May 10, 2023 • 47 mins
I’ll behonest guys, I don’t remember a lot of this episode, but what I do remember? I remember Kayvon coming and doing this amazing episode of the Heley cast! I remember we go over the LGBTQA organiztion and how they’re trying to shove their beliefs down our American throats. We start off on what political figure has a only fans and move into how white people steal everything from other races, we get into religions and more shit!
anything helps guys!
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Brought to you by. Heley entertainment
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/theheleycast--4329275/support.
anything helps guys!
Donate @
Venmo: (@theheleycast)
Cashapp:( $danielheley)
Social media;
TikTok: (@theheleycast)
Facebook: TheHeleyCast
Twitter: @TheHeleyCast
Instagram: @forgot_my_heleys
Brought to you by. Heley entertainment
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/theheleycast--4329275/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Burt christ Church star fuck it doeswhere you start it? Yeah, all
right, let's start from the top. Actually, now we're all warmed up.
We just had a regular corn.Yeah, we just maybe I want
to talk as much about the transfuck it yolo. Um, but I
brought you over just because you're myfriend. I want to hang out with
(00:24):
you that good shit. Real quick? What's up, guys, Welcome back
to the podcast. Obviously I'm yourhost, Daniel Healey, and I just
want to say, like you know, uh, my guest today is the
best and the greatest. Like Isay for all my other guests, nothing
is different than this one. Ido love him very much. Ladies and
(00:45):
gentlemen, Cavan taga ZAA hell,okay, everyone hit the ground. It's
about this is a safe space?Is it? Though? Is it?
You're making it? Nah? Sayspace anymore. We can make it unsafe
if it makes you feel safe.No, that's fine safety get it?
(01:10):
Yes, I get it. Peopleused to say that when they fart,
and then you'd have to touch adoorknob real ground out the fart. I
didn't know that. You didn't knowthat before your time. I guess you
know. How do you know whoEmerald Lagassi is celebrity chef. This is
this is what we're dealing with.People. There's like there's like just this
(01:30):
weird cutoff where people know who EmeraldLagassi is and those are the same people.
They would fart in front of theirhomies after saying the F word,
and then they go say safety andtouch a doorknob, and that would make
them unresponsible for the fart. Interesting, they would completely absolve themselves for their
(01:56):
their felonious flatulence. Get let's getanother one for the culture. One more
of the culture. I don't havea nice sneeze and threespurg I usually do
sneeze more than twice. But it'sa good sneeze. It was okay,
it's a good sneeze. You didn'tyou didn't You didn't put the silencer on
that, like uh, like NancyPelosi puts the silencer on her titties.
(02:21):
Yeah, Nancy Polosi and her tittiesand you get to throw up Ben Shapiro's
sister in there. Yes, shegot some titties too, she does,
she does. Yeah, definitely nothingconservative about that about her bust, No,
there's definitely conservative. Yeah, she'sreal liberal with her asshole. Uh
(02:46):
from what I've heard. From whatI've heard, o F, she needs
to just like just like AOC.If AOC and Ben Shapira's sister m CO
created on o F, you'd subscribe. Oh absolutely, no beat Oh yeah,
(03:09):
yeah, I'm and I'm not evenis that it's a little weird No
one sees AOC and doesn't think that. I think no one actually respects her
as a politician. I don't respecther as a politician either, but like
I don't she's yeah, I mean, you know, to each of their
(03:30):
own, but I feel like she'sselling herself short by not selling herself out.
Possibly, Yeah, yeah, you'reprobably right. I'd probably follow Kamala
Harris's only fans too. I mean, if like what she can do in
the bedroom can get you the vicepresidency. I'm curious, touche touche to
(03:52):
because I'm trying to get that head. Let me see that pitch. Fuck
are you hogging it? And Iwas talking it before? No hogging doggin
Thus, But what do you thinkabout the studio? I love your garage,
Thank you. It's really well organized. Thank you. We've got we've
(04:13):
got a variation of everyone like alwayswants storage, so I figured i'd ask
you. I mean, it's it'sreally the archetypal garage if we're really I
mean, the door of your houseis hidden, you know, it just
kind of blends in with the woodpaneling. We've got laminate tile on the
ground. We've got a computer.We've got a we've got an iMac computer.
(04:36):
And uh, it's definitely definitely cannotaccommodate a car. So this is
dope. Oh no, it can. If I moved everything accordingly, it
can, and its current configuration,you can probably squeeze a couple of vespas
in here. Uh, in itscurrent condition, I mean I'd have to
fold everything up, put it allaway, move the table back up to
(05:00):
that wall in the back, andum call it and I could pull in
my Ford fusion. I could almostforget that I'm in still water in here.
That's good. I'm happy for you. We've got a little pizzaz.
You've got a Healey cast Um banneron the garage door, right next to
(05:20):
the dolly. Yeah, what isit? Salvador dolly and more like Salvador
get back on the dolly. Ohmy god, Oh fuck, I did
I did? I did DMT infront of the OSU library one time,
(05:44):
and that's the closest thing to aneducation that anyone can get in this town.
That one's not recording, My bad. Now that camera's recording. It's
okay, It's part of the charm. How does it not recorded? Because
they're just like running out of memory? Yeah, delete some of your memories.
(06:04):
How do you like, how doyou reset these? Do you just
go and like log out of yourthing? It depends on how hard you
want to reset it. You wantto do a soft reset, you want
to do a hard reset, basicallya hard like factory reset it. And
then do you know your Apple Id yeah, all that good stuff.
I don't care, just do itthat way, yeah yeah, yeah,
(06:30):
Well with this one, h nah, because this is my main phone and
these two are my backup, soI don't give a shit about the rest.
Like, you know what's better thanthe iCloud ayahuasca, M tell me
about that. It's basically long formDMT. I went into Quick Trip up
(06:51):
Untils and I was like, hey, you guys gonna need DMT. And
then I went into Dollar Tree andit was the worst just antry I've ever
been to. Because it's okay,this is why you brought me on right
to make jokes. No, Iwant to do or to be your friend.
(07:14):
Okay, it's forty three dollars anhour. Fuck, oh that's that
is a it's some honest price forfriendship. That's a Middle Eastern thing,
right. You're always charging for servicesrendered whenever you'd never rendered the services.
Yeah, exactly, my friend,my friend, come in, come in,
(07:35):
let me feed you, then chargeyou after rods, after the gaslight,
and go all night. I watchthose tourist videos on TikTok. Yeah,
people to travel around and stuff likewatch this guy behind me and the
guys like my friend, my friend, do you need touristed tourist? Yes?
And he's like, yes, touristand music. I show you,
I show you right, and Ihave tourist that will be nine. He's
(07:59):
like, he's like, do youwant this a gift like bracay He's like,
no, I do not want itto gift. He's like, you
have it for three and puts onrace. He's like, oh, that's
one hundred rubies or whatever. Youknow, It's like, no, I
don't want it. You ever triedto pay for something with actual euros?
Like the neat sandwich, the lambmeat sandwich with zat zeki. You're making
me hungry. Now you're trying toget free you with the zat zeki.
(08:22):
You're trying to let me put mypeta in your pit. No, not
for you. No, you're weird. You're always so prude whenever I'm around
you. Because I'm not gay,It's okay. This is a safe space,
and so is your butthole. No, I'm not gay, man.
Sorry to disappoint you. Did yourparents not put you in my Mike Pence's
(08:46):
conversion therapy program. I didn't haveto go to his conversion program. Scared
straight, I'm getting They keep justboo until you're not gay anymore. Oh
my god. Have you you watchJoe Rogan just like me? Obviously it's
my favorite band, Joe Rogan Experience, that's my favorite band. I love
(09:07):
the episode with Theo Vaughan where theyget into powerlifting and they're talking about guys
uh and their loads. Is like, this is gay man, We're talking
about people uh maxing out with theirloads. That's a whole lot of come.
Yeah. I feel like people thatare like fucking hefty or not hefty,
(09:31):
but like muscular like power like powerlifters. I mean they what they probably
got squatting that weight, They probablygot a good load. What what if
you're dipping? What about tipping?What kind of tipping? It's the only
exercise the people up here do isdipping. I used to dip. Who's
(09:52):
calling you now? My dad?Oh daddy, My daddy's calling. We'll
call them back later, Okay.Want to disappoint him telling him what I'm
doing right now? Do you notcelebrate Easter? Nah? Dude, My
parents would take me on Easter egghunts and we invent we actually invented the
egg coloring thing, Persians, y'all, to steal all our ships that we
(10:13):
just be doing it on the regular, and then you'll want to make a
whole fucking holiday out of it.You know. Well, I heard a
whole fucking conspiracy theory about how allthe like my Christian religions are pay like
Pagan more like Reagan. Yeah,that's that's the that's the Catholics. Oh
(10:41):
yeah, yeah, yeah, yahyeah yeah. Have they have they gotten
through that yet or are they stillgoing here? You know they're still altering
boys, And everyone's just like,yeah, I'm glad I didn't grow up
Catholic. My buddy did. Iwent to a Catholic wedding and that was
great. I felt a little bitweird because like they make you go through
(11:03):
all the theatrics of a Catholic wedding. It's like a big play, you
know what I mean, it's theater, and then at the end you're supposed
to go up and then they serveyou the communion, and if you're not
Catholic, you're supposed to cross yourarms and refuse the communion. You know.
I called them a Leviathans whatever crackerthat they gave you, you know,
(11:24):
and then or son chips chips,and uh, they wouldn't give it
to me. So I just likecrossed my arms, like stuck my tongue
out, hoping that they put alittle trisked on my tongue. But since
since I'm not Catholic, they didn't, and I left hungry, and I'm
like, that's not a compassionate religion. I'm trying to eat the body of
(11:48):
Christ. Eat But do you thinkJeffrey Dahmer would eat the body of Christ?
Absolutely in a heartbeat? But Jesuswasn't gay and black? Yeah,
but you know, Jeffrey, whatif Jesus was gay and black, Well,
I mean, Jesus all know thathe doesn't look like what they what
(12:09):
he's depicted as in the modern timesby white people, right, Jesus was
technically would have looked maybe more likeme. Let's not get cocky here,
Okay, I'm getting irocky, becausethat's probably what he looked like. He'd
(12:30):
probably looked like. The people inthe United States just love to drone strike.
Drones are fun, dude. Dronesare fune. You can do so
much with a drone. You canget epic drone shots and can drop epic
drone shots. I was thinking aboutbuying a drone too, any of drone.
(12:52):
We don't. We don't have atrader Joe's in the Middle East because
we murder all our traders. Butwe got a lot of targets. You
gotta you guys, got a traderJoe's up here. No, we don't
have a trader Joe's here. Damn, we don't have a target. You
don't have a target. Just goodold walmart Man. Good you don't even
(13:18):
have a fucking oldie up here withthis as much. Okay, that makes
sense because there's a lot of neoNazism here. Oh my god. And
that is a neo Nazi. Uhdiscount grocery store? Oh is it?
It is done by the Germans.You can get some great chocolate at Aldi,
(13:39):
so fucked everything you're saying is justfucked Aldi, where every purchase is
a hate crime. I like Aldi. You like all of these nuts,
got great nuts. They loved toroast more than chestnuts. You know what
(14:01):
I'm saying over an open flame?Oh my god, cash Jews. Do
you watch Archer? They like toroast cash Jews. Do you watch Archer
Archer? Oh my god? Yeah. Uh, the one about the cerial
killer door No, Nah, that'sfucking wait, Dexter, Dexter. I
like Dexter's laboratory. I'm they doflamage for those that in the No,
(14:28):
for those that used to say safetywhen they fart and touch the door knob
and take all liability away from yourfart. Don't you wish you could just
instantly disclaim a party nice? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Trying to get that dedy, thatdiscount dick, because that's what you get
(14:52):
when you adopt a rate baby,and it grows up. I'm kidding as
a callback from the stuff that weadd that's on the patreon. Yeah,
it's on the patreon. Who's patreons? Do you subscribe to? I subscribe
(15:13):
to the Jake Bessie's really yeah.Shout to Jake Bassie. Shout out Jake
Bessie. He's doing great things,dude. Like he did a set at
the store finally, like nice,I'm proud of him. Like he's doing
great things. I like his podcast. I'm listening to it. He does
a great job with the podcast.And he is sponsored by Liquid Death.
Not anymore. I don't think it. Really, I don't think he is.
(15:35):
I'm trying to get sponsored by LiquidDeath. Don't do that shit.
Don't be like Liquid Death support brownpeople. Yeah, yeah, with your
white can. Yeah, we're drinkingstill water. It's just still water.
Don't do the gay thing. Doyou like me? Some LD? Liquid
death, Liquid death? What elsedoes LD? I like lsd HM as
(16:00):
well, liquids philocybin, ego death, ego ego death. It's just trim
juice. Have you ever done ayahuasca? No? Never been to the Amazon.
You have to go to Amazon.I thought you could go Austin for
it. That's basically the fucking Adazon. As far as I'm concerned, Amazon
(16:25):
has a a fulfillment warehouse there.I think I think Tom Sagura said something
about I've done Ayahuaska and an Amazonfulfillment that's just the place to do it.
It's just basically like like they figuredout like two different like plants that
(16:45):
they can mix together to have likea very like long trip because usually DMT
is like you know, it's likeabout a ten minute end never and then
this last hours and you need likea sham and see, don't go insane.
I kind of something to do justmore tea DMT than anything else heard.
Cactus juice is pretty yeah, prettysimilar. It's like the it's like
(17:11):
the daddy. Really Yeah, Iwant to try it. I'd do pot
try it once. Yeah, whatis it? A mescalin escalind is what's
the active component and that one thatmakes you yeah, it's not psilocybin,
dude. I bought a clipping offVA off of an eBay one time,
(17:33):
and then I had my mom growbecause she's got like a hell of green
dumb. And then a fucking stormcame in because you know, Oklahoma.
Yeah, and it broke my cactusand then she threw it away and I
was like, Mom, didn't youknow that I had like supernatural powers?
My mom drives up to places likestill Water to to acquire female female donkey
(17:55):
shit, oh specifically female donkey shit, and then she lovely mixes it with
like Franken CeNSE and murr and Murrabuilding, and uh, she just gets
like, what is hilarious is likemy mom and my aunt used to work
in downtown Okay. See when theMurra building happened. Yeah, and then
(18:18):
like a chunk of the Murra buildingwas like just like on the street and
they picked it up and took ithome. And I'm like, I'm so
lead it got caught Timothy McVeigh becausethat would have gone the other way.
But she does great. Just someof the Murra building into the female donkey
ship, put a little Franken CeNSElavender in there, and she just burns
and decleans the home is great.And chunks of the Murra building in there
(18:48):
because it's got like a rare umtype of alabaster that I don't believe that
he does. You can look thisup. There's an alabaster that only occurs
in Oklahoma. China and the Islamicrepub will give you on hmm and black
alabaster. Yeah, that's real.She sprinkle it over that because they made
the building out of that ship.And what's funny is it only occurs and
(19:12):
here in the place where my parentsare from and China. But China makes
everything. That's true. China doesmake everything. It may make a hell
of a spy balloon, they do. Yeah, fucking hate spy balloons.
They're trying to battle inflation. Itwas spi balloons, damn it. Do
(19:40):
you believe in the Do you believein the spy balloons? I mean,
I'm fullheartedly believe they fucking I mean, your name is Heale and you gotta
fill a balloon with what helium?Yep? Is that? What? What's
your fucking point? Is that?What your actual partners tell Whenever you ejaculate
in their mouths, they go andtheir voice gets all high because they're you
(20:07):
know, generally pre euteen. Whatthe fuck? No, Jesus Christ,
what is wrong with you? Jesus? You have it up for dating everybody.
I have nothing to say to youabout that. Wow, that's intense.
(20:30):
Wow Wow is something that Jonathan McMillan, my roommates day, shouts to
Johnny. But he's back on wowthe World of Warcraft. Shit. Oh
god, he didn't you. I'vebarely seen him and he hasn't come out
to any mics in like damn neartwo weeks because of the simple fact that
he's been playing World of Warcraft.Loser. That's that's what I said.
(20:56):
I was like, dude, that'sstill a thing you can do. I
didn't know. Oh that was goingon still, but I suppose there's worst
vices out there. Harolin, Yeahhe could have. He could be doing
Harolin. Yeah, he does.He's into like like him as a person
doesn't match what his like entertainment sensibilitiesare because he loves World or Warcraft.
He watches nothing but like like teenWolf and like Buffy the Vampire Slayer offshoots
(21:23):
and Star Trek and like, Idon't know, like weird medieval shit.
Like he does not watch He's notwatching anything on two By You know what
I mean? Right? Do youever watched two By movies? Though they're
terrible? No, I've been intoa Yellowstone honestly, really, Taylor Sheridan
as the director of Then That's whodid Tulsa King and I had a three
(21:47):
fifths of a millisecond of a ofan on screen appearance, like playing an
extra in that which episode five,Okay, I'll look for you, Yeah,
look for me. It's whenever it'shim to Sylvester Sloane his daughter playing
a barista. And then you'll seein the very So you're supposed to be
(22:10):
in New York. We were actuallyin Tulsa in that one, But you're
supposed to be in New York inthat scene, right, No, that
one was us being in Tulsa.But there is a thing that we shot
that was supposed to be in NewYork. But I haven't seen it make
air, which is crazy because theyspent so much money making and shooting that
scene. Right, They spent somuch effort like that would have been I
(22:32):
don't know, they probably spent atleast they had a whole last fucking truck.
They just sprayed water on the groundto make it look more cinematic in
New Yorky, I like you usuallyget to do like twenty thirty takes for
the fucking actors to get it right. And as an extra. All you
gotta do is like usually just likewalk and pretend to be a person,
which is what we all do anyway, you know, just pretend to be
a person exactly. But like everyfour takes are like all right, clear
(22:56):
out. And then they have peoplejust like spraying the ground with water water
hoses, and they have a hugefucking truck. It looks like one of
them like oil tanker trucks or amilk truck, and it just has water
on it and it just sprays wateron the grounds. And I can't imagine
that that's cheap, right, No, Hollywood is like Hollywood is like the
(23:19):
military. But gay don't ask,do tell, right, That's why I'm
trying to go Austin. Good,Austin, Go do Austin. What are
you gonna do in Austin? Doyou stand up coming here? Oh?
(23:44):
No? I feel so I'm doingthis whole radio thing. I'm gonna keep
the name out, but like I'mgetting a gig with radio. Yeah,
tell the viewers a little bit moreabout your radio gig. I'm not sure
the details. I gotta call himtomorrow and see what the whole thing is.
I'm now on air, and let'snot do that. Why not because
it's Easter Sunday, I'll negotiate yourcontract. No, not today, but
(24:11):
um yeah, bless you guys.It's there you go, there you go,
Jesus. Um. My whole planis if I can break into the
broadcast, and I would like towork my way up to a bigger city
(24:32):
type like I don't want to livein a city, but like I can
drive in, I'd be okay withthat. You certainly don't live in a
city now, right. I hateI don't enjoy the city as much as
everyone thinks. I like your garagebecause it separates me from what's outside,
which is still water. Oklahoma.Yeah, I mean I have an affinity
(24:55):
for Norman just because I was bornthere, but I don't like oh you
necessarily Yeah. I went there andthey had an active apparently that had like
an active shooter alert. Did yousee that? No? Yeah, everyone
that like lived in Oklahoma City ornear Norman got like a type of amber
alert situation where it's like active activeshooter and Van Vlee Oval, which is
(25:17):
like the center of campus. Butit ended up being like like some glitter
bomb type of situation, like aconfetti cannon. It'd be funny. It'd
be funny if you know, youtry it, like you you pretended to
do a school shooting, but likeinstead of like a real gun, it
was just like one of those flagguns. You know, this is bang,
(25:38):
but you just switch it with thetrans flag. Get it, bums.
No one dies in that joke.No no one dies, just joke
they do. It's a funny.Yeah, it is what it is.
Who goes shit? No one died. It's a big gun. You might
(26:00):
have died. I might, Imight get, I might get I might
have to go to the gallows.Yeah, in front of the Biden administrations,
which looks like the cast of StarTrek. Yeah, that's a weird
(26:21):
bunch. You gotta give it up. What was your opinion on Trump getting
indicted? Long time waiting. Ithink it's kind of ironic that it's a
gag order for sexual activities. Heprobably somebody wore a ball gag in that
situation. Exactly who boots someone's gaggingon balls and now they're trying to drag
(26:45):
his balls, you know what Imean? Uh, it's just all theater.
It's political theater. I it's I'mhighly entertained and I can't complain because
that's what I expected as an American'sentertainment constantly and politics is not excluded.
I need to be constantly entertained.It's like the WWE Yeah, you know
(27:11):
what I mean, or w NBA. I mean, I respect the w
NBA because are there fouls like foulingthe and the w NBA is that is
highly consequential. Really, you seewhat you get for traveling in the w
NBA. No, I don't.I don't want you the w NBA,
(27:32):
asked Victor Webgnon, who's the premierw NBA prospect? Okay, yeah what
Victor Webnon just just announced that he'strans Oh really and he's disappointed every team
that decided to tank this season.Yeah, because he's going to w NBA.
He got you, he got yougo against Brittany Kriner. Yeah,
(27:53):
usually what happened to her when shetraveled? Yeah I did. Yeah,
that's why I respect that sport.Interesting, you know what I mean?
But why wouldn't Victor of Webgnana youknow what I'm about? No? Yeah,
yeah, the French guy who issupposed to be the next he's the
(28:17):
number one draft back, isn't he? Yeah? Yeah, damn here they've
been. I mean, which isweird because like a lot of these guys
are under the age of eighteen andthey send grown men to scout them.
Yeah, what is that? Andthen they talk about their Then they talk
about their length, you know,their growth, their length. They don't
(28:38):
even add the g and there're justthe length. You've seen the length on
that guy. M The athleticism,the explosivity. That's weird to me.
Scouting scouting sixteen year old soon tobe men and lusting after them because that's
(29:00):
what they do. Yeah, wegrew another inch. He's not done growing.
So yeah. Victor Webianna just announcedthese trans about to win everything.
It's a tan w NBA. Yeah, yes, that's not real. Yes,
(29:21):
it's a I'm the new Wojanowski.I'm the new Brian Windhorst, who's
really just uh Tim Dillon in disguise. Whenever Tim Dillon needs to be like
a sports pundit, he just transformsinto Brian Windhorst. You lied, I
(29:44):
really look that shit up. Whatdo you, Stephen Gay Smith? No,
I just want to make sure thatlooks so good. Victoria Webiana,
it's about to bring the w NBAback to relevance for the first time in
(30:08):
history, because that seems to bea popular thing to do, is to
pretend to be an inferior gender andthen go play sports as a superior gender.
I hate to tell you this.We may just be going audio today.
No, I mean I already assumedthat. I don't know. I
(30:29):
don't understand why I'm getting trouble fromthis. This recorded a whole fucking episode
and it's just fucking giving me problems. Are you in four K? No,
I'm just in regular video and itjust stops doing it? Yeah,
okay, it's not okay. Imight have enough footage for it and everything,
But do you want to switch cameras? Give you more airtime? You
(30:51):
don't have to. I'll give youmore airtime. I don't give a shit
about myself. Can air me up? Can you just gotta talk more?
I can talk. I think I'vebeen talking more. Yeah, keep talking?
Then Taco fallus? Do we haveto restart everything? Or donay?
I mean the Victor Webiiana being transgoing to the w NBA is a groundbreaking
(31:15):
the news story that's not even outyet and you heard it first on The
Healing Dude, Why wouldn't he though, why wouldn't Victor Webiianna go to the
w NBA as a trans woman.He's already friends, she's halfway there.
Jesus Christ. No, it's asmart idea. I'm not telling you.
(31:38):
If I was his agent, Iwould compel and coerce him to become Victor
Webiona the Michael Jordan of the NBA. Yeah, bad idea, Yeah,
(32:00):
because that's just what you do thesedays. When you can't be in them,
you join them. Yes, right, Yeah, And that's brave,
That is brave. Sure, that'sbravery in this finest form. And Victor
(32:22):
Webbiana could do his country proud forones and be brave and not surrender to
this patriarchal, h misogynistic, transphobiczeno pronoun no phobic society. Right,
he should identify as a strawberry andthen go body up the w NBA and
(32:46):
set the new standard interesting for sportsentertainment. That would be sports entertainment.
Right, what a pivot, becauselike dude, half the NBA tanked for
this guy, right, and that'sthe patriarchy who assumed that you would go
(33:07):
Hey, who would assume that VictorWebgnana would go to the NBA. Right,
that would be assuming his gender andconsidering he's still below how old is
Victor Webgnana, Probably eighteen perfect sixteenwould be better, But eighteen is a
(33:28):
great time to make irreversible change toyour genitalia. And he could do it
right now because he's still growing.I don't know what to say to that.
Wire ahead and chop off your head, Victor Webgnana and join the w
NBA and hire me as your agentand pay me two hundred million dollars a
(33:52):
year. He won't even make that. He will in the w NBA as
a transit woman. There's no waythey don't pay that. Well, that's
the problem with society these days isthere's a pay gap between genders. There's
not, though there is. Doyou think to pay the same here's here's
the same shit. But here's theissue with that. If you think about
(34:15):
it, look at it. Menwill work forty hours a week, while
women will work more twenty five hoursa week. But if Victor Webgnon,
it just becomes a trans woman.Are they all stuck together? Now?
(34:36):
Fuck? Yeah, that's how youdo it. Son. One megacube.
We're putting one and it looks likeabstract art. I'm gonna whole last glacier
and take a picture of him,just like I'm gonna hold glacier in my
cup. So so, uh,what do you think is the next sports
(35:02):
person to become trans? Yeah?Ah, fuck, dude, I don't
know. We have swimming, racing, or like track and field kind of
shit. Now I'm talking sports.You didn't list a single sport there I'm
talking about there's only two football andbasketball. Yeah about baseball. That's a
(35:27):
fun hobby for latin X. Whoafor latin X people trying to provide their
for their families? WHOA? Ilove baseball? Girl? Wow? Baseball
is basically um uh welfare for latinX people. Wow? What do you
(35:47):
a swinger? You like to playwith hardwood? You like to play with
balls in hardwood? Not like playyour suggestion? I like playing baseball.
Yeah, I like kickball, okay, because somehow it's less gay than baseball.
Okay. I would take you forfor a softball kind of guy,
(36:13):
even though you're playing hardball with meright now over this Victor Webgianna thing.
Oh my god, Danny, youof all people I thought would be on
board with that. What Victor womenVictoria Webignanna. I don't. It's in
respect the pronoun. It's not abad idea. I didn't say it wasn't
a bad idea. It's just it'snot you hesitant to embrace her as the
(36:36):
woman she is. She's not ahe's not a woman yet. But maybe
after this podcast, if he hearsit, maybe I'm the new Brian Wojanowski.
And this is a late breaking update. This is a leak. This
is leakier than your mom's pussy.I'm sorry, I am sorry. She
(36:58):
is a nice woman. She letme use her bathroom. You were just
the only person in the room.Yeah. I couldn't point to anything else.
You could pointing to the fans.But they're only fans. Okay,
they're only fans. We can't dothat. They may unsubscribe after that to
(37:22):
your mum's the did you meet mymic? Did I meet your make?
Did you did you meet my mic? No? It's still going way.
Okay, can you not hear yourselfcut out for a second? When I
tried to make it, does cutout? I know it's the cutout thing.
I don't know why, but doesit cut back on? Yeah?
It's cutting back in there's only adebt. There's this very certain empigraphic of
(37:45):
people that say cut on, cutoff, cut cut on, and cut
off. Oh it don't cut on, don't cut off. I feel like
they say that up here in stillWater? Right? I guess do you
guys have homeless people here? Yeah? We got plenty of homeless sadly.
Yeah. What are they called?Alumni? Like? No, we call
(38:05):
them boomer Sooners, the boomer Sooners. That's interesting. I agree they're alumnis
of Oh you usually they come uphere and and and and cheaper and beautify
the area. No, they theyare like a pull up in their trailers.
They're like a They're like a parasiteto this. Yeah, utopian society
(38:32):
you guys have curated up here.I was talking about still Water. What
is this? Um? The tumbleweedis well but tumbleweed? What is that
dance hall? Oh? Yeah,heard about it? Yeah, they're the
first weekend and something or another.What about the wolf? What bar up
(38:54):
here? Like the lone Wolf?Or there's great white but low um?
J R. Murphy's on the strip? Which the pancake place? What the
pancake place? Shortcakes? Yeah?Shortcakes? Shouts the shortcakes why don't you
get shortcakes to sponsor this shit?Dude, it'd be cool, but I'm
(39:17):
old man, would not do it? Eat local? What time is it?
Shit? If we get out herein time, I may go there.
Really, yeah, do shortcakes.I've been shortcakes and go after this,
we can go to shortcakes. Goafter this. We're going to short
It's official. We're going to shortgoing shortcakes. Yolo, God damn it.
You got me hungry for shortcakes.So I'm like, fuck, yes,
(39:39):
I haven't had shortcakes since the lasttime I was here, which was
doing DMT in front of the liberShortcakes is a great thing to do that.
Yes, yeah, you can't youwhen when you're still water. This
is the lovely campus. Go tocotton picking STADIU and uh do DMT in
(40:04):
front of the library because that's theclosest thing you'll get to an education in
this town. And then go getyou some shortcakes. Treat yourself at shortcakes.
Would you be interested in maybe coveringmy body and syrup at shortcakes and
doing like I talked about doing it? I have to oh to other projects
(40:31):
into making kind of on the backburner. One's a cooking show after like
my podcast, take you guys andcook for you guys after the show,
and that becomes a show in itself. I'm really high. So if I
keep repeating myself also, and thenthe second one is taking you guys like
(40:52):
learning about your biggest fears and makingit comically uncomfortable. My biggest fears,
well, I'm with alcohol in cocaine. Oh, I was gonna say your
biggest fear would probably be with avest with a vest. Yeah, I
used to wear a vest when Iplayed Laser Tag and I'd cover up my
(41:15):
like a laser beacon with my vestand I'd body them bitches up. Never
mind, and I and my namewas Solid snake because that's my actual fear
of snakes. Really, Yeah,dude, I'm scared of shit. They're
scared of snakes. Yeah, that'sa pretty reasonable fear the serpent, you
(41:39):
know, But it depends on thesnake. Like if it's a corn snake,
that's cute, right. But thething is like, if you put
a cobra in front of me,I just play a piccolo and it'll go
away. It'll do my dishes.Because that's what that's the superpower I have
(42:00):
as a brown person. I cansnake charm. I'm more of a trouser
snake oil salesman, though, becauseI do sell unvaccinated sperm on Etsy.
Oh yeah, dude, it's beengoing great good, it's been high demand.
(42:21):
Is it your own? It ismy own small batch. It's a
homebrewed I've got a kombucha two.If you don't like booving it because you
know it's you put it in asuppository and then you put it in your
depository. It's the traditional way.But some people aren't really into that,
(42:45):
so they just get the kombucha version. Oh yeah, yeah, the kombucha
just unvaccinated sperm said, Are wereally gonna talk about unvaccinated sperm on my
podcat in in kombucha format? Yes? Oh my god, because because I'm
selling it on it. I'm howI'm surviving right now? How much is
unvaccinated? Come right now? Threenine nine and that's three hundred ninety nine
(43:07):
dollars. Jesus Christ A later,I can't with you. You can,
though, Let's start. How's thisjizzing in an old fucking PEPSI bottle?
Dude? I know you're sperms andvaccinated. How's the comedy scene treating you.
(43:27):
I know you like the pokes uphere. You're you're, you're,
you're uncancellable, so uncancellable. Sohow's How's how's everything treating you? Some
great dude. I've been back onthe swing of things finally, like doing
shows on a pretty consistent basis,which is great because I do love doing
that, and they tried to takeit away from me. They tried to
(43:49):
take the thing I love. Butthey I mean people just that there's a
new thing to get mad about everyday, and it's been so many days,
so many new things to get madabout. But try as they might,
they're still white Jesus crazy. Sothere's a certain this is what Yeah,
(44:13):
I mean the club show me love. You know, that's Brandon Adrian
shouts to them. I mean thingsthat matter, Yeah, exact things that
don't matter. I'm not too concernedabout good. That's all you. That's
That's really all you need to do. I don't know what else to say.
(44:36):
We've we've said so much. I'mgonna have to edit things together.
To be honest, I think we'vegiven you a big Yeah, this would
be the biggest project I've had towork on because we've done so much material,
and now all my mind can thinkof is because of you, Shortcakes.
I'm fucking hungry as shit. Let'sget shortcakes. Okay, let's call
it, let's do the podcast livefrom Shortcake. Uh. Do you have
(45:00):
any shows to promote or whatnot?Yeah? I got the uh the four
twenty show. Okay, got twofour twenty shows. Actually yeah, yeah,
we're Bricktown Comedy Club, the hotBox Comedy. You can be able
to smoke on that. Yeah,you're supposed to. You're supposed to get
high. It's part of the jobin the room. No, not on
(45:21):
the ROI in the back alley likea criminal. Okay, okay, yeah,
they should let you smoke the room. It's called hot box comedy,
which where's the box stuff? Butmy whole thing is with that. I'm
like, dude, if you're gonnado that, just sucking smoking the club
at that point, that's just aregular set for me. Because that you
think they'd let Chappelle smoke in there? I think Chappelle would pay the fine
they'd let him. Yeah, there'snot one thing I don't think anyone from
(45:44):
Bricktown Comedy Club lanagement. It's gonnabe like, hey, Dave Chappelle.
Chappelle just not you know how thefire department is here, you know the
laws, you know, like wesart food, you know, Dave Chappelle
be like Bucky Dave Chappelle. DaveChapelle would have the courtesy to vape.
(46:06):
Yeah, probably vapit, yeap it, you're right. Anything else? We
do have the trap Masters show.They're popping on TikTok look up the trap
Masters. They're real cool guys.And there's a show at Okay Culture.
There's also a four twenty show atOkay Culture. Okay, Yeah, it's
a good spot. You were thereon Thursday. I recorded your sets,
(46:28):
right, you need to when we'reat Shortcakes, you need to send me
there's a special surprise in that video. Took the lighted. Please we're going
to Shortcakes, guys. Thank youfor um, thank you for entertaining this
Debauntrey. Yes exactly, Yeah,I love you guys. We're out peace
(46:51):
Shortcakes, Shortcakes. You really didgive me stuff on Shortcakes. I was
like, hello, March Trotter,how are you hey? I'm good,
How are you good? Welcome tothe Healing cast for the play Freeman,
Let's flore How you do it good? How are you good? Hello?
(47:17):
Marty? Oh hey buddy, what'sup man? How are you doing next?
How are you doing? What's yourreal name? What's your government name?
That is my first question. I'mjust gonna go right off the bat
and just J. J. Wood. What's up? A long time listener,
first time guest. Don't have aphone, Guy Healey, what year
(47:38):
were you born? Ninety seven sixce? Al right, technically you're a
nineties baby, but you missed halfof it.
Burt christ Church star fuck it doeswhere you start it? Yeah, all
right, let's start from the top. Actually, now we're all warmed up.
We just had a regular corn.Yeah, we just maybe I want
to talk as much about the transfuck it yolo. Um, but I
brought you over just because you're myfriend. I want to hang out with
(00:24):
you that good shit. Real quick? What's up, guys, Welcome back
to the podcast. Obviously I'm yourhost, Daniel Healey, and I just
want to say, like you know, uh, my guest today is the
best and the greatest. Like Isay for all my other guests, nothing
is different than this one. Ido love him very much. Ladies and
(00:45):
gentlemen, Cavan taga ZAA hell,okay, everyone hit the ground. It's
about this is a safe space?Is it? Though? Is it?
You're making it? Nah? Sayspace anymore. We can make it unsafe
if it makes you feel safe.No, that's fine safety get it?
(01:10):
Yes, I get it. Peopleused to say that when they fart,
and then you'd have to touch adoorknob real ground out the fart. I
didn't know that. You didn't knowthat before your time. I guess you
know. How do you know whoEmerald Lagassi is celebrity chef. This is
this is what we're dealing with.People. There's like there's like just this
(01:30):
weird cutoff where people know who EmeraldLagassi is and those are the same people.
They would fart in front of theirhomies after saying the F word,
and then they go say safety andtouch a doorknob, and that would make
them unresponsible for the fart. Interesting, they would completely absolve themselves for their
(01:56):
their felonious flatulence. Get let's getanother one for the culture. One more
of the culture. I don't havea nice sneeze and threespurg I usually do
sneeze more than twice. But it'sa good sneeze. It was okay,
it's a good sneeze. You didn'tyou didn't You didn't put the silencer on
that, like uh, like NancyPelosi puts the silencer on her titties.
(02:21):
Yeah, Nancy Polosi and her tittiesand you get to throw up Ben Shapiro's
sister in there. Yes, shegot some titties too, she does,
she does. Yeah, definitely nothingconservative about that about her bust, No,
there's definitely conservative. Yeah, she'sreal liberal with her asshole. Uh
(02:46):
from what I've heard. From whatI've heard, o F, she needs
to just like just like AOC.If AOC and Ben Shapira's sister m CO
created on o F, you'd subscribe. Oh absolutely, no beat Oh yeah,
(03:09):
yeah, I'm and I'm not evenis that it's a little weird No
one sees AOC and doesn't think that. I think no one actually respects her
as a politician. I don't respecther as a politician either, but like
I don't she's yeah, I mean, you know, to each of their
(03:30):
own, but I feel like she'sselling herself short by not selling herself out.
Possibly, Yeah, yeah, you'reprobably right. I'd probably follow Kamala
Harris's only fans too. I mean, if like what she can do in
the bedroom can get you the vicepresidency. I'm curious, touche touche to
(03:52):
because I'm trying to get that head. Let me see that pitch. Fuck
are you hogging it? And Iwas talking it before? No hogging doggin
Thus, But what do you thinkabout the studio? I love your garage,
Thank you. It's really well organized. Thank you. We've got we've
(04:13):
got a variation of everyone like alwayswants storage, so I figured i'd ask
you. I mean, it's it'sreally the archetypal garage if we're really I
mean, the door of your houseis hidden, you know, it just
kind of blends in with the woodpaneling. We've got laminate tile on the
ground. We've got a computer.We've got a we've got an iMac computer.
(04:36):
And uh, it's definitely definitely cannotaccommodate a car. So this is
dope. Oh no, it can. If I moved everything accordingly, it
can, and its current configuration,you can probably squeeze a couple of vespas
in here. Uh, in itscurrent condition, I mean I'd have to
fold everything up, put it allaway, move the table back up to
(05:00):
that wall in the back, andum call it and I could pull in
my Ford fusion. I could almostforget that I'm in still water in here.
That's good. I'm happy for you. We've got a little pizzaz.
You've got a Healey cast Um banneron the garage door, right next to
(05:20):
the dolly. Yeah, what isit? Salvador dolly and more like Salvador
get back on the dolly. Ohmy god, Oh fuck, I did
I did? I did DMT infront of the OSU library one time,
(05:44):
and that's the closest thing to aneducation that anyone can get in this town.
That one's not recording, My bad. Now that camera's recording. It's
okay, It's part of the charm. How does it not recorded? Because
they're just like running out of memory? Yeah, delete some of your memories.
(06:04):
How do you like, how doyou reset these? Do you just
go and like log out of yourthing? It depends on how hard you
want to reset it. You wantto do a soft reset, you want
to do a hard reset, basicallya hard like factory reset it. And
then do you know your Apple Id yeah, all that good stuff.
I don't care, just do itthat way, yeah yeah, yeah,
(06:30):
Well with this one, h nah, because this is my main phone and
these two are my backup, soI don't give a shit about the rest.
Like, you know what's better thanthe iCloud ayahuasca, M tell me
about that. It's basically long formDMT. I went into Quick Trip up
(06:51):
Untils and I was like, hey, you guys gonna need DMT. And
then I went into Dollar Tree andit was the worst just antry I've ever
been to. Because it's okay,this is why you brought me on right
to make jokes. No, Iwant to do or to be your friend.
(07:14):
Okay, it's forty three dollars anhour. Fuck, oh that's that
is a it's some honest price forfriendship. That's a Middle Eastern thing,
right. You're always charging for servicesrendered whenever you'd never rendered the services.
Yeah, exactly, my friend,my friend, come in, come in,
(07:35):
let me feed you, then chargeyou after rods, after the gaslight,
and go all night. I watchthose tourist videos on TikTok. Yeah,
people to travel around and stuff likewatch this guy behind me and the
guys like my friend, my friend, do you need touristed tourist? Yes?
And he's like, yes, touristand music. I show you,
I show you right, and Ihave tourist that will be nine. He's
(07:59):
like, he's like, do youwant this a gift like bracay He's like,
no, I do not want itto gift. He's like, you
have it for three and puts onrace. He's like, oh, that's
one hundred rubies or whatever. Youknow, It's like, no, I
don't want it. You ever triedto pay for something with actual euros?
Like the neat sandwich, the lambmeat sandwich with zat zeki. You're making
me hungry. Now you're trying toget free you with the zat zeki.
(08:22):
You're trying to let me put mypeta in your pit. No, not
for you. No, you're weird. You're always so prude whenever I'm around
you. Because I'm not gay,It's okay. This is a safe space,
and so is your butthole. No, I'm not gay, man.
Sorry to disappoint you. Did yourparents not put you in my Mike Pence's
(08:46):
conversion therapy program. I didn't haveto go to his conversion program. Scared
straight, I'm getting They keep justboo until you're not gay anymore. Oh
my god. Have you you watchJoe Rogan just like me? Obviously it's
my favorite band, Joe Rogan Experience, that's my favorite band. I love
(09:07):
the episode with Theo Vaughan where theyget into powerlifting and they're talking about guys
uh and their loads. Is like, this is gay man, We're talking
about people uh maxing out with theirloads. That's a whole lot of come.
Yeah. I feel like people thatare like fucking hefty or not hefty,
(09:31):
but like muscular like power like powerlifters. I mean they what they probably
got squatting that weight, They probablygot a good load. What what if
you're dipping? What about tipping?What kind of tipping? It's the only
exercise the people up here do isdipping. I used to dip. Who's
(09:52):
calling you now? My dad?Oh daddy, My daddy's calling. We'll
call them back later, Okay.Want to disappoint him telling him what I'm
doing right now? Do you notcelebrate Easter? Nah? Dude, My
parents would take me on Easter egghunts and we invent we actually invented the
egg coloring thing, Persians, y'all, to steal all our ships that we
(10:13):
just be doing it on the regular, and then you'll want to make a
whole fucking holiday out of it.You know. Well, I heard a
whole fucking conspiracy theory about how allthe like my Christian religions are pay like
Pagan more like Reagan. Yeah,that's that's the that's the Catholics. Oh
(10:41):
yeah, yeah, yeah, yahyeah yeah. Have they have they gotten
through that yet or are they stillgoing here? You know they're still altering
boys, And everyone's just like,yeah, I'm glad I didn't grow up
Catholic. My buddy did. Iwent to a Catholic wedding and that was
great. I felt a little bitweird because like they make you go through
(11:03):
all the theatrics of a Catholic wedding. It's like a big play, you
know what I mean, it's theater, and then at the end you're supposed
to go up and then they serveyou the communion, and if you're not
Catholic, you're supposed to cross yourarms and refuse the communion. You know.
I called them a Leviathans whatever crackerthat they gave you, you know,
(11:24):
and then or son chips chips,and uh, they wouldn't give it
to me. So I just likecrossed my arms, like stuck my tongue
out, hoping that they put alittle trisked on my tongue. But since
since I'm not Catholic, they didn't, and I left hungry, and I'm
like, that's not a compassionate religion. I'm trying to eat the body of
(11:48):
Christ. Eat But do you thinkJeffrey Dahmer would eat the body of Christ?
Absolutely in a heartbeat? But Jesuswasn't gay and black? Yeah,
but you know, Jeffrey, whatif Jesus was gay and black, Well,
I mean, Jesus all know thathe doesn't look like what they what
(12:09):
he's depicted as in the modern timesby white people, right, Jesus was
technically would have looked maybe more likeme. Let's not get cocky here,
Okay, I'm getting irocky, becausethat's probably what he looked like. He'd
(12:30):
probably looked like. The people inthe United States just love to drone strike.
Drones are fun, dude. Dronesare fune. You can do so
much with a drone. You canget epic drone shots and can drop epic
drone shots. I was thinking aboutbuying a drone too, any of drone.
(12:52):
We don't. We don't have atrader Joe's in the Middle East because
we murder all our traders. Butwe got a lot of targets. You
gotta you guys, got a traderJoe's up here. No, we don't
have a trader Joe's here. Damn, we don't have a target. You
don't have a target. Just goodold walmart Man. Good you don't even
(13:18):
have a fucking oldie up here withthis as much. Okay, that makes
sense because there's a lot of neoNazism here. Oh my god. And
that is a neo Nazi. Uhdiscount grocery store? Oh is it?
It is done by the Germans.You can get some great chocolate at Aldi,
(13:39):
so fucked everything you're saying is justfucked Aldi, where every purchase is
a hate crime. I like Aldi. You like all of these nuts,
got great nuts. They loved toroast more than chestnuts. You know what
(14:01):
I'm saying over an open flame?Oh my god, cash Jews. Do
you watch Archer? They like toroast cash Jews. Do you watch Archer
Archer? Oh my god? Yeah. Uh, the one about the cerial
killer door No, Nah, that'sfucking wait, Dexter, Dexter. I
like Dexter's laboratory. I'm they doflamage for those that in the No,
(14:28):
for those that used to say safetywhen they fart and touch the door knob
and take all liability away from yourfart. Don't you wish you could just
instantly disclaim a party nice? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Trying to get that dedy, thatdiscount dick, because that's what you get
(14:52):
when you adopt a rate baby,and it grows up. I'm kidding as
a callback from the stuff that weadd that's on the patreon. Yeah,
it's on the patreon. Who's patreons? Do you subscribe to? I subscribe
(15:13):
to the Jake Bessie's really yeah.Shout to Jake Bassie. Shout out Jake
Bessie. He's doing great things,dude. Like he did a set at
the store finally, like nice,I'm proud of him. Like he's doing
great things. I like his podcast. I'm listening to it. He does
a great job with the podcast.And he is sponsored by Liquid Death.
Not anymore. I don't think it. Really, I don't think he is.
(15:35):
I'm trying to get sponsored by LiquidDeath. Don't do that shit.
Don't be like Liquid Death support brownpeople. Yeah, yeah, with your
white can. Yeah, we're drinkingstill water. It's just still water.
Don't do the gay thing. Doyou like me? Some LD? Liquid
death, Liquid death? What elsedoes LD? I like lsd HM as
(16:00):
well, liquids philocybin, ego death, ego ego death. It's just trim
juice. Have you ever done ayahuasca? No? Never been to the Amazon.
You have to go to Amazon.I thought you could go Austin for
it. That's basically the fucking Adazon. As far as I'm concerned, Amazon
(16:25):
has a a fulfillment warehouse there.I think I think Tom Sagura said something
about I've done Ayahuaska and an Amazonfulfillment that's just the place to do it.
It's just basically like like they figuredout like two different like plants that
(16:45):
they can mix together to have likea very like long trip because usually DMT
is like you know, it's likeabout a ten minute end never and then
this last hours and you need likea sham and see, don't go insane.
I kind of something to do justmore tea DMT than anything else heard.
Cactus juice is pretty yeah, prettysimilar. It's like the it's like
(17:11):
the daddy. Really Yeah, Iwant to try it. I'd do pot
try it once. Yeah, whatis it? A mescalin escalind is what's
the active component and that one thatmakes you yeah, it's not psilocybin,
dude. I bought a clipping offVA off of an eBay one time,
(17:33):
and then I had my mom growbecause she's got like a hell of green
dumb. And then a fucking stormcame in because you know, Oklahoma.
Yeah, and it broke my cactusand then she threw it away and I
was like, Mom, didn't youknow that I had like supernatural powers?
My mom drives up to places likestill Water to to acquire female female donkey
(17:55):
shit, oh specifically female donkey shit, and then she lovely mixes it with
like Franken CeNSE and murr and Murrabuilding, and uh, she just gets
like, what is hilarious is likemy mom and my aunt used to work
in downtown Okay. See when theMurra building happened. Yeah, and then
(18:18):
like a chunk of the Murra buildingwas like just like on the street and
they picked it up and took ithome. And I'm like, I'm so
lead it got caught Timothy McVeigh becausethat would have gone the other way.
But she does great. Just someof the Murra building into the female donkey
ship, put a little Franken CeNSElavender in there, and she just burns
and decleans the home is great.And chunks of the Murra building in there
(18:48):
because it's got like a rare umtype of alabaster that I don't believe that
he does. You can look thisup. There's an alabaster that only occurs
in Oklahoma. China and the Islamicrepub will give you on hmm and black
alabaster. Yeah, that's real.She sprinkle it over that because they made
the building out of that ship.And what's funny is it only occurs and
(19:12):
here in the place where my parentsare from and China. But China makes
everything. That's true. China doesmake everything. It may make a hell
of a spy balloon, they do. Yeah, fucking hate spy balloons.
They're trying to battle inflation. Itwas spi balloons, damn it. Do
(19:40):
you believe in the Do you believein the spy balloons? I mean,
I'm fullheartedly believe they fucking I mean, your name is Heale and you gotta
fill a balloon with what helium?Yep? Is that? What? What's
your fucking point? Is that?What your actual partners tell Whenever you ejaculate
in their mouths, they go andtheir voice gets all high because they're you
(20:07):
know, generally pre euteen. Whatthe fuck? No, Jesus Christ,
what is wrong with you? Jesus? You have it up for dating everybody.
I have nothing to say to youabout that. Wow, that's intense.
(20:30):
Wow Wow is something that Jonathan McMillan, my roommates day, shouts to
Johnny. But he's back on wowthe World of Warcraft. Shit. Oh
god, he didn't you. I'vebarely seen him and he hasn't come out
to any mics in like damn neartwo weeks because of the simple fact that
he's been playing World of Warcraft.Loser. That's that's what I said.
(20:56):
I was like, dude, that'sstill a thing you can do. I
didn't know. Oh that was goingon still, but I suppose there's worst
vices out there. Harolin, Yeahhe could have. He could be doing
Harolin. Yeah, he does.He's into like like him as a person
doesn't match what his like entertainment sensibilitiesare because he loves World or Warcraft.
He watches nothing but like like teenWolf and like Buffy the Vampire Slayer offshoots
(21:23):
and Star Trek and like, Idon't know, like weird medieval shit.
Like he does not watch He's notwatching anything on two By You know what
I mean? Right? Do youever watched two By movies? Though they're
terrible? No, I've been intoa Yellowstone honestly, really, Taylor Sheridan
as the director of Then That's whodid Tulsa King and I had a three
(21:47):
fifths of a millisecond of a ofan on screen appearance, like playing an
extra in that which episode five,Okay, I'll look for you, Yeah,
look for me. It's whenever it'shim to Sylvester Sloane his daughter playing
a barista. And then you'll seein the very So you're supposed to be
(22:10):
in New York. We were actuallyin Tulsa in that one, But you're
supposed to be in New York inthat scene, right, No, that
one was us being in Tulsa.But there is a thing that we shot
that was supposed to be in NewYork. But I haven't seen it make
air, which is crazy because theyspent so much money making and shooting that
scene. Right, They spent somuch effort like that would have been I
(22:32):
don't know, they probably spent atleast they had a whole last fucking truck.
They just sprayed water on the groundto make it look more cinematic in
New Yorky, I like you usuallyget to do like twenty thirty takes for
the fucking actors to get it right. And as an extra. All you
gotta do is like usually just likewalk and pretend to be a person,
which is what we all do anyway, you know, just pretend to be
a person exactly. But like everyfour takes are like all right, clear
(22:56):
out. And then they have peoplejust like spraying the ground with water water
hoses, and they have a hugefucking truck. It looks like one of
them like oil tanker trucks or amilk truck, and it just has water
on it and it just sprays wateron the grounds. And I can't imagine
that that's cheap, right, No, Hollywood is like Hollywood is like the
(23:19):
military. But gay don't ask,do tell, right, That's why I'm
trying to go Austin. Good,Austin, Go do Austin. What are
you gonna do in Austin? Doyou stand up coming here? Oh?
(23:44):
No? I feel so I'm doingthis whole radio thing. I'm gonna keep
the name out, but like I'mgetting a gig with radio. Yeah,
tell the viewers a little bit moreabout your radio gig. I'm not sure
the details. I gotta call himtomorrow and see what the whole thing is.
I'm now on air, and let'snot do that. Why not because
it's Easter Sunday, I'll negotiate yourcontract. No, not today, but
(24:11):
um yeah, bless you guys.It's there you go, there you go,
Jesus. Um. My whole planis if I can break into the
broadcast, and I would like towork my way up to a bigger city
(24:32):
type like I don't want to livein a city, but like I can
drive in, I'd be okay withthat. You certainly don't live in a
city now, right. I hateI don't enjoy the city as much as
everyone thinks. I like your garagebecause it separates me from what's outside,
which is still water. Oklahoma.Yeah, I mean I have an affinity
(24:55):
for Norman just because I was bornthere, but I don't like oh you
necessarily Yeah. I went there andthey had an active apparently that had like
an active shooter alert. Did yousee that? No? Yeah, everyone
that like lived in Oklahoma City ornear Norman got like a type of amber
alert situation where it's like active activeshooter and Van Vlee Oval, which is
(25:17):
like the center of campus. Butit ended up being like like some glitter
bomb type of situation, like aconfetti cannon. It'd be funny. It'd
be funny if you know, youtry it, like you you pretended to
do a school shooting, but likeinstead of like a real gun, it
was just like one of those flagguns. You know, this is bang,
(25:38):
but you just switch it with thetrans flag. Get it, bums.
No one dies in that joke.No no one dies, just joke
they do. It's a funny.Yeah, it is what it is.
Who goes shit? No one died. It's a big gun. You might
(26:00):
have died. I might, Imight get, I might get I might
have to go to the gallows.Yeah, in front of the Biden administrations,
which looks like the cast of StarTrek. Yeah, that's a weird
(26:21):
bunch. You gotta give it up. What was your opinion on Trump getting
indicted? Long time waiting. Ithink it's kind of ironic that it's a
gag order for sexual activities. Heprobably somebody wore a ball gag in that
situation. Exactly who boots someone's gaggingon balls and now they're trying to drag
(26:45):
his balls, you know what Imean? Uh, it's just all theater.
It's political theater. I it's I'mhighly entertained and I can't complain because
that's what I expected as an American'sentertainment constantly and politics is not excluded.
I need to be constantly entertained.It's like the WWE Yeah, you know
(27:11):
what I mean, or w NBA. I mean, I respect the w
NBA because are there fouls like foulingthe and the w NBA is that is
highly consequential. Really, you seewhat you get for traveling in the w
NBA. No, I don't.I don't want you the w NBA,
(27:32):
asked Victor Webgnon, who's the premierw NBA prospect? Okay, yeah what
Victor Webnon just just announced that he'strans Oh really and he's disappointed every team
that decided to tank this season.Yeah, because he's going to w NBA.
He got you, he got yougo against Brittany Kriner. Yeah,
(27:53):
usually what happened to her when shetraveled? Yeah I did. Yeah,
that's why I respect that sport.Interesting, you know what I mean?
But why wouldn't Victor of Webgnana youknow what I'm about? No? Yeah,
yeah, the French guy who issupposed to be the next he's the
(28:17):
number one draft back, isn't he? Yeah? Yeah, damn here they've
been. I mean, which isweird because like a lot of these guys
are under the age of eighteen andthey send grown men to scout them.
Yeah, what is that? Andthen they talk about their Then they talk
about their length, you know,their growth, their length. They don't
(28:38):
even add the g and there're justthe length. You've seen the length on
that guy. M The athleticism,the explosivity. That's weird to me.
Scouting scouting sixteen year old soon tobe men and lusting after them because that's
(29:00):
what they do. Yeah, wegrew another inch. He's not done growing.
So yeah. Victor Webianna just announcedthese trans about to win everything.
It's a tan w NBA. Yeah, yes, that's not real. Yes,
(29:21):
it's a I'm the new Wojanowski.I'm the new Brian Windhorst, who's
really just uh Tim Dillon in disguise. Whenever Tim Dillon needs to be like
a sports pundit, he just transformsinto Brian Windhorst. You lied, I
(29:44):
really look that shit up. Whatdo you, Stephen Gay Smith? No,
I just want to make sure thatlooks so good. Victoria Webiana,
it's about to bring the w NBAback to relevance for the first time in
(30:08):
history, because that seems to bea popular thing to do, is to
pretend to be an inferior gender andthen go play sports as a superior gender.
I hate to tell you this.We may just be going audio today.
No, I mean I already assumedthat. I don't know. I
(30:29):
don't understand why I'm getting trouble fromthis. This recorded a whole fucking episode
and it's just fucking giving me problems. Are you in four K? No,
I'm just in regular video and itjust stops doing it? Yeah,
okay, it's not okay. Imight have enough footage for it and everything,
But do you want to switch cameras? Give you more airtime? You
(30:51):
don't have to. I'll give youmore airtime. I don't give a shit
about myself. Can air me up? Can you just gotta talk more?
I can talk. I think I'vebeen talking more. Yeah, keep talking?
Then Taco fallus? Do we haveto restart everything? Or donay?
I mean the Victor Webiiana being transgoing to the w NBA is a groundbreaking
(31:15):
the news story that's not even outyet and you heard it first on The
Healing Dude, Why wouldn't he though, why wouldn't Victor Webiianna go to the
w NBA as a trans woman.He's already friends, she's halfway there.
Jesus Christ. No, it's asmart idea. I'm not telling you.
(31:38):
If I was his agent, Iwould compel and coerce him to become Victor
Webiona the Michael Jordan of the NBA. Yeah, bad idea, Yeah,
(32:00):
because that's just what you do thesedays. When you can't be in them,
you join them. Yes, right, Yeah, And that's brave,
That is brave. Sure, that'sbravery in this finest form. And Victor
(32:22):
Webbiana could do his country proud forones and be brave and not surrender to
this patriarchal, h misogynistic, transphobiczeno pronoun no phobic society. Right,
he should identify as a strawberry andthen go body up the w NBA and
(32:46):
set the new standard interesting for sportsentertainment. That would be sports entertainment.
Right, what a pivot, becauselike dude, half the NBA tanked for
this guy, right, and that'sthe patriarchy who assumed that you would go
(33:07):
Hey, who would assume that VictorWebgnana would go to the NBA. Right,
that would be assuming his gender andconsidering he's still below how old is
Victor Webgnana, Probably eighteen perfect sixteenwould be better, But eighteen is a
(33:28):
great time to make irreversible change toyour genitalia. And he could do it
right now because he's still growing.I don't know what to say to that.
Wire ahead and chop off your head, Victor Webgnana and join the w
NBA and hire me as your agentand pay me two hundred million dollars a
(33:52):
year. He won't even make that. He will in the w NBA as
a transit woman. There's no waythey don't pay that. Well, that's
the problem with society these days isthere's a pay gap between genders. There's
not, though there is. Doyou think to pay the same here's here's
the same shit. But here's theissue with that. If you think about
(34:15):
it, look at it. Menwill work forty hours a week, while
women will work more twenty five hoursa week. But if Victor Webgnon,
it just becomes a trans woman.Are they all stuck together? Now?
(34:36):
Fuck? Yeah, that's how youdo it. Son. One megacube.
We're putting one and it looks likeabstract art. I'm gonna whole last glacier
and take a picture of him,just like I'm gonna hold glacier in my
cup. So so, uh,what do you think is the next sports
(35:02):
person to become trans? Yeah?Ah, fuck, dude, I don't
know. We have swimming, racing, or like track and field kind of
shit. Now I'm talking sports.You didn't list a single sport there I'm
talking about there's only two football andbasketball. Yeah about baseball. That's a
(35:27):
fun hobby for latin X. Whoafor latin X people trying to provide their
for their families? WHOA? Ilove baseball? Girl? Wow? Baseball
is basically um uh welfare for latinX people. Wow? What do you
(35:47):
a swinger? You like to playwith hardwood? You like to play with
balls in hardwood? Not like playyour suggestion? I like playing baseball.
Yeah, I like kickball, okay, because somehow it's less gay than baseball.
Okay. I would take you forfor a softball kind of guy,
(36:13):
even though you're playing hardball with meright now over this Victor Webgianna thing.
Oh my god, Danny, youof all people I thought would be on
board with that. What Victor womenVictoria Webignanna. I don't. It's in
respect the pronoun. It's not abad idea. I didn't say it wasn't
a bad idea. It's just it'snot you hesitant to embrace her as the
(36:36):
woman she is. She's not ahe's not a woman yet. But maybe
after this podcast, if he hearsit, maybe I'm the new Brian Wojanowski.
And this is a late breaking update. This is a leak. This
is leakier than your mom's pussy.I'm sorry, I am sorry. She
(36:58):
is a nice woman. She letme use her bathroom. You were just
the only person in the room.Yeah. I couldn't point to anything else.
You could pointing to the fans.But they're only fans. Okay,
they're only fans. We can't dothat. They may unsubscribe after that to
(37:22):
your mum's the did you meet mymic? Did I meet your make?
Did you did you meet my mic? No? It's still going way.
Okay, can you not hear yourselfcut out for a second? When I
tried to make it, does cutout? I know it's the cutout thing.
I don't know why, but doesit cut back on? Yeah?
It's cutting back in there's only adebt. There's this very certain empigraphic of
(37:45):
people that say cut on, cutoff, cut cut on, and cut
off. Oh it don't cut on, don't cut off. I feel like
they say that up here in stillWater? Right? I guess do you
guys have homeless people here? Yeah? We got plenty of homeless sadly.
Yeah. What are they called?Alumni? Like? No, we call
(38:05):
them boomer Sooners, the boomer Sooners. That's interesting. I agree they're alumnis
of Oh you usually they come uphere and and and and cheaper and beautify
the area. No, they theyare like a pull up in their trailers.
They're like a They're like a parasiteto this. Yeah, utopian society
(38:32):
you guys have curated up here.I was talking about still Water. What
is this? Um? The tumbleweedis well but tumbleweed? What is that
dance hall? Oh? Yeah,heard about it? Yeah, they're the
first weekend and something or another.What about the wolf? What bar up
(38:54):
here? Like the lone Wolf?Or there's great white but low um?
J R. Murphy's on the strip? Which the pancake place? What the
pancake place? Shortcakes? Yeah?Shortcakes? Shouts the shortcakes why don't you
get shortcakes to sponsor this shit?Dude, it'd be cool, but I'm
(39:17):
old man, would not do it? Eat local? What time is it?
Shit? If we get out herein time, I may go there.
Really, yeah, do shortcakes.I've been shortcakes and go after this,
we can go to shortcakes. Goafter this. We're going to short
It's official. We're going to shortgoing shortcakes. Yolo, God damn it.
You got me hungry for shortcakes.So I'm like, fuck, yes,
(39:39):
I haven't had shortcakes since the lasttime I was here, which was
doing DMT in front of the liberShortcakes is a great thing to do that.
Yes, yeah, you can't youwhen when you're still water. This
is the lovely campus. Go tocotton picking STADIU and uh do DMT in
(40:04):
front of the library because that's theclosest thing you'll get to an education in
this town. And then go getyou some shortcakes. Treat yourself at shortcakes.
Would you be interested in maybe coveringmy body and syrup at shortcakes and
doing like I talked about doing it? I have to oh to other projects
(40:31):
into making kind of on the backburner. One's a cooking show after like
my podcast, take you guys andcook for you guys after the show,
and that becomes a show in itself. I'm really high. So if I
keep repeating myself also, and thenthe second one is taking you guys like
(40:52):
learning about your biggest fears and makingit comically uncomfortable. My biggest fears,
well, I'm with alcohol in cocaine. Oh, I was gonna say your
biggest fear would probably be with avest with a vest. Yeah, I
used to wear a vest when Iplayed Laser Tag and I'd cover up my
(41:15):
like a laser beacon with my vestand I'd body them bitches up. Never
mind, and I and my namewas Solid snake because that's my actual fear
of snakes. Really, Yeah,dude, I'm scared of shit. They're
scared of snakes. Yeah, that'sa pretty reasonable fear the serpent, you
(41:39):
know, But it depends on thesnake. Like if it's a corn snake,
that's cute, right. But thething is like, if you put
a cobra in front of me,I just play a piccolo and it'll go
away. It'll do my dishes.Because that's what that's the superpower I have
(42:00):
as a brown person. I cansnake charm. I'm more of a trouser
snake oil salesman, though, becauseI do sell unvaccinated sperm on Etsy.
Oh yeah, dude, it's beengoing great good, it's been high demand.
(42:21):
Is it your own? It ismy own small batch. It's a
homebrewed I've got a kombucha two.If you don't like booving it because you
know it's you put it in asuppository and then you put it in your
depository. It's the traditional way.But some people aren't really into that,
(42:45):
so they just get the kombucha version. Oh yeah, yeah, the kombucha
just unvaccinated sperm said, Are wereally gonna talk about unvaccinated sperm on my
podcat in in kombucha format? Yes? Oh my god, because because I'm
selling it on it. I'm howI'm surviving right now? How much is
unvaccinated? Come right now? Threenine nine and that's three hundred ninety nine
(43:07):
dollars. Jesus Christ A later,I can't with you. You can,
though, Let's start. How's thisjizzing in an old fucking PEPSI bottle?
Dude? I know you're sperms andvaccinated. How's the comedy scene treating you.
(43:27):
I know you like the pokes uphere. You're you're, you're,
you're uncancellable, so uncancellable. Sohow's How's how's everything treating you? Some
great dude. I've been back onthe swing of things finally, like doing
shows on a pretty consistent basis,which is great because I do love doing
that, and they tried to takeit away from me. They tried to
(43:49):
take the thing I love. Butthey I mean people just that there's a
new thing to get mad about everyday, and it's been so many days,
so many new things to get madabout. But try as they might,
they're still white Jesus crazy. Sothere's a certain this is what Yeah,
(44:13):
I mean the club show me love. You know, that's Brandon Adrian
shouts to them. I mean thingsthat matter, Yeah, exact things that
don't matter. I'm not too concernedabout good. That's all you. That's
That's really all you need to do. I don't know what else to say.
(44:36):
We've we've said so much. I'mgonna have to edit things together.
To be honest, I think we'vegiven you a big Yeah, this would
be the biggest project I've had towork on because we've done so much material,
and now all my mind can thinkof is because of you, Shortcakes.
I'm fucking hungry as shit. Let'sget shortcakes. Okay, let's call
it, let's do the podcast livefrom Shortcake. Uh. Do you have
(45:00):
any shows to promote or whatnot?Yeah? I got the uh the four
twenty show. Okay, got twofour twenty shows. Actually yeah, yeah,
we're Bricktown Comedy Club, the hotBox Comedy. You can be able
to smoke on that. Yeah,you're supposed to. You're supposed to get
high. It's part of the jobin the room. No, not on
(45:21):
the ROI in the back alley likea criminal. Okay, okay, yeah,
they should let you smoke the room. It's called hot box comedy,
which where's the box stuff? Butmy whole thing is with that. I'm
like, dude, if you're gonnado that, just sucking smoking the club
at that point, that's just aregular set for me. Because that you
think they'd let Chappelle smoke in there? I think Chappelle would pay the fine
they'd let him. Yeah, there'snot one thing I don't think anyone from
(45:44):
Bricktown Comedy Club lanagement. It's gonnabe like, hey, Dave Chappelle.
Chappelle just not you know how thefire department is here, you know the
laws, you know, like wesart food, you know, Dave Chappelle
be like Bucky Dave Chappelle. DaveChapelle would have the courtesy to vape.
(46:06):
Yeah, probably vapit, yeap it, you're right. Anything else? We
do have the trap Masters show.They're popping on TikTok look up the trap
Masters. They're real cool guys.And there's a show at Okay Culture.
There's also a four twenty show atOkay Culture. Okay, Yeah, it's
a good spot. You were thereon Thursday. I recorded your sets,
(46:28):
right, you need to when we'reat Shortcakes, you need to send me
there's a special surprise in that video. Took the lighted. Please we're going
to Shortcakes, guys. Thank youfor um, thank you for entertaining this
Debauntrey. Yes exactly, Yeah,I love you guys. We're out peace
(46:51):
Shortcakes, Shortcakes. You really didgive me stuff on Shortcakes. I was
like, hello, March Trotter,how are you hey? I'm good,
How are you good? Welcome tothe Healing cast for the play Freeman,
Let's flore How you do it good? How are you good? Hello?
(47:17):
Marty? Oh hey buddy, what'sup man? How are you doing next?
How are you doing? What's yourreal name? What's your government name?
That is my first question. I'mjust gonna go right off the bat
and just J. J. Wood. What's up? A long time listener,
first time guest. Don't have aphone, Guy Healey, what year
(47:38):
were you born? Ninety seven sixce? Al right, technically you're a
nineties baby, but you missed halfof it.
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