May 15, 2025 • 55 mins
We chat with Donna Still, transformational life coach and author, about personal change, creativity and self-discovery.
The conversation touches on the power of morning pages, breaking old patterns, uncovering your unique “medicine” in life and business, and Donna’s own journey as a coach, writer and energy healer.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-women-in-business-radio-show--1228431/support.
Created and hosted by Sian Murphy with regular co-hosts Michele Yianni Attard, Kay Best, Rachael Bryant and occasionally Adelle Martin.
Find out how to be a guest or patron of the show at https://thewomeninbusinessradioshow.com
The conversation touches on the power of morning pages, breaking old patterns, uncovering your unique “medicine” in life and business, and Donna’s own journey as a coach, writer and energy healer.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-women-in-business-radio-show--1228431/support.
Created and hosted by Sian Murphy with regular co-hosts Michele Yianni Attard, Kay Best, Rachael Bryant and occasionally Adelle Martin.
Find out how to be a guest or patron of the show at https://thewomeninbusinessradioshow.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the Women in Business Radio Show with Sean Murphy,
connecting women in business around the globe.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hello, and welcome into the Women in Business Radio Show studio.
I'm Sean Murphy, my my hoe host.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Started.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hell, how long did it take? About our thirty seconds?
Not even that, my ho host.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
It's going to be a good show, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
My co host today is Okay Best, who is the
course director for Cafe in the Calm and our spiritual
teacher and guide and including she's.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Not doing a good job. You need to up your game, deer.
And our guest in the studio.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Our guest in the studio today is Donna Still, who is.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
A transformational life coach.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well, I'm going to say welcome back into the studio, Donna,
because Donna and I have known each other quite a
long time now, haven't we. It is a long time
and Donna has been on the show. But really it
was ages ago.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Wasn't it.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I think it was. Was it around twenty twelve?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
No idea, but it was. It was quite a lot,
was it that long ago?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yes, Okay, you can have a slap sip.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Put a black mark down for that one. When you're
just maker.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I like to go back and look at the photos
because there's like we took a photo at the channel radio.
Then yes, in the reception, now.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yes, and we're in a lovely new studio now where
we can get up to all sorts of mischief.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
So welcome into the studio. Just a little bit of
a shout out.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
The Women in Business Big Show twenty twenty five is
on the seventh of August, and this year it's at
Wilmington Academy, which is up near Dartford, so it's only
just around the corner from Longfield Academy, and it is
going to be as big and bright as it has
been every year. We have exhibitor space for forty pounds.
You can catch up with our sponsors there. So we
(02:10):
are sponsored by the Federation of Small Business, that's the FSB,
so they are going to be there and I dare
say they will have a lovely sign up special membership
deal for you on the day. So if you're interested
in being exhibit, being an exhibitors, I say, we have
exhibitor space from only forty pounds, which is really very
reasonable for this sort of event. It's quite a big event,
(02:35):
and that means it's really open to everybody as long
as you're ensured. It doesn't matter whether you started your
business yesterday or whether you've been going for years. It's
a safe space. Come along, have really good fun. You
don't need lots of banners and brolies and branded gonks
and whimsies and pens and things. I don't know about you.
I've never bought anything off a branded pe. Have you
ever bought anything off a branded pen?
Speaker 4 (02:56):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
No, neither of ire you ever smat or something and
gone good? Heavens, I must get one of those.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I'll go. I'll just go and give them a ring.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No, So you don't need lots of that. What you
do need is a little bit of imagination. Get yourself
down to the range, get yourself some crayons out, get
your creativity together and start thinking about what you do
and how you work with people, and I don't know,
just a little something just to spark interest.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
So it really is for everybody.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
If you want to have a chat about that, go
and look on the Women in Business Big Show dot
com website, or you can call oh seven ninety five
one one six eight eight six three and have a
chat with us and we will help you decide if
it's right for you. So onwards and upwards. We are
going to be talking to Donna today about her spiritual journey,
(03:50):
what she does, how she has translated her passion her
love into working with others and as that being a business.
So that is what we're going to be talking about.
You might have guessed that we don't actually know.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
You've not got notes, have you? No that will get
you nowhere?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Just like was a reminder of what I've told you.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
What you do.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yes, you are in the right place. I sometimes wonder
why do they let us into these places. There knobs,
the buttons, there's, there's all sorts. It's it's going to
go wrong at some point, you know, honestly. Nevertheless, here
here we are loose. I do wish this thing. Sorry,
(04:49):
the studio lights keep turning off. I have to keep
pressing buttons and knobs to get them going again. With
these nails, it isn't always so easy I have. However,
you may be pleased to know managed I've worked out
how to put my phone on mute. I've got I've
got a new phone.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I've got it.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I asked a man and we found out how to
mute my phone, certainly. Yeah, so it'll stop binging and
bonging whilst whilst we're on it. Obviously I can't be
without it. I mean that goes without saying. I can
actually put it in another room. But at least now
it won't be intruding on our conversation. So let's get started,
shall we do it? So you're a transformational life coach
(05:29):
and author. You're the founder of the Gift, and so
i'm reading I'm reading stuff here you might have you
might have guessed you. With over twenty years in leadership,
mindset and energy work, she now supports individuals to break
old patterns, reclaim their power, and create lives that truly
(05:52):
feel like their own. Oh okay, you know there are
some things in there, so breaking old patterns. I'm just
making a few notes here, Breaking old patterns. Sometimes that
can be so difficult to do, can't it. Yeah? I
think sometimes the hardest thing is we don't actually realize
that we're in a pattern. We don't realize that we're
stuck in a groove, and so you can't you don't
(06:15):
know that there's anything to.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Break before you even start breaking it.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So you are you are also a conscious breath work facilitator,
an integrative an integrative energy healer, and the author of
five books, Ditch the Scales The Art of Effective Communication
in the Digital World one hundred and one quotes to
Think and Grow Rich, the Divine Nature of Being and
(06:41):
the Essence of being.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Wow. Yes, there's quite a lot, isn't it lot? Have
you brought any of them with you?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Actually, they're in the car and I forgot to bring
them in.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Heng they're in the car. Do you know what they're so? Hopefully?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
So what am I supposed to do? I suppose you
brought them. You brought them, which is more than I
would have done.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
The I think because writing comes easy, and the publishing
of the books was really easy. It was like, they
don't have that massive importance, and so I don't take
them around and don't carry them around. And for a
long time I was quite embarrassed that I'd written books
on poetry and stuff like that, because it's quite fit
(07:28):
with the image that I had of who I was.
It was like the transition, like because the poetry ones
are very like poetical well, they're more like spiritual downloads,
and they're.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Like, okay, right now, I understand.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
Okay, years ago I had a poetry book published.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Nice. Yeah, what was it called?
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Untitled? Literally, that's what I called it, untitled, And it
was written up as life is untitled because there's so
many differentts.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Where is this book? I'll tell you what this thing
is that you know about?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
People were just excuse us a moment while we just
tot off into a little side, a little side quest here.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Where is this book?
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Well, I've got a copy of it at home.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Okay, what was a long time ago?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And Shakespeare was a long time ago, and we're still
making brand new films about his you know, his stuff,
if he if he wrote them, whoever it was wrote them,
we're still making films about them.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Well, you need to bring it in. We need to
do something with it.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
I don't suppose it's even in production anymore, but you can.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Put it into production now.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
You can self red. We not retitle it, but read.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Well, it was it was untitled, it was led.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Actually you could you can and update it with like
what you've learned since then.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
I'll tell you what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
You want to try and sell it at one of
those weirdo events that happened, you know, those odd woo
woo events that happen in different spaces, and.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I don't know, maybe you know someone who runs one.
I don't know. It's just an idea. Oh dear, oh dear, dear.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Right, Okay, so your job for next month is to
republish your book and bring it along to cafe in the.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Carm I'm trying to finish my kids one of all
the different.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Okay, right, Okay, that sounds amazing.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
That actually doesn't.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
I'm really really excited about it.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, I did get on with it.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Okay, you want to spend less time faffing around in
radio studios, right then? Okay, let's get back on track here.
So breaking old patterns. There was something else that you
just said about the writing of the books, that it
comes easy to you and so you don't really think
of it as being this great big thing. And but
isn't that so often the case is that there were
(09:54):
things that we find really easy, and so we assume
that everybody else finds it really easy, so we don't
add a lot of value to it, correct without realizing
that actually other people just can't do this stuff, and
everybody has one of this. It's not an arrogance thing.
Every single person out there will have something that for them,
(10:14):
it just flows, It just flows, and every and everybody
else will struggle with it. And yet the person doesn't
appreciate that what they have, that this is their thing.
Other people cannot do this certainly not like that, certainly
not as easy as that, and that it does actually
(10:36):
have a huge amount of value, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah, yeah, And it's what I was going to say then,
completely out of my mind. But the like so when
I the first book that I wrote was I was
doing morning pages at the time.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
We're going to we'll mention that again, you carry on.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
I was doing morning pages and one morning I just
instead of writing my usual three pages, I just carried on.
And then before I knew it, it was eleven o'clock
and I'd started around six, So literally for five hours straight,
I was just like writing, and I had no idea
at the time what I was actually writing. And I
(11:22):
had the thought which I hadn't which actually hadn't occurred
to me ever before that time. And I'd been doing
morning pages for probably about three or four years by
that time, and I'd never reread or never read over
and never looked back at any of the content that
I'd written. It was just purely and simply a place
to just do what was in my head. And it
(11:45):
just went through my hand on the page and then gone.
So because it was like so much time had elapsed,
I then thought, well, maybe I need to read it.
So then I read through it and thought that sounds
quite good. I wonder if it'd be useful for anybody
(12:06):
else at the time, because it was more about a
my journey, but also there was lots of really practical
stuff in there. So I typed it up and then
sent it to a friend who had a book publishing company,
and she was like, can you prove that this can
work for others? So then I spent a whole year
and took over one hundred women through and a couple
(12:29):
of men actually, but through this process and then put
the feedback that they gave me on the process into
the book. But at the time I made it so
a lot of them became very comfortable in their own skin,
being themselves. But in my mind that book was about
weight loss.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Okay, yes, no, I get that, So.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
I made it mean that it wasn't right, but I
still published the book. And when I was invited to
go out to Bermuda and invited to go and do
different things, and then one day I just had a
big meltdown that I wasn't doing the right thing. I wasn't,
you know, like I was this big fraud and all
(13:16):
of that. So then I'd stopped marketing myself and stopped
even promoting the book. And it's taken me a long
time to get to that stage where I actually there
are the books, and hence.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I've left there in the car.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
So it's so hard done it.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Let's just go back and just do a quick recap
of morning pages just in case you don't know what
they are, because they're a really really useful tool. So
morning pages is a process, a thing developed by a
lady called Julia Cameron, who is the author of The
Artist's Way. So now she may well disagree. This is
(13:57):
just my quick explanation of what I think morning page,
which is it's a way of dumping stuff out of
your head, getting into a lot of the clutter and rubbish,
spinning around so that you can start to reach some clarity.
And what it is is it's almost like automatic writing.
You're not thinking about what you're writing. You do it
ideally in the morning. Everybody can do that in the morning.
(14:18):
If you've got a three year old that's wants some
wait to bix, that is probably going to be more
important immediately than actually sitting down and doing this. You
do six sides of a four by putting pen or
pencil to paper, not typing it out, and you do
it without thought, so you just blurge out. The idea
(14:40):
is that you clear up the clutter out of your brain.
But also what you may find is that in the
last in the last sort of paragraph or so on
the very last page, that actually some pearls of wisdom
come out, some things that you've been thinking, things that
may be holding your back, ideas that you're having that
sort of thing. So it may well be that you
want to to read back and just pull out some
(15:03):
real sort of little thought nuggets out of the last
bit of it. Some people keep them, some people chuck
them away. Fortunately Donna decided to keep them. You do
not do less than six pages, because if you do
less the stuff, the real interesting stuff isn't going to
come out. If you do more than six pages, it
(15:24):
starts to get a bit over indulgent or self indulgent.
You start sort of focusing on yourself. So six pages
every day, that's it does That sounds about right.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
It does sound about right. And actually since then, I
still journal every day and have done that for over
twenty years now. And the book The Divine Nature of
Being and the Essence of Being all came out of
those journal writings like the because as I've looked back
(15:55):
over them, I've like, wow, that's really interesting, and so
I just created that into just just brought the.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Little interesting bits together. It's really quite important that this
is just a stream of writing. You're not thinking about it,
you're not editing it, you're not spelling it. It could
be that you just spend the six pages going I
don't know what to write.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I don't know what to write. I don't know what
to write.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
What's important is that you just write something and eventually
something will come out.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I actually used to start a lot of mornings like
that and other times where you know, I used to
start off with just making a note of my dreams.
So if I'd woken up in the night with a
dream or broken up with something on my mind, first
thing in the morning, you know, that could be something
that I needed to do that day, or it could
have been the answer to a question I'd been asking
(16:45):
for the last three weeks and struggled to get the answer.
So morning pages are brilliant for that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yeah, they are.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You know, if you're feeling confused, if you're feeling overwhelmed,
it doesn't really matter, to be honest, it doesn't matter
profession you're in. It just matter if you're no profession
at all. It's it's a really good way I think
of getting some of your ideas and your your gifts
out of sort of discovered. I don't like the discovering
who you are because people I don't know. It all
(17:15):
sounds really naft, doesn't it. But it sort of is,
isn't it. It's about getting some of the things that
you may not have realized were in there out.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
Yeah. It helps to really bring clarity sometimes when when
you've got a lot of chaos in your liea. I
think it really helps to bring the clarity.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Because sometimes the chaos isn't real, it's imagined exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
No idea what that means.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
We are all a center of divine operation, which sounds
a bit like we we weent out there, but actually
it's a statement that I am Thomas trow had made
in his book, which the name just escapes me right now,
But what he says is that we're all a center
(18:10):
of defining operation, meaning that we create our world from
our thinking. And interestingly, I'm doing a course on it's
called the Modern Medicine Woman or medic Women Practitioner Trainings
and wherever I've.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Got modern Sorry to say that again, what's it.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
Called medicine woman, medic Medicine woman, Yeah, Medicine Women Practitioner.
And really it's about really stepping into your own medicine,
the medicine that you bring into the world, rather than
you know, like, I'm not serving medicine. I'm not doing medicine.
I'm not doing any of that. It's more about uncovering
(18:50):
and revealing and really stepping into the medicine that I
bring into the world. And so I'm doing on this
journey for the next twelve months with nine other women
who are also doing the same thing. But it's very
interesting because the whole part of that is is that
(19:13):
it's also includes some of the shamanic more shamanic influences,
and one of this we had to sort of connect
with an ally and an animal ally, and I was
in the supermarket with my mum and these snake earrings
(19:33):
really caught my attention. And then a few days later
I was sitting in the pub with some friends and
they were talking about grass snakes and you know the
adders that we have in the UK. And then suddenly
realized that it was like, ah, so that's like that speak,
(19:53):
that energy speaking to me, and sort of recognizing that
everything around us is always speaking to us and given
us clues and.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Sort of we have but we have to listen to them.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Yeah, we have to be open to be able to
hear all of that conversation going on and and yeah,
so I started to really connect with snake. So where
I'm going with this is if you're wondering, because it's
probably like, we got no idea what it's not a problem.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
So so I started to do a lot of research
on snake symbolism and how it works in different cultures
around the world, and and particularly what drew me was Apep,
which is the from the Egyptian cosmology, and Apep is
a is the primordial potential basically, and for some translations
(20:51):
have made it like it's evil and it's dark, but
it's the chaos and and so from that whole, it's
the big cosmic soup from which everything comes from. So
and our thoughts and the things that we you know,
like that is driven by our desires comes from that
(21:15):
cosmic soup basically and is then thought into being. So
we then manifest it into being. And I'm probably not
making much sense.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Of Well, do you know, as I'm watching this, I'm
thinking we need to have video because you're explaining things
with your hands, as do I. So, and we are
in the process of sorting out video. But things would
actually be clear from all of us if we could
actually see the gestures that we're making, but today we can't.
So I think, I think what one of the things
(21:47):
that I'm thinking that I'm getting is something that I
see quite a lot. It's something it's a it's an
issue that I have, which is, it can sometimes be
very difficult explaining to people, potential clients, because we're business women,
what we offer and what they're going to get potentially
(22:09):
by working with us, and what we're doing and how
we work, and it is it can be really difficult,
can't it. I mean, just looking just looking at sort.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Of what you at what you do.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I mean, you've got a great long list of qualifications,
so certified Thinking into Results facilitator, Peak Performance Coach, n LP,
Master practitioner, and trainer. I think a lot of people
might may know what that is now, conscious breathwork facilitator
(22:45):
and a transformational life coach and author. I mean so
so often now we bring it's like a party compendium
pack of.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
I feel like that something, but but the other.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You see, I'll tell you what we needed to add
the video in here, But it's it is, it's like
it's it's like a party compendium pack of things that
we sometimes hang qualifications on because there's no other way
of doing it.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
But actually it still doesn't describe what we do. And
it's a really difficult thing, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It's really odd, especially when what you're doing is unique.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, because you know, you.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Say, okay, well I'm I do coaching. I'm a life
coach of transformational coach. I may say, well I run
events or I work with business people, but that actually
doesn't explain what I do because nobody else does anything
like it.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Yeah, No, it definitely doesn't explain life coach it always
feels a bit instagrammy yeah, yeah, I mean life coach
is an umbrella term. Yeah, but it doesn't really go
into the.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
It doesn't, doesn't it It doesn't, And it's and it's
really difficult, and I think it's one of the challenges
that we take on when we do do things that
are different. You know, I think if you said, okay,
I'm an accountant or I'm a solicitor, people at least
have you may do things differently to everybody else. It
is true, you may work in a different way, but
we sort of get an idea that somewhere along the lines,
you're going to be fiddling with our numbers and our
(24:22):
money and working out what goes where We have that,
don't we you know, we we have that broad overview
of or understanding of what you do, of what somebody
who says I'm an accountant does, but it's not quite
the same when you're doing what you do. So I'll
tell you what I think. Let's talk about why might
(24:42):
people come and see you, What symptoms might they be experiencing,
how might they be feeling before they reach you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Quite often there they could be stuck. I do a
lot of breath work, so run regular breathwork circles. I
do a full moon breathwork release circle on a on
the full moon.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Let me just write that down, the full moon.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
I do it on a full moon is because for me,
it's all that period of time is about releasing and
letting go so that like in that next period of time,
you can then cultivate whatever it is you need to do.
I forgot what the question was. Ask me, now, I forgot.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I forgot the question. That was it?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It was it's going, well, isn't it? You could take
and see why we never get anything done?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
It was that, How what might no, no, what no, No,
You don't have to explain yourself. What might people be experiencing?
How might they be feeling to bring them to your door.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
It's a really good question because sometimes that it's so varied.
Sometimes it's they're stuck. Sometimes they can't quite put their
finger on it, can't quite like they know they want
to make a change, but they don't really know what
change they want to make.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
They're just they're not settled.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, a lot of them. So I've had a
few that have come because they know I've got a
varied tool bag and can pull on different things and
work through it and work a lot sematically rather than.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Can you just explain what that means to work sematically?
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah, So I work with the body and the energy
as opposed to working with whatever the challenge or issue
is on an intellectual basis. So there's only so much
talking that we can do about a challenge or an issue.
Sometimes we know intellectually what we need to do, but
(27:05):
we don't actually take the action. So breath work. The
way I use the breath work with client sessions is
help them to integrate the past experiences so that they
no longer have to be distracted by them, so they
(27:26):
can then use that. They can use their intellectual knowledge
and then know how and actually put it into action,
because the body stops you, stops distracts us and stops
us doing stuff, and the body acts first, and then
we try to make sense of it with our mind.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Okay, So if we were to talk about this, we're
going to try and simplify this. Would a way of
doing it be to say that, sometimes you know, we
might get butterflies in our tummy, or our throat might
feel tight. Sometimes we know why. Sometimes we know why
(28:09):
we're scared. Sometimes we know why we're unable to talk
or our throat is getting tight. Other times we don't.
Our brain doesn't know what's you know, our mind hasn't
gone hey, this is something you need to be scared about.
But our body is Our body is sending signals to
go hello, alert you know, Will Robinson, if you're my age,
(28:29):
you know what that was.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know, wake up.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
There's something here that you need to pay attention to.
It may be a real fear, or it may be
I don't know, an exaggerated fear, but it's our body
is going please pay attention to this.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Yeah, our neurology and.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
So sorry just to just to sort of go on
a little bit further. And so it's also acknowledging that
that talking endlessly round and round and round a problem
and then visiting it again and going a bit deeper
and talking about it even more can actually be quite
traumatic without solving.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
All it does is keep you actually in the.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Issue, revisiting it, revisiting it, revisiting it without you ever
coming out of it, and it's still there in your body,
the trauma, the abuse, or the situation or whatever it
was that happened. You haven't got rid of it, You've
just spoken about it and possibly actually made it go
deeper and worse.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Yeah, and that's so that can be the challenge. And
so what we're doing with the somatic work is down
regulating the nervous system and giving the ability to be
able to reset the I mean, obviously it doesn't change
the past, it doesn't change what happened or how, but
(29:50):
it does change your response to it. So instead of
it disempowering you, you can use it as a way
to get under the get up. Yeah, I mean, it's
not even getting under it. It's just you can then
use that experience as something that's positive that can help
empower you to move forward with a bit more ease
(30:11):
and a bit more wisdom.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
So you're sort of stopping living in it all the
time and going round and around in circles with it,
to actually coming out of it and maybe letting it
go even if you're not even if you're not saying, hey,
this didn't happen or it wasn't an issue, you're just saying, well,
it's not happening now. Yeah, this is what we've learned.
Thank you very much. Let's not talk about it anymore.
(30:34):
Let's move on.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, okay, I just had this visual image when you
was just talking about the you know, like the person
being in a boat with just one or you're rod
you know, like not really getting anywhere. So, you know,
it's being able to integrate the experiences from the past
gives us that in a knowledge and wisdoms. Then we're
(30:59):
rubbing with you toward then.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And you're actually moving forward. And sometimes I think some
of the problems that arise are not I'm not saying
don't go to counselors or anything like that, but sometimes
it's it's always sort of you know, revisiting, going round, regurgitating,
looking at a situation from a different viewpoint is forever
(31:20):
keeping us in it. But also sometimes other people in
our lives quite like to do that, don't they do
They always you know, oh yes, but remember you did
or you had or this happened, and so they can
always be dragging you back into a situation and effectively
not letting it go on your behalf.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Absolutely, and we we're all guilty of doing that for
ourselves and for others.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yes, So it's it's about sort of listening to your
body to perhaps the messages that are coming through switching
your mind off a little bit, stop going around around
your circles and just moving forwards. Okay, thank you. So
if somebody comes to see you, I mean, you have
you've got this big sort of you've got this varied
(32:08):
toolbox things that you can you can pluck out. What
might accession look like?
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Initially we'd have a conversation, and then I would in
agreement with them. I would have previously looked at their astrology,
so what their natal a snapshot of the heavens the
moment they were born. I would look at that. I
would look at listen to what they had to say.
(32:38):
I would then decide with them how best to move forward. So,
whether that's through standard coaching, whether that's through implementing you know,
like some breath work, whether that's doing past life regression,
(33:00):
that's you know, like any of those tools. I just
pull out whatever's needed at the time.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
So one of the other things we do ask our
guests to give us a little bit of background information
and sometimes we use it and sometimes we don't. But
one of the things that Donna has provided we ask
other questions that your client that people should ask you
but don't. And one of the things that Donna has
(33:27):
put in here is something that certainly I think when
you're starting out in business, and I'm not sure if
it's more important if you're providing sort of personal support
or not. I just think it's important is what kind
of clients aren't a good fit for your coaching? And
I think that's such an important question because initially, very
(33:51):
often we start out and we want everybody. Everybody that
comes our way, we want them, we want them on
board and whatever it is that we're doing, you know,
whether we're offering technical services, it's just it bring me clients,
bring me clients. And it can be really difficult to
go to recognize somebody that isn't a good fit, to
see those those red flags. Sometimes they're not a good
(34:11):
fit for you. Sometimes they're not a good fit for anybody,
and you wouldn't be you wouldn't be suggesting that they
go and see anybody else either, because they're just not
going to be a good client. How long did it
take you to recognize that actually there are people that
I should not be working with. How long into your
(34:34):
business journey did it take you?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Probably about ten years at least ten years.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, it's such a tricky one, isn't it. It's something
that we always kay and I try and build into
our training people. Is you know, if you're a hypnotherapist,
you're offering those sorts of services. You know, what are
the things that people may be saying and doing and
that you actually need to go this is not right
for you? And how do you say that? Just say yeah,
(35:03):
because you know. But it's quite difficult, isn't it. Somebody
you could be their last hope. They could see you
as their last hope. But sometimes people do, don't they.
And now you're saying, I don't think that, you know,
you and I should be working together.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
So it can be a tricky It can't.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
It's not. It's certainly not an easy situation. But I
think one of the best lessons I ever learned in
business was to recognize people that I shouldn't be working with,
and no matter how hard it might be for them
and me, is to find a way of kindly saying no,
(35:45):
we should not be working together.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Yeah, And that's yeah, and I totally agree, And it's
just definitely something that you have to consider.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
And I think that's one of the best business lessons
that anybody can learn when they're stuff. Cutting out is
identifying you shouldn't be working with because about a client
that isn't a good fit could basically drain all of
your energy and resources for the next year.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Yeah, and also could potentially damage your reputation, damage your business. Also,
they won't have a good experience, and neither will you.
Speaker 5 (36:20):
Yeah, I just say, and I just ask how you
chose to come to me and sort of go from
that and see did they feel drawn to me or
was it just because they'd given my name or something?
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Yeah, so you know, and if I mean, a big
red flag for me is always something on the lines of, well, well,
you're the tenth person I've been to. You're the tenth
person i've been to. Well, and I'm hoping you're going
to be better than the other nine because they were
all useless. That is somebody who is being nasty about
(37:05):
previous people in red flag, big, big red flag. Whe
whether you're in a personal service, you know, whether you're
dealing with somebody directly doing for counseling, or whether you
are or coaching or support, or whether you're in sort
of delivering websites or that sort of thing. I'll tell
(37:26):
you what for us, if somebody starts going, oh and
then they did this, Oh and then they did that,
and then this happened, and that happened, it's like, okay, okay,
my next in line here of a bunch of useless
web developers, am I the next the next useless person
they're going to take on and try and get away
with not paying or moaning or just you know, no.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Yeah, it is a challenge trusting yourself enough.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
So, yes, you're trusting your instincts.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
Yeah, and I think you definitely have to trust your instincts.
There are definitely people that you just don't align with,
that don't align with you, that you should definitely not
be working with.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
And it's just about asking the right questions, isn't it,
and using your spider sense. I mean, I speak to
everybody before I book them in for an event as
an exhibitor, something along those lines, because then I get
a feel for what they want and I may not
be able to deliver that somebody else may be able to.
You know, they may just want a different type of event.
Their expectations may be a lot higher than I can manage.
(38:29):
And one of the things that you've put you know
you've put down here in one of your ways of
working is somebody may be expecting your wanting a lightning result.
They're going to come and see You're going to flick
a switch and they're going to go away, and magically
they are inverted.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Commascurte, We're all good to go.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I always make sure that everyone knows that I'm not
doing anything. Yeah, it's always their responsibility at all times.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yes, because it is, isn't it. You can help as
much as you like, but if they refuse to take
any action or change or look at things, something's going
to have to change. If somebody's stuck, it doesn't matter
what you do. You don't have a magic Wand they
are going to have to take some action, aren't they.
And if they're not prepared to, then it ain't going
to work.
Speaker 4 (39:11):
No, they have to be coachable. They have to be
able to go away.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
And what does have to be coachable mean to you?
Speaker 4 (39:19):
What does it mean to me? It means that when
we have a discussion and they agree to to some
outcomes and they want to achieve that, they then listen.
They listen to themselves, mostly because they often will already
(39:39):
know the answer to the question that they've asked, but
they just don't trust themselves enough. So for me, they
need to be coachable, not only in the two way
relationship that we're having that interaction, but also with themselves
in terms of they need to listen to their own
advice as well.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Sometimes, you know, like we're very good at dispensing it
to other people, but don't always it.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And I yeah, and I I think you know, one
of those things, you know, I think this is a
question that maybe every one of us should ask ourselves.
Is am I coachable? So? Do I actually want to
take advice? Do I want to listen to myself? Do
I actually want to make a change, or do I
just want somebody else to validate what I'm already saying? Yeah,
and you know and agree with me that I can't.
(40:28):
Nothing can be done. It's not my fault. Somebody else
should have done it. You know. If you're not coachable
at all, not only is there no point in going
to see somebody else, but that needs to shift because
there's nothing that you will always be stuck there, won't you?
Speaker 4 (40:43):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And it's it's an interesting situation being
coachable because sometimes I personally will resist as well, Like
if someone gives me advice, I like.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
I need to say, how very what do you mean?
Speaker 4 (41:09):
I mean, like with clients, it's I can see it. Yeah,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah. So one of the other things that could be
particularly tricky, it's something that you've highlighted as well, is
about success, is that you know, you may have an
idea of what success looks like, and your client may
have an idea of what success looks like. But how
do you arrive at How do you arrive at something
and define that success? And I think it's something that
(41:38):
we have generally in business as well, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
It's what is what?
Speaker 5 (41:41):
You know?
Speaker 2 (41:41):
What is success? Is it a number of clients? Is
it money?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
You know?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
And that that needs to be defined somewhere along the line.
So how do you do that with How do you
establish I suppose or would it be agree on criteria
for success with your clients?
Speaker 4 (42:03):
So whatever the outcome is that they want to achieve,
sometimes the outcome is so they might say, for example,
you know, they want to ditch the scales, right, So
this is a really good example.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
This is.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
My first book that I wrote was called Ditch the Scale.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
So that's around weight loss, is it?
Speaker 4 (42:26):
So that was around weight loss. So the way I
defined success for clients was that they lost weight. The
way the clients defined success was they were comfortable in
their own skin, and the weight became I don't know,
I can't think of the word. You know, the insignificant
(42:49):
wasn't the issue.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
The number on the scale was irrelevant. They just wanted
to go out without thinking does my bum look big?
In this?
Speaker 4 (42:58):
It was more than that. They wanted to just be
comfortable in their skin, being themselves. So, you know, while
you know, culture and society puts was pointing them towards
like they had to lose weight, when they were comfortable
in their own skin, they didn't need to use food
(43:21):
in the same way because they were then looking at
the world through a different lens. So then the weight
just drops off. It just happens, yes, because they're thinking
differently about themselves and they're not using the same devices
to sabotage themselves.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
So did you realize through working with people that as
you were going through that program of sort of developing
that program to work with clients, that you're the way
that you were measuring success was different to how they
were measuring success totally.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
Yeah, Because it's like, when you're coaching clients, you have
to work from their model of the world in terms
of the what success means to them, and then coach
them and draw out of them the necessary information and
(44:14):
the necessary actions for them to achieve the outcome they want,
because otherwise it's like why are they playing to come
to a coach?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
You know that?
Speaker 4 (44:25):
Yeah, and I suppose it's sorry, but there's accountability as well.
The is the accountability. So it's how it's keeping them
on track because life is busy. Life happens, and for
all best intents purposes, we you know, like we have
the intention of getting to be but we're stuck at
(44:47):
a and then we're like, all this stuff happens and
we get sidetracked and go off on different routes all
the time.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So the weight, the weight becomes effect.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
The weight is like a symptom of a deeper problem
and in itself becomes irrelevant.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
Yeah right, yeah, so yeah, I mean I'm not a
weight loss coach, by the way, and I'm not a.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Uh okay, why would you say, why would you say
that because if you're helping people be comfortable, But yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
So I'm not like everything I do and have done
for them since I first started coaching is all about
helping people to be comfortable in their own skin, so
that with who they are.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
That is just a really important distinction for you. And
then isn't it so?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Was that did that arrive as like a moment of clarity?
Speaker 4 (45:47):
Yeah, some time ago. Yeah, because it's like I suppose,
because I have that fundamental belief that everybody has something
of value to offer the world, no matter who they
are and what the experience they've had. I believe that they,
you know, if they were comfortable in their own skin,
they'd be able to use all of those experiences and
(46:09):
live life on their own terms and they wouldn't have
to keep listening to the BS that's going on around
them all the time.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Talking talking about the BS one of the things I
very often ask people, and I don't often actually come
back and allude to it in the show. I'd just
like to have a little bit of background information. But
I like what you've filled in as what business tip
did you believe follow us share that turned out to
(46:37):
be total rubbish because I think it's something that we
hear so often.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I don't. Don't worry I'll tell you what you put in.
Speaker 4 (46:46):
Don't worry me, I will.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I'm an advantage you because I've got it printed out
and sat in front of me, and I don't I
don't often fer back directly to stuff as I am now,
but this is actually really interesting. It's really useful what
Donn has written down here. So what you've said is
if you want it badly enough, you'll make it happen,
And that is something that we hear so often, don't we.
(47:17):
It's it's like an Instagram moment as well, isn't it.
It's like a little snippet of something that somebody throws out.
It's like a little rubbishy bit of positive thinking that
leaves people thinking, well, I obviously I don't want it
that much. Still I'm not, you know, And it is
(47:39):
complete rubbish, isn't it. Why do you think it's complete rubbish?
Speaker 4 (47:42):
I think it's rubbish because, like I've already said, life happens,
and sometimes you have to put other things as a priority.
And even though you've still got that dream, that thing
that you really want it's still there, it's still in
the background, but there are other things that are a
much more immediate priority to be dealt with. M you know.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
And also it's I don't know. Sometimes I think people
have a tendency to want something they actually can't have.
They don't want it, really, they just can't have it.
So I, you know, I am probably never going to
be a hurdler, a championship hurdler.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
I'm five I'm five foot one, all right, and I
really don't enjoy running. So setting myself for you know,
saying well, okay, I want to be a championship hurdler
and going for it simply, but simply because somebody has
told me I'd never be one. It's actually really quite dark,
isn't it. And to be it wouldn't matter how much
I wanted to do that, it wouldn't happen because I'd
(48:54):
be useless at it. I might be a hurdler, but
I'd never be winning competitions.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
And so it is. It's rubbish advice, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
Yeah, totally just pointless memes.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah, yeah, it is. The sad thing is is that
people do believe it and then lump this onto themselves
that this is a reason why they haven't been able
to achieve that. I obviously didn't want it enough. So
what would be your advice in those circumstances if somebody
came to you and said, well, I want to be
(49:27):
a whatever and really it just isn't going to happen.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Yeah, I mean immediately, I wouldn't want to destroy dreams, right,
So we would explore the possibilities, and then we would
look at capacity, how they could possibly expand their capacity
to get something similar. But we'd also explore what's really
driving that, what's behind it, Yeah, whether it's I always
(50:00):
tell people to tune into their heart and to really
like is that what you really want? And I'm always
doing it that shut your eyes, shut the world down,
just like put your hand on your heart and just
really like feet flat on the floor and just tune in.
Is that what you really want?
Speaker 3 (50:18):
Or is that so?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
For me? I spent ten years at university because somebody
said I'd never get there. I mean, when I you
got capric lot of Capricorn in your chart. No, I
don't know, I'm a Taurus, but actually what that is
a really stupid thing to do isn't it me? Because
that's a big chunk of my life. And I'm not
(50:39):
saying I didn't enjoy it, but the hmmm.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
It's fascinating. The driving Yes, But.
Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, so I was driven by being told I couldn't
do something. Actually, that's stupidly stubborn when I think about it.
That's a ridiculous way to behave in many respects because
it's not driven by me or who I am. It's
that's ego. Somebody said I couldn't do it. Therefore I
am going to show them.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
I used to be like like that. Wheah, I was younger.
Now I just go.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Can't see a game, can't wait? Actually was really rude.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
But yes, it's about Okay, why do I want this?
You know, sort of what's behind it? And if it
really isn't achievable, then if it's really not what you want,
if the driving force behind it is not about you
and not about your passion, then I'm what a release
to be able to Actually, this is this is just
(51:42):
nonsense for me? What what is my where am I going?
Where is my gift? What am I brilliant act? And
what am I really going to enjoy? And let's release
that because it was never real.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
And that's you know, for a lot of people, that
just opens them up to do the things that were
seek They were secretly wish they could do that, they
just didn't dare even voice in any ways.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Yes, so they were meant to do but for whatever
reason got derailed. Let's just talk a little bit more
about how people can contact you. So if people want
to work with you, how can they get hold of you?
Speaker 4 (52:15):
You can get hold of me by my website. So
that's uh, Donna at Donna Steel dot co dot UK.
There's a contact page there, or they can find me
on Facebook or LinkedIn. It's just my obviously, just look,
just search for my name, you'll find me.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
And obviously Donna and her details on this show is
going to be up on the Women in Business Radio
show dot com. So let's do a little bit of
a quick fire around here, very very quickly. So to
be fine, fine, don't look so scared. Listen, I've got
to get refund somewhere. So, well, what's your kryptonite? Superman?
(53:04):
You know Superman and kryptonite? What what makes you go
weak at the knees and not in a good way?
Speaker 4 (53:09):
Mm hmmm, Wow, I can't think of anything right now.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
But let's go with the other one then, which is
what's your superpower?
Speaker 4 (53:20):
Superpower? Superpower? I didn't even think about these questions before.
Speaker 3 (53:27):
Yeah, I should have thought about it. You should have listened, shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
You should have listened in to another show, you know,
get to the end.
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Oh that says a lot, then, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (53:40):
There? You got distracted, right, So the best way to
do this is I'm going to ask you the question
again and you're just going to You're going to open
your mouth and something is going to come out of it,
and that will be the truth. However weird it seems. Ready,
what's your superpower? Ah?
Speaker 4 (54:00):
Though I don't know. The loads of people tell me
that it's I just am able to help them see
the truth of who they are.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
That's your superpower. Thank you? So, what's your top tip
for being in business?
Speaker 4 (54:16):
Trust yourself?
Speaker 2 (54:17):
And what do you know now that you wish you
would have known when you started out.
Speaker 4 (54:21):
That if I trusted myself and just followed my heart.
Speaker 3 (54:24):
All right, and.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
Listen to the previous radio Okay, I'm going to say
thank you so much to Donald Stiere, who Transformational Life
Coach for being on the show, having a laugh and
sharing what you do. Also to my co host or
my home host, OK, thank you so much for listening
(54:48):
everybody and.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
Being a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
We will we will see you all again soon.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Tune in next week to the Women in Business radio
show for more stories, ideas, and it's operation to help
you grow your business.
Welcome to the Women in Business Radio Show with Sean Murphy,
connecting women in business around the globe.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hello, and welcome into the Women in Business Radio Show studio.
I'm Sean Murphy, my my hoe host.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Started.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hell, how long did it take? About our thirty seconds?
Not even that, my ho host.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
It's going to be a good show, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
My co host today is Okay Best, who is the
course director for Cafe in the Calm and our spiritual
teacher and guide and including she's.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Not doing a good job. You need to up your game, deer.
And our guest in the studio.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Our guest in the studio today is Donna Still, who is.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
A transformational life coach.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Well, I'm going to say welcome back into the studio, Donna,
because Donna and I have known each other quite a
long time now, haven't we. It is a long time
and Donna has been on the show. But really it
was ages ago.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Wasn't it.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I think it was. Was it around twenty twelve?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
No idea, but it was. It was quite a lot,
was it that long ago?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yes, Okay, you can have a slap sip.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Put a black mark down for that one. When you're
just maker.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I like to go back and look at the photos
because there's like we took a photo at the channel radio.
Then yes, in the reception, now.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yes, and we're in a lovely new studio now where
we can get up to all sorts of mischief.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
So welcome into the studio. Just a little bit of
a shout out.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
The Women in Business Big Show twenty twenty five is
on the seventh of August, and this year it's at
Wilmington Academy, which is up near Dartford, so it's only
just around the corner from Longfield Academy, and it is
going to be as big and bright as it has
been every year. We have exhibitor space for forty pounds.
You can catch up with our sponsors there. So we
(02:10):
are sponsored by the Federation of Small Business, that's the FSB,
so they are going to be there and I dare
say they will have a lovely sign up special membership
deal for you on the day. So if you're interested
in being exhibit, being an exhibitors, I say, we have
exhibitor space from only forty pounds, which is really very
reasonable for this sort of event. It's quite a big event,
(02:35):
and that means it's really open to everybody as long
as you're ensured. It doesn't matter whether you started your
business yesterday or whether you've been going for years. It's
a safe space. Come along, have really good fun. You
don't need lots of banners and brolies and branded gonks
and whimsies and pens and things. I don't know about you.
I've never bought anything off a branded pe. Have you
ever bought anything off a branded pen?
Speaker 4 (02:56):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
No, neither of ire you ever smat or something and
gone good? Heavens, I must get one of those.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I'll go. I'll just go and give them a ring.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No, So you don't need lots of that. What you
do need is a little bit of imagination. Get yourself
down to the range, get yourself some crayons out, get
your creativity together and start thinking about what you do
and how you work with people, and I don't know,
just a little something just to spark interest.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
So it really is for everybody.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
If you want to have a chat about that, go
and look on the Women in Business Big Show dot
com website, or you can call oh seven ninety five
one one six eight eight six three and have a
chat with us and we will help you decide if
it's right for you. So onwards and upwards. We are
going to be talking to Donna today about her spiritual journey,
(03:50):
what she does, how she has translated her passion her
love into working with others and as that being a business.
So that is what we're going to be talking about.
You might have guessed that we don't actually know.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
You've not got notes, have you? No that will get
you nowhere?
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Just like was a reminder of what I've told you.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
What you do.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yes, you are in the right place. I sometimes wonder
why do they let us into these places. There knobs,
the buttons, there's, there's all sorts. It's it's going to
go wrong at some point, you know, honestly. Nevertheless, here
here we are loose. I do wish this thing. Sorry,
(04:49):
the studio lights keep turning off. I have to keep
pressing buttons and knobs to get them going again. With
these nails, it isn't always so easy I have. However,
you may be pleased to know managed I've worked out
how to put my phone on mute. I've got I've
got a new phone.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I've got it.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I asked a man and we found out how to
mute my phone, certainly. Yeah, so it'll stop binging and
bonging whilst whilst we're on it. Obviously I can't be
without it. I mean that goes without saying. I can
actually put it in another room. But at least now
it won't be intruding on our conversation. So let's get started,
shall we do it? So you're a transformational life coach
(05:29):
and author. You're the founder of the Gift, and so
i'm reading I'm reading stuff here you might have you
might have guessed you. With over twenty years in leadership,
mindset and energy work, she now supports individuals to break
old patterns, reclaim their power, and create lives that truly
(05:52):
feel like their own. Oh okay, you know there are
some things in there, so breaking old patterns. I'm just
making a few notes here, Breaking old patterns. Sometimes that
can be so difficult to do, can't it. Yeah? I
think sometimes the hardest thing is we don't actually realize
that we're in a pattern. We don't realize that we're
stuck in a groove, and so you can't you don't
(06:15):
know that there's anything to.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Break before you even start breaking it.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So you are you are also a conscious breath work facilitator,
an integrative an integrative energy healer, and the author of
five books, Ditch the Scales The Art of Effective Communication
in the Digital World one hundred and one quotes to
Think and Grow Rich, the Divine Nature of Being and
(06:41):
the Essence of being.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Wow. Yes, there's quite a lot, isn't it lot? Have
you brought any of them with you?
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Actually, they're in the car and I forgot to bring
them in.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Heng they're in the car. Do you know what they're so? Hopefully?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
So what am I supposed to do? I suppose you
brought them. You brought them, which is more than I
would have done.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
The I think because writing comes easy, and the publishing
of the books was really easy. It was like, they
don't have that massive importance, and so I don't take
them around and don't carry them around. And for a
long time I was quite embarrassed that I'd written books
on poetry and stuff like that, because it's quite fit
(07:28):
with the image that I had of who I was.
It was like the transition, like because the poetry ones
are very like poetical well, they're more like spiritual downloads,
and they're.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Like, okay, right now, I understand.
Speaker 5 (07:46):
Okay, years ago I had a poetry book published.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Nice. Yeah, what was it called?
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Untitled? Literally, that's what I called it, untitled, And it
was written up as life is untitled because there's so
many differentts.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Where is this book? I'll tell you what this thing
is that you know about?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
People were just excuse us a moment while we just
tot off into a little side, a little side quest here.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Where is this book?
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Well, I've got a copy of it at home.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Okay, what was a long time ago?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
And Shakespeare was a long time ago, and we're still
making brand new films about his you know, his stuff,
if he if he wrote them, whoever it was wrote them,
we're still making films about them.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Well, you need to bring it in. We need to
do something with it.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
I don't suppose it's even in production anymore, but you can.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Put it into production now.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
You can self red. We not retitle it, but read.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Well, it was it was untitled, it was led.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Actually you could you can and update it with like
what you've learned since then.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
I'll tell you what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
You want to try and sell it at one of
those weirdo events that happened, you know, those odd woo
woo events that happen in different spaces, and.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I don't know, maybe you know someone who runs one.
I don't know. It's just an idea. Oh dear, oh dear, dear.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Right, Okay, so your job for next month is to
republish your book and bring it along to cafe in the.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Carm I'm trying to finish my kids one of all
the different.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Okay, right, Okay, that sounds amazing.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
That actually doesn't.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
I'm really really excited about it.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, I did get on with it.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Okay, you want to spend less time faffing around in
radio studios, right then? Okay, let's get back on track here.
So breaking old patterns. There was something else that you
just said about the writing of the books, that it
comes easy to you and so you don't really think
of it as being this great big thing. And but
isn't that so often the case is that there were
(09:54):
things that we find really easy, and so we assume
that everybody else finds it really easy, so we don't
add a lot of value to it, correct without realizing
that actually other people just can't do this stuff, and
everybody has one of this. It's not an arrogance thing.
Every single person out there will have something that for them,
(10:14):
it just flows, It just flows, and every and everybody
else will struggle with it. And yet the person doesn't
appreciate that what they have, that this is their thing.
Other people cannot do this certainly not like that, certainly
not as easy as that, and that it does actually
(10:36):
have a huge amount of value, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah, yeah, And it's what I was going to say then,
completely out of my mind. But the like so when
I the first book that I wrote was I was
doing morning pages at the time.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
We're going to we'll mention that again, you carry on.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
I was doing morning pages and one morning I just
instead of writing my usual three pages, I just carried on.
And then before I knew it, it was eleven o'clock
and I'd started around six, So literally for five hours straight,
I was just like writing, and I had no idea
at the time what I was actually writing. And I
(11:22):
had the thought which I hadn't which actually hadn't occurred
to me ever before that time. And I'd been doing
morning pages for probably about three or four years by
that time, and I'd never reread or never read over
and never looked back at any of the content that
I'd written. It was just purely and simply a place
to just do what was in my head. And it
(11:45):
just went through my hand on the page and then gone.
So because it was like so much time had elapsed,
I then thought, well, maybe I need to read it.
So then I read through it and thought that sounds
quite good. I wonder if it'd be useful for anybody
(12:06):
else at the time, because it was more about a
my journey, but also there was lots of really practical
stuff in there. So I typed it up and then
sent it to a friend who had a book publishing company,
and she was like, can you prove that this can
work for others? So then I spent a whole year
and took over one hundred women through and a couple
(12:29):
of men actually, but through this process and then put
the feedback that they gave me on the process into
the book. But at the time I made it so
a lot of them became very comfortable in their own skin,
being themselves. But in my mind that book was about
weight loss.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Okay, yes, no, I get that, So.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
I made it mean that it wasn't right, but I
still published the book. And when I was invited to
go out to Bermuda and invited to go and do
different things, and then one day I just had a
big meltdown that I wasn't doing the right thing. I wasn't,
you know, like I was this big fraud and all
(13:16):
of that. So then I'd stopped marketing myself and stopped
even promoting the book. And it's taken me a long
time to get to that stage where I actually there
are the books, and hence.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I've left there in the car.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
So it's so hard done it.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Let's just go back and just do a quick recap
of morning pages just in case you don't know what
they are, because they're a really really useful tool. So
morning pages is a process, a thing developed by a
lady called Julia Cameron, who is the author of The
Artist's Way. So now she may well disagree. This is
(13:57):
just my quick explanation of what I think morning page,
which is it's a way of dumping stuff out of
your head, getting into a lot of the clutter and rubbish,
spinning around so that you can start to reach some clarity.
And what it is is it's almost like automatic writing.
You're not thinking about what you're writing. You do it
ideally in the morning. Everybody can do that in the morning.
(14:18):
If you've got a three year old that's wants some
wait to bix, that is probably going to be more
important immediately than actually sitting down and doing this. You
do six sides of a four by putting pen or
pencil to paper, not typing it out, and you do
it without thought, so you just blurge out. The idea
(14:40):
is that you clear up the clutter out of your brain.
But also what you may find is that in the
last in the last sort of paragraph or so on
the very last page, that actually some pearls of wisdom
come out, some things that you've been thinking, things that
may be holding your back, ideas that you're having that
sort of thing. So it may well be that you
want to to read back and just pull out some
(15:03):
real sort of little thought nuggets out of the last
bit of it. Some people keep them, some people chuck
them away. Fortunately Donna decided to keep them. You do
not do less than six pages, because if you do
less the stuff, the real interesting stuff isn't going to
come out. If you do more than six pages, it
(15:24):
starts to get a bit over indulgent or self indulgent.
You start sort of focusing on yourself. So six pages
every day, that's it does That sounds about right.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
It does sound about right. And actually since then, I
still journal every day and have done that for over
twenty years now. And the book The Divine Nature of
Being and the Essence of Being all came out of
those journal writings like the because as I've looked back
(15:55):
over them, I've like, wow, that's really interesting, and so
I just created that into just just brought the.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Little interesting bits together. It's really quite important that this
is just a stream of writing. You're not thinking about it,
you're not editing it, you're not spelling it. It could
be that you just spend the six pages going I
don't know what to write.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I don't know what to write. I don't know what
to write.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
What's important is that you just write something and eventually
something will come out.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I actually used to start a lot of mornings like
that and other times where you know, I used to
start off with just making a note of my dreams.
So if I'd woken up in the night with a
dream or broken up with something on my mind, first
thing in the morning, you know, that could be something
that I needed to do that day, or it could
have been the answer to a question I'd been asking
(16:45):
for the last three weeks and struggled to get the answer.
So morning pages are brilliant for that.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yeah, they are.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You know, if you're feeling confused, if you're feeling overwhelmed,
it doesn't really matter, to be honest, it doesn't matter
profession you're in. It just matter if you're no profession
at all. It's it's a really good way I think
of getting some of your ideas and your your gifts
out of sort of discovered. I don't like the discovering
who you are because people I don't know. It all
(17:15):
sounds really naft, doesn't it. But it sort of is,
isn't it. It's about getting some of the things that
you may not have realized were in there out.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
Yeah. It helps to really bring clarity sometimes when when
you've got a lot of chaos in your liea. I
think it really helps to bring the clarity.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Because sometimes the chaos isn't real, it's imagined exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
No idea what that means.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
We are all a center of divine operation, which sounds
a bit like we we weent out there, but actually
it's a statement that I am Thomas trow had made
in his book, which the name just escapes me right now,
But what he says is that we're all a center
(18:10):
of defining operation, meaning that we create our world from
our thinking. And interestingly, I'm doing a course on it's
called the Modern Medicine Woman or medic Women Practitioner Trainings
and wherever I've.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Got modern Sorry to say that again, what's it.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
Called medicine woman, medic Medicine woman, Yeah, Medicine Women Practitioner.
And really it's about really stepping into your own medicine,
the medicine that you bring into the world, rather than
you know, like, I'm not serving medicine. I'm not doing medicine.
I'm not doing any of that. It's more about uncovering
(18:50):
and revealing and really stepping into the medicine that I
bring into the world. And so I'm doing on this
journey for the next twelve months with nine other women
who are also doing the same thing. But it's very
interesting because the whole part of that is is that
(19:13):
it's also includes some of the shamanic more shamanic influences,
and one of this we had to sort of connect
with an ally and an animal ally, and I was
in the supermarket with my mum and these snake earrings
(19:33):
really caught my attention. And then a few days later
I was sitting in the pub with some friends and
they were talking about grass snakes and you know the
adders that we have in the UK. And then suddenly
realized that it was like, ah, so that's like that speak,
(19:53):
that energy speaking to me, and sort of recognizing that
everything around us is always speaking to us and given
us clues and.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Sort of we have but we have to listen to them.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Yeah, we have to be open to be able to
hear all of that conversation going on and and yeah,
so I started to really connect with snake. So where
I'm going with this is if you're wondering, because it's
probably like, we got no idea what it's not a problem.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
So so I started to do a lot of research
on snake symbolism and how it works in different cultures
around the world, and and particularly what drew me was Apep,
which is the from the Egyptian cosmology, and Apep is
a is the primordial potential basically, and for some translations
(20:51):
have made it like it's evil and it's dark, but
it's the chaos and and so from that whole, it's
the big cosmic soup from which everything comes from. So
and our thoughts and the things that we you know,
like that is driven by our desires comes from that
(21:15):
cosmic soup basically and is then thought into being. So
we then manifest it into being. And I'm probably not
making much sense.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Of Well, do you know, as I'm watching this, I'm
thinking we need to have video because you're explaining things
with your hands, as do I. So, and we are
in the process of sorting out video. But things would
actually be clear from all of us if we could
actually see the gestures that we're making, but today we can't.
So I think, I think what one of the things
(21:47):
that I'm thinking that I'm getting is something that I
see quite a lot. It's something it's a it's an
issue that I have, which is, it can sometimes be
very difficult explaining to people, potential clients, because we're business women,
what we offer and what they're going to get potentially
(22:09):
by working with us, and what we're doing and how
we work, and it is it can be really difficult,
can't it. I mean, just looking just looking at sort.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Of what you at what you do.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
I mean, you've got a great long list of qualifications,
so certified Thinking into Results facilitator, Peak Performance Coach, n LP,
Master practitioner, and trainer. I think a lot of people
might may know what that is now, conscious breathwork facilitator
(22:45):
and a transformational life coach and author. I mean so
so often now we bring it's like a party compendium
pack of.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:57):
I feel like that something, but but the other.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You see, I'll tell you what we needed to add
the video in here, But it's it is, it's like
it's it's like a party compendium pack of things that
we sometimes hang qualifications on because there's no other way
of doing it.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
But actually it still doesn't describe what we do. And
it's a really difficult thing, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
It's really odd, especially when what you're doing is unique.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, because you know, you.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Say, okay, well I'm I do coaching. I'm a life
coach of transformational coach. I may say, well I run
events or I work with business people, but that actually
doesn't explain what I do because nobody else does anything
like it.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Yeah, No, it definitely doesn't explain life coach it always
feels a bit instagrammy yeah, yeah, I mean life coach
is an umbrella term. Yeah, but it doesn't really go
into the.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
It doesn't, doesn't it It doesn't, And it's and it's
really difficult, and I think it's one of the challenges
that we take on when we do do things that
are different. You know, I think if you said, okay,
I'm an accountant or I'm a solicitor, people at least
have you may do things differently to everybody else. It
is true, you may work in a different way, but
we sort of get an idea that somewhere along the lines,
you're going to be fiddling with our numbers and our
(24:22):
money and working out what goes where We have that,
don't we you know, we we have that broad overview
of or understanding of what you do, of what somebody
who says I'm an accountant does, but it's not quite
the same when you're doing what you do. So I'll
tell you what I think. Let's talk about why might
(24:42):
people come and see you, What symptoms might they be experiencing,
how might they be feeling before they reach you.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Quite often there they could be stuck. I do a
lot of breath work, so run regular breathwork circles. I
do a full moon breathwork release circle on a on
the full moon.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Let me just write that down, the full moon.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
I do it on a full moon is because for me,
it's all that period of time is about releasing and
letting go so that like in that next period of time,
you can then cultivate whatever it is you need to do.
I forgot what the question was. Ask me, now, I forgot.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
I forgot the question. That was it?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
It was it's going, well, isn't it? You could take
and see why we never get anything done?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (25:50):
It was that, How what might no, no, what no, No,
You don't have to explain yourself. What might people be experiencing?
How might they be feeling to bring them to your door.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
It's a really good question because sometimes that it's so varied.
Sometimes it's they're stuck. Sometimes they can't quite put their
finger on it, can't quite like they know they want
to make a change, but they don't really know what
change they want to make.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
They're just they're not settled.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, a lot of them. So I've had a
few that have come because they know I've got a
varied tool bag and can pull on different things and
work through it and work a lot sematically rather than.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Can you just explain what that means to work sematically?
Speaker 4 (26:42):
Yeah, So I work with the body and the energy
as opposed to working with whatever the challenge or issue
is on an intellectual basis. So there's only so much
talking that we can do about a challenge or an issue.
Sometimes we know intellectually what we need to do, but
(27:05):
we don't actually take the action. So breath work. The
way I use the breath work with client sessions is
help them to integrate the past experiences so that they
no longer have to be distracted by them, so they
(27:26):
can then use that. They can use their intellectual knowledge
and then know how and actually put it into action,
because the body stops you, stops distracts us and stops
us doing stuff, and the body acts first, and then
we try to make sense of it with our mind.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Okay, So if we were to talk about this, we're
going to try and simplify this. Would a way of
doing it be to say that, sometimes you know, we
might get butterflies in our tummy, or our throat might
feel tight. Sometimes we know why. Sometimes we know why
(28:09):
we're scared. Sometimes we know why we're unable to talk
or our throat is getting tight. Other times we don't.
Our brain doesn't know what's you know, our mind hasn't
gone hey, this is something you need to be scared about.
But our body is Our body is sending signals to
go hello, alert you know, Will Robinson, if you're my age,
(28:29):
you know what that was.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know, wake up.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
There's something here that you need to pay attention to.
It may be a real fear, or it may be
I don't know, an exaggerated fear, but it's our body
is going please pay attention to this.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Yeah, our neurology and.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
So sorry just to just to sort of go on
a little bit further. And so it's also acknowledging that
that talking endlessly round and round and round a problem
and then visiting it again and going a bit deeper
and talking about it even more can actually be quite
traumatic without solving.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
All it does is keep you actually in the.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Issue, revisiting it, revisiting it, revisiting it without you ever
coming out of it, and it's still there in your body,
the trauma, the abuse, or the situation or whatever it
was that happened. You haven't got rid of it, You've
just spoken about it and possibly actually made it go
deeper and worse.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Yeah, and that's so that can be the challenge. And
so what we're doing with the somatic work is down
regulating the nervous system and giving the ability to be
able to reset the I mean, obviously it doesn't change
the past, it doesn't change what happened or how, but
(29:50):
it does change your response to it. So instead of
it disempowering you, you can use it as a way
to get under the get up. Yeah, I mean, it's
not even getting under it. It's just you can then
use that experience as something that's positive that can help
empower you to move forward with a bit more ease
(30:11):
and a bit more wisdom.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
So you're sort of stopping living in it all the
time and going round and around in circles with it,
to actually coming out of it and maybe letting it
go even if you're not even if you're not saying, hey,
this didn't happen or it wasn't an issue, you're just saying, well,
it's not happening now. Yeah, this is what we've learned.
Thank you very much. Let's not talk about it anymore.
(30:34):
Let's move on.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, okay, I just had this visual image when you
was just talking about the you know, like the person
being in a boat with just one or you're rod
you know, like not really getting anywhere. So, you know,
it's being able to integrate the experiences from the past
gives us that in a knowledge and wisdoms. Then we're
(30:59):
rubbing with you toward then.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And you're actually moving forward. And sometimes I think some
of the problems that arise are not I'm not saying
don't go to counselors or anything like that, but sometimes
it's it's always sort of you know, revisiting, going round, regurgitating,
looking at a situation from a different viewpoint is forever
(31:20):
keeping us in it. But also sometimes other people in
our lives quite like to do that, don't they do
They always you know, oh yes, but remember you did
or you had or this happened, and so they can
always be dragging you back into a situation and effectively
not letting it go on your behalf.
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Absolutely, and we we're all guilty of doing that for
ourselves and for others.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yes, So it's it's about sort of listening to your
body to perhaps the messages that are coming through switching
your mind off a little bit, stop going around around
your circles and just moving forwards. Okay, thank you. So
if somebody comes to see you, I mean, you have
you've got this big sort of you've got this varied
(32:08):
toolbox things that you can you can pluck out. What
might accession look like?
Speaker 4 (32:16):
Initially we'd have a conversation, and then I would in
agreement with them. I would have previously looked at their astrology,
so what their natal a snapshot of the heavens the
moment they were born. I would look at that. I
would look at listen to what they had to say.
(32:38):
I would then decide with them how best to move forward. So,
whether that's through standard coaching, whether that's through implementing you know,
like some breath work, whether that's doing past life regression,
(33:00):
that's you know, like any of those tools. I just
pull out whatever's needed at the time.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
So one of the other things we do ask our
guests to give us a little bit of background information
and sometimes we use it and sometimes we don't. But
one of the things that Donna has provided we ask
other questions that your client that people should ask you
but don't. And one of the things that Donna has
(33:27):
put in here is something that certainly I think when
you're starting out in business, and I'm not sure if
it's more important if you're providing sort of personal support
or not. I just think it's important is what kind
of clients aren't a good fit for your coaching? And
I think that's such an important question because initially, very
(33:51):
often we start out and we want everybody. Everybody that
comes our way, we want them, we want them on
board and whatever it is that we're doing, you know,
whether we're offering technical services, it's just it bring me clients,
bring me clients. And it can be really difficult to
go to recognize somebody that isn't a good fit, to
see those those red flags. Sometimes they're not a good
(34:11):
fit for you. Sometimes they're not a good fit for anybody,
and you wouldn't be you wouldn't be suggesting that they
go and see anybody else either, because they're just not
going to be a good client. How long did it
take you to recognize that actually there are people that
I should not be working with. How long into your
(34:34):
business journey did it take you?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Probably about ten years at least ten years.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, it's such a tricky one, isn't it. It's something
that we always kay and I try and build into
our training people. Is you know, if you're a hypnotherapist,
you're offering those sorts of services. You know, what are
the things that people may be saying and doing and
that you actually need to go this is not right
for you? And how do you say that? Just say yeah,
(35:03):
because you know. But it's quite difficult, isn't it. Somebody
you could be their last hope. They could see you
as their last hope. But sometimes people do, don't they.
And now you're saying, I don't think that, you know,
you and I should be working together.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
So it can be a tricky It can't.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
It's not. It's certainly not an easy situation. But I
think one of the best lessons I ever learned in
business was to recognize people that I shouldn't be working with,
and no matter how hard it might be for them
and me, is to find a way of kindly saying no,
(35:45):
we should not be working together.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Yeah, And that's yeah, and I totally agree, And it's
just definitely something that you have to consider.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
And I think that's one of the best business lessons
that anybody can learn when they're stuff. Cutting out is
identifying you shouldn't be working with because about a client
that isn't a good fit could basically drain all of
your energy and resources for the next year.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Yeah, and also could potentially damage your reputation, damage your business. Also,
they won't have a good experience, and neither will you.
Speaker 5 (36:20):
Yeah, I just say, and I just ask how you
chose to come to me and sort of go from
that and see did they feel drawn to me or
was it just because they'd given my name or something?
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Yeah, so you know, and if I mean, a big
red flag for me is always something on the lines of, well, well,
you're the tenth person I've been to. You're the tenth
person i've been to. Well, and I'm hoping you're going
to be better than the other nine because they were
all useless. That is somebody who is being nasty about
(37:05):
previous people in red flag, big, big red flag. Whe
whether you're in a personal service, you know, whether you're
dealing with somebody directly doing for counseling, or whether you
are or coaching or support, or whether you're in sort
of delivering websites or that sort of thing. I'll tell
(37:26):
you what for us, if somebody starts going, oh and
then they did this, Oh and then they did that,
and then this happened, and that happened, it's like, okay, okay,
my next in line here of a bunch of useless
web developers, am I the next the next useless person
they're going to take on and try and get away
with not paying or moaning or just you know, no.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Yeah, it is a challenge trusting yourself enough.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
So, yes, you're trusting your instincts.
Speaker 4 (37:55):
Yeah, and I think you definitely have to trust your instincts.
There are definitely people that you just don't align with,
that don't align with you, that you should definitely not
be working with.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
And it's just about asking the right questions, isn't it,
and using your spider sense. I mean, I speak to
everybody before I book them in for an event as
an exhibitor, something along those lines, because then I get
a feel for what they want and I may not
be able to deliver that somebody else may be able to.
You know, they may just want a different type of event.
Their expectations may be a lot higher than I can manage.
(38:29):
And one of the things that you've put you know
you've put down here in one of your ways of
working is somebody may be expecting your wanting a lightning result.
They're going to come and see You're going to flick
a switch and they're going to go away, and magically
they are inverted.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Commascurte, We're all good to go.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
I always make sure that everyone knows that I'm not
doing anything. Yeah, it's always their responsibility at all times.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yes, because it is, isn't it. You can help as
much as you like, but if they refuse to take
any action or change or look at things, something's going
to have to change. If somebody's stuck, it doesn't matter
what you do. You don't have a magic Wand they
are going to have to take some action, aren't they.
And if they're not prepared to, then it ain't going
to work.
Speaker 4 (39:11):
No, they have to be coachable. They have to be
able to go away.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
And what does have to be coachable mean to you?
Speaker 4 (39:19):
What does it mean to me? It means that when
we have a discussion and they agree to to some
outcomes and they want to achieve that, they then listen.
They listen to themselves, mostly because they often will already
(39:39):
know the answer to the question that they've asked, but
they just don't trust themselves enough. So for me, they
need to be coachable, not only in the two way
relationship that we're having that interaction, but also with themselves
in terms of they need to listen to their own
advice as well.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Sometimes, you know, like we're very good at dispensing it
to other people, but don't always it.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
And I yeah, and I I think you know, one
of those things, you know, I think this is a
question that maybe every one of us should ask ourselves.
Is am I coachable? So? Do I actually want to
take advice? Do I want to listen to myself? Do
I actually want to make a change, or do I
just want somebody else to validate what I'm already saying? Yeah,
and you know and agree with me that I can't.
(40:28):
Nothing can be done. It's not my fault. Somebody else
should have done it. You know. If you're not coachable
at all, not only is there no point in going
to see somebody else, but that needs to shift because
there's nothing that you will always be stuck there, won't you?
Speaker 4 (40:43):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And it's it's an interesting situation being
coachable because sometimes I personally will resist as well, Like
if someone gives me advice, I like.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
I need to say, how very what do you mean?
Speaker 4 (41:09):
I mean, like with clients, it's I can see it. Yeah,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah. So one of the other things that could be
particularly tricky, it's something that you've highlighted as well, is
about success, is that you know, you may have an
idea of what success looks like, and your client may
have an idea of what success looks like. But how
do you arrive at How do you arrive at something
and define that success? And I think it's something that
(41:38):
we have generally in business as well, isn't it?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
It's what is what?
Speaker 5 (41:41):
You know?
Speaker 2 (41:41):
What is success? Is it a number of clients? Is
it money?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
You know?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
And that that needs to be defined somewhere along the line.
So how do you do that with How do you
establish I suppose or would it be agree on criteria
for success with your clients?
Speaker 4 (42:03):
So whatever the outcome is that they want to achieve,
sometimes the outcome is so they might say, for example,
you know, they want to ditch the scales, right, So
this is a really good example.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
This is.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
My first book that I wrote was called Ditch the Scale.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
So that's around weight loss, is it?
Speaker 4 (42:26):
So that was around weight loss. So the way I
defined success for clients was that they lost weight. The
way the clients defined success was they were comfortable in
their own skin, and the weight became I don't know,
I can't think of the word. You know, the insignificant
(42:49):
wasn't the issue.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
The number on the scale was irrelevant. They just wanted
to go out without thinking does my bum look big?
In this?
Speaker 4 (42:58):
It was more than that. They wanted to just be
comfortable in their skin, being themselves. So, you know, while
you know, culture and society puts was pointing them towards
like they had to lose weight, when they were comfortable
in their own skin, they didn't need to use food
(43:21):
in the same way because they were then looking at
the world through a different lens. So then the weight
just drops off. It just happens, yes, because they're thinking
differently about themselves and they're not using the same devices
to sabotage themselves.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
So did you realize through working with people that as
you were going through that program of sort of developing
that program to work with clients, that you're the way
that you were measuring success was different to how they
were measuring success totally.
Speaker 4 (43:54):
Yeah, Because it's like, when you're coaching clients, you have
to work from their model of the world in terms
of the what success means to them, and then coach
them and draw out of them the necessary information and
(44:14):
the necessary actions for them to achieve the outcome they want,
because otherwise it's like why are they playing to come
to a coach?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
You know that?
Speaker 4 (44:25):
Yeah, and I suppose it's sorry, but there's accountability as well.
The is the accountability. So it's how it's keeping them
on track because life is busy. Life happens, and for
all best intents purposes, we you know, like we have
the intention of getting to be but we're stuck at
(44:47):
a and then we're like, all this stuff happens and
we get sidetracked and go off on different routes all
the time.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So the weight, the weight becomes effect.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
The weight is like a symptom of a deeper problem
and in itself becomes irrelevant.
Speaker 4 (45:06):
Yeah right, yeah, so yeah, I mean I'm not a
weight loss coach, by the way, and I'm not a.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Uh okay, why would you say, why would you say
that because if you're helping people be comfortable, But yeah.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
So I'm not like everything I do and have done
for them since I first started coaching is all about
helping people to be comfortable in their own skin, so
that with who they are.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
That is just a really important distinction for you. And
then isn't it so?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
Was that did that arrive as like a moment of clarity?
Speaker 4 (45:47):
Yeah, some time ago. Yeah, because it's like I suppose,
because I have that fundamental belief that everybody has something
of value to offer the world, no matter who they
are and what the experience they've had. I believe that they,
you know, if they were comfortable in their own skin,
they'd be able to use all of those experiences and
(46:09):
live life on their own terms and they wouldn't have
to keep listening to the BS that's going on around
them all the time.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Talking talking about the BS one of the things I
very often ask people, and I don't often actually come
back and allude to it in the show. I'd just
like to have a little bit of background information. But
I like what you've filled in as what business tip
did you believe follow us share that turned out to
(46:37):
be total rubbish because I think it's something that we
hear so often.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
I don't. Don't worry I'll tell you what you put in.
Speaker 4 (46:46):
Don't worry me, I will.
Speaker 3 (46:51):
I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I'm an advantage you because I've got it printed out
and sat in front of me, and I don't I
don't often fer back directly to stuff as I am now,
but this is actually really interesting. It's really useful what
Donn has written down here. So what you've said is
if you want it badly enough, you'll make it happen,
And that is something that we hear so often, don't we.
(47:17):
It's it's like an Instagram moment as well, isn't it.
It's like a little snippet of something that somebody throws out.
It's like a little rubbishy bit of positive thinking that
leaves people thinking, well, I obviously I don't want it
that much. Still I'm not, you know, And it is
(47:39):
complete rubbish, isn't it. Why do you think it's complete rubbish?
Speaker 4 (47:42):
I think it's rubbish because, like I've already said, life happens,
and sometimes you have to put other things as a priority.
And even though you've still got that dream, that thing
that you really want it's still there, it's still in
the background, but there are other things that are a
much more immediate priority to be dealt with. M you know.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
And also it's I don't know. Sometimes I think people
have a tendency to want something they actually can't have.
They don't want it, really, they just can't have it.
So I, you know, I am probably never going to
be a hurdler, a championship hurdler.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
I'm five I'm five foot one, all right, and I
really don't enjoy running. So setting myself for you know,
saying well, okay, I want to be a championship hurdler
and going for it simply, but simply because somebody has
told me I'd never be one. It's actually really quite dark,
isn't it. And to be it wouldn't matter how much
I wanted to do that, it wouldn't happen because I'd
(48:54):
be useless at it. I might be a hurdler, but
I'd never be winning competitions.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
And so it is. It's rubbish advice, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (49:02):
Yeah, totally just pointless memes.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah, yeah, it is. The sad thing is is that
people do believe it and then lump this onto themselves
that this is a reason why they haven't been able
to achieve that. I obviously didn't want it enough. So
what would be your advice in those circumstances if somebody
came to you and said, well, I want to be
(49:27):
a whatever and really it just isn't going to happen.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Yeah, I mean immediately, I wouldn't want to destroy dreams, right,
So we would explore the possibilities, and then we would
look at capacity, how they could possibly expand their capacity
to get something similar. But we'd also explore what's really
driving that, what's behind it, Yeah, whether it's I always
(50:00):
tell people to tune into their heart and to really
like is that what you really want? And I'm always
doing it that shut your eyes, shut the world down,
just like put your hand on your heart and just
really like feet flat on the floor and just tune in.
Is that what you really want?
Speaker 3 (50:18):
Or is that so?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
For me? I spent ten years at university because somebody
said I'd never get there. I mean, when I you
got capric lot of Capricorn in your chart. No, I
don't know, I'm a Taurus, but actually what that is
a really stupid thing to do isn't it me? Because
that's a big chunk of my life. And I'm not
(50:39):
saying I didn't enjoy it, but the hmmm.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
It's fascinating. The driving Yes, But.
Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, so I was driven by being told I couldn't
do something. Actually, that's stupidly stubborn when I think about it.
That's a ridiculous way to behave in many respects because
it's not driven by me or who I am. It's
that's ego. Somebody said I couldn't do it. Therefore I
am going to show them.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
I used to be like like that. Wheah, I was younger.
Now I just go.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Can't see a game, can't wait? Actually was really rude.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
But yes, it's about Okay, why do I want this?
You know, sort of what's behind it? And if it
really isn't achievable, then if it's really not what you want,
if the driving force behind it is not about you
and not about your passion, then I'm what a release
to be able to Actually, this is this is just
(51:42):
nonsense for me? What what is my where am I going?
Where is my gift? What am I brilliant act? And
what am I really going to enjoy? And let's release
that because it was never real.
Speaker 4 (51:53):
And that's you know, for a lot of people, that
just opens them up to do the things that were
seek They were secretly wish they could do that, they
just didn't dare even voice in any ways.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
Yes, so they were meant to do but for whatever
reason got derailed. Let's just talk a little bit more
about how people can contact you. So if people want
to work with you, how can they get hold of you?
Speaker 4 (52:15):
You can get hold of me by my website. So
that's uh, Donna at Donna Steel dot co dot UK.
There's a contact page there, or they can find me
on Facebook or LinkedIn. It's just my obviously, just look,
just search for my name, you'll find me.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
And obviously Donna and her details on this show is
going to be up on the Women in Business Radio
show dot com. So let's do a little bit of
a quick fire around here, very very quickly. So to
be fine, fine, don't look so scared. Listen, I've got
to get refund somewhere. So, well, what's your kryptonite? Superman?
(53:04):
You know Superman and kryptonite? What what makes you go
weak at the knees and not in a good way?
Speaker 4 (53:09):
Mm hmmm, Wow, I can't think of anything right now.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
But let's go with the other one then, which is
what's your superpower?
Speaker 4 (53:20):
Superpower? Superpower? I didn't even think about these questions before.
Speaker 3 (53:27):
Yeah, I should have thought about it. You should have listened, shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
You should have listened in to another show, you know,
get to the end.
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Oh that says a lot, then, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (53:40):
There? You got distracted, right, So the best way to
do this is I'm going to ask you the question
again and you're just going to You're going to open
your mouth and something is going to come out of it,
and that will be the truth. However weird it seems. Ready,
what's your superpower? Ah?
Speaker 4 (54:00):
Though I don't know. The loads of people tell me
that it's I just am able to help them see
the truth of who they are.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
That's your superpower. Thank you? So, what's your top tip
for being in business?
Speaker 4 (54:16):
Trust yourself?
Speaker 2 (54:17):
And what do you know now that you wish you
would have known when you started out.
Speaker 4 (54:21):
That if I trusted myself and just followed my heart.
Speaker 3 (54:24):
All right, and.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
Listen to the previous radio Okay, I'm going to say
thank you so much to Donald Stiere, who Transformational Life
Coach for being on the show, having a laugh and
sharing what you do. Also to my co host or
my home host, OK, thank you so much for listening
(54:48):
everybody and.
Speaker 4 (54:49):
Being a pleasure.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
We will we will see you all again soon.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
Tune in next week to the Women in Business radio
show for more stories, ideas, and it's operation to help
you grow your business.
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