October 27, 2025 • 18 mins
Autumn can feel like a race you never signed up for. In this episode, I’m digging into “do it all” culture, from never-ending work emails to the wave of Autumn and winter traditions everyone seems to expect, like Elf on the Shelf, Boo baskets, and those Instagram-perfect Christmas Eve picnics.
I’m sharing how overcommitting can turn even the best intentions into burnout. I’ve learned that doing less isn’t lazy, it’s self-preservation. So I’m walking through practical ways to reclaim your time and stop performing. If you’re fed up with feeling like this time of year is a marathon of more, this one’s for you. Gem x
www.theorganisedmethod.com/quick-links
I’m sharing how overcommitting can turn even the best intentions into burnout. I’ve learned that doing less isn’t lazy, it’s self-preservation. So I’m walking through practical ways to reclaim your time and stop performing. If you’re fed up with feeling like this time of year is a marathon of more, this one’s for you. Gem x
www.theorganisedmethod.com/quick-links
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the Tom Extra Spin podcast.
I'm Jemma. This is where I take a little break
from recording Tom Rock sessions and talk to you about
something that seems to be particularly poignant. This is Pam.
If you're listening to this episode rather than watching it
on YouTube, this will mean nothing to you. But I've
got a very like wonky pumpkin sat behind me. She's
already lost a lid, she's stained my tablecloth, and she's
(00:21):
powered by a battery operated candle. But she's here for
a reason because today I want to say to you,
stop trying to do it all. Seriously. I want to
talk to you about the endless to do list that
is or feels like autumn, because we're told that this
time of year is all about slowing down, but the
(00:43):
reality is quite different. Autumn often feels like a sprint
to the twenty fourth of December, and then very often
the finish line is just like burnt out. So between
Nativity plays, work deadlines, parties, endless school emails, and like
growing shopping lists, it's easy to end up spinning in
(01:03):
circles instead of actually celebrating and enjoying the season. And
I have received so many messages from people over the
past couple of weeks whether or not they're taking part
in organized Christmas like people on TikTok of like rebranded
it is like slow Christmas prep, which I love because
that's exactly what it is. People have contacted me saying,
(01:23):
do you know what I really like that this takes
the pressure off a little bit. It takes the pressure
off having to do everything, having to tick every box.
And we're going to talk a little bit later on about,
you know, the pressure to be doing things like Elf
on the shelf, Boo boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, all of
that stuff that like. And I'm going to sound really
old now, I'm going to make myself really old. I
(01:46):
didn't have any of that stuff when I was a
new parent. But we didn't. And I'm going to say
this right at the beginning, and if you don't take
away anything at all from this video, I want you
to take this. People are trying to sell you things, okay,
even like me, I'm I'm just gonna be honest. I
want you to use my app, it's my business. But
on the whole, most people on social media, even if
(02:09):
it's your favorite influencer, and they're like doing an ad right.
Most people want you to buy something part with your
money in some way over the years. The consequence of
that is every year the market is so noisy that
people have to like up the ante and go like
(02:29):
one step further than they did last year. It's like
a bigger fallhold than they had last year. Boo boxes
that maybe you hadn't even heard of, just to keep
adding interests so that so that people don't get bored
and just like wander off. And sometimes like sometimes I
feel like alone, and I know I'm not, but it
(02:51):
can feel like this, especially when it's so noisy at
this time of the year, like a lone voice. I
know that obviously I'm not naive. I like buying things.
I know that people like buying things, right, but sometimes
I can feel like a lone voice and saying, maybe
you don't have to overcommit yourself, and maybe you don't
have to buy it all in the same way, you
don't have to overcommit yourself and like do it all
(03:14):
if you look at your time and your cash budget
in a similar way, maybe it's better for us to
be like, how can we work out in all of
that noise? What we do want to spend our cash
budget on and what we do want to spend our
time budget on. So I am very aware of like
the irony of me saying everyone's trying to say something,
(03:36):
and then me of recently running an app, creating guided
productivity sessions, running an appubscription and all that sort of thing.
Really is that what most of us call the most
wonderful time of year is for many the most overwhelming.
And I think a lot of that comes down to
the pressure to do it all, and like the over commitment,
the inner pressure to keep on giving, keep on doing,
keep on achieving and participating long after with out of energy,
(04:01):
all over out of money, and the British Psychological Society
describes this as a key factor towards burnout. So when
effort is disproportionate to the reward, so in other words,
you've given, you've given, you give, but there's no real return.
You just feel fatigued. And we all know that a feeling,
don't we of like performative fatigued. We see it all
(04:22):
the time on our socials, and especially when there is
actually no finishing line here, there is no end point.
You can keep on buying, you can keep on doing
until the cows come home. At what point do you stop?
And this is what I think we need to really
nail down. You stop when you feel ready, you stop
when you feel fulfilled, you stop when you've reached your budget,
(04:44):
You stop when you want to. But the problem is
is that social media and that constant on culture and
like modern life, it doesn't reward rest. It kind of
wants you to keep going. If you don't believe me,
because I cannot be the only one in this. My
attention span is shocking. It could be sense to do
(05:07):
with menopause, but I've noticed a massive decrease in my
ability to concentrate, like even films, Like I'm really trying
to force myself to get back into reading books. I'm
really forcing myself to go on like no input walks
where I don't listen to anything. I just go out
into the silence. And that is social media's fault. That
(05:30):
is social media s fault because I, because of what
I do, because of my job, I am chronically online now,
chronically on TikTok, chronically on Instagram, consuming bite sized pieces,
and that means my brain is always on the go.
It's so noisy there's so much to think about being
bombarded with information from left, right and center, that is
it any wonder that we end up spinning rounding circles
(05:52):
thinking and I need to do this, and I need
to do a Sunday House reset, and I need to
do a boot box, and I used to do this,
that and the other. I haven't done it fall Hall yet.
I haven't gone to Donnelle Mill, I haven't gone to BNM.
So today we are just going to stop, take a
step back and assess, because that constant activity, perfect aesthetics,
(06:13):
endless availability, endless to do lists isn't good for our brains,
it's not good for our energy levels, and it's certainly
not good for our wallet. And nowhere is that clearer
than online boy feed. Right, I challenge you to have
a quick look at your feed, and if your algorithm
is just right, you will see boob baskets, Elf on
the shelf, matching pajamas, North Pole Breakfast, extravagantly wrap Christmas
(06:35):
eve boxes. The BBC has found that social media has
amplified this Christmas festive pressure so much so that I
think it's leaking into Bonfire Night, It's leaking into Halloween.
All of those things that used to be really nice
and simple. And Pam can attest to that. You know,
she's not great. I threw it together in like ten minutes,
and that's how we always used to do it. But
(06:57):
it's encouraging us to add expensive, time consuming traditions simply
because everybody else seems to doing them. We see it
too on the Facebook group, parents feeling guilty for not
making the season look instagram worthy even as the cost
of living rises. And I think we really need to
be so mindful of that these seasonal events are not
worth getting into debtful and a twenty twenty four survey
(07:19):
by Gumtree said that seventy two percent of young adults
are more influenced by social media adverts when making Christmas purchases.
It's what you see online, it's influencers, and there's nothing
wrong with that. I am not like I class myself
in that same sort of content creator boocket as well.
There is nothing wrong with that. But I think as consumers,
(07:40):
and I am a consumer of social media as well,
I think most of us are, we can't really get
away from it. I think it's really important just for
us to be mindful of what we are consuming, so
that we can be intentional with how we spend both
our time and our energy. And if you don't think
it's happening, you will be seeing things on socials and
you will comparing, and that can trigger like a type
(08:03):
of anxiety, a type of feeling some sort of way
that you're failing because your holidays don't look cinematic enough,
or you're not doing a Christmas eve basket or a
Boo basket. But really we're just getting stuck in this
trap because you're just exhausting yourself and they're not necessarily
bringing you the happiness or the fulfillment that you think
they are. They might just be bringing you a massive
(08:23):
credit card build. So why does this keep happening? And
how can we stop it? So it's really easy to
fall for the illusion that more activity means more, it
has more meaning, So saying yes to everything, the work project,
the parties, the handmade wrapping paper, it feels safer to
say yes sometimes in saying no, and that over commitment
(08:46):
and that fear of saying no doesn't just have psychological effects,
it can also have physiological effects. So over commitment can
trigger like the stress response system, like the fight or
flight like anxiety. So raising cortisol make you feel just
like anxious. Maybe you're not sleeping very well, and none
of those are good. So each new layer, each new job,
(09:06):
whether it is a boot box or else on the shelf,
just adds another layer of expectations to the pile, which
is fine if you genuinely love doing it, like if
you live for this time the yearly you're like, yes,
like I am literally in my element, then amazing. I'm
not talking to you necessarily, I am talking to the
people that dread this, that are like, I'm busy enough
(09:27):
as it is. Why do I need to do all
of this extra stuff as well? So what can we
do now? Something that I love is thinking, like I
always say, don't like good enough is good enough? Also
another saying that I really like is simple things done. Well,
how about flipping this on your head on its head
and thinking, right, I am scrolling through my social media
right now, I'm scrolling through and I'm having a look
(09:50):
and all, look, Melanie's doing a boot box that looks great.
I really like that. Oh and Caroline, she's doing some
sort of massive festive get ahead bab day just because
they're doing it doesn't mean I need to. But I
can potentially look at this as like a list of suggestions,
a little pick and mix of what I might like
to do that I hadn't thought of as inspiration. Okay,
(10:12):
so let's flip it on its head less expectation, more
inspiration when you are looking at it socials and then,
as with anything, like we say all the time, cut
your cloth accordingly. So it might be that you have
some time off in autumn you're like, do you know
what I do want to do? A festive baker head
get ahead day? So I'm going to do that and
(10:33):
I've got time for that, and I think I'm going
to really enjoy it. I can listen to an audiobook,
or can put some music on it, or get the
kids involved, or that might you're seeing, in which case
you go, you know what, good on, Caroline, it's not
for me, and just cherry pick the bits that fit
into your life right now, and that might look completely
different to this time last year, and it might look
completely different to how next year is going to look
(10:54):
like as well. So making that enough a personal decision
to you, it can reclaim that and make it yours,
not this mirage that you'll never reach, but actually a
tangible I am setting my boundary on this and this
is what I think is enough for me this year.
And that can be financial, it could be energy wise.
Departmentalize it, put a little full stop on it, write
it down, put it in the notes up of your phone,
(11:16):
and consciously switch off. Because that is going to help
you detach and also it's going to give you more energy.
It's going to help you sleep better, it's going to
help you save some money. And remember, please that really
really please you say it's all the time when I
used to do my doulering and my UNSNAPA classes. Resting
(11:37):
is not a waste of time. I'm going to repeat that.
Relaxing is not a waste of time. Imagine in a
December or in October or November, where fewer things are happening,
where fewer things were performed performatively, and you did less things,
but when you were doing those fewer things, you actually
felt more present and more relaxed, and that actually enjoyed yourself.
(11:59):
Find out what for you, Name what you actually want
to do, write down everything that you think you should
and then edit edit it, like what do you want
to do. The rest the stuff that you've not highlighted
is what you want to do, it's not important to you,
is just noise. You can rank them in order a
priority because obviously there are going to be things that
you have to you have no choice doing that you
(12:20):
might have to spend energy or money on. So if
you have to care for a relative and that takes
time out of your week, and that takes money and
like petrol and travel and that sort of thing, So
really think about what are your scaffolds that you have
to be doing. How much time does that all take realistically?
How much does that leave you over financially energy wise
(12:41):
for all of the stuff that you might have highlighted
that you want to do, whether that's baking, going ice skating,
going on a winter walk, having a movie night. Because
I can promise you that trying to fit everything in
is not fun. I know that you will have done
it too. It is not fun. It just leaves you
feeling a little bit deflated, less than and also angry
(13:01):
and resentful that it hasn't gone the way the internet
and the adverts promised you it would do. You know what.
A really silly but classic example of this is for me.
We used to live in the most insulated house in
the world. We currently don't. Right, So before we moved here, I,
(13:22):
Mike and I renovated a house and it was so
energy efficient. Right, it was hot, it was hot. It
had you know, it was warm all year round. In
the summer too hot. So you know, we live in
the UK, we don't have it, we don't have a condition.
But in the summer it was too hot. So like
we could never really wear like typical winter Well, I
(13:44):
am actually allergic to what it makes me itch, but
like you know, like when you see classic adverts on
Telly and everyone's got a really nice wooly Christmas jumpers
on and it's really romantic and it just looks like, oh,
like a Christmas card. We could never wear them because
if we were them, we would be like sweating. We'd
all be read in the face that wasn't available to
(14:05):
us because we were in T shirts on Christmas Day,
because we had this big log burner that was far
fig for the building that used to kick out massively,
so we'd all be really hot. And then we moved here.
I was so excited. The kids hated it. I was
so excited because at the time we kind of do
now with more or less finished, I'm going off on
a rapid tangent. Here. We didn't have double glazing here.
The house was freezing. There was ice on the inside
(14:27):
of our windows when we moved in in the December
that we moved in, and we could wear like proper
Christmas jumpers, although not ball because I'm allergic to it
makes me itch. And I was just like, oh, I'm
having a proper Christmas experience. But if you try and
add in all of the things, you will be spinning
around in circles doing things that you think you should
not because you necessarily want to. This takes courage, right,
(14:51):
This takes so much courage to be brave enough to
underdo it. Be brave enough to say, do you know
what I've spent an time, I've spent enough money, I've
spent enough energy on Christmas or whatever it is. I
haven't got a mountain of presence like I might be
seeing on TikTok or Instagram. But that's this is all
I can. I thought, be brave enough to underdo it.
(15:14):
Our elf had to be called back.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
To the Father Christmas Workshop and emergency business if you
know what I mean, So be brave enough to underdo
it and build in I talk about this every year as.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
We get closer to you Christmas as well, build in
buffer zones where you have nothing planned. You cannot be
on the go all of the time, so it could
this is going to look different for all of us.
So I have got the smallest, smallest social factory in
the whole of the land. So I have to be
(15:51):
extremely intentional about sounds awful who I'm spending my time with,
who I'm spending my energy with, especially around Christmas time.
So have a think about that. What's your personal social battery, Like,
how are you feeling about spending lots of time with
people or you like thrive in those situations. If not,
then maybe plan in one evening a week when nothing happens,
(16:13):
no screens, no to do lists, just you and maybe
a book just to help you like recharge your social battery.
Like I will say to my family after like a
heavy social day, we get back and I'm just going
upstairs just for half an hour, just to seek compress.
You know, I'm really honest about it, and they all know,
and I'm like, I just need to go and recharge
(16:33):
my battery. I guess the whole purpose of this episode
really is just to AI remind you that you're not
alone in feeling overwhelmed at this time of year. Don't
fall for the hype. Nobody is having the perfect autumn.
No one's having the perfect pumpkin. You know, I could
have shown you the most aesthetic pumpkin that I had
spent hours on, but I didn't have time to do that,
(16:55):
So like this is normal. They just want to remind
you this is the real world. I don't fall into
the over consumption trap of just buying lots of tat
that you don't need, because you're just gonna bring clutter
into your home that you're only going to have to
get rid of by spoken at Instagram earlier in the
week about are you buying yourself work? Are you literally
(17:15):
just buying stuff that is going to clutter your house
that you're only going to hand up hoving to de clutter.
And I think it's really easy to fall into that
trap with like halls and that sort of thing. Again,
think about your cash, think about your energy budget, and
just think about your mental health and your well being. Really,
(17:35):
and when we stop competing with everyone else's highlight reel
and just start really thinking and honoring our real, true limits,
whether they're energy, budget or whatever. This time of year
becomes what it was always supposed to be and what
everyone tells us it is. Welst you're trying to sell
us something. It's not a performance, because I think if
(17:59):
we look at it like that, it can become really forced.
It's like a forced celebration, forced cheer, and no one
ever really enjoys themselves. Sometimes the most fun is spontaneous.
Sometimes the biggest memories are like the little small thing.
This time of year is tough. It's tough. It's my
busiest time of year. Three kids. Granted, Tom's off at
un he's coming home this weekend. And you know, we've
(18:21):
got Birthday've got lots of birthdays this time of year.
I've got twelve people coming on Christmas Day. I'm catering for.
It's a lot. It's a lot, That's all I want
to say. And I hope, wherever you are in the world,
you are happy, you are healthy, and you are well.
I shall speech you all very very soon. There'll be
lots bag
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the Tom Extra Spin podcast.
I'm Jemma. This is where I take a little break
from recording Tom Rock sessions and talk to you about
something that seems to be particularly poignant. This is Pam.
If you're listening to this episode rather than watching it
on YouTube, this will mean nothing to you. But I've
got a very like wonky pumpkin sat behind me. She's
already lost a lid, she's stained my tablecloth, and she's
(00:21):
powered by a battery operated candle. But she's here for
a reason because today I want to say to you,
stop trying to do it all. Seriously. I want to
talk to you about the endless to do list that
is or feels like autumn, because we're told that this
time of year is all about slowing down, but the
(00:43):
reality is quite different. Autumn often feels like a sprint
to the twenty fourth of December, and then very often
the finish line is just like burnt out. So between
Nativity plays, work deadlines, parties, endless school emails, and like
growing shopping lists, it's easy to end up spinning in
(01:03):
circles instead of actually celebrating and enjoying the season. And
I have received so many messages from people over the
past couple of weeks whether or not they're taking part
in organized Christmas like people on TikTok of like rebranded
it is like slow Christmas prep, which I love because
that's exactly what it is. People have contacted me saying,
(01:23):
do you know what I really like that this takes
the pressure off a little bit. It takes the pressure
off having to do everything, having to tick every box.
And we're going to talk a little bit later on about,
you know, the pressure to be doing things like Elf
on the shelf, Boo boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, all of
that stuff that like. And I'm going to sound really
old now, I'm going to make myself really old. I
(01:46):
didn't have any of that stuff when I was a
new parent. But we didn't. And I'm going to say
this right at the beginning, and if you don't take
away anything at all from this video, I want you
to take this. People are trying to sell you things, okay,
even like me, I'm I'm just gonna be honest. I
want you to use my app, it's my business. But
on the whole, most people on social media, even if
(02:09):
it's your favorite influencer, and they're like doing an ad right.
Most people want you to buy something part with your
money in some way over the years. The consequence of
that is every year the market is so noisy that
people have to like up the ante and go like
(02:29):
one step further than they did last year. It's like
a bigger fallhold than they had last year. Boo boxes
that maybe you hadn't even heard of, just to keep
adding interests so that so that people don't get bored
and just like wander off. And sometimes like sometimes I
feel like alone, and I know I'm not, but it
(02:51):
can feel like this, especially when it's so noisy at
this time of the year, like a lone voice. I
know that obviously I'm not naive. I like buying things.
I know that people like buying things, right, but sometimes
I can feel like a lone voice and saying, maybe
you don't have to overcommit yourself, and maybe you don't
have to buy it all in the same way, you
don't have to overcommit yourself and like do it all
(03:14):
if you look at your time and your cash budget
in a similar way, maybe it's better for us to
be like, how can we work out in all of
that noise? What we do want to spend our cash
budget on and what we do want to spend our
time budget on. So I am very aware of like
the irony of me saying everyone's trying to say something,
(03:36):
and then me of recently running an app, creating guided
productivity sessions, running an appubscription and all that sort of thing.
Really is that what most of us call the most
wonderful time of year is for many the most overwhelming.
And I think a lot of that comes down to
the pressure to do it all, and like the over commitment,
the inner pressure to keep on giving, keep on doing,
keep on achieving and participating long after with out of energy,
(04:01):
all over out of money, and the British Psychological Society
describes this as a key factor towards burnout. So when
effort is disproportionate to the reward, so in other words,
you've given, you've given, you give, but there's no real return.
You just feel fatigued. And we all know that a feeling,
don't we of like performative fatigued. We see it all
(04:22):
the time on our socials, and especially when there is
actually no finishing line here, there is no end point.
You can keep on buying, you can keep on doing
until the cows come home. At what point do you stop?
And this is what I think we need to really
nail down. You stop when you feel ready, you stop
when you feel fulfilled, you stop when you've reached your budget,
(04:44):
You stop when you want to. But the problem is
is that social media and that constant on culture and
like modern life, it doesn't reward rest. It kind of
wants you to keep going. If you don't believe me,
because I cannot be the only one in this. My
attention span is shocking. It could be sense to do
(05:07):
with menopause, but I've noticed a massive decrease in my
ability to concentrate, like even films, Like I'm really trying
to force myself to get back into reading books. I'm
really forcing myself to go on like no input walks
where I don't listen to anything. I just go out
into the silence. And that is social media's fault. That
(05:30):
is social media s fault because I, because of what
I do, because of my job, I am chronically online now,
chronically on TikTok, chronically on Instagram, consuming bite sized pieces,
and that means my brain is always on the go.
It's so noisy there's so much to think about being
bombarded with information from left, right and center, that is
it any wonder that we end up spinning rounding circles
(05:52):
thinking and I need to do this, and I need
to do a Sunday House reset, and I need to
do a boot box, and I used to do this,
that and the other. I haven't done it fall Hall yet.
I haven't gone to Donnelle Mill, I haven't gone to BNM.
So today we are just going to stop, take a
step back and assess, because that constant activity, perfect aesthetics,
(06:13):
endless availability, endless to do lists isn't good for our brains,
it's not good for our energy levels, and it's certainly
not good for our wallet. And nowhere is that clearer
than online boy feed. Right, I challenge you to have
a quick look at your feed, and if your algorithm
is just right, you will see boob baskets, Elf on
the shelf, matching pajamas, North Pole Breakfast, extravagantly wrap Christmas
(06:35):
eve boxes. The BBC has found that social media has
amplified this Christmas festive pressure so much so that I
think it's leaking into Bonfire Night, It's leaking into Halloween.
All of those things that used to be really nice
and simple. And Pam can attest to that. You know,
she's not great. I threw it together in like ten minutes,
and that's how we always used to do it. But
(06:57):
it's encouraging us to add expensive, time consuming traditions simply
because everybody else seems to doing them. We see it
too on the Facebook group, parents feeling guilty for not
making the season look instagram worthy even as the cost
of living rises. And I think we really need to
be so mindful of that these seasonal events are not
worth getting into debtful and a twenty twenty four survey
(07:19):
by Gumtree said that seventy two percent of young adults
are more influenced by social media adverts when making Christmas purchases.
It's what you see online, it's influencers, and there's nothing
wrong with that. I am not like I class myself
in that same sort of content creator boocket as well.
There is nothing wrong with that. But I think as consumers,
(07:40):
and I am a consumer of social media as well,
I think most of us are, we can't really get
away from it. I think it's really important just for
us to be mindful of what we are consuming, so
that we can be intentional with how we spend both
our time and our energy. And if you don't think
it's happening, you will be seeing things on socials and
you will comparing, and that can trigger like a type
(08:03):
of anxiety, a type of feeling some sort of way
that you're failing because your holidays don't look cinematic enough,
or you're not doing a Christmas eve basket or a
Boo basket. But really we're just getting stuck in this
trap because you're just exhausting yourself and they're not necessarily
bringing you the happiness or the fulfillment that you think
they are. They might just be bringing you a massive
(08:23):
credit card build. So why does this keep happening? And
how can we stop it? So it's really easy to
fall for the illusion that more activity means more, it
has more meaning, So saying yes to everything, the work project,
the parties, the handmade wrapping paper, it feels safer to
say yes sometimes in saying no, and that over commitment
(08:46):
and that fear of saying no doesn't just have psychological effects,
it can also have physiological effects. So over commitment can
trigger like the stress response system, like the fight or
flight like anxiety. So raising cortisol make you feel just
like anxious. Maybe you're not sleeping very well, and none
of those are good. So each new layer, each new job,
(09:06):
whether it is a boot box or else on the shelf,
just adds another layer of expectations to the pile, which
is fine if you genuinely love doing it, like if
you live for this time the yearly you're like, yes,
like I am literally in my element, then amazing. I'm
not talking to you necessarily, I am talking to the
people that dread this, that are like, I'm busy enough
(09:27):
as it is. Why do I need to do all
of this extra stuff as well? So what can we
do now? Something that I love is thinking, like I
always say, don't like good enough is good enough? Also
another saying that I really like is simple things done. Well,
how about flipping this on your head on its head
and thinking, right, I am scrolling through my social media
right now, I'm scrolling through and I'm having a look
(09:50):
and all, look, Melanie's doing a boot box that looks great.
I really like that. Oh and Caroline, she's doing some
sort of massive festive get ahead bab day just because
they're doing it doesn't mean I need to. But I
can potentially look at this as like a list of suggestions,
a little pick and mix of what I might like
to do that I hadn't thought of as inspiration. Okay,
(10:12):
so let's flip it on its head less expectation, more
inspiration when you are looking at it socials and then,
as with anything, like we say all the time, cut
your cloth accordingly. So it might be that you have
some time off in autumn you're like, do you know
what I do want to do? A festive baker head
get ahead day? So I'm going to do that and
(10:33):
I've got time for that, and I think I'm going
to really enjoy it. I can listen to an audiobook,
or can put some music on it, or get the
kids involved, or that might you're seeing, in which case
you go, you know what, good on, Caroline, it's not
for me, and just cherry pick the bits that fit
into your life right now, and that might look completely
different to this time last year, and it might look
completely different to how next year is going to look
(10:54):
like as well. So making that enough a personal decision
to you, it can reclaim that and make it yours,
not this mirage that you'll never reach, but actually a
tangible I am setting my boundary on this and this
is what I think is enough for me this year.
And that can be financial, it could be energy wise.
Departmentalize it, put a little full stop on it, write
it down, put it in the notes up of your phone,
(11:16):
and consciously switch off. Because that is going to help
you detach and also it's going to give you more energy.
It's going to help you sleep better, it's going to
help you save some money. And remember, please that really
really please you say it's all the time when I
used to do my doulering and my UNSNAPA classes. Resting
(11:37):
is not a waste of time. I'm going to repeat that.
Relaxing is not a waste of time. Imagine in a
December or in October or November, where fewer things are happening,
where fewer things were performed performatively, and you did less things,
but when you were doing those fewer things, you actually
felt more present and more relaxed, and that actually enjoyed yourself.
(11:59):
Find out what for you, Name what you actually want
to do, write down everything that you think you should
and then edit edit it, like what do you want
to do. The rest the stuff that you've not highlighted
is what you want to do, it's not important to you,
is just noise. You can rank them in order a
priority because obviously there are going to be things that
you have to you have no choice doing that you
(12:20):
might have to spend energy or money on. So if
you have to care for a relative and that takes
time out of your week, and that takes money and
like petrol and travel and that sort of thing, So
really think about what are your scaffolds that you have
to be doing. How much time does that all take realistically?
How much does that leave you over financially energy wise
(12:41):
for all of the stuff that you might have highlighted
that you want to do, whether that's baking, going ice skating,
going on a winter walk, having a movie night. Because
I can promise you that trying to fit everything in
is not fun. I know that you will have done
it too. It is not fun. It just leaves you
feeling a little bit deflated, less than and also angry
(13:01):
and resentful that it hasn't gone the way the internet
and the adverts promised you it would do. You know what.
A really silly but classic example of this is for me.
We used to live in the most insulated house in
the world. We currently don't. Right, So before we moved here, I,
(13:22):
Mike and I renovated a house and it was so
energy efficient. Right, it was hot, it was hot. It
had you know, it was warm all year round. In
the summer too hot. So you know, we live in
the UK, we don't have it, we don't have a condition.
But in the summer it was too hot. So like
we could never really wear like typical winter Well, I
(13:44):
am actually allergic to what it makes me itch, but
like you know, like when you see classic adverts on
Telly and everyone's got a really nice wooly Christmas jumpers
on and it's really romantic and it just looks like, oh,
like a Christmas card. We could never wear them because
if we were them, we would be like sweating. We'd
all be read in the face that wasn't available to
(14:05):
us because we were in T shirts on Christmas Day,
because we had this big log burner that was far
fig for the building that used to kick out massively,
so we'd all be really hot. And then we moved here.
I was so excited. The kids hated it. I was
so excited because at the time we kind of do
now with more or less finished, I'm going off on
a rapid tangent. Here. We didn't have double glazing here.
The house was freezing. There was ice on the inside
(14:27):
of our windows when we moved in in the December
that we moved in, and we could wear like proper
Christmas jumpers, although not ball because I'm allergic to it
makes me itch. And I was just like, oh, I'm
having a proper Christmas experience. But if you try and
add in all of the things, you will be spinning
around in circles doing things that you think you should
not because you necessarily want to. This takes courage, right,
(14:51):
This takes so much courage to be brave enough to
underdo it. Be brave enough to say, do you know
what I've spent an time, I've spent enough money, I've
spent enough energy on Christmas or whatever it is. I
haven't got a mountain of presence like I might be
seeing on TikTok or Instagram. But that's this is all
I can. I thought, be brave enough to underdo it.
(15:14):
Our elf had to be called back.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
To the Father Christmas Workshop and emergency business if you
know what I mean, So be brave enough to underdo
it and build in I talk about this every year as.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
We get closer to you Christmas as well, build in
buffer zones where you have nothing planned. You cannot be
on the go all of the time, so it could
this is going to look different for all of us.
So I have got the smallest, smallest social factory in
the whole of the land. So I have to be
(15:51):
extremely intentional about sounds awful who I'm spending my time with,
who I'm spending my energy with, especially around Christmas time.
So have a think about that. What's your personal social battery, Like,
how are you feeling about spending lots of time with
people or you like thrive in those situations. If not,
then maybe plan in one evening a week when nothing happens,
(16:13):
no screens, no to do lists, just you and maybe
a book just to help you like recharge your social battery.
Like I will say to my family after like a
heavy social day, we get back and I'm just going
upstairs just for half an hour, just to seek compress.
You know, I'm really honest about it, and they all know,
and I'm like, I just need to go and recharge
(16:33):
my battery. I guess the whole purpose of this episode
really is just to AI remind you that you're not
alone in feeling overwhelmed at this time of year. Don't
fall for the hype. Nobody is having the perfect autumn.
No one's having the perfect pumpkin. You know, I could
have shown you the most aesthetic pumpkin that I had
spent hours on, but I didn't have time to do that,
(16:55):
So like this is normal. They just want to remind
you this is the real world. I don't fall into
the over consumption trap of just buying lots of tat
that you don't need, because you're just gonna bring clutter
into your home that you're only going to have to
get rid of by spoken at Instagram earlier in the
week about are you buying yourself work? Are you literally
(17:15):
just buying stuff that is going to clutter your house
that you're only going to hand up hoving to de clutter.
And I think it's really easy to fall into that
trap with like halls and that sort of thing. Again,
think about your cash, think about your energy budget, and
just think about your mental health and your well being. Really,
(17:35):
and when we stop competing with everyone else's highlight reel
and just start really thinking and honoring our real, true limits,
whether they're energy, budget or whatever. This time of year
becomes what it was always supposed to be and what
everyone tells us it is. Welst you're trying to sell
us something. It's not a performance, because I think if
(17:59):
we look at it like that, it can become really forced.
It's like a forced celebration, forced cheer, and no one
ever really enjoys themselves. Sometimes the most fun is spontaneous.
Sometimes the biggest memories are like the little small thing.
This time of year is tough. It's tough. It's my
busiest time of year. Three kids. Granted, Tom's off at
un he's coming home this weekend. And you know, we've
(18:21):
got Birthday've got lots of birthdays this time of year.
I've got twelve people coming on Christmas Day. I'm catering for.
It's a lot. It's a lot, That's all I want
to say. And I hope, wherever you are in the world,
you are happy, you are healthy, and you are well.
I shall speech you all very very soon. There'll be
lots bag
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Medal of Honor: Stories of Courage
Rewarded for bravery that goes above and beyond the call of duty, the Medal of Honor is the United States’ top military decoration. The stories we tell are about the heroes who have distinguished themselves by acts of heroism and courage that have saved lives. From Judith Resnik, the second woman in space, to Daniel Daly, one of only 19 people to have received the Medal of Honor twice, these are stories about those who have done the improbable and unexpected, who have sacrificed something in the name of something much bigger than themselves. Every Wednesday on Medal of Honor, uncover what their experiences tell us about the nature of sacrifice, why people put their lives in danger for others, and what happens after you’ve become a hero. Special thanks to series creator Dan McGinn, to the Congressional Medal of Honor Society and Adam Plumpton. Medal of Honor begins on May 28. Subscribe to Pushkin+ to hear ad-free episodes one week early. Find Pushkin+ on the Medal of Honor show page in Apple or at Pushkin.fm. Subscribe on Apple: apple.co/pushkin Subscribe on Pushkin: pushkin.fm/plus
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com