Behind The Spotlight: Acting, Mental Health & Building Community ft. Abby Rey

In this engaging conversation, host Von speaks with actor, writer, and director Abby Rey about her journey into the world of acting, her experiences with mental health, and the importance of community in the arts. Abby shares her personal story of overcoming shyness, the challenges of auditioning, and the significance of supporting aspiring actors. They discuss the emotional aspects of acting, including techniques for crying on command and managing nervousness. The conversation also delves into mental health, self-care practices, and the importance of pursuing one's passion despite societal pressures. Abby offers valuable advice for those looking to enter the acting industry, emphasizing the importance of enjoying the process and surrounding oneself with supportive individuals.


Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Background
(04:27) The Journey into Acting
(09:28) Overcoming Nervousness in Performance
(15:16) Character Development and Preparation
(19:08) Emotional Depth and Crying on Command
(25:05) Mental Health and Personal Struggles
(36:48) Navigating Career Transitions
(39:07) The Importance of Support in Pursuing Passion
(41:10) Cultural Expectations and Career Choices
(43:52) Mental Health and Self-Care Strategies
(48:35) The Power of Connection Through Art
(52:46) Advice for Aspiring Artists
(57:05) Enjoying the Process Over the Outcome


Abby Rey Linktree

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey there! My name is Vaughn and this is the Vaughncast Show. This is a podcast that focuses on

(00:08):
mental health, breaking societal stigmas, harm reduction, addiction and recovery. If you like what
you hear, subscribe and leave a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Also, follow the podcast
Instagram @thevaughncast Show where I post video content from the show. All right, let's get into

(00:33):
today's episode. All right, welcome to the Vaughncast Show. I'm your host Vaughn. Hope everybody's
doing well. Today I got actor, writer and director, Abbey Rihanna Show. How are you today?
Hi, I'm doing well. Thank you for having me in the show. No problem. Yeah, so I think it was on

(00:54):
threads and I saw something, it's also something you wrote about being a guest on the podcast. I
checked out your stuff and I'm like, okay, it's pretty cool. Got another conversation and also happy
Filipino American History Month. Oh, yes. Yeah, Filipino History Month. Speaking of which,

(01:14):
you said you grew up in Castlon City, right? Yes, I was born in Castlon City and I grew up there,
well, until I was five years old and then I moved to New Jersey at five and then yeah,
and then I moved to Las Vegas at 10 and I've been here since. Okay, cool. So I came here when I was seven,

(01:41):
I was born in Baguio de Mabalaga. So I don't remember too much, honestly, like bits and pieces. Do
you remember much grown up there? Not really. I remember going to like, what do you call that? It's
not really preschool. It's like nursery school. Like when you're three or four years old and

(02:02):
you go to like a, I don't know what it's equivalent here, but yeah, I just remember that
and I remember my grandparents and walking in the street. They have the little stores, you know,
what I'm talking about, the ones that like are like family owned businesses and going there.

(02:25):
So I actually remember more about when I went back for like, you know, visiting, I think I was seven
or eight when we visited and then we visited again like when I was a teenager, but I remember
that and my mom's side is in Bulacán. So that's usually where we, my parents are actually

(02:49):
retired and they're living in Malolus, Bulacán right now. Okay, cool. Yeah. I don't remember too much.
I remember like, me and I remember I guess walking around a little bit, not too much. I was there when

(03:09):
Mount Pena Tuba erupted to this volcano. Yeah, yeah. Where I lived, it was ash. I'm making you remember,
like I could open a window and it just actually be like snowing. Was that 1990? When was I think so?

(03:30):
Okay, because I think I remember that too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I had a hard time breathing.
And I remember being like taken to the hospital and like an ambulance or something.
And I was a little bit sick for a week and then asthma. I was okay after.
But yeah, that's a little bit in pieces I remember now we're talking about.

(03:56):
Right. I mean, that's pretty, that's a pretty big event. So that's a big event in the Philippines.
I remember when that happened. I don't think, I don't know the geographically word is I forgot.
But I just remember, I think we did have a little bit of ash like on the, you know, on top of the

(04:20):
cars and it didn't hit us as bad. But it was, you know, it was there. So yeah. Yeah, it's coming out here.
When did you get into acting and theater? What age and like what made you want to
got you into it? So I was 11 when I guess you can say that I caught the acting bug.

(04:44):
And I just started to like, I was a really shy kid. So I didn't want to be in front of anybody.
I didn't want to be in front of, you know, I don't really like attention. So I was, I was about 11.
But around the time where I was a teenager, I started like writing and directing short plays

(05:07):
and putting them up. And, and I realized how amazing that process is just to go from something
you wrote and then have other people see it. So it was, it was, I just loved it. I loved the process. I love
working in collaboration with people and working with actors. And that's when I actually started

(05:28):
teaching acting or, you know, coaching young actors. And then I went to, I was like, you know,
I really, really like this. So I went to you and I'll be, that's the University of Nevada,
Las Vegas. And I did the theater program there. You know, I did a general, like education

(05:53):
because I didn't really, I was still shy. I didn't, I wasn't like a performing arts major. But I took
some classes and everything and just learned everything about the theaters, including
gosh, lighting and costume and just directing and acting and, and everything. I loved it. I had
some teachers who unfortunately they passed away, but it was Michael Tilo and Claret's Gailured who

(06:19):
were pretty big in the acting community. And they were some wonderful teachers. So
right. That sounds pretty cool. Uh, age 11, you caught the acting bird. Was there a specific
play you saw or a specific show or a movie? And you kind of like, I kind of want to do something in that

(06:44):
something in that realm. I back then I was watching TFC, if you remember. It's the Filipino channel. Yeah,
I was watching that. And so this was back in the early 2000s where you had all those,
I forgot what they're called, but like episodes or just shows and everything. So I like that idea.

(07:08):
I started liking the idea of, you know, acting and I've always wanted to. And I eventually,
yeah, not really big on shows at that time. I wasn't very big on shows at that time. Now I am. And I
love shows and movies and everything. But I think it was just because of the experience of,

(07:30):
you know, going through that process. And I finally, at 30 years old, I finally went on my very
first audition. And I was so nervous. Um, my goodness, that I will never forget that. I didn't get the
role, but I auditioned another, like a couple weeks later, I auditioned again and for a different part.

(07:52):
And next thing I know we were flying in a Reno, we're doing a feature film. And, um, and, and I was like,
about six years ago. Um, and then everything just happened, like quickly. And in Vegas, I just,
there's a really great film community here. And, um, I was just being, I had the great opportunity

(08:14):
of being able to be on these films and movies and, and everything. And, uh, about two weeks ago,
I just finished my seventh feature film. So, um, and now I have an acting academy and now we're helping
actors, you know, start their careers. And, um, it's, uh, and, and I felt like there was a need

(08:40):
in the community for, for actors, especially to, you know, a lot of actors don't know where to start.
So we're here to help them be off-racting classes and be off-r, after, um, you know, headshots and,
and kind of like career counseling. And, uh, yeah, that's where we're at now.
That's awesome. I really like how you give back to your community, because maybe I don't know too

(09:06):
much about acting. Maybe it's very stereotypical, but the thing is for me, it's like, oh, if I want to be
acting, I got to move LA, right? I don't even know where to start. Like, do I just start waiting
tables? How do I even, you know, where would I even start? Maybe that's like the, the general thing,
like, oh, wait tables and I do auditions, but I like how you offer headshots, you offer acting classes

(09:31):
and, and career counseling, because I don't know. I mean, I don't, like, I don't know much of that
realm, but it would just seem like such, uh, such a leap to go from like, yeah, I want to do acting,
but where do I start? How do I get into it? Do I have to know people? So, again, that's really
cool that you offer something like a bridge to, to that and mentoring. That's pretty cool.

(09:56):
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, also with acting too. I mean,
getting, being nervous, I make music, I perform here and there, I haven't done it in a long time, but
I can see the, the nervousness, right? Like, being on camera and just being in front of people.

(10:17):
How did you like, eventually get over that or do you still have that like nervousness? How do you
manage that? Right. Um, gosh, I don't think that's ever going to go away for any artist, for actors
and for writers and, you know, um, musicians and singers. I feel like, um, I feel like, I don't know

(10:45):
this side of it, but I know a lot of people who are like songwriters and musicians, um, that they're,
when they write something, it's so dear to their heart. And then when it finally releases,
it's like, now you're sharing it to the world. So I feel like that's how it is with any artist,
with anybody. First, it's yours because you're doing it for yourself. And then, then you want to kind

(11:09):
of spread it out to the world and express yourself in that way so that people can understand who you
are or, you know, maybe it's just a, you're sharing your, your life with them or your piece of music
or your piece of art. You're sharing a piece of yourself to them. So yes, it's very, very, very scary.
And with acting, it's just, it's you that you're sharing. It's almost like you're, you're putting

(11:34):
yourself out there. And I'm telling you, there are still times that I'm like nervous. I've been doing
this for, oh, not, I mean, that long, like about seven years, but, um, there are still times that I'm
like, oh my goodness, what am I doing? You know, that, uh, that imposter syndrome comes out and,
and I'm just like, uh, no, like, I, you question yourself, like, you're, like, are you competent enough?

(11:57):
And, and I feel like that's a normal thing for humans. And, you know, it's, it's helpful to be around
other actors because then I, it becomes validated that, that my thoughts are, oh, this is normal. This is
okay. This is something that is, that happens to anybody really. So, um, with me, how do I get over it?

(12:20):
I guess, huh, I mean, I just love doing this, you know, I love, I love acting and I love writing and
directing and I love being around people who are and I feel like that is enough to even though it's
so scary for me, I feel like that's enough for me to, you know, the finished project is amazing.

(12:43):
And so I think you can relate to that as well that when you put something out there, it's like,
oh, it's, that's why we're doing it and it's completely worth it.
Yeah, I totally agree. Uh, even though to this day, I still get nervous doing podcasts,
get nervous, like speaking classes. I think there's that nervous, I think, for me, it's like,

(13:06):
I get nervous in the beginning, but then afterwards, I kind of just go along with it and just,
I feel a little better, but there's always that initial nervousness. I don't know if you can relate
to this, but when I perform, I forget my lines sometimes, I forget my own lyrics and movies have

(13:27):
a lot of lines. So I can imagine like, I don't know freezing up, I freeze up sometimes and like,
oh shit, you know, like, you know, look at the light and everything. Do you, you don't have to memorize
like the whole script to you? Like at once? Not like theater actors do. They have to religiously,

(13:52):
like, memorize like an entire book. And I'm like, oh gosh, I can't ever do that. I'm horrible at,
like, memorizing, but with film, I try to memorize as much as I can, but you get like a caulchee
and you'll see like what scenes that you're doing for that particular day. And I try to,

(14:13):
I try to prioritize that. I'll memorize that first. And then, you know, when we get on set, we would
just run lines together with the other actors and everything. And yes, I think it was during,
I think I had a monologue. I think it was like a, like a reporter, like a news reporter, and you know,
they have, they have a huge, like a long monologue to read. They didn't really have a teleprompter

(14:37):
for me. So I had to remember it. I think I remember being so nervous, I completely forgot exactly what you
said. I completely just froze. And I was just like, I'm just like saying sorry to everybody, the crew
and the director. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I know this. I just, it's not there. Um, fun. You mentioned
that too, because there are times where I know the lines, especially for the last one I did that we

(15:04):
just wrapped. I know it. And they're quick one liners. And I would just forget the first line. Like
once someone reminds me what it is, I remember, but like right before a take, I'm like, what is it?
I don't know what it is. And it's just, I think, and that's just the little nerves that are, you know,

(15:24):
just there. And I think that's, that's pretty normal, you know. Yeah. Yeah.
I can totally understand that. And thank you for sharing that. Sometimes too. I can remember, if I remember
one line, I remember the rest. But yeah, there is definitely that nervousness. Also too, I'm curious. So

(15:46):
with acting, let's say like, you're okay, what I, one trailer I saw, you were like a cop, and you're
like busted like a home when everything. You seem so serious. And I'm like, oh my god, this is like so,
it looks so intense. I don't know what it was, but like for the audience, I think from what I saw,
you were a detective or a cop, you came into a residential home. And you were looking for somebody,

(16:11):
you had a gun pointed at the family and everything. So do you just like get into, how do you get into
characters? What I really want to know because is it just like, all right, so in this scene, you're
going to act this way. You're going to be angry. You're going to be looking for somebody. Is it
difficult to like be that person that they want you to be right then and there?

(16:34):
You're talking about the cleaning lady that's actually aired on Fox. And I wasn't a detective.
I think that was a vigilante. And I was speaking in Tagalog, right? That's the one that you're talking about.
That's the one. Yeah. So gosh, I auditioned for that. And I feel like I'm getting put into these

(16:57):
roles. So I've been doing a lot of roles like that, like detective, that strong, you know, female
character, which I love. And for this particular one, gosh, I feel like the script says it all.

(17:17):
Like as long as you kind of read the script and it comes with training and it comes with the years of,
you know, I feel like you and I will be really taught me a lot. And it really taught me things that I
didn't understand at the time. But now that I'm looking back, it's like, oh, that's why they had us,

(17:40):
you know, do breathing exercises and lay on the ground and, and, you know, move like voice and
movement integration. And that's why they had us do all that. And, you know, we did, we analyzed
the text and everything. Everything was there. And then I guess you just never forget. And sometimes I
forget that I know it. And I just have to like trust myself that it will come because of your training.

(18:06):
Like I feel like there's a director that said they're kind of just winging it on set when they get
there. You know, of course they do everything. Pre-production and everything. But sometimes they're like,
oh, I don't know what I'm doing. But then once you get on set, it clicks. It's like, oh, yes,
you do. You know what you're doing. Just do it. And it's almost kind of like that for me.

(18:28):
For that particular project, at least I feel like it was once we got on set, I was like, okay, I've
I've been on, it was really professional said. So everyone had their own jobs. There's like 50 people
in that small house. I felt like and people around. It was such a great production. So yeah, it aired
on Fox. It's on Hulu right now. But I've been on a lot of sets that are a lot similar like to that

(18:54):
project. So I already kind of knew what was going to happen. And I just kind of did my thing. And yeah,
it was just, it felt so real on set too because of everything that was happening. And we had stunt
doubles on set. And everything was falling for real. And I really, you know, there was glass shattering

(19:15):
or whatever. It was it was a great, it was a great scene. And I feel like it added to that. Everything,
everything was there. Everyone was in their element. Everyone was, everyone was just so intense. And
it just worked out really well. And it was lots of professionals just knew exactly what they were
doing. That really helped a lot too. Right. Okay. So I was saying, came with training over time, you

(19:41):
did some exercises and classes and you kind of wondering in the beginning, like, why am I doing this?
And now you can see how it relates when you're on set. Also, I don't know, this might just be like
an urban legend or something, but like, are actors, do you not a crime command? Is that like a thing?
Or how does that work? Like, I don't know. I'm pretty sure you've had a scene where we have to like

(20:06):
be sad. I don't know. It must be difficult to kind of like, not fake that, but just like, I don't know,
you're not really sad with your acting sad. I guess the first question, the first question,
do you not a crime command? Is that a thing? I used to, when I was a teenager, when I would just be
in my room and I would practice things like, you know, can I cry? Can I do this particular emotion or

(20:31):
whatever? I was able to get there by remembering my past or remembering some, sorry, remembering something
that was sad, but it's funny, you mentioned that because I just did an audition about a week ago and
I can't, I mean, I can't say too much about the audition, so I probably won't get too much into it,

(20:55):
but there was a scene where I was like seeing my family and for some reason when I saw,
there weren't there, but it was just in the audition when I saw like, in my head, in my mind,
I saw my family as an older person, for me, I know that makes sense, but when I saw them,

(21:21):
I just started crying. Like, I came out of nowhere. It was a pretty intense scene because it was almost
like, you know, I was working my way up to it, and then I started crying and I actually got a tear out,
or you know, a few tears out, and then, and then I looked at my camera, I looked back around because I
was recording it myself, and my camera ran out of memory right before I even did the whole scene,

(21:46):
and I'm like, oh my goodness, I finally got something on tape that was like really good and genuine,
and I actually got a tear out, and then I couldn't, I didn't actually get it on, I didn't actually
record it. So, but I feel like crying on command is something, gosh, there's so many psychological,

(22:10):
or even maybe something that you can do with your body that makes it think that you are sad,
like if you like, work yourself up to like a sob and, you know, breathe that that way, I think your
mind thinks that you are sad, if that makes sense, and then it'll help you cry, and then, you know,

(22:31):
other people use different techniques and everything, but when I try to cry, it really doesn't happen
anymore. I don't know what it is, but maybe it's the years and years of just like, you know,
dealing with life and everything that probably toughened me up in a way, but I think when I was a

(22:53):
teenager, I was more in tune to my emotion. I was more like emotional, I guess. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. No, that makes a total sense. When we're a lot younger, I think from what I've heard,
it's that when you're 24, it's like around the time you're bringing us fully developed, and when you're
like younger, you have all those emotions, but you don't know how to regulate them, so you're more

(23:18):
likely to write down on those emotions and be more emotional, quote unquote. Great. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, and that's that's that's wow, man, like just playing a character and just I don't know
being angry or sad, or maybe I don't even know, maybe it's even hard to like laugh and command,
like I can't laugh on command, that's that's time for pretend you're happy, but I guess maybe,

(23:42):
you know, when you go through the script, you kind of prepare yourself, okay, this is my character,
this is my role, like this is how they are, you kind of study it. I guess is that is that also help
to you kind of study who it is, who you're playing, who you are, which frame to be, and then go from there.
Yeah, so we teach at the academy, we teach actors how to break down a script and to, you know, do the

(24:14):
what do you call those? Character, backstories, and we, it's a whole process of learning the character and
and kind of going through what they might have gone through. So, and then kind of making the,

(24:35):
what do you call it? Like how can you relate to this character kind of thing? Like what are the
words of the things that you can, that you are similar with this character? So, that's kind of how we
approach that creating, and there's a, there's a whole, there's, there are books on it and there's

(24:56):
there are acting classes for it, and it is a thing that actors need to go through and everything.
Okay, yeah, I guess that's like a really cool deep dive into it. Just learning how to do that and just
using your experiences to kind of relate to the character so you can bring out that emotion

(25:22):
and those feelings when it comes like, when it becomes time to record. I was in a play in my college
once, like I was in the Vietnamese Student Association and I did like a little scene. It was, it was
interesting, like I played like a little rapper guy in like, I make music so I can do that, you know,

(25:43):
but it was, it was a little nerve-wracking, you don't have too many lines, like one or two things, but
yeah, it's pretty much the extent of my acting. So, thank you. So, I got you in the podcast too to talk
about mental health and my podcast. I'm really emphasized about mental health and talking about it

(26:04):
and normalizing it and what we go through. So, in our conversation before, they talked about
depression and anxiety and I know, I don't know about your family, but in general, I feel like,
a lot of Filipinos and Asians, mental health isn't really talked about as much. Maybe in our
generation, it wasn't maybe in this generation, it's more common and accepted, but you talked about how

(26:32):
you deal with depression and anxiety. How does that show up in your life?
Gosh, I guess, yeah, I guess we can go all the way back to when it started. It's funny you say that
you mind, you know, start something up 24, right? That was around the time when my anxiety started

(26:58):
and it was a combination of a lot of things that were happening. I was, I had two young boys, I had a
two and a three-year-old and my husband just joined the military and my parents just moved to the
Philippines, so it's like, and I'm not like blaming anybody at all, that, you know, these are just like
normal life things that happen and that's just when I, that's when it started for me, around 23, 24,

(27:23):
25 years old. And I guess it started off as like worrying about just things, you know,
you have kids now and worrying about their health and just life, you know what I mean? Like, it's not

(27:43):
really easy to live right now. You know, it's hard to pay rent, you know what I mean? It's hard
to buy groceries, get gas, you know, there's just so many things that happen, but like for me, a lot of
the main reason for my anxiety is like hypocontriol, like, I worry about my health a lot. So that's

(28:08):
something that like I had to, I mean, I'm still going through it and it's still, it's still very much
there, but I think I'm able to kind of, you know how when you're when you're when you're anxious,
you just, your mind just doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense. Like you're worried too much about

(28:31):
things that normal people wouldn't be worried about. And it's just not, I don't want to say it's not
working correctly, but it's not like, you know, that word I'm looking for, I can't. I think maybe what
you're trying to say is like, one, maybe when you're super anxious, like, it's difficult to like

(28:54):
figure out in your mind, like, okay, what's real and what's just my anxiety talking?
Yes, that's correct. Yes, exactly. So many thoughts are running through your head.
Yeah, I told you get it. Yeah, it's like, it's not your mind isn't clear. Like it's not
everything that's supposed to be normal is not, it's almost like my mind makes it a big deal

(29:19):
when it's really not. And that's when I started like, I start worrying and I start freaking out and
they have to like calm myself down and everything. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why it's doing that. Thumb,
thumbs up thing. The thumb thing. Yeah. So we hear it in a very serious moment. So for those
as I've seen in some video, like a random thumbs up came out on my screen when she was talking about

(29:41):
something you really like, personally, um, for me, uh, you know, growing up just not just some stuff
happens, you know, when you're when you're young and I think for me, for a lot of people, but speaking
for myself, you carry it with you, right? It manifests into adulthood, into your adult life in

(30:05):
different ways. You know, maybe you're just always tense. Like you're always like, your shoulders
always like punched up and you're like always clenching your fist. Not because you're mad angry,
but you're just like, you're, you're, you're anxious, right? And for me, it showed up and I was using drugs

(30:25):
in alcohol for like 14 years. I got clean like two years ago, but a lot of it was to regulate that,
that anxiety. And I'm not sure if I was like always depressed and I also like so consciously
self-medicated, but when I got clean, I went to a therapist and, you know, I'd take medication for it,

(30:47):
keeps me like level. So that's how it shows up for me and just, you know, there's some days of
bread, other than others, I can relate a lot to the anxiety that they're worrying. Sometimes I just
get stuck like I almost like freeze because so many thoughts don't even exist. So many scenarios

(31:09):
and situations that aren't going to happen just run through my head and my body does not know that.
So just thinking about it now, like my heart's racing, I'm like all tense and like, it just burns you
out at the end of the day. You're kind of wondering like, damn, like when you lay down at night,
dude, I was thinking about this thing, consume my thoughts for maybe hours or just a good amount of

(31:35):
my day. It didn't even happen, but my body paid the consequences for it because I'm anxious,
irritated, like I'm not focused. So I can definitely relate to that. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, I
in a lot of anxiety, I feel like could lead to depression and, and you know, I have had a few times

(32:02):
where like I just didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to go out with my friends and
and you lose interest in what you want to do. And I feel like if the anxiety doesn't get under
control, it could lead to depression and it's just not a very good place to be. And it's a sad

(32:24):
it's a sad thing. And you know, we all know where that could lead. And it's just not, you know, it shouldn't
be what, you know, it shouldn't, people shouldn't have to suffer for that. And there are other
ways, you know, talk to a therapist and, you know, medication if needed. And, and just having a,

(32:50):
I guess a work, life balance is a good thing too, you know, doing something for yourself is a
big thing. I mean, that's why I got into acting. I think I feel like, I didn't really mention this
earlier, but I had it written down. The reason why I got into acting was because I was, you know, I had
anxiety when the kids were younger. And then I started, I started, like I also was like in a toxic

(33:19):
environment, like work environment. And that's when I stopped doing, and regular nine to five, I was
like, I cannot do that anymore. That's, there's times when like, gosh, it's, it got really bad to the
point where I'm like, I quit. I do not want to do anything like this. And that's when I started my
business. But that's also when I started taking acting classes again. And getting back into acting.

(33:44):
And, and because it was something that I wanted to do, it was something that was for me. And I know
I talked a little bit earlier about like, you make art for you. And then you share it to the world.
And that was for me. You know, that's why I do acting. And that's why I keep doing acting. And no
matter how hard it is on set, no matter how long it is on set, I just love it. And so that's kind of

(34:09):
helped me with my anxiety, even though you'd think that it would cause anxiety because it does.
But it's the good kind of anxiety that even makes sense. It's the good kind of, you know, yeah.
Yeah. There's something like positive stress, good stress, like, you know, getting anxious for

(34:32):
like recording or doing your, your scenes from a movie, your take, that's positive stress. Like,
yeah, it's nervousness, but you feel good afterwards. I can relate with the toxic environment.
Okay. You weren't a nurse, were you? I know my mom was. And my, all right.
The student was at my full family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that. Yeah.

(34:57):
I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a nurse. I'm, you know, it's funny. I grew blood today for a blood test.
And I'm 36 and I was telling, Hey man, like, tell me when you're doing it. I'm gonna look this way.
Because I'm scared. I have tattoos. I'm scared of needles.
He didn't do the best job. He didn't want, like, you know, they wipe you down the alcohol. He didn't let it dry.

(35:17):
So when he stuck me like, I still stung. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, oh, no.
And he was, oh, yeah, I must have stung because I didn't let alcohol dry. My bad. I'm like, it's cool, bro. It's cool.
Just looking this way. Yeah. Um, I had to ask of the nurse thing. I don't know. Filipino stuff. For those who don't know,

(35:41):
a lot of big percentage of Filipinos, Filipinos and Filipinos Americans are in the medical industry.
So I asked. So yeah, I also, my previous job before this one, which I really love,
very toxic relationship. I called out so many times when I was not sick. I dreaded going to work. I would,

(36:07):
I worked at a job where I worked three to four days in a row, but it was 12-hour shifts. I was in a nurse,
but I worked in the biomedical field and six a.m. and six p.m. and I thought, I'm on my days off. I'm like,
okay, I'm getting, I'm getting fucked up like all the way. And next three days, four days,
coming to work, hating myself, hating my job. But it paid well. It paid well. It kept me around for

(36:33):
two and a half years. I didn't like the job, but I really thought that, well, maybe this is what adults do.
Maybe, you know, because you always see it on TV, you always hear it from a family like, I hate my job,
but you know, pays the bills and sometimes it's a little different when you have a family to take care of.
So I just thought to myself, it's paying the bills is what adults do, right? And then one day, I was talking

(37:01):
to my friend on Zoom about it and I wanted to quit and she's like, you should just quit and start crying.
I really didn't like this job, but I just stuck around because I got comfortable. And eventually,
they were to quit. One thing that got me was like, I messed up on something simple and super

(37:23):
providers like, you know, you've been, how long you've been here? I'm like two and a half years. Well, I
used to make this mistake. And my initial thought was like, I was going to be pissed, but then I realized like,
you know, I've been here for two and a half years. I still, I don't know how to do this job after two
and a half years. And that's okay. And then I told a char like, hey, I think I'm put my two weeks in.

(37:46):
I didn't make it two weeks. I remember like something set me off. I'm like, fuck it. I'm out of here. So
I feel like a week after, I look at my back hurts. I'm going home. I don't feel well. Never came back.
Best decision in my life. But I felt so much better after that. Yes. Stress was believed.
You know, toxic environment for sure. But also, I just wasn't my thing.

(38:09):
Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a crazy, that's a crazy subject to, to get into, um,
like, because I, I was supposed to take nursing, you know, I was supposed to take biology and I,
didn't do very well in biology. So I was like, I don't know how I'm going to be a nurse. If that's

(38:32):
biology, 189 is the first thing that you need to take. And, um, and that's when I found out that I really
don't know if I want to be a nurse. If I want to be on my feet, I mean, I respect everyone,
like everyone in my family are nurses. I respect everything that they do. There's a certain type of
person that can do that. But for me, it was just not, I, I don't know. I don't know. It wasn't,

(38:58):
it wasn't for me. Um, but, uh, but yeah, that's, you know, I, I actually,
I don't, I don't know if I agree a lot about the school systems. And, um, and I actually,
my kids are actually homeschooled because it's like, you know, there are, you know, learning,

(39:19):
you know, people learn differently. And I feel like schools teach one way. And so, gosh, you
know, I feel like a lot of artists can relate to it because one, one of my kids is really good with, um,
you know, math and the other ones really good in the arts. So they're very, very different. And, um,
and I just feel like there should be more opportunities out there for artists. And it shouldn't just be a one

(39:44):
way thing like you have to do this and you have to, you know, um, you know what it like, that pressure
that sometimes families can give you. It's, um, but, you know, my family, when I finally said, hey,
I want to take theater, you know, I just want to do theater. They fully supported me. They,

(40:05):
they were like, they even bought me final draft, you know, when it was like, final draft seven or nine
or something. And, um, and I still have it. And, uh, and I'm just grateful for this support. And I
feel like artists need support, especially the ones that are young and that's getting into, you know,
they don't know how to start. And that's also why we're doing that in the acting academy. That's why

(40:29):
we're helping them out because there is a type of person that can do different things. And, um,
not everyone is made for what there's no one mold that fits everybody. So, yeah, yeah. Um,
I was gonna ask two of your parents family supported, but that's great that they were. Also looking
back in hindsight, I think for the most part, a lot of our family members or a lot of Filipinos

(40:53):
didn't nursing because it was like their way out of the Philippines. And it was a way to provide
for their family. I feel like if money was not like a thing and they could do what they wanted until
support their families, I don't know if they'd be all be nurses. I think they'd do a lot of things.

(41:14):
And I feel like maybe they were, they became nurses. That was their sacrifice. So we can do what we
generally want to do. I mean, hey, again, I respect nurses. It's much love. Like it's a very
difficult job. It's not something I can do, but I can man nurses, anybody in the medical field,

(41:36):
but like it's not something that I can do. And some people really want to grow up and say, Hey,
I want to be a nurse. I want to be in the medical field so I can help people. I think we can help people
in different ways. But yeah, so yeah, I totally agree with that part where it's like maybe our

(41:56):
family did the family became nurses to medical field because it is really well. It's a very stressful
job. Long hours. I have some family members that work to hospitals, which is wild. Wow. Yeah. But
you know, provides and again, it gives their kids like, okay, I did this. I hustled like being a nurse

(42:20):
so you can do what you want to do in life. So that's how I kind of think of it. It's kind of like
maybe that's why we should pursue what we want to do because look at our family did so we can get
so we can get yeah, that's what my mom did to go here. So that's what she did back in the 90s or

(42:43):
she was actually she came to the United States first in 1990 and I was a three years old and she left
me at three, but it was for a sacrifice because you know, she wanted us to you know, me and my brother,
you know, we don't have my little brother yet, but she wanted us to have a better future.
And so she went to New Jersey and she worked there and got the visas and everything and that's

(43:10):
when we all started moving here and well here we are now, you know, so doing what we love. So it's a
beautiful thing, beautiful sacrifice. Yeah. So my I grew up in the Philippines, but I didn't live
with my mom and dad until I came to the States. So I live with my, my grandfather,

(43:32):
sisters, but there's also that story too where my grandma on my dad's side, she came here first and
eventually got everybody visas or like got them able to come here. So yeah. Yeah, that's cool.
So like on really tough days, you know, with your mental health, like with depression and anxiety,

(44:00):
how do you, what do you do to take care of yourself at those days? I can imagine it's difficult. Me,
I'm single, I don't have kids, but as a mom and your career, how do you, how do you make time for yourself?
How do you get through those difficult days? Yeah, I, you know, I think doing a job that I love now

(44:20):
helps because that's, there's a little bit of a balance now that I can talk to other artists that
we're just talking about positive things and I love that about the community that we built here.
That we, I guess just talking to other people really helps a lot.
My kids are a little bit older so that helps because they're more independent. I don't have to

(44:45):
constantly watch them and I have more time to myself. So I think having time to yourself is a huge
thing. Whatever it is that you like to do painting. I'm not very good painter, but I love it.
I mean, you know, I used to do paint by numbers and then I tried getting into like actual just
painting and everything, but it just, I feel like what painting does for me is it helps me breathe.

(45:10):
As much as that sounds weird, it's when you're not thinking too much about how to do something
and you're just putting down paint and colors, you're just breathing. It's almost like a,
it's a graceful dance. I don't even know how that relates to anything, but yeah, anything that,
you know, that I enjoy doing like I would, I mean, we don't have a beach here. And I hate that we

(45:37):
don't have a beach here in Vegas, but when we do go to, I think we went to San Amónica Beach just like
a month ago, I think and we just saw this beautiful sunset. I'm like, I just sat there and like,
I'm just going to sit here and I'm going to wait until it gets dark. I'm going to wash the sunset,
you know, so just doing that and maybe like we have a lot of mountains here, we got snow,

(45:59):
that's why I've got like a painting back there with with mountains and I have another painting here,
but like being around nature for me helps because of just how beautiful it is and just if I had the
time I drive there, I used to do that when I was in college, I would drive to the mountains and just

(46:21):
look, look at everything, have lunch, you know, that's when I didn't have the kids or anything, but,
but right now I think it's you make, you do what you can do if it's a sport, if it's golfing, if it's
hanging out with friends, if it's watching a movie, you know, and you know, we were talking about this
where we help other, we help people in different ways and that's why I feel like artists are why,

(46:48):
why artists do what they do is because maybe there's pain, maybe there was something that you've gone
through and you want to share and you don't want people to go through the same thing or maybe it's
just to connect with somebody, to connect, to have that connection, to be like, hey, you're not alone,
we're all going through life together and this is what you can do and this has helped me and maybe

(47:10):
it's just sharing your music, sharing your words, sharing a film, whatever it is, the words on the
script, sharing a show that has to do with mental health and whatever it is, whatever it is, and I
was telling our actors that our job as actors is to relate to people, we want them to relate to our

(47:33):
characters so that we can portray that whatever the director's vision is or the writer's message,
so that we can help them in that way and it's a powerful, powerful thing. I feel like being in the
entertainment industry and music and arts and everything, it's so powerful, it touches the
hearts of people who, it's not just words, it's a connection, I'm pretty sure there's another word

(47:58):
for that but it's like a family, like a kinship that's, when you can relate to somebody, it's different
without even words, you know what I mean, like you don't have to talk about what it is but like if
you can all just come together and relate and just be around the like-minded people, there's a certain

(48:20):
kind of warmth in that and I feel like that's why we're doing this and that's why we're here doing
art and music because we help people in that way, I feel like, yeah.
Hey, well said, well said, when you were saying that, I'm like damn, like this is why I do music,

(48:41):
this is why you're the podcast, you know, to relate, it's very relatable, it's just like you said,
we go through certain experiences and sometimes from speaking from myself, when I go through something,
I tend to isolate in the past, I would isolate, use drugs, now I just kind of isolate and just watch

(49:02):
movies and everything but seeing that other people go through life and have similar experiences,
have gone through the same thing, that feels a little less lonely and like you said with watching
movies, when you watch a show or a movie and you see a character, oh I can relate to this person or

(49:23):
you listen to an artist, oh I can relate to their lyrics, I went through that, it does something,
it's like wow, I connect and I don't feel so alone anymore, for me talking to people helps out,
talking to friends, I attend 12 step meetings regularly and it helps out, you know, because

(49:46):
not everybody has an addiction issue, some people can drink and party and it's not an issue but
for the rest of us, we do have an issue and a lot of times people don't understand what it's like,
so we go to these meetings and we hear other people's stories and it helps out,
yeah so what you said though about the making music and entertainment industry, it's so powerful,

(50:13):
like movies can, especially when you're young I feel like when you watch a movie and you're a kid,
oh man it's so inspiring kind of thing, like I remember when I saw Hook and I saw Ruffio,
oh my god that looks like me, yeah yeah, yeah, right, so that was really cool and it's just cool to see

(50:39):
more representation now, right, and the movies and everything, but yeah, back to what you're saying,
well said, without answer, I totally relate, what you're saying, you're saying really appreciate
what I do, because sometimes I feel jaded man, like I'm like why am I doing this still, you know,

(51:00):
but the connection part, you know, regardless of like how successful it is, but like you can
reach one person and just, you said I do it for yourself, yeah I do it for myself too, I make,
I write music to, it's therapeutic, I feel better, you know, I was talking to my therapist and she's like,
so how do you like become happy, how do you like become happy in this peaceful state without buying

(51:27):
drugs and without like food and without buying things, I'm like, huh that's a good question,
it took me a while to answer that, but I remember, oh making music, yeah when I make music when I record
or write, I feel so much better and I say money, not saying that like sometimes buying peace is good,

(51:49):
like you know, treat yourself out, but like do it excessively, it can be an issue, but there's
that feeling when you buy stuff or like eat something or take something you feel like everything's okay,
you feel like everything's all good and you're more calm, but I'm learning that I can access a

(52:10):
similar feeling to that, without the same feeling, if I write music, if I record, so yeah, that's cool,
and congrats on everything, your accomplishments and everything, and it's, oh thank you likewise,
yeah thank you, so I think that's, oh I guess the last question is I mean it's a very like,

(52:32):
it's a very general question, but I guess it depends on the person, but like what advice do you have for
anybody who wants to pursue your career in that sense of like, still acting, writing, directing?
Yeah, I, you know, gosh, we have a lot of students in our acting academy that are really young,

(52:57):
a lot of them are teenagers, a lot of them are around the age that I started wanting to act,
I say just have fun with it, like no matter what age you are, you can start acting, you know, you can
be 11 or you can be 55, and we have different ages, different walks of life in coming through our studio,

(53:18):
everyone's got different stories and everything, and I think it's just if you have just, you know, that
desire to do this, it's not going to be easy, but you know, there's also like, it also depends on what
you're trying to do with it, like are you, are you doing it for a hobby, I know we have some people who

(53:42):
completely have different careers, but they want to do acting because it's, it's fun for them,
or do you really want to do as a career, and if it's, if you want to do it as a career,
just be prepared that it's going to be, it's going to take a lot of hard work, it's going to take years,
decades, even to quote unquote make it, but also don't look at the results, don't try to, you know,

(54:08):
with any artist, it's about, I'm going to throw this song out there just because it was the, I left
this out earlier, but on a real quick story when I, after my very first audition, the song The Climb
came on by Miley Cyrus, and I was just listening to it, and I started crying just because I was like, oh,

(54:33):
this is something I've been wanting to do for 20 years, and I never want, and I never did it,
I finally did the audition, and then I just felt like that was just the start of the journey,
and so like, it's really about the process and the journey, it's about the, the climb, it's about,
the people you meet along the way, so just be mindful of everybody and be grateful for everything,

(54:57):
because it is tough, it is a very tough industry, it's, it's very competitive, it's very, very hard to
get into, but if you just surround yourself with the people, like minded people, you know, network,
and make sure, please, please research everything though, because there's a lot of scams out there,
and we always say, if they're asking for a thousand or a thousand dollars upfront, don't do it,

(55:22):
really look into, you know, their reviews and everything, and what people are saying about them,
but, um, but yeah, that's, that's, that's pretty much it, just, just go for it, you know, whatever it is,
whatever is going to make you happy, whatever, if it's, if that's the career that you want to do,
I can 100% say that you'll find satisfaction in it when you're looking in the right places.

(55:45):
Yeah, I totally agree with the process part in joining the process, I feel now,
with social media, we, including myself, I get caught up with the results, is it going to get likes,
isn't it, get views, and I think when I'm in that mindset, I don't get to appreciate the process

(56:06):
so much. I'm always so focused on the final product that I do forget that yeah, it is fun to record
music, and it does take time, and some days are not as good as the others are saying with the podcasting,
sometimes they get bummed out like, damn, like, June is for six years, seven years, and
sometimes I kind of compare myself to other people, but when I go, when I really think about it,

(56:33):
I really just enjoy talking to people about certain topics and just having a fun chat like this,
to me, it's a socializing, I don't really socialize so much, I should, that therapist said that
should be so out and warm, but this is pretty cool. Yeah, just having really cool conversations,
it's putting it out there, to me, that's just actually fun, enjoying the process,

(56:56):
and when you said making it, I think there's different levels, right, you don't have to be like,
I make music, but I'm not trying to be Drake or anybody in the top charts, and that's okay,
that's totally okay. For me, I have a work life balance, I have a nine to five which I enjoy,
like making music and podcasting, and that's okay. I don't know if like,

(57:18):
and there's also different levels of acting, like you don't have to be like Brad Pitt or
Angelina Jolie level, but hey, if you're enjoying what you're doing and you're in films, you're
really enjoying it, then essentially you kind of made it, right, if you're being on films, if you're
on editions, you're in the process, you're really enjoying it, you kind of made it, and I feel like

(57:38):
it's difficult, you know, especially when you're younger, I can imagine you have people in
the classes that are a lot younger, they feel like they have to, it's good to be aspirational,
but sometimes kind of like, you got to just enjoy it, you know, we still caught up with like,
oh, all the likes and the views like I said before that sometimes you can't really enjoy the

(58:02):
process and all that. Yeah, no, it is, it's a process, and it's, and just like with anything,
taking care of your mental health, it's, you know, do it for yourself, don't do it because
someone else will do it, don't do it because there's pressure or something, do it because you want
to do it and do it because it's something that you enjoy. And it's okay, there's a little bit of

(58:28):
pressure that comes with the business, but it's still, you know, and especially with actors,
oh my goodness, you'll get lots of rejection and just be okay with it. And there's really nothing,
just think of it as like, if you didn't get a role, it's because they're looking for someone's

(58:49):
so specific and it's not because of your skill or whatever it is, it's because it's probably not
right for you yet at the time, but something will come up and be patient. Yeah, I've definitely heard
stories and podcasts and interviews where someone said, oh, I was supposed to be in this, but I got

(59:10):
rejected for this role. So I ended up being doing this role and I became super successful in it,
it turned out really well. So it's kind of like sometimes it's kind of meant to be, you know, where
you might get bummed out, hey, I didn't get this role, I really liked this role, they're not
said in randomly, you landed this role, for example, Harrison Ford, I find out yesterday,

(59:36):
he does not like being Han Solo, but yeah, okay, so he was a carpenter, he was a carpenter,
and he was a carpenter doing like, what's Nicholas K's real name, last name, Coppola?
Coppola, yeah, Coppola. So he was like doing studios for Coppola or whatever, and the next

(01:00:00):
audition over, it was George Lucas and he was casting a role for Han Solo and you know,
doing carpenter stuff, and he's like, hey, maybe you should just, you want to just give this a shot,
and he started reading the lines off the screen. Oh, you should be Han Solo, and that's how he

(01:00:20):
became Han Solo. Yeah, I don't know, he didn't like it, it was like that. It's how it just kind of happened,
I think with that, he became Han Solo, and I think he did Indiana Jones, and he had a
Air Force One, and other things, but I just kind of like, he didn't want to do it, he just gave it a shot,
you know, but yeah, I find out he didn't want to be Han Solo, that's why they had him killed in the movie.

(01:00:44):
Oh, spoiler, sorry, if you didn't see that movie, yeah, Han Solo gets killed by his own son, sorry,
spoiler, yeah, yeah, it's a heartbreaking scene, yeah, it really is, but knowing that, I thought
it was a director's idea, but it was it was Harrison Ford's idea, he didn't want to be Han Solo anymore.

(01:01:06):
Really interesting, well that just goes to show too with actors that you can be in the right place
at the right time, and it doesn't even, you know, as long as you just keep doing what you're doing,
the more chances you'll get to get discovered, or to network, it's all about networking, it's all about

(01:01:28):
who you know in the industry, honestly, and it's just being at the right place at the right time, you know,
some people, it takes that really quick, like hey, do you want to be Han Solo, or it's sometimes
it takes 20 years, you know, and it's in it's a process, and that's why if you, if you, it's so easy

(01:01:48):
to get burned out in, in any, in, in acting, and, and just because, um, something's not happening,
and like you said, if you're comparing yourself to other people's success, it's like, you know, it's
not the right mindset, and you're just going to hurt yourself in the long run, and, um, but yeah,

(01:02:08):
being at the right place at the right time is something, that's true, that's a true thing,
like that happens, it's very rare, but it happens. Yeah, okay, I think that's all the time we have,
Julie, this is a really cool conversation, it's a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long,

(01:02:28):
yeah, so thank you so much, this is a really cool conversation, I got to know a little bit more about
behind the scenes with the acting, right, acting classes, uh, got to know about, you know, if you,
know how to cry on command, uh, got to learn some cool stuff about, you know, just your experience
with mental health, the anxiety is totally relatable, it's weird when I tell people like, yeah, I also have

(01:02:55):
these racing thoughts that like, don't exist, like situations I make up in my head, and I think I'm
the only one because I'm like, I'm at work, you know, like I do retail and check, and I'm like trying
to people out with like their items, and my head, I'm like, oh, man, what if this happens, what if that happens,
you know, and when I tell the people, oh, yeah, I go through that too, I'm like, oh shit, I'm not,

(01:03:17):
only one, I'm not tripping, you know, so it's a really cool conversation to have, and it's cool,
you share that, and that's awesome that your family supports what you do, I think it's so important,
and congrats on the seven films, that's so cool, I gotta check it out, the cleaning
looks pretty badass, I'm not gonna lie, and I saw you do that, and that looks pretty hard, you show like,
that looks pretty hard, so thank you so much, we're gonna find you on social media, and also work

(01:03:44):
where you find this studio that you're talking about. So I have a lot of websites out there,
well my personal website is abirayofficial.com, and then the studios is abiraystudios.com, or
brightstartactingacademy.com, you can also find us on Instagram, my Instagram handle is abiray21,

(01:04:10):
and then there's also abiray studios on Instagram, and bright start acting academy on Instagram, and
you know, I'm also on IMDB, if you want to check out all the movies, and if you look, there's like,
I have like a link tree, I don't know, I'll probably give it to you later, to list or whatever, but I have
like an Amazon Prime, there's like a bunch of movies on there that I'm in, and you can buy them,

(01:04:36):
I think you can rent them, and yeah, and I also have like a YouTube channel that I put like my
reels and everything, so yeah, that's cool. Awesome, one last question, I know you have a tattoo on
your hand, right? What? A tattoo? You have a tattoo on your hand? No, I don't. Oh, that wasn't real?

(01:05:01):
Oh, on the thing, it was on, it was on this hand, yeah, no, that was not real. Oh, yeah,
no, that was, I mean, that looked really good then, if you thought it was real, but yeah, they had like a tattoo.
Yeah, there was like on your wrist, and I was like, oh, it's like, that's real. My question was like,

(01:05:25):
when you have tattoos, it's asked you to cover it up, like with the makeup, right? Yeah.
If they don't, yeah, for actors, yeah, you would have to cover it up, and it's really hard to cover it,
like I know actors who have them, and they have to like really cover it up, but no, that one was put on me
because of the character, I guess. I didn't know I was a good tattoo, but like that was put on me,

(01:05:50):
and they were like fixing it and everything. Oh, but uh, there was a tattoo I saw, like it was on your
on your hand. It was like a rocket ship. Oh, a rock, oh, no, that's not mine. That's, that's not mine.
That's um from my makeup artist. So it was like, yeah, my makeup artist is like, yeah, she, it's um,
I think I tagged her on that particular Instagram, but yeah, that was a, yeah, yeah, it's a,

(01:06:16):
yeah, that was that was a real tattoo, which she has a real tattoo, but it's not my hand. Yeah.
Gotcha. Okay, I don't know how to tell you how to do it. Okay. Well, I'm gonna stop it here.
Okay. Let's see. Stop.