July 24, 2025 • 30 mins
Is Saying "YES" Enough in Marriage?
Maurice and Kafi discuss the importance of intentionality and commitment in marriage, emphasizing that love is a daily choice, not just a feeling. They share personal experiences and strategies for maintaining connection and growth in long-term relationships, encouraging listeners to prioritize communication and physical touch. This episode highlights practical steps for fostering a deeper connection and celebrating the journey of marriage.
Try it: 20-Second Hug
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
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Maurice and Kafi discuss the importance of intentionality and commitment in marriage, emphasizing that love is a daily choice, not just a feeling. They share personal experiences and strategies for maintaining connection and growth in long-term relationships, encouraging listeners to prioritize communication and physical touch. This episode highlights practical steps for fostering a deeper connection and celebrating the journey of marriage.
Try it: 20-Second Hug
Connect with Maurice and Kafi
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Love isn't a feeling that lasts. It's a choice we
keep making.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
That's how good about love and the man the way
of God, intend life, expearenceive, share, loved, he transform.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What's going on everyone? What's going on everyone? So here
is where we are today.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Longevity and marriage is it, let's say, built one hundred
percent on just the butterflies that's in your stomach and
your one year, two year, five. But it's built on
the commitment of keep saying yes even when life can
feel heavy, when I feel like emotions have run dry
(01:00):
like the song by Boys the Men you know, or
conflict arises, but choosing each other every day reinforces your
relationship is not conditional, but it's intentional. And a lot
of times we don't put a lot of that intentional
work in because we get caught up in the every day.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
And so.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
And sometimes we don't have the the right influences in
front of us, around us, or whatever it is to
create that environment.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
And so.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Comfo, what do you do that says or that you
do this intentional to continue to say yes.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
In our marriage?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I say yes, you know, I think you know. Life
does become mundane as you continue to live. You know,
you get up, you do what you have to do,
and sometimes you do things without thinking. So sometimes you
just have to stop and give pause to why you're
doing what you're doing. You know, why am I brushing
(02:12):
my teeth? You know type of a thing. It's things
that you do, but you don't necessarily think about why
you're doing it. And I think once you figure out
or reflect on why you're doing it, it gives you
more purpose. It allows you to say yes. It allows
you to at least me, it allows me to refocus
(02:35):
and get back to the basis, get back to the
roots about yourself so real quick.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I mean, because you said something about just saying yes,
But that sounds so simple.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Is it really that simple?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
It's as simple as you make it. So, I mean
the actions behind saying yes. I mean, ultimately you just
say yes, like hey, you figure out I'm kind of
moving things forward and not thinking about it, so you
beginning to think about it is saying yes.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
So I guess for me, the yes, I have to
say yes, but for me I have to put a
little bit more action towards it, because even in my yes,
there's a no. At times it can be because I'm
not always uh committed to the yes until I move
(03:36):
upon it.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
That's just for me because you know, it starts with
a yes, like you have to have that shift, that change,
and then the action comes. I'm not saying like you
just jump up and have an action. I think you
have to say yes that hey, I'm going to make
a change. Hey, yes, I'm going to you know, do something.
So then you say and then you do it. So
(04:00):
I think for me, maybe I'm just looking at things
a little bit differently, and that's fine. You know, I
can look at things differently than you.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Right, That's what I'm saying. I just I'm just saying
what my process is. You know that that I could
say yes, but like I said, there's still a part
of a no in there. I don't there's not very
often in the past. It wasn't very often in the
past that everything was just a flat yes. There was
always a caveat to it. There was always a I
(04:27):
don't care what the situation might have been, it was
some type of way of talking myself out of it
or whatever it is. And something that you and you know,
our son said the other day about how I could
say things, and it means seemed like I was confident
and whatever it is, but I never portrayed the self
doubt that I was experiencing, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And so.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
So I think that yes, it's easy to say that word,
the little three letter word, but the commitment that goes
with it is not. It hasn't always been easy to
get up and make a move. It hasn't been because of.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Hear again again, I'm just gonna tell my own story
about my parents were separated longer than they were married,
and or they were separated longer that they've been divorced,
you know.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And so.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
The if that is your.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Example, if that is how things had played out, what
is my what example am I looking at?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Like, Well, how do I live my life every day?
You know?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Especially if that's what I saw and that's what I felt,
especially from a kid perspective, like most kids, like our
parents are not together because of me, because you take
on that responsibility for whatever reason, right, and so now
how do you move forward?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
You know? And so to say yes hasn't always been
the easiest thing to do.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
I mean, when you started at the top of the
show that love isn't isn't just a feeling, it's a choice.
So you have to make that choice to do something, right,
you know. So the first action is choosing to do something.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And sometimes that choice for other for some people, and
I'll again speak for myself, is in action. Sometimes I
made a choice is not to even move at all, right,
you know, And I mean that's a choice, right, you know.
And so in that choice, though, is it progressive? Is
(06:54):
it hurtful?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
In some cases it can be, right, like, you know,
because if you move right or left, it could hurt
the other person. You don't even know it.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You don't always know it, right, especially when you're making
a choice and you have no idea how that person
is feeling in that moment because you don't know what
their influences are. You don't know what you know who
they spoke to, and I spoke to whatever it is,
And you and I just had this conversation not too
long ago, right, that.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
We don't necessarily know. And I think it's kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Rather disingenuous sometimes that we know everybody that our spouse knows, right.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I think it's very you know, and so and then
even with that, I think it's it's.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Kind of hard to know what type of conversations that
our spouse is having with us not being there.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
We just don't know, you get what I mean. And
so and so I really have no idea.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That if you're at work or whatever the situation is,
I have no idea that you're talking to a person
and they're complaining about whatever situation. That doesn't mean you're complaining,
but that doesn't mean that you've got thoughts running through
your head. And so by the time you get home,
(08:22):
what is going through your mind, how you influenced or not,
It goes, It goes both ways, you get what I mean.
It's not a one way situation because we don't always
understand what the other person is going through.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And so if I'm out like hey, here we go
and you're like, hold on, son, hold on, dude, what
are you talking about? Right, because we don't always take
that into consideration. So sometimes the action cannot and may
(08:59):
not be the the always the right way to go.
So sometimes that even though in action is an action.
But but that's where for me is like, hey, I
can say yes, but even that yes, I might not
even move and some of that has come out, you know,
and our I don't know how many of y'all have
(09:20):
dealt with it. But there's some of that, Hey, yes
I want to go on vacation, but we don't take
the vacation because of that action of that can cause
what we don't know some of us. I know for myself,
I've been fearful of every time we've gone out outside
and wanted to be outside in the streets for whatever reason,
(09:44):
there was always some type of bill coming up. So
now all of a sudden, I don't want to do
anything right, you know, hey, you know what we're going
to go and and that going outside it may not
even be that serious. That want to be a situation
where we just went outside and went on the street
to nothing bunt cakes, right, and bought a cake, and
(10:04):
we're like, now, all of a sudden, that little twenty
dollar cake, it's way more expensive or it seems like
such a a luxury when now you got this bill
that's coming up. We've been in those type of situations,
you know, And so I think that yes, we can
(10:29):
do things on an everyday basis to say, hey, you
know what, we're going to say yes every day and
move forward. But sometimes there's some things that kind of
like pulls us back too.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I mean again, life becomes systematic, it can become mundane.
You can take things for granted. But you know, I
guess we want to encourage everybody not to take each
other for granted, not to take love for granted. That
you do take some time to think about why you're
(11:02):
doing it and who you're doing it for. And I
can't say that every day that Maurice and I have
been married that I've done that, but I think in
this last year that we've had we've done that a
little bit more frequently, of understanding each other and why
we're here and what we mean to each other, and
(11:24):
that has allowed us to grow closer together. So I
think taking that, you know, a little bit of time
out to step away from the system of day in,
day out activities and just to communicate with one another.
Communicate with yourself, as Maurice is always saying, look at
(11:46):
the man in the mirror, So communicate to yourself. Why
am I here?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Why am I?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
You know?
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Am I showing up at my best for my marriage?
Am I showing up at my best for myself?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
You know?
Speaker 4 (11:59):
What representative? Am I? Sharing? And showing? And it gets
hard because again, you at least for myself, we get
I get into the hey just get it done mentality.
Sometimes I just get dinner done. I don't think about
what I'm cooking while I'm cooking it. Did I you know,
seizing it? Did I not see? You know, just getting
it done so we could have something to eat. But
(12:21):
then there's times where you put love into it and
it you know, means something more or whatever. So I
just use it as an example, and.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I think, kind of going back to the communication part,
one of the things that we we we do it,
but as you stated, are you kind of going through
the motions or can you go through the motions? So
within the last year, it hasn't meant something that hey,
you know, when one of us walked through the do
(12:53):
you know through the door, Hey, how you doing today?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
How was your day?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You know, and allow that person that opportunity, that moment
to vent in some cases, right, some of it is venting,
some of it is you know, whatever it might be.
But the you know, but the question is are we
really present when that person is doing that and engaged
in that moment? And sometimes you know, we're not because
(13:23):
again we don't really know when because of whatever we
might be going through, what we're feeling. So you know,
are we really intentional or have we always been intentional?
Like to your point, you know, I know for the again,
like you said, I can speak about the last year
as well of how intentional I have been of being
(13:44):
as present as I can where I'm not thinking about
how to respond, I'm not thinking about how to react.
I'm not thinking about what I'm going to talk about,
what I'm going to say. I'm not doing any of that.
I'm just listen to what you got to say, you know,
And half the time you're just like, oh, it was nothing, okay,
(14:06):
you know, that's the where you come off. But it's
like and then I know me again, me and.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
My words, I probe a little a little bit more.
But but a lot of times, you know, how engaged
are we?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And I think that's the challenge because because you you
look at some of these stats and I don't remember
the stat off hand of just how engaged people are
on social media than they are really in interpersonal relationships,
you know, and so and I and I listened to
a close family member who talked about yo, Maurice, you
(14:45):
know this dating pool out here is crazy, but it's
crazy because of what though, why is it?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
You know?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And even for you, you know, for you, are you
really intentioned this particular individual like are you really intentional?
And who you're in, who you're engaging right and who
you who's taking up your time and or your space,
you know? And so I think those are some of
the things that that as we have basically grown up,
(15:13):
we had to grow up in some in some of this,
right you know. Again, we don't see too many adults
in marriage. We don't especially right now in our lives.
Right now, how many people are married. There's not that many,
you know. And so I think those are the things
that that we gotta we consider of being intentional and
(15:43):
working on this every day to your point of waking
up to say yes and yes, I'm going to be
intentional today, saying yes, I'm going to be present today.
Yes I'm going to not necessarily be so like I'm
hanging on every word mentality, but I'm hearing what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Though.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I think that's an intention that a lot of times,
because of this fast paced microwave mentality, that we're not there.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
And I think, you know, when it comes to communication,
as you stated, I think it's both verbal and non verbal.
Another thing that we have been doing with this past
year is being intentional about physical touch. So you know,
before I go to work, I try, you know, my
restrives to give me a nice long hug. At times
(16:39):
when I come home from work, you know, I'm greeted
with that as well. So those things mean a whole
lot one for just that human touch, the human connection,
and the connectivity that happens because the two are one.
So when we do come together and embrace as ah,
(17:00):
it means so much more. And Murray's read somewhere in
reference to the hug has to be how long?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Like twenty seconds?
Speaker 4 (17:09):
Like twenty seconds?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
You know?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
So how do you do that and not break away,
not think about a whole lot of other things, not
move a whole lot you know. So those are things,
I think, at least for me, that have helped to
make that change. I was reading a post and someone
was saying, again, how do you keep a marriage together?
(17:32):
And you know, make sure you kiss before you go
to sleep every night, you know, make sure you don't
go to bed angry at one another. And it's not
saying that you're settling all arguments, but just being at peace.
The hey will pick this up later or it's not
that deep where I have to go to sleep angry
and bitter. So some of those things I think helped
(17:53):
to keep the marriage going because again a lot of
people want to do the wedding thing, and you know,
the marriage is the real, you know, other interesting part,
the harder work. Someone had set on a post recently.
He's like, I'm tired of going to weddings. He's like,
I think weddings shouldn't happen until after y'all been married
(18:14):
for a whole year. Like, go ahead, get married. He
said that I'm buying gifts and y'all not staying together,
you know, so go ahead get married. You know, let
the best man and the matron of honor or the
maid of honor be witnesses that you guys can do this,
and then let's get married and had a big old
party because then I then you worked the gift. I mean,
(18:36):
it was just you know, a funny way of looking
at things and just houlliant, brilliant, he said, get engaged
and then get married, but you know, have the civic
ceremony or whatever, just to get married. But then like,
don't bring all your people in, because why are you
celebrating the beginning. We should be celebrating that it's working, right,
that it's working, you know. So you know and I
(19:00):
had talked sometimes that's brilliant some time ago about you know,
do we renew our vows? And I was always like, well,
I don't want to renew them, but I feel as
though we should celebrate our longevity. It celebrate the time
that we've been together, because it is an accomplishment, it
is a milestone, and I think it should be celebrated.
(19:23):
You know, we asked you all on a podcast some
time ago, like should we have a gathering for family
and friends and we celebrate ourselves that way, or should
we skip off, you know somewhere and have a second
honeymoon if you will. So, you know, we thank you
for that input. And you know, we're doing one of
those two things.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
And you'll see content from that.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Yeah, we'll leave you hanging on where you think that
you know what we're doing. But we're doing lots of planning.
That's all I have to say. So, you know again,
but we celebrate, you know, this journey that we've been
on all the time, and that's one of the things
I think I love about this podcast because it gives
(20:06):
us a chance to celebrate us and almost twenty five
years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
So so I think.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
That is.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Something that people don't consider as well of just appreciating
where you are right, you know, because you hear so
much about people being simps and accepting whatever right you know,
and so the reality is is that if you love somebody,
you love them.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
That's all it is, right.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
And it's really weird, how, you know, relationships change, and
what we accept and what we tolerate changes as we age.
You know, when you're ten years old in grade school
or however old you are, when you had your first
girlfriend and boyfriend or person that you called girl friend
her boyfriend, what you tolerated, you know what I mean?
(21:05):
And then you you know, well they didn't meet me
at the slide after school, so I quit them, you
know what I mean. So now you quit and then
you're on to the next one, not even thinking about
that person, that feelings or anything like that. Then you
move on, you get a little more serious and that
it's like, you know, if they don't meet you up
(21:26):
at the slide. At the slide, I mean again, you're
in high school, but you know, after school then it's
all you know, you're ready to hurt everybody in the world,
you know. And then you mature a little bit longer
and you date, and then again you're on and off
because of one little simple thing. And but then when
(21:46):
you get married again, you're back to this. Oh you know,
he said, she said, And I can't deal with that, right,
But that's what not marriage is not about that. You
have to kind of say. Okay, well, he said, she said,
And and okay, well why you know, what did I do?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What did they do?
Speaker 4 (22:04):
How do we get through this type of a thing?
And not I'm ready to end things because of a disagreement.
I'm ready to end things because I didn't get my
way or I don't like the way that things are.
We're going to change as.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
People, you know, we don't take that consideration now.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Reason I have truly changed since we met in the nineties, yes,
and I said, the nineties, nineteen nineties, late nineteen nineties.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Though we met mid nineteen nineties. Okay, we dated mid
to late nineteen nineties.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
But it took what almost two years okay, yeah, until
we started dating. So yeah, so it wasn't like a hey, like, yo,
you're shorty, what's up? Let me holler at you for
a second.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
It wasn't.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
I mean, we weren't seeing each other that often, so
we were kind of in passing, so once or twice
a year we would see each other. But you know,
until yore shorty. Yeah, he said that, and I was like.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
You're.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Somebody's grandpa, because it's the nineties. That's how we all
sound in the nineties. Yeah, I didn't. So, yeah, I
think you just have to kind of understand one another.
Understand that things will change, right. You know, your hair
is not always going to be black or dark brown.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
It's not that right now.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
You know, things are not always going to be sitting
and slim and whatever. Things change not at all.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Life changes, most definitely, and.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
You know we need to be proud about that as well.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Literally, three more reess.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Right now, not quite maybe two, not three.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I mean, yeah, I'm not three. I'm not even two.
I mean not from the time that we met to
even the weight that I am now, I'm only like
one and.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
A half one and a half Maurice, Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Not even a half, not even a four half. But yeah,
because if I was two hundred, I'm not even.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
No two hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
When we first met, I was okay. By the time
we date, I was two twenty five. Mm, I was,
I wasn't. I wasn't one eighty the pictures that we see.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I was one eighty.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
But yeah, you're shy.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Yeah, but no, by the time you and I got together,
I was two hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Okay, yeah, and then you know you fed me then
before we got married about two twenty five.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Now I'm about something else. Yeah, yes, I ain't three hundred, though,
I'll tell you all that right now. I'm not. I
have not That's one number I haven't touched.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
And close.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, we'll been, We're right, but but yeah, I mean,
but again some of that and understand what that is.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
And so before we end off the show, Coma had
made mention about the whole touching thing.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
And some of that was because it started off as
a video.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I saw a video that talked about holding and touching
the person that you are dating or married to for
twenty plus seconds and touching them and not such and
not such of a sexual space, but more of a
more intimate I love you space, just care and just
(25:52):
and just hold them for a moment and synchronize your
breathing and all this other type of stuff. So what
happens is that now because you're synchronized and you're connecting
and bonding, then now when that person goes to work,
they could have a better experience. When that person leaves
out the house is a better experience. And then you
know now that you get home is a better experience.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Right. And so even in that and then asking being
intentional on hey, how is your day? You know, but
then every now and then.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
That has been the bond or the glue that has
kept us together and allowed us to say, hey, you
know what, I'm here right And because there's some times
where you got to revisit the conversation on where are
we as a couple? And because of those little moments
(26:46):
like that, and we had to ask that question where
are we as a couple? It's nowhere near what it
was been it would have been eighteen months ago. And
I'll just use that. I won't even have to say, oh, yeah,
we've grown so much. Five year years ago eighteen months
ago is a big difference. So so think about that
for a moment of just some of these little things,
(27:09):
how they can really change what you what you're going
through and what you're what you're doing. And I said
it on another on my one my other podcasts. You
can actually see and here in our show how much
we've grown because of the content and the and the
(27:30):
topics that we're talking about. We're conquering or whatever it is,
like y'all can hear the just the maturation in that.
And I think those are things that that are key
in this, in this growth, in this in this situation
of hey, let me get center, let me understand why
(27:55):
I married this individual. What is individual brought to me
to my life and sometimes has confiscated. Those unspoken words
are way more powerful. So that's all I got to say.
I don't got nothing else to say. What's funny is
(28:15):
is that I said that she smiled. That means she's
like this little he.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
He ain't got no nothing else to say.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
I'm pretty sure he got something else to say if
y'all could see her face. So that's something else that y'all. Again,
there's other things in the words. So all these things
expressions and all this type of stuff, maybe you'll be
able to see that very shortly. So Paul Thank y'all
very much for listening today, and hug, hug your spouse,
(28:48):
hug your meat and ask him where are you? Where
are you today? And be open and honest about it,
Be open minded about the response that you give back.
I just have a conversation about it, and just set
aside some time just to say yes to where you are.
(29:11):
Start off with every week and then eventually gets you
every day. We'll talk to you a little bit later.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. We hope today's discussion left
you feeling uplifted, encouraged, and ready to take on life's
journey with purpose.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
us a review, and share.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
It with someone who could use a little inspiration in
their day. You can catch up on past episodes, send
us your thoughts, or learn more about us on social media.
Until next time, stay rooted in love, and remember every
seed you plant today shape the fruit of tomorrow. Take
care and we'll see you next time.
Love isn't a feeling that lasts. It's a choice we
keep making.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
That's how good about love and the man the way
of God, intend life, expearenceive, share, loved, he transform.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
What's going on everyone? What's going on everyone? So here
is where we are today.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Longevity and marriage is it, let's say, built one hundred
percent on just the butterflies that's in your stomach and
your one year, two year, five. But it's built on
the commitment of keep saying yes even when life can
feel heavy, when I feel like emotions have run dry
(01:00):
like the song by Boys the Men you know, or
conflict arises, but choosing each other every day reinforces your
relationship is not conditional, but it's intentional. And a lot
of times we don't put a lot of that intentional
work in because we get caught up in the every day.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
And so.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
And sometimes we don't have the the right influences in
front of us, around us, or whatever it is to
create that environment.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
And so.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Comfo, what do you do that says or that you
do this intentional to continue to say yes.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
In our marriage?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I say yes, you know, I think you know. Life
does become mundane as you continue to live. You know,
you get up, you do what you have to do,
and sometimes you do things without thinking. So sometimes you
just have to stop and give pause to why you're
doing what you're doing. You know, why am I brushing
(02:12):
my teeth? You know type of a thing. It's things
that you do, but you don't necessarily think about why
you're doing it. And I think once you figure out
or reflect on why you're doing it, it gives you
more purpose. It allows you to say yes. It allows
you to at least me, it allows me to refocus
(02:35):
and get back to the basis, get back to the
roots about yourself so real quick.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I mean, because you said something about just saying yes,
But that sounds so simple.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Is it really that simple?
Speaker 4 (02:50):
It's as simple as you make it. So, I mean
the actions behind saying yes. I mean, ultimately you just
say yes, like hey, you figure out I'm kind of
moving things forward and not thinking about it, so you
beginning to think about it is saying yes.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
M hm.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
So I guess for me, the yes, I have to
say yes, but for me I have to put a
little bit more action towards it, because even in my yes,
there's a no. At times it can be because I'm
not always uh committed to the yes until I move
(03:36):
upon it.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
That's just for me because you know, it starts with
a yes, like you have to have that shift, that change,
and then the action comes. I'm not saying like you
just jump up and have an action. I think you
have to say yes that hey, I'm going to make
a change. Hey, yes, I'm going to you know, do something.
So then you say and then you do it. So
(04:00):
I think for me, maybe I'm just looking at things
a little bit differently, and that's fine. You know, I
can look at things differently than you.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Right, That's what I'm saying. I just I'm just saying
what my process is. You know that that I could
say yes, but like I said, there's still a part
of a no in there. I don't there's not very
often in the past. It wasn't very often in the
past that everything was just a flat yes. There was
always a caveat to it. There was always a I
(04:27):
don't care what the situation might have been, it was
some type of way of talking myself out of it
or whatever it is. And something that you and you know,
our son said the other day about how I could
say things, and it means seemed like I was confident
and whatever it is, but I never portrayed the self
doubt that I was experiencing, you know.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And so.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
So I think that yes, it's easy to say that word,
the little three letter word, but the commitment that goes
with it is not. It hasn't always been easy to
get up and make a move. It hasn't been because of.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Hear again again, I'm just gonna tell my own story
about my parents were separated longer than they were married,
and or they were separated longer that they've been divorced,
you know.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And so.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
The if that is your.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Example, if that is how things had played out, what
is my what example am I looking at?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Like, Well, how do I live my life every day?
You know?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Especially if that's what I saw and that's what I felt,
especially from a kid perspective, like most kids, like our
parents are not together because of me, because you take
on that responsibility for whatever reason, right, and so now
how do you move forward?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
You know? And so to say yes hasn't always been
the easiest thing to do.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
I mean, when you started at the top of the
show that love isn't isn't just a feeling, it's a choice.
So you have to make that choice to do something, right,
you know. So the first action is choosing to do something.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And sometimes that choice for other for some people, and
I'll again speak for myself, is in action. Sometimes I
made a choice is not to even move at all, right,
you know, And I mean that's a choice, right, you know.
And so in that choice, though, is it progressive? Is
(06:54):
it hurtful?
Speaker 3 (06:56):
In some cases it can be, right, like, you know,
because if you move right or left, it could hurt
the other person. You don't even know it.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
You don't always know it, right, especially when you're making
a choice and you have no idea how that person
is feeling in that moment because you don't know what
their influences are. You don't know what you know who
they spoke to, and I spoke to whatever it is,
And you and I just had this conversation not too
long ago, right, that.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
We don't necessarily know. And I think it's kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Rather disingenuous sometimes that we know everybody that our spouse knows, right.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I think it's very you know, and so and then
even with that, I think it's it's.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Kind of hard to know what type of conversations that
our spouse is having with us not being there.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
We just don't know, you get what I mean. And
so and so I really have no idea.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That if you're at work or whatever the situation is,
I have no idea that you're talking to a person
and they're complaining about whatever situation. That doesn't mean you're complaining,
but that doesn't mean that you've got thoughts running through
your head. And so by the time you get home,
(08:22):
what is going through your mind, how you influenced or not,
It goes, It goes both ways, you get what I mean.
It's not a one way situation because we don't always
understand what the other person is going through.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And so if I'm out like hey, here we go
and you're like, hold on, son, hold on, dude, what
are you talking about? Right, because we don't always take
that into consideration. So sometimes the action cannot and may
(08:59):
not be the the always the right way to go.
So sometimes that even though in action is an action.
But but that's where for me is like, hey, I
can say yes, but even that yes, I might not
even move and some of that has come out, you know,
and our I don't know how many of y'all have
(09:20):
dealt with it. But there's some of that, Hey, yes
I want to go on vacation, but we don't take
the vacation because of that action of that can cause
what we don't know some of us. I know for myself,
I've been fearful of every time we've gone out outside
and wanted to be outside in the streets for whatever reason,
(09:44):
there was always some type of bill coming up. So
now all of a sudden, I don't want to do
anything right, you know, hey, you know what we're going
to go and and that going outside it may not
even be that serious. That want to be a situation
where we just went outside and went on the street
to nothing bunt cakes, right, and bought a cake, and
(10:04):
we're like, now, all of a sudden, that little twenty
dollar cake, it's way more expensive or it seems like
such a a luxury when now you got this bill
that's coming up. We've been in those type of situations,
you know, And so I think that yes, we can
(10:29):
do things on an everyday basis to say, hey, you
know what, we're going to say yes every day and
move forward. But sometimes there's some things that kind of
like pulls us back too.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
I mean again, life becomes systematic, it can become mundane.
You can take things for granted. But you know, I
guess we want to encourage everybody not to take each
other for granted, not to take love for granted. That
you do take some time to think about why you're
(11:02):
doing it and who you're doing it for. And I
can't say that every day that Maurice and I have
been married that I've done that, but I think in
this last year that we've had we've done that a
little bit more frequently, of understanding each other and why
we're here and what we mean to each other, and
(11:24):
that has allowed us to grow closer together. So I
think taking that, you know, a little bit of time
out to step away from the system of day in,
day out activities and just to communicate with one another.
Communicate with yourself, as Maurice is always saying, look at
(11:46):
the man in the mirror, So communicate to yourself. Why
am I here?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Why am I?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
You know?
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Am I showing up at my best for my marriage?
Am I showing up at my best for myself?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
You know?
Speaker 4 (11:59):
What representative? Am I? Sharing? And showing? And it gets
hard because again, you at least for myself, we get
I get into the hey just get it done mentality.
Sometimes I just get dinner done. I don't think about
what I'm cooking while I'm cooking it. Did I you know,
seizing it? Did I not see? You know, just getting
it done so we could have something to eat. But
(12:21):
then there's times where you put love into it and
it you know, means something more or whatever. So I
just use it as an example, and.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I think, kind of going back to the communication part,
one of the things that we we we do it,
but as you stated, are you kind of going through
the motions or can you go through the motions? So
within the last year, it hasn't meant something that hey,
you know, when one of us walked through the do
(12:53):
you know through the door, Hey, how you doing today?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
How was your day?
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You know, and allow that person that opportunity, that moment
to vent in some cases, right, some of it is venting,
some of it is you know, whatever it might be.
But the you know, but the question is are we
really present when that person is doing that and engaged
in that moment? And sometimes you know, we're not because
(13:23):
again we don't really know when because of whatever we
might be going through, what we're feeling. So you know,
are we really intentional or have we always been intentional?
Like to your point, you know, I know for the again,
like you said, I can speak about the last year
as well of how intentional I have been of being
(13:44):
as present as I can where I'm not thinking about
how to respond, I'm not thinking about how to react.
I'm not thinking about what I'm going to talk about,
what I'm going to say. I'm not doing any of that.
I'm just listen to what you got to say, you know,
And half the time you're just like, oh, it was nothing, okay,
(14:06):
you know, that's the where you come off. But it's
like and then I know me again, me and.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
My words, I probe a little a little bit more.
But but a lot of times, you know, how engaged
are we?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And I think that's the challenge because because you you
look at some of these stats and I don't remember
the stat off hand of just how engaged people are
on social media than they are really in interpersonal relationships,
you know, and so and I and I listened to
a close family member who talked about yo, Maurice, you
(14:45):
know this dating pool out here is crazy, but it's
crazy because of what though, why is it?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
You know?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And even for you, you know, for you, are you
really intentioned this particular individual like are you really intentional?
And who you're in, who you're engaging right and who
you who's taking up your time and or your space,
you know? And so I think those are some of
the things that that as we have basically grown up,
(15:13):
we had to grow up in some in some of this,
right you know. Again, we don't see too many adults
in marriage. We don't especially right now in our lives.
Right now, how many people are married. There's not that many,
you know. And so I think those are the things
that that we gotta we consider of being intentional and
(15:43):
working on this every day to your point of waking
up to say yes and yes, I'm going to be
intentional today, saying yes, I'm going to be present today.
Yes I'm going to not necessarily be so like I'm
hanging on every word mentality, but I'm hearing what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Though.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I think that's an intention that a lot of times,
because of this fast paced microwave mentality, that we're not there.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
And I think, you know, when it comes to communication,
as you stated, I think it's both verbal and non verbal.
Another thing that we have been doing with this past
year is being intentional about physical touch. So you know,
before I go to work, I try, you know, my
restrives to give me a nice long hug. At times
(16:39):
when I come home from work, you know, I'm greeted
with that as well. So those things mean a whole
lot one for just that human touch, the human connection,
and the connectivity that happens because the two are one.
So when we do come together and embrace as ah,
(17:00):
it means so much more. And Murray's read somewhere in
reference to the hug has to be how long?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Like twenty seconds?
Speaker 4 (17:09):
Like twenty seconds?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
You know?
Speaker 4 (17:11):
So how do you do that and not break away,
not think about a whole lot of other things, not
move a whole lot you know. So those are things,
I think, at least for me, that have helped to
make that change. I was reading a post and someone
was saying, again, how do you keep a marriage together?
(17:32):
And you know, make sure you kiss before you go
to sleep every night, you know, make sure you don't
go to bed angry at one another. And it's not
saying that you're settling all arguments, but just being at peace.
The hey will pick this up later or it's not
that deep where I have to go to sleep angry
and bitter. So some of those things I think helped
(17:53):
to keep the marriage going because again a lot of
people want to do the wedding thing, and you know,
the marriage is the real, you know, other interesting part,
the harder work. Someone had set on a post recently.
He's like, I'm tired of going to weddings. He's like,
I think weddings shouldn't happen until after y'all been married
(18:14):
for a whole year. Like, go ahead, get married. He
said that I'm buying gifts and y'all not staying together,
you know, so go ahead get married. You know, let
the best man and the matron of honor or the
maid of honor be witnesses that you guys can do this,
and then let's get married and had a big old
party because then I then you worked the gift. I mean,
(18:36):
it was just you know, a funny way of looking
at things and just houlliant, brilliant, he said, get engaged
and then get married, but you know, have the civic
ceremony or whatever, just to get married. But then like,
don't bring all your people in, because why are you
celebrating the beginning. We should be celebrating that it's working, right,
that it's working, you know. So you know and I
(19:00):
had talked sometimes that's brilliant some time ago about you know,
do we renew our vows? And I was always like, well,
I don't want to renew them, but I feel as
though we should celebrate our longevity. It celebrate the time
that we've been together, because it is an accomplishment, it
is a milestone, and I think it should be celebrated.
(19:23):
You know, we asked you all on a podcast some
time ago, like should we have a gathering for family
and friends and we celebrate ourselves that way, or should
we skip off, you know somewhere and have a second
honeymoon if you will. So, you know, we thank you
for that input. And you know, we're doing one of
those two things.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
And you'll see content from that.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Yeah, we'll leave you hanging on where you think that
you know what we're doing. But we're doing lots of planning.
That's all I have to say. So, you know again,
but we celebrate, you know, this journey that we've been
on all the time, and that's one of the things
I think I love about this podcast because it gives
(20:06):
us a chance to celebrate us and almost twenty five
years of marriage.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
So so I think.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
That is.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Something that people don't consider as well of just appreciating
where you are right, you know, because you hear so
much about people being simps and accepting whatever right you know,
and so the reality is is that if you love somebody,
you love them.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
That's all it is, right.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
And it's really weird, how, you know, relationships change, and
what we accept and what we tolerate changes as we age.
You know, when you're ten years old in grade school
or however old you are, when you had your first
girlfriend and boyfriend or person that you called girl friend
her boyfriend, what you tolerated, you know what I mean?
(21:05):
And then you you know, well they didn't meet me
at the slide after school, so I quit them, you
know what I mean. So now you quit and then
you're on to the next one, not even thinking about
that person, that feelings or anything like that. Then you
move on, you get a little more serious and that
it's like, you know, if they don't meet you up
(21:26):
at the slide. At the slide, I mean again, you're
in high school, but you know, after school then it's
all you know, you're ready to hurt everybody in the world,
you know. And then you mature a little bit longer
and you date, and then again you're on and off
because of one little simple thing. And but then when
(21:46):
you get married again, you're back to this. Oh you know,
he said, she said, And I can't deal with that, right,
But that's what not marriage is not about that. You
have to kind of say. Okay, well, he said, she said,
And and okay, well why you know, what did I do?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
What did they do?
Speaker 4 (22:04):
How do we get through this type of a thing?
And not I'm ready to end things because of a disagreement.
I'm ready to end things because I didn't get my
way or I don't like the way that things are.
We're going to change as.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
People, you know, we don't take that consideration now.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Reason I have truly changed since we met in the nineties, yes,
and I said, the nineties, nineteen nineties, late nineteen nineties.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Though we met mid nineteen nineties. Okay, we dated mid
to late nineteen nineties.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
But it took what almost two years okay, yeah, until
we started dating. So yeah, so it wasn't like a hey, like, yo,
you're shorty, what's up? Let me holler at you for
a second.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
It wasn't.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
I mean, we weren't seeing each other that often, so
we were kind of in passing, so once or twice
a year we would see each other. But you know,
until yore shorty. Yeah, he said that, and I was like.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
You're.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Somebody's grandpa, because it's the nineties. That's how we all
sound in the nineties. Yeah, I didn't. So, yeah, I
think you just have to kind of understand one another.
Understand that things will change, right. You know, your hair
is not always going to be black or dark brown.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
It's not that right now.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
You know, things are not always going to be sitting
and slim and whatever. Things change not at all.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Life changes, most definitely, and.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
You know we need to be proud about that as well.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Literally, three more reess.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Right now, not quite maybe two, not three.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
I mean, yeah, I'm not three. I'm not even two.
I mean not from the time that we met to
even the weight that I am now, I'm only like
one and.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
A half one and a half Maurice, Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Not even a half, not even a four half. But yeah,
because if I was two hundred, I'm not even.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
No two hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
When we first met, I was okay. By the time
we date, I was two twenty five. Mm, I was,
I wasn't. I wasn't one eighty the pictures that we see.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
I was one eighty.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
But yeah, you're shy.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Yeah, but no, by the time you and I got together,
I was two hundred.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Okay, yeah, and then you know you fed me then
before we got married about two twenty five.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Now I'm about something else. Yeah, yes, I ain't three hundred, though,
I'll tell you all that right now. I'm not. I
have not That's one number I haven't touched.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
And close.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, we'll been, We're right, but but yeah, I mean,
but again some of that and understand what that is.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
And so before we end off the show, Coma had
made mention about the whole touching thing.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
And some of that was because it started off as
a video.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I saw a video that talked about holding and touching
the person that you are dating or married to for
twenty plus seconds and touching them and not such and
not such of a sexual space, but more of a
more intimate I love you space, just care and just
(25:52):
and just hold them for a moment and synchronize your
breathing and all this other type of stuff. So what
happens is that now because you're synchronized and you're connecting
and bonding, then now when that person goes to work,
they could have a better experience. When that person leaves
out the house is a better experience. And then you
know now that you get home is a better experience.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Right. And so even in that and then asking being
intentional on hey, how is your day? You know, but
then every now and then.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
That has been the bond or the glue that has
kept us together and allowed us to say, hey, you
know what, I'm here right And because there's some times
where you got to revisit the conversation on where are
we as a couple? And because of those little moments
(26:46):
like that, and we had to ask that question where
are we as a couple? It's nowhere near what it
was been it would have been eighteen months ago. And
I'll just use that. I won't even have to say, oh, yeah,
we've grown so much. Five year years ago eighteen months
ago is a big difference. So so think about that
for a moment of just some of these little things,
(27:09):
how they can really change what you what you're going
through and what you're what you're doing. And I said
it on another on my one my other podcasts. You
can actually see and here in our show how much
we've grown because of the content and the and the
(27:30):
topics that we're talking about. We're conquering or whatever it is,
like y'all can hear the just the maturation in that.
And I think those are things that that are key
in this, in this growth, in this in this situation
of hey, let me get center, let me understand why
(27:55):
I married this individual. What is individual brought to me
to my life and sometimes has confiscated. Those unspoken words
are way more powerful. So that's all I got to say.
I don't got nothing else to say. What's funny is
(28:15):
is that I said that she smiled. That means she's
like this little he.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
He ain't got no nothing else to say.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
I'm pretty sure he got something else to say if
y'all could see her face. So that's something else that y'all. Again,
there's other things in the words. So all these things
expressions and all this type of stuff, maybe you'll be
able to see that very shortly. So Paul Thank y'all
very much for listening today, and hug, hug your spouse,
(28:48):
hug your meat and ask him where are you? Where
are you today? And be open and honest about it,
Be open minded about the response that you give back.
I just have a conversation about it, and just set
aside some time just to say yes to where you are.
(29:11):
Start off with every week and then eventually gets you
every day. We'll talk to you a little bit later.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the No
Fruit Podcast, where we bring you fruitful conversations ripen wisdom
and love that's deeply rooted. We hope today's discussion left
you feeling uplifted, encouraged, and ready to take on life's
journey with purpose.
Speaker 4 (29:31):
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
us a review, and share.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
It with someone who could use a little inspiration in
their day. You can catch up on past episodes, send
us your thoughts, or learn more about us on social media.
Until next time, stay rooted in love, and remember every
seed you plant today shape the fruit of tomorrow. Take
care and we'll see you next time.
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