October 18, 2024 • 25 mins
In this solo episode, Von shares his journey of sobriety, reflecting on the challenges and triumphs of the past two years. He discusses the reasons behind his decision to stop partying, the difficulties faced during the first year of recovery, and the emotional struggles encountered in the second year. Von emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, emotional regulation, and finding peace without substances. He also addresses the feelings of isolation and burnout, while expressing gratitude for his recovery and encouraging others facing similar challenges.
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Life Updates
(05:59) Challenges of Early Sobriety
(08:21) Reflections on Year Two of Sobriety
(11:09) Learning to Regulate Emotions
(15:03) The Struggle with Isolation
(17:49) Gratitude for Recovery
(21:25) Encouragement for Others Facing Addiction
Follow Me on Social Media:
https://www.instagram.com/thevoncastshow/
https://www.instagram.com/shibavon/
https://www.tiktok.com/@wowshibavon
https://www.iamvon.net/
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Life Updates
(05:59) Challenges of Early Sobriety
(08:21) Reflections on Year Two of Sobriety
(11:09) Learning to Regulate Emotions
(15:03) The Struggle with Isolation
(17:49) Gratitude for Recovery
(21:25) Encouragement for Others Facing Addiction
Follow Me on Social Media:
https://www.instagram.com/thevoncastshow/
https://www.instagram.com/shibavon/
https://www.tiktok.com/@wowshibavon
https://www.iamvon.net/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there! My name is Vaughn and this is the Vaughncast Show. This is a podcast that focuses on
(00:08):
mental health, breaking societal stigmas, harm reduction, addiction and recovery. If you like what
you hear, subscribe and leave a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Also, follow the podcast
Instagram @thevaughncast show where I post video content from the show. All right, let's get into
(00:33):
today's episode. Welcome to the Vaughncast show. I'm your host Vaughn. How's it going today?
Hope y'all are doing well. And today's a solo episode. I was not able to record
last week due to some construction going on in the house. It was just hell-aloud noises, dude.
(00:59):
I really tried recording and then there was an electric saw going off and it picked up on the mic
and I was like, "You know what? Fuck this. I'm not recording. I was so pissed."
But here we are. I wanted to do some life updates a little bit. So last week, October 9th,
(01:26):
I got my two years sobriety chip. I've been clean for two years now. It feels amazing. I'm pretty stoked
about that. And I wanted to talk a little bit about why I decided to stop partying and then
(01:48):
compare my first year of sobriety versus my second year. And just do over that.
I still can't believe it sometimes that I'm not drinking or doing drugs anymore.
(02:08):
That's something I never really thought that I'd stop doing. I accepted that as part of my life.
That was just how it's going to be. That's how it was for nearly 14 years.
So I decided to stop for real for real this time. Two years ago, October 9th, 2022.
(02:37):
I noticed that the month, September and October, it was just getting a little more reckless than usual.
Usually, I'd tell myself, "Okay, just party on your days off."
(03:00):
And then it slowly just started partying work days. Not done this before, but it just seemed like
it's not going to go anywhere nice. Fentonals everywhere. And I've mentioned before that I almost had
(03:30):
a close call in the past. And there was this feeling beforehand. I don't know, was intuition or not.
But I felt that similar feeling this time around. I had this feeling that was like, "Oh, okay.
(03:50):
If I go through with this, it might not end really well in a long run." And mind you, I am 36.
So this has been going on for like 14 years. I've had my fun. I've had so many parties, I've done
(04:15):
so many parties, I've experienced getting high so much that it was not as fun as it was. It was more of,
I just need this to get by. And through harm reduction, I learned about self acceptance, self love,
(04:39):
I learned how to test your drugs and whatnot. And through that, it opened up a pathway to recovery for me.
And so, here we are like October 9th, right? I finished what I was using and I
(05:04):
told myself, "Man, here we go again. We just finished what we had." And I was,
I felt like I had to do something different. I tried therapy. I tried self-help books. I tried
(05:31):
NA before 12 step programs. And this time I was really going to try again because
I don't know what else to do. And so, I decided to get clean. I decided to attend meetings.
(05:56):
And my first year, it was really difficult because I was dealing with physical withdrawal to degree.
I was using so much that when it's not in my body, any more in my body craves it and all the anxieties coming
(06:18):
up and I'm not, you know, when I was partying, I wouldn't sleep much. So, when I stopped, I still didn't
sleep a lot, then I just slept a lot. I slept a ton. And whatever I was running away from, it was
starting to catch up to me. Fears, the emotions, the feelings, stuff that I kind of pried on the
(06:48):
back burner was catching up to me. So, that was my first year pretty much, right? You know, working
the steps and the 12 step program. And I'm just so proud that I made it through that one year.
And six months within that year, I realized something was kind of off.
(07:11):
I felt like I was not able to really experience joy. I felt kind of apathetic, just blah, essentially.
I wanted to sleep a lot more than I needed to. And a couple co-workers that know my situation,
(07:37):
talk to me and say, "Hey, you're okay. You look kind of like kind of out of it. I'm like, yeah,
I'm not really feeling joy or anything. I'm just going through the motion, essentially." So, I also
talked to my sponsor and he said, "Hey, you should definitely go get an appointment with a psychiatrist
(08:01):
and see what we can do with some medication with some in-addepressants." And I did that
and it started working. I still take them to this day to feel more balanced. That was year one.
Year two, I don't really get the physical urge to really use it. I don't really get that, but,
(08:28):
man, I'm still reminiscing. I'm still glorifying in my head the good old days. It's still there.
Sometimes I kind of think about the parties. That was such a fun time and here we are. It's not so fun.
(08:50):
And I just got to be mindful of that. I don't really create the drug as much as I crave what they did for me.
What they did for me was they made me feel okay. I felt more at peace with things with certain people
(09:17):
in my life that I felt like I forgave. I felt like it was all good. When you're on that, when you're on
drugs and stuff, I felt for me personally, I felt like everything is cool, everything's good. Hey,
it's water under the bridge type stuff, right? I think that was the drug's talking. I was in a really
(09:42):
good mood. And now that I don't consider that option anymore, a lot of stuff is resurfacing about it.
Kind of thinking like, damn, am I really over that? Am I really okay with this person?
Did I really get over that situation? So that's what a lot of this year has been. I also see a therapist
(10:10):
regularly on top of going to 12-step meetings. And it's working out. Again, I don't really have an urge to
use, but the thought to come up and for me, again, it's just missing that everything's okay feeling.
(10:35):
It's still there, but not to the extent that the drugs gave, but that was kind of an illusion.
And this is reality. So I'm just learning just to regulate my emotions a little better.
I noticed that I'm angry a lot. I just don't express it. I'm not going to last shot or anything,
(10:57):
but I just noticed that there are some things that I kind of overlooked. I told myself it's not a big deal
when it is a big deal. So I'm working through that. I'm learning that I don't always have to buy peace.
What the drugs did, what food does, what buying things do for me is I feel at peace. I feel like
(11:27):
everything is okay. And yeah, when I eat a pizza to myself, I feel great. I feel good. I'm like
in food homeland. I'm not bothered. When I buy things, there's that rush that dopamine release,
I feel good. You know, when I buy these new shoes, everything's going to be okay. My life is going to be
(11:50):
better. When I was doing the drugs, I managed to, it's an illusion, but I managed to feel like I was okay,
even though my life was pretty shitty, because I depended on a substance for so long just to get by,
(12:11):
just to do what other people do regularly. But I thought that was okay. I was under that illusion.
I don't know if you're familiar with Naruto that I've gone due to the sharing on, the visual illusion,
(12:34):
the things are okay. That's what it was for me. So I'm just learning now like, you wanted that peace,
right? That's my therapist says. You wanted that peace, but you don't have to necessarily go out and buy
things to have that peace. So I'm learning that writing music is a great way for me to have that
(13:05):
peace to release my emotions in a healthy way. So I should definitely do that more.
And I'm learning how much I enjoy, I forgot. And I'm due to as often as I want to.
Lately, I'm just isolating a lot. I find myself not even going taking the time out to see friends,
(13:33):
the tattoo shop, just because I work after work. I'm so drained, man, that I just want to go home,
eat some food, watch some movies or YouTube, and fall asleep. And kind of like forget dissociating
(13:55):
the sense. So there is definitely that. Sometimes I feel like it's the weather, but yeah, I just haven't
really felt as outgoing as I used to. Again, it's kind of why I miss the drugs because I felt like I was
(14:15):
more outgoing that I was taking more risk to talk to people and just being more social essentially.
I don't know why I called it a risk, but I felt like I was more sociable. At least it's how I felt,
but in reality, I would just get so paranoid sometimes I'd just stay in my room. But again, there was
(14:37):
allusion, right? That I was more outgoing, I was more confident when I was partying. So yeah, I just had
a podcast interview today. And that was socializing. That was fun. But yeah, I just felt, I just feel like
(15:00):
I don't know. I don't know. I read somewhere that ice lady can be dicting and I kind of like it. I was talking to
my therapist and she says, maybe because you're overstimulated that you need like a lot of downtime.
And I find myself, yeah, overstimulated. I really enjoy my job, but it takes a lot out of me.
(15:25):
But it's rewarding, but man, when I clock out, when I head out to that door, man, I just can't wait to
go home and just lay in my bed and chill till the next day. And yeah, I, with a weekly podcast,
(15:49):
I'm gonna try to keep it going, but I can see myself podcasting, releasing a podcast every other week.
Lately, I've been feeling a little burned out. And it was kind of nice. I had this break to,
I had this break recently where I had uploaded a thing for seven days.
(16:12):
Maybe kind of feel rejuvenated and record a podcast again or upload. Because when I was weekly,
it's great. But sometimes I'm just like kind of burnt out. Maybe because of the solo episodes,
like I mentioned before. So I can see myself maybe switching to every other week.
(16:39):
Without format, I don't know if I mentioned that in the last podcast, dude, it has been like ages for me.
So yeah, I just wanted to talk about the two-year anniversary, which I had October 9th. I feel really
good about it. Thank you to everybody that supported me, especially taking your time out to message me
(17:00):
and talk to me about these things. A lot of people that I talk to. And I'm just really glad. I feel like,
you know, life isn't where I want it to be essentially, but there's this relief that comes over me.
Even though I'm always anxious or frequently anxious, looking back, I was on another level of anxious
(17:27):
because not only was I anxious about regular life, work, school when I went to school, and just
personal relationships, I was also just anxious about the drugs, right? Not having it.
Running low, deciding, well, I have X amount of money left in my account. I'm not going to spend
(17:54):
that on partying or things I need. Wearing a thing about things like, man,
if I look high when I come into work, someone going to notice that I'm on one right now.
And that that dread you have when you feel like you did too much in your heart's racing 100 miles
(18:17):
an hour, you thinking that might be it. I'm plenty of those. And that's another level of anxiety that
I don't want to be part of and part taken. That's optional now. I don't have to go back to that.
That's just so much mental work to keep up with appearances acting like I'm fine when I'm not
(18:44):
because I'm on drugs, you know? So now that that part is out of my life, I do feel a lot better.
I really enjoy my sleep. I have some good sleep. I have really cool dreams, vivid dreams.
I'm not waking up all sweaty. I'm thinking like, fuck man, what days do I make?
(19:09):
Did I sleep for like a day? I don't have that anxious feeling of like checking my phone. I've missed
so many calls or messages because I was asleep for like a day or something. I don't know that
anxiety or it's like, fuck man, I suppose I do a podcast right now or in a couple hours.
Can I even do it? Am I going to say something like, hey sorry, something came up. That kind of excuses.
(19:36):
I don't have to do that anymore. And I know that to stop getting clean. I don't regret it. I feel like
everybody has a different journey and this was definitely part of my journey and I'm fortunate
that I walked away from it relatively. Okay, there's definitely some lasting effects with the anxiety
(20:03):
and the tenseness. I don't know that's just like anxiety in general, but you know, some people are
not as fortunate. I got to think about that. Fentanyl, like OD's are on the rise still.
And I am grateful that I was able to walk away when I did. I hear about people that I see people
(20:33):
in these meetings sometimes and they stop going and then I hear they overdose and die.
It's like, fuck man. You know, it's a trip. It really is. It makes me really appreciate
right now and life even though, you know, it's not perfect, but what is life ever perfect?
(20:55):
So I was going to end it with that. Thank you for tuning in. Glad to be recording again. It's been a while.
And anybody that is dealing with substance abuse issues, hey, you're not alone. It is possible to
(21:17):
recover. You don't have to attend 12 step meetings to get to stop or like slow down. There's other
ways to recovery. That's just one way though that I was able to recover. You're not alone. I know what
it feels like, man, I know that feeling of when your stash is running low and you've been
(21:42):
parting for three days, no sleep, you're fucking paranoid. I know that feeling when you actually do
finally run out, you feel like a piece of shit. You feel like you're a fucking failure. I know what
that's like. I have, man, I'm laughing now, but I have experienced that feeling so many times.
(22:08):
And I think what I got away from what I got from that was just learning to accept yourself
to the best of your ability. That hey, it is okay. You'll be okay. And that you do have a choice.
You have a choice that you can stop if you want to. It's not easy, right? Especially if you've
(22:33):
been at it for a long time, but hey, it is possible and your life can get better. It's for anybody
listening that's again going through that situation, man, it's all too familiar. I still remember it.
I still do and just looking back, I'm like, damn, that's a while way to live.
(22:59):
And it's cool for a while, you know, if you can manage to do it once in a while,
but it's tough to stop when you constantly do it. So I'm rooting for you. If you're going through
that, if you're doing with that, and you're not alone, there's nothing to be ashamed about.
(23:19):
Because I think that's what also prevents us from reaching out, right? You know how society looks at us,
how society views addicts, right? They look at us funny. All right, we try to hide it. We try to
mask it. Make it look like everything is okay. I know it's like to not want to tell your friends
(23:46):
because they're going to think, "Man, this guy is a fucking junkie." You know, I know what that's like,
and I hope you have a good support system. You know, you have friends that accept you
free you are and just are there to support you. I really hope you have that.
And yeah, it's definitely not too late to stop. We're relative how old you are, how long you've been
(24:13):
using. It's definitely possible to turn your life around and it may take time, but it's definitely worth
it if you want to give it a shot. And if you relapse, that's totally okay too. I've done that so many times,
I lost count. I just try again, you know? So I'm going to end it with that. Just take care of yourself,
(24:38):
y'all. Thank you again for listening. I really appreciate it. It means a lot.
And yeah, congratulations to anybody that's, you know, also in this journey for deciding to get
clean and stay off substances or cut down. I know it's not easy, so however much time you have,
(25:00):
man, good job. I'm proud of you. With that said, I think we're done with this episode.
Take care. Have a good day. I'll see you on the next one.
Hey there! My name is Vaughn and this is the Vaughncast Show. This is a podcast that focuses on
(00:08):
mental health, breaking societal stigmas, harm reduction, addiction and recovery. If you like what
you hear, subscribe and leave a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Also, follow the podcast
Instagram @thevaughncast show where I post video content from the show. All right, let's get into
(00:33):
today's episode. Welcome to the Vaughncast show. I'm your host Vaughn. How's it going today?
Hope y'all are doing well. And today's a solo episode. I was not able to record
last week due to some construction going on in the house. It was just hell-aloud noises, dude.
(00:59):
I really tried recording and then there was an electric saw going off and it picked up on the mic
and I was like, "You know what? Fuck this. I'm not recording. I was so pissed."
But here we are. I wanted to do some life updates a little bit. So last week, October 9th,
(01:26):
I got my two years sobriety chip. I've been clean for two years now. It feels amazing. I'm pretty stoked
about that. And I wanted to talk a little bit about why I decided to stop partying and then
(01:48):
compare my first year of sobriety versus my second year. And just do over that.
I still can't believe it sometimes that I'm not drinking or doing drugs anymore.
(02:08):
That's something I never really thought that I'd stop doing. I accepted that as part of my life.
That was just how it's going to be. That's how it was for nearly 14 years.
So I decided to stop for real for real this time. Two years ago, October 9th, 2022.
(02:37):
I noticed that the month, September and October, it was just getting a little more reckless than usual.
Usually, I'd tell myself, "Okay, just party on your days off."
(03:00):
And then it slowly just started partying work days. Not done this before, but it just seemed like
it's not going to go anywhere nice. Fentonals everywhere. And I've mentioned before that I almost had
(03:30):
a close call in the past. And there was this feeling beforehand. I don't know, was intuition or not.
But I felt that similar feeling this time around. I had this feeling that was like, "Oh, okay.
(03:50):
If I go through with this, it might not end really well in a long run." And mind you, I am 36.
So this has been going on for like 14 years. I've had my fun. I've had so many parties, I've done
(04:15):
so many parties, I've experienced getting high so much that it was not as fun as it was. It was more of,
I just need this to get by. And through harm reduction, I learned about self acceptance, self love,
(04:39):
I learned how to test your drugs and whatnot. And through that, it opened up a pathway to recovery for me.
And so, here we are like October 9th, right? I finished what I was using and I
(05:04):
told myself, "Man, here we go again. We just finished what we had." And I was,
I felt like I had to do something different. I tried therapy. I tried self-help books. I tried
(05:31):
NA before 12 step programs. And this time I was really going to try again because
I don't know what else to do. And so, I decided to get clean. I decided to attend meetings.
(05:56):
And my first year, it was really difficult because I was dealing with physical withdrawal to degree.
I was using so much that when it's not in my body, any more in my body craves it and all the anxieties coming
(06:18):
up and I'm not, you know, when I was partying, I wouldn't sleep much. So, when I stopped, I still didn't
sleep a lot, then I just slept a lot. I slept a ton. And whatever I was running away from, it was
starting to catch up to me. Fears, the emotions, the feelings, stuff that I kind of pried on the
(06:48):
back burner was catching up to me. So, that was my first year pretty much, right? You know, working
the steps and the 12 step program. And I'm just so proud that I made it through that one year.
And six months within that year, I realized something was kind of off.
(07:11):
I felt like I was not able to really experience joy. I felt kind of apathetic, just blah, essentially.
I wanted to sleep a lot more than I needed to. And a couple co-workers that know my situation,
(07:37):
talk to me and say, "Hey, you're okay. You look kind of like kind of out of it. I'm like, yeah,
I'm not really feeling joy or anything. I'm just going through the motion, essentially." So, I also
talked to my sponsor and he said, "Hey, you should definitely go get an appointment with a psychiatrist
(08:01):
and see what we can do with some medication with some in-addepressants." And I did that
and it started working. I still take them to this day to feel more balanced. That was year one.
Year two, I don't really get the physical urge to really use it. I don't really get that, but,
(08:28):
man, I'm still reminiscing. I'm still glorifying in my head the good old days. It's still there.
Sometimes I kind of think about the parties. That was such a fun time and here we are. It's not so fun.
(08:50):
And I just got to be mindful of that. I don't really create the drug as much as I crave what they did for me.
What they did for me was they made me feel okay. I felt more at peace with things with certain people
(09:17):
in my life that I felt like I forgave. I felt like it was all good. When you're on that, when you're on
drugs and stuff, I felt for me personally, I felt like everything is cool, everything's good. Hey,
it's water under the bridge type stuff, right? I think that was the drug's talking. I was in a really
(09:42):
good mood. And now that I don't consider that option anymore, a lot of stuff is resurfacing about it.
Kind of thinking like, damn, am I really over that? Am I really okay with this person?
Did I really get over that situation? So that's what a lot of this year has been. I also see a therapist
(10:10):
regularly on top of going to 12-step meetings. And it's working out. Again, I don't really have an urge to
use, but the thought to come up and for me, again, it's just missing that everything's okay feeling.
(10:35):
It's still there, but not to the extent that the drugs gave, but that was kind of an illusion.
And this is reality. So I'm just learning just to regulate my emotions a little better.
I noticed that I'm angry a lot. I just don't express it. I'm not going to last shot or anything,
(10:57):
but I just noticed that there are some things that I kind of overlooked. I told myself it's not a big deal
when it is a big deal. So I'm working through that. I'm learning that I don't always have to buy peace.
What the drugs did, what food does, what buying things do for me is I feel at peace. I feel like
(11:27):
everything is okay. And yeah, when I eat a pizza to myself, I feel great. I feel good. I'm like
in food homeland. I'm not bothered. When I buy things, there's that rush that dopamine release,
I feel good. You know, when I buy these new shoes, everything's going to be okay. My life is going to be
(11:50):
better. When I was doing the drugs, I managed to, it's an illusion, but I managed to feel like I was okay,
even though my life was pretty shitty, because I depended on a substance for so long just to get by,
(12:11):
just to do what other people do regularly. But I thought that was okay. I was under that illusion.
I don't know if you're familiar with Naruto that I've gone due to the sharing on, the visual illusion,
(12:34):
the things are okay. That's what it was for me. So I'm just learning now like, you wanted that peace,
right? That's my therapist says. You wanted that peace, but you don't have to necessarily go out and buy
things to have that peace. So I'm learning that writing music is a great way for me to have that
(13:05):
peace to release my emotions in a healthy way. So I should definitely do that more.
And I'm learning how much I enjoy, I forgot. And I'm due to as often as I want to.
Lately, I'm just isolating a lot. I find myself not even going taking the time out to see friends,
(13:33):
the tattoo shop, just because I work after work. I'm so drained, man, that I just want to go home,
eat some food, watch some movies or YouTube, and fall asleep. And kind of like forget dissociating
(13:55):
the sense. So there is definitely that. Sometimes I feel like it's the weather, but yeah, I just haven't
really felt as outgoing as I used to. Again, it's kind of why I miss the drugs because I felt like I was
(14:15):
more outgoing that I was taking more risk to talk to people and just being more social essentially.
I don't know why I called it a risk, but I felt like I was more sociable. At least it's how I felt,
but in reality, I would just get so paranoid sometimes I'd just stay in my room. But again, there was
(14:37):
allusion, right? That I was more outgoing, I was more confident when I was partying. So yeah, I just had
a podcast interview today. And that was socializing. That was fun. But yeah, I just felt, I just feel like
(15:00):
I don't know. I don't know. I read somewhere that ice lady can be dicting and I kind of like it. I was talking to
my therapist and she says, maybe because you're overstimulated that you need like a lot of downtime.
And I find myself, yeah, overstimulated. I really enjoy my job, but it takes a lot out of me.
(15:25):
But it's rewarding, but man, when I clock out, when I head out to that door, man, I just can't wait to
go home and just lay in my bed and chill till the next day. And yeah, I, with a weekly podcast,
(15:49):
I'm gonna try to keep it going, but I can see myself podcasting, releasing a podcast every other week.
Lately, I've been feeling a little burned out. And it was kind of nice. I had this break to,
I had this break recently where I had uploaded a thing for seven days.
(16:12):
Maybe kind of feel rejuvenated and record a podcast again or upload. Because when I was weekly,
it's great. But sometimes I'm just like kind of burnt out. Maybe because of the solo episodes,
like I mentioned before. So I can see myself maybe switching to every other week.
(16:39):
Without format, I don't know if I mentioned that in the last podcast, dude, it has been like ages for me.
So yeah, I just wanted to talk about the two-year anniversary, which I had October 9th. I feel really
good about it. Thank you to everybody that supported me, especially taking your time out to message me
(17:00):
and talk to me about these things. A lot of people that I talk to. And I'm just really glad. I feel like,
you know, life isn't where I want it to be essentially, but there's this relief that comes over me.
Even though I'm always anxious or frequently anxious, looking back, I was on another level of anxious
(17:27):
because not only was I anxious about regular life, work, school when I went to school, and just
personal relationships, I was also just anxious about the drugs, right? Not having it.
Running low, deciding, well, I have X amount of money left in my account. I'm not going to spend
(17:54):
that on partying or things I need. Wearing a thing about things like, man,
if I look high when I come into work, someone going to notice that I'm on one right now.
And that that dread you have when you feel like you did too much in your heart's racing 100 miles
(18:17):
an hour, you thinking that might be it. I'm plenty of those. And that's another level of anxiety that
I don't want to be part of and part taken. That's optional now. I don't have to go back to that.
That's just so much mental work to keep up with appearances acting like I'm fine when I'm not
(18:44):
because I'm on drugs, you know? So now that that part is out of my life, I do feel a lot better.
I really enjoy my sleep. I have some good sleep. I have really cool dreams, vivid dreams.
I'm not waking up all sweaty. I'm thinking like, fuck man, what days do I make?
(19:09):
Did I sleep for like a day? I don't have that anxious feeling of like checking my phone. I've missed
so many calls or messages because I was asleep for like a day or something. I don't know that
anxiety or it's like, fuck man, I suppose I do a podcast right now or in a couple hours.
Can I even do it? Am I going to say something like, hey sorry, something came up. That kind of excuses.
(19:36):
I don't have to do that anymore. And I know that to stop getting clean. I don't regret it. I feel like
everybody has a different journey and this was definitely part of my journey and I'm fortunate
that I walked away from it relatively. Okay, there's definitely some lasting effects with the anxiety
(20:03):
and the tenseness. I don't know that's just like anxiety in general, but you know, some people are
not as fortunate. I got to think about that. Fentanyl, like OD's are on the rise still.
And I am grateful that I was able to walk away when I did. I hear about people that I see people
(20:33):
in these meetings sometimes and they stop going and then I hear they overdose and die.
It's like, fuck man. You know, it's a trip. It really is. It makes me really appreciate
right now and life even though, you know, it's not perfect, but what is life ever perfect?
(20:55):
So I was going to end it with that. Thank you for tuning in. Glad to be recording again. It's been a while.
And anybody that is dealing with substance abuse issues, hey, you're not alone. It is possible to
(21:17):
recover. You don't have to attend 12 step meetings to get to stop or like slow down. There's other
ways to recovery. That's just one way though that I was able to recover. You're not alone. I know what
it feels like, man, I know that feeling of when your stash is running low and you've been
(21:42):
parting for three days, no sleep, you're fucking paranoid. I know that feeling when you actually do
finally run out, you feel like a piece of shit. You feel like you're a fucking failure. I know what
that's like. I have, man, I'm laughing now, but I have experienced that feeling so many times.
(22:08):
And I think what I got away from what I got from that was just learning to accept yourself
to the best of your ability. That hey, it is okay. You'll be okay. And that you do have a choice.
You have a choice that you can stop if you want to. It's not easy, right? Especially if you've
(22:33):
been at it for a long time, but hey, it is possible and your life can get better. It's for anybody
listening that's again going through that situation, man, it's all too familiar. I still remember it.
I still do and just looking back, I'm like, damn, that's a while way to live.
(22:59):
And it's cool for a while, you know, if you can manage to do it once in a while,
but it's tough to stop when you constantly do it. So I'm rooting for you. If you're going through
that, if you're doing with that, and you're not alone, there's nothing to be ashamed about.
(23:19):
Because I think that's what also prevents us from reaching out, right? You know how society looks at us,
how society views addicts, right? They look at us funny. All right, we try to hide it. We try to
mask it. Make it look like everything is okay. I know it's like to not want to tell your friends
(23:46):
because they're going to think, "Man, this guy is a fucking junkie." You know, I know what that's like,
and I hope you have a good support system. You know, you have friends that accept you
free you are and just are there to support you. I really hope you have that.
And yeah, it's definitely not too late to stop. We're relative how old you are, how long you've been
(24:13):
using. It's definitely possible to turn your life around and it may take time, but it's definitely worth
it if you want to give it a shot. And if you relapse, that's totally okay too. I've done that so many times,
I lost count. I just try again, you know? So I'm going to end it with that. Just take care of yourself,
(24:38):
y'all. Thank you again for listening. I really appreciate it. It means a lot.
And yeah, congratulations to anybody that's, you know, also in this journey for deciding to get
clean and stay off substances or cut down. I know it's not easy, so however much time you have,
(25:00):
man, good job. I'm proud of you. With that said, I think we're done with this episode.
Take care. Have a good day. I'll see you on the next one.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!