March 24, 2024 • 46 mins
The feeling of losing control can be extremely overwhelming for us and I’m here to support you through it. In this blog breakdown episode I walk you through 5 ways losing control can impact us and 5 solutions to get through it. Remember this is blog breakdown episode so I wrote a blog to pair with this!
Please feel free to head over the blog column to check out this latest post on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
Also remember that any questions,advice letters or sponsorship/advertising inquiries can be sent to blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
You can also follow me on IG Instagram.com/thoughts_ of_a_ blogqueen
Enjoy the episode.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
Please feel free to head over the blog column to check out this latest post on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
Also remember that any questions,advice letters or sponsorship/advertising inquiries can be sent to blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
You can also follow me on IG Instagram.com/thoughts_ of_a_ blogqueen
Enjoy the episode.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Well, well, well, lookwho showed up. Look who came back
to the mic. Okay, sowe got some catching up to do.
So y'all stay tuned. Let's dothis to the thoughts of a blog Queen
podcast. Hey, y'all, Ohmy god, it's been so long.
(00:41):
It has been so long since Ihave put this microphone to my mouth and
I have sat with you guys andjust poured out my thoughts. And there's
reason for that. There's always areason. Listen, if you have been
following my podcast and just supporting myplatform, then you know this isn't the
first hiatus I've gone on. Becauseone thing I'm gonna do, Listen,
(01:06):
one thing I'm gonna do is Iam going to prioritize my self care.
I'm gonna prioritize my mental and listen, if your girl needs a break,
I'm gonna have to take that break. I'm gonna have to take that break.
I know when I need a break, I know when I have to
step away. And so that's whatI had to do, you guys,
and I realize every single time thatI take a break away from writing and
(01:30):
podcasting and just being creative. Everytime I do that, I feel like
a little piece of me is missing. I'd like, I genuinely miss talking
to you guys. When I'm nottalking to you guys. So when I
come back and I and I preparemyself to get back on the microphone,
it's like I feel like, Okay, I'm ready to do this. I
(01:52):
get super excited, you know,I start posting about it, and I
get hyped when people start like askingme about it or they give little feedback,
and you know, it just theyshow love, you know, they
show love, and I just appreciatethat and I really like look forward to
that, and it just lets meknow. It gives me the confirmation that
(02:15):
I need to know that what I'mdoing is not in vain, what I'm
doing is appreciated, it's necessary,and the purpose that I know that I
have for myself and my creativity andmy voice, I'm using it. I'm
using it the way that it isintended to be used. So about this
(02:37):
break, About this break, Iyeah, I had to, Uh,
I went through some things. Twentytwenty three. Okay, so it's you
know, we're we're still in firstquarter of twenty twenty four, but twenty
twenty three literally kind of kicked myass. I'm not even gonna lie about
that. It kind of it kindof kicked my ass. Yes, it's
(02:59):
I will. I was. Iwas kind of all over the place.
I was all over place, andI was trying to process through those emotions.
I was trying to figure out,like what was going on. I
was trying to figure out what Ineeded to do. I was trying to
figure out, like, like everythingchanged. I felt like everything changed.
(03:22):
I felt like, you know,I didn't know what I was going to
do with myself. I felt likesomething was off. I felt like something
was missing. Just a lot ofthings, right, A lot of emotions
that I was feeling in last year, and so I had to I had
to sit in those emotions. Ihad to sit in those emotions, and
(03:45):
I had to process them. Ihad to, and I had to do
that in a healthy way. Andso a part of that was just me
taking a step back from the thingsthat I normally do and just focusing on
me. Hence me talking about goinginto a solo season, which will be
(04:09):
next up that we will talk about, not the next episode, but it's
coming. I'm still I'm still there. I'm still there. I'm still in
that season. So I can't quitesay I've wrapped that up yet, and
so I'm not even gonna get intoall of that, but that's where that's
what I've been doing. But Iwas able to come to this point where
(04:30):
I knew that one of the thingsthat helps me with my emotions and that
helps me, uh to just begood is my creativity and using my voice
and using my words to write.Those are the things that I love.
Those are healthy resources. Those arehealthy outlets that I have in my life
that I am able to turn towhen I when I need them. But
(04:57):
last year there was a lot ofa lot of feelings that I didn't know
how to. I didn't know whatto do with them. I didn't know
what to do with them, andso I was feeling like the control that
I have that I had over mylife up until everything completely just felt like
(05:19):
it went to hell. From beinghonest, I felt like I was losing
control. So I thought that itwould be appropriate, and I thought that
it would be beneficial not only forme, but for someone else because I
know that the feeling of losing control, I know that that feeling is common
(05:41):
amongst us, and as women,you know, we juggle a lot of
things. We take care of alot of things, and we're responsible for
a lot of things. Whether we'resingle or not, we're responsible for a
lot of things. And we somehowhave have been signed or delegated a lot
of the responsibility to carry a lotof the mental strength. Again, whether
(06:12):
you're single or not, we carrythat. And sometimes it's not even it
doesn't even necessarily have to be thatwe were delegated it, but it's just
I think sometimes it's just a naturalinstinct. We just we just that's just
what we do. And because we'realways so prone to do that, we
do that just like we just doit. It gets to be a lot
(06:32):
and so then and what But butwe we always have a plan. We
have a plan and we figured itout. We figured it out, we
figure out what we're gonna do.But then when something changes up with the
plan, then it's just kind oflike, wait a minute, now,
that wasn't that wasn't what what weThat wasn't what we talked about, Like
(06:56):
what's going on? Like you're talkingto the universe, you're talking to God,
whoever it is. It's like whateveryour higher power is. You're kind
of like Okay, that wasn't whatwe was you know, that's not what
we were supposed to do. Where'dthat come from? You threw this little
curveball. So let's talk about it. Let's get into it. And of
(07:16):
course, you guys, as youcan see by the title, we're doing
a blog breakdown. So a blogbreakdown means that everything I'm talking about today,
there is a blog posted for youso you can read this. I
welcome you. I welcome you tovisit my Thoughts of a Blog Queen podcast
excuse me, Thoughts of a BlogQueen column. The website will be linked
(07:38):
in the description notes, but Iwelcome you to come over there and read
everything that I'm talking about. I'mgonna just break this blog down, but
visit me over there, check outsome other posts, and yeah, so
let's get into this again. Iwas talking about how I was feeling like
I was losing control. And ifyou have never felt the feeling of losing
(08:00):
control in your life, girl,you are lucky. You are lucky that
you haven't had to feel that.But I highly doubt that it's an uncommon
feeling for a lot of us,because understandably, as women, we cycle
through so many different emotions in aday, in a week, hell a
(08:20):
month, and a lot of thathas to do with whatever current situation we're
facing, whatever past situations we're tryingto overcome our day to day lifestyles,
and then with all of that,we're trying to manage the task of like
balancing all of those things at onetime. We're trying to do it all
together. So it's understandable when youdo get to a feeling that you've lost
(08:41):
the control. And I would betelling you, guys a lie right now
under the sound of my voice.I would be lying to y'all if I
told y'all there have been times whereI felt like I wanted to snap.
I'm talking about I wanted to snapwhen I simply wanted to just energetically throwing
the towel because I felt as ifnothing was making sense in my life.
(09:05):
I felt like I didn't always havecomplete control over everything, and that would
often make for a lot of sleeplessnights and long, slow mornings. I
truly believe that in twenty twenty threealone, I asked myself no less than
(09:26):
one hundred thousand times, what thehell is going on with me? What
the hell is going on with mylife? What is this? What is
life right now? This wasn't whatI was. If you would have told
me in twenty twenty two that Iwould be where I was at in twenty
twenty three, I would have thoughtthat was a lie. Life wasn't perfect,
(09:46):
of course, not nothing's perfect,but I was still in a different
place and I just didn't foresee theupcoming year to kind of unpack itself like
it did, like my twenty twentythree came in and just like just fucked
shit up. Let's just be I'msorry, I'm sorry. I gotta be
real with it. It came inand it did damage, and so I
(10:11):
the feeling. But see that's whatit does, the feeling of losing control.
It does that. It brings likeit brings turmoil, and it brings
confusion, and it brings this overwhelmingfeeling of confusion, and it messes with
your energy levels. And I wasalways feeling fatigued and tired, like I
(10:31):
think I slept a lot. Nownow look, don't get me wrong.
Now I'm gonna get a nap in. Like if you know me, you
know I'm gonna get my nap in. That's a part of my self care.
When I'm tired, I'm gonna rest. But I knew that the sleeping
that I was doing, I knewthat there was more to that. It
was kind of like a feeling oflike I just was like giving up or
(10:52):
didn't want to deal with anything.So so the answer was to just sleep
through a lot of things. AndI'm being really vulnerable with you guys here
because I don't often I share personalthoughts, but I don't often I don't
often like point out exactly what Ispecifically what's feeling or going through. So
(11:15):
I'm trying to just bring because Ireally want this to I really want this
to resonate with the people that arelistening to this. I really wanted to
bring a sense of like, yeah, like I get that, I understand
that I know what she's talking about. I've been there. Because I want
you to know that you're not alonein those feelings and that they're perfectly normal,
(11:37):
especially when you have so much goingon. So in processing all of
these things and coming to you tryingto be at my most vulnerable state,
I want to help you. SoI want to try to walk you through
some of the feelings and listen everybody. Of course, we know everybody's different,
(11:58):
everybody's going to handle things differently,everybody's going to feel things differently.
So I want to bring you somesolutions. Well, first I want to
I want to unpacked, like whatthe feelings, what it may feel like
to feel like you're losing control.So I want to unpack that. I
(12:20):
want to unpack that feeling. Andthen I want to give you a solution
to work through those feelings. CanI do that for y'all? Can I
do that? So? I hopeyou got something to drink. I hope
you had a little tea if you'reso, I'm dropping this episode on self
Care Sunday, So as you're listeningto this, if you're listening to it
(12:41):
on Sunday, I'm somewhere doing someself care. But as I am recording
this, I am having some tea. I got my water. I'm real
relaxed, and I'm just ready togo through this with you. So if
you don't have anything, like,go get your tea, go get your
mimosa. Listen, who's judging?We're talking about some real ship. Were
(13:05):
talking about some real stuff right now. So let's let's let's get through this
so I'm gonna take a little sipof mine to excuse me, and yeah,
let's let's break this down a littlebit. So let's let's start with
dealing with the confusion. Let's startthere, m the confusion. The confusion
(13:41):
sets in when you begin to thinkdeeply about where you are in your life
and you feel as though you can'tseem to understand how you've gotten to such
an overwhelming feeling of stress, which, let me just tell you that could
come from not being balanced. Andwhen I say you're not balanced, I
(14:03):
mean in terms of the amount ofstress you are carrying in this moment versus
the amount of stress relief that you'reimplementing in that moment. So like you,
you the person that always has tohold it together and just handle it,
the person that always has a plan. If you're like me, I
(14:24):
always have to have a plan.I always have to have a plan.
And I know that being a motherand then transitioning into being a single mother,
that that taught me how to alwayshave a plan and a backup plan.
It taught me how to do that. I had to do that because
I had to make sure me andmy kid was okay. I had to
(14:46):
make sure that you know, atthe end of the day, like I
got to make sure that I gotthis under control, because I'm all he's
got, He's all I got,So I got to make sure that we
can we could get through this.So that's what happens. But when you
are dealing with this feeling of likenot having a plan and everything that you
(15:09):
were trying to juggle like if youhad, Like we juggle a lot of
things, right, but we learnhow to We just learn how to juggle
it right. We keep a flowgoing like we just got it. We
got it. It's almost like ascience. We got it down to a
science. It comes natural, wefigured out. But then something comes along
(15:30):
in life throws us off our balanceand the juggle that we were keeping up.
It just everything dropped. Everything dropped. So let's talk about the solution
to that. And I don't knowhow many times you've heard this, because
I've heard this a million times,but start by being mindful of your thoughts,
(15:50):
mindfulness, mindset, mindset is everythingthat's a real thing. And no,
this is not the clean ia.I know you've heard it before.
You hear it a lot, yousee it a lot, But there's a
reason why you always hear it.There's a reason why there are millions of
big books written on mindset because itis so deep. It's so deep and
(16:17):
in your feelings of being overwhelmed andconfused. You have to this is what
you have to do. You haveto dedicate yourself to a very intentional time
each day. And I want youto do this every morning when you wake
up and every night before you goto bed. And I want you to
set your mindset, just like youset those alarms, start and set your
(16:40):
mindset to process and understand that eventhough this day was overwhelming, even though
this week has been overwhelming, eventhough this month has kicked my ass and
has been overwhelming, you're allowed tofeel those feelings. You would have to
be not human to not feel thosefeelings, but your mind does not have
(17:02):
to be a prisoner there. Sothat is what you have to set start
and set your mind to believe.And that's really a step. Maybe it
could be easier said than done,but it is a necessary step. It's
a necessary step that you have totake and listen, you do what you
(17:27):
gotta do, but you have toif you're thinking that you're gonna have a
bad day. If you're thinking thatyou're going to just completely fall to shambles,
guess what's gonna happen. Yeah,I don't even gotta finish that.
You already know, you already knowyou really are what you think you are.
(17:52):
So if you think that you gotthis and you think that everything is
gonna be okay, everything is gonnabe okay. So let's move into how
we minimize those overwhelming thoughts. Let'smove into when those thoughts set in,
(18:18):
because there you can't just get ridof them because if the problem doesn't go
away, it's still there. Soit's you. But we're gonna, I'm
gonna we're gonna talk about how we'regonna minimize them. So the feeling,
the feeling of being overwhelmed sets inwhen we have reached our mental capacity.
Right, we've likely taken on toomany thoughts for our brains to process at
(18:44):
once, and it's very likely thatthere may even be Listen, here's the
thing. It's very likely that theremay even be thoughts and ideas that we
can probably move down a notch ortwo in the list of what we consider
priorities, or we can at leasttog of them. Over to the list
of uncontrollables. So let's talk aboutthe list of uncontrollables. And this right
(19:04):
here, this step is going totake trust in yourself and trust in this
process because some things are just uncontrollable. So how do we determine the solution
that we're gonna talk about is makinga list. And I want you,
like, I want you to reallymake an actual, like visual list.
(19:26):
I really want you to write thisdown when you when you do this,
so you make a two sided list. Actually, so on one side,
list out the things that are outof your power, the shit that's TBD
that they're just simply uncontrollable by youin this moment. You know what those
things are, because we tend tojust like stress out about things that we
(19:48):
really don't even have any control over, such as how somebody is acting towards
us, you know, whether ornot there's gonna be a big change with
our job, like something like likeif it's uncontrollable by you, I'm gonna
need you to not have that onyour list of things that you're allowing to
stress you outis so then so that'son that side that you got your list
(20:11):
of uncontrollables. And then on theother list, make a list of things
that are controllable. This is theone. This the one. This is
the list we want to prioritize.On this side of the list, we
want to focus on also the levelof urgency in these things and prioritize them
(20:33):
the way they need to be prioritized, and just go from there. Work
on those things and everything on theother side of the list, We're gonna
choose to disconnect those things keyword choose. You have a choice in this matter.
That's something that you can control.Remember that, we're gonna choose to
disconnect those things from having power overour emotions. That like worrying about what's
(20:56):
gonna happen, worrying about why thisperson is acting like this, worried about
why people aren't supporting you, worriedabout like No, we're going to choose
to disconnect those things from having powerover our emotions and leave them where they
are, leave them where they are. Okay, all right, y'all still
(21:19):
with me? So l all right. So we talked about dealing with the
confusion. We talked about minimizing theoverwhelming thoughts. We talked about processing failed
expectations. Oh no, that's wherewe're at now. Stay with me.
I'm working through the blog. We'redoing this breakdown. We've arrived. We've
(21:41):
arrived at processing the failed expectations.That's next, cause that's a big one
and this was a lot of whatI dealt with failed expectations. The feeling.
Let's talk about the feeling. Thefeeling is always really hard to process.
It's hurtful at times too, dependingon what it is. It's hurtful
(22:02):
because you know, like, youhave high expectations and you you just you
thought things were going to be acertain way and they're just they're just not
They just didn't turn out the waythat you wanted them to be. But
when you have given so much ofyour energy pouring into something that just didn't
turn out the way you expected it, even after your constant struggle to give
(22:23):
it everything you knew how to give, like in your intimate relationships, especially
when you're left feeling like you gaveit your awe, so much of yourself,
so much of your time, somuch of your energy, and the
other person gave what feels like toyou minimal effort. You feel like you
(22:48):
lost the control of that grip youhad where you were holding on to something
you wanted it so bad. Iknow, sis, you wanted it so
badly and you had a grip onit and you ooh, you were tussling.
You were tussling with it, butyou had to let it go.
(23:10):
Or or like failed friendships. I'vebeen seeing a lot of people talk about
friendships lately, the failed friendship thatyou've put years of your life into and
they turned out to not be whatthey were ten, fifteen, twenty years
ago. Listen, don't be madat that. People grow, people grow,
(23:33):
people grow apart, people grow up, people grow, People just grow
whatever whatever way they're growing. Howeverway they're growing, they're growing. They're
growing in the way that they're growing. So try not to I mean,
depending on what it is. Now, if it was you know, something
that was really like just bad thathappened, a bad fallout or something like
(23:56):
that, you know. But sometimesand that's not even the case. Sometimes
you don't even have an answer.Sometimes you just don't even know what or
why. The friendship just isn't thereanymore, and that's just because you grew
apart. But it still hurts,nonetheless, it still makes you feel a
certain type of way and that's that'scool, you know, but it's something
(24:25):
that you think about, it's somethingthat you put your energy into. It
is something that is on your mindand you've lost it, and so you
feel like you've lost control of that, whereas you may have been putting effort
and energy into that friendship and youjust want to know what happened to it
because that was a part of thatcomfort zone that y'all are gonna hear me
(24:45):
talk about a lot about or careerswhen you've lost an opportunity or hell,
maybe you lost the whole damn joband you had no control all over that.
I know one thing I know thatafter like post pandemic, like a
(25:06):
lot of things changed in the economy, a lot of people lost work.
So you know, if you hadto deal with that, or if you
know somebody that had to deal withthat, that's tough. And when you
can't do anything about it, there'snothing you can do. You just have
to like take what they're telling youand go with it. Like that's that's
(25:32):
you know, that's tough. It'sdisappointing when you're being let go due to
circumstances that are out of your control, no matter how badly. You need
the stability like you need to Youneed to have that job. You didn't
it came unexpected, you didn't like, but there's nothing you can do about
(25:52):
it. You just have to acceptit and see that falls onto one of
those things that's that's on the listof uncontrollables. You have no control over
that. So I'm not telling youthat you shouldn't be stressed about it.
I'm not telling you that it won'tcause the stress, But I'm just telling
you that we have to figure outways that we're able to process and move
(26:12):
forward on those types of things becauseyou can't just sit there and refuse to
be let go of, right,you gotta go with it. So now
you just have to figure out what'snext for you to do the solution.
Let's talk about the solution, andthis is where you may need to do
(26:33):
some real deep reflecting and assessing andgo back to your mindset that we talked
about as well, because I needyou to be really honest with yourself,
Sis, I really need you tothink about this, think about this really
good. These things that you're beingforced to let go of. We talked
about the relationship, the job,the friendship, all of those things,
(26:56):
the things that you're being forced tolet go of. Were there any signs
that you needed to cut ties?Come on, hold on now, be
come on, be real, bereal, be honest. Were there any
signs that you needed to cut theties? Were they the source of any
added stress in your life? Thatrelationship that you wanted to hold on so
(27:18):
bad? Was it difficult to maintainthat relationship? Like? How often was
that relationship make you cry? Howoften was that relationship bringing out a toxic
side of you? I need y'allto be real. I need y'all to
be real in this moment. Thatfriendship, that friendship. Was that friendship
(27:45):
one sided? Come on? Wasit one sided? Did it feel like
it was growing to just be invaluableto you? Like? What were you
getting out of the friendship? AndI don't mean like anything tangible? Like
what were you really getting out ofthe friendship? Think, y'all gotta think.
I need to think about these thingsbecause it's deeper. It's deeper.
(28:08):
This job, this job that youwant to be pissed off about because they
had to let you go severed thewhole damn department. Was that job an
environment that you really could see yourselfhappily working at I said happily. That's
the key word here, happily workingfor for for years, for five to
ten more years to come. Doyou really see yourself working there and being
(28:30):
happy there? What kind of environmentwas it? What kind of environment were
you working in? Do you reallydid you did you feel appreciated? Because
I can understand if you felt appreciatedand you you know, you you were
making good money and you were gettingthe benefits and it was just a good
you know, people have good jobs. I'm not saying everybody has bad jobs
(28:52):
or bad job environments. I'm notsaying that at all. I happen to
really enjoy the job that I do. But what I'm saying is just like
this is going to apply to whoit applies to. What was the environment
like at this job? Or wereyou staying employed at this job because it
(29:15):
provided you with the money and thestability and like because there was a consistent
income that is why you were workingthis job and you were just comfortable there?
Which was it? Because a lotof times that's the reason why we
were in a lot of jobs thatreally aren't even meant to be our careers
(29:37):
long term. But it's just itbrings in the money, it brings in
the stability. So that's where we'reat. There are so many questionable reasons
as to why you're now facing cuttingties. And sometimes the universe or the
(30:00):
universe is gonna make you cut ties. It's gonna force you. When we
don't take the next actionable step intoremoving these things from our lives, it's
gonna get to a point where wedon't have no choice. So after you've
done some really honest reflecting, canyou somehow try try to manage to gain
(30:26):
your control of this back by understandingthat the inevitable release of whatever this is
it was necessary. Sust it wasnecessary, it was necessary for your growth.
And now now that the tie iscut, the path for what is
better is on the way. It'scleared. It's cleared if you can move
(30:49):
forward, because you weren't gonna doit on your own, so something had
to be done. I'm sitting hereand I'm really just thinking about things.
And listen, let's keep going.Let me keep going. I'm gonna keep
going. Follow a lot with me. I told you I'll check out the
(31:10):
blog. This is all on theblog. I got y'all, this is
already on the blog, So let'stalk about managing the madness. Let's talk
about what that feels like. Andhonestly with all the feelings that you're experiencing
due to the increased stress and allof these trials and tribulations of just life,
because life has been lifened for everybody. It's no wonder you were on
(31:34):
the verge of lashing out on somebodylast week. You almost cust somebody out
last week, didn't you. Youprobably did. It's no wonder you got
a lot going on, You're goingthrough a lot, you're dealing with a
lot. I get it. Andif you're handling these things on your own,
especially if you're processing things on yourown, then sometimes that can make
(31:56):
the feelings far more intensified when youjust realize you don't have anyone else to
depend on. It's all on you. But even though anger and frustration those
are valid emotions, they're bound tosurface. But the thing is, sometimes
(32:17):
they surface and they go in thewrong direction, and if you don't deal
with them head on, you caneasily find yourself taking that out on people
that may not even deserve it.That's why they call it lashing out.
It just happens. But even ifthey do deserve it, because sometimes these
(32:37):
maybe deserving it, it's still betterfor you to be able to control these
emotions. So let's talk about thesolution again. You have to deal with
these emotions on site, meaning likeright at the very moment you experience them.
You have to find out what groundingmethods you can use that will bring
(33:00):
you back down from this emotion.What can you do as an alternative in
this moment. Maybe this will consistof you doing something that brings you just
this fulfilling wave of positive energy andvibes. What does that look like for
you? What is something that ismeaningful to you? Like for me,
(33:24):
it could be journaling or being creative. I listen, I stand by journaling.
I really want you guys to tryto get into journaling. It really
works, wonders. I will foreverbe an advocate of journaling. Do you
connect with nature? Does that makeyou feel good? Get you some sunlight,
(33:46):
find something that brings you peace,something that can change your focus in
that moment. If we can learnhow to take control of the emotion by
refolks or distracting ourselves, right thenand there, then we're less likely to
give that rage. That's like brewinginside of us the energy that it needs
(34:09):
to feed, which then causes usa lash out and cut somebody's ass out.
I'm just saying, so let's work. Oh, we gotta work on
that, the self work. Wegotta do the self work. We got
to because you know, we livehappier lives that way. Okay, let's
(34:32):
keep going. I'm almost done.We're almost done here. Alleviating the anxiety.
This is the last one. We'regoing to alleviate the anxiety. The
feeling of this. That's not worryy'all. That's the not knowing what your
life will look like going forward,not even knowing what tomorrow will bring next
(34:58):
week, feeling like coping will bethe most difficult thing you'll have to be
you'll ever have to do. Andhonestly, sometimes it does feel that way.
The worrisome feelings, they're all overthe place, the rabbit hole thoughts
that you go down. I wasalways guilty of that. I could be
sick, I could be laying thereat night in bed and be thinking about
(35:21):
something, and then that triggers anotherthought, and then that triggers another thought,
and I'm like, I just Idone went into ten years into the
future. What might have might mighthappen? If this right here don't pop
off, if this don't work,what might Like I I, it gets
it gets bad. Yeah, anxietydoes that. Anxiety will do that to
you. You literally feel like you'relosing your mind. So let's talk about
(35:43):
the solution. You're gonna be selfaware here because anxiety people are throwing that
word around a lot. But assomeone who truly faces and deals with anxiety,
I need you to really be honestwith yourself to know when this is
(36:04):
something you can manage to work throughand cope on your own, or is
this something that you really may needto consider an outside source like to help
get you through this. And byoutside source, I don't I don't mean
auntie or grandma. I'm not talkingabout them. They're cool, and you
know what, let me let me, let me, let me hold on
because these people, we have lovingaunts, we have loving grandmothers, and
(36:28):
they have always been the source ofadvice and we go to them. That's
natural for us to do that.That's fine if that's what it is.
But I really mean someone else outsideof that, because I really think that
sometimes when you have to process theseemotions, you really need to try to
process these emotions with any without anybodythat could potentially show any bias, that
could potentially enable anything that could potentiallylook past some things. So seeking therapy
(37:02):
is probably something I know most ofy'all listening to this, or if you're
reading the blog, you probably wouldhave guessed that I was gonna say that
in one of these five solutions withtherapy. But that's because it is.
It's something that we need. It'ssomething that in our community we need to
become more comfortable with speaking about andbeing okay with incorporating it into our lives.
(37:28):
And to be clear, therapy isnot always the next necessary step.
Sometimes we're fully capable of managing throughthese feelings, and that's a good thing.
If you can do that, that'sa great thing. I encourage you
to do the self help first totry to go through all of those things.
But listen, says Listen, reallywant you to listen. Should you
(37:58):
feel like nothing you are doing onyour own to cope through these feelings is
working, and you feel like yourmental state is just too clouded and overwhelmed,
this is what you're gonna have todo. You're gonna have to take
control back by deciding for yourself thatyou want to and you will obtain what's
(38:27):
best for you by any means necessary. And if that is therapy, if
that's just talking to somebody, ifyou look like me, Therapy for Black
Girls, you can start there.I really like that resource. They really
break a lot of things down andthey really, I mean, they have
(38:49):
it down to your state. Theyhave resources and like you can just search
by state they have, you know, they have just you can sign up
for their newsletters they have. Theyhave a lot. So shout out to
Therapy for Black Girls. But listen, you gotta do what's best for you.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can everdo for yourself is gonna be the
(39:14):
hardest, but you're gonna thank yourselfand ooh, you're gonna love yourself even
more when you take back that control. So we okay, we got through
all of this, We got throughthe blog. I'm not gonna hold you
guys anymore. I'm under my time, my goal time. I try to
(39:37):
keep you guys under under. Idon't wanna keep you guys long when you're
when you're two and in I justwant to take a little bit of your
attention, not too much. Idon't wanna overdo it, but I just
want to give you enough. Iwanna give you enough. And when I
do these blog breakdowns, you know, I'm going through what I wrote,
but you know, sometimes I needto add lib. Sometimes I need to
(40:00):
give you some context to what Iwrote, and it's better when you hear
it. So that's what we're gonnado with these blog breakdowns. There won't
all be blog breakdowns, but whenyou see that, that's what it is.
Just know that I've paired this episodewith a blog and you can check
it out on the site, butI will always link that that blog in
the description notes for you. SoI appreciate you tuning in. I hope,
(40:28):
oh, I really hope that Idon't know, something that you got
from this resonated with you. Somethingthat you got from this was helpful to
you. I hope that you feelcomfortable about being able to express when you
when you feel like you might belosing control or you felt like you went
(40:51):
through a period where you felt likeyou had lost control, like past,
It's not like you did. Itwasn't a question, it wasn't the feeling
I might be losing No, youlost it. You lost it, because
I know I did. I lostit. I lost control for a minute.
And I'm working on that. I'mworking on taking the necessary steps to
(41:15):
put things back in order to createa increasingly joyous environment for myself. I'm
good, I feel good. Ifeel happy. I feel ready to experience
(41:37):
things. I feel ready to travel, I feel ready to take on new
creative projects. I feel ready toimplement new ways of self care. All
of it. I want all ofthat, and I want that for you
(41:58):
too. But what I'm what Iwant most for you is I want you
to be okay. I want youto be okay. I want you to
feel okay. I want your mentalto be good. I just want you
to know that this is a safespace. I know you've heard that before,
but this is literally a safe space. I have an email address.
I am open to being a listener. I'm open to being a source that
(42:29):
you can come to. And that'swhy I'm doing the podcast and the blog
because I'm hoping that you'll be ableto come and play an episode or you'll
see when I drop a new epilodinglike, oh my god, I was
just thinking about this, and thenyou'll go and you'll press play, and
guess what, I'm rocking with you. I'm right there with you. But
(42:50):
I really want you just to understandthat everything that I write is with love
and with support and comes from justa place of knowing that we go through
a lot of the same stuff andthen sometimes we go through completely different things.
But guess what, we still havethose emotions. We still have those
(43:12):
emotions that we process through, andso I really want my sisters to be
Okay. That's it. That's thegoal. That's what I was put here
to do. That is a partof the purpose. That is a part
of my passion, the passion thatI have for writing and sharing. That's
the part of the purpose that Ihave been placed on this earth for.
(43:37):
I'm sure of it. I'm onehundred percent sure of it. So that's
what I'm doing. I'm walking inthat thing they call purpose. So anyways,
you guys, I hope that youenjoyed. I hope that you were
able to grab a gym or twosticking in your little pocket and go about
your day. I hope you enjoythe rest of your day. Thank you,
(43:59):
guys for tuning and if it's selfcare Sunday when you're listening to this,
when the episode drop, I hopethat you take good care of yourself
today. Let your worries be whatyour worries were, don't take them into
next week with you. Remember thatuncontrollables and controllables like, let's really put
some of these things into action.What shall be shall be? And I
(44:22):
can sit here and give you allthe other cliche little antidotes, but I'm
not gonna do that. I'm goingto just leave you, guys with these
thoughts. I'm gonna leave you withthe blog and thank you guys for tuning
in. You can follow me onmy social media. Please head over to
my instagram. If you're not followingme on Instagram, please head over there
(44:44):
and give me a follow, showsome love over there. I'm on all
of the things, but Instagram iswhere you'll find me most consistently these days.
So and don't forget. If you'renot subscribed to the podcast, subscribe
(45:05):
to the podcast on Apple or Spotify. Wherever you're listening, wherever you met
me at go over there, followme there and leave a rating and review.
This is an important step, youguys. And then I'm and then'm
gonna leave you all over. I'mgonna just say this, when you rate
as a podcaster, when you rateand review the platform, the episode,
whatever you hear, like however youwant to do it, When you do
(45:25):
that, that helps us. Soif you want to support, you're me
or your just your podcast or yourfavorite podcast platform. If you want to
support, leave a good little review, leave a rating. It's like,
like, we truly appreciate it.It's very necessary. And yeah, so
I'm gonna leave you guys with that, and until next time, you guys,
(45:45):
peace and blessings. Let's do thisthe thoughts of podcast A woman and
I might I
Well, well, well, lookwho showed up. Look who came back
to the mic. Okay, sowe got some catching up to do.
So y'all stay tuned. Let's dothis to the thoughts of a blog Queen
podcast. Hey, y'all, Ohmy god, it's been so long.
(00:41):
It has been so long since Ihave put this microphone to my mouth and
I have sat with you guys andjust poured out my thoughts. And there's
reason for that. There's always areason. Listen, if you have been
following my podcast and just supporting myplatform, then you know this isn't the
first hiatus I've gone on. Becauseone thing I'm gonna do, Listen,
(01:06):
one thing I'm gonna do is Iam going to prioritize my self care.
I'm gonna prioritize my mental and listen, if your girl needs a break,
I'm gonna have to take that break. I'm gonna have to take that break.
I know when I need a break, I know when I have to
step away. And so that's whatI had to do, you guys,
and I realize every single time thatI take a break away from writing and
(01:30):
podcasting and just being creative. Everytime I do that, I feel like
a little piece of me is missing. I'd like, I genuinely miss talking
to you guys. When I'm nottalking to you guys. So when I
come back and I and I preparemyself to get back on the microphone,
it's like I feel like, Okay, I'm ready to do this. I
(01:52):
get super excited, you know,I start posting about it, and I
get hyped when people start like askingme about it or they give little feedback,
and you know, it just theyshow love, you know, they
show love, and I just appreciatethat and I really like look forward to
that, and it just lets meknow. It gives me the confirmation that
(02:15):
I need to know that what I'mdoing is not in vain, what I'm
doing is appreciated, it's necessary,and the purpose that I know that I
have for myself and my creativity andmy voice, I'm using it. I'm
using it the way that it isintended to be used. So about this
(02:37):
break, About this break, Iyeah, I had to, Uh,
I went through some things. Twentytwenty three. Okay, so it's you
know, we're we're still in firstquarter of twenty twenty four, but twenty
twenty three literally kind of kicked myass. I'm not even gonna lie about
that. It kind of it kindof kicked my ass. Yes, it's
(02:59):
I will. I was. Iwas kind of all over the place.
I was all over place, andI was trying to process through those emotions.
I was trying to figure out,like what was going on. I
was trying to figure out what Ineeded to do. I was trying to
figure out, like, like everythingchanged. I felt like everything changed.
(03:22):
I felt like, you know,I didn't know what I was going to
do with myself. I felt likesomething was off. I felt like something
was missing. Just a lot ofthings, right, A lot of emotions
that I was feeling in last year, and so I had to I had
to sit in those emotions. Ihad to sit in those emotions, and
(03:45):
I had to process them. Ihad to, and I had to do
that in a healthy way. Andso a part of that was just me
taking a step back from the thingsthat I normally do and just focusing on
me. Hence me talking about goinginto a solo season, which will be
(04:09):
next up that we will talk about, not the next episode, but it's
coming. I'm still I'm still there. I'm still there. I'm still in
that season. So I can't quitesay I've wrapped that up yet, and
so I'm not even gonna get intoall of that, but that's where that's
what I've been doing. But Iwas able to come to this point where
(04:30):
I knew that one of the thingsthat helps me with my emotions and that
helps me, uh to just begood is my creativity and using my voice
and using my words to write.Those are the things that I love.
Those are healthy resources. Those arehealthy outlets that I have in my life
that I am able to turn towhen I when I need them. But
(04:57):
last year there was a lot ofa lot of feelings that I didn't know
how to. I didn't know whatto do with them. I didn't know
what to do with them, andso I was feeling like the control that
I have that I had over mylife up until everything completely just felt like
(05:19):
it went to hell. From beinghonest, I felt like I was losing
control. So I thought that itwould be appropriate, and I thought that
it would be beneficial not only forme, but for someone else because I
know that the feeling of losing control, I know that that feeling is common
(05:41):
amongst us, and as women,you know, we juggle a lot of
things. We take care of alot of things, and we're responsible for
a lot of things. Whether we'resingle or not, we're responsible for a
lot of things. And we somehowhave have been signed or delegated a lot
of the responsibility to carry a lotof the mental strength. Again, whether
(06:12):
you're single or not, we carrythat. And sometimes it's not even it
doesn't even necessarily have to be thatwe were delegated it, but it's just
I think sometimes it's just a naturalinstinct. We just we just that's just
what we do. And because we'realways so prone to do that, we
do that just like we just doit. It gets to be a lot
(06:32):
and so then and what But butwe we always have a plan. We
have a plan and we figured itout. We figured it out, we
figure out what we're gonna do.But then when something changes up with the
plan, then it's just kind oflike, wait a minute, now,
that wasn't that wasn't what what weThat wasn't what we talked about, Like
(06:56):
what's going on? Like you're talkingto the universe, you're talking to God,
whoever it is. It's like whateveryour higher power is. You're kind
of like Okay, that wasn't whatwe was you know, that's not what
we were supposed to do. Where'dthat come from? You threw this little
curveball. So let's talk about it. Let's get into it. And of
(07:16):
course, you guys, as youcan see by the title, we're doing
a blog breakdown. So a blogbreakdown means that everything I'm talking about today,
there is a blog posted for youso you can read this. I
welcome you. I welcome you tovisit my Thoughts of a Blog Queen podcast
excuse me, Thoughts of a BlogQueen column. The website will be linked
(07:38):
in the description notes, but Iwelcome you to come over there and read
everything that I'm talking about. I'mgonna just break this blog down, but
visit me over there, check outsome other posts, and yeah, so
let's get into this again. Iwas talking about how I was feeling like
I was losing control. And ifyou have never felt the feeling of losing
(08:00):
control in your life, girl,you are lucky. You are lucky that
you haven't had to feel that.But I highly doubt that it's an uncommon
feeling for a lot of us,because understandably, as women, we cycle
through so many different emotions in aday, in a week, hell a
(08:20):
month, and a lot of thathas to do with whatever current situation we're
facing, whatever past situations we're tryingto overcome our day to day lifestyles,
and then with all of that,we're trying to manage the task of like
balancing all of those things at onetime. We're trying to do it all
together. So it's understandable when youdo get to a feeling that you've lost
(08:41):
the control. And I would betelling you, guys a lie right now
under the sound of my voice.I would be lying to y'all if I
told y'all there have been times whereI felt like I wanted to snap.
I'm talking about I wanted to snapwhen I simply wanted to just energetically throwing
the towel because I felt as ifnothing was making sense in my life.
(09:05):
I felt like I didn't always havecomplete control over everything, and that would
often make for a lot of sleeplessnights and long, slow mornings. I
truly believe that in twenty twenty threealone, I asked myself no less than
(09:26):
one hundred thousand times, what thehell is going on with me? What
the hell is going on with mylife? What is this? What is
life right now? This wasn't whatI was. If you would have told
me in twenty twenty two that Iwould be where I was at in twenty
twenty three, I would have thoughtthat was a lie. Life wasn't perfect,
(09:46):
of course, not nothing's perfect,but I was still in a different
place and I just didn't foresee theupcoming year to kind of unpack itself like
it did, like my twenty twentythree came in and just like just fucked
shit up. Let's just be I'msorry, I'm sorry. I gotta be
real with it. It came inand it did damage, and so I
(10:11):
the feeling. But see that's whatit does, the feeling of losing control.
It does that. It brings likeit brings turmoil, and it brings
confusion, and it brings this overwhelmingfeeling of confusion, and it messes with
your energy levels. And I wasalways feeling fatigued and tired, like I
(10:31):
think I slept a lot. Nownow look, don't get me wrong.
Now I'm gonna get a nap in. Like if you know me, you
know I'm gonna get my nap in. That's a part of my self care.
When I'm tired, I'm gonna rest. But I knew that the sleeping
that I was doing, I knewthat there was more to that. It
was kind of like a feeling oflike I just was like giving up or
(10:52):
didn't want to deal with anything.So so the answer was to just sleep
through a lot of things. AndI'm being really vulnerable with you guys here
because I don't often I share personalthoughts, but I don't often I don't
often like point out exactly what Ispecifically what's feeling or going through. So
(11:15):
I'm trying to just bring because Ireally want this to I really want this
to resonate with the people that arelistening to this. I really wanted to
bring a sense of like, yeah, like I get that, I understand
that I know what she's talking about. I've been there. Because I want
you to know that you're not alonein those feelings and that they're perfectly normal,
(11:37):
especially when you have so much goingon. So in processing all of
these things and coming to you tryingto be at my most vulnerable state,
I want to help you. SoI want to try to walk you through
some of the feelings and listen everybody. Of course, we know everybody's different,
(11:58):
everybody's going to handle things differently,everybody's going to feel things differently.
So I want to bring you somesolutions. Well, first I want to
I want to unpacked, like whatthe feelings, what it may feel like
to feel like you're losing control.So I want to unpack that. I
(12:20):
want to unpack that feeling. Andthen I want to give you a solution
to work through those feelings. CanI do that for y'all? Can I
do that? So? I hopeyou got something to drink. I hope
you had a little tea if you'reso, I'm dropping this episode on self
Care Sunday, So as you're listeningto this, if you're listening to it
(12:41):
on Sunday, I'm somewhere doing someself care. But as I am recording
this, I am having some tea. I got my water. I'm real
relaxed, and I'm just ready togo through this with you. So if
you don't have anything, like,go get your tea, go get your
mimosa. Listen, who's judging?We're talking about some real ship. Were
(13:05):
talking about some real stuff right now. So let's let's let's get through this
so I'm gonna take a little sipof mine to excuse me, and yeah,
let's let's break this down a littlebit. So let's let's start with
dealing with the confusion. Let's startthere, m the confusion. The confusion
(13:41):
sets in when you begin to thinkdeeply about where you are in your life
and you feel as though you can'tseem to understand how you've gotten to such
an overwhelming feeling of stress, which, let me just tell you that could
come from not being balanced. Andwhen I say you're not balanced, I
(14:03):
mean in terms of the amount ofstress you are carrying in this moment versus
the amount of stress relief that you'reimplementing in that moment. So like you,
you the person that always has tohold it together and just handle it,
the person that always has a plan. If you're like me, I
(14:24):
always have to have a plan.I always have to have a plan.
And I know that being a motherand then transitioning into being a single mother,
that that taught me how to alwayshave a plan and a backup plan.
It taught me how to do that. I had to do that because
I had to make sure me andmy kid was okay. I had to
(14:46):
make sure that you know, atthe end of the day, like I
got to make sure that I gotthis under control, because I'm all he's
got, He's all I got,So I got to make sure that we
can we could get through this.So that's what happens. But when you
are dealing with this feeling of likenot having a plan and everything that you
(15:09):
were trying to juggle like if youhad, Like we juggle a lot of
things, right, but we learnhow to We just learn how to juggle
it right. We keep a flowgoing like we just got it. We
got it. It's almost like ascience. We got it down to a
science. It comes natural, wefigured out. But then something comes along
(15:30):
in life throws us off our balanceand the juggle that we were keeping up.
It just everything dropped. Everything dropped. So let's talk about the solution
to that. And I don't knowhow many times you've heard this, because
I've heard this a million times,but start by being mindful of your thoughts,
(15:50):
mindfulness, mindset, mindset is everythingthat's a real thing. And no,
this is not the clean ia.I know you've heard it before.
You hear it a lot, yousee it a lot, But there's a
reason why you always hear it.There's a reason why there are millions of
big books written on mindset because itis so deep. It's so deep and
(16:17):
in your feelings of being overwhelmed andconfused. You have to this is what
you have to do. You haveto dedicate yourself to a very intentional time
each day. And I want youto do this every morning when you wake
up and every night before you goto bed. And I want you to
set your mindset, just like youset those alarms, start and set your
(16:40):
mindset to process and understand that eventhough this day was overwhelming, even though
this week has been overwhelming, eventhough this month has kicked my ass and
has been overwhelming, you're allowed tofeel those feelings. You would have to
be not human to not feel thosefeelings, but your mind does not have
(17:02):
to be a prisoner there. Sothat is what you have to set start
and set your mind to believe.And that's really a step. Maybe it
could be easier said than done,but it is a necessary step. It's
a necessary step that you have totake and listen, you do what you
(17:27):
gotta do, but you have toif you're thinking that you're gonna have a
bad day. If you're thinking thatyou're going to just completely fall to shambles,
guess what's gonna happen. Yeah,I don't even gotta finish that.
You already know, you already knowyou really are what you think you are.
(17:52):
So if you think that you gotthis and you think that everything is
gonna be okay, everything is gonnabe okay. So let's move into how
we minimize those overwhelming thoughts. Let'smove into when those thoughts set in,
(18:18):
because there you can't just get ridof them because if the problem doesn't go
away, it's still there. Soit's you. But we're gonna, I'm
gonna we're gonna talk about how we'regonna minimize them. So the feeling,
the feeling of being overwhelmed sets inwhen we have reached our mental capacity.
Right, we've likely taken on toomany thoughts for our brains to process at
(18:44):
once, and it's very likely thatthere may even be Listen, here's the
thing. It's very likely that theremay even be thoughts and ideas that we
can probably move down a notch ortwo in the list of what we consider
priorities, or we can at leasttog of them. Over to the list
of uncontrollables. So let's talk aboutthe list of uncontrollables. And this right
(19:04):
here, this step is going totake trust in yourself and trust in this
process because some things are just uncontrollable. So how do we determine the solution
that we're gonna talk about is makinga list. And I want you,
like, I want you to reallymake an actual, like visual list.
(19:26):
I really want you to write thisdown when you when you do this,
so you make a two sided list. Actually, so on one side,
list out the things that are outof your power, the shit that's TBD
that they're just simply uncontrollable by youin this moment. You know what those
things are, because we tend tojust like stress out about things that we
(19:48):
really don't even have any control over, such as how somebody is acting towards
us, you know, whether ornot there's gonna be a big change with
our job, like something like likeif it's uncontrollable by you, I'm gonna
need you to not have that onyour list of things that you're allowing to
stress you outis so then so that'son that side that you got your list
(20:11):
of uncontrollables. And then on theother list, make a list of things
that are controllable. This is theone. This the one. This is
the list we want to prioritize.On this side of the list, we
want to focus on also the levelof urgency in these things and prioritize them
(20:33):
the way they need to be prioritized, and just go from there. Work
on those things and everything on theother side of the list, We're gonna
choose to disconnect those things keyword choose. You have a choice in this matter.
That's something that you can control.Remember that, we're gonna choose to
disconnect those things from having power overour emotions. That like worrying about what's
(20:56):
gonna happen, worrying about why thisperson is acting like this, worried about
why people aren't supporting you, worriedabout like No, we're going to choose
to disconnect those things from having powerover our emotions and leave them where they
are, leave them where they are. Okay, all right, y'all still
(21:19):
with me? So l all right. So we talked about dealing with the
confusion. We talked about minimizing theoverwhelming thoughts. We talked about processing failed
expectations. Oh no, that's wherewe're at now. Stay with me.
I'm working through the blog. We'redoing this breakdown. We've arrived. We've
(21:41):
arrived at processing the failed expectations.That's next, cause that's a big one
and this was a lot of whatI dealt with failed expectations. The feeling.
Let's talk about the feeling. Thefeeling is always really hard to process.
It's hurtful at times too, dependingon what it is. It's hurtful
(22:02):
because you know, like, youhave high expectations and you you just you
thought things were going to be acertain way and they're just they're just not
They just didn't turn out the waythat you wanted them to be. But
when you have given so much ofyour energy pouring into something that just didn't
turn out the way you expected it, even after your constant struggle to give
(22:23):
it everything you knew how to give, like in your intimate relationships, especially
when you're left feeling like you gaveit your awe, so much of yourself,
so much of your time, somuch of your energy, and the
other person gave what feels like toyou minimal effort. You feel like you
(22:48):
lost the control of that grip youhad where you were holding on to something
you wanted it so bad. Iknow, sis, you wanted it so
badly and you had a grip onit and you ooh, you were tussling.
You were tussling with it, butyou had to let it go.
(23:10):
Or or like failed friendships. I'vebeen seeing a lot of people talk about
friendships lately, the failed friendship thatyou've put years of your life into and
they turned out to not be whatthey were ten, fifteen, twenty years
ago. Listen, don't be madat that. People grow, people grow,
(23:33):
people grow apart, people grow up, people grow, People just grow
whatever whatever way they're growing. Howeverway they're growing, they're growing. They're
growing in the way that they're growing. So try not to I mean,
depending on what it is. Now, if it was you know, something
that was really like just bad thathappened, a bad fallout or something like
(23:56):
that, you know. But sometimesand that's not even the case. Sometimes
you don't even have an answer.Sometimes you just don't even know what or
why. The friendship just isn't thereanymore, and that's just because you grew
apart. But it still hurts,nonetheless, it still makes you feel a
certain type of way and that's that'scool, you know, but it's something
(24:25):
that you think about, it's somethingthat you put your energy into. It
is something that is on your mindand you've lost it, and so you
feel like you've lost control of that, whereas you may have been putting effort
and energy into that friendship and youjust want to know what happened to it
because that was a part of thatcomfort zone that y'all are gonna hear me
(24:45):
talk about a lot about or careerswhen you've lost an opportunity or hell,
maybe you lost the whole damn joband you had no control all over that.
I know one thing I know thatafter like post pandemic, like a
(25:06):
lot of things changed in the economy, a lot of people lost work.
So you know, if you hadto deal with that, or if you
know somebody that had to deal withthat, that's tough. And when you
can't do anything about it, there'snothing you can do. You just have
to like take what they're telling youand go with it. Like that's that's
(25:32):
you know, that's tough. It'sdisappointing when you're being let go due to
circumstances that are out of your control, no matter how badly. You need
the stability like you need to Youneed to have that job. You didn't
it came unexpected, you didn't like, but there's nothing you can do about
(25:52):
it. You just have to acceptit and see that falls onto one of
those things that's that's on the listof uncontrollables. You have no control over
that. So I'm not telling youthat you shouldn't be stressed about it.
I'm not telling you that it won'tcause the stress, But I'm just telling
you that we have to figure outways that we're able to process and move
(26:12):
forward on those types of things becauseyou can't just sit there and refuse to
be let go of, right,you gotta go with it. So now
you just have to figure out what'snext for you to do the solution.
Let's talk about the solution, andthis is where you may need to do
(26:33):
some real deep reflecting and assessing andgo back to your mindset that we talked
about as well, because I needyou to be really honest with yourself,
Sis, I really need you tothink about this, think about this really
good. These things that you're beingforced to let go of. We talked
about the relationship, the job,the friendship, all of those things,
(26:56):
the things that you're being forced tolet go of. Were there any signs
that you needed to cut ties?Come on, hold on now, be
come on, be real, bereal, be honest. Were there any
signs that you needed to cut theties? Were they the source of any
added stress in your life? Thatrelationship that you wanted to hold on so
(27:18):
bad? Was it difficult to maintainthat relationship? Like? How often was
that relationship make you cry? Howoften was that relationship bringing out a toxic
side of you? I need y'allto be real. I need y'all to
be real in this moment. Thatfriendship, that friendship. Was that friendship
(27:45):
one sided? Come on? Wasit one sided? Did it feel like
it was growing to just be invaluableto you? Like? What were you
getting out of the friendship? AndI don't mean like anything tangible? Like
what were you really getting out ofthe friendship? Think, y'all gotta think.
I need to think about these thingsbecause it's deeper. It's deeper.
(28:08):
This job, this job that youwant to be pissed off about because they
had to let you go severed thewhole damn department. Was that job an
environment that you really could see yourselfhappily working at I said happily. That's
the key word here, happily workingfor for for years, for five to
ten more years to come. Doyou really see yourself working there and being
(28:30):
happy there? What kind of environmentwas it? What kind of environment were
you working in? Do you reallydid you did you feel appreciated? Because
I can understand if you felt appreciatedand you you know, you you were
making good money and you were gettingthe benefits and it was just a good
you know, people have good jobs. I'm not saying everybody has bad jobs
(28:52):
or bad job environments. I'm notsaying that at all. I happen to
really enjoy the job that I do. But what I'm saying is just like
this is going to apply to whoit applies to. What was the environment
like at this job? Or wereyou staying employed at this job because it
(29:15):
provided you with the money and thestability and like because there was a consistent
income that is why you were workingthis job and you were just comfortable there?
Which was it? Because a lotof times that's the reason why we
were in a lot of jobs thatreally aren't even meant to be our careers
(29:37):
long term. But it's just itbrings in the money, it brings in
the stability. So that's where we'reat. There are so many questionable reasons
as to why you're now facing cuttingties. And sometimes the universe or the
(30:00):
universe is gonna make you cut ties. It's gonna force you. When we
don't take the next actionable step intoremoving these things from our lives, it's
gonna get to a point where wedon't have no choice. So after you've
done some really honest reflecting, canyou somehow try try to manage to gain
(30:26):
your control of this back by understandingthat the inevitable release of whatever this is
it was necessary. Sust it wasnecessary, it was necessary for your growth.
And now now that the tie iscut, the path for what is
better is on the way. It'scleared. It's cleared if you can move
(30:49):
forward, because you weren't gonna doit on your own, so something had
to be done. I'm sitting hereand I'm really just thinking about things.
And listen, let's keep going.Let me keep going. I'm gonna keep
going. Follow a lot with me. I told you I'll check out the
(31:10):
blog. This is all on theblog. I got y'all, this is
already on the blog, So let'stalk about managing the madness. Let's talk
about what that feels like. Andhonestly with all the feelings that you're experiencing
due to the increased stress and allof these trials and tribulations of just life,
because life has been lifened for everybody. It's no wonder you were on
(31:34):
the verge of lashing out on somebodylast week. You almost cust somebody out
last week, didn't you. Youprobably did. It's no wonder you got
a lot going on, You're goingthrough a lot, you're dealing with a
lot. I get it. Andif you're handling these things on your own,
especially if you're processing things on yourown, then sometimes that can make
(31:56):
the feelings far more intensified when youjust realize you don't have anyone else to
depend on. It's all on you. But even though anger and frustration those
are valid emotions, they're bound tosurface. But the thing is, sometimes
(32:17):
they surface and they go in thewrong direction, and if you don't deal
with them head on, you caneasily find yourself taking that out on people
that may not even deserve it.That's why they call it lashing out.
It just happens. But even ifthey do deserve it, because sometimes these
(32:37):
maybe deserving it, it's still betterfor you to be able to control these
emotions. So let's talk about thesolution again. You have to deal with
these emotions on site, meaning likeright at the very moment you experience them.
You have to find out what groundingmethods you can use that will bring
(33:00):
you back down from this emotion.What can you do as an alternative in
this moment. Maybe this will consistof you doing something that brings you just
this fulfilling wave of positive energy andvibes. What does that look like for
you? What is something that ismeaningful to you? Like for me,
(33:24):
it could be journaling or being creative. I listen, I stand by journaling.
I really want you guys to tryto get into journaling. It really
works, wonders. I will foreverbe an advocate of journaling. Do you
connect with nature? Does that makeyou feel good? Get you some sunlight,
(33:46):
find something that brings you peace,something that can change your focus in
that moment. If we can learnhow to take control of the emotion by
refolks or distracting ourselves, right thenand there, then we're less likely to
give that rage. That's like brewinginside of us the energy that it needs
(34:09):
to feed, which then causes usa lash out and cut somebody's ass out.
I'm just saying, so let's work. Oh, we gotta work on
that, the self work. Wegotta do the self work. We got
to because you know, we livehappier lives that way. Okay, let's
(34:32):
keep going. I'm almost done.We're almost done here. Alleviating the anxiety.
This is the last one. We'regoing to alleviate the anxiety. The
feeling of this. That's not worryy'all. That's the not knowing what your
life will look like going forward,not even knowing what tomorrow will bring next
(34:58):
week, feeling like coping will bethe most difficult thing you'll have to be
you'll ever have to do. Andhonestly, sometimes it does feel that way.
The worrisome feelings, they're all overthe place, the rabbit hole thoughts
that you go down. I wasalways guilty of that. I could be
sick, I could be laying thereat night in bed and be thinking about
(35:21):
something, and then that triggers anotherthought, and then that triggers another thought,
and I'm like, I just Idone went into ten years into the
future. What might have might mighthappen? If this right here don't pop
off, if this don't work,what might Like I I, it gets
it gets bad. Yeah, anxietydoes that. Anxiety will do that to
you. You literally feel like you'relosing your mind. So let's talk about
(35:43):
the solution. You're gonna be selfaware here because anxiety people are throwing that
word around a lot. But assomeone who truly faces and deals with anxiety,
I need you to really be honestwith yourself to know when this is
(36:04):
something you can manage to work throughand cope on your own, or is
this something that you really may needto consider an outside source like to help
get you through this. And byoutside source, I don't I don't mean
auntie or grandma. I'm not talkingabout them. They're cool, and you
know what, let me let me, let me, let me hold on
because these people, we have lovingaunts, we have loving grandmothers, and
(36:28):
they have always been the source ofadvice and we go to them. That's
natural for us to do that.That's fine if that's what it is.
But I really mean someone else outsideof that, because I really think that
sometimes when you have to process theseemotions, you really need to try to
process these emotions with any without anybodythat could potentially show any bias, that
could potentially enable anything that could potentiallylook past some things. So seeking therapy
(37:02):
is probably something I know most ofy'all listening to this, or if you're
reading the blog, you probably wouldhave guessed that I was gonna say that
in one of these five solutions withtherapy. But that's because it is.
It's something that we need. It'ssomething that in our community we need to
become more comfortable with speaking about andbeing okay with incorporating it into our lives.
(37:28):
And to be clear, therapy isnot always the next necessary step.
Sometimes we're fully capable of managing throughthese feelings, and that's a good thing.
If you can do that, that'sa great thing. I encourage you
to do the self help first totry to go through all of those things.
But listen, says Listen, reallywant you to listen. Should you
(37:58):
feel like nothing you are doing onyour own to cope through these feelings is
working, and you feel like yourmental state is just too clouded and overwhelmed,
this is what you're gonna have todo. You're gonna have to take
control back by deciding for yourself thatyou want to and you will obtain what's
(38:27):
best for you by any means necessary. And if that is therapy, if
that's just talking to somebody, ifyou look like me, Therapy for Black
Girls, you can start there.I really like that resource. They really
break a lot of things down andthey really, I mean, they have
(38:49):
it down to your state. Theyhave resources and like you can just search
by state they have, you know, they have just you can sign up
for their newsletters they have. Theyhave a lot. So shout out to
Therapy for Black Girls. But listen, you gotta do what's best for you.
Sometimes the strongest thing you can everdo for yourself is gonna be the
(39:14):
hardest, but you're gonna thank yourselfand ooh, you're gonna love yourself even
more when you take back that control. So we okay, we got through
all of this, We got throughthe blog. I'm not gonna hold you
guys anymore. I'm under my time, my goal time. I try to
(39:37):
keep you guys under under. Idon't wanna keep you guys long when you're
when you're two and in I justwant to take a little bit of your
attention, not too much. Idon't wanna overdo it, but I just
want to give you enough. Iwanna give you enough. And when I
do these blog breakdowns, you know, I'm going through what I wrote,
but you know, sometimes I needto add lib. Sometimes I need to
(40:00):
give you some context to what Iwrote, and it's better when you hear
it. So that's what we're gonnado with these blog breakdowns. There won't
all be blog breakdowns, but whenyou see that, that's what it is.
Just know that I've paired this episodewith a blog and you can check
it out on the site, butI will always link that that blog in
the description notes for you. SoI appreciate you tuning in. I hope,
(40:28):
oh, I really hope that Idon't know, something that you got
from this resonated with you. Somethingthat you got from this was helpful to
you. I hope that you feelcomfortable about being able to express when you
when you feel like you might belosing control or you felt like you went
(40:51):
through a period where you felt likeyou had lost control, like past,
It's not like you did. Itwasn't a question, it wasn't the feeling
I might be losing No, youlost it. You lost it, because
I know I did. I lostit. I lost control for a minute.
And I'm working on that. I'mworking on taking the necessary steps to
(41:15):
put things back in order to createa increasingly joyous environment for myself. I'm
good, I feel good. Ifeel happy. I feel ready to experience
(41:37):
things. I feel ready to travel, I feel ready to take on new
creative projects. I feel ready toimplement new ways of self care. All
of it. I want all ofthat, and I want that for you
(41:58):
too. But what I'm what Iwant most for you is I want you
to be okay. I want youto be okay. I want you to
feel okay. I want your mentalto be good. I just want you
to know that this is a safespace. I know you've heard that before,
but this is literally a safe space. I have an email address.
I am open to being a listener. I'm open to being a source that
(42:29):
you can come to. And that'swhy I'm doing the podcast and the blog
because I'm hoping that you'll be ableto come and play an episode or you'll
see when I drop a new epilodinglike, oh my god, I was
just thinking about this, and thenyou'll go and you'll press play, and
guess what, I'm rocking with you. I'm right there with you. But
(42:50):
I really want you just to understandthat everything that I write is with love
and with support and comes from justa place of knowing that we go through
a lot of the same stuff andthen sometimes we go through completely different things.
But guess what, we still havethose emotions. We still have those
(43:12):
emotions that we process through, andso I really want my sisters to be
Okay. That's it. That's thegoal. That's what I was put here
to do. That is a partof the purpose. That is a part
of my passion, the passion thatI have for writing and sharing. That's
the part of the purpose that Ihave been placed on this earth for.
(43:37):
I'm sure of it. I'm onehundred percent sure of it. So that's
what I'm doing. I'm walking inthat thing they call purpose. So anyways,
you guys, I hope that youenjoyed. I hope that you were
able to grab a gym or twosticking in your little pocket and go about
your day. I hope you enjoythe rest of your day. Thank you,
(43:59):
guys for tuning and if it's selfcare Sunday when you're listening to this,
when the episode drop, I hopethat you take good care of yourself
today. Let your worries be whatyour worries were, don't take them into
next week with you. Remember thatuncontrollables and controllables like, let's really put
some of these things into action.What shall be shall be? And I
(44:22):
can sit here and give you allthe other cliche little antidotes, but I'm
not gonna do that. I'm goingto just leave you, guys with these
thoughts. I'm gonna leave you withthe blog and thank you guys for tuning
in. You can follow me onmy social media. Please head over to
my instagram. If you're not followingme on Instagram, please head over there
(44:44):
and give me a follow, showsome love over there. I'm on all
of the things, but Instagram iswhere you'll find me most consistently these days.
So and don't forget. If you'renot subscribed to the podcast, subscribe
(45:05):
to the podcast on Apple or Spotify. Wherever you're listening, wherever you met
me at go over there, followme there and leave a rating and review.
This is an important step, youguys. And then I'm and then'm
gonna leave you all over. I'mgonna just say this, when you rate
as a podcaster, when you rateand review the platform, the episode,
whatever you hear, like however youwant to do it, When you do
(45:25):
that, that helps us. Soif you want to support, you're me
or your just your podcast or yourfavorite podcast platform. If you want to
support, leave a good little review, leave a rating. It's like,
like, we truly appreciate it.It's very necessary. And yeah, so
I'm gonna leave you guys with that, and until next time, you guys,
(45:45):
peace and blessings. Let's do thisthe thoughts of podcast A woman and
I might I
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