Welcome back! This is part 2 to the 5 part blog series, but we are just getting started in our Solo Series. In this entry I am breaking down a few of the signs you may have experienced that could be indicators that you need to go into your solo season and how to navigate through them.
If you want to follow along with this entry check out the blog post here https://bit.ly/4eAzRCo
This week’s journal prompt: What is your perspective on failure?
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For questions, advice letters or information on how you can become a sponsor of the show please email me at
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If you want to follow along with this entry check out the blog post here https://bit.ly/4eAzRCo
This week’s journal prompt: What is your perspective on failure?
Join my IG community
Instagram.com/thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
Please support our first official UGC Creator Sponsor of the podcast:
Miss Shytavia
Instagram.com/ugcwithshytavia
TT: https://bit.ly/3VuvyzS
For your UGC needs, brand promotion etc.please email her directly: craftychicshytavia@yahoo.com
For questions, advice letters or information on how you can become a sponsor of the show please email me at
blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:13):
Hey, you guys. This entryof Thoughts of a Black Queen podcast is
being sponsored by our first official UGCsponsorship, ug with Shatavia. She is
a mom, a wife, aUGC content creator. She does gigs on
fiver, Amazon, and she isan Amazon author. Come on, Shatavia,
listen you guys. Please connect withher for your UGC needs. If
(00:34):
you are a brand, a smallbusiness, big business, any of the
things, and you need some UGCcontent promotion, any of those types of
things. I am going to haveher information in the show notes. Please
connect with her. She is anamazing content creator. She does more than
meditation. She does homeworkouts, allof the things, self care tips,
just everything. She is an amazingperson. Please check out the show notes
(00:57):
to connect with her. You guys. All right, let's get this.
Let's get this show started. Youguys, let's do this. You're listening
to the Thoughts of a Blog Queenpodcast with your host Renee, a woman.
(01:23):
Hey, Happy self care Sunday.If you're listening to this one Sunday,
Let's get these levels right. Iwant to make sure you guys can
hear me. How are you guysto Welcome back? Welcome to entry forty
one of the Solo series. Weare two episodes deep into the Solo series.
I'm excited about that, you guys. This is another blog breakdown.
(01:46):
You can see in the title.We are going to go through this blog,
so if you're unfamiliar, please checkthe show notes. There is a
blog that pairs along with this,and I am just going through this blog.
I am just giving you everything thatis in the blog a little bit
more, just kind of giving yousome context to this particular blog. So
without further ado, let's go aheadand break this blog down. Let's get
(02:08):
these levels together. I want tomake sure you guys can hear me.
How are you guys doing it's selfcare Sunday? If you are listening to
this on the day then it droppedand hopefully you're getting yourself together, getting
yourself prepared. I am you knowwhat, you guys. I am really
(02:28):
in a good space right now.My mood and my energy is getting really
good because I have a vacation comingup soon. I am going on my
very first solo trick, which I'mgonna talk more about that. I don't
know if I'll talk about that inthis particular entry or not, but I'm
gonna come make and I'm gonna talkabout it. I am taking my very
first solos of you guys. I'ma little bit nervous about it. I
get listen to anxiety is on volumefour right now, and I'm trying to
(02:52):
keep it there or below. I'mtrying not to turn that volume up on
my anxiety. But listen, I'mgetting it together, so I gotta get
I gotta get some things in order. I don't know where do you guys
think I'm going. Where do youguys think I'm going. I'm not gonna
tell you yet, but I will. I will feel you, guys in
on all of the details on whereI'm gonna take my trip, and I
probably won't do that until after I'mactually there or actually or after I come
(03:15):
back, but I am preparing orI don't know. If you're following me,
you might get some get some contentabout this particular trip, but that's
not what we're here about, rightWe're here to talk about the signs.
We're here to talk about all ofthe signs of what it may feel or
look like when you need to gointo your solo season. And you,
(03:36):
guys, if you did not checkout Entry forty where we just talked about
what the solo season is and wekind of defined what why you might wanna
go into one all of the things, just kind of like our intro to
the series. I would encourage youto go back and check that entry out.
It also is a blog breakdown,so there is a blog that pairs
(03:59):
with that as a way. Well, So if you go back wherever you're
listening to me from Spotify, Apple, wherever you're tuning in from, check
the show notes, or you canhead over to my Instagram and you can
find the links. But just checkthe show notes if you're if you're tuning
in on Apple, which is themajority, which is where the majority of
(04:23):
my audience tunes in from, soI've recently found out. But check the
check my bio, check the linkto you guys, Instagram, show notes,
thoughts of a blog queen on Instagram. There's a link in my bio,
my TikTok, all of the allof the all of the links you
(04:43):
guys know how to connect with me. But yeah, there is a blog
Shampagne promos. Check it out overthere. But let's talk about let's okay,
So if you are if you arenot fully caught up on the solo
season. Let's start by defining whatyour solo season is and what it it
looks like. Okay, you withme, You got your tea, you
got your water. I got abig old, gigantic cup of water.
(05:05):
I gotta hydrate. So your soloseason is an intentional period of time where
you focus primarily, consistently and unapologeticallyon yourself. It is the due diligence
and inventory one must take on themselvesin order to fully identify what areas of
(05:30):
their own life they may need tonurture, they may need to fulfill or
focus their growth in right. Soit's like, where am I depleted?
Where am I falling short? Whatare the things where do I need to
put my attention? And sometimes youcan't do that when you're on go,
go go, and you're not focusedand you're just doing all of these things
(05:50):
for other people, and you've gotyour hands and everything, and you're doing
all of these things and you're onthe goal, and you just sometimes you
just don't take enough time to reallybe to yourself, or you reach pivotal
moments in your life where it istime. It is time. This is
an honest look at your life,you guys, and your well being to
(06:12):
determine where you could do some repairsor some restoration. We talk about self
care, right. Self care hasbeen a heavily saturated term and niche use,
especially for the past few years,right by so many different people.
And I think that's a good thingbecause that's awareness, right. That means
(06:36):
people are aware that self care isimportant. Self care is essential. My
entire platform is built to promote selfcare, whether that is for your mind,
whether that is for your physical body, or whether that is for your
soul. This is the awareness thatwe must take care of ourselves before we
can take care of anyone else.Right, y'all know that concept of you
(06:59):
can't pour from an empty cup?That is perfect. That is the perfect
little analogy, metaphor or whatever youwant to call it to use as you
go into your solo season. Itis the it is the it is the
essentially the reason why you might wantto go into your solo season because you
(07:23):
poor, and you poor, andyou poor and you poor, and you're
not giving yourself, putting enough backinto yourself. So how do I know
it's time? How do you knowit is time to go into a solo
season. How do you know.I think there's two ways to answer this,
(07:46):
one being any time, go intoit. Anytime. If you went
in one a year ago and youneed to go into another one this year,
go into another one. You understand. I'm just saying like, it's
any time. This is an intentionseason, which means go into it whenever
you want or feel the need to. It is about you, your needs.
(08:09):
You are entitled to this time,to this season, and you should
be eager to maximize everything that youcan gain from it. Okay, Another
way to answer this question is tolook at the signs. You gotta look
at the signs. Look at thesigns of this time not being something that
you want, like oh oh youneed look at the signs of you of
(08:31):
a need you need to go intoyour solo season. When I decided to
go into mind, I needed to. I was hell is stressed out.
I needed that, I needed thisthat. And I say this because I'm
still here and there are actually avariety of reasons why we should take this
(09:03):
period to ourselves. But I wannajust talk about some of the signs so
that you will know if it shouldbe sooner than later. That you might
need to go into this right,let's break these down. You might feel
overwhelmed and overworked, so for obviousreasons. This is a huge telltale sign.
(09:26):
When life is ugh, life islife and you have an overwhelming feeling
of stress and you feel as thoughyou've been stuck in autopilot with little to
no stops. Many of us reacha point where being mentally drained exceeds being
(09:50):
physically drained. But then you canactually physically feel it. Do y'all ever
know what that feels like. Italk about that often because I feel that
often. So if you don't know, I do work. I still work
in the corporate world, and Iget mentally drained. I do. I
really get mentally drained. And Ithink people have this misconception that owe that
(10:13):
if you work from home or youwork remote, or you get to do
y one. I don't wanna sayget to do, but you're doing cu
a lot of computer work and thingslike that all day. That is that
it's just so easy, and thatit is just you know, cause you're
not doing physical labor and all ofthat. But let me tell you something
about that mental exhaustion. Mental exhaustionis a d is a different kind of
tired. It's a different kind oftired. And sometimes you really have to
(10:39):
allow your brain, your mind todecompress from the day that you've had,
when you have when you have justbeen doing a lot of mental a lot
of mental work for the day,and you actually can feel it. I
there are times where I have toget off from work and I have to
literally lay down close my eyes,like I can't even have my eyes open.
(11:03):
I need my eyes to be closed. Sometimes I'll use my heat compressed
on my on my eyes and Ijust have to let my It's almost as
if you have like this wet sponge. Right, You take a sponge,
and you know how the sponge islight and airy when you first have it
and it's dry. But then whenyou put put it under water and it
starts to absorb all the water,it gets heavier and heavier and heavier,
(11:26):
and it's just soaking full of water, and it's much heavier than it was
when it was completely dry. Right, And then in order to get all
of that water out of that sponge, you gotta squeeze that that sponge.
You gotta squeeze it. And whenyou squeeze it what happens that water is
coming out because from the you know, it's just like the pressure of your
hand squeezing it. It is,it's draining all that water out. That's
(11:50):
how That's how my brain feels sometimeslike that. I feel like I'm I'm
squeezing all of the the work thatI did out of my brain at five
o'clock. This is the you knowwhat I mean. So it's like that
mental that that feeling of being mentallydrained. This is from something that we
(12:11):
do on a daily basis. SoI'm just using work as an example.
And depending on your position, youhave this role to feel with your job.
Right, let's talk about the peoplethat are you know, and this
still couldn't even apply even if youdon't work corporate role in the corporate world,
but you have your own business.You still have to run your business,
(12:33):
right, so you still have thisrole to feel. But if you're
in the corporate world like me,I'm just gonna speak from experience, right,
But if you're in the corporate field, you may feel or actually be
told there's an expectation of you tobe a high level performer, meaning you
have a lot of responsibilities that youhave to take care of. There are
a lot of things that you haveto do. You have you are a
(12:56):
very important part of the functioning andthe flow of the company, and so
you have to show up and showout right, you do this, and
you do this every day because itis your responsibility. But we have to
make sure that we are not doingthis at the expense of our peace of
(13:18):
mind. So when you want togo into a solo season, think about
how you feel about your career.How does your career make you feel?
How does each day end. Areyou thriving in your position and you feel
fulfilled or do you have feelings ofstress and you kind of like dread starting
(13:43):
the day? How does it makeyou feel? You have to really like
because and the reason why I'm askingyou about this is because our jobs,
our careers, they are pretty muchlike it's what we do most of our
time. We spend a lot ofour time there, right, Depending on
(14:05):
how many hours you're putting in,it's a lot of your life going to
your job. So you really needto make sure that you are in a
position that you are that it isworth you putting the effort into. I
believe in hard work. I believethat when you are working a job,
when you're in your career, youshould give it one hundred and ten percent
(14:26):
no matter what it is, whetheryou are working for someone else, whether
you are working for yourself, whetheryou are trying to build something, you
should always put everything in it.When you are employed by a company,
you should have there should be somesort of and I want to just let
me just say this, like,sometimes we find ourselves in positions where we
(14:48):
have to do what we have todo right, and then some of us
are actually blessed to be in aposition that we actually do want to be
in that we do in, whichis great. That doesn't mean that the
job is easy. Just because youenjoy working there, you appreciate having that
job, you plan to stay atthat job, it doesn't mean that the
(15:09):
job is easy. Doesn't mean thatyou have only good days. You still
have those days, y'all know thosedays. But when you think about your
career and the job that you're inright now, is this something that you
want to change. Are you atthe point where you want to change,
(15:31):
Because if you do, it maybe time for you to go into a
solo season because you might need toreflect on what's next for you? What
does next look like? Do youwant to change it? Is this something
that you truly enjoy doing, orare you just sticking it out because it
pays the bills. Because I wantto tell you that sticking a job out
(15:56):
because it pays the bills, Iunderstand I've been in that position. I'm
not trying to tell anybody to getup and quit their jobs. I'm telling
you to have a plan to figureout what your next could be, what
your next step could be, becauseif it's gonna be something that you're gonna
be trying to do until you retire, until you're able to retire, listen,
(16:17):
I really want you to be tryingto find something that you can have
a little bit of your peace ofmind while you're doing it. Working a
job, being in a career fieldand being absolutely miserable, that is that's
not good. That is not goodfor the health. It's just not So
(16:38):
are you just sticking it out orare you actively working towards changing those circumstances,
Because feeling overwhelmed and not being ableto fully grasp how to maneuver through
it can leave you feeling drained.So it is with hope that choosing to
go into your solo season. Itwill allow you to sort through the underlying
(17:00):
you're having and figure out the waysthat you can still prioritize your self care
needs. Because if you're working thisjob and you're just stressed out all the
time until you can figure out what'snext for you or what else you're gonna
do, we gotta, baby,we gotta take care of the self need,
go self care. We gotta makesure that we're trying to find ways
(17:21):
to de stress at the end ofthe day. We gotta make sure that
we're figuring out the way to leavework at work. Even if you work
at home, we gotta still makesure that you leave work at work and
that you're not carrying because listen,I have been in a position with a
job before that left me crying athome, crying like why are you crying
(17:44):
about your job at home? That'scause it was not for me, and
I was so grateful when I wasable to get out of that position.
Right Another sign? What is anothersign that it might be time for you
(18:04):
to go into your solo season.This is because when you want to change
the trajectory of your life, Soif you just generally feel like your life
lacks things that you need. Ifyou have come into a self awareness that
the path you have been on isnot truly fulfilling, something is missing,
(18:26):
You need more, and you wantmore for yourself, you have that epiphany
that this just isn't working. Yeah, no, this ain't it. This
ain't it, This is ain't it. It's not working for me anymore,
So what now? This could bean indicator that you have been living life
(18:48):
for other things and possibly putting otherpeople ahead of your own life. We
do that often. This is somethingwomen do often. But it's natural for
you to come to terms with theidea that it just isn't enough anymore and
that life is too short to continueto let it pass by without experiencing more
(19:11):
of it. Experiencing more of life. You will get to it's like you
will just snap. It's like it'slike the snap of the thing. You
wake up one day and you realize, like, I need this is not
this can't be it, This can'tbe it. So when you're so,
going into a season of solitude willallow you to be intentional about your focus.
(19:36):
You can get back to you fora moment, figure out the things
that you that you want, yougotta d th but you gotta change up.
This just is not I'm not beingfulfilled. You will literally I have
felt this feeling where I have literallyjust had like stopped mid whatever it was
that I was doing and realized Icould be doing so much more and and
(20:00):
it gets me a little bit emotionalright now. God, you realize that
you could be doing a lot moreand that you have so much. You
have such great potential in you.You have such great potential that you know
(20:26):
that you could be doing something else. You know that you could be doing
more with yourself. You know thatyou're better than what you are doing at
the moment, and you're just notliving out the full potential of your life
or who you are, who youare supposed to be, Which leads me
into the next sign. You wantto focus on your life's purpose. This
(20:48):
is another sign everybody's gonna get toa point where you trying to figure out
what is my purpose? What amI supposed to be doing? And sometimes
you are extremely un clear about that. But this is in alignment with changing
the trajectory of your life, becausewhen you're not clear on what you should
(21:10):
be doing with your life or whatyour purpose is what you're really passionate about,
and how those things, those twothings are connected. If those things
are not clear to you, they'reat a certain age. They those things
should be speaking loudly to you bya certain age and I will not put
(21:32):
a number on it, but bya certain age in your life, you
should be very very clear on whatyou're passionate about and what your purpose is
and and actively trying to connect thosetwo. Remember, I told you guys
a few entries back, there wasa book the the uh what was it?
(21:56):
The The Secrets to the Ten Secretsto Enter Peace, And he said
that almost anything that you are passionateabout doing, you are able to build
something from that. You are ableto walk in your purpose with that,
(22:17):
build something with that, and makea living with what you are passionate about
if you really truly hone in onthat. So, if you're not clear
on what you're passionate about and whatyour purpose is in this world, a
solo season will allow you to explorethose things that you're passionate about. You
center with yourself and find out whatyour heart's true desires are, figuring out
(22:40):
what type of imprint you will leavein this world. That's important to leave
this earth whenever it is your timeto leave this earth, but to leave
an imprint that is so amazing andthat shows the passion that you put into
it. That's a beautiful thing.That's a beautiful thing. How do you
(23:07):
want to shape your life? Whatcareer path do you want to take?
What business do you want to build? What things are you exceptionally great at?
What gifts do you have that you'rejust sitting on this. What do
you want your next ten year timelineto look like? What is it going
to reflect? These are all questionsthat will allow you to create the image
(23:33):
of your purpose if you will justallow yourself the uninterrupted time to do so.
Keyword being uninterrupted time, which,hello, that is the solo season.
That is what your solo season isfor, uninterrupted intentional time for you.
(23:57):
All right, y'all still with me? Moving through? I feel good
about this. Let me take alittle sip of his water. Another sign
that it might be time for youto go into the solo season is when
you're seeking clarity and answers. Listen, Sis, sometimes the universe just needs
(24:18):
you to sit still. It needsyou to be still. Sis, you're
doing a lot. You're doing alot. You're doing a lot with yourself.
Listen, when it comes to likedating and things like that, and
dealing with different men and different energies, you might be doing a lot.
(24:44):
You might just need to sit still, rest your mind, rest your body,
stop wondering about people, just focuson you. The universe needs you
to quiet your surroundings, so youcan quiet your mind and then it will
guide you. You can't focus oncertain things or figure out things that you
(25:07):
need if you got so much stuffgoing on. So when I say quiet
your surroundings, I just mean yougotta like some of the things that you
keep entertaining, some of the samethings that you keep dealing with, Like,
you gotta let those things go.Filter out the bullshit I said it,
(25:32):
filter it out. Yeah, Becausewhen you're always on go mode,
moving through life at such a fastpace, because you have so much on
your plate, you're gonna miss somethings. Since you're gonna miss some important
things, You're gonna miss some signsyour higher power. You're gonna miss hearing
(25:53):
from whoever God, the universe,whoever your high your power is, You're
gonna miss it. And you knowwhat, maybe you have already figured out
what your purpose is and you knowexactly what you want to do, and
maybe you're even doing it right now, right, But what if maybe some
(26:15):
things aren't connecting right, Maybe somethings aren't connecting the way that you intended
them to, or maybe you havecome to a crossroads with certain aspects of
your life and you have developed ananxiety on what you need to do next.
That could be the case too.You could have launched something and you're
you're extremely passionate about it, butit's just not like it's just like it
(26:37):
just keeps missing the mark, orit's not going it's not blowing up the
way that you wanted it to blowup. The traffic isn't there, the
clientele isn't there, the revenue isn'tthere. Whatever it is, it might
you know what I mean, it'sjust not quite what you expected it to
be. And you're getting you're you'regetting this anxiety about it. You're worried,
you're stressed. You you don't putso much, you invested so much
(27:03):
time, maybe resources, finances intothis and it's not connecting the way that
you wanted it to connect, andyou don't know what to do. But
how can you figure that out?Figure? How can you figure that out?
If you're not taking the time toactually reflect on what you need to
do, cause you can't do that. And like, you know what I
mean, like y y you yougotta pick your struggle. This is a
(27:33):
sign that you need a season ofintentional clarity. And this may involve you
trying out or getting back into somemeditation. That might be what you need
to do to kind of silence yoursurroundings and quiet your mind. If you
haven't gotten into meditation, maybe youneed to start start with an app.
I don't know, download an appsome meditation sounds, try it out.
(28:02):
Maybe you need to go back tochurch if that's your thing. Maybe you
need to go to church solo.People have very profound moments in church.
Maybe you need to listen to someinspirational messages to kind of, you know,
just get you there so that youcan kind of, you know what
(28:22):
I mean, just kind of getyou inspired. I have my own thoughts
and opinions and ideas about church andthings like that, But that doesn't mean
that the it is it doesn't helppeople. It doesn't That doesn't mean that
it doesn't allow people to connect theway that they need to connect. I
(28:45):
have had some extremely profound moments beingin church, very emotional moments being in
church. It's what it's about,what works for you. So maybe you
might need to go at it alonea few times during the week, going
a time that you don't normally go. Maybe you might want to finally think
(29:11):
about taking therapy seriously. Try justtry, you know what I mean,
Try it, see what works.You can even start with maybe just try
and like online therapy, you knowthey have like you know, the therapy
that you don't have to be inperson for you can do. You can
have FaceTime calls with therapists. Nowyou can do therapy chat. It's like,
(29:32):
I mean, the world is evolving. Going away for an extended vacation,
maybe that's something that you need todo, getting out of your environment.
We talked about that in the lastentry. Weill is whatever you need
to do in order to get theanswers that you need. Your solo season
(29:55):
should be designed to do this,to seek clarity and get the answers.
Another one, and this is aThis is a This is one of the
ones when you've been hurt, deeplyhurt by something or someone that could be
another sign that it. Yeah,it is time. When something changes,
(30:21):
something hurts you, something has tochange, there's no way around it,
and you have to go into ahealing journey. When I decided to go
into when well, when I hadto go into my healing journey, that
was what made me like extend theplan on my solo season. I went
into a solo season in a relationship. Then my relationship had to come to
(30:45):
an end, and I knew Ihad to extend my solo season. I
needed an extension on it. It'sthe healing journey. This is such a
very pivotal Listen. It's a verypivotal time in your life because after you've
been caused what feels like an immeasurableamount of pain in your life at the
(31:06):
hands of someone else, you areliable to go to a very dark place.
Your emotions are fragile, your mindcan be confused, and your heart
just hurts. The healing journey isa time where the solo season can be
(31:32):
beneficial because you need a safe spaceto feel all of those feelings. You
need to be able to cry asmuch as you want to cry. You
need to be able to just bein that space in that moment, you
need time to work on yourself andsort through your emotions. Listen, when
(31:57):
you have been hurt by someone,you may go to a place in your
mind that shapes how you will seeyourself and how you see others, and
that can be very detrimental to yourfuture and the future of your relationships broken
(32:24):
trust. Broken trust can be verydamaging to us if we don't properly nurture
our feelings during this time. Itcould cause us to have some very negative
experiences and outlooks on life, likethe way that life looks for us going
(32:50):
forward. It can cause us tocarry things into our future that we don't
actually need, like carrying the burdenof someone else's choices, like when someone
betrays you. That's not supposed tobe your burden to carry. But because
we are human, we feel theimpact of it because it was done to
(33:13):
us, right, So we areimmediately affected, of course, But if
we don't allow ourselves to properly healfrom that, we will run the risk
of possibly hurting others. Right becausehurt people what they hurt people, and
we can hurt them with not justour actions, but with our words,
(33:35):
with our doubt, in them orwith our inability to understand who they are,
because all we can see is someoneelse you guys. Listener says,
healing is not linear. I knowyou guys have seen that. You've seen
healing is not linear. So whatthat means is that it doesn't look a
certain type of way. It doesn'thave to have a time frame on it.
(33:58):
You can't just force yourself to behealed at the end of thirty days,
like Okay, it's June. Ineed to be I need to be
healed by the end of July becauseI'm you know, like, no,
it's that's not how it works.You gotta let you gotta let the healing
journey do what it wants to do. The healing journey is going to be
(34:20):
like a roller coaster ride that you'reon and you gotta let. You just
gotta like put your hands up inthe air and just experience that roller coaster
ride because it's gonna be ugly.It's gonna be ugly then there, and
it's gonna be beautiful. It's gonnabe it's gonna be a beautiful mess,
is what it's gonna be. BecauseI say a beautiful mess, because it
(34:40):
is at the in the end ofit, it is serving a purpose.
It is healing you. But itis a mess. And when I say
that it is a mess, Imean that the emotions are everywhere. You
might make some rash decisions. Youmight do some things that you will later
on regret. You might cry alot, you might lash out, you
might be angry. You might gothrough a slight period of depression. It
(35:02):
like, you know what I mean. You may have this this negative outlook,
this negative attitude. You may andon the on the opposite of that,
you may, you may not.You may long for something even more
because you were hurt. But youcan't force the timeline on a healing journey.
(35:25):
You have to actively work on it. If within your healing journey,
you have to find moments of peacein your healing, find joy in your
healing, find relief in your healing. You need to be able to grasp
understanding in your healing journey, andyou need to capture some of the reflection
(35:50):
in your healing journey. You aregoing to have to embrace the lessons and
hopefully says you will find the blessings. I don't mean for that to sound
cliche, but it is true.When you're healing, when you're on your
(36:10):
healing journey, being in a soloseason is beneficial because you gotta find those
red flags that you may have missedand you find you gotta find those red
flags so that you can pinpoint it. Okay, this this was a red
flag. This was you know whatI mean, And then you can pinpoint
(36:30):
it, and then you can learnhow to build boundaries for yourself. But
do it in a healthy way.Not a way that just shuts down and
shuts your heart down to the worldand you're never open to anything else again
or to experience anything else again.No, but set boundaries in a healthy
way. We gotta learn how todo that. That's one of the things
that I can definitely say I gainedthat out of my out of my healing
(36:55):
journey, I gained being able toset healthy boundaries. And I have experienced
I have watched myself set those boundaries, like I've watched myself put them to
use, and I felt so goodabout it. I was like, damn,
like I wasn't doing that, Likeoh shit, like I wasn't doing
that before. And it feels goodwhen you when you do it, when
(37:15):
you see yourself growing. It feelsso good because you're like, dang,
like I should have I should havedid this. This is what I should
have did. You have to learnhow to identify how you were hurt and
(37:36):
how you can now nurture your selflove and your self value in order to
overcome that pain. So going intoa season of solitude during your healing process
is both important and necessary for yourgrowth through that time. You need that
time and space alone because I wantyou to unapologetically feel those feels. When
(38:06):
I started my healing journey, listen, I was crying on cue and it
hurts so bad. You guys everheard that? Feel like it hurt?
It hurt? No, it hurtsso good. It hurt like hell.
But but I don't know, Idon't know how to describe that. But
(38:28):
it was like every time I cried, I released And I'm not even one
hundred percent healed at the moment.I don't think. I don't know when
I'm gonna be healed. That's whyI'm like to I really, when I
talk about this in whatever environment thatI'm in and I'm speaking about the healing
journey, I always just like toput that out there, like I don't
(38:51):
like to feel like I don't wantanybody to feel like any woman, anybody
really to feel like they have tobe completely healed. Like there's a difference
between being completely healed or you know, if you're just taking a whole bunch
of baggage and you just have activelynot worked on anything, that's one thing.
But when you know you have cometo a certain point, like it's
(39:12):
like, you know, when we'retalking about relationships, like you know,
when like you should begin to beopen to the idea when you just shouldn't,
cause you got to be tested inthose things, so you know,
feel those things. So let's talkabout what the solo season is and is
not, just for clarity, becauseI don't want anybody to get confused on
(39:36):
what I'm trying to say the soloseason is. Remember that your solo season
we talked about this last entry,is custom made, so it is important
to understand that it will be whatyou need and make it out to be.
But it doesn't necessarily have to beabout isolation and closing yourself off from
the rest of the world. Solitudeand isolation can be two different perspectives if
(39:57):
you're clear on what they mean toyou. I touch this a little bit
in the last entry, but Isaid I would come back to it because
I want to make sure that youguys know that I am not trying to
promote you isolating yourself from the world, not in an unhealthy way. I
am telling you that going into asolo season is the focus on you.
It is the self care like theplatinum package of self care is what I
(40:22):
would like to call it. Itis like it's it's it's your time and
it but it may involve its,it's you. How can I put this?
You don't have to isolate yourself fromfriends and family, but you do
(40:44):
need to be okay with separating fromthem at certain periods and during certain times
so that you can see what youneed to see, feel what you need
to feel, gain what you needto gain without having the end put the
judgment, the the two sins,whatever you want to call it, from
(41:05):
anybody else. And it is nota time where you have to necessarily be
single. That's an important piece tounderstand too. In fact, ladies,
for my ladies that are in relationships, women that have been in long term
relationships and are at a point wherethey need to evaluate whether or not that
relationship is still serving them could benefithighly from going into their solo season because
(41:30):
it forces you to reflect more onwhat the relationship gives and does for you
versus what you've been giving to therelationship, right, because sometimes we're giving
too much and we see that andthen we just wait until so much time
has gone by, or we're justnot clear, we're confused, we developed
an attachment, so we don't reallyknow what to do or on the contrary
(41:53):
to that, because you know,like I said, sometimes accountability ladies,
sometimes it's what we need to do. It's what you yourself may need to
work more towards to add value tothat relationship as the individual that you are.
So if you're being real with yourselfand you have self awareness and you're
taking accountability, there may be areasof your relationship, your marriage, whatever
(42:15):
it is that you're in where youfall short where you can add some value.
A season of solitude doesn't have tobe about refusing to see or talk
to anybody else. It doesn't meanthat you can spend time that you can't
spend time with anyone, and itdoesn't mean that your life as you know
it should exclude everyone from your worldbut you just understand that taking some time
(42:39):
to yourself is okay and you cando that guilt free. It just means
that during this time you are goingto intentionally change the flow of how things
have been moving to focus on yourself, your needs, your well being,
your self care, your self love, your choices, and the path you
(43:00):
choose to take. It's about gainingmore than it is about separating. Honestly,
you will gain insight and inspiration.You will gain an appreciation for yourself
and understand what areas of your lifeneed your attention. It's about being intentional,
(43:21):
about filling up your own picture sothat you have the ability to pour
into other cups when you can.Because we're not a cup. We're a
whole picture. We're a whole damnpicture. We're not just a cup.
No, we feel cups. Sowhat do you what do you feel the
cups with? You feel cups witha picture? You are a picture,
(43:42):
sis a picture holds more than acup. I want to I wanna I
want to be filled like a picturefor myself. First though, I want
to be fulfilled in all the waysthat I need to be fulfilled for my
life. I want the happiness thatI deserve in my life. Your solo
(44:07):
season is about creating and designing,creating moments of focus so that you can
design your life's purpose portrait. Sorry, creating moments of focus so that you
can design your life's portrait. Sohere is a self reflection question that I
(44:27):
have. If you had to imaginewhat your life would look like in one
portrait that you would hang on awall and look at for years and years
and years to come, What yourlife would look like in one portrait?
What would it look like? Whatwould that portrait look like? So I
(44:50):
tell you what if you don't know, If you are unsure or unclear about
what your life's portrait hanging on thewall would look like, and you need
time to figure that out, it'stime for your solo season, okay.
So let me give you something toremember. This is not a time to
(45:14):
feel guilty about going into this periodagain. This is an unapologetic and an
intentional time of your life. Andthe reality is that if we go through
life, if we go through ouradult lives without taking these periodic self check
ins, we are liable to missmonumental moments of clarity and the increased opportunities
(45:38):
for growth. Okay, so thatis the blog breakdown. I hope that
you guys connected with it. Andthe one thing that I wanted to save
(46:02):
until the end. You guys,we did we d you know. We
are doing a I take a momentwhat I like to call a moment of
me pouring into you. And Itold you guys that through the solo series,
we were gonna do a passage froma Dose of Self Love by Cosmic
b uh Byron. This book,I J I recently got this book and
(46:23):
I've been skimming through it, andI I R I actually adore this book
and I want I got a chanceto check out his Instagram page, and
yeah, go check out Cosmic Bryan'sInstagram page. He is the Inner Child
Advocate, is what it says inhis bio. But he has a lot
of thought provoking things. And thisbook that I have been skimming through it
(46:47):
is called a Dose of Self Love. So I just wanted to be able
to share that with you guys.And so y'all know the routine, let
me, let me, let me, let me pour in to you,
and then we are going to letme see do I have any announcements that
I wanted to share with you guysbefore no check the show notes for any
of the important the important announcements.I think I covered everything, but let's
(47:15):
go ahead and get this dose ofself love in Okay, So here we
(47:37):
go, you guys. Sitting withthe perceptual self won't always download into love
and light. Sometimes isolation requires reachinga depth where light doesn't appear to penetrate.
The deeper the exploration, the clearit becomes that light and dark simply
aren't opposed, but actually one inthe same. I thought that was perfect
(48:04):
for the solo series. Let meread that again in case you missed it.
Sitting with the perceptual self won't alwaysdownload into love and light. Sometimes
isolation requires reaching a depth where lightdoesn't appear to penetrate. The deeper the
exploration, the clearer it becomes thatdark and light simply aren't opposed, but
(48:28):
actually one of the same. He'stelling you that sometimes you gotta go deeper,
you gotta go to the places wherethe light might not be, but
that doesn't mean that you are notthe light. And he's saying that through
your exploration, you will discover thatlight and dark are not opposed. They're
(48:49):
actually one and the same, Andthat made me think about a lamp.
Y'all know, I always gotta havea damn analogy for y'all, but it
makes it makes sense. Think abouta lamp. Think about just a lamp,
right, A lamp that doesn't havea bulb, doesn't have a shade.
It's just a lamp sitting there.Right. A lamp is still a
lamp. But when you screw thatlight bulb into the lamp, what happens.
(49:14):
You now have light. It isstill a lamp. It still provides
light. When you put the shadeon that bulb, what happens The light
dims, but it is still lightthere. You can still see, it
still shines. It is still bright. It just has a shade over it.
(49:35):
It has been dimmed. Right,follow me, what happens when that
bulb blows out. When the bulbblows out, it is dark, But
it does not change the fact thatit is still a lamp that can still
provide light. All it takes isfor you to change the bulb. And
(50:01):
when you change the bulb and turnthe light back on, what happens.
There is light. Just because itgot dark for a minute doesn't mean that
it is not light. A lampthat provides light doesn't mean that what it
(50:21):
is supposed to do it cannot dojust because that particular lamp that was put
in that excuse me, that bulbthat was put in that lamp, just
because that one blew out doesn't meanthat you cannot change it and put another
bulb in. Doesn't change the factthat you are still that lamp. Cis
(50:45):
I cracked myself up because I'm alwayscoming out with this random This is random
thought, but it is true,right, And that is what he is
saying. He is saying that thedeeper the exploration, the clearer becomes that
light and dark sin aren't opposed,but actually one and the same. So
even when that light bulb blows outin that lamp, it's still like what
(51:08):
changed about it? Does the namechange? Does the title of it change?
Does the purpose of it change?No? Because guess what all you're
gonna go do is you're gonna gofind another bulb to put in, and
guess what, you may even finda bulb that is even brighter than the
one you had before. Are y'allfollowing me? Like, do y'all feel
(51:29):
where I'm coming from with this?Because I am trying to I'm trying to
pour. I'm trying to pour intoyou, guys. Y'all don't laugh at
me, because I'd be dead seriouswith my analogies that y'all know. Y'all
make it it, y'all get me. I need y'all to understand what I'm
trying to say. But what I'mjust trying to say, I laugh.
I joke with myself about this alot. But what I'm really just want
(51:51):
you guys to understand is that whenyou're in your solo season, things might
be dark, they might feel dark, they might look dark. But never
question your worth, never question yourvalue, never question who you are.
You are still who you are.You are still the same person. You
are just in a different season rightnow, and you are trying to work
(52:15):
on some things in your life,and it doesn't change what your purpose is.
Me being in my heel and journeydoesn't change that my purpose in this
life, in this world is toshare my voice with my community. Doesn't
change. No matter what somebody doesto me, no matter how somebody let
me down, no matter how badI've been hurt, no matter how many
(52:36):
friends I lose in the process,no matter how many times I feel like
family let me down. No matterhow many times work pisces me off,
no matter how many times I've failat relationships, it doesn't change my purpose.
It doesn't change my light. Iam who I am. I have
(52:59):
a purpose. So my beautiful,beautiful, beautiful people, Happy self care
Sunday. I hope you guys enjoyedthis entry. I hope that you gained
something from it. I appreciate yourtime. You could have been doing anything
and been anywhere, but you aregiving this time to my platform, and
(53:21):
I appreciate it. Shout out tomy sponsors, Shout out to my community,
Shout out to the individuals that slideinto my dms on Instagram and tik
talk and Facebook and and and justpour into me and uplift me and cheer
me on. Shout out to allof you. Thank you guys for tuning
(53:42):
in, and I will see youguys back here for Entry forty two.
Until next time, you guys,peace and blessings. Let's do this to
the thoughts of a blog Queen Podcasts, Love Rave Renee, a woman,
her thoughts and a mite. Areyou ready? M hm
Hey, you guys. This entryof Thoughts of a Black Queen podcast is
being sponsored by our first official UGCsponsorship, ug with Shatavia. She is
a mom, a wife, aUGC content creator. She does gigs on
fiver, Amazon, and she isan Amazon author. Come on, Shatavia,
listen you guys. Please connect withher for your UGC needs. If
(00:34):
you are a brand, a smallbusiness, big business, any of the
things, and you need some UGCcontent promotion, any of those types of
things. I am going to haveher information in the show notes. Please
connect with her. She is anamazing content creator. She does more than
meditation. She does homeworkouts, allof the things, self care tips,
just everything. She is an amazingperson. Please check out the show notes
(00:57):
to connect with her. You guys. All right, let's get this.
Let's get this show started. Youguys, let's do this. You're listening
to the Thoughts of a Blog Queenpodcast with your host Renee, a woman.
(01:23):
Hey, Happy self care Sunday.If you're listening to this one Sunday,
Let's get these levels right. Iwant to make sure you guys can
hear me. How are you guysto Welcome back? Welcome to entry forty
one of the Solo series. Weare two episodes deep into the Solo series.
I'm excited about that, you guys. This is another blog breakdown.
(01:46):
You can see in the title.We are going to go through this blog,
so if you're unfamiliar, please checkthe show notes. There is a
blog that pairs along with this,and I am just going through this blog.
I am just giving you everything thatis in the blog a little bit
more, just kind of giving yousome context to this particular blog. So
without further ado, let's go aheadand break this blog down. Let's get
(02:08):
these levels together. I want tomake sure you guys can hear me.
How are you guys doing it's selfcare Sunday? If you are listening to
this on the day then it droppedand hopefully you're getting yourself together, getting
yourself prepared. I am you knowwhat, you guys. I am really
(02:28):
in a good space right now.My mood and my energy is getting really
good because I have a vacation comingup soon. I am going on my
very first solo trick, which I'mgonna talk more about that. I don't
know if I'll talk about that inthis particular entry or not, but I'm
gonna come make and I'm gonna talkabout it. I am taking my very
first solos of you guys. I'ma little bit nervous about it. I
get listen to anxiety is on volumefour right now, and I'm trying to
(02:52):
keep it there or below. I'mtrying not to turn that volume up on
my anxiety. But listen, I'mgetting it together, so I gotta get
I gotta get some things in order. I don't know where do you guys
think I'm going. Where do youguys think I'm going. I'm not gonna
tell you yet, but I will. I will feel you, guys in
on all of the details on whereI'm gonna take my trip, and I
probably won't do that until after I'mactually there or actually or after I come
(03:15):
back, but I am preparing orI don't know. If you're following me,
you might get some get some contentabout this particular trip, but that's
not what we're here about, rightWe're here to talk about the signs.
We're here to talk about all ofthe signs of what it may feel or
look like when you need to gointo your solo season. And you,
(03:36):
guys, if you did not checkout Entry forty where we just talked about
what the solo season is and wekind of defined what why you might wanna
go into one all of the things, just kind of like our intro to
the series. I would encourage youto go back and check that entry out.
It also is a blog breakdown,so there is a blog that pairs
(03:59):
with that as a way. Well, So if you go back wherever you're
listening to me from Spotify, Apple, wherever you're tuning in from, check
the show notes, or you canhead over to my Instagram and you can
find the links. But just checkthe show notes if you're if you're tuning
in on Apple, which is themajority, which is where the majority of
(04:23):
my audience tunes in from, soI've recently found out. But check the
check my bio, check the linkto you guys, Instagram, show notes,
thoughts of a blog queen on Instagram. There's a link in my bio,
my TikTok, all of the allof the all of the links you
(04:43):
guys know how to connect with me. But yeah, there is a blog
Shampagne promos. Check it out overthere. But let's talk about let's okay,
So if you are if you arenot fully caught up on the solo
season. Let's start by defining whatyour solo season is and what it it
looks like. Okay, you withme, You got your tea, you
got your water. I got abig old, gigantic cup of water.
(05:05):
I gotta hydrate. So your soloseason is an intentional period of time where
you focus primarily, consistently and unapologeticallyon yourself. It is the due diligence
and inventory one must take on themselvesin order to fully identify what areas of
(05:30):
their own life they may need tonurture, they may need to fulfill or
focus their growth in right. Soit's like, where am I depleted?
Where am I falling short? Whatare the things where do I need to
put my attention? And sometimes youcan't do that when you're on go,
go go, and you're not focusedand you're just doing all of these things
(05:50):
for other people, and you've gotyour hands and everything, and you're doing
all of these things and you're onthe goal, and you just sometimes you
just don't take enough time to reallybe to yourself, or you reach pivotal
moments in your life where it istime. It is time. This is
an honest look at your life,you guys, and your well being to
(06:12):
determine where you could do some repairsor some restoration. We talk about self
care, right. Self care hasbeen a heavily saturated term and niche use,
especially for the past few years,right by so many different people.
And I think that's a good thingbecause that's awareness, right. That means
(06:36):
people are aware that self care isimportant. Self care is essential. My
entire platform is built to promote selfcare, whether that is for your mind,
whether that is for your physical body, or whether that is for your
soul. This is the awareness thatwe must take care of ourselves before we
can take care of anyone else.Right, y'all know that concept of you
(06:59):
can't pour from an empty cup?That is perfect. That is the perfect
little analogy, metaphor or whatever youwant to call it to use as you
go into your solo season. Itis the it is the it is the
essentially the reason why you might wantto go into your solo season because you
(07:23):
poor, and you poor, andyou poor and you poor, and you're
not giving yourself, putting enough backinto yourself. So how do I know
it's time? How do you knowit is time to go into a solo
season. How do you know.I think there's two ways to answer this,
(07:46):
one being any time, go intoit. Anytime. If you went
in one a year ago and youneed to go into another one this year,
go into another one. You understand. I'm just saying like, it's
any time. This is an intentionseason, which means go into it whenever
you want or feel the need to. It is about you, your needs.
(08:09):
You are entitled to this time,to this season, and you should
be eager to maximize everything that youcan gain from it. Okay, Another
way to answer this question is tolook at the signs. You gotta look
at the signs. Look at thesigns of this time not being something that
you want, like oh oh youneed look at the signs of you of
(08:31):
a need you need to go intoyour solo season. When I decided to
go into mind, I needed to. I was hell is stressed out.
I needed that, I needed thisthat. And I say this because I'm
still here and there are actually avariety of reasons why we should take this
(09:03):
period to ourselves. But I wannajust talk about some of the signs so
that you will know if it shouldbe sooner than later. That you might
need to go into this right,let's break these down. You might feel
overwhelmed and overworked, so for obviousreasons. This is a huge telltale sign.
(09:26):
When life is ugh, life islife and you have an overwhelming feeling
of stress and you feel as thoughyou've been stuck in autopilot with little to
no stops. Many of us reacha point where being mentally drained exceeds being
(09:50):
physically drained. But then you canactually physically feel it. Do y'all ever
know what that feels like. Italk about that often because I feel that
often. So if you don't know, I do work. I still work
in the corporate world, and Iget mentally drained. I do. I
really get mentally drained. And Ithink people have this misconception that owe that
(10:13):
if you work from home or youwork remote, or you get to do
y one. I don't wanna sayget to do, but you're doing cu
a lot of computer work and thingslike that all day. That is that
it's just so easy, and thatit is just you know, cause you're
not doing physical labor and all ofthat. But let me tell you something
about that mental exhaustion. Mental exhaustionis a d is a different kind of
tired. It's a different kind oftired. And sometimes you really have to
(10:39):
allow your brain, your mind todecompress from the day that you've had,
when you have when you have justbeen doing a lot of mental a lot
of mental work for the day,and you actually can feel it. I
there are times where I have toget off from work and I have to
literally lay down close my eyes,like I can't even have my eyes open.
(11:03):
I need my eyes to be closed. Sometimes I'll use my heat compressed
on my on my eyes and Ijust have to let my It's almost as
if you have like this wet sponge. Right, You take a sponge,
and you know how the sponge islight and airy when you first have it
and it's dry. But then whenyou put put it under water and it
starts to absorb all the water,it gets heavier and heavier and heavier,
(11:26):
and it's just soaking full of water, and it's much heavier than it was
when it was completely dry. Right, And then in order to get all
of that water out of that sponge, you gotta squeeze that that sponge.
You gotta squeeze it. And whenyou squeeze it what happens that water is
coming out because from the you know, it's just like the pressure of your
hand squeezing it. It is,it's draining all that water out. That's
(11:50):
how That's how my brain feels sometimeslike that. I feel like I'm I'm
squeezing all of the the work thatI did out of my brain at five
o'clock. This is the you knowwhat I mean. So it's like that
mental that that feeling of being mentallydrained. This is from something that we
(12:11):
do on a daily basis. SoI'm just using work as an example.
And depending on your position, youhave this role to feel with your job.
Right, let's talk about the peoplethat are you know, and this
still couldn't even apply even if youdon't work corporate role in the corporate world,
but you have your own business.You still have to run your business,
(12:33):
right, so you still have thisrole to feel. But if you're
in the corporate world like me,I'm just gonna speak from experience, right,
But if you're in the corporate field, you may feel or actually be
told there's an expectation of you tobe a high level performer, meaning you
have a lot of responsibilities that youhave to take care of. There are
a lot of things that you haveto do. You have you are a
(12:56):
very important part of the functioning andthe flow of the company, and so
you have to show up and showout right, you do this, and
you do this every day because itis your responsibility. But we have to
make sure that we are not doingthis at the expense of our peace of
(13:18):
mind. So when you want togo into a solo season, think about
how you feel about your career.How does your career make you feel?
How does each day end. Areyou thriving in your position and you feel
fulfilled or do you have feelings ofstress and you kind of like dread starting
(13:43):
the day? How does it makeyou feel? You have to really like
because and the reason why I'm askingyou about this is because our jobs,
our careers, they are pretty muchlike it's what we do most of our
time. We spend a lot ofour time there, right, Depending on
(14:05):
how many hours you're putting in,it's a lot of your life going to
your job. So you really needto make sure that you are in a
position that you are that it isworth you putting the effort into. I
believe in hard work. I believethat when you are working a job,
when you're in your career, youshould give it one hundred and ten percent
(14:26):
no matter what it is, whetheryou are working for someone else, whether
you are working for yourself, whetheryou are trying to build something, you
should always put everything in it.When you are employed by a company,
you should have there should be somesort of and I want to just let
me just say this, like,sometimes we find ourselves in positions where we
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have to do what we have todo right, and then some of us
are actually blessed to be in aposition that we actually do want to be
in that we do in, whichis great. That doesn't mean that the
job is easy. Just because youenjoy working there, you appreciate having that
job, you plan to stay atthat job, it doesn't mean that the
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job is easy. Doesn't mean thatyou have only good days. You still
have those days, y'all know thosedays. But when you think about your
career and the job that you're inright now, is this something that you
want to change. Are you atthe point where you want to change,
(15:31):
Because if you do, it maybe time for you to go into a
solo season because you might need toreflect on what's next for you? What
does next look like? Do youwant to change it? Is this something
that you truly enjoy doing, orare you just sticking it out because it
pays the bills. Because I wantto tell you that sticking a job out
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because it pays the bills, Iunderstand I've been in that position. I'm
not trying to tell anybody to getup and quit their jobs. I'm telling
you to have a plan to figureout what your next could be, what
your next step could be, becauseif it's gonna be something that you're gonna
be trying to do until you retire, until you're able to retire, listen,
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I really want you to be tryingto find something that you can have
a little bit of your peace ofmind while you're doing it. Working a
job, being in a career fieldand being absolutely miserable, that is that's
not good. That is not goodfor the health. It's just not So
(16:38):
are you just sticking it out orare you actively working towards changing those circumstances,
Because feeling overwhelmed and not being ableto fully grasp how to maneuver through
it can leave you feeling drained.So it is with hope that choosing to
go into your solo season. Itwill allow you to sort through the underlying
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you're having and figure out the waysthat you can still prioritize your self care
needs. Because if you're working thisjob and you're just stressed out all the
time until you can figure out what'snext for you or what else you're gonna
do, we gotta, baby,we gotta take care of the self need,
go self care. We gotta makesure that we're trying to find ways
(17:21):
to de stress at the end ofthe day. We gotta make sure that
we're figuring out the way to leavework at work. Even if you work
at home, we gotta still makesure that you leave work at work and
that you're not carrying because listen,I have been in a position with a
job before that left me crying athome, crying like why are you crying
(17:44):
about your job at home? That'scause it was not for me, and
I was so grateful when I wasable to get out of that position.
Right Another sign? What is anothersign that it might be time for you
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to go into your solo season.This is because when you want to change
the trajectory of your life, Soif you just generally feel like your life
lacks things that you need. Ifyou have come into a self awareness that
the path you have been on isnot truly fulfilling, something is missing,
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You need more, and you wantmore for yourself, you have that epiphany
that this just isn't working. Yeah, no, this ain't it. This
ain't it, This is ain't it. It's not working for me anymore,
So what now? This could bean indicator that you have been living life
(18:48):
for other things and possibly putting otherpeople ahead of your own life. We
do that often. This is somethingwomen do often. But it's natural for
you to come to terms with theidea that it just isn't enough anymore and
that life is too short to continueto let it pass by without experiencing more
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of it. Experiencing more of life. You will get to it's like you
will just snap. It's like it'slike the snap of the thing. You
wake up one day and you realize, like, I need this is not
this can't be it, This can'tbe it. So when you're so,
going into a season of solitude willallow you to be intentional about your focus.
(19:36):
You can get back to you fora moment, figure out the things
that you that you want, yougotta d th but you gotta change up.
This just is not I'm not beingfulfilled. You will literally I have
felt this feeling where I have literallyjust had like stopped mid whatever it was
that I was doing and realized Icould be doing so much more and and
(20:00):
it gets me a little bit emotionalright now. God, you realize that
you could be doing a lot moreand that you have so much. You
have such great potential in you.You have such great potential that you know
(20:26):
that you could be doing something else. You know that you could be doing
more with yourself. You know thatyou're better than what you are doing at
the moment, and you're just notliving out the full potential of your life
or who you are, who youare supposed to be, Which leads me
into the next sign. You wantto focus on your life's purpose. This
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is another sign everybody's gonna get toa point where you trying to figure out
what is my purpose? What amI supposed to be doing? And sometimes
you are extremely un clear about that. But this is in alignment with changing
the trajectory of your life, becausewhen you're not clear on what you should
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be doing with your life or whatyour purpose is what you're really passionate about,
and how those things, those twothings are connected. If those things
are not clear to you, they'reat a certain age. They those things
should be speaking loudly to you bya certain age and I will not put
(21:32):
a number on it, but bya certain age in your life, you
should be very very clear on whatyou're passionate about and what your purpose is
and and actively trying to connect thosetwo. Remember, I told you guys
a few entries back, there wasa book the the uh what was it?
(21:56):
The The Secrets to the Ten Secretsto Enter Peace, And he said
that almost anything that you are passionateabout doing, you are able to build
something from that. You are ableto walk in your purpose with that,
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build something with that, and makea living with what you are passionate about
if you really truly hone in onthat. So, if you're not clear
on what you're passionate about and whatyour purpose is in this world, a
solo season will allow you to explorethose things that you're passionate about. You
center with yourself and find out whatyour heart's true desires are, figuring out
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what type of imprint you will leavein this world. That's important to leave
this earth whenever it is your timeto leave this earth, but to leave
an imprint that is so amazing andthat shows the passion that you put into
it. That's a beautiful thing.That's a beautiful thing. How do you
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want to shape your life? Whatcareer path do you want to take?
What business do you want to build? What things are you exceptionally great at?
What gifts do you have that you'rejust sitting on this. What do
you want your next ten year timelineto look like? What is it going
to reflect? These are all questionsthat will allow you to create the image
(23:33):
of your purpose if you will justallow yourself the uninterrupted time to do so.
Keyword being uninterrupted time, which,hello, that is the solo season.
That is what your solo season isfor, uninterrupted intentional time for you.
(23:57):
All right, y'all still with me? Moving through? I feel good
about this. Let me take alittle sip of his water. Another sign
that it might be time for youto go into the solo season is when
you're seeking clarity and answers. Listen, Sis, sometimes the universe just needs
(24:18):
you to sit still. It needsyou to be still. Sis, you're
doing a lot. You're doing alot. You're doing a lot with yourself.
Listen, when it comes to likedating and things like that, and
dealing with different men and different energies, you might be doing a lot.
(24:44):
You might just need to sit still, rest your mind, rest your body,
stop wondering about people, just focuson you. The universe needs you
to quiet your surroundings, so youcan quiet your mind and then it will
guide you. You can't focus oncertain things or figure out things that you
(25:07):
need if you got so much stuffgoing on. So when I say quiet
your surroundings, I just mean yougotta like some of the things that you
keep entertaining, some of the samethings that you keep dealing with, Like,
you gotta let those things go.Filter out the bullshit I said it,
(25:32):
filter it out. Yeah, Becausewhen you're always on go mode,
moving through life at such a fastpace, because you have so much on
your plate, you're gonna miss somethings. Since you're gonna miss some important
things, You're gonna miss some signsyour higher power. You're gonna miss hearing
(25:53):
from whoever God, the universe,whoever your high your power is, You're
gonna miss it. And you knowwhat, maybe you have already figured out
what your purpose is and you knowexactly what you want to do, and
maybe you're even doing it right now, right, But what if maybe some
(26:15):
things aren't connecting right, Maybe somethings aren't connecting the way that you intended
them to, or maybe you havecome to a crossroads with certain aspects of
your life and you have developed ananxiety on what you need to do next.
That could be the case too.You could have launched something and you're
you're extremely passionate about it, butit's just not like it's just like it
(26:37):
just keeps missing the mark, orit's not going it's not blowing up the
way that you wanted it to blowup. The traffic isn't there, the
clientele isn't there, the revenue isn'tthere. Whatever it is, it might
you know what I mean, it'sjust not quite what you expected it to
be. And you're getting you're you'regetting this anxiety about it. You're worried,
you're stressed. You you don't putso much, you invested so much
(27:03):
time, maybe resources, finances intothis and it's not connecting the way that
you wanted it to connect, andyou don't know what to do. But
how can you figure that out?Figure? How can you figure that out?
If you're not taking the time toactually reflect on what you need to
do, cause you can't do that. And like, you know what I
mean, like y y you yougotta pick your struggle. This is a
(27:33):
sign that you need a season ofintentional clarity. And this may involve you
trying out or getting back into somemeditation. That might be what you need
to do to kind of silence yoursurroundings and quiet your mind. If you
haven't gotten into meditation, maybe youneed to start start with an app.
I don't know, download an appsome meditation sounds, try it out.
(28:02):
Maybe you need to go back tochurch if that's your thing. Maybe you
need to go to church solo.People have very profound moments in church.
Maybe you need to listen to someinspirational messages to kind of, you know,
just get you there so that youcan kind of, you know what
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I mean, just kind of getyou inspired. I have my own thoughts
and opinions and ideas about church andthings like that, But that doesn't mean
that the it is it doesn't helppeople. It doesn't That doesn't mean that
it doesn't allow people to connect theway that they need to connect. I
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have had some extremely profound moments beingin church, very emotional moments being in
church. It's what it's about,what works for you. So maybe you
might need to go at it alonea few times during the week, going
a time that you don't normally go. Maybe you might want to finally think
(29:11):
about taking therapy seriously. Try justtry, you know what I mean,
Try it, see what works.You can even start with maybe just try
and like online therapy, you knowthey have like you know, the therapy
that you don't have to be inperson for you can do. You can
have FaceTime calls with therapists. Nowyou can do therapy chat. It's like,
(29:32):
I mean, the world is evolving. Going away for an extended vacation,
maybe that's something that you need todo, getting out of your environment.
We talked about that in the lastentry. Weill is whatever you need
to do in order to get theanswers that you need. Your solo season
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should be designed to do this,to seek clarity and get the answers.
Another one, and this is aThis is a This is one of the
ones when you've been hurt, deeplyhurt by something or someone that could be
another sign that it. Yeah,it is time. When something changes,
(30:21):
something hurts you, something has tochange, there's no way around it,
and you have to go into ahealing journey. When I decided to go
into when well, when I hadto go into my healing journey, that
was what made me like extend theplan on my solo season. I went
into a solo season in a relationship. Then my relationship had to come to
(30:45):
an end, and I knew Ihad to extend my solo season. I
needed an extension on it. It'sthe healing journey. This is such a
very pivotal Listen. It's a verypivotal time in your life because after you've
been caused what feels like an immeasurableamount of pain in your life at the
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hands of someone else, you areliable to go to a very dark place.
Your emotions are fragile, your mindcan be confused, and your heart
just hurts. The healing journey isa time where the solo season can be
(31:32):
beneficial because you need a safe spaceto feel all of those feelings. You
need to be able to cry asmuch as you want to cry. You
need to be able to just bein that space in that moment, you
need time to work on yourself andsort through your emotions. Listen, when
(31:57):
you have been hurt by someone,you may go to a place in your
mind that shapes how you will seeyourself and how you see others, and
that can be very detrimental to yourfuture and the future of your relationships broken
(32:24):
trust. Broken trust can be verydamaging to us if we don't properly nurture
our feelings during this time. Itcould cause us to have some very negative
experiences and outlooks on life, likethe way that life looks for us going
(32:50):
forward. It can cause us tocarry things into our future that we don't
actually need, like carrying the burdenof someone else's choices, like when someone
betrays you. That's not supposed tobe your burden to carry. But because
we are human, we feel theimpact of it because it was done to
(33:13):
us, right, So we areimmediately affected, of course, But if
we don't allow ourselves to properly healfrom that, we will run the risk
of possibly hurting others. Right becausehurt people what they hurt people, and
we can hurt them with not justour actions, but with our words,
(33:35):
with our doubt, in them orwith our inability to understand who they are,
because all we can see is someoneelse you guys. Listener says,
healing is not linear. I knowyou guys have seen that. You've seen
healing is not linear. So whatthat means is that it doesn't look a
certain type of way. It doesn'thave to have a time frame on it.
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You can't just force yourself to behealed at the end of thirty days,
like Okay, it's June. Ineed to be I need to be
healed by the end of July becauseI'm you know, like, no,
it's that's not how it works.You gotta let you gotta let the healing
journey do what it wants to do. The healing journey is going to be
(34:20):
like a roller coaster ride that you'reon and you gotta let. You just
gotta like put your hands up inthe air and just experience that roller coaster
ride because it's gonna be ugly.It's gonna be ugly then there, and
it's gonna be beautiful. It's gonnabe it's gonna be a beautiful mess,
is what it's gonna be. BecauseI say a beautiful mess, because it
(34:40):
is at the in the end ofit, it is serving a purpose.
It is healing you. But itis a mess. And when I say
that it is a mess, Imean that the emotions are everywhere. You
might make some rash decisions. Youmight do some things that you will later
on regret. You might cry alot, you might lash out, you
might be angry. You might gothrough a slight period of depression. It
(35:02):
like, you know what I mean. You may have this this negative outlook,
this negative attitude. You may andon the on the opposite of that,
you may, you may not.You may long for something even more
because you were hurt. But youcan't force the timeline on a healing journey.
(35:25):
You have to actively work on it. If within your healing journey,
you have to find moments of peacein your healing, find joy in your
healing, find relief in your healing. You need to be able to grasp
understanding in your healing journey, andyou need to capture some of the reflection
(35:50):
in your healing journey. You aregoing to have to embrace the lessons and
hopefully says you will find the blessings. I don't mean for that to sound
cliche, but it is true.When you're healing, when you're on your
(36:10):
healing journey, being in a soloseason is beneficial because you gotta find those
red flags that you may have missedand you find you gotta find those red
flags so that you can pinpoint it. Okay, this this was a red
flag. This was you know whatI mean, And then you can pinpoint
(36:30):
it, and then you can learnhow to build boundaries for yourself. But
do it in a healthy way.Not a way that just shuts down and
shuts your heart down to the worldand you're never open to anything else again
or to experience anything else again.No, but set boundaries in a healthy
way. We gotta learn how todo that. That's one of the things
that I can definitely say I gainedthat out of my out of my healing
(36:55):
journey, I gained being able toset healthy boundaries. And I have experienced
I have watched myself set those boundaries, like I've watched myself put them to
use, and I felt so goodabout it. I was like, damn,
like I wasn't doing that, Likeoh shit, like I wasn't doing
that before. And it feels goodwhen you when you do it, when
(37:15):
you see yourself growing. It feelsso good because you're like, dang,
like I should have I should havedid this. This is what I should
have did. You have to learnhow to identify how you were hurt and
(37:36):
how you can now nurture your selflove and your self value in order to
overcome that pain. So going intoa season of solitude during your healing process
is both important and necessary for yourgrowth through that time. You need that
time and space alone because I wantyou to unapologetically feel those feels. When
(38:06):
I started my healing journey, listen, I was crying on cue and it
hurts so bad. You guys everheard that? Feel like it hurt?
It hurt? No, it hurtsso good. It hurt like hell.
But but I don't know, Idon't know how to describe that. But
(38:28):
it was like every time I cried, I released And I'm not even one
hundred percent healed at the moment.I don't think. I don't know when
I'm gonna be healed. That's whyI'm like to I really, when I
talk about this in whatever environment thatI'm in and I'm speaking about the healing
journey, I always just like toput that out there, like I don't
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like to feel like I don't wantanybody to feel like any woman, anybody
really to feel like they have tobe completely healed. Like there's a difference
between being completely healed or you know, if you're just taking a whole bunch
of baggage and you just have activelynot worked on anything, that's one thing.
But when you know you have cometo a certain point, like it's
(39:12):
like, you know, when we'retalking about relationships, like you know,
when like you should begin to beopen to the idea when you just shouldn't,
cause you got to be tested inthose things, so you know,
feel those things. So let's talkabout what the solo season is and is
not, just for clarity, becauseI don't want anybody to get confused on
(39:36):
what I'm trying to say the soloseason is. Remember that your solo season
we talked about this last entry,is custom made, so it is important
to understand that it will be whatyou need and make it out to be.
But it doesn't necessarily have to beabout isolation and closing yourself off from
the rest of the world. Solitudeand isolation can be two different perspectives if
(39:57):
you're clear on what they mean toyou. I touch this a little bit
in the last entry, but Isaid I would come back to it because
I want to make sure that youguys know that I am not trying to
promote you isolating yourself from the world, not in an unhealthy way. I
am telling you that going into asolo season is the focus on you.
It is the self care like theplatinum package of self care is what I
(40:22):
would like to call it. Itis like it's it's it's your time and
it but it may involve its,it's you. How can I put this?
You don't have to isolate yourself fromfriends and family, but you do
(40:44):
need to be okay with separating fromthem at certain periods and during certain times
so that you can see what youneed to see, feel what you need
to feel, gain what you needto gain without having the end put the
judgment, the the two sins,whatever you want to call it, from
(41:05):
anybody else. And it is nota time where you have to necessarily be
single. That's an important piece tounderstand too. In fact, ladies,
for my ladies that are in relationships, women that have been in long term
relationships and are at a point wherethey need to evaluate whether or not that
relationship is still serving them could benefithighly from going into their solo season because
(41:30):
it forces you to reflect more onwhat the relationship gives and does for you
versus what you've been giving to therelationship, right, because sometimes we're giving
too much and we see that andthen we just wait until so much time
has gone by, or we're justnot clear, we're confused, we developed
an attachment, so we don't reallyknow what to do or on the contrary
(41:53):
to that, because you know,like I said, sometimes accountability ladies,
sometimes it's what we need to do. It's what you yourself may need to
work more towards to add value tothat relationship as the individual that you are.
So if you're being real with yourselfand you have self awareness and you're
taking accountability, there may be areasof your relationship, your marriage, whatever
(42:15):
it is that you're in where youfall short where you can add some value.
A season of solitude doesn't have tobe about refusing to see or talk
to anybody else. It doesn't meanthat you can spend time that you can't
spend time with anyone, and itdoesn't mean that your life as you know
it should exclude everyone from your worldbut you just understand that taking some time
(42:39):
to yourself is okay and you cando that guilt free. It just means
that during this time you are goingto intentionally change the flow of how things
have been moving to focus on yourself, your needs, your well being,
your self care, your self love, your choices, and the path you
(43:00):
choose to take. It's about gainingmore than it is about separating. Honestly,
you will gain insight and inspiration.You will gain an appreciation for yourself
and understand what areas of your lifeneed your attention. It's about being intentional,
(43:21):
about filling up your own picture sothat you have the ability to pour
into other cups when you can.Because we're not a cup. We're a
whole picture. We're a whole damnpicture. We're not just a cup.
No, we feel cups. Sowhat do you what do you feel the
cups with? You feel cups witha picture? You are a picture,
(43:42):
sis a picture holds more than acup. I want to I wanna I
want to be filled like a picturefor myself. First though, I want
to be fulfilled in all the waysthat I need to be fulfilled for my
life. I want the happiness thatI deserve in my life. Your solo
(44:07):
season is about creating and designing,creating moments of focus so that you can
design your life's purpose portrait. Sorry, creating moments of focus so that you
can design your life's portrait. Sohere is a self reflection question that I
(44:27):
have. If you had to imaginewhat your life would look like in one
portrait that you would hang on awall and look at for years and years
and years to come, What yourlife would look like in one portrait?
What would it look like? Whatwould that portrait look like? So I
(44:50):
tell you what if you don't know, If you are unsure or unclear about
what your life's portrait hanging on thewall would look like, and you need
time to figure that out, it'stime for your solo season, okay.
So let me give you something toremember. This is not a time to
(45:14):
feel guilty about going into this periodagain. This is an unapologetic and an
intentional time of your life. Andthe reality is that if we go through
life, if we go through ouradult lives without taking these periodic self check
ins, we are liable to missmonumental moments of clarity and the increased opportunities
(45:38):
for growth. Okay, so thatis the blog breakdown. I hope that
you guys connected with it. Andthe one thing that I wanted to save
(46:02):
until the end. You guys,we did we d you know. We
are doing a I take a momentwhat I like to call a moment of
me pouring into you. And Itold you guys that through the solo series,
we were gonna do a passage froma Dose of Self Love by Cosmic
b uh Byron. This book,I J I recently got this book and
(46:23):
I've been skimming through it, andI I R I actually adore this book
and I want I got a chanceto check out his Instagram page, and
yeah, go check out Cosmic Bryan'sInstagram page. He is the Inner Child
Advocate, is what it says inhis bio. But he has a lot
of thought provoking things. And thisbook that I have been skimming through it
(46:47):
is called a Dose of Self Love. So I just wanted to be able
to share that with you guys.And so y'all know the routine, let
me, let me, let me, let me pour in to you,
and then we are going to letme see do I have any announcements that
I wanted to share with you guysbefore no check the show notes for any
of the important the important announcements.I think I covered everything, but let's
(47:15):
go ahead and get this dose ofself love in Okay, So here we
(47:37):
go, you guys. Sitting withthe perceptual self won't always download into love
and light. Sometimes isolation requires reachinga depth where light doesn't appear to penetrate.
The deeper the exploration, the clearit becomes that light and dark simply
aren't opposed, but actually one inthe same. I thought that was perfect
(48:04):
for the solo series. Let meread that again in case you missed it.
Sitting with the perceptual self won't alwaysdownload into love and light. Sometimes
isolation requires reaching a depth where lightdoesn't appear to penetrate. The deeper the
exploration, the clearer it becomes thatdark and light simply aren't opposed, but
(48:28):
actually one of the same. He'stelling you that sometimes you gotta go deeper,
you gotta go to the places wherethe light might not be, but
that doesn't mean that you are notthe light. And he's saying that through
your exploration, you will discover thatlight and dark are not opposed. They're
(48:49):
actually one and the same, Andthat made me think about a lamp.
Y'all know, I always gotta havea damn analogy for y'all, but it
makes it makes sense. Think abouta lamp. Think about just a lamp,
right, A lamp that doesn't havea bulb, doesn't have a shade.
It's just a lamp sitting there.Right. A lamp is still a
lamp. But when you screw thatlight bulb into the lamp, what happens.
(49:14):
You now have light. It isstill a lamp. It still provides
light. When you put the shadeon that bulb, what happens The light
dims, but it is still lightthere. You can still see, it
still shines. It is still bright. It just has a shade over it.
(49:35):
It has been dimmed. Right,follow me, what happens when that
bulb blows out. When the bulbblows out, it is dark, But
it does not change the fact thatit is still a lamp that can still
provide light. All it takes isfor you to change the bulb. And
(50:01):
when you change the bulb and turnthe light back on, what happens.
There is light. Just because itgot dark for a minute doesn't mean that
it is not light. A lampthat provides light doesn't mean that what it
(50:21):
is supposed to do it cannot dojust because that particular lamp that was put
in that excuse me, that bulbthat was put in that lamp, just
because that one blew out doesn't meanthat you cannot change it and put another
bulb in. Doesn't change the factthat you are still that lamp. Cis
(50:45):
I cracked myself up because I'm alwayscoming out with this random This is random
thought, but it is true,right, And that is what he is
saying. He is saying that thedeeper the exploration, the clearer becomes that
light and dark sin aren't opposed,but actually one and the same. So
even when that light bulb blows outin that lamp, it's still like what
(51:08):
changed about it? Does the namechange? Does the title of it change?
Does the purpose of it change?No? Because guess what all you're
gonna go do is you're gonna gofind another bulb to put in, and
guess what, you may even finda bulb that is even brighter than the
one you had before. Are y'allfollowing me? Like, do y'all feel
(51:29):
where I'm coming from with this?Because I am trying to I'm trying to
pour. I'm trying to pour intoyou, guys. Y'all don't laugh at
me, because I'd be dead seriouswith my analogies that y'all know. Y'all
make it it, y'all get me. I need y'all to understand what I'm
trying to say. But what I'mjust trying to say, I laugh.
I joke with myself about this alot. But what I'm really just want
(51:51):
you guys to understand is that whenyou're in your solo season, things might
be dark, they might feel dark, they might look dark. But never
question your worth, never question yourvalue, never question who you are.
You are still who you are.You are still the same person. You
are just in a different season rightnow, and you are trying to work
(52:15):
on some things in your life,and it doesn't change what your purpose is.
Me being in my heel and journeydoesn't change that my purpose in this
life, in this world is toshare my voice with my community. Doesn't
change. No matter what somebody doesto me, no matter how somebody let
me down, no matter how badI've been hurt, no matter how many
(52:36):
friends I lose in the process,no matter how many times I feel like
family let me down. No matterhow many times work pisces me off,
no matter how many times I've failat relationships, it doesn't change my purpose.
It doesn't change my light. Iam who I am. I have
(52:59):
a purpose. So my beautiful,beautiful, beautiful people, Happy self care
Sunday. I hope you guys enjoyedthis entry. I hope that you gained
something from it. I appreciate yourtime. You could have been doing anything
and been anywhere, but you aregiving this time to my platform, and
(53:21):
I appreciate it. Shout out tomy sponsors, Shout out to my community,
Shout out to the individuals that slideinto my dms on Instagram and tik
talk and Facebook and and and justpour into me and uplift me and cheer
me on. Shout out to allof you. Thank you guys for tuning
(53:42):
in, and I will see youguys back here for Entry forty two.
Until next time, you guys,peace and blessings. Let's do this to
the thoughts of a blog Queen Podcasts, Love Rave Renee, a woman,
her thoughts and a mite. Areyou ready? M hm
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