17. The Rise of Toxic Femininity?

Is Toxic Femininity on the rise? Wait...is it even real? Tune in as OEV breaks down what's true as it pertains to toxic masculinity vs toxic femininity. Make sure to share with your friends and discuss.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the Ships and Sex Podcastswith your host Octavi Evans aka oh Ev,
the big Sister of your ships andthe Harriet Tibman of your sex life.
This is the podcast that gets youfrom frustration to liberation and your ships
and your sex by exposing the illsof our relationships and the refrustration and repression
of our sex lives. Are theygone guns right? Fainus to do this

(00:23):
for life? Did you say makeguns dy will get it off Feld Jazz
The Ship Sun Sex? Uh?They gone guns right? Famus to do
this for life? Didn't you saymake guns day will get it off?
Field Jazz? The Ships in Sex? Mom? Yeah, what's up?
What's up? Everyone? Thank youfor tuning in to episode seventeen of the

(00:44):
Ships and Sex Podcasts with your favoritesexologists Octavy Events aka oh Ev. Out
in these streets And as I alwayssay, I help high achieving women embrace,
own and protect their sexuality in orderto create the ships and sex life
of their dreams without compromising their faith. And in today's episode, we're going

(01:07):
to be talking about the rise oftoxic femininity. And it is a question
is there a rise of toxic femininitygoing on? Some people tend to think,
so, so let's talk about it. First of all, let's start
with some definitions. I always liketo when I'm talking about things, I
always like to define keywords that willbe used in the conversation. First of
all, toxic toxic means very harmful, are unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious

(01:33):
way. Okay, So then there'smasculinity, and masculinity is the social expectations
of being a man. The termmasculinity refers to the roles, behaviors,
and attributes that are considered appropriate forboys and men in a given society.
So masculinity is constructed. Please rememberthat it's constructed and defined socially, historically

(01:53):
and politically, rather than being biologicallydriven. All right, Because you know,
we are assigned sex at birth,which is how we get gender.
So depending on your biological parts thatyou are born with, you will be
assigned at certain sex at birth.So that is biologically driven, right,
But the way we act is sociallydriven, all right, socially, historically

(02:15):
and politically. So what are theexpectitions of a man? Well, here's
two simple expectations that we hear,often provide and protect, all right.
Those are the two main ones thatwe often hear. There are other things
as well, but these are themain two, all right. So then
there's toxic masculinity that's been making theways for at least the last five or

(02:38):
six years. Right. Toxic masculinityis associated with or expected of men,
regarded as having a negative impact onmen and on society as a whole.
The destructive messages associated with toxic masculinitycan lead to men feeling entitled to enrage
in violence against women. Now,what is femininity? Pretty much the same

(03:00):
as masculinity, except it is thesocial expectations of being a woman. By
saying token, the term femininity refersto a society's ideas about the roles,
behaviors, and attributes considered appropriate forgirls and women. Now understand that there
is a hierarchy of masculinity over femininity. Please understand that. When you understand

(03:22):
that more, you will understand whyfeminism came into existence. Feminism actually opposes
a lot of social expectations required ofmen in masculinity. Now, we're not
gonna get in deep into feminism andall these different things today. I'm just
giving you definitions to help you throughunderstanding my take on the rise of toxic

(03:44):
femininity. Understand also that power isseen as masculine, all right, and
so we already said that hierarchy ofmasculinity is over femininity. So in all
societies there are many ideas about masculinityand femininity that are harmful to girls and
women, and even to boys andmen. A lot of research suggests that
in most societies, ideas about masculinityare defined in opposition to ideas about femininity.

(04:09):
The roles, behaviors, and attributesthat are considered appropriate for men are
often defined as the opposite of thoseassociated with femaleness and considered appropriate for women.
More than this, the roles,behaviors, and attributes that are associated
with masculinity are usually considered superior tothose associated with femininity. There's not only
a difference between masculinity and femininity,but also a hierarchy in many aspects of

(04:31):
life. Now, if you've neverheard of NDI dot org, a lot
of my research came from this particularsite because they talk a lot about men
power in politics. It's very goodsource to understand the ideas that society have
when it comes to men power inpolitics. So of course they got to
talk about masculinity and femininity. Soit's just a very good source. You
can always check it out there.So let's quickly talk about this. Power

(04:54):
is seen in masculine, power isnot seen in feminine. Please understand.
This is why you have so manywomen today that's talking about femininity and embracing
your femininity and operating in it moreand that it is powerful to women.
Many women felt the need to startdoing that because they noticed that there was
power in masculinity and it wasn't infemininity. So they wanted to start pushing

(05:17):
the message that hey, there ispower in femininity. We may not be
exactly the way power is with masculinity, but the power of the femininity is
to influence as well. It isto influence and complement masculinity. So that's
why you have so many women todayspeaking on being more feminine, operating in

(05:38):
your feminine power, walking in it, and things of that nature. Now
let's get into what's being said thattoxic femininity is. Whether this has come
up before or not is irrelevant.I think it's important to acknowledge that the
discussions of toxic femininity. I thinkit's important to share that the narrative that's
being pushed about toxic femininity on theshoulders of vilifying one woman. Now they

(06:02):
may be adding more women to this, but it started creeping around social media
because of incidents that's taken place betweena particular couple, which I'm choosing to
keep their names out of it becauseI want to stay focused on the topic
at hand. But it's being pushedmore and more because of one woman,
who I will say and give myopinion on. They are vilifying because of

(06:23):
her action. So the actions ofone woman is being used. And by
the way, this woman is acelebrity who is often in the spotlight,
so we don't really know her personally. All we know is what's come from
her mouth and things that we've seenthat's being presented as evidence in the case
for toxic femininity. That does notmean that this discussion has not come up

(06:46):
before. It's just now it's gotfire to it. And let me just
tell you, I've seen both menand women both agree that it's a thing,
and this woman is being portrayed asa good example it. So let's
go ahead and break this down.One thing we have to understand here is
the word power, because there isa hierarchy with masculinity over femininity. The

(07:11):
reason why that's key is because everythingthat is done in life come from a
place of power, or it burnsout. One thing that has not burned
out is patriarchy. This world isprimarily patriarchal, not patriarchal, and that
is a key point in this discussionand what many seem to be missing,

(07:31):
and what many who are pushing thenarrative of toxic femininity seem to be missing.
The laws against domestic violence, whenas it pertains to women, are
actually quite a new laws you everheard of the network Lifetime. Lifetime came
into power to showcase the ills ofmasculinity over femininity, how so because it

(07:57):
begins to give women a voice.Originally, it did not start out that
way. It started out with abunch of talk show programs. By nineteen
eighty seven, it was like,we're going to target women, and they
realized that telling the stories of womenwho survived horrible incidences dealing with men were
very popular. So it did caterto women, primarily a certain race of

(08:20):
women, but other races of womencould relate. It started talking about things
like sexual harassment in the workplace.It started talking about domestic violence and homes.
It started talking about things like daterape. When you get into the
nineties, it went into date rapethat was happening in high schools and colleges.
It started giving a voice, yesto a particular race, but it

(08:41):
still was women. And then ofcourse the rise of talk shows in the
eighties as well, you have yourOprah, you have your Jenny Jones,
you have your Ricky Lakes. Allthat they went into the nineties, women
started having a voice, especially whenOprah came on a scene black women,
even though she primarily targeted white women, but still that was a black women.
So black women started having voices aswell. You got your Women's Day

(09:03):
March, you have all of thesethings that was targeting women, giving women
voices. What did we find.We found that the hierarchy of masculinity over
femininity exists. It was confirmed.But that also crimes against women was a
real thing. So they started makinglaws to protect women from who men,

(09:28):
y'all see where I'm going with this. So those men who participated in crimes
against women in the workplace, inthe industry, in things of that nature,
it began to show toxic masculinity.Although social media took it to a
whole nother level by calling it out. Here's the one thing I want you
to understand. We're going back tothat word power. Everything that gets movement

(09:52):
in this world has to come froma place of power. If it does
not, it fans out. Forexample, when we talk about laws being
passed, you have a lot oflaws that's passed for women based upon one
race of women. It's true,we may benefit it because we may benefit
from it because we are women,but it was put into laws, it
was put into place and enforced basedupon a certain race of women, the

(10:16):
majority, the dominant race of women. So when there was a law passed
in the case of Sandra Bland,it was a law passed and her family
won one point five million dollars,But that law has not been enforced.
You can look the law up whatit was. It dial a lot with
the way she was pulled over andforced out of the car and things like
that, but it has not beenenforced because oftentimes the laws that are enforced

(10:39):
and passed for women are based onthe dominant race. Okay, that's important
to know because we're talking about power. So even when you look at the
lifetime channel. Do women own thatchannel? No, most media outlets,
networks, banks, grocery stores,you name it, our own, yes,
by entities and comes and joint venturesand all of that, but primarily

(11:01):
owned by men, the dominant raceof men. So it's been proven time
and time again that there is sucha thing as toxic masculinity. But is
there such a thing as toxic femininity? Remember, power is seen as masculine.
Power is not seen as feminine.In most parts of the world,
having power over political, economic,and social affairs is associated with masculinity.

(11:26):
The roles, behaviors, and attributesthat are associated with maleness are considered masculine,
usually bringing greater social statuses, economicrewards, and political power than those
associated with the feminine. So,even though more women are doing more things
and owing more things today more thanever before, power is still masculine,

(11:46):
Which means there is such a thingas toxic masculinity. But is there such
a thing as toxic femininity? Ifthe world is primarily patriarchal, that means
the world would have to primarily bematriarchal in order for toxic femininity to exist.

(12:07):
Here's my point. Toxic femininity isthe same is reverse racism. If
you are one of those people whobelieve that reverse racism exists, then for
you, toxic femininity may exist.But if you know, like I know,
that there's no such thing as reverseracism, then you also know that
there is no such thing as toxicfemininity. It can't be. It's not
rooted in power. Just like racismin itself, racism is rooted in power.

(12:33):
It's where one race of people economicallycontrol and oppress a whole another race
of people. So when you havepeople that say that black people are reverse
racist, I'm like, okay,prove it. What power? Collective power,
economic power, political power, mediapower, What do we control?

(12:54):
What do we own in order tohave this power where we can control and
oppress and hire another race of people. If we cannot do that, we
cannot have reverse racism. Black peoplecannot be racist. So if we cannot
have that, then collectively, womencannot be toxic because if we were collectively,

(13:16):
that means we can control, oppress, and hurt and even destroy men.
That means there needs to be lawsin place to protect men from us.
Am I making sense. Toxic masculinityhas been proven over and over time
and time again by the laws thathave been put into place to protect women

(13:39):
because of toxic masculine men. Findme one law that protects a man from
a woman because she collectively is abusingmen, misusing men, oppressing men,
repressing men, controlling. I mean, where where tell me the police reports

(14:01):
that are coming back in where thecalls are dominated by men calling on the
women in their lives dominated overwhelmingly.When you look at the statistics with crime
against women, men of the primaryabusers, rapist, killers, molested of
the female species. Men are ofall domestic violence cases, ninety five percent

(14:24):
are men abusing women? Are mencommitting crimes against women ninety five percent?
Ninety five percent, five percent womenabusement sexual harassment cases was started because of
workplace harassment of women by men.Are there men who are sexual harassed?

(14:45):
Yes, but it is not overwhelming. It is wrong, but it is
not overwhelming as it is of thesexual harassment that takes place of women by
men. Everything is about power tovilify one woman and make the face of
toxic femininity. Basically, it iscoming from the hands of toxic masculinity.

(15:07):
And there you have it. Ican break this down even further or go
all day, but the bottom lineis, toxic femininity is as real as
reverse racism. Can women be toxic? You damn right. Individually there's a
few or whatever. Can they betoxic? Of course people can be toxic,
But that doesn't mean the feminine collectivelyin a patriarchal, masculine world can

(15:33):
collectively be toxic to where it isharmful to the male species. We do
not, as women have that kindof power. And to those who say
there were whole wars started by menbehind women, but guess who made the
decision to go to war. Guesswho had the decision to call war.
Guess who had the decision, thetools, the resource and everything to start

(15:56):
a war. The masculine, themasculine. At the end of the day,
the masculine decides who goes to warand about what. Collectively, women
don't have that kind of power.So, in my humble opinion, with
plenty of receipts to go along withit, there is no such thing as
toxic femininity. There's no such thingas the rise of toxic femininity. The

(16:19):
day that happens, women will haveto control at least eighty percent of power
in this world, and matriarchy wouldhave to be a higher arch over patriarch.
We do not have that kind ofpower to have that, plain and
simple. Can a woman control aman, Sure, individual case by case

(16:40):
basis, of course it can happenif he allows it. Sure, But
at the end of the day,he's still more powerful, he makes more,
he makes more money. Overall.We still know there's a wealth gap.
We still know there's unfairness in ourpay. We still know that men
could always vote. I know,maybe not black men, but neither could

(17:02):
black women. But men could voteand women could not. And who made
the decision for women to be ableto vote. They still had to come
to the power masculine to even havethe power to vote. Even though it
was the dominant race against the dominantrace, it was the battle of the
sex. So we could come upwith ideas all day long. But at
the end of the day it won'twithstand. It'll just be opinions, but

(17:26):
it won't find any flames. Itwill only create discussions and battles, which
are waste of time because at theend of the day, even the narrative
of toxic femininity was started by toxicmasculinity. And yeah, there'll be women
and forces along the way. Wealways have those, don't we, But
come on, y'all, it's reallyno such thing. Thank y'all for listening

(17:49):
in today. I know many maynot agree, and that's okay. But
at the same time about receipts,and I have them when it comes to
proving that we do have toxic masculinity, But you don't really have any to
show that men are being oppressed bywomen in a matriarch or a corrupt matriarchal
world, that is being that it'sharmful to men. Just because you believe

(18:14):
one woman is hurting or harming oneman one man does not mean there's such
thing as toxic femininity. It simplymeans if that is the case, and
it is true, if it hasany merit, that means that particular woman
is toxic, and then maybe someother women that are toxic. But as
far as it being a real thingthat's proven, what results and studies and

(18:36):
all of that, there is nonefor it. It's just at this point
simply a theory. But it's stillrooted in toxic masculinity. Anyway, to
my ladies who are struggling to comehaving sex, I got you go to
nine positions Dot com n I nepositions dot com. To my single ladies
who want to know what to askthe man before giving him sex. Go

(18:57):
to things women should ask aman dotcom. Yes, I got you all
today. I got you all today. I'm put the plug in before I
leave up at this peace. RememberI am your favorite sexologist Octavia E.
Vans aka O e V. AndI'm helped hi achieving the women embrace,
own and protect their sexuality in orderto create the ships and sex life of

(19:18):
their dreams without compromising their faith.And that is coming from a place of
empowerment. Ladies, we may bein a patriarchal world, but we can
have the ships and sex life ofour dream Okay, go to those pages
and get your books today. Muchlove,