Ep 29. American Ninja III - Ninja November

An evil organization. Genetically modified ninja army. Curtis Jackson baby-sitting a grumpy white guy. Is this American Ninja 2? NO, but it is American Ninja 3. Introducing David Bradley as Sean Davidson, the NEW American Ninja, this film is arguably the WORST in the entire AN franchise. But, even the worst movie can still be entertaining. Is this film "so bad, it's good?" or "so bad, it's worse?" Join our hosts, and find out!

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Emotional content. I'm gonna show youhow great I am. If you want
me here, you're gonna give usone everything. We welcome to the Pot

(00:24):
of Five Rings, your Martial Artspodcast where we talk about martial arts,
martial arts movies, and all thingsmartial artsy with your hosts Rob Roland and
Joseph Rob. How you doing today, I'm pretty good man. As you
know. Have we talked about offair. I've had a big couple of
weeks. Yes, yes, youhad it. Now I should tell you.
It was my intention today to besporting my new combat self defense T

(00:46):
shirt and my coffee mug that Iordered from you by way of trying to
support you through this major life change. But I didn't have time to run
upstairs and make my coffee. Soyou get me as I am today.
But I'm happy to support a friendin need. I appreciate it. I
thought you were about to be likebut it hasn't shipped yet. Get on
that ship. I'm surprised at howlong it did take to ship. I

(01:08):
would have thought when my name camethrough in the order it would have been
somehow expedited, But I guess I'mjust chomped labor well, I did say.
I was like, I want thisto get shipped to Joe by horse.
That's very special delivery. I wouldtell you what if I had to
wait like three weeks, but thenlike a horse showed up with like a
guy riding it and he's carried itall the way from Texas, I would

(01:30):
not be mad. I'd be like, holy shit, where'd you come from?
Austin? You fly? No,he said, I had to ride
the horse. Impressive. Anyway,Today we are well well. First of
all, congratulations on everything you gotgoing on. I know you're you're kind
of breaking out on your own,which I think is is personally I think

(01:51):
is long overdue. I think you'reyou're gonna crush it. Otherwise I will
I will have to come down thereand straighten you up. You've got You've
got a good basis support. Ithink you're in the right place, and
you've got the skill set I expect. I expect that you'll do quite well.
That having been said, today,I am super stoked because we're talking

(02:13):
about one of the absolute worst moviesI've ever seen, American Ninja three so
short podcast, this movie sucks.See you next week. Like scribe that
all that having been said, there'sactually a lot of very interesting, redeeming
qualities about this movie. Now,you can always go the route that,
uh, it's so bad it's good, it's just like entertaining in that way.

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But honestly, there are just likelittle bits and pieces of this that
I wanted to keep watching just becauseI wanted a little bit more of The
big one is Curtis Jackson. Heis just phenomenal. The actor Steve James.
I mean, honestly, he istoo goddamn good for this movie,
and he carries this movie as faras I'm concerned, and it's it's just

(02:58):
it's a damn shame that he diedof cancer and wasn't able to kind of
keep his career going, because heis really good. He's very charismatic.
I think as a martial artist,he is by far the best in this
movie. I just I wish therecould have been more of him. So
now I'm going to like collect hisentire body of work just by way of

(03:20):
supporting him posthumously. I didn't realizehe had passed away. Yeah, yeah,
early nineties. He died of cancer. I don't look up his filmography.
He did some interesting things. Yeah, four Time was up. Yeah,
obviously the American Ninja franchise Weekend atBernie's two. Yep, that was
the last film that was released whilehe was alive. McBain The Delta Force,

(03:46):
Yeah, man, he was kindof omnipresent throughout the eighties. Yeah,
and never I feel like, fora guy who's like legitimately as good
as he is, I feel likehe never quite got a shot at a
lead role. And I feel thismovie demonstrated that he could do it,
that he had the charisma to carrya film. And I don't know,
you know, if it was aracial thing in the in the late eighties

(04:09):
early nineties, it's probably had somethingto do it. But he is really
damn good, like, very verywatchable character and ten times the martial artist
of our other lead in this film. I think the other issue is he's
just kind of similar enough to CarlWeathers, Yeah, a little bit before
his time, not necessarily you know, contemporary, but he was kind of
played the same roles, you know, yeah, yeah, and talking about

(04:33):
like it being him maybe being alittle bit before his time. A couple
of years after he died, wegot Blade, which I could see him
doing yeah, at yeah, incrediblenow him aside, the casting on this
isn't anything that you would expect otherwise. It's not like they got all these
top level actors. But I didnotice I had a lot of people who

(04:53):
kind of sort of reminded you ofother famous people. It was like people
who kind of had a like aRutger Hower vibe. I've been on our
villain Cobra. It's sort of thecheap man's way of trying to make a
bigger film. I will give propsto the stunt crew on this. Some
of the stunt men ninjas who unfortunatelydon't get to show their face in this

(05:15):
kind of film, so you can'tgive them, you know, individual credit.
But some of them are in phenomenalathletes. Some of the fight sequences,
some of the moves they were pullingoff super cool. I mean just
super cool. The way they strungit all together. David Bradley playing our
main character Sean not not as goodas is old Joe Armstrong Michael Dudakov in

(05:35):
the previous two installments. As faras selling it, there were some really
cool little sequences that they were ableto mix in. And I will say
that he is freaking jacked in thisfilm. Like there's a little scene at
the end where he goes like fullon wolverine with like you know, veins
and his shoulders and stuff, andhe's like trying to sweat the poison out

(05:55):
using his ninja magic and that's prettyintense. But really that aside, this
film is kind of poorly written,not well executed. I don't feel that
there was a lot of passion thatwent into this one. Like, like
we talked about with American Ninja one, American Ninja two kind of phoned it
in on this one. Yeah,I mean, is there any B movie

(06:17):
franchise where as we move on inthe numbers, the movies get better or
maintain quality, you know, AmericanNinja because American Ninja two is by far
the best of the series. Andthen this happened, Yeah, you know,
and they couldn't They couldn't get theirmain actor. And I can kind
of tell why, because like,who wants to go down that path?

(06:38):
Who wants to like keep making worsemovies? Yeah? I just don't.
I don't know, don't I don'tknow any franchise that's ever existed where like
you lose your main guy and you'relike, well, we'll just sub him
in and the movie is made betterfor it, Like, yeah, you
gotta still make the movie. Andobviously people will watch American Ninja, but

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like they're not watching the American Ninjaanymore, you know. Oh it's the
brand recognition. The plot of thisfilm is the plot of American Ninja two.
Like there's really like there are scenesin here that are so freaking identical
that it's like I kind of forgotexactly who the bad guy was, Like,
oh, what happened to that otherguy? Oh he was in the
other movie, because it's just toosimilar. It's this idea of these like

(07:20):
scientists doing this very high level stuff. And honestly, the one self aware
character in here again is Curtis Jackson, who seems to know what he's getting
into, where it's just like,oh, you're a ninja. Guess what
we're gonna fight ninjas? Oh there'sa drug company who's like genetically modifying super
warriors. Yeah, been there,done that. And his comments throughout the

(07:41):
film are just sort of like,I'm getting tired of fighting ninjas all the
time. It's just hilarious. Afteryour third outing deal with ninjas, do
you just go to like your superiorofficer and like, hey, can we
just make the department of ninjas please? Yeah, I mean he kind of
specialize that it. Now I'd liketo get out of the field and maybe
train other things to do it becauseit keeps happening. Could you imagine though,

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showing up like for your military assignment, and you sit down in the
classroom like in your fatigues, andthis guy comes in and the first thing
he tells you is you have torip your shirt off, tie on your
headband, and this is how youwill defeat ninjas. Just imagine you're sitting
at like briefings, right and you'rein your fatigues, you got your high
and tight, you're sitting totally upright, and next to you you just see

(08:24):
a dude in all black robes puta ton on his belt and again with
the stupid vest they're wearing. Thevest. I don't know, but even
again at the end of the film, it's like he's he's got this like
poison and assistive. He's got thisdrug that's killing him and it's too hot
take his shirt off. So Imean it's unnecessary, but like we definitely

(08:46):
need the main character who is aninja to wear the ninja outfit at some
point. So uh again, somuch of this film was forced, but
it checks those boxes. It's aformula, you know, introduce your good
guy, give him a tragic backstory, somehow he becomes a ninja, put
him in a situation where he hasto fight ninjas, and then let things

(09:09):
sort of develop from there. Hefights the big bad guy, wins.
The movies over and what is thetotal running time of this it's just under
ninety minutes maybe it's just over justunder it's like ten seconds under, ten
seconds under. Yeah, it's atleast thirty minutes too long. Like it.
It's just like it would have beenbetter if it had been more concise.

(09:31):
I feel like they really dragged somestuff out. There's a sequence in
the middle of here where they dosome stunt flying with the little power gliders.
It adds nothing to the story.It was like, literally like,
oh god, we got time tokill anybody got any idea. It's like,
oh, my cousin has a powerglider company, let's do something with
that. And then they just like, yeah, we'll just we'll throw that
in because it adds I don't know, ten minutes to the running time on

(09:54):
this Everything everything in this film fromthe very first scene is just there.
It's just off. And there's thethe nineteen eighties martial arts are cool,
the old chip on your shoulder,Like I do karate, I'm the toughest
man alive kind of mentality in thisbecause it starts with this karate tournament,

(10:15):
and I'm trying to think back,I don't remember there ever being a tournament
of that style where it was likethere's one ring in the middle, and
like the arena was packed and everybodywas there to watch these guys do full
contact fighting. I don't think thatever actually existed. I think that's just
a karate kid's wet dream. Yeah, that's that's a movie myth. Like
you and I have both been totournaments, and like there is typically at

(10:37):
least one big floor, but there'salso typically like six fights happening at the
same time. Yeah, and it'slike in a you know, a middle
school or a high school game,you know what I mean, or like
if it's really fancy, it's atlike a convention center, but there's going
to be multiple rings set up.There's not like these grand stands that happen.
It's not like watching WWE. Sodo they even typically bother with like

(11:00):
lighting setups? No, they justuse overhead lights, right. Yeah,
that's the thing that always bugs meas a guy who does lighting for film.
It's like, dude, no eventof this, like low level cares
enough to hire people to hang likespecificly, you just nailed it, because
it is it's kind of like alow level like the guy who's on the
cover of what magazine is it inhere? It's like Karate Monthly or something

(11:20):
like, oh, he's on thecover a Karate Monthly. It's like,
you know what, the guy whowas on the cover of black Belt magazine
in the real universe never got thatkind of treatment when he went to a
tournament. Yeah, you know whatI mean. Like even if it was
just like a like an old schoolkickboxing match, it still was never as
popular as just a boxing match,you know, in the boxing stuff,
like it gets big, like youget a lot of people in arena,
gets loud, but like kickboxing wasnever to that level as much as like,

(11:43):
you know, we can we canlament that because it is pretty cool
to watch. It was never setup like that and going to that that
kind of kickboxing tourn it was neverlike that, you know, and having
this guy in the back getting hismassage from his trainer before he goes out
in his gee to like fight,Like, it's just it's weird. It's
just weird. The way the wholething's set up, it's kind of unbelievable.

(12:03):
And then on top of that,it's really executed poorly from a filmmaking
standpoint, because all of a suddenthat the little kid in the stands has
a bad feeling, and then he'sout walking around. I don't know where
he thinks he's going. Is hegoing to the back to see his dad?
I don't know what's going on.And then these bad guys come in
and of all the things in theworld that they could try to rob to
make money, they're gonna steal cashfrom a freaking karate tournament. What is

(12:26):
the what is the typical entrance feeto if there's an entry fee to a
tournament at all? Yeah, Imean, like where do they get like
forty bucks? You know what Imean? It's like, this is how
you fund your criminal empire, isabout knocking over karate schools. This is
fun. Let's do the math.How many tournaments do you think there are
in your account per year? AndI don't know. I mean, I'm

(12:48):
in the Twin Cities. We justhad a big one last weekend. I'm
gonna guess. I mean, theremight be twenty twenty different different Yeah,
okay, so what are we lookingat about eight hundred dollars just in your
city at the Yeah, I mean, and if every city has twenty small,
twenty small little events throughout the year, by the end of the year,
you've made five grand. Yeah,maybe it might be worth the risk.

(13:13):
I mean. My first short filmever that I wrote in college,
I actually wrote it about a bunchof criminals that hold up a bingo hall.
And my reasoning was, like,there's gonna be a lot of cash
flow at a bingo hall, andit's also kind of a low stake thing,
like it's not gonna have a lotof security because there's a bunch of
old people trading cash. You know, like in any given day, maybe
a couple grand mm hmmm a fewtimes. Don't get caught like you made

(13:37):
a pretty penny. Kind of thesame thing with the karate tournament. I
think, Yeah, Like what Ijust heard is I need to remake an
eating at the Bingo Banngo as anevening at the karate tournament, I'd go
the other way. I think weshould do like a whole like like Ocean's
eleven version of knocking over the bingal. That's what I went for. That's
what it was nice. Uh.Yeah. Then then after these terrorists attack

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this karate tournament for cash, whichapparently is a profitable thing in this universe,
this guy jumps out and gets shotlike sixteen times in the stomach and
just dies immediately. And it's sadbecause you know, this kid just watches
dad die, but it's kind oflike why would like how was he there?
Like it again, the way thewhole thing is cut together, it's
just very kind of confusing and sortof forced. And then we just cut

(14:24):
to Japan and this guy's growing upin Japan and doing some kind of weird
ceremony that I've never seen or heardanything of that's supposed to somehow make him
a ninja. Yeah, you goto Japan and you go to the theme
park where they give you a ninjamask and now you're ninja. That's the
ceremony. Yeah, and you haveto like kneel in a thong while a
guy hands you a sword. Now, in the real life quote unquote ninja

(14:50):
practice ninjasu, we have the BujinKhan, which is a accredited ninjasu organization
until they say you know it is, I don't want to piss off any
practitioners, so I will say this. The Boujinkhn is one of two organizations,
the other two being derivative of theNukon, that have been verified to
say that they are descended from ninjas. So like historical organizations, don't say

(15:16):
they are ninja's, it says youare the ones who say you are.
Yeah, that's my legal disclaimer.They have a fifth degree black belt test
called the Sakai test Saki test,where you kneel in front of you,
in front of your instructor or infront of the founder. He has what
used to be a real as katanabut ended up becoming a foam sword,
and he swings down at your headand your goal is without looking, you

(15:39):
have to move out of the way, and if you pass it, congratulations,
you're a godan fifth degree and you'reofficially a ninja master. And you
can look on YouTube. It exists. It's like a real test that people
have done. There's a whole bunchof you know, debunking, a whole
bunch of explanations, a whole bunchof people that have done it. They'd
like, you know, go backand forth on how it's done. For

(16:02):
me, I've seen it done,and I think it's just kind of like
it's I think it's a parlor trick. I think it's the person having the
test done to them is paying attentionto the people in front of them,
you know, because you do itin front of a crowd. It's just
like when they WinCE move. Yeah, you know. But that's not to
say it's not skillful. You know, it's it's not magic. It is
still a skill. But that kindof thing does does feed the ninja magic

(16:26):
exactly, you know what I mean. And that and I think that's a
part of it, because you youcan't claim to be a ninja and not
be able to do something cool likethat. Yeah you know, Yeah,
I mean I can clap with onehand. I got that going for me.
Yeah, listen to the sound ofone hand clapping. But what is
it that uh, what is itthat? Razal Ghul says, and Batman
begins, right, theatricality and deception. That's where the ninja magic is.

(16:49):
It's just, you know, theuntrained mind doesn't know what they're looking at,
so you make them believe it's magic. Yeah, exactly. Well,
and then that that gives you somethingto fear, because if you can't understand
it, you can definitely be afraidof it. Yeah, you know,
if you know what you're up against, it's not as scary. And that
goes just for like fear management ingeneral. You know, if you've got

(17:11):
a real fear of spiders, andthen you start to study spiders, you
start to understand the different kinds ofspiders, how they live, how they
move, how they're put together,Like, it stops being as scary when
you see a spider. You know, the more you learn about your opponent,
the less of a threat they are. The less you know, the
more of a threat they could be. And it's just scary that way.
And so I think a lot ofthat, theatrics and that the unknown,

(17:32):
that's part of why I believe thatninjas were a staple bad guy in a
lot of these kinds of films.And then again, like I said,
because the stuntmen can cover their faceso they could die fifteen times in a
movie, and so it makes forcheap labor. Yeah, I mean you
just have the same guy run aroundbehind the camera, jump in again,
Boom, we're fighting again. Yep, just put on a different color ninja

(17:52):
outfit and you're a totally different person. First you were you were three different
black ninjas. Now you're a blueNinja, and in the end of the
movie, you're the red Ninja.Because that's the best. Yeah, what
do we decide the ranking of ninjas? Was red ninjas at top? Right?
Yeah? Right, definitely, redninjas are at the top. You
have to like earn your way intothe red suit. See. Black ninjas
have to be the way bottom becausethey're the ones that gets sent out on

(18:15):
all the like you're gonna get killed, dudes. Yeah, they're the red
Shirts of the Ninja Trek universe.Yes. Now, if I was running
a ninja camp and I had tocreate like a ranking system, I would
say the highest level ninja is thewhite ninja. Yeah, because how are
you gonna actually know the yellow ninjabecause I'm gonna blend when you're that color,

(18:36):
like you that's the secret there,yellow outfit flips around and it's cameo.
It's all deception. See now,now speaking of this because this reminds
me of something else I wanted totalk about just recently in this universe where
Curtis Jackson is the same person whois also fighting alongside Joe Armstrong, Like
what three months ago, a yearago, I don't even know how long

(18:56):
it's supposed to be. In betweenmovies. Those guys used like the same
setup. There were a terrorist organization. They had ninjas, they had black
guys with the vest son, andthey had the blue in the and then
the red you know, and thenthe big bad guy, and they had
the whole science thing and the scientistwho was doing all the experiments. It's
the same organization that just got thwartedby a single guy. And their stated

(19:21):
goal in this movie is to findone single guy that they can beat so
that they can show off how goodtheir ninjas are, and that one single
guy literally kills them all. Thisis the second time in this universe that
this has happened. I just wantto point that out. So if you're
a terrorist and you're like, Okay, I've got this scientist who says he
can make superhumans. Let's just leavewell enough alone. Let's not go picking

(19:47):
fights with you know, the AmericanNinja. Well, I mean, like
you're telling me that, then there'sonly zero point zero one percent chance of
any other human being on the planetwho can dismantle your organization, so that
leaves you over ninety nine percent.Functionally, one hundred percent of the planet
is just yours for the taking.Yeah, just don't go looking for that

(20:07):
guy. Leave that guy alone.Don't go kidnapping his master or faking kidnapping
his master. I don't know whichwould be more complicated any either, Like
why why get involved with him atall? You can do yeah, functionally
anything you want on the planet,and just not interact with that guy.
Well, and I mean, sothey decide to host a martial arts tournament

(20:30):
so that they can find the guywho is the most badass and then try
to fight him and then get theirdicks handed to him by this guy.
Not a great plan. Like,now, if you're looking for like,
hey, I need to find something, like maybe purchasing Ninja's is something that
you've been thinking about, and you'vegot some money because you know you're a
bad guy, you're terrorists you're doingdrugs and guns and whatnot, and you

(20:52):
going and you talk to this guyand they're like, just give us three
days to prove how badass our guysare, and they do the whole You
know, you go into the arenaand the ninjas all fighting kill each other,
and again you're wondering, like,I'm supposed to be paying money for
these guys, but all I seeis them killing each other, Like I
don't see how this is useful tomy organization at all. And then some
dude breaks in and just starts whoopingass all over the place, and you're
just like, yeah, maybe ninjasare a bad way to go, which

(21:15):
is maybe why a lot of terroristorganizations that do exist in the really real
world haven't gone that route well,because maybe they also grew up in the
eighties and they realized, like it'sjust failed they learn is this lesson.
It's one of those things I tellmy clients when they ask me like how
long is this project gonna take?How long is this video gonna take?
And what's it going to cost me? It's like, well, you got

(21:36):
three choices. You've got good,fast and cheap. Ninjas seem like they're
fast and they're cheap. Yeah,you can get a whole bunch of them
for not a lot. Yep,that's really good. It's like we said
about the stunt man, right,you can just keep throwing ninjas at the
problem, or you can shell outand get like the level up right,
you can get like the I thinkmafia guys tend to be better, better
Google, But listen, the ninjasare the little caesars. Is it good?

(22:00):
It's hot and it's ready. Butis it good? It's hot,
hot and it's ready, So Imean maybe maybe is it upstart evil organization?
Right? They don't quite have afoothold on the underground underworld, so
they gotta they gotta start cheap withtheir goons. Think about that though,

(22:21):
Think about like I'm gonna make mymark on the criminal underbelly and like,
shit, I just can't afford goodhelp. See, I would like to
see an actual ninja be the headof an organization and be like, I'm
not gonna stalk my goons with otherguys like me. Yeah, because well
now that this is all going where, I've been trying to trying to get
you on board with me on thislittle project. But the world needs ninjas.

(22:45):
The world needs these kinds of organizationsbecause we can't get heroes until heroes
are needed, right, So we'vegot to get some guys together that can
go out and look good and looklike a thread and use that theatrics to
really strike fear into people so thatsomebody like Sean Davidson in this film can
stand up and become the hero thatour society needs. Until they're challenged,

(23:07):
heroes just kind of just don't behero. Yeah, a hero who isn't
challenge it is just a civilian.So what we're gonna do. I don't
know that we need to jump intothe genetic testing thing. I don't think
we need to find like some kindof scientists. I think we should pretend
to do that because it's gonna beway cheaper. But then what we got
to do is just get a bunchof guys that kind of a fight club
mentality that are willing to put amask on, go out to the park,

(23:30):
pretend to start mugging somebody, andthen just get their ass kick so
that dude can go home and tellhis girlfriend like how bad ass he is.
And that's how we're going to startthis process. And we're definitely gonna
need a ranking system, because youknow, you can't just have like us
at the top and then like athousand people underneath. So we'll start everybody
out in the black outfit, andonce they've been with us for a while
and they become a team leader,we're gonna move them up to blue,

(23:52):
you know. And then once we'vegot enough blue guys, they're gonna need
a leader. So then we'll moveone guy up to Red to kind of
manage the Blues, and the Bluesmanage the Blacks. We'll have we'll have
the whole I think it's it makesperfect sense. You're inventing a pyramid scheme
right now, is what you're inventing. This is an MLM that they sell.
The Blues will distribute down to thereds, and the reds will maintain

(24:14):
the blacks and then from there.Okay, but where does the revenue?
Okay, so picture that triangle.But you know what, I've never heard
of the m l M A there. I like it now, martial arts
skill. I think we can dothis. I think we can win two
full sell ninjas to heroes and it'sand it's an MLM, So we just

(24:40):
keep funneling money to ourselves. Yeah, and you you get in because there's
a lot of upward mobility in thisthing, and you know, you you
you get so much sales will moveyou up to like a you know,
platinum ninja level. I just lovethe idea of you and I in like
full three piece suits but wearing aninja mask. Yes, yes, exactly.
This is there's all potter for afuture screenplay, by the way,

(25:00):
where this is gonna be good.Speaking of outfits, Sean Davidson is wearing
I'm pretty sure he rated Seinfeld.Yeah, he's got Jerry Seinfeld's hair,
his sneakers, his tight jeans,the white T shirt and somehow he's got
Eric Roberts face. The whole timetoo. I was like, is this
Eric Roberts. Yeah, I meanit's like the you know what, it's

(25:23):
bad when you're trying to find thecheap Eric Roberts. But this is what
I made. Everybody in this filmreminds you of somebody who's just a little
bit more famous. So he gotEric Roberts here, who is Cobra what
his name? Marjoe who kind ofhas the Rutger howerd Look, you know
what I mean, like, whenyou just glance at the guy, you're

(25:44):
kind of like, oh, isthat Rutger. Oh No, that's not
that guy. Who's this who's hisassistant to? Not Rutger howerd. He
looks like a better call Saul.Yeah. Yeah, God, I don't
remember what his name is off myhead. But even like the General Andreas,
he sort of looks like a famousperson I can't put their name on.

(26:06):
It's just like everybody in this filmwas just like you're like, God,
that guy kind of reminds me ofsomeone famous and I don't know who
it is. And that's how theygot the job. Yeah. Well,
you know, that's why you geta lot of people end up becoming character
actors because they were in a movie. They didn't even act, they were
just kind of kind of being themselvesand it just sort of fit what they
needed. And then somebody saw thatmovie and was like, we need a

(26:27):
character. It was like that guy, We'll just get that guy. Yeah.
And then it's like, hey,can you whatever you did in that
last movie, can you do itagain? And it's like, well,
I didn't do anything, so yeah, I mean I can do that.
But then if it's something that thatpeople seem to like that, Directors seem
to want like nobody else can dothat job, and you just become that
character. And that's why you'll see, uh, this will happen, especially

(26:48):
in social media, where it'll belike you know, somebody died, some
actor and you're like, I don'teven recognize the name, but then the
picture pops up and you're like,oh my god, that dude was literally
in everything. It's like that's thekind of person. It just like just
new enough people and played something ina character forty years ago that just for
some reason stuck in people's minds.There was a like, I think it

(27:10):
was the eighties and nineties specifically,there was like a nerd type man.
He's a little bit chunkier. Hehad like the perfect round glasses, he
had that like the very straight lookingkind of short mullet, and he was
always the belligerent nerd like customer whohad something, you know, something witty
to say, but was kind ofannoying, Like I don't he hasn't died
yet, but I remember YouTube earlyYouTube did like the nerd in every movie

(27:33):
and it was that same guy andhe's like literally wearing the same outfit he
had like a tea jacket on.I'll actually get to google that the nerd
in every movie. I bet you'llfind like nerd extra. It's not quite
as prevalent nowadays, I think becauseNetflix has expanded. You see hymen.
Yeah, see, I look itup too. That's how quick it was.
I just fell that to just lookup the nerd in every movie.

(27:55):
It's your top hit every movie.Yep, yep. Yeah, So okay,
dear audience, look up the nerdin every movie and then comments on
this podcast, comments on our Instagrampost when it launches, when you find
out who we're talking about, yep, because and comment where you know him
from? Yes, yes, that'llbe even better. Where have you seen

(28:17):
him? But yeah, TV showsnowadays tend to do it less, I
think, or at least make itless notable when they're just reusing character actors.
But back in like the nineties,early two thousands, like character character
actors extras worth the rage, Likethe guy who had one line and it
was always the same kind of line, you know. Yeah, because we're

(28:38):
not talking about like like character actorswho do normally get like minor roles,
right right, Yeah, Like obviouslyevery Betty White is kind of that,
right, She's in everything. She'snever really the star anymore, but you
know who she is. It's notthat this is the guy who comes in
and says one line or just asyou know, the pretzels are making me
thirsty, that's gonna be your linefrom now on to see you. Every

(29:03):
film I'm in, I'm gonna belike, we gotta get rab out here
to do his line. I couldjust walk by in the background making me
thirsty. It's like the stan Leeof all my films. I'm at the
scene where Sean Curtis and whatever theother their third friend is. They're kind

(29:26):
of like june Bag, the guythat would absolutely get his ass handed to
him. But I'd like to say, the guy who's wearing an ascot.
Yeah, this is what years thismovie come out in This is nineteen eighty
nine. Yeah, Curtis is wearinga leather vest and like cargo pants.
Sean Davidson is wearing like he's thedenim king. Yeah, DENI and the

(29:49):
other guy's wearing an ascot. Thatwas not the wardrobe in nineteen eighty nine.
They were trying to be cutting edge, you know, But then again,
this was also filmed in South Africa. Maybe that was what was hip
there. It's true. Maybe Ido find it interesting. I mean again,
this is like this nondescript island countrythat also happens to be like a

(30:10):
major military threat to everywhere else inthe world. Like it's it's weird.
It's weird how they can't come upwith an original story. I mean,
isn't that kind of the same plotas Jim Katta too? Yep, it
was. It was just so recycled. American Ninja three took place on the
remote Caribbean island of Triana. Iwonder where where was the one in American

(30:36):
Ninja two? I think that wasthe Mediterranean, wasn't it? Or was
that Jim Katta? No, JimKatta was like in Tibet. American Ninda
too takes place on a remote Caribbeanisland. What does it say? What
the name of it was? Itwould be funny, it's like literally the
same island. I mean, itprobably is. Well. I believe that
that was shot in South Africa too, if I remember it correctly, shot

(30:59):
at Boulders Beach, South Africa.Yeah, so there you go. I'm
sure this was just like down thestreet. Well that's why I said,
like so many of the scenes seemthe same. So when our character Sean
sees his master getting kidnapped, buthe's like, why is my master on
this island? And then why arethey kidnapping him? And he chases after
him and he goes into a bar. I was expecting that scene from American

(31:21):
Ninja two. Or he goes intothe bar and runs into like the biker
gang that tries to beat him allup. It's again, might as well
have just gone shot for shot becauseI swear to god it's the same building.
Now, what we could do asmen with means we could do a
supercut of American Ninja three and twotogether to where they run into the bar
and simultaneously Michael Dudakov is already there. Just cut it together. You would

(31:45):
never know the difference. Well,we haven't talked about American Ninja four yet,
which does have Michael du to Coughin it, So maybe maybe our
work has already been done for us. They'll have to tune in next week
for American Ninja four. But Ijust want to point out that we're no
longer even talking about the film,because I mean, we've said all that

(32:06):
podcast, it's just not not worthtalking about anymore. If you want to
see a terrible movie, then Iwould put this at the top of your
list. How did you are yourewatching it now? Yeah? How did
you find it? YouTube? YouTube? Yes, so anybody who's interested,
this is so far the only freeAmerican Ninja. Yes, only free on

(32:30):
YouTube with ads. Yeah, dude, imagine trying to like introduce your kid
to the American Ninja franchise and justlike the hunting you have to do because
one of them was on what AmericanNinja? One we did on Prime right
or was it Voodoo? And Ithink it was on Prime Prime. Two
was on Voodoo That's how we endedup watching it, so we had to
sign up for that, and nowthree is on YouTube. I don't know

(32:51):
where we're gonna find four, youknow, I'm I don't think that far
ahead. Yeah, Like I justI literally just Google like stream blah blah
blah, and I'm like, huh, it's on a different thing. This
is the one dark side of streamingservices. Yes, you can find films
almost immediately, but it's kind ofnoxious to have to click on different links
and sign up for different programs.And it's like, I just want the
box of all ten American Ninjas.Yeah, Unfortunately, I think nobody else

(33:16):
wants so. Again, for SteveJames, it's a shame because I think
he really did well even in thisrole. And it's almost, I mean
not quite. This is maybe abit of a stretch, but it's almost
like Deadpool and how aware he isof the ridiculousness of his situation of just

(33:37):
like I already have a best friendwho's in ninja, Like I left that
guy in the army and I camehere and guess what, I'm fighting ninjas
again. And even as he's walkingout at the end of the film,
he's like, can we just maybefight, like, I don't know,
some thieves or robbers or something otherthan ninjas. I just want to point
out we're at the Rocky Horror PictureShow or the movie on my Oh again,

(34:06):
I just have to say Curtis hasto go back to a superior officer
and be like, just make medepartment of Ninjas because that's what I specialize
in now. Yeah, And howcome so many Americans are adopted by Japanese
ninja masters. It seems to belike an endemic thing. Here, Like,
literally everyone he runs into is afreaking ninja who is raised in Japan.

(34:29):
But they're all the white guys wereraised in Japan. Would it be
racist of me to assume that everywhite guy I know is secretly a Japanese
ninja. I'm all right with that. I think that's all right. It's
a fair assumption. Next time Isee you, I'm just gonna like throw
a shirt, can atgal you seewhat happens? No with my teeth like

(34:50):
Joe Armstrong. Now, I don'twant to get on the woke police at
all, but I will say ifthey remade American Ninja now, the American
Ninja would be a Japanese American.I don't see any reason why it ever
wasn't to be honest with you,like, why do they have to come
up with this complicated backstory just toget a white guy in the lead role,
Like it's so forced. It's justnot necessary because it's not like there

(35:14):
aren't people who are both Japanese andAmerican, you know, like it's I
would redo this a lot of differentways. In fact, if I were
to rewrite this now, Jackson wouldone be my main character. Yeah,
he is the American ninja. Likeif he is, as far as I'm
concerned, he is the American ninja. Yeah, that's the real American ninja.
And the white guys he pals aroundwith, they're kind of disposable.

(35:37):
Well, and again, it's likehe just kind of ends up with these
guys because he goes on vacation orwhatever. And then it's like, oh,
and you're also a ninja. Ohand you're fighting ninja's and I have
to go rescue you from them.Again, listen the scene that I'm at
right now, he is wearing ashirt that has more cleavage than would be
allowed on me. Like he is. He is a fit dude. I

(35:58):
am one piece of Fabrica. Away from seeing Curtis Nibbles like that would
get his band on TV. Hedoesn't get to complain about his choices in
life. No, Well on again, you look at his filmography and it's
like, ah, yeah. Butalso going back to it, I think
we've talked about it before. Thisguy is shredded at a time when not

(36:19):
a lot of people are shredded.Yeah, I mean really, and and
again, he moves very very well. He's a really really good athlete,
and we talked about. We talkedabout Michael Dudokov. He wasn't He didn't
know any martial arts when he tookthe role, and he you know,
they kind of taught him along theway, and he ended up becoming fairly
decent by the end of the ofhis his tenure as the American Ninja.

(36:42):
But Jackson is phenomenal all the waythrough, and I think in American Ninja
one he much more plays the KyleWeather's kind of like running gun, you
know, American brawler. But byAmerican Ninja too, suddenly it's like,
nah, he's actually almost better thanJoe when it comes to taking these guys
down, and he always ends upin the situation where he's fighting like more
ninjas and then Joe just gets tohave the one on one with the main

(37:06):
dude, you know, and it'slike that, and Jackson just sort of
knows his place and just backs offand lets him face his enemy alone.
Which, by the way, neverdo that for me. If you and
I are ever taking down a terroristorganization and there's two of us and one
other guy, weird, we're tagteam in it, take him out.
Sorry, The Code of the Warriorwill not allow me to do that.
You're on your own. This isyour fight. Rob like, no,

(37:28):
God, damn it. You takewith you and buy. It's gonna take
three seconds. Your family is like, for the love of God, please
help him. No, his honoreddemands that I let him do this loan,
and you're like please, getting chokedout. You just standing out of
the arms crossed. This is howJoe would want it. So you're testifying

(37:50):
in front of the grand jury andyou stood by and did nothing. Well,
yeah, that's like away. Bythe way, we're at the paraglider
scene. It's it's not a goodscene. I just want to I mean,
like the proto GoPro shots are prettycool looking. Then you cut to
a wide shot and you're like,they're barely in the air right now.

(38:14):
Yeah, yeah, And then againtheir entire faces are covered, so you
know, it's not the main actorsat all, and they just did you
know, ad R afterwards to makeit sound like they were actually talking.
It's bad and it's unnecessary and itcould be completely cut from the film.
It wouldn't change a thing. TheCurtis looks so unbothered being followed by these

(38:36):
people. He's like, I'm justgonna keep driving straight. You just land
your power glider in the back ofmy little truck ear for some reason,
instead of landing on the road,which would be way safer. You know,
I have never found I'm watching thescene now. The ninjas are all
doing their little demonstration, you know, and a bunch of them are about
to die because they're going to attackthe girl. But she's wearing a red

(38:57):
suit, which means she can killeven the blue guys. And again,
like, I don't need to seethe people I'm buying getting slaughtered by a
girl. Okay, if I'm aterrorist, this doesn't this doesn't seem to
fit like what it is I'm payingfor. Like I'll buy her, you
know, give me an army ofher to take these dudes in the black
and get rid of them. They'reworthless. But I'm also wondering, now

(39:20):
I went through you know, thetypical belt system, you know, I
earned my black belt in taekwondo,and nowhere along the way was there any
job postings to be like part ofa military group, to be part of
a hit squad. And I'm justwondering, like, how do you get
into this role? How do youbecome the grunt on this, you know,
biological weapons factory. As a ninjaguard. Where did I go wrong?

(39:45):
Rob? See, I had thatsame question, and I thought initially
it was a security guard thing.I thought if I win into security,
I would find my way into thatkind of thing, right, And we
had we had a private security companyin town back in the day called Cerberus,
which I'm like, all right,any company called Cerberus is up to
no good. Which I want topoint out on the latter team's app,

(40:08):
when they first put my name onthe website, there was a typo and
that's what they called me. Itwas Joe Cerberus. That's pretty badass.
That's pretty badass. So I'll gowith that. Yeah. So I'm thinking,
like, I'm going to sign upfor Cerberus, and you know,
maybe I'll maybe I'll have to securityguards some like banks or something for a
little bit and they'll be fucking boring, but eventually they'll be like, you've

(40:29):
proven yourself. Yeah right. Underground, No, they mostly just you know,
hire out for parties and for venuesstuff like that concert. Through a
lot of concerts, you don't youdon't even really get to work with an
armored vehicle. Yeah. So soinsecurity, I see, And I went
into like I worked for the doc, thinking, well, you must have
like some l e O background,you know, some some badass stories of

(40:52):
like defending yourself, you know,behind bars that led to nothing. Pretty
much all the people who stayed inthat career ended up you know, three
hundred three hundred fifty pounds overweight anduh, retiring early and dying young.
Wasn't wasn't proving to be what Ihad hoped. Yeah, and the only
way to become like a paramillary militarycontractor is to have been in the military.

(41:13):
Mm hmm. Like but that,but that also sort of self selects
out anybody who would I think makea good ninja, you know, exactly,
Like these organizations have to be realbecause we live in a world of
infinite possibilities, we can imagine itexists. Well, and I mean,
just just look at the world welive in now. This cannot be the
prime universe, true, And ifthis isn't the prime universe, then there

(41:35):
is a universe somewhere where these organizationsdefinitely exist. Listen, Joe and I
have a very specific set of skillsthat aren't applicable to most other things.
We could kick people real good andwe could pick up heavy things. That's
right, Ninja organization hit us up. We are available security. We won't
talk about it, we'll keep itunder wraps. For some reason, this

(42:00):
actually reminds me of another thing thatI thought of on this when Sean is
running after his master. He goesup on the roof of this hotel and
he's getting attacked by ninjas and he'slike, what the hell. Up until
this point, he has just beenlike an accomplished martial artist who made it
to the cover of Karate Monthly magazineand just won this major tournament. He
throws a guy off the roof andthen just goes on like nothing happened.

(42:22):
He just committed a murder. Sothis cannot be the first person that he
has ever murdered, or else hewould have been like, oh crap,
I just murdered eg guy. Orhe's just severely cold blooded. I don't
know, but it didn't play wellin my mind, and now I'm curious
who else has this man murdered.I mean, he's the protagonist of this
film. It doesn't make him ahero. Yeah, that's right, dude.

(42:44):
This is the same exactly set fromthe last Naja demonstration. I'm yeah,
it is because once you built it, why would you? Yeah,
I feel like it's like hosting theOlympics, you know, It's like you
build all this stuff, you useit really well for two weeks, and
then like what do you do withit afterwards? Just store it? Yeah?
I mean you have turn it intoa museum, you know, try

(43:07):
to build some apartments somewhere. Areyou still watching the Ninja Demo Team No,
I've skipped ahead a little bit withthe part where he's he's waking up
on the couch with rutger Hower inthe room smoking a cigar. Not rutger
Hower, not not not Kerhuer.I want to see the credits like that

(43:29):
almost REDGW. Now this does bringme to a question that I have for
you. It was kind of whenI wanted to ask in American Ninja wanted
too, but more so in thisone because I think we're seeing a lot
more Katanas in this film than wehad before. Yeah, it was.
It was sort of like Saved inAmerican Ninja too, until like the end,
nobody was really using swords. Itwas mostly like sticks than I think,

(43:52):
like weird like sickles before, right, yeah, mostly empty hand and
well and especially in two, therewas a lot of throne leab, yeah,
shucking and darts. Nowadays it's allkatana. But yeah, for anybody
who knows those ninja are not usinga katana mm hmm, because katana is
a curve blade sword and that whatthey're using is a straight blade sword.

(44:14):
Yep. I don't know about you. I used to think the straight blade
katana was the coolest thing ever see, and I was always a fan of
the more like traditional samurai curve blade. I just always assumed there was like
some reason why a curve blade wasbetter or a straight blade was better than
a curve blade. And I'm like, there's gotta be some sort of secret
ninja precedent. And then like Iheard that later on, like well,

(44:36):
Ninja were mostly farm folk and theycouldn't really afford expensive swords. It's harder
to make a curve and I waslike, I guess that makes sense that
you can make a disposable sword easily. But then it turns out that's actually
not true. Yeah, as somuch of ninja legend turns out to just
be smoking mirrors. As you mightexpect if you really appreciate ninjas, Well
do you do? You know whythe ninja katana is straight? Why is

(45:00):
that? Because the pro tooad ninja, like I think it was, I
think it was James Bond or oneof the early you know, American ninja
films, they didn't realize that katanawere supposed to be curved, so they
made it strange. I am notsurprised by that fact. And then it
just caught on. Yeah, it'sjust well it's different and and but that

(45:20):
makes sense. I mean, theywanted to create something that wasn't a samurai
because a samurai would have honor,and a ninja is a thug, and
so how do we separate that.Well, obviously they have to use different
swords because if they use the sameswords and they're coming from the same place,
and that doesn't doesn't fit. SoI think that honest mistake kind of
makes sense. Yeah, you know, when the next guy comes along and
it's like, oh, those ninjasthat movie were cool and they all had

(45:43):
these straight blade swords, and it'slike, well, yeah, but those
don't really shut up. You know, I want mine to beat those guys,
you know, I want my nameless, faceless thugs to be the same
that I saw and you only dietwice or you only live twice. Yeah,
well it's also goes back like theninja outfit, right, the all
black robe we talked about before,Like if you're a ninja trying to blend

(46:05):
into the background, that's not howyou do it. No, right,
what that is is old Japanese theaterstage crew we wear all black so that
the audience would just say, oh, they don't exist, Like we're not
supposed to see them, So we'regonna pretend like they don't exist while they
move the stage around. And thensomewhere down the line, one director was
like, what if we have thestage crew quote unquote interact with the characters?

(46:27):
Yeah, like what if they secretlymurder someone? And that's how they
That's how the black robe became theninja because you're not supposed to see them,
like you're supposed to ignore them,and you know, the human I
ignores what you tell it to ignore. Yeah, you know, like think
about how many from your gym whenyou used to work out at one to
your house? How many stop signedin red lights do you pass? Oh?

(46:49):
Dozens? You know what I mean? I couldn't tell you exactly,
like your brain is just like whatever, I'm prosst them. So if you
tell if you teach the audience toignore the guys in black, they don't
even see him, and then allof a sudden, that guy black stabs
your main character, It's like that'sterrifying. Yeah. Yeah, Unfortunately the
same thing doesn't really apply in film. Yeah, you know, like now,
when you're in an all black robewith a mask, you stand out

(47:10):
like a sewer thumb, especially inthis film where the ninjas are running around
in broad daylight. I'm watching thescene right now where Sean is slowly walking
towards the door that he's of theroom he's imprisoned in. I'm just like,
this is a very long tracking shotof a dude meditating and then walking
to a door. We have timefor this. Who are you? I

(47:31):
need answers in Meanwhile, Jackson andhis douchebag buddy are just outside the facility
just watching cars drive up, Like, do you have any fighting skills?
My friends? Like, what doyou do besides just like cheesy pickup lines
and bad outfits. Oh yeah,and the completely unnecessary plot twist of the

(47:58):
lady taking her face makeup off andactually being the the Asian lady underneath.
Why did that have to happen?It's so stupid that, again, might
be one of the most ninja thingsto happen in this film. Any part
of disguising, right, Like,yeah, I don't know how accurately you
could disguise yourself with makeup, butlike here's the thing. Yes, the

(48:23):
human mind like you will, youwill ignore what you're told to ignore,
but you also have these eyes inthis brain that's really adept at picking up
details and kind of sensing when thingsare off, like tricking people with makeup,
And I don't think it is aseasy as people realize. Dude,
have you not seen MISSI Impossible ithappens all the time, or or on
any of the MCU stuff where theyjust like touch the magic button and then

(48:45):
their face changes. Yeah, theyhad that weird film their face. Yeah,
and the voice changers like, comeon, Rudger howers but not ger
hours to exceed. Shirt without atie is very annoying and I want someone
to iron his jacket please. Butyeah, this is so far the exact

(49:08):
same plot as American Ninja too.I mean it really is. There's just
nothing outstanding here. There's no shortround this time. No, I she's
pulling her face off. It's donewell from a film standpoint, like you
could believe it, but it's justpointless, Like that whole character is just

(49:30):
pointless in this film. Has hemet the female ninja? Not yet,
because she reveals herself later and thenall of a sudden, it's like I
thought he was gonna help humanity andit turns up he's a bad band.
What I'm getting at is like,was there any point for her to disguise
herself around him? I don't thinkso. I don't know. I just
realized his painting in the background.His boobs, Yeah, I noticed that

(49:53):
too on this view, and that'snot a beach. Yeah. So there
you go, ladies and gentlemen,there's our weekly boobs on the podcast and
the guys and thongs in the backgroundwhile he's interrogating our hero. So have
you ever been in the film,grandpa? Yeah, it was in a
movie once. Stand in the backgroundand a thong covered in flower. That's

(50:20):
what I think about. Like theguys who make Jackass you get this year,
I'm like, what do you tellyour family later on? Down the
line, I'm gonna be out it. I have never been a fan of
that. I don't find it evenremotely entertaining. I don't get it.
A lot of like the punk typeshow like that, that's just annoying.
I'm not I'm just I don't getit. Y'all, y'all do your thing.

(50:42):
I said this, this, Thishas been my mantra the past two
years. This is y'all's world.I'm just I'm just passing through. I
like videos where like random people gethurt, you know, where some idiot
happens to do something stupid. Again, I love like a fail video all
for that. Yeah, but whenthey up, it's just it's forced and
it's not. Yeah. It's verymuch like the worst of SNL for me.

(51:06):
Yes. Yeah, Like when SNLis funny, it's really funny.
Yeah, But when it's bad,Oh, it's bad. When they're like,
oh god, we got twenty minutesto fill, we need six sketches
right now, what do you got? Yeah? And that's how I feel
like all of Jackass. Yeah.Yeah, So we won't be talking about
that, and we probably won't behaving any of them guest star on this
podcast with us. Don't don't reallyhave a reason, and we're really not

(51:30):
that famous, so they probably wouldturn us down. Speak for yourself.
I got thousands of subscribers on YouTube. Oh hell yeah you did. Congratulations,
that's a milestone. But thinking ofguest stars, I want to look
someone up right now to see ifhe will reach out to us. You
know who's alive and probably not doingmuch. I was gonna say, yeah,

(51:53):
what's he up to these days?Looks like he's just being retired.
Yeah, still being a ninjaw somewhere. Yeah, he's probably off doing missions
right now. Mm hm. SoI'm just gonna look it up. Contact
Michael. We have five more moviesto get there. Well, how many

(52:15):
America? And now I'm ere therefour or five? Let's see five?
So we've got we've we've got fourand then five five? Yeah, because
five is the one that's uh withmister Miyagi in it. Okay, So
he's got a Twitter and an officialwebsite. Oh, I'm following on on

(52:37):
Twitter. I am going to reachout to Michael Dodakov. Do you never
know? Hey, man, You'rewelcome to jump in on either one of
these remaining two American ninjas or justgive us like a you know, a
cameo, mm hmm, because thenwe get to be probably I'm going to
say, with confidence, the onlypodcast in the world with a Michael Dodov

(52:58):
shout out. That's right, Yeah, I'm all for that. This is
a dream, dream of a lifetimeright here. Could you imagine if we
got him on here with us,not for this one, although it really
funny if we invited him onto apodcast that he's not for a movie he's
not in. Yeah, just sohe can be like, this movie is
so terrible, you know, wouldhave made this movie a lot better.

(53:21):
Me me, but see it.But I have questions. I have questions
like did you see the script?Did they offer it to you and you
were just like, you know what? I literally could be doing anything else.
But I just want to say,one of the Blue Ninjas just got
kicked by the douchebag and the pinkshirt, so they can't be that good

(53:42):
dude, We've already established. Iwill say the Ninja's an American Ninja Too,
put up better and more aggressive fightsthan the ones. I would give
them credit because in American Ninja Too, they are the best fighters on that
island until Joe Armstrong and Curtis Jacksonshow up and then it's like, holy
crap, these guys are really reallygood like this they're a threat to us.

(54:05):
Prior to that, they owned theplace, and so it's like,
yeah, there is a hierarchy,like like, first Joe has to fight
the U the biker gang guys whoare just like thugs, are just throwing
regular punches, and that's like it'sit's easy for him. When he fights
the ninjas, it's like it's areal fight. They actually can hit on
him, you know. And thenwhen he's fighting the guy with the the
scary scarface, dude, it's likethat dude could kill him, you know

(54:27):
what I mean. They're like,you know, mono y mono. It's
it's pretty even this one. It'slike an old lady walking down the street
could knock one of these guys outwith their purse. It's like they have
nothing. It's like the Power Rangersgoons. Yeah, exactly. When they
first shut up, they needed tomorph to fight them, but by the
end of season, of the endof episode four, they're just wiping them

(54:49):
out without even morphing. Yeah,like why would you have a horde of
ninjas? And then tell them toattack one at a time. Yeah,
I get it, Like you don'thave a lot of time to spend on
choreography and stuff. But like now, when a ninja shows up on film,
there's like five of them. Yeah, you've got to fight simultaneously.
Mm hmm. Well, I meanlook at God Anything it came out on
Netflix, like Daredevil, some ofthe fight sequences on that where he's taken

(55:12):
down a crowd, like, it'sactually like kind of believable. When in
it Punisher, that jail fight scene, it's like, holy crap, like
that dude attacks a crowd of peoplewith like utter violence, because that's like
how you would have to do it, you know what I mean. It's
like it's believable that he could bethe guy that could take all those guys
on at once. This it isit's like your turn, Nope, you
got knocked out. My turn?Oh I got knocked out. Who's next?

(55:37):
Are those guys paralyzed? The onesthe Rocky horror picture guys with the
giant bulge? Are they just standingthere? I don't know. I mean,
at least in American Ninja too,they were like in a cryo chamber,
maybe getting some kind of treatment.These guys are literally just standing there
covered in flower and wearing a thong, and I don't know what they're doing
there. There's no explanation as tolike what this process is that they're undergo.

(56:00):
I think not Kerhauer is in lovewith them. I mean, just
like living sculptures, your job isto stand there and look pretty all day
long. I'll give you eight hundredbucks a day. Yeah, you gotta
just stand there. You can't movea muscle covered in flower. It puts
the flower on its skin. Aregoing to fight the general, but our

(56:23):
hero has been poisoned. If onlyhe can flex hard enough to squeeze the
poison out through his sweat pores.Now, as we start to lose steam
on American Ninja three, which wetried, guys, we did try.
I really trying hard. I thinknow is a good enough time to talk
about the podcast that I sent youthis morning. Yes, not to link

(56:45):
to another podcast, but it isa true crime story, so it's a
real story and also involves ninjas.So for those of you who want to
know. Obviously, life imitates artand art imitates life, and there was
a giant ninja boom in the eightiesthat we talked that's what inspired Ninja member
right, yes, is that weknew the Ninja had a whole bunch of

(57:07):
movies that came out and people wereinspired by them. Every so often,
you get a ne'er dwell in thereal world who takes fantasy a little too
far and uses their dark arts martialarts skills to murder another human being,
which is of course bad. Alwaysbad, murder is bad. So this

(57:29):
morning I send Joe a podcast fromGeneration Y produced by Wondery about a murder
from the eighties. I think itwas in Michigan where a college student gets
killed in a drive by shooting,and of course, naturally Ninja's get plead
like actually get blamed. Now.The reason behind this is because somebody somewhere

(57:53):
along the line says, hey,I think this guy who practiced martial arts
and has a bunch of webapons didn'tlike him and decided to kill him.
And the prosecution decided that makes sense. He has weapons, so they go
to his house. And when theysaid weapons, they meant like guns.
Yeah they I thought they meant likehe had guns because the kid who got

(58:17):
shot was shot with a shotgun.Yeah, but no, they meant,
he has sigh, he has bostat, he has Ninja stars. And the
prosecution ran with it. They said, yes, obviously martial arts leads you
done a dark path. Yeah,violence, right, this is the same
like you know video games caused violencekind of mentality. Clearly ninjas are you

(58:39):
know, you obsess over murder andsecrecy and and so ninjas are to blame.
So listen. I put a lotof faith into the American legal system.
I think we have one of themost detailed legal processes in the country
in the world. You know,obviously we have a lot of work to
do, but as everyone does.However, one major flaw I think is

(59:04):
that if you can you can't disprovea theory in American legal systems, right,
if you can put a semblance ofdoubt in the jury, then by
definition they can't prosecute well. AndI found this out recently too. It's
it depends on the level of thetrial too. If it's like a civil
trial, you have a different standardthan if it's a criminal trial, where

(59:24):
you have to prove beyond a reasonabledoubt. In a civil trial that you
don't have that same burden approof Sosometimes a ludicrous thing like that just plans
enough doubt that the jury says Ican't convict. So you haven't finished the
podcast yet, correct, No,I haven't, so don't don't spoil it
for me. I don't want tospoil you too bad, but I do
want to let you know. Theprosecution's plan essentially was, well, they

(59:45):
can't disprove that an ancient ninja organizationdidn't take a hit out on this college
student, and that the assassin didn'tcharter a plane to get down to south
of the state and kill him andthen appear back up north. Obviously he
had to get back up north beforethe morning. Yeah, and you can't
disprove that, so therefore it's likelythat he did it. This is how

(01:00:13):
crazy legal proceedings can get. Yes, yes, and so why were screwed
up as a as a nation.But this also why we have, like
somebody regulations about stupid stuff but buildingcodes and all that. My favorite takeaway
from this podcast was what you andI were texting to each other this morning,
which was just all the dumb expressionswe heard about, like macho martial

(01:00:36):
artists. I have to I can'tput my hands in my pockets because then
it'll be concealed weapons. Yeap mightmy hands must be visible at all times,
and alse I'm a threat to thepublic. Now, what did you
say You have to wear blue jeansjust to temp temp temper your power a
little bit, just to give otherpeople a chance. Now, rest assured.

(01:00:59):
The guy who got a rested doessound like a karate douchebag. Oh,
I'm sure like he does. Soundlike the kind of guy who says
like I could chop a man inhalf, I killed ten men this morning,
and like that will always polish oneof two things. It'll either make
you sound really annoying to people atparties, or it'll make the police think
you were an unhinged to vidual.Yeah, but no exaggeration. I have

(01:01:22):
heard karate masters talk about their realstreet fights. Like you can't have that
conversation and not sound like an idiot. Yeah, well, you know,
what we teach in the school isnot what we teach other street Say that
again. I'm gonna record it,and then I'm going to play it back
to you, and I want youto hear what you sound like when you

(01:01:44):
say shit like that. I knewa black belt one time with tetendant Seminar
who talked about how he was Hesaid he was like a champion of over
ninety five street fights. I justremember thinking, why do you have so
many street fights? Dude? Yeah, because you're going out looking for it.
And if you're going out looking forit, you're not looking for fair
opponents. You're looking for guys youcan beat the shit on. So yeah,

(01:02:07):
you're just good at picking on weakpeople. I coin is like,
how many of those are fights andhow many are like somebody bumps in and
you're like yo, bro, andyou push them away. Yeah, that's
not a fight, that's street fight. Put it in my little book.
I'm keeping track victory for me,flawless victory. But this was the Vin
Diesel five hundred street fights, thatwhole speech. That's when I'd be a

(01:02:30):
man when I had five hundred streetfights. Also, like, yeah,
like you were saying, our streetfights normally, Obviously there's a lot of
risk in an unsanctioned fight, right, Like you never know when a even
broken bottle is going to become anissue. But in general, is your
opponent in a street fight typically halfas dangerous as one of your sparring partners.

(01:02:51):
Yeah? Again, this is whythese phrases, these things that people
say just do not make actual sense. Like nobody you might be at like
some sleazy bar on a Saturday night, it's a little too late. You've
all had a little too much todrink. Some dude's eyeball in your girl.
You start talking shit and you guysthrow down. You're both drunk,
You're both stupid. This is abad scene. This is not something that

(01:03:14):
you want to be proud that youknocked another guy out because he probably slipped,
tripped over his own belt buckle orwhat have you. Every legitimate fight
that I've had somebody that I know, like while I was present get into
was an absolute shit show of stupidity. There was nothing cool about it at
all, except I did have afriend one time punched a guy in the

(01:03:35):
belt buckle, which I just thoughtwas a good use of the belt buck
He was like on a raised dancefloor and he started talking shit, so
he just punched him. He hada big, like texascise belt buckles.
He just punched him in the beltbuckle, so that whole thing just went
right at that dude's stomach and hewent down hardy. That was pretty cool
and he got the same guy thistrue story accidentally, Pete, I'm a

(01:03:55):
guy in the men's restroom, becauseit was like a trough drunk. So
he is waving all over right,and the other guy obviously took umbrage with
this, and they started a littletussle and they get tossed out out to
the street. You know, thebouncers toss him out. So they go
out in the street and it's like, let's step around the corner. They
step into the alley and my dudesidekick the guy in the gut. The

(01:04:16):
dude is on his knees throwing up, and the police walk around the corner
and ended up arresting the guy throwingup for public intocks. So my friend
walked around the corner and got away. Other than that, which by the
way, he would not be like, I'm a champion street fighter. I
knocked this guy out, Like that'spretty shitty story. That's like you were
in the wrong place, Like everythingis wrong with that. It's not something

(01:04:38):
to be proud of. And soanytime somebody starts talking about will out on
the street, like what are youtalking about? You've been mugged three hundred
times. You are like what areyou doing wrong? Why are you going
into these neighborhoods and getting mugged?You know, like that doesn't make sense.
Yeah, I mean, maybe don'twalk around counting your cash if you're
getting mugged that often. Yeah,Like clearly you're out there looking for trouble

(01:05:03):
like that. That's not who Iwant to learn from. Like, there's
an old Chinese saying of the taichi master is invisible because every time there's
a fight somewhere, the tai chimasters nowhere around. You never see him
when you think you're gonna see him, because he wants nothing to do with
any of that. His master.He's not there to like to prove himself.
And and I think what I couldthink at the top of my head

(01:05:26):
of like three or four different videos, we're like and honest to god,
like martial arts master steps into asituation we actually caught it on film versus
some street thug, and it neverturns out well for the thug. True,
these things do happen, but thenagain, it's like there Tony Bauer
says this, there are more peoplelike that are completely untrained every day defending

(01:05:48):
themselves in real life on the street. Violent situations than there are black belts
on the planet. That is areality. And so the black belt isn't
really protecting you from shit it tobe honest with you, you're just probably
not an ideal target. Yeah,Lions don't walk through the jungle taking down

(01:06:08):
tigers. They go out on theplanes and they take down antelope. And
of the antelope, they take downthe elderly, the sick, the weak,
the ones that they can catch theeasiest. They're not going after the
biggest, baddest looking things they canfind. And so if you're this guy
who's constantly getting into street fights,it's because you're targeting the wounded. You're
you're starting street fights because you're startingthe street fights. Like, this isn't

(01:06:32):
this isn't self defense anymore. Thisis like how to pick a fight and
win. Yeah, and that's easy. Let's just go to the old folks
homes as we draw a clothes.I want to say, I think American
Ninja three missed the mark by justnot giving us cool set pieces outside of
this one fight scene. I mean, really, yeah, they missed a

(01:06:55):
lot of here's how you make acool American Ninja film. What if Ninjas
versus American in volcano, plane submarine? What just keeps slotting in cool things?
You could just just spin the wheel, throw a dart and that's what's
next. This would be actually,this would be a really fun like writing

(01:07:15):
experiences. Then what happens somehow asubmarine comes in? Okay, how do
we connect the volcano to a submarine? Like, now you've got to get
creative mad live American Ninja. Whatyou don't do is just remake the second
one? Yeah, yeah, goodlord, just take the plot, change

(01:07:36):
the main actor and nothing else thatworks for us. Let's just keep going
until it stops working. Oh well, it's done. We're production that we
could tell. What a shame.I mean, everyone's gonna have a doochie
every every once in a while,you know. Yeah, it's it's too

(01:07:58):
bad that this was really supposed tokick off this guy's career. And I
mean, I guess he does makeit a couple more movies. But how
would you like to go down inhistory as the guy who ruined American Ninja?
It was such a pristine name before. It's too bad, just too
bad? Wait is American Ninja four? Oh? So David Bradley's back?

(01:08:21):
Okay, cool, it's him andMichael Dudecos. All right, now I
have read ahead. I kind ofknow what to expect in American Ninja four.
Uh, don't get your hopes up, but tune in next week as

(01:08:42):
we take apart another of the greatAmerican Ninja series and we remind you why
there are no American Ninjas anymore.All right, guys, that was the
pot of five rings. Be sureto subscribe, share with your friends,
drop a comment, Michael Dudakoff ifyou're listening, open invitation whenever you want.
We're big fans. You were youwere the one, You were the
one, all right, mm hmm