21. The Curious Case of KeKe Palmer

Tune in as OEV talks about 3 main points that's key in relationships within the drama that transpired between KeKe Palmer and the father of her child.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the Ships and Sex Podcastswith your favorite sexologists Octavi Evans Akao Ev,
where I help high achieving women embrace, own and protect their sexuality in
order to create the ships and sexlife of their dreams without compromising their faith.
Uh the gone guns right famous todo this for life? Think you

(00:25):
saying my guns will get it offfuture the ship since seximm Yeah, what's
up? What's up? Everybody?Thank you for tuning into today's broadcast,
which is episode number twenty one,is the Curious Case of Kiki Palmer.
Now, I realized so many peoplehave already been talking about this, but
I decided to offer maybe a differentperspective. And this perspective could have already

(00:50):
been talked about and I just don'tknow about it because there are so many
people talking about it. So let'sget into it. My perspective will be
focusing on three points that I noticedthat I want to share with you,
and then I will sum it upso everyone pretty much knows what happened and

(01:11):
all that went down. We don'thave to go through all of that again.
What I really want to focus onis point number one, the disrespect.
One of the things that needs tobe in relationships, romantic relationships,
that is respect, mutual respect.Now I understand when it comes to gender

(01:33):
and whatnot, respect has often beentalked about as a man's thing, right,
I get it. Women want tobe loved, men want to be
respected. But there is an overallfactor in romantic relationships, in any relationships,
and that is respect, mutual respect. There was such disrespect in the

(01:55):
way that this went down, becausehad it not been publicly then we would
not have known about it, andthen we would not have been having all
the discussions that we had, allthe podcast episodes even like this one,
all the going back and forth onsocial media, all the fallouts. It

(02:16):
caused so much bickering amongst ourselves,bickering that were unnecessary about two people ninety
nine percent of us who are talkingabout it have never met. I have
never met either of them, butwe know in this world of social media

(02:39):
and media in general, these thingsare often going to be topics of discussions.
But there was so much disrespect thatit trickled down like a domino effect.
One thing, the tweet, Peopleresponded, the double down of the

(03:00):
tweet, more people responded, Itwent viral, though it was taken down,
The damage had already been done.Everybody had already started getting into it.
The disrespect was so large that KikiPalmer ended up unfollowing him, and

(03:23):
it was said he unfollowed her.How people be knowing this? I have
no idea, but whatever, Andsince it happened, Kiki has not really
spoke of it. In fact,the next conversation she had or she was
in an interview, she talked somuch about her baby, and one thing
she said that stood out that saidshe was either done with him, over

(03:46):
him on pause from him, stillmad at him, was when she said,
all that matters is the love ofmy baby. As long as I
have that, what else do Ineed? And before all of this went
down, she gushed over him allthe time. She gave him props,

(04:08):
So the disrespect was real. Youdon't publicly come for me, you got
a problem with me, hit meup, pull my cotaeil in private?
Has that not been the way thatwe normally do things amongst friends, amongst
family, amongst coworkers. Has socialmedia really got us to the point where

(04:32):
we just go calling out friends,family, people we're in close knit relationships
with, Like so I'm mad atmy husband I don't like something he did,
so I get on Twitter and tweetit is that what we're doing now,
and then we double down when peoplestart coming for us. The disrespect

(04:55):
was real, and I believe inall my heart that Kiki was not only
embarrassed but hurt by that probably feltbetrayed, not just because I would have
felt betrayed, but because that isone of the ultimate betrayals. This is
one of the ultimate betrayals amongst thosewho are not celebrities. So when you

(05:21):
have a brand, a business,a following the ultimate betrayal is either releasing
private information about someone that you knowintimately or tweeting and calling them out about
something that you could have talked tothem about in private. That will cause

(05:43):
all kinds of distrust in anyone,like how could I be in a relationship
with this person if when they getmad or upset or displeased with me they
call me out on social media.This would hurt regular people, but those
who have a business or brand,this hurts even more because now, look
what it's done. That was extremelydisrespectful, and had she done that of

(06:11):
him, some people would have probablysided with him like that was wrong for
her to do, but because shehas the business and the brand, it
probably would have affected him negatively evenmore because this backfired on him. This
backfired greatly on him that he hadto take his whole social media down to
keep people from coming for him,not just because Kiki is America's sweetheart or

(06:34):
Black America's sweethearts, but because hemade it public. Then he made public
his displeasure with what she was wearing. He body shamed her, not necessarily
talking against her body, but talkingagainst her choice of what she wore and

(06:57):
how she wore it because now she'sa mother. And then he doubled down
about his morals and standards. Thisis embarrassing. This is very embarrassing for
him and for her. Now youhave people who were gushing with her over
him because they love them together,because of how she loved him and how

(07:18):
she talked about him. Now peopleare like, yo, you dusty,
you broke. How you gonna talkabout morals and standards when you didn't make
her a wife? How you gonnatalk about morals and standards in the way
someone dressed about a grown woman.How you gonna talk about somebody who just

(07:43):
had a baby for you? Howyou gonna put them on blasts and disrespect
her and her brand and her businesslike that. How you gonna talk about
her publicly at all when you standin her house that she bought with her
money and you own her payroll becauseyou don't have no place and no money.

(08:07):
It backfired so badly that they drughim in ways I don't know if
I've ever seen before, or maybethey matched it. They took up for
her, but then it opened thedoor for men and some women to side
with him and talk about how shewas dressed, saying it was inappropriate.

(08:28):
She for the streets. She's ababy mama. Now. Anyway, look
what it did. The disrespect wasreal, and it hurt and embarrassed them
both. All because you decided todisrespect someone publicly, you received backlash publicly,

(08:52):
and then now the woman you're supposedto protect, you left her uncovered,
so that now all these people areattacking her. No one has ever
attacked Kiki Palmer in this way.We are sure that the man was never
attacked in that way either, becausewho knew him, right, But Kiki

(09:16):
Palma had never been attacked that waypublicly by her fans. Now there was
a whole lot of support, butthere was a whole lot of negative attention
that she never asked for. Hadthat video just went on and people saw
it, it would not have evergone in the way that his tweets caused

(09:39):
it to. So the disrespect wasdefinitely real. Let's move on to point
number two actions. His actions,which were definitely disrespectful, put them both
in a position to be publicly judgedor miss judged. Had he not took

(10:01):
the action and posting his feelings onsocial media, we would probably not be
having this discussion. True, aswith all things, it's going to die
out, and it's on its wayout even as I post this, because
I'm posting and talking about it laterthan most. Most went right away.

(10:24):
As soon as it was tweeted andit started going viral, people begin to
cheer their commentary on it. Sowe don't technically know Kiki like that.
We know of her of what shepresents of herself right, and we definitely
don't know him because the majority ofus didn't learn about him until they connected,

(10:50):
so his actions now caused us tojudge them both harshly. We all
are very well aware that when youdo something publicly, especially when you post
something publicly, it is up tobe scrutinized, so his tweet was very

(11:11):
scrutinized. They it's like everyone tookevery which way, every turn, up,
down, around, throughout, insideout. I mean we took it
through the ringer, did we not? And it didn't have to be all
that. As I said before,he could have dealt with this once she
got home, or he could haveface timed her. He could have done

(11:35):
anything except resorting to putting your feelingson social media. Those actions caused a
lot of people to look at Kikiabout her choices. Don't get me wrong.
People did have issues with her beingpregnant outside of wedlock, but they
also had problems with her being pregnantby someone unknown, which meant that if

(11:58):
he wasn't known in the industry,and if he wasn't known in the business
world, and if he wasn't knownon some type of level, specifically her
level as in making around which shemakes are more than. Their issue with
Kiki was you have so much goingfor you. Having a baby is not
a bad thing at all, butyou're having a baby with someone who's obviously

(12:22):
not on the same level as you. This is how many people looked at
that, and then they started thinkingback on what Steve Harvey said to her
when he had her on her show, and he had been introducing her to
what many would call high value men, oh quality men, because they had
a lot of money, and ifSteve was picking them out, more than

(12:43):
likely they had, you know,pretty good character of some sort. And
even in a video that Kiki did, it's not aging very well for her
as she was given advice to someonewho wanted a man with money because they
are in the industry as well,and reveal who the person was. But
she was telling the young lady whois younger than her, that she should

(13:07):
look more and concentrate on character thanmoney. And after this tweet, that
advice that she gave to the younglady is not aging well at all.
It's like, Kiki, the adviceyou gave that young lady is trash because
the advice you gave her is notworking out for you. The comments all

(13:31):
over social media, the ones whowere speaking in her defense, drug his
ass every which way, calling himdusty, to broke, to living off
her, to having no morals,for getting a woman pregnant without marrying her,
all the things that they probably thoughtof anyway, but just felt more

(13:54):
compelled to say. Now, somany people love Kiki Palmer so much that
they did not put their thoughts outthere until he came for Kiki. So
then they reacted like the beehive wouldhave had someone came for Beyonce. So
his one action, which turned intotwo two tweets because he doubled down,

(14:18):
it caused public scrutiny. Everybody waslooking at her, and I know from
the way the fans reacted, I'msure people that know her are like,
oh my god, no he didn'twhy did you do this? You know
better, Kiki has a brand that'svery well known, that's pretty much global.

(14:41):
One action led to another action ledto public disgrace of him when people
were still getting a feel for himand filling him out and saying, Okay,
maybe this will work and hoping thatthey marry honey. Now these people
are like, Kiki, run,don't marry him. These are signs the
word abuse begin coming up, theword control begin coming up, and the

(15:05):
bigger word of both of them,believe it or not, I know abuse
is a big one, but thebiggest word of them all, in my
opinion, was insecure. Do youknow why that's much bigger than abuse,
because abusive men don't just start offabusive. Oftentimes they start off with being
insecure. Controlling men don't just startout controlling. Oftentimes they start with insecurity.

(15:30):
In fact, in my book NineThings Women Should Ask a Man Before
giving him sex, I cover agood bit on insecure men because in the
past I've definitely had my dealings withinsecure men. And it's something I noticed
a woman like me who loves todo things and do her own thing,
and I knew that I was goingto be doing something big, which I
consider big, and so I didn'twant to be with any man that would

(15:56):
try and harness me to try tostop me from doing what I was going
to do because I had a plan. I had a path. Whether or
not I was gonna marry or not, whether or not I was gonna date
or not, my path was stillgonna happen because I knew of those type
of men. I had encountered thosetype of men. They love you,
they're attracted to you, and thenthey gravitate towards you, and then once
y'all start interacting more, you beginto notice that they don't like when you

(16:19):
have shine because to them and they'reinsecurity, it outshines them because they're pretty
much little people. And what Imean by little people, they're little in
their own esteem. It's low.They think little of themselves. Even though
they may speak highly of themselves,they really think low of themselves because if

(16:41):
they didn't, they would never tryto harness you, or anyone for that
matter. They wouldn't try to harnessanother man, they wouldn't try to harness
any woman. They wouldn't look downon anything those tweets, that action,
even if he listened to me,there's another conversation, because we're gonna ge
two point three just a bit,there's another conversation here that even if he

(17:03):
had said those things in private,it was still reeking of insecurity, which
is true. But the bottom lineis when he took the action to post
those tweets, he openly shamed,openly judged, openly looked down on her.

(17:23):
That's why it was so big.So let's say he never tweeted that,
then we wouldn't be in their businesslike that, right, But at
the same time, if he saidthose words to her, that was still
insecure controlling. I'm not going togo as far as to say abusive,

(17:48):
but oftentimes insecurity leads to control,which does tend to lead to some type
of abuse, not saying physically orsexual to some type of abuse. There
are like nine plus types of abuse. There is emotional abuse, intellectual abuse.
We can go on on, technocological, we can go on and on.

(18:11):
But the point I want to stickto is his actions put them both
in a position to be publicly judged, humiliated, misjudged, scrutinized, looked
down upon. Now, whatever theythought about her decision to have a baby

(18:33):
for him, even though it wasprivate and they might not have agreed with
it, they for sure don't agreewith it now because they publicized it.
Because he publicized his feelings, histhoughts, and now most who are judging
him are calling him insecure. Thereare some that are saying, y'all always

(18:59):
talk about men need to to sharetheir feelings. A man shares his feelings
and y'all going in on him,this is why we don't share. I'm
like, bro, you're gonna haveto You're gonna have to come with something
better than that. I can understand. You can relate to him being frustrated
and all of that, but it'snot being seen as being frustrated. You're

(19:19):
relating to something that's not there torelate to. You may relate to a
man feeling and having emotions, butthat's about it because and I'm calling this,
I'm calling it, but that's aboutit. Because even many of those
men who were like, man,you know, a man is now sharing

(19:40):
and y'all putting them down for sharing, they would not have ever gotten on
Twitter or social media and share theirfeelings for the whole world to know.
So what you're relating on is notreally there. Okay, I'll give you
a little bit. What you arerelating on is his ability to share his
feelings. Okay, fine, youmay applaud him for that, Okay,

(20:02):
fine, But the issue is heshared them publicly and they were negative towards
his girlfriend, the father, themother of his child, the woman that
he supposedly cares for and protects.This is not how you protect your wife

(20:23):
and children. This is not howyou protect your wife and son. This
tweet is out there forever their sonmay eventually hear of it. It's like
all this stuff that be going onwith future when he be doing this these
this is towards Sierra's husband. Hisown son is gonna grow up once he

(20:45):
gets on social media and possibly hearabout all of this and may feel a
way about his dad because Russell isactually raising him. Gotta be careful with
this going on social media stuff.We've been knowing this right as I was
saying, Louisiana, we've been doingthis. So that was point two.
Let's move on to point three.Point number three, the division who the

(21:07):
division is real? Y'all. Youthought the disrespect was real, so is
the division? Now? Let mejust say this, I don't know if
the division is really really real orif it's just real. What I mean
is, I don't know if thisdivision between men and women are causing us

(21:30):
to have even further falling out,or it's more like we go at it
hard, we bicker hard, wejust really be out there and then we'll
be like, anyway, let's getback to what we are. I don't
know if it's gonna be either ofthose. I would take the ladder where
we bicker so hard, to goat it so hard because we passionate and

(21:52):
all that, and then we layanyway back to us booth. I would
rather that than it be where we'rebickering so hard that we're falling further and
further away from each other. Becausetrue, I don't agree with his actions.
I don't even agree with what hesaid to her, meaning that even
if he was to say it toher in private, I wouldn't agree with

(22:15):
it, but I would prefer thatit had been said in private. If
you got to say what you gotto say, I understand it. I
mean I like it or agree withit, but I understand it. Just
don't bring it public. Right.But there has just been more division,
And like I said, hopefully it'sus just getting into it and having our
discussions because we want to be loudwith it. We are, We do

(22:37):
air our dirty laundry, and thenwe still love each other. So if
it's that, okay, that's abit toxic and we need to work on
that. But if it's the otherone, where we are falling further and
further away from one another as menand women, and we're dividing ourselves,
there's so much division among us behindand falling out behind people we don't even

(23:03):
know. Such bad energy, that'ssuch low energy, that's low vibrational.
It's not the best it's not good. It's so not good because what's happening
is, if that is what itis, it is building up animosity,
dissension, disorder, displeasure, itis building up hatred, and it seems

(23:30):
like that's been going on. Myhusband and I will call ourselves the repairs
of the breach, Like this wasway back in two thousand and eight.
We're talking about fifteen years ago.Because we saw there was division and we
were like, let's repair this division. So we started outside of social media.

(23:55):
Then we joined social media and starteddoing it there, hoping to help
marriages and then singles in their ship'sinsects, sharing our own marriage. And
a lot of these people were followingus back when we only had two children,
and they followed us to the pointwhere we have where we have five,
and they've been with us for along time, seeing that we were

(24:18):
part of the solution. We werebeing it. We were not just saying
it, we were also being it. Not that we were perfect in the
perfect model, no, but wewere real and still are. And so
this is why I speak on thesethings, even though they are celebrities.
I'm using this as an example ofthe division it's causing but I am a

(24:45):
bit optimistic. I feel it's moreof the latter of what I said,
that we're going at it and bickeringand saying out putting. It's like those
people who fight fight, fight,fight, fight, fight, fighting,
their make up hard. They fighthard and they make up hard. I
feel like that's us, I reallydo. Because on social media it does
not look like it. I getit, it don't feel like it.

(25:08):
The vibration is low, the energyis low, I get it. But
outside of social media, we havebetter discussions. Outside of social media,
we're more empathetic and understanding. Ohwe debate, Oh we're gonna go there,
but off. But oftentimes it isall love at the end. So
I would like to see more ofthat on social media. But if it

(25:30):
never happens, then please, let'sjust happen in the community. Please,
let's just happen. Let's just havemore peace. We could talk about it,
we can share our feelings, butlet's do this in a more closed,
enclosed area, not so open wideon social media. So my point
is the side convos, the division, and the side combos that it produced.

(25:52):
You have people that were coming forhim for what he said. Then
those same people was telling keik Itto run, don't marry him. If
you were thinking about it, don'tdo it, take that baby and get
up out of there. That waswhat a lot of women were saying.
And there were some men who sidedwith these women and sided with, you
know, on Kiki side. Butand then there were more men who were

(26:15):
on his side. They were likeI said, They were like, hey,
this man is sharing his feelings,and y'all always be wanting us to
share our feelings. When we finallydo, y'all dragon sport, damn the
ford, damn if you don't.There was one division. The next side
combo that started was what she wore. Men and women were like, she

(26:38):
was inappropriately dressed. She has amom, she should know better. They
sided with him and started what Ifeel was shaming of her. They started
saying, these women up today ofthis generation don't have any dignity, don't
have any class, They lack kouth, the TACKI I mean, it just
went on. I was like,wow, I've never I've never in my

(27:00):
life since first hearing about Kiki Palmerheard so many people call her classless,
in taki and inappropriately dressed. Thismay have been the first time I've seen
Kiki dress this way, possibly,but I've never thought that law of her,

(27:21):
because that's low thinking. Y'all.To think someone is classless is low
thinking. In other words, they'relooking down on her, they're looking down
on the way she dresses, andthey're making judgments and misjudgments about her based
upon her appearance. They're thinking she'slow class or class less. They're thinking

(27:45):
she's tacky. They're now thinking thisis her character. They're thinking, hey,
you were supposed to level up aftera child, not level down.
They're thinking, hey, you're supposedto level up now that you're a mother.
You got a man, now,you got a son, now,

(28:06):
you got men in your life now, and you're out here looking like trash
dressing, trashy dressing, classless,not thinking of your man's feelings. You
see what it's doing. So evenwomen who might not have agreed with him
making it public, they agreed withhim. You see what's happening. The

(28:29):
side cumbles, Well, you gotwomen a you don't tell a grown woman
how to dress. And men arelike, y'all don't like to take accountability
for nothing, and women are cominglike she was inappropriately dressed. I would
never in a million years dressed likethat as a mother. Other women was
like, I would never in amillion years dressed like that at all.
Now look what it's done. We'rehaving all these side combos of division forgetting

(28:52):
number one. We wouldn't know anyof this had he never tweeted it.
If people had saw the video andon their owns decided to say something about
the way she dressed, it wouldn'thave went as viral. It wouldn't have
went viral because people always give theiropinions right. It would have been smaller,
Like if you look at his followers, the followers he had, I

(29:15):
don't know if y'll any of y'allchecked that, but he didn't have very
many followers. I don't even thinkhe had two thousand followers. I think
it was like fourteen fifteen hundred orsomething like that. And let's just say
he did it was less than threethousand. Put it that way. So
my point in sharing that is thepeople who if there were people who just
saw the video, didn't he nevertweeted it, and they just saw the
video and didn't agree with what shehad on these people would have been like

(29:40):
twenty five followers twenty five hundred followers, you know, something less than three
thousand saying it, and it doesn'tgo viral. It's just people talking and
chatting. It doesn't make the ShadeRoom, it doesn't make Hollywood Unlocked,
it doesn't make all of the gossippodcasters on YouTube, it doesn't make that.
They only talk about things that kindof go viral or you know that's
making up noise. Then they're like, oh wait, if something that's catching

(30:02):
fire, oh we need we needto address this. I believe it had
made some of these places and wasgoing to keep going without the drama.
They were going to be talking mainlyabout Usher serenading Kiki, and yes,
people were going to say something aboutwhat she had on. They were going
to either like it or not likeit. It was going to do what
it was going to do. Butit wasn't going to be all this mess

(30:23):
and all this debating inside combos.It was going to be specifically on what
was in a video. Because whenI saw the video, the mess hadn't
happened yet, it was fresh.I was like, okay, I can't
kill all right up sure cause youknow I want to see ushit dope.
But it became something bigger. Itstarted such a great divide. So recap

(30:48):
real quick number one. The threepoints of all of this was the disrespect
was real. The disrespect to theactions caused them to be put in a
position to be judged and miss judged. And all of this public scrutiny and
then division, all of this bickerand back and forth. It caused such
division. And we're hoping that it'snot the worst of division. We're hoping,

(31:11):
but it seems like it does.Even though I'm optimistic, it seems
like it's more of the division thatyou know, can get to a point
of no return because all of theseside combos, and I really believe all
the side conbos are being had becausethe point, the biggest point of it
all is being missed. And I'mnot saying it's being missed by everyone.

(31:34):
I'm saying, if we're having allthese side conbos, meaning we're talking about
what she's wearing and her class,we're having all these other convos, she
should have listened to Steve Harvey,he's dusty. She should have leveled up
when she got a man, heshould have married her. See all these
convos we're having, she might losedeals because of this. It's got people

(31:56):
coming hard protecting her. It's gotpeople coming hard again. It's got people
talking. People have been talking aboutget rid of him. Some men have
told him get rid of her.And it's just like, this is why
we need a support system. I'mtalk about this in my book too,
and I'm not really trying to plugthe book, but I will plug it.
Okay, But for ladies Nine ThingsWomen should ask a man be for

(32:19):
giving him sex. One of thebiggest chapters in there is on building a
support system, and honestly, thisis one of the reasons why, because
when you have a strong support system, you will not take your issues to
social media. You will only takewhat's been solved to social media, what's
been worked out to social media.Y'all. We let me tell y'all about

(32:39):
this deal. We got into itabout blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,
instead of going to social media andairn it out. When you do
things in that manner, you donot have a strong support system, because
your support system will warn you.I remember when I was getting ready to
go public about something, the firstthing I did, because it's a habit
yall. I went to my supportsystem. I was hot and heed it.

(33:00):
I was upset in all of that. And I'm not saying they calmed
me down, because I don't thinkI could be calmed down at that time.
But they made sure I was good. Like, we can understand you're
angry. It makes us angry too. But the action that you want to
take, are you okay with takingit? Can you come back from it?

(33:24):
Is this gonna help relieve something?Blah blah blah blah blah. To
many who read the post and wereactive on the post, they may have
thought, well, she just whoa, she just blew up and butter nobody.
Before I even sent it. Isent it to my support system and
I said, this is what I'mgonna say. Y'all think I need to

(33:45):
tone it down? What y'all think, I'm not saying that I'm gonna do
anything y'all saying. I'm saying,I'm presenting it before you. I wrote
this out. I'm angry, thisis from my heart, and I wrote
this out. They felt like Ineeded to get it out from my therapist
to everyone. Now we all knewit had the potential to be backlash.

(34:08):
We all knew that it had thepotential to pushback. We all knew that,
but I was ready. And whenI said I was ready, I
spent hours on that post because Iwas prepared for it. I knew what
was coming with it, and Ijust felt like it needed to be done.
Now. I may not have knownevery little intricate detail that was going

(34:30):
to happen, but I knew ithad the potential to do this, and
so am I ready for this?And then when I was done with that
post took me by a day,day and a half or so. I
wasn't on social media for two orthree weeks. I was drained, but
it was worth it. I gotit out. Y'all saw it. You
know how I felt. I'm done. Do y'all see what I mean.

(34:52):
That's what support systems do. I'mnot saying they stop you from necessarily doing
everything. You have to make thedecision yourself, but what they do is
they're supporting you. So if hehad went to his support system, I'm
sure it would have said I don'tthink it's best to tweet that man,
Yo, I don't think that's agood idea. YO. Calm down,

(35:13):
I got you, I got you. I got you, I'm coming over,
or let's get on FaceTime and let'sget on and whatever I got you.
Calm down, don't post nothing yet, don't post nothing, don't call
it right now. Hey, comehang out with me, Come hang out
with me. Don't let's yo,there's not the thing to do. Because
a weak as support system would havelet's say he went to them, they
would have been like, y'all illpost all that, yo, I'll post

(35:35):
that, or you need to callit, cuts up out, you see.
But a strong one would have beenlike, hey, yo, I
don't think that's the best thing todo. I don't Yeah, I don't
listen, come on, let's let'stalk about this. Why are you feeling
this way, you little jealous man? You feeling because it's unsure? Man?
You Oh she got the cheeks out? Oh yeah yeah with usher.

(35:57):
Oh yeah, I feel you man. Yeah, I will probab and feel
some type of way about that too. So how you're gonna handle this?
And you gotta make sure it's notcoming from a place of insecurity though you
can't be insecure because she with thisdude, you know she ain't with him
like that? You notice, youknow she in entertainment business. No,
yo, you know this what shedo? I mean, she probably like
USh, have been a fan andthen they cool. That's probably fam yo.

(36:22):
I get how you feeling, Butyou see what I mean. This
is what I love about strong sportssystems. They can empathize with you.
They can also give you some suggestions. At the end of the day,
it's still your choice to make themovie you was thinking about making her not
so anyway, I love y'all.I have one little last thing I wanted
to say, and I'm out forreal, for real, Please stop calling.

(36:45):
I don't know if they're still togetherright now or not, but if
they are still together, please stopcalling her baby mama and even him a
baby daddy. Put some respect onKiki's name. She's a girlfriend. Now
you may say, what the hellthey a wife? Okay, I'm gonna
need y'all all to quit front becausethe majority of people who was talking about
she a baby mama, she ababy mama, are the same people who

(37:08):
don't even want to get married.That talks down on marriage. So how
is a wife better than being agirlfriend or a baby mama when you look
down on all of them. Sierrais a wife. I know y'all probably
tired of me bringing up Sierra,but it's just an easy example. Sierra
is a wife, y'all still sayshe for the streets. Lori Harvey has

(37:30):
no children and is single. Y'allstill say she for the streets. Kiki
Palmer is a mother who is notmarried, an unwired mother, a single
mother. Y'all say she for thestreets. Single single mother are married,
y'all are still saying these women arefor the streets. So why are you
pretending like, well, she anda wife. What the hell does that

(37:52):
mean to you? You don't givea damn whether she's a wife or not.
If you did, you will respectall wives. But you don't.
Many of you do not respect JennapinkerSmith being a wife. Many of you
don't respect Gabriellejunior being a wife.Many of you don't respect Sierra being a
wife. Many of you don't respectwomen who are single mothers. Many of

(38:14):
you don't respect single women who rotationallydate. So what if she had a
child with a man, she isnot married to that man. The one
respectful thing he did say was myfamily, my family, put some respect.

(38:35):
Put a little bit. I knowhe got out there. Let's just
put a little I know more,say la, hell no, we not
putting no respect over his name andall. I get it. Okay,
fine, you don't have to,but let's at least put a little bit
of respect on when he said myfamily, even if it's cap all right,
we don't know because we don't knowthem like that. We can only
go off of what was said.And he did say how he felt,

(38:57):
and it might have been I dobelieve it in curity, I do,
But the one thing he said wasmy family he saw, at least according
to what he wrote, and ifhe was being real about his feelings,
that my family stood out to meas it could have been his insecure.

(39:19):
It could have been his controlling,Yes, it could have been his narcissist.
He could have been all of that. Or it could have been or
could have been controlling like yo,yo, it's my family by fane fun
I say, you know you dowhat I say. I get it,
But it also could be I'm protectiveof my family. I may not know
how to be a good man rightnow, or or a good vibe.
I don't. I may not knowhow to be all that, but I'm
trying because this is my family.Maybe maybe all right, but that my

(39:44):
family shows that it can show.I know, y'all, like, listen,
I ain't when someone says my family, I would just say this.
Most men who are done with thewoman who has his child or children,
and if anybody knows of this woman, they call her a baby mama.

(40:05):
They don't even call her girlfriend,they don't even call her family. Do
y'all see what I'm saying? Hesaid my family, going solely off all
that he said. Even in thattweet where he doubled down, he said
my family. He said my family. That may come from a controlling place
in space. It may, butin his perspective, he still said my

(40:28):
family. He didn't say my babymama. Put some respect on her name.
If they are still together, she'snot just a baby mama. She's
a girlfriend, she's a mother,and she's his family and he's her family.
And this is why I don't likewhen things like this happen publicly,

(40:51):
because if they do work it out, everybody has been in their business,
and not everybody's gonna forgive him,although nobody gives a damn if y'all forgive
him or not, if they staytogether, she gonna run her life the
way she run her life. You'regonna run his life the way he run
his life. And if they staytogether, they're gonna run that relationship how
they're gonna run that relationship. Andif they break up, she's still gonna
run her life the way she sherun her life. At the end of

(41:15):
the day, put some respect onher name until they break up or whatever.
Remember, even though she had thebaby with him outside of wedlock.
I get it, she was ina loving and committed relationship with this man.
Or she still is in a lovingand committed relationship with this man.

(41:37):
Even if we don't like them together, even if we don't like the relationship,
respect it, respect it. Putsome respect on her name. Do
you like every single relationship out there? Do you like every marriage? Do
you like people together? It wasso many people didn't like Laura Harvey with
Michael B. Jordan. They don'tlike her now they don't like her,

(41:57):
and then they don't like her inthe relationship. She said, you think
people I've showed y'all several times howmany don't like see her and Russell being
married. You're not gonna like lovewhatever our relationships that's fine. Some relationships
you're gonna know all their business,unfortunately, and you don't like it.
Some you're not gonna know their businessat all and still might not like it.
People get together for whatever, theyget together for it, for their

(42:20):
reason or whatever, and they eitherstay together they don't, and we either
gonna judge it were not. Whatwe can do, though, is spend
our energy building up our life,creating the ships and sex life of our
dreams, creating the relationships of ourdreams, having the type of relationships we
won't putting that energy there and whatwe want in life. So put some

(42:43):
respect on her name, he said, family, put some respect on her
name. Stop calling her a babymama, even even though I know y'all
still gonna do it. Y'all reallyneed to chill with that, because I
think they were looking to marry.I think they were. I think,
I really think they were. SoI don't know if they still are or

(43:05):
I don't know, I said,I think, but she had that baby
in the confinements of a relationship.No, it is not marriage, and
many of us were having sex andare having babies outside of marriage before we
ever married. If we ever married, does that make us less than human.
So when you talk about her beinga baby mom, well that's what

(43:27):
she is, or that's what sheis. You're saying it derogatory. You're
not saying, oh, that's ababy mama, Oh that's baby. You're
not saying it in a way oflight, you know, loving lights and
peace and that's beautiful. You're standingin a way of disgust. You're saying
in a way of that's tacky,that's low, it's classless. You you
had a baby mama, I meanyou a baby mama. You a baby

(43:49):
mama. Because even if a babymama gets married, you still say she's
for the streets. If she's notmarried, you still say she's for the
streets. If she's a single motherwith no children but she rotationally dates,
you still say she's for the streets. If she's a woman who is sexually
active in a situationship or whatever andit's known, you still say she for
the streets. So you don't honorthe title of wife, because if you

(44:16):
did, you wouldn't be talking aboutso many wives. You don't even honor
marriage. So stop trying to makeit where well, she and a wife,
she's just a baby Mama, stoptrying to make it where it's different
to you. It's not not theway you talk about you talk about all
types. See, it'd be differentif you're just talking about a person,
and you shouldn't be doing that publicanyway, in my opinion, So it's

(44:38):
no different to you. All thoselabels and titles you see them as as
low wives, single mothers, singleswho rotationally date, singles who decide not
to be in relationships but having sex, And then you don't even look at
the virgins. So I don't evenwant to hear it. I'm done.

(44:59):
I love y'all and I'm out.Thank y'all for tuning in, And remember
you can find me anywhere on socialmedia at Octavia Evans, but also hit
up my link page your favorite sexologistdot com for all the products that I
have. For example, if you'restruggling to come in your marriage, get
my book Nine Positions to Get Youto the Big Oh. If you're a
single woman of faith who is sexuallyfrustrated and also relationally frustrated, then you

(45:23):
need to get my book Nine Thingsto ask a Man before giving him sex.
You can get all that and moreon my link page your favorite sexologist
dot com, your favorite sexologist dotcom. Go now, until next time,
much love,