Taylor Swift Makes Song About Fiance's Penis - TUE 6.1

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know what I miss is live televised police chases.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Yeah, out in California, in LA especially, that is so
just bread and butter. For local news, it was Yeah,
I haven't seen a lot of it lately. Dallas has
had a few good police chases over the last couple
of years. I was just reading about a police chase
in the Houston area last night.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I missed it. You probably did too.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Was it on TV?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I don't think so. Man's in custody now. High speed
chase started about nine to forty five last night. I
was safely tucked away in bed watching the football game
Highway to forty nine up in the Northwest area on
either on the way to or back from Tombolt, they
tried to pull a car over for whatever reason, driver

(00:46):
sped off.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Which will lead to a police.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Chase nine times out of nine, which lasted about forty
five minutes last night. So the chase went through several
major roadways down I forty five, the Hardy Toll Road,
Airline Drive. At one point, a deputy's patrol car collided
with a motorcycle not part of the chase. The female
motorcycle rider was taken to the hospital and stable condition,

(01:12):
but the chase continued on the deputy and a canine
partner inside the patrol unit were not seriously injured. Another
patrol car also sustained minor damage during the chase, and
then it ended when the unidentified suspect crashed near Sunnyside
in South Houston and then ran off. I don't know,
maybe he was heading home ran off before getting caught

(01:34):
by deputies. The driver is expected to face multiple charges.
They just you know, aggravated robbery fell in the evading
home invasion. They didn't tell us who he is, but
they caught him and they're looking into all of his
terrible deeds.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
Much like with how our overlords took away lawn darts
and four loco from us.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Because you can't be trusted with that stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Young people don't understand how much fun it used to
be to one watch a police chase on TV. They
really diluted it, They really ruined it for him. It
used to be. Not only did they keep the whole
thing on TV the whole time, even if the guy
killed himself, if he crashed.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
His car or got out and ran and they shot
him or whatever. You know, that was live television. Yeah,
they'd keep the cameras on, which is great. They don't
do that anymore. But also the cops used to really try.
Yeah now and it's no fastest follow him around and
wait and see if they're going to crash. They don't
help them crash. And they also run it on a
pretty lengthy delay. People at the news station will tell

(02:33):
you that radio famous for its seven second delay, but
in television they like about a fifteen to thirty second delay.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
And then the cops have this rule of engage, the
rules of engagement kind of like how back during World
War Two you could just stab a guy in the
face at the bay and that you can't do that anymore.
You know, what did he say?

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Did he hurt your feelings? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:57):
You gotta check out stuff you got. It fell out
a form. You know, it's a lot of paperwork. The
war doesn't stop that.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
You just have to go back and fill out the
forum while the fighting continues.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
But you know what I really miss though, it's for Loco.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Man.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
It used to be you could get drunk on this stuff.
They would just keep you awake for days. And they
don't let you do that anymore. Four Loco went away
When I was a young adult, you know, kind of
like good country music man. You know, it's a back then.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
What do y'all talk about?

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Oh look, who just walked in? I thought you all
was talking about the crime. Well, we weren't talking about
stuff that used to be fun that they took away
from us, you know, like God, he's trying to get
a drink, like real country music billy.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
Well, I do miss that, Yeah, yeah, I do miss that.
And you always talking about Houston crime.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
I didn't get in on the on the car chase either,
but luckily it was, you know, ten o'clock at night,
where most of the traffic had kind of died down.
Now would be a terrible time for a car chase.
Have you Have you heard the story of the Houston
woman that decided she needed to kill her kids? And

(04:03):
I know when I said that out loud, it suddenly
dawned on me. There's multiple stories over the years of
Houston women, especially who thought they should know this one
just happened. This I think I heard about it on
Friday on the way out of town, and then I
forgot about it because didn't keep up with a lot
of the news.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
And it back in the news again.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yesterday a woman who, by the way, not just looks
crazy when you see your mug shots and stuff. She
is legitimate psycho, just dizzy eyes crazy. She decided that
it was time to send her kids to the devil
before they could do it to her, And so she

(04:46):
shot all four of them.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
Jesus.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Two of them died.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
And I don't know if she shot them in the
car or if she put them in the car afterwards,
and then drove to a gas station down the street
and stopped and called nine one one and said she
wasn't actually calling nine one one for the help. She
was calling the devil, letting them know she's sending them
her kids. She's calling the devil. Now, I hate to ask, woo,

(05:13):
does the devil have a phone number.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
Or a nine one one?

Speaker 1 (05:16):
That's it?

Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, I just called nine one one talk to the devil.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Sometimes I'll call nine one one to report a homeless
guy in the middle of an intersection walking around with
his pants off, And they always make it sound like
I called the wrong number. Oh boy, Like you know,
I don't know why you're bothering.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
Us with that.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, we got things to do here, you know, I
supposed to call here if someone uses the wrong pronouns.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
But more exciting, y'all mention night out, the night out
to fight crime.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
It's it's tonight, and I.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
Think I'm gonna go out in somebody's neighborhood and just
drive around and see if there's anybody out, because I
don't think people really participate in that stuff anymore.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
I have never been to one, probably because I'm an outlaw,
and you don't invite criminals to a meeting where you're
talking about how to deal with criminals.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
They're going to be eyeballing you.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
So it's like being a like a black eye getting
invited to a clan rally. Usually I'm excluded from that
stuff usually. You know, Billy, do you remember what was it?

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (06:12):
It used to have the candy cigarettes back in the day.
Oh you bet with the little red tip on the end.
And it wasn't even good candy. No, but they took
it away from us.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
But you got to pretend like you were a big
boy and you could smoke.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Oh yeah, you were. You were showing off. They actually
banned that when I was an adult. As a child,
I could get that mimicked real cigarettes for kids, but
they phased it out because it normalized smoking. Yeah, and
I don't understand that smoking makes you look cool and
smart and sexist. Sure, why don't they? Just everybody wants.
And then the other thing that I always wanted to try,
because it went away when I was a younger adult,

(06:46):
was the original recipe of absynthe. It had some chemical
in it to tusionet or thusiana or I don't know.
They say it caused hallucinations. I've never had real abscinthe before.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
You want that?

Speaker 1 (06:58):
I mean, I do want to try to.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
Do you want that?

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah? How do you get it?

Speaker 3 (07:02):
I know some people they don't know either, but I can,
I can ask them.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
I just want to drink absinthe, munch on some candy cigarettes,
and throw.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
Some wand darts.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, while I watch a good old fashioned late nineties
Fox News style police chase on TV where they crash
a cop car into the side of a stolen Honda
Civic and it crashes into a bunch of garbage cans
and some hobo jumps out and he's on fire.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Cops used to be really proud of their ability to
do the pit maneuver where you hit the back end
of the car in front of you.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
You know, you kind of hit it.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Not is that called t boning or is that No,
that's that's completely sideways.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Pit maneuver. You don't drive into the back of the car.
You get to the side of it, and then you
turn the front of your car right like to hit
the back of the car and you send them spinning. Man,
that's the pit maneuver. And now they don't even let
them do it. They just make them follow around. See, yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Guess it'll individually. We don't want to, you know.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
And they were they actually, you know, did have a
that you said that it was a woman motorcycle rider
got hit during the chase and they weren't even trying,
you know, to catch him. Did she call one hundred
Lonetiger's I hope so. Was my first advice to her.
I would like to try the pit maneuver.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I mean to brag, but I own two cars, you know,
and you know there's two of them, and so I
figure what I'll do is maybe I'll go out and
find an old empty parking lot, get one of my
buddies to drive one car, and yeah, I'll drive the
other and do the pit maneuver.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Oh, you think you could do the pit maneuver.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Like I got a I mean, all right, I'll have
someone else do at first, I can watch it. I
guess it's probably on YouTube or something, right, So it
seemed like I kind of thing Google would take down.

Speaker 3 (08:42):
Nah, you probably find it on the internet.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
How about this clacker balls? You remember clackerballs?

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Sure do.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
It was a toy with two heavy balls on a string,
and then they had.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
The thing you mama will snatch up from you after
about sixteen seconds of clocking and just throw it over
the fence.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
It was just a metal ball, but they banded it
back in the eighties because of strangulation risks.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
One of two metal balls had to get him to
go clack by moving your handless way. You go to
like that little paddle with the rubber ball on a
little rubber band, and you do the paddle like that.
I can never do more than about six hits, you know, boom,
boom boom. But once the rubber band broke, which is
you know, ten twelve minutes, then mama keeps.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
The paddle just for ten in your backside.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
So your parents bought you a toy and almost have
really broke.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
They started beating us with it.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Crackerballs just kind of seems boring to me. The safety
risk doesn't really seem like what would bother me?

Speaker 3 (09:37):
You know what was really cool back of the day.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
I mean we stared at this for hours, that that
little bird with the red liquid in him, and he
would tip.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Forward, tip forward, tip forward, and then he would.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Dip his beak in a drink, and then he would
roll back up, and then he would do it all
over again. And it would take that little bird like
eighteen times of dripping down before you get some water.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah, and you always think the bird's gonna be done
with water soon, and then he goes back for more,
and then he goes right back from more right exactly.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Do you ever get a wax candy with the little
like colored juice in it and.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
That kind of what candy corn is, but with something
in it?

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah, but this was I can't really just got it
was a it was a wax. Did it look like
a soda pop bottle or well one of them did,
I do remember that.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
But there was one that looked like it was like
the shape of a wallet or something. It was just
and and it had you know, like five little containers. Uh,
the plant the wax, and you could bite the tops
off of them and you got different colored juices.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
They all they were all the same. It was just
sugar water.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
According to this unnamed search engine I'm using, wax candy
is still available. Tetsi Raw Industries makes the product called
nickel nip.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
That can't be right, nickel nip.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
Nickel nip doesn't sound good. No, no, how about this.
You probably don't remember this. Back in the early two thousands,
at gas stations and truck stops, they used to sell
legal meth, but they called it a fedrin.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh yeah, do you remember that? You bet you?

Speaker 1 (11:09):
And I tried it once when I was in college
because I was tired and I had to cram for
a test, and it really was I mean yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
There's probably several lawyers listening right now throughout the Gold
South that made their first big score and landed some
riches beckter in them fedritten cases.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Back in the early years of the FDA, there used
to be a thing called Kinder Surprise eggs. They were
chocolate eggs with toys inside. But in nineteen thirty eight,
the FDA said, you know what, maybe it's not a
good idea to put toys and prizes inside of something
you're gonna eat, because you could choke to death. But
in that just kind of idiocracy, Like had we have

(11:49):
not outlawed kinder surprise eggs, do you think Joe Biden
ever would have been president?

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Oh? No, he would have been gone a long time ago.
The show is going to be.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
The greatest show ef I had a great two for Tuesday.
It must be two for Tuesday.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Yeah, that two for Tuesday special Wolton and Johnson.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
He said he ain't blue, but he's getting an extra
long neck. He's really tall and he kind of walks
like jar Jar binks.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
Does he look like one of the women or the men? Well, yeah,
get that long hair, you decide.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
But anyway, it got down to the final you know
a few seconds there and Jaguars were about to score
and long hair.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
What's what's Trevor Lawrence? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:31):
He uh he won the game on a broken play.
Takes the snap from center, backs up and falls down,
just falls on his ass, rolls around back there with
the ball. People are trying to you know, get him
and touch him while he's down so the play will
be over, but he hops up there's nobody around to
hand the ball to, so he just runs for the

(12:53):
zode and here's the call.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
Now Lawrence goes down, has to get up, takes it
touchdown way.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
I like the way I called it better.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
He was able to store oh Man one of the
more exciting one yard touchdown runs you'll ever see. There's
no kidding about that.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
So now the Chiefs have a losing record, the jag
you are have a winning record. They won last night
thirty one to twenty eight. If you care about to
score the big question everybody is really concerned with this
morning and waking up and hearing the news that the
Chiefs lost again. Will Taylor in the engagement now.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Well, I mean, what would be the point of maryon
Patrick or excuse me, Trevor? Is that?

Speaker 3 (13:41):
Who is Travis?

Speaker 1 (13:41):
Travis? That's it? I know I was one of them,
one of them, because what you know, you don't want
to be.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
With a loser. Yeah, I don't even know if she
has to tell him. I think he probably just knows.
Going home last night, yeah, I mean kill on the plane,
he was probably like, well, I guess that's it.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
She doesn't want to be around me.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
She's got a new album that's doing great. He's not
on a good football team. What's the point.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
I heard some very upsetting news from my daughter yesterday,
who's not a huge Taylor Swift fan but obviously knows
more about her than me. This new album that Taylor
is out there pushing, says that Taylor a lot of
the music on it was inspired by her fiance Travis Kelsey,
including some song about the size of his penis. Really,

(14:25):
I didn't want to hear that from my daughter or
from anybody else, really, but she sings about his I
don't know. You will have to look up the lyrics
and find out what she says about it. I don't
know if she's like, you know, it's tree trunk, tree trunk,
you know, or what she calls him. But I'm thinking, maybe,
you know, this is that remember that switch when Britney

(14:46):
Spears went from being a little goodie two shoes sweet
little You know she was a.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Role model for the Sure when she was fifteen.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Yeah yeah, and then she all of a sudden went
like horror, horror and made millions. Yeah, he got way
more pop when she went a hoary. Maybe this is Taylor's.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
Announcement that you know she's singing about her boyfriend's ramrod
now is her way of letting you know she's her
own woman.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
I don't know. I don't claim to understand it, but
it's not for me. It's pop music for cat ladies
or something.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
A friend of mine that i'd go drinking with said
to me the other day, Taylor Swift makes music for
girls who use too much teeth. And I couldn't understand
what he meant by that. He wouldn't explain it to me.
I kept asking him my teeth for what like chewing gum?
And anyway, I didn't help with a list, but did
she Yeah, I don't know. You wouldn't say. I kept
asking him.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
But anyway, that's not either here nor there.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
We're not here to talk about Taylor Swift and all
that foolish nonsense. Not when we got guys like Jay
Jones in the news. This boy is a he's a
real treat if you're in the news game.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
In Virginia, a Democrat running for attorney general has has
sent text messages. I mean, he'll say it was a
long time ago. It was when Biden was president that
where he fantasized about killing cops and killing Republican's children.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
And his name's Jay Jones, and he has suggested if
more cops got killed, they'd probably shoot less people themselves.
He used to be a Democrat representative in the House
in Virginia. Now he's running for attorney general, and some
people are suggesting maybe he ought to go away. They

(16:26):
had some text messages from him back in twenty twenty
two in which he suggested he he would personally not
the cops, he would shoot the house speaker, Todd Gilbert
over Adolf Hitler. I'm not sure which side who was
on or what they were debating Adolf Hitler. He said
Gilbert and his wife should have to watch his fascist

(16:49):
children die.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
That's sweet.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
It's pretty dark. For those of you that don't know
who Jay Jones in is. He kind of looks like
a Timo version of Corey Booker, which is weird because
Corey Booker looks like a Timou version of Obama and
this is not going to make him unpopular.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Looked like Tiger Woods.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
Anybody, Yeah, I could see that. Anyone that thinks this
is going to be the end of Jay Jones's oh
political career has really missed the last few months of
the news.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Democrat world, this is your road to start him. Right,
He's a shooting star.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Now understand, these are the same people in his constituency
who celebrated the death of Charlie Kirk. When Charlie Kirk
was killed, they said things like, I hope Matt Walsh
is next. I hope Ben Shapiro's next. They said. These
are the same people that said, ah, I wish the
person that shot Trump in the year it aimed a
little more to the right. Yeah, I don't know the
same people, right, So they're not. They think Jimmy Kimmel's great.

(17:40):
They don't understand. They don't watch his show, but they
think he's great, right, And they're not. It isn't gonna
hurt his political career. He's going to be the biggest.
He's gonna be governor someday.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah. Yeah, in forty years he'll be running for president.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Don't worry about the Democrat politicians and all the craziness
they say and do. I mean, we see it in
the news every day. What we really ought to be
worried about is not what the politicians are saying and doing,
but the people that are hearing it. And voting for them. Right,
You've got to follow it past the politician. He's just
upfront getting attention. But the hundreds, thousands, whoever, millions of people,

(18:16):
they're still voting Democrat after all the crap the Democrats
have just been putting us through for the last well
what five years, ten years? How far you want to
go back? Let's go back to slavery. You want to
go back to slavery.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
Democrats need to learn basic lessons in history, like it
was the Republican Party.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Brindon Johnson, the mayor of Chicago, is saying that the
Republicans haven't accepted the end of world wars. Excuse me,
the Civil War? H And I might point out the
Republicans won the Civil War. It was the Democrats who was.
It was the Democrats who wanted slavery, and today it's
the Democrats who want to keep all the illegal immigrants
for cheap labor.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
The Democrats say they're the party of the blacks, the
party of the minorities. But in Chicago, who is most
likely to be a victim of the crime that's going
on there?

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Probably the black and brown people. Yes, And who is.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Keeping the the you know, a Trump from helping. Who's
keeping the National Guard out? Who is making sure that
those minorities are continually victims of crime?

Speaker 1 (19:19):
The devil?

Speaker 3 (19:20):
No, it will kind of the mayor. Did you ever
find it weird that your Democrat mayor.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
In Chicago is making sure that the minorities that they
say they're there to protect are still victims of crime.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
And for those of you that don't remember who Brandon
Johnson is, he's the only black guy in America with
a faux haawk. I don't get that.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah, that's just like the black Gerber baby, all growed up.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
The other thing I don't get is why is it
okay to say brown people and queers? Isn't that weird?
Does that sound like insults that Billy ed would say
when he was drinking alone with his buddies. It used
to be yeah, and now that's their names. It's a
brown queer. Hey, No, that's when he identifies as Oh okay,
way into more to flight recently, and I noticed that
the pilot was a female, which I thought was cool.

(20:05):
I've never seen a woman fly a plane. I mean,
I didn't actually see her fly on the plane, because honestly,
I caught a different flight. This is the Walton and
Johnson Show