Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
All right, the ho said, now this is all in
the air. We are back live right on the radio. Yeah, okay,
cause while ago we got our brakes all messed up,
and I.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Don't like that.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
All right.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I got into two arguments with people in my building,
the old Arab guy and the Karen who do you
want me to tell you about? Oh? Well, did you.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Stomp a mudhole in that old Arab dude? No, because
y'all gone back and forth on this enough. Somebody needs
to go ahead and stomp a mud hole in the
other one. And I'm thinking you're just the guy to
do it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
This is a guy he leaves his door open and
while he cooks food from a third world like, it's
like spinky food, it's like fish poop curry or something.
But doesn't he also scream and for no reason. That's
the thing I complained about. He had his door open
so he could air out his stinky condo while he
screamed at a woman on the phone. And I walked
up and I said, hey, could you just close your door? Why?
(00:50):
And he came out and he called me homophobic slurs. Right,
that was like a couple of weeks ago. Here's the update.
To this. I run into him yesterday in my building.
Ain't cooking again? No, no, it was not yesterday. Actually
it was the day before that. It was Sunday. I
want to make sure I get this right. It was
two days ago. He's carrying groceries. This is an old guy.
(01:10):
He's twice my age. He looks like he's eighty. He's
got two bags of groceries, a couple bottles of water.
He's a lot of stuff. I hold volunteer to help him. Yes,
good for you. I hold the elevator door for him. Yeah,
come on here. He gets in and then I go, hey,
do you want me to help you that? And he
leans in with his thick arabacks.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Then he goes, He goes, you know you you told
me that you could call the police on me for
assaulting you, because he did he assaulted me. And but
he says, but you can't do that because I am
friends with district attorney, so he will drop charges quick
like Sean Tierre. Shan tier the district attorney, Like, do
you think I don't know who that is? You think
(01:46):
Sean Tierre is gonna protect you because you know someone
that works it is on right? And then immediately, I'm like,
you get that, I'm being nice to you and you're
being a jackass, right, And then immediately it gets back
and he's he's like, if you come near my door
and again I piss on you.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I'm like, bro, what is wrong with you? Like he
something to see? Would it?
Speaker 4 (02:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Because he's a little guy, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, oh he might try, but at that time, you
won't stomp a mud hole anymore, right there?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
All right, So they had the HOA meeting last Wednesday,
And this story involves a different person, but it's short.
Don't worry. There's this woman in the hallways who constantly
sees me and walking Milton. All this just.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Happens on your floor. Yeah, godd only knows what the
rest of the floors are going through.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I think I have an energy. I'm attracting it. I
think though. I Sometimes I walk Milton with no leash.
He's very obedient. He stays right next to me. He's little,
does he He doesn't bark, Yeah he does.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He just runs right along side everyone, just breaks away
and charges up to somebody to be friendly to them.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
It's happened. But the person in the story I'm about
to tell you it's never happened to her. There's this woman,
she's a little older than me, and she hates it.
She hates Milton, she hates me, and she hates that
he doesn't have a leash. And when I run into
her in the hallway, she's always like, you know, if
you don't put that dog on a leash, another dog
might kill it. Like, what you mean if I don't
(03:03):
tie my dog to a rope somehow, it's gonna die?
What are you talking about. She's the only person that cares,
she and she constantly mentions it to me. So the
other day she goes to the HOA meeting, I'm not
there and she complains about me, and everyone at the
HOA meeting comes and tells me about it. Right, because
I know everyone, of course. So I see her yesterday
in the elevator and she goes and tries to pet
the dog and I pull the dog away and she
(03:25):
goes what, And I go, were you at the HOA
meeting last week? And she goes, yeah, I was like,
you talked about me, didn't you, uh huh? And she's like, well,
I just think you should have your dog on aleish.
I'm like, okay, but don't pet my dog if you're
going to try to get him kicked out of the building, lady,
and then Milton bit her. No, I'm just kidddo boy.
I know I wish had anyway. The point is, I'm
starting to think, I you know, I've always lived in cities,
(03:47):
I've always been surrounded by people, and I've never had
this problem before. You're finally catching up to me. Right,
I've never had an issue with my neighbors ever. For
for decades, I've lived in a city, in a densely
populated place, surrounded by people, never had an issue with anyone.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
And now suddenly, yeah, you're suddenly thinking it'd be great
to have a few acres to spread out on and
to keep neighbors as far away from me and mine
as possible.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Yeah, but is there some way we could do that
where the few acres is still right down the street
from this radio station.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yes, become amazingly rich and buy one of those twelve
million dollar homes off of Memorial Boulevard.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't need
this job, you know what I mean. Well, that's the
only way you're gonna get a couple of acres in town.
It's a lot. I know that people do it. I
don't mind living in a high rise. I mean, you know,
I don't have to mow the lawn or anything. I
know that's a big deal to you, billy ed, but well,
yeah you got to mold, but it's to mow the yard,
you know, take your property. Can I just pay a
(04:46):
teenager or like a Mexican or someone to do that? Well,
sure you can.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I'm again, but that ain't the real That ain't real
country life now, is it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
See. I don't know if I can handle all that
country life.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I just so you get allergies, you know, the
the hay fever and it's it's hay season. I guess
because there's fever.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I don't mind people. I just don't want to smell
fish poop curry while a woman tries to get my
dog kicked out of the building.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Okay, your choices are get filthy rich and buy a
place in town with multiple acres. That's not gonna happen. Okay,
how do I do that?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Second choice? Move out of the country, and you know
that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No third choice is I think you gotta do everything
in your power to make this guy want to move.
Besides being violent, I don't mean, you know, stop a
mudhole in him, like he suggests. But I think maybe
you should do whatever it takes to encourage this fellow,
and maybe everybody else on your floor, whatever floor you
live on, you know, like fifth floor, tenth floor, whatever,
(05:45):
that's just Kenney's floor, they should dedicate a floor just
for you.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I know, way you won't have these problems. Everybody else
on my floor hates the old guy, but believe it
or not, I'm the only one that'll speak up and
say something. I believe that. Yeah, risk people don't want
to get pished on. They don't want to have a
fight with the old, elderly Arab guy who smells like
fish poop.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
But next time he walks up to the elevator with
his arms full of groceries, why don't you do one
of those crane kicks like Daniel Sound did and just
put a foot right in his chest and blow him
against the back wall and then smile and wave as
the elevator doors closed. You know what I thought about doing.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was a little different than that, but it was
similar because he knocked my phone out of my hands.
Remember when did he do that? That's how the story started.
I caught a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
And now I'll go ahead and authorized violin when he
was being when I was being nice to him on
Sunday and he was like, I'm going you can't call
police on me.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I was thinking about just knocking his groceries out of
his hand. It'd be a good move. But I did
good start because you know, I'm twice his size, I'm
half his age. But look at Hamas and Israel. You know,
I mean, that's not even it.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It's not even Hamas has got all these other countries
helping him out.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Israel got any help? Yeah, I mean us.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Half of us, about half of America is fighting with
the other half of over who's help in Israel?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
So yeah, you gotta go ahead and take control of
this situation or it's going to control you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Wow. Sometimes you find solutions in unlikely places, like when
Chelsea Clinton told a panel of people at south By
Southwest last week that abortions are good for the economy.
And where did that take us? Next thing?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
You know, we're looking into possibly a fortieth term abortion
for Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
I want to have an abortion. Well, we can do that.
This must be a very difficult time for you, missus Cartman.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yes, it's such a hard decision.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
But I just don't feel I can raise a child
in this screwy world. Yes, miss Carmon, if you don't
feel fit to raise a child, an abortion probably is
the answer. Do you know the actual time of conception?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
About eight years ago?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
I see, so the fetus is eight years old, Miss Cartman.
Eight years old is a little late to be considering abortion. Really,
this is what we would refer to as the fortieth trimester.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I just don't think i'm a fit mother.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Well, yes, but we prefer to abort babies a little
earlier on. In fact, there's a law against abortions after
the second trimester.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Well, I think you need to keep your laws off
of my body.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Carmon. If
you want to change the law, you'll have to speak
with your congressman.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Well, that's exactly I have to put it. It'll get done.
You watch. You know this is your favorite song. I
can't help wonder what pol InKo would say, Have them up?
Oh rude, What a lovely way to flush it down. No,
I hate No, I'm against that. By the way, I
(08:42):
don't think you should do that. I'm just saying that's
the solution one third of the country has for these problems. Yeah,
don't blame me. I didn't come up with that idea.
I'm just the one that had to pay the taxes
for the five hundred million dollars a year that goes
towards paying for it. Wow, that ain't good. Think just
the wrong Walton and Johnson. Sure sounds like it. Don't
(09:05):
steal golden toilets from English palaces. That's my advice. I
just let's start off with that one right there. Throw
it out there. If you have a list of, you know,
things to do today, scratch that and all. It looks
like something you would add idea. Look at the picture
of it. It's a it's literally it looks like a
cheap toilet, but it's gilded.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Doesn't it look like you're gonna need tools By the way,
that thing is attached to the plumbing, you know, and
the plumbing that comes out of the wall is also gold,
So you're gonna want to take that with you.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
All right, Here's what happened. A thief swiped a golden
toilet from an English palace. He's been convicted with an
accomplice who helped cash in on the spoils of the
eighteen carrot work of art, insured for nearly five million pounds.
That's about six million bucks an American, give or take it.
It fluctuates, right me, Michael Michael Jones had no It's okay.
He can say that Michael Jones had used the fully functioning,
(09:58):
one of a kind latrine as he did. The mansion
a place called Blenheim Palace. Wartime leader Winston Churchill was
born there, and the day before the theft, prosecutors say
he used the toilet. He described the experience as splendid,
and he returned it before dawn September fourteenth, twenty nineteen,
(10:18):
with at least two other men armed. He returned there
and then stole it with sledgehammers and crowbars. Trying to
keep up as best I can with this explanation. The
purloined potty has never been recovered, but is believed to
have been cut up and sold into smaller pieces. Oh okay,
and so this thing, the artwork, is called America. It
was created by an Italian conceptual artist named Maurizio Catalan.
(10:42):
And now that I know they created it to make
fun of Americans. I don't really care that this guy
stole it. I don't care. Yeah. The piece had previously
been on display at the Guggenheim Museum. Oh boy. The
museum offered the work to US President Donald Trump during
his first term after he asked to borrow a van
Go painting Jones thirty nine. That's funny. Actually, that is funny,
isn't it. He has to part of a Vango painting
(11:04):
And they said no, But we have this golden tour
about this toilet. If I was Trump, I would have
taken it anyway. The theft was planned by James Sheen
h forty, previously pleaded guilty to burglary, conspiracy, transferring criminal property.
Point is, they got caught and so you know they
didn't get away with it, but they didn't get the
toilet bag either. So no, you tell me what that means. Well,
(11:24):
let's go on. Now, they're still putting it back together.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Now.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
They cut it up into little gold nuggets, That's what
it says. Spread it around fourth straight week in a
row of falling gas prices, falling eight prices, potted dolphins, rescued,
the astronauts. I don't know why people aren't happy. This
is a good time to be alive. People are happy.
The media just doesn't want you to know it. They'd
rather you think that everybody's miserable just because handful of
(11:50):
liberal lunatics, mostly on television, are miserable. They'd like you
all to think it. It's just the way the world is.
Thanks to Trump, he's making every he mad. Yeah, no,
he's not. Due to the massive drop in illegal border crossings,
Galveston County Judge Mark Henry says, starting next month, they're
gonna stop sending sheriff's deputies and constables down to the
(12:13):
southern border to help out because it's no longer needed
it just that quick. Yeah, two months. We were doing
it up until For the last four years, Galveston was
helping out at the border by sending some deputies down.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
But they didn't want to help. They didn't want to
close the border up until two months ago. And then
Biden kept saying, well, you know, it's nothing due unless
Congress gives him, you know, the funds and all this
kind of stuff. And of course Congress was having trouble
doing all that, and then Trump gets in there and
without Congress's help or anybody else, two months, he's got
(12:47):
it all shut down, lockdown, tight, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Ice Houston deports illegal immigrant woman from Mexico who has
been previously deported five times. She was convicted of fourteen
crimes here, including six dtailis, six theft charges, ICE enforcement
and removal operations. Houston Field Office Director Brett Badford says,
by carelessly flaunting our system of laws, her actions endangered
(13:11):
everyone in the community and have wasted an unending amount
of money. But nobody cares what he is.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Let's check with Jasmine and see what she say, because
she say, you know that ain't a crime being here,
being an illegal ain't a crime, and maybe some of
that other stuff she did while she was.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Here wasn't a crime neither. You know, what is a crime?
What's that?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Coming back or having a criminal record and being an
illegal basically just crossing the border illegally'es like a misdemeanor.
I think I heard that Homan guy say, yeah, but
if you have been sent back and you come back again, felony, felony,
if you have a record of other crimes, Yeah, and you.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Broke the law by being here. Felony.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Lots of felony's out there, Jasmine.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Hmmm, she don't care. I think that it should not
be okay to break the law like that, and that
we should prosecute people for Yeah. Approuvian fisherman lost for
ninety five days in the Pacific Ocean has been found alive.
He says he lived off insects, birds, and sea turtles
after his food supply ran out. Oh go, and PTA's pissed.
(14:20):
How dare you survives? Huh? Sea turtles? You ate sea turtles?
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It does sound kind of like a guy who just
didn't want to go back home to the old lady.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It does kind of sound like, yeah, just as soon just.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Paddle around out in the ocean for three or four
months and see how that goes.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Listen to this. The guy's name is Maximo, Napa Castro, Maximo. Maximo. Hey,
what's up Maximo? Here? Maximo? Where you've been? I've been
lost at sea, just eating sea turtles.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
And when he's lost, everybody has to start running around the.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Beach, you know, screaming Maximo. That's no fun. All right,
here's my question. He had to eat sea turtle. Could
he cook it? I doubt it. How did he eat
it with his mouth? How did he get it out
of the shell? What did He?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Probably just pulled it apart with his bare hands, because
you know he's a fisherman. They got really strong hands.
You know, that's hardcore work in all his life. I mean, honestly,
it's kind of impressive.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
He says. I ate roaches, birds, and the last thing
I ate was st roaches at sea, That's what he said.
Well maybe on his boat. It was a little boat.
I mean, well, you know, roaches a roach, I know,
he said. I did not want to die. Napa Castro
said that thinking about his family helped motivate him to survive.
He told Reuters, I didn't want to die for my mother.
(15:34):
He said he thought about his mother every day while
waiting to be rescued, and the granddaughter who was just
introduced into his family months before he went missing at sea.
So he's a grandpa. But nothing about the old lady
at home, as you say, No, he had nothing to
say about her. Yeah, wow, would you eat roaches to
stay alive? I've never I've never been that hungry. It's
(15:59):
I don't know. We've been told that not eating roaches
or not wanting to eat bugs is a consequence, or
it correlates with racism, that you just yeah, I'm racist.
Now it's your white privilege that makes you not want
to eat bugs.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Maybe if you call them cockroaches it'll be more pleasant.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, that's a good point. You'd probably like that more right.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I don't even want to ask what you mean by
that the new because I'm afraid you might tell me.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
The new super bananas are here, the new super bananas
that get old but not brown. A scientific breakthrough could
help keep our favorite fruit healthy and yellow, opening up
new fruit salad opportunities for fifty cents. I can read
the rest of the article in the Telegraph. But do
you need to know? Give you a dollar not to? Yeah?
Well I won't. You're in luck. Would you like that
a super banana you could put in your mouth that
(16:46):
never gets older rotten? That probably sound good? Do you? Right? Interested?
Is enough to maybe her? But more? That's probably your
favorite fruit, isn't it? Banana? Yeah? Why would you say that?
You know?
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Because what would possibly make you think something like that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I mean, I would just assume you know, because of
what with all the potassium, You know, the potassium. Yeah,
that's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, that's exactly you'd probably. I'm more of a magnesium guy.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Now do you need more magnesium? What do you eat
to get magnesium? I just have a cream. Why do
I feel like he's saying something else? I don't know,
but we should probably knock this off, John, don't forget
boys and girls too. God eat it every day. Hey again,
you've reached the end of the Walton and Johnson podcast.
(17:30):
Good for you. That means you listened all the way
to the end.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Does that mean we're going away now never to be
heard again? No, no, no, there will be a new
show tomorrow. Oh thank goodness, unless it's the weekend or
we're off work. But as always, you could go to
waltonand Johnson dot com and you could find all kinds
of cool stuff there. Our news blog, links to our
social media accounts. Believe it or not, our personal lives
are very boring. If you comment on our social media pages,
we might reply, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Chances are we're just sitting around waiting to hear from you. Yeah,
so what's the big deal? Go to Walton Johnson dot com.
Today I'm told there's a store. Oh yes, we do
have a lovely store and you could buy things there.
Welnon Johnson dot com. What's not to love
All right, the ho said, now this is all in
the air. We are back live right on the radio. Yeah, okay,
cause while ago we got our brakes all messed up,
and I.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Don't like that.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
All right.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I got into two arguments with people in my building,
the old Arab guy and the Karen who do you
want me to tell you about? Oh? Well, did you.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Stomp a mudhole in that old Arab dude? No, because
y'all gone back and forth on this enough. Somebody needs
to go ahead and stomp a mud hole in the
other one. And I'm thinking you're just the guy to
do it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
This is a guy he leaves his door open and
while he cooks food from a third world like, it's
like spinky food, it's like fish poop curry or something.
But doesn't he also scream and for no reason. That's
the thing I complained about. He had his door open
so he could air out his stinky condo while he
screamed at a woman on the phone. And I walked
up and I said, hey, could you just close your door? Why?
(00:50):
And he came out and he called me homophobic slurs. Right,
that was like a couple of weeks ago. Here's the update.
To this. I run into him yesterday in my building.
Ain't cooking again? No, no, it was not yesterday. Actually
it was the day before that. It was Sunday. I
want to make sure I get this right. It was
two days ago. He's carrying groceries. This is an old guy.
(01:10):
He's twice my age. He looks like he's eighty. He's
got two bags of groceries, a couple bottles of water.
He's a lot of stuff. I hold volunteer to help him. Yes,
good for you. I hold the elevator door for him. Yeah,
come on here. He gets in and then I go, hey,
do you want me to help you that? And he
leans in with his thick arabacks.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Then he goes, He goes, you know you you told
me that you could call the police on me for
assaulting you, because he did he assaulted me. And but
he says, but you can't do that because I am
friends with district attorney, so he will drop charges quick
like Sean Tierre. Shan tier the district attorney, Like, do
you think I don't know who that is? You think
(01:46):
Sean Tierre is gonna protect you because you know someone
that works it is on right? And then immediately, I'm like,
you get that, I'm being nice to you and you're
being a jackass, right, And then immediately it gets back
and he's he's like, if you come near my door
and again I piss on you.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I'm like, bro, what is wrong with you? Like he
something to see? Would it?
Speaker 4 (02:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Because he's a little guy, you know.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, oh he might try, but at that time, you
won't stomp a mud hole anymore, right there?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
All right, So they had the HOA meeting last Wednesday,
And this story involves a different person, but it's short.
Don't worry. There's this woman in the hallways who constantly
sees me and walking Milton. All this just.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Happens on your floor. Yeah, godd only knows what the
rest of the floors are going through.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I think I have an energy. I'm attracting it. I
think though. I Sometimes I walk Milton with no leash.
He's very obedient. He stays right next to me. He's little,
does he He doesn't bark, Yeah he does.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He just runs right along side everyone, just breaks away
and charges up to somebody to be friendly to them.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
It's happened. But the person in the story I'm about
to tell you it's never happened to her. There's this woman,
she's a little older than me, and she hates it.
She hates Milton, she hates me, and she hates that
he doesn't have a leash. And when I run into
her in the hallway, she's always like, you know, if
you don't put that dog on a leash, another dog
might kill it. Like, what you mean if I don't
(03:03):
tie my dog to a rope somehow, it's gonna die?
What are you talking about. She's the only person that cares,
she and she constantly mentions it to me. So the
other day she goes to the HOA meeting, I'm not
there and she complains about me, and everyone at the
HOA meeting comes and tells me about it. Right, because
I know everyone, of course. So I see her yesterday
in the elevator and she goes and tries to pet
the dog and I pull the dog away and she
(03:25):
goes what, And I go, were you at the HOA
meeting last week? And she goes, yeah, I was like,
you talked about me, didn't you, uh huh? And she's like, well,
I just think you should have your dog on aleish.
I'm like, okay, but don't pet my dog if you're
going to try to get him kicked out of the building, lady,
and then Milton bit her. No, I'm just kidddo boy.
I know I wish had anyway. The point is, I'm
starting to think, I you know, I've always lived in cities,
(03:47):
I've always been surrounded by people, and I've never had
this problem before. You're finally catching up to me. Right,
I've never had an issue with my neighbors ever. For
for decades, I've lived in a city, in a densely
populated place, surrounded by people, never had an issue with anyone.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
And now suddenly, yeah, you're suddenly thinking it'd be great
to have a few acres to spread out on and
to keep neighbors as far away from me and mine
as possible.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Yeah, but is there some way we could do that
where the few acres is still right down the street
from this radio station.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yes, become amazingly rich and buy one of those twelve
million dollar homes off of Memorial Boulevard.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't need
this job, you know what I mean. Well, that's the
only way you're gonna get a couple of acres in town.
It's a lot. I know that people do it. I
don't mind living in a high rise. I mean, you know,
I don't have to mow the lawn or anything. I
know that's a big deal to you, billy ed, but well,
yeah you got to mold, but it's to mow the yard,
you know, take your property. Can I just pay a
(04:46):
teenager or like a Mexican or someone to do that? Well,
sure you can.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I'm again, but that ain't the real That ain't real
country life now, is it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
See. I don't know if I can handle all that
country life.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I just so you get allergies, you know, the
the hay fever and it's it's hay season. I guess
because there's fever.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I don't mind people. I just don't want to smell
fish poop curry while a woman tries to get my
dog kicked out of the building.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Okay, your choices are get filthy rich and buy a
place in town with multiple acres. That's not gonna happen. Okay,
how do I do that?
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Second choice? Move out of the country, and you know
that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No third choice is I think you gotta do everything
in your power to make this guy want to move.
Besides being violent, I don't mean, you know, stop a
mudhole in him, like he suggests. But I think maybe
you should do whatever it takes to encourage this fellow,
and maybe everybody else on your floor, whatever floor you
live on, you know, like fifth floor, tenth floor, whatever,
(05:45):
that's just Kenney's floor, they should dedicate a floor just
for you.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I know, way you won't have these problems. Everybody else
on my floor hates the old guy, but believe it
or not, I'm the only one that'll speak up and
say something. I believe that. Yeah, risk people don't want
to get pished on. They don't want to have a
fight with the old, elderly Arab guy who smells like
fish poop.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
But next time he walks up to the elevator with
his arms full of groceries, why don't you do one
of those crane kicks like Daniel Sound did and just
put a foot right in his chest and blow him
against the back wall and then smile and wave as
the elevator doors closed. You know what I thought about doing.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was a little different than that, but it was
similar because he knocked my phone out of my hands.
Remember when did he do that? That's how the story started.
I caught a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
And now I'll go ahead and authorized violin when he
was being when I was being nice to him on
Sunday and he was like, I'm going you can't call
police on me.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I was thinking about just knocking his groceries out of
his hand. It'd be a good move. But I did
good start because you know, I'm twice his size, I'm
half his age. But look at Hamas and Israel. You know,
I mean, that's not even it.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
It's not even Hamas has got all these other countries
helping him out.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Israel got any help? Yeah, I mean us.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Half of us, about half of America is fighting with
the other half of over who's help in Israel?
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
So yeah, you gotta go ahead and take control of
this situation or it's going to control you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Wow. Sometimes you find solutions in unlikely places, like when
Chelsea Clinton told a panel of people at south By
Southwest last week that abortions are good for the economy.
And where did that take us? Next thing?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
You know, we're looking into possibly a fortieth term abortion
for Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
I want to have an abortion. Well, we can do that.
This must be a very difficult time for you, missus Cartman.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yes, it's such a hard decision.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
But I just don't feel I can raise a child
in this screwy world. Yes, miss Carmon, if you don't
feel fit to raise a child, an abortion probably is
the answer. Do you know the actual time of conception?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
About eight years ago?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
I see, so the fetus is eight years old, Miss Cartman.
Eight years old is a little late to be considering abortion. Really,
this is what we would refer to as the fortieth trimester.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I just don't think i'm a fit mother.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Well, yes, but we prefer to abort babies a little
earlier on. In fact, there's a law against abortions after
the second trimester.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Well, I think you need to keep your laws off
of my body.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Carmon. If
you want to change the law, you'll have to speak
with your congressman.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Well, that's exactly I have to put it. It'll get done.
You watch. You know this is your favorite song. I
can't help wonder what pol InKo would say, Have them up?
Oh rude, What a lovely way to flush it down. No,
I hate No, I'm against that. By the way, I
(08:42):
don't think you should do that. I'm just saying that's
the solution one third of the country has for these problems. Yeah,
don't blame me. I didn't come up with that idea.
I'm just the one that had to pay the taxes
for the five hundred million dollars a year that goes
towards paying for it. Wow, that ain't good. Think just
the wrong Walton and Johnson. Sure sounds like it. Don't
(09:05):
steal golden toilets from English palaces. That's my advice. I
just let's start off with that one right there. Throw
it out there. If you have a list of, you know,
things to do today, scratch that and all. It looks
like something you would add idea. Look at the picture
of it. It's a it's literally it looks like a
cheap toilet, but it's gilded.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Doesn't it look like you're gonna need tools By the way,
that thing is attached to the plumbing, you know, and
the plumbing that comes out of the wall is also gold,
So you're gonna want to take that with you.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
All right, Here's what happened. A thief swiped a golden
toilet from an English palace. He's been convicted with an
accomplice who helped cash in on the spoils of the
eighteen carrot work of art, insured for nearly five million pounds.
That's about six million bucks an American, give or take it.
It fluctuates, right me, Michael Michael Jones had no It's okay.
He can say that Michael Jones had used the fully functioning,
(09:58):
one of a kind latrine as he did. The mansion
a place called Blenheim Palace. Wartime leader Winston Churchill was
born there, and the day before the theft, prosecutors say
he used the toilet. He described the experience as splendid,
and he returned it before dawn September fourteenth, twenty nineteen,
(10:18):
with at least two other men armed. He returned there
and then stole it with sledgehammers and crowbars. Trying to
keep up as best I can with this explanation. The
purloined potty has never been recovered, but is believed to
have been cut up and sold into smaller pieces. Oh okay,
and so this thing, the artwork, is called America. It
was created by an Italian conceptual artist named Maurizio Catalan.
(10:42):
And now that I know they created it to make
fun of Americans. I don't really care that this guy
stole it. I don't care. Yeah. The piece had previously
been on display at the Guggenheim Museum. Oh boy. The
museum offered the work to US President Donald Trump during
his first term after he asked to borrow a van
Go painting Jones thirty nine. That's funny. Actually, that is funny,
isn't it. He has to part of a Vango painting
(11:04):
And they said no, But we have this golden tour
about this toilet. If I was Trump, I would have
taken it anyway. The theft was planned by James Sheen
h forty, previously pleaded guilty to burglary, conspiracy, transferring criminal property.
Point is, they got caught and so you know they
didn't get away with it, but they didn't get the
toilet bag either. So no, you tell me what that means. Well,
(11:24):
let's go on. Now, they're still putting it back together.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Now.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
They cut it up into little gold nuggets, That's what
it says. Spread it around fourth straight week in a
row of falling gas prices, falling eight prices, potted dolphins, rescued,
the astronauts. I don't know why people aren't happy. This
is a good time to be alive. People are happy.
The media just doesn't want you to know it. They'd
rather you think that everybody's miserable just because handful of
(11:50):
liberal lunatics, mostly on television, are miserable. They'd like you
all to think it. It's just the way the world is.
Thanks to Trump, he's making every he mad. Yeah, no,
he's not. Due to the massive drop in illegal border crossings,
Galveston County Judge Mark Henry says, starting next month, they're
gonna stop sending sheriff's deputies and constables down to the
(12:13):
southern border to help out because it's no longer needed
it just that quick. Yeah, two months. We were doing
it up until For the last four years, Galveston was
helping out at the border by sending some deputies down.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
But they didn't want to help. They didn't want to
close the border up until two months ago. And then
Biden kept saying, well, you know, it's nothing due unless
Congress gives him, you know, the funds and all this
kind of stuff. And of course Congress was having trouble
doing all that, and then Trump gets in there and
without Congress's help or anybody else, two months, he's got
(12:47):
it all shut down, lockdown, tight, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Ice Houston deports illegal immigrant woman from Mexico who has
been previously deported five times. She was convicted of fourteen
crimes here, including six dtailis, six theft charges, ICE enforcement
and removal operations. Houston Field Office Director Brett Badford says,
by carelessly flaunting our system of laws, her actions endangered
(13:11):
everyone in the community and have wasted an unending amount
of money. But nobody cares what he is.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Let's check with Jasmine and see what she say, because
she say, you know that ain't a crime being here,
being an illegal ain't a crime, and maybe some of
that other stuff she did while she was.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Here wasn't a crime neither. You know, what is a crime?
What's that?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Coming back or having a criminal record and being an
illegal basically just crossing the border illegally'es like a misdemeanor.
I think I heard that Homan guy say, yeah, but
if you have been sent back and you come back again, felony, felony,
if you have a record of other crimes, Yeah, and you.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Broke the law by being here. Felony.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Lots of felony's out there, Jasmine.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Hmmm, she don't care. I think that it should not
be okay to break the law like that, and that
we should prosecute people for Yeah. Approuvian fisherman lost for
ninety five days in the Pacific Ocean has been found alive.
He says he lived off insects, birds, and sea turtles
after his food supply ran out. Oh go, and PTA's pissed.
(14:20):
How dare you survives? Huh? Sea turtles? You ate sea turtles?
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It does sound kind of like a guy who just
didn't want to go back home to the old lady.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
It does kind of sound like, yeah, just as soon just.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Paddle around out in the ocean for three or four
months and see how that goes.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Listen to this. The guy's name is Maximo, Napa Castro, Maximo. Maximo. Hey,
what's up Maximo? Here? Maximo? Where you've been? I've been
lost at sea, just eating sea turtles.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
And when he's lost, everybody has to start running around the.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Beach, you know, screaming Maximo. That's no fun. All right,
here's my question. He had to eat sea turtle. Could
he cook it? I doubt it. How did he eat
it with his mouth? How did he get it out
of the shell? What did He?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Probably just pulled it apart with his bare hands, because
you know he's a fisherman. They got really strong hands.
You know, that's hardcore work in all his life. I mean, honestly,
it's kind of impressive.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
He says. I ate roaches, birds, and the last thing
I ate was st roaches at sea, That's what he said.
Well maybe on his boat. It was a little boat.
I mean, well, you know, roaches a roach, I know,
he said. I did not want to die. Napa Castro
said that thinking about his family helped motivate him to survive.
He told Reuters, I didn't want to die for my mother.
(15:34):
He said he thought about his mother every day while
waiting to be rescued, and the granddaughter who was just
introduced into his family months before he went missing at sea.
So he's a grandpa. But nothing about the old lady
at home, as you say, No, he had nothing to
say about her. Yeah, wow, would you eat roaches to
stay alive? I've never I've never been that hungry. It's
(15:59):
I don't know. We've been told that not eating roaches
or not wanting to eat bugs is a consequence, or
it correlates with racism, that you just yeah, I'm racist.
Now it's your white privilege that makes you not want
to eat bugs.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Maybe if you call them cockroaches it'll be more pleasant.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, that's a good point. You'd probably like that more right.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I don't even want to ask what you mean by
that the new because I'm afraid you might tell me.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
The new super bananas are here, the new super bananas
that get old but not brown. A scientific breakthrough could
help keep our favorite fruit healthy and yellow, opening up
new fruit salad opportunities for fifty cents. I can read
the rest of the article in the Telegraph. But do
you need to know? Give you a dollar not to? Yeah?
Well I won't. You're in luck. Would you like that
a super banana you could put in your mouth that
(16:46):
never gets older rotten? That probably sound good? Do you? Right? Interested?
Is enough to maybe her? But more? That's probably your
favorite fruit, isn't it? Banana? Yeah? Why would you say that?
You know?
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Because what would possibly make you think something like that?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I mean, I would just assume you know, because of
what with all the potassium, You know, the potassium. Yeah,
that's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, that's exactly you'd probably. I'm more of a magnesium guy.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Now do you need more magnesium? What do you eat
to get magnesium? I just have a cream. Why do
I feel like he's saying something else? I don't know,
but we should probably knock this off, John, don't forget
boys and girls too. God eat it every day. Hey again,
you've reached the end of the Walton and Johnson podcast.
(17:30):
Good for you. That means you listened all the way
to the end.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Does that mean we're going away now never to be
heard again? No, no, no, there will be a new
show tomorrow. Oh thank goodness, unless it's the weekend or
we're off work. But as always, you could go to
waltonand Johnson dot com and you could find all kinds
of cool stuff there. Our news blog, links to our
social media accounts. Believe it or not, our personal lives
are very boring. If you comment on our social media pages,
we might reply, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Chances are we're just sitting around waiting to hear from you. Yeah,
so what's the big deal? Go to Walton Johnson dot com.
Today I'm told there's a store. Oh yes, we do
have a lovely store and you could buy things there.
Welnon Johnson dot com. What's not to love
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