April 28, 2024 • 61 mins
*Apologies in advance for any of the audio difficulties you hear in the background with the microphone.
As we wrap this 3 part series, this final entry gives my beloved audience some insight and points to consider when wanting to change the narrative of how not so successful relationships and connections have been playing out for them.
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Check out the Thoughts of a Blog Queen column on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
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Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
As we wrap this 3 part series, this final entry gives my beloved audience some insight and points to consider when wanting to change the narrative of how not so successful relationships and connections have been playing out for them.
For sponsorship and advertisement considerations please email blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
Check out the Thoughts of a Blog Queen column on www.sharingpinkpromos.com
Follow me on IG Instagram.com/thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
When people betray you, they pushyou closer into position, They push you
to the point where you eventually haveno choice but to see the connection for
what it is. And ultimately,when you're ready, you'll let it go.
And when we let go of thethings that are no longer for us,
what happens. Yeah, y'all knowthe rest. We make room for
(00:21):
what is for us. Notice Isaid, when you're ready, let's unpack
this a little more. Let's dothis listening to the thoughts of a blog,
queen, podcast, a woman,and get ready to be poured into
(00:50):
you. We're gonna start for theseentries. Off. I'm gonna pour into
you, guys. I want topour, because that's what I do.
I pour, and I pour,and then I go back and I refill
my own cup, right because Ican't pour into you if I'm not filling
my own cup up. But thenI come back and I want to pour
some more. So before we getthis entry start, I'm going to give
you, guys, three affirmations todaythat I want you to take with you.
(01:10):
If you don't take anything else fromthis episode, please take these three
affirmations with you. Number one,the love I have for myself increases my
capacity to love others. Number two, I am always headed in the right
direction. And affirmation number three,I don't have to earn my worth,
(01:34):
all right. So you guys takethose with you, stash them and use
them for whenever you need them.Right, and remember that you should always
affirm yourself practicing affirmations. You mayor may not have anybody in your life
that is able to affirm you inthe way that you need to, but
nobody can affirm you the way thatyou can affirm yourself. So on this
(01:56):
self care Sunday, I offer youthese three gems to fill up your cups,
and I hope that you cherish them, and I hope that you come
back and visit me for the nextentry or I'll have three more to give,
all right, So welcome back,you guys, Welcome back to another
entry. This is entry thirty sevenof Thoughts of a Blocking Podcast. Thank
(02:17):
you guys for tuning in. I'mso happy and I'm so grateful that you
decided to spend this little bit oftime with me. I hope that you're
enjoying that you're gonna enjoy this injuryon self Care Sunday. You may be
listening to this after Sunday, whichis okay too. Whatever day that you're
listening to this at whatever time andwherever you're at in the world, I
(02:38):
hope that you're having a good day. I hope that if it didn't start
off so great, I hope thatit ends on a positive note. And
I hope that you get some reallygood rest and that you're able to sleep
off whatever it was that wasn't quiteas positive as you wanted it to be.
I hope that you're able to sleepthat off and start fresh tomorrow.
All right, So you guys,this is episode thirty Entry thirty six.
(03:00):
I really don't like calling these episodesfor some reason. I don't know why
I don't like that, But thisis Entry thirty six, and this is
part three. This is the wrapup, y'all. We've been doing a
series, and if you haven't checkedout the other two parts to this series,
please go back and check it outepisode Look at me still talking about
episode entry thirty five and thirty six. See, we're talking about changing the
(03:25):
narrative, and so we broke itdown into three parts. We first started
off with changing the narrative of ourpiece, and then we moved into changing
the narrative of our success. Andnow we're gonna wrap this thing up and
talk about changing the narrative of ourrelationships. So let's get started now.
(03:47):
I want to put this disclaimer outand I want to say this. I
am talking to the individual right nowthat may or may not have had multiple
experiences in relationships where it didn't quiteturn out the way that they wanted it
or the way that they expected it, right, Because we always want connections
to people to turn out as positiveas we can, but it doesn't always.
(04:12):
That's not always what is given.You know. Sometimes it's given very
much garbage. Yeah, Sometimes it'sgiven very much waste of time. Sometimes
it's given very much toxic. AndI mean that for real. I mean
that in your relationships, I meanthat in our friendships, I mean that
in connections in general. Right,And so I want this entry to be
(04:35):
able to kind of help you topivot a little bit, maybe change up
a couple of things that you're doing, or the way that you look at
things, the mindset a little bit, Just change it, change it up
a little bit, right, Becauseif you want better things, where you
want different results, sometimes you gotto change up what you're doing. Sometimes
you have to change the mindset thatyou have. Sometimes you have to do
things that are a little bit differentfrom what you would normally do outside of
(04:59):
the comfort zone. Right. Sowhen we change the narrative of our relationships,
we're doing this because we want toexperience something different. We want to
experience something that is more fulfilling tous, right because, like, who
wants to be in a connection tosomebody and we're not fulfilled? And I
mean that in more ways than whatI don't just mean that in one way.
(05:19):
I mean like fulfilled mentally and fulfilledemotionally, fulfilled physically, if that's
you know, if that applies,take this, Take this as it applies
you, guys, like maneuver thisthe way that you need to maneuver it.
Because maybe if you're listening to this, you might not be in a
relationship right now. Hell, youmight not want to want to be in
one, right because I the wordon the street is that the dating is
(05:42):
trash. Yeah, that's what that'swhat they're saying out in these streets.
I don't know, because I'm notI'm not I'm not trying to be in
it right now. I'm not tryingto. Yeah nah, But so you
may not want that, but itdoesn't matter. If you don't want that
right now, Hopefully you know maybelater on down the line you will want
it. And if you're taking timeto yourself right now, that's wonderful.
(06:05):
That's amazing. And if you're tuninginto this and you're in a happy relationship,
or you have exactly what you needand you are fulfilled in all ways
that you need to be fulfilled inthe connection that you have, that is
amazing. And I love that foryou. This might not necessarily be something
that speaks to your heart. Ihope that you stay because maybe you'll hear
(06:29):
something and you'll think of somebody inyour life that might need to listen to
this, and you'll share. You'llshare me, you'll pass me along.
So stick around even if you're ina relationship. And again, some of
this that I'm gonna talk about isnot all just intimate relationships. I'm talking
about connections to other human beings ingeneral. Friendships. You know, however,
whenever you're connected a huge part ofit. I'm talking about personal relationships.
(06:54):
But just rock with me on this, you guys. I feel like
when we get into relationships. Weare so ready to just open up our
hearts, right, we are readyto open our hearts and allow people to
come in. And we do thatand sometimes we do that very easily,
(07:15):
and then in other times we don'tdo that as easy. We're very guarded
and we're very protective of our hearts. And I want you to I want
to say this, when you guardyour heart, that's that's not a bad
thing. And I and and notto get all religious on you, but
(07:36):
but that is, you know,it's it's it's in a word like we're
supposed to guard our hearts. We'resupposed to protect with everything. But just
to stay kind of neutral here inwhat I'm speaking about. When you guard
your heart, it doesn't mean thatI'm telling you to be closed off to
the possibility that love will find you, that something meaningful will find you.
(07:58):
I'm not telling you to guard itwith just like this hard, cold steel
door, if you will. I'mnot saying that. What I'm saying is
just to be more mindful and bemore aware and be more conscious of how
you're opening yourself up to people andwhat you're allowing. Right, you have
to have boundaries for yourself. Youhave to have boundaries for your heart and
your emotions, right, because arelationship can come along and snatch things from
(08:28):
us, right, They can snatchour passion, they can snatch our motivation,
and they can do all of thisbecause we weren't guarding it the proper
way. And we all have thispurpose, right, we all have this
purpose. And I'm telling you wecan get into some relationships. Sometimes we
(08:48):
can connect ourselves to people that willcome in and they will snatch those things
away from us as to where we'renot even motivated anymore. We go into
this dark space our life because ofwhat we experience in these connections and the
passion that we have for life,the passion that we have for the things
(09:09):
that are connected to our purpose,those things are snatched away. They're snatched
away because we put so much,we put so much energy into them.
And we do this and we dothis willingly. We do this because this
(09:31):
is what we what we are naturallyused to doing, right, because we
want it so bad, so welike we just we open up our hearts.
Right, But when people when weallow the wrong connections to come in,
and unfortunately, I wish right itwould be ideal to be able to
have someone to come up and approachus and we just able to like see
(09:52):
right through them like an X rayand be able to tell that this person
is not for you, this personis not belong in your life, and
so you don't even waste the time, right But unfortunately that's not that's not
how life works. We don't dothat, and sometimes we don't realize that
somebody wasn't for us until months later, years later, and at that point
(10:16):
we've already invested so much time andenergy. And I speak this. I
speak this from experience, so Iknow what that looks like. I know
what that feels like to pour intosomething that for years and it wasn't what
you thought it was. It wasn'twhat you needed even though it felt like
(10:41):
it was, it ultimately was Andeverybody is not gonna be the right thing,
you know. And the sad andscary part about that is that it
like sometimes you don't see it,and then in hindsight, it's only after
the fact that you're like, whatthe like it was? Really? You
(11:05):
start seeing things after the fact.That's when you know you're beginning to like
heal from that situation where you reallystart to see things for what it was.
That's when the healing is has justlike like it's just starting to simmer.
It's the healing is simmering, andthat's when you're That's that's how you
know you're on the right track.Right. But the relationships, they they
(11:28):
they tend to have a power toconsume a lot of our energy. And
we get in really deep, andwe get in deep because we're feeling beings,
right, We feel, we feelthings, and so we get into
and we invest into other people deeplybecause that is what we're supposed to do.
You cannot just be this this personthat doesn't feel things. And so
(11:56):
depending on who you are and howyou operate in your emotions and how you
operate in your relationships, this iswhat is going to determine sometimes the outcome
and the results and and the judgmentbeforehand, and the judgment and the discernment
during the relationship, during this connection. And I'm I'm and I really want
(12:22):
to speak to this because it's it'sI say, it's scary because I really
feel like there is this just likethis war. I feel like there is
a mental war going on right nowand people are really hurt. People are
(12:43):
hurt out there. You may behurt. You you listening to this right
now, you may really be hurt. You may know somebody that is really
hurt. And sometimes some of thosehurt people they're hurting other people. Isn't
that what they say? Hurt people, hurt people. They're hurt, they
(13:05):
are hurt, and these people they'rethey're hurt, but they're still jumping into
relationships and connections with other people becausethey're trying to feel some sort of void.
They have void spaces that they're tryingto feel, and they don't want
to feel that hurt. They don'twant to feel through it. Listen,
(13:28):
when you get when you get whenyou get your heart broken, when you
get let down, you gotta feelthrough that thing. You cannot just close
it off because when you try toclose off how that feels and you don't
try to work through that. Howeverunit may need to work through it.
I'm not here to try to tellyou how to work through it necessarily.
(13:48):
I might have a little bit ofinsight on how you can. But if
you try to avoid it is whatmy point is. If you try to
avoid working through that and feeling throughthat, hurt, and you just try
to bottle up and put it awayand go try to jump into something else,
not facing and not figuring out yourselfand how to get through and how
(14:09):
to compartmentalize those different things that youexperience in whatever it was that hurts you
and broke you. You're going tojump into another relationship and you're going to
inflict pain upon that person that didn'teven deserve it. That's what people do.
They bring pain to other people becausethey didn't work through some of the
(14:31):
shit that they should have worked throughbefore they got into that relationship. But
because we're human beings and we desireto be connected to people, we desire
to be in relationships, we justgo and we jump, and we just
think that we're okay. We thinkthat because six months past we're good.
We think that because a year past, we're good. But what were you
(14:52):
doing in that six months, Whatwere you doing in that year time?
What type of work were you doingon yourself before you decided to jump into
the next connection, to jump intothe next relationship. Because if you weren't
doing a damn thing on yourself,if you weren't working on yourself at all,
listen, that's gonna come out indifferent ways. It's gonna come out
(15:13):
in the way that you communicate,it's gonna come out in the way that
you listen, because that's a bigpart too, how you listen to people.
It's not just how you deliver yourmessage. It's not just what you're
saying. It's also how you're listeningto what people are saying to you,
or to what your person, yourpartner is saying. They're expressing things to
(15:33):
you, and sometimes you're not evenlistening. You're hearing them because you hear
noise. You have the capability tohear sound. You're not deaf, so
you hear noise, so you hearwhat someone is saying to you. But
are you listening? Are you listeningto what they're saying? This mental war
(15:56):
thing that's going on, I stronglybelieve people are just out here really unhealed.
So these unhealed versions of themselves,they are latching on to the energy
of other people. And this iswhat the life is being sucked out of
(16:17):
us by these people. This ishappening. This is what's happening, and
this is what's happening often, andthis is why right now we have a
mass amount of women who are scaredto get in relationships, who have no
desire to get into relationships, whojust really have a very negative outlook on
(16:41):
relationships in general. And I don'tlike that for them. I don't want
us to have been hurt and brokenand let down and disappointed and disrespected so
bad that we just completely turn offour hearts and our minds and open ourselves
up to relationships and love. Becausewhen you have the right thing, when
it is the right thing, itis a beautiful thing. When you have
(17:03):
a person, a go to person, that loves you, that supports you,
that pushes you, that motivates you, that looks at you like they're
the very best thing in this world, that is beautiful. Who doesn't want
that, who does not desire tohave something like that? And I don't
(17:26):
just mean ladies when I'm talking Listen, I'm not just talking about the men
and what they're doing. I'm talkingabout us too, because guess what,
sometimes we're taking our baggage and we'regoing into other relationships and we're not We're
not bringing the best versions of ourselvesinto relationships. We're not. You gotta
(17:52):
work through your shit too, sis, And sometimes that is going to require
you to take time off completely,take time off completely from being connected to
somebody, connect with yourself for aminute. And again I have voiced my
(18:15):
opinion on this. Do I thinkyou can ever be one hundred percent healed
from something that hurt you before yougo into another relationship? No? Do
I think that you have to bequote unquote healed before you get into another
relationship. No, I don't personallybelieve that. I don't believe that there
is a time frame that one cansay or can take. And I think
that sometimes even in the midst ofbeing in a good relationship, you know,
(18:37):
like you'll you'll always remember things.You will so and that's because there
was a scar. You have ascar. There's a scar from what it
was that hurt you, and you'llnever forget that scar. You know how
(19:04):
when you get hurt, and youI always think about this. You get
hurt, and I mean like physically, you get burned, or you get
like you get cut or something rightsomewhere on your body, maybe you get
(19:25):
into an accident or just something happened, and you get hurt. You physically
get hurt, and you get cut. And when you get cut, you
know you're bleeding and you see itand you know that immediately that what you
need to do is you need toclean that cut up. You need to
clean that wound up. So yougo, when you clean it up,
(19:48):
you do whatever you need to doto clean it up, and then you
put a little bit of like healingcream on it. Whatever you use,
all of your whatever, you know, whatever whatever you put on your wounds
to clean it out, you dothat first, to whatever healing cream you
you have, you put that onthere, and then you bandage it up,
(20:11):
right, You bandage it up,and then you leave it alone and
you let time heal it. Andthen every now and then you go you
take that the old bandage off andyou clean it up again, and you
bandage it up again. And eventually, over time where that wound was,
(20:33):
it will eventually close up and itwill heal. But what's left behind a
scar? You have a scar whereyou were hurt. And then what do
you try to do with that scar? Sometimes we try to put like a
(20:56):
fading cream on it. We dothis regularly. We try to fade the
scar away because we just don't wantto have that left on our bi that
mark on us, right, sowe try to fade it away, or
we let time just try to Wemay not do anything to it, We
just might let it just try tolighten up over time. But sometimes we
(21:17):
do things to try to get ridof that scar, and we want to
lighten it up, we want tofade it away. But even as time
heals, and even as this scarand this wound lightens up, I guarantee
you will never forget exactly where thatscar was. You will always remember where
(21:40):
it was, no matter how light, no matter if it's gone away,
you will always remember where that scarwas. So are y'all staying with me?
No matter how you get hurt,You're always gonna remember it and know
(22:02):
where and know how that person hurtyou. You will forgive hopefully if you
can, because remember, forgiveness isfor ourself. It's not for other people.
It's for for ourselves. We haveto forgive people for us, not
for them. Even if you nevereven if you don't tell them that you
(22:22):
forgive them, you have to understandthat in your mind and you have to
make that decision up in your heartthat you forgive them for yourself. But
that's another episode. But even ifyou don't, you forgive, but you
will never forget. So when we'retalking about changing the narrative of our relationships,
(22:48):
there's certain things that we may needto consider doing things a little differently
from what we have been doing.So I have a couple of things,
just a couple of points that Iwant to set in front of you,
(23:11):
just for you to think about.I'm try to break this down on like
maybe five different points. And thefirst thing that I want you to do
is I want you to consider whatit is that you want, and I
want you to be realistic about that. Consider what it is that you want
and be realistic about it, becausethis is how we're going to change the
(23:33):
narrative. If we have always beengoing for a certain type of individual and
things have always turned out in abad way, maybe we need to reconsider
and be a little bit more realisticin our expectations. Am I hold on,
(23:55):
hold on before you say, amI telling you to just settle?
Absolutely not. I am not tellingyou to just settle. I am telling
you to consider what it is thatyou want, what it is that you
need, and I want you tobe realistic about those things so that you
(24:22):
are s having a mindset of thetype of individual that you wanna manifest and
that you want to be able tocome into your life. So when I
say be realistic about it, Imean that, like, maybe if you
keep trying to date men that don'teven live very close by, that you
(24:45):
don't have a whole lot of accesswith, but yet you wanna be able
to trust them, is that gonnaalways be realistic? I don't know.
That's h If you keep meeting individualsin a certain atmosphere that you're in,
(25:08):
mm, nine times out of ten, come on, like, this is
this we know this stuff. Ifyou keep meeting individuals in a certain type
of atmosphere, you have to beunderstanding and you have to be realistic enough
to know that this was just anenvironment. And sometimes the chances are more
(25:36):
less in your favor that this isgonna be something that you're gonna be able
to sustain for the long term.Again, this is not the end all,
be all point that I'm trying tomake to you guys, And like
I said, take what fits andapply it how you need to apply it.
(25:57):
We're grown women. We know likeyou guys, understand what I'm saying.
This isn't just how it always isbut I'm just speaking. I'm speaking
in reference to just certain experiences thatwe've had. And I know, I
know for a fact that there aresome women out there that tend to still
uh frequent the same types of spaces. They want to go to these you
(26:22):
know, lounges and clubs and things, and they want to meet men and
meet guys in this particular atmosphere,and it never really works out. Listen,
It's time to maybe not meet peoplein this atmosphere. That's all I'm
saying. I'm just saying that,like, be realistic about what you need,
and be realistic about what you want, and then like compare to what
it is that you're actually doing,Like you got like you gotta find the
(26:48):
flaws and the plan. Sis ifit hasn't been working out, there's there's
like a flaw in the plan.There's some kinks that we need to work
through. It's not it's not given. It's not given what it needs to
get it. Okay. Another thingthat I want you to do is I
want you to set boundaries. Pleaseset boundaries. Set boundaries, especially ooh,
(27:14):
especially when you have come out ofsomething and you waste it a lot
of time in whatever that was goingforward. I want you you really that
See, that's exactly why we shouldbe taking some time to really reflect on
what it was before we just gohop back into something else. We really
are supposed to be taking some timebecause we need to reflect on things,
(27:37):
and we need to not have ourminds like clouded and our judgment like distorted.
We need to be able to reflecton what it was that we were
doing and where we had the lackof boundaries, whether that is in the
time, whether that is in whatyou allow at certain periods of the relationship.
(28:00):
Set boundaries for yourself. You're alady, you're a woman, you're
a queen. You should have boundariesalways, and no one should be able
to cross those boundaries. Whatever makesyou comfortable, whatever makes sense, whatever
is the most respectful of who youare as a woman. Set those boundaries
(28:21):
and stick to them. You don'talways have to uh hmm, I'm trying
to be more mindful of the thingsthat I say. But you don't always
gotta what's that thing hoping for everybody? You don't always gotta do that as
(28:41):
is, you don't always have togive your body away to everybody that you
connect with. Give it time,Give it time. That's that's sacred,
that's special, and you don't alwayshave to go back, you don't always
(29:07):
have to go back to something thatdoesn't work just for physical pleasures. Let's
really be real here, let's reallylike we can talk, right, this
is a safe space we can talkbecause sometimes we'll do that, we'll go
back to what we know, whatwe're comfortable with. We just because because
you know, that's just what,that's just something to do, that's comfort,
(29:34):
that's fulfilling a physical desire that wehave. And you know what,
we're just we keep like reintroducing ourspirits to this same energy that we've been
trying to work out of our lives. But because we get into these moments
of where we're like lonely or we'rejust feeling a certain type of way physically,
(29:59):
we re introduce ourselves back to thissame spirit, the same energy,
and we put ourselves back in acycle that we've been working hard to get
out of, or that we consciouslysay out loud we want to work ourselves
out of, but yet we're physicallyactually we're not doing the work. We
keep reconnecting with these people, theseindividuals, this person this man, this
(30:22):
woman, this woman, whoever,we keep reconnecting with this person and we're
doing this and we're getting nowhere.How do you want something different when you
keep entertaining the same shit, fellasif you're listening same to you, how
(30:49):
how do you say that you wantsomething different but you keep doing the same
thing, You keep entertaining the sametypes of men, the same types of
women. How do you? Howare you in desire? How do you
how can you, actually being honestwith yourself, say that that is what
(31:12):
you want? You want this love, this certain type of love. You
want this fairy tale. You wantthis just this perfect love for you.
But you ain't changing nothing you are, you aren't changing anything up. I
(31:33):
feel like that comes from loneliness,and I feel like that comes from a
sense of desperation. And I'm notcalling anybody that's listening to this or anybody,
I'm not calling you desperate, Butthere's just this desperate need and desire
for wanting to have somebody in ourlife. Right. We desire human connection
(31:56):
and we're tired of dating. We'retired of like going through the whole beginning
phase and the new phase, andyou know, having to meet somebody new
and all of that stuff. We'retired of that. But at the same
time, like it's a process.And so that's why I say, you
(32:17):
gotta be you gotta be realized thatyou don't always have to You don't have
to entertain everything that comes into yourlife. It doesn't have to go beyond
a certain type of thing. AndI really feel like when we decide to
start dating, in terms of likedating, let's get the hard questions out
(32:49):
on the table first. Let's findthe commonalities that we have or the things
that we already know are gonna tobe an issue down the line, because
see, I feel like we avoidthose types of conversations in the beginning because
of what we physically see in frontof us, what we see on paper,
but we're avoiding having the conversations.Listen, it is not crazy.
(33:14):
It is not crazy. Ladies,when you are dating, to ask a
man up front what types of thingshe wants for the future. Does he
want kids? Do you want kidsif you are done having children and you
know he wants kids. This isnot someone to sit here and waste your
time with. This is not someonethat you should be starting another relationship with.
(33:37):
This is not another person that youshould be physically intertwining, soul tying
yourself to if you know that inthe end you're not gonna be able to
or that you even want to givethis man a child. In terms of
long term, I'm talking about longterm dating. I'm talking about I'm talking
(33:58):
to the people are who are lookinglooking for like long term stuff. I'm
not talking about if you both areon the same page where you don't really
want anything serious like I'm not talkingabout I'm not talking to y'all, y'all
stay on the side. I'm talkingto the other people. I'm talking to
the people that really like want somethinglong term, that are looking for marriage.
And if he's saying he's looking formarriage and a partner and you're saying
you're looking for marriage and a partner, let's talk about the long term stuff
(34:20):
up front. Let's talk about thethings that are going to make the situation,
the relationship harder, because then whatthen we then we you know,
we connect with someone and everything elsewas good, but it was just this
one, one or two things thatwe were off on. But you know,
we have fun together, and thentwo three years later it's an issue.
(34:46):
And then it doesn't work out,and then somebody's left hurt, and
somebody's left angry, and somebody's feelinglike they wasted time. But guess what,
you knew this from the beginning.You could have known from the beginning
had you to ask the right questions. Mm hm. So that is my
(35:08):
next point. Listen to what peopleare saying. Listen to what people are
saying, and use that, usethat as some of the determination factors on
whether or not you should be entertainingthis, whether you should be going forward
with this. I am so seriousabout this. You guys, you're gonna
(35:37):
listen to what people are saying,and then you are going to listen to
your gut and your intuition, andyou were going to do what is best
for you. You know that thisperson is not gonna be the best for
you. Stop trying to make thosered flags pink and then somehow mix it
with something else to make them green. No, they were red as hell
(35:58):
from the beginning, says, Comeon, they were red flags. Red
flags are just red flags, andthey're red flags for a reason. We
gotta start paying attention to these things, ladies. Stop, we gotta stop.
(36:19):
We want things so bad I know, like I know, I get
it. We want things, butat what expense are we obtaining these things?
Cause I'm telling you it's gonna takeone really bad situation, one really
bad experience, and it'll all clickat some point. It might not be
(36:43):
clicking now, and you might hearthis and it might not even click after
this, because hey, who amI. I'm just trying to pour into
you a little bit. I'm justtrying to speak to your heart a little
bit, that's all. But it'sgonna make sense for you when it's time
to make sense. But really listento your gut, listen to your intuition,
(37:07):
but also know when it is nota right time. That's my next
point. If you need to takea break from connecting with people and bringing
people into your life, this iswhat you should really be doing. Take
a break when and if necessary.And this is in terms of relationships,
(37:31):
intimate relationships and friendships. Sometimes youneed to take a break from it all.
And when we're talking about like friendshipsand connections to people, and even
(37:51):
in relationships sometimes too, you haveto be mindful of that because guess what
people will People will use you,right, And when I say people will
use you. I mean that peoplewill dump and I say that because that's
(38:23):
what it feels like. People willdump their energy into you sometimes, right,
And this is why sometimes you haveto take a break from connections to
people, because people will dump whatthey're feeling, what they're going through,
(38:45):
and they will use you as thatspace to dump that energy into whatever it
is that they're going through, whateverit is that they're feeling, the frustration
that they're feeling, the anger thatthey're feeling, whatever that negative emotion is
that they're having. Sometimes they willcome to you and they will use you
(39:09):
as a space where they dump allof that mess into, right, And
sometimes they do this because you havealready allowed them to do it, so
they're used to it, they're comfortablewith doing that because sometimes we just try
to like we want to be therefor people, and so people feel like
that, oh, because you knowthey have been able to come to you
(39:31):
and to just like vent all ofthis this wasteful energy and this wasteful,
wasteful frustration into you. You werethe safe space for them, and they
come at you and you hear that, like when you have you ever just
had somebody and they're talking to youand they're angry and they're talking about something
that they've gone through, that they'vedealt with they and they you can hear
(39:53):
just this anger in their voice andjust this really intense passion when they're speaking,
and you hear that and you feelit. And the reason why it's
as intense as it is when they'respeaking it to you, even though you
may not have anything to do withit, but they're just coming to you
to vent to that, to ventto you. The reason why you feel
(40:15):
that and it's so intense is becauseI guarantee you, they probably haven't been
able to release that whatever it isthat they're feeling that they're thinking. They
might not have been able to evensay that to wherever it this anger and
this frustration is directed to. Theyprobably haven't even been able to say that
to that person. But they cometo you. They come to you,
(40:37):
and they release it on you.And that's why you feel that, and
that's why you can hear that intensityin their voice when they're talking about it.
So they either haven't been able toor they're not going to, but
they still need to get it outand in actuality, they need to be
talking to a namn therapist, butyou're the therapist and you ain't even know
(40:59):
it it. Sometimes you do knowit because you allow it. But when
you're allowing people to come to you, because you are the quote unquote strong
one, when you're allowing people tocome to you and unload that on you,
what space are you in? Yeah? Yeah, what space are you
(41:21):
in when people are coming listen?Normalize telling people not today? Yeah,
Normalize people telling people not today.Huh huh h eh, I can't do
it today. A real friend willtell you that they cannot take it today,
and a real friend will accept that. And can we normalize asking?
(41:45):
First? Let's normalize asking people?Can we vent? I stand by that
I've said that before. Ask peoplefirst, is it a good day?
Is it a good day to talkto you about what baby father did?
(42:06):
Because she might just and be okaywith saying, you know what, sis,
I can't today. I don't evenhave I don't even have the mental
capacity to take that in today.I'm sorry that you're dealing with that,
but I can't even I can't eventoday. Normalize telling people this, and
this goes back to your setting yourboundaries. You know, sometimes people try
(42:31):
to talk to me about different thingsthat are just going on in the world
and different things that they've heard.And you know what, sometimes it's been
so draining on what I'm already seeingon my social media. Sometimes I just
tell people like I can't even talkabout that today. I listen. Boundaries,
(42:52):
Boundaries, ladies, Boundaries. Didwe decide on what our word of
the year was gonna be? Canit be? No? Because I think
could it be? Boundaries? Arewe setting boundaries this year the word of
the year? Listen, we mightneed a few words for the twenty twenty
four year, but boundaries definitely needto be top five. But again,
(43:17):
when you're when that one. Asfar as uh taking a break from people,
like I said, that is connectedto setting your boundaries. Make sure
that you're in a space where youare able to receive certain things from certain
(43:45):
people. But just in terms oflike being connected to people in starting relationship.
Just make sure that like you knowthat you've taken that time to yourself,
get your mind right, get yourselfback together, make sure that you
feel good about yourself. Make surethat you know that you are worthy of
the greatest love ever. Make surethat you feel good about yourself physically,
(44:07):
make sure that you feel good aboutyourself emotionally and mentally, feel good.
Work on those things. Self care. Sunday is a thing. Utilize it
or whatever day. Maybe I don'tknow. If you have to work on
Sunday, please prioritize a day whereit's all about self care and it's all
about pouring into yourself. But makesure that you feel good. Because if
(44:30):
you feel if you don't feel worthy, if you don't feel good about yourself
and you're going into a relationship,guess what, You're gonna lay any damn
thing fly because you just want tobe up in something with somebody. So
you're just gonna You're just gonna letanything be okay, even when it's not
(44:51):
okay. And I don't. Ihate that for you. I hate that
for us as women, fellas.If you're listening, I hate that for
you to listen. I tell Itell guys that that are that are I'm
just thinking about some of my someof my mutuals. But I always tell
guys that inquire about my podcast,and they you know that, oh what's
(45:13):
it about? You know? Iwant I want to I want to listen
and I want to support you.And I love that I love that.
I love when men want to supportmy podcast, and I always tell them
the same thing. I'm like,listen, you can listen because you know
you know what the stuff that Italk about and what I share from my
heart. Men can take it toBut I always tell them come in and
be quiet, sit outn no touch, nothing but fellas if you're listening right
(45:38):
now, this this applies to youtoo, same thing. Make sure that
you're just in a proper space,that you're in a proper space to be
able to nurture a relationship. Andif you're not, then don't get in
(46:02):
one. Don't attach yourself to someoneand especially don't attach yourself to someone that
you know is really like looking forsomething real and wants to be connected to
someone real. Like if that's ifyou see the wavelength that she is on,
ladies, if you see the wavelengththat this man is on, if
(46:23):
you're not on that same wavelength,leave him alone, leave her alone,
don't bother her, don't go upthere bothering her, leave her alone,
leave him alone, don't mess upthat vibe if you're not ready for it.
And we know, we know fromthe beginning what we're ready for and
(46:45):
what we're not ready for. Weknow. Come on, y'all know,
I don't care what you say.You know what you're ready for. And
you know that when you meet peopleand you connect with people and you see
what they got going on you,that's not even something that you need you
need to even don't even step footclose over there that you're not ready for
that. If you're not ready forthat, leave it alone. I'm just
(47:07):
saying. Another point that I wantedto talk about was enjoying the process.
Listen, dating and getting to knowpeople doesn't always have to be just this
end all, be all serious thing. It is a process. Dating is
(47:30):
a process. We're trying to figureout whether or not we something might work,
whether or not something has a potential. Doesn't mean we have to we
have to always stay in in inthat connection, doesn't mean we have to
draw that connection out. Enjoy theprocess. I'm gonna tell you, guys,
(47:59):
I have had this one interaction withthis gentleman and it was a very
The exchange that we had was sohealthy, It made me so happy,
and it didn't it was it didn'twork. It wasn't it. But you
know what, in the first conversationwe figured that out. So just a
(48:21):
short story. Time. So Iwas at a coffeehouse and I was sitting
down and I was just doing somework on my laptop, sitting on my
little tea, and a gentleman wasin there, and he was in there
working at the same time, andI think we ended up like going to
like so there's like a little littleside little bar area where you go and
(48:45):
you just like you freely get someof the little things that you might need
for your drinks and things. Andwe were over there at the same time,
or ended up being at that areaat the same time, and somehow
or another we started we started wewere laughing about something I don't remember exactly
(49:05):
what it was, something that washad to do with the area, and
so we laughed about it or whatever, and it was it was very just
very friendly and it was just alittle joke. And then we went back
to our respective tables. And thenlater on this gentleman came up and approached
me at the table I was sittingat and he was like, I was
just wondering if I can come overand chat with you for a few minutes.
(49:25):
And I thought that the approach itwas very like calm, and he
asked, and we had already exchangedlike friendly words, and I was at
a s A A A s Astopping point in the work that I was
doing, so I was like,yeah, you know, why not?
I was like sure. And wewere sitting there and we were talking,
and we were talking and talking andtalking and talking and it was flowing.
(49:51):
It was cool. We you know, asked questions and we sh you know,
we laughed, we joked, Weshared a couple of different you know,
little situations and little many little storiesof things about dating past and things
like that. And then we andI mean, I guess to me,
(50:13):
we even kind of labeled. Itwas like, oh, this is kind
of like a little first this isgiven, this is given verse first day
vibes. At this point, afterthat first hour, it was like,
this is okay that we have transitionedinto first date territory. And so we're
just talking or whatever. And thenlike we were asking like, you know,
(50:35):
questions like about long term and theapproach that this gentleman had, like
the questions that he was asking.I was so impressed. I was impressed
because the questions that he that hewas asking, they were like solid questions.
They had a point, they hada purpose, They were useful.
(50:59):
Don't be out here asking people whattheir favorite color is and what movie they
like to watch. Don't be askingthat on first date. Don't huh,
go deeper, Go a little bitdeeper. I liked that that in itself,
to me, was attractive. Sohe was asking questions, I was
asking questions. We were talking aboutthings that we wanted. This gentleman shared
(51:28):
with me that he's looking for acertain type of relationship and some of the
things that he is looking for thewoman to be able to do within the
next year didn't align with things thatI wanted to do or that I would
(51:52):
be willing to do in the nextyear, right, And we came across
that in having conversation and asking questions, and so in discovering that despite how
well the exchange went, it waspersonally something that wasn't going to work for
(52:19):
me, and it was personally somethingthat wasn't going to work for him,
And in terms of the long term, it just wasn't going to align.
And we started figuring that out.Even beyond that little tidbit of information,
we just started figuring more and morethings out, and our ideas of the
(52:40):
things that we wanted for the future, they just didn't align. And so,
you know, he was like,you know what, because I said,
well, you know what, I'mlike, I don't think that,
like, do you think that withall of the you know, the indifferences
that we've come across, Like,do you think that that is going to
(53:01):
align well for having you know,because you've expressed me that you want a
relationship, and I've expressed to youthat I would be open to a relationship.
But do you think that like thesethese things are going to align for
us to where we'll really have likea successful start of a relationship. And
he was like, you know what, I really don't have. I'm kind
(53:24):
of indifferent either way. So inother words, he was basically saying that,
like he knew that it probably wasn'tgonna be the best alignment, and
low Ki, he was also kindof saying that he would still you know,
(53:45):
that he would still probably be willingto like spend more time in this
connection, but that like he underhe said, I understand, I completely
understand why you would feel like it'sa waste of your time, and so
I respect that. And so eventhough the vibe was cool. We obviously
(54:15):
found each other attractive. It justdidn't align for the long term, right,
and so we both just felt feltlike, okay, it's you know,
it was it was nice, butit's this isn't this isn't it.
And I'm just not willing to partakeor spend any time in connections that I
(54:36):
feel like are not gonna be somethingthat turns into a long term thing,
Like that's just not the space thatI'm at. And then, you know,
this gentleman actually ended up covering everythingthat I had ordered that day.
(55:00):
We said it, you know,it was nice to meet you. We
said our goodbyes. We didn't exchangenumbers or any type of social media information
or anything like that because there's noneed to try to spend the block over
here, so we didn't do anyof that and we and that was that.
And listen, it was fun.It was a moment. I enjoyed
it. I got to have someconversation, some dialogue, and that's it.
(55:25):
That's what it was. But thatwasn't it. And so that's what
I'm saying, like, let's justbe realistic, let's have boundaries and know
that when we're not going to youknow, we're not going to sacrifice on
our boundaries what we want and whatwe do not want, what we need
and what we don't need. Let'sbe clear. Let's stick to that and
(55:47):
enjoy the process. I enjoyed thattime that I spent with this gentleman.
I enjoyed it thoroughly. I willremember that for a long time to come,
because it was a moment in timethat made me extremely happy. It
was it was a good spirited conversation. But it didn't go anywhere after that,
and I'm okay with that. Soenjoy the process and discover new parts
(56:13):
of yourself, discover some of thethings that you like. Dating doesn't have
to be the end all it's about. It is about just finding the finding,
that's all. And in the meantime, my last idea, and then
I'm gonna let y'all go. Thelast idea is to be proactive about bettering
(56:39):
yourself and all your shortcomings. So, in other words, in the midst
of all of this, make surethat you are working on you. I
said that earlier, work on yourown shit. Continue to work on yourself,
continue to better yourself, continue tomake sure that you are always trying
to show up as the best versionof your self and know that you will
(57:02):
only improve, it will get betterbecause you can be one version of yourself
this year and next year, youknow what, you might be a totally
different woman. You may have sheda layer of skin that you no longer
need, and you feel different,you think about things different. Your mindset
(57:22):
has changed, and that's a goodthing. Continue to work on better in
yourself. Continue that because we wantto connect to something that's healthy. But
(57:46):
we can't always just sit here andexpect that the other person needs to come
and healthy and think that we alwaysgot our own shit together and there's nothing
that we need to work on.We always need to work on ourselves.
There's always something that we could bedoing to better ourselves. It's always something
you got some Oh you got something. I got something. I got some
things that I can continue to nurtureand that I continue to can continue to
(58:10):
mold to be a little smoother.I know that about myself. I'm aware
of that I have the self awarenessthat I need, but I also know
that I am worthy. I alsoknow that I am a beautiful, spirited
individual. I also know how Icare for other people, and I also
(58:34):
know how I expect it to becared for. I want to be handled
in a certain type of way.I want to be handled with care.
You should be handled with care.Okay, So I think I'm going to
(59:06):
wrap this up. Y'all. Don'tkill me for keeping y'all here for an
hour? Oh my gosh, howto thirdput? Well, we're wrapping it
up. So yeah, let megive you guys some closing thoughts. I
saw a quote. I saw aquote, and the quote stated that you
(59:30):
don't develop courage by being happy inyour relationships every day. You develop it
by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. So, while I understand the context
(59:50):
and the weight of that quote,I wanted to tell you this. Surviving
difficult times and challenging adversity is justwhat it is. But it doesn't mean
that you have to endure things longerthan what you want to endure them longer
than you deserve to endure them.Your worth is so precious surviving difficulties.
(01:00:19):
Yeah, challenges may come in relationships, but some challenges are things that you
don't even have to deal with.You don't deserve it, So make sure
that you value yourself enough to knowwhat is something that you should be surviving
and getting through and working through,and what is something that you should just
(01:00:40):
be releasing. I love you anduntil next time you guys, peace and
blessings to the Thoughts of a BlogQueen podcast with your host Loree Renee.
(01:01:05):
A Woman, her thoughts and amite I
When people betray you, they pushyou closer into position, They push you
to the point where you eventually haveno choice but to see the connection for
what it is. And ultimately,when you're ready, you'll let it go.
And when we let go of thethings that are no longer for us,
what happens. Yeah, y'all knowthe rest. We make room for
(00:21):
what is for us. Notice Isaid, when you're ready, let's unpack
this a little more. Let's dothis listening to the thoughts of a blog,
queen, podcast, a woman,and get ready to be poured into
(00:50):
you. We're gonna start for theseentries. Off. I'm gonna pour into
you, guys. I want topour, because that's what I do.
I pour, and I pour,and then I go back and I refill
my own cup, right because Ican't pour into you if I'm not filling
my own cup up. But thenI come back and I want to pour
some more. So before we getthis entry start, I'm going to give
you, guys, three affirmations todaythat I want you to take with you.
(01:10):
If you don't take anything else fromthis episode, please take these three
affirmations with you. Number one,the love I have for myself increases my
capacity to love others. Number two, I am always headed in the right
direction. And affirmation number three,I don't have to earn my worth,
(01:34):
all right. So you guys takethose with you, stash them and use
them for whenever you need them.Right, and remember that you should always
affirm yourself practicing affirmations. You mayor may not have anybody in your life
that is able to affirm you inthe way that you need to, but
nobody can affirm you the way thatyou can affirm yourself. So on this
(01:56):
self care Sunday, I offer youthese three gems to fill up your cups,
and I hope that you cherish them, and I hope that you come
back and visit me for the nextentry or I'll have three more to give,
all right, So welcome back,you guys, Welcome back to another
entry. This is entry thirty sevenof Thoughts of a Blocking Podcast. Thank
(02:17):
you guys for tuning in. I'mso happy and I'm so grateful that you
decided to spend this little bit oftime with me. I hope that you're
enjoying that you're gonna enjoy this injuryon self Care Sunday. You may be
listening to this after Sunday, whichis okay too. Whatever day that you're
listening to this at whatever time andwherever you're at in the world, I
(02:38):
hope that you're having a good day. I hope that if it didn't start
off so great, I hope thatit ends on a positive note. And
I hope that you get some reallygood rest and that you're able to sleep
off whatever it was that wasn't quiteas positive as you wanted it to be.
I hope that you're able to sleepthat off and start fresh tomorrow.
All right, So you guys,this is episode thirty Entry thirty six.
(03:00):
I really don't like calling these episodesfor some reason. I don't know why
I don't like that, But thisis Entry thirty six, and this is
part three. This is the wrapup, y'all. We've been doing a
series, and if you haven't checkedout the other two parts to this series,
please go back and check it outepisode Look at me still talking about
episode entry thirty five and thirty six. See, we're talking about changing the
(03:25):
narrative, and so we broke itdown into three parts. We first started
off with changing the narrative of ourpiece, and then we moved into changing
the narrative of our success. Andnow we're gonna wrap this thing up and
talk about changing the narrative of ourrelationships. So let's get started now.
(03:47):
I want to put this disclaimer outand I want to say this. I
am talking to the individual right nowthat may or may not have had multiple
experiences in relationships where it didn't quiteturn out the way that they wanted it
or the way that they expected it, right, Because we always want connections
to people to turn out as positiveas we can, but it doesn't always.
(04:12):
That's not always what is given.You know. Sometimes it's given very
much garbage. Yeah, Sometimes it'sgiven very much waste of time. Sometimes
it's given very much toxic. AndI mean that for real. I mean
that in your relationships, I meanthat in our friendships, I mean that
in connections in general. Right,And so I want this entry to be
(04:35):
able to kind of help you topivot a little bit, maybe change up
a couple of things that you're doing, or the way that you look at
things, the mindset a little bit, Just change it, change it up
a little bit, right, Becauseif you want better things, where you
want different results, sometimes you gotto change up what you're doing. Sometimes
you have to change the mindset thatyou have. Sometimes you have to do
things that are a little bit differentfrom what you would normally do outside of
(04:59):
the comfort zone. Right. Sowhen we change the narrative of our relationships,
we're doing this because we want toexperience something different. We want to
experience something that is more fulfilling tous, right because, like, who
wants to be in a connection tosomebody and we're not fulfilled? And I
mean that in more ways than whatI don't just mean that in one way.
(05:19):
I mean like fulfilled mentally and fulfilledemotionally, fulfilled physically, if that's
you know, if that applies,take this, Take this as it applies
you, guys, like maneuver thisthe way that you need to maneuver it.
Because maybe if you're listening to this, you might not be in a
relationship right now. Hell, youmight not want to want to be in
one, right because I the wordon the street is that the dating is
(05:42):
trash. Yeah, that's what that'swhat they're saying out in these streets.
I don't know, because I'm notI'm not I'm not trying to be in
it right now. I'm not tryingto. Yeah nah, But so you
may not want that, but itdoesn't matter. If you don't want that
right now, Hopefully you know maybelater on down the line you will want
it. And if you're taking timeto yourself right now, that's wonderful.
(06:05):
That's amazing. And if you're tuninginto this and you're in a happy relationship,
or you have exactly what you needand you are fulfilled in all ways
that you need to be fulfilled inthe connection that you have, that is
amazing. And I love that foryou. This might not necessarily be something
that speaks to your heart. Ihope that you stay because maybe you'll hear
(06:29):
something and you'll think of somebody inyour life that might need to listen to
this, and you'll share. You'llshare me, you'll pass me along.
So stick around even if you're ina relationship. And again, some of
this that I'm gonna talk about isnot all just intimate relationships. I'm talking
about connections to other human beings ingeneral. Friendships. You know, however,
whenever you're connected a huge part ofit. I'm talking about personal relationships.
(06:54):
But just rock with me on this, you guys. I feel like
when we get into relationships. Weare so ready to just open up our
hearts, right, we are readyto open our hearts and allow people to
come in. And we do thatand sometimes we do that very easily,
(07:15):
and then in other times we don'tdo that as easy. We're very guarded
and we're very protective of our hearts. And I want you to I want
to say this, when you guardyour heart, that's that's not a bad
thing. And I and and notto get all religious on you, but
(07:36):
but that is, you know,it's it's it's in a word like we're
supposed to guard our hearts. We'resupposed to protect with everything. But just
to stay kind of neutral here inwhat I'm speaking about. When you guard
your heart, it doesn't mean thatI'm telling you to be closed off to
the possibility that love will find you, that something meaningful will find you.
(07:58):
I'm not telling you to guard itwith just like this hard, cold steel
door, if you will. I'mnot saying that. What I'm saying is
just to be more mindful and bemore aware and be more conscious of how
you're opening yourself up to people andwhat you're allowing. Right, you have
to have boundaries for yourself. Youhave to have boundaries for your heart and
your emotions, right, because arelationship can come along and snatch things from
(08:28):
us, right, They can snatchour passion, they can snatch our motivation,
and they can do all of thisbecause we weren't guarding it the proper
way. And we all have thispurpose, right, we all have this
purpose. And I'm telling you wecan get into some relationships. Sometimes we
(08:48):
can connect ourselves to people that willcome in and they will snatch those things
away from us as to where we'renot even motivated anymore. We go into
this dark space our life because ofwhat we experience in these connections and the
passion that we have for life,the passion that we have for the things
(09:09):
that are connected to our purpose,those things are snatched away. They're snatched
away because we put so much,we put so much energy into them.
And we do this and we dothis willingly. We do this because this
(09:31):
is what we what we are naturallyused to doing, right, because we
want it so bad, so welike we just we open up our hearts.
Right, But when people when weallow the wrong connections to come in,
and unfortunately, I wish right itwould be ideal to be able to
have someone to come up and approachus and we just able to like see
(09:52):
right through them like an X rayand be able to tell that this person
is not for you, this personis not belong in your life, and
so you don't even waste the time, right But unfortunately that's not that's not
how life works. We don't dothat, and sometimes we don't realize that
somebody wasn't for us until months later, years later, and at that point
(10:16):
we've already invested so much time andenergy. And I speak this. I
speak this from experience, so Iknow what that looks like. I know
what that feels like to pour intosomething that for years and it wasn't what
you thought it was. It wasn'twhat you needed even though it felt like
(10:41):
it was, it ultimately was Andeverybody is not gonna be the right thing,
you know. And the sad andscary part about that is that it
like sometimes you don't see it,and then in hindsight, it's only after
the fact that you're like, whatthe like it was? Really? You
(11:05):
start seeing things after the fact.That's when you know you're beginning to like
heal from that situation where you reallystart to see things for what it was.
That's when the healing is has justlike like it's just starting to simmer.
It's the healing is simmering, andthat's when you're That's that's how you
know you're on the right track.Right. But the relationships, they they
(11:28):
they tend to have a power toconsume a lot of our energy. And
we get in really deep, andwe get in deep because we're feeling beings,
right, We feel, we feelthings, and so we get into
and we invest into other people deeplybecause that is what we're supposed to do.
You cannot just be this this personthat doesn't feel things. And so
(11:56):
depending on who you are and howyou operate in your emotions and how you
operate in your relationships, this iswhat is going to determine sometimes the outcome
and the results and and the judgmentbeforehand, and the judgment and the discernment
during the relationship, during this connection. And I'm I'm and I really want
(12:22):
to speak to this because it's it'sI say, it's scary because I really
feel like there is this just likethis war. I feel like there is
a mental war going on right nowand people are really hurt. People are
(12:43):
hurt out there. You may behurt. You you listening to this right
now, you may really be hurt. You may know somebody that is really
hurt. And sometimes some of thosehurt people they're hurting other people. Isn't
that what they say? Hurt people, hurt people. They're hurt, they
(13:05):
are hurt, and these people they'rethey're hurt, but they're still jumping into
relationships and connections with other people becausethey're trying to feel some sort of void.
They have void spaces that they're tryingto feel, and they don't want
to feel that hurt. They don'twant to feel through it. Listen,
(13:28):
when you get when you get whenyou get your heart broken, when you
get let down, you gotta feelthrough that thing. You cannot just close
it off because when you try toclose off how that feels and you don't
try to work through that. Howeverunit may need to work through it.
I'm not here to try to tellyou how to work through it necessarily.
(13:48):
I might have a little bit ofinsight on how you can. But if
you try to avoid it is whatmy point is. If you try to
avoid working through that and feeling throughthat, hurt, and you just try
to bottle up and put it awayand go try to jump into something else,
not facing and not figuring out yourselfand how to get through and how
(14:09):
to compartmentalize those different things that youexperience in whatever it was that hurts you
and broke you. You're going tojump into another relationship and you're going to
inflict pain upon that person that didn'teven deserve it. That's what people do.
They bring pain to other people becausethey didn't work through some of the
(14:31):
shit that they should have worked throughbefore they got into that relationship. But
because we're human beings and we desireto be connected to people, we desire
to be in relationships, we justgo and we jump, and we just
think that we're okay. We thinkthat because six months past we're good.
We think that because a year past, we're good. But what were you
(14:52):
doing in that six months, Whatwere you doing in that year time?
What type of work were you doingon yourself before you decided to jump into
the next connection, to jump intothe next relationship. Because if you weren't
doing a damn thing on yourself,if you weren't working on yourself at all,
listen, that's gonna come out indifferent ways. It's gonna come out
(15:13):
in the way that you communicate,it's gonna come out in the way that
you listen, because that's a bigpart too, how you listen to people.
It's not just how you deliver yourmessage. It's not just what you're
saying. It's also how you're listeningto what people are saying to you,
or to what your person, yourpartner is saying. They're expressing things to
(15:33):
you, and sometimes you're not evenlistening. You're hearing them because you hear
noise. You have the capability tohear sound. You're not deaf, so
you hear noise, so you hearwhat someone is saying to you. But
are you listening? Are you listeningto what they're saying? This mental war
(15:56):
thing that's going on, I stronglybelieve people are just out here really unhealed.
So these unhealed versions of themselves,they are latching on to the energy
of other people. And this iswhat the life is being sucked out of
(16:17):
us by these people. This ishappening. This is what's happening, and
this is what's happening often, andthis is why right now we have a
mass amount of women who are scaredto get in relationships, who have no
desire to get into relationships, whojust really have a very negative outlook on
(16:41):
relationships in general. And I don'tlike that for them. I don't want
us to have been hurt and brokenand let down and disappointed and disrespected so
bad that we just completely turn offour hearts and our minds and open ourselves
up to relationships and love. Becausewhen you have the right thing, when
it is the right thing, itis a beautiful thing. When you have
(17:03):
a person, a go to person, that loves you, that supports you,
that pushes you, that motivates you, that looks at you like they're
the very best thing in this world, that is beautiful. Who doesn't want
that, who does not desire tohave something like that? And I don't
(17:26):
just mean ladies when I'm talking Listen, I'm not just talking about the men
and what they're doing. I'm talkingabout us too, because guess what,
sometimes we're taking our baggage and we'regoing into other relationships and we're not We're
not bringing the best versions of ourselvesinto relationships. We're not. You gotta
(17:52):
work through your shit too, sis, And sometimes that is going to require
you to take time off completely,take time off completely from being connected to
somebody, connect with yourself for aminute. And again I have voiced my
(18:15):
opinion on this. Do I thinkyou can ever be one hundred percent healed
from something that hurt you before yougo into another relationship? No? Do
I think that you have to bequote unquote healed before you get into another
relationship. No, I don't personallybelieve that. I don't believe that there
is a time frame that one cansay or can take. And I think
that sometimes even in the midst ofbeing in a good relationship, you know,
(18:37):
like you'll you'll always remember things.You will so and that's because there
was a scar. You have ascar. There's a scar from what it
was that hurt you, and you'llnever forget that scar. You know how
(19:04):
when you get hurt, and youI always think about this. You get
hurt, and I mean like physically, you get burned, or you get
like you get cut or something rightsomewhere on your body, maybe you get
(19:25):
into an accident or just something happened, and you get hurt. You physically
get hurt, and you get cut. And when you get cut, you
know you're bleeding and you see itand you know that immediately that what you
need to do is you need toclean that cut up. You need to
clean that wound up. So yougo, when you clean it up,
(19:48):
you do whatever you need to doto clean it up, and then you
put a little bit of like healingcream on it. Whatever you use,
all of your whatever, you know, whatever whatever you put on your wounds
to clean it out, you dothat first, to whatever healing cream you
you have, you put that onthere, and then you bandage it up,
(20:11):
right, You bandage it up,and then you leave it alone and
you let time heal it. Andthen every now and then you go you
take that the old bandage off andyou clean it up again, and you
bandage it up again. And eventually, over time where that wound was,
(20:33):
it will eventually close up and itwill heal. But what's left behind a
scar? You have a scar whereyou were hurt. And then what do
you try to do with that scar? Sometimes we try to put like a
(20:56):
fading cream on it. We dothis regularly. We try to fade the
scar away because we just don't wantto have that left on our bi that
mark on us, right, sowe try to fade it away, or
we let time just try to Wemay not do anything to it, We
just might let it just try tolighten up over time. But sometimes we
(21:17):
do things to try to get ridof that scar, and we want to
lighten it up, we want tofade it away. But even as time
heals, and even as this scarand this wound lightens up, I guarantee
you will never forget exactly where thatscar was. You will always remember where
(21:40):
it was, no matter how light, no matter if it's gone away,
you will always remember where that scarwas. So are y'all staying with me?
No matter how you get hurt,You're always gonna remember it and know
(22:02):
where and know how that person hurtyou. You will forgive hopefully if you
can, because remember, forgiveness isfor ourself. It's not for other people.
It's for for ourselves. We haveto forgive people for us, not
for them. Even if you nevereven if you don't tell them that you
(22:22):
forgive them, you have to understandthat in your mind and you have to
make that decision up in your heartthat you forgive them for yourself. But
that's another episode. But even ifyou don't, you forgive, but you
will never forget. So when we'retalking about changing the narrative of our relationships,
(22:48):
there's certain things that we may needto consider doing things a little differently
from what we have been doing.So I have a couple of things,
just a couple of points that Iwant to set in front of you,
(23:11):
just for you to think about.I'm try to break this down on like
maybe five different points. And thefirst thing that I want you to do
is I want you to consider whatit is that you want, and I
want you to be realistic about that. Consider what it is that you want
and be realistic about it, becausethis is how we're going to change the
(23:33):
narrative. If we have always beengoing for a certain type of individual and
things have always turned out in abad way, maybe we need to reconsider
and be a little bit more realisticin our expectations. Am I hold on,
(23:55):
hold on before you say, amI telling you to just settle?
Absolutely not. I am not tellingyou to just settle. I am telling
you to consider what it is thatyou want, what it is that you
need, and I want you tobe realistic about those things so that you
(24:22):
are s having a mindset of thetype of individual that you wanna manifest and
that you want to be able tocome into your life. So when I
say be realistic about it, Imean that, like, maybe if you
keep trying to date men that don'teven live very close by, that you
(24:45):
don't have a whole lot of accesswith, but yet you wanna be able
to trust them, is that gonnaalways be realistic? I don't know.
That's h If you keep meeting individualsin a certain atmosphere that you're in,
(25:08):
mm, nine times out of ten, come on, like, this is
this we know this stuff. Ifyou keep meeting individuals in a certain type
of atmosphere, you have to beunderstanding and you have to be realistic enough
to know that this was just anenvironment. And sometimes the chances are more
(25:36):
less in your favor that this isgonna be something that you're gonna be able
to sustain for the long term.Again, this is not the end all,
be all point that I'm trying tomake to you guys, And like
I said, take what fits andapply it how you need to apply it.
(25:57):
We're grown women. We know likeyou guys, understand what I'm saying.
This isn't just how it always isbut I'm just speaking. I'm speaking
in reference to just certain experiences thatwe've had. And I know, I
know for a fact that there aresome women out there that tend to still
uh frequent the same types of spaces. They want to go to these you
(26:22):
know, lounges and clubs and things, and they want to meet men and
meet guys in this particular atmosphere,and it never really works out. Listen,
It's time to maybe not meet peoplein this atmosphere. That's all I'm
saying. I'm just saying that,like, be realistic about what you need,
and be realistic about what you want, and then like compare to what
it is that you're actually doing,Like you got like you gotta find the
(26:48):
flaws and the plan. Sis ifit hasn't been working out, there's there's
like a flaw in the plan.There's some kinks that we need to work
through. It's not it's not given. It's not given what it needs to
get it. Okay. Another thingthat I want you to do is I
want you to set boundaries. Pleaseset boundaries. Set boundaries, especially ooh,
(27:14):
especially when you have come out ofsomething and you waste it a lot
of time in whatever that was goingforward. I want you you really that
See, that's exactly why we shouldbe taking some time to really reflect on
what it was before we just gohop back into something else. We really
are supposed to be taking some timebecause we need to reflect on things,
(27:37):
and we need to not have ourminds like clouded and our judgment like distorted.
We need to be able to reflecton what it was that we were
doing and where we had the lackof boundaries, whether that is in the
time, whether that is in whatyou allow at certain periods of the relationship.
(28:00):
Set boundaries for yourself. You're alady, you're a woman, you're
a queen. You should have boundariesalways, and no one should be able
to cross those boundaries. Whatever makesyou comfortable, whatever makes sense, whatever
is the most respectful of who youare as a woman. Set those boundaries
(28:21):
and stick to them. You don'talways have to uh hmm, I'm trying
to be more mindful of the thingsthat I say. But you don't always
gotta what's that thing hoping for everybody? You don't always gotta do that as
(28:41):
is, you don't always have togive your body away to everybody that you
connect with. Give it time,Give it time. That's that's sacred,
that's special, and you don't alwayshave to go back, you don't always
(29:07):
have to go back to something thatdoesn't work just for physical pleasures. Let's
really be real here, let's reallylike we can talk, right, this
is a safe space we can talkbecause sometimes we'll do that, we'll go
back to what we know, whatwe're comfortable with. We just because because
you know, that's just what,that's just something to do, that's comfort,
(29:34):
that's fulfilling a physical desire that wehave. And you know what,
we're just we keep like reintroducing ourspirits to this same energy that we've been
trying to work out of our lives. But because we get into these moments
of where we're like lonely or we'rejust feeling a certain type of way physically,
(29:59):
we re introduce ourselves back to thissame spirit, the same energy,
and we put ourselves back in acycle that we've been working hard to get
out of, or that we consciouslysay out loud we want to work ourselves
out of, but yet we're physicallyactually we're not doing the work. We
keep reconnecting with these people, theseindividuals, this person this man, this
(30:22):
woman, this woman, whoever,we keep reconnecting with this person and we're
doing this and we're getting nowhere.How do you want something different when you
keep entertaining the same shit, fellasif you're listening same to you, how
(30:49):
how do you say that you wantsomething different but you keep doing the same
thing, You keep entertaining the sametypes of men, the same types of
women. How do you? Howare you in desire? How do you
how can you, actually being honestwith yourself, say that that is what
(31:12):
you want? You want this love, this certain type of love. You
want this fairy tale. You wantthis just this perfect love for you.
But you ain't changing nothing you are, you aren't changing anything up. I
(31:33):
feel like that comes from loneliness,and I feel like that comes from a
sense of desperation. And I'm notcalling anybody that's listening to this or anybody,
I'm not calling you desperate, Butthere's just this desperate need and desire
for wanting to have somebody in ourlife. Right. We desire human connection
(31:56):
and we're tired of dating. We'retired of like going through the whole beginning
phase and the new phase, andyou know, having to meet somebody new
and all of that stuff. We'retired of that. But at the same
time, like it's a process.And so that's why I say, you
(32:17):
gotta be you gotta be realized thatyou don't always have to You don't have
to entertain everything that comes into yourlife. It doesn't have to go beyond
a certain type of thing. AndI really feel like when we decide to
start dating, in terms of likedating, let's get the hard questions out
(32:49):
on the table first. Let's findthe commonalities that we have or the things
that we already know are gonna tobe an issue down the line, because
see, I feel like we avoidthose types of conversations in the beginning because
of what we physically see in frontof us, what we see on paper,
but we're avoiding having the conversations.Listen, it is not crazy.
(33:14):
It is not crazy. Ladies,when you are dating, to ask a
man up front what types of thingshe wants for the future. Does he
want kids? Do you want kidsif you are done having children and you
know he wants kids. This isnot someone to sit here and waste your
time with. This is not someonethat you should be starting another relationship with.
(33:37):
This is not another person that youshould be physically intertwining, soul tying
yourself to if you know that inthe end you're not gonna be able to
or that you even want to givethis man a child. In terms of
long term, I'm talking about longterm dating. I'm talking about I'm talking
(33:58):
to the people are who are lookinglooking for like long term stuff. I'm
not talking about if you both areon the same page where you don't really
want anything serious like I'm not talkingabout I'm not talking to y'all, y'all
stay on the side. I'm talkingto the other people. I'm talking to
the people that really like want somethinglong term, that are looking for marriage.
And if he's saying he's looking formarriage and a partner and you're saying
you're looking for marriage and a partner, let's talk about the long term stuff
(34:20):
up front. Let's talk about thethings that are going to make the situation,
the relationship harder, because then whatthen we then we you know,
we connect with someone and everything elsewas good, but it was just this
one, one or two things thatwe were off on. But you know,
we have fun together, and thentwo three years later it's an issue.
(34:46):
And then it doesn't work out,and then somebody's left hurt, and
somebody's left angry, and somebody's feelinglike they wasted time. But guess what,
you knew this from the beginning.You could have known from the beginning
had you to ask the right questions. Mm hm. So that is my
(35:08):
next point. Listen to what peopleare saying. Listen to what people are
saying, and use that, usethat as some of the determination factors on
whether or not you should be entertainingthis, whether you should be going forward
with this. I am so seriousabout this. You guys, you're gonna
(35:37):
listen to what people are saying,and then you are going to listen to
your gut and your intuition, andyou were going to do what is best
for you. You know that thisperson is not gonna be the best for
you. Stop trying to make thosered flags pink and then somehow mix it
with something else to make them green. No, they were red as hell
(35:58):
from the beginning, says, Comeon, they were red flags. Red
flags are just red flags, andthey're red flags for a reason. We
gotta start paying attention to these things, ladies. Stop, we gotta stop.
(36:19):
We want things so bad I know, like I know, I get
it. We want things, butat what expense are we obtaining these things?
Cause I'm telling you it's gonna takeone really bad situation, one really
bad experience, and it'll all clickat some point. It might not be
(36:43):
clicking now, and you might hearthis and it might not even click after
this, because hey, who amI. I'm just trying to pour into
you a little bit. I'm justtrying to speak to your heart a little
bit, that's all. But it'sgonna make sense for you when it's time
to make sense. But really listento your gut, listen to your intuition,
(37:07):
but also know when it is nota right time. That's my next
point. If you need to takea break from connecting with people and bringing
people into your life, this iswhat you should really be doing. Take
a break when and if necessary.And this is in terms of relationships,
(37:31):
intimate relationships and friendships. Sometimes youneed to take a break from it all.
And when we're talking about like friendshipsand connections to people, and even
(37:51):
in relationships sometimes too, you haveto be mindful of that because guess what
people will People will use you,right, And when I say people will
use you. I mean that peoplewill dump and I say that because that's
(38:23):
what it feels like. People willdump their energy into you sometimes, right,
And this is why sometimes you haveto take a break from connections to
people, because people will dump whatthey're feeling, what they're going through,
(38:45):
and they will use you as thatspace to dump that energy into whatever it
is that they're going through, whateverit is that they're feeling, the frustration
that they're feeling, the anger thatthey're feeling, whatever that negative emotion is
that they're having. Sometimes they willcome to you and they will use you
(39:09):
as a space where they dump allof that mess into, right, And
sometimes they do this because you havealready allowed them to do it, so
they're used to it, they're comfortablewith doing that because sometimes we just try
to like we want to be therefor people, and so people feel like
that, oh, because you knowthey have been able to come to you
(39:31):
and to just like vent all ofthis this wasteful energy and this wasteful,
wasteful frustration into you. You werethe safe space for them, and they
come at you and you hear that, like when you have you ever just
had somebody and they're talking to youand they're angry and they're talking about something
that they've gone through, that they'vedealt with they and they you can hear
(39:53):
just this anger in their voice andjust this really intense passion when they're speaking,
and you hear that and you feelit. And the reason why it's
as intense as it is when they'respeaking it to you, even though you
may not have anything to do withit, but they're just coming to you
to vent to that, to ventto you. The reason why you feel
(40:15):
that and it's so intense is becauseI guarantee you, they probably haven't been
able to release that whatever it isthat they're feeling that they're thinking. They
might not have been able to evensay that to wherever it this anger and
this frustration is directed to. Theyprobably haven't even been able to say that
to that person. But they cometo you. They come to you,
(40:37):
and they release it on you.And that's why you feel that, and
that's why you can hear that intensityin their voice when they're talking about it.
So they either haven't been able toor they're not going to, but
they still need to get it outand in actuality, they need to be
talking to a namn therapist, butyou're the therapist and you ain't even know
(40:59):
it it. Sometimes you do knowit because you allow it. But when
you're allowing people to come to you, because you are the quote unquote strong
one, when you're allowing people tocome to you and unload that on you,
what space are you in? Yeah? Yeah, what space are you
(41:21):
in when people are coming listen?Normalize telling people not today? Yeah,
Normalize people telling people not today.Huh huh h eh, I can't do
it today. A real friend willtell you that they cannot take it today,
and a real friend will accept that. And can we normalize asking?
(41:45):
First? Let's normalize asking people?Can we vent? I stand by that
I've said that before. Ask peoplefirst, is it a good day?
Is it a good day to talkto you about what baby father did?
(42:06):
Because she might just and be okaywith saying, you know what, sis,
I can't today. I don't evenhave I don't even have the mental
capacity to take that in today.I'm sorry that you're dealing with that,
but I can't even I can't eventoday. Normalize telling people this, and
this goes back to your setting yourboundaries. You know, sometimes people try
(42:31):
to talk to me about different thingsthat are just going on in the world
and different things that they've heard.And you know what, sometimes it's been
so draining on what I'm already seeingon my social media. Sometimes I just
tell people like I can't even talkabout that today. I listen. Boundaries,
(42:52):
Boundaries, ladies, Boundaries. Didwe decide on what our word of
the year was gonna be? Canit be? No? Because I think
could it be? Boundaries? Arewe setting boundaries this year the word of
the year? Listen, we mightneed a few words for the twenty twenty
four year, but boundaries definitely needto be top five. But again,
(43:17):
when you're when that one. Asfar as uh taking a break from people,
like I said, that is connectedto setting your boundaries. Make sure
that you're in a space where youare able to receive certain things from certain
(43:45):
people. But just in terms oflike being connected to people in starting relationship.
Just make sure that like you knowthat you've taken that time to yourself,
get your mind right, get yourselfback together, make sure that you
feel good about yourself. Make surethat you know that you are worthy of
the greatest love ever. Make surethat you feel good about yourself physically,
(44:07):
make sure that you feel good aboutyourself emotionally and mentally, feel good.
Work on those things. Self care. Sunday is a thing. Utilize it
or whatever day. Maybe I don'tknow. If you have to work on
Sunday, please prioritize a day whereit's all about self care and it's all
about pouring into yourself. But makesure that you feel good. Because if
(44:30):
you feel if you don't feel worthy, if you don't feel good about yourself
and you're going into a relationship,guess what, You're gonna lay any damn
thing fly because you just want tobe up in something with somebody. So
you're just gonna You're just gonna letanything be okay, even when it's not
(44:51):
okay. And I don't. Ihate that for you. I hate that
for us as women, fellas.If you're listening, I hate that for
you to listen. I tell Itell guys that that are that are I'm
just thinking about some of my someof my mutuals. But I always tell
guys that inquire about my podcast,and they you know that, oh what's
(45:13):
it about? You know? Iwant I want to I want to listen
and I want to support you.And I love that I love that.
I love when men want to supportmy podcast, and I always tell them
the same thing. I'm like,listen, you can listen because you know
you know what the stuff that Italk about and what I share from my
heart. Men can take it toBut I always tell them come in and
be quiet, sit outn no touch, nothing but fellas if you're listening right
(45:38):
now, this this applies to youtoo, same thing. Make sure that
you're just in a proper space,that you're in a proper space to be
able to nurture a relationship. Andif you're not, then don't get in
(46:02):
one. Don't attach yourself to someoneand especially don't attach yourself to someone that
you know is really like looking forsomething real and wants to be connected to
someone real. Like if that's ifyou see the wavelength that she is on,
ladies, if you see the wavelengththat this man is on, if
(46:23):
you're not on that same wavelength,leave him alone, leave her alone,
don't bother her, don't go upthere bothering her, leave her alone,
leave him alone, don't mess upthat vibe if you're not ready for it.
And we know, we know fromthe beginning what we're ready for and
(46:45):
what we're not ready for. Weknow. Come on, y'all know,
I don't care what you say.You know what you're ready for. And
you know that when you meet peopleand you connect with people and you see
what they got going on you,that's not even something that you need you
need to even don't even step footclose over there that you're not ready for
that. If you're not ready forthat, leave it alone. I'm just
(47:07):
saying. Another point that I wantedto talk about was enjoying the process.
Listen, dating and getting to knowpeople doesn't always have to be just this
end all, be all serious thing. It is a process. Dating is
(47:30):
a process. We're trying to figureout whether or not we something might work,
whether or not something has a potential. Doesn't mean we have to we
have to always stay in in inthat connection, doesn't mean we have to
draw that connection out. Enjoy theprocess. I'm gonna tell you, guys,
(47:59):
I have had this one interaction withthis gentleman and it was a very
The exchange that we had was sohealthy, It made me so happy,
and it didn't it was it didn'twork. It wasn't it. But you
know what, in the first conversationwe figured that out. So just a
(48:21):
short story. Time. So Iwas at a coffeehouse and I was sitting
down and I was just doing somework on my laptop, sitting on my
little tea, and a gentleman wasin there, and he was in there
working at the same time, andI think we ended up like going to
like so there's like a little littleside little bar area where you go and
(48:45):
you just like you freely get someof the little things that you might need
for your drinks and things. Andwe were over there at the same time,
or ended up being at that areaat the same time, and somehow
or another we started we started wewere laughing about something I don't remember exactly
(49:05):
what it was, something that washad to do with the area, and
so we laughed about it or whatever, and it was it was very just
very friendly and it was just alittle joke. And then we went back
to our respective tables. And thenlater on this gentleman came up and approached
me at the table I was sittingat and he was like, I was
just wondering if I can come overand chat with you for a few minutes.
(49:25):
And I thought that the approach itwas very like calm, and he
asked, and we had already exchangedlike friendly words, and I was at
a s A A A s Astopping point in the work that I was
doing, so I was like,yeah, you know, why not?
I was like sure. And wewere sitting there and we were talking,
and we were talking and talking andtalking and talking and it was flowing.
(49:51):
It was cool. We you know, asked questions and we sh you know,
we laughed, we joked, Weshared a couple of different you know,
little situations and little many little storiesof things about dating past and things
like that. And then we andI mean, I guess to me,
(50:13):
we even kind of labeled. Itwas like, oh, this is kind
of like a little first this isgiven, this is given verse first day
vibes. At this point, afterthat first hour, it was like,
this is okay that we have transitionedinto first date territory. And so we're
just talking or whatever. And thenlike we were asking like, you know,
(50:35):
questions like about long term and theapproach that this gentleman had, like
the questions that he was asking.I was so impressed. I was impressed
because the questions that he that hewas asking, they were like solid questions.
They had a point, they hada purpose, They were useful.
(50:59):
Don't be out here asking people whattheir favorite color is and what movie they
like to watch. Don't be askingthat on first date. Don't huh,
go deeper, Go a little bitdeeper. I liked that that in itself,
to me, was attractive. Sohe was asking questions, I was
asking questions. We were talking aboutthings that we wanted. This gentleman shared
(51:28):
with me that he's looking for acertain type of relationship and some of the
things that he is looking for thewoman to be able to do within the
next year didn't align with things thatI wanted to do or that I would
(51:52):
be willing to do in the nextyear, right, And we came across
that in having conversation and asking questions, and so in discovering that despite how
well the exchange went, it waspersonally something that wasn't going to work for
(52:19):
me, and it was personally somethingthat wasn't going to work for him,
And in terms of the long term, it just wasn't going to align.
And we started figuring that out.Even beyond that little tidbit of information,
we just started figuring more and morethings out, and our ideas of the
(52:40):
things that we wanted for the future, they just didn't align. And so,
you know, he was like,you know what, because I said,
well, you know what, I'mlike, I don't think that,
like, do you think that withall of the you know, the indifferences
that we've come across, Like,do you think that that is going to
(53:01):
align well for having you know,because you've expressed me that you want a
relationship, and I've expressed to youthat I would be open to a relationship.
But do you think that like thesethese things are going to align for
us to where we'll really have likea successful start of a relationship. And
he was like, you know what, I really don't have. I'm kind
(53:24):
of indifferent either way. So inother words, he was basically saying that,
like he knew that it probably wasn'tgonna be the best alignment, and
low Ki, he was also kindof saying that he would still you know,
(53:45):
that he would still probably be willingto like spend more time in this
connection, but that like he underhe said, I understand, I completely
understand why you would feel like it'sa waste of your time, and so
I respect that. And so eventhough the vibe was cool. We obviously
(54:15):
found each other attractive. It justdidn't align for the long term, right,
and so we both just felt feltlike, okay, it's you know,
it was it was nice, butit's this isn't this isn't it.
And I'm just not willing to partakeor spend any time in connections that I
(54:36):
feel like are not gonna be somethingthat turns into a long term thing,
Like that's just not the space thatI'm at. And then, you know,
this gentleman actually ended up covering everythingthat I had ordered that day.
(55:00):
We said it, you know,it was nice to meet you. We
said our goodbyes. We didn't exchangenumbers or any type of social media information
or anything like that because there's noneed to try to spend the block over
here, so we didn't do anyof that and we and that was that.
And listen, it was fun.It was a moment. I enjoyed
it. I got to have someconversation, some dialogue, and that's it.
(55:25):
That's what it was. But thatwasn't it. And so that's what
I'm saying, like, let's justbe realistic, let's have boundaries and know
that when we're not going to youknow, we're not going to sacrifice on
our boundaries what we want and whatwe do not want, what we need
and what we don't need. Let'sbe clear. Let's stick to that and
(55:47):
enjoy the process. I enjoyed thattime that I spent with this gentleman.
I enjoyed it thoroughly. I willremember that for a long time to come,
because it was a moment in timethat made me extremely happy. It
was it was a good spirited conversation. But it didn't go anywhere after that,
and I'm okay with that. Soenjoy the process and discover new parts
(56:13):
of yourself, discover some of thethings that you like. Dating doesn't have
to be the end all it's about. It is about just finding the finding,
that's all. And in the meantime, my last idea, and then
I'm gonna let y'all go. Thelast idea is to be proactive about bettering
(56:39):
yourself and all your shortcomings. So, in other words, in the midst
of all of this, make surethat you are working on you. I
said that earlier, work on yourown shit. Continue to work on yourself,
continue to better yourself, continue tomake sure that you are always trying
to show up as the best versionof your self and know that you will
(57:02):
only improve, it will get betterbecause you can be one version of yourself
this year and next year, youknow what, you might be a totally
different woman. You may have sheda layer of skin that you no longer
need, and you feel different,you think about things different. Your mindset
(57:22):
has changed, and that's a goodthing. Continue to work on better in
yourself. Continue that because we wantto connect to something that's healthy. But
(57:46):
we can't always just sit here andexpect that the other person needs to come
and healthy and think that we alwaysgot our own shit together and there's nothing
that we need to work on.We always need to work on ourselves.
There's always something that we could bedoing to better ourselves. It's always something
you got some Oh you got something. I got something. I got some
things that I can continue to nurtureand that I continue to can continue to
(58:10):
mold to be a little smoother.I know that about myself. I'm aware
of that I have the self awarenessthat I need, but I also know
that I am worthy. I alsoknow that I am a beautiful, spirited
individual. I also know how Icare for other people, and I also
(58:34):
know how I expect it to becared for. I want to be handled
in a certain type of way.I want to be handled with care.
You should be handled with care.Okay, So I think I'm going to
(59:06):
wrap this up. Y'all. Don'tkill me for keeping y'all here for an
hour? Oh my gosh, howto thirdput? Well, we're wrapping it
up. So yeah, let megive you guys some closing thoughts. I
saw a quote. I saw aquote, and the quote stated that you
(59:30):
don't develop courage by being happy inyour relationships every day. You develop it
by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. So, while I understand the context
(59:50):
and the weight of that quote,I wanted to tell you this. Surviving
difficult times and challenging adversity is justwhat it is. But it doesn't mean
that you have to endure things longerthan what you want to endure them longer
than you deserve to endure them.Your worth is so precious surviving difficulties.
(01:00:19):
Yeah, challenges may come in relationships, but some challenges are things that you
don't even have to deal with.You don't deserve it, So make sure
that you value yourself enough to knowwhat is something that you should be surviving
and getting through and working through,and what is something that you should just
(01:00:40):
be releasing. I love you anduntil next time you guys, peace and
blessings to the Thoughts of a BlogQueen podcast with your host Loree Renee.
(01:01:05):
A Woman, her thoughts and amite I
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