August 14, 2025 • 27 mins
3 Ways to Build a Better Marriage
In this episode of the No Fruit Podcast, Kafi dives deep into the core of successful marriages and partnerships, distinguishing between the pursuit of perfection and the benefits of embracing partnership. Listen and discover actionable strategies to cultivate a partnership mindset, enhance decision-making, and provide unwavering support for your spouse. Your success starts with you.
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In this episode of the No Fruit Podcast, Kafi dives deep into the core of successful marriages and partnerships, distinguishing between the pursuit of perfection and the benefits of embracing partnership. Listen and discover actionable strategies to cultivate a partnership mindset, enhance decision-making, and provide unwavering support for your spouse. Your success starts with you.
- Cultivate a “we” mindset over “me”.
- Share decision-making and problem-solving.
- Offer unwavering support.
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- Business Address: PO Box 460, Secane, PA 19018
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What is the secret to a successful marriage, partnership or perfection?
Will find out more right after this.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Let's talk about loving them and the way that God
intend life. EXPERI SIVI Show Any Helps.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Hello, everybody, Welcome back to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast. I am your host Kafa. Maurice isn't with
us today. He's not feeling well, so I'm gonna try
to hold things down all alone. But he's still with
me in spirit. So today we're gonna be talking a
little bit about what it means to have a successful marriage.
(00:58):
Is it partnership or is it perfection? A lot of
times we seem to think that marriage and a relationship
is perfection. We look at having the perfect relationship, the
perfect spouse, starts off with the perfect wedding day, right,
But that's not always the case. That we need to
lean on perfection, And sometimes leaning on perfection can lead
(01:22):
us to a tricky situation because we can get hurt
in that manner. When we think about perfection and we're
trying to get things perfect and we're trying to represent
and be a perfect person for our spouse, it makes
it difficult and it can be a very tricky way
to lean into marriage and to lean into any relationship
(01:43):
when you're leaning for perfection, but when you think about
it and you think about maybe leaning towards partnership instead
and working things out together as a unit and not
leaning towards perfection. So let me go in this a
little bit more so, what are some things that we
can do to kind of lean away from perfection and
(02:06):
lean more into partnership. So one of the things that
we can do is certainly is to cultivate our mindset.
It is a mindset shift from thinking of that perfect
wedding day, thinking of that perfect marriage. You know, the
way that it is on television and movies. It's not
going to happen that way. Not every day. Some days
(02:26):
will certainly feel like it's perfect and that it's a
movie setting and that everything is just the way that
you want it to be. However, you know it's not
always going to be that way. And I want to
share with you all that it's okay that it's not
going to be perfect. And I'm coming from my own
experience of twenty four almost twenty five years of weddedness,
(02:50):
and it has not always been perfect. We've had some
ups and some downs, We've had some really rough moments
over these years, but we learn from them. And it's
taken some time to even get to the point to
even learn from the lessons. You know, like when you're
in the midst of it, of a down moment, you
(03:13):
don't know that it's a blessing. You know, you're just
kind of upset about it or trying to get out
of it. But when you look back, you can understand
that it was a blessing and that it's all built
up for the glory and it's all making you better
and at the end of the day, I guess that
makes it perfect. But understanding that marriage is a partnership,
(03:35):
so again, understanding the mindset and that we have to
kind of think about us and not me. Growing up
as a child, you know, it's always me, me, me, mine,
mind mind. Always go back to the cartoon I think
it was Looney Tunes when one of the characters was
going mine, mind, mine. So a lot of times we
(03:58):
grow up that way that we think of ourselves first,
we think of how what do I want to do?
How do what do I want to get accomplished? And
that's ingrained in us from so many places, you know,
when you you grow up your your you're asked, well,
what do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you what do you want to do in
this And you ask these things and you walk life
(04:21):
out thinking of yourself, and that's okay up until a
certain point when you realize that, hey, I do need
to connect with someone else, and that it's not all
about me, that I can't get through life all on
my own, that I do need others, and that's that's
(04:42):
great in that as well. So one of the things
that we need to think about as well is that
it's not just about us and that it is a
not just about me, excuse me, it is about us,
and that we have to think about that. And it's
a mind shift, a mindset shift. So how do we
shift our mindset? We begin to analyze or why are
(05:05):
we here? Why are we in this relationship? Why are
we in this marriage? And it'll help you understand a
little bit better that it's not just about me, that
my spouse, my partner, my coworkers not here just to
satisfy my needs, but I have a part in the
overall theme, the overall vision of things. And then you'll
(05:31):
be able to understand the togetherness and that it is
in us and it's a group thing, and the connectivity
will be there. So an example of that is, you know,
Maurice and I would do certain activities alone, but it's
(05:52):
for some reason when you do it with your partner
or with someone else, it gets done a whole lot easier.
So at times, this partnership, you know, goes into beyond
different activities. So I can think of, you know, it's
(06:13):
it's not a gender role activity for him to clean
the car, so I will go out and assist with that,
and it lightens the load and we both get a
joy out of it and becomes a partnership in that regard.
I've even helped with lawn work, and he's helped with
cleaning around the house. So we all do those things
(06:35):
at times in partnership and in a togetherness, and I
think that helps to build a stronger bond. I think
it helps to create connectivity and oneness. So if it's
more so aligned with me and independence, then we lose
(06:57):
sight of that connectivity and that connection that we could
really really have with our spouse. One of the other
things that I want to talk about a little bit
is sharing and decision making and problem solving that you know,
in order to create a partnership, one has to think
(07:21):
about how you're making decisions, who's leading that, who's not
leading it, and how do you get to that point.
Are you sitting down every night, are you sitting down
once a week to talk about decisions or do you
just kind of let things go. Through our years of marriage,
(07:42):
Maurice and I had not always sat down and talked
about decisions, and things were kind of done differently. Maybe
when a situation came up, we handled it as those
situations arose, and he would usually call and say, hey,
let's talk about these things, and we would sit down
and talk them through, come up with a solution, and
(08:04):
move through and with those things. But recently in our relationship,
we seem to meet like once a week and it's almost,
you know, I kind of merit to corporate America, where
you're kind of meeting with your one on one with
your supervisor. So it's not in a situation where one
(08:26):
is subordinate to the other, but it gives us a
chance to sit down and kind of connect one on
one with what's been going on in our life and
what things we are planning towards the next week or
the next month, and we get to kind of really
really deep dive into those goals and deep dive into
(08:51):
our lives and what's going on and what decisions need
to be made in order to move our life forward.
I feel so if I could give anybody that advice,
I think that has been one of the greatest things
that we have been able to do recently is to
sit down and do that on a weekly basis. And
(09:14):
sometimes it it follows up with prayer, and sometimes it
just follows up with just you know, a us holding
each other because it's it's a deep conversation that we
have and sometimes we just you know, roll out and
just everything is just great because we've been able to
discuss things that we've had happened the previous week, and
(09:35):
then we're able to look at things that are going
to happen and be able to make those decisions together.
Meet myself, I don't like making a whole lot of decisions.
I like to, you know, kind of give it off
to somebody else. So but when we sit down together,
it allows me that time and that good space to
be able to share my thoughts openly and then we're
(09:59):
able to discuss, well, you know, if this, then that,
if that, then what. So we're able to talk about things.
And Maurice is so great with being such a big
picture thinker that he's able to look at things down
the line and say, well, here's where things are and
(10:19):
how or how things could be. And I'm one to say, like,
here's where things are, how are we going to get
to where you want things to be? And we're able
to make those decisions very well. I think because of
how we have progressed our relationship and that mindset changing
to being okay to sit down and talk about things
(10:43):
and being okay with hey, even if we don't agree,
that we've been able to talk about it openly, and
that leads us to problem solving because sometimes you know,
the problems don't get solved, and that's okay as well,
that you kind of table those and and put them
on the table until the next time you meet. That
(11:03):
everything doesn't have to get solved and resolved within the
thirty minute episode. I think a lot of times we
come up with TV where things were kind of handled
in the thirty minutes that we're watching the TV show
or the sixty minute episode, and everything kind of is
sealed with the bow at the very end, and you
move on to whatever the next show is, or you
(11:25):
wait around to the next week, but the next week
is a whole other issue or a whole nother problem,
and it's not necessarily carried on the way that it
is in real life. But in real life it's okay
to not have an answer at the end of the
day and to not agree at the end of the day,
(11:46):
but not let that hold you to a point where
you're upset with your spouse, because again that goes back
to everything ain't gonna be perfect. But again within the partnership,
understanding what everyone brings to the table and what their
strengths are and moving forward in that capacity will allow
(12:06):
you to eventually get to the point where you can
do some problem solving and you can do some great
decision making in it all by understanding what your own
strengths are. So if I could go back to the
previous point in saying, hey, it's about us and not
about me when it comes to me, you have to
understand yourself and what you bring to the table, what
(12:28):
you bring to the marriage, and understanding even with that,
I know for myself. I don't bring perfection. I don't
bring the total package. There's you know, flaws and all.
And Maurice loves me with my flaws and all, and
I do, likewise, love him with his flaws and all.
And we come together with that, and you know, the
(12:49):
Bible says the two become one. So we're not even.
We're a piece of each you know other independently, but
when we come together we're one whole. But independently we're not.
So I think that's just a great, great thing to
think about when we're thinking about our relationships and whether
(13:10):
or not it's about a partnership or perfection. Another key
thing to think about when you're analyzing whether or not
it's a partnership or a perfection is how to support
one another. And supporting one another is clearly just a partnership.
(13:30):
It can't be about me if I'm trying to support you.
So if I'm supporting somebody, then I am upholding them.
I'm believing in them and helping them along the way.
And that's a true partnership in any regard, whether it's
marriage or a corporate relationship, or even when it comes
(13:55):
to dealing with your parents. Or dealing with your children,
that you support them and you're there for them and
you give them so you know, your your attention, your time,
and all of those things lead into that support. I
can say, you know, looking back at dealing with my kids,
(14:18):
I tell them even now they're in their twenties and
I still say, hey, I'm your biggest cheerleader, I'm your
biggest support. You know, if you need anything, I will
be right there for you. And I think that means
so so much that I'm not asking them to be perfect.
If for them's needs, support from me means that they're
(14:40):
not perfect, and they have to be able to acknowledge that, hey,
I need help, and we can do that whether that's
our child, or if that's our parent, or if that's
our spouse, just acknowledging that hey, I need help. And
and I think we talked about on the show before,
(15:01):
where you know, Marise leaned up to me and said, hey,
you need help, asks the kids for help. It's okay.
They can do their own laundry, they can help watch
the dishes and do take out the trash and all
those other things. Matter of fact, my son I think
helped cut the grass, you know, not too long ago,
so because Marice wasn't feeling well, So again, looking and
(15:23):
leaning for that support helps to build a partnership. A
partnership helps to it helps us to acknowledge who we
are in that partnership and leaning towards one another for
that support. And it's not always easy to ask for help.
(15:44):
It's not always easy to acknowledge that you don't have
it all the way together. You know, let me tell you,
it's not easy to say that you need help and
that you are looking for that, especially as I said
in the begin any at the top of the show,
that we're taught in school and in corporate America and
(16:06):
so many other places that you need to strive for perfection.
You need to get an A on that test, You
need to be top of your class. You need to
do all of these things and do them all well
and do them all great. And sometimes that's hard to
deal with because it's not always going to be that way,
(16:31):
you know. I always tell myself when I was younger
that you know, we all can't get a first place trophy.
You know, somebody, if we're all running this race, we
all can't get first place. Like I don't care you
know how close the race is, there's none that really
(16:51):
everyone's going to get first place. Yes, we all can
take the test and all get one hundreds. However to
run the race, everyone's not going to get first place,
and we have to be okay with that. That it's
okay to come in second place, third place, and learn
from that and be okay with it. So these are
(17:14):
all the things. And when it comes to perfection and understanding,
like is it truly truly okay not to be perfect
in your marriage? Is it truly truly not to be okay?
Is it okay not to be perfect in your relationship?
Do you really give up one hundred percent of yourself
(17:35):
all the time? Do you expect to have a fifty
to fifty relationship where you're giving up fifty percent and
they're given up fifty percent. We've talked about that again
on the show before that sometimes it's not that way.
Sometimes one spouse is given up eighty and the other
one's given up twenty, or someone's given up eighty and
(17:56):
the other one's given up thirty. Like, you know, it's
not always going to even equal out to be one
hundred percent. Sometimes it's a little bit less than that,
and we're not even meeting the mark. And then sometimes
it's above that and people are giving so so so
much of themselves and learning from that and learning that
(18:17):
it's okay. And I think that's the part that I
want to share with you the most, is even when
you're trying in this thing of marriage, in this thing
of relationships, that finding the right partner and finding out
about yourself are the key things you know within your partner.
(18:40):
Finding out the key things about your partner will help
you move forward, will help you be strong and be
able to stand everything that the life will throw your way,
you know. So what are some things that you can
possibly do with your partner to build better partnerships? Certainly
(19:06):
I've already talked about meeting with them and talking with
your partner frequently about you know, just life, like what
are your hopes and your dreams? And I understand like
those things will change. And I think that's the other thing, like,
you know, a lot of times we think we talked
(19:26):
about this already, you know, and why don't we have
to talk about it again? But things change, life changes,
Your viewpoints change, you know, my political stance at one
time was different than it is now, and that came
with talking with Maurice and things change. So now I
(19:47):
am what I am and so and it's okay. So
other things you can do are to build a partnership
or have some common goals. You know, what are some
things that are not independent of yourself, but common goals
for that relationship, common goals for that marriage. What are
(20:09):
some things that the two of you or you as
a family unit can lean towards as a goal, as
a monthly goal, as an annual goal, as you know,
ten year goal. Where do you want things to go
and how do you get there? What are the steps
(20:30):
that you have to take to arrive at that goal?
And what are the benefits that you think you would
have of arriving at those goals? Because it's not just
about happiness and bliss that there's so much more that
goes along with this thing called marriage and the journey,
and you know, talking about it will be very, very helpful.
(20:54):
So other things you can do are to certainly talk
to other married people, talk to others who are other
parents who are going through what you're going through. I
think for me that was a true help of knowing
that I'm not the only one going through this. You know,
I'm not the only one that's having these situations or
(21:18):
having these types of feelings. And especially if you can
get a hold of someone that you can talk to
that has gone through it, like not just in it,
but has gone through it, they can kind of let
you know, hey, it's it's you can make it as well.
I think that's a great, great thing because it can
(21:41):
be so motivational and it helps you again with that mindset,
because you can sometimes get in a habit of thinking like, oh, no,
woe is me, But when you get to talk to
somebody else that's going through it as well, it's very,
very very helpful. So another example is Marie and I
were very very active in like the Home and School
(22:03):
Association and community organizations for youth, and that helped us
to not only make our relationships stronger as husband and wife,
but it helped make us stronger as parents as we
talked to other parents and realize, hey, my kid is
not the only one going through this, is having this
the difficulty or my my kid. You know, I didn't
(22:26):
know that they offered these services and programs for kids,
and now I know, And it's because we built those relationships,
and those partnerships with home and school and with the
school district and with you know, that opened windows and
doors so that we were more knowledgeable. So again those
were some great, great, i think great tips for what
(22:49):
we have used and gone and in gone through as
we had with our raising of our kids and in
our relationships. So when it comes to relationships, we had
some didn't have any marriage coaches or anything like that,
but we had individuals that we kind of gleaned on
here and there and it's like, you know, how can
(23:12):
we be more like them in a strong relationship long lived.
Didn't talk to them, but we kind of knew that
they were out there and that it existed. So that's
part of why we have this podcast because we want
people to know that you can have a long lived
relationship with your spouse, that it doesn't have to end
(23:33):
in separation or divorce and whatever. Even if you have
times during your relationship that it feels unfruitful where you
don't feel like it's being productive, where you don't feel
like it's a partnership, and you don't even feel like
it's perfect. You know, you don't feel like it's all
(23:54):
about us, And that's okay. And that's why we have
the No Fruit Podcast to let you know that it
is okay and that you can make it through, and
you just have to do a little bit of work.
You have to, you know, change your mindset, do a
little bit of homework on your own, have some communication,
have some patience. You know, one of the fruits is patience,
(24:17):
So have some patience with yourself, have patience with your
loved one, have patience with those you're in relationship, in
partnership with, and eventually, believe me, it will come to pass.
Things will that seed that you're planting will sprout out fruit,
you know, and and things will get better and you'll
(24:37):
be able to reap the benefits of all of your
hard work. Because again I said, it has not always
been the easiest and most pleasant days. Yes, we've had
some glorious, beautiful days, but then there's been days where
it was a little bit more troubling and a little
more trying. We've talked a lot about that are ups
(24:59):
and downs during the previous shows. But believe me that
there are some great days, and we've had some great days,
and that that will come. They will come, and you
will be able to be so overjoyed when you look
(25:19):
back at your fruit, when you look back at all
that you have accomplished, and how much. When I say accomplished,
I mean accomplished in the work that you have done
towards your relationship, the work that you have done towards
making things better with your spouse, with your family members,
all of those things. Like you'll be able to look
(25:40):
back and be overjoyed for the work that you've put
in and then things that come out of it. It
will be such a blessing and such a joy to you.
And I hope that you'll share with us anything tips
that you may have on how to create a partnership
(26:00):
within your marriage. Share with us how you want to
create a partnership within any relationship. Just make those comments below.
We will be so happy, so happy to hear how
you are planning those seeds so that you can reap
the great great harvest. We want to hear all about it.
(26:22):
Thank you so so much for listening to me. I
hope that Maurice will be back with us next time
on the No Fruit Podcast. Until then, God bless you all.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of a No
Fruit podcast where we bring you. Fruitful conversations ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. If you enjoyed this episode,
don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review, and share
it with someone who could use a little inspiration in
their death. Until next time, stay rooted in love, and
remember every seed you plant today shapes the fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
We
What is the secret to a successful marriage, partnership or perfection?
Will find out more right after this.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Let's talk about loving them and the way that God
intend life. EXPERI SIVI Show Any Helps.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Hello, everybody, Welcome back to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast. I am your host Kafa. Maurice isn't with
us today. He's not feeling well, so I'm gonna try
to hold things down all alone. But he's still with
me in spirit. So today we're gonna be talking a
little bit about what it means to have a successful marriage.
(00:58):
Is it partnership or is it perfection? A lot of
times we seem to think that marriage and a relationship
is perfection. We look at having the perfect relationship, the
perfect spouse, starts off with the perfect wedding day, right,
But that's not always the case. That we need to
lean on perfection, And sometimes leaning on perfection can lead
(01:22):
us to a tricky situation because we can get hurt
in that manner. When we think about perfection and we're
trying to get things perfect and we're trying to represent
and be a perfect person for our spouse, it makes
it difficult and it can be a very tricky way
to lean into marriage and to lean into any relationship
(01:43):
when you're leaning for perfection, but when you think about
it and you think about maybe leaning towards partnership instead
and working things out together as a unit and not
leaning towards perfection. So let me go in this a
little bit more so, what are some things that we
can do to kind of lean away from perfection and
(02:06):
lean more into partnership. So one of the things that
we can do is certainly is to cultivate our mindset.
It is a mindset shift from thinking of that perfect
wedding day, thinking of that perfect marriage. You know, the
way that it is on television and movies. It's not
going to happen that way. Not every day. Some days
(02:26):
will certainly feel like it's perfect and that it's a
movie setting and that everything is just the way that
you want it to be. However, you know it's not
always going to be that way. And I want to
share with you all that it's okay that it's not
going to be perfect. And I'm coming from my own
experience of twenty four almost twenty five years of weddedness,
(02:50):
and it has not always been perfect. We've had some
ups and some downs, We've had some really rough moments
over these years, but we learn from them. And it's
taken some time to even get to the point to
even learn from the lessons. You know, like when you're
in the midst of it, of a down moment, you
(03:13):
don't know that it's a blessing. You know, you're just
kind of upset about it or trying to get out
of it. But when you look back, you can understand
that it was a blessing and that it's all built
up for the glory and it's all making you better
and at the end of the day, I guess that
makes it perfect. But understanding that marriage is a partnership,
(03:35):
so again, understanding the mindset and that we have to
kind of think about us and not me. Growing up
as a child, you know, it's always me, me, me, mine,
mind mind. Always go back to the cartoon I think
it was Looney Tunes when one of the characters was
going mine, mind, mine. So a lot of times we
(03:58):
grow up that way that we think of ourselves first,
we think of how what do I want to do?
How do what do I want to get accomplished? And
that's ingrained in us from so many places, you know,
when you you grow up your your you're asked, well,
what do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you what do you want to do in
this And you ask these things and you walk life
(04:21):
out thinking of yourself, and that's okay up until a
certain point when you realize that, hey, I do need
to connect with someone else, and that it's not all
about me, that I can't get through life all on
my own, that I do need others, and that's that's
(04:42):
great in that as well. So one of the things
that we need to think about as well is that
it's not just about us and that it is a
not just about me, excuse me, it is about us,
and that we have to think about that. And it's
a mind shift, a mindset shift. So how do we
shift our mindset? We begin to analyze or why are
(05:05):
we here? Why are we in this relationship? Why are
we in this marriage? And it'll help you understand a
little bit better that it's not just about me, that
my spouse, my partner, my coworkers not here just to
satisfy my needs, but I have a part in the
overall theme, the overall vision of things. And then you'll
(05:31):
be able to understand the togetherness and that it is
in us and it's a group thing, and the connectivity
will be there. So an example of that is, you know,
Maurice and I would do certain activities alone, but it's
(05:52):
for some reason when you do it with your partner
or with someone else, it gets done a whole lot easier.
So at times, this partnership, you know, goes into beyond
different activities. So I can think of, you know, it's
(06:13):
it's not a gender role activity for him to clean
the car, so I will go out and assist with that,
and it lightens the load and we both get a
joy out of it and becomes a partnership in that regard.
I've even helped with lawn work, and he's helped with
cleaning around the house. So we all do those things
(06:35):
at times in partnership and in a togetherness, and I
think that helps to build a stronger bond. I think
it helps to create connectivity and oneness. So if it's
more so aligned with me and independence, then we lose
(06:57):
sight of that connectivity and that connection that we could
really really have with our spouse. One of the other
things that I want to talk about a little bit
is sharing and decision making and problem solving that you know,
in order to create a partnership, one has to think
(07:21):
about how you're making decisions, who's leading that, who's not
leading it, and how do you get to that point.
Are you sitting down every night, are you sitting down
once a week to talk about decisions or do you
just kind of let things go. Through our years of marriage,
(07:42):
Maurice and I had not always sat down and talked
about decisions, and things were kind of done differently. Maybe
when a situation came up, we handled it as those
situations arose, and he would usually call and say, hey,
let's talk about these things, and we would sit down
and talk them through, come up with a solution, and
(08:04):
move through and with those things. But recently in our relationship,
we seem to meet like once a week and it's almost,
you know, I kind of merit to corporate America, where
you're kind of meeting with your one on one with
your supervisor. So it's not in a situation where one
(08:26):
is subordinate to the other, but it gives us a
chance to sit down and kind of connect one on
one with what's been going on in our life and
what things we are planning towards the next week or
the next month, and we get to kind of really
really deep dive into those goals and deep dive into
(08:51):
our lives and what's going on and what decisions need
to be made in order to move our life forward.
I feel so if I could give anybody that advice,
I think that has been one of the greatest things
that we have been able to do recently is to
sit down and do that on a weekly basis. And
(09:14):
sometimes it it follows up with prayer, and sometimes it
just follows up with just you know, a us holding
each other because it's it's a deep conversation that we
have and sometimes we just you know, roll out and
just everything is just great because we've been able to
discuss things that we've had happened the previous week, and
(09:35):
then we're able to look at things that are going
to happen and be able to make those decisions together.
Meet myself, I don't like making a whole lot of decisions.
I like to, you know, kind of give it off
to somebody else. So but when we sit down together,
it allows me that time and that good space to
be able to share my thoughts openly and then we're
(09:59):
able to discuss, well, you know, if this, then that,
if that, then what. So we're able to talk about things.
And Maurice is so great with being such a big
picture thinker that he's able to look at things down
the line and say, well, here's where things are and
(10:19):
how or how things could be. And I'm one to say, like,
here's where things are, how are we going to get
to where you want things to be? And we're able
to make those decisions very well. I think because of
how we have progressed our relationship and that mindset changing
to being okay to sit down and talk about things
(10:43):
and being okay with hey, even if we don't agree,
that we've been able to talk about it openly, and
that leads us to problem solving because sometimes you know,
the problems don't get solved, and that's okay as well,
that you kind of table those and and put them
on the table until the next time you meet. That
(11:03):
everything doesn't have to get solved and resolved within the
thirty minute episode. I think a lot of times we
come up with TV where things were kind of handled
in the thirty minutes that we're watching the TV show
or the sixty minute episode, and everything kind of is
sealed with the bow at the very end, and you
move on to whatever the next show is, or you
(11:25):
wait around to the next week, but the next week
is a whole other issue or a whole nother problem,
and it's not necessarily carried on the way that it
is in real life. But in real life it's okay
to not have an answer at the end of the
day and to not agree at the end of the day,
(11:46):
but not let that hold you to a point where
you're upset with your spouse, because again that goes back
to everything ain't gonna be perfect. But again within the partnership,
understanding what everyone brings to the table and what their
strengths are and moving forward in that capacity will allow
(12:06):
you to eventually get to the point where you can
do some problem solving and you can do some great
decision making in it all by understanding what your own
strengths are. So if I could go back to the
previous point in saying, hey, it's about us and not
about me when it comes to me, you have to
understand yourself and what you bring to the table, what
(12:28):
you bring to the marriage, and understanding even with that,
I know for myself. I don't bring perfection. I don't
bring the total package. There's you know, flaws and all.
And Maurice loves me with my flaws and all, and
I do, likewise, love him with his flaws and all.
And we come together with that, and you know, the
(12:49):
Bible says the two become one. So we're not even.
We're a piece of each you know other independently, but
when we come together we're one whole. But independently we're not.
So I think that's just a great, great thing to
think about when we're thinking about our relationships and whether
(13:10):
or not it's about a partnership or perfection. Another key
thing to think about when you're analyzing whether or not
it's a partnership or a perfection is how to support
one another. And supporting one another is clearly just a partnership.
(13:30):
It can't be about me if I'm trying to support you.
So if I'm supporting somebody, then I am upholding them.
I'm believing in them and helping them along the way.
And that's a true partnership in any regard, whether it's
marriage or a corporate relationship, or even when it comes
(13:55):
to dealing with your parents. Or dealing with your children,
that you support them and you're there for them and
you give them so you know, your your attention, your time,
and all of those things lead into that support. I
can say, you know, looking back at dealing with my kids,
(14:18):
I tell them even now they're in their twenties and
I still say, hey, I'm your biggest cheerleader, I'm your
biggest support. You know, if you need anything, I will
be right there for you. And I think that means
so so much that I'm not asking them to be perfect.
If for them's needs, support from me means that they're
(14:40):
not perfect, and they have to be able to acknowledge that, hey,
I need help, and we can do that whether that's
our child, or if that's our parent, or if that's
our spouse, just acknowledging that hey, I need help. And
and I think we talked about on the show before,
(15:01):
where you know, Marise leaned up to me and said, hey,
you need help, asks the kids for help. It's okay.
They can do their own laundry, they can help watch
the dishes and do take out the trash and all
those other things. Matter of fact, my son I think
helped cut the grass, you know, not too long ago,
so because Marice wasn't feeling well, So again, looking and
(15:23):
leaning for that support helps to build a partnership. A
partnership helps to it helps us to acknowledge who we
are in that partnership and leaning towards one another for
that support. And it's not always easy to ask for help.
(15:44):
It's not always easy to acknowledge that you don't have
it all the way together. You know, let me tell you,
it's not easy to say that you need help and
that you are looking for that, especially as I said
in the begin any at the top of the show,
that we're taught in school and in corporate America and
(16:06):
so many other places that you need to strive for perfection.
You need to get an A on that test, You
need to be top of your class. You need to
do all of these things and do them all well
and do them all great. And sometimes that's hard to
deal with because it's not always going to be that way,
(16:31):
you know. I always tell myself when I was younger
that you know, we all can't get a first place trophy.
You know, somebody, if we're all running this race, we
all can't get first place. Like I don't care you
know how close the race is, there's none that really
(16:51):
everyone's going to get first place. Yes, we all can
take the test and all get one hundreds. However to
run the race, everyone's not going to get first place,
and we have to be okay with that. That it's
okay to come in second place, third place, and learn
from that and be okay with it. So these are
(17:14):
all the things. And when it comes to perfection and understanding,
like is it truly truly okay not to be perfect
in your marriage? Is it truly truly not to be okay?
Is it okay not to be perfect in your relationship?
Do you really give up one hundred percent of yourself
(17:35):
all the time? Do you expect to have a fifty
to fifty relationship where you're giving up fifty percent and
they're given up fifty percent. We've talked about that again
on the show before that sometimes it's not that way.
Sometimes one spouse is given up eighty and the other
one's given up twenty, or someone's given up eighty and
(17:56):
the other one's given up thirty. Like, you know, it's
not always going to even equal out to be one
hundred percent. Sometimes it's a little bit less than that,
and we're not even meeting the mark. And then sometimes
it's above that and people are giving so so so
much of themselves and learning from that and learning that
(18:17):
it's okay. And I think that's the part that I
want to share with you the most, is even when
you're trying in this thing of marriage, in this thing
of relationships, that finding the right partner and finding out
about yourself are the key things you know within your partner.
(18:40):
Finding out the key things about your partner will help
you move forward, will help you be strong and be
able to stand everything that the life will throw your way,
you know. So what are some things that you can
possibly do with your partner to build better partnerships? Certainly
(19:06):
I've already talked about meeting with them and talking with
your partner frequently about you know, just life, like what
are your hopes and your dreams? And I understand like
those things will change. And I think that's the other thing, like,
you know, a lot of times we think we talked
(19:26):
about this already, you know, and why don't we have
to talk about it again? But things change, life changes,
Your viewpoints change, you know, my political stance at one
time was different than it is now, and that came
with talking with Maurice and things change. So now I
(19:47):
am what I am and so and it's okay. So
other things you can do are to build a partnership
or have some common goals. You know, what are some
things that are not independent of yourself, but common goals
for that relationship, common goals for that marriage. What are
(20:09):
some things that the two of you or you as
a family unit can lean towards as a goal, as
a monthly goal, as an annual goal, as you know,
ten year goal. Where do you want things to go
and how do you get there? What are the steps
(20:30):
that you have to take to arrive at that goal?
And what are the benefits that you think you would
have of arriving at those goals? Because it's not just
about happiness and bliss that there's so much more that
goes along with this thing called marriage and the journey,
and you know, talking about it will be very, very helpful.
(20:54):
So other things you can do are to certainly talk
to other married people, talk to others who are other
parents who are going through what you're going through. I
think for me that was a true help of knowing
that I'm not the only one going through this. You know,
I'm not the only one that's having these situations or
(21:18):
having these types of feelings. And especially if you can
get a hold of someone that you can talk to
that has gone through it, like not just in it,
but has gone through it, they can kind of let
you know, hey, it's it's you can make it as well.
I think that's a great, great thing because it can
(21:41):
be so motivational and it helps you again with that mindset,
because you can sometimes get in a habit of thinking like, oh, no,
woe is me, But when you get to talk to
somebody else that's going through it as well, it's very,
very very helpful. So another example is Marie and I
were very very active in like the Home and School
(22:03):
Association and community organizations for youth, and that helped us
to not only make our relationships stronger as husband and wife,
but it helped make us stronger as parents as we
talked to other parents and realize, hey, my kid is
not the only one going through this, is having this
the difficulty or my my kid. You know, I didn't
(22:26):
know that they offered these services and programs for kids,
and now I know, And it's because we built those relationships,
and those partnerships with home and school and with the
school district and with you know, that opened windows and
doors so that we were more knowledgeable. So again those
were some great, great, i think great tips for what
(22:49):
we have used and gone and in gone through as
we had with our raising of our kids and in
our relationships. So when it comes to relationships, we had
some didn't have any marriage coaches or anything like that,
but we had individuals that we kind of gleaned on
here and there and it's like, you know, how can
(23:12):
we be more like them in a strong relationship long lived.
Didn't talk to them, but we kind of knew that
they were out there and that it existed. So that's
part of why we have this podcast because we want
people to know that you can have a long lived
relationship with your spouse, that it doesn't have to end
(23:33):
in separation or divorce and whatever. Even if you have
times during your relationship that it feels unfruitful where you
don't feel like it's being productive, where you don't feel
like it's a partnership, and you don't even feel like
it's perfect. You know, you don't feel like it's all
(23:54):
about us, And that's okay. And that's why we have
the No Fruit Podcast to let you know that it
is okay and that you can make it through, and
you just have to do a little bit of work.
You have to, you know, change your mindset, do a
little bit of homework on your own, have some communication,
have some patience. You know, one of the fruits is patience,
(24:17):
So have some patience with yourself, have patience with your
loved one, have patience with those you're in relationship, in
partnership with, and eventually, believe me, it will come to pass.
Things will that seed that you're planting will sprout out fruit,
you know, and and things will get better and you'll
(24:37):
be able to reap the benefits of all of your
hard work. Because again I said, it has not always
been the easiest and most pleasant days. Yes, we've had
some glorious, beautiful days, but then there's been days where
it was a little bit more troubling and a little
more trying. We've talked a lot about that are ups
(24:59):
and downs during the previous shows. But believe me that
there are some great days, and we've had some great days,
and that that will come. They will come, and you
will be able to be so overjoyed when you look
(25:19):
back at your fruit, when you look back at all
that you have accomplished, and how much. When I say accomplished,
I mean accomplished in the work that you have done
towards your relationship, the work that you have done towards
making things better with your spouse, with your family members,
all of those things. Like you'll be able to look
(25:40):
back and be overjoyed for the work that you've put
in and then things that come out of it. It
will be such a blessing and such a joy to you.
And I hope that you'll share with us anything tips
that you may have on how to create a partnership
(26:00):
within your marriage. Share with us how you want to
create a partnership within any relationship. Just make those comments below.
We will be so happy, so happy to hear how
you are planning those seeds so that you can reap
the great great harvest. We want to hear all about it.
(26:22):
Thank you so so much for listening to me. I
hope that Maurice will be back with us next time
on the No Fruit Podcast. Until then, God bless you all.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of a No
Fruit podcast where we bring you. Fruitful conversations ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. If you enjoyed this episode,
don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review, and share
it with someone who could use a little inspiration in
their death. Until next time, stay rooted in love, and
remember every seed you plant today shapes the fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
We
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