April 16, 2020 • 28 mins
My guest and I are going to talk about being single in your thirties and the challenges of meeting people when you move. Hope you can relate, let us know what topics you like to hear?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hey, everybody, this is Christy and this is Flipping thirty.
I am here to talk to you about the good,
the bad, the ugly of being in your well actually
the good, the bad, and the challenges of being in
your thirties. And I have a fun co host today, Vanessa.
(00:34):
How are we Hi? Thanks thanks for joining me in quarantine.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Heyties, remember that, like, okay, never.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Mind, Well, I am glad that you're joining me. We
are going to talk about what Vanessa's perspective of being
in her thirties meaning to her and the single lady
these out there. I mean, this is something that someone
you could relate to because she is in her early
(01:06):
thirties and single and been in the dating world. So
we're going to talk about that. So, Vanessa, tell me
a little bit about what's your perspective of being in
your thirties.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Being thirty and thirty and thriving. No, yeah, so I
have been thirty for three years now, years and.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Yeah, no, no, I've been thirty.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
For three years now, and I plan on, you know,
right in that way for oh, you know, as long
as I can the first year of the early thirties,
the first year thirty, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Really notice it was more.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You know, hey, I'm thirty and I'm done with school
finally and licensing, and I'm going to get out and
see the world and do all this stuff and everything
that I missed out in my twenties.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So thirty one, you know, thirty thirty one was.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Pretty good exploring, trying to explore the world, and my
second year of thirty was okay, trying to get my bearings.
You know, when you hang with the people who drink
a lot, you're like, oh crap, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I'm you to slow it down a little bit, so
not drink a lot, you know what I mean, but
drink worlds do.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
But in my third year of the thirties, that's when, yeah,
you know, stuff starts feeling a little weird in your back,
and like you stop buying as many clothes and you
start buying like backpillows and bear fires and you know,
(03:03):
I don't know, I can really special special soap.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So but yeah, so I you know, at.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
First, you don't notice it, and I think as it progresses,
you start noticing things that are that are changing and
that didn't matter before that don't matter now, whether it's
the little love handle that won't go away or you know,
you're just I want to stand by a little longer.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
So I noticed that my third year of my thirties
has been a slowdown for me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So, yeah, I hear you. My thirty three year as acne.
I never had acne in my life. When I was
a teenager, I only had like a little bit on
my shoulder. But now it's on my face, on my forehead,
on the side of the forehead, the same spot over
and over my chin. And they're like, oh, it's hormonal,
(04:04):
hormonal stress. I'm like, okay, well, I don't really feel stressed.
And I don't know, like how do you control these hormones?
I don't know, like what can I do? But I
feel like every year it's added. Thirty three was acne. Well,
first thirty was lower back stiffness, and then thirty one
(04:24):
was like maybe some leg and knee pain, and then
thirty three acne. Now I'm thirty four and it's like, okay,
it's lower back, all my knees, my feet, my face, everything,
everything's going wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Maggie, Maggie, I'm a granny.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I need my stick.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
My gran.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Is not fitting Noah, one of those so yeah, no,
I feel you, I really do.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's gradually getting tougher, and you know, we've still got
a long ways to go too, so.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
You know, I'm probably gonna be fifty to be like, damn,
I should have done more when I was thirty because
I was killing it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But yeah, perspective, it's definitely perspective.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, for sure. With Sam if you heard his podcast,
he said that he met a fifty year old and
they get a second wind, right, so you know they're
back to being thirty.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So it's a new thirty exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
So with all that, I mean, so opening up with
the world traveling and and you got to well, I know,
like last year or the year before, you get to
go to Europe and experience new things and and all that.
So how did that change means your way of thinking?
Did it ever? Did it influence you at all?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So, as a little bit of background, I pretty much
spent my entire twenties working on bachelors and then masters
and then CPA.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
And by the time I hit twenty nine, I finally
got all done with that. And I looked up and
it was like, did I just waste my life?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like I looked at I have no friends, I've never
been anywhere. I've buried myself, and you know, I immediately
got a pathport. Like that was you must have a pathport.
If you don't have a passport by twenty nine, you
are you just need to get your life together. So
(06:59):
or that was meerly, but I'd say that universally. So definitely,
experiencing new things and new cultures is just a must.
I definitely, even with age, but also experiencing different things.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
It's definitely.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
It's not you know, we're both from Arkansas and so
the world is very different from arcansall.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
So it's a big world out there, and you know,
you need to get out and do that. And I
really think that traveling.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
For the two years that I did really inevitably gave
me the courage to actually be able to move by myself.
So I was like, well, if you know, I can
go you know, internationally with friends and then maybe I
can try it myself. So I tried it myself, and
I'm like, well, I can do this place on a
cruise by myself. I will never do that again, but
(07:58):
I have done it by myself. Then why don't I
go to all close to resort and then after that
I'm like, wait, well, I could probably live somewhere else.
So I think if it helps conquer a lot of
fears that you might have.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Or that I have personally about getting out and doing
things on my.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Own and making changes, absolutely, yeah. And for everybody a
little background Vanessa, we are Arkansas girls and I moved
to California and she moved to Charlotte, the banking city
North Carolina. So how are you liking it?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's okay, No, it's.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
It's very different not being close to family, as you know.
And good thing about East Coast it is the time
goes really fast. It's ahead of everyone and they're like,
you wake up and get through the day and it's
(09:16):
dark and everyone else on the other side of the
world has light. Well behind you has light and you're
in darkness. I don't know, it's just it's weird. The
time goes really really fast here and I don't really
I've been here a year and it's hard. That's another
thing in your thirties.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
It's just it's a little harder to make friends.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, and you know, I'm not super quiet, but I'm
not superrowd going, you know, I don't I don't just
stop people and keep in mind, this is the East Coast,
so like people aren't as friendly. I don't know, you
know what I mean, Like you don't to stop and
wave the people like you do where we're from, because
they'll look at you find it or they won't look
at you at all. So yeah, So I think think
(10:00):
that was the biggest adjustment was kind of the East
Coast lifestyle. And Charlotte is one of the nicer cities.
Like you know a lot of the New Yorkers come
down here and are like, oh my god, it's so friendlier.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I'm like, where are you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Everyone's so rude, Like you wave hello, you know, say
high And when we're walking in Walmart, I expect you
to wave to me and need to wave to you
even if we don't know each other, Like that's how
we do.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So yeah, that's here, Yeah saying here in the West Coast,
they're not as friendly as the South and waving is
they'll give you a weird look and look down and
and I forget, you know, how cultures are different from
East Coast West Coast to the South. And then I
go visit home for a week and I forget where
(10:49):
I'm at, and then people will turn and they have
their hands up and they'll wave, and then I'm like,
I'll look away, and then they'll give and then I
look at them again and I'm like, oh, crap, I
should have waved it back because he just gave me
a dirty look. Because it's not the culture to ignore.
It's like you, if they turn they wave, you glance
and like nod your head or wave back, like give
(11:11):
them some kind of sign that you acknowledge them as
a person. They gave you a nice, polite gesture, and
I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm back at home. I need
to like start waving smiling again, because they don't do
that as much in the West Coast East Coast area.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
See, I'm the opposite. When I go home. I'm like, hey,
he talks to me here, so I get really excited.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, I get excited, but I get in my head.
I'm like think overthinking. I'm like checked out thinking about things.
So sometimes it distracts me. It catches me off my guard.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I'm like, oh, yeah, I will say though, like Charlotte
is In has grown significantly. It's as the top places
for young professional millennials, and you know the pre COVID nineteen.
It's just just development, development, growth, growth, tech tech, And
(12:17):
I don't think but the cost of living is not terrible.
It's not like, you know, living in California. Houses are extensive.
You can afford.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
There's the houses. You can still get a really nice
two hundred fifty thousand dollar house, brand new built. So
there's I.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Would definitely, if I were to move again, definitely someplace
where there's growth.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I don't imagine myself living in Arkansas anymore, just because
it's just it's so so much lower, and I want
to be somewhere where you know, things are happening, you
know what I mean, where it's happening.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So I agree, I miss home and I get homesick
all the time, but I and I want to move home,
But then a part of me doesn't because I'm like,
there's no opportunity. I would just stay at a stagnant
job until retirement. And Arkansas is beautiful, the people are nice,
it's affordable, you know, the housing is really affordable. It
(13:10):
is just do you see yourself growing here? Do you
see yourself learning new things?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
So it's at this time in my life. It's really
hard to see myself go back, even though I really
want to, just because I miss my parents. But part
of me is like, well, I'm going to be in
that stagnant job, staying where I'm at until probably retirement,
and that's not really what I want for myself. So
go where the opportunities are.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I mean, I say that now, but you know a
lot of people end at back Park and so I'll
believe it or not. So I mean I could be,
you know, sixty living in the village for christ Yeah,
I never know, never know right now, it's not for me.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, yeah, agree. I mean I could see myself retiring there,
and you know, my parents are there and you know,
their properties are all paid off, and I see myself
like them, retired and you know, don't have to worry
about that house or whatever payment. You just buy groceries
and pay your utility bill and be done with it.
I mean, I see my future doing that, but right now,
(14:20):
not not right now.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, Yeah, that's a long ways away. So yeah, keep
living my best life over here.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Yeah, we got time for that. So tell me about
the single life. Being in your early thirties.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
The thing a life is the life now it Yeah,
so it's interesting.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
I how long have I n single?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
You know, thinkle can become not just as sad as
after a while, it can become just a way of life,
you know what I mean. And I think in part of.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Me feels that if you didn't find someone in college
or within that vicinity. The way the world works now
online dating, you're just kind of like out here having
fun at your ass out.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
There's no.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
There's just it's tough. It's tough if you're actively out here.
And I have a lot of friends who are actively
online and you know, it's rick thought here. You know, people,
it's challenging.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
So for me, it hasn't been a huge focus through
the past.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I'd say, you know, if you had asked me I
was going to be single at thirty plus three in
my twenties, and I'm like, no, you know, I'm going
to be shuttle down, of course, I mean, come on,
but catch over here, right. But the reality is is
(16:10):
that the world has changed and everything's really really fast
and everything social media and Instagram, and it's like people
move on to the next thing very very quickly. You know,
you can't find a guy at the bookstore, you know,
is there a bookstore anymore open? So it's challenging, it
(16:34):
really is. I don't think of it, honestly, I don't
think about it as much anymore.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It's more like, hey, do I want to rent for
the rest of my life? Like five years ago, I don't.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I'm not buying nothing, you know what I mean, Like
I want to commit or anything. Now I'm thinking more of, Okay,
I'm single, and I'm not gonna, you know, place a
bet that something's coming around the corner next year. So
what else I do I got to do out here,
(17:08):
you know what I mean? And a lot really like
get a home or invest or, you know, don't do
other things.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So that's kind of kind of what I'm focused on.
I'm not really not really got it.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
Like Pam said, it's all about timing. She's like, I'm
turning thirty six in a and I've been dating my
boyfriend for almost a year now, and she's like, it's
going well. I mean, I hope it's the one and
I hope it works out, and it's going great so far,
and I'm pretty excited about him of all the boyfriends
(17:43):
I've ever had, so hopefully he's the one and it's
all about timing.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, I mean, I love the optimistic. I'm kind of
a nut job when it comes to that kinde of thing.
I'm like, yeah, let me get him a background check
really quick, and I'm a google him.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
CFP doesn't have two wives, yes at this time, one
on the East coast, one on the West coast.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
For sure. I watched Dirty John and Netflix for sure
do a background check. The older we get, the more
like crazies pops up.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So for sure, listen, you better google him. Listen, listeners
google him. Okay, yeah, women and men. I'm not trying
to be, you know, to be texist or anything, but
you know, it's it's a little it gets a little
ratchet out here.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
So or etter google.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Google him, google him, google her. Make sure you do
a background check. How many husbands, how many wives, how
many baby mama's daddy's out there?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Listen. I am not even kidding. One time, I don't
even know why I did this, but I just googled him.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I think someone someone, just someone recommended a guy recommended,
was like, you better google him.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I googled him and he was a registered sex offender and.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I was like, what the god you googled him?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I was after that and like I said, I'm not
not really online or anything. But all I'm saying is
this was a normal encounter. You don't know people like seriously,
you don't know what the people hiding.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Google him, That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
So did you meet that person from online?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Or no? I?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Uh, from Okay, a restaurant if we were a friend
of a friend in a restaurant who was working.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
At a restaurant, gotcha, and just you know, knew him
through some friends.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
But it's uh, well it's more than that. It was everything.
He said he had one kid and he had like four.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
But okay, our could.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Kid get pretty ratchet and that that's just you know,
it's not topical story, but maybe it is.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I just taste smoked
undercover and and yeah that was wild. But it's your
experiences that make you more aware. I haven't tried the
online dating.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I I've only done the bumble and bumble friends and
it was so awkward, so a crazy story. I was like,
you know what I want to get out and meet
some new friends.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
But I start putt a profile up and.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
You're just wiping, and you you, when they don't write anything,
you have to be like, I don't know if i'd
hang out with her.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
She's kind of cute, white, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I'm sure weird my story. I felt like I was,
you know, dating for friends. I'm like, Okay, she looks
like someone I would click with. Yeah, I like her. No,
I don't like her. She's got too much activities going
on about this all. And I'm like, well, I don't
(21:30):
want someone to criticize me because I really have a
major sweet tooth.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Well, you know, I'm not a cat person, which I mean,
I love your kiddies, you know what I mean and everything,
But if they had a bunch of cats, I probably like.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Too much cats because I have too.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I mean, I don't know she had a bunch of
lot And then, uh, you know, too many kids? No, No,
I don't how many kids, you know what I mean.
So it's it's basically judging book by a cover. There's
this one girl though, where I was like, oh, she
(22:14):
looks really cool, so I messaged her and one of
my friends was like, you know, you should bite her
out right away.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
I was like, what do I do? Do I ask
her out on a drink? This is weird?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
And I ended up inviting her to out and a
friend came with me, and then we were talking and
she's like, yeah, I lived with my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
And we were like, oh my gosh, go bring her.
We want to meet her too. Well. Her her friend,
her girlfriend was so high nat us.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
She was just like, you know, and I get when
you're a wine conn a star, but she's like, do
you have wine from NAPA two thousand and three fifteen,
And this was before I had been to an episode.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Now I'm that way. I'm like, wait, do you have
been NAPA? Why?
Speaker 2 (23:07):
But anyways, I say all that to say she was
kind of like tired of her girlfriend. Got oh, she
was looking forward to her girlfriend, and.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
So she was a little to a friend but a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Yeah, And I wasn't ready, you know what I mean,
Like I didn't you know, So I was like, this
is so hard. I mean, I wasn't I wasn't ready
for the online experience.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Yeah. So it's great, like super cool, but I was
actually a little scared of her girlfriend like her groom.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Looked like she would track somebody down. So yeah, yeah,
that was That was my online BFF experience.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So hadn't done it again?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yeah, I haven't been on it in a while. I
mean my first time on it. I got to meet
two good people on it, and Teresa and I like
we matched, and then she's like, oh, do you want
to meet at a restaurant here in Irvine. I'm like
for drinks. I'm like, sure, why not? And then we
clicked right away, and then I clicked right away with
(24:17):
another girl, and then my I was like, okay, but
everybody has busy lives and working all the time, and
nobody I need more than just two friends. So I
stayed on it and then got a lot of different
crazies like oh I don't want to meet, or I'll
just want someone to chat with. I'm like, well, I
got Facebook for that, so I mean, just chat with
your Facebook friends if you want a social media friend.
(24:40):
I'm like, I'm here to make like real good friendship
where I can actually see them after work, or you know,
make my own community. But after talking to yeah, after
talking to so many, I just gave up and deleted
the app.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
And and.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Now it's quarantine, so it doesn't really matter. Everybody's virtual anyways.
So I'm like I can keep my old friends now.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
So yet it's socially acceptable to not talk to people.
So so you know, winning over here because it's you know,
sometimes it's pressure. Sometimes you feel like you're missing out
on something. So but you know, hey, quarantine life. I
(25:32):
know I've been preparing for this for a long time.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Apparently yes, you have you this is natural for you,
Like this is yeah, do you know me? You go
in hiding sometimes I worry about you. Even when Sam's like, oh,
have you heard from Vanessa? Well, I'm like no, I haven't.
He's like, well, you should message her and check check
on her. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to, cause you
(25:55):
get quiet for a while. You go into hiding her.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
With her dog and her sneggie her birthday.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, if you ever want to do virtual Happy Hour
or play games and do Zoom, they have all these
fun games now where you feel like you're socializing together
but you're not.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Well, you are my one friend that keeps me on
my toes, so you know, I am always willing to
try something new.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
When Christy call, oh, oay, thanks for podcasting with me.
I appreciate your time and ability and wanting to do this.
Not everybody's comfortable with talking about their lives or themselves,
but hey, I mean it's for I mean, it's just
talking and whoever can connect can connect.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, it's fun and you know, it's fun to hear
everyone's story is a little different, but it's also everyone's
kind of going through the same thing.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I think too, a little bit of the same with
different circumstances, but right, yeah, definitely smilar stories.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I love listening to podcasts. I'm like listening to people's stories,
their life, their background, and I don't know, it just
helps put me at ease.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Yeah, great, it's it. It's it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well that's up for our time for the day. I
really appreciate you and your time and thanks for being
my co host for this week.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
It was fun, all right. Well bye guys, Take care,
stay safe and be healthy.
Hey, everybody, this is Christy and this is Flipping thirty.
I am here to talk to you about the good,
the bad, the ugly of being in your well actually
the good, the bad, and the challenges of being in
your thirties. And I have a fun co host today, Vanessa.
(00:34):
How are we Hi? Thanks thanks for joining me in quarantine.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Heyties, remember that, like, okay, never.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Mind, Well, I am glad that you're joining me. We
are going to talk about what Vanessa's perspective of being
in her thirties meaning to her and the single lady
these out there. I mean, this is something that someone
you could relate to because she is in her early
(01:06):
thirties and single and been in the dating world. So
we're going to talk about that. So, Vanessa, tell me
a little bit about what's your perspective of being in
your thirties.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Being thirty and thirty and thriving. No, yeah, so I
have been thirty for three years now, years and.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Yeah, no, no, I've been thirty.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
For three years now, and I plan on, you know,
right in that way for oh, you know, as long
as I can the first year of the early thirties,
the first year thirty, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Really notice it was more.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You know, hey, I'm thirty and I'm done with school
finally and licensing, and I'm going to get out and
see the world and do all this stuff and everything
that I missed out in my twenties.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So thirty one, you know, thirty thirty one was.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Pretty good exploring, trying to explore the world, and my
second year of thirty was okay, trying to get my bearings.
You know, when you hang with the people who drink
a lot, you're like, oh crap, you know.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I'm you to slow it down a little bit, so
not drink a lot, you know what I mean, but
drink worlds do.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
But in my third year of the thirties, that's when, yeah,
you know, stuff starts feeling a little weird in your back,
and like you stop buying as many clothes and you
start buying like backpillows and bear fires and you know,
(03:03):
I don't know, I can really special special soap.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So but yeah, so I you know, at.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
First, you don't notice it, and I think as it progresses,
you start noticing things that are that are changing and
that didn't matter before that don't matter now, whether it's
the little love handle that won't go away or you know,
you're just I want to stand by a little longer.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
So I noticed that my third year of my thirties
has been a slowdown for me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So, yeah, I hear you. My thirty three year as acne.
I never had acne in my life. When I was
a teenager, I only had like a little bit on
my shoulder. But now it's on my face, on my forehead,
on the side of the forehead, the same spot over
and over my chin. And they're like, oh, it's hormonal,
(04:04):
hormonal stress. I'm like, okay, well, I don't really feel stressed.
And I don't know, like how do you control these hormones?
I don't know, like what can I do? But I
feel like every year it's added. Thirty three was acne. Well,
first thirty was lower back stiffness, and then thirty one
(04:24):
was like maybe some leg and knee pain, and then
thirty three acne. Now I'm thirty four and it's like, okay,
it's lower back, all my knees, my feet, my face, everything,
everything's going wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Maggie, Maggie, I'm a granny.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I need my stick.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
My gran.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Is not fitting Noah, one of those so yeah, no,
I feel you, I really do.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
It's gradually getting tougher, and you know, we've still got
a long ways to go too, so.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
You know, I'm probably gonna be fifty to be like, damn,
I should have done more when I was thirty because
I was killing it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
But yeah, perspective, it's definitely perspective.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Yeah, for sure. With Sam if you heard his podcast,
he said that he met a fifty year old and
they get a second wind, right, so you know they're
back to being thirty.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So it's a new thirty exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
So with all that, I mean, so opening up with
the world traveling and and you got to well, I know,
like last year or the year before, you get to
go to Europe and experience new things and and all that.
So how did that change means your way of thinking?
Did it ever? Did it influence you at all?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So, as a little bit of background, I pretty much
spent my entire twenties working on bachelors and then masters
and then CPA.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
And by the time I hit twenty nine, I finally
got all done with that. And I looked up and
it was like, did I just waste my life?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Like I looked at I have no friends, I've never
been anywhere. I've buried myself, and you know, I immediately
got a pathport. Like that was you must have a pathport.
If you don't have a passport by twenty nine, you
are you just need to get your life together. So
(06:59):
or that was meerly, but I'd say that universally. So definitely,
experiencing new things and new cultures is just a must.
I definitely, even with age, but also experiencing different things.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
It's definitely.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
It's not you know, we're both from Arkansas and so
the world is very different from arcansall.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
So it's a big world out there, and you know,
you need to get out and do that. And I
really think that traveling.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
For the two years that I did really inevitably gave
me the courage to actually be able to move by myself.
So I was like, well, if you know, I can
go you know, internationally with friends and then maybe I
can try it myself. So I tried it myself, and
I'm like, well, I can do this place on a
cruise by myself. I will never do that again, but
(07:58):
I have done it by myself. Then why don't I
go to all close to resort and then after that
I'm like, wait, well, I could probably live somewhere else.
So I think if it helps conquer a lot of
fears that you might have.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Or that I have personally about getting out and doing
things on my.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Own and making changes, absolutely, yeah. And for everybody a
little background Vanessa, we are Arkansas girls and I moved
to California and she moved to Charlotte, the banking city
North Carolina. So how are you liking it?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's okay, No, it's.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
It's very different not being close to family, as you know.
And good thing about East Coast it is the time
goes really fast. It's ahead of everyone and they're like,
you wake up and get through the day and it's
(09:16):
dark and everyone else on the other side of the
world has light. Well behind you has light and you're
in darkness. I don't know, it's just it's weird. The
time goes really really fast here and I don't really
I've been here a year and it's hard. That's another
thing in your thirties.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
It's just it's a little harder to make friends.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yeah, and you know, I'm not super quiet, but I'm
not superrowd going, you know, I don't I don't just
stop people and keep in mind, this is the East Coast,
so like people aren't as friendly. I don't know, you
know what I mean, Like you don't to stop and
wave the people like you do where we're from, because
they'll look at you find it or they won't look
at you at all. So yeah, So I think think
(10:00):
that was the biggest adjustment was kind of the East
Coast lifestyle. And Charlotte is one of the nicer cities.
Like you know a lot of the New Yorkers come
down here and are like, oh my god, it's so friendlier.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I'm like, where are you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Everyone's so rude, Like you wave hello, you know, say
high And when we're walking in Walmart, I expect you
to wave to me and need to wave to you
even if we don't know each other, Like that's how
we do.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So yeah, that's here, Yeah saying here in the West Coast,
they're not as friendly as the South and waving is
they'll give you a weird look and look down and
and I forget, you know, how cultures are different from
East Coast West Coast to the South. And then I
go visit home for a week and I forget where
(10:49):
I'm at, and then people will turn and they have
their hands up and they'll wave, and then I'm like,
I'll look away, and then they'll give and then I
look at them again and I'm like, oh, crap, I
should have waved it back because he just gave me
a dirty look. Because it's not the culture to ignore.
It's like you, if they turn they wave, you glance
and like nod your head or wave back, like give
(11:11):
them some kind of sign that you acknowledge them as
a person. They gave you a nice, polite gesture, and
I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm back at home. I need
to like start waving smiling again, because they don't do
that as much in the West Coast East Coast area.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
See, I'm the opposite. When I go home. I'm like, hey,
he talks to me here, so I get really excited.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, I get excited, but I get in my head.
I'm like think overthinking. I'm like checked out thinking about things.
So sometimes it distracts me. It catches me off my guard.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I'm like, oh, yeah, I will say though, like Charlotte
is In has grown significantly. It's as the top places
for young professional millennials, and you know the pre COVID nineteen.
It's just just development, development, growth, growth, tech tech, And
(12:17):
I don't think but the cost of living is not terrible.
It's not like, you know, living in California. Houses are extensive.
You can afford.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
There's the houses. You can still get a really nice
two hundred fifty thousand dollar house, brand new built. So
there's I.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Would definitely, if I were to move again, definitely someplace
where there's growth.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I don't imagine myself living in Arkansas anymore, just because
it's just it's so so much lower, and I want
to be somewhere where you know, things are happening, you
know what I mean, where it's happening.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So I agree, I miss home and I get homesick
all the time, but I and I want to move home,
But then a part of me doesn't because I'm like,
there's no opportunity. I would just stay at a stagnant
job until retirement. And Arkansas is beautiful, the people are nice,
it's affordable, you know, the housing is really affordable. It
(13:10):
is just do you see yourself growing here? Do you
see yourself learning new things?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
So it's at this time in my life. It's really
hard to see myself go back, even though I really
want to, just because I miss my parents. But part
of me is like, well, I'm going to be in
that stagnant job, staying where I'm at until probably retirement,
and that's not really what I want for myself. So
go where the opportunities are.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I mean, I say that now, but you know a
lot of people end at back Park and so I'll
believe it or not. So I mean I could be,
you know, sixty living in the village for christ Yeah,
I never know, never know right now, it's not for me.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, yeah, agree. I mean I could see myself retiring there,
and you know, my parents are there and you know,
their properties are all paid off, and I see myself
like them, retired and you know, don't have to worry
about that house or whatever payment. You just buy groceries
and pay your utility bill and be done with it.
I mean, I see my future doing that, but right now,
(14:20):
not not right now.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, Yeah, that's a long ways away. So yeah, keep
living my best life over here.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Yeah, we got time for that. So tell me about
the single life. Being in your early thirties.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
The thing a life is the life now it Yeah,
so it's interesting.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
I how long have I n single?
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (14:54):
You know, thinkle can become not just as sad as
after a while, it can become just a way of life,
you know what I mean. And I think in part of.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Me feels that if you didn't find someone in college
or within that vicinity. The way the world works now
online dating, you're just kind of like out here having
fun at your ass out.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
There's no.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
There's just it's tough. It's tough if you're actively out here.
And I have a lot of friends who are actively
online and you know, it's rick thought here. You know, people,
it's challenging.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
So for me, it hasn't been a huge focus through
the past.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I'd say, you know, if you had asked me I
was going to be single at thirty plus three in
my twenties, and I'm like, no, you know, I'm going
to be shuttle down, of course, I mean, come on,
but catch over here, right. But the reality is is
(16:10):
that the world has changed and everything's really really fast
and everything social media and Instagram, and it's like people
move on to the next thing very very quickly. You know,
you can't find a guy at the bookstore, you know,
is there a bookstore anymore open? So it's challenging, it
(16:34):
really is. I don't think of it, honestly, I don't
think about it as much anymore.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It's more like, hey, do I want to rent for
the rest of my life? Like five years ago, I don't.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I'm not buying nothing, you know what I mean, Like
I want to commit or anything. Now I'm thinking more of, Okay,
I'm single, and I'm not gonna, you know, place a
bet that something's coming around the corner next year. So
what else I do I got to do out here,
(17:08):
you know what I mean? And a lot really like
get a home or invest or, you know, don't do
other things.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So that's kind of kind of what I'm focused on.
I'm not really not really got it.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
Like Pam said, it's all about timing. She's like, I'm
turning thirty six in a and I've been dating my
boyfriend for almost a year now, and she's like, it's
going well. I mean, I hope it's the one and
I hope it works out, and it's going great so far,
and I'm pretty excited about him of all the boyfriends
(17:43):
I've ever had, so hopefully he's the one and it's
all about timing.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, I mean, I love the optimistic. I'm kind of
a nut job when it comes to that kinde of thing.
I'm like, yeah, let me get him a background check
really quick, and I'm a google him.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
CFP doesn't have two wives, yes at this time, one
on the East coast, one on the West coast.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
For sure. I watched Dirty John and Netflix for sure
do a background check. The older we get, the more
like crazies pops up.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
So for sure, listen, you better google him. Listen, listeners
google him. Okay, yeah, women and men. I'm not trying
to be, you know, to be texist or anything, but
you know, it's it's a little it gets a little
ratchet out here.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
So or etter google.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Google him, google him, google her. Make sure you do
a background check. How many husbands, how many wives, how
many baby mama's daddy's out there?
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Listen. I am not even kidding. One time, I don't
even know why I did this, but I just googled him.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I think someone someone, just someone recommended a guy recommended,
was like, you better google him.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I googled him and he was a registered sex offender and.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I was like, what the god you googled him?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I was after that and like I said, I'm not
not really online or anything. But all I'm saying is
this was a normal encounter. You don't know people like seriously,
you don't know what the people hiding.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Google him, That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
So did you meet that person from online?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Or no? I?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Uh, from Okay, a restaurant if we were a friend
of a friend in a restaurant who was working.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
At a restaurant, gotcha, and just you know, knew him
through some friends.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
But it's uh, well it's more than that. It was everything.
He said he had one kid and he had like four.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
But okay, our could.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Kid get pretty ratchet and that that's just you know,
it's not topical story, but maybe it is.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I just taste smoked
undercover and and yeah that was wild. But it's your
experiences that make you more aware. I haven't tried the
online dating.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
I I've only done the bumble and bumble friends and
it was so awkward, so a crazy story. I was like,
you know what I want to get out and meet
some new friends.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
But I start putt a profile up and.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
You're just wiping, and you you, when they don't write anything,
you have to be like, I don't know if i'd
hang out with her.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
She's kind of cute, white, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I'm sure weird my story. I felt like I was,
you know, dating for friends. I'm like, Okay, she looks
like someone I would click with. Yeah, I like her. No,
I don't like her. She's got too much activities going
on about this all. And I'm like, well, I don't
(21:30):
want someone to criticize me because I really have a
major sweet tooth.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Well, you know, I'm not a cat person, which I mean,
I love your kiddies, you know what I mean and everything,
But if they had a bunch of cats, I probably like.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Too much cats because I have too.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I mean, I don't know she had a bunch of
lot And then, uh, you know, too many kids? No, No,
I don't how many kids, you know what I mean.
So it's it's basically judging book by a cover. There's
this one girl though, where I was like, oh, she
(22:14):
looks really cool, so I messaged her and one of
my friends was like, you know, you should bite her
out right away.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
I was like, what do I do? Do I ask
her out on a drink? This is weird?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
And I ended up inviting her to out and a
friend came with me, and then we were talking and
she's like, yeah, I lived with my girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
And we were like, oh my gosh, go bring her.
We want to meet her too. Well. Her her friend,
her girlfriend was so high nat us.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
She was just like, you know, and I get when
you're a wine conn a star, but she's like, do
you have wine from NAPA two thousand and three fifteen,
And this was before I had been to an episode.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Now I'm that way. I'm like, wait, do you have
been NAPA? Why?
Speaker 2 (23:07):
But anyways, I say all that to say she was
kind of like tired of her girlfriend. Got oh, she
was looking forward to her girlfriend, and.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
So she was a little to a friend but a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Yeah, And I wasn't ready, you know what I mean,
Like I didn't you know, So I was like, this
is so hard. I mean, I wasn't I wasn't ready
for the online experience.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Yeah. So it's great, like super cool, but I was
actually a little scared of her girlfriend like her groom.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Looked like she would track somebody down. So yeah, yeah,
that was That was my online BFF experience.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So hadn't done it again?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yeah, I haven't been on it in a while. I
mean my first time on it. I got to meet
two good people on it, and Teresa and I like
we matched, and then she's like, oh, do you want
to meet at a restaurant here in Irvine. I'm like
for drinks. I'm like, sure, why not? And then we
clicked right away, and then I clicked right away with
(24:17):
another girl, and then my I was like, okay, but
everybody has busy lives and working all the time, and
nobody I need more than just two friends. So I
stayed on it and then got a lot of different
crazies like oh I don't want to meet, or I'll
just want someone to chat with. I'm like, well, I
got Facebook for that, so I mean, just chat with
your Facebook friends if you want a social media friend.
(24:40):
I'm like, I'm here to make like real good friendship
where I can actually see them after work, or you know,
make my own community. But after talking to yeah, after
talking to so many, I just gave up and deleted
the app.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
And and.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Now it's quarantine, so it doesn't really matter. Everybody's virtual anyways.
So I'm like I can keep my old friends now.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
So yet it's socially acceptable to not talk to people.
So so you know, winning over here because it's you know,
sometimes it's pressure. Sometimes you feel like you're missing out
on something. So but you know, hey, quarantine life. I
(25:32):
know I've been preparing for this for a long time.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Apparently yes, you have you this is natural for you,
Like this is yeah, do you know me? You go
in hiding sometimes I worry about you. Even when Sam's like, oh,
have you heard from Vanessa? Well, I'm like no, I haven't.
He's like, well, you should message her and check check
on her. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to, cause you
(25:55):
get quiet for a while. You go into hiding her.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
With her dog and her sneggie her birthday.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Well, if you ever want to do virtual Happy Hour
or play games and do Zoom, they have all these
fun games now where you feel like you're socializing together
but you're not.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Well, you are my one friend that keeps me on
my toes, so you know, I am always willing to
try something new.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
When Christy call, oh, oay, thanks for podcasting with me.
I appreciate your time and ability and wanting to do this.
Not everybody's comfortable with talking about their lives or themselves,
but hey, I mean it's for I mean, it's just
talking and whoever can connect can connect.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Yeah, it's fun and you know, it's fun to hear
everyone's story is a little different, but it's also everyone's
kind of going through the same thing.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I think too, a little bit of the same with
different circumstances, but right, yeah, definitely smilar stories.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I love listening to podcasts. I'm like listening to people's stories,
their life, their background, and I don't know, it just
helps put me at ease.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Yeah, great, it's it. It's it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well that's up for our time for the day. I
really appreciate you and your time and thanks for being
my co host for this week.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
It was fun, all right. Well bye guys, Take care,
stay safe and be healthy.
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