Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Aren't even existed. I was gonna play red Hot Chili
Peppers and you replaced it with this.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're welcome. How many hours did you spend doing this? Oh,
it looks like, you know, ten or fifteen. It seems
like a lot of effort to make to just annoy
us for fifteen seconds, while totally worth it.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Look at the look on your face. You know what
I just realized a few minutes ago. I know we
ought to censure Hill.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Can we do that? Yeah, we can do that. Yeah,
but it doesn't mean anything. I just looked it up.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yeah, I didn't think they censured little little Lena. You
know Dora the explorer of Harris County Tip, she's.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
A Yesterday, she had a purported adderall meltdown during a
Harris County Commissioner's court in Houston, Texas, the most powerful
Democrat in the state of Texas had a full on
panic attack in front of everyone. So they censured her.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, which means it's a public rebuke of one of
the members of a government setting voting by members, but
it doesn't remove her from office. It just serves us
what they were to us a significant form of punishment huh, punishment.
It's a statement of disapproval. Yeah, but we're used to that.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Isn't a no vote on something she proposed also a
statement of disapproval? I mean so, yeah, it means nothing,
it's the same.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
It does go on her permanent record, though, Okay, and
then you don't want it on your permanent record. Yeah,
but like she's an elected official. It's not like they
used to tell us that in high school. And it's
scared the but Jesus.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Had a kid.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Well, one more outburst like that, it's gonna be on
your public record, mister Hatfield. Oh lord, no, people are
gonna hear about this thirty forty years later. A hat
I'm gonna be exposed for the things I did when
I was just a child.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I didn't know better. Yeah, but again, she's a politician
and an elected official.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
She's also a child who just doesn't seem to know better.
But she doesn't get hired based on her resume. She
gets hired based on election results. It's like nobody's looking
at her permanent record when they go to a polling location. Hey,
I was down the hall a few short minutes ago
with our producer Evan Evan is a great guy, and
he was explaining to me how very sadly and I
don't like this. One of our weekend producers here is
(02:13):
it's being deported. What yeah, why, Well it turns out
he was in the country illegally.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Hell, it's one of those damn Italians. I should have known. Yeah,
you know how they are. I gotta listen now, of
all the Italians that were recently deported. And while I
don't like knowing that they're deporting my people, I gotta
tell you you shouldn't have been in the country illegally.
Fernando Eduardo or Tarsee or a Guantano Catano, Mirabella Costa,
(02:40):
you shouldn't have done that. Well, I like that, Mirabella
cos Tomaso Acada, the Italian national deported for theft. Get
him out of here, be it scats, get going. Hell
they ever got here in the first place, I don't know.
I think they snuck into the country in Avadam meat balls.
That was probably it. Damn greasy Italians. Get him going,
and there are Yaya Gonzales, mijaja. I don't think I'm
(03:03):
saying these right, Oh, guarantee you. The Italian citizen removed
to Italy for assault and aggravated injury. Go on, get ya, y'all.
You can't be here anymore. You told him, you mean,
go go back. Tell the Pope we said hello, seriously
tell him.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
He said hi, I like, I mean, next time you
bump into him, it'd be nice if you could, you know,
pass on a little.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Hello from us. I had not realized it, but actually
there have been. While most of the people getting deported
or from Arabic countries or Central America or Eastern Europe
or Central Africa, a handful of them are Italians. And
when I say a handful, I mean a handful one, two, three,
four if you count the guy from last year, and
(03:42):
now our new our producer is getting deported, so he's
a number of five. I can't believe they're deporting Mario.
That's a shame. That's not right. He did nothing wrong.
What did he do? Oh he stole a car? Oh yeah,
I get him out of here. Probably we need.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
To know more details, you know, there might have been
a perfectly good explanation for it.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Probably a Fiat or a Lamborghini.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Or some grabbed the closest car next to him when
he was trying to save the life of a small
child and get them to the emergency room as fast
as possible.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, no, no, this wasn't a Black Lives Matter rally
though in front of a children's house. That for Italian. No,
we certainly don't know. In the meantime, apparently fifty five
Canadians have recently been detained by Ice, and there I
couldn't help but notice that they all the Canadians have
names like no v Ello and Kalejas and uh Monani.
(04:33):
And it was like, it's don't really sound like Canadians
Pani no mnani. Oh what is different? Well, they don't
sound like Slavic names. Aren't the Canadians all supposed to
be Slavic for the most part? No, no, no, I
thought all Canadians look alike. You thought that they look
alike to me, all those money hungry, perverted, piggish, gross Canadians.
(04:54):
You know, they caused nine to eleven and they killed JFK.
That's right, Yeah, damn Canadians. You don't need that. I know,
can't stand the Canadians disgusting, you know, you ever see
what they eat? And all the problems in the Mid
East are basically Canada's. I had no idea. Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Now, thanks for alertness to the Canada problem.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, we got to get the word out about Canadians.
You know, it's a vast Canadian conspiracy out there, and
I'm against it, you know what I mean. And now
the story of newlyweds Heather Shoring and Nick Phillips. Heather
and Nick had an interesting ceremony because they were actually
married with a big tub of mayonnaise, with a tub
(05:36):
of manonnaise. Yeah, they got a giant tub of mayonnaise.
And they said, you know, Nick and Heather, since this
tub of mayonnaise kind of symbolizes whatever you two kids
were doing when you met each other, that was how
they did the That was how they did the wedding.
This is a real news. In the tub of wet
of mayonnaise or was it just nearby? It was a
giant tub of mayonnaise, and they did it as like
(05:58):
it was the officiant right, Like I got a photo
of it here on the screen in the studio. The
mayonnaise married them and it says, I'll dip with you forever,
Heather and Nick. This is in the Wall Street Journal.
Weirdly enough, it sounds like it shouldn't be, but Heather
and Nick beat out three dozen other couples for a
wedding officiated by Manny Mayo. It was apparently her wedding
(06:19):
dress was a Helman's blue wedding dress. This is a
real news story today. Am I getting tricked into doing
an advertisement for mayonnaise? Seriously? It was officiated by Manny
Mayo from Helman's Dearly Beloved.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
We are gathered here today to spread the love. May
York blond, be thick, rich, and never separate under pressure.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Don't do this.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Let us break bread, and may you sandwich your differences
and always dress each other with love.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Oh God, you both clearly.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Heavy rye sense of humor now by the power vested
in this giant tub of mayo. Oh no, I pronounce
you the ultimate combo mele. You may now lick this spoon.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
God, just awful. That was clearly the worst part of
the show so far. We've been here for hours, and
I don't think we've ever done radio. That was that horrible.
It's hard to say for sure. I mean it's close.
I mean we probably, yeah, probably a couple of times.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I think we we peaked around six fifteen. What do
you mean Billy Well, I mean Lena Hidalgo.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Stuff. That was classic, man. She provides great show content. Wait,
you know, it's National Pickle Day here on the Walton
and Johnson Chow's also International cat Day. And we've just
learned speaking of hot yeah, speaking of eating pickles and
not and whatever they do with cats. Doctors in China
say they can't figure out why a twenty year old
woman is in a constant state of arousal. How can
(07:46):
they tell? Well, it's a news story today. The sexual
arousal symptoms are characterized by recurrent and spontaneous Can I
say this word starts with an oh? Rhymes with yeah? Exactly? No? No? Okay, Well,
then I won't And this study was published by Jin
Zhon and Dafang Ayoun at the Peking University six Hospital
(08:06):
in Beijing. It's a study of the curious case of
a young woman who can't stop having Yeah, you know
that scene and when Harry met Sally, She's having It's
that all the time right. For five years, the unnamed
woman experienced the thunder down under san sexual stimulation, leading
(08:27):
experts to deduce that she suffered from persistent genital arousal.
Disorder PEGAD they call it. Is it that little seam
in her genes? Might be that little seam right there? Huh?
I don't know. Well that's something to think about. Well,
this affliction might sound like ours of fun recently divorced
women who spend a lot of money on cucumbers. Apparently
(08:49):
it gets old after a while. Constant pleasure can be
quite a pain, causing significant impairment in psychosocial well being
and daily functioning, per the study.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Can you tell these people told us so? Yeah, but
they're dealing with women here. How could they suddenly tell
the difference between a regular woman and a woman who psycho.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I guarantee this isn't even real, billy id, so we
don't need to worry about it. Good, you know full wow,
there's no such thing as a female orgasm. This is
a lie.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
And what I don't like is if the business is
true that you left your moms in the hood, somebody
goes smoke that you you don't leave your moms nowhere.
You have money and you left your mom's dear You're
you're a sick to my stomach fan. But if it's
not true, sure, he's just talking.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Stay tuned. For more Waltman Johnson. No tell me you're
not loving that, are you, sir? Welcome again. I actually
don't love this song, but I always enjoyed the woman
in the music video, and I always am reminded of
the nineties. If you stayed up late at night, you
would see this woman who was clearly on drugs, dancing
in a tight outfit in front of a green screen.
(09:52):
Oh you like that kind of thing? Huh yeah, I mean,
I don't know. It's just entertaining. It was fun to watch,
you know. Sure she was having a good time. It
looked like she was thinking about the nineties. Was fun.
What are you kidding? Oh yeah, remember the nineties, boy,
the good old days.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
You know, don't remember them. Just surface remember, don't not
delve deep into that. Let's just stay on the surface.
What do you say.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Are you guys excited about the Office ripoff? Remind me
again what that is.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
There's there's a trailer coming out today. There's what's called
a spinoff, but I think it's more of a ripoff
of the Office, you know, with Michael Scott and all
that group. It's called the Paper. Actually, the trailer came
out yesterday. Okay, and the paper is a ten episode mockumentary,
you know, where they have the cameras following people around
(10:39):
that work at a struggling newspaper staff in Toledo, Ohio.
And it includes the return of Oscar.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Wyo Wyo Wyow would they want to do it in Ohio?
Beats me?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
I guess because you know, like the office, Why did
they do it there in scrant Scranton's hilarious just now
that apparently there is a comedy gold to be mined
in Toledo.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, it just occurred to me. The two places
that they chose, Toledo, Ohio, Scranton, Pennsylvania rust Belt used
to be nice places white people on heroin. You think
they're you think they're making fun of us. I mean,
I know it's not the South, it's the Midwest, but
still the South and the Midwest are pretty similar when
it comes to marginalizing white people.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah, we got to keep an eye on them. Now
I'm feeling a little salty about it. Suddenly I want
to have to go out there and pound somebody upside
to head.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I know you don't love Ohio, billyhead, but you got
a lot more in common with rural Ohio.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Than places in part. I just can't knock out the
entire state of Ohio. It's like, no no Ohio for me.
Akron sounds like my kind of town. To be honest
with you, Well, they voted for Trump. Yeah, you know
the JD. Vans comes from there. They might have cash,
but tell as their day football.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Wait, I'm sorry, I just did a racism I met
vivek Ramaswami. There you go. I hate that I did.
Oh god, Oh I didn't mean to. They might have
vivek Ramaswami as their governor said. Ah, damn it.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I didn't even think it was. Mom, Donny, we did not. Oh,
non't believe me. There's that too, I do.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I have said vevaik when I meant to say cash
more than once. I've done it more than once. But
but you can't confuse those guys from Mom Donnie. He's
a communist.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
So you can hold professional football against the state of Ohio.
But you know, college ballie, they represented pretty good.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah, they're a lot of fun. Yeah, the college ball
they had worked pretty good. I don't know. I don't
know why we had to change that won't be long.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
College football is all the way. What will be three
weeks away? Now, I hadn't even been keeping up, but
it's getting there. I had not even thought about it.
Oh yeah, three weeks here we come. But that's really exciting.
Of course, football's already into the preseason. Did you did
you win any of your bets on the games last night?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Oh? Last night? Yeah? I did bet on the dildo
getting thrown on the court at my U.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
At then I know that was a joke because nobody
in the right mind bets on preseason football. You can
bet on pre saving They don't even bother to tell
you the scores or who won. It's not it. It's
practice in front of a crowd, that's all it is.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Mister Kenneth. My friends are very different from your friends. Oh,
I'm sure that's true. Do you not have a friend
who's a degenerate gambler? Not only can you bet on
who's gonna win a preseason football game?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
You could, Mike, I just have to stop you about
whether you can. It's whether anybody in their right mind would.
And the answer is no, oh they do. I mean
they're not in their right mind. No, I mean these
are not they're your friends. Yeah, but I mean, well,
rest my case, say no more.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Are you telling me that Itchy Pete isn't a reliable
source for what's going on in the gaming community. It's
at you, buddy. Yeah, Itchy Pete's always got his finger
on the prize or up his nose. I mean, I
think because he's trying to get cocaine out of there.
It's itchy in there. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yeah, probably got them little hairs whistling by and tickling
his nose every time he breathed.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Did the NFL really ban smelling salts? There's a great
but it's not a full own bad. See.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
This is a trick the band in the NFL from
passing them out. The NFL said we're gonna take away
any future litigation possibilities by saying we bad smelling thoughts. Now,
if the player won't bring smelling thoughts with him, that's different.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
He can do that, but they don't encourage it. Mister,
oh you work out? You ever use those at the gym?
You just popping like that? No, actually I don't. If
you're just doing what my coach Bob calls a singing
a single.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
If you were doing a like a going for a
personal bath or something, a pr we call it him.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, you might want to do that, but you know
in the lifting community, you know me and the other
lift does. Yeah, soft ay, not hard r on that.
It's very offensive when you do a heart level. Of course,
it's my fellow lift does. We were doing smelling salts
the other day because we were doing singis and I
was trying to hit poppers. Yeah right, yeah, poppers. How
do you know about that? Oh, I've just heard somebody
say it once. You don't have poppers in your community.
(14:58):
That's a lift that thing, of course it is. Yeah,
why what do you guys use them for? Well, I
couldn't even begin to guess. I'm starting to wonder about
you or is he making this up? Anyway? Apparently they
can't provide ammonia in any form to at NFL games,
which is confusing because I thought this was about smelling salts.
No ammonia, ammonia Immiarently not a lot of salt in
the smelling salts. I hardly knew her. Okay, anyway, The
(15:21):
thing I really want you to understand here that's important
is that it's not up to the NFL to decide
if we can smell salts, pepper, paprika, turmeric, doesn't matter.
They shouldn't be deciding that for the players. It should
be the player's decision. I think I think it is.
That's the way they left it.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
They just don't want to get sued by somebody who
they snap some smell of salts, wake them up from
some you know, concussion or something, and then run them
back out on the field because they think they're all right,
and then they ate.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Guys. I'm starting to think we're losing our touch on
this radio show. Do we even care anymore? Are we
even working? What do you mean? I'm do you understand
what we missed out on this week? Twenty dogs from
around the globe gathering together in PACIFICA. It's about fourteen
miles south of San Francisco for something called the annual World.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Dog Surfing Championship. Yeah, why aren't we covering this? How
are we not there live right now waiting for the swill.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
See, Billy ed you get it? This is a missed opportunity.
We should have been at the World Dog Surfing Championship
covering it live this week.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
We have do we even deserve to be called America's
favorite radio morning show anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
According to the report here, the pacifica state beach pooches
attract dozens of fans from around the country, competing against
similarly sized peers for a chance to appear in the finals.
Additional feats featured multiple dogs surfing tandem or riding with people,
but the most dogs ever surfed on a single surfboard
I'd like to know. I don't know, but i'd like
(16:52):
to know. I've seen a picture.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Of at least a dozen. I don't know if that's
the record or not, but I've seen that happen.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And they offer a little something for everyone. They got
labs Terriers, Spaniels Spaniels, and monogramed life vests. Dog paddling
out there into the water. They got frenchees and Boston Terriers.
They got little dogs, they got big dogs, even at
pit bulls.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
I think those swimmers, you know, the dogs that retrieve
birds and stuff, they like the water.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
They probably be really good at getting you out there.
You know.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
They paddle them out and then they turn them around
and they come surfing back in.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm sorry, did you just say what I think you
said about the bitch? Okay, So, according to that dogs
once out on the waves, their owners helped them hop
on these colorful boards and hang ten as the crowd
sheers from the beach. Chad just scrutinize how long the
dogs are man on the boards, how long they hold
their balance, whether they perform any tricks, they could turn
around while riding, stuff like that. One competitor named David
(17:48):
Fazioli says his five year old French bulldog is a
found pure joy during the pandemic when he brought home
a surfboard. But then, since this was California, they both
got detained for six months for going into the water.
Oh yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah,
I know, it seemed like fun for you and your
cute French bulldog to go surfing during the pandemic. But
that's actually a first degree felony.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
So I'm assuming the dog that doesn't need a human's
help would probably win the contest though, now, you know,
I mean that would look good if a dog, you know,
just grab.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Hold of that little leash.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
You know, the surfboards have leashes on them, and he
can swim out there, pull it, you know, climb.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
On, and then just have his ride hang eight if
you will. This is really interesting. So this guy, David
Fazzoli said he's only got one hand. So a non
sporting human combined with a non sporting dog breed. He said,
it's phenomenal. We defy the odds of what people think
we're capable of doing. He's out there surfing the French
bulldogs surfing, the two of them. You gotta admit they
(18:47):
are quite a pair. Man.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
I'll tell you what if that don't uplift you and
get you ready for a spectacular weekend. I don't know
what will that. That's the kind of of humans overcoming
adversity or dev which is I don't know, but they
overcame something and look at them today.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You're right about that. It's really interesting news and it's
really exciting. It lifted up all the people in California,
made them happy, except of course, for Gavin Newsom and
wanted both of them locked in a jail cell for
six months. You'll get it too. Yeah, just because you're
hung like a moose doesn't mean you got to do porn.
Walton and Johnson Radio Network
Aren't even existed. I was gonna play red Hot Chili
Peppers and you replaced it with this.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, I did.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're welcome. How many hours did you spend doing this? Oh,
it looks like, you know, ten or fifteen. It seems
like a lot of effort to make to just annoy
us for fifteen seconds, while totally worth it.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Look at the look on your face. You know what
I just realized a few minutes ago. I know we
ought to censure Hill.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Can we do that? Yeah, we can do that. Yeah,
but it doesn't mean anything. I just looked it up.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yeah, I didn't think they censured little little Lena. You
know Dora the explorer of Harris County Tip, she's.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
A Yesterday, she had a purported adderall meltdown during a
Harris County Commissioner's court in Houston, Texas, the most powerful
Democrat in the state of Texas had a full on
panic attack in front of everyone. So they censured her.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Yeah, which means it's a public rebuke of one of
the members of a government setting voting by members, but
it doesn't remove her from office. It just serves us
what they were to us a significant form of punishment huh, punishment.
It's a statement of disapproval. Yeah, but we're used to that.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Isn't a no vote on something she proposed also a
statement of disapproval? I mean so, yeah, it means nothing,
it's the same.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
It does go on her permanent record, though, Okay, and
then you don't want it on your permanent record. Yeah,
but like she's an elected official. It's not like they
used to tell us that in high school. And it's
scared the but Jesus.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Had a kid.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Well, one more outburst like that, it's gonna be on
your public record, mister Hatfield. Oh lord, no, people are
gonna hear about this thirty forty years later. A hat
I'm gonna be exposed for the things I did when
I was just a child.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I didn't know better. Yeah, but again, she's a politician
and an elected official.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
She's also a child who just doesn't seem to know better.
But she doesn't get hired based on her resume. She
gets hired based on election results. It's like nobody's looking
at her permanent record when they go to a polling location. Hey,
I was down the hall a few short minutes ago
with our producer Evan Evan is a great guy, and
he was explaining to me how very sadly and I
don't like this. One of our weekend producers here is
(02:13):
it's being deported. What yeah, why, Well it turns out
he was in the country illegally.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Hell, it's one of those damn Italians. I should have known. Yeah,
you know how they are. I gotta listen now, of
all the Italians that were recently deported. And while I
don't like knowing that they're deporting my people, I gotta
tell you you shouldn't have been in the country illegally.
Fernando Eduardo or Tarsee or a Guantano Catano, Mirabella Costa,
(02:40):
you shouldn't have done that. Well, I like that, Mirabella
cos Tomaso Acada, the Italian national deported for theft. Get
him out of here, be it scats, get going. Hell
they ever got here in the first place, I don't know.
I think they snuck into the country in Avadam meat balls.
That was probably it. Damn greasy Italians. Get him going,
and there are Yaya Gonzales, mijaja. I don't think I'm
(03:03):
saying these right, Oh, guarantee you. The Italian citizen removed
to Italy for assault and aggravated injury. Go on, get ya, y'all.
You can't be here anymore. You told him, you mean,
go go back. Tell the Pope we said hello, seriously
tell him.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
He said hi, I like, I mean, next time you
bump into him, it'd be nice if you could, you know,
pass on a little.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Hello from us. I had not realized it, but actually
there have been. While most of the people getting deported
or from Arabic countries or Central America or Eastern Europe
or Central Africa, a handful of them are Italians. And
when I say a handful, I mean a handful one, two, three,
four if you count the guy from last year, and
(03:42):
now our new our producer is getting deported, so he's
a number of five. I can't believe they're deporting Mario.
That's a shame. That's not right. He did nothing wrong.
What did he do? Oh he stole a car? Oh yeah,
I get him out of here. Probably we need.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
To know more details, you know, there might have been
a perfectly good explanation for it.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Probably a Fiat or a Lamborghini.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Or some grabbed the closest car next to him when
he was trying to save the life of a small
child and get them to the emergency room as fast
as possible.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
No, no, no, this wasn't a Black Lives Matter rally
though in front of a children's house. That for Italian. No,
we certainly don't know. In the meantime, apparently fifty five
Canadians have recently been detained by Ice, and there I
couldn't help but notice that they all the Canadians have
names like no v Ello and Kalejas and uh Monani.
(04:33):
And it was like, it's don't really sound like Canadians
Pani no mnani. Oh what is different? Well, they don't
sound like Slavic names. Aren't the Canadians all supposed to
be Slavic for the most part? No, no, no, I
thought all Canadians look alike. You thought that they look
alike to me, all those money hungry, perverted, piggish, gross Canadians.
(04:54):
You know, they caused nine to eleven and they killed JFK.
That's right, Yeah, damn Canadians. You don't need that. I know,
can't stand the Canadians disgusting, you know, you ever see
what they eat? And all the problems in the Mid
East are basically Canada's. I had no idea. Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Now, thanks for alertness to the Canada problem.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, we got to get the word out about Canadians.
You know, it's a vast Canadian conspiracy out there, and
I'm against it, you know what I mean. And now
the story of newlyweds Heather Shoring and Nick Phillips. Heather
and Nick had an interesting ceremony because they were actually
married with a big tub of mayonnaise, with a tub
(05:36):
of manonnaise. Yeah, they got a giant tub of mayonnaise.
And they said, you know, Nick and Heather, since this
tub of mayonnaise kind of symbolizes whatever you two kids
were doing when you met each other, that was how
they did the That was how they did the wedding.
This is a real news. In the tub of wet
of mayonnaise or was it just nearby? It was a
giant tub of mayonnaise, and they did it as like
(05:58):
it was the officiant right, Like I got a photo
of it here on the screen in the studio. The
mayonnaise married them and it says, I'll dip with you forever,
Heather and Nick. This is in the Wall Street Journal.
Weirdly enough, it sounds like it shouldn't be, but Heather
and Nick beat out three dozen other couples for a
wedding officiated by Manny Mayo. It was apparently her wedding
(06:19):
dress was a Helman's blue wedding dress. This is a
real news story today. Am I getting tricked into doing
an advertisement for mayonnaise? Seriously? It was officiated by Manny
Mayo from Helman's Dearly Beloved.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
We are gathered here today to spread the love. May
York blond, be thick, rich, and never separate under pressure.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Don't do this.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Let us break bread, and may you sandwich your differences
and always dress each other with love.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Oh God, you both clearly.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Heavy rye sense of humor now by the power vested
in this giant tub of mayo. Oh no, I pronounce
you the ultimate combo mele. You may now lick this spoon.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
God, just awful. That was clearly the worst part of
the show so far. We've been here for hours, and
I don't think we've ever done radio. That was that horrible.
It's hard to say for sure. I mean it's close.
I mean we probably, yeah, probably a couple of times.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I think we we peaked around six fifteen. What do
you mean Billy Well, I mean Lena Hidalgo.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Stuff. That was classic, man. She provides great show content. Wait,
you know, it's National Pickle Day here on the Walton
and Johnson Chow's also International cat Day. And we've just
learned speaking of hot yeah, speaking of eating pickles and
not and whatever they do with cats. Doctors in China
say they can't figure out why a twenty year old
woman is in a constant state of arousal. How can
(07:46):
they tell? Well, it's a news story today. The sexual
arousal symptoms are characterized by recurrent and spontaneous Can I
say this word starts with an oh? Rhymes with yeah? Exactly? No? No? Okay, Well,
then I won't And this study was published by Jin
Zhon and Dafang Ayoun at the Peking University six Hospital
(08:06):
in Beijing. It's a study of the curious case of
a young woman who can't stop having Yeah, you know
that scene and when Harry met Sally, She's having It's
that all the time right. For five years, the unnamed
woman experienced the thunder down under san sexual stimulation, leading
(08:27):
experts to deduce that she suffered from persistent genital arousal.
Disorder PEGAD they call it. Is it that little seam
in her genes? Might be that little seam right there? Huh?
I don't know. Well that's something to think about. Well,
this affliction might sound like ours of fun recently divorced
women who spend a lot of money on cucumbers. Apparently
(08:49):
it gets old after a while. Constant pleasure can be
quite a pain, causing significant impairment in psychosocial well being
and daily functioning, per the study.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
Can you tell these people told us so? Yeah, but
they're dealing with women here. How could they suddenly tell
the difference between a regular woman and a woman who psycho.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I guarantee this isn't even real, billy id, so we
don't need to worry about it. Good, you know full wow,
there's no such thing as a female orgasm. This is
a lie.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
And what I don't like is if the business is
true that you left your moms in the hood, somebody
goes smoke that you you don't leave your moms nowhere.
You have money and you left your mom's dear You're
you're a sick to my stomach fan. But if it's
not true, sure, he's just talking.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Stay tuned. For more Waltman Johnson. No tell me you're
not loving that, are you, sir? Welcome again. I actually
don't love this song, but I always enjoyed the woman
in the music video, and I always am reminded of
the nineties. If you stayed up late at night, you
would see this woman who was clearly on drugs, dancing
in a tight outfit in front of a green screen.
(09:52):
Oh you like that kind of thing? Huh yeah, I mean,
I don't know. It's just entertaining. It was fun to watch,
you know. Sure she was having a good time. It
looked like she was thinking about the nineties. Was fun.
What are you kidding? Oh yeah, remember the nineties, boy,
the good old days.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
You know, don't remember them. Just surface remember, don't not
delve deep into that. Let's just stay on the surface.
What do you say.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Are you guys excited about the Office ripoff? Remind me
again what that is.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
There's there's a trailer coming out today. There's what's called
a spinoff, but I think it's more of a ripoff
of the Office, you know, with Michael Scott and all
that group. It's called the Paper. Actually, the trailer came
out yesterday. Okay, and the paper is a ten episode mockumentary,
you know, where they have the cameras following people around
(10:39):
that work at a struggling newspaper staff in Toledo, Ohio.
And it includes the return of Oscar.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Wyo Wyo Wyow would they want to do it in Ohio?
Beats me?
Speaker 3 (10:53):
I guess because you know, like the office, Why did
they do it there in scrant Scranton's hilarious just now
that apparently there is a comedy gold to be mined
in Toledo.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, it just occurred to me. The two places
that they chose, Toledo, Ohio, Scranton, Pennsylvania rust Belt used
to be nice places white people on heroin. You think
they're you think they're making fun of us. I mean,
I know it's not the South, it's the Midwest, but
still the South and the Midwest are pretty similar when
it comes to marginalizing white people.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah, we got to keep an eye on them. Now
I'm feeling a little salty about it. Suddenly I want
to have to go out there and pound somebody upside
to head.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I know you don't love Ohio, billyhead, but you got
a lot more in common with rural Ohio.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Than places in part. I just can't knock out the
entire state of Ohio. It's like, no no Ohio for me.
Akron sounds like my kind of town. To be honest
with you, Well, they voted for Trump. Yeah, you know
the JD. Vans comes from there. They might have cash,
but tell as their day football.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Wait, I'm sorry, I just did a racism I met
vivek Ramaswami. There you go. I hate that I did.
Oh god, Oh I didn't mean to. They might have
vivek Ramaswami as their governor said. Ah, damn it.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I didn't even think it was. Mom, Donny, we did not. Oh,
non't believe me. There's that too, I do.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I have said vevaik when I meant to say cash
more than once. I've done it more than once. But
but you can't confuse those guys from Mom Donnie. He's
a communist.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
So you can hold professional football against the state of Ohio.
But you know, college ballie, they represented pretty good.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Yeah, they're a lot of fun. Yeah, the college ball
they had worked pretty good. I don't know. I don't
know why we had to change that won't be long.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
College football is all the way. What will be three
weeks away? Now, I hadn't even been keeping up, but
it's getting there. I had not even thought about it.
Oh yeah, three weeks here we come. But that's really exciting.
Of course, football's already into the preseason. Did you did
you win any of your bets on the games last night?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Oh? Last night? Yeah? I did bet on the dildo
getting thrown on the court at my U.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
At then I know that was a joke because nobody
in the right mind bets on preseason football. You can
bet on pre saving They don't even bother to tell
you the scores or who won. It's not it. It's
practice in front of a crowd, that's all it is.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Mister Kenneth. My friends are very different from your friends. Oh,
I'm sure that's true. Do you not have a friend
who's a degenerate gambler? Not only can you bet on
who's gonna win a preseason football game?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
You could, Mike, I just have to stop you about
whether you can. It's whether anybody in their right mind would.
And the answer is no, oh they do. I mean
they're not in their right mind. No, I mean these
are not they're your friends. Yeah, but I mean, well,
rest my case, say no more.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Are you telling me that Itchy Pete isn't a reliable
source for what's going on in the gaming community. It's
at you, buddy. Yeah, Itchy Pete's always got his finger
on the prize or up his nose. I mean, I
think because he's trying to get cocaine out of there.
It's itchy in there. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yeah, probably got them little hairs whistling by and tickling
his nose every time he breathed.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Did the NFL really ban smelling salts? There's a great
but it's not a full own bad. See.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
This is a trick the band in the NFL from
passing them out. The NFL said we're gonna take away
any future litigation possibilities by saying we bad smelling thoughts. Now,
if the player won't bring smelling thoughts with him, that's different.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
He can do that, but they don't encourage it. Mister,
oh you work out? You ever use those at the gym?
You just popping like that? No, actually I don't. If
you're just doing what my coach Bob calls a singing
a single.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
If you were doing a like a going for a
personal bath or something, a pr we call it him.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, you might want to do that, but you know
in the lifting community, you know me and the other
lift does. Yeah, soft ay, not hard r on that.
It's very offensive when you do a heart level. Of course,
it's my fellow lift does. We were doing smelling salts
the other day because we were doing singis and I
was trying to hit poppers. Yeah right, yeah, poppers. How
do you know about that? Oh, I've just heard somebody
say it once. You don't have poppers in your community.
(14:58):
That's a lift that thing, of course it is. Yeah,
why what do you guys use them for? Well, I
couldn't even begin to guess. I'm starting to wonder about
you or is he making this up? Anyway? Apparently they
can't provide ammonia in any form to at NFL games,
which is confusing because I thought this was about smelling salts.
No ammonia, ammonia Immiarently not a lot of salt in
the smelling salts. I hardly knew her. Okay, anyway, The
(15:21):
thing I really want you to understand here that's important
is that it's not up to the NFL to decide
if we can smell salts, pepper, paprika, turmeric, doesn't matter.
They shouldn't be deciding that for the players. It should
be the player's decision. I think I think it is.
That's the way they left it.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
They just don't want to get sued by somebody who
they snap some smell of salts, wake them up from
some you know, concussion or something, and then run them
back out on the field because they think they're all right,
and then they ate.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Guys. I'm starting to think we're losing our touch on
this radio show. Do we even care anymore? Are we
even working? What do you mean? I'm do you understand
what we missed out on this week? Twenty dogs from
around the globe gathering together in PACIFICA. It's about fourteen
miles south of San Francisco for something called the annual World.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Dog Surfing Championship. Yeah, why aren't we covering this? How
are we not there live right now waiting for the swill.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
See, Billy ed you get it? This is a missed opportunity.
We should have been at the World Dog Surfing Championship
covering it live this week.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
We have do we even deserve to be called America's
favorite radio morning show anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
According to the report here, the pacifica state beach pooches
attract dozens of fans from around the country, competing against
similarly sized peers for a chance to appear in the finals.
Additional feats featured multiple dogs surfing tandem or riding with people,
but the most dogs ever surfed on a single surfboard
I'd like to know. I don't know, but i'd like
(16:52):
to know. I've seen a picture.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Of at least a dozen. I don't know if that's
the record or not, but I've seen that happen.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And they offer a little something for everyone. They got
labs Terriers, Spaniels Spaniels, and monogramed life vests. Dog paddling
out there into the water. They got frenchees and Boston Terriers.
They got little dogs, they got big dogs, even at
pit bulls.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
I think those swimmers, you know, the dogs that retrieve
birds and stuff, they like the water.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
They probably be really good at getting you out there.
You know.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
They paddle them out and then they turn them around
and they come surfing back in.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm sorry, did you just say what I think you
said about the bitch? Okay, So, according to that dogs
once out on the waves, their owners helped them hop
on these colorful boards and hang ten as the crowd
sheers from the beach. Chad just scrutinize how long the
dogs are man on the boards, how long they hold
their balance, whether they perform any tricks, they could turn
around while riding, stuff like that. One competitor named David
(17:48):
Fazioli says his five year old French bulldog is a
found pure joy during the pandemic when he brought home
a surfboard. But then, since this was California, they both
got detained for six months for going into the water.
Oh yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah,
I know, it seemed like fun for you and your
cute French bulldog to go surfing during the pandemic. But
that's actually a first degree felony.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
So I'm assuming the dog that doesn't need a human's
help would probably win the contest though, now, you know,
I mean that would look good if a dog, you know,
just grab.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Hold of that little leash.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
You know, the surfboards have leashes on them, and he
can swim out there, pull it, you know, climb.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
On, and then just have his ride hang eight if
you will. This is really interesting. So this guy, David
Fazzoli said he's only got one hand. So a non
sporting human combined with a non sporting dog breed. He said,
it's phenomenal. We defy the odds of what people think
we're capable of doing. He's out there surfing the French
bulldogs surfing, the two of them. You gotta admit they
(18:47):
are quite a pair. Man.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
I'll tell you what if that don't uplift you and
get you ready for a spectacular weekend. I don't know
what will that. That's the kind of of humans overcoming
adversity or dev which is I don't know, but they
overcame something and look at them today.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You're right about that. It's really interesting news and it's
really exciting. It lifted up all the people in California,
made them happy, except of course, for Gavin Newsom and
wanted both of them locked in a jail cell for
six months. You'll get it too. Yeah, just because you're
hung like a moose doesn't mean you got to do porn.
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