Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:08):
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Speaker 1 (00:28):
It's time now for the Patti Conklin Show, exclusively on
healthylife dot Net Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Hey, everyone, welcome to the Patty and for Vanessa show
making sense of the world, And we certainly attempt to
do that, but sometimes our senses are not as accurate
as we'd like them to be, if that's my feelings
today for yourself making sense New worldless four a m.
This morning, just like quite awake and now it's time
(01:03):
for bed, I think. But Foranessa, Hi, what's going on
in your world today?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Well, for one, you know, I have to apologize to
everyone my guests. There was some hiccup with my guest.
But I'm gonna give her scheduled uh later this year,
because I think she's got an interesting story. But I'm
good otherwise. And you know, this is a little impromptu
because you know, obviously we plan to have a guest.
(01:31):
So so what are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
I don't know. I think we can go with whatever
we want to go with. I think that, you know,
I think that it's important for people to We've talked
about it some in the past, but you know, kind
of what what each of us do in terms of
our individual practices and consulting and helping and so forth,
(01:58):
but you know, just really wanting to also help people
like and we've been talking about it the last few
shows that I feel like we still need to talk
about it. Is that grounding aspect, is that you know,
just oh my goodness, going with the flow of you know,
everything that is taking place because people are grumpy for
(02:20):
the most part. I just you know, there's people that
are so optimistic and happy and so forth, and then
and then you get the grumps and and and it's
hard when you're moving between those two. So, you know,
I heard from a lot of people that they're really
struggling with that that, you know, the grumpy attitudes and
(02:41):
you know, how can they feel better? And you know,
we've talked about this, you know, getting our exercising in
and meditating and so on and so forth. I think
it's really important to do on a daily basis, not
just when things are rough.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
So you know, like you get different habits, right you
when you do it on a regular basis in good times,
you know you've got the habit set up to do
it in bad times, right. So I think it comes
down to, you know, taking the time for self care
on a regular basis. So when you are confronted with
(03:19):
trying situations or times, you have the habit already set right,
you can't. I mean it's and it's harder to create
a good habit when you're feeling put upon or you know,
(03:39):
you're depressed or grumpy or you know, anxious or whatever
it is. And I think, excuse me that that's when
our you know, what's what our habits break down. I mean,
even when you have good habits, when you're faced with
a chance situation, sometimes your habits can break down. So
(04:03):
if you don't have some something set up that you
do on a regular basis to care for yourself, it's
hard to dig out of that hole and then start
creating a habit that you care for yourself. So you know, obviously,
right now things in this country are for many people,
(04:28):
there's a lot of uncertainty. I have friends who've lost
their jobs, right you know, people trans people are feeling
under fire, LGBT community, and you know in different places
in the country. I mean, there's just a lot of
stuff and it creates a lot of fear and and
(04:53):
so you know, this is absolutely the time to circle
the wagons and and focus things in and you know,
and I think you have to stop and get yourself
in the present moment.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I've been reading Becker Totally's little Companion book, Practicing the
Power of Now. And I started reading it in like
January or something like that, and I've just picked it
up and I burned through it, and I scribbled it
and underlined and circle things and put stars next to things.
And every time I read it, I read a little
(05:37):
excerpt from it, you know, a few times a week,
and things I've read you know already. But it helps
me reinforce, you know, that get into that top of
mind and to recognize that, you know, right here, right
now I'm talking to you, I'm in this moment. I
am safe and nothing is going on. Whatever's going on
(06:01):
out in the world is going out in the world.
But right here, this moment, I don't have to be
freaked out, right, but many people are feeling that way
in the safety of their own home. Yeah, anywhere. It's
almost have chronic basis. And so now, don't get me wrong,
(06:24):
there are people out there that are in difficult situations actively,
you know, And so I'm not discounting you know, having
to deal, you know, moment moment with a situation or conditions. Right,
So what I am saying is that if we stop
(06:45):
for a moment and just take some inventory about, well,
what's going on with me right this moment, Yeah, then
I think you can you can take a little a
little breath and kind of go okay, I'm okay.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And the thing too, we've talked about this. I'm not
sure I put was last week or who they kind
of run together. But when you're in this heightened state
of fear, anger, or you know, whatever that negative emotion is,
you don't have full command of your cognitive functions. We
(07:26):
don't say true yes when we are you know, when
we're scared or anxious, depressed, frustrated, angry, and so taking
that time to to consciously just calm ourselves down, it
allows us to tap into the full power of our
(07:48):
cognitive brain, the one that processes information that solves problems.
You know a lot of times we get we get
so whipped up, and then we make bad decisions that
then make the situation worse. Right, that whips us up
that much more, you know, and it can despiral, you know.
(08:10):
So you know, making attempts to rain that in, you know,
are very beneficial. So ask you this, what are your
go to things that you do too? I help pep
rounded and centered.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I mean, for me, it's sitting by water, whether it's
a little tiny waterfall in my bedroom, whether it's you know,
sitting outside the door, you know, in the yard, whether
it's going down to the pond. Water for me is
a great source of just being able to stare at
the ripples or listen to the waterfall. Is a really
(08:52):
good way for me to go deep inside and not
just meditate, because I'm not sure that I really meditating,
although I probably am not in a typical sense of word,
you know, of taking your mind. It's kind of giving
me that space to just be and the longer I'm
(09:14):
in it, the more that I'm able to then start
working through what issues I'm having and coming to solutions
in that time. Because I think you're absolutely fright. When
you're angry or you know, you're anxious or whatever, you're
making decisions and your cognitive function isn't fully there and
(09:34):
so may be making decisions that you would not make
if you had time to sit. And we talked about
this last week about how we loop and kind of
regurgitating the problem, and that's when we need to reach
out and get help, right, get help from a.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Friend or you know, partner, whatever.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
What have you to help you get out of that loop.
But if you're not a loopy person that sounds free.
Not a loopy person we know I am can be
a time. But to really sit with that quietness of
and I need either the motion to see the water
or and or listen to it, then I'm able to
(10:12):
go into a place of deep thinking and really kind
of you know, not in the first five minutes, probably
maybe an hour before I finally feel like I'm ready
to start working within that, within that basis of what
does that.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Explain why you've lived on a lake at least three
times that I know of. And now you're building a
house and you have your own little pond.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah yeah, I don't know of a time that I
haven't lived on water. It's just been one of those
absolute needs of mine. It's maybe it's growing up in
Upstate New York with the Great Lakes, and or not
with the Great Lakes, with the Finger Lakes, and then
living in Michigan with the Great Lakes. You know, I
lived on those lakes or the streams or whatever. So
(11:00):
water it has always been a massive component to me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that I love water, certainly
the ocean. Listening to the ocean. I listen to the waves.
That's great. Obviously I don't live near the ocean. I
mean I'm three hours four hours away, but you know,
it's something I can do most of us can do.
I do like getting out in nature. This morning, I
(11:27):
got up, I was walking out to the kitchen and
I looked out and there were two bluebirds on the
two shepherds hooks that we have in the yard, a
male and a female, and I just stood there, you know, marvel, anthem.
This is so beautiful, and it was quiet, and you know,
the sun wasn't fully up flowers. I mean, if anybody's
(11:48):
you know, on my Facebook, you know you'll see that periodically,
I will post pictures of flowers because I just find them.
So it's just beautiful and so getting me out of
my head. And you know, you, I think part of
it too is recognizing getting out of nature. You recognize
(12:12):
that you're really quite insignificant in the scheme of things.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's it's so true, it's so true. We are very insignificant.
And I think that it's important to recognize that. You know,
when we when we think that, you know, something catastrophic
is going to happen if we don't do something right,
(12:41):
and it's going to affect you know, a dozen people
or two dozen people or whatever. The reality is that that,
you know, it's not all about us. And when we're
feeling attacked, or we're feeling like somebody's upset with us,
or you know, they're acting grumpy and so forth, we
got to come back. It's it's not about us, right
(13:02):
for the most part, unless you've you know, deliberately gone
out to hurt somebody and knowingly did it, it's never
about you. And I think that when people can stop
having those reactions. Oh my gosh, they're acting upset.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
What did I do?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
What did I do?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
What did I do?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
That sends us into an acciense, anxiety and panic and
realizing it's not about us.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
It's right, it's not about us. Yeah, you know, that
reminds me of people out there have read the Four Agreements.
One of those agreements is that don't take anything personally right.
You know, we are all experiencing life and the world
through the lens of our lives and our lived experiences.
(13:49):
And no two people, even in the same household, grown
up with my sister. You know, my sister is vastly
different from me. Yeah, we are experiencing give and things
I mean and you you mean, play telephone sometimes, you know,
the message that went in won it is drastically different
(14:09):
by the time it gets the fur to the other end.
So some of this, some of this is self inflicted,
you know, where we take ourselves way too seriously. Yeah,
I'd been guilty for sure, you know. I mean I've
had some you know, no, not major challenges this year,
but if I just had some some things that were
(14:30):
challenging to me that I finally just let go. I
let them go, and I'm like, you know, none of
this is about me, This doesn't have anything to do
with me. I am, I am associated, but it ultimately
had nothing to do with me. And once I really
own that and I could just sort of take this
(14:53):
step back and the subjective look. You know, it's like
my life was better because I was the one, you know,
getting all turned up right then, right, and I was like, okay, this,
this isn't mine. I'm gonna set this down and and
you know, let it be whoever wants to pick it up.
But right, I think just doing that just gave me this,
(15:19):
like right now, I can feel the the sort of
sigh of relief, like Okay, I don't have to too,
that's not mine and I'm not going to pick it up.
You know, I'm gonna let it be there. And however
people behave, that's on them and it's about them. That's
(15:43):
hard though, it's hard, I have to say it's it's
that's not an easy thing. It took some work to
get there, and sort of catching myself starting to to
get irritated, and then you know, I'm like, oh wait, wait,
hold up, let me back up, let me, let me,
(16:04):
let me check myself right, and then, you know, and
then be more objective about the situation. Now. Granted, like
you said earlier, some things, you know, people are doing
things deliberately to you. And it's not we shouldn't be
people's whipping post, you know, right, I should imagination. But
(16:26):
a lot of times it's not even that. It's just
someone answered a certain way or you know, didn't well,
you know, didn't do things the way I think they
should be done. Right.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That expectation thing always catches something in the butt.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
It really does, it really does, and you know, it's
just what I just want to smack myself when I did.
It's that mode. I'm like, oh God, forrid as a
come on, you know, you know there there are you know,
a million ways to to uh get a cat. You know,
it's just right. But that's also taking yourself too seriously.
You know, just your way is the way.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
We have the choice of how we're gonna react to
ourselves or others. You know, those expectations I know that,
you know, in building a house for the first time,
and it's a tiny house. It's it's not anything big.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
It's the smallest house the builder's ever built.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
So he's struggling with the tinyness of it, and I
get it. And it's coming along beautifully, I mean, you know,
start to finish. We're gonna be three months and I'm
two and a half weeks away from moving in. Yet
the anxiety of everything's coming together, you know, picking up
the toilets this morning, and the fouces and you know,
(17:42):
oh my gosh, just all that stuff creates an anxiety
for me that I'm really fascinated with. And I don't
know what that anxiety is, but I know that I'm
doing something brand new. I'm doing it as a for
her house, and you know, me, I have wonder luck
(18:03):
and so so Actually, the idea of staying in a
place for the rest of my life is anxiety. You know.
Most people are happy to be in a house and
live there forever, and I kind of switch every two
or three years, so, you know, like we Sert was
the house that I lived in the longest in my life.
So I think that you know, what we perceive, you know,
(18:27):
others may be perceiving. Oh, Patty's building a small house,
isn't that exciting? She must be so happy, And internally
I'm like a ah, my god, like am I picking
out things that are right wrong? You know, just oh
my goodness. So so I think that it's managing our expectations, right,
(18:47):
it's it's going back and that's where I need to
take myself every day, is this is going to be
an awesome house and it's not perfection because I'm not
perfection and none of us are perfection. So it's going
to be a house in a beautiful location, but you know,
close to two acre punk that I can fish in
and get a little john boat in and just you know,
(19:10):
row around and just have that have that time when
I'm not working. And I think we all need to
find those times that we can enjoy at our own homes.
And when it's going to the park, you know, you've
got to park down the road from you.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, right down the streets. It's beautiful. Sommer is fantastic.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, So it's managing the expectations, not so much of
what others. I mean, it can be what others put
on to us, but what we're putting on for ourselves,
you know, what we're self creating most of the time.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
That's the issue. Yeah, it really is. It's self inflicted.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It is good Ward self inflicted.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
It is find out I know it, just to stop
doing it. But you know, music for me is one
of those things that I can do by myself. And
you know, I have a little travel bass and I
have a little painty amp. It's the size of like
not much bigger than my cell phone, and and I
(20:18):
can take that anywhere and just play. So I'm taking
it shortly and I'm going to take it with me
and you know, just be able to play and kind
of just disappear into music. And I don't know you
musicians out there. I cannot think about other things and
(20:40):
play music at the same time. And so when I'm playing,
it shuts down that voice in my head, that psychopath
in my head, you know, telling me about all the
things I should have done or yeah, you know didn't
do or you didn't do it right, or you know
all of that stuff.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Let's talk about that. We'll come back, because I think
that that's really important to hone in on.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
So folks will be right back. We'll catch you on
the other side.
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Speaker 8 (23:25):
We're positive people and radio unite healthylife dot net.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Hey everyone, it's Patty and Vanessa making sense of the world.
And we're just talking about things we can do when
we're kind of feeling overwhelmed or when we're doing self
judgment and all that good stuff. And Vanessa was talking
about how she can't play music and think about other
things at the same time, and I kind of cutch
(24:00):
off there, so continue that train of far.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Yeah, you know, it's an activity that for me requires
my full attention, have to be fully present, otherwise I
make mistakes. And so you know, when I'm playing by myself,
you know, I'm playing along practicing with the band, for instance,
and I'm playing along with one of the songs. You know,
(24:25):
I'm listening to it, I'm paying attention to what my
hands are doing, and I'm fully in that moment. And
then when I'm not, I mean it, it happens. I
drift off and then I mess up and it's like, Okay,
let me get back here. And I get back and
I focus on what I'm doing and it's relaxing and
(24:48):
it's fun, and you know, it's physical. You know, my
hands are moving, and I love it, and I find
it to be therapeutic. And we need to find activities
that replenish us that way, you know, I certainly I
think playing sports. To some people, it's running. You know,
(25:11):
I always tell people if you see me running, you
need to call the police, because that sadly because they're
they're running that we're doing for me. But for a
lot of people running, you know, they can get into
that that zone and just kind of you know, check out.
Speaker 9 (25:28):
Right.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
But we we should all find those things that do
that for us, that allow us to not have to
listen to the chatter in our heads that all makes
every everything worse, right, right, you know, I mean, yeah,
(25:52):
it's just I mean, it's the nature of being human.
But I think I do think that many times we
think that the voice in our head that's usually telling
us how horrible we are and how you messed up
and you shouldn't have said that, and you know, who
do you think you are? And all those things that
(26:13):
the voice says, we think that's that's who we are,
and it's not right. That's that ego that thrives I
think on pain, and you know, we have to sort
of take a breath and kind of take a step
back and go, that's not me. I don't I don't
(26:35):
have to have those thoughts. You know, I can change
what I'm thinking. It's saying whatever, but I can change
what I'm thinking. And you know, and I've got we've
talked about this before, you know, my little book The
Seven a Mental Diet. I just sounded to be such
a help to make me recognize that that voice was
(26:58):
just a nut job and that it wasn't me, and
that I didn't have to dwell on those things. It's like, oh, okay,
and brush it aside. And I try to place that
negative voice with a positive voice. And I think that
most people are aware of how they feel when that
(27:21):
voice is talking and saying those negative things. And when
you know we are witnessing, you know, God, for God's sakes,
watching the news. If that doesn't make you hyperventilate, I
don't know what will you know? And you watch these
things and you feel, you feel it, and you know,
those feelings are a constellation of chemical and hormonal sickness
(27:46):
racing through your body and occurs instantly. And when you
have positive calming thoughts, you're changing the chemistry of your body.
And what we really, really really have to recognize is
that if we are dwelling on these negative things, fearful things,
you know, on a constant basis, we are changing our
(28:09):
physiology down to the DNA, so we can change the
expression of our genes based on what we think chromic
not amazing, it really is amazing, but it's but it's true.
And I mean, we know, we all know what somebody
(28:30):
jumps out of a you know, behind a door. You know,
instantly you're breathing shallow, you're breathing fast, your heart's racing,
your eyes are wide open, you know, your your brace
to run. That's an instant surge of chemicals and hormones
(28:52):
in your body, and they affect you, you know, just
like that. And so if you're doing that to yourself,
you know, the low grade level on a regular basis,
then those chemicals are what are bathing yourselves and and
(29:14):
you are promoting disease. And and so we really can't
blow off what we what we're thinking, because what we're
thinking is making us feel a certain way. And the
feelings are are are correlate with changes our chemistry, which
(29:40):
chronically changes the expression of the genes in our body.
And you know, we want to go we don't want
to go down the negative path of weight gain and
hypertension and whatever else, you know, we want to we
want to have those happy thoughts that bathe our bodies
and those wonderful chemicals, and we want to go down
(30:01):
the path to health and happiness. And so while I
saw a quote on LinkedIn and it said something like,
it doesn't matter how well you eat, how much exercise
you do, how much weight you can lift, you know,
how flexible you are, whatever. You know, you're not going
(30:24):
to be well if your thoughts are unwell. That's a
very poor paraphrasing of it. It was much more clever,
but that's the gist of it, you know. And I've
seen that in practice. I have seen people who you
test them, you examine them, they are determined that they
(30:49):
have a problem. I mean, I saw your patients just
tell me flat out, I'm going to die, and I'm like, both,
all your tests are good and everything's getting better, and
we've got you on the right antibiotic and you're decision
levels of coming up and whatever else. You know, they're
in the hospital, all these things are improving, you know,
and they're like, no, I'm gonna die and then die
(31:10):
right literally die, And when you're scratching your head like
like how did that happen, right. The mind, you know,
the mind is so powerful.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
It is.
Speaker 5 (31:22):
Yeah, we always think.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
And it's it's a weapon. You know, it's hard to
cut you off, but it's it's a weapon, not a weapon.
It's it's this. It's so powerful, but we are so
neglectful of it that it's just doing whatever.
Speaker 9 (31:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
It's sort of like like if you took a tractor
trailer truck and turned on the engine and put put
it in drive, you know, and put a stick on
the gas pedal and just let it go. It's recavoc
It might run down the road okay for a while,
but it's gonna start crashing of things. And I feel
like our minds are that powerful and we really don't
(32:07):
harness it and pay attention to it and and cultivate
what it's doing. Right, right, It's so true. It's so true.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
I think that you know, when we I mean when
I'm looking at or talking to clients who you know,
have that mindset incredibly negative. You know, they're self diagnosing,
they they really have, you know, they're basing on fear
of you know, what they found on Google.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Google.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I mean, oh my gosh, and so attempting to bring
them back around into reality and get their minds out
of that loop. I'm going to die, this is horrible,
this is you know whatever, and I think that it's
really incumbent or right back to personal responsibility of just
(33:00):
if we're looping in our brains, if we're feeling like,
you know, we're on the cusp of dying, if we
feel like everything is going to fall apart around us
and so forth, then it's our responsibility to talk to
a friend, talk to a colleague, you know whatever, get
out of that loop. I'm in anxiety about this house,
(33:21):
but there's also an exciting anxiety about it.
Speaker 7 (33:24):
Right.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Oh my, got my first little tiny house here, and
you know, it's what I'm going to be living in
for the rest of my days, however.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Long that is.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
And so you know, it's exciting. So when we come back,
let's talk about, you know that aspect of the exciting
anxiety and how to distinguish between the two.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
So folks will be right back.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
This is Patty and Vanessa will see in a minute.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
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Speaker 3 (36:17):
Hey everyone, welcome back. It's Patty and for Nessa. We're
just kind of talking, you know, anxieties, personal responsibility, good
stuff kind of all over the map here today. But
it feels right. So we're just going to continue going
all over the map. Unroll with it. We just rolled
(36:38):
it in and and I hope you're rolling with it
as well and picking up some good tidbits. But I
was talking about exciting anxiety excitement slash anxiety, like when
we're really excited about something, and that in and of
itself creates anxiety.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Because it's not just negative stuff.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
That creates anxiety. It's good stuff as well, you know,
just everything that's happening in this world. You know, my
boyfriend's daughter is getting ready to get married and buy
a house, and it looks like we're gonna be moving
into our own homes about the same week, and so
it's like, oh my gosh, well do you want to
(37:19):
look through the storage building for this? Or I've got this,
you know whatever. So the exciting anxiety of new things
can really put a damper on someone's enthusiasm. And I
know plenty of people who get so excited and their
anxiety gets so high and they just trip right into
(37:41):
a negative route, you know, And I don't and I
don't know how to help them get through it.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
You know, I think I know, well, for perform I
used to get really anxious performing in the band You're
Back with Patty and Larry and those folks, and but
it was fun, you know, I wanted to do it,
(38:12):
but I would be like, just you know, they let me,
let me get a beer. You know, you know how
much I drink beer before I'm like, you know. The
funny thing though, is just it always seems like certainly
there's some similar physiology going on there, but I just
find that it feels different when I'm excited anxious about
(38:38):
doing something. But like you said, that can uh go
a little extreme and get you more into the negative
aspects of whatever it is. And so you know, again
keeping in mind what you're doing in the sense of
(39:02):
this is fun, this is something I like to do,
or I am excited like you're you're excited about the house,
you know, refocusing on what moving into the house means,
rather than being anxious about you know, the picking out
the cabinet, handled things and the faucets and the all
(39:25):
of that stuff, because that to me is just choress
just chores. But I think you know, focusing on what
the event or what the the house or item, whatever
it is, really means to you and holding onto that
good feeling. And you know, again it's really a mind shift.
(39:47):
All of this is a mind shift, and you know,
and that's where you know, reading something like The Power
of Now Is or the Companion book Practicing the Power
of I was really helpful. Like I said, I read
that to reinforce doing it. And then there are some
(40:08):
days when I feel like, oh, you know, I had
a good day. I recognize whatever and I stayed present
and you know, it was fine. And then there's other
days I fall down, its flat on my face and
it's like, but I think doing you know, reminding yourself.
(40:28):
You know. And when we started out at the top
of the show, we talked about developing habits that helped
ustain us through all of these times. And you know,
for me, I get up in the morning and I
go make myself a cup of coffee. I go sit
in my lounge chair and I read my Science of
(40:50):
Mind magazine. Sometimes I listened to Esther Hicks shorts. Sometimes
I will listen to Michael Singer podcast. I'll do a
brain tap session. I journal so much Okay, back up. Well,
you know I did it all each day, but you know,
(41:12):
I'm doing some combination of those things.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
And okay, I'm like, okay, I'm already into noon already.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
No, it's not that I don't do everything every time,
you know, some of the things that I'll choose to do,
but you know, I just find that it's it's a
habit that I have, and I do it at the
beach and everywhere. But the other thing is, you know,
I'm taking a course to become a shaman. I told
(41:43):
you that. And when we have our classes, it's a
weekend once a month or nine months, but we always
start out our classes with either yoga or tai chi.
And and there's one one thing that we do that
I find so relaxing. There's two things that we've done,
(42:05):
but one thing that we do regularly, and they call
it shaking down the tree. And you basically stand and
you just bounce around and you shake your arms out
and shake your legs and you you bounce on your
toes and get your heels on the floor and you
just shake, shake, shake, shake, shake shake. I don't know
what that is or why, but yeah, that when I
(42:26):
do that, it just calms me right down. And it's
just this I don't I can't really explain it, but
but it really works. And the other thing that that
they've shown us that really helps just chill all of
us out in the class is what they call bumble
(42:48):
bee breath. You basically, you know, make the noise like
a bumblebee and you just do it as long as
you can. And and I think humming has the same effect.
And there's something about doing those things that just helps
you just take that edge off. So you know, that's
(43:10):
I just I just remembered that. So that's just something
that folks, you know, if you're feeling agitated, give it
a try. I mean, yeah, you know, you feel kind
of silly, you know, around the house or whatever. But
I think try it. You might be surprised at how
effective these simple little things are.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
And and I definitely would say, get some kind of
habit that you do regularly that you find nourishing. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, and those those are active habits. I mean, and
I'm not the idea of functioning before my second cup
of coffee. And you know, the branch are always you know,
great and Howard found this awesome coffee cup of this
little old lady laying on her back with her cup
(44:08):
out going. You know, wait, grandma needs her second cup
of coffee or whatever. But they used to, even when
they were two or degree, they'd sneak into my bedroom
and they go, have you had your second cup yet?
Because they know that by the first cup, I just
stare into space. I drink my coffee, I stare into space.
I don't think. I don't do anything. If they're hunting,
(44:30):
they can go get some cereal. You have seen it, then.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Go get their cereal.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
They could do whatever, but don't ask me to function
before my second cup. It's just it can't happen. And I,
you know, I say it can't happen. Obviously I was
up and running this morning when they got the delivery screwed.
Speaker 4 (44:49):
Up for the house.
Speaker 3 (44:52):
But it's a process of I have to have literally
no sound, no sound, no movement, no nothing, in order
for me.
Speaker 4 (45:00):
To set my day.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Let's talk about that when we get back, folks, looking
forward to finish it up here.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Patty Conklin is busy, but she's never too busy for you,
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Speaker 8 (47:25):
Radio your Way healthylike dot net.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
Hey everyone, we are so grateful that you are joining
us today, either live or listening to us and listening
to us on broadcast later on down the road. We're
just thankful that you're with us, that you tune in.
We'd always love to get your suggestions and thoughts on
topics you'd like us to cover, because I think, yeah,
(48:04):
everything is open and totally totally open for us to
talk about. But today we're kind of thinking about routines.
And you know, Foranessa and I are both early.
Speaker 4 (48:14):
To bed, early rise people.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Well she stays out later than I do. I mean
nine o'clock is like them. It's just me have my
bed at nine, but we get up early and where
Vanessa will have her coffee and you know, do whether
it's a little reading or meditation or whatever. I just
stare into space and want absolutely quiet, and it's what
(48:38):
works for me.
Speaker 4 (48:39):
To get my day settled.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
One of the other things that I'm very aware of
and people have contented on it is like, you know,
I gotta if I want to book an appointment with you,
it takes two days, and it's like it does unless
you're an emergency. Because I look at that calendar the
night before I go to bed, and I know how
many people I've seen the next day, I know the
(49:03):
energy output it's going to take, and I know what
I'm going to need in terms of emotional awareness, energy
output and so on. So if somebody were able to
go in at two o'clock in the morning and change
that list effect for the next morning, oh my goodness
throws me off. It just is is something I can't
(49:25):
deal with unless it's, like I said, it's an emergency,
then obviously we get get people in, right, But it's
knowing you give so much, you give so much of
yourself with your client. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just you
know you need to be able to fulfill that. So
you know, there's structures that I have and I would
(49:48):
say I'm the least structured person around us. You know,
Vanessa can be incredibly structured and I'm not. And yet
I'm structured in that avenue of how much am I
giving one of my doing? And yeah, it's it's it's
knowing how we function, how we take care of ourselves,
(50:11):
and and setting that loving boundary. Right, it's not a
sect of boundary, it's a loving boundary going this is
what I can give on this day, And yes, emergencies
come up and I can give more. But you know,
thinking about the friends who reach out and say, you know,
could you push some energy to this person because you know,
or my mother, my husband or whatever, because they're going
(50:33):
through this, this this, And all of a sudden, I
realize that I have energy strands. I may have twenty
energy strands going from my body out to people that
aren't even my clients right then moving into my clients right.
Speaker 4 (50:48):
Right, that's a lot of out. So you need that
time to yourself to read, to re art. You know,
that's definitely well you knew me back when when I
had a practice and I was spent, I was yep,
(51:10):
you know, and you know, looking back on that, I
didn't take enough me time. Yeah, because it was you know,
seeing thirty people, thirty five people a day, oh yeah,
just just warm me out completely. Yeah, So yeah, I think,
you know, it's really it's critical for us to be
(51:33):
able to continue to function and to have energy left
over for our loved ones and have energy for you know,
whatever those things are that bring us joy, Like for me,
playing music, you know, I just love that having the
energy to do that, right, you know, it's important that
we do that. It's important that we take the time
(51:55):
two recharge and that you said, you know, you and
I are different, you know, in the morning, you know,
I find that that just, you know, bolsters me for
the whole day. But I like to journal, and I
like to read, you know, positive things right and such
and and everybody you know has their own thing that
(52:19):
they do, and but it's important to do it. I
think that's the point of this, of our little chat today,
that we all need to recharge ourselves, recharge our batteries
and spend that time, you know, focused inward, and we
(52:40):
function better and the rest of our lives when we
do that. You know, when I had a practice, so
many mothers would come to me and they would be frazzled, fried, yes,
and and they're doing everything for everyone in their family.
And I'm like, how old are your kids, Oh, they're fourteen. Yeah,
(53:02):
they do their own laundry, they can up, they can
make their own lunch. It's you know, that's you need
to get out of being the one doing everything for
everybody and leaving yourself last. Yeah. And so I would
tell my my patients who were mothers particularly, You've got
(53:24):
to move your needs up to the top of the list,
because all these people depend on you, and if you
uh uh drain yourself dry, then you're going to go down.
You're going to be sick. You're going to you know,
have some something happen, be you know, unwell and not
(53:45):
able to function up to your usual high level of functioning.
So you've got to let people take some of the responsibility,
you know. And I mean, when I was fifteen, I
was making my dad dinner night, right. My mom has
no problems saying, yeah, this is what you're doing this,
(54:08):
but at least you can cook.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
I mean, I said I was gonna make dinner, everybody'd
be running for the hills. Don't let her.
Speaker 4 (54:18):
Paddy's I am making dinner is calling dominoes.
Speaker 3 (54:22):
Calling dominoes or tuner noodle castrol.
Speaker 4 (54:25):
I can make tuner noodle castrol all day long. Somebody
wants to eat it.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
But but yes, you know, it's it's understanding what our
strengths are. And and you know, my my boyfriend's daughter
is getting married and and and her mom had sent
me a text the other day going, hey, you want
to help with the bridal shower. We're gonna you know,
do this theme and everything, and I wrote her back,
(54:49):
and I'm like, yes, I absolutely want to be involved,
but I have no creative phone in my body. So
I'm paul. I can hang things up. I'm a great gopher.
Speaker 4 (54:59):
Tell me to go. But you know, I deeply still.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
Yeah, I mean, I deeply appreciate the fact that you're
inviting me to be a part of this because it's
special and it's great but creative business and me, So
you know, I think that that.
Speaker 4 (55:19):
Folks.
Speaker 3 (55:20):
It's like, you know, whether it's sitting quietly when you
get up, whether it's it's you know, reading something or journaling.
We're still creating our aspect of starting our day. We're
still starting our ritual in a way that when hard
times do come, we still have that go to that
(55:43):
we're doing first thing in the morning and before going
to bed, that we can kind of reset our brain
for the day, make it positive, get ready for it,
find the strength and and enjoy the day and and
take time for yourself versus jumping out of bed, getting
your clothes on and running out the door and not
having an idea at all of what your day is
(56:06):
or the mindset that you're bringing to it.
Speaker 4 (56:09):
Oh that's so good. I mean those days when I've
overslept and had to get somewhere that seemed like the
whole day felt frazzled totally, And so yes, I think
that's that's a good point. You know, folks, take care
of yourself. Self care is important. Self care isn't selfish, okay.
(56:34):
Self care is important for you to function optionally, to
function as well as you can in every aspect of
your life. And you're worth it, we all are, so
totally take the time, create your own little whatever it
is that you do, and do it regularly and it'll
(56:57):
help sustain you in the difficult called time.
Speaker 3 (57:01):
Yep, totally agree, folks. We love you dearly, We thank
you for listening in and we will be back next
week with pat in Vanessa making Sense of the World,
and y'all have a good week. Thanks Vanessa, thank you,
Broadcasting from Manhattan Beach and the world wide Web. You're
listening to CCHSR healthylife dot Net.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
As a service to our listeners. This program is for
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We suggest you always consult with your own personal, medical, financial,
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Speaker 1 (00:28):
It's time now for the Patti Conklin Show, exclusively on
healthylife dot Net Radio.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Hey, everyone, welcome to the Patty and for Vanessa show
making sense of the world, And we certainly attempt to
do that, but sometimes our senses are not as accurate
as we'd like them to be, if that's my feelings
today for yourself making sense New worldless four a m.
This morning, just like quite awake and now it's time
(01:03):
for bed, I think. But Foranessa, Hi, what's going on
in your world today?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Well, for one, you know, I have to apologize to
everyone my guests. There was some hiccup with my guest.
But I'm gonna give her scheduled uh later this year,
because I think she's got an interesting story. But I'm
good otherwise. And you know, this is a little impromptu
because you know, obviously we plan to have a guest.
(01:31):
So so what are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
I don't know. I think we can go with whatever
we want to go with. I think that, you know,
I think that it's important for people to We've talked
about it some in the past, but you know, kind
of what what each of us do in terms of
our individual practices and consulting and helping and so forth,
(01:58):
but you know, just really wanting to also help people
like and we've been talking about it the last few
shows that I feel like we still need to talk
about it. Is that grounding aspect, is that you know,
just oh my goodness, going with the flow of you know,
everything that is taking place because people are grumpy for
(02:20):
the most part. I just you know, there's people that
are so optimistic and happy and so forth, and then
and then you get the grumps and and and it's
hard when you're moving between those two. So, you know,
I heard from a lot of people that they're really
struggling with that that, you know, the grumpy attitudes and
(02:41):
you know, how can they feel better? And you know,
we've talked about this, you know, getting our exercising in
and meditating and so on and so forth. I think
it's really important to do on a daily basis, not
just when things are rough.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
So you know, like you get different habits, right you
when you do it on a regular basis in good times,
you know you've got the habit set up to do
it in bad times, right. So I think it comes
down to, you know, taking the time for self care
on a regular basis. So when you are confronted with
(03:19):
trying situations or times, you have the habit already set right,
you can't. I mean it's and it's harder to create
a good habit when you're feeling put upon or you know,
(03:39):
you're depressed or grumpy or you know, anxious or whatever
it is. And I think, excuse me that that's when
our you know, what's what our habits break down. I mean,
even when you have good habits, when you're faced with
a chance situation, sometimes your habits can break down. So
(04:03):
if you don't have some something set up that you
do on a regular basis to care for yourself, it's
hard to dig out of that hole and then start
creating a habit that you care for yourself. So you know, obviously,
right now things in this country are for many people,
(04:28):
there's a lot of uncertainty. I have friends who've lost
their jobs, right you know, people trans people are feeling
under fire, LGBT community, and you know in different places
in the country. I mean, there's just a lot of
stuff and it creates a lot of fear and and
(04:53):
so you know, this is absolutely the time to circle
the wagons and and focus things in and you know,
and I think you have to stop and get yourself
in the present moment.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I've been reading Becker Totally's little Companion book, Practicing the
Power of Now. And I started reading it in like
January or something like that, and I've just picked it
up and I burned through it, and I scribbled it
and underlined and circle things and put stars next to things.
And every time I read it, I read a little
(05:37):
excerpt from it, you know, a few times a week,
and things I've read you know already. But it helps
me reinforce, you know, that get into that top of
mind and to recognize that, you know, right here, right
now I'm talking to you, I'm in this moment. I
am safe and nothing is going on. Whatever's going on
(06:01):
out in the world is going out in the world.
But right here, this moment, I don't have to be
freaked out, right, but many people are feeling that way
in the safety of their own home. Yeah, anywhere. It's
almost have chronic basis. And so now, don't get me wrong,
(06:24):
there are people out there that are in difficult situations actively,
you know, And so I'm not discounting you know, having
to deal, you know, moment moment with a situation or conditions. Right,
So what I am saying is that if we stop
(06:45):
for a moment and just take some inventory about, well,
what's going on with me right this moment, Yeah, then
I think you can you can take a little a
little breath and kind of go okay, I'm okay.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
And the thing too, we've talked about this. I'm not
sure I put was last week or who they kind
of run together. But when you're in this heightened state
of fear, anger, or you know, whatever that negative emotion is,
you don't have full command of your cognitive functions. We
(07:26):
don't say true yes when we are you know, when
we're scared or anxious, depressed, frustrated, angry, and so taking
that time to to consciously just calm ourselves down, it
allows us to tap into the full power of our
(07:48):
cognitive brain, the one that processes information that solves problems.
You know a lot of times we get we get
so whipped up, and then we make bad decisions that
then make the situation worse. Right, that whips us up
that much more, you know, and it can despiral, you know.
(08:10):
So you know, making attempts to rain that in, you know,
are very beneficial. So ask you this, what are your
go to things that you do too? I help pep
rounded and centered.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I mean, for me, it's sitting by water, whether it's
a little tiny waterfall in my bedroom, whether it's you know,
sitting outside the door, you know, in the yard, whether
it's going down to the pond. Water for me is
a great source of just being able to stare at
the ripples or listen to the waterfall. Is a really
(08:52):
good way for me to go deep inside and not
just meditate, because I'm not sure that I really meditating,
although I probably am not in a typical sense of word,
you know, of taking your mind. It's kind of giving
me that space to just be and the longer I'm
(09:14):
in it, the more that I'm able to then start
working through what issues I'm having and coming to solutions
in that time. Because I think you're absolutely fright. When
you're angry or you know, you're anxious or whatever, you're
making decisions and your cognitive function isn't fully there and
(09:34):
so may be making decisions that you would not make
if you had time to sit. And we talked about
this last week about how we loop and kind of
regurgitating the problem, and that's when we need to reach
out and get help, right, get help from a.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Friend or you know, partner, whatever.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
What have you to help you get out of that loop.
But if you're not a loopy person that sounds free.
Not a loopy person we know I am can be
a time. But to really sit with that quietness of
and I need either the motion to see the water
or and or listen to it, then I'm able to
(10:12):
go into a place of deep thinking and really kind
of you know, not in the first five minutes, probably
maybe an hour before I finally feel like I'm ready
to start working within that, within that basis of what
does that.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
Explain why you've lived on a lake at least three
times that I know of. And now you're building a
house and you have your own little pond.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah yeah, I don't know of a time that I
haven't lived on water. It's just been one of those
absolute needs of mine. It's maybe it's growing up in
Upstate New York with the Great Lakes, and or not
with the Great Lakes, with the Finger Lakes, and then
living in Michigan with the Great Lakes. You know, I
lived on those lakes or the streams or whatever. So
(11:00):
water it has always been a massive component to me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that I love water, certainly
the ocean. Listening to the ocean. I listen to the waves.
That's great. Obviously I don't live near the ocean. I
mean I'm three hours four hours away, but you know,
it's something I can do most of us can do.
I do like getting out in nature. This morning, I
(11:27):
got up, I was walking out to the kitchen and
I looked out and there were two bluebirds on the
two shepherds hooks that we have in the yard, a
male and a female, and I just stood there, you know, marvel, anthem.
This is so beautiful, and it was quiet, and you know,
the sun wasn't fully up flowers. I mean, if anybody's
(11:48):
you know, on my Facebook, you know you'll see that periodically,
I will post pictures of flowers because I just find them.
So it's just beautiful and so getting me out of
my head. And you know, you, I think part of
it too is recognizing getting out of nature. You recognize
(12:12):
that you're really quite insignificant in the scheme of things.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's it's so true, it's so true. We are very insignificant.
And I think that it's important to recognize that. You know,
when we when we think that, you know, something catastrophic
is going to happen if we don't do something right,
(12:41):
and it's going to affect you know, a dozen people
or two dozen people or whatever. The reality is that that,
you know, it's not all about us. And when we're
feeling attacked, or we're feeling like somebody's upset with us,
or you know, they're acting grumpy and so forth, we
got to come back. It's it's not about us, right
(13:02):
for the most part, unless you've you know, deliberately gone
out to hurt somebody and knowingly did it, it's never
about you. And I think that when people can stop
having those reactions. Oh my gosh, they're acting upset.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
What did I do?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
What did I do?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
What did I do?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
That sends us into an acciense, anxiety and panic and
realizing it's not about us.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
It's right, it's not about us. Yeah, you know, that
reminds me of people out there have read the Four Agreements.
One of those agreements is that don't take anything personally right.
You know, we are all experiencing life and the world
through the lens of our lives and our lived experiences.
(13:49):
And no two people, even in the same household, grown
up with my sister. You know, my sister is vastly
different from me. Yeah, we are experiencing give and things
I mean and you you mean, play telephone sometimes, you know,
the message that went in won it is drastically different
(14:09):
by the time it gets the fur to the other end.
So some of this, some of this is self inflicted,
you know, where we take ourselves way too seriously. Yeah,
I'd been guilty for sure, you know. I mean I've
had some you know, no, not major challenges this year,
but if I just had some some things that were
(14:30):
challenging to me that I finally just let go. I
let them go, and I'm like, you know, none of
this is about me, This doesn't have anything to do
with me. I am, I am associated, but it ultimately
had nothing to do with me. And once I really
own that and I could just sort of take this
(14:53):
step back and the subjective look. You know, it's like
my life was better because I was the one, you know,
getting all turned up right then, right, and I was like, okay, this,
this isn't mine. I'm gonna set this down and and
you know, let it be whoever wants to pick it up.
But right, I think just doing that just gave me this,
(15:19):
like right now, I can feel the the sort of
sigh of relief, like Okay, I don't have to too,
that's not mine and I'm not going to pick it up.
You know, I'm gonna let it be there. And however
people behave, that's on them and it's about them. That's
(15:43):
hard though, it's hard, I have to say it's it's
that's not an easy thing. It took some work to
get there, and sort of catching myself starting to to
get irritated, and then you know, I'm like, oh wait, wait,
hold up, let me back up, let me, let me,
(16:04):
let me check myself right, and then, you know, and
then be more objective about the situation. Now. Granted, like
you said earlier, some things, you know, people are doing
things deliberately to you. And it's not we shouldn't be
people's whipping post, you know, right, I should imagination. But
(16:26):
a lot of times it's not even that. It's just
someone answered a certain way or you know, didn't well,
you know, didn't do things the way I think they
should be done. Right.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That expectation thing always catches something in the butt.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
It really does, it really does, and you know, it's
just what I just want to smack myself when I did.
It's that mode. I'm like, oh God, forrid as a
come on, you know, you know there there are you know,
a million ways to to uh get a cat. You know,
it's just right. But that's also taking yourself too seriously.
You know, just your way is the way.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
We have the choice of how we're gonna react to
ourselves or others. You know, those expectations I know that,
you know, in building a house for the first time,
and it's a tiny house. It's it's not anything big.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
It's the smallest house the builder's ever built.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
So he's struggling with the tinyness of it, and I
get it. And it's coming along beautifully, I mean, you know,
start to finish. We're gonna be three months and I'm
two and a half weeks away from moving in. Yet
the anxiety of everything's coming together, you know, picking up
the toilets this morning, and the fouces and you know,
(17:42):
oh my gosh, just all that stuff creates an anxiety
for me that I'm really fascinated with. And I don't
know what that anxiety is, but I know that I'm
doing something brand new. I'm doing it as a for
her house, and you know, me, I have wonder luck
(18:03):
and so so Actually, the idea of staying in a
place for the rest of my life is anxiety. You know.
Most people are happy to be in a house and
live there forever, and I kind of switch every two
or three years, so, you know, like we Sert was
the house that I lived in the longest in my life.
So I think that you know, what we perceive, you know,
(18:27):
others may be perceiving. Oh, Patty's building a small house,
isn't that exciting? She must be so happy, And internally
I'm like a ah, my god, like am I picking
out things that are right wrong? You know, just oh
my goodness. So so I think that it's managing our expectations, right,
(18:47):
it's it's going back and that's where I need to
take myself every day, is this is going to be
an awesome house and it's not perfection because I'm not
perfection and none of us are perfection. So it's going
to be a house in a beautiful location, but you know,
close to two acre punk that I can fish in
and get a little john boat in and just you know,
(19:10):
row around and just have that have that time when
I'm not working. And I think we all need to
find those times that we can enjoy at our own homes.
And when it's going to the park, you know, you've
got to park down the road from you.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, right down the streets. It's beautiful. Sommer is fantastic.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, So it's managing the expectations, not so much of
what others. I mean, it can be what others put
on to us, but what we're putting on for ourselves,
you know, what we're self creating most of the time.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
That's the issue. Yeah, it really is. It's self inflicted.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It is good Ward self inflicted.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
It is find out I know it, just to stop
doing it. But you know, music for me is one
of those things that I can do by myself. And
you know, I have a little travel bass and I
have a little painty amp. It's the size of like
not much bigger than my cell phone, and and I
(20:18):
can take that anywhere and just play. So I'm taking
it shortly and I'm going to take it with me
and you know, just be able to play and kind
of just disappear into music. And I don't know you
musicians out there. I cannot think about other things and
(20:40):
play music at the same time. And so when I'm playing,
it shuts down that voice in my head, that psychopath
in my head, you know, telling me about all the
things I should have done or yeah, you know didn't
do or you didn't do it right, or you know
all of that stuff.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Let's talk about that. We'll come back, because I think
that that's really important to hone in on.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
So folks will be right back. We'll catch you on
the other side.
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(23:17):
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Speaker 8 (23:25):
We're positive people and radio unite healthylife dot net.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Hey everyone, it's Patty and Vanessa making sense of the world.
And we're just talking about things we can do when
we're kind of feeling overwhelmed or when we're doing self
judgment and all that good stuff. And Vanessa was talking
about how she can't play music and think about other
things at the same time, and I kind of cutch
(24:00):
off there, so continue that train of far.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
Yeah, you know, it's an activity that for me requires
my full attention, have to be fully present, otherwise I
make mistakes. And so you know, when I'm playing by myself,
you know, I'm playing along practicing with the band, for instance,
and I'm playing along with one of the songs. You know,
(24:25):
I'm listening to it, I'm paying attention to what my
hands are doing, and I'm fully in that moment. And
then when I'm not, I mean it, it happens. I
drift off and then I mess up and it's like, Okay,
let me get back here. And I get back and
I focus on what I'm doing and it's relaxing and
(24:48):
it's fun, and you know, it's physical. You know, my
hands are moving, and I love it, and I find
it to be therapeutic. And we need to find activities
that replenish us that way, you know, I certainly I
think playing sports. To some people, it's running. You know,
(25:11):
I always tell people if you see me running, you
need to call the police, because that sadly because they're
they're running that we're doing for me. But for a
lot of people running, you know, they can get into
that that zone and just kind of you know, check out.
Speaker 9 (25:28):
Right.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
But we we should all find those things that do
that for us, that allow us to not have to
listen to the chatter in our heads that all makes
every everything worse, right, right, you know, I mean, yeah,
(25:52):
it's just I mean, it's the nature of being human.
But I think I do think that many times we
think that the voice in our head that's usually telling
us how horrible we are and how you messed up
and you shouldn't have said that, and you know, who
do you think you are? And all those things that
(26:13):
the voice says, we think that's that's who we are,
and it's not right. That's that ego that thrives I
think on pain, and you know, we have to sort
of take a breath and kind of take a step
back and go, that's not me. I don't I don't
(26:35):
have to have those thoughts. You know, I can change
what I'm thinking. It's saying whatever, but I can change
what I'm thinking. And you know, and I've got we've
talked about this before, you know, my little book The
Seven a Mental Diet. I just sounded to be such
a help to make me recognize that that voice was
(26:58):
just a nut job and that it wasn't me, and
that I didn't have to dwell on those things. It's like, oh, okay,
and brush it aside. And I try to place that
negative voice with a positive voice. And I think that
most people are aware of how they feel when that
(27:21):
voice is talking and saying those negative things. And when
you know we are witnessing, you know, God, for God's sakes,
watching the news. If that doesn't make you hyperventilate, I
don't know what will you know? And you watch these
things and you feel, you feel it, and you know,
those feelings are a constellation of chemical and hormonal sickness
(27:46):
racing through your body and occurs instantly. And when you
have positive calming thoughts, you're changing the chemistry of your body.
And what we really, really really have to recognize is
that if we are dwelling on these negative things, fearful things,
you know, on a constant basis, we are changing our
(28:09):
physiology down to the DNA, so we can change the
expression of our genes based on what we think chromic
not amazing, it really is amazing, but it's but it's true.
And I mean, we know, we all know what somebody
(28:30):
jumps out of a you know, behind a door. You know,
instantly you're breathing shallow, you're breathing fast, your heart's racing,
your eyes are wide open, you know, your your brace
to run. That's an instant surge of chemicals and hormones
(28:52):
in your body, and they affect you, you know, just
like that. And so if you're doing that to yourself,
you know, the low grade level on a regular basis,
then those chemicals are what are bathing yourselves and and
(29:14):
you are promoting disease. And and so we really can't
blow off what we what we're thinking, because what we're
thinking is making us feel a certain way. And the
feelings are are are correlate with changes our chemistry, which
(29:40):
chronically changes the expression of the genes in our body.
And you know, we want to go we don't want
to go down the negative path of weight gain and
hypertension and whatever else, you know, we want to we
want to have those happy thoughts that bathe our bodies
and those wonderful chemicals, and we want to go down
(30:01):
the path to health and happiness. And so while I
saw a quote on LinkedIn and it said something like,
it doesn't matter how well you eat, how much exercise
you do, how much weight you can lift, you know,
how flexible you are, whatever. You know, you're not going
(30:24):
to be well if your thoughts are unwell. That's a
very poor paraphrasing of it. It was much more clever,
but that's the gist of it, you know. And I've
seen that in practice. I have seen people who you
test them, you examine them, they are determined that they
(30:49):
have a problem. I mean, I saw your patients just
tell me flat out, I'm going to die, and I'm like, both,
all your tests are good and everything's getting better, and
we've got you on the right antibiotic and you're decision
levels of coming up and whatever else. You know, they're
in the hospital, all these things are improving, you know,
and they're like, no, I'm gonna die and then die
(31:10):
right literally die, And when you're scratching your head like
like how did that happen, right. The mind, you know,
the mind is so powerful.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
It is.
Speaker 5 (31:22):
Yeah, we always think.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
And it's it's a weapon. You know, it's hard to
cut you off, but it's it's a weapon, not a weapon.
It's it's this. It's so powerful, but we are so
neglectful of it that it's just doing whatever.
Speaker 9 (31:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
It's sort of like like if you took a tractor
trailer truck and turned on the engine and put put
it in drive, you know, and put a stick on
the gas pedal and just let it go. It's recavoc
It might run down the road okay for a while,
but it's gonna start crashing of things. And I feel
like our minds are that powerful and we really don't
(32:07):
harness it and pay attention to it and and cultivate
what it's doing. Right, right, It's so true. It's so true.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
I think that you know, when we I mean when
I'm looking at or talking to clients who you know,
have that mindset incredibly negative. You know, they're self diagnosing,
they they really have, you know, they're basing on fear
of you know, what they found on Google.
Speaker 4 (32:38):
Google.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I mean, oh my gosh, and so attempting to bring
them back around into reality and get their minds out
of that loop. I'm going to die, this is horrible,
this is you know whatever, and I think that it's
really incumbent or right back to personal responsibility of just
(33:00):
if we're looping in our brains, if we're feeling like,
you know, we're on the cusp of dying, if we
feel like everything is going to fall apart around us
and so forth, then it's our responsibility to talk to
a friend, talk to a colleague, you know whatever, get
out of that loop. I'm in anxiety about this house,
(33:21):
but there's also an exciting anxiety about it.
Speaker 7 (33:24):
Right.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Oh my, got my first little tiny house here, and
you know, it's what I'm going to be living in
for the rest of my days, however.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Long that is.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
And so you know, it's exciting. So when we come back,
let's talk about, you know that aspect of the exciting
anxiety and how to distinguish between the two.
Speaker 4 (33:47):
So folks will be right back.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
This is Patty and Vanessa will see in a minute.
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Speaker 3 (36:17):
Hey everyone, welcome back. It's Patty and for Nessa. We're
just kind of talking, you know, anxieties, personal responsibility, good
stuff kind of all over the map here today. But
it feels right. So we're just going to continue going
all over the map. Unroll with it. We just rolled
(36:38):
it in and and I hope you're rolling with it
as well and picking up some good tidbits. But I
was talking about exciting anxiety excitement slash anxiety, like when
we're really excited about something, and that in and of
itself creates anxiety.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Because it's not just negative stuff.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
That creates anxiety. It's good stuff as well, you know,
just everything that's happening in this world. You know, my
boyfriend's daughter is getting ready to get married and buy
a house, and it looks like we're gonna be moving
into our own homes about the same week, and so
it's like, oh my gosh, well do you want to
(37:19):
look through the storage building for this? Or I've got this,
you know whatever. So the exciting anxiety of new things
can really put a damper on someone's enthusiasm. And I
know plenty of people who get so excited and their
anxiety gets so high and they just trip right into
(37:41):
a negative route, you know, And I don't and I
don't know how to help them get through it.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
You know, I think I know, well, for perform I
used to get really anxious performing in the band You're
Back with Patty and Larry and those folks, and but
it was fun, you know, I wanted to do it,
(38:12):
but I would be like, just you know, they let me,
let me get a beer. You know, you know how
much I drink beer before I'm like, you know. The
funny thing though, is just it always seems like certainly
there's some similar physiology going on there, but I just
find that it feels different when I'm excited anxious about
(38:38):
doing something. But like you said, that can uh go
a little extreme and get you more into the negative
aspects of whatever it is. And so you know, again
keeping in mind what you're doing in the sense of
(39:02):
this is fun, this is something I like to do,
or I am excited like you're you're excited about the house,
you know, refocusing on what moving into the house means,
rather than being anxious about you know, the picking out
the cabinet, handled things and the faucets and the all
(39:25):
of that stuff, because that to me is just choress
just chores. But I think you know, focusing on what
the event or what the the house or item, whatever
it is, really means to you and holding onto that
good feeling. And you know, again it's really a mind shift.
(39:47):
All of this is a mind shift, and you know,
and that's where you know, reading something like The Power
of Now Is or the Companion book Practicing the Power
of I was really helpful. Like I said, I read
that to reinforce doing it. And then there are some
(40:08):
days when I feel like, oh, you know, I had
a good day. I recognize whatever and I stayed present
and you know, it was fine. And then there's other
days I fall down, its flat on my face and
it's like, but I think doing you know, reminding yourself.
(40:28):
You know. And when we started out at the top
of the show, we talked about developing habits that helped
ustain us through all of these times. And you know,
for me, I get up in the morning and I
go make myself a cup of coffee. I go sit
in my lounge chair and I read my Science of
(40:50):
Mind magazine. Sometimes I listened to Esther Hicks shorts. Sometimes
I will listen to Michael Singer podcast. I'll do a
brain tap session. I journal so much Okay, back up. Well,
you know I did it all each day, but you know,
(41:12):
I'm doing some combination of those things.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
And okay, I'm like, okay, I'm already into noon already.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
No, it's not that I don't do everything every time,
you know, some of the things that I'll choose to do,
but you know, I just find that it's it's a
habit that I have, and I do it at the
beach and everywhere. But the other thing is, you know,
I'm taking a course to become a shaman. I told
(41:43):
you that. And when we have our classes, it's a
weekend once a month or nine months, but we always
start out our classes with either yoga or tai chi.
And and there's one one thing that we do that
I find so relaxing. There's two things that we've done,
(42:05):
but one thing that we do regularly, and they call
it shaking down the tree. And you basically stand and
you just bounce around and you shake your arms out
and shake your legs and you you bounce on your
toes and get your heels on the floor and you
just shake, shake, shake, shake, shake shake. I don't know
what that is or why, but yeah, that when I
(42:26):
do that, it just calms me right down. And it's
just this I don't I can't really explain it, but
but it really works. And the other thing that that
they've shown us that really helps just chill all of
us out in the class is what they call bumble
(42:48):
bee breath. You basically, you know, make the noise like
a bumblebee and you just do it as long as
you can. And and I think humming has the same effect.
And there's something about doing those things that just helps
you just take that edge off. So you know, that's
(43:10):
I just I just remembered that. So that's just something
that folks, you know, if you're feeling agitated, give it
a try. I mean, yeah, you know, you feel kind
of silly, you know, around the house or whatever. But
I think try it. You might be surprised at how
effective these simple little things are.
Speaker 3 (43:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:36):
And and I definitely would say, get some kind of
habit that you do regularly that you find nourishing. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, and those those are active habits. I mean, and
I'm not the idea of functioning before my second cup
of coffee. And you know, the branch are always you know,
great and Howard found this awesome coffee cup of this
little old lady laying on her back with her cup
(44:08):
out going. You know, wait, grandma needs her second cup
of coffee or whatever. But they used to, even when
they were two or degree, they'd sneak into my bedroom
and they go, have you had your second cup yet?
Because they know that by the first cup, I just
stare into space. I drink my coffee, I stare into space.
I don't think. I don't do anything. If they're hunting,
(44:30):
they can go get some cereal. You have seen it, then.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Go get their cereal.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
They could do whatever, but don't ask me to function
before my second cup. It's just it can't happen. And I,
you know, I say it can't happen. Obviously I was
up and running this morning when they got the delivery screwed.
Speaker 4 (44:49):
Up for the house.
Speaker 3 (44:52):
But it's a process of I have to have literally
no sound, no sound, no movement, no nothing, in order
for me.
Speaker 4 (45:00):
To set my day.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Let's talk about that when we get back, folks, looking
forward to finish it up here.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
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Speaker 8 (47:25):
Radio your Way healthylike dot net.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
Hey everyone, we are so grateful that you are joining
us today, either live or listening to us and listening
to us on broadcast later on down the road. We're
just thankful that you're with us, that you tune in.
We'd always love to get your suggestions and thoughts on
topics you'd like us to cover, because I think, yeah,
(48:04):
everything is open and totally totally open for us to
talk about. But today we're kind of thinking about routines.
And you know, Foranessa and I are both early.
Speaker 4 (48:14):
To bed, early rise people.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
Well she stays out later than I do. I mean
nine o'clock is like them. It's just me have my
bed at nine, but we get up early and where
Vanessa will have her coffee and you know, do whether
it's a little reading or meditation or whatever. I just
stare into space and want absolutely quiet, and it's what
(48:38):
works for me.
Speaker 4 (48:39):
To get my day settled.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
One of the other things that I'm very aware of
and people have contented on it is like, you know,
I gotta if I want to book an appointment with you,
it takes two days, and it's like it does unless
you're an emergency. Because I look at that calendar the
night before I go to bed, and I know how
many people I've seen the next day, I know the
(49:03):
energy output it's going to take, and I know what
I'm going to need in terms of emotional awareness, energy
output and so on. So if somebody were able to
go in at two o'clock in the morning and change
that list effect for the next morning, oh my goodness
throws me off. It just is is something I can't
(49:25):
deal with unless it's, like I said, it's an emergency,
then obviously we get get people in, right, But it's
knowing you give so much, you give so much of
yourself with your client. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just you
know you need to be able to fulfill that. So
you know, there's structures that I have and I would
(49:48):
say I'm the least structured person around us. You know,
Vanessa can be incredibly structured and I'm not. And yet
I'm structured in that avenue of how much am I
giving one of my doing? And yeah, it's it's it's
knowing how we function, how we take care of ourselves,
(50:11):
and and setting that loving boundary. Right, it's not a
sect of boundary, it's a loving boundary going this is
what I can give on this day, And yes, emergencies
come up and I can give more. But you know,
thinking about the friends who reach out and say, you know,
could you push some energy to this person because you know,
or my mother, my husband or whatever, because they're going
(50:33):
through this, this this, And all of a sudden, I
realize that I have energy strands. I may have twenty
energy strands going from my body out to people that
aren't even my clients right then moving into my clients right.
Speaker 4 (50:48):
Right, that's a lot of out. So you need that
time to yourself to read, to re art. You know,
that's definitely well you knew me back when when I
had a practice and I was spent, I was yep,
(51:10):
you know, and you know, looking back on that, I
didn't take enough me time. Yeah, because it was you know,
seeing thirty people, thirty five people a day, oh yeah,
just just warm me out completely. Yeah, So yeah, I think,
you know, it's really it's critical for us to be
(51:33):
able to continue to function and to have energy left
over for our loved ones and have energy for you know,
whatever those things are that bring us joy, Like for me,
playing music, you know, I just love that having the
energy to do that, right, you know, it's important that
we do that. It's important that we take the time
(51:55):
two recharge and that you said, you know, you and
I are different, you know, in the morning, you know,
I find that that just, you know, bolsters me for
the whole day. But I like to journal, and I
like to read, you know, positive things right and such
and and everybody you know has their own thing that
(52:19):
they do, and but it's important to do it. I
think that's the point of this, of our little chat today,
that we all need to recharge ourselves, recharge our batteries
and spend that time, you know, focused inward, and we
(52:40):
function better and the rest of our lives when we
do that. You know, when I had a practice, so
many mothers would come to me and they would be frazzled, fried, yes,
and and they're doing everything for everyone in their family.
And I'm like, how old are your kids, Oh, they're fourteen. Yeah,
(53:02):
they do their own laundry, they can up, they can
make their own lunch. It's you know, that's you need
to get out of being the one doing everything for
everybody and leaving yourself last. Yeah. And so I would
tell my my patients who were mothers particularly, You've got
(53:24):
to move your needs up to the top of the list,
because all these people depend on you, and if you
uh uh drain yourself dry, then you're going to go down.
You're going to be sick. You're going to you know,
have some something happen, be you know, unwell and not
(53:45):
able to function up to your usual high level of functioning.
So you've got to let people take some of the responsibility,
you know. And I mean, when I was fifteen, I
was making my dad dinner night, right. My mom has
no problems saying, yeah, this is what you're doing this,
(54:08):
but at least you can cook.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
I mean, I said I was gonna make dinner, everybody'd
be running for the hills. Don't let her.
Speaker 4 (54:18):
Paddy's I am making dinner is calling dominoes.
Speaker 3 (54:22):
Calling dominoes or tuner noodle castrol.
Speaker 4 (54:25):
I can make tuner noodle castrol all day long. Somebody
wants to eat it.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
But but yes, you know, it's it's understanding what our
strengths are. And and you know, my my boyfriend's daughter
is getting married and and and her mom had sent
me a text the other day going, hey, you want
to help with the bridal shower. We're gonna you know,
do this theme and everything, and I wrote her back,
(54:49):
and I'm like, yes, I absolutely want to be involved,
but I have no creative phone in my body. So
I'm paul. I can hang things up. I'm a great gopher.
Speaker 4 (54:59):
Tell me to go. But you know, I deeply still.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
Yeah, I mean, I deeply appreciate the fact that you're
inviting me to be a part of this because it's
special and it's great but creative business and me, So
you know, I think that that.
Speaker 4 (55:19):
Folks.
Speaker 3 (55:20):
It's like, you know, whether it's sitting quietly when you
get up, whether it's it's you know, reading something or journaling.
We're still creating our aspect of starting our day. We're
still starting our ritual in a way that when hard
times do come, we still have that go to that
(55:43):
we're doing first thing in the morning and before going
to bed, that we can kind of reset our brain
for the day, make it positive, get ready for it,
find the strength and and enjoy the day and and
take time for yourself versus jumping out of bed, getting
your clothes on and running out the door and not
having an idea at all of what your day is
(56:06):
or the mindset that you're bringing to it.
Speaker 4 (56:09):
Oh that's so good. I mean those days when I've
overslept and had to get somewhere that seemed like the
whole day felt frazzled totally, And so yes, I think
that's that's a good point. You know, folks, take care
of yourself. Self care is important. Self care isn't selfish, okay.
(56:34):
Self care is important for you to function optionally, to
function as well as you can in every aspect of
your life. And you're worth it, we all are, so
totally take the time, create your own little whatever it
is that you do, and do it regularly and it'll
(56:57):
help sustain you in the difficult called time.
Speaker 3 (57:01):
Yep, totally agree, folks. We love you dearly, We thank
you for listening in and we will be back next
week with pat in Vanessa making Sense of the World,
and y'all have a good week. Thanks Vanessa, thank you,
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