How Much Money Would It Take For You to Get Horse Sperm - TUE 8.1

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
After acquisition. So wait, I Divide the City. You just
played that and I decided it sounded cool with this
music in the background.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
You played it twice, it didn't sound as cool the
second time. It just kind of repeat.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
But I didn't have a lot of great soundbites. What
about this? What you call this music too?

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Huh?

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Bro?

Speaker 1 (00:17):
This is the newness?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Like you walked into a horror house and they're trying to,
you know, hurt your ears and scare you with with
crazy noises.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
What are you talking about? This is what I listened
to when I'm going to back.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
That's what I mean. Mentioned me in a grease truck
a few minutes ago, really fired off a lot of emails.
You never know what's gonna just really spark people's interest
in the show. I mean, we've been talking about the
attack on the Jews by the you know, the Muslim
terrorists with the attack on the white the Jews. Why

(00:48):
do you say it like that? That's how you pronounce it.
You say it Jews, Jews. That's what I said back
on the Jews.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Now when you say it, it sounds We.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Also talked about you know, black toes and cooking oil
and for some reason grease truck sent people to the emails.
We got a lot of people saying, I drive a
grease truck. I know what a grease truck does. This
one he seems to be the most informed that used

(01:18):
cooking oil or grease is a billion dollar industry. The
emailer says, I install used cooking oil recovery systems for restaurants.
The company I work for has their own refinery for
all this used cooking oil, and they take it and

(01:39):
they refine it and they make it into diesel and
jet fuel and kerosene, and they have a major contract
with a well known makeup company. That's right, ladies, an
ingredient in your makeup you're putting on your face every
morning is used cooking oil. That is so gross.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
You know it's not that gross. I mean, did you
think about what? But do you remember salmon sperm? That
wasn't that long ago?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Women were getting salmon sperm facial I think putting a
French fry on your face probably not as gross as
like doing that to a salmon.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
You know, how do you get it on your face?
That's what I want to know.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, you have to hold the salmon just so.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
And then what is there A good question?

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I'd rather not get into it, That's.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
What I'm saying, right. But then when you start thinking it,
you're like, you didn't just get it. It's not like
you could just buy that. Someone had to go out
and get it. What if that was your job to
do that to cattle or whatever? You know, if somebody does,
I know, and horses? Oh man, how much would it cost?
How much should I have to pay you to get
you to do that to a horse? How much you got? Okay,

(02:50):
this is a hypothetical. Would you do it for a
million dollars? Would you do it for two million? Now,
I'm gonna keep going until you get to a ten million?
Fifty What am i? Jesse Peyton? Fifty million dollars? You
don't have fifty million? Call well fifty? Would you do
it for fifty million? To push the fifty down here?
And then I'll let you know if I'm willing to
do that or not. Man, I got it. I gotta

(03:12):
think I would do it for a last money than that.
I mean, it wouldn't be cheap, but I would ever.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Read the book A Man in Full I have to
give John credit for this. Read a book like many
TV shows, many news stories. John always was just a
little bit ahead of everybody else that thinks. And he
was telling me about that book heep, and this was
like thirty plus years ago, a man in full and
there was a scene and there's a really rich millionaire

(03:36):
guy in Atlanta in the rich Barton Buckheat, I guess,
and he owned he owned race horses, okay, And so
there's a very graphic, detailed account of how they would
breed the horses. They would bring the big mail horse
the stud in to get his job done, and they

(03:58):
had people who were assisting with the horse so that
he would mount the female horse they want him to
breathe with. They had one person there whose job was
to be the penis, a ligner. See mister kindef that
that person if this doesn't work out for you in

(04:19):
the book, squatted underneath the horse and then guided the
because otherwise horses can be really rough and they can
damage the other horse, and they wanted it to go smoothly.
So to do squatch. Do you think they had exercises
to prepare for it. I'm sure squatting is hard. Squat
down underneath that horse and then guide it into you

(04:40):
know it's the target area.

Speaker 1 (04:42):
I see what I mean. And squatting like that all
the time. That could be really hard.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
You know.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
I was just thinking Taylor Switch probably turned this whole
episode into a song. I'm mister red.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Man.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
It used to be guy.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
So it used to be this show back in the
day where they would torture a horse by putting peanut
butter on the endside of its lips and it would
look like it was talking and it would do this,
but it was trying to get into peanut water and
lips was moving every which away, and you just sworn
that dang horse with puking.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Would Peter have let them do that today?

Speaker 2 (05:18):
What I really loved is when they got him to
dial the phone. Mister Ed could dial the phone well,
I mean in the fingers, you know, hooves aren't good
for and it was rotary back in those days too.
It wasn't push button, and so he'd pick up like
a pencil or a stick or something and put it
in his mouth and do that like seven times. You know,

(05:41):
what would be a good idea for a TV show?
You could watch young billyad watching mister.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
D That would be fun.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
That would be the whole show.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
Just you're not even you don't even see what's on
the screen. You're just watching billyad react to it.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
As a young man, that would be a really funny show.
Like today, what kids watch video games and stuff? I
would watch that people watch people play video games. You know,
they don't just watch a video game or play it.
They watch somebody else play a video game. That's the
stupidest damn thing I ever heard.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Of, And that's why we need to bring back bullying.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
And yet, believe it or not, they are making a
lot more money than us, an absurd amount of money. Yeah,
but they've all got diabetes, So jokes on them. Ha
ha ha, you're gonna lose a foot. God, too many
news stories today about Taylor Swift. It's really well, you're
looking at it real quick answer Brandon's question here. So Brandon,
he said, I heard about your comedy show over the weekend.

(06:32):
Sounded like it was hit and I wish I could
have been there, but I'm in Reno. Is there any
way to listen or see your your comedy show? You know,
like Djoel record it and then you know, sell the
recordings and give that money to wheelchairs for Warriors two.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
You could go to our comedy show on Saturday and Waco.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
That's not the question. Why don't you answer the question
because this.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Is as close as I can get to what the
answer is.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
No, No, nobody thought to record the event.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Well, we don't record the show because we want people
to go to future comedy shows. It's people. When people
put out a comedy special, it's because they're not going
to tell those jokes on stage anymore. That's what. So
then the next time you see them do stand ups,
so they need all new material. You don't just come
up with an hour of stand up. It takes a
while to develop that. So you ain't willing to come
up with new stuff. Huh, I'm busy doing this. I'm

(07:23):
not a full time comedian. Besides, I'm you know, I
was just hosting it. But anyway, policies, let's see meet
us this Saturday at the Waco Hippodrome Theater and you
can get tickets at jesseisfunny dot com. We are going
to be their Saturday night it is. Couples Therapy is
a relationship themed comedy show perfect for married couples, newlyweds,
even first dates, and singles. Bachelorette parties. You bet youa.

(07:47):
We love to hang with you this Saturday night. It's
gonna be filthy. There's gonna be a lot of dirty jokes.
It give me a lot of references. It's gonna be
two middle aged men talking about their genitalia, their average
size mid genitalia, of jokes about our disappointing sexual encounters
and divorce and that sort of thing.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
That you guys are tiptoed in a picture.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
No, Oh yeah, I's got a picture here you can
see it. Let's see who wrote this. Amy says, I
saw the picture from Operation Comedy Therapy. And when I
say when Kenny says he lifts, I didn't know. He
meant that he lifts up on his tippy toes for
a picture. It looks like Steve did also.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Where let me see.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Let me take a look. All right, here's the picture.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
I just want to read out.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Let you know how much I love you guys and
our local I don't have to do that.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
I'm already tall. I'm six three. Why would I get
on my tipy toe?

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Well you did, Goes, there's your foot on a tipy
toe right there.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
That doesn't count. I'm behind a group of people. I
wanted to make sure I was tall enough to see you.
You're behind Crystal, who's four foot four. I think I'm
behind three people and there's okay. Eric Knoles is a marine,
he's not a little guy.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Look at my foot. One foot is up on its
the heel is up. The other foot is flat.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
I'm not on my tip toe.

Speaker 2 (08:59):
You can't tiptoe one on foot when the weight's not
on that. I was obviously still moving positioning myself in
the picture. I have my foot, the weight is on
the left foot, and the right foot is picked up
to start moving. And that's when they took the picture.

Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, and my feet only look like that because I
was about to do a double backflip. That's just the
position you get in when you're gonna do a cartwheel
and do a handstand into a backflip. That's that's why
I'm like that.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
I'm flat footed. But Kenny is obviously trying to look six'.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Five Now i'm standing behind a group of people doing.
Acrobatics you, know did you know if you're, breathing it's,
Yoga but if you're not, breathing it's. Acrobatics it's. Acrobatics,
yeah that's what my yoga. Are acrobat now my. Acrobatic,
no my yoga instructor. Is she's From South. America she
got a cute, accent and she says.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
She from like the booty pot Of South, america Like Bill.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
LEEL i asked her which, country AND i never heard
of the country.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Before you've never heard of a country In South, america.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Not the one she's. From did they know it was
called Like gaysha or like like gonner Rhea are or.
SOMETHING i don't. Know, ANYWAY i answer where she's, from
AND i asked her this.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Question SHE i was, like is it supposed to? Hurt
that's WHAT i told, Her and she says yoga is
like a. Relationship if you are, uncomfortable that is, good
but if you are in, pain you have to. Quit
is She?

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Asian. NO i don't know WHY i started doing That chinese.
ACCENT i think it's just forced to have. It that
is a funnier, accent, though don't you think than The
South american?

Speaker 2 (10:24):
OBVIOUSLY i mean, sure, hello speaking Of South. AMERICA i
was just looking at the map And i'm keeping an
eye on the tropics for you that we got a,
little a little red being down there in The.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Atlantic i'm, sorry a little red. Bean does that mean
WHEN i talk about? That oh my, god he's. Right
it looks like a oh good. Lord and it's got
a landing strip and. Everything it's up.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
There just you, know in The atlantic north of The
South america, coast there is.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
There a warning label on. That weather radar graphic showed
me that you can't show that to.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Kids got a ninety percent probability of getting the name
here in the next few.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
Days usually if you flick the, bean the hurricane will go.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Away and then it's moving towards the east coast Of,
america like all the others have so far this. Year
and then they, said, well eleven out of twelve of
the spaghetti models show it doing the same thing where
it heads Towards florida and then hooks a right turn
and it goes back out to.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
See my doctor, says it's normal if it. Hooks to the,
writers what they, Say, yeah there's. Fine, yeah why do
you Hate?

Speaker 2 (11:31):
America walton And Johnson Radio.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Network While billia.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Is keeping his eye on The tropics and the little
red bean out, There i'm keeping my eye on the.
States look what we just. Had WHAT i, mean you
should be pretty excited about, this the first major snowstorm
of the twenty twenty five twenty six ski. Season, Bro

(11:58):
i'm in let's go over a foot right out of
foot or just a little over a foot of snow
has fallen in parts of Northern. Wyoming as a matter of,
FACT i think they had to close some highways up
there and the entrances To yellowstone for a while because
the snow got kind of. Deep they're not supposed to
be Closing yellowstone for what another ten. Days it's usually

(12:21):
Mid october around a fifteenth when they when they do
that and, say well that's it for the.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Winter.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Boys you should have come and seen it when it was.
Warm how do you know what Day i'll get out
that way every now and? Then, yeah you don't. Go
why didn't you know exactly what day they're supposed to
close it? Up, well you, know you keep up with
stuff if you you, know have an interest in that
sort of, thing you, know by hunting and camping and.
Wildlife you, know when you know white tailed deer season,

(12:49):
Starts wind's. Turkeys you don't even know when turkey season
is do, You, KENNY i talk about bow? Season you
know when bow hunters are allowed to. GO i shoot
guns in the city like a civilized. Person yea inside
of a bit building at paper. TARGETS i didn't say
inside of a. Building you don't get to eat them,
target so do?

Speaker 1 (13:04):
YOU i didn't say paper.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Target, well we've all been with you to gun, Club.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
OKAY i have been. There.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah where else did you fire off a whipon? Recently never,
mind it's not. Important was it? OUTSIDE i will have.
YOU i will direct you to my, Attorney MICHAEL. X.
STAR i will work you to a police chief THAT
i know which police.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
Chiefs to know all of? Them you know all the police?

Speaker 2 (13:24):
Chiefs, YES i do you know who?

Speaker 1 (13:26):
ELSE i?

Speaker 2 (13:26):
KNOW i MEAN i don't know him, personally but WHEN
i hear him, TALK i know right. Away That's John,
kennedy The center From. Louisiana oh, YEAH i have a
SoundBite of, Him, Senator Senator, yeah well it did kind
of sound like he said. Center no he. Ate, WELL
i mean he is a. Center we're all, sinners but
you know he knows how to act for forgiven.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
We are all. Sinners i've been saying that you said
you weren't a, center AND i, said of course.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
You're a, Center. Billy i'm just not a center like.
You miner mild compared to your crazy.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Sins all, Right Larry codlow And John kennedy were hanging out,
yesterday couple of baby but. Neocons i'm just. Kidding they
were On Fox Business channel talking about how the government
shutdown is going to. End And John, kennedy The senator.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Of, aluisia he's got a handle on.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
It of all the Neo khan, GERIATRICS i dislike him the.
LEAST i do Think John kennedy has some redeeming, moments
even THOUGH i don't always agree with his, voting because he's.
Funny he's Fog Horn. Leghorn if you want to be
a Neo Khon, republican at least have. Punchlines that's all asking,
Anyway John, kevis we.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
Just Had john Thun on the majority Of leader of
The senate who said we can't do, that and we're
not going to do. That you're not going to DO
i mean he consumer has to know, that and he
does know.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
That, yeah and let me tell you how this will.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
End it will land eventually When Senator presumer goes to
six or eight of his members And democrats and, says
do me a, favor vote to open it back. UP
i may have to criticize. It i'm not going to
vote with, you BUT i need a way out of.
THIS i need an.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
Offer that's the, offer and that's what's going to.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
Happen but he's got to be careful because if it looks,
contrived he's boned and he can't look like you's having a.
Mutiny but that's how we'll open.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Back so they have to, plan skive and contrive a
way to make this thing look like it wasn't planned
and schemed and, contrived that it just happened.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Naturally, Wow, Bill, yeah you And, john you both do
that thing or get excited to. Go it looks contravet
like that. Contravet where do you guys learn that? From
is that from your grandpa Or i'm not sure what you're. Asking,
well how do we say looks? Contrived? Contract just say
it it looks, contrived that's how you do. It rsh like.

(15:36):
That but that's not how he. Says he says looks,
contravet but he goes up an octave like that and
then it kind of adds like a little like a little.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Prissle do we not talk with A Yankee Chicago northern?
ACCENT i have a just don't be boring up in The.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
North that's not it is A cubs, accent if. Anything
we're in the, playoffs play all. Playoffs, yeah exactly. That,
hey It's National Forgiveness, day, Everybody hopefully you could forgive
me for that bad.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Joke, billy are we forgiving?

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Humas it Is National Forgiveness day and it Is Happiness
Day october. SEVENTH i feel like that's a. Mistake yes it.
IS i don't Think i'm gonna have.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
To move one of these. Dates and the one that
we're noticing today the two year anniversary of the worst
attack On jews in the history Of, israel and since you,
Know World War, TWO i think maybe we had to
move The Happiness.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Day you noticed how they don't have Any they don't
come up with new religious holidays. Anymore when you think
the way The jews are, want Like october seventh would
be like because a lot of their holidays or something
bad happened to them and they finally have their own.
COUNTRY i, Mean i'm talking about, finally like in the
grand scheme of all of human, history it's a relatively recent,
thing and this is the biggest tragedy to ever occur

(16:52):
in their. Country when you Think october seventh would be,
LIKE i don't know rational drizzle day OR i don't Speak,
HEBREW i don't know what the words, are whatever they'd call. It,
anyway it's an you're looking.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
For a drizzle, drazzle drizzle, drone time for this one
to go home ammenstein shamaramaka day OR i don't know
what they'd call. It Maybe dradel is thinking About, No dradl's.
Happy that's got to be a sad. Word dradel doesn't mean.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
Happy what does it? Mean but traders are, fun they're
told a little spinning. Top SEE i don't Get. JUDAISM
i don't get.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
It, yeah, Yeah and they don't get, Kafka, Catholicstic? Catholicistic
what do you call?

Speaker 3 (17:26):
It?

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Catholicism well you said, it, well better. Food you, know
we were all at a spaghetti party last, night wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
You That's catholic, food way better than whats of Balls
jews were. Eating you, know actually that it was the
chicken soup from Uh kenny And, Ziggy's.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Oh, god it's. GOOD i was. SAYING i was just
about to SAY i Forgot kenny And ziggy's all.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Right you gotta you, know you gotta keep that in.
Mind Jewish, deli there you. Go, GENERALLY i don't get
excited About jewish, food but At Jewish, deli man corn.
BEEF i don't know what it is about that corn.
Beef WHEN i got that good mustard? Too is It german?

Speaker 1 (17:57):
Mustard better?

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Not, no spylet is call it spicy most how about? That,
YEAH i don't know what they call it.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Anyway It's National Happiness, day even though it's not in
case you don't know what day it, is we forgive.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
You It's National forgiveness And Happiness, day a day to.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Tell those who hurt you that it's.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
Okay like your roommate who never refills The brita, Pitcher
your husband who said one hundred and eighteen dollars is
too much for yoga pants From, lululemon your teen who
never resets the mirrors after borrowing the. Car you're a
coworker who reheats fish in the breakroom, microwave the guy
at the gym who didn't wipe down the lead, press
those two shirtless da bags who take up the whole

(18:36):
park to.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Play ultimate, Frisbee and of course your.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
Wife all she had to do was, say, yes, honey.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Your old high school football jersey still.

Speaker 4 (18:46):
Fits, instead she Laughed National forgiveness And Happiness. Day forgive,
today except for your neighbor who.

Speaker 1 (18:54):
Parks a cyber truck in front of your.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
House screw that. Guy the second example is a sign which,
read AND i, QUOTE i Love. Vagina nom nom nom.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Nom her cat was Named. Vagina oh what?

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Now wilton And Johnson Radio network