October 30, 2025 • 12 mins
Can subtlety be more powerful than directness? How do we balance mystery with transparency in a relationship?
Kafi talks about how subtle hints, playfule teasing, or even small surprises can strengthen your connection.
The Language of Desire, is our multi-part series that focuses on how we communicate our emotional and physical needs by using unspoken cues and the power of subtle expressions to strengthen our relationship.
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
Kafi talks about how subtle hints, playfule teasing, or even small surprises can strengthen your connection.
The Language of Desire, is our multi-part series that focuses on how we communicate our emotional and physical needs by using unspoken cues and the power of subtle expressions to strengthen our relationship.
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
- Be a guest by joining PodMatch: https://bit.ly/joinpodmatchnofruitpodcast
- Business Email: nofruitpodcast@gmail.com
- Business Address: PO Box 460, Secane, PA 19018
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- Purchase “Well Why Not Workbook”: https://accelerateyourimpact.co/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Can subtlety be more powerful than directness?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
That's about love and movement, the way of God intend
life expearence, we show loveful how transform.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to another episode. I'm gonna be
talking a little bit about subtlety, and I guess maybe
the quiet storm I kind of fashion myself after that,
maybe because I'm not I can be a direct person.
But I think within our relationship, I'm more of a
(00:52):
quiet storm, to say the least. I I'm not overly,
as I said, you know, talkative or don't use a
lot of words. I'm kind of that quiet force behind
the scenes, and I, you know, can drop subtle hints.
(01:15):
I'm not one direct and say hey, I want this
and I want you to do that, but I do
drop subtle hints about things, and sometimes they're taken wrong
because I'm not direct. So that would be the one
thing I would caution people that if you are not direct,
that sometimes people who are more in the direct fashion
(01:38):
and seem to communicate more directly that someone who is
not as direct, they may not know how to receive that,
and that can create distance or uncertainty within the relationship.
But I think once each person understands one another and
(02:00):
their personality and that's how they communicate and that's how
they function. Then you learn how to work one with another.
I think with Maurice and I having those two separate things,
I think that makes us a better partnership, a better relationship.
Because we both were subtle, then things probably wouldn't get
(02:23):
across very well. We both weren't able to communicate directly
with one another and with others, with our children, with
our family members, in the workplace, with the world, wherever
that may be. I think it would, you know, be
a little bit more challenging. I'm not saying that it
(02:44):
doesn't work in relationships. I'm sure that there are relationships
out there were both individuals are you know, quiet storms
or quiet forces a little bit more subtle. But I
think for at least for me and Maurice, being opposites
in this attracts us even more. I think it makes
(03:06):
us up up, as he would say, more of a
power couple because he's able to be direct in certain
situations when needed, and then sometimes I come behind and
can be quiet, or its vice versa where I kind
of come off very quiet and say, you know, this
(03:26):
is what you know, quietly give the ask, but then
he comes behind and and is more direct when it's
time to to have that information come out in that manner.
But then when dealing with one another, I think that is,
like I said, sometimes the challenge of me not always
(03:48):
being direct. I think I can at times, but most
of the time with our relationship, I think that I'm
a little bit more passive and not as communicative, not
as forceful direct, a little bit more subtle overall. And
it's not saying that we don't go either way because
(04:11):
we're people. We're not always one sided. You know, we're
three sixty so we have multiple sides to us. So
there are times where Murray's is a little bit more
subtle in things, and I'm used to him being direct,
so when he becomes subtle, I'm just sitting there like,
what's next, Like when are you going to say what
(04:33):
it is? What you really want to say? And a
lot a lot of times he does that through his questions,
so you know, he'll say, you know, what's wrong with this,
and I'm like, what are you talking about? And he'll
just ask the question again in another way, and I'm like,
(04:53):
I don't know, But here we go with the riddle,
I don't, I don't know, he says, you'll know, you know,
so think about it, like, what do you think is
wrong with this? So we have that part of our
relationship of how we communicate in that way where he's
not being director. He's asking a direct question in a
subtle manner, and I have to kind of use both
(05:17):
sides of my brains to kind of figure out what
it is he's asking for in order to move forward
within the communication and the conversation. But then there's other
times where he is subtle in in a playful way,
he leaves subtle hints on things, or we kind of,
(05:39):
you know, playfully banter back and forth in a subtle
way and it's not so direct where it's it's cutting,
but just in a playful manner, And I think that
makes you know, the relationship fun at times leaving subtle hints.
I think, you know, we've had times where we've kind
(06:02):
of left notes for each other around the house, and
those little subtle hints that way has added some some
playfulness to our marriage, into our life. Then there's you know,
he is one, he's he's a gift giver, so he
(06:25):
I think that's another subtle but direct way of doing things.
So I subtly say, oh wow, you know I like
that umbrella. It's like really really colorful and whatnot. And
I may not need another umbrella. I have one in
the car, I have two in the car, I have
one in my bag, there's one in the closet. I
don't need another umbrella. But I'll just see one and
(06:45):
I'm like, oh wow, like that one opens differently and
it's you know, colorful. Other ones I have, you know,
just playing straight one color and then you know that
subtleness of a conversation. I'm not I wasn't necessarily being
in any way saying I wanted a new umbrella. But
Maurice will show up, you know, and a couple of
(07:08):
days later with the package from Amazon, and you know,
here it is this colorful umbrella and he's like, you
said you wanted it. I'm like, no, I was just
saying that. I was just commenting that it was a
nice umbrella. So again, just understanding communication, how we communicate
and we connect sometimes can bring about those types of things.
(07:29):
But he is one of small surprises in that manner
of gift giving. So he's always looking for ways to
give in that manner and take, at least from me
some of those subtle hints and make them into hey,
(07:50):
I'm fulfilling that. And I think he does it with
the kids as well, just those subtle little things that
they may say. But he also likes the directness, like
he's like, you know, it's it's that time of year
where he starts holiday shopping. He's just straight with him,
like what do you want for Christmas? Like you guys
are getting old. I can't play around with this, like
(08:10):
tell me, give me a list of things that you want.
And the oldest will start sending the list like she
will send text messages I want this, I want this,
I want this, and the younger one he's not as
up on top of it like that, kind of like myself.
(08:34):
So I don't really say a whole lot. But this
year I'm doing a little bit better. I have a
list somewhere on my desk. Here it is, so I
have a few items already started there. Now I haven't
done the research on them, So I'm gonna be a
little bit more direct and kind of get some research
on what I'm looking for exactly. I think for me,
(08:58):
I kind of live in some fans world where I
think I want something, I think I've seen it somewhere,
but when I go to research it, I can't find it. So, yeah,
one of the items is a new bathroom. I kind
of want what I have already, and but it's really
old and I can't find it again. So I'm still
(09:22):
searching for something that's you know, spa like, but not
a terry cloth. I don't want a terry cloth, but
I don't know. We'll have to. I'll keep looking and
see I have a little bit more you know, longer
to try to find this item so that I can
be direct and give a true list of this is
the item that I want, and you know, let them
(09:47):
know about that, being both my husband and my two children,
because they can go out and get these items as well.
But there's you know, I think a a little bit
of a power in being quiet, and I think there's
also power in being direct. Sometimes. I think the quiet
(10:12):
storm being quiet, people kind can pay attention to those
who are quiet in the room, and I think a
lot of times we don't understand that. But you know,
I hear different stories and like, oh, yeah, the little
old lady, you know, as soon as she said something,
everybody listened, you know, because she didn't say a whole lot,
(10:35):
so that when that person speaks, everyone's ears perk up.
But then there's other things. Well, I can see the
importance of someone being direct and that they're saying what
they want and what they mean right up front, and
that's just the way that it is. So I can
(10:56):
see the importance in the power in both of them
and how they can be used in any kind of relationship,
especially in a marriage, but also in any relationship, whether
you're dealing with your children, your parents, your coworkers, whomever.
I think there's a time and a place for both
(11:16):
of these things, whether it's being direct or pushing things subtly.
So just want to know how you all think, you know,
how do you how do we all balance the mystery
between transparency and a relationship? Tell us and let us know.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Thanks, thanks for tuning in to another episode of a
No Fruit podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripe
and wisdom and love that's deeply rooted. If you enjoyed
this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review,
and share it with someone who could use a little
inspiration in their death. Until next time, stay rooted in
love and remember every seed you plant today shapes the
(11:58):
fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
At the next the
Can subtlety be more powerful than directness?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
That's about love and movement, the way of God intend
life expearence, we show loveful how transform.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to another episode. I'm gonna be
talking a little bit about subtlety, and I guess maybe
the quiet storm I kind of fashion myself after that,
maybe because I'm not I can be a direct person.
But I think within our relationship, I'm more of a
(00:52):
quiet storm, to say the least. I I'm not overly,
as I said, you know, talkative or don't use a
lot of words. I'm kind of that quiet force behind
the scenes, and I, you know, can drop subtle hints.
(01:15):
I'm not one direct and say hey, I want this
and I want you to do that, but I do
drop subtle hints about things, and sometimes they're taken wrong
because I'm not direct. So that would be the one
thing I would caution people that if you are not direct,
that sometimes people who are more in the direct fashion
(01:38):
and seem to communicate more directly that someone who is
not as direct, they may not know how to receive that,
and that can create distance or uncertainty within the relationship.
But I think once each person understands one another and
(02:00):
their personality and that's how they communicate and that's how
they function. Then you learn how to work one with another.
I think with Maurice and I having those two separate things,
I think that makes us a better partnership, a better relationship.
Because we both were subtle, then things probably wouldn't get
(02:23):
across very well. We both weren't able to communicate directly
with one another and with others, with our children, with
our family members, in the workplace, with the world, wherever
that may be. I think it would, you know, be
a little bit more challenging. I'm not saying that it
(02:44):
doesn't work in relationships. I'm sure that there are relationships
out there were both individuals are you know, quiet storms
or quiet forces a little bit more subtle. But I
think for at least for me and Maurice, being opposites
in this attracts us even more. I think it makes
(03:06):
us up up, as he would say, more of a
power couple because he's able to be direct in certain
situations when needed, and then sometimes I come behind and
can be quiet, or its vice versa where I kind
of come off very quiet and say, you know, this
(03:26):
is what you know, quietly give the ask, but then
he comes behind and and is more direct when it's
time to to have that information come out in that manner.
But then when dealing with one another, I think that is,
like I said, sometimes the challenge of me not always
(03:48):
being direct. I think I can at times, but most
of the time with our relationship, I think that I'm
a little bit more passive and not as communicative, not
as forceful direct, a little bit more subtle overall. And
it's not saying that we don't go either way because
(04:11):
we're people. We're not always one sided. You know, we're
three sixty so we have multiple sides to us. So
there are times where Murray's is a little bit more
subtle in things, and I'm used to him being direct,
so when he becomes subtle, I'm just sitting there like,
what's next, Like when are you going to say what
(04:33):
it is? What you really want to say? And a
lot a lot of times he does that through his questions,
so you know, he'll say, you know, what's wrong with this,
and I'm like, what are you talking about? And he'll
just ask the question again in another way, and I'm like,
(04:53):
I don't know, But here we go with the riddle,
I don't, I don't know, he says, you'll know, you know,
so think about it, like, what do you think is
wrong with this? So we have that part of our
relationship of how we communicate in that way where he's
not being director. He's asking a direct question in a
subtle manner, and I have to kind of use both
(05:17):
sides of my brains to kind of figure out what
it is he's asking for in order to move forward
within the communication and the conversation. But then there's other
times where he is subtle in in a playful way,
he leaves subtle hints on things, or we kind of,
(05:39):
you know, playfully banter back and forth in a subtle
way and it's not so direct where it's it's cutting,
but just in a playful manner, And I think that
makes you know, the relationship fun at times leaving subtle hints.
I think, you know, we've had times where we've kind
(06:02):
of left notes for each other around the house, and
those little subtle hints that way has added some some
playfulness to our marriage, into our life. Then there's you know,
he is one, he's he's a gift giver, so he
(06:25):
I think that's another subtle but direct way of doing things.
So I subtly say, oh wow, you know I like
that umbrella. It's like really really colorful and whatnot. And
I may not need another umbrella. I have one in
the car, I have two in the car, I have
one in my bag, there's one in the closet. I
don't need another umbrella. But I'll just see one and
(06:45):
I'm like, oh wow, like that one opens differently and
it's you know, colorful. Other ones I have, you know,
just playing straight one color and then you know that
subtleness of a conversation. I'm not I wasn't necessarily being
in any way saying I wanted a new umbrella. But
Maurice will show up, you know, and a couple of
(07:08):
days later with the package from Amazon, and you know,
here it is this colorful umbrella and he's like, you
said you wanted it. I'm like, no, I was just
saying that. I was just commenting that it was a
nice umbrella. So again, just understanding communication, how we communicate
and we connect sometimes can bring about those types of things.
(07:29):
But he is one of small surprises in that manner
of gift giving. So he's always looking for ways to
give in that manner and take, at least from me
some of those subtle hints and make them into hey,
(07:50):
I'm fulfilling that. And I think he does it with
the kids as well, just those subtle little things that
they may say. But he also likes the directness, like
he's like, you know, it's it's that time of year
where he starts holiday shopping. He's just straight with him,
like what do you want for Christmas? Like you guys
are getting old. I can't play around with this, like
(08:10):
tell me, give me a list of things that you want.
And the oldest will start sending the list like she
will send text messages I want this, I want this,
I want this, and the younger one he's not as
up on top of it like that, kind of like myself.
(08:34):
So I don't really say a whole lot. But this
year I'm doing a little bit better. I have a
list somewhere on my desk. Here it is, so I
have a few items already started there. Now I haven't
done the research on them, So I'm gonna be a
little bit more direct and kind of get some research
on what I'm looking for exactly. I think for me,
(08:58):
I kind of live in some fans world where I
think I want something, I think I've seen it somewhere,
but when I go to research it, I can't find it. So, yeah,
one of the items is a new bathroom. I kind
of want what I have already, and but it's really
old and I can't find it again. So I'm still
(09:22):
searching for something that's you know, spa like, but not
a terry cloth. I don't want a terry cloth, but
I don't know. We'll have to. I'll keep looking and
see I have a little bit more you know, longer
to try to find this item so that I can
be direct and give a true list of this is
the item that I want, and you know, let them
(09:47):
know about that, being both my husband and my two children,
because they can go out and get these items as well.
But there's you know, I think a a little bit
of a power in being quiet, and I think there's
also power in being direct. Sometimes. I think the quiet
(10:12):
storm being quiet, people kind can pay attention to those
who are quiet in the room, and I think a
lot of times we don't understand that. But you know,
I hear different stories and like, oh, yeah, the little
old lady, you know, as soon as she said something,
everybody listened, you know, because she didn't say a whole lot,
(10:35):
so that when that person speaks, everyone's ears perk up.
But then there's other things. Well, I can see the
importance of someone being direct and that they're saying what
they want and what they mean right up front, and
that's just the way that it is. So I can
(10:56):
see the importance in the power in both of them
and how they can be used in any kind of relationship,
especially in a marriage, but also in any relationship, whether
you're dealing with your children, your parents, your coworkers, whomever.
I think there's a time and a place for both
(11:16):
of these things, whether it's being direct or pushing things subtly.
So just want to know how you all think, you know,
how do you how do we all balance the mystery
between transparency and a relationship? Tell us and let us know.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Thanks, thanks for tuning in to another episode of a
No Fruit podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations, ripe
and wisdom and love that's deeply rooted. If you enjoyed
this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review,
and share it with someone who could use a little
inspiration in their death. Until next time, stay rooted in
love and remember every seed you plant today shapes the
(11:58):
fruit of tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
At the next the
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