Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Gee, Old Man Rooting from theKitchen Live Podcast. Welcome back to the
Old Man Ratting from the Kitchen.I am ready to tell you not a
great story that happens when you're aproperty manager. All wait, I met
the producers in my left ear saying, you've got to tell them this is
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story number two. You know,after the chicken thing happened at story number
one, it's hard to find goodhelp for story number two. Believe me
it is. I can remember nottoo long ago. Come think about it,
when I had a good producer.Yeah, well that was a long
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time ago. Now I've got aiai Hey, away we go. Never
quite sure what happens when you pushthe button. Here we are in the
wonderful, beautiful South Hild Studios.By the way, we've almost got them
all completed. We're still having littleaudio problem on the uh well, the
neighbors upstairs. You like to play, let's make a deal with a bowling
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ball and drop it on the floor, or some of the other small problems
that you have when you're operating outof a kitchen. Everybody should have those
problems. Now, I know thatyou're not supposed to have those problems,
And I'm just I guess, adownstairs apartment dweller. But as property manager,
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you think they'd at least have alittle less well, should we say,
square dancing, big time rodeo,dropping safs on the floor, throwing
their kids across the floor, anda host of other great things that I'm
sure they're doing. But anyway,let's get on with the story, you
know, with the other old probablymonth or so, I was, you
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know, just come out the door. I was going to go out to
the car and get some information outof the car. And our building is
set up so it's like I mentioned, it's four units in a shape of
a house, upstairs and downstairs,and the sidewalk walks right by the window
of one of the bedrooms downstairs,so you, you know, wouldn't think
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much of it, would you.Well, let me explain to you what
happened. One day, As Imentioned to you, I was walking out
to the car to get some stuffout of the car, and just before
I got to the window, thestrangest thing that I have ever seen in
my life occurred. The window slowlyopened up, and then all of a
sudden, here comes two feet anda butt connected to a human being.
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I want you to know that,and he's sliding out the window. Yes,
now, thank heavens it was theground floor and it wasn't upstairs,
because that would have been a messwhen he hit cement down on the ground
level. But no, he wassliding out of the bedroom. Now his
back was towards me when he finallystood up. What do you think I
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would say, you know, likehm, mentally, maybe I'll just ignore
it and he'll go away, ormaybe podcasters got to know why you're backing
out the window in the middle ofthe morning. Well, it dawned on
me I should ask, probably,so I says, excuse me. He
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turns around and looks at me,and he says, and I want to
add this a little bit of informationso that you understand the whole story.
This guy was a tree, folks, and he had muscles on him that
kind of made you nervous. Soyou knew it had to be a polite
conversation because there is no insurance healthinsurance as a property manager for being beaten
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by a visitor of a renter.There is no such a thing. I
don't know, but I personally growfeathers when somebody gets violent, So I
was very nice room. Of course, did you ever try the door?
Wait a minute, is the doorworking? Is there's something wrong with the
lock and the door. You guysare going out and back and forth in
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and out the window. Oh no, no, no, man, no,
no no no, I gotta go. I got things to do.
So he walks across the parking lotand I noticed she's getting in a car
that arrived. Well, wait aminute, that car was there last night
all night. Now the lights arestarting to come on, dimly, but
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starting to come on in my mind. So I passed that off. I
thought, okay, I'm not evengonna just think about it, waste my
time with that. You No,no, everything's fine if I ask.
No, I can't ask the ladyof the house why a gentleman is crawling
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out the window. I mean,that would be stupid of me. So
anyway, about three days later,I bump into the mother who of this
lady of the house. Who sheis? The lady of the house,
I should say. And I'm reallyconfused, you know, because she comes
around the corner and I say,excuse me, I have a question to
ask. Are you going to gothrough the window or through the door?
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Is the lock broken. She looksat me calmly, and I want you
to understand this lady's about five footfour and she looks at me, very
very skinny, very nice lady,I thought, looks at me and says,
oh, what do you mean comingin and out the window? Nobody
uses the window. I said,oh, okay, well, this may
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be kind of a I probably shouldn'tbring this up, but as I a
couple of days ago, was walkingdown approaching your window there in the bedroom,
this gentleman was backing out of thewindow. She looks at me very
calmly. What do you mean agentleman was back out of the window.
My boyfriend comes in and out thefront door. That's ridiculous. I said,
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Oh, okay, okay, well, I he was coming out the
window, is what he was doing. So maybe he didn't want to open
and close the door and wake youup, because I know you sleep different
hours of the day and night.And I'm trying to get out of this
whole conversation very quickly because she's startingto get very irritated. One thing I
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have learned in the short time thatI've been a property manager that when you
get women upset with you their tenants. You might as well just go out
and beat yourself with a club,because if you don't, they will.
So I go, okay, thankyou, and went back into the apartment.
Now, my apartment's right across fromthere. So you know these wonderful
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apartments that are built in the eighties. The wall you can put a glass
up to it and hear people breathingin the next room. Oh, I
mean, I wouldn't put a glassup against the wall, mind you.
I'm sure they would on trying tofind out what I'm doing. But for
some strange reason, all of asudden and I thought, oh, my
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day is now really going to goto pieces. I'll walk over look into
people. Always look in the peoplewhen you live in an apartment, because
you don't know what's going to beon the other side of that door.
I opened up the door and thereshe was, and I said, yes,
can I help you? Is somethingI can help you with? She
said, you saw a man comingout that bedroom window. I said,
yes, ma'am. I did youknow what's going on? I said no,
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no, I have no idea.Did you ask him why he was
coming out the window? Yes?I might have mentioned that because I found
it a little strange. She calmlylooks at me and she says, that's
my boyfriend. Did you know that? And I said, yeah, you
told me that. And as longas he's visiting and doesn't take up right,
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oh shut up? You know whatwas going on? And no I
don't. He is making love tome and sneaking out and sitting in the
living room supposedly watching television and turningit up a little bit, and then
he's going into my daughter's bedroom.But you know what you do? You
know what? I said, Waita minute, whoa woa time out.
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I am not a minister, counselorany of that stuff. So really,
I'm sure you can take care ofthis with your daughter, you know,
in your home of course, youlive right over there. She looked at
me and said, you just don'twant to listen to you, and I
said that's correct. Have a goodday, thank you, And I slowly
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and politely wished her once again havea great day, and quietly closed my
door and hoping that she will,you know, go away. Well,
she went into her apartment, tookthe groceries, put him down, and
I hear this yelling at her daughterHoly Moses the world. You would have
thought that he dropped an atomic bombin her kitchen. Everybody, I think,
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in the whole complex for a mileheard what was going on. And
you know, the neighbor's up overmy apartment. Come, yes, what
can I do for you today?Did you hear that noise? I said,
yes, there's a little family problemnext door. And everything's fine.
Oh little family problem. Do yourealize what the lease says. You're not
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supposed to have any noise that canbe heard outside your apartment, and after
ten o'clock all noises are to beturned way down. And I said,
excuse me, it's you know,after one o'clock in the afternoon. Thank
you for reading the lease. AndI don't want to get involved in this.
I mean, you know, I'mtrying to say, Oh, I
just don't believe. And she startson me again, telling me that the
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noise is bothering her kids or whomeverit may concern. Well, first thing,
of all, her kids were inschool, and I already knew that
because I waved at him as theyleft for school. Number two, she's
the type of individual that it's goodif you have a can of water in
your hand and throw it on afire, not a can of gas,
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you see. So I got itquieted down. She finally went back of
her apartment slammed the door so hardthat my dishes practically fell out of the
cabinet onto the floor. But that'sokay. Property managers must know how to
control anger their anger. Now everythingwas going pretty well, and I was
pretty excited that it had calmed completelydown. About three days later, I
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thought, oh not again. Ilook at the people. Sure enough,
here's the wonderful neighbor next door.She says, you men are all like
you know that? And I said, oh, okay. What can I
help you with today? Is theplumbing? Networking? Do you have some
sort of problem with the apartment thatI can help you with? Now?
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Did you park your car today?Well, of course it's parked in my
space. I am so upset.I bought a brand new car, and
do you realize how hard it isfor me to park? You are right
on and over the line. Theway you park is disgraceful. And she
carries on for about two minutes.Now mentally, in my mind, I'm
measuring her where she's standing versus andall these apartments have metal doors, and
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I'm thinking to myself, if thiscontinues, I'm going to close the door.
So when she took and put herfinger up in the air at me,
a very unmanly gesture, I mightadd, and whips around and practically
tries to get into my face.Ah, something hazardous happened. I closed
the door. Now if I hither nose or not, I'm not sure.
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I do know this. There wasa sound and then it was quiet,
so I safely assumed that she gotthe point. The door's closed,
I can't help her. Well,of course, she got a whold of
the landlord, which is the nextthing you do when you're being an idiot.
You know, this woman, bythe way, works for the state
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of Washington, but we won't getinto that at all. No check in
on my other podcast about what Ithink about the daycare center in Olympia,
Washington and some of the wonderful educatedpeople that work there, you know,
the ones that we pay taxes forthat work there. Oh wow, Well,
at least she got a brand newcar, so we know she's making
some money. Well, okay,this is fine, This is fine,
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and I think I got the pointacross. Don't scream at me over how
I park. Well, I geta call from the property owner who said,
Bill, I just looked at apicture. Do you own a green
car parked out there in the carpark? And I said yes, or
I do? He says, gota complaint. She drove all the way
up here to complain about you.I said, well, that's not unusual,
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is it. Oh? Yeah,Bill, I hadn't heard anybody yell
and scream like this for some time, and I said, okay. Showed
me the picture and I said,yes, sir, park's you know.
I went out and looked. Iwas not over the line, but I
was pretty close to the white line, and I could have moved it over
a few inches. I guess Iwas in the wrong. He says,
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no, you didn't park anything outof the ordinary. How long has she
been ranting and screaming like this?I said, well, recently, we've
had a couple of problems because herboyfriend was shall we say having Well,
she and he were, and thechild was and I you know how that
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goes. He said, don't tellme anymore. That's fine, Okay,
the parking incident is ridiculous. Youjust wanted to let you know she's complaining
here at the office. As shewent out the door, she said,
I at the end of the month, I'm going to move. And I
said, gee, that's a wonderfulthought. Well she didn't, of course,
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And as the months go by,day after day, I have interesting
things going on. Like Saturday night, there's parties and miners. You're drinking
and throwing up outside on the sidewalk. That was kind of interesting. I
had cars parked all over the placeso nobody could get in or out.
But you don't need to worry aboutthat. Then the night came, which
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was really exciting. All of asudden, I have half of the complex
at my porch, saying, there'sa guy. He's climbing up on the
fence and there's a car over there, and they're speeding up and down the
driveway. So I step outside withmy cell phone, getting ready pre dial
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nine one one, just in case. I just don't look good in bandages.
I really don't. So I wentout and took a look at the
situation, you know, kind ofwell, I grew feathers folks there again.
There was about six of them andone of me. Now five of
them were women. Well, okay, five of them were teenagers that are
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women. I have never heard suchfoul mouths individuals in my life. They
could make a long shoreman cry.I mean it was that bad. So
I finally had to ask him toyou know, button up and you know
leave very nicely. And while I'mtalking, one of their boyfriends, who
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was throwing up on the driveway,which I thought was a nice touch for
the evening, and was so alleberatedthat I don't think he knew where he
was at, decides he's going toclimb on this wooden fence that separates our
property from the property next door.And of course as he's wiggling around and
playing Tarzan, he falls on hisgluti. As Maximus picks himself up,
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got mad, cry, gets inhis car, slams in reverse, hits
the fence. Priceless moments. Gota picture of that, had witnesses that
seen all of this problem, bythe way, so that's the end of
it. I called the next morningthe landlord and say, we got about
a thousand dollars worth of damage tothe fence. Because unfortunately the property manager
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may have got the neighbor hood Iwould say juvenile de lincolent mafia a teenage
girl group wound up and a boyfriendcame to save them, and as he
rode in on his white horse,the horse kicked the fence. Or maybe
he was in his white car andbacked into the fence, whichever story will
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be very interesting when they tell itto you. I'm sure. Well,
this was a very quiet moment becauseyou got to understand that, first of
all, these lovely ladies, whichwere, by the way, in high
school, they were seniors. Obviouslyin English class, they had not stuck
too hard and had a very limitedvocabulary to only four letter words. It
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dawned on me, however, afterall this was done, that the mother
was nowhere in sight. Well,of course not. It's Friday night.
Everybody parties on Friday night, andmommy had forgiven her boyfriend. And you
can put two and two together tofigure out how that comes out. Well,
when mommy showed up the next morninga little ruffled and shall we say,
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like a chicken whose feathers were pettedbackwards, she decided to tell me
that I'm taking advantage of them,I'm discriminating, I'm all. The words
kept going on, and this individualwas a very very nice lady. One
time, I would assume, Butbecause she was of a different race,
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I was a bad guy, andI though I just thought, Okay,
I'm not going to get involved inthis whole thing. Well we got over
the party thing, she got thenotice from the office to knock it off
and to control her kids. Great, that was just the start of partying
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on Friday. Then it went toFriday night and Saturday. Then it went
to Friday, Saturday and Sunday.When the property manager said enough is really
really enough, the next step wasnaturally, well you've broken the lease in
the rules of the property, theproperty manager will be over to have a
chat with you. Now, Ithought that was very nice of him to
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donate my blood in case of emergencies. I wanted to make sure he had
same blood tight in case I neededto transfusion from getting hit in the head
with a baseball bat. Because thislady, I'm sure had a baseball bat
stuck behind the door. Well,she would never let anybody in. She'd
only open the door a few inches, complain at you, and then slam
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the door. Okay, fine,whatever, Well, the eviction came,
the time was ready, the affidaviswere signed. Mister Wonderful comes down.
Mister Wonderful is a process server.It says, okay, I got tosserve
the paper's what apartment isn't And Isaid, you know, everybody calls you,
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mister Wonderful because you're getting rid ofpest here on the property. So
don't take that as an insult.Well, everything's great. He goes up
to the door. Nobody answers thedoor. I said, she's in there.
Nobody answers the door. He hasto stake the house out for about
two three days. She sneaks inand out and never ever answers the door.
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We knocks in the door. Onthe fifth day, she went down
and bought a ring doorbell with acamera in it so that she could make
sure that whoever's at the door,if it was myself, the property owner,
or the process server or the attorney, that she would not opened the
door. Well, folks, tomake a long story terribly short, Yeah,
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she slipped because one afternoon he puton his baseball cap and his baseball
shirt and all this, grabbed anempty pizza box and you know what happened.
Yeah, knocked on the door,said he had a pizza delivery.
She opened the door, and shegot served. Removing her from the property
wasn't too hard because they had gotthe word, went the cord, and
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you know, the rest is history. But when we finally got into the
apartment, there was over twenty fivethousand dollars worth of damage because this wonderful
woman didn't know. Of course,that's her story, that the kids were
smoking pot didn't know. Of course, that's her story that they never cleaned
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the house like they were supposed to. It was filthy, it was a
mess. I guess the moral ofthis story is maybe I shouldn't have slammed
the door, and maybe I hither in the nose and something affected her
brain. I don't know, butonce again, you know how that goes.
When you got to do it,you just got to do it.
So everybody have a great day,and maybe, you know, tomorrow or
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the next day, something will goright and people will actually have respect for
other people's property and want to livein communities as a good citizen. Until
the next time, have a greatday. We'll be talking to you soon.
The old man's done ranting from thekitchen,