August 7, 2025 • 30 mins
Are You Dreaming with the Person of Your Dreams?
Maurice and Kafi explore the importance of shared dreams in marriage, reflecting on their 25 years together and how aligning visions and values can strengthen a relationship. They share personal struggles and offer advice on turning dreams into actionable goals.
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Maurice and Kafi explore the importance of shared dreams in marriage, reflecting on their 25 years together and how aligning visions and values can strengthen a relationship. They share personal struggles and offer advice on turning dreams into actionable goals.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
If you're not dreaming in the same direction, you might
be walking apart without even realizing it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Let's talk about loving them the way of God insen
like experience shaved to help your speech tressfort.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
So today we're going to talk about dreams and dreaming together,
having a shared direction, and we're talking about this or
I'm bringing this up because y'all will very well know,
you know, our twenty fifth wedding anniversary will be here
very shortly. And so I never sat down. I never
took the time to say, hey, Kafe, let's accomplish this
(00:55):
within twenty five years of our marriage. And so I
didn't know anything about vision boards and dream boards and
all that type of stuff that I teach today in
my every day life, right you know. And so so
one of the things or points that I want to
make before we go all the way into this idea
is that when couples dream together, they can align their
(01:20):
vision and their values. And this can't create a sense
of purpose beyond the day to day routine. It's because
it's easy to grow distant when each person is chasing
a separate vision. So dreaming together reminds you that you're
building something together. And not your surviving life. Well, here's
(01:44):
the challenge with that. There's been a whole lot of
this life. I feel like I've just been surviving and
not really dreaming. I've lost it in some cases and
situations and battling depression or self described or self prescribed
you know, depression or whatever it is. I really think
I was at one time or whatever. And because we
(02:09):
weren't or it felt like we weren't always on the
same page, that was difficult at times. And the challenge
had been because we had so many challenges in life,
right that it was difficult to dream. It was difficult
(02:32):
to say, hey, I still want that that million dollar house,
right but Marias we can't. We can't even pay the
electric bill. The electric electricity keep going off. So sometimes
being a realist or being down to earth or whatever
it is, can deflate that dream.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And so.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
That the the thing is that I've learned recently is
to share.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
A little bit more of that dream.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
But also explain to Kafa some of the background of
it also, I mean, because we just talked about this
most recently within the last let's say three or four months,
really like what was the origin of that dream? And
what has influenced and what might have changed over a
(03:29):
period of time. And so so I've really been able
to share a little bit more deeply about what my
dream life was or is or whatever could have been.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I think those are some of the things that for those.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Of you out there who have big dreams and aspirations,
I think it's important for you to share it.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Yeah, I would say share it with someone that you
care for, not just a average person sitting at the
bus stop. I mean, you can share with the lady
and the gentleman at the bus stop. They may have
the time to listen to you. But when you share
it with someone that you care about that you want
(04:15):
to be a part of that dream, whether it's five
years from now or twenty five years from now, it
makes a bit of a difference because they can become
accountability partner with you, helping you to realize that dream.
(04:36):
So it's not just a dream that it becomes more
than that, that it becomes an action plan. You know
what steps are you taking to get there? And I
think that's the next step in things is like, hey,
once you have that conversation of here's what I dream of,
(04:58):
you know, my Barbie dream how type situation? Okay, well,
how do you how do you get to that lifestyle?
How do you get to that dream? How do you
get to that dream job, that dream house? I have
my dream man, I have my you know, two kids,
and you know, white picket fence and you know whatever
(05:20):
it might be that your dream is. But those other
things that you're looking for, how do you get those things?
And then how does it align? And how does your
partner or those in your your circle, how do they
assist you with that? From just when you do something
(05:41):
off and you're like, hey, that doesn't align with your dream,
like you know that is that helping you get to
that point or is it taking away from it? So
I think that's you know, some of the key things
of you know, as we get older, I think we've stopped.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
Dreaming a little bit, most definitely.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
But in some ways we don't because instead of saying dream,
it becomes a goal. You know, I have a goal
to get another job, you.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
It's not like, oh, I'm dreaming that I get a
new job, you know, because sometimes dreaming seems so yeah,
like you know, like a little kid like and I
can dream of something big and not so surreal. But
when I have it as a goal, when I make it,
(06:31):
because with the goal, then I have to come up
with steps to get there. I feel like like it
can't just be a goal because then it's just a dream.
So when you have a goal and you write that
down and you come up with how you're going to
get there, you know, so, yes, you can have a
vision board of what you vision your life to be like.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
But with all of that, well how do you get
to those things? What it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
You know?
Speaker 5 (06:58):
What's what's? What are the steps to get you there?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:03):
To think of the million dollar house, Well, how are
you getting that right?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Are you working towards it? Or is it just gonna
fall on your in front of you one day?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
You know?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And so I'm gonna be honest with you, for all
of you that's out there. See, I realized that for me,
my dream wasn't one hundred percent built on me. And
so because of that, for me to even sit down
and try to even explain it to comfer was very
(07:37):
difficult because it wasn't mine. It was I wasn't the
originator of it. And so and sometimes, like you said,
from a kid perspective, even though I dream of again
the million dollar house, but what steps? Because the kid
doesn't always know all the steps, right, and sometimes in
(08:01):
a kid's space, I don't know the steps. But so
I might also give up at certain points as well,
like I see him like, hey, you know, you know,
shiny new object mentality. But how do I get to
that point?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
You know? Am I am?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I not even enough to say to ask questions? Sometimes,
as kids might do you might be too shy or
way too outspoken as a kid, you know whatever. Right,
But then as adults, sometimes we become a little bit
more guarded, I believe.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And so with that and then CAUs right, right, you know,
And so so I think for myself, I believe for
myself that that I had started to become a lot
more cautious, a lot more guarded and not wanting to
share because of other family challenges, right, And and that
(09:01):
dream starts to look further and further away. And it
wasn't always about what was going on with Coffin and I.
Sometimes it was the surrounding circle. You know that that
kind of helps to deflate that dream as well, you know.
And so and that's the other thing we don't always
keep in mind what are the influences that are around us,
(09:21):
you know, are they really supporting us or not? Are
they taking away the energy from you.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You know?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Or are they supplying you energy now now? Or is
there a fair shake going both ways? And sometimes we
don't know that, you know. And so for me to
sit here and say, well, kayfin, you know, I dream
about this million dollar house, and she was like, one,
I'm skeptical of us being able to get there because
(09:47):
of our bill situation. And number two, boy, won't you
tell me? She want to say, boy, but you could
kind of tell her. You know, I grew up in
the hood shaking the net eyeball looking, you know, vibe.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
But I understand that the situation though, because.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
How can you if you were to ask me that
question and I can't explain it to you, and then
I say something to you about it again, and then
I can't explain it to you. So by a third
or fourth or fifth time, by the time I say that,
you're like really like all right, dude, you're just talking right,
(10:30):
And I can kind of understand that now that we're older, right,
and now I have more way more experiences and understanding
and whatever it is, you know, and so how can
you trust a situation? How can you even trust a
dream for it to turn into a goal, right, But
(10:53):
you don't have a plan in place, And sometimes I
think those are the things that kind of deflate the situation,
you know. And it's the idea of hey, write it down,
make it plain right, you know, write the vision board
so I can take the house.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And I have. I've gone to open houses and taken
a house and put it up on a board and
put it up on the wall.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
But I still don't have the real plan in place
to get to that point though, And so can she
really dream with me if I don't have a plan,
that's kind of hard to do.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
I mean, I think we were there though.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Again think back to the times when we were dating
and we would walk around Home Depot or Lows or
whatever it was, and which is a big box store
that sells home goods and building supplies for homes. And
we would say, oh, yeah, you know this marble countertop,
(11:50):
and I would like this type of kitchen, and you
know this type of shower you know in the bathroom,
and you know, soaker tub and these types of you know,
we would just walk around and think about those types
of things, not knowing it was going to be a
million dollar home, but we were just picking out items
(12:12):
of what we think we would like. So we were
dreaming at that particular time. Move fast forward several years later,
we're married, we have kids, and we'd do our cheap
date night of going to Ikea, drop the kids off at.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Small Land, and then we would you know.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Have alone time, the two of us walking around Nikea
and you know, dreaming like, hey, if we could refurnish
the entire entire house, what would we pick, Not what's
in our budget, but just what if we could just
get anything? If they we went on one of these
TV shows, because back in those days, they'd always he
these TV shows like hey, here's your you know, your
(12:54):
house is being totally redone, or you know, hey, you
have an hour to do all your shopping real quick,
you know, pick it out now. So you know, we
walked in the store and somebody said, hey, what are you.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
Going to get? What will we pick out?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
So we dreamed in that manner of what furniture we
wanted or what fixtures we wanted in the home. I
think it became recent where like you said, hey, we
started going to million dollar open houses and seeing what
that looks like. And now with technology and social media
(13:31):
and whatnot, we can see those things on YouTube or
other things on the internet and kind of see what
some of the larger homes are and whatnot. So kind
of get that dream there. But in reference to as
(13:52):
Maurice saying, how do you get to that point, like,
how do you afford that million dollar home? Where is
it going to be? Is it you know, going to
be in Iceland or is it going to be you know,
in Warmland.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
You know, don't know all.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Of those things. So again, the dream wasn't a goal.
It wasn't you know, put in stone to reality to say,
as Marie said, Hey, by year twenty five, I want
us to be here, you know, this is our goal
by the time you know, we're at retirement age. This
(14:29):
is where you know, I want us to be and
for us to live. And let's dream about that, let's
fantasize about that, Let's make that a goal and move
towards it. And I think that makes the marriage and
makes the relationship so much stronger when you look at
other relationships such as in the workplace. You do that
(14:50):
at work when you have your annual review, Hey, what
are your goals for this year? What are things that
you want to work on? What are things that I
want you to work on as a supervisor? What do
we need to work on as a team as a unit,
and everybody works towards that goal.
Speaker 5 (15:08):
You're looking at me, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Now, and I'm listening to you.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I'm looking at the similarity, right, And I'm saying that
because a lot of times we don't view our experiences
in the same light, right, We're like, hey, that's one hat,
pick up another hat, right, but it's the same mentality, right.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
And we did that a few times in our relationship
where we kind of evaluated each other's work habits and
you know, work within the business type of a thing,
and not so much on the relationship husband and wife.
But we certainly kind of gave ourselves in an annual
review when it came to being work partners.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
But see, I think in that though, see when and
you're able to respect the other person's viewpoint, right, because
a lot of times, you know, we go into the
annual review with our supervisor and the supervisor says, you know, hey,
(16:16):
you know that the highest number I can give you
as a five, I'll give you a three. Right, And
so you're like, well, no, I did five work, Like,
don't you know how much work I did? I did
that that that that, Well, I only give you a three. Well,
here's a challenge, though, I have zero idea what you
(16:40):
value in that situation. You know, And so if I
think that I gave, if I'm at work and I
think I gave impeccable customer service, but that one time
when I floundered a little bit because I really had gas, right,
you know, I it's crazy for lunchon and you know
my stomach wasn't the greatest.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Or you're just looking at the customer service, but the
supervisor's looking at customer service timeliness, you know, effectiveness, you
know the quality of the work, you know, like all
these other things, your team work, your team spirit, you
know your leadership skills. And you're like, I'm not even
a leader. I just come here and answer phones. Well,
(17:23):
they're looking at how well you're doing with when we
bring a new employee in, what interaction did you have
with the new employee? Well, you ain't telling me I
had to do anything, but Still, these are things that
we're looking at and that you're getting quote unquote great.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Don't leader, right, you won't let me be a team leader.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
But you are a team leader because we brought a
new employee in. You didn't even say good morning, you
know what I mean. So it's all of those things
that I have bubble gum in my mouth and you
shouldn't have bubble gum in your mouth.
Speaker 5 (17:52):
You know why you get a three? You know what
I mean.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
So again, we're looking at the one piece and not
looking at the entire part of the way that the
supervisor would. And I can only say that because I've
been in some supervisory positions and it's just like people
came to me it was like well, and I'm like, well,
you know you, I can't give you a five if
I had to write down that you were late five times.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
But see, here's the thing I mean. And I totally
understand that because I've been on both sides of that.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And so the reality is is that.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I could still give you a four or five to
help boost your ego, right, but are you willing to
also hear where you've gotten a one? So I would
rather give you a three across the board than to say,
like like you know, back in the day in school
(18:49):
where we used to have to scan trying things, we
had to fill in the bubbles, right, yes, and sometimes
you know like ABCD, abc D, you know whatever it is,
especially when you don't know the us. You know, so
instead of me giving you a report that looks like that,
you know to some degree, it's better for me to
give you threes across the board because of they all
(19:12):
kind of balance each other out right. And so again
we don't always understand the rubric, the metric or whatever
it is that helps her to do that. And so
the time when the time comes for our relationship, right,
so what am I really gauging the situation on? And
those are the type of things that we don't always
again don't understand, you know. So I e, if I
(19:38):
grew up without my father, I didn't have my father
for sixteen years, right, fourteen years whatever it might have been, right,
he wasn't in my life at all. But Kafer, your
father was with you throughout right, whether he was there
every day with you or whether he was there with
(19:59):
you whenever you saw him.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Because now my.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Teenager and I'm doing my teenage things or whatever it is,
you know, But the reality is that your father was
there and he got he was at the point where
he was like when I say, I was trying to
marry you, like I finally got my boy, you know whatever, Right,
we can finally go into parking places in football, like
you know.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And that's a true story, you know. And so.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
When you have that, so what is the value you know,
what are you looking for in a relationship?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
You know?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Because of again, what is the value or what experience
that you have by having both your parents in your
life period?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Right, you know? And so.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Again you get to see those type of things, you
get to hear those type of things of those because
those are your first people that you have the closest
relationship with everybody, your parents your first relationship, right, And
so where do you gain from that? Where you grow
from that? Where do you see from that? And I
know y'all been hearing me say this for a while,
Like I keep going back to this because these are
(21:08):
the type of things that influences us. And then when
we're ready to grow up and we're ready to say, hey,
you know what we want this million dollar house, Well,
sometimes that influences why you hit won a million dollar house,
you know, whether you already lived in one, whether the
dream was to get into one, you know, or family
members talked about, whatever the situation might have been, whatever
(21:30):
your dream house was. And granted, million dollars is a
round number. It's not necessarily the house that I want
to be in. It's just a round number, you know.
And so and then, especially in today's economy, if you
really want a nice house, you gotta start off in a
million dollars. Unfortunately, and when I say nice for me
(21:50):
is what is the ideal or the idea that I have,
as confine said, white pick of fence right well, because.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
And nowadays not white picket, but what's it?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Won't be a white.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Fence, the wrought iron.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Iron you could be just pressure treated with it.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
But I just want something that people know this is
where my property.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Starts, you know, you know. But the thing is, again,
like I said, that's a round number. Can you find
a nice house under that? Yes you can, you know,
and have we been in that place here, right.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
You know? But the reality is is that again, what
is your value? You know?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
And what do you and what is it you would
like to do and to achieve and what's going to
help you feel better about yourself?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
To say? You know what?
Speaker 3 (22:50):
In my yolo moment, I got to my point, right,
you know, And can I really have this and achieve
this with the one that I love the most?
Speaker 1 (23:01):
You know? And so I love.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I cherish, I adore whatever, you know, words that you
would like to use. Can you both get there to
that together? And I think that's where the understanding kind
of to your job.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Analogy of an annual review?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Can I take it when the person that I love
says you ain't doing a good job? Am I able
to get over that hurt and understand like, no, they're
really just trying to make me better.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
But again, if what we're talking about is your dreams,
you know, and are you dreaming together? So again, if
the dream is the same and we sit down and
we do a review, and I'm like, hey, do we
really get closer to that dream? That's all the review is.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
It's the same.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
But that still comes down to.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
So it's not necessarily me saying you didn't do good.
It's just me saying, you know, let's be real.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Is you saying we ain't getting there today?
Speaker 5 (24:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Right? Which can be a heartbreaker.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It can be, but it's it's the reality is if
you look back at what you have done yourself, can
you say, oh, yeah, we're.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Multiple steps closer to our dream?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Can I say I mean today?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Can I say it to say like in this example
that we're giving, I don't want it to be like, oh,
the person that's doing the evaluation is bringing forth the
bad news. No, you, as an adult doing your own
self evaluation, Marie says, looking at the man in the
mirror or the woman in the mirror and doing a
(24:51):
true evaluation, like are you truly getting closer to that dream?
Speaker 5 (24:57):
What? What?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
What are you bringing for to make that dream of reality?
Because it's a dream that you and your partner pulled together.
Are you really able and working towards making it better?
And it doesn't take your partner to say that you
should know that for yourself.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Well, sometimes, you know, in certain situations where we're delusional,
were Delulu right? You know, because of and and some
of you. You know, I don't know if y'all listen
to that don't never work podcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
But please do. It's great, Thank you very much. Also
she speaks on there as well.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
But but some of the things when I talk to
other entrepreneurs or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Sometimes we have to understand that there are winners and.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Losers in life and situations, right, and so what is
the effort that you're putting in to become a winner,
And understand that there has to be a loser. And
even if you are the first loser, you're actually still
a winner because you learned something right, And sometimes we
don't always understand that because of the culture that we're
(26:13):
kind of in. Everybody wins, but that's not always true. Right,
Everyone doesn't get the trophy. Everyone can't take home the trophy, right,
And you know a lot of people have that in
their mind, like, Hey, I just threw my name in
the hat and I can get the trophy. Well, guess what, y'all.
That doesn't happen that way. I mean, yes, that would
(26:36):
never work. Podcasts is an award winning podcast. We won
an award, right, The No Thru podcast has a nomination
but didn't win. Now, what does that mean? But what
does that mean for us?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Though?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
That means for me that I gotta step my game
up in order to get to that point.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Now, doesn't mean that.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
But everybody doesn't get nominated either, So you have to
I think that's the part that you're getting that is
everyone didn't get nominated. It wasn't like, hey, every podcast
in the whole entire you know world received a nomination. No,
So yes, hang out in your hat on the fact that, hey,
(27:20):
you were nominated.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's like, you know, and I could say for myself
that is one hundred percent correct. You know why because
for that same award that we got a nomination for,
I'll put in for the other two podcasts, and neither
one of them got nominated, right, So I know for
a fact that that is true. You can't just you know.
So so everybody is not going just just because we
(27:43):
throw in the hat or whatever. It is like, no,
like that, everyone is not going to win, you know.
And so I think those are the things that that
when it comes to this situation of hey, you know
what I could be putting forth what I perceive is
the best effort in the relationship, but you know what,
I can put a little bit more. I had to
(28:04):
confess to Coffer the other day, in all honesty, that
there were some things that I was not putting one
hundred percent effort into. I told her up front, but
see some of that though it's not until I take
a real look at myself and I feel like, all right, kapfa,
here's the reality. And this is the reason why X,
Y and Z right, we won this desired outcome, but
(28:27):
we didn't get to that desire outcome because I didn't
put forth enough effort.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
And why is that? Because I had other challenges that
I had to overcome, you know.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
So I think all these things right here are are
our opportunities for us to continue to grow.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And continue to overcome these challenges.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
And again, cofer, I think that that job analogy is
the best, because yeah, I mean, we gotta.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
We get anuy use.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
And I think it's good to.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Look at dreams as goals and if you analyze and
review whether or not you're getting closer to your goal.
And that's, you know, a great way to go. So
I hope you all are doing that. You know, take
a little bit of this advice that we've given to
you today and try it out and then let us
know how it's going. If it's working, if you tweak
(29:27):
some things, change it up a little bit, let us know.
But certainly sit down with your spouse, your partner your
kids and figure out what your goals are. What goals
do you have together in mind and work towards those.
Thank you all, so so so much for listening and
we wish you all the best.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
We hope today's discussion left you feeling uplifted, encouraged, and
ready to take on life's journey with purpose.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
To subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with
someone who could use a little inspiration in their day.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
You can catch up on past episodes, send us your thoughts,
or learn more about us on social media.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Until next time, stay rooted in love and remember every
seed you plant to day shape the fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Take care and we'll see you next time.
If you're not dreaming in the same direction, you might
be walking apart without even realizing it.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Let's talk about loving them the way of God insen
like experience shaved to help your speech tressfort.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
So today we're going to talk about dreams and dreaming together,
having a shared direction, and we're talking about this or
I'm bringing this up because y'all will very well know,
you know, our twenty fifth wedding anniversary will be here
very shortly. And so I never sat down. I never
took the time to say, hey, Kafe, let's accomplish this
(00:55):
within twenty five years of our marriage. And so I
didn't know anything about vision boards and dream boards and
all that type of stuff that I teach today in
my every day life, right you know. And so so
one of the things or points that I want to
make before we go all the way into this idea
is that when couples dream together, they can align their
(01:20):
vision and their values. And this can't create a sense
of purpose beyond the day to day routine. It's because
it's easy to grow distant when each person is chasing
a separate vision. So dreaming together reminds you that you're
building something together. And not your surviving life. Well, here's
(01:44):
the challenge with that. There's been a whole lot of
this life. I feel like I've just been surviving and
not really dreaming. I've lost it in some cases and
situations and battling depression or self described or self prescribed
you know, depression or whatever it is. I really think
I was at one time or whatever. And because we
(02:09):
weren't or it felt like we weren't always on the
same page, that was difficult at times. And the challenge
had been because we had so many challenges in life,
right that it was difficult to dream. It was difficult
(02:32):
to say, hey, I still want that that million dollar house,
right but Marias we can't. We can't even pay the
electric bill. The electric electricity keep going off. So sometimes
being a realist or being down to earth or whatever
it is, can deflate that dream.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And so.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
That the the thing is that I've learned recently is
to share.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
A little bit more of that dream.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
But also explain to Kafa some of the background of
it also, I mean, because we just talked about this
most recently within the last let's say three or four months,
really like what was the origin of that dream? And
what has influenced and what might have changed over a
(03:29):
period of time. And so so I've really been able
to share a little bit more deeply about what my
dream life was or is or whatever could have been.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I think those are some of the things that for those.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Of you out there who have big dreams and aspirations,
I think it's important for you to share it.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Yeah, I would say share it with someone that you
care for, not just a average person sitting at the
bus stop. I mean, you can share with the lady
and the gentleman at the bus stop. They may have
the time to listen to you. But when you share
it with someone that you care about that you want
(04:15):
to be a part of that dream, whether it's five
years from now or twenty five years from now, it
makes a bit of a difference because they can become
accountability partner with you, helping you to realize that dream.
(04:36):
So it's not just a dream that it becomes more
than that, that it becomes an action plan. You know
what steps are you taking to get there? And I
think that's the next step in things is like, hey,
once you have that conversation of here's what I dream of,
(04:58):
you know, my Barbie dream how type situation? Okay, well,
how do you how do you get to that lifestyle?
How do you get to that dream? How do you
get to that dream job, that dream house? I have
my dream man, I have my you know, two kids,
and you know, white picket fence and you know whatever
(05:20):
it might be that your dream is. But those other
things that you're looking for, how do you get those things?
And then how does it align? And how does your
partner or those in your your circle, how do they
assist you with that? From just when you do something
(05:41):
off and you're like, hey, that doesn't align with your dream,
like you know that is that helping you get to
that point or is it taking away from it? So
I think that's you know, some of the key things
of you know, as we get older, I think we've stopped.
Speaker 5 (05:57):
Dreaming a little bit, most definitely.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
But in some ways we don't because instead of saying dream,
it becomes a goal. You know, I have a goal
to get another job, you.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
It's not like, oh, I'm dreaming that I get a
new job, you know, because sometimes dreaming seems so yeah,
like you know, like a little kid like and I
can dream of something big and not so surreal. But
when I have it as a goal, when I make it,
(06:31):
because with the goal, then I have to come up
with steps to get there. I feel like like it
can't just be a goal because then it's just a dream.
So when you have a goal and you write that
down and you come up with how you're going to
get there, you know, so, yes, you can have a
vision board of what you vision your life to be like.
Speaker 5 (06:52):
But with all of that, well how do you get
to those things? What it?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
You know?
Speaker 5 (06:58):
What's what's? What are the steps to get you there?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:03):
To think of the million dollar house, Well, how are
you getting that right?
Speaker 1 (07:08):
You know?
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Are you working towards it? Or is it just gonna
fall on your in front of you one day?
Speaker 5 (07:15):
You know?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
And so I'm gonna be honest with you, for all
of you that's out there. See, I realized that for me,
my dream wasn't one hundred percent built on me. And
so because of that, for me to even sit down
and try to even explain it to comfer was very
(07:37):
difficult because it wasn't mine. It was I wasn't the
originator of it. And so and sometimes, like you said,
from a kid perspective, even though I dream of again
the million dollar house, but what steps? Because the kid
doesn't always know all the steps, right, and sometimes in
(08:01):
a kid's space, I don't know the steps. But so
I might also give up at certain points as well,
like I see him like, hey, you know, you know,
shiny new object mentality. But how do I get to
that point?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
You know? Am I am?
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I not even enough to say to ask questions? Sometimes,
as kids might do you might be too shy or
way too outspoken as a kid, you know whatever. Right,
But then as adults, sometimes we become a little bit
more guarded, I believe.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And so with that and then CAUs right, right, you know,
And so so I think for myself, I believe for
myself that that I had started to become a lot
more cautious, a lot more guarded and not wanting to
share because of other family challenges, right, And and that
(09:01):
dream starts to look further and further away. And it
wasn't always about what was going on with Coffin and I.
Sometimes it was the surrounding circle. You know that that
kind of helps to deflate that dream as well, you know.
And so and that's the other thing we don't always
keep in mind what are the influences that are around us,
(09:21):
you know, are they really supporting us or not? Are
they taking away the energy from you.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You know?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Or are they supplying you energy now now? Or is
there a fair shake going both ways? And sometimes we
don't know that, you know. And so for me to
sit here and say, well, kayfin, you know, I dream
about this million dollar house, and she was like, one,
I'm skeptical of us being able to get there because
(09:47):
of our bill situation. And number two, boy, won't you
tell me? She want to say, boy, but you could
kind of tell her. You know, I grew up in
the hood shaking the net eyeball looking, you know, vibe.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
But I understand that the situation though, because.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
How can you if you were to ask me that
question and I can't explain it to you, and then
I say something to you about it again, and then
I can't explain it to you. So by a third
or fourth or fifth time, by the time I say that,
you're like really like all right, dude, you're just talking right,
(10:30):
And I can kind of understand that now that we're older, right,
and now I have more way more experiences and understanding
and whatever it is, you know, and so how can
you trust a situation? How can you even trust a
dream for it to turn into a goal, right, But
(10:53):
you don't have a plan in place, And sometimes I
think those are the things that kind of deflate the situation,
you know. And it's the idea of hey, write it down,
make it plain right, you know, write the vision board
so I can take the house.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And I have. I've gone to open houses and taken
a house and put it up on a board and
put it up on the wall.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
But I still don't have the real plan in place
to get to that point though, And so can she
really dream with me if I don't have a plan,
that's kind of hard to do.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
I mean, I think we were there though.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Again think back to the times when we were dating
and we would walk around Home Depot or Lows or
whatever it was, and which is a big box store
that sells home goods and building supplies for homes. And
we would say, oh, yeah, you know this marble countertop,
(11:50):
and I would like this type of kitchen, and you
know this type of shower you know in the bathroom,
and you know, soaker tub and these types of you know,
we would just walk around and think about those types
of things, not knowing it was going to be a
million dollar home, but we were just picking out items
(12:12):
of what we think we would like. So we were
dreaming at that particular time. Move fast forward several years later,
we're married, we have kids, and we'd do our cheap
date night of going to Ikea, drop the kids off at.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Small Land, and then we would you know.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Have alone time, the two of us walking around Nikea
and you know, dreaming like, hey, if we could refurnish
the entire entire house, what would we pick, Not what's
in our budget, but just what if we could just
get anything? If they we went on one of these
TV shows, because back in those days, they'd always he
these TV shows like hey, here's your you know, your
(12:54):
house is being totally redone, or you know, hey, you
have an hour to do all your shopping real quick,
you know, pick it out now. So you know, we
walked in the store and somebody said, hey, what are you.
Speaker 5 (13:05):
Going to get? What will we pick out?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
So we dreamed in that manner of what furniture we
wanted or what fixtures we wanted in the home. I
think it became recent where like you said, hey, we
started going to million dollar open houses and seeing what
that looks like. And now with technology and social media
(13:31):
and whatnot, we can see those things on YouTube or
other things on the internet and kind of see what
some of the larger homes are and whatnot. So kind
of get that dream there. But in reference to as
(13:52):
Maurice saying, how do you get to that point, like,
how do you afford that million dollar home? Where is
it going to be? Is it you know, going to
be in Iceland or is it going to be you know,
in Warmland.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
You know, don't know all.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Of those things. So again, the dream wasn't a goal.
It wasn't you know, put in stone to reality to say,
as Marie said, Hey, by year twenty five, I want
us to be here, you know, this is our goal
by the time you know, we're at retirement age. This
(14:29):
is where you know, I want us to be and
for us to live. And let's dream about that, let's
fantasize about that, Let's make that a goal and move
towards it. And I think that makes the marriage and
makes the relationship so much stronger when you look at
other relationships such as in the workplace. You do that
(14:50):
at work when you have your annual review, Hey, what
are your goals for this year? What are things that
you want to work on? What are things that I
want you to work on as a supervisor? What do
we need to work on as a team as a unit,
and everybody works towards that goal.
Speaker 5 (15:08):
You're looking at me, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Now, and I'm listening to you.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I'm looking at the similarity, right, And I'm saying that
because a lot of times we don't view our experiences
in the same light, right, We're like, hey, that's one hat,
pick up another hat, right, but it's the same mentality, right.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
And we did that a few times in our relationship
where we kind of evaluated each other's work habits and
you know, work within the business type of a thing,
and not so much on the relationship husband and wife.
But we certainly kind of gave ourselves in an annual
review when it came to being work partners.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
But see, I think in that though, see when and
you're able to respect the other person's viewpoint, right, because
a lot of times, you know, we go into the
annual review with our supervisor and the supervisor says, you know, hey,
(16:16):
you know that the highest number I can give you
as a five, I'll give you a three. Right, And
so you're like, well, no, I did five work, Like,
don't you know how much work I did? I did
that that that that, Well, I only give you a three. Well,
here's a challenge, though, I have zero idea what you
(16:40):
value in that situation. You know, And so if I
think that I gave, if I'm at work and I
think I gave impeccable customer service, but that one time
when I floundered a little bit because I really had gas, right,
you know, I it's crazy for lunchon and you know
my stomach wasn't the greatest.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Or you're just looking at the customer service, but the
supervisor's looking at customer service timeliness, you know, effectiveness, you
know the quality of the work, you know, like all
these other things, your team work, your team spirit, you
know your leadership skills. And you're like, I'm not even
a leader. I just come here and answer phones. Well,
(17:23):
they're looking at how well you're doing with when we
bring a new employee in, what interaction did you have
with the new employee? Well, you ain't telling me I
had to do anything, but Still, these are things that
we're looking at and that you're getting quote unquote great.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Don't leader, right, you won't let me be a team leader.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
But you are a team leader because we brought a
new employee in. You didn't even say good morning, you
know what I mean. So it's all of those things
that I have bubble gum in my mouth and you
shouldn't have bubble gum in your mouth.
Speaker 5 (17:52):
You know why you get a three? You know what
I mean.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
So again, we're looking at the one piece and not
looking at the entire part of the way that the
supervisor would. And I can only say that because I've
been in some supervisory positions and it's just like people
came to me it was like well, and I'm like, well,
you know you, I can't give you a five if
I had to write down that you were late five times.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
But see, here's the thing I mean. And I totally
understand that because I've been on both sides of that.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And so the reality is is that.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I could still give you a four or five to
help boost your ego, right, but are you willing to
also hear where you've gotten a one? So I would
rather give you a three across the board than to say,
like like you know, back in the day in school
(18:49):
where we used to have to scan trying things, we
had to fill in the bubbles, right, yes, and sometimes
you know like ABCD, abc D, you know whatever it is,
especially when you don't know the us. You know, so
instead of me giving you a report that looks like that,
you know to some degree, it's better for me to
give you threes across the board because of they all
(19:12):
kind of balance each other out right. And so again
we don't always understand the rubric, the metric or whatever
it is that helps her to do that. And so
the time when the time comes for our relationship, right,
so what am I really gauging the situation on? And
those are the type of things that we don't always
again don't understand, you know. So I e, if I
(19:38):
grew up without my father, I didn't have my father
for sixteen years, right, fourteen years whatever it might have been, right,
he wasn't in my life at all. But Kafer, your
father was with you throughout right, whether he was there
every day with you or whether he was there with
(19:59):
you whenever you saw him.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Because now my.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Teenager and I'm doing my teenage things or whatever it is,
you know, But the reality is that your father was
there and he got he was at the point where
he was like when I say, I was trying to
marry you, like I finally got my boy, you know whatever, Right,
we can finally go into parking places in football, like
you know.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
And that's a true story, you know. And so.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
When you have that, so what is the value you know,
what are you looking for in a relationship?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
You know?
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Because of again, what is the value or what experience
that you have by having both your parents in your
life period?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Right, you know? And so.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Again you get to see those type of things, you
get to hear those type of things of those because
those are your first people that you have the closest
relationship with everybody, your parents your first relationship, right, And
so where do you gain from that? Where you grow
from that? Where do you see from that? And I
know y'all been hearing me say this for a while,
Like I keep going back to this because these are
(21:08):
the type of things that influences us. And then when
we're ready to grow up and we're ready to say, hey,
you know what we want this million dollar house, Well,
sometimes that influences why you hit won a million dollar house,
you know, whether you already lived in one, whether the
dream was to get into one, you know, or family
members talked about, whatever the situation might have been, whatever
(21:30):
your dream house was. And granted, million dollars is a
round number. It's not necessarily the house that I want
to be in. It's just a round number, you know.
And so and then, especially in today's economy, if you
really want a nice house, you gotta start off in a
million dollars. Unfortunately, and when I say nice for me
(21:50):
is what is the ideal or the idea that I have,
as confine said, white pick of fence right well, because.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
And nowadays not white picket, but what's it?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Won't be a white.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Fence, the wrought iron.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Iron you could be just pressure treated with it.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
But I just want something that people know this is
where my property.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Starts, you know, you know. But the thing is, again,
like I said, that's a round number. Can you find
a nice house under that? Yes you can, you know,
and have we been in that place here, right.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
You know? But the reality is is that again, what
is your value? You know?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
And what do you and what is it you would
like to do and to achieve and what's going to
help you feel better about yourself?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
To say? You know what?
Speaker 3 (22:50):
In my yolo moment, I got to my point, right,
you know, And can I really have this and achieve
this with the one that I love the most?
Speaker 1 (23:01):
You know? And so I love.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I cherish, I adore whatever, you know, words that you
would like to use. Can you both get there to
that together? And I think that's where the understanding kind
of to your job.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Analogy of an annual review?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Can I take it when the person that I love
says you ain't doing a good job? Am I able
to get over that hurt and understand like, no, they're
really just trying to make me better.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
But again, if what we're talking about is your dreams,
you know, and are you dreaming together? So again, if
the dream is the same and we sit down and
we do a review, and I'm like, hey, do we
really get closer to that dream? That's all the review is.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
It's the same.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
But that still comes down to.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
So it's not necessarily me saying you didn't do good.
It's just me saying, you know, let's be real.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Is you saying we ain't getting there today?
Speaker 5 (24:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Right? Which can be a heartbreaker.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It can be, but it's it's the reality is if
you look back at what you have done yourself, can
you say, oh, yeah, we're.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Multiple steps closer to our dream?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Can I say I mean today?
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Can I say it to say like in this example
that we're giving, I don't want it to be like, oh,
the person that's doing the evaluation is bringing forth the
bad news. No, you, as an adult doing your own
self evaluation, Marie says, looking at the man in the
mirror or the woman in the mirror and doing a
(24:51):
true evaluation, like are you truly getting closer to that dream?
Speaker 5 (24:57):
What? What?
Speaker 4 (24:58):
What are you bringing for to make that dream of reality?
Because it's a dream that you and your partner pulled together.
Are you really able and working towards making it better?
And it doesn't take your partner to say that you
should know that for yourself.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Well, sometimes, you know, in certain situations where we're delusional,
were Delulu right? You know, because of and and some
of you. You know, I don't know if y'all listen
to that don't never work podcasts.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
But please do. It's great, Thank you very much. Also
she speaks on there as well.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
But but some of the things when I talk to
other entrepreneurs or whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Sometimes we have to understand that there are winners and.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Losers in life and situations, right, and so what is
the effort that you're putting in to become a winner,
And understand that there has to be a loser. And
even if you are the first loser, you're actually still
a winner because you learned something right, And sometimes we
don't always understand that because of the culture that we're
(26:13):
kind of in. Everybody wins, but that's not always true. Right,
Everyone doesn't get the trophy. Everyone can't take home the trophy, right,
And you know a lot of people have that in
their mind, like, Hey, I just threw my name in
the hat and I can get the trophy. Well, guess what, y'all.
That doesn't happen that way. I mean, yes, that would
(26:36):
never work. Podcasts is an award winning podcast. We won
an award, right, The No Thru podcast has a nomination
but didn't win. Now, what does that mean? But what
does that mean for us?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Though?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
That means for me that I gotta step my game
up in order to get to that point.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Now, doesn't mean that.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
But everybody doesn't get nominated either, So you have to
I think that's the part that you're getting that is
everyone didn't get nominated. It wasn't like, hey, every podcast
in the whole entire you know world received a nomination. No,
So yes, hang out in your hat on the fact that, hey,
(27:20):
you were nominated.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's like, you know, and I could say for myself
that is one hundred percent correct. You know why because
for that same award that we got a nomination for,
I'll put in for the other two podcasts, and neither
one of them got nominated, right, So I know for
a fact that that is true. You can't just you know.
So so everybody is not going just just because we
(27:43):
throw in the hat or whatever. It is like, no,
like that, everyone is not going to win, you know.
And so I think those are the things that that
when it comes to this situation of hey, you know
what I could be putting forth what I perceive is
the best effort in the relationship, but you know what,
I can put a little bit more. I had to
(28:04):
confess to Coffer the other day, in all honesty, that
there were some things that I was not putting one
hundred percent effort into. I told her up front, but
see some of that though it's not until I take
a real look at myself and I feel like, all right, kapfa,
here's the reality. And this is the reason why X,
Y and Z right, we won this desired outcome, but
(28:27):
we didn't get to that desire outcome because I didn't
put forth enough effort.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
And why is that? Because I had other challenges that
I had to overcome, you know.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
So I think all these things right here are are
our opportunities for us to continue to grow.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And continue to overcome these challenges.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
And again, cofer, I think that that job analogy is
the best, because yeah, I mean, we gotta.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
We get anuy use.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
And I think it's good to.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Look at dreams as goals and if you analyze and
review whether or not you're getting closer to your goal.
And that's, you know, a great way to go. So
I hope you all are doing that. You know, take
a little bit of this advice that we've given to
you today and try it out and then let us
know how it's going. If it's working, if you tweak
(29:27):
some things, change it up a little bit, let us know.
But certainly sit down with your spouse, your partner your
kids and figure out what your goals are. What goals
do you have together in mind and work towards those.
Thank you all, so so so much for listening and
we wish you all the best.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
We hope today's discussion left you feeling uplifted, encouraged, and
ready to take on life's journey with purpose.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
To subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with
someone who could use a little inspiration in their day.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
You can catch up on past episodes, send us your thoughts,
or learn more about us on social media.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Until next time, stay rooted in love and remember every
seed you plant to day shape the fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Take care and we'll see you next time.
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