Will A Hurricane Save Gaza - TUE 9.1

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Oliver Anthony really doesn't look the way he sounds. You
know what I mean, No, you don't. He didn't look
like he didn't look like he can bench, but he
sounds like he can bench. Yeah he did. He sounds
like he could bench two or three plates. But he
looks like he works at Chipotle. You know what I mean.
That's his problem. I think, stop looking like a Chipotle
guy and start looking like a bench press guy. Yeah, yeah,

(00:24):
do that, Yeah, take in. He's advice. All right, I got.
I know you probably thought I forgot, but I didn't forget.
I didn't forget. Mister Kenneth. I know what time it is.
It's your time. We're gonna let you shine only if
you're ready. What time is it's it's your birthday.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
A lot of very well known celebrities and the celebrity
birthdays today. That's kind of why you're a celebrity, because
you're well known. But I will start with that kid.
Remember that kid, Hunter Hayes. He he was America. He
was once one of America's most talented kids. It sounds
familiar what Hayes was like six years old. I think

(01:09):
when when people were like, oh my god, look at him.
He was singing country music and playing he's he's from Browbridge,
Louisiana and now he's thirty four years old. What show
is he on? American idol Ers? Bill? Okay, the one
I mentioned already. I just thought that was like America's
most talented kids.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
That was a show. That's a show. I didn't know
that Kelsey as as Bill as Billy. I don't know
how you say her last name, asked Belly.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
The lady that played is Monica Dutton, the daughter in
law on Yellowstone.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
A lot of people did not care for her too much.
She's a bit of a whiner.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
I mean, I think she's pretty. I thought she was
good on that show. And she's Native American? Is that right? Actually? No,
what is she in real?

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I think she's Asian. Oh, she just pretends to be
tending to be an American Indian.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
WHOA, that's really offensive. I know. Yeah, you can't do that,
just pretending to be something you're not. That's not allowed
in acting in twenty twenty five. No, no, you're only
supposed to pretend to be the thing that you already are.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Actress Michelle Williams, who's been so many good things. He's
forty five. Michael Buble is fifty. Eric stone Street the
not gay guy but pretending he was gay as Cameron
on Modern Family is fifty four, once again stolen Valor.
Henry Thomas of e T Remember Elliott, Little Elliott, he's

(02:36):
now fifty four years old.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Did you know there was a subplot in ET that
they didn't include with his mom? Right? Yeah, you know
about that. You told me about it about three weeks ago.
Isn't that weird? Wouldn't that be gross? If he you know,
he had a scene in the movie where he used
his finger as something besides the flashlight. Elliott opens the door, Mom, Elliott, No,

(02:58):
he's up there going. Never mind.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Adam Sandler's birthday to day, he's fifty nine, fifty nine,
you grant sixty five. Angela Carte right now, seventy three.
Dave Stewart of the Eurysthmics also seventy three, Oh, bro,
I would acued that up. Tom Wopat of the Dukes
of Hazzard seventy four. Today, Joe th Eisman, the quarterback

(03:24):
guy that got his leg all broken.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
And they named the award after him. Yeah, sum he's
seventy six. And no longer with us. Sad topol from
Fiddler on the Roof. I don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
A couple of years ago, Otis Redding and Colonel Sanders
of KFC fame.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
You know what any like about Colonel Sanders. He never
made it in life till he was sixty nine. You
know that tells me. That tells me anybody could do
anything they want if they're just patient enough. Donald Trump
said that, He said he knew a lot of talented
people who never made it because they gave up too soon.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Life a breath, then keep trying. Today is International Box
Wine Day.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
For those of you who have give it up, National
Steak oh Porvery Day, No, it says povery, National Wiener
Schnitzel Day, It's.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Teddy Bear Day. And it's also Sudoku Day. Now, no,
it's not Sudoku Day. There's no Sudoku Day.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
That's crazy. Why would we need that? And by the way,
this next segment's brought to you by law tigers dot Com.
We didn't get there yet, Well we're about to. We're
gonna get there. Why did you want to do something
else first?

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Well, it's it's just two days until Patriot Day. Okay,
don't even think we should celebrate that on Patriot Day.
Well we will, but we want to let you know
it's coming two days from now. It is now. All
this day in history brought to you by who I Forgot,
law tigers dot Com.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Tell me more, call one hundred law Tigers. If you
get into a motorcycle accident, remember they got you back.
They get you back on the road as fast as
possible because the insurance companies don't love you, but they do.
Happy Birthday to California.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, it became our thirty first state in eighteen fifty
on this date.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
But a little before that, seventeen seventy six Congress renames
the United Colonies the United States of America.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Technically happened today in your face, England today. In eighteen
forty three, you'll love this one. Billy had a woman
named Nancy Johnson got a patent for a hand cranked
ice cream freezer.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Nice, she knows a hand crank, baby. Yeah, she was
cranking out cream all day her Her husband loved it.
He was just like cranking up Nancy today. In nineteen
forty two, Japan dropped incendiary devices near Brookings, Oregon. People
always forget about that. They did technically try to attack
the mainland of America, just didn't work. Pretty stupid. Today,
in nineteen fifty six, Elvis Baby Elvis Presley.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Did one of his appearances, I guess, his first ever
time on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
How about that? Today, in nineteen seventy one, four day
rioted Attica prison leaves thirty nine people dead. You're supposed
to scream, Attica, Attica, drop the funk, we bring your STATICA.
Then then I grabbed my pistol and I shoot you automatica.
It's zach day La Roca.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Never mind Mike Tyson indicted for right on this date
nineteen ninety one.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Where were you He was innocent?

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (06:15):
Hell yeah, I actually think he was. The more we've
learned about that, looking in our rear view mirror, I
don't think he did anything wrong. I knew that, Dean.
Why didn't you know that, Dean? I was a little kid.
Today in nineteen seventy one, Oh, I red do that.
In Today, nineteen seventy six, Chinese leader chairman Mao died.
Oh that must have been a sad day for Bernie
Sanders and Tim Walls. Don't you know it. Today in
nineteen ninety one, tad Jikistan declares it's independence from the USSR.

(06:38):
Weren't they just in the news for something? Just jicky
Stan ted Jikistan. What did ted Jikistan to had a
stupid name? Boy? It looks pretty Oh, today's independence day
for them, that's what it is. Well, yeah, it's the
same thing. And today in two thousand and two, buzz Aldrin,
Oh I love it. Buzz Aldrin punched a moon landing
conspiraccy theorist on this day in two thousand and two. Guys,

(06:58):
I gotta tell you that you could theorists. I know
you guys like this show, and you know, maybe you
agree with me a lot of the time. I am
not in agreement with you on that. I think we
walked on the moon. My favorite is this argument that
they make. They're like, you know, the footage didn't age well,
age well compared to what is there some other footage
of people walking on the moon you're comparing it to.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, we looked at two of them, and no, it's
not accurate at all.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Like, look, it looks like a TV studio. What TV studio?
Does it look like? One of them? Okay? You're not
saying anything, and you're just speculating in your head. Do
you think you're making a point. You're not proved to
be a speculator. Do you really think the government is
competent enough to fake the moon landing? That you're giving
them way too much credit? You think I'm giving them
too much credit? And then to have kept it a

(07:41):
secret all these years? Yeah, not happening, guys. How much
potato is in pringles?

Speaker 3 (07:46):
None?

Speaker 2 (07:47):
I got to think there's more Korean newspaper than anything.
Mostly a newspaper, I think, and salt.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
It's not technically even food like ketchup, mustard and other condiments.
Don't you love them? It's technically classified as a food product.
Don't you love them? I do? Oh man? Every now
and then you just want some pringles? Yeah, well, they're
not made out of potatoes, stringles and potatoes. We mean
pringles on potatoes.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
So pringles used to be called on the packaging pringle
potato chips or pringle chips. The FDA made them remove
the chips because they're not chips. They taste so good
they do. But in the ft apolicy, you have to
have potato in your path to call the chips to
call it. When you look at stringles, you and you
can go research it. They're not they're not. They're not
potatoes that are crushed up powder. They crush up powder

(08:32):
like it's just like chemicals and make it into a
paste and then yeah, and then they dry it, and
that's a pringle. They're not the zero percent potato in
a pringle.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah wow, But I'll tell you what it does do.
Puts an awful lot of those micro plastics in your testicles.
Hell yeah, now, I know what you're thinking. That sounds bad,
But imagine how much money you save on prophylactics with
all those micro plastics.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Well, is that a blessing in Disguisees it actually work
that way?

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Probably not? Probably not. Yeah, But when you're deciding between
the truth and the legend, print a legend. That's the Americans.
What you did when you wrote an article, You bastard,
print a legend? How dare you?

Speaker 5 (09:12):
Didn't you welcome to the thirty fifth Annual National Convention.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
A basket Teod Walton and Johnson Radio Network. But you
didn't like tennis? I'm sorry. What you didn't like tennis?
I don't I didn't write this song. It's just a
song I'm playing. Did you picked it? You want to
play something else? You picked it because you actually secretly
loved tennis and you know it. Fine. Nine inch nails
so very important to the rest of the show. You

(09:37):
heard them. Everybody, mister Kenneth wants nothing but nine inch
nails till the show's over. When did you put that
in my mouth? You just why are you putting things
in my mouth? Kenny? I see what you're doing. Uh,
what were we about to talk about? Oh yeah, Jasmine Crockett,
Oh shees fun. I've had so many interesting soundbites sitting
here since the show started that we haven't played yet.

(09:58):
Like I said yesterday four hours ago, I made a
point that yesterday was just like a dishonesty Olympics for
the liberal elite. It was just some of the craziest
things I've heard affluent political leaders on the left say
in months came out of their mouths yesterday, and with
no regard for what the truth was. Donald Trump, would
you agree ninety seven thousand jobs eliminated from the government

(10:20):
under his leadership? That's a doged it like it or not?
That happened? That's a good thing, and he reduced spending.
One of the only administrations we've ever seen go out
and pass a bill to reduce spending that never happens.
Is it as much as I wanted? Not even close?
But it certainly wasn't more. It was less. It was
objectively less. Here's Jasmine Crockett.

Speaker 5 (10:42):
And I also want to point out that it is
so rich that the Republicans believe in small government, and
this is the biggest government that I've ever seen because
they have decided that now they are going to somehow
be the local police that is going to solve local crime.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Guys, we didn't hire anybody new to go out and criminals.
They're just going to use the National Guard we're already
paying for. Is the biggest government of talk about hyperbole.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
And whether she means it or knows it or not,
she's not talking about the actual size the amount of government.
It just their governmental overreach as she sees it.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
So having the people we already pay to do a
job actually do a job is somehow making the government bigger.
Imagine that I doubt it. She ain't all the federal level.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
That is not what we're supposed to do.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
If we're not supposed to actually do stuff in government.
We're just supposed to pay people to do nothing all day.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Well, if anybody would know what the rules are, it's
got to be her, because if she's just she's on
top of it.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Ninety seven thousand people eliminated from our government. And look,
I don't celebrate when people lose their jobs, but you
can't say that that was expanding the size of government.
I mean I do like when he did that. Hell yeah,
I mean I do celebrate that, Okay, kind of did it. Generally,
I don't enjoy when people lose their job, because I'm
not suggesting that. I will tell you this. There's this
new study out today. It shows that cheerful music could

(12:06):
actually be the cure to car sickness. Do you guys
ever get car sickness?

Speaker 2 (12:09):
I don't, but I know people that do it. It's
a terrible thing. So you just put don't worry, be
happy on.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Let me give you an example.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
The next time you're on a winding road feeling car
sit no, reach for a paper bag, crank up a
cheerful tune. Music kick you from Music keeps you from marking,
kicks you.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Shucking, and kiss you and your COOKI music keeps you
from calling Johnson play to the.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
Parson happy music because hurling isn't harmony. So turn up
the tunes to keep the chunks down.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Nobody chunks. You know, I've actually looked into it.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
They have suggestion Happy by Parrel and Hakuna Matata from
Lion King, and this supposed to help you feel better.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Mister, I thought you said that song was racist to
Kuda Matata. Yeah, that's racist. See here you go. I
mean he just said it, so why is it racist?

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Well?

Speaker 1 (13:15):
I just said that is didn't Elton John sing it
or something like that. It's racist? Because I'll say this though.
I mean, that's good enough for me. Thank you real quick,
mister h anybody else doing anything racist in here right now?
We need Oh there's all kind of racism going on
all the time. Well if you could just tell us
what it is, we could all stop.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
You know.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
I don't want to be racist. You hassling me, that's racist.
I'm not hassling yet, I'm.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
Telling me what to do. I'm just asking telling me
to tell people what stuff. That's you ordering a black
man around, and that is racist.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
No, I'm not ordering you around. I'm just politely telling
you what to do with me and telling me I'm wrong,
And that's even more racist.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's not that you're wrong, it's just that you're not correct.
You're more right. Yeah, exactly, it's it. It's just that
what I'm saying, that's privilege, right there, two or three
of you ganging up on me, and tell them, all
of you gonna tell me how y'all more right than
I am. No, I don't think though.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
For the last time, it's not white privilege. It just
means that life's easier for me because of my skin color.
That's all it is, exactly. Relax anyway. An Israeli biotech
startup is developing technology that could revolutionize the global blood
supply by producing universal red blood cells from stem cells
on an industrial scale.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
That means the vampires can stop feeding on humans and
they can be a part of society openly. Now, that'll
be wonderful, you know, that's what I should write a
TV show like that.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
I thought the same thing, but then when I realized
it was an Israeli company. That means the Jews are
doing stuff with blood. Oh boy, that's going to drive
people crazy. You know how people are with the conspiracy here.
It's like if the Jews do something even vaguely controversial,
there's a group of people out there that just can't
emotionally handle it. I understand, you know, we want the
blood supply.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
And they're creating hurricanes now too, are they really that's
what you said this morning, oh Jewish space lasers. No, No,
they said that a hurricane was going to blow through
Gaza if they don't start releasing those hostages right away.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Let's if that was a literal hurricane or a figurative one.
That's that's what I thought.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, but Nepal is a real mess. We mentioned Nepal
a little earlier. I had no idea how bad it's gotten.
Their government has completely collapsed. Politicians have banned social media.
I don't know if that's what started the collapse or
if it collapsed and that's why they banned social media. Citizens.
The people of Nepal have burned down the parliament building.

(15:43):
Politicians are now fleeing by helicopters.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
That's never a good sign. That's what America does when
we give up on one of our regime building exercises.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
The Finance Minister of Nepal was stripped of his closed
and chased into the river. I mean they do is
get and just all kinds of crazy over there, stormed
Communist Party headquarters.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Well it is see people don't like communism. No, I
don't like communism either. I think it sucks of all
the isms.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
They burned parliament to the ground and stripped the Finance
minister and chased him out.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
They stripped him of his clothes. Yeah wow said that.
He just running around naked with his balls hanging out everything.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Feeling that I need to repeat myself three or four
times every time I say something. I feel like I
need to repeat myself three or four times every time
I say something or else. If I don't repeat myself
over and over again, I don't think.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
You guys are paying attention. In my defense, it might
be that high pach. That's probably what it is. Times
it just goes quiet, you can't even hear it. And
when someone's telling a story about a country that's been
flipped upside out and part of the story involves ripping
politician's clothes off and chasing him down the street, you
gotta admit that is the part of the story that
feels like it needs to be focused on a little more.

(16:59):
It should have been lead. That's crazy. That's insane. Crazy
is interesting. So I guess you're saying that vacations to
Nepal are probably cheap right now?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Oh, I was thinking maybe for Thanksgiving? You want to
go over to Nepal for Thanksgiving?

Speaker 1 (17:14):
I don't know. I had a big holiday coming up
before the weekend. I have some ski trips booked around
that time. I think you guys are going on those two.
I don't know if we can.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
You can ski in the bowl, really, I don't know
if you can stop once you get started, because it's
really steep.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Well, but of course, if you're being chased by political revolutionaries,
maybe you shouldn't stop.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well, yeah, try to keep up the speed. Some of
the best Thanksgiving advice I've ever received from a friend
of mine who recently.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Told me, and she was serious. I think this is
a good plan.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Be sure when you're at Thanksgiving dinner with a family,
be sure and bring up politics. Let's discuss politics at
Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
You know why?

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Because hello, yeah, I'm listening. Don't discuss politics at Thanksgiving dinner.
Going I couldn't even hear him. His voice got too
hotpitched and it just it kind of disappears after a while.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
I can hear him. He's telling me to do something,
not to do something that I do every year. No,
I'm telling you to do it to bring up politics.
Oh okay, that's kind of what the opposite of where
I thought, there's okay, go.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
On, ken, I feel like I have to repeat myself multiply.
No mine, So don't talk about politics.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Never mind.

Speaker 2 (18:21):
I'm not even gonna okay you sure cause I got
something else right now?

Speaker 1 (18:25):
On quit before he changes his fine. Kicked ALV a plane?
Kicked ALV a plane.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Here's somebody got kicked out a plane. It's a little
different report today from our world. Have kicked off a plane.
But it's brought to us by I'm sorry what, Oh,
I'll tell you.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
It's brought to us by the Walton and Johnson presents
Operation Comedy Therapy twenty twenty five. When is that? Oh,
that's going down October fifth? Is it this year? Yeah?
Bad Astronaut Brewing Company. You can get your tickets at
Wheelchairs for Warriors dot org. Get Wheels for What. Operation
Comedy Therapy five featuring Chad Pray through Jesse Payton, Steve
Johnson and Kenny Webster. Ever heard it? It's a stand

(19:04):
up comedy show where we raise money for disabled military
veterans and wheelchairs. Should have mentioned it sooner. It's gonna
be a lot of fun. You could drink beer and
eat tacos and listen at jokes. October fifth at the
Bad Astronaut Brewing Company. Go ahead, see, aren't you a
pain in the ath? No? I'll keep doing this. I
don't mind at all what I'm being you. Aren't I
being you? Being a paint at the path. Let's face it.

(19:24):
If you're being me, you're being a lot more handsome
than you're normally being. Buddy, there you go.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
The game.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
Flying high isn't all peanuts and turbulence, at least not
if you're an Argentinian flight attendant named Barbara Barbie beck Bachelli.
She's a twenty nine year old YouTube star who entertains
two point seven million fans with her in flight tails.
She just spilled the no fly rules she thinks all
passengers should follow, and wouldn't you like to hear the rules?

(19:49):
I'm sorry, well that rule number one. Keep the wise
cracks to yourself, mister Kenneff, The crews got enough on
their hands without your stand up routine at thirty thousand feet?
Is that right? No? But what about their stay to routine? Well,
that's them to knock it off too. I notice only
Southwest does that. When I'm on a United flight, they're
never working on their punchlines or whatever. But that being said,

(20:09):
when the society of the Snow movie came out, a
passenger told this woman, if anything happens, I give you
my consent to eat me. She said, what what's that,
you know, because that's a movie about alive or whatever. Yeah, exactly, Yeah,
don't eat people. She also pointed out that the others
even have the nerve to joke who's flying If it's
a woman, Let me get off, they say, And I

(20:30):
gotta tell you. Yeah, all jokes aside, This young lady says,
there are practical rules, especially regarding things like food and drink,
for flyers to follow. No plane tap water and no
yogurt left out on ice bags for hours. Apparently that's
a thing that happens. Don't touch them, you don't want them.
You don't want the airplane yogurt just a bad idea.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yogurt just the sound you say, in the word gives
me just creepy.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
For comfort and safety while flying, she said to leave
the stilettos in the suitcase. She said she never wears
heels in an evacuation. You would have to take them off.
So don't you don't damage the slide? Do you every
think about the slide? Never did. You can't wear stiletto
heels on the slide and be cautious when entering a
plane bathroom. Do you think that liquid on the bathroom
floor is water? Ah, it's not. Hey, if you want

(21:17):
to board early, forget it. Some bat passengers will start
queuing at the gate. You know how they talk. Yeah,
when the plane arrives, Why queue to board? If you're
going to have to stand around waiting for so long,
don't do that. Sit down, wait for them to call
you up. Makes a lot more sense.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Southwest Airlines thought they were going to get people to
sit down and not form a line when they came
up with this whole thing. You know, like, okay, only
the a people need to be up, right, Now, what
do they do?

Speaker 1 (21:42):
They get up? They all the bees are all hovering
around to you know the shit. Just sit and relax.
Doesn't that just disgust you. It really does. I pay
extra so I can board first. Do you think I
want to stand there with these smelly, working class people
with your B boarding group? No, yuck, it's gross. And
then what happens when you accidentally check in late and

(22:04):
then you got aboard at the Bees or the seas
and you feel like you're one of those people. I
might as well just cancel the trip. I know, don't
even go. I could smell them from down the hallway.
They disgust me. Yuck. Stock up on your beef tallow.
It's the Walton and Johnson Show.