14. Why Women Should Not Divorce

The bible clearly shows women never divorced their husbands, so why are women (of faith) the primary filers of divorce when the bible says otherwise? Listen in as OEV shares on why women are divorcing in what seems like droves and how religion has played a great part in placing the failures of marriage on women.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the Ships and Sex Podcastwith your host, Octavi E. Vance
aka oh Ev, the big sisterof your ships and the Harriet Tibman of
your sex life. This is thepodcast that gets you from frustration to liberation
and your ships and your sex byexposing the ills our relationships and the refrustration
and repression of our sex lives.Are they gone guns dry? Fused to

(00:23):
do this for the life? Didyou say make guns don will get it
off food? Just the ship sunsex? They gone guns dry famous to
do this for life? Didn't yousay make guns don will get it off
food? Just the ships in sex? Mom? Yeah? Hello, Hello,
Hello, and welcome to the Shipsand Sex Podcast with your girl,

(00:44):
Octavi E. Advance aka oh eV, your favorite sex ologist, the
number one sex ologist for women offaith, and welcome to episode number fourteen,
Why women of Faith should not divorce. I know, I know,
y'all ya side I mean, ButI I just want y'all to know if
you stick with me, I'm gonnaI'm gonna bring it home for you,
all right. You won't be sideone me at the end, all right.

(01:06):
So I'm gonna give you some definitionsand some scriptures today. The first
word I'm gonna get defined for youis monogamy. Monogamy is the practice of
marrying only once during life. Thatis the main definition of monogamy. It
was not originally sex with one personat a time, or dating one person
at a time, or marriage withonly one person at a time, or
the practice of having only one maideat a time. It was none of
that. The main and the primarydefinition of monogamy was the practice of marrying

(01:30):
only once during life. So understand, monogamy meant one person for life.
If you ever noticed in the Biblewhen women married, they did not like
have multiple They didn't they were virgins, they didn't have sex before marriage.
They married that husband and they stayedwith him until his death or he put
her away. That was it,all right. So the only way that

(01:53):
a woman could get out of beingmarried was if her husband put her away,
or if she died, or ifher husband died. Those were only
three ways. You never saw awoman divorce. Let's keep going though,
and why this is important, sowe know what monogamy is. And I
say that because primarily the majority ofwomen who married in the Bible were monogamous.

(02:15):
They oftentimes if their spouse die,if their husband died, they did
not really remarry and accept certain women. And we're going to get to that.
So, as I said, womenoftentimes would not remarry after their husband
died unless they were young widows.And we're going to talk about that in
First Corinthians seven. But before weget to that, let's talk about First

(02:35):
Timothy five. We oftentimes we hearpeople talk about First Timothy five and eight,
right when they talk about a manmust provide for his own household,
And you'll hear a lot of timesthat's preached on, but you rarely ever
hear people go to verses nine andten and all the way even to fourteen
where it talks about who qualified forbeing taken care of, boy, that
man in that household. You don'toftentimes hear that. But let's look at
First Timothy five, nine through ten. Let not a widow be taken into

(02:59):
the number on the three score yearsold, having been the wife of one
man, were reported of for goodworks, if she had brought up children,
if she have large strangers, ifshe have watched the SAME's feet,
if she have relieved the afflicted,if she had diligent followed every good work.
Right here in these two verses,they're talking about a certain type of
woman who can be provided for inthe household, who is not this man's

(03:23):
wife. So if let's say sheis the sister of the wife, you
know, because men took care ofthe biblical times, men took care of
the entire household. So let's saythe wife's sister was married and her husband
passed, dependent on a certain typeof widow, she's now widowed, right,
So, but depending on a certaintype of widow qualified her to be
taken care of or disqualified her tobe taken care of by the husband,

(03:45):
by the man of the house.Okay, so this is all important,
y'all. Just follow me. Shehad to be a certain type of woman.
And what first Timothy five to nineand ten was just saying was she
could not be under sixty years old. Okay, she had in order for
her to be taken care of,she had to be at least sixty years

(04:06):
old, had been married to oneman, all right, was faithful to
that one man. And then shehad to have a certain character. They
had to be good reports about her. Those type of women could be provided
for by the man of the house. But look what he said for those

(04:28):
under sixty. So let's say thewife's sister, we're just using that as
example right now, was under sixtyyears old. Let's say she was thirty
seven, and it says, butthe younger widows refuse, in other words,
refused them to refuse to take careof them for when they have begun
to wax went and against Christ theywere married. In other words, younger

(04:49):
widows should not be on this listto be provided for in that home,
because he's saying, when their sensualdesires overcome their dedication to Christ, they
want to marry. Paul goes onthe council younger widows and say, I
counsel therefore that the younger women marrybare children. God in the house give
none occasions of the adversary to speakreproachfully. He's not talking to any type

(05:11):
of woman here. So when peopletake this verse out, I counsel,
I counsel younger women to marry inbare children. He's not just talking to
young single women or young whoever.He's talking primarily to widows under sixty.
Those were said to be younger widowswho have been married, faithful to one
man, have good works about them. Right, Let's go on the first
Corinthians seven and ten. Paul istalking. He said, and unto the
married, I command, yet notI but the Lord. That means,

(05:34):
right there, it's not him givenhis judgment. Okay, it's not him
given his opinion, even though hehas the spirit of the Lord. It's
him saying the commandment of the Lord. He said, unto the married,
I command, yet not I butthe Lord. Let not the wife depart
from her husband. But and ifshe departs, let her remain unmarried or

(05:56):
be reconciled to her husband. That'swhat it is saying, two wives right
there. Go on down to versethirty nine. You'll get where I'm going.
Keep rolling with me. Verse thirtynine. The wife is bound by
the law as long as her husbandliveth but if her husband be dad,
she is at liberty to be marriedto whom she will only in the Lord.
Okay. This is the only waywomen get out of marriages, unless

(06:18):
that man puts her away or ifhe died. Right, let's go to
Romans seven and two, seven andtwo and seven and three. For the
woman who has a husband is boundby the law to her husband as long
as he lives, but if thehusband dies, she is released from the
law of her husband. So thenif while her husband lives, she marries
another man, she will be calledan adulterous, But if her husband dies,

(06:41):
she is free from that law,so that she is no adulterous though
she has married another man. Whilewomen of faith should not divorce. Is
it making sense, y'all? Okay, follow me, follow me, follow
me. Matthew five thirty one throughthirty two says, and this is your
sure talking. Jesus right says.It has been said, who services you'll
put away his wife, let himgive her a writing of divorce. But

(07:01):
I say to you that who servershall put away his wife saving for the
cause of fornication causeth her to commitadultery, and whosoever shall marry her,
that is divorce committed adultery. Sohere you're sure when people talk about well
women can get out of marriage.If the man who's been and faithful you
sure said whosoever shall put away hiswife, he is not talking to women.

(07:26):
He is talking to men. Hewas never talking to women by divorce.
He was talking to men. Itsays, she'll put away his wife,
let him give her a writing.Let him give her a writing of
divorcement. But I say to youthat whosoever that whosoever here means men,
because he's talking to men. It'snot who Server doesn't mean any in everybody.

(07:46):
It wouldn't make sense if he's talkingto any everybody would have said whosoever
shall put away their spouse. Butit says who server shall put away his
wife saving for the cause of funication. Now, the incorrect definition that people
to say fornication means is sex beforemarriage. Why would you should be talking
to married men. Why would hesay, say for the cause of funication

(08:07):
if fornication means sex before marriage,Because that's not what fornication means. Here
in its proper context, fornication istalking about women who've been sexually with another
man. Listen, Biblically, biblicaladultery was always based upon the status of

(08:28):
the woman, not the man.Why because men could marry more than one
wife, they could have concubines,they can have all of that. So
understand, this is why it's beensaid this, This is why she was
talking to men about divorce, Andthis is why he's saying, say for
the cause of tunication. Because herehe's talking about adultery. And if you

(08:50):
think about Marry and Joseph, allright, they were betrothed. Betrothed was
actually marriage in the Bible. Itwas not just the promise to be married.
It was an actual marriage. Itjust wasn't consummated yet. That means
sex had not taken place in abetrothment. So let's look at Mary and
Joseph. They were betrothed. Sexhad not been taken place because Joseph was

(09:11):
told to wait. Because Mary waswith child, right, that is why
Joseph wanted to put her away quietly, divorced her quietly. You cannot put
away a single woman, all right, You cannot divorce a single woman,
but you can divorce a wife.So Mary was actually a wife. The
marriage just wasn't consummated. That's whatbeatrolled is. Even in medieval times and

(09:33):
way back when, when there isbetrothment, you could not break those covenants.
Those covenants are broken only there wereonly except a few exceptions to the
rule. A king could break it, a high clergy could break it,
but it had to be a seriousoffense by the wife in order for it
to be broken. If y'all everwatched Game of thrones, and you see

(09:54):
that King Jeffrey was King. Jeoffreywas patrolled to some the stars, right.
But eventually when Marjorie came around,and y'all have to watch it if
you haven't seen it, but forthose who seen it, you understand I'm
saying. The king, he wasthe king at the time. He was
able to break that with the approvalof those other high courts, right,

(10:16):
because her father was accused of treason. So that was like, well,
how can I stay betrothed to thiswoman when her father did such a hainous
crime. So it was like thebetrothed was overruled. But that was rare
cases betroth mins had to happen.Those were serious offenses if they were broken.
So if a woman slept with anotherman while she was betrothed, she

(10:39):
could be killed. That's why Josephwanted to put Mary away quietly because it
says the Boble says he was ajust man because he knew her being pregnant,
she was going to be stoned todeath. They would have stoned her.
It didn't matter if she's pregnant ornot. All of this there's a
point to what I'm saying now,let's go to Exodus twenty one ten through
eleven talking to husbands. If hetakes another wife to himself, he shall

(11:03):
not diminish the first wife's food,her clothing, or her maritter rights.
And if he does not do thesethree things for her, she shall go
out for nothing without payment of money. In the Book of Exodus right here,
if a man took a second wife, it was against God's command to
reduce the first wives food, clothing, and her marita rights right. Because
poligamy, men could have multiple wivesand concubines in all types of things.

(11:26):
Did y'all even know men could sleepwith horse? Yeah? You do realize
horse had to dress harlot's. Theyhad to dress a certain way to be
known that they were a harlot.It was against the lawful woman to play
the harlot. I'm gonna prove thatto you. In the story with Tamar,
y'all look up Tamar in the Bible. What happened Her father, her

(11:48):
supposedly father law, her future fatherin law, promised that when her son
was of age, he would givehis son to marry her. Well,
when he got up the son goout of age, he did not give
the son to Tamar, and sohe married his son off to another woman.
Tamer was like, oh, really, okay, she was a bad

(12:09):
being because she was like, hey, I got you back. So what
did she do? She dressed likea harlot. She dress just like a
harlet, and she went down ina way where a lot of men go.
The father in law, who neverbecame the father in law in other
words, he saw her and itwas like, hey, I want her
to bring her to me. Theybrought her to him and Tamar and the

(12:30):
her supposed to be he's father abouthad sex and she was oculating and she
got pregnant, and she asked themfor something of value because it was like,
how will I find you again?She was leaving me. She said,
give me something of value, youknow, and I'll find you.
So he went out and then someonebrought you know. When he asked about,
you know, she left and heasked about where's that harlet that was
out here? They was like,there's no harlets around here. What are

(12:52):
you talking about? He was like, but I saw harlete okay, because
she had took all her harlot yourgear off. Well, later on,
as she's about to have this baby, it was found out. You know
that she was pregnant. She ain'tmarried. That you can't you couldn't do
that in barbatize. You just couldn'tup and be pregnant and not have a
man. So it was like,we're gonna kill We have to kill her.
We under stone her. She waslike, oh, bo wait,

(13:13):
I have this of value that yougave me. Remember that night we was
together pool. You forgot about that. Here you go. The only way,
the only person who could have thiswould be the one you was with
that night. Remember we had thisconversation. He was like, whoa.
He was just given the order tostone this woman, saying, hey,
I know you you ain't got aman. You came up pregnant. But

(13:33):
then what happened She pulled that Uh. I believe it was a signaling y'all
can't remember. That's why I'm saying. It was something of value that everybodyknew
was his. And whatever it was, she pulled it out. He knew.
He was like, wow, she'smore you know, righteous than me.
Whatever, But guess what, that'show she lived. That's what saved
her life. And of course sheended up having the baby and he was
the father. Notice there was notgonna be anything done to the man for

(13:56):
sleeping with a harlot. All right, I'm all of this is coming together.
Just follow me, all right,this is this but here in Exodus,
all right, I just gave y'alla little backstory that show y'all how
this is working out here, howmen could have multiple wives, could sleep
with you know, could have concubines. They could also be with harlot's and

(14:20):
women. You could either be aharlet, a concubine, a virgin,
or a wife. But you couldnot listen. You couldn't play the harlet.
You either had to be the harlet, but you could play. It's
funny how you can be a harlotand live, but play the harlot and
die. But anyway, in theExodus twenty one, ten and eleven,

(14:41):
this is actually the first time thatthe Bible commands divorce. All right.
The SAME's true for a prisoner war, a wife who was captured during a
battle. If a man took anotherman's wife, kept like okay, So
they had battles, They had wars, right, and they would kill all
the men and keep the women andchildren. Many times, unless it was
a command to kill them all,So what did they do with the those
women? Oftimes? Those women becameconcubines. Sometimes depending on if that was

(15:05):
a virgin or affair maiden and allof that, she could become a wife,
a second wife, or a thirdwife. But those women were oftentimes
even raped. Y'all know they couldrape those women, And do y'all know
there's a Biba verse that talks aboutas a wife she must be treated properly,
not just rape. So if aman raped her, he could then
ask for her hand in marriage.But Moses said, you can't divorce her

(15:26):
for the rest of your life.Your punishment for raping her is you must
stay married to her for the restof life. Meaning it sounds crazy,
but at those times, a womanlooked bad if she was raped. Y'all
ever seen the show Rain The queenwas actually raped. I can't remember.
She was raped to almost rape,but she had to fix herself up because
if people knew she was raped,she was gonna be looked down upon,

(15:48):
even though it's not her father thatshe was raped. That's just how it
wasn't those times. So the Bobbelieve it addresses it like, hey,
if you rape her, you haveto marry her and you cannot divorce her.
So because if he didn't marry herand she went on, she would
be looked down upon for the restof her life. No one else would
marry her. She would be consideredunworthy. You know, she wouldn't have

(16:10):
the same she wouldn't have the samevalue as a woman because she's been defiled.
There's a difference between being the floweredand the file. Both of them
lowers your property value in the Bible, but the filed is worse. Okay,
that's why the Bobble even says,hey, if you get raped,
you don't say the word rape.But basically if you get raped like that
and you don't scream out, wegonna stone you. Ladies, ladies,
follow me, follow me, followme. So anyway, the law of

(16:33):
Moses required divorce in cases where manread you know, took another man's wife
from like the sports of war whatever, raped her, and then they was
like, you're not gonna just rapeher and try to sell her off as
a slave, because they could dothat. So there was like you either
going to marry her, and ifyou marry her, you got to stay
with her for the rest of yourlife. So husbands could not treat their

(16:55):
women any kind of way. Bythe way, they had to respect their
wives and make sure they had rightsthey had. They had to make sure
that their offspring that they had togetherwere taken care of. All of these
things. She was either what womenare going gonna be a wife with rights,
and if he was to set herfree, he had to send her
away in a good way. Hehad to put her away in a good

(17:15):
way, as long as it wasn'tfor the cause of fornication. He had
to put the wife away in agood way, meaning she had to be
given things that she would be okay. And the event no other man want
to marry her. All right,So y'all can even look up due to
run in twenty one eleven through fourteento prove all of this what I'm saying.
And even in the Bible and Ezranine and ten, this is where

(17:37):
God commands the men to divorce theirforeign wives due to spiritual betrayal. Everywhere
you look in the Bible, whenthey pertained to divorce, men were the
only ones who could put away theirwives. Men are the only ones who
could divorce their wives. Women werenot. Yet in today's time, women
are the primary followers of divorce.If they're saying allegedly fifty percent of all
marriages in the divorce, and allegedlyfifty percent of marriages in the church in

(17:59):
the divorce, they're saying that seventyto eighty percent of those the fowlers of
those divorces are women. So whatthe hell is going on? Why are
the women doing all this divorcing whenit was never meant for a woman to
divorce. She could never divorce herhusband. The Bible says he hates divorce.
Yes, he hates violence too,but that's what the Bible says.
And that is my point. Whenyou cherry pick from this Bible. And

(18:21):
I don't have a problem with youcherry picking. I cherry pick. We
all should cherry pick too. Empowerto encourage, to lift up. But
that's not what's happening. We're cherrypicking from the Bible to condemn, to
put down, to misjudge. Thesewomen were I hear in the Bible some
of them were being raped, marriedand then having lost in place for men

(18:45):
not to put them away. Thesewomen in the Bible were being mistreated.
Not all of them. I'm saying, there were there were definitely records of
women who were being mistreated and theyhad to stay married. These women were
being neglected, and so they hadto put laws in place and say,
hey, you can't. You can't. She's the first wife. You can't
take away her rights. It evensays in there that you take another wife,

(19:10):
you can't hate your first wife.You can't do it. They had
to put laws in place to protectwomen who are married because they could not
divorce. There's no woman that wrotea certificate of DIVORCEMN. And when people
come back and say that, no, the Bible says that you could divorce
for infidelity. No, it saysa man could divorce if his wife is
unfaithful, because how can men beaccused of infidelity in the marriages when they

(19:33):
could have more than one woman.The only time a man was in the
wrong or in sin, according tothe Bible, when it came to sleeping
with a woman, is if heslept with the property of another man,
if he's Reuben was called an adulteror because he slept with not his father's
wife, but his father's concubine wasthe property of his father. You could

(20:02):
not sleep with a man's wife concubines, anybody that he took care of,
he was responsible for. You couldnot touch them. So how do we
get to the point that women couldjust divorce out here? And these are
the things that have been taught towomen all over the world, and why
so many women stay in abusive marriagesbecause they talk about women in your bounds

(20:26):
for life to your husband, thisis monogamy. You are to stay.
You are to marry for life tilldeath. Do you part, not divorce.
And if you do part, ifyou just so happened to part,
to depart, you cannot marry anotherman. You can't marry. You are
to stay departed unless you reconcile andmarry your husband. What if he married

(20:47):
someone else, does that release?No, he's still live. That laws
still remains. And for the record, in Roman seven, Paul was not
really inherently talking about divorce. Hewas using that as an example to follow
up with to of what he saidat the Church of Corinth. And this
is my point about women should notdivorce if we use what the Bible says.

(21:10):
All these divorced women out hear,y'all, that's the filing for filing
for divorce and remarrying. Y'all arein sain. Y'all are adulterous. That's
what the Bible says. Y'all areadulterous. That's what the Bible says,
and in proper context it's saying that. But that's the point. Here's the
way I teach the Bible to ladiestoday, several different ways. I'll give

(21:32):
you a few points. Number one, you need to always know who's talking.
So I verify to y'all who wastalking in verse Timothy and in First
Corinthians Paul. Next, you needto know who whoever was talking, who
were they talking to? When Italked about Yashua and Matthew five, Sua
was talking to men, primarily marriedmen. Paul in First Garentty seven was

(21:59):
talking, and he was talking tothe Church of corinth give an instruction right
in Romans. We all know wecan look at the at the title of
the chapters in the Bible. We'llknow who's talking and who are they talking
to. The next thing you needto know is what are they talking about?
What's the topic. The next thingwe need to know is who is

(22:22):
that topic for? Who are theytalking Who is it for? Is it
for married men. I just brokedown and shared to all these things.
When he was talking to younger widows, when he was talking to older widows,
when he was talking to the manof the house, keep going,
keep going, keep following me.Who are they talking to? What are
they talking about? Who is itfor? And can we or should we

(22:45):
apply what was said at that time? Can we apply it today to today?
Can we apply it to now?Can we apply it to now?
So? Can we take what theBible says about the and applied to women
today. Anytime someone is talking inthe Bible from the most high, whether

(23:08):
he's talking through someone you know,just through Solomon or Moses or whatever he's
talking to them, or whether itwas Paul speaking when he says, I
say not the Lord, or theLord's given this commandment not I. Anytime
someone is speaking and who they arespeaking to, all of that is for

(23:33):
a reason. It is for areason. What was happening at all of
these times when the vorce was beingmentioned, women were being raped. So
there was like, okay, you'retaking these women from war. This is
atrocious that you're raping these women.We're not saying don't rape the women.
You don't really see them say don'trape the women. But we are saying,
if you're gonna rape the woman,you got to marry her. They

(23:56):
had to start because before that itwasn't so that law had to be put
in place. Every time there wasa loss that or something said to do,
it was because something happened and said, hey, we're not gonna be
known for this, so we're gonnaput this in place to protect not only
women, but it's also gonna protectyou who are doing these things. So
we're gonna put in place that yougotta marry this woman for life. Because
it taught me, oh, I'mnot raping. I'm not gonna rape.

(24:18):
No, I'm not doing it becauseif I do, I gotta marry that
woman. Men could sleep with singlewomen in the Bible. They could be
married. These men could be marriedor not, but they could sleep with
single women in the Bible. Andwhat did they have to do? A
law was put in the place.You could tell even if you don't see
the law, you know I wasputting into law because what did the men
do after he slept with the one? What did a man do after he
deflowered a woman? There was nosin in that he went to the father

(24:41):
and said I want to marry adaughter, because that was the responsible thing
to do. That's what you hadto do. It made men stop sleeping
with any and everybody and say orall of the sleep with single women around
and say, hey, if Isleep with a single woman, I gotta
go to our father and say Iwant to take her on this his wife.
It was up to the father forif he took if he approved that
proposal or not. If he did, that man had to pay the bride

(25:04):
price for the flower and the daughter. If the father said no, that
man still had to pay the brideprice for the flower and the daughter.
Because now the daughter's value has diminished, it's or went down, it's depleted,
or it went down some. She'sno longer as she's no longer valued
or as valuable as a virgin isbecause she's no longer virgin, and now

(25:26):
she's about to be just back outhere in any single streets. The father
said no, so he knew thenext suitor who came around, or if
he tried to give his daughter offto someone else, she would not be
could receive another bride price. Shecould not see the highest value for her
being a virtual because she's no longervirgin. So if you were a woman

(25:48):
was raped, he had to marryher. If a woman, if he
had sex with a woman and hedefloured her, he had to pay the
bride price and offer to marry her, and the father has to approve.
If a woman was a fornicator andshe was just simply what you would call
pledged to be married, but it'sbetrothed, she had to be put away.

(26:10):
But she had to be stoned.But you're sure always giving grace,
he said, save for the causeof fornication. This is when you can
divorce her. So we're gonna stopthe stoning of these women. But you
can divorce her, you can puther away, and then she's gonna have
to live with that for the restof her life. What man is gonna
marry her after that? Your sheal was showing grace. But those women
are to be stone We know thisbecause remember the woman who was caught in

(26:33):
the very act of adultery. Shewas being brought out to be stoned.
They didn't bring the man, althoughhe was to be stoned too, because
you cannot sleep with the property ofanother man. But that you don't even
say that one was married, butwe know she was married if she was
brought out to be stone, becausewe know that married men could sleep with
single women. So if she wascaught in the very act, that means
she was a wife. When Paulsays it is good for a man not

(26:57):
to touch a woman, there's nottalking about any women. It's talking about
married women, because men could touchsingle women, meaning touch be connected to
we have sexual relations with a certaintype of woman. Why is all of
this important? Remember the questions Isaid, we need to ask ourselves who
was talking, Who were they talkingto, what were they talking about?

(27:19):
Who was it for? Those wereinstructions that were being given to those people.
At that time, women could notdivorce in the Bible. Women had
to stay unless those men died outof those marriages, or they themselves died.
But they had to stay unless thosemen died or those men put them

(27:40):
away. When you sure came alongand gave grace to women being put away
for fornication, for cheating on theirhusbands, for cheating and betroth them or
whatever, they could live, butthey was put away. The whole point
y'all in saying all this is thatwomen today are divorcing. They're leaving marriages

(28:03):
of abuse. They're leaving marriages wherethey've been misused, mistreated. They're leaving
marriages where there's been philantering. They'releaving marriages where they the spout there and
the husbands have grown apart. They'releaving marriages because they're tired and unhappy.
And look, today, we wouldjudge. We would judge all women,

(28:23):
but we would judge more harshly.The woman who left because she was unhappy.
We would tell her to sacrifice herhappiness and stay married for the sake
of being married, because marriages arecovenant and God hates divorce. But if
a woman was being abused, weare pretty much in this society day we're

(28:45):
more okay with that, but we'llstill go for separation than divorce because we
still believe God hates divorce. Y'allam gonna end with this. Here's my
point. I held a permanent viewof marriage, and most oftentimes when people
hold permanent view and I no longerhold that view, By the way,
but most oftentimes when people hold apermanent view of marriage and they no longer

(29:07):
hold it, it's because they themselvesend up divorcing or they had someone really
really close to them that divorced,and they showed grace to them. It's
like, Wow, I know thesituation in your marriage, and I understand
why you're divorced. So I nolonger have this view, right. That's
not the case for me. WhenI stopped having a permanent's view of marriage,
I was still marit of time andstill am to the same man,

(29:30):
and I had no one close tome that divorced at that point. Yet
I went on a Facebook live intwenty seventeen and apologized to divorced women.
The reason why I apologize to thembecause I have been looking down upon them.
I have been looking down upon thembecause of what the Bible says,
and I took to me that womencould not divorce, that they was to
stay in those marriages, that ifthere was abuse of any kind, they

(29:53):
are to separate. Because I'll tella woman, I'll tell a wife in
a minute to separate. But Iwas never for but now for the woman
choosing to do what's best for her, whether that is separating or leaving the
marriage altogether. I want a womanto do what's best for her because I
understand that there's principles in the Bibleand that there's no way in the world

(30:15):
I would serve the most hot Godwho is telling women not to divorce,
yet she's being mistreated and harmed.And see, that's what we will agree.
But we will not agree with womengiving frivolous divorces. We'll be like,
no, you're wrong, you're horrible, you're this, whereas I'm gonna

(30:36):
look at it as a case bycase basis and say, Okay, she
did what was best for her.It's time to put our Bibles down from
misjudging and harming women with words andwith scripture and with verses that you are
really using out of context to devaluewomen and place the stigma of divorce upon

(30:57):
them, as if men don't divorce, because we could do this all day,
how many men are pastoring and arenot the husbands of the same wife
that they married when the Bible clearlystates that. Oh, but when it
comes to that, that's different.Huh. But a woman divorcing we blame.
We are continuing to blame women forthe failure of marriage to this day,

(31:21):
and we're using the Bible to backus. So why should women not
divorce? According to the Bible youshould not divorce, but according to the
spirit of the law, according toyour personal relationship with the Most High,
according to what's best for you.You make the decision best for you and
your children if you have any,are the best for you. And you

(31:45):
do what is best for you andlive this life in freedom with your God,
our God. And it's time forus to get up off of judging
you, taking the Bible and boppingyou over the head, had and misjudging
you. If you divorced him becauseyou were unhappy, I ain't got no

(32:07):
beef what you sis if you divorce, because we'll quick to say if you
divorced him because he was abusing you, we understand we got you because when
I had a permanent, permanence viewof marriage, even if you divorced him,
I was about you reconciling with him. I actually told women that.
I said, you're gonna pray,and we're gonna pray with you, and
we're gonna pray for the reconciliation ofyour marriage. We're gonna pray that God's

(32:30):
will be done. That was me, like boll you might have divorced him,
but y'all gonna get back together andI'll never forget. This woman came
up to our house and we waspraying with her for our marriage to be
reconciled. This man had went herhusband had left her and went on and
married another woman. We, stillbeing fooled, was praying for her marriage

(32:50):
to be reconciled. And finally myhusband I was like after it had been
a while. We was like,well he he divorcing this other world woman.
But wouldn't that be wrong? Whatwas all confused conflict? Listen,
this is why everybody don't need tobe leaders, or if they're going to
be, they need to be humble, because we did come back and apologize.

(33:12):
Listen, everywhere we were in erapretty much that I'm aware of,
we have writed everywhere we were wrong. We have writed everywhere we've been an
era. We have came out andsaid and confessed it. When I went
live in twenty seventeen to divorced women, I even shared tears and I was
so emotional, but I told themI looked down upon y'all because you couldn't

(33:32):
keep your marriage together. And hereI am still married at the time,
I was married with thirteen years orsomething like that, and here I am
going on eighteen years of marriage.I've stopped looking down upon divorced women.
Too many of us are taking theBible literally and not for the life experience
it's given us and the life lessonshas given us and the principles has given

(33:53):
us. That's mostly what the apostlescame and they did. They came and
they set principles to things. Womendidn't have those type of rights in the
Bible. Women were property in theBible, so men would come with what
they had had. They were like, okay, y'all, I hear raping

(34:15):
these women out from spoils of war. Okay, if you're gonna do this,
because women, I don't think youshould be doing But if you gonna
do this, you got to marryher for life and you can't divorce her.
Guess what that did? It cutdown a rape. Think about it
today, if a man, ifa woman is raped and that man is
caught and it's proven that he rapedthere, guess what happened? He asked

(34:37):
go to jail. Right, thoseare the principles set up, like you
cannot do this without consequences, oryou cannot do this without responsible being responsible
for it. So that's what theBible did it set principles in place when
men was doing what the hell theywanted and women were suffering. And so

(34:57):
today women said, you know what, we ain't gotta wait on y'all to
change, no laws and all that. We're gonna do it like this.
Bool, I'm leaving if you ain'ttreating me right. Booll. I'm leaving
if I'm seriously unhappy and my mentalhealth is at stake. Bool, I'm
leaving if you're not gonna respect me. Booll. I'm leaving if you're neglecting
me. Boo, I'm leaving.This is not an episode for women to

(35:17):
leave. It's simply an episode torelease women from the confounds of people bomping
you over the head with Bible versussaying what you can't do and what you
bet not do because God's gonna bemad, or God's this, God's that.
It's releasing you into the freedom thatyou have been given by the most
hot by you as a woman,to make the best decisions for you because

(35:39):
you grown boom, stop doubting yourselfand don't allow people to doubt you.
And when I say don't allow peopleto doubt you, that means once you
made a decision and you're good onit. Number one. Two, if
your support system comes in and theylike support you, you good on it.
And listen, we got to havethis. I'm not saying that you

(36:00):
can only do what your decision isbased upon what your support system believes.
But strong support systems do not tellyou what to do. That's not what
they do. They cheer you onand doing the best for your life.
They support you. That's why it'scalled it support system. They do not

(36:22):
rule you. They do not tellyou what to do. They may counsel
you. At the end of theday, you make the decision for you,
and you're gonna take responsibility for thedecision and the decisions you've made.
And it's not gonna be based uponwhat the Bible is saying, because if
you take what the Bible is sayingliterally, you will end up staying oftentimes

(36:45):
in bad situations. Because taking theBible literally, it's gonna look bad for
a lot of us. When itcomes to women, it looks bad for
us. That's why you got tounderstand when you're reading a story, to
learn about the principles of that story, to learn about the empowerment that you
gain out of that story to learnabout being uplifted from that story, but
not take the story literally for youto do exactly what it's saying and stay

(37:08):
in a place where you probably don'tneed to stay. I hope that makes
serience. Sorry y'all had to leady'all there, So I hope y'all finally
got it. You roll with methis road. I appreciate it. I
love you. Thank you for tuningin. Please remember to share the podcast.
Please remember to share the podcast.Every Monday, I am here y'all,

(37:29):
and occasionally there will be another oneon Thursdays, depending on what's going
on. But thank you for listeningto the Ships and Sex podcasts. I
am your girl, o ev OctaviaE. Vans, your favorite sexologists,
the number one sexologists for women offaith, and I have women to embrace,
own and protect their sexuality in orderto create the ships and sex life
of their dreams without compromising their faith. You can always find me anywhere on

(37:52):
social media. I am at OctaviEvans everywhere, from TikTok to Instagram to
Facebook to Twitter, clubhouse. Thatis where you can find me. Thank
you for tuning in. Much love,