Sex On The Moon - TUE 8.1

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Explain this to me. I lift weights, I run right
all the time, ski, I do daring things. I go
off ski jumps hundreds of pounds twice my weight. I
can rack, pull, I can deadlift, almost burn a lot
of weight. Right yesterday I walk in the other room
to talk to one of our producers, Colum. I sit down.

(00:21):
I talk to him for about thirty seconds. Stand up,
pull my back out. I haven't been able to move
since then. No, you threw it out. I don't know
what happened. That's what You don't pull your back up,
you throw it out. Is it a pinched nerve? Or
what do you think that is? You know what happened?
What were you doing? You just stood up? Were you twisted?
Were you leaning?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Sometimes it's not about you know, the amount of weight
or exercise. It's a positioning problem that you have. If
you just turned sideways and bend slightly.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Out it goes. I couldn't have been doing less. Yeah,
and that's the problem, isn't it. And I'm a guy
that does physically straining things all the time, and yet
this was probably should have been. And as soon as
I got up, I was like, oh no, And I
looked at him. He's like, whoa, whoa throw my back
out and Callum thought it was so funny. He's like, dude,
you're not doing anything. I was like, I know, And

(01:10):
it's not even an age thing. I don't think because
it's not the first time it's happened to me. It
happened to me once in my twenties, once in my thirties.
Now this is your a decade thing. Is this is
your turn in your forties. And that's the weirdest thing.
I'm gonna start happening more though. So I took I'm
on a leave and it's not really doing any took
a leave of absence or you taken off for the

(01:31):
show or what it's a drug bill yet it's an
anti take Advil. Everybody knows advil for that. Do you
want to know why I took a leave similar or
is it ibuprofen as well? According to groc Oh Boy, yeah,
that's where I get my medical advice. Well, it's right
there in your pocket. I don't have to wait in
line and I have to pay a deductible I just

(01:52):
asked groc Croc said that a leave was like Adville,
but it's more powerful. Okay, so I got a leave
and it has really not done anything. You need. A
massage is what you need. I already did that went
yesterday afternoon. The lady was like, yeah, you just got
to wait forty eight hours. This is going to end
on its own. The lady, you got a lady massage?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Why would you get it? You need a man to
put hands on you. Because a man understands a man's physique.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Is there anyone else in the room that agrees with
that statement? Now, there's no hell new if I don't
get to touch this. The only reason to go to
a man doctor and he'll tell you to pull your
pants done and you do. It's a little different, is it, Yeah,
it is different. The only reason I would get a
massage from a man is if I was already there
with a woman and there I didn't want him to
rub her. It's like great, fine, oh okay, but you

(02:43):
don't want him rub it on you either. No, I
don't know. Why don't you just turn around and walk
off and get your money back? No offense, mail messuss
or a massage, therapists or whatever politically correct term you
use at this point, But why you'd keep your underwear
on if you're that worried about getting a boner, and
that what you're you're most worried about, you might get

(03:03):
a boner. That is not what I'm Then what are
you gonna tell the guy That's not what I'm worried about.
I'm sure, but but you're right, that would have ruined
my life. For the record, I don't think I would
have to I would have to sue aside. After that,
you couldn't work no more until you know for sure.
It would be the end of that and the end
of me. What happened to Kenny, Well, you got a massage,

(03:24):
you got a boner, and he just decided to end
it all after that way anyway, I don't know it
could be worse. But still that's what I'm dealing with today.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Luckily it's still early in the show, early enough that
we have time to deal with something gay in space?

Speaker 1 (03:41):
Why are you so gay for space? And now the
Walton and Shahnson show presents gay for Space? Why would
the massage therapist be in my bedroom? You know they
make house calls, Yeah, if you're gay, Oh no, don't
do that. I've never had a house call for space.
This morning brought to you by my Legacy Videos video

(04:04):
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Check out the website today. They'll make a ken Burn
style documentary about your grandma or your uncle, or you,
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the end of their life and there was a baby
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it can be personal, familial if you will, but it

(04:26):
can also be corporate. So they do corporate work as well,
and that's something to think about, something to think about.
All right, where are we going at? So we're going
to gay in Space, but we're really going to Houston.
That's where the Johnson Space Center's at, which is not
named after Steve. I've learned, no, no relation at all.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
NASA in turn, stole a bunch of moon rocks so
that him and his girlfriend could have sex on the moon.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
In that suite. Honestly, I can't even hate on this guy.
That's genius. Dude. Wait for it now, Apparently this happened
a long time ago. How long ago, like in two
thousand and two. Wow, That is a really long time.
That's over two decades, and they're reporting this like it
happened yesterday. I don't know why. They maybe just came
back up in the news.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
They just found out about it twenty three years ago.
Intern NASA named Thad bad has a girlfriend Thatteus, Thatteus rocks.
He came up with this plan to steal seventeen pounds
of moon rocks and a meteorite from NASA's Johnson's Space Center.

(05:33):
These are priceless samples, although they did say they were
valued at twenty one million dollars. It's genius brouh and
for some reason, Apple, I mean, NASA has never heard
of this. I think, don't keep all your eggs in
one basket. They had all of the moon rocks in

(05:54):
one safe. It's a six hundred pound safe. Now, this
intern here, Thad. He is twenty four. He has a
triple major in physics, Geology and geophysics University of Utah.
So he's from Utah where his wife was back home

(06:14):
financially struggling to get by because her husband is a
twenty three year old or twenty four year old intern.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Well, he was down down in Texas. Sure yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
So this guy actually found somebody who supposedly was going
to buy these moon rocks. That's how they just give
him that twenty one million dollar price tag. Some dude
in Belgium wanted to buy the moon Rocks waffle money
like people will do. He thought twice and alerted the
FBI to it instead.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
The Belgium guy. Yeah, oh snitch. Now.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
It was around the same time that Sad met Tiffany.
Who's Tiffany another intern? Wow, this guy's a horn dog,
and their friendship quickly became romantical, and after about three
weeks they moved in together.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Oh my god, what about the other woman? She's bat
in Utah got it? So he told her his plan
and Tiffany either said, oh my god, that is wrong
and you should not do that, or she said I'll help.
Which one do you think it was? I'm gonna go
with help?

Speaker 2 (07:24):
She did, sure, she sat up one night and they
talked about it, and she said she would help.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
So they stole the safe, sort of like.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
That family of criminals on what was it a animal
something or another? Y'all watch that show, you all, Kingdom?

Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, you haven't even formed a complete sentence. How could
we know if we watched it.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, the animal something okay, Yeah, anyway, they stole the safe,
took it to a hotel, cracked it open with a
power saw, and on the thirty third anniversary of the
first moon landing July twenty, two thousand and two, fat
In Tiffany drove down to Orlando to meet with the

(08:06):
Belgian Bayer. While awaiting in that hotel room, Fad took
some of the moon rocks out, put them in the bed,
covered it up with a blanket, and then made the
love on top of moon rocks.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Which I know sounds kind of romantic, but like having
sex on the beach, it's probably not actually as good
in practice as it is in theory.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
I think laying her down on a bed of rocks
was maybe romantic, but not very nice.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, it doesn't sound very comfortable. Yeah, he put them
under the blanket in the bit.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Never said it, you know that it was going to
be comfortable, But I'm sure she could feel it.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
He didn't tell her ahead of time. I'm sure she
could feel it. You bet deeper steeper into space.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
They got to have sex on the moon technically, which
of forest Nast is concerned nobody else has ever done, sure,
but on them moon rocks. So instead of meeting with
the buyer, they were greeted by undercover FBI agents.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
The moon rocks were recovered. The FBI now says that
they are virtually useless to the scientific community, as the
thievery and the travel pretty much it made them destroyed
their use. In other words, this guy also admitted to
stealing dinosaur bones and fossils from the Natural History Museum

(09:34):
in Utah. I had he just doesn't. They ask him,
why did you do all that stuff?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
And he said, well, I wasn't really looking at it
like it was stealing. We weren't going to take the
money and you know, go buy yachts or cars or
big houses or stuff like that. We were just going
to live our same lifestyle when we got the twenty
one million dollars, but fund science research that could change
the world.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
That's all. So, you know, no harm, no foul. It
sounds like this information, with which came to his courtesy
of a recent Ted talk that he gave, is also
in his new book forty four Derangements in the Shape
of Persistence, Einstein's Intuition Passages, and Moon Rock that's too
long of a time. I didn't name it.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
So him and her and I guess mister Belgium. All
of them were arrested.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Most of them got like one hundred and eighty days
house arrest, but old Fad there got eight years and
jail served six and sadly Fad and Tiffany never saw
each other again. What happened to the wife. I'm curious
if the wife stuck around for six years while he

(10:44):
was in prison for having sex on the moon with
a girlfriend? Yeah, she available or what's the deal with her?
We don't know. Pretty easy to fool. I guess here's
that something. The weirdest thing about this is, but for
petty theft in the science community, this guy got to
give a Ted talk and write a book. Boy, they
treat these white people way differently, and then they treat

(11:04):
people who look like they're in the commodors. What do
you think would happen if somebody looked like they was
in the comodools? If they stole all the moon rocks,
I'd imagine that guy'd be locked away in prison for
the rest of his life. I'm not sure it's petty theft,
but they said that they were gonna sell them for
twenty one million. It seems like more than pity. I mean,
it is a lot, But at the same time, it's rocks,
you know what I mean, It's just rock. I'm starting

(11:25):
to feel bad for the commodors. It's not fair. Why
are you so gay for space? Oh? The Space Probe?
I love the Space Probe. Pater Will Robinson, djer Walton
and Johnson. The lyrics to our bumper music just be
a bunch of words jumbled together that don't make any sense. Yeah,
I just like the rest of the show. It'll fit
right in. I don't want to get emotionally attached to
whatever narrative you're trying to share with us because we

(11:47):
don't have time. Can't say as I blame you for
that song's too long. It's four minutes long. You think
we have four minutes to waste? Oh?

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Speaking of a bunch of mumbo jumble words, all just
kind of thrown together for no particular reason. Got to
weather update for you from the experts.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Oh so it means nothing good. You heard two things.
First of all, tropical storm erin. Expect her to be
a major hurricane by the weekend. Looking at maybe a
Cat three. But do they really know. No, that's just
what they say. Now. They'll change it tomorrow. But I
do like this. The weather experts gave us now Here
we are mid July, and the weather experts have given

(12:23):
us their outlook for the coming winter. They do this.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
I guess it's in case you want to plan your
ski vacations or something. Is there going to be any snow?
The outlook for the winter twenty five twenty six, cold
and snow.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
Let me see why I got this right. It's going
to be hot in the summer, but cold in the winter.
Seems to be pretty warm right now. And you're saying
in the summer it might rain, but in the winter
it might snow. The experts said both cold and snow
predicted this coming winter. Wow, these weather guys know everything.
I was shocked when I read it. How could they
be so smart? All the time? Don't get it and

(13:02):
they never get it wrong ever, except for when they do.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
They but they change it if they think it might
have been wrong, and then they're right.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
With the exceptions of the times when they get it wrong,
they get it right one hundred percent of the time exactly.
That's that's tricky math. As to some of these headlines
in the post, I'm just gonna read them because we're
not going to actually tell you the news story only fans.
Star with two vaginas reveals her twenty twenty five earnings.
That's a if you want to read that story. That's

(13:29):
a story today, Chris. Does it come with pictures? It does? Yeah.
Kristin Cavalari flaunts newer, bigger breast implants and tiger print
bikini while vacationing in Mexico. Don't know why I need
to know that you didn't. But then again, you don't
watch a lot of reality TV anymore, do you? Woman
with thirty two eight breasts grew to thirty four g

(13:50):
cup in a matter of months due to super rare condition.
What again, I don't feel like we need to know? Wait,
hang on, here's one substitute. Teacher had sex with boy
eleven during playdates. Oh no, oh, no, oh, no, you've done.
In some countries, teachers abuse their students. In America, teachers
seduce their students. All right, boys and girls, it's time

(14:12):
once again for the National Sex head Report. And we're
rolling commercial free this morning, so it's not really sponsored,
but If it was, it could be sponsored by the
Walton Johnson online store available in the Walton Johnson smartphone amp.
But it's not. But it's not. If it was, you
could go to I LOVEWJ dot com and look at

(14:32):
lots of great merch. But well you still can, but
you know, we're not insisting. That's not what this is
a commercial for at all. If it was, you could
go there and you could look at all the cool,
funny merch we have for like pro Trump, pro Desciantis,
pro Texas, pro Florida, pro Gulf of America. But it's not,
so we're not going to do that, Thank you. We
will tell you this, my friends. Apparently there is a

(14:54):
PERV substitute teacher who had a very inappropriate with an
eleven year old boy at her house, then blamed the
child and told cops he made advances towards her first.
According to Eleanoi, the eleven year old put the moves
on her. It's a bald strategy. I don't think it's
gonna work. I've looked into this before, and I'm pretty

(15:14):
sure you're just not supposed to have sex with kids. Yeah,
but I had a good excuse. No, no, I gonna
let you have that one meet disgraced substitute teacher Ali Bardfield,
aged thirty four, got pictures of Ali anyway we do.
As a matter of fact, she exchanged messages and photos
with the boy over Snapchat. It's always Snapchat, Okay. I

(15:37):
just want to let anybody out there know if you're
any would be pedophile and you were gonna use Snapchat
to talk to a student at your school because you
thought that the conversations delete themselves. They don't not gonna
be private for long. It's a tale as old as time.
We've done this thousands of times before. She also sent
him hundreds of dollars using the cash app over several months. Again,

(15:58):
if you're using her the Ginger a bank ap to
send money to a teenage boy on the Internet, and
you think that there's no record of that, there most
certainly is. Was this boy known to be big for
his age? I mean, I guess the sixth grade victim's
mother discovered seven hundred dollars in cash apt payments from Bardfield,

(16:18):
the teacher. She checked her son's phone there it was
she noticed his behavior had changed following a stay over
at the teacher's house in mind zion. I think one
of the indications they had an appropriate relationship could be
the fact that he slept over at a thirty four
year old woman's house. Yes, I'm just staying over at
the teachers.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Does she have young sons around his age that he
was friends with?

Speaker 1 (16:40):
Well, let's go a little deeper into the story here.
The mom confronted her son. The son told her his
mom he had unprotected sex. Now, wait, the kid told
her it was unprotected or that's written, Yeah, eleven YURLs
don't generally talk like that. Well he did tell him that. Yeah. Barfield,
who pleaded guilty to predatory criminal sexual assault this past week,

(17:01):
had been the boys teacher at Hope Academy School in Decatur.
Oh God, I know, Decatur. Decatur is a town you
never hoped to go to. Decatur is a town where
there used to be Hope, which is ironic because it
was called the Hope Academy. Decatur is truly where like
the White dreams go to die. It's where opioid addiction
is more prevalent than a four to oh one k.

(17:23):
It's that kind of a place. I'm just going to
guess that was one eleven year old white dream that
came to life. I'm guessing it is. The substitute teacher
invited the boy over to multiple play dates at her
home in twenty twenty three twice in twenty twenty four,
during which time the pair had two sexual encounters, according
to the lawsuit, So the police interviewed everybody, and the
disgraced educator claimed the child made sexual advances towards her

(17:46):
the first night they had sex. She said she didn't
want to do it. He seduced her. She said, Hey,
I don't think that's going to work in court, the
pervert appeared in court in Macon County on Thursday for
a dispositi the deposition, at which she reached a partial
plea deal with prosecutors. She faces up to forty years
in prison, although the exact sentence has not been agreed

(18:07):
upon yet. Predatory criminal sexual assault punishable by up to
sixty years in prison, but the state agreed to cap
it to the recommended sentence from Barfield to forty years
as part of the plea deal. She will be sentenced
on September twenty fifth, and once again we point out
that the boy is still recovering in the hospital from
almost being high five to death by his classmates. That'll happen.

(18:28):
That'll happen. Go upstairs and line your throat with vaseline.
Makes your voice come out smoother. It's an old Elton
john trick Walton and Johnson Radio Network