I just want to
take an opportunity to say, copy your your opinion, your idea,
your thought process is valid. Right, It makes a great point,
you know, And so a lot of times we don't
take the opportunity to validate what that person is saying.
(22:14):
We don't take the time to validate their opinion that
they are just as important as yourself, you know. So
I just want to say that, And I think that
was a great space because of again, in this place
of resiliency and being able to get through the hard
moments and opportunities, do you take the moment to take
that opportunity you see that opening to say you're valid,
(22:38):
you are important now, I'm gonna be honest with y'all.
I haven't always been there though, either, right, And it
takes time, It takes energy to see that to understand
that it's correct it now. Correction doesn't mean that it
(23:00):
changes overnight. Correction doesn't mean it changes right at that moment.
Correction could be over a period of time of hey,
you know what, step myself on a handpand you know,
you know, And so I think those are things that
as we go through this thing called life, are we
able to see what our deficiencies are personally and not
(23:25):
look at ourselves in the mirror and like, hey, all
we see is the beast. Can we actually see who
we are without that and not be upset because we're
not there today, Grace right, and so so you know,
I just want each and every one of you to
hear this we're talking about you know today is just
(23:47):
how it's not going to be easy, just like you
look at sit down and watch that the Hallmark movie,
that Disney movie is not going to be easy. It's
not gonna be a it's not gonna happen overnight. And
and when the honeymoon is over quote unquote, it all
(24:11):
depends on how you respond to that as well. And
what is that moment that where the honeymoon seem like
is over? How do you deal with that that moment
and how you and how present are you in that moment?
Do you revert back to how you were when you
were a kid and what you saw? Example wise, do
(24:31):
you refer back to that TikTok video that you saw
when people are going, you know, hand or something that's
an old word, Maurice, How old are you? You know? So?
So yeah, So that's all I got to say. No
more words, Kauf. I used all my you may me
use all my words in this particular podcast not at all.
Speaker 3 (24:52):
Many many many many many many many many many many
many many many many many many many many many many,
many many more words.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Not at all. There were some more paultte no, because
you know how you say not at all? Saw, And
then I said, Paul, I'm like, there's no there's no
female version of Saul that I could think of. So
I was like, all right, Paul, all right, Paul atte.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
But it doesn't rhyme.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
I know, it doesn't. I just you know, I had
to use another word, I guess. But we thank you'll
very much for listening today.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Thank you so much, and we hope that.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
You enjoyed that movie. I hope that you know you
watched and you laughed and cried. And because I'm gonna
be honest with y'all, sometimes I'll be looking at some
of these movies and a little tear just rolls down
my little cheek. I'm sorry, y'all. I'll talk to you
(25:59):
a little bit later.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. We hope today's discussion left
you feeling uplifted encouraged and ready to take on life's
journey with purpose. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget
to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with
someone who could use a little inspiration in their dead
(26:22):
You can catch up on past episodes, send us your thoughts,
or learn more about us on social media. Until next time,
stay rooted in love and remember every seed you plant
today shaped the fruit of tomorrow. Take care and we'll
see you next time.
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