April 7, 2024 • 44 mins
*Apologies in advance for the audio difficulties you hear in the background with the microphone.
Tune in for this 3 part series on how we can control and actively change the narrative in our lives. Starting with part 1, let’s open up and be more aware of how we are obtaining and retaining the peace we seek in life.
For inquiries on collabs,sending in questions for the show or advice letters please email blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
Check out the Thoughts of a Blog Queen blog column on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
Follow me on IG Instagram.com/thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
Tune in for this 3 part series on how we can control and actively change the narrative in our lives. Starting with part 1, let’s open up and be more aware of how we are obtaining and retaining the peace we seek in life.
For inquiries on collabs,sending in questions for the show or advice letters please email blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
Check out the Thoughts of a Blog Queen blog column on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
Follow me on IG Instagram.com/thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, y'all, ladies, welcomeback to another entry of Thoughts of a
Black Queen Podcast. I'm your host, lore Renee, also known as block
Queen out here in these social mediastreets. As you can see by the
title this entry is we're talking aboutchanging the narrative. So this is a
woman's thoughts on changing the narrative ofher peace, her success, and her
(00:23):
relationships. Right, And so Ifelt like if I tried to put all
of that, everything that I wantedto share with you guys into one entry,
i'd probably hold you too long.And y'all know me. I like
to get you in, pour intoyou, and get you out. I
don't want to take up all ofyour time. I just appreciate you spending
this time because you could be anywhere, you could be doing anything, and
you're listening right now. So I'mgonna get you in and get you out.
(00:45):
So we're gonna break this thing downand starting with part one, we're
gonna talk about a woman's thoughts onchanging the narrative of her peace. So
let's get into it. Let's dothis out. You're listening to the Thoughts
of a Blog Queen podcast with yoursRenee a woman. Okay, So let's
(01:21):
get into this, you guys,all right, I said, we're talking
about changing the narrative. Right.I felt like that's been heavy on my
mind lately, So I felt likethat was a good topic because here's the
thing. We're getting into things whereI feel like we're complaining about a lot
of the same things. We arehaving the same results with the things that
(01:42):
we're trying to do, and Ifeel like if we want something different,
if we want different results, thanwhat do we need to do? We
need to do some different things.So we need to change the narrative of
what it is that we're trying todo. And how are we going to
change the narrative? So, likeI said, we're gonna break this down.
We're gonna talk about our peace,change the narrative for our peace.
(02:02):
We're gonna talk about changing the narrativefor our success, and then we're gonna
talk about changing the narrative for ourrelationships. Right, soul peace piece is
something that we are attempting to obtainand retain. Right, we want to
(02:23):
obtain peace and we want to retainit. So in order for us to
do that, how are we goingto change the narrative on what we've been
getting. If you feel like youhave not been achieving all of the peace
that you need daily, weekly,monthly, a each year as you grow
(02:46):
older, if you feel like you'renot doing that, then what is it
that we're doing? Because I feellike, and I say this all the
time, I preach this like it'sin the Bible. Mindset is everything,
and I feel like exactly what you'rethinking about is going to be a huge
determination of what you're gonna get.Right. So, for me, I
(03:12):
look at peace like an account,like an account, right. I look
at peace like an account, andwe are striving to make deposits into this
account. Right. We want tomake more and more deposits into our little
quote unquote peace account, the sameway we want to make deposits into our
bank accounts so that we can havean abundance of wealth. I feel like
(03:35):
we need to make deposits into ourpeace account so that we can have what
an abundance of peace. It's justit's it's simple, right, Well,
And you know what I'm not gonnasay. It's simple. Sometimes it can
be challenging. It can be challenging, but it will be challenging if we
choose that, it's gonna be challenging. If we choose that we're gonna have
a peaceful life, We're going tocreate a peaceful life. If that's what
(04:00):
we choose to do, then that'swhat we're gonna have. And regardless of
what the circumstances are. That's whatwe have to start understanding, is that,
regardless of what the circumstances are,we're gonna choose to be at peace.
We're gonna choose to have peace thisweek, we're gonna have We're gonna
choose to have peace at work orthe work that we're doing for the business
today. We're gonna choose it therelike there is no other options. I
(04:23):
need y'all to choose peace, likethere there ain't no other option out there,
because what are you gonna have.You're gonna choose peace or to not
have peace. You're always gonna wantto choose it. Right, So how
are we gonna do that? Ijust said, We're talking about peace like
it is an account that we're makingdeposits into because we're always gonna face things
that are gonna withdraw from it.Right, people are gonna withdraw from it.
(04:46):
Them kids are gonna withdraw from thepeace. Our partners are gonna withdraw
from the peace. Just unexpected lifechanges are gonna withdraw from our peace.
Our jobs, our businesses, ourfriendships, our therapists, somebody on the
road to where you're going, it'sgonna withdraw from the piece. A running
(05:10):
at the store will withdraw from peace. There are so many different things,
so many different factors that have theability if you allow it to, to
withdraw from your peace account, andyou have to do everything that you can.
I did an episode on This wayback and it was something to the
effect of how we we're not protectingour piece the way we protect our pen
(05:33):
numbers. Right, It's like,we're so protective over our pin numbers,
over our accounts. We will,you know, we will lock our cards,
we will make sure nobody has accessto our pin numbers, to these
accounts, but when it comes downto peace, we're not as protective of
that. And I'm just saying,like, the money can be made back,
right, listen, Let's think aboutit like that. We we gotta
(05:55):
do more at protecting our peace andtreating it as an account. Right.
So, I feel like there's away to look at this I feel like
there is a way that we canmake sure that we are consistently making deposits
into our account despite whatever withdraws arehappening, because you know, sometimes you
(06:17):
can't. You know, like youjust have these withdraws that come up that
she wasn't even longe, You wasn'teven expecting, or you wasn't even thinking,
Like, y'all know how Apple,if you're if you're an Apple user,
you know what I'm talking about,y'all know how the Apple you see
you just see those drafts coming outand they just start charging this two nine
nine nine, and then you justsee the thank you for your for your
payment, and you was like,what was that even for? So that's
(06:42):
like and even though it's something thatyou signed up for, it's something that
you subscribe to some kind of appor something. I mean, it is
what it is, but it's likeyou just weren't thinking about it and it
just came up and it's unexpected.And so I feel like that's what happens
with peace, Like these unexpected withdrawscome up and there's just sometimes there's just
nothing that you can do about it. For instance, like your work,
things that come up and work,you can't. It's like, you know,
(07:04):
to an extent, there's only somuch that you can do to stop
the withdrawals from your piece. Butwhen you are consistently making sure that you
are always making deposits, it's likeyou'll always have that overage. You'll always
you will never go into overdraft onyour piece. You never will if you
(07:25):
are consistently working to make sure thatyou are depositing. Like we have to
work, we have to work forour paychecks, we have to work to
earn our money. We have towork to make sure that we are getting
those deposits into our bank account right, so that the same thing applies.
We have to make sure that we'reworking to deposit into our quote unquote piece
(07:46):
accounts. So I want to talkabout I came up with three e's.
The three e's to deposit into yourpiece account. There's three things that you
need to work for in order todeposit in to your piece account. Three
e's. I broke it down.I got three e's. I'm just gonna
go through these and then that's gonnathat's it, and I'm gonna let you
(08:07):
guys go. It's self care Sunday. So you guys should be doing something
in addition to this, Like Ihope that you're sipping on some nice tea.
I hope that you're making a mimosa. Maybe you're doing a little at
home pedicure or manicure, just layingdown, maybe you know, you got
your little massager. Whatever you're doing, taking a walk, doing some yoga,
listening to this, I just hopethat you're having a really peaceful day.
(08:28):
That's what self care Sunday is allabout. I want you, guys,
to just be relaxed. And Iwanted to add to that. I
wanted to pour into you so thatyou'll start your new week off on a
good note. And even if you'renot, even if you're not listening to
this on Sunday, whatever day you'relistening to it, I hope that from
this point on, for the restof the day and the rest of your
week, that it is just peacefulfor you. But let's get into this,
(08:50):
so three e's. Three e's todeposit into your piece account. First
of all, the environment, andwe're talking about changing the narrative. Remember
that. Let's keep that. We'retalking about changing the narrative. So whatever
you've been used to we're going totry to do something different in order to
maintain that piece. The ideal andthe objective is to obtain the piece and
(09:11):
retain it. Obtain it and retainit, y'all. That's what we're trying
to do here. So environment,let's talk about the environment. The environment.
What spaces are you choosing to occupythat has the ability to disturb your
peace? What spaces are you consistentlygoing into that you already know is going
(09:33):
to disturb your peace? This isan easy one if you ask me,
because literally, you are choosing tocontinue to go into spaces that you're not
gaining anything from. And I meanthe environment could be a family member,
a friend, a bar, ora restaurant that you constantly go to if
(09:58):
you know that you have to hitthe happ be hour up after work.
But every time you go to thisspace, there's always something going on.
You always get into it with somebody, or there's always like an argument,
or the energy is bad, thebartenders and the waitresses are just nasty or
rude, or you're always seeing anX that just won't let up in this
space. Like, what spaces areyou occupying that you know is gonna disturb
(10:22):
your peace, Because if you wantto change the narrative for how you are
retaining the peace in your life,stop going to these damn places this like,
for real, stop going, juststop going. Why do you have
to go? Why do you haveto go to this bar every week?
It's ritual, okay, it's somethingthat you and your homegirls do or whatever.
(10:43):
But why do you have to ifyou know that there's always drama and
gossip and toxicity in this space,if you know you're gonna consistently see this
ex that you know you really can'tsay no to, or that you continuously
entertain, which we're gonna get intothat a little deeper, So I'm not
gonna dive all the way into thatbecause we're gonna talk about that when we
(11:03):
get to the relationship part of it. But like this bar that you always
go to, if you know,like you guys occupy this space on the
same day, why do you haveto keep going there when you know what
the what the what the circumstances aregonna be, you know what the outcome
is gonna be. If you knowthat there's these these connections that you have
to certain people that are there anddrinking is heavily involved, and there's always
(11:26):
drama, and there's always just thisgossip going on and just this toxic feeling.
Why do you why do you constantlyfrequent this place if you have a
connection to someone in your life andwhen you go over there, if every
time you go over there, thespace, the conversation, the energy,
(11:50):
the attitude is always negative. Ifyou're never getting anything of any type of
value when you go to this friendor associate or whatever you want to call
it, family member, cousin,your cousin house, your auntie house,
whatever, If you're never getting anythingof value of there, if it's always
just down, Like you ever gointo a space and it's just the vibe
is just always down. I can'tdo it. I can't. I can't
(12:13):
just continuously go to a place andevery time I go there there's always a
problem. I've had to recently thisyear, I've had to really take a
look at spaces that I would occupy, and I really had to take a
look at what I was getting.And it took a long time for me
(12:33):
to kind of do the math andrealize that, like these particular spaces are
not really like adding the value tome or to my life or to my
mental and when you're already dealing withstuff and it's like it's no offense to
any of if you know, ifyour cousin, if you're going to your
(12:54):
cousin's house or whatever, and it'sit's really you have to really be able
and even if you have to havethis conversation with with with people as to
why you can't go to this baranymore, why you're choosing not that you
can't, because you can, butyou're just making a choice as to why
you're not gonna go to this barafter work every every Thursday anymore. You
know, you're just not gonna attenduh karaoke every Friday night anymore because of
(13:18):
this, or if you're just notgonna go to your homie's house anymore,
you know, like that not asoften anymore. If you have to have
these conversations, it's important for youto, especially if you don't want to
offend or hurt anybody, and youknow what, take that, how you
want to take that, because reallyyou can you can be as real or
as I guess, safe in howyou deliver the message. But you want
(13:41):
to just make sure that that peopleknow that you're doing this for yourself.
It hasn't it doesn't have anything todo necessarily with them. It's more about
you, you know. That's theway that you can put it. It's
more about you and what you're tryingto achieve for your life at this present
in this present season. And soyou just let them know that. But
even if that's not a conversation thatyou have with anybody else, it's a
(14:03):
conversation or it's a moment of reflectionthat you need to have with yourself that
I have to do this for myself, and I need to choose to not
frequent this space anymore. Every timeI go to this bar on Wednesday with
my girls for this happy hour special, I always see my ex. And
every time I go in there,I have a few too many drinks,
(14:24):
and at the end of the night, me and him are always having this
conversation and we're always arguing about thesame thing, the way the relationship should
be or ended or didn't end,or who recalls what, who did what,
And it's stressful. At the endof the night, I'm always crying
about it. And then before Iknow it, he's texted me and we're
(14:46):
right back where we started from.So if you know that this is the
outcome that you haven't outgrown yet,and you know that this is what you're
gonna continuously entertain, then you haveto make the choice to change the narrative
for what you're doing. And youcan start by changing the environment. Stop
going into this environment because it isnot producing anything of value. It is,
(15:11):
in fact, withdrawing from your peace. You're ending the night intoxicated,
frustrated, angry, and in tearsover something that isn't even a part of
your life anymore. We're talking aboutyour ex like. This is why it
is an X because you have tomove forward, But how can you do
that if you're still entertaining the thoughtof carrying on this same energy. This
(15:39):
is how you change the narrative.Stop going there. This is one less
thing that you might not have toworry about if you stop going to this
particular place. The environment that youare allowing yourself to spend time in is
very important. It's detrimental to howyour day is gonna go, how your
week is gonna go, and howthese days your day and your night is
(16:00):
gonna end. This is like,I mean, this is where you're at
if you need to maybe, andI'm not saying well, just okay,
if you are a social person andyou don't really want to be in hermit
mode and you need to be outand you want to do something, that's
fine. I'm not talking about whatyou should or should not be doing.
I'm just talking about the particular environmentsthat are affecting the piece. So maybe
(16:22):
you go somewhere else. Maybe youtry to go and enjoy your Wednesday night,
if that's your one time out theweek where you do let your hair
down a little bit and you lookforward to that. I'm not trying to
take that away from you. Thatis a part of what makes you happy.
But not if you're going to thisparticular space and it's just bringing you
(16:42):
stress and negative vibes and the energyis down, Like, find somewhere else
to go, find a new environment, change the narrative. Right, So
environment, that is our first ewe're talking about the three ease to deposit
into these piece accounts. The secondeat are the essentials. What things do
(17:03):
you need? And this is morein lines with your self care. What
are the things that you need?And like I just mentioned, if you
know that Wednesday, like if youwork all of the time, and you
know that Thursday is your only dayoff for the week, and so Wednesday
night you look forward to just lettingyour hair down, not thinking about work.
(17:26):
You know you don't have to beup early in the morning, So
Wednesday night is your night to kindof you know, have a couple of
glasses and want and enjoy your friends. That is fine, That is an
essential. That is something that bringsyou piece. That's something that you look
forward to. But it's just theenvironment that you're going into that is messing
with the piece of that. Soyou change the environment your girls that they
(17:47):
will understand, if they're real friends, they will understand, like, listen,
let's find another spot. Let's tryto find another spot, because it
don't look like you know what Ineed to come out of going to this
particular spot. That's not gonna change. So maybe let's try something else.
Let's try a new spot. Findsomething else. I found this spot.
They got drink specials. Let's trythis out. Let's see how this goes,
and let's and then see how thatnight ends. It's gonna be way
(18:11):
different because you removed yourself. Youmade a choice to remove yourself from the
energy that you were getting from thisplace that you were consistently going to that
we knew was not gonna We knowit's not gonna be good. We know
the night it's not gonna end goodover here. So this is an essential.
So this is what I'm talking about. What are the essentials that you
need for your self care? Becauseself care is literally how we take care
(18:37):
of ourself, and we do thatby finding and adding the things that we
love, the things that we like, the things that make us happy,
and keeping them consistent in our life. These are your essentials. You have
to have essentials to your piece.For me, journaling isn't essential. I
have to journal. I have tobe able to get my thoughts out at
(19:02):
the end of the night. Andthat's because I'm not in a place where
I'm really sharing a lot of mypersonal thoughts and my personal things that go
on with me. I'm not reallyin a space where I'm sharing that with
many people in my life right now. So I have to be able to
get those thoughts out right. Andif you're not in a season of like
(19:22):
seeking counsel or going to therapy oranything like that, then I strongly suggest
you to attempt to get into journaland so like for me, like I
said, journaling isn't essential to myself care, I have to it is
essential. Content creation is also essentialbecause a lot of what I'm not monetizing,
a lot of what I'm doing,I do it because it brings me
(19:44):
peace. It is an outlet forme. It is a creative outlet for
me. I get peace knowing thatI am expressing my thoughts through my words.
I'm expressing my thoughts to other women, and that I am helping at
least one woman who caught on towhat I was saying, who connected with
it. That is where I getmy piece from and that is where I
(20:04):
get my joy from. So thatis essential to my self care. Content
creation, journaling, reading I haveto. I like like buying books and
reading a good book, reading atleast a chapter of something a day.
I have to do. That isessential to calming my mind down. When
(20:25):
you struggle with anxiety and you strugglewith just different things, you find ways
to ground you. And when Ifeel like I'm getting anxious about something,
I will pull out something that Iwanted to read and I'll read a chapter
and by the time I'm finished withthat chapter, I have grounded myself and
I have moved past the space ofbeing anxious for whatever it was that I
(20:48):
was about to go to ten on. So that is another essential. So
what is an essential for you?Music that isn't essential. When I'm working
my regular job, I have tohave music playing, whether that's the jazz
music, the jazz instrumentals that I'mplaying, or whether or not I have
my AirPods in my ear and I'mjust listening to a playlist that I curated.
(21:11):
I have to have music and thatis what contributes to my piece during
my workday. That isn't essential forme. So finding the essentials to help
you in moments of stress, inmoments of being anxious, those are the
things that you need to be consistentabout. Retail therapy might be an essential.
(21:33):
You know, your favorite treat mightbe an essential. Talking to your
mom every week that might be anessential. You know, like whatever it
is, taking a walk, doingyoga, whatever are your essentials. These
are the things that you don't thatI want to make sure that you're not
compromising on. You're not giving upon these things. Cycling is another essential
(22:00):
for me. It's something that helpsme bring down my stress levels, and
it helps me to sleep. WhenI do it before I go to bed,
I'm a little bit more uh wornout because I had you know,
I struggle with sleep sometimes, sothat helps me. Taking long hot baths
with a glass of wine or musicplaying. This might be one of your
(22:22):
essentials. Again, your essentials arethe things that you need to that you
need to have into your life andthat you're not going to compromise on.
Don't compromise on these things. Don'tjust sacrifice them because you know, oh,
well, you got off late,so you're not going to take that
(22:44):
that that walk, or you gotoff late, so you're not going to
you know, you're not going togo to your spot that you you know,
your little coffee shop for the week, because you know, like like
make sure that you're keeping these thingsas essential exactly what they're called. Don't
sacrifice on these things because these aresure fireways that you're gonna deposit into your
(23:10):
peace account. Remember we're talking abouthow we're making deposits and how we're trying
to have overage to avoid the withdrawals. So if you're sticking to your essentials,
if you're sticking to the things thatyou know bring you peace, and
you're not compromising on them, you'renot sacrificing them for anything else, then
don't do it. Make sure youare incorporating them in your life. They
(23:33):
are essential to your peace. AndI don't want you to let those things
go. I want you to makesure that you have them, budget them
in, budget them into whatever itis that you need to do for the
week, because it's your self care. You deserve it. It's just like,
you know, we're always I feellike, just like as women were
always sacrificing everything. Man, wesacrifice for our kids, we say sacrifice
(24:00):
for our jobs. We sacrifice foryou know, just our partners. We
sacrifice a lot for our family members. We go without the things that we
want and the things that we needoften and we do this because that's just,
you know, what we've kind ofbeen conditioned to do, and that's
just what we step up to theplate to do. But we don't always
(24:22):
have to do that, and Iwant to. I want you to get
to a place this that you realizethat there are just certain things that you
need to decide you're going to keepin your life. No matter what,
You're going to keep this in yourbudget for me, like I'm coming into
(24:45):
a season where I want to startdoing traveling and because I just realized,
like I just kind of had thisepiphany that like, there's so much of
the world that I have not seen, and I base that a lot about
on whether or not I had someoneto experience it with. And so if
I don't have anybody to experience thesethe travel with and these places that I
(25:07):
want to see with, am Ijust gonna leave this earth at whenever time?
That is for me to leave thisearth without seeing the things that I
want to see and experiencing the thingsthat I want to experience because I didn't
have anybody to do it with.No, I can't. I can't in
good faith do that to myself.I can't do that to myself anymore.
(25:27):
I've gotten to the age now whereI'm like, listen, I've raised my
son. My son is taking careof himself, and now I just really
want to live my life, youknow, Like I want to do some
of the things that I wasn't ableto do when I like had to care
for him full time and when Ihad to make a lot of sacrifices and
(25:48):
not do things and see things andor when I was just waiting, you
know, for the girl trip toget out of the group chat. You
know how they say that, like, I don't want to do that anymore
because I don't I don't know whenmy time here is up. And I
want to see all that I cansee. I want to do all that
I can do, and I wantto experience all that I can experience while
I am able to, while I'min good health, while I'm able to
(26:10):
walk, while I'm able to talkand hear and breed and smell and see
and live and love and smile andlaugh and eat and touch and hear,
while I have all of this,you know, all of these blessings,
all of these natural, God givenblessings that I have to experience this life.
I'm gonna go do that, andI want to do that. And
so for now, for me goinginto this new year, travel is going
(26:34):
to have to be and essential.I'm going to do whatever I can this
year so that next year and hopefullythis year towards the end of this year,
hopefully travel is going to be oneof my essentials. It's gonna be
one of the things that I'm notgoing to I'm not going to sacrifice that
I'm going to have to whether Ihave somebody to experience it with or not,
(26:55):
it would be great, but I'mnot gonna let it hold me back.
Solo travel is on my mind,and yeah, like I'm trying to
get with it. And so that'swhat I'm trying to get you guys to
see. As far as your essentials, whatever it is that you need,
make sure that you are keeping thosethings in your life so that you are
consistently retaining and maintaining your peace.Because we're trying to change the narrative for
(27:22):
those of us who feel like it'sjust all every always stressful life is just
stressful. If you're one of thosepeople, If you I want you to
be real about your real about thisand ask yourself this question. How often
when someone asks you how your dayis going, or when you are talking
to someone and you're venting to someone, how often are you saying something negative?
(27:44):
How often are you saying you hada bad day, you had a
long day, you're tired, you'reover it. I'm just over it,
I said, I said all thetime, over it. How often are
you saying that? Because if you'resaying it all the time, something's gotta
change, You gotta do something,And if you're not, then that means
that you're relying on outside factors andoutside circumstances to give you the piece that
(28:11):
you're seeking, and you cannot dothat. You cannot do that, which
leads me into the third E fordepositing into our piece accounts experiences? What
are you allowed? What are youallowing yourself to experience that could either withdraw
(28:32):
or deposit into your piece account?What are you allowing? Like I just
asked, I said, what howoften are you saying that you had a
bad day? How often are yousaying that you're stressed out? If you're
saying that all the time, Let'stake let's talk let's talk about work.
For instance, your business or yourjob. If you're working a nine to
(28:56):
five whatever, you know, Well, jobs they go through different crazy,
different you know, phases, anddifferent things come up. And we're working
these jobs, right, and soit's gonna be inevitable that we're going to
have to go through the motions ofwhat these jobs are going through. Right,
(29:17):
So when the craziness comes up fromthese jobs, if we know that,
if we know what we're dealing with, even in our businesses. We
know what we're up against within withinour businesses. We know what we're up
against within our nine to five jobs, right, we know what we're facing.
We kind of know the ins andouts of it. We know what
is to be expected. So becausewe know what is to be expected,
(29:40):
what are we doing to change theexperience? If you know that your job
is going to be the source ofstress in the week, you have to
choose our mindset. You have tochoose not to let the experience of work
this week determine how much peace you'regoing to obtain this week. How do
(30:04):
you do that? You choose,You choose let the experience with work be
just that. The experience with workis the experience with work. When you
are done with work, be donewith work. You have to because see,
(30:25):
here's the thing. We would likefor things to be so easy,
and we would like for just lifeto just for us to just sit back,
hands free and let life just work. Like we want work to be
like life to be hands free.Right, we want everything to just be
easy for us. Technology and robotsand should have made things just like.
We just want everything to be easyfor us. But unfortunately, when it
(30:45):
comes down to things that are pertainedto our mentals. We have to be
a little bit more hands on whenit comes to that, and so we
have to have a little bit morecontrol and we have to be a little
bit more hands on when it comesto that. So you can't just sit
back and just wait for for workand be respect If you know that work
is going to be the source ofsomething that causes frustration, then you have
(31:07):
to choose to understand that this righthere, this is a small percentage of
my day, even though it's eighthours, but you get what I'm saying,
This is a small percentage of myday. I'm not gonna result.
I'm not going to stay here allday in this space. This is what
it is. It's a source offrustration, but I'm not going to let
(31:33):
it dictate to me how I movefor the rest of the day. I'm
not going to let it dictate myattitude for the remainder of the day.
The experience is that you're connecting yourselfto on a consistent basis. These are
the things that you have to workon changing the narrative to because if you
(31:55):
continue to allow them to dominate yourday, that's exactly where you're gonna be
You're gonna be in this space whereyou've lost it. I talk it.
Go back and listen to the episodeon losing control, entry thirty four.
(32:15):
You've lost the control and that isbecause you are allowing this experience to dominate
where you have a choice to say. I can either accept this from this
particular source, I e. We'retalking about a job, business, whatever,
(32:37):
work. I can either let itbe just exactly what it is,
or I can let it take control. No, I'm gonna just let this
be. This is work, Thisis nothing but work. This is not
going to dictate how I feel anymore. I am only one person. I
(32:58):
can only do what I can do, and I can be the best at
what I can do. But thisis what I have to work with,
and this is how I'm going tomove in this area of my life.
And the same thing goes for otherexperiences that you're having the experience of.
Let's say, uh, you havedrama with the other parent of your child.
(33:22):
What is the experience? What areyou Whatever the experience is, you
don't have to let that be thedetermining factor of how your day is gonna
go. You already know what isto be expected of the experience with this
other person, with the with thefather of your child, or the mother
(33:44):
of your child you already or orthe grandmother of your child, your husband's
mother, whatever, whoever. Youalready know what the experience is capable of.
You already know what it's gonna bring. So how can you what can
you do to change that narrative?What can you do if you really get
(34:07):
into the moment of like, Okay, I'm going to choose to keep instead
of engaging in this conversation that wehave every morning when I drop the kid
off or when he drops the kidoff, or when she comes to pick
up the kid, instead of engagingin that same conversation, change it up,
(34:29):
choose not to choose to talk aboutwhat you need to talk about,
and decide that that is going tobe the boundary. There's not going to
be any more to this experience otherthan what it needs to be. If
it needs to be a drop andgo of this is what medicine she's taken,
this is what she last ate,this is what a time her appointment
(34:51):
is. If these are just theelements that need to be communicated within this
experience, share those that communication andthen let that be it. Anything else
is extra, and you're choosing toengage in that that you don't have to.
You don't have to when we canreally grasp the idea that a lot
(35:12):
of shit that we deal with,we don't have to deal with it,
but we're dealing with it because it'slike, I don't know, we have
some obsession with bringing this, thisthis strife and this stress into our life,
like we feel like we gotta fightevery battle and we gotta we gotta
attend every argument that we're invited to. I don't know where we got this
from, why we are so conditionedlike this, And I say we because
(35:36):
I was literally guilty of this.I'm not trying to separate myself and act
as though I was never a partof the community of people that feel like
I have to argue my point allof the time. That is a weakness
of mine that I'm really trying towork on. I'm really trying to be
better at not attending these arguments andthese disagreements. I am trying to be
(36:00):
more mindful and self aware that Iknow where this is going. I know
where this is going, I knowwhere how this is going to end.
So before we even arrive here.I'm going to Yeah, nah, I'm
not even going to do it becauseI already know I'm going to handle this
in a different way. Instead ofcalling this person, I am going to
(36:23):
send a message and let this personknow. I'm going to send a voice
note and let this person know,or I am going to I know this
person's I see this person send methis long text message. I don't have
the mental capacity to read that rightnow. I don't have the medical capacity
to play this voice note. SoI'm not going to. I'm gonna make
the experience be what I need theexperience to be. If I need to
(36:45):
deal with that. Tomorrow, guesswhen I'm gonna deal with it. Yeah,
I'm gonna deal with this shit tomorrow. I don't have it in me
today. Who said you gotta dealwith everything right in the moment. Who
said you got to argue with peopleright then and there? Who said you
gotta do that? Change the narrative, change it, Choose to change it.
(37:08):
You don't have to engage in someof this stuff that you guys that
we we don't have to, butyet we do it, Cause, like,
could you imagine what would life belike? Without all the bullshit and
the drama. Imagine that, Imean, I'm being for real, Like,
(37:30):
imagine that. There's just so manythings y'all know. I'm being real
with this too. There's so manythings that we deal with and we do
not have to deal with it.But we always gotta be like big and
bad. We always gotta be strong. We always gotta let people know that
you're not to be fucked with.You always gotta let people know that you
will put them in their place.You always gotta let people know that you
(37:52):
will do this and that, andlike you just always gotta let people just
know. You always gotta have thelast word, and you always gotta just
like you say, oh, youalways gotta be on raw and on ten
and just let people know. Likeyou don't like listen, You don't always
gotta do that. You don't alwaysgotta do that. You just want to.
(38:15):
You want people to know that you'llcut they ass out. You want
people to know. And I'm nottrying to say to let people walk all
over you or let people think thatyou're weak, but like you do you
know that sometimes strength is silence.Do you know how much it takes to
be quiet? Do you know howmuch it takes for a person to just
(38:36):
shut the fuck up. Sometimes ittakes a lot. Trust me, I
know it ain't easy. You gottabe a real strong person to not clap
back. But that's what you gottastart operating, and you gotta start choosing
these experiences to be a little bitdifferent than what you're used to. If
you're trying to change the narrative ofhow your life is going, everything starts
(39:01):
with your mindset. Everything starts withyour peace. You can't do anything productive,
you can't do anything beneficial, andyou can't add any value to your
life if you are not at peacewith yourself. You got to You cannot
really productively run a business if youdon't have like some internal peace. I'm
(39:24):
not saying you're not gonna have harddays or busy days, and I'm not
saying that hard things are not gonnaarise, but I'm just saying that you
really cannot, like you can't functionand operate in chaos. I wouldn't be
able to do the things that I'mpassionate about doing. I wouldn't be able
to get on this podcast and talkand try to pour into the people that
(39:44):
look forward to listening to me.I wouldn't be able to do that if
I wasn't operating in some form ofpeace. And so as I am figuring
out the ways that I am bestat peace, this is how I'm able
to operate in the things that Ilove to do and be at peace with
while I'm sitting back talking to youguys, sipping on my cold ice water
(40:05):
and swinging my feet in the chair. Because I'm at peace with what I'm
doing and it's flowing through me.I feel good about it. I feel
good about the message that I'm givento you, and I'm okay right now.
I am at peace right now.I am in a peaceful place in
my home. I'm in a peacefulplace in my life. I'm at a
peaceful place just like I'm working onthese things. Is everything perfect in my
(40:25):
life? Hell no, No,I got a lot. I got a
long way to go. But whatI'm just saying is that I am working.
I'm actively working on it, andI'm able to do what I want
to do right now because I amoperating in a state of peace right now.
I could not sit here and delivera message and talk to you guys
(40:47):
and try to pour into you andhelp you, guys learn how to obtain
and retain your peace. If Iam operating in dysfunction and toxicity and I
wouldn't, you know, That's whyI had to take a break from the
podcast. That's why I couldn't.I couldn't kick out these episodes because I
wasn't in a place of peace todo that. Everything that I want to
pour into you, I wanted tobe positive. I want you to get
(41:10):
value from it. So I can'tdo that if I'm not in that space
in my life. So what Ihad to do was I had to sacrifice
something that I love to do withsomething that I want to do, which
is get on my platform and speakto you. I had to sacrifice that
for however long it took until Iwas ready to get on there, Because
who am I to try to giveyou any type of gem on piece if
(41:31):
I don't have that in my life. I want to operate in the space
that I want you guys to operatein, So it has to come from
a place of experience. If Igot toxic shit going on in my life,
if I got dysfunction and chaos goingon in my life, if I'm
out here running the streets and fightingand doing all like doing all this dumb
(41:53):
shit. And I'm doing all this, and I get on this microphone and
I start talking about how you're supposedto obtain peace. What kind of hypocrite
would I be? What kind ofhypocrite would I be if I was?
If I did that, it wouldn'tbe genuine. And I'm not going to
try to pour anything into another womanthat is not genuine. And I mean
(42:17):
that, like from the depths ofmy heart. I mean that, So
listen, that's what I'm gonna letit. I'm gonna leave it here.
I'm gonna leave it at that.We talked about how we are obtaining and
retaining our peace. The three e'sto deposit into peace your environment, your
essentials, and your experience. Theseare the three things that you do have
the control to the ability to controlinto your life in order to change the
(42:43):
narrative from what it has been tosomething better. So I hope that you
guys got something from it. Ladies, I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
I hope that you picked up agym or two something resonated. I
hope you know that's the purpose.I hope that this coming week is amazing
(43:07):
for you. I hope that youare able to be a little bit more
mindful about the ways that you arein fact withdrawing from your own peace,
and I hope that you learn waysto execute a more successful day, and
a more successful week, and amore successful month and so forth. I
(43:29):
hope that this week is great foryou. I hope that something amazing and
unexpected happens. I hope that youare blessed. I hope that you are
happy and healthy. I hope thatyou smile a lot. I hope that
you laugh a lot. I hopethat you heal just a little bit more.
(43:51):
I hope that this week is everythingthat you needed to be. Leave
work at work, and when you'redone with it, let life be what
you need life to be, whichis positive, good energy, good vibes.
That's what you need it to be. So make it that. Do
what you gotta do to make itthat okay. So I love you guys,
(44:15):
Thank you guys for tuning in,Thank you for spending this time with
me. And until next time youguys, peace and blessings. Let's do
this. You're listening to the thoughtsof a blog Queen podcast Renee a Woman and
Hey, y'all, ladies, welcomeback to another entry of Thoughts of a
Black Queen Podcast. I'm your host, lore Renee, also known as block
Queen out here in these social mediastreets. As you can see by the
title this entry is we're talking aboutchanging the narrative. So this is a
woman's thoughts on changing the narrative ofher peace, her success, and her
(00:23):
relationships. Right, And so Ifelt like if I tried to put all
of that, everything that I wantedto share with you guys into one entry,
i'd probably hold you too long.And y'all know me. I like
to get you in, pour intoyou, and get you out. I
don't want to take up all ofyour time. I just appreciate you spending
this time because you could be anywhere, you could be doing anything, and
you're listening right now. So I'mgonna get you in and get you out.
(00:45):
So we're gonna break this thing downand starting with part one, we're
gonna talk about a woman's thoughts onchanging the narrative of her peace. So
let's get into it. Let's dothis out. You're listening to the Thoughts
of a Blog Queen podcast with yoursRenee a woman. Okay, So let's
(01:21):
get into this, you guys,all right, I said, we're talking
about changing the narrative. Right.I felt like that's been heavy on my
mind lately, So I felt likethat was a good topic because here's the
thing. We're getting into things whereI feel like we're complaining about a lot
of the same things. We arehaving the same results with the things that
(01:42):
we're trying to do, and Ifeel like if we want something different,
if we want different results, thanwhat do we need to do? We
need to do some different things.So we need to change the narrative of
what it is that we're trying todo. And how are we going to
change the narrative? So, likeI said, we're gonna break this down.
We're gonna talk about our peace,change the narrative for our peace.
(02:02):
We're gonna talk about changing the narrativefor our success, and then we're gonna
talk about changing the narrative for ourrelationships. Right, soul peace piece is
something that we are attempting to obtainand retain. Right, we want to
(02:23):
obtain peace and we want to retainit. So in order for us to
do that, how are we goingto change the narrative on what we've been
getting. If you feel like youhave not been achieving all of the peace
that you need daily, weekly,monthly, a each year as you grow
(02:46):
older, if you feel like you'renot doing that, then what is it
that we're doing? Because I feellike, and I say this all the
time, I preach this like it'sin the Bible. Mindset is everything,
and I feel like exactly what you'rethinking about is going to be a huge
determination of what you're gonna get.Right. So, for me, I
(03:12):
look at peace like an account,like an account, right. I look
at peace like an account, andwe are striving to make deposits into this
account. Right. We want tomake more and more deposits into our little
quote unquote peace account, the sameway we want to make deposits into our
bank accounts so that we can havean abundance of wealth. I feel like
(03:35):
we need to make deposits into ourpeace account so that we can have what
an abundance of peace. It's justit's it's simple, right, Well,
And you know what I'm not gonnasay. It's simple. Sometimes it can
be challenging. It can be challenging, but it will be challenging if we
choose that, it's gonna be challenging. If we choose that we're gonna have
a peaceful life, We're going tocreate a peaceful life. If that's what
(04:00):
we choose to do, then that'swhat we're gonna have. And regardless of
what the circumstances are. That's whatwe have to start understanding, is that,
regardless of what the circumstances are,we're gonna choose to be at peace.
We're gonna choose to have peace thisweek, we're gonna have We're gonna
choose to have peace at work orthe work that we're doing for the business
today. We're gonna choose it therelike there is no other options. I
(04:23):
need y'all to choose peace, likethere there ain't no other option out there,
because what are you gonna have.You're gonna choose peace or to not
have peace. You're always gonna wantto choose it. Right, So how
are we gonna do that? Ijust said, We're talking about peace like
it is an account that we're makingdeposits into because we're always gonna face things
that are gonna withdraw from it.Right, people are gonna withdraw from it.
(04:46):
Them kids are gonna withdraw from thepeace. Our partners are gonna withdraw
from the peace. Just unexpected lifechanges are gonna withdraw from our peace.
Our jobs, our businesses, ourfriendships, our therapists, somebody on the
road to where you're going, it'sgonna withdraw from the piece. A running
(05:10):
at the store will withdraw from peace. There are so many different things,
so many different factors that have theability if you allow it to, to
withdraw from your peace account, andyou have to do everything that you can.
I did an episode on This wayback and it was something to the
effect of how we we're not protectingour piece the way we protect our pen
(05:33):
numbers. Right, It's like,we're so protective over our pin numbers,
over our accounts. We will,you know, we will lock our cards,
we will make sure nobody has accessto our pin numbers, to these
accounts, but when it comes downto peace, we're not as protective of
that. And I'm just saying,like, the money can be made back,
right, listen, Let's think aboutit like that. We we gotta
(05:55):
do more at protecting our peace andtreating it as an account. Right.
So, I feel like there's away to look at this I feel like
there is a way that we canmake sure that we are consistently making deposits
into our account despite whatever withdraws arehappening, because you know, sometimes you
(06:17):
can't. You know, like youjust have these withdraws that come up that
she wasn't even longe, You wasn'teven expecting, or you wasn't even thinking,
Like, y'all know how Apple,if you're if you're an Apple user,
you know what I'm talking about,y'all know how the Apple you see
you just see those drafts coming outand they just start charging this two nine
nine nine, and then you justsee the thank you for your for your
payment, and you was like,what was that even for? So that's
(06:42):
like and even though it's something thatyou signed up for, it's something that
you subscribe to some kind of appor something. I mean, it is
what it is, but it's likeyou just weren't thinking about it and it
just came up and it's unexpected.And so I feel like that's what happens
with peace, Like these unexpected withdrawscome up and there's just sometimes there's just
nothing that you can do about it. For instance, like your work,
things that come up and work,you can't. It's like, you know,
(07:04):
to an extent, there's only somuch that you can do to stop
the withdrawals from your piece. Butwhen you are consistently making sure that you
are always making deposits, it's likeyou'll always have that overage. You'll always
you will never go into overdraft onyour piece. You never will if you
(07:25):
are consistently working to make sure thatyou are depositing. Like we have to
work, we have to work forour paychecks, we have to work to
earn our money. We have towork to make sure that we are getting
those deposits into our bank account right, so that the same thing applies.
We have to make sure that we'reworking to deposit into our quote unquote piece
(07:46):
accounts. So I want to talkabout I came up with three e's.
The three e's to deposit into yourpiece account. There's three things that you
need to work for in order todeposit in to your piece account. Three
e's. I broke it down.I got three e's. I'm just gonna
go through these and then that's gonnathat's it, and I'm gonna let you
(08:07):
guys go. It's self care Sunday. So you guys should be doing something
in addition to this, Like Ihope that you're sipping on some nice tea.
I hope that you're making a mimosa. Maybe you're doing a little at
home pedicure or manicure, just layingdown, maybe you know, you got
your little massager. Whatever you're doing, taking a walk, doing some yoga,
listening to this, I just hopethat you're having a really peaceful day.
(08:28):
That's what self care Sunday is allabout. I want you, guys,
to just be relaxed. And Iwanted to add to that. I
wanted to pour into you so thatyou'll start your new week off on a
good note. And even if you'renot, even if you're not listening to
this on Sunday, whatever day you'relistening to it, I hope that from
this point on, for the restof the day and the rest of your
week, that it is just peacefulfor you. But let's get into this,
(08:50):
so three e's. Three e's todeposit into your piece account. First
of all, the environment, andwe're talking about changing the narrative. Remember
that. Let's keep that. We'retalking about changing the narrative. So whatever
you've been used to we're going totry to do something different in order to
maintain that piece. The ideal andthe objective is to obtain the piece and
(09:11):
retain it. Obtain it and retainit, y'all. That's what we're trying
to do here. So environment,let's talk about the environment. The environment.
What spaces are you choosing to occupythat has the ability to disturb your
peace? What spaces are you consistentlygoing into that you already know is going
(09:33):
to disturb your peace? This isan easy one if you ask me,
because literally, you are choosing tocontinue to go into spaces that you're not
gaining anything from. And I meanthe environment could be a family member,
a friend, a bar, ora restaurant that you constantly go to if
(09:58):
you know that you have to hitthe happ be hour up after work.
But every time you go to thisspace, there's always something going on.
You always get into it with somebody, or there's always like an argument,
or the energy is bad, thebartenders and the waitresses are just nasty or
rude, or you're always seeing anX that just won't let up in this
space. Like, what spaces areyou occupying that you know is gonna disturb
(10:22):
your peace, Because if you wantto change the narrative for how you are
retaining the peace in your life,stop going to these damn places this like,
for real, stop going, juststop going. Why do you have
to go? Why do you haveto go to this bar every week?
It's ritual, okay, it's somethingthat you and your homegirls do or whatever.
(10:43):
But why do you have to ifyou know that there's always drama and
gossip and toxicity in this space,if you know you're gonna consistently see this
ex that you know you really can'tsay no to, or that you continuously
entertain, which we're gonna get intothat a little deeper, So I'm not
gonna dive all the way into thatbecause we're gonna talk about that when we
(11:03):
get to the relationship part of it. But like this bar that you always
go to, if you know,like you guys occupy this space on the
same day, why do you haveto keep going there when you know what
the what the what the circumstances aregonna be, you know what the outcome
is gonna be. If you knowthat there's these these connections that you have
to certain people that are there anddrinking is heavily involved, and there's always
(11:26):
drama, and there's always just thisgossip going on and just this toxic feeling.
Why do you why do you constantlyfrequent this place if you have a
connection to someone in your life andwhen you go over there, if every
time you go over there, thespace, the conversation, the energy,
(11:50):
the attitude is always negative. Ifyou're never getting anything of any type of
value when you go to this friendor associate or whatever you want to call
it, family member, cousin,your cousin house, your auntie house,
whatever, If you're never getting anythingof value of there, if it's always
just down, Like you ever gointo a space and it's just the vibe
is just always down. I can'tdo it. I can't. I can't
(12:13):
just continuously go to a place andevery time I go there there's always a
problem. I've had to recently thisyear, I've had to really take a
look at spaces that I would occupy, and I really had to take a
look at what I was getting.And it took a long time for me
(12:33):
to kind of do the math andrealize that, like these particular spaces are
not really like adding the value tome or to my life or to my
mental and when you're already dealing withstuff and it's like it's no offense to
any of if you know, ifyour cousin, if you're going to your
(12:54):
cousin's house or whatever, and it'sit's really you have to really be able
and even if you have to havethis conversation with with with people as to
why you can't go to this baranymore, why you're choosing not that you
can't, because you can, butyou're just making a choice as to why
you're not gonna go to this barafter work every every Thursday anymore. You
know, you're just not gonna attenduh karaoke every Friday night anymore because of
(13:18):
this, or if you're just notgonna go to your homie's house anymore,
you know, like that not asoften anymore. If you have to have
these conversations, it's important for youto, especially if you don't want to
offend or hurt anybody, and youknow what, take that, how you
want to take that, because reallyyou can you can be as real or
as I guess, safe in howyou deliver the message. But you want
(13:41):
to just make sure that that peopleknow that you're doing this for yourself.
It hasn't it doesn't have anything todo necessarily with them. It's more about
you, you know. That's theway that you can put it. It's
more about you and what you're tryingto achieve for your life at this present
in this present season. And soyou just let them know that. But
even if that's not a conversation thatyou have with anybody else, it's a
(14:03):
conversation or it's a moment of reflectionthat you need to have with yourself that
I have to do this for myself, and I need to choose to not
frequent this space anymore. Every timeI go to this bar on Wednesday with
my girls for this happy hour special, I always see my ex. And
every time I go in there,I have a few too many drinks,
(14:24):
and at the end of the night, me and him are always having this
conversation and we're always arguing about thesame thing, the way the relationship should
be or ended or didn't end,or who recalls what, who did what,
And it's stressful. At the endof the night, I'm always crying
about it. And then before Iknow it, he's texted me and we're
(14:46):
right back where we started from.So if you know that this is the
outcome that you haven't outgrown yet,and you know that this is what you're
gonna continuously entertain, then you haveto make the choice to change the narrative
for what you're doing. And youcan start by changing the environment. Stop
going into this environment because it isnot producing anything of value. It is,
(15:11):
in fact, withdrawing from your peace. You're ending the night intoxicated,
frustrated, angry, and in tearsover something that isn't even a part of
your life anymore. We're talking aboutyour ex like. This is why it
is an X because you have tomove forward, But how can you do
that if you're still entertaining the thoughtof carrying on this same energy. This
(15:39):
is how you change the narrative.Stop going there. This is one less
thing that you might not have toworry about if you stop going to this
particular place. The environment that youare allowing yourself to spend time in is
very important. It's detrimental to howyour day is gonna go, how your
week is gonna go, and howthese days your day and your night is
(16:00):
gonna end. This is like,I mean, this is where you're at
if you need to maybe, andI'm not saying well, just okay,
if you are a social person andyou don't really want to be in hermit
mode and you need to be outand you want to do something, that's
fine. I'm not talking about whatyou should or should not be doing.
I'm just talking about the particular environmentsthat are affecting the piece. So maybe
(16:22):
you go somewhere else. Maybe youtry to go and enjoy your Wednesday night,
if that's your one time out theweek where you do let your hair
down a little bit and you lookforward to that. I'm not trying to
take that away from you. Thatis a part of what makes you happy.
But not if you're going to thisparticular space and it's just bringing you
(16:42):
stress and negative vibes and the energyis down, Like, find somewhere else
to go, find a new environment, change the narrative. Right, So
environment, that is our first ewe're talking about the three ease to deposit
into these piece accounts. The secondeat are the essentials. What things do
(17:03):
you need? And this is morein lines with your self care. What
are the things that you need?And like I just mentioned, if you
know that Wednesday, like if youwork all of the time, and you
know that Thursday is your only dayoff for the week, and so Wednesday
night you look forward to just lettingyour hair down, not thinking about work.
(17:26):
You know you don't have to beup early in the morning, So
Wednesday night is your night to kindof you know, have a couple of
glasses and want and enjoy your friends. That is fine, That is an
essential. That is something that bringsyou piece. That's something that you look
forward to. But it's just theenvironment that you're going into that is messing
with the piece of that. Soyou change the environment your girls that they
(17:47):
will understand, if they're real friends, they will understand, like, listen,
let's find another spot. Let's tryto find another spot, because it
don't look like you know what Ineed to come out of going to this
particular spot. That's not gonna change. So maybe let's try something else.
Let's try a new spot. Findsomething else. I found this spot.
They got drink specials. Let's trythis out. Let's see how this goes,
and let's and then see how thatnight ends. It's gonna be way
(18:11):
different because you removed yourself. Youmade a choice to remove yourself from the
energy that you were getting from thisplace that you were consistently going to that
we knew was not gonna We knowit's not gonna be good. We know
the night it's not gonna end goodover here. So this is an essential.
So this is what I'm talking about. What are the essentials that you
need for your self care? Becauseself care is literally how we take care
(18:37):
of ourself, and we do thatby finding and adding the things that we
love, the things that we like, the things that make us happy,
and keeping them consistent in our life. These are your essentials. You have
to have essentials to your piece.For me, journaling isn't essential. I
have to journal. I have tobe able to get my thoughts out at
(19:02):
the end of the night. Andthat's because I'm not in a place where
I'm really sharing a lot of mypersonal thoughts and my personal things that go
on with me. I'm not reallyin a space where I'm sharing that with
many people in my life right now. So I have to be able to
get those thoughts out right. Andif you're not in a season of like
(19:22):
seeking counsel or going to therapy oranything like that, then I strongly suggest
you to attempt to get into journaland so like for me, like I
said, journaling isn't essential to myself care, I have to it is
essential. Content creation is also essentialbecause a lot of what I'm not monetizing,
a lot of what I'm doing,I do it because it brings me
(19:44):
peace. It is an outlet forme. It is a creative outlet for
me. I get peace knowing thatI am expressing my thoughts through my words.
I'm expressing my thoughts to other women, and that I am helping at
least one woman who caught on towhat I was saying, who connected with
it. That is where I getmy piece from and that is where I
(20:04):
get my joy from. So thatis essential to my self care. Content
creation, journaling, reading I haveto. I like like buying books and
reading a good book, reading atleast a chapter of something a day.
I have to do. That isessential to calming my mind down. When
(20:25):
you struggle with anxiety and you strugglewith just different things, you find ways
to ground you. And when Ifeel like I'm getting anxious about something,
I will pull out something that Iwanted to read and I'll read a chapter
and by the time I'm finished withthat chapter, I have grounded myself and
I have moved past the space ofbeing anxious for whatever it was that I
(20:48):
was about to go to ten on. So that is another essential. So
what is an essential for you?Music that isn't essential. When I'm working
my regular job, I have tohave music playing, whether that's the jazz
music, the jazz instrumentals that I'mplaying, or whether or not I have
my AirPods in my ear and I'mjust listening to a playlist that I curated.
(21:11):
I have to have music and thatis what contributes to my piece during
my workday. That isn't essential forme. So finding the essentials to help
you in moments of stress, inmoments of being anxious, those are the
things that you need to be consistentabout. Retail therapy might be an essential.
(21:33):
You know, your favorite treat mightbe an essential. Talking to your
mom every week that might be anessential. You know, like whatever it
is, taking a walk, doingyoga, whatever are your essentials. These
are the things that you don't thatI want to make sure that you're not
compromising on. You're not giving upon these things. Cycling is another essential
(22:00):
for me. It's something that helpsme bring down my stress levels, and
it helps me to sleep. WhenI do it before I go to bed,
I'm a little bit more uh wornout because I had you know,
I struggle with sleep sometimes, sothat helps me. Taking long hot baths
with a glass of wine or musicplaying. This might be one of your
(22:22):
essentials. Again, your essentials arethe things that you need to that you
need to have into your life andthat you're not going to compromise on.
Don't compromise on these things. Don'tjust sacrifice them because you know, oh,
well, you got off late,so you're not going to take that
(22:44):
that that walk, or you gotoff late, so you're not going to
you know, you're not going togo to your spot that you you know,
your little coffee shop for the week, because you know, like like
make sure that you're keeping these thingsas essential exactly what they're called. Don't
sacrifice on these things because these aresure fireways that you're gonna deposit into your
(23:10):
peace account. Remember we're talking abouthow we're making deposits and how we're trying
to have overage to avoid the withdrawals. So if you're sticking to your essentials,
if you're sticking to the things thatyou know bring you peace, and
you're not compromising on them, you'renot sacrificing them for anything else, then
don't do it. Make sure youare incorporating them in your life. They
(23:33):
are essential to your peace. AndI don't want you to let those things
go. I want you to makesure that you have them, budget them
in, budget them into whatever itis that you need to do for the
week, because it's your self care. You deserve it. It's just like,
you know, we're always I feellike, just like as women were
always sacrificing everything. Man, wesacrifice for our kids, we say sacrifice
(24:00):
for our jobs. We sacrifice foryou know, just our partners. We
sacrifice a lot for our family members. We go without the things that we
want and the things that we needoften and we do this because that's just,
you know, what we've kind ofbeen conditioned to do, and that's
just what we step up to theplate to do. But we don't always
(24:22):
have to do that, and Iwant to. I want you to get
to a place this that you realizethat there are just certain things that you
need to decide you're going to keepin your life. No matter what,
You're going to keep this in yourbudget for me, like I'm coming into
(24:45):
a season where I want to startdoing traveling and because I just realized,
like I just kind of had thisepiphany that like, there's so much of
the world that I have not seen, and I base that a lot about
on whether or not I had someoneto experience it with. And so if
I don't have anybody to experience thesethe travel with and these places that I
(25:07):
want to see with, am Ijust gonna leave this earth at whenever time?
That is for me to leave thisearth without seeing the things that I
want to see and experiencing the thingsthat I want to experience because I didn't
have anybody to do it with.No, I can't. I can't in
good faith do that to myself.I can't do that to myself anymore.
(25:27):
I've gotten to the age now whereI'm like, listen, I've raised my
son. My son is taking careof himself, and now I just really
want to live my life, youknow, Like I want to do some
of the things that I wasn't ableto do when I like had to care
for him full time and when Ihad to make a lot of sacrifices and
(25:48):
not do things and see things andor when I was just waiting, you
know, for the girl trip toget out of the group chat. You
know how they say that, like, I don't want to do that anymore
because I don't I don't know whenmy time here is up. And I
want to see all that I cansee. I want to do all that
I can do, and I wantto experience all that I can experience while
I am able to, while I'min good health, while I'm able to
(26:10):
walk, while I'm able to talkand hear and breed and smell and see
and live and love and smile andlaugh and eat and touch and hear,
while I have all of this,you know, all of these blessings,
all of these natural, God givenblessings that I have to experience this life.
I'm gonna go do that, andI want to do that. And
so for now, for me goinginto this new year, travel is going
(26:34):
to have to be and essential.I'm going to do whatever I can this
year so that next year and hopefullythis year towards the end of this year,
hopefully travel is going to be oneof my essentials. It's gonna be
one of the things that I'm notgoing to I'm not going to sacrifice that
I'm going to have to whether Ihave somebody to experience it with or not,
(26:55):
it would be great, but I'mnot gonna let it hold me back.
Solo travel is on my mind,and yeah, like I'm trying to
get with it. And so that'swhat I'm trying to get you guys to
see. As far as your essentials, whatever it is that you need,
make sure that you are keeping thosethings in your life so that you are
consistently retaining and maintaining your peace.Because we're trying to change the narrative for
(27:22):
those of us who feel like it'sjust all every always stressful life is just
stressful. If you're one of thosepeople, If you I want you to
be real about your real about thisand ask yourself this question. How often
when someone asks you how your dayis going, or when you are talking
to someone and you're venting to someone, how often are you saying something negative?
(27:44):
How often are you saying you hada bad day, you had a
long day, you're tired, you'reover it. I'm just over it,
I said, I said all thetime, over it. How often are
you saying that? Because if you'resaying it all the time, something's gotta
change, You gotta do something,And if you're not, then that means
that you're relying on outside factors andoutside circumstances to give you the piece that
(28:11):
you're seeking, and you cannot dothat. You cannot do that, which
leads me into the third E fordepositing into our piece accounts experiences? What
are you allowed? What are youallowing yourself to experience that could either withdraw
(28:32):
or deposit into your piece account?What are you allowing? Like I just
asked, I said, what howoften are you saying that you had a
bad day? How often are yousaying that you're stressed out? If you're
saying that all the time, Let'stake let's talk let's talk about work.
For instance, your business or yourjob. If you're working a nine to
(28:56):
five whatever, you know, Well, jobs they go through different crazy,
different you know, phases, anddifferent things come up. And we're working
these jobs, right, and soit's gonna be inevitable that we're going to
have to go through the motions ofwhat these jobs are going through. Right,
(29:17):
So when the craziness comes up fromthese jobs, if we know that,
if we know what we're dealing with, even in our businesses. We
know what we're up against within withinour businesses. We know what we're up
against within our nine to five jobs, right, we know what we're facing.
We kind of know the ins andouts of it. We know what
is to be expected. So becausewe know what is to be expected,
(29:40):
what are we doing to change theexperience? If you know that your job
is going to be the source ofstress in the week, you have to
choose our mindset. You have tochoose not to let the experience of work
this week determine how much peace you'regoing to obtain this week. How do
(30:04):
you do that? You choose,You choose let the experience with work be
just that. The experience with workis the experience with work. When you
are done with work, be donewith work. You have to because see,
(30:25):
here's the thing. We would likefor things to be so easy,
and we would like for just lifeto just for us to just sit back,
hands free and let life just work. Like we want work to be
like life to be hands free.Right, we want everything to just be
easy for us. Technology and robotsand should have made things just like.
We just want everything to be easyfor us. But unfortunately, when it
(30:45):
comes down to things that are pertainedto our mentals. We have to be
a little bit more hands on whenit comes to that, and so we
have to have a little bit morecontrol and we have to be a little
bit more hands on when it comesto that. So you can't just sit
back and just wait for for workand be respect If you know that work
is going to be the source ofsomething that causes frustration, then you have
(31:07):
to choose to understand that this righthere, this is a small percentage of
my day, even though it's eighthours, but you get what I'm saying,
This is a small percentage of myday. I'm not gonna result.
I'm not going to stay here allday in this space. This is what
it is. It's a source offrustration, but I'm not going to let
(31:33):
it dictate to me how I movefor the rest of the day. I'm
not going to let it dictate myattitude for the remainder of the day.
The experience is that you're connecting yourselfto on a consistent basis. These are
the things that you have to workon changing the narrative to because if you
(31:55):
continue to allow them to dominate yourday, that's exactly where you're gonna be
You're gonna be in this space whereyou've lost it. I talk it.
Go back and listen to the episodeon losing control, entry thirty four.
(32:15):
You've lost the control and that isbecause you are allowing this experience to dominate
where you have a choice to say. I can either accept this from this
particular source, I e. We'retalking about a job, business, whatever,
(32:37):
work. I can either let itbe just exactly what it is,
or I can let it take control. No, I'm gonna just let this
be. This is work, Thisis nothing but work. This is not
going to dictate how I feel anymore. I am only one person. I
(32:58):
can only do what I can do, and I can be the best at
what I can do. But thisis what I have to work with,
and this is how I'm going tomove in this area of my life.
And the same thing goes for otherexperiences that you're having the experience of.
Let's say, uh, you havedrama with the other parent of your child.
(33:22):
What is the experience? What areyou Whatever the experience is, you
don't have to let that be thedetermining factor of how your day is gonna
go. You already know what isto be expected of the experience with this
other person, with the with thefather of your child, or the mother
(33:44):
of your child you already or orthe grandmother of your child, your husband's
mother, whatever, whoever. Youalready know what the experience is capable of.
You already know what it's gonna bring. So how can you what can
you do to change that narrative?What can you do if you really get
(34:07):
into the moment of like, Okay, I'm going to choose to keep instead
of engaging in this conversation that wehave every morning when I drop the kid
off or when he drops the kidoff, or when she comes to pick
up the kid, instead of engagingin that same conversation, change it up,
(34:29):
choose not to choose to talk aboutwhat you need to talk about,
and decide that that is going tobe the boundary. There's not going to
be any more to this experience otherthan what it needs to be. If
it needs to be a drop andgo of this is what medicine she's taken,
this is what she last ate,this is what a time her appointment
(34:51):
is. If these are just theelements that need to be communicated within this
experience, share those that communication andthen let that be it. Anything else
is extra, and you're choosing toengage in that that you don't have to.
You don't have to when we canreally grasp the idea that a lot
(35:12):
of shit that we deal with,we don't have to deal with it,
but we're dealing with it because it'slike, I don't know, we have
some obsession with bringing this, thisthis strife and this stress into our life,
like we feel like we gotta fightevery battle and we gotta we gotta
attend every argument that we're invited to. I don't know where we got this
from, why we are so conditionedlike this, And I say we because
(35:36):
I was literally guilty of this.I'm not trying to separate myself and act
as though I was never a partof the community of people that feel like
I have to argue my point allof the time. That is a weakness
of mine that I'm really trying towork on. I'm really trying to be
better at not attending these arguments andthese disagreements. I am trying to be
(36:00):
more mindful and self aware that Iknow where this is going. I know
where this is going, I knowwhere how this is going to end.
So before we even arrive here.I'm going to Yeah, nah, I'm
not even going to do it becauseI already know I'm going to handle this
in a different way. Instead ofcalling this person, I am going to
(36:23):
send a message and let this personknow. I'm going to send a voice
note and let this person know,or I am going to I know this
person's I see this person send methis long text message. I don't have
the mental capacity to read that rightnow. I don't have the medical capacity
to play this voice note. SoI'm not going to. I'm gonna make
the experience be what I need theexperience to be. If I need to
(36:45):
deal with that. Tomorrow, guesswhen I'm gonna deal with it. Yeah,
I'm gonna deal with this shit tomorrow. I don't have it in me
today. Who said you gotta dealwith everything right in the moment. Who
said you got to argue with peopleright then and there? Who said you
gotta do that? Change the narrative, change it, Choose to change it.
(37:08):
You don't have to engage in someof this stuff that you guys that
we we don't have to, butyet we do it, Cause, like,
could you imagine what would life belike? Without all the bullshit and
the drama. Imagine that, Imean, I'm being for real, Like,
(37:30):
imagine that. There's just so manythings y'all know. I'm being real
with this too. There's so manythings that we deal with and we do
not have to deal with it.But we always gotta be like big and
bad. We always gotta be strong. We always gotta let people know that
you're not to be fucked with.You always gotta let people know that you
will put them in their place.You always gotta let people know that you
(37:52):
will do this and that, andlike you just always gotta let people just
know. You always gotta have thelast word, and you always gotta just
like you say, oh, youalways gotta be on raw and on ten
and just let people know. Likeyou don't like listen, You don't always
gotta do that. You don't alwaysgotta do that. You just want to.
(38:15):
You want people to know that you'llcut they ass out. You want
people to know. And I'm nottrying to say to let people walk all
over you or let people think thatyou're weak, but like you do you
know that sometimes strength is silence.Do you know how much it takes to
be quiet? Do you know howmuch it takes for a person to just
(38:36):
shut the fuck up. Sometimes ittakes a lot. Trust me, I
know it ain't easy. You gottabe a real strong person to not clap
back. But that's what you gottastart operating, and you gotta start choosing
these experiences to be a little bitdifferent than what you're used to. If
you're trying to change the narrative ofhow your life is going, everything starts
(39:01):
with your mindset. Everything starts withyour peace. You can't do anything productive,
you can't do anything beneficial, andyou can't add any value to your
life if you are not at peacewith yourself. You got to You cannot
really productively run a business if youdon't have like some internal peace. I'm
(39:24):
not saying you're not gonna have harddays or busy days, and I'm not
saying that hard things are not gonnaarise, but I'm just saying that you
really cannot, like you can't functionand operate in chaos. I wouldn't be
able to do the things that I'mpassionate about doing. I wouldn't be able
to get on this podcast and talkand try to pour into the people that
(39:44):
look forward to listening to me.I wouldn't be able to do that if
I wasn't operating in some form ofpeace. And so as I am figuring
out the ways that I am bestat peace, this is how I'm able
to operate in the things that Ilove to do and be at peace with
while I'm sitting back talking to youguys, sipping on my cold ice water
(40:05):
and swinging my feet in the chair. Because I'm at peace with what I'm
doing and it's flowing through me.I feel good about it. I feel
good about the message that I'm givento you, and I'm okay right now.
I am at peace right now.I am in a peaceful place in
my home. I'm in a peacefulplace in my life. I'm at a
peaceful place just like I'm working onthese things. Is everything perfect in my
(40:25):
life? Hell no, No,I got a lot. I got a
long way to go. But whatI'm just saying is that I am working.
I'm actively working on it, andI'm able to do what I want
to do right now because I amoperating in a state of peace right now.
I could not sit here and delivera message and talk to you guys
(40:47):
and try to pour into you andhelp you, guys learn how to obtain
and retain your peace. If Iam operating in dysfunction and toxicity and I
wouldn't, you know, That's whyI had to take a break from the
podcast. That's why I couldn't.I couldn't kick out these episodes because I
wasn't in a place of peace todo that. Everything that I want to
pour into you, I wanted tobe positive. I want you to get
(41:10):
value from it. So I can'tdo that if I'm not in that space
in my life. So what Ihad to do was I had to sacrifice
something that I love to do withsomething that I want to do, which
is get on my platform and speakto you. I had to sacrifice that
for however long it took until Iwas ready to get on there, Because
who am I to try to giveyou any type of gem on piece if
(41:31):
I don't have that in my life. I want to operate in the space
that I want you guys to operatein, So it has to come from
a place of experience. If Igot toxic shit going on in my life,
if I got dysfunction and chaos goingon in my life, if I'm
out here running the streets and fightingand doing all like doing all this dumb
(41:53):
shit. And I'm doing all this, and I get on this microphone and
I start talking about how you're supposedto obtain peace. What kind of hypocrite
would I be? What kind ofhypocrite would I be if I was?
If I did that, it wouldn'tbe genuine. And I'm not going to
try to pour anything into another womanthat is not genuine. And I mean
(42:17):
that, like from the depths ofmy heart. I mean that, So
listen, that's what I'm gonna letit. I'm gonna leave it here.
I'm gonna leave it at that.We talked about how we are obtaining and
retaining our peace. The three e'sto deposit into peace your environment, your
essentials, and your experience. Theseare the three things that you do have
the control to the ability to controlinto your life in order to change the
(42:43):
narrative from what it has been tosomething better. So I hope that you
guys got something from it. Ladies, I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
I hope that you picked up agym or two something resonated. I
hope you know that's the purpose.I hope that this coming week is amazing
(43:07):
for you. I hope that youare able to be a little bit more
mindful about the ways that you arein fact withdrawing from your own peace,
and I hope that you learn waysto execute a more successful day, and
a more successful week, and amore successful month and so forth. I
(43:29):
hope that this week is great foryou. I hope that something amazing and
unexpected happens. I hope that youare blessed. I hope that you are
happy and healthy. I hope thatyou smile a lot. I hope that
you laugh a lot. I hopethat you heal just a little bit more.
(43:51):
I hope that this week is everythingthat you needed to be. Leave
work at work, and when you'redone with it, let life be what
you need life to be, whichis positive, good energy, good vibes.
That's what you need it to be. So make it that. Do
what you gotta do to make itthat okay. So I love you guys,
(44:15):
Thank you guys for tuning in,Thank you for spending this time with
me. And until next time youguys, peace and blessings. Let's do
this. You're listening to the thoughtsof a blog Queen podcast Renee a Woman and
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