April 7, 2025 • 29 mins
Von reflects on the societal obsession with youth and the natural process of aging. He discusses personal experiences with aging, the responsibilities that come with adulthood, and the wisdom gained over the years. Von emphasizes the importance of embracing aging, recognizing the positives that come with it, and learning to appreciate the present moment. He shares insights on how his perspective has shifted from a carefree youth to a more responsible adult, while still valuing the lessons learned from his past.
Follow Me on Social Media:
https://www.instagram.com/thevoncastshow/
https://www.instagram.com/shibavon/
https://www.iamvon.net/
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Podcast Format Change
(01:40) Reflections on Aging and Youth Obsession
(05:03) Societal Standards and Aging in Media
(08:59) The Freedom of Youth vs. Adult Responsibilities
(13:19) Wisdom Gained Through Aging
(17:31) Interacting with the Younger Generation
(22:44) Embracing Aging and Life Lessons
(26:14) Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
Follow Me on Social Media:
https://www.instagram.com/thevoncastshow/
https://www.instagram.com/shibavon/
https://www.iamvon.net/
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Podcast Format Change
(01:40) Reflections on Aging and Youth Obsession
(05:03) Societal Standards and Aging in Media
(08:59) The Freedom of Youth vs. Adult Responsibilities
(13:19) Wisdom Gained Through Aging
(17:31) Interacting with the Younger Generation
(22:44) Embracing Aging and Life Lessons
(26:14) Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there! My name is Vaughn and this is the Vaughncast Show. This is a podcast that focuses on
(00:08):
mental health, breaking societal stigmas, harm reduction, addiction and recovery. If you like what
you hear, subscribe and leave a review on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Also, follow the podcast
Instagram @thevaughncast Show where I post a video content from the show. All right, let's get into
(00:33):
today's episode. Hey there! Welcome to the Vaughncast Show. I'm your host Vaughn. I hope you are doing
well today. Happy Monday. Last week I decided to switch up the days I record my podcast and drop them
and I decided Monday might be a cool day to drop episodes. Personally, for me, I listen to
(01:02):
podcast to drop on Monday, morning on my way to work or on my break just to kind of help me ease into
the new week. So I hope that doing that can have a similar impact for you. Just to heads up, my
(01:23):
nose is kind of running and my nose is super itchy. I don't know what it is. I think it is
allergies or it's the wind. I don't know, but it's super annoying. So I just wanted to give you heads
up. Today is a solo episode. It's a bit ambitious actually, but I want to kind of tie it into how
(01:49):
it relates to what I've been talking about the past couple episodes. So a couple episodes ago,
it was a self-sabotage one. I was talking about how I am closer to 40 than I am 30.
And I was kind of thinking about like, you know, what I've been doing and how time flies. I was getting
(02:15):
nostalgic. And then last episode was another solo episode talking about my relationship with
social media where I was talking about how I've been on podcast. Sorry. I've been on
social media for 20 years. And this kind of ties in with that is like why we, including myself,
(02:46):
as a society, are kind of obsessed with youth. What I mean by that is we're obsessed with looking
young and feeling young. And we kind of aren't looking forward to getting older past 21. I remember
(03:13):
growing up when I was a kid, when someone asked how old I am, I'd be like, I'm seven or
a half or eight and a half. I put that half in there. I wanted, I was so stoked to be one year older.
Maybe I was because of the birthday cake and the party and the gifts. And then we're also stoked
(03:38):
to turn 18 because we're what I'm quote, adults. And then we're so stoked to turn 21 because we can
legally drink. That was like, that's like the peak for some reason, right? Like our whole lives
you waited or when we turn like over teenagers, our whole like thing is like, yeah, we can't, I can't
(04:02):
wait to turn 21. I'm gonna have a huge 21 21 21st birthday. I'm gonna get fucked up type of
thing, right? And then as we get older, we're looking back to like, yeah, I wish I was still 21. You know,
when I was in my late 20s, I would kind of, I'd be stoked for my birthday, but I wouldn't be as
(04:27):
enthusiastic as I used to be for my 21st or 18th birthday. I don't know how that is with you,
but that was how it was for me. And I remember kind of tripping out of my mid 20s that I'm turning 30s.
And now I'm kind of tripping out how like, I'm turning 40 in like three or four years, no, three years,
(04:53):
holy shit, see? I'm tripping out right now. But it was to like show like why are we so
anti-aging? Why is this society, are we like, we don't want to like get older? I mean, there's obvious
(05:14):
reasons, right? Like, you don't want to die. We don't want to, you don't want to, you know, have
health complications, which are more common when we get older. I think there's more to it.
I think that in the media, especially with women, that there's like
(05:42):
beauty standards, right, that are more aligned with the youth than getting older. I think that's why
there's anti-aging products and companies make a bunch of money off that.
I think like, again, when we watch movies and everything, like movies, TV shows,
(06:17):
for the most part, a lot of the actors, actresses are a certain age. You're just some, they're a lot
older. I think we are so obsessed with like that certain age range, right? And when we are a certain
(06:37):
age, past a certain age, you're kind of washed. In my experience, that's like how it is with hip-hop
music. I make hip-hop music. I'm a rapper. And I remember growing up for some reason, I told myself,
it was a very like unrealistic goal. I get signed some time in my 20s, make a bunch of money
(06:59):
and make music. And then when I'm 30, I retire like 30 was such a scary age when I was 18.
And I think in hip-hop music, people are aging a little more gracefully in terms of like, oh yeah,
we have rappers that are over 30 years old. And for some reason, that was so weird.
(07:23):
Like, you know, they say that rap is a young person's game, but we have artists that are definitely
defeating that stereotype. You have great artists that are in their 30s and their 40s and 50s.
(07:45):
And that's something I kind of like wrestle with. Like, am I too old to be rapping?
Sometimes I think to myself, like, did my prime was it, did my prime, did I peak like a few years ago?
I think about that. I kind of reframen to myself, no, I think I'm better now. I have more content to like,
(08:12):
talk about. I don't think I'll be rapping when I was rapping about five years ago. That's just me
personally. Some people can rap about the same like topic and the same vibe, same like message,
the whole career and they know how to do it well. Nothing wrong with that. Just me personally,
(08:36):
not so much, you know. And something I think about, you know, podcasting, I don't think it's like,
like that, where it's like youth driven, I think podcasters tend to be a little older, which is pretty
cool. And for me, I think a big thing of why I look to like, like, I use it as a glory days. Yeah,
(09:12):
the partying for sure. It's there. Like, it's fun to get wasted. It's fun to get fucked up, fun to
get high. But I think for me, it is the feeling of being free, quote unquote. What I mean by that,
what I really mean by that is free from responsibility or being able to run away from them.
(09:42):
As we get older, obviously, we have a responsibility. And my 20s, I had responsibility, but I didn't have
as much. And stuff I was responsible for. I didn't, it wasn't really responsible for like I didn't care
so much. I think what it was for me is I had a big, I don't give a fuck attitude. I wore that
(10:09):
like a badge of honor. I don't care. I don't go a fuck. I'm gonna do me. Honestly, I missed that.
I think what I miss about it the most is that I want to do it now because it's a great way to escape.
Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and go on a three day bender because of everything going on
(10:36):
the world. But as I've learned that to me does not solve any problems. In fact, it'll make it worse.
And responsibility, like my responsibility, switched up. Like, hey, I gotta save money. I'm
learning to save money. It's not easy for me because I want to buy stuff to make myself feel better.
(11:06):
I get this, get that, try this food, try that restaurant, especially now that I'm not spending my money
on party. And I think for me, it's like damn, all right, should I like spend my money on making music
or spend my money on saving. Obviously, I can do both. Maybe not at the same time. Like,
(11:31):
maybe one paycheck, I can do this or one paycheck, I can do that. And I think for me, I'm still stuck
in that. Like, I want everything now kind of thing. You know, maybe I think that's the ADHD brain
where like, it's hard for me to think long term. I kind of just want things done now.
(11:53):
And I think because I don't think so much long term, I don't think so much about mortality.
I'm getting really, really old. And that could be like a good thing because I don't really
care about it so much, but I feel like as I do get older, you know, something's mindful of
(12:16):
I'm learning to appreciate that I'm able to like move pretty well that, you know, I can ride my bike
and go to work and do physical activity without a lot of aching. Honestly, there is a little bit.
I'm like, oh shit, that's what they've been talking about. That's why I decided to switch up my shoes.
(12:37):
I love vans, but they don't give the best like, beat support, especially that's why I switched
to new balance. But yeah, you know, I don't really think about the afterlife so much. I'm just so stuck
(13:02):
in the now, but I have noticed that I'm kind of slowing down a little bit before I was just,
you know, going 100 miles an hour and what I mean by that is just living in the fast lane,
you know, going wild and out, partying, living that quote unquote rock star lifestyle. And now
(13:27):
I'm not and I'm slowing down a little bit. When I'm talking to people, when I'm responding,
I kind of try to give myself like a few seconds before I say something because you can't just
always say stuff that you have to filter is what I'm saying. I think as you get older, for me personally,
(13:53):
I realize I realize I do have to filter. I have to be mindful what I'm saying to other people,
especially when I'm upset because I think when we get upset,
we're trying to say things that we really don't mean or we shouldn't say. I think there's a way to do it.
(14:17):
It's called tact and not be what.
And yeah, I think that's what I really miss about it. You know, I do miss being able to
party all night to have a little bit of sleep and miraculously going about my work day or school,
(14:43):
like everything's all good. Now I have to have eight hours of sleep, seven to eight hours of sleep.
I feel it if I have six. Back then it's like, oh, I have two hours of sleep. Great. Better than no hours of sleep.
I miss the fast metabolism. But I think that yeah, it feels good to look young and feel young,
(15:10):
but something that comes with age, I think, is wisdom. And that stuff is pretty cool too.
You know, you learn from your mistakes and from other people's mistakes and they're able to look back and say,
okay, yeah, maybe I shouldn't go that route or I'm going to do things a little bit different.
(15:32):
And also just interacting with the youth. I think one reason why I kind of like,
presented quote unquote grownups. So I remember it's grownups would talk shit about my fashion sense,
how I dressed, how I looked, my music, I taste the music. And I remember like, damn, man,
(16:00):
fuck these guys. I don't know they're talking about fucking old-ass people. You know, now I'm those old-ass
people. And hey, I don't fully understand the youth like the slang. I don't understand some of
the music, but it isn't me. It's not valid. You know, I may not understand it, but I choose to
(16:30):
refrain from talking shit about the youth. Like, yeah, you know, there's some good things about things
about younger generation, but I don't know. I choose to actively be that cool older person that
people that are younger than me, they feel comfortable talking to me, asking me advice without me
(16:54):
talking shit about like their ideas or like what they're going through. I think for me,
I re-elicked up to some older people that will like give some good advice that were down to earth
about it, but weren't like dicks about it. So I kind of want to like past, I kind of want to be that
(17:20):
older person that wasn't always there when I was younger. If that makes sense.
Sometimes I see my peers of my age on social media saying, oh, I don't get the younger generation blah, blah, blah.
Of course, if you don't get a younger generation, it's not our generation. It's not for us to get.
(17:43):
It's the same thing as the older generation, when we were younger, when they didn't get what we were
talking about, when we were listening to. To me, it's like, now I'm about aging gracefully. I know I do
(18:06):
with how I look and it's just how I was born. It's my genetics. It's not something I work on or
anything, but to me, it's just being mindful of these things. As much as I want to hold onto the past,
I got to move forward. I caught myself a couple of times past couple of weeks. It's like,
(18:27):
what I always like looking in the past, when those were the good days, don't you have good days too?
And I think I got to pause and think, yeah, I actually have a lot of good days. It's just not as chaotic.
It's not as quote unquote fun. What I mean by that is now I have money in my bank account to buy groceries.
(19:03):
I know that sounds weird, but like back then, honestly, I don't know how I was able to eat.
Like I was parting so much. Maybe that's why. I didn't eat as much.
Was I was always parting. But stuff like that, like, hey, I have a really good job that I really enjoyed.
(19:25):
I have a place to stay. I'm not sleeping on a couch. Not knocking anybody that
does for years. I slept in the living room or a couch for like, for years.
So not knocking on that, but I always wanted a space of my own. I always wanted my own room.
(19:50):
And I have that now. And it feels great. And small stuff like that that I take for granted that I have
to remind myself like, yeah, you had some great adventures with your younger, but dude, you're like
living comfortably now. You can pay your bills on time, you pay your rent on time, you have food.
(20:18):
Like the other day, for two days in a row this week, I forgot my watch. And I was beating myself
up about it because I don't like pulling out my phone to look at the time it worked.
But I had to tell myself like, dude, you're tripping out, you're tripping out. I was like, dude, you're
(20:41):
tripping out about forgetting your watch. Dude, back then, you even have a watch. There's not a fancy
watch. It's like a $20 watch. But back then, I had other problems like, I can, oh man, like, do I
have enough money for food or do I have enough money for drugs or shit, man, I'm in a really
(21:05):
shitty like position where I don't want to go to work because I'm coming down or high.
I don't got to make those type of excuses where I got to like make a call out, you know.
I don't have to like worry so much about the anxiety that comes from withdrawals from drugs.
(21:27):
I don't have anxiety, but doing drugs adds extra anxiety. And I think that's what it is. You know,
again, my mind, the way it works, ADHD brain, I definitely am more driven to stimulus. And where I
look back in the past, I think like, oh shit, man, that was so much fun. I was doing this and that,
(21:53):
hand out these friends, staying up all night. And that gives me some sort of like dopamine release.
And now I have like comfort. It doesn't give me as much dopamine release. But at the same time,
I got to acknowledge that and say, hey, man, you're like, you're living pretty good now. Like,
yeah, you have ups and downs in your days, but you are, you have the comfort that you always wanted,
(22:20):
like 15 years ago. And that in itself, it's a really good feeling. And it's because the wisdom,
I learned that, hey, maybe how I was living, it was great and all, but it's not sustainable.
(22:41):
And moving differently has given me a different life. And I think that comes with wisdom,
which means comes from getting older. Like, honestly, if I met myself when I was in my 20s, now,
I probably stay away from that person to be honest. Tell me, dude, this person is just on one.
(23:07):
You know, like, I don't know. I think I really would. I tell him, like, hey, man, you know,
I'm here if you want to talk type of thing. Like the other day, somebody ran up, somebody
approached me and somebody else, hey, you know, I can get drugs. And in my head, I'm like,
(23:28):
"Paw, dude, I just got flashbacks. It's weird. I got flashbacks." So like, man, I remember, I was kind of
this person and like, you know, I was in this, I was in, I've been in their shoes before. And this person
supposedly, you know, he just, you know, he went to, he got a rehab, he was what he told me a couple
(23:53):
months ago, and he was just looking at the party and I said, "Okay, I get you, man." But, hey, you know, I,
I don't know anybody who can get you these drugs you're asking me about because I got clean
a couple of years ago. So I don't know anybody. It's all right. It's cool. It's cool. And I said,
"Yeah, man, it's all good." But I told him just to be careful in terms of, you know,
(24:16):
they're spending all out there, obviously, test your stuff. And I said, "Hey, take care,
man." Honestly, I said, "I really mean to take care of yourself, bro. Wish you the best." And I don't
know in the past, that would be like a trigger for me. It still was like, "Oh shit, like, it would be
fun to get high right now." And now it's just like, "All right, I've been in the shoes, but that's the
(24:42):
past and I move on type of thing." So I felt that was like a, like a cool move, I can say, "I don't
know anybody. I'm out of that life." Again, that comes from getting older and having wisdom.
Yeah. So I really think we should embrace getting older. Like we get to live another year.
(25:12):
We lived another 365 days more than some people. Some people didn't make it to our age, right? I think
we should appreciate that more as opposed to thinking, "Oh, man, like I'm getting old." Some people
it's weird to say, "Don't have a luxury of getting old." But I passed away early due to an accident
(25:39):
or something else. And I'm just saying that now it's like them. It's right. Even though my worst day,
it's like, "Hey, I'm here. Bad days happen, but good days can happen too." And if we just like
(26:03):
keep doing our thing little by little, giving ourselves some grace when we mess up. It's a new day to start.
I'm doing a lot better with a self-sabotage. I think that episode when I spoke about it and
going to therapy it helped me out. I'm seeing how I would self-sabotage and how it impacts my life
(26:30):
and just talking about it and putting it out there. I just became more aware of it. Like, yeah, again,
past couple episodes, I was saying how overwhelmed I was with the goals that I have and how I feel like I
haven't reached them or not there yet or in the desired place I want to be. I haven't hit certain
(26:53):
milestones, but I still got time. And time, for me, I'm learning that, you know, things don't happen
overnight. Good things take time and I have to remind myself that, but I'm in a better place now
than I was a couple years or a couple years, a couple episodes ago. And I think a big part of it
(27:22):
is just talking about it. I'm just ranting about it on a podcast and people saying how they can relate
type of thing. So, yeah, it's kind of like a, I'll probably do this episode again with somebody else
just to balance back and forth ideas, but I just want to take a shot at it, you know how
(27:47):
how we are so obsessed with the youth and how how it impacts me, how at the end of the day, I think it's
just that feeling being able to be more careless. I mean, obviously I can. I'm not stopping from
being careless and reckless and going all out and abandon anything, but it's just I stopped myself.
(28:12):
And I don't think I could have done that in my 20s. I was able to realize and pause and say, hey,
maybe this is not the best idea. And at the time, that was my idea of coping and getting away from,
getting away from my problems. And I don't, I'm not a matter that that was who I was. That's
(28:40):
what I needed at the time to escape from my problems and how I'm feeling. But now that way of coping
doesn't serve me anymore. I'm learning there's other healthier ways to do that. And I'm able to do that
through getting older and getting wisdom. So with that said, I hope you have a good rest of your week.
(29:09):
I know that this is kind of I was kind of all over the place with this one. Again, it's a pretty ambitious
topic, but I really wish that you have a good week, good work week, you have to do what you got to do,
get some rest and take care of yourself. I'll see you next Monday.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Hey there! My name is Vaughn and this is the Vaughncast Show. This is a podcast that focuses on
(00:08):
mental health, breaking societal stigmas, harm reduction, addiction and recovery. If you like what
you hear, subscribe and leave a review on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Also, follow the podcast
Instagram @thevaughncast Show where I post a video content from the show. All right, let's get into
(00:33):
today's episode. Hey there! Welcome to the Vaughncast Show. I'm your host Vaughn. I hope you are doing
well today. Happy Monday. Last week I decided to switch up the days I record my podcast and drop them
and I decided Monday might be a cool day to drop episodes. Personally, for me, I listen to
(01:02):
podcast to drop on Monday, morning on my way to work or on my break just to kind of help me ease into
the new week. So I hope that doing that can have a similar impact for you. Just to heads up, my
(01:23):
nose is kind of running and my nose is super itchy. I don't know what it is. I think it is
allergies or it's the wind. I don't know, but it's super annoying. So I just wanted to give you heads
up. Today is a solo episode. It's a bit ambitious actually, but I want to kind of tie it into how
(01:49):
it relates to what I've been talking about the past couple episodes. So a couple episodes ago,
it was a self-sabotage one. I was talking about how I am closer to 40 than I am 30.
And I was kind of thinking about like, you know, what I've been doing and how time flies. I was getting
(02:15):
nostalgic. And then last episode was another solo episode talking about my relationship with
social media where I was talking about how I've been on podcast. Sorry. I've been on
social media for 20 years. And this kind of ties in with that is like why we, including myself,
(02:46):
as a society, are kind of obsessed with youth. What I mean by that is we're obsessed with looking
young and feeling young. And we kind of aren't looking forward to getting older past 21. I remember
(03:13):
growing up when I was a kid, when someone asked how old I am, I'd be like, I'm seven or
a half or eight and a half. I put that half in there. I wanted, I was so stoked to be one year older.
Maybe I was because of the birthday cake and the party and the gifts. And then we're also stoked
(03:38):
to turn 18 because we're what I'm quote, adults. And then we're so stoked to turn 21 because we can
legally drink. That was like, that's like the peak for some reason, right? Like our whole lives
you waited or when we turn like over teenagers, our whole like thing is like, yeah, we can't, I can't
(04:02):
wait to turn 21. I'm gonna have a huge 21 21 21st birthday. I'm gonna get fucked up type of
thing, right? And then as we get older, we're looking back to like, yeah, I wish I was still 21. You know,
when I was in my late 20s, I would kind of, I'd be stoked for my birthday, but I wouldn't be as
(04:27):
enthusiastic as I used to be for my 21st or 18th birthday. I don't know how that is with you,
but that was how it was for me. And I remember kind of tripping out of my mid 20s that I'm turning 30s.
And now I'm kind of tripping out how like, I'm turning 40 in like three or four years, no, three years,
(04:53):
holy shit, see? I'm tripping out right now. But it was to like show like why are we so
anti-aging? Why is this society, are we like, we don't want to like get older? I mean, there's obvious
(05:14):
reasons, right? Like, you don't want to die. We don't want to, you don't want to, you know, have
health complications, which are more common when we get older. I think there's more to it.
I think that in the media, especially with women, that there's like
(05:42):
beauty standards, right, that are more aligned with the youth than getting older. I think that's why
there's anti-aging products and companies make a bunch of money off that.
I think like, again, when we watch movies and everything, like movies, TV shows,
(06:17):
for the most part, a lot of the actors, actresses are a certain age. You're just some, they're a lot
older. I think we are so obsessed with like that certain age range, right? And when we are a certain
(06:37):
age, past a certain age, you're kind of washed. In my experience, that's like how it is with hip-hop
music. I make hip-hop music. I'm a rapper. And I remember growing up for some reason, I told myself,
it was a very like unrealistic goal. I get signed some time in my 20s, make a bunch of money
(06:59):
and make music. And then when I'm 30, I retire like 30 was such a scary age when I was 18.
And I think in hip-hop music, people are aging a little more gracefully in terms of like, oh yeah,
we have rappers that are over 30 years old. And for some reason, that was so weird.
(07:23):
Like, you know, they say that rap is a young person's game, but we have artists that are definitely
defeating that stereotype. You have great artists that are in their 30s and their 40s and 50s.
(07:45):
And that's something I kind of like wrestle with. Like, am I too old to be rapping?
Sometimes I think to myself, like, did my prime was it, did my prime, did I peak like a few years ago?
I think about that. I kind of reframen to myself, no, I think I'm better now. I have more content to like,
(08:12):
talk about. I don't think I'll be rapping when I was rapping about five years ago. That's just me
personally. Some people can rap about the same like topic and the same vibe, same like message,
the whole career and they know how to do it well. Nothing wrong with that. Just me personally,
(08:36):
not so much, you know. And something I think about, you know, podcasting, I don't think it's like,
like that, where it's like youth driven, I think podcasters tend to be a little older, which is pretty
cool. And for me, I think a big thing of why I look to like, like, I use it as a glory days. Yeah,
(09:12):
the partying for sure. It's there. Like, it's fun to get wasted. It's fun to get fucked up, fun to
get high. But I think for me, it is the feeling of being free, quote unquote. What I mean by that,
what I really mean by that is free from responsibility or being able to run away from them.
(09:42):
As we get older, obviously, we have a responsibility. And my 20s, I had responsibility, but I didn't have
as much. And stuff I was responsible for. I didn't, it wasn't really responsible for like I didn't care
so much. I think what it was for me is I had a big, I don't give a fuck attitude. I wore that
(10:09):
like a badge of honor. I don't care. I don't go a fuck. I'm gonna do me. Honestly, I missed that.
I think what I miss about it the most is that I want to do it now because it's a great way to escape.
Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and go on a three day bender because of everything going on
(10:36):
the world. But as I've learned that to me does not solve any problems. In fact, it'll make it worse.
And responsibility, like my responsibility, switched up. Like, hey, I gotta save money. I'm
learning to save money. It's not easy for me because I want to buy stuff to make myself feel better.
(11:06):
I get this, get that, try this food, try that restaurant, especially now that I'm not spending my money
on party. And I think for me, it's like damn, all right, should I like spend my money on making music
or spend my money on saving. Obviously, I can do both. Maybe not at the same time. Like,
(11:31):
maybe one paycheck, I can do this or one paycheck, I can do that. And I think for me, I'm still stuck
in that. Like, I want everything now kind of thing. You know, maybe I think that's the ADHD brain
where like, it's hard for me to think long term. I kind of just want things done now.
(11:53):
And I think because I don't think so much long term, I don't think so much about mortality.
I'm getting really, really old. And that could be like a good thing because I don't really
care about it so much, but I feel like as I do get older, you know, something's mindful of
(12:16):
I'm learning to appreciate that I'm able to like move pretty well that, you know, I can ride my bike
and go to work and do physical activity without a lot of aching. Honestly, there is a little bit.
I'm like, oh shit, that's what they've been talking about. That's why I decided to switch up my shoes.
(12:37):
I love vans, but they don't give the best like, beat support, especially that's why I switched
to new balance. But yeah, you know, I don't really think about the afterlife so much. I'm just so stuck
(13:02):
in the now, but I have noticed that I'm kind of slowing down a little bit before I was just,
you know, going 100 miles an hour and what I mean by that is just living in the fast lane,
you know, going wild and out, partying, living that quote unquote rock star lifestyle. And now
(13:27):
I'm not and I'm slowing down a little bit. When I'm talking to people, when I'm responding,
I kind of try to give myself like a few seconds before I say something because you can't just
always say stuff that you have to filter is what I'm saying. I think as you get older, for me personally,
(13:53):
I realize I realize I do have to filter. I have to be mindful what I'm saying to other people,
especially when I'm upset because I think when we get upset,
we're trying to say things that we really don't mean or we shouldn't say. I think there's a way to do it.
(14:17):
It's called tact and not be what.
And yeah, I think that's what I really miss about it. You know, I do miss being able to
party all night to have a little bit of sleep and miraculously going about my work day or school,
(14:43):
like everything's all good. Now I have to have eight hours of sleep, seven to eight hours of sleep.
I feel it if I have six. Back then it's like, oh, I have two hours of sleep. Great. Better than no hours of sleep.
I miss the fast metabolism. But I think that yeah, it feels good to look young and feel young,
(15:10):
but something that comes with age, I think, is wisdom. And that stuff is pretty cool too.
You know, you learn from your mistakes and from other people's mistakes and they're able to look back and say,
okay, yeah, maybe I shouldn't go that route or I'm going to do things a little bit different.
(15:32):
And also just interacting with the youth. I think one reason why I kind of like,
presented quote unquote grownups. So I remember it's grownups would talk shit about my fashion sense,
how I dressed, how I looked, my music, I taste the music. And I remember like, damn, man,
(16:00):
fuck these guys. I don't know they're talking about fucking old-ass people. You know, now I'm those old-ass
people. And hey, I don't fully understand the youth like the slang. I don't understand some of
the music, but it isn't me. It's not valid. You know, I may not understand it, but I choose to
(16:30):
refrain from talking shit about the youth. Like, yeah, you know, there's some good things about things
about younger generation, but I don't know. I choose to actively be that cool older person that
people that are younger than me, they feel comfortable talking to me, asking me advice without me
(16:54):
talking shit about like their ideas or like what they're going through. I think for me,
I re-elicked up to some older people that will like give some good advice that were down to earth
about it, but weren't like dicks about it. So I kind of want to like past, I kind of want to be that
(17:20):
older person that wasn't always there when I was younger. If that makes sense.
Sometimes I see my peers of my age on social media saying, oh, I don't get the younger generation blah, blah, blah.
Of course, if you don't get a younger generation, it's not our generation. It's not for us to get.
(17:43):
It's the same thing as the older generation, when we were younger, when they didn't get what we were
talking about, when we were listening to. To me, it's like, now I'm about aging gracefully. I know I do
(18:06):
with how I look and it's just how I was born. It's my genetics. It's not something I work on or
anything, but to me, it's just being mindful of these things. As much as I want to hold onto the past,
I got to move forward. I caught myself a couple of times past couple of weeks. It's like,
(18:27):
what I always like looking in the past, when those were the good days, don't you have good days too?
And I think I got to pause and think, yeah, I actually have a lot of good days. It's just not as chaotic.
It's not as quote unquote fun. What I mean by that is now I have money in my bank account to buy groceries.
(19:03):
I know that sounds weird, but like back then, honestly, I don't know how I was able to eat.
Like I was parting so much. Maybe that's why. I didn't eat as much.
Was I was always parting. But stuff like that, like, hey, I have a really good job that I really enjoyed.
(19:25):
I have a place to stay. I'm not sleeping on a couch. Not knocking anybody that
does for years. I slept in the living room or a couch for like, for years.
So not knocking on that, but I always wanted a space of my own. I always wanted my own room.
(19:50):
And I have that now. And it feels great. And small stuff like that that I take for granted that I have
to remind myself like, yeah, you had some great adventures with your younger, but dude, you're like
living comfortably now. You can pay your bills on time, you pay your rent on time, you have food.
(20:18):
Like the other day, for two days in a row this week, I forgot my watch. And I was beating myself
up about it because I don't like pulling out my phone to look at the time it worked.
But I had to tell myself like, dude, you're tripping out, you're tripping out. I was like, dude, you're
(20:41):
tripping out about forgetting your watch. Dude, back then, you even have a watch. There's not a fancy
watch. It's like a $20 watch. But back then, I had other problems like, I can, oh man, like, do I
have enough money for food or do I have enough money for drugs or shit, man, I'm in a really
(21:05):
shitty like position where I don't want to go to work because I'm coming down or high.
I don't got to make those type of excuses where I got to like make a call out, you know.
I don't have to like worry so much about the anxiety that comes from withdrawals from drugs.
(21:27):
I don't have anxiety, but doing drugs adds extra anxiety. And I think that's what it is. You know,
again, my mind, the way it works, ADHD brain, I definitely am more driven to stimulus. And where I
look back in the past, I think like, oh shit, man, that was so much fun. I was doing this and that,
(21:53):
hand out these friends, staying up all night. And that gives me some sort of like dopamine release.
And now I have like comfort. It doesn't give me as much dopamine release. But at the same time,
I got to acknowledge that and say, hey, man, you're like, you're living pretty good now. Like,
yeah, you have ups and downs in your days, but you are, you have the comfort that you always wanted,
(22:20):
like 15 years ago. And that in itself, it's a really good feeling. And it's because the wisdom,
I learned that, hey, maybe how I was living, it was great and all, but it's not sustainable.
(22:41):
And moving differently has given me a different life. And I think that comes with wisdom,
which means comes from getting older. Like, honestly, if I met myself when I was in my 20s, now,
I probably stay away from that person to be honest. Tell me, dude, this person is just on one.
(23:07):
You know, like, I don't know. I think I really would. I tell him, like, hey, man, you know,
I'm here if you want to talk type of thing. Like the other day, somebody ran up, somebody
approached me and somebody else, hey, you know, I can get drugs. And in my head, I'm like,
(23:28):
"Paw, dude, I just got flashbacks. It's weird. I got flashbacks." So like, man, I remember, I was kind of
this person and like, you know, I was in this, I was in, I've been in their shoes before. And this person
supposedly, you know, he just, you know, he went to, he got a rehab, he was what he told me a couple
(23:53):
months ago, and he was just looking at the party and I said, "Okay, I get you, man." But, hey, you know, I,
I don't know anybody who can get you these drugs you're asking me about because I got clean
a couple of years ago. So I don't know anybody. It's all right. It's cool. It's cool. And I said,
"Yeah, man, it's all good." But I told him just to be careful in terms of, you know,
(24:16):
they're spending all out there, obviously, test your stuff. And I said, "Hey, take care,
man." Honestly, I said, "I really mean to take care of yourself, bro. Wish you the best." And I don't
know in the past, that would be like a trigger for me. It still was like, "Oh shit, like, it would be
fun to get high right now." And now it's just like, "All right, I've been in the shoes, but that's the
(24:42):
past and I move on type of thing." So I felt that was like a, like a cool move, I can say, "I don't
know anybody. I'm out of that life." Again, that comes from getting older and having wisdom.
Yeah. So I really think we should embrace getting older. Like we get to live another year.
(25:12):
We lived another 365 days more than some people. Some people didn't make it to our age, right? I think
we should appreciate that more as opposed to thinking, "Oh, man, like I'm getting old." Some people
it's weird to say, "Don't have a luxury of getting old." But I passed away early due to an accident
(25:39):
or something else. And I'm just saying that now it's like them. It's right. Even though my worst day,
it's like, "Hey, I'm here. Bad days happen, but good days can happen too." And if we just like
(26:03):
keep doing our thing little by little, giving ourselves some grace when we mess up. It's a new day to start.
I'm doing a lot better with a self-sabotage. I think that episode when I spoke about it and
going to therapy it helped me out. I'm seeing how I would self-sabotage and how it impacts my life
(26:30):
and just talking about it and putting it out there. I just became more aware of it. Like, yeah, again,
past couple episodes, I was saying how overwhelmed I was with the goals that I have and how I feel like I
haven't reached them or not there yet or in the desired place I want to be. I haven't hit certain
(26:53):
milestones, but I still got time. And time, for me, I'm learning that, you know, things don't happen
overnight. Good things take time and I have to remind myself that, but I'm in a better place now
than I was a couple years or a couple years, a couple episodes ago. And I think a big part of it
(27:22):
is just talking about it. I'm just ranting about it on a podcast and people saying how they can relate
type of thing. So, yeah, it's kind of like a, I'll probably do this episode again with somebody else
just to balance back and forth ideas, but I just want to take a shot at it, you know how
(27:47):
how we are so obsessed with the youth and how how it impacts me, how at the end of the day, I think it's
just that feeling being able to be more careless. I mean, obviously I can. I'm not stopping from
being careless and reckless and going all out and abandon anything, but it's just I stopped myself.
(28:12):
And I don't think I could have done that in my 20s. I was able to realize and pause and say, hey,
maybe this is not the best idea. And at the time, that was my idea of coping and getting away from,
getting away from my problems. And I don't, I'm not a matter that that was who I was. That's
(28:40):
what I needed at the time to escape from my problems and how I'm feeling. But now that way of coping
doesn't serve me anymore. I'm learning there's other healthier ways to do that. And I'm able to do that
through getting older and getting wisdom. So with that said, I hope you have a good rest of your week.
(29:09):
I know that this is kind of I was kind of all over the place with this one. Again, it's a pretty ambitious
topic, but I really wish that you have a good week, good work week, you have to do what you got to do,
get some rest and take care of yourself. I'll see you next Monday.
[BLANK_AUDIO]
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