Dangerous Spork at the Airport - WED 9.2

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
That together with.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
You don't get to see the choreography that goes with
this great song. It's a very h one b Visa Christmas.
Here on the Walton Johnson Show, we are partying. Now
you're gonna love your h one b.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Visas featuring all the H one b Visa Christmas.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Song hits like that, and you got another one.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, I'm.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Boy, we're having fun here on It's it's not mud
fun now, it's blindingly un It's a very moon Bai Christmas.
It's a very what is it? What's not moga T shirt?
It's a very bombay Christmas. I guess it's tragedy in America.
Tragedy in America.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
It's kind of Christmas is what we got right there, boy.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Tragedy in India has really changed since back in the day.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
Yes, it really has. All right, everybody, you're awake, we're away.
Come on, focus kids, we can get through this. We
got a half an hour, Come on, we can do it.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
A deer broke into a Tennessee Christmas store then got
its legs caught in a wooden chair. Here are the
deputies chasing and then freeing the animal.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Wow, it was like a three Stooges movie. Yeah, well,
what did you think it was gonna sound somebody that chases?
But this is really a running National Lagger Day for me.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
I will take you a picture of the finest. Why
is it National Lager Day? I have no idea. I
drank a lot of beer last weekend.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
No, no, well, yeah, I think I had a coolsh
and then I had a.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
What is it a What's what makes it a lagger
as opposed to a beer? Uh?

Speaker 4 (01:53):
The guy at the brewery says, it's a lagger. That's
what I thought. My problem.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
I like beer. My problem is my body doesn't like beer.
When I drink beer, my intestines turn into like a
gash chamber.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
It's like, do you.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Listen to your body? Do you take advice from it? Occasionally?
It knows what's best. I can left. I left stuff
that's right. I can lift like four hundred pounds if
I dead lift. You know how big a beer are
we lifting here?

Speaker 4 (02:15):
Pretty big beer?

Speaker 2 (02:16):
You know you're going for them like ultra large beer.
Maybe get you like a big, giant, king sized beer.
Where would a manly get something like that? Maybe like
a like at the Stoke. Yeah, you get one of
them big malt liquor. You have a lift of malt liquor.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Well, I suppose if you like malt liquor, you could
join us on Saturday, December twentieth at the Dosey Dough
in the Woodlands just north of Houston, off I forty
five for a Christmas themed comedy show featuring Jesse Payton
and myself and a bunch of other funny comics. That's
gonna be a root and toot and holly jolly merry Christmas.
Time for you to have a Christmas date night with
your boo with your boo now and that how people

(02:53):
talk nowadays, or.

Speaker 4 (02:54):
Yeah, that's that's how that's how some people talk nowadays.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
This Christmas party is going to be on fleek. Huh,
I don't know it's And if you don't go your
sus no cap on god fr for reels. Yeah, for
reals right, that's what that means. I just saw the.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Story about an airplane landing on top of a car
in Florida while it was driving down nine ninety five,
and believe it or not, they seem to think that
it was the pilot of the airplane's fault that he
landed on top of a car and not the car.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Lady that was driving. Well, let me check real quick,
Billy D. Who did you say was driving the car
and the man or the woman? The woman?

Speaker 3 (03:29):
And who was flying the plane was a man? Oh yeah,
it's definitely the woman's fault, obviously. Yeah, no kidding, I
don't know what you're talking about, mister Kenneth. Hey, here's
a disturbing two different stories.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
All right, this news story's gonna piss you off. It
pisses me off. A sixty four year old man in
New Jersey, who is known for playing Santa Claus in
the community, has just been arrested.

Speaker 4 (03:48):
Guess why touching kids? Yeah, well close child porn.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Offense, makes sure signing anything and in endangering the welfare
of a child.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Here are a couple of neighbors talking about the arrest
of Polino, who is not Santa Claus.

Speaker 4 (04:01):
Turns out he was lying.

Speaker 5 (04:02):
It wasn't until we saw Mark taking away that we
realized something was going on with him.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
He was such a nice guy. You and I knew
he was a teacher. Was kind of disappointing.

Speaker 5 (04:11):
It's a terrible, terrible thing to hear about, especially this
time of the year.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
I have grandsons, and you know that's a that's a
sad thing.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, it's disgusting. They're like, it's always a nice guy. See,
that's why I'm trying not to make people think I'm
a nice guy. Oh yeah, you don't want to add
and I'm like the opposite of a pedophile in that
I want you to get your kids the hell away
from me.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (04:31):
Kids are not allowed at our comedy show because you
don't trust yourself around them.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
No, that was a good one.

Speaker 4 (04:38):
And I got to throw one at you.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
That is that is dark. You served it up.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
If I didn't slamm, don't that's look Ah, why would
you even serve it. I get why you'd ask that,
because it was the low hanging joke crew. But no, no,
I just unless it's like you know, unless I'm related
the person, I don't really want other people's kids around me,
especially if you have a dog with you at the airport.
I'll never forget that day that little girl came over
and wanted to see if she could pet your dog.
It was that is not what happened. You're making her

(05:06):
sound cool. It was the peak of the pandemic. The
pandemic had just kicked off. We were at the airport.
Even Milton was wearing a mask.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
I'm standing there and a small child runs up and
tackles Milton, and I was like, and I look at
the mom.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
It's a hug. And Milton didn't like it. No, he didn't. Well,
for one, he didn't see it coming. No, it was
she was aggressively tackling my dog.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
I look up and I see the mom and she's like, well,
I can't do anything about it. She wants to tackle
your dogs. I was like, lady, I will not be
nice to your kid. I'm known for being mean to kids.
Get this kid away from me. Get the kid out
of here right now, or I will call airport security.
I will have this child walked out of here in handcuffs.
I will tell the police this child was assaulting my dog.
Dogs before kids, sorry, dogs, before all people. Frankly, well,

(05:48):
sure God, dogs were put on this planet as like
angels from God to protect us, and anyone who doesn't
like dogs isn't allowed to listen to this radio show
moving forward.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
It was pretty funny then, of course, that same trip
as when the guy uh in line for the food
wanted to fight you because you had your dog, and
he didn't like the way Milton was looking at him.
I think your dog has eyeballing me.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Man see.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
I think sometimes people could fuse my politeness for weakness.

Speaker 4 (06:14):
I will fight, argue. I don't care.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
There's deep inside of me, there's an angry person in
the pit of my soul.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
We can tell.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
And if you mess with me at the airport, I
swear to God you were gonna regret it.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
I will do three months in jail just to prove
a point. I don't care.

Speaker 4 (06:27):
What was it you were doing. It upset him, so
I hand it too close. I walked past him while
he was waiting in line.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
He was in line, and of course everybody leaves these
gaps when during the pandemic, which.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
Which were no stupid made no sense.

Speaker 2 (06:38):
Right, he was standing six feet away from the person
in line ahead of him, And so you just you
didn't get a fork or something when you got your food.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
You needed a fork.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
I believe it was a spork, But that's besides the
plastic sporks. We're right over there, right, So you got
up and you just walked through that six foot gap
of his that was his safe space. That's the only
thing that's keeping him from dying from COVID and you
just blatantly blazed right through it with your disease spewing ass.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
And well, he had to fight for his life at
that moment. You know, it's crazy about that.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
What he didn't realize is that moments later he would
be on an airplane with nine or ten people surrounding
him in every direction.

Speaker 4 (07:15):
Ah, there were more than nine or ten people on
that ploet.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Do you think me briefly walking past you to get
a sport? Because if that is, if your immune system
is so delicate that my walking past you a foot
or two away somehow endangers your life, you shouldn't be
at the airport.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
I thought.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
I've been telling people this whole time. Don't go outside.
If that's your problem, then don't go outside. Definitely, don't
go to the mall or the airport or any place
where a bunch of people go gather and kill you.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
And moving forward, I think we should use the word
queer exclusively to describe anybody that drives around in a
car alone while they wear a mask.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
I can go for that.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
I can't believe people are still doing that. Still, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
Is it safe to say that based off of your comments,
you're suggesting that these women at these abortion rallies are
ugly and overweight. Yes, what do you say to people
who think that those comments are offensive?

Speaker 4 (08:03):
Be offended? Walton and Johnson Radio Network, We're some Georgian
news for you.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
The teen accused of carrying out a deadly shooting at
a Georgia high school school shut up in court yesterday.
Colt Gray, now fifteen, arrived in court dressed like a
totally different person than he was when he first popped
up on the news.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
Very preppy look.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
Quarters zip collared shirt, khakis and glasses, with a cut,
slicked back, dark brown hairdoo. Just a very different person
than the guy that did the mass shooting, who looked
like a crazed Antifa weirdo with like bleach orange hair.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
You know, defense attorneys have people on their staff or
people they will call. They have consultants and the people
that help them pick a jury that'll be you know,
leaning towards them on their side. They also have people
who will dress the defendant in this case to make
them look innocent. That's a thing that's a perfection in
this day age, I will help you dress your your

(09:03):
killer defendant to look all innocent so that he'll get off.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
I have a friend who makes a living prosecuting pedophiles,
child predators, people that prey on young kids, and that's
probably a good job. And uh, this was like a
lot of work out there. Huh it is. Yeah, you
wouldn't believe it. This person tells me that in her
office they have a closet filled with normal clothes because
sometimes a witness shows up to court dressed in a
way that is not appropriate.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Let a tube top or something, well, just anything. Yeah,
thosely tubetops just set off judges, I don't get wise.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
So they take them back to the room and they
put them in a sweater or something.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
If I wasn't judge, I have been, I'd have tube
top tuesdage or something like that, where everybody come to
the court we're tubetop.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Yes, chicks, obviously, I think I just figured out why
you're not a judge, one.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
Of the eighty five thousand reasons. Why, good God? Yeah,
what what the hell, Billy Ed? We're still doing Georgia News.
There's more. I thought you had some too, What do
you got.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yeah, Georgia beauty queen has just been sent in to
life in prison. What the hell could she have done
to deserve that?

Speaker 4 (10:05):
Well? Why could she have done to deserve that?

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Well? Apparently according to this now hold on to Bracy, shehell, okay,
I'm braced. She beat her boyfriend's eighteen month old son
to death. Oh God, in her dorm room at college.
Disgusting or me? Eighteen month old son? Yes, yeah, year

(10:28):
and a half old baby. And I guess the boyfriend
left her in charge. I don't know, and it was
probably screaming or hollering or crying or doing something she
didn't like, didn't know how to control it. She's a
former beauty queen. Well, they took her title away from her.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
Imagine that.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
I mean that had to sting a little bit. Life
in prison is bad enough, but then you got to
live the rest of that life in prison knowing that
you are no longer Miss Donaldsonville of Georgia. Wow.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
Since this is the disturbing news portion of the show,
probably pretty disturbing.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
Do you guys remember Comedian?

Speaker 3 (11:00):
Of course, kind of like ter Tara Reid, He's in
the news right now for appearing to be on drugs
in public. Shocking images captured comedian Andy Dick suffering an
apparent drug overdose on the streets of Hollywood on Tuesday.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
Isn't that at least once a week in his life?

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Fast acting passers by administered narcan to the disgraced funny man.
The fifty nine year old comedian was unconsciously slumped over
on a concrete staircase, leaning on a wall outside of
a building and in the famed Los Angeles enclave. It
says Dick had on a brown jacket, pajama pants, and crocs.
He was limp and unresponsive as a man attempted to

(11:38):
prop him up while his distinctive rectangular glasses sat on
the ground in front of him.

Speaker 2 (11:44):
Now do they help out all the homeless looking people
on the side of the on the sidewalk that are
slumped over and dressed in pajama pants? Are just the
ones that look like there might be a former celebrity.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
If you're curious why, I don't know the answer. I mean,
I probably.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Both, and you'd be busy all and some of our
major cities just stabbing people with narcan.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
Yeah, but this is Hollywood.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
There's probably a lot of former celebrities overdosing in then
why they pick him? Well, I don't know the answer.
But he did face some serious legal troubles in recent years.
He was convicted of sexual battery in November twenty twenty
two for grabbing an uber driver's crotch back in April
twenty eighteen. That's how slow the government moves.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
I'm not supposed to sit like where you can reach
the Yuba driver. You're supposed to, you know, like be
behind them or something. Would he like sit up in
his lap or something. He is now registered as a
sex offender. He went to jail for ninety days.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
He was arrested less than two months later for public
intoxication and failure to register as a sex offender. Remember
when he used to be on the TV show News
Radio with Joe Rogan. Of course, boy, times have changed
since then.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Well take a look at Joe Rogan then and now.
I don't even think that looks like the same person.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
Do you know the country music duo Maddie and Tay.
I've heard of them.

Speaker 4 (12:55):
They broke up, right, Yeah, that's all I had on that.
I didn't I don't know anything about him.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
They broke up lesbian ladies that was singing a song together.
And now they won't sing no more together.

Speaker 4 (13:05):
Oh no, I don't know, but they broke up.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
In the meantime, a door Dash driver has been banned
from the app after being accused of dousing an order
with pepper spray and causing an unsuspecting customer to fall
ill after eating the tainted food. I haven't actually read
this story yet.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
I lost poison people, don't they.

Speaker 3 (13:22):
I'm gonna jump ahead in the story here and guess
it had something to do with a tip.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Uh Huh.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
The driver was dropping off in order in Arby's delivery.
Well you shouldn't have ordered Arby's. Uh, when there was
a confrontation, Suddenly producing an object from her pocket, sprang
the food.

Speaker 4 (13:39):
Oh listen to this.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
The blue haired worker placed the spray back into her
jacket pocket.

Speaker 4 (13:43):
Oh now you, And I'm sure the septum ring was
pretty easy to spot as well. Mister Kenneth, have you
already seen this news story?

Speaker 5 (13:51):
No?

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh, Lord, of course it's got a septum piercing.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
They always do.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
The only two choices was in and out Burger or
or Arby's. Can you just you just said they shouldn't
ordered Arby's. But you don't know what their choices were.
I actually would eat Arby's, and I would eat in
and out Burger. It just wouldn't be my first pick.

Speaker 4 (14:09):
I like it.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
It's your two choices. Know what you got to do,
probably in an out burger. But I don't like the fries.
They don't order them. Yeah, I just get a burger,
get two burgers. You fill up on burgers. Get you
could get more than two. You could get four or five.

Speaker 4 (14:21):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
Six seven, Yeah, but I'm not that hungry. What oh,
I get it six seven.

Speaker 4 (14:27):
These things are just flying like over everybody's head this morning.
I don't have kids. I don't nobody wants to hear that.
I don't care. By the way, everybody in their car
probably just screamed.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
So we got an email from Rudy. Rudy noticed what
I noticed right away after you talked about that story
about the teachers in school with the eleven year olds,
the sixth graders. Yes, sir, he said, you know in
China and this probably gas's probably been over there. You
know a lot of little gas workers go to China occasionally,
he said, China, they teach their kids about math and science.
In America, we're teaching them pronouns and homo stuff.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yeah right, yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:00):
We did notice. That's why we said China's gonna hand
us our ass right.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
Some people think China's going to defeat us because of Ai.
That's not why China's because of the education.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Then China's waiting for every redneck who's fifty or above.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
To die and then it won't matter. Right, then they
got you go ahead and invade the country.

Speaker 4 (15:16):
That's it. Man came over, you know, that's what I
worry about. That guy and an alien he told him.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
He's like, yeah, we're fighting some kind of a monster
that can sneak around and blend into you know, all
the equipment stuff and disappear. And then it's got metal
teeth that shoot out of its mouth, a tail with
a spike on the end that it can stab you
with and lift you up off the ground.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Oh and it bleeds acid. That's it. Man came over.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
He's talking about Bill Paxton, by the way. Yeah yeah,
he said that.

Speaker 4 (15:46):
Well, Merry Christmas to Bell Paxston and everybody else out there.
I felt like I've been to the movies.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Now quick reminder, tickets available for our show on December
twentieth at the Dosey Doe just north of Houston.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
It's going to be a blast.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
It's a merry Christmas couple's therapy comedy show Christmas Couples
Date Night. Get your tickets now, right, John.

Speaker 4 (16:03):
Don't forget boys and Girls too eat it every day.
Hey again, you've reached the end of though Walton and
Johnson podcast. Good for you. That means you listened all
the way to the end.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Does that mean we're going away now never to be
heard again? No, no, no, there will be a new
show tomorrow. Oh thank goodness, unless it's the weekend or
we're off work. But as always, you could go to
waltonand Johnson dot com and you can find all kinds
of cool stuff there. Our news blog, links to our
social media accounts. Believe it or not, our personal lives
are very boring. If you comment on our social media pages,

(16:34):
we might reply yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:35):
Chances are we're just sitting around waiting to hear from you. Yeah,
so what's the big deal. Go to Walton Johnson dot
com today. I'm told there's a store. Oh yes, we
do have a lovely store and you could buy things there.
Walton Johnson dot com. What's not to Love