Episode #72 -Stand-up Comedian Michael Patton

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Sorry, they could do Canada.And Zach was my second hope in mic
that when he ran into Hall andI wrote all these jokes just for the
VFW Hall. I'm a veteran atWar of the Sexes, you know,
stupid jokes, stupid No, Iget that. I totally understand. We're
already going by the way, justa heads up, okay, great,
And I can always edit anything youdon't want in there, whatnot, all

(00:28):
that kind of stuff. If Ihave anything that lawyer will call you.
Oh great, That's what I loveto hear lawyers involved in everything. Michael.
We were just chatting outside about recycle. Michael. Yeah, talk about
that for a second. This isthe first time we've ever met. I've
chatted with you on Facebook to getyou onto the podcast and whatnot, and

(00:50):
you know, ask you questions aboutthe Tulsa Open Mics. But you mentioned
recycle, Michael, and I waslike, what is that? Okay,
So I'm really old guy. I'mI'm a dinosaur. And when I was
young, no one cared about theenvironmental movement in Oklahoma, and I could.
I could definitely see that Oklahoma stillkind of it still is hard.

(01:11):
Yeah, I'm trying to help it. I mean, I'm probably a group
called gay Green in her own minds, you know, you recycled or dote
sucker. But it's the first EarthDay. I'm eleven years old and Tulsa,
Oklahoma, and my father worked forthe city and I got a letter
from the mayor. Mayor James Eugleyasked me to do it literal clean up
in a park near my house.And I said, you're and we were

(01:32):
offered free pepsi and like it.Mince all my friends. I'm a handful
of friends, So come on,We're gonna pick up a litter and get
free pepsi and a T shirt andthat'll be so much fun. And I
was just salesman already in life.And we did. And that park was
near my home and it was kindof my special place. He was all
parks still eleven year old boys.I mean, that's probably I rubbed my
bike and got frisbees and tadpoles andeverything. It was my garden of Eden.

(01:55):
And to other people, there wasa trash can. There was trash
all over. Even near the trashcan, they couldn't even get close.
In some cases, they just lefton the tables and they just got mad
and I got quoted into the papernineteen seventy April twenty third April twenty seco
was the first birth day I wasquoted saying, if you literally are not
my friend, I was a bigasshole kid like even even then, I

(02:15):
was an asshole. But I've meantit and then it just can't change my
life. I just kind of gotinvolved. I became a salesman, so
I almost everything in Tulsa related tolitter, trash, recycling, hazardous waste.
Ozone's always been involved in that.Yeah, sales wise, even everything
I ran nonprofits ran I mean upwith trees for many years, said Tulsa

(02:38):
things, the gardens center. Iwouldn't say Tulsa's probably the cleanest city or
a town in Oklahoma to Oklaham Cityis catching up though. But the best
thing about the stupid story, Butthere's a lot of things I did,
I mean, I wrote and produced. I was in older TV commercials for
twenty years, and I built recyclingbusinesses in fact that they were still water
center here that all the traders Idesigned. Really Yeah, I won an

(03:00):
award for this weird design I made. I'm a cocktail napkin and the idea
of oh, we can unload traders. We don't have to have heavy equipment
haul milk jugs. Right, Andso I'm just a crazy person who sells
ideas and so in the litter one, the litter one. So I'm president
of keep up Clomba Beautiful. Igove a lifetime achievement from my work for

(03:20):
them. I'm very hodd that Ithought I was going to die years ago,
and I was really fat, andoh, give me Bob, he
dies. But I went to everycounty in two years and then stave of
Okloma seventy seven counties. I foundsome weird garden club or rotary club or
some boop that would listen to myspeech, and I would talk about how
beautiful their county was. And Iwould say these stupid stories about and jokes

(03:43):
about and I'll tell you that here'sthe three jokes. I would use that
to explain to these people in somewhereCounty, Oklahoma. I'd say. The
first joke is, I'm driving mycar down a country road in your county
and it's just a dirt road.And I started to have car trouble.
I told hang them about cars Ipull over, I raised the hood.
I'm staring at them engine for thereason I have no tools. I have

(04:05):
no tools. I have a toolboxfull of sticks I just poked stiff with.
And then I hear this voice say, I think it's your carburetor.
And I'm stunned, like what what? Who said that? There's no one
around? I said, who saidthat? And this cow says, I
said it, I think it's yourgarbureator. And I was shocked. You

(04:27):
ran into the farmhouse. I said, oh my god, I banged the
story. The farmer says, wasit a brown cow with white spots?
I said, yeah, Oh,don't listen to the ball sea. She
don't know nothing about cars. Stupidjoke, But the joke led to a
speech about don't listen to people whosay you're not beautiful. Don't think you're
a flyer of a state. Don'tthink, oh my god, how could
you live there? There's nothing beautifulin your state. There's plenty beeutif from

(04:49):
your county, clean people in everythingabout your community, and you can make
it more. And as long asyou keep it clean, people will find
the beauty in the community. Okay, joke number two, this is even
stupider. Son an, I'm runningmy bike down this country good because my
car's broke, and I'm running prettyfast. It's a dirt road. End

(05:09):
up alongside me runs this chicken,and I'm kind of scared. I'm like,
god, that's a fast chicken eversong, So I pedal faster.
I'm really scared, and the chickenpedals got put to me as well,
and they looked at him. He'sgot three legs, a three legged chicken.
No wonder he's so fast. SoI slam on the brakes. The
chicken passes me and jumps into theyard filled with these three legged chickens zooming

(05:30):
around the yard all around, andI go, oh my god. I
go up to the farmhouse and Isaid, how'd you do mean? I
got wow, And the farmer says, well, my wife and I were
like drumsticks, and my boy likesdrumsticks, so we just reread until we
got three legged kind I say,oh my god, that's amazing how they
taste. Well. No, no, never caught one stupid joke, but

(05:56):
that led me to say, sometimesyou do things you don't get the credit
for. You plan to tree thatyou don't see the shave front, but
future generation to do that stupid littlespeech. The third joke is the worst
joke I every tolden life. Ilove it. It's so stupid. So
then walking down the country road,I look up ahead and I see this
farmer with a pig, and hepicks up the pig and he holds him

(06:18):
up near a tree, and thepig grabs an apple and he sets him
down. A pig eats the apple. I walk a little closer. He
does it again, picks up hispig, pits him near another branch,
gets a napp on this mount,sets him down. That's him eat them.
So now I'm by the fence andI say, hey, farmer,
that's pretty cool trick. I justwant to say, don't you think you

(06:39):
could save time if you just liketook a stick and knock a couple of
apples off the branches for the pig. And he looks at me, he
says time. What's time to apig. It's a stupid, stupid joke,
but that led me to say again, don't listen. You can't solve
the world's problem somewhere. Even whenyou plant the single seed, it may
take a long time to be onthe and you know, learn these things.

(07:00):
What's time to all of us,and especially the old people. I'm
talking to you mostly in these speecheswith this time so stupid speeches. They're
not really stupid, though, Imean they make a difference. It sounds
like right around the community, yourcommunity and whatnot. It's made differences.
I made them feel good about them, so sure. Yeah, and that's

(07:21):
the important thing. You self confidentas a comedian. You get a lot
of comedians on your shows. Imean you're trying to make people like you.
You find things that relate to youand make fun of not so much
to them. You can. Youcould do some crowned work and roast battles
and stuff, but generate comedy isnot. It's very make fun of yourself
or fine stupid things. People relateto those three jokes. I can tell
the eighty eight year olds and nursinghomes. I do all the time.

(07:43):
I make my money in comedy bydoing retirement centers. And you never booked
though you be able to promote thosebecause they're all only for people in their
home. They never leave that.If there's little theaters, it's way more
fun. But it's hard. Ihave to say this, and this is
super random for all my audio listeners. Michael has probably the best looking eyes
I have seen. All right,like that has actually like dawned my podcast.

(08:07):
I haven't. I'm sorry, Ihaven't taken my eyes off your like
your eyes and I'm just like thoseare blue as fuck. Oh thank you
for excuse my language, but wholeyek out. Yeah. So it's a
blessing and the curse. Oh whatkind of comedy do you do? Are
you a clean artist or like doyou get like get it all? Gotta
do it all? I mean itdepends. I produced shows. I have

(08:31):
nine win in Comedy is my comedycompany. And Tall said, you can
find me on Facebook mostly it's easiestto find my shows. Um, the
bars pay me. I'm an oldman. They trust me. I'm a
businessman. They've been around forever.You can google me from old like life's
work. I mean, I haveone lifetime achievements and stuff. So they
just trust me for no reason,for no reason why, people just trust
me. But I'm pale, mailand stale. They feel comfortable that as

(08:52):
a business person, So then Ican pay the younger comics and nipe they
pay me. I pay the comics. Um, there's a lot. So
when you do a show, youdo all kinds. I do retirement centers.
The hardest shows are retirement centers andespecially assisted living because they never leave,
they have no culture references. Yeah, can you do twenty minutes of
very clear material to old people whohave not been to Chipotle, They've not

(09:13):
watched that movie, that that cartooncharacter. They have no clues of these
things. Can you do jokes aboutchickens and bicycles and old black and white
TV shows you watched when you werea kid that they would remember? So
that it's really hard work twenty minutesand that's really hard. I feel like
it could be easy for me becausegood, I feel like the I don't

(09:35):
know, could you do? Youcould probably push politics. I'm a political
comedian. I like to make funof both sides, obviously, Yeah,
yeah, so divide in the roomto America. I am that kind of
pot stir when I do comedy.I haven't done comedy myself in a while.

(09:56):
I went to Okay see culture tocheck it out. Oh good,
maybe maybe half a month ago,maybe a month ago, and I did
it Okay set. But it wasn'tlike when you step out of it for
a while, it's hard to getback into it. It's just trigger points
in people. I was involved inpolitics, and now I do a lobbying

(10:16):
on the environmental movement. I meanthe state capital all the time. I
work in the Conservation Coalition. Ido this weird nonprofit work that's real estate
tax law. And I go tothe legislature and I'm friends with all signs.
And probably the best thing I cansay is that even though I'm a
far far left and well known liberal, I got a pointed to a committee
by Kevin Stiff this year by thegovernor who's far far right and some of

(10:37):
the best people. My senator hetexts me all the time and says,
what you're your pining on these billsbecause he knows I'm I'm a crazy purist,
and I'm gonna say I'm not gonnahave nothing to lose. I'll tell
you exactly. But I think whowins and loses whatever. So I'm really
good at my job for those kindof things, because I'm a good communicator.
If I did don't talk politicians.You can talk politics, you can
talk issues, you can talk abouthomeless people. And I'll call sure bastards,

(11:00):
but don't mention the cop. Andhe's kind of weird to say it
that way. You gotta be careful. So here's my political jokes. I
tried these. I went Trump lostthe election of the Biden, so I
did two anti Biden jokes, andI'm like, oh, that's a fine
ratio. Now we can do aTrump joke. Now he did do like
a three hundred Biden jokes. BecauseI did two Bidens, went in the
crowd in Oklahoma loved them, andthe one Biden joke they hated. So

(11:22):
here's my political jokes. So I'mgonna hate this. The one Trump joke.
I'm sorry that one Trump jokes,so I can just get something like
that. He's not inaugurated yet.My joke was, oh, he's the
oldest president ever going to be inaugurated, the oldest one. I understand that.
I'm very old too. I said, he's probably gonna have white house
dinners at four thirty, but softfoods, he won't. We probably only

(11:45):
wear dark colored pants, kiss afraidof pee on himself. So two jokes,
simple jokes, not they're mad.My trimp joke followed it by saying
and Trump's pissed his own party.They didn't. They let him down,
So He's gonna start his own partycalled the Patriot Party. Patriot Party.
You know Peepee? I heard helikes Peepe. It's over the Russian It's
good. Whatever they're they're stupid jokes. Oh my god. I almost got

(12:07):
beat up. Every time I toldthe Trump joke. I tribab it like
three times on stage the Duke todo and boom. They hated it.
So my pointed code jokes are like, uh, you remember when Biden or
his administration was pushing for the likeI don't know the whole story, I
just kind of read headlines, butthe crack pipes, the clean crack pipes

(12:30):
and everything I did. I waslike, I heard, like Hunter,
Biden's heading it, and you know, I can't wait to get my free
crack and everything, you know.I was. I was like, I
can't wait to go a million milesper hour like Hunter, you know,
get my Russian horse and everything,you know, And that one, that
one did really well. And mymy trunk jokes but in reality are terrible

(12:52):
either. The China jokes you coulddo about Trump's daughters daughters, I mean
Ivanka has one hundred million dollars witha patents and China they good into the
government. What what what I meanHunter Hunter made some millions for Blue and
he's I mean Jimmy Carter's brother Billygot the loan from their Median government and
to just have his own beer.I mean, everything is there's ties to

(13:16):
everyone. So George Bush, GeorgeBush Junior has a brother named Neil Bush.
If you google Neil Bush, hewent to prison for embasement. I
mean, this is the three brothers. Two of them would in politics and
woman was in prison. Are allthe same Jeb and Georgie. And then
of course because they kept it down, so everybody has this dark person in
the closet and could be their kid. And I'm sure that they tried to

(13:39):
sell their influence all these kind ofthings, but no worse than every other
kid has done with the same families. And the fact that they've made it
some about some weird laptop because hehad the Ukrainian deals. The real issue
if you want politics about this,it was about Ukrainian government that he had
money there with him. He wason the board of directors as a paid
staff person from some Kreinean the worldcompanies. That's the thing that he didn't
know any thing about, right,he did, he did whatever he was

(14:01):
there. He was there doing business. Ukraine's at war. Russia isn't war
with Ukraine kind of figs a comedyif you know the whole story, so
that they head the President of Ukrainewas a stand up comic in high school.
He made money to go through college. Him and his friends did stamp
comedy pay for their education, whichand he had two friends who were into

(14:22):
podcasts and videocast in movies. Theymade a TV show. He's twenty four
years old. They started this littleproduction company and it's a TV show about
him being a teacher. Yeah,talks about corruption and talks about how to
fight corruption your whole life. Andthen in an episode the third season,
he runs for president and wins.Was that called it's called um Oh.
I've watched a season or two ofit, and it's really it's actually really

(14:46):
good. It's all it's all you'rein Ukrainian, but you can get dubbed
in English if you want to.Yeah, but it's so far off.
It's it's about it's about how he'steaching the young people in the world that
you don't have to accept the mafia, you don't accept what Russia's doing to
us, And and the show hewent for president. So the show ends,
and then two years later they say, hey, you're an actor.
Ronald Reagan as an actor. Hebecame president. People loved him when we

(15:07):
do this, and he won sixtytwo percent of the vote. Crin he
prints to keep pudging against Poutin.So Bootin is the mafia. Putin,
Russia's all mafia. If you standup to the mafia boss, you have
to die. And in this case, whatever it takes Bootin to win.
He has to beat this guy.He's nothing to do about Russian oil or
access or pipelines to rent, thedisease, it's nothing. This it's about
Putin has to stand up to thisguy who stood up to the mafia.

(15:28):
You lose all face. Everybody loses. Oh. It's also the UN moving
in on uk like Ukraine, becauseUkraine's that divider between the UN and Russia
border, and if UN invades orgets Ukraine, then they can they legally
can move their missiles damn near tothe border, which is kind of like
the Cuban missile crisis here in America. We didn't like that when Russia did

(15:52):
it with Cuba. So I understandRussia's point on that, but I do
understand your whole point too, likeI'm not I'm not well dismiss in your
hole to tie back to Trump,to try back to Trump. When this
happened, Trump wanted to help weakenUkraine. So if you remember why Trump
got impeached, no one remembers this. He got impeached, no one remembers

(16:14):
it. It was because he withheldfive hundred million dollars of money and weapons
and help to the Ukrainian army tostop Russia. So so Trump said,
oh, hey, Ukrainian guy,find me some information on hundred bad in
the laptop and I will stop themoney. And people were pissed, and
so he gets impeached. His ownparty voted to impeach him, many of
his own party for this thing.So he weakened your credits. All ties

(16:37):
back to Trump is the bitch ofPutin, and he did everything he can
do. And this hunter Biden thing, it's just it's probably true, but
who gives a fun compared to whathe did with Alanka did and in China
and all these other people, hisrits of his family. See, I
disagree there. I think he stoppedthe money because Ukraine at that point,
I mean, we didn't need tofund them. They're not part of the
UN. There's no reason to givethem the money at that point. It's

(17:00):
a new administration. I felt,I felt it fit that we don't need
to give you could say that money, but we do it for everybody,
have I mean, I don't thinkwe should do it for anybody. I
think we should stop. I'm notdisagreeing with your point. Yeah, so
we're not talking about politics. Yeah, we're talking politics. So that's the
next one theory. So are wethe world's policeman? And why should we
be? Okay, I know thatI'm agreeing with you. But here's I

(17:25):
give. Yeah. So let's sayyou have the loveling house and lovely placing
in NIC's neighborhood. Say the guynext door is beating the ship out of
his kids or his wife, andyou watch it happen. It's none of
my business. I do your businessat all. I just let go.
That's my pointe Okay, I feellike at some point you have to get
involved in stopping terrible things. Inlife. I mean, I mean I

(17:47):
would call the authorities, but Imean for yours, that's the first step.
Okay, I get that, butif it continues to happen, I'm
always I'm already a step ahead ofyou because I feel like your next question
is like, what would you doas a country at that point when you're
looking at you know, and asa country, it's way different than just
a household kind of thing because asa country, how America works, we

(18:10):
police everyone kind of deal like.It's because it's industry for us. Yes,
it's a capitalistic industry that we genta bunch for our money. Is
it's already committed. I mean,we've got certain things that are done.
You have to do. The remainingmoney left fifty two cents in the dollar
goes to fund military. We havemore military spending in America than the next

(18:32):
nineteen country is combined nineteen two throughtwenty or benny spending this bunny, and
we're spending all them more than thatbecause we're just given them away after wars.
It's the industry. No, it'sit's well, I mean, look
at Afghanistan. We left what eightybillion dollars worth of equipment, there.
It's just you know, I mean, I get like then, like we
have fifty two military basis in Germany, exactly a current military basis. Why

(18:56):
do we have fifty American military basisin Germany. It's because it's industry,
it's jobs, it's all these thingsyou and I, as a citizen understand
that we don't like. Here's mythought process. I would be okay with
one or two in each country,not fifty two. And of course,
you know people, I don't wantemployees the world, but I would like

(19:17):
a presence in the world. Youknow, I feel like every country should
have some type of presence in theirown form in the world. You know
how we're worse fought than the future. You know, I could make a
prediction to say, oh, we'redoing this and we need The reason we
have the interstate highway system in Americais because we can fight on both paths,
isn't it. That's what I heard. I thirty five was four so

(19:37):
we could fight Canada and further back. Dwight the Eisenhower with the general the
war. He won the war inAfrica and in Europe with tanks. And
the hardest thing to do is gettanks to the front, so he said
when he came back, and theyliked it. In President he says,
I'm gonna build highways or my tankscan get anywhere to fight any battle.

(20:00):
We built the Hywies. We killedRoot sixty six. The movie Cars was
a maxim Higwe We did it becauseDwight the Eisenhomer. It's not eighty one
day, be able to move stufffast, move heavy equipment fast across the
pause built I forty, right,he built all of them, the entire
Interstates system America. I forty,every thirty five, everything all they all

(20:22):
built all these roads through our communities. It's I forty, the one that
parallels sixty six. They go upand down. Yeah, I'm forty four
is to work through Oklahoma it Um. Yeah, I'm not a big fan
routt six because I'm at Progressive.I went Root tixty seven. Stupid joke.
I get it. Um what youdo in your free time, Like,
I'm not gonna lie to you.I don't do research on my guest

(20:44):
a lot, but with you.We're friends on Facebook, so I see
a lot of your post and uhyou you tend to go to drillers and
uh cargo games. You're a bigbaseball fan. Yeah, yeah, that's
that's why I was like, Ineed to get this guy on my podcast.
I'm a big baseball fan. Likeour politics and beliefs or whatnot,
Like there's always that's that's that's thefunny thing, regardless of politics. In

(21:07):
today's atmosphere, I highlight politics becauseeveryone can be like Democrat Republican. Oh
I hate you because of you know, your party. But you and I
being comedians and plus like having thatkind of niche of baseball, it was
like I feel comfortable that I couldsit down and actually agree and I think
we could have it sorry about that, have a civil conversation and all that,

(21:27):
and even dive into politics too,and not like sure, all the
actions between pitches, we're like,what's gonna happen, Oh, look at
this, this guy happened the week. He's gonna throw a firstball, fastball,
and this guy's gonna take the ballto Ryan to the man, all
these things and more, you know, the more you enjoy the action between
the innings, between the pitches.I've been working on radio for a still

(21:48):
are and I'm doing their softball games, and it's it's really fun. Doing
the behind the scenes because I mean, though I'm producing the game and not
actually at the game itself. I'msitting in a dark not dark room,
but you know, a box andjust clicking buttons and stuff. It's still
like really cool experience and like usuallygot to have a producer over there doing

(22:10):
basically what I do for you know, uh my boss man, and um
it's a great experience. Plus Ilearn more about softball and there's things I
didn't realize about softball that like,yeah, there's smaller field, bigger ball.
You can't steal unless until the pitchesright left right. Yeah, I
didn't know that. Yeah, it'sand the ball has more spin, um,

(22:33):
bigger ball, rotation and physics.Um so you see pitches they could
never see in baseball. Um soeven with stick on all things. I
watched so much just like amateur likeyou know, Parks type of softball,
like your you and I's age softball, and I'm like ia, and then

(22:56):
and then yeah, and then youget to watch Holledge softball and you were
just like, oh, I didnot see that ball at all, Like
that was a green line straight tothe catcher's glove right, if any at
any after who was not a baseballplayer cannot get a hit off a basketball
pitcher. If you were a baseballplayer, you could if you were.
Oh, they do it all thetime. I've seen that. I've seen
them in exhibition game. Strike onmany basketball players in football, but quarterbacks,

(23:19):
you were so good. Boom boomboom, strike freck strike if no
clue. I've never seen a baseballplayer hill off a softball player. There's
exhibition games and things happened all thetime, and people do this. That's
kind of fun. Yeah. Soum again, I'm eleven years old.
My first job I made money wasat the baseball stadium. I got the
old drillers driller statue the fairgrounds,the one before that, So I'm that

(23:41):
old. I'm sixty sixty five.Where was the one before that? About
two hundred feet to the west,so about the same area. Yeah.
So in fact, there's a spotthere. There's a little home play painting
on the parking lot and drillers andthe stadium expo scared where the old original
homeplate was. That's cool, soum, yeah it was. It really
is pretty cool to place. Iripped my bike there and the baseball coach

(24:02):
knew me, saw me as akid and said, hey kid, but
you hang out racks and mats,forest and sudday. I was a batboy
and cool. I hang at theballpark. U. This is those stupid
is is one of the reasons Icrave attention. Is because I got attention.
I got my name in the paper. But when I was thirteen,
I was this kind of celebrity amongmy friends because I sold at the ballpark.
So it is. And all myfriends who loved baseball listened to the

(24:23):
baseball games at night. You know, mom gonna go to bed. They
can kind of watch listen to thegame. They listen to the Tulsa Oiler
games, the old Cardinals farm teamand they steal the Cardinals from Now who
are they farmed Dodgers now, soit's La Dodgers, Oakham City Dodgers.
Yeah, yeah, double a here. So oh well, I would be
on radio. They'd hear my voiceand they'd say, hey, I heard

(24:45):
you on the radio last night,because I would be booming saying I used
school. I was thirteen years old, manga's child screaming and they could pick
me up. It's a small ballpark. And on the radio, they'd hear
me say that. So I waslike that stupid, It's awesome. You're
like, oh, you're somebody.No, I just had a loud voice.
I'm working. I'm thirteen time hustlingguys. Yeah, but I mean,

(25:06):
still, you gotta think like whenI started this podcast and my friends
just my you know, group offriends, comics, everyone there, like
I like that podcast, like theyactually really listening, as like holy crap,
Like you know, it's it's thatkind of thing, you know.
So like even though you were sellingice cooled pop, you know, still
you were I mean you were onthe radio. You were still just you

(25:27):
know, I did you know that'sfunny. Well, it's I've always hustled
in my life. I respect foreverybody who hustles every side, gig everything,
who does these things. I don'trespect for it because I've always had
them. I've always done I've alwayswant to have some money. I'm gonna
have something to do something with.You know, I have some woman who
wanted to take a round on dayTI time together. Are you married if
you don't mind, I've had threedivorces. So I was gonna say,

(25:48):
you have a son, right,I have a son and a daughter.
My second marriage probably broke up asa baseball no shit. She said,
you have a baseball more than me, And I said, I love you
more than football, and I lovedfootball. I love it, I said.
And she's curious. I said,then there's a list. There's God
in country and you run the list. Yeah. We were divorced like seven

(26:10):
months later. Oh god, Ino. I mean baseball is hard to
beat. I mean people say it'sa dying sport, which I don't disagree,
but at the same yeah, butI don't. I don't like the
clock. What's your opinion on theclock. Here's it makes the sport.

(26:30):
I think it kills the sport initself, just because it's now a timed
sport. No one notices it.No one noticed it and the players they
did it for three years in theminers and then come through. Watched them
in the driller games. Here's theway it stops. It stops the batter
in the batting box with his badon his hand, readjusting the curl when
his batting glows over and over everyevery swing. Here, because it's not

(26:51):
just for the picture too, it'salso for the best everything. It's it's
just it's made games. It's everything'sabout TV money. Yeah, and and
you have a game people want towatch, and baseballs get so slow people
stopped watching. Now it's a teenybit faster. They went from three hours
a game to two and a halfhours a game. Just enough, and
it's just enough. Now it's oh, now it's more exciting. Now I
don't feel I can have to stareat my phone between every pitch. I

(27:11):
missed things because it's so slow.Who cares I miss that pitch and stuff?
And so now like Sean has madenothing more than that. It's made
the players like, come on,you're professional, get ready, don't sit
in the box and do your veilcoclubs just go just get up there.
Go And the pitcher can't just stareat him and shake off all the pitches
and stuff. Go just pitch,I mean, can happen there? And
there's each player gets a time out. So it's there's been very little impact

(27:33):
on the game. Besides, itmade the game just a little bit faster
pace. The bigger basis has beenexciting. I like three inches more has
made a lot more solming basis hereis three each basis three inches more So
I mean you're six inches closer tobe able to get back and get over.
See. Yeah, I amn't.I haven't paid attention to this season.
Yeah I just heard. I heardabout the preseason with a clock and
everything. Yeah, so that's beenso minor baseball. Everybody else changes.

(27:56):
You know, they changed football today. There was a they changed the fair
catch rule and kick off today theyannounce the NFL did so every other sport
has changed what touchdowns are worth,the twenty yard line there used to be
the end zones were twenty yards deep, and the goal posts were at the
back, you know, at theirthread right there at the back. I
mean, they change the game dramatically. Baseball doesn't. Baseball is still the
same ninety feet between bases cte sixinches of the ball park. It's still

(28:19):
four balls, three strikes. It'svery sam I mean, each ballpark is
different. So these are little tweaksto keep the same game, little team
tweaks, just the kind of comeon, we aren't making major changes.
We're not saying that suddenly have fiverent home runs or anything like everybody at
three point in basketball, they weren'teven legal when I was young and women
had to play three or six onsix because three offense, three defense.

(28:41):
It was everything was stupid. Andthese are good tweaks for them, okay
in baseball. Baseball is a basstandgame. A few more things about them.
Every team in baseball at the endof the season, almost exclusive a
few every year, maybe the most, but in a few in the decade
will win a third of their gamesand lose a third of their games.
Every team, the whole difference fromthe very best numbery worse is that other

(29:02):
third. As a team, butthere's a player, it's even more so.
So the betting averages have gone downa little bit. They're they're going
up this year. The base hashelped a little bit, and they can't
do the shift, which helps lefthanded batters. But every there's twenty six
weeks in this season, and toqualify for the batting Crown to get the
number of hits it takes to beeven to be a three hundred hitters,

(29:22):
say, for example, you haveto have five hundred at bats, so
it's one hundred and fifty hits.Well, the bet three hundred, one
hundred and fifty hits. If youbet three hundred, you're a star.
Only ten players last year did it. If you're bout two hundred or say
two to fifty, which is theleague average, you're doing pretty well.
You're you're You're right, You're you'rethe average player. They're differ from the
average player and an all star player. If you think about, wait a

(29:45):
second, how many hits that?Oh, that's twenty five hits in twenty
six weeks. It's one hit perweek, one hit per week from the
very very best player and the averageplayer. Everything is that close. Everything
is that tight. Every game matters, every at bat, every pitch.
It's just no other sports this way. No other team dominates, No other
players are that. It's like everyone'sa golfer and everyone has the same score

(30:06):
and just two or three strokes atthe difference between all the golfers. That's
what baseball's like. It is amazing. So it's a fun game. If
you like stats, if you likenumbers, I like that. Um do
you pay attention to golf? I'mso. I try to play golf.
John Tayley I think is retiring right, Oh really, I think he announced
he's officially retiring after this season.He would come to Tulsa and then it's

(30:30):
been all as many playing poker atthe casino. So he's done. He's
spent a two ony thousand or twohundred thousand dollars at rivers period one time.
Have you have you ever seen hishouse or his Uh it's all just
razorback stuff, apparently that's what I'veheard. So well, yeah, I
believe everyone should try to play golf. It's a stupid sport. It's um

(30:52):
you know, George Carteron did theroutine at you hit the ball, if
you find it should pick up inyour pocket. You're lucky it damn find
it and stuff. Kind of funnyidea of about and waste of good space.
And there's a bunch of things againstit. But it is kind of
a robe. Even if you havethe card, you can't just you have
to still walk. Even if youdrive a car, you still walk them
mild or two, yeah, becauseyou can drive the carts on the greens
and the teas or anything. Andso it's still and I'm just very bad

(31:15):
at it. But I'm also hadbad at bowling. Um, so if
I could trade the two sports,I mean I can. I can bowl
in the sixties and golf in thetwo hundreds. If I could trade the
scores. And I'm a two sportathlete. If I if I golf,
I'm usually drinking and just having fun. It's my thing. I'm great at
tournaments. That's what I'm gonna I'mI hit the ball straight and short and
so everybody else can go crazy andI'm safe. I'm the safe golfer.

(31:37):
And so but oh I played.I only play really charity tournaments. Someone
says, Michael's fun. He's acomedian and he's you know, and he's
okay golfer. So I get tobe the fourth person all the time because
I'm funny and free golf and freedrinks and they're all and free food and
it's they're fun for charity, forcharity. Yeah, exactly. No,
I enjoy a base old just becauseI've grown up with it all my life.

(32:02):
Football has become a new thing forme. For like, since I
moved here to Oklahoma. I wasoriginally from Seattle for six years of my
life, so like grew up withthe Mariners. Um the Woodenville area north
south east north north north of LakeWashington, Okay excellent. So um,

(32:23):
yeah it was pretty cool. It'squite different from Oklahoma. Yeah, I
only lived there for six years andthen I moved here and I've been here
ever since. And uh, Iactually I appreciate my parents moving me here
over Seattle after watching political movements happenand everything, and I just feel like

(32:46):
being in a rural town itself isuh covid doan you say that, You
could say, yeah, I meannot not even rural town here in Oklahoma.
We wear in Oklahoma was pretty safe. I feel like what you know
by safe, I mean like wewere operating in you know, the certainties

(33:09):
that we needed to, you know, like we were still an open like
open state where we could still dobusiness. And I think people here we
have a lot of cows. Yeah, we go, we look at cows.
That's kind of like looking at theart every day and see how the
everybody's overcaffeinated. I mean, youknow, yeah, very suicidal too up
there no offense, guys, Idon't have any listeners in Washington. But

(33:31):
yeah, the space needle is aneedle in the side of the city.
Oh my god, think that thehypo there may deal in the city,
but the caffeine, I think there'sa problem. You just made me think
of a joke. Now, okay, just thinking about it, I'm like,
I wonder how much heroin you couldfind the space, you know,
Yeah, great enough to enough tooverdose Kurt Cobain, Obviously, this gotta
be a nice you can just going. It's gotta be a full nine going,

(33:52):
keep going. I got it.That's all I got for now.
Okay, Well it's a good thingto ride on. So I think it's
a key thing. Yeah, Idon't bring coffee myself. I think coffee
is a cult. I really do. I drink coffee, but I don't
drink it like religiously or anything.Like my boss will pay for it when
I'm going to work, so like, if he's getting it, it'll send

(34:12):
me the little Starbucks key card thingand I'll be like, I'll get myself
something, you know. But otherthan that, I'm not like, oh
I need it, you know.I have these wide eyed people constantly offering
me, Oh, come on,join us, please have coffee. You
know, and especially when you're depressed, people say, oh, come have
coffee with me. You know.You know what helps when you're depressed,
bread toast, so it makes youhappy, So say, oh, let's

(34:36):
have a bagel together. I drinknot coffee. No, if you,
I mean, they really give himoffer your friends who are depressed. I
made you some toast to make themhappier every time. So coffee is fine.
It's very bitter to me. SoI did. I'll tell you one
other weird speech I did. Itwas about sustainability. So sustainability is a
great word of me knows now.It means not ruining the world for future

(34:57):
generations in any way. That's asustainable movement. So I mean it don't
use up all the oil because otherfuture may need oil too. Why use
it all now? Kind of that. That's the simple movement. It doesn't
mean anything politics. That it becameliberal because al Gore was an asshole and
he sudden make the environment seriously inthe environmental movement, I mean Richard Nixon
started the EPA. It was aconservative thing, conservation and conservatives, all

(35:20):
these sayings conserving resources, conservator,many conservat are you know, all these
rights only saying some. But thenal Gore made it all political. I
hate the guy for because there's noreason why one side should be could care
about the planet more. On theother side, Well, he was wrong
too, didn't he predegged by twentytwenty Florida would be underwater. Yeah,
okay, it probably should be.I mean, yes, I don't disagree

(35:40):
the good washing dry out again,but that could be a bad thing,
a tidal wave and then put itback. I like the state of Florida.
I don't like the gators and thepeople. It depends on the people.
You got a fifty fifty chance ofmeeting good people down in Florida or
the Florida man himself. Yeah,I go there all the time. My
parents are alive, they're MISSISSI live. I do comedy shows there. Actually

(36:04):
I've been more working. So you'relike the Oklahoma Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah,
you got parents down in Florida.Yeah? Are you Jewish too? No?
No, this close, this close. Yeah, it's fun. It
was hard, they say, hardwork, but so to do. I'm
I go the Flord to the lotand it's not just the gators. They
have grados and crocodiles. They havepythons. When did they get crocodiles?
They got them all everything they got. They got spiders. They have ants

(36:27):
that bite you. Fiddles are newthere, aren't they? Yeah? Okay,
I was about to say, I'mlike, I haven't heard that.
Everything in Florida wants to kill you. That's my attitude. Everything went to
Quarida is the Australia of America,I think, or Texas, I'm not
sure. Like the people in Australia. I feel like are the Texans of
America. Yeah, but like Floridais like the actual environment of Australia,

(36:52):
like it has everything that wants tokill us. I know it's I go
there. I went for baseball thisyear. I went for five spring training
games. So in March, it'ssuper cheap. The game show like twenty
dollars. Where's that palm? Allaround? I went to the Jupiters with
the Cardinals play. I went toWest Palm, I went to Jupiter,
I went to Tampa, went toLakeland, went to Fort Myers and there's

(37:14):
all these hype stadiums and follow Iknow you're a Cardinals Cardinals number one.
My son's middle name is McGuire.He said, men, I'm a Cardinal
fan, okay, and that yeah, I go evidence and I'm probably gonna
go tomorrow the Kansas City and justfor one game. The Cardinals are in
Kansas, say tomorrow one fifteen,I'm probably gonna go up there, just
to drive up real fast to seethe game. Oh, that's right.
Tomorrow's Memorial Day, so I knowone fifteen game and they play two in

(37:37):
Kansas City every year. One m'son the holiday. It's only three and
a half hours from here. Icould go. I might. We'll see.
I just went to two weekends ago. I saw Dodgers Saint Louis.
I was in Saint Louis. Yea, I saw the pictures a year and
I'm about to go to Florida.I'm going to actually a FOURD and the
fourteenth. Um so for seven days. So I shouldn't go. Just real

(37:57):
quick talk to kids city. Yeah, what does it hurt? Are you
a chief stand too? I guessI'm a Packers fan first and chief second.
Um, when I'm how do youfeel about Rogers leaving? Um,
it was time. He's an asshole, So it was time. He is
remarkable arm talent and an asshole personality. So and and and I Aaron loves
Gonna be the car. I boughtan Aaron loved Jersey online the day he

(38:22):
was drafted because I didn't want tocheer for him. I just rem shure
they said love, I'm a packon my shirt for the Packers, So
I have I have a love jerseythat's an authentic one. When so I
when his first start was in KansasCity, so I went to that game
as well. And so yeah,the Packers. The Packers the only team
home by nonprofit. If you don'tcare about football out there now listen to
this podcast. Here's why, umif all the major sports of basketball,

(38:45):
hockey, football basement by the fans, a nonprofit foundation, and I own
a share of stock. I wentfor ford and fifty dollars like four years
ago, so I owned a muchfourd and fifty dollars I own. I'm
own a share of stock in thecompany. But there's a munch people like
me who are a fan. Butit's a nonprofit, it's not. I
mean, Jerry Jones is a niceguy, I'm sure, but he owns

(39:06):
the Dallas Cowboys. The reason whythere's a hole in the stadium for the
Cowboys is so his ego confitted inthe stadium. Also because the reason that
Dallas Cowboys can't make the Super Bowlis because of his decisions too. I
mean, he won't let go ofa quarterback when it's time to let go
of a quarterback. I'm not aDallas Cowboys fan. Imagine your arch enemy.
Yeah. Politically and in the NFL, I'm a Vikings fan. Yeah,

(39:29):
yeah, great, I'd love theorganization. I just don't like purple.
But but for Jerry Jones when hebomped the team for the Cowboys,
I just watched the press conference onthe ESPN. They Jerry Jones, why
did you buy the Dallas Cowboys?He says, because I'm a billionaire and
no one knows it, and nowthey do. I mean he was one
hundred percent. Ego is one hundredpercent. I don't blame hi. Man,
that's a big job. I mean, when you have the money,

(39:50):
right, he might as well swingyour dick with it too. Trying so
the thing. But it's just kindof like he's hurt his team. You
know that the team has three playoffwins in twenty five years and yeah no
Super Bowls. Come on, youknow, let someone else make the decision.
Nothing not you not You're you're someswinging dick owner. That's all you're
doing wrong. I don't have faithin his son either. Everyone's saying his
son is the next one to comeup, And I'm like, you,

(40:13):
you realize it's just a pattern,like his son went to elite schools.
Yeah, he's a chrissy little billionairethat just can't run it, which is
how his father ran it. NewEngland Patriots and the family, the Kraft
family pats it on their kids andthey kept the traditions. Well, but
I'll admit with Kraft, Kraft didsomething and took a chance on Belichick.
Yeah, Belichick had a losing seasonwith Cleveland after he was released, and

(40:37):
then he went to New England.And oh, I'll give it to Belichick
and Craft both. They got luckyin that pick, that last seventh round
pick with Brady. Yeah, andthey actually made a franchise and a dynasty
for themselves. I say the badBrady. I hate the guy who to
beat him. He beat my teamsall the time. I'm at degenerate gambler.
I I'm one dollar player, butthat game won everything a dollar I

(40:59):
got Baseball. That's I did prizepicks for a long time, doing the
you know player like you can dothat data fantasy. Yeah. Yeah,
because we don't have draft kings here, which is yeah, that's the biggest
mistake. I think we're missing outas a state is the whole like sports
gamboy. So I will talk politicswith you about this. Yeah, our

(41:21):
governor fucked it up. I fuckedit up. So here's the thing.
I'm I'm an expert at this.I'm in the general quick Stay of Kansas.
So when you go to the casinoin Oklahoma, the tribe self report
their income. And I believe whatthey're reporting. I think there's no so
and and they pay for every dollarthey make in profit on the slot machine

(41:42):
they make. They pay three anda half percent to the state on the
dicing card games, five and ahalf percent. Well, Kansas is making
ten percent on sports. Pittsburgh istaxing it fifty percent. Yeah, but
they're not going through tribes, right, No, Yeah, it's the same
yeah, same thing. So draftkings in the tribal casino in Kansas City.
Now they think they built by thetribes there. They're all partners in

(42:04):
all of it. So I gotyou, and it took a matter to
the t they partner with the tribalcasinos. The reason the tribes have the
hma is the word exclusive. Theyhave an exclusivity clause. So they say
we wouldn't be the only people takeit we're willing to pay you instead of
ten percent eleven percent. So theymade these deals with the governor, with

(42:24):
Brad Carson governor first, and nowwith Stitt, and Stift thought he could
read we could negotiate them. He'san asshole. He just pissed them all
off. I'm surprising I re elected. But what happened is the tribal chiefs
don't control the tribal members, butthe tribal chiefs all hate Stitt because he
was an asshole to all of them. If he'd just gone to them and
said, hey, guys, yougot these good deals three and a half

(42:45):
five percent. We're gonna do asports gambling at ten. What do you
think We've said yes, because that'sthe low end. That's what Kansas does.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is fifty percent.Every other state is ten, twenty
thirty. I'm always thirty. Theycould make so much money for Oklahoma if
he just made us of it,and he an idiot instead of instead of
saying, here's what the numbers are, you guys went the word exclusive,

(43:06):
we'll give it to you. Youguys got all the intact and all.
This is a machine. He wantedto redraw the contract that Brad Parson did
and if I he could, eventhough his lawyers were wrong, he lost,
He lost everywhere, and he wouldn'tshut up. He's not He's a
businessman, not a governor. Hethinks I can I'm a businessman. I
can readegotiate everything. No, youcan't. There's long term contracts. You
can't readegotiate. You can't do thesethings. What was the negotiation with the

(43:30):
contract. But he just he justannounced all your contracts are gonna be rewritten.
He just announced it. And theyhave said they all said, what
the fuck? No, the languagesays these contracts exist on behalf of one
of the parties. Any one ofthe parties can keep this contract going.
So and Stitch just thought, no, no, I can do that.
He didn't read the him contract andjust and he's just made the ball a
band. He just threatened them all. He threatened them all because they won't

(43:52):
get his way. He just wantedto raise the money. He should have
gone after the oil producers. Thegross production time, I mean we only
text them at two percent the grossproduction. We are the cheapest what I've
heard on oil, We are thecheapest on oil taxation Texas, I argued
with a democratic h what was her? She's a House representative? Yeah,

(44:15):
okay, No, it wasn't evenher. It was um uh, miss
Johnson from Tulsa, Okay. Andshe I asked her a simple question.
I was like, because she's thefounder of them, she's miss Marijuana or
whatever. She's yeah, and umI asked her about the whole taxation of
oil here, because we only taxthem at like two to five percent,

(44:37):
when Texas is taxing these oil businessesat fifteen to twenty percent. Why are
we not trying to tax you know, because we're getting taken advantage by these
oil companies that are fracking. Andyou're you know, you're the party.
I mean at that point, youknow I was directing not you know,
she's the party that doesn't want thefracking. So at that point, why
aren't we taxing them more for thefracking? Every a company in the world

(45:00):
has said record profits for three straightyears. Right, no one seems to
blame them for the price of gas. They weren't blame Biden. Wait a
second, I mean gas was overfour dollars were in Trump for a while.
Correct price, it's very cyclical.It's ran by old companies in rich
Arab cheeks and has been thing dueBiden has no control over more than a
nickel or a dime of the priceof gas. And it's all about supply

(45:22):
and demand. It's a law wecan't overcome with politics. And right down
the driving season, everyone schools endingpeople taking vacations. It's a moral day
weekend. That's my gas is oneof twenty percent. Yeah, yeah,
I get and cleaner fuels for thesummer. There's there's other factors there.
I'll rebuttal on that with I agreeto with you on the whole oil thing
up to a point. I feellike if we were drilling oil here in

(45:45):
America, we did get to apoint where we could start selling it under
the Trump administration, and we didn't. So I find that Trump's fault oil.
But like I feel like if wehad continued instead of shutting everything down,
because I'm not against green, goinggreen with the you know, the
environmental friendly cars and everything, butwe can't just shut everything down to a

(46:07):
point where okay, we're done.Now we have to rely on other countries
for oil while we're trying to gofully green. What we should have done
was slow, slowly over the nextten to fifteen twenty years, slow the
oil businesses down because we don't havethe new green energy jobs available for these
people either. I wish, Iwish the last two presidents had said,

(46:30):
let's do this. Yeah, youknow, the the WPA projects. When
we went to space in the sixties, the president came out on John Candy
and said, you know, we'regonna build a rocketship. We're gon beat
the damn rushings of the moon.We're gonna change the world. We need
to go like I don't think wewent to the moon, but continue.
Yeah. But the point was heinspired kids to take math classes. Elementary

(46:51):
kids became good at math. Menbecame good at math, mostly unfortunately because
math teachers are men too, andit's very weird sexist thing. But but
we became good at engineering. Webecame to build the best engineer. They
weren't the Germans anymore. We werethe best engineers because we're inspired to build
aerospace engineering. We were inspired bythis. The WPA projects were works programs.
After the Great Depression, we saidwe went craftsmen. Tulsa is filled
with beautiful art deco buildings in Miamiand Tulsa the most because because we got

(47:16):
governmentment to make people learn to makebeautiful buildings and become craftsmen and construction jobs,
which are great a comedy jobs.And so, so what's the thing
we should have done now? Ishould I thought we should have done either
high speed railroad or we should donesomething that would have made such a difference
and change in our culture completely thatwe could have done, and I wish
they would done this. They couldhave put the infrastructure into green technology.

(47:37):
We could have. We could haveusually the railroad system would be great,
right, but I mean we payfor it. We don't get it where
we sit at right now. Wepaid for tracks that aren't even being updated
or being you know, up todate on anything. So our gas tax
dollars, when you buy a gallongas and still wanted, you pay thirty

(47:58):
seven cents in total taxes O plumband tanks and federal taxes and everything come
on thirty seven cents. It's notchanged, it's not changed in your lifetime.
So it's the one tax and it'sbased on per gallon. So is
it really a tax? I mean, the identity taxes are things based on
dollar amounts your home tax, yoursales tax, your income tax. Everything
else is a fee. So it'sa two a fee on top of these

(48:20):
things. So this per pound,per gallant, per person, those things
are fees. So we have agas taxident change we make cars more efficient,
we actually lose a less gasoline,so then we lose the tax base
for there. You would think thata president over the years in your lifetime
we have said, oh, let'smake this a flat tax instead of a
tax per gallon or something else.Find some of the way to do it.
In the TAXI more free, wemean, buy a flat tax.

(48:42):
So like, well, I mean, is it kind of like how weed
is, Like I walk in andthen you know I can buy a quarter
for twenty dollars and pay for twentydollars and the taxes included on that.
Yeah, no, that's the businessthemselves taking the taxes back outue deal.
So here's somebody buy weed in Oklahoma. And by the way, and I
understand what flat tax technically is,Like I kind of heard about the whole
federal idea of a flat tax whereinstead we're paying into the irs at the

(49:07):
end of the year or having tofile our taxes at the end of the
year. Everything we pay for isalready taxed and that is already going into
the system. Yeah, it's away for people who have taxed how just
to beat the system. And soflat taxes beans, you can't beat the
system with flat tax can you?Yeah? Sure, because the flat tax
Beans, you don't pay income tax. You pay more in sales tax and
property taks. Okay, So ifyou want to really discuss taxes with somebody

(49:28):
and their stays your state and dovurstenon state versus Oklahoma, google overall tax
burden because Oklahoma, oh, wehave a sales tax in Texas doesn't.
Yeah, but their property is somuch higher, right, Yeah, so
the overall Oklahoma is forty pounces out. We were forty eighth in the state.
If all states and overall tax burden, this is a very cheap place
to live. And then fortunately itfucking shows that's what got potholes everywhere we

(49:51):
are. We are not willing topay for anything. And one part about
in generally the Democrats and Republicans,the more urban area you live in,
the more you have an interaction withgovernment because you do have real lines and
bus lines and all the public librariesand all these kind of things. So
cities with big cities or states withbig cities are liberals areas. So if
you look at the population centers infact, that's say of Texas, all

(50:14):
the cities and the top ten inpopulation are in liberal states. So those
women politics going forward. So it'salmost like you can predict every single election
based on the rural versus urban populationbecause if they are more verbal in their
mindset, they're a Republican because they'relike, no, we do it on
our own. We got our ownships stay, oh my god, damn
ship and staff, where their dembosare like, no, we need help.

(50:36):
We can't solve these problems without allof us together solving these problems.
So it's like Republicans are proud ofthe rich and Democrats are ashamed of the
poor, and they're both right.You're both right. You should be proudly
rich official if they've made it ontheir own, not just inherited it and
things, you should be it shouldbe increbably proudly. Look what they did,
the ideas they came up with,and the work they put into it,
And you should be ashamed of thepoor, because I mean it's not

(50:57):
it's not like, oh, I'mashamed of them. It's it's I'm ashamed
that we have it in the firstplace, you know. So that's the
real that's real politics, that's takingissues not politicians. How do we solve
things that both of us care about. How do we help they're rich and
not just over tax them, buthelp them understand their burden and hospabilities.
And they do just not to government, you don't. They don't want to
pay taxes. They rather give themmoney directly to the church or the university

(51:20):
or something else. So in allthis, as long as it all works,
it fine. And how they changethe laws on giving it changes that
really affects more of the lives wehave. In simple tax rates, we
really me and you don't make enoughmoney to be whether the big corporates do
it, so we don't really knowthat. There's there's almost no difference between
your taxes and their Biden and theirTrump, almost none. But the things
that they're rich people get away withare quite different, so they can find

(51:42):
ways. So in a flat taxand essence you go, you're you're predicting
you're paying twenty two percent federal taxnow on sales tax. So right now,
the one do you pay on federalsales tax? Nothing? The state,
the county, and the city havethat. So every sales tax you
by, you're willing to add twentytwo cents more on that for sales tax.
But they exchange traded outs for incometax. Well that's great, except

(52:04):
how many things are tax free?The rich people buy things that are tax
free. They don't tax haircuts andthings, they don't tax massages and services
and things like this aren't taxed.So and nonprofits. You form a nonprofit,
you form a church, and thechurches, the churches now own dramatic
amounts or real estate, they're atax free. And how the schools get
paid They get paid by property tax. So if you take things off of

(52:27):
the rules to have a church ownsomething they used to produce income. There's
a there's a shopping center, there'stwo in La there's one in Bigsby,
now owned by a church. Sonow the schools don't get that property tax.
So how how do you fund theworld? Do you find it when
people make money or when they spendmany do you find them when they have
real money or don when they haveto assistance money? How do you how
do you fund things? There's noanswers. There's no easy answers. There

(52:49):
isn't no, there's not because someone'sgonna get hurt. Regardless. Man,
we have a god given right hereto not pay things. We think,
we think, Oh my God,why should I ever have to pay for
anything in my life? Not realizethat you How do you ride that road?
How do you drive here to makethat protest? Someone built that road,
Someone together did this. Here's myattity toward it. I'm willing to
pay more for a better community.Just prove or spend the money right proved

(53:13):
to me. Let me have asit. Let means decide, Oh,
what's on the list, What roadgets done this year? What park gets
improved? Let me help decide that, not someone else, as long as
I have some overview from that,and I don't have with the faire government,
I have none of this. Mycongressman doesn't care about my individual life.
They're all playing some politics game.My state representative probably doesn't very much.
Really, only your mayor and yourcity councilor maybe your county commissioners,

(53:35):
all the ones you really vote forwhere you get a chance, they have
input and have things. So thusthe closer you are to your government.
The smaller the political subdivision, themore lucky art to believe in those people.
Well they're a Democrat, but they'remy friend and I've known them and
I trust them. Or they're aRepublican, but yes we under you know,
they've done the good things for us. So it's good on the local
level. We hate the federal level. Yeah, so, and we shouldn't

(53:57):
hate. If I could have aChris to a ball, I would not
have two parties. I'd have four. I'd have dark, multiple different parties.
I don't think it should be atwo party system, of course,
but but the two parties wanted tobe two parties, Well why why four?
Dark red? Light red, darkblue, light blue. So there's
the hard purest and so so youwould only hate the dark red if you

(54:20):
were blue. Well, a fifthparty though, it could be you know,
you have you have undecided crazies.Yeah, purple, it could be
a purple could be and purple reallyis the red the two lights. The
two lights are all purple because socentrist. The purple parties would run the
world because they have all the oneside and half of the or a fourth
or the other side. So sothe middle would run the world and then

(54:40):
be a much better place. We'dhave a centrist run country. We don't
want centrist, we want we wantthe alarmist. We want people to get
elected today in places. Yeah,yeah, you want someone who wants to
fight and scream and yam until everysingle thing. We're not gonna gogociate anything.
No, I don't want that.I want a centrist. I want
I want someone that will benefit forthe world. Like I don't know where

(55:02):
I saw it might've been TikTok orsomething, but there was like a thing
that excuse me, uh, likea TV show that they generated a They
had an AI system generate the politicalall the politicians right that were running for
for a government, and they foundwith the AI did all the data on

(55:27):
who was the most purest or mostthe best president for the situation, and
it took in all the what wasgoing on in the world and everything in
situations and everything, and it pickedthat one person and it allowed it influenced
everyone to vote for that person.Yeah. My problem is like AI is
great, but the problem with AIis who is creating the AI where it

(55:51):
becomes biased? What becomes the factorsthey used to rate things so why is
this factor worth two and that worseworth one? Yeah, everything's that way.
So yeah, there's no AI thatdidn't have some by. Yeah it
can be by personally writes the program. It's design that we all designed on
the score sheet. In a sense. For me, I so I'm not
afraid of a I. I blessthe new robot overlord I will have someday.
So a guy just paid that process. I'm afraid my appliances hate me,

(56:16):
So I get that. So Ibeat my computer once at chess.
It bade me three times in arow, but I beat it a kickboxing
so ever since hated me. SeeAI, So like one day you and
I won't be sitting here and doingpo Yeah, sure we will. It
will write the AI will just doit for us. No, the write
chrips for us. No, peoplewant to have the interaction. They want
to have this. But yes,I can see robot women, so I

(56:37):
can see this. I can seeyou know the new brothel of some AI
chat. Did you not hear aboutHouston a few years ago? They I
think they, uh the city councilshot it down, but someone bought like
one hundred and fifty Japanese robot sexdolls and we're like realistic and they could

(56:58):
talk into like do everything. Andhe bought a place in downtown somewhere around
downtown Houston and was going to makeit a like sex robot. Awful.
He should have just been a retailer, so don't happen. Then something happened,
and nothing happens in my house becauseit's the year house. But here

(57:19):
at this price? Yeah, whatnot? There's nothing wrong for you whore
mim on the internet. You canmim in America? Could you pimp them
out? Sure, you can pimpanything out if you're a salesman. So
but I'm not changed. Question iswould you ever get it back? Though?
I don't know, would you wantit? I believe? Yeah.
I'll tell you this. I'll tellyou a story about sex story. I
should never tell this story on radio. So god, I'm gonna hate this

(57:40):
podcast. Good thing, this goodthing. This isn't a radio show,
so okay, so who my momnever listens. So I get divorced um
three some years ago, a littlebit longer, and it was hard.
I've been married three times so far. You know my learning curves of circle
like them one of them doing nameI'm I'm certified pre in every way,

(58:00):
so she didn't enjoy sex that much. The first two did fine, but
the third one really didn't it.I was made to her, why far
the longest time raising kids and stuff, and maybe after kids it would change,
but it was hard. I getdivorced at four o'clock on Facebook.
I announced I'm separating that she didthe same. We agreed to it and

(58:21):
we said okay. At four o'clock, slow news cycle, so and I
said, you know, hey,things are good. I'm moving out.
I got me a place and we'regonna get divorced and all things good.
You know, appreciate all your respectand prayers. Were simple message on Facebook
four o'clock hit the Seben four pmexactly can't wait to tell the world.
And that's how you announced things.If you're my age, announced on Facebook

(58:42):
all your relationships right. So atfour eighteen, I get this message on
Facebook messenger from a woman who says, Michael, You've always made me laugh.
If there's anything I can do,I have opened arms and open legs,
and I'm like, fuck, I'min my sixties. I'm like,
dang, I gotta follow up onthis. I'm gonna like me and sat
and stuff. So we uh wedo. Um. She went to my

(59:07):
church I know a long time.So yeah, so nice woman. Um
so we have a nice relationship.Um. She likes to drink. She
likes to drink a lot. SoI convinced her to go to a baseball
game in Saint Louis. Yea,So we go to a baseball game.
It's everything fun. We get ahotel room. It's one of the great
dates. You know, you know, you should always have your fifth,

(59:28):
fourth or fifth days you'd take comingout town to a hotel room. You'll
understand each other way better if youget over with um. So um,
coming home, she want to stopthe casino in Saint Louis. I said,
fine, we ridden to get home, and she goes, oh,
come on an hour. So fine. So I went to the sports book
and just watched the sports games andstuff while she played plenty salots and drank,
drank and drank and drank. Soshe's drunk as shit. So we

(59:50):
get in the car diamond home inMissouri, somewhere between Tulsa, Sat.
Louis. There's a billboard that saysadult toy store next sex it and she
announces to me, This woman wholoves sex announces to me, if you
buy me a toy, I willplease myself here in the car while you
drive us. Oh god, solike, first thing I do is hit
the blinker, you know, gettingthe right hand lane. Here we go,

(01:00:13):
Here we go, Um, Ido it. We go to the
store. Um, I've never beento the store in Missouri before. I'm
not a prude or anyway. Butshe buys a still the way toy that's
the size of a rolling pin.Jesus, I'm so emasculadd I'm like,
you know, I'm proud of myopenis for a white guy, and this
need this I never can please youever, like meaning, I'm so emasculated
by it. Oh well, shedoes it, she does this act.

(01:00:39):
Everything's fine. A trucker passes atone point, and the like, you
know, and I said, there'sa trucker coming, and she goes here.
He's a limnit guy. You know, she's drunk. Oh well,
I buy it. Everything's fine.It's a good, fine experience. A
few weeks later, however, wehave this stupid fine and all fights are
stupid. I have no idea withit abound even and we break up.

(01:01:00):
She gives me back the dildo.I guess my grandmother's ring. I go
have to return this, so youknow, like, what the what do
you do with the used dildo?What do you And it's a rolling pack.
I can't leave it there by myyou know, my place, or
the guys are coming over Bay Poker, and like what the hell am I
go? We did no idea?You know what? I can't just like
take it. I can't take itto good will, Facebook, marketplace.
I mean, how do you giverid of this? Surprisingly? You would

(01:01:22):
you see them? Yeah? Withmy I wouldn't my name on it too?
You? And who? I mean, who really wants used extras?
I mean I'm not really sure.I mean I'm sure you could put to
the dishwasher and they still no,I'm good. So I guess they used
robot. You could find some wayto who knows. I guess I think
the whole idea. I read thewhole concept of that brothel and what was

(01:01:46):
it like twenty eight? It hadtwenty eight people on hand to clean at
one time, so like every facilitythat was being used would be cleaned and
saying tised and that's like a goodlife I'm good, dude, I'm not
nah. I'm going to see theone ad for that. Jeez, I

(01:02:10):
twenty dollars on that word must beone of the clean whrobot behind is.
Did you hear what happened when Ellenannounced his Tesla robot? No? No,
I think he went on to apodcast and someone was like, so
you're coming out with a Tesla robotand he just looked at the guy.
He's like, no, you can'tfuck it, like he already knew where

(01:02:30):
the whole conversation was going. AndI mean, come on, everyone kind
of wanted to know we I don'tshame any baby man, especially men are
lonely man or lonely and whatever ittakes, just don't harm people. If
you need to get your weird fantasiesout on a robot, find who,
I mean, go for it.I mean, I'm not gonna shame anybody

(01:02:51):
for anything they do. I reallyam. I'm for an old, crazy
white guy. I'm very open minded. I really don't care. I'm happy
you're happy. Whatever makes you come, I'm fine. So whatever it takes,
you've you've learned through experience. Ididn't have, you know, I
had the sears catalog to growing up. You know at the underwear section.
You know you guys had sortable porn. You're way advanced, my ser Yeah

(01:03:12):
you're way advanced. Yeah, yeahwe have we have just a click of
a button to our pleasure center.And you know, I mean, you
know, you know the number ofpartners, you know, the type of
people, you know, the openings, you know, you know the endings,
you know all this kind of stuffyou made all this side didn't I
didn't have any of that. Imean, that's true. I think my
first fantasy was a outive syrup shapedlike a woman. So Missus Butterworth's was

(01:03:36):
my first crush, probably, Ido admit I think the Sears catalog.
Yeah, we still had a Searscotalog when I was younger, so I
think that's kind of what it was. Actually it's a stupid joke. But
my brother who ruined him. Ihave an older brother and mom went through
that, so she hit it fromme. So I didn't have that really
in real life. So hell's sad. So well, I'm I said,
I'm appreciative. I am not judgmentalat all. Whatever you were, pronounce

(01:04:00):
you one, whatever you like,whatever about yourself I'm I'm just kind of
amazed that people of who knew whoknew they are, they knew all about
themselves. I've had to remake myself. Comed's one of my new remakes from
it. From my politics days,my mommy and days and before that.
As a father, you have toremake yourself. And if you guys want
to make yourself and there's everything doingyour life and you truly know what you
want, I'm fucking jealous because Idon't still in my life, and I'm

(01:04:23):
happy for people who do. I'mhappy people who know exactly what they want.
That's great. One of my friendsstill his Mom's Victoria's Secret magazines all
the time. Nice and I justlike he told me a few a while
ago. Obviously he told the secretsabout Victoria's Secret. Tama, don't trust
him with anything any who will hewill tell the world. He told me.

(01:04:45):
He's like, yeah, my momsubscribed to it and she never got
a single subscription because I just getit first thing in the mail, before
she could even get to it.And I was like, you do realize
your mom was ordering that so shecould wear what you're jerking off too.
And he's like, oh, youruin this for me. We'll see people
don't get that. So how oldare you? How old? I'm twenty

(01:05:09):
eight, okay, so I'm sixtyfour, about to be sixty five,
and in July you don't understand whatYeah, I mean you have no concept
and anything about your parents or yourgrandparents. I mean I literally, So
I've told this joke on stage.It's my favorite joke I've ever told him.
I used it as a close allthe time in the right crown,
and when I talk to you dirtyjokes, I can't do this and clean

(01:05:30):
in place. But the joke isthat you guys do know what you want.
You have these things in life,but you should be jealous of me.
I know why your generation hates mygeneration. I know why there's jokes
about boomers. It's because my lifewas better than yours. And my life
is better than yours, not inthe ways you think it was. In
sects, because when I was young, when I was in my teens and

(01:05:54):
early twenties, women had just gotthe right to their bodies rovers away to
just pass for the first time Americanwomen over the entire world. For the
first time, women could do whateverthey wanted with their bodies. It was
their bodies. It was a greatchange in women's lives. They could fuck
anybody they wanted and an issue Wover'sWay had passed. So and then they
invent the pill ye and it wasn'taids. So my joke is, I

(01:06:15):
mean, you guys don't understand.But I mean, if you're from Oklahoma,
I fucked your mom maybe in yourgrandma on your case, you know.
And I followed up with, youknow, hey, I'm really miss
her. Say hi do or youknow, go forward. It's a good
joke, but it fits exactly whatyou're wanting to say. You know.
I recognize that your generation hates mygeneration, but I try to deal with
it if and make me a reasonwhy not the reasons why you should hate

(01:06:39):
us, which you should. Imean, my generation is much assholes,
so you should hate us. Ohwell, well do you have going on?
Yea? My next show is myfavorite show, Um, June third.
Have you get this podcasting all bythen? So I do a show
and Tulsa about every three months withfresh faces of comedy. Yeah that's great.
So I go to I run acouple of mics, and I have

(01:07:00):
the Facebook page Tulsa comedy up inmics, and so we put all the
stuff we promote, all the combioof mics, and all the host our
friends of mine. So I askedthem, Hey, who's really news,
who's really trying, who's coming toa bunch of open mics, and who
would you recommend to? Someone who'sbeen doing it less than six months or
less than a year, or who'snew to Tulsa and who really is really
working and we think they're worthy ofgiving a shot. So they all recommend

(01:07:23):
to me, and I put onthis kind of a fresh face of the
Tulsa comedy. So it's a decolounge. There's no cover charge. We
packed the place so these people Igive them their first twenty dollars many of
their and their first poster and onFacebook they can share it and their friends
can come. And it's a greatshow at the placehold seventy people. We
had one hundred and thirty eight lasttime we packed the rooms. We packed
their room. It's a great showto come to. There's great energy these

(01:07:44):
people, they really respond, Theseyoung comics really respond to the crowd.
And there's enough diverse people who laughat them, and their friends are there
and so I really that's my favoriteshow. I don't do much producing anymore
more. I did a lot,but there's too many people doing it now
and it's too much easier to livemy life. But I got I'm a
lot of shows. I'm doing ashow Wednesday at the Heirloom with Ariel Julia
from Chicago, and I was thinkingabout producing a show here and still waters

(01:08:09):
Yeah sometime maybe, like I don'tknow if it will be at the end
of summer. I have to finda venue first, but I want to
get something called like the Bedlam nineone, eight versus four or five,
okay se versus easy. I dokind of like a roast of Mania kind
of thing. Yeah, I hireI've hired probably forty from the Stay Comics,
and I also have hired probably onehundred and forty Tulsa comics. And

(01:08:30):
I have all the videos because I'mpart of the Blue Wheel Comedy Festival and
the committee, so everybody's videos andstuff, and it'd be easy to do
that. I'm still want to bea kind of a fun place to do
it. Find there my venue.It's kind of the in between Tulsa and
Okay. See, so that's whyI was like that's perfect to pick.
Yeah, So it's it's it's gottafind something that's connected between the two of
them. Halfway. What's halfway betweenfour or five and nine one eights called

(01:08:50):
like the six four four threes orsomething whatever it is. So whatever halfway
point is that, I was justgonna call it like the Bedlam matchup or
something on Bad Bedlam Rose to Maniabecause I mean it's in Oklahoma. Well
we have ou and Osue and tomy understanding, I mean I'm not saying
Tulsa comedians and okay se comedians don'tget along, but they have a lot

(01:09:13):
of different Oh, it's everything.Reason, it's not just comedians, it's
everything. It's it's simper tuning yourpolitics more comedy here. Um, I
don't mean to keep bringing into politics. So it's the reason how communities are
built. Um, so most townswere built on trade. So it's the
port city, um, Seattle orNew York and or all these you know
Los Angeles, they're all ports cities, so that the city would built because

(01:09:38):
or the trains went through there.The trains went through there. So every
city America find some things. SoOkama City was part of that. So
you had. You had two cattletrails, Sampty with the Chisholm Trail and
the Santa Fe Trail. Both marchthrough Okahoma City and now Oakham City is
the largest. Was it stockyards?Yeah, Scowtown more than for worth.
This was cow town because both theirtrails went through here and they went to

(01:09:58):
Kansas City and Kansas City where thecows got put on the trains or on
the boats to go back east becauseall the money was in New York even
before Kansas City's dodge, right yeah, yeah, so, but I mean
you had to rend your cows throughacross the country. And the reason I
Cada City is good at barbecue isbecause some cows don't want to get on
boats or trains and hurt themselves.You have to cook them. You know,
you camp hurt cow on the train, so they learned to cook them.
But you were built at Okama citywiseon you. But Okramacy was built

(01:10:21):
on traditional ways. It was builton banks handling these things and transactions and
commerce and jobs and housing needed forjobs. And it was the other side
on Tulsa. Tulsa got rich overnight. All the oil from World War One
came from Tulsa came from Glenn Pooland the banks in Oklahoma. If you
watch if you want to go backin comedy, look at the Beverly Hill

(01:10:42):
Buildings TV show, the very firstepisode. You can google it and watch
that show. The very first episode, Jed found the oil on his land
and the banker came and said,Jed, you got to move away from
here and where you should do.But Jed says to the banker in the
episode, oh where do you live? And the banker says, I live
in Tulsa, and then there's thisweird sound effect, Oh, we don't
want your kind in our sophisticated town. We're rich snobs and stuff, and

(01:11:04):
then some jets and we should beento Beverly Hills. And the whole episode
of the show was he didn't comeTulsa's banks or everything. So the largest
bank is in Tulsa, not inthe state capital. The Bank of Oklahoma
owns, the Bank of Texas owns. To make a Colorado people don't know
this really. Yeah, so thebanks and Tulsa and when you're when you're
filthy rich bankers, Teas and Bankof Colorado are just branches technically a bank,

(01:11:27):
And yeah, yeah, well theykeep the same name. But yeah,
I'm same yeah, same thing.Yeah yeah, so filthy rich money
in Tulsa. Tulsa's very sophisticated.When you get rich overnight, if you
win the feeling from Tulsa, ifyou win the paraball tomorrow, you become
a snob. There's nothing wrong withTulsa doing this. I mean, you
like, you have the finer things. We should have a filler bardic,
we should have a beautiful art museum. I heard they have a nicer steakhouse

(01:11:49):
and Cattleman's. Okay, oh,what's the red red door barn or you
know what I'm there's some wonderful steakplaces in Tulsa, so I would say
steak places in Tulsa. There's somevery simple, speak easy ones that are
incredible, you know, Bow inthe Alley and then that's the one I'm
thinking of the title. There's somereally nice speakeasy restaurants with great steaks and

(01:12:12):
Tulsa. But I mean where cattlecountry is as crumb Sea and I'm my
Cattleman's. I'm my Caleman's Chili.By the way, if you're a chili
fan, yeah I can. Ican take great stakes on the grill.
I did. Last night. Ihad a steak from Cattleman's and I wasn't
impressed. I was like, Ifeel like I could get this from Texas
Roadhouse. No offense, guys,I love cattle man Takes. Roadhouse is
the fine steak, and Ruth Chrisis the best steak. And every town
in the America seems Ruth Ruth's Chris. So there's one in the casino win

(01:12:36):
Tulsa, but they'd have a famione here. It's you used to look
into it, Okay, yeah,so look at your steaks, I mean,
and then it depends what you want. But you if you learn to
make a steak on your own,you'll never order a steak at the restaurants.
You'll order impress me something that's hardto do. I've learned to make
a steak. Here's the secrets ofsteak. Here's my secrets to it.
Um. You have to dry agethe steak. So if you don't have

(01:12:57):
a dry age or what you dois you put on a plate in the
I'm the refrigerator for a whole dayand then flip it over and from the
whole another day. If it's ifit's opened and air, it will turn
dark red. And then you putit. You live it out for room
temperature, so then you start tocook it. That simple thing. You
can also do all marinades and pepperseverything else you would have been on there
and stuff. But that's the simple. That's the secret to a great steak.
It's two days in refrigure when theyneed to side open and the plate

(01:13:21):
let a dry age in a refrigeratorand keep as cool as possible and then
let it get the room temperature frozen, but you want it as cold.
Room temperature is better for you fora steak. There's some things there are
better frozen to been on the grilledand stuff some things. But well,
I grilled last night. I grilledsteaks last night, so yeah you can.
It's easy to do to make it. So I don't eat steaks that

(01:13:42):
way when they go to restaurants.I mean I have, of course,
and then go to banquets some ofthem, so I eat a steak there,
but I'd prefer them to do somethingand press me to make something,
you know, mix it, makeit into a lasagna. It is way
more a dish for me or youknow. When then I do like fish,
and I even don't. I'm Idon't eat out that much. I'm
I work for nonprofits. I'm notrich, so but I mean I might
and I don't. I'm not allinto organic, I mean gluten free.

(01:14:05):
I think the glutens have been heldagainst their wheel, so we should free
the glutens. My attitude toward them, so I don't understand what they all
mean. The all controversial of thesepeople named gluten, Well, I don't
understand how people are allergic to gluten. Gluten after yeah, for so long
that we've been eating gluten and thenall of a sudden you have an allergy
to week week systems. Maybe weare doing things wrong that make people weaker

(01:14:29):
now or than nut allergies, butthey are. Is it in some sort
of vaccine that makes us do that. That's a whole different conversation that I
don't want to get into, obviously, But well, no, I think
it's I think. I think thesethings become stronger, and things evolve,
and maybe we devolve in some ways, and maybe we are maybe we are
immune complement system with certain things inlife. And maybe man I supposedly maybe
wouldn't diagnose forever. I mean wedidn't diagnose add forever. We didn't schizophrenia

(01:14:53):
and inviting all these kind of thingsforever. And now we know that these
are real. Those were recently discovered. We know they're real. So one
hundred years, maybe there's ways tosolved. Maybe maybe there's a I piled
out there that makes people not diefrom nuts. That'd be great. I
mean, we all could enjoy nutsbecause I like that, So I mean,
you are what you eat. I'mcrazy. I even the old nuts,
So you mean, I get that. So it'd be nice not to
have these same things and for it, I know, but it's yeah,

(01:15:14):
and I'm I have I have friendswho have vegan restaurant. Used to do
a comedy show at local Bison andToulson. They're a vegan restaurant that has
Bison Berger and their dish because they'reOklahoma. They're a smart marketed people.
They own a pizza place. Youknow there's a smart market Yeah, they
only vegan deli. It's they're downtown, that's Sixth and Mosson and um they
are great. Three restaurants they own. And when I do comedy shows,
a local Bison might which of coursemake fun of bikes and everything else going

(01:15:35):
there, but the vegans there.It was he really did believe that,
Um, you shouldn't like eat thesemeats and stuff. I just like them.
They're tasty animals. I just Ican't like all these reasons. And
I'm not gonna do this. Imean, my body is not a temple.
My body is more of a traderpark. So I'm going to eat
really crappy shit all the time.So, um, my opinion is,
I mean, I if you dothe research on cattle, they're they're kind

(01:15:58):
of a useless animal. Other thanbeing eaten. They don't do much except
destroy land and eat crops or whatnot. And I'm not saying that in a
negative way. I mean we feedthem our crops to eat. You know,
I work with a lot of cattleranchers. Um, they don't make
much money on the cows. Um, it's like raising pets that you give
away and you break ever, butyou don't name them. But yeah,

(01:16:19):
that's that. That's the difference frompet. And you could name anything.
I can San Francisco, I nameall they feels, named them all.
They didn't remember their names, probably, but you could name anything in life
A lot. I mean, Italk to a lot of cattle ranchers too,
Like I've been starting to talk toa lot of them, and they're
like a lot of us. Justname them one oh one, two two,

(01:16:42):
Yep, they just can't they gobuy numbers. And you know because
they the turnovers so fast. Tothink about the happiness of a cow,
I mean up until the time hegets hit by the hammer and he's killed.
If you study religions, all theinternational religions, the world's religions,
um, you'll see um. InHinduism, what they believe is they don't
think how right right because because theythink cows are evolved humans. So we

(01:17:06):
here in American and Christianity, webelieve in hell. We believe if you
don't go there, you go,you're damned. If you don't do all
these things right and profess these certainthings, then you won't go on.
And other people believe that once youdie, you die. I mean,
is there a soul? Is therea thing? Where would wy would it
be a ghost? Why would yousearch around? Why would they send me
to some health place? I mean, so people, a lot of people

(01:17:27):
believe there's no afterlife, and alot of people believe there's a half life
of heaven and hell. Well,what Hinduism does is Hinduism believes that you
evolve and come back as a betterso there is you keep going forward.
And so if you've a really goodlife, your next life you get this
content cow's life. We've done everythingright. So you just get to be
a cow. You just get toeat grass and poop when you feel like

(01:17:49):
it, and be nice in petpeople and your You don't cause any problems,
you don't kill other animals. Youhave a peaceful life, and every
nothing tries to kill you beside humans, and you know, maybe wolves some
where, but in most cases there'sstill predators out. But yeah, I
get what you're saying. For themajority of the peaceful life, and and
and and and there's not a lotof confined animal feeding operations like there are

(01:18:10):
for chickens and even even pigs.And most cows are free range cows,
so you know, and which makesa great life, which and it kind
of bothers me. I mean,I worked for many years in a cubicle
and they're free range. I didn'twant to eat animals had a better life
than me, But maybe a cowshad a better life than me. So
I shouldn't eat beef for that reason. So yeah, so you've also Hinduism
says that, you know, theyall have the same philosophy, and all

(01:18:31):
the major religions Buddhism as well.What goes around comes around the golden rule,
you know, and treat others thatyou want to be treated. They
all have that same basis. Someof them focus more on task and stories
than others. And you know,I know if your fairy tales are more
important their fairy tales, A lotof them are found if you read Plato
and we'd play those republic a lotof religions. Amazingly, this was kind
of talked about in the Greeks.That's probably your religion, now Jesus did.

(01:18:55):
That's some amazing some of these stories. So maybe they're just good stories
to inspires to be better people.And some people need that story. They
need someone to believe in something else. They need to have some faith,
some power beings, because how doyou explain why a child dies? It
must be God's will in some way, it must be something wrong. I
mean, how do you understand lifein many ways and disappointments? Will you
know the philosophies we learned from religionsabout turning the other cheek. They were

(01:19:18):
found the number of the whole religionsor wonderful religions. Interesting, Well,
last thing about politics. Yeah,so in the Middle East we have Shiats,
Sunnies, and Kurds. Kurds aremost of the Arabs, and Kurds
are the business people and the Shihatsand then Sunnies. If you study the

(01:19:39):
ancient reasons why they're at war,they've been at worse than thirteen fifty.
To think any American president could goin and say, oh, you guys
should stop fighting. You've been fightingnow for almost nine hundred years or eight
hundred years. They don't give mea break. You're not gonna be able
to do this some policy, youknow, we're like, oh, we're
gonna give arms. So when Sciden, it's going to stop the fighting.
The reasons why they've hate each otheris a prophet, Muhammad Mohammed died and

(01:20:01):
he left no will instructions how tolead the religion, right, so there
wasn't religion like Christianit who was basedon him after he died mentioned later then
they wrote the books about the thingshe did and stuff. No, he
led he led the church, right, I mean, you know, he
was the president of the World WrestlingFoundistion. He he was ere. He
was writing it as he was going, yeah, yeah, and and and
wonderful teachings, incredible. Even theway the way I kind of put that

(01:20:26):
was almost an occult way, andI didn't mean to put in a cult
way. But at the same time, don't you think all religions are some
sort of a cult. Yeah,I think coffees a cult. Yeah.
Anything you believe in for silly reasonsand you would die for it that careful
um. Yeah, But also believein and voodoo is the same thing as
the religion. All these things.Well, Mohammed didn't leave instructions, and

(01:20:46):
his widow wanted to do the preachthe church, the giving part of it,
and said the religion now should gothis direction and focus on the love
and the teachings and whether and serviceand these thayings. And the nephew,
who was the real powerful person,the second in command for the whole kingdom
and stuff, said no, wehave power. We should use power.

(01:21:09):
We should force our religion on otherpeople and go forward and push this and
we should use We should not beafraid to die for our beliefs and stuff.
So the Shiites and the Sunnies havebeen fighting forever and never and we
pick one side. So this lasttime when we went in Middle East through
George Bush, first we picked theSunni side, which was a minority.
They were forty to sixty percent ratio, and we fed them to they win

(01:21:30):
the elections. We established democratic elections. As soon as we left, the
Shafts are like, well, it'sthe democratic We're going to vote ourself in
and then we're in charge again.So so they just kept fighting and who
has control? Who makes just thinkwe can put one political party to change
these people's deaf beliefs because one sidebelieves you die for things and stuff.
Then the Kurds are involved, andthey are the people trying may make on
that they want this. They're theArab dealers there there and they were they

(01:21:54):
fund things, so they have thisweird kind of mafia. Kurds try to
make money on both sides, continueto fight because their barnment deer for both
sides. And so where's America?So I think religion, sometimes people will
die. If you want to seeatrocities, I mean, I'm not saying
that all these other things in lifehave been terrible, but the dark ages
were as bad as they get.So, I mean, you understand they

(01:22:15):
Yeah, we thought if you don'tbelieve in the Catholic Church, you should
die. I really really, Idon't think that Jesus would have said that.
Yeah, I don't. I don'tthink so either. Any other shows
you have going on, not muchshows. I'm a couple in Florida coming
up. Yeah, it's interesting.So I'm trying to live a life not

(01:22:35):
through comedy, and so I didso. I mean, I did two
hundred shows in four years. Youknow, I'm produced a lot and did
a bunch of shows and stuff,and it's hard and so. And I'm
also the point now where I reallylike doing what I'm doing and not having
to be in charge of all ofthem, right, And so it's time
for your generation. I really do. I hope the comedy scene is run
by twenty somethings and people like mejust help me deals happen. But I

(01:22:57):
feel more of a patriot of thearts and more of an artist these so
I help and make comedy work byputting on shows and getting comics going forward.
That's more important. But also it'sit's the problem. It's the reason
why you should hate my generation.It's because my generation. You really should
hate my parents. They're the oneswho screwed things up. They're the ones
who accepted Walmart and and and they'restill alive, taking all your money and
create this all false economy. Youknow, hate You should hate people in

(01:23:18):
their eighties, not people in theirsixties, but boomers. I'm the last
of the sixties. I'm comic boomers. So you hate me too. Um
but people, my dad's actually gonnabe sixty five here in July, see
me too, so with the sameage. Yeah. So my generation did
the law positive things. We createthe EPA, we fought for rights,
we fought for the civil rights movement. We had all these kind of things

(01:23:39):
we did when I was your age. Is where the people were doing then
they were five for these things ingood in life and stuff. But you
hate us anyway, and for agood reason for it. But the most
important reason why I really should hateus, not some sex joke. It's
because my generation refused to give achance to lead. Um. So's they
want to still be the politician.They still want to be the head of
the chairman of the board. Theywanted all these kind things and stuff,

(01:24:00):
and I've had those things. It'stime to share. It's time to share
the honor and to cheer for theothers and get the their ideas come forward
and see if they work. Ithink where your generation, because I think
my father's generation and your generation yourflaw was the point where what am I

(01:24:24):
trying to say here and not makeit sound like a dick thing. Um,
you guys had the hard life obviouslyof growing up, but you also
changed a lot in our economy tothe point where you, not you,
you, but your generation bought allthe housing and like cornered the market and

(01:24:47):
a lot of areas before my generationcould. And I'm not disagreeing with it
either, because it's called capitalism.It's what you can. You know,
you're treed them and everything. Butyou guys cornered it so retently and so
four to the point where it's hardfor my generation to buy a house now
or to because now banks that arebeing ran by your generation. Yeah,

(01:25:10):
but look at me renting a housefor six to fifty to seven hundred dollars
a month and then a mortgage thatwould be four hundred and fifty dollars a
month and they're like, no,you can't afford them. Yeah. Rent
is the difference that when I firstgot out of college, I had a
little duplex by year versus a Tulsathat was two hundred and ten dollars a
month rent and now it's thirteen hundred. I was gonna say nowadays, but

(01:25:30):
it comes covering. But and I'mnot saying there, here's what right dealth
with it. But to buy ahouse back then, we paid seventeen percent
interest rates in my first house.Seventeen percent. You have no you basically
you will thirty you. You nevergot your principal back. So now when
you buy a house you can getprincipal back. Is it rates are low,
and interest rates are really the issueon the housing and everything else.

(01:25:51):
So when the interest rates are high, the rich people make money because they
make commity in the stock market asloan officers and some pasty. And when
the interests are low, so it'sgood times. So your generation has the
ability to buy things and not gointo debt and interest rates you're putting things
for principle, they just raised theprice everything. So so it's if you
look at the amount of income wehave vice versa. It's not that different.

(01:26:15):
And when I graduated college, Imean, I'm graduated eighty and unemployment
rates were eleven to five percent,and next year they were twelve and a
half percent, and they now i'munemployment rates. I'm sorry an employment rates.
So I graduated college, did everythingI was supposed to do as the
first of my my first of myfamily ever go to college. I got
a football scholarship to go to collegeand first of my family ever go away.

(01:26:35):
And I did everything right I wassupposed to do. I studied hard,
I sold my car to pay mybooks and everything else. I mean,
I didn't help things, did everythingI possibly do. I got out
and there were no jobs and noone was hiringate your level. So political
science my best. Yeah, Sois there not a job in that?
Because when when you do your salesman, I mean, you deal with all
ideas. You go to law school, you can become a teacher. I

(01:26:58):
guess there's more to go to schoolthose degrees. Because I thought political sorry
for cutting you off, I apolojoge. I thought political science would give
you the option to maybe teach inI could I could have tried to get
a teaching problem and taken the validpoverty whatever, and they didn't. And
I think we've been teaching jobs.I think they were good teachers, weren't
retire around it there and there,so the world changed. So I guess
you could also be a lobbyist too. With the what it lived was.

(01:27:21):
It led to a shitty marriage thatmade me homeless. I was homeless when
I was twenty five. I livedin my car, I couch surfed,
I found ways get through this.I found finally got an apartment and had
no electricity or winning water, andthen my car got smashed and so now
didn't know the car, but headapartment. I struggled too. And people
don't see they think my generation justcoasted through life, and they didn't and

(01:27:44):
we didn't, and we had alot of problems there, and yeah,
you know, maybe it was justme. Maybe the rabbio said the easy
lives and stuff, But we don'tfocus on it. We don't talk about
me in my twenties that way.We don't talk about the times I struggle.
We talk and you just see itsays, oh, one other thing.
The difference between I think one ofmy reasons my generation and is just
very respectful to young younger on theINCIS and younger generations is we had to

(01:28:04):
wait for everything, and it's justkind of hard to get past that.
You don't understand. I mean,at five o'clock on Friday, if you
didn't have money or groceries, thestore was closed. Yeah, and there
were at ms and there were microwaveovens. There was nothing. I mean,
everything took forever, everything even everything. My generation got everything instantly.
So it's it's it's kind of hardnot to be like, you guys have

(01:28:25):
everything, and second you want it, how are you not doing better than
us? So it's it's it's kindof a weird way. It's I feel
like people are made for my generationthinking you should be better. You have
everything we ever wanted. We Icouldn't have, you know, AI to
help you write term papers. Imean, come on, I had.
I had to go get a book'sa whole fifty pounds of it. It's
like the pedias to paper and youguys have everything. How come the word

(01:28:47):
The worst part for you guys wasthe book was checked out right, so
you didn't have the information for itright. So for me, I can
just get on my phone or mylaptop, and just like so, so
younger gender should take that responsibility tosay, yeah, we should be way
more educated, we should be waysmarter, we should be all these things,
and that that generation because they neverhad these same things, we have

(01:29:09):
the ability. Do you believe thisgeneration is very smart? It may be
smarter than your generation because you areyou have better Well, I mean we
have YouTube where you know, peoplehave taken the advantage of posting how to
work on your car or you know, the simple keep keeping up with your
house kind of stuff. So itgives my generation the focus on oh we

(01:29:30):
can we can go buy a houseand do those things. Then we get
to the bank, like I said, and it's like, yeah, well,
it's a lot of things on life. It's and you you mentioned the
taxes and everything, so I don'twant to dive back into that, but
like it is, it's it's weall have hard lives and unless you've worked
really hard to get there and stuffand then have a chance to you know,
and I'm close to retirement age andI'm not going to be rich ever.
I mean, so I've lost everythingin divorces. My love was grand

(01:29:54):
my divorces are one hundred grand,and so I'm at the same point here.
I'm not, but I'm also um. I will say this about myself.
I really don't need a lot nowI thought I did. There's an
old George carl And routine about stuff, and he said you should look at
that and google it them. Sohe talks about how we've changed our lives
because now we'd have to have stuff, and then we have to better stuff,
and we have to have a houseto store our stuff, and then

(01:30:15):
we're afraid when we're on vacation,like, oh my, what happened to
my stuff? And maybe someone's gonnabakin steal my stuff? And we beg
him. This obsess people about stuff, and that's not true happiness. So
there's the reason why a lot ofpeople have a minimalist attitude. I was
influenced by an aunt. I hadan aunt who is a really smart woman,
and she I learned this about tenor eleven years old. When I
caught her doing it, I oh, at may, we bought you these

(01:30:38):
flowers in this face and she goes, oh, I have this book for
you, and she'd give me abook, and I realized everything comes in
her house one leaves. So sheled the life in a very small existence,
and she called it. I hadthis long conversation with her and she
goes, yeah, I have whatI call X number of things. It's
all they want to have. I'venever counted them. She's like, I,
oh, I have seven hundred thingsor seven thousand, never countib but

(01:30:59):
I don't want any more than theyhave. Now, if you have that
life attitude, you you end upgetting better things. You don't just get
things to have it right. So, I mean, she goes, when
you get married. In her generation, ever, we have a punch bowl
for a wedding gifting. So you'regonna need a punch bowl. But once
a year at the vote most youfind reasons to use the punchbowl. We
could borrow a punch bole someone elsehas one. I own the punch bowl
X number of things on life.So so I've become a Minimalist's help my

(01:31:20):
environmental policies amount recycling, stuff reducedfor years, recycle. That's a good
idea. Yeah, So literally gothrough your place and think, you know,
do I really need this? Andif not, share it with someone
else, take it to the thriftstore to someone else, have a take
of the punch show. Whatever ittakes to use the money for any good
you want to do in your life, and who knows what. I don't
care what you do. But ashe looks at my wall of stuffy stuff

(01:31:40):
everywhere, no anyway where recorded yourstudio as a storage places. Yeah,
I get that. So you don't. We don't have a big mention you
if you saw this place before,Like so, this place wasn't even organized.
Everything was just piled on each otherand everything all way out to the
door, and you couldn't like therewas a narrow path that you could walk
all way to that door and allthe way out. But other than that,

(01:32:02):
you cannot sit walk where we were. Okay, I'm an a hoarder.
I get it. Well yeah,yeah, I finally got rid of
everything. I I started tossing leftand right, and then my mom I
was like, oh, we cankeep this and just put it in the
attic. So don't look in theattic. The attics not that bad either,

(01:32:23):
But the junk drawer. All ourlives, we all have one somewhere.
Oh yeah, maybe emotionally, butwe all have one. Any last
things you want to mention to thefun time, No find me. I'm
in the comedy Michael Patten, I'mfun to follow. I don't do a
lot of subpromotion anymore, so I'dsay this, Um, yeah, here's
might lak be advice is um.Comedy is truly American. Everything else in

(01:32:47):
the arts world was invented somewhere else. All the poetry, all the songs,
everything's being somewhere else. Stand upcomedy and jazz or the two performance
aren't they were invented in America.And you should respect him for that reason.
You should respect him. You shouldthink wow, the ability to do
this. I mean, if wereally believe in the freedoms, you know,
the first amendments is the freedom ofspeech. The second amends the guns.
And I believe you know second amendmentsequally is important. In fact,

(01:33:08):
if you have a gun, youcan say anything you want. But the
idea that we have this, wecan say these things. And I know
there's cancel culture out there. It'salways been around, it's always been there.
You can't be stupid. You've gotto read the room, and they're
very possible. But we don't shouldbe afraid to support local comedy. So
you should you should Google on Facebookor wherever you're at comedy shows and go
see them. I'm very blessed.I've had a great life. I got

(01:33:30):
to run nonprofits, I got tobe chairman and president and all these kind
of organizations. I've got a lotof great titles. My favorite one is
a volunteer. But I'm blessed.I got to change the world, and
my generation really did. We didcare, We did make a big difference
in a lot of things. ButI don't want to do it anymore.
I want to change the mood.If there's nothing else but your podcast can
do, and we all should reallyfocus on, is how do we change

(01:33:51):
the mood? How do we alltogether laugh? How do we all figure
like, wait a second, whyare we also mad at each other?
Maybe we can find something joke aboutchickens and bicycles and so I'm laughing a
stupid way. And so that's whatI'm recommending people. You know, don't
focus on changing the world. Don'tgive it up. I mean, you're
twenty eight, don't give up indoing it. But really, changing the
mood makes such a bigger difference inour own lives. At this point,

(01:34:12):
I'm just trying to change it withmy podcast, nothing else. Thanks,
you're good, Thanks for having me. Thank you man. I appreciate guys,
love you, tune in, appreciateyou guys. Hanging on this long?
All right till next time? Bye? How long we talk? An
hour and a half? Okay,Trotter? How are you hey? I'm

(01:34:43):
good. How are you good?Welcome to the east? Good? How
are you good? Hello? MartyEveryboddy? What's up man? How are
you doing next? How are youdoing? And what's your real name?
What's your government name? That ismy first question. I'm just gonna go
right off the bat and just J. J. Wood? What's up?

(01:35:06):
A long time listener, first timeguest? Excited? Do all have headphones?
Got Healey? What year were youborn? Ninety seven six ce?
Al right, technically you're a ninetiesbaby, but you missed half of it.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode #72 -Stand-up Comedian Michael Patton

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

Episode #72 -Stand-up Comedian Michael Patton

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal