August 18, 2024 • 65 mins
Welcome to entry 43 where we are discussing removing ourselves from a very specific “era” that many of us are used to living in…the ego, resentment and attitude “ERA”.
So in compilation with my latest blog post, this breakdown will hold us accountable and challenge us to see things from a different perspective in an effort to continue to promote growth in our solo season.
Grab your tea and your journal, gather up your self care goodies and let’s take a moment to focus on SELF.
FEATURED SELF REFLECTION QUESTION:
Am I focusing more on what my life looks like than what it feels like?
You can find the blog post here https://bit.ly/3WRU3rn
For business advertising and sponsorship information please email blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
IG: @thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
This episode is sponsored by SPP BLOG.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
So in compilation with my latest blog post, this breakdown will hold us accountable and challenge us to see things from a different perspective in an effort to continue to promote growth in our solo season.
Grab your tea and your journal, gather up your self care goodies and let’s take a moment to focus on SELF.
FEATURED SELF REFLECTION QUESTION:
Am I focusing more on what my life looks like than what it feels like?
You can find the blog post here https://bit.ly/3WRU3rn
For business advertising and sponsorship information please email blogqueenpodcast@gmail.com
IG: @thoughts_of_a_blogqueen
This episode is sponsored by SPP BLOG.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/thoughts-of-a-blog-queen--2822332/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Let's do this. It shout out. You're listening to the
thoughts of a blog Queen podcast thought with your host
Loree Renee, a woman. Are ready, Hey you guys, and
(00:38):
welcome back to another entry entry forty three to the
exact of Thoughts of Black Queen Podcast. I am your host,
Loree Renee, also known as Black Queen. Thank you guys
for tuning in. Happy self Care Sunday. If you are
tuning in when this episode actually dropped, because you, guys,
could have been doing anything and you decided to take
(01:00):
a moment to tune in with your girl and I
appreciate that. So before we get started on this entry,
as you guys can see by the title, we are
doing another blog breakdown. But before we do that, you
guys know the routine. I'm gonna take a few minutes,
not even a few minutes, just a couple of seconds
to pour into you and give you our dose of
self love for today. So let's get into that. A
(01:46):
beautiful unfoldment occurs when we let go of what could
be and embrace what is, connecting, not attaching to what
is and not what could be. It is the self
love in the present moment, not the future that solidifies
(02:10):
this connection. Did y'all catch that it is the self
love in the present moment, not the future, that solidifies
this connection. So this passage is encouraging you to live
in this moment and worry about your self love in
this moment. Worry about what you're doing for yourself now,
worry about how you're taking care of yourself now. Not
(02:32):
to say and don't take that literally, but just take
it as it is. Not to say that you shouldn't
worry about your future self and things in the future,
but you really want to focus on the here and
the now right because you need to be living fully,
you need to be living holy, and you need to
be doing that right now. You don't know, none of
(02:54):
us know you know what the next day will bring,
what the next week will look like, what the next
month will come about. We just don't know any of
those things. And so it's just very important to make
sure that we're doing everything that we can to embrace
ourselves and to promote self love. So I thought that
(03:16):
was a really great passage. I don't know something about
how something happens when we let go of what could
be and embrace what is because we're always just we
you know, we want to know what's to come, and
we're looking forward to things, and we want to know
(03:37):
when the next great thing is going to happen, and
we want to know when the next great relationship is
going to come into our lives. And we're going to
know when the next great job offer is going to come,
when the great, next great brand dealer is going to come,
and we don't we often don't, like, you know, embrace
everything that's going on right now. So that's something that
(03:58):
I just wanted to encourage. All right. So anyways, hey, y'all,
welcome back. It has been a little minute and we're
doing a blog breakdown, y'all know, okay, So welcome to
anyone who has not tuned in to the thoughts of
the block Queen before today. Welcome, Welcome. I hope you
kick off your shoes, relax your feet, and stay a while.
(04:20):
I am. I enjoy doing the blog breakdowns. And if
you're unfamiliar at blog breakdown means that if you check
those little description notes in the podcast that you're listening to,
check the show notes, there's going to be a link
to a written blog that will pair very well with
this entry, and in fact, I have that blog in
(04:42):
front of me and I'm pretty much going through I'm
reading that blog, but I'm adding context, I'm adding emotion,
I'm doing a little bit of ad living. But I'm
just trying to get you guys in my head and
where I was going when I wrote this. This is
part three to a five part series going into to
her solo season. So the entire forties of these entries,
(05:04):
we're in number forty three, so all the way to
forty nine, we will be doing the solo series, the
solo season series. If you're not sure what that is,
I encourage you guys to go back a couple of
episodes and check it out the blog. There's gonna be
five blogs to this, but there's obviously gonna be more
podcast entries than blogs. But this is a five part
(05:28):
blog series. We're on part three and we're talking about
the title of this is the end of an unsuccessful
Era Eer. This is part three. Go back and check out.
The last one was the signs of going that you
might need to go into your solo season, and prior
(05:48):
to that, I believe it was why you may need
to go into one just in general, the overall ideal
of what the solo season is and why you might
need to go into one. Then the next part we're
talking about the signs that you might need one. And
then part three, here we are, we've arrived. This is
we're talking about something very specific that we can acknowledge, right,
(06:11):
because one of the things that we want to do
in our solo season is we want to do the work.
We want to do the self work. We want to
focus on the things that we need to do. We
want to focus on how we can be just a
better version of ourselves. That's what it's about, right, It's
the intentional work that we're going to do on ourselves.
We're prioritizing us, right, because sometimes we forget to do that.
(06:32):
We're so busy with work. We're so busy with kids,
we're so busy with partners, we're so busy with creating,
we're so busy with just all of the things that
we have to do in the world. Sometimes, because it's us,
we feel like we can put us like kind of
on the back burner a little bit, right, We don't
focus so much, you know, it's kind of like, well,
(06:52):
it's just me. I'll address that when I have the time.
So going into your solo season is the intentional time
that you're taking to do that, to focus on yourself,
to work on the things to go within, and just
to kind of touch on different areas of our life
(07:12):
that need nurturing. And that is not just going within,
that could be physically too. We're doing all of the
work right. So you may have been neglecting yourself physically.
You may have not been eating the best, you may
have not been as active as you want to be,
And so going into your soul season might look like
you starting to incorporate some workouts into your daily routine
(07:36):
for a specific amount of time, or just trying to
make it a permanent thing that you do in your life.
You may do some hiking, you may do some walking
around the neighborhood. You may do some yoga, you may
do just whatever it is. You may invest in a
piece of equipment for home if you feel like you
can't get to the gym because you just know that
you want to work on your body a little bit
(07:57):
more so, whatever you need to do for you, it does,
and it's not one dimensional. It's just whatever that you
need to work on for yourself. That's what we're working on.
That's what we're focusing on. And one of the things
that I feel like is important for us to work
on is just how we process things mentally, right, That's
very very important. And just in talking about social media
(08:23):
and just in general, we've talked, we've heard a lot
about the soft girl era. Right, everybody wants to be
in the soft soft girl era. Everybody wants to be
in my bag era. Everybody wants to be just they're
trying to And that's just that's just a you know,
a social media type of way of talking about a
lifestyle that you want to manifest, Right, you want to
(08:46):
manifest a certain type of lifestyle. That's the era that
you're trying to be in. But one era that I
thought that we are consistently operating in is the ego
resentment and attitude error. And that is an era that we,
some of us, need to end. We don't need to
try to manifest that, we need to end it, right,
(09:06):
So as we continue in the solo season, I thought
that it would just be very relevant for us to
talk about that. Again. We're talking about letting go of ego,
resentment and attitude. Some of us are here, and we're
comfortable here. This is this is comfort for us. That
(09:26):
ego that's comfort. That resentment that's comfort. The attitude that's comfort.
But honestly, that's not helping us a whole lot. So
that's what we want to talk about. Grab your tea.
I don't have tea today. I actually just have some
cold water. I am going to do some nighttime, some
(09:48):
bedtime tea, so I decided not to drink any during
the day. But I hope that you guys have something
or that you're doing something. If you're tuned in on
self Careselnday, you might not be. It might be Monday,
you might be at your dead listening whatever. I would
just appreciate the download because listen, before we get to
before we get into it, let's let's talk about the downloads. Listen,
the downloads are there. The girls are listening. Y'all are listening,
(10:11):
y'all are tuned in. I see it. I'm checking my numbers,
and as of I believe the last time I checked
the numbers for July, New York popped in my top three.
And I don't recall seeing New York up there. I
think my home to my home state, which is South
(10:32):
Carolina was in there has consistently been in their shout
out to the people who are in my city that
are tuned in. And then I believe it was Florida again,
Florida has been in my top three states for a minute,
and I saw I believe it was New York. I
have to double check that, but I don't think that
I've seen New York in my top three states. So
(10:54):
shout out to whoever is downloading out in York. Hello, welcome.
I don't know how I managed to get within your radar,
but I'm grateful. I'm not even gonna question and I'm
just grateful. So anyways, let's focus, focus, focus, Let's talk
about why we're here. We're talking about ego, resentment, and attitude.
(11:19):
Now this entry. We're gonna be transparent in this entry,
and there is going to be a call to action
in this entry. What is the call to action? Self awareness.
So it is within my hopes that we're going to
hold ourselves accountable. And I say we, I always say we.
This is not a you thing, this is a we thing.
(11:41):
This is for me too. This we're going through this together,
but we're holding ourselves accountable. And I think that that
is going to be a very effective tactic for us
to grow in our solo season. All right, Again, I
talked about it in the last post and the last entry.
The signs that it may be time for a solo season,
that you want to take a just an overall look
(12:02):
at the things that you need to work on. Be
honest with yourself. Always be honest with yourself. It's you right.
Just be honest about what you know that you need
to work on. And I think that when we're talking
about ego, we're talking about resentment, and we're talking about attitude.
I think that those are three things that are very
They show up, they definitely show up. And oftentimes some
(12:26):
of the decisions that we make turn out to be
and if we determine that those decisions that we make,
they haven't really been they don't serve us really well,
they didn't turn out the way that we need we
needed them to turn out. A lot of times it's
because we may have been operating an ego, resentment and
(12:47):
or attitude when we were making those decisions. Ego being very,
very very relevant, which is why I wanted to start there.
So let's get into it. You guys, let's talk about ego.
If you are in the blog, we are at the
first part. This is the elevation over ego. I named
(13:09):
that section that part because we want to elevate. We
always want to elevate, right, and we're going to We
want that over. We'll take that over ego any day.
Hopefully that's the mindset, right, because when we operate an ego,
it will lead us astray. It will lead us astray.
(13:30):
We get so warped in self importance and our independence
that it's very possible that we missed how our egos
have actually held us back from achieving a certain level
of growth in connections to other people, the relationships that
we have, and a very important relationship that we're talking
about now is the relationship with ourselves. And that's in
(13:52):
whatever season that we're in, not just a solo season,
but just whenever. Right. One sign of you operating in
your ego is being overly prideful. Okay, overly prideful. Raise
your hand. If you have had I don't want to
(14:15):
call it trouble, but let's yeah, if being too prideful
has been a thing, raise your hand. Both my hands
are raised. I'm gonna be I'm gonna keep it real.
I am an extremely prideful human being. And as much
as I want to blame that on being a Leo
because that's what they say about Leo's I'm not gonna
even do. I'm not even gonna go there. I'm not
(14:35):
even gonna take it to the Zodiec because there's no
excuse for that. Right, It's who we are. But I
don't think it's always all bad. I think that sometimes
there's a need to be prideful, but I don't think
that it needs to be something that you consider comfortable.
You shouldn't be comfortable being prideful. Prideful should be something
(14:56):
that you I want to say that you have to
utilize in certain situations, right, but I recognized how it
wasn't It doesn't always help me. And I think that
if I would have removed the pride that I had
(15:17):
in my heart in certain situations that I can just
think about in the past, if I would have been
able to properly remove that, I think that those situations
would have turned out a little different. I definitely think
there would have been easier conversations that I would have
been able to have. I think that things would there
would have been a breakthrough in certain things as far
as communication if there was less pride that I brought
(15:42):
to that situation, because being too prideful keeps you from
being vulnerable, right, So let's talk about vulnerability. Vulnerability is
an emotion. It's an emotion, but it's paired with an action,
so you're actually doing something to show that you're being vulnerable.
But it is an emotion that is paired with an
(16:03):
action that allows us to allow other people to come in.
It allows us to be willing to let down our
guards and have a willingness to make peace with the
fact that we're humans and that we need help. Sometimes
we need help, and it's okay to need help. It's
it's okay to need help. But the reality of it
(16:24):
is for myself and for a lot of other people,
that it's not easy to ask for help. It's not
it's it's not. It's hard because if you're anything like me,
you don't like the feeling of being a burden to
someone else. You don't like the feeling of thinking that
you had to depend on someone else. You don't I
don't like because of my pride. I don't like the
idea of someone thinking in their mind, let me tell
(16:48):
you how like messed up, Like this is messed up
thinking this is not I'm not gonna say messed up.
I'm just gonna say this is not the right way
to think. But this is how I have processed things
for years. I never wanted to be person that thought
in my mind that other people were thinking in their
mind that I was a burden to them. And that's
(17:11):
not because they voice that to me. That's not because
they said you're a burden that you're like, No, I
made that story up in my mind. And because I
made that story up in my mind before it even
got to the point of me even communicating with someone,
then it never even happens because I've already decided that
I've been that I was the burden. That's that's who. No,
(17:33):
that's not good, y'all, that's not good. But because we
got this, right, we got I got this. We got this.
Even if we're we got it and we're we're hanging
on to it by a by a thread, we still
got it. It don't matter. As long as I still
got it. I got that. But as long as we
(17:54):
continue to to to like have that type of mindset,
you're creating a narrative that contradicts the idea that we're
ready to have someone to come into our lives and
to lead us, to guide us, or to come in
our lives and to just be a partner. Right, Because
(18:16):
you see how that is a contradiction. You can't like
if you're a person and you're like, yes, I want this,
I want a relationship, I want to be connected to someone.
I want to do collaboration, even if we're not talking
about like romantic personal relationships, just like collaborations and things,
and I want to go to the next level. I
want to do all of these things. But also you
(18:36):
have the mindset that, well, if I got this, I
got this, I got this, And you're not even willing
to open yourself up to the idea of someone else
coming in, someone else helping you, someone else connecting with you.
If you're not even open to those ideas, then how
are you ready for someone? How are you ready for that?
You know what I mean? It can't be both ways.
(18:56):
You can be prepared to do things by yourself, but
if you really want someone to come in, if you
really want someone to come into your life and to
help you, because if you're gonna be honest with yourself,
everybody wants someone that can come in and help. We
want that, especially if you're someone who had to do
it for you by yourself for so long. You should
(19:18):
be tired. Are y'all not tired? Are y'all? Are y'all
not tired? Because I'm tired. Look, your girl is tired.
I am tired. I would love to have an equal partner.
And if I'm being honest, I mean, in some ways
I would say it wouldn't be It would be equal
(19:39):
at the core values of it, right, But I want
someone that can actually come in and take control of
the situation, that can come in and be guidance, that
can come in and share knowledge, that can come in
and help, that can come in and say, listen, you've
been doing things this here, here's an alternative. Here's how
(20:03):
I've done it, and I've been successful at doing it
this way. And again, think broadly. This doesn't have to
be just personal relationships. This can be in collaborations too.
Sometimes the missing link to taking whatever it is that
we're working on, our projects, our businesses, our brands to
the next level. Sometimes the missing link to that is
(20:23):
actually connecting and networking with other people. But because you
may have been just so used to doing everything independently,
inviting another energy to come in that might be very
hard for you. But you never know until you try.
You have to attempt it some things before you can
(20:45):
just immediately say, well, it doesn't work for me. I tried,
it didn't work. Be able to actually say that you
actually gave it a shot before you just shut it down, right.
But if that's something that you want, if you know
(21:05):
that you want someone to come into your life and
to help, you have to be willing to be vulnerable
with that person. If you want to have a business
partner come in, you have to be able to be
a little bit vulnerable in the business aspect of things
with that potential person or that networking circle that comes in.
You have to be able to be a little bit
vulnerable and allow them to come in and learn how
(21:31):
to lay down your pride when it's necessary. Because when
you allow the ego to lead, this also leaves room
for the potential to alienate other people and create a contradiction. Again,
I just said that create a contradiction between what we
are displaying and what we really need or want. But
(21:54):
being too prideful in everything you do can leave people
to the impression that you are not capable of teamwork,
you're not capable of committing in a relationship and having
a partner in a relationship, because these are the things
that you have to show beforehand. These are the things
you have to show examples of how you can be vulnerable,
(22:17):
because then it displays when we're not able to be vulnerable,
It displays to others that we are not capable of
seeing other perspectives outside of our own either. Because everything
just can't be a me, me, me me thing when
you're in terms of when you're trying to bring someone
else into your life in whatever aspect that is, whether
(22:39):
that's business or personal networking, just whatever it is. So
even though we're working on ourselves in our solo season,
this is a perfect time for you to reflect on
how we allow other people to play different roles in
our life. Remember, the solo season is about reflection and preparation, right,
(23:03):
so you're preparing yourself to adjust the things that you've
reflected on and identified that those are the things. This
has room for growth. This is an area of my
life that has room for growth. You're preparing yourself for that.
How are you letting people show up for you? How
are you connecting with other people when you potentially go
(23:25):
If you're single and you go into the dating seeing
the dating world and you're talking to other people, how
are you displaying your independence and how are you displaying
your capability to allow someone to come in? If you've
been single for a few years and you're expressing that
to someone, the first thing that they might think is, Okay,
this person has been doing things by themselves. This person
(23:45):
has been single for three years. Now, okay, she is
probably used to things be in a certain type of way.
How willing is she to allow someone else to come in?
And maybe you know, things might shift. It doesn't mean
that you lose sight of who you are at all,
but it means that when you open up yourself to
someone to come in, things will shift. Right, How are
(24:11):
you operating in that ego? We want to elevate elevation
over ego. All right, let's keep moving along. So at
the end of each of these sections, I'm gonna give
you guys a self reflection question. So self reflection question
number one, how or in what ways? Has my own
ego and pride had an effect on the progression of
(24:34):
my life? I hope you guys have your journals. How
are in what ways has my own ego and pride
had an effect on the progression of my life? Okay,
let's keep going. Let's keep going. We're now we're talking
(24:55):
about resentment. So remember this is letting go of an
unsuccessful error er. We talked about ego are resentment. Let's
talk about the resentment restraints. When you operate in resentment,
you will be restrained. Resentment is a big thing. Right.
(25:17):
Resentment shows us that we can recognize the negative emotions
that are attached to experiences. Were likely we were probably
treated in a way that we wouldn't have treated someone else. Right,
Resentment is the response to a person's choice that they
made that ultimately had a negative impact on us. You
(25:39):
resent someone because they did this. Someone did this for
so long you began to resent them. You did this
because of someone else, and now you resent them for it. Right,
as we're operating with resentment in our hearts, we're going
to feel a lot of different emotions. We're going to
feel anger, We're gonna feel frustration, We're gonna feel disappointment,
(26:04):
we're gonna feel bitterness, and we're gonna feel hard unresolved
feelings that are going in another direction towards another person.
They're unresolved. That's why there's resentment there. So the point
of this is to resolve those issues so that we
can remove that resentment. Resentment has restraints that automatically come
(26:27):
with it, you know how they say, like batteries included.
Resentment has restraints included. I'm telling y'all, it does. And
sometimes when we bottle resentment in, we are actually harboring
those feelings that need to be heard or acknowledged. Sometimes
it's just a matter of being able to get some
(26:48):
things out. When you're not able to vocalize things, when
you're able to when you're not able to speak your
mind on certain things and you keep holding things in,
you're gonna begin to resent someone. That's why it's just
best to be very true, transparent and honest and let
let let the let the chips fall as they will.
(27:09):
We have feelings that need to be acknowledged and the
feelings that we believe we need to these are feelings
that we need to have, like emotional reparation, I need
reparations from this, but I need it in an emotional
way because I'm harboring this resentment for whatever it is.
(27:33):
Resentment will come in your life and it will challenge
your ability to forgive and move forward. What's that? There's
a quote that I posted recently. There's that that long
time quote that's been attached to resentment. Resentment is like
drinking poison yourself and waiting for another person to die.
(27:53):
It is not gonna happen. You're only harming yourself. You
drink the poison. You're harming yourself, But you drink the
poison than you were waiting for someone else to die.
Doesn't make sense, right. So, like I said, resentment comes
in and challenges your ability to forgive and move forward.
But let me tell you something about resentment. Resentment is expensive.
(28:16):
Resentment costs a lot. It costs a lot of your
energy when you just decide to stay there. But you
know what else costs a lot? Forgiveness. Forgiveness is probably
even more expensive than resentment, and you don't always offer
(28:43):
people your forgiveness that easily, especially depending on the degree
to which they hurt you, betrayed, you, angered, you, frustrated,
you whatever it is that they did to you. Depending
on the severity of that, it's gonna be even harder
to forgive and listen. Like I said, resentment is costly,
(29:10):
but forgiveness is expensive, and not many people can afford
your forgiveness. They can't afford it because in order for
them to afford your forgiveness, there's certain terms that they
have to be willing to like to extend to you,
(29:32):
and they can't do it. They don't have the capability,
they don't have the means to do it, or you
won't allow them to have the means to do it
because you're hanging on You're holding onto that resentment because
you feel justified. So if we know that resentment has
a way of holding us hostage and bound to other people,
(29:54):
it's important to recognize how and when it became a
relevant feeling within us, and what were the contributing factors
that begin to cause this resentment. What happened your feeling
resentment towards something? What happened? So I'm gonna toss a
(30:15):
couple of things out there. Maybe you felt like you
weren't being heard in a certain situation. In those are
invalidated feelings that's a very easy way to begin to
resent someone, because if someone gives us the idea that
our feelings are not seen as valid, then we're bound
to build up a negative emotional reactions towards towards that
(30:36):
person because they silenced us, they made us feel like
our thoughts and our feelings weren't important. They silenced us,
and they took away our ability to be heard. So
as soon as that happens, being we start resenting them.
Because the truth of the matter is, we all have
to get to a point, and we well, we all
have a point that we're trying to get across in
(30:58):
different different scenarios. But if we can't get our point across,
or somehow our point is threatened, then we start to
build up that resentment. So invalidated feelings is a huge one.
Or maybe here's here's another one that's very very common,
(31:18):
and this is how I've gotten my feelings hurt plenty times.
You have unrealistic expectations of people, of other people. You
expect other people to be a certain type of way.
Do you know how disappointed you're gonna be. You're gonna
be very disappointed, and you're definitely gonna begin to resent
(31:40):
someone when you expect them to be a certain type
of way and they're not. It would be nice to
believe that everyone is capable of spending the same amount
of energy towards us or towards something that involves us
that we're capable of. We would love to believe that
in people. We want to see that right because we
(32:01):
know ourselves better than anyone else. We know what we're
gonna put energy towards. We know that if I know that,
if I tell you I'm gonna give give something my all,
I'm gonna give something my all, whether that's a friendship,
a relationship, uh a business opportunity. If I say I'm
gonna give you my all, I'm gonna give you my
all towards it. If I show up as a certain
(32:23):
type of friend to you, I'm gonna show up as
a certain type of friend to you. And I and
and I have these expectations that you're gonna be that
same type of friend back to me. So then when
you're not that same type of friend back to me,
guess what. Guess what's growing, Guess what's brewing, Guess what's
eating up inside of me? Resentment. We want people to
(32:48):
match our efforts, match our ways of thinking, match the
way we love, match the way we're we say that
we're a friend. We want people to match the core,
the core decency that we carry. We want people to
match that. It takes some hard lessons and harsh truths
(33:12):
to learn that having those expectations of other people will
always be a way to disappoint yourself because some people
just don't have the capacity. They just don't have it
in them, or if they have it in them, it's
(33:35):
just not that important for them to make room for it.
At that point, some people are gonna feel burdened by
trying to match your efforts. The things that you do someone,
they're gonna feel burdened by it. If they feel burdened
(33:58):
by it, they don't have the capacity at that time.
It's not to say they won't ever have the capacity,
but right now, at this point in time, they don't
have it. They can't. You may have done all of
these things, they can't do that right now because they don't.
They just don't have the capacity. Some people are just
(34:21):
not going to be willing to stretch themselves in order
to meet your expectations. So the sooner you realize not
to hold who you are as a person and the
things that you do as the standard for how other
people should operate, and just let them be who you are.
(34:41):
The sooner you can understand how they may no longer
fit into the character role you expected them to fit
in this story that you call life. The sooner you
can figure that part out, the sooner you can accept that.
The sooner you can decide where to put certain people.
Have to learn how to put people where they belong
(35:02):
in your life. Everybody is not VIP in your life.
Everybody can't be VIP. That's why it's VIP. If everybody
in the club could be fit into VIP, they wouldn't
have a VIP section. If everybody could afford it, you
know what I mean, it just be a VIP. VIP
is exactly what it is. So you have to figure
(35:27):
out how and where to fit people in your life.
That becomes something that's going to be very important for
you to begin to do, because certain people have to
be moved around, like they got to be moved to
different places in order for you to be able to
(35:49):
move to different places. Catch that. Let's keep going recurring
feelings when you play emotion repeat That has to be
probably the most common sign of you holding on to resentment.
You keep replaying, You keep replaying things over and over
(36:13):
in your mind. There's an uncontrollable need to play back
experiences and your negative emotions that you had during that
moment when someone did something to you. You keep playing
that back, playing that back, playing that back, and every
time you play it back, you remind yourself of how
it made you feel. You get angry all over again.
(36:35):
You keep living through that same situation. You keep allowing
that person to just have one more conversation with you,
You keep opening up that access. You run it back
over and over, trying to understand. Sometimes you even try
(36:57):
to justify it. I used to do that. I used
to try to justify when people were doing me wrong
or did me wrong. I tried to justify it because
by me justifying it in some sort of way, that
was me giving myself and giving them an excuse to
(37:20):
continue to hang on to that connection. So you're trying
to justify what you may really never even truly understand.
But if we can grasp onto the concept that we
can't hold ourselves responsible for understanding why a person made
(37:47):
certain decisions in regards to us and just accept things
as is. We can better understand how to cope with
it and then release it instead of being bound and
gagged by it. You're not responsible for understanding why someone
(38:09):
hurt you. You're like you're not It's like you're not
responsible for understanding why they did it. Sometimes people don't
even know. They don't even have a great explanation to
give you as to why they were a shitty person
to you, why they were a shitty friend, why they
were a shitty partner. Sometimes they don't have a good
(38:29):
explanation to give you be just because they're human, And
you know what, that's not the excuse, but it kind
of is. Humans do things, and whatever was going on
in their mind at that time that they did, whatever
it was that hurt you, that's something that they have
to deal with. You're lucky if you get to understand.
(38:50):
If you get the explanation, then you're lucky. I'm not
saying you'll never get explanation. You know it's possible. Consider
yourself very blessed to have been able to have someone
who can really really be self aware in that moment
and really be honest with themselves and honest with you
and transparent, hold themselves accountable. That's a great character trait.
(39:10):
Not everybody gets that. But the restraints placed on us
by resentment is something that resentment that we foster. This
is something that can easily be misrepresented as a problem
(39:30):
that we are unable to be separated from without hearing
certain words or seeing certain actions from people in order
to move on, Like you've got to have that conversation.
Sometimes we tell ourselves we gotta have that closure, we
gotta have that conversation. We gotta know why, why why.
That's going to keep you connected to that for far
(39:52):
longer than you really necessarily have to if you hold
on to that idea, Like you feel like you got
to get an apology. Let me tell you how strong
you have to be to be able to move on
in life with something knowing that someone did something to
you and to never get that apology. Do you know
(40:13):
how strong you have to You're very strong to move
on with your life knowing that you'll never get that apology.
Some of us will never get an apology for certain things.
We just won't. That's just how we just won't. So
should you because you never got that apology? Should you
continue to occupy in resentment because you never got that
(40:36):
resentment is Resentment is negative, that's a negative feeling. So
if you're waiting on someone to do something very specific,
if you're waiting on someone to tell you exactly why,
if you're waiting on certain words, if you're waiting on
someone to say that they apologize, and or if you're
waiting for someone to tell you why they did what
(40:57):
they did, and you're holding on to resentment until you
get that sis, Listen, you might be holding on for
a minute. You never know be prepared to go on
with life without getting that apology. That's just how it is.
(41:27):
You're not gonna always get that. You're not gonna always
get that. That's just being realistic about it. That's a
certain type of freedom when someone can actually give you
those things that can give you the reason why and
exactly what they were thinking in that moment, and like,
if you can get all of that, kudos to you
and that person. But it's just not realistic and a
(41:49):
lot of circumstances are not going to give us that
type of freedom. So in the meantime, guess what you
have to do. You have to put in the self work,
self work in order to build your mindset up big
enough to realize that you are your own freedom in
this situation, and you don't have to rely on someone
(42:10):
else to give that to you. Moving on from something,
healing something does not have to be only want someone apologizes,
only want. Someone tells you why, Only want someone tells
you exactly who else was involved. Doesn't depend on that
unless you make it depend on that. And I'm sorry,
but I just don't want to live my life that way,
(42:32):
and I hope I don't want that for you either.
I don't want you to just be waiting on that
and have terms and conditions for how you process things
in your emotions and start moving in a better way
for yourself. I don't want anyone to have that much
control over your life. I don't want that for me.
(42:53):
I definitely don't want that for you. You have the power
to repair the resentment in such a way that builds
a trust with yourself. Catch that part. You have the
power to repair the resentment in such a way that
builds trust with yourself, trust that you were capable of
(43:16):
getting yourself through some of the tougher moments, even if
you don't have all parties on board, and then the
restoration comes with what you choose to acknowledge and fix.
And given certain circumstances, you may be left with only
what's going on inside of yourself to repair. Because people
(43:36):
ghost people, people continue to lie to you and themselves.
There's a lot of different reasons why you may not
get what you need to get, so you just can't
wait for it. But again, the restoration comes with what
you choose to acknowledge and fix and choose to repair
(44:00):
within yourself. Those other people, those and other individuals, they
have to do that for themselves. And it's not your
job to make someone be ready to do this. If
they're still lying to themselves about something, what makes you
think they're going to be honest with you? So here's
your self reflection question for resentment. Does the emotion that
(44:26):
I have allowed my resentment to control need to be free?
So when you think about anything that you have resentment
towards in your life right now, whatever emotion is attached
to that resentment, does that need to be freed? The
answer should be yes. No one should be saying no,
it doesn't need to be free, essentially saying no, you
don't need to let go of resentment. No, the answer
(44:48):
to that part should be yes. So the second part,
this is a two part self reflection question. How can
I help my under How can I help myself to
understand that I can choose to release it myself for
the bettermit of my life? How can I help myself
to understand it? What do you need to do to
self help? All right, are y'all still with me? Let
(45:14):
me get a little bit of this water, because we're
gonna move into the last part of this. We're gonna
talk about attitude. Are y'all still with me? And then
we are going to I'm gonna drop your uh, the
self discovery journal prompt of course, and then we'll close
it out. We're almost through this, y'all, almost through. So
(45:43):
third part attitude adjustments. Here comes attitude entering the chat.
As if there isn't already enough negativity embedded in the situation,
we allow our attitudes to come in and just knock
everything over. They just came in and knocked everything. Attitude
comes in and just mess the stuff up. Right. Attitude
(46:03):
comes in because ego or resentment may a leftalo side
window open, and the attitude just seeped its way in.
And when that attitude got in, it gave us, It
gave us access to this feeling that we're so that
we can self justify, to make us believe that it's
(46:24):
necessary to have an attitude in that moment, attitude can
come in and cause even more havoc by bringing in
and merging with the likes of stubbornness and entitlement. Does
that sound familiar? I know, Oh my god, this is
this is this is yeah, I can relate to this
(46:46):
attitude mingles with misery, and we know what they say
about misery. Don't invite her in. So while we're all
entitled to feel certain feelings, let's not comeuse that past
with the belief that having a strong and negative attitude
to make your point is the best way when all
(47:08):
else fails. Because when you're not getting anywhere, when you're
not getting the questions answered that you want answered, when
things aren't going away, then you just decide to have
an attitude. And then when you bring attitude and it
is just like that just makes things worse. You may
have tried a lot of different approaches to things and people.
(47:28):
You've given people an ample opportunity to do the right thing.
You may have made a strong and undeniable argument from
your perspective, you may have even pleaded with someone. But
the fact is that when things don't go the way
we anticipate or desire them to go, we are very
likely to begin to operate with an attitude and combination
to everything else that's going on. And if we feel stuck,
(47:53):
if it's like this isn't going anywhere, you get frustrated. Oh,
like I'm over it, and then here comes the attitude.
But when you bring attitude in it, guess what happens.
You're just muddy in your muddy in the waters. Now
things really aren't clear because you've added an attitude. And
when you add an attitude, you might inflict an attitude.
(48:13):
And then they got an attitude. Because you got an attitude,
everybody got an attitude. Nothing is being accomplished. Attitude means
effective communication skills are out the window. So this will
make things harder to see with the necessary scope. Attitude
will take control of the situation with the intention of
(48:36):
getting its way and making a point. So when you're
talking to someone and it's just not going anywhere and
then that attitude clicks on, it's just like at that point,
it's gonna be almost pointless to try for anybody. Until
that attitude is released, nobody needs to say anything. Then
this isn't Once that happens, it's like, this might be
(48:58):
the time to shut this down because nothing productive is
going to happen while attitude is here. An attitude comes
in and it will hype you up. Attitude has an adrenaline.
Attitude comes in and just makes you feel like it's necessary.
(49:18):
But attitude is not really on your side, and in
that moment, it's doing everything it can to seize the day.
At that point, attitude wants you in a place of
what you think is control. You think that because you
have an attitude, you are taking control of the situation
and someone's just going to give in. And sometimes that
does work, but was it done effectively? So attitude wants
(49:42):
you in a place of what you think is controlled
because of the justified anger. But really that's just the
ploy is self sabotage and steal your joy. And how
crazy is it to think that you have somehow become
the key accomplice to the major heights of stealing your
joy and ruining your day. And you did that yourself.
(50:04):
You played a role in that. When you allowed your
attitude to come in and take over, you played a
role in releasing your joy, taking over the day, messing
up the you know what I mean, You played a
role in that. That's why you have to think about
that a certain type of way. That's why we talk
about mindset. When you begin to look at it, things certain.
(50:27):
If you look at it, shift it, and think about
it differently, you will realize how some of the things,
not all of the things, but some of the things
could really have a totally different spin on it based
on how you decide how you choose to look at it.
Checking your attitude at the door of any situation is
(50:48):
going to be necessary for the most effective way to
communicate how you truly feel. You can't really tell someone
how you really feel and have an attitude at the
same time. You can. It is possible to do, but
what I'm saying is it's not going to be effective.
(51:09):
This is going to require patience within yourself, towards you,
toward other people, and towards whatever the circumstances is. Patience
attitude will come in and tear everything up. It's not beneficial.
(51:35):
All you're proving is that you can hold on to anger.
You're proving that you can hold on to anger and
that you're capable of contributing to making yourself unhappy in
that moment while you're getting pissed off because someone else
made you unhappy. But you're you're taking you're taking part
(51:56):
of that to sis. That's the part. That's the part
that I need you to understand. So here's your self,
oh self reflection question about attitude? How does your attitude
affect how you make decisions and how you communicate those
decisions to other people. So it all comes down to this.
(52:28):
The ending of ego, resentment and attitude as an error
in our lives should motivate us. It should motivate us
to challenge ourselves in a very like those very sensitive
pressure points that we have, those can be misconstrued and mishandled.
(52:54):
But ending this error, it should motivate us to take
on a better and healthier way to manage the life stressors.
So when you reverse what we so easily activate in
tough circumstances, and that's listen, that might be hard to do.
(53:18):
It's not always going to be our goal to plan,
and it's very it's it's very likely that we will
use one of these to somehow justify our decisions and
actions while not necessarily being in the best position to
do this. That's a very important part of this passage,
(53:45):
let me, let me, let me, let me go here again,
let me read this again. Reversing what we so easily
activate in tough circumstances might be hard to do, and
it won't always be our go to plan when emotions
are heightened. In fact, it's very likely that we will
use one of these to somehow justify our decisions and
(54:05):
actions while not necessarily being in the best position to
do this. So, in other words, you're in the position
of just being wrongis you're just wrong. You're just wrong,
and you need to be aware of that, and you
need to hold yourself accountable for that, and you need
to figure out a better way other than operating an ego, resentment,
(54:27):
and attitude. We need to find better ways to handle
these different life stressors. But ending this error is what
some of us are just steps away from being able
to do successfully by way of using critical thinking skills
aka adjusting the mindset, critical thinking skills, self awareness, and reflection.
(54:50):
That's a recipe for being able to move out of
the space of ego, resentment, and attitude. Hopefully we're growing
and learning and developing an actual capability to see things
from a bigger and more productive perspective. And that's what
I was talking about, Like when we were talking about resentment,
(55:12):
being able to see that you actually have the power
to release this resentment if you choose to, and you
don't have to wait on someone to apologize. You don't
have to wait on someone. It doesn't mean you gotta continue,
you don't have to fuck with them no more. But
you just have to realize that you can move past
that if you want it. So hopefully we're growing and
(55:41):
learning and developing an actual capability to see things from
a bigger and more productive perspective, a more powerful and
self serving perspective. Self serving in a positive way, right,
self serving in a way that ultimately manifests peace and
calm in our lives, and not in a selfish, self
(56:01):
absorbed way. We want a perspective that teaches us how
to show up fully prepared, to communicate effectively, and to
understand that our feelings are still valid regardless of what
any opposition might suggest. But that when we end this quote,
unquote era. We are making a conscious effort to remove
things that we are clearly contributing to a situation that
(56:23):
hinders it from positive growth. We eliminate the ego, repair
the resentment, and adjust our attitudes. All right, So that
was a lot. That was a lot, And I want
you guys to go and I want you guys to
(56:44):
read this. The link will be in the show notes.
I really want you guys to take that and just
think about it. No one, I don't think anyone is
exempt from this. I think that we all have moments
where we are prone to operating in one of those,
(57:05):
if not all, in certain situations. So while we're in
our solo season, these are just some of the types
of things that we need to be working on. These
are things that are gonna help us. So then when
we come out of our when we come out of
this season, we're gonna come out with like, yeah, like okay,
(57:26):
I acknowledge this. You know how to handle things better,
you know how to have more productive conversations. You've learned,
You've learned some things, and we're gonna put some of
these things to use when we do the self work.
Then come along come the test all right, So before
(57:55):
we close this out, you guys know, I'm gonna give
you guys your our were our self discovery journal prompt
for this entry. So while I get my let's see
which one are we gonna do. I think I narrowed
it down. I actually I had to, but I'm just
(58:22):
we're gonna do. We're gonna do one. So get your
pens and your journal ready, and let's get ready to
throw this self discovery question out there. All right, here's
(58:53):
your self discovery question. I hope you guys have a
good journal. You got you know what, you guys should
have a thoughts of a blog queen podcast journal. Also
fun fact, if you are new to just kind of
being on my platform, I actually do have thoughts with
black queen journals. They are in my storefront, which is
temporarily closed, but I am trying to gear up to
(59:18):
open that up, so hopefully I'll be able to get
those journals back out. They're cute, little black little journals.
I can fit in your purse. Because I'm the type
of person I will journal any and everywhere, y'all. It
don't matter. I could be sitting at a restaurant. I
will have my little journal with me and something will
come to me and I need to get my thoughts out.
But anyways, here is your self discovery journal prompt. Am
(59:42):
I focusing more on what my life looks like than
what it feels like? Am I focusing more on what
my life looks like than on what it feels like?
I thought that was very I narrowed it down to
this one another one where we're just gonna do one,
but I thought it was very appropriate for what we're
(01:00:03):
talking about, because you know, we are focused on how
things may appear to the outward world, what our relationship
status looks like, some of the things that we have,
da da da da da. But we need to be
focused on how we feel. Because you can have all
of the things that the checklist right the quote unquote
(01:00:26):
the checklist as we're supposed to have and still feel
shitty inside. So I don't know about you, but it
is very important for me to have internal peace before
I have all of those outwardly things. I have to
live my life and be okay with myself. I have
(01:00:47):
to be happy within myself. That is far more important
to me than obtaining anything tangible or my life reflecting
to look a certain way so that other people can
think it is this way or that way. That's not
as important to me as what my life actually feels like,
(01:01:08):
what's really going on. Because I want my behind the
scenes and under the table. I want all that to
be calm and peaceful too, so that when I come
to my community and I'm like, yeah, everything, I'm at peace.
I really want to mean that. I don't want to
say that just because it sounds good. I really want
to be at peace. That's goals. When you ask me,
(01:01:32):
what are some of my goals? I want a peaceful life.
While somebody people are talking about dream cars and big
houses and six figures, all those are cute, but I
actually want a peaceful life. Stress kills. Do y'all know
that that's a real thing. Stress kills. I don't want
(01:01:54):
to invite drama into my life. I don't want to
invite people into my life going to bring drama into
my life because my life happens to be drama free,
like for real, drama free. So I wanted to stay
that way. I wanted to feel I want my life
to feel good. I want to be mentally okay. I
(01:02:15):
don't want to have all of the things and be
mentally fucked up. I'm sorry to say it like that,
but it's real. So what are we focusing on? Are
we focusing more on what life looks like or what
it feels like? All right? So you guys, that's it.
(01:02:40):
That's another blog breakdown. Thank you guys for hanging in
there with me again. You guys, I love you so much.
Appreciate you guys for tuning in and just spending this
time with me. The continued support. Shout out to everybody
that supports the platform, that supports thoughts of a blog
(01:03:01):
queen in any way possible. Shout out to all of you.
I appreciate it, I really really do. And another thing
that I would really really appreciate is if you have
not already left your girl a review when this entry ends.
(01:03:23):
When it stops, go over and leave a review for
your girl. Let me know what you like about the entry,
or what you like about the podcast in general, something
that stood out to you. Let me know your thoughts.
I appreciate it. It helps me tremendously when you leave reviews,
but I love to hear your positive thoughts. I appreciate it.
(01:03:44):
I appreciate everyone that shares by word of mouth that
actually shares it. South Carolina and New York and Florida.
Shout out to you all you streamed the podcast the
most for July. We'll see what August is talking about,
because I believe, uh, North Carolina and Texas were kind
(01:04:09):
of in there for a couple of months and in
the top three along with South Carolina is always up
in there. So I got some people around that are
that are tuned in. I don't know who they are,
but they're listening. I'm viewing the downloads. But I'm grateful. Nonetheless,
(01:04:29):
I appreciate it. So I'm gonna go ahead and wrap
this up again. Happy self care Sunday. If you are
tuned into this entry on the day that it actually dropped,
if not, whatever day it is, I hope you're having
a great and successful week, a productive week. I pray
good things come your way. I pray positive energy towards you.
I pray that you have everything that you need in
(01:04:50):
this moment, and I pray that you will only continue
to receive the things that you need. So until next time, you, guys,
I love you and peace and blessings.
Let's do this. It shout out. You're listening to the
thoughts of a blog Queen podcast thought with your host
Loree Renee, a woman. Are ready, Hey you guys, and
(00:38):
welcome back to another entry entry forty three to the
exact of Thoughts of Black Queen Podcast. I am your host,
Loree Renee, also known as Black Queen. Thank you guys
for tuning in. Happy self Care Sunday. If you are
tuning in when this episode actually dropped, because you, guys,
could have been doing anything and you decided to take
(01:00):
a moment to tune in with your girl and I
appreciate that. So before we get started on this entry,
as you guys can see by the title, we are
doing another blog breakdown. But before we do that, you
guys know the routine. I'm gonna take a few minutes,
not even a few minutes, just a couple of seconds
to pour into you and give you our dose of
self love for today. So let's get into that. A
(01:46):
beautiful unfoldment occurs when we let go of what could
be and embrace what is, connecting, not attaching to what
is and not what could be. It is the self
love in the present moment, not the future that solidifies
(02:10):
this connection. Did y'all catch that it is the self
love in the present moment, not the future, that solidifies
this connection. So this passage is encouraging you to live
in this moment and worry about your self love in
this moment. Worry about what you're doing for yourself now,
worry about how you're taking care of yourself now. Not
(02:32):
to say and don't take that literally, but just take
it as it is. Not to say that you shouldn't
worry about your future self and things in the future,
but you really want to focus on the here and
the now right because you need to be living fully,
you need to be living holy, and you need to
be doing that right now. You don't know, none of
(02:54):
us know you know what the next day will bring,
what the next week will look like, what the next
month will come about. We just don't know any of
those things. And so it's just very important to make
sure that we're doing everything that we can to embrace
ourselves and to promote self love. So I thought that
(03:16):
was a really great passage. I don't know something about
how something happens when we let go of what could
be and embrace what is because we're always just we
you know, we want to know what's to come, and
we're looking forward to things, and we want to know
(03:37):
when the next great thing is going to happen, and
we want to know when the next great relationship is
going to come into our lives. And we're going to
know when the next great job offer is going to come,
when the great, next great brand dealer is going to come,
and we don't we often don't, like, you know, embrace
everything that's going on right now. So that's something that
(03:58):
I just wanted to encourage. All right. So anyways, hey, y'all,
welcome back. It has been a little minute and we're
doing a blog breakdown, y'all know, okay, So welcome to
anyone who has not tuned in to the thoughts of
the block Queen before today. Welcome, Welcome. I hope you
kick off your shoes, relax your feet, and stay a while.
(04:20):
I am. I enjoy doing the blog breakdowns. And if
you're unfamiliar at blog breakdown means that if you check
those little description notes in the podcast that you're listening to,
check the show notes, there's going to be a link
to a written blog that will pair very well with
this entry, and in fact, I have that blog in
(04:42):
front of me and I'm pretty much going through I'm
reading that blog, but I'm adding context, I'm adding emotion,
I'm doing a little bit of ad living. But I'm
just trying to get you guys in my head and
where I was going when I wrote this. This is
part three to a five part series going into to
her solo season. So the entire forties of these entries,
(05:04):
we're in number forty three, so all the way to
forty nine, we will be doing the solo series, the
solo season series. If you're not sure what that is,
I encourage you guys to go back a couple of
episodes and check it out the blog. There's gonna be
five blogs to this, but there's obviously gonna be more
podcast entries than blogs. But this is a five part
(05:28):
blog series. We're on part three and we're talking about
the title of this is the end of an unsuccessful
Era Eer. This is part three. Go back and check out.
The last one was the signs of going that you
might need to go into your solo season, and prior
(05:48):
to that, I believe it was why you may need
to go into one just in general, the overall ideal
of what the solo season is and why you might
need to go into one. Then the next part we're
talking about the signs that you might need one. And
then part three, here we are, we've arrived. This is
we're talking about something very specific that we can acknowledge, right,
(06:11):
because one of the things that we want to do
in our solo season is we want to do the work.
We want to do the self work. We want to
focus on the things that we need to do. We
want to focus on how we can be just a
better version of ourselves. That's what it's about, right, It's
the intentional work that we're going to do on ourselves.
We're prioritizing us, right, because sometimes we forget to do that.
(06:32):
We're so busy with work. We're so busy with kids,
we're so busy with partners, we're so busy with creating,
we're so busy with just all of the things that
we have to do in the world. Sometimes, because it's us,
we feel like we can put us like kind of
on the back burner a little bit, right, We don't
focus so much, you know, it's kind of like, well,
(06:52):
it's just me. I'll address that when I have the time.
So going into your solo season is the intentional time
that you're taking to do that, to focus on yourself,
to work on the things to go within, and just
to kind of touch on different areas of our life
(07:12):
that need nurturing. And that is not just going within,
that could be physically too. We're doing all of the
work right. So you may have been neglecting yourself physically.
You may have not been eating the best, you may
have not been as active as you want to be,
And so going into your soul season might look like
you starting to incorporate some workouts into your daily routine
(07:36):
for a specific amount of time, or just trying to
make it a permanent thing that you do in your life.
You may do some hiking, you may do some walking
around the neighborhood. You may do some yoga, you may
do just whatever it is. You may invest in a
piece of equipment for home if you feel like you
can't get to the gym because you just know that
you want to work on your body a little bit
(07:57):
more so, whatever you need to do for you, it does,
and it's not one dimensional. It's just whatever that you
need to work on for yourself. That's what we're working on.
That's what we're focusing on. And one of the things
that I feel like is important for us to work
on is just how we process things mentally, right, That's
very very important. And just in talking about social media
(08:23):
and just in general, we've talked, we've heard a lot
about the soft girl era. Right, everybody wants to be
in the soft soft girl era. Everybody wants to be
in my bag era. Everybody wants to be just they're
trying to And that's just that's just a you know,
a social media type of way of talking about a
lifestyle that you want to manifest, Right, you want to
(08:46):
manifest a certain type of lifestyle. That's the era that
you're trying to be in. But one era that I
thought that we are consistently operating in is the ego
resentment and attitude error. And that is an era that we,
some of us, need to end. We don't need to
try to manifest that, we need to end it, right,
(09:06):
So as we continue in the solo season, I thought
that it would just be very relevant for us to
talk about that. Again. We're talking about letting go of ego,
resentment and attitude. Some of us are here, and we're
comfortable here. This is this is comfort for us. That
(09:26):
ego that's comfort. That resentment that's comfort. The attitude that's comfort.
But honestly, that's not helping us a whole lot. So
that's what we want to talk about. Grab your tea.
I don't have tea today. I actually just have some
cold water. I am going to do some nighttime, some
(09:48):
bedtime tea, so I decided not to drink any during
the day. But I hope that you guys have something
or that you're doing something. If you're tuned in on
self Careselnday, you might not be. It might be Monday,
you might be at your dead listening whatever. I would
just appreciate the download because listen, before we get to
before we get into it, let's let's talk about the downloads. Listen,
the downloads are there. The girls are listening. Y'all are listening,
(10:11):
y'all are tuned in. I see it. I'm checking my numbers,
and as of I believe the last time I checked
the numbers for July, New York popped in my top three.
And I don't recall seeing New York up there. I
think my home to my home state, which is South
(10:32):
Carolina was in there has consistently been in their shout
out to the people who are in my city that
are tuned in. And then I believe it was Florida again,
Florida has been in my top three states for a minute,
and I saw I believe it was New York. I
have to double check that, but I don't think that
I've seen New York in my top three states. So
(10:54):
shout out to whoever is downloading out in York. Hello, welcome.
I don't know how I managed to get within your radar,
but I'm grateful. I'm not even gonna question and I'm
just grateful. So anyways, let's focus, focus, focus, Let's talk
about why we're here. We're talking about ego, resentment, and attitude.
(11:19):
Now this entry. We're gonna be transparent in this entry,
and there is going to be a call to action
in this entry. What is the call to action? Self awareness.
So it is within my hopes that we're going to
hold ourselves accountable. And I say we, I always say we.
This is not a you thing, this is a we thing.
(11:41):
This is for me too. This we're going through this together,
but we're holding ourselves accountable. And I think that that
is going to be a very effective tactic for us
to grow in our solo season. All right, Again, I
talked about it in the last post and the last entry.
The signs that it may be time for a solo season,
that you want to take a just an overall look
(12:02):
at the things that you need to work on. Be
honest with yourself. Always be honest with yourself. It's you right.
Just be honest about what you know that you need
to work on. And I think that when we're talking
about ego, we're talking about resentment, and we're talking about attitude.
I think that those are three things that are very
They show up, they definitely show up. And oftentimes some
(12:26):
of the decisions that we make turn out to be
and if we determine that those decisions that we make,
they haven't really been they don't serve us really well,
they didn't turn out the way that we need we
needed them to turn out. A lot of times it's
because we may have been operating an ego, resentment and
(12:47):
or attitude when we were making those decisions. Ego being very,
very very relevant, which is why I wanted to start there.
So let's get into it. You guys, let's talk about ego.
If you are in the blog, we are at the
first part. This is the elevation over ego. I named
(13:09):
that section that part because we want to elevate. We
always want to elevate, right, and we're going to We
want that over. We'll take that over ego any day.
Hopefully that's the mindset, right, because when we operate an ego,
it will lead us astray. It will lead us astray.
(13:30):
We get so warped in self importance and our independence
that it's very possible that we missed how our egos
have actually held us back from achieving a certain level
of growth in connections to other people, the relationships that
we have, and a very important relationship that we're talking
about now is the relationship with ourselves. And that's in
(13:52):
whatever season that we're in, not just a solo season,
but just whenever. Right. One sign of you operating in
your ego is being overly prideful. Okay, overly prideful. Raise
your hand. If you have had I don't want to
(14:15):
call it trouble, but let's yeah, if being too prideful
has been a thing, raise your hand. Both my hands
are raised. I'm gonna be I'm gonna keep it real.
I am an extremely prideful human being. And as much
as I want to blame that on being a Leo
because that's what they say about Leo's I'm not gonna
even do. I'm not even gonna go there. I'm not
(14:35):
even gonna take it to the Zodiec because there's no
excuse for that. Right, It's who we are. But I
don't think it's always all bad. I think that sometimes
there's a need to be prideful, but I don't think
that it needs to be something that you consider comfortable.
You shouldn't be comfortable being prideful. Prideful should be something
(14:56):
that you I want to say that you have to
utilize in certain situations, right, but I recognized how it
wasn't It doesn't always help me. And I think that
if I would have removed the pride that I had
(15:17):
in my heart in certain situations that I can just
think about in the past, if I would have been
able to properly remove that, I think that those situations
would have turned out a little different. I definitely think
there would have been easier conversations that I would have
been able to have. I think that things would there
would have been a breakthrough in certain things as far
as communication if there was less pride that I brought
(15:42):
to that situation, because being too prideful keeps you from
being vulnerable, right, So let's talk about vulnerability. Vulnerability is
an emotion. It's an emotion, but it's paired with an action,
so you're actually doing something to show that you're being vulnerable.
But it is an emotion that is paired with an
(16:03):
action that allows us to allow other people to come in.
It allows us to be willing to let down our
guards and have a willingness to make peace with the
fact that we're humans and that we need help. Sometimes
we need help, and it's okay to need help. It's
it's okay to need help. But the reality of it
(16:24):
is for myself and for a lot of other people,
that it's not easy to ask for help. It's not
it's it's not. It's hard because if you're anything like me,
you don't like the feeling of being a burden to
someone else. You don't like the feeling of thinking that
you had to depend on someone else. You don't I
don't like because of my pride. I don't like the
idea of someone thinking in their mind, let me tell
(16:48):
you how like messed up, Like this is messed up
thinking this is not I'm not gonna say messed up.
I'm just gonna say this is not the right way
to think. But this is how I have processed things
for years. I never wanted to be person that thought
in my mind that other people were thinking in their
mind that I was a burden to them. And that's
(17:11):
not because they voice that to me. That's not because
they said you're a burden that you're like, No, I
made that story up in my mind. And because I
made that story up in my mind before it even
got to the point of me even communicating with someone,
then it never even happens because I've already decided that
I've been that I was the burden. That's that's who. No,
(17:33):
that's not good, y'all, that's not good. But because we
got this, right, we got I got this. We got this.
Even if we're we got it and we're we're hanging
on to it by a by a thread, we still
got it. It don't matter. As long as I still
got it. I got that. But as long as we
(17:54):
continue to to to like have that type of mindset,
you're creating a narrative that contradicts the idea that we're
ready to have someone to come into our lives and
to lead us, to guide us, or to come in
our lives and to just be a partner. Right, Because
(18:16):
you see how that is a contradiction. You can't like
if you're a person and you're like, yes, I want this,
I want a relationship, I want to be connected to someone.
I want to do collaboration, even if we're not talking
about like romantic personal relationships, just like collaborations and things,
and I want to go to the next level. I
want to do all of these things. But also you
(18:36):
have the mindset that, well, if I got this, I
got this, I got this, And you're not even willing
to open yourself up to the idea of someone else
coming in, someone else helping you, someone else connecting with you.
If you're not even open to those ideas, then how
are you ready for someone? How are you ready for that?
You know what I mean? It can't be both ways.
(18:56):
You can be prepared to do things by yourself, but
if you really want someone to come in, if you
really want someone to come into your life and to
help you, because if you're gonna be honest with yourself,
everybody wants someone that can come in and help. We
want that, especially if you're someone who had to do
it for you by yourself for so long. You should
(19:18):
be tired. Are y'all not tired? Are y'all? Are y'all
not tired? Because I'm tired. Look, your girl is tired.
I am tired. I would love to have an equal partner.
And if I'm being honest, I mean, in some ways
I would say it wouldn't be It would be equal
(19:39):
at the core values of it, right, But I want
someone that can actually come in and take control of
the situation, that can come in and be guidance, that
can come in and share knowledge, that can come in
and help, that can come in and say, listen, you've
been doing things this here, here's an alternative. Here's how
(20:03):
I've done it, and I've been successful at doing it
this way. And again, think broadly. This doesn't have to
be just personal relationships. This can be in collaborations too.
Sometimes the missing link to taking whatever it is that
we're working on, our projects, our businesses, our brands to
the next level. Sometimes the missing link to that is
(20:23):
actually connecting and networking with other people. But because you
may have been just so used to doing everything independently,
inviting another energy to come in that might be very
hard for you. But you never know until you try.
You have to attempt it some things before you can
(20:45):
just immediately say, well, it doesn't work for me. I tried,
it didn't work. Be able to actually say that you
actually gave it a shot before you just shut it down, right.
But if that's something that you want, if you know
(21:05):
that you want someone to come into your life and
to help, you have to be willing to be vulnerable
with that person. If you want to have a business
partner come in, you have to be able to be
a little bit vulnerable in the business aspect of things
with that potential person or that networking circle that comes in.
You have to be able to be a little bit
vulnerable and allow them to come in and learn how
(21:31):
to lay down your pride when it's necessary. Because when
you allow the ego to lead, this also leaves room
for the potential to alienate other people and create a contradiction. Again,
I just said that create a contradiction between what we
are displaying and what we really need or want. But
(21:54):
being too prideful in everything you do can leave people
to the impression that you are not capable of teamwork,
you're not capable of committing in a relationship and having
a partner in a relationship, because these are the things
that you have to show beforehand. These are the things
you have to show examples of how you can be vulnerable,
(22:17):
because then it displays when we're not able to be vulnerable,
It displays to others that we are not capable of
seeing other perspectives outside of our own either. Because everything
just can't be a me, me, me me thing when
you're in terms of when you're trying to bring someone
else into your life in whatever aspect that is, whether
(22:39):
that's business or personal networking, just whatever it is. So
even though we're working on ourselves in our solo season,
this is a perfect time for you to reflect on
how we allow other people to play different roles in
our life. Remember, the solo season is about reflection and preparation, right,
(23:03):
so you're preparing yourself to adjust the things that you've
reflected on and identified that those are the things. This
has room for growth. This is an area of my
life that has room for growth. You're preparing yourself for that.
How are you letting people show up for you? How
are you connecting with other people when you potentially go
(23:25):
If you're single and you go into the dating seeing
the dating world and you're talking to other people, how
are you displaying your independence and how are you displaying
your capability to allow someone to come in? If you've
been single for a few years and you're expressing that
to someone, the first thing that they might think is, Okay,
this person has been doing things by themselves. This person
(23:45):
has been single for three years. Now, okay, she is
probably used to things be in a certain type of way.
How willing is she to allow someone else to come in?
And maybe you know, things might shift. It doesn't mean
that you lose sight of who you are at all,
but it means that when you open up yourself to
someone to come in, things will shift. Right, How are
(24:11):
you operating in that ego? We want to elevate elevation
over ego. All right, let's keep moving along. So at
the end of each of these sections, I'm gonna give
you guys a self reflection question. So self reflection question
number one, how or in what ways? Has my own
ego and pride had an effect on the progression of
(24:34):
my life? I hope you guys have your journals. How
are in what ways has my own ego and pride
had an effect on the progression of my life? Okay,
let's keep going. Let's keep going. We're now we're talking
(24:55):
about resentment. So remember this is letting go of an
unsuccessful error er. We talked about ego are resentment. Let's
talk about the resentment restraints. When you operate in resentment,
you will be restrained. Resentment is a big thing. Right.
(25:17):
Resentment shows us that we can recognize the negative emotions
that are attached to experiences. Were likely we were probably
treated in a way that we wouldn't have treated someone else. Right,
Resentment is the response to a person's choice that they
made that ultimately had a negative impact on us. You
(25:39):
resent someone because they did this. Someone did this for
so long you began to resent them. You did this
because of someone else, and now you resent them for it. Right,
as we're operating with resentment in our hearts, we're going
to feel a lot of different emotions. We're going to
feel anger, We're gonna feel frustration, We're gonna feel disappointment,
(26:04):
we're gonna feel bitterness, and we're gonna feel hard unresolved
feelings that are going in another direction towards another person.
They're unresolved. That's why there's resentment there. So the point
of this is to resolve those issues so that we
can remove that resentment. Resentment has restraints that automatically come
(26:27):
with it, you know how they say, like batteries included.
Resentment has restraints included. I'm telling y'all, it does. And
sometimes when we bottle resentment in, we are actually harboring
those feelings that need to be heard or acknowledged. Sometimes
it's just a matter of being able to get some
(26:48):
things out. When you're not able to vocalize things, when
you're able to when you're not able to speak your
mind on certain things and you keep holding things in,
you're gonna begin to resent someone. That's why it's just
best to be very true, transparent and honest and let
let let the let the chips fall as they will.
(27:09):
We have feelings that need to be acknowledged and the
feelings that we believe we need to these are feelings
that we need to have, like emotional reparation, I need
reparations from this, but I need it in an emotional
way because I'm harboring this resentment for whatever it is.
(27:33):
Resentment will come in your life and it will challenge
your ability to forgive and move forward. What's that? There's
a quote that I posted recently. There's that that long
time quote that's been attached to resentment. Resentment is like
drinking poison yourself and waiting for another person to die.
(27:53):
It is not gonna happen. You're only harming yourself. You
drink the poison. You're harming yourself, But you drink the
poison than you were waiting for someone else to die.
Doesn't make sense, right. So, like I said, resentment comes
in and challenges your ability to forgive and move forward.
But let me tell you something about resentment. Resentment is expensive.
(28:16):
Resentment costs a lot. It costs a lot of your
energy when you just decide to stay there. But you
know what else costs a lot? Forgiveness. Forgiveness is probably
even more expensive than resentment, and you don't always offer
(28:43):
people your forgiveness that easily, especially depending on the degree
to which they hurt you, betrayed, you, angered, you, frustrated,
you whatever it is that they did to you. Depending
on the severity of that, it's gonna be even harder
to forgive and listen. Like I said, resentment is costly,
(29:10):
but forgiveness is expensive, and not many people can afford
your forgiveness. They can't afford it because in order for
them to afford your forgiveness, there's certain terms that they
have to be willing to like to extend to you,
(29:32):
and they can't do it. They don't have the capability,
they don't have the means to do it, or you
won't allow them to have the means to do it
because you're hanging on You're holding onto that resentment because
you feel justified. So if we know that resentment has
a way of holding us hostage and bound to other people,
(29:54):
it's important to recognize how and when it became a
relevant feeling within us, and what were the contributing factors
that begin to cause this resentment. What happened your feeling
resentment towards something? What happened? So I'm gonna toss a
(30:15):
couple of things out there. Maybe you felt like you
weren't being heard in a certain situation. In those are
invalidated feelings that's a very easy way to begin to
resent someone, because if someone gives us the idea that
our feelings are not seen as valid, then we're bound
to build up a negative emotional reactions towards towards that
(30:36):
person because they silenced us, they made us feel like
our thoughts and our feelings weren't important. They silenced us,
and they took away our ability to be heard. So
as soon as that happens, being we start resenting them.
Because the truth of the matter is, we all have
to get to a point, and we well, we all
have a point that we're trying to get across in
(30:58):
different different scenarios. But if we can't get our point across,
or somehow our point is threatened, then we start to
build up that resentment. So invalidated feelings is a huge one.
Or maybe here's here's another one that's very very common,
(31:18):
and this is how I've gotten my feelings hurt plenty times.
You have unrealistic expectations of people, of other people. You
expect other people to be a certain type of way.
Do you know how disappointed you're gonna be. You're gonna
be very disappointed, and you're definitely gonna begin to resent
(31:40):
someone when you expect them to be a certain type
of way and they're not. It would be nice to
believe that everyone is capable of spending the same amount
of energy towards us or towards something that involves us
that we're capable of. We would love to believe that
in people. We want to see that right because we
(32:01):
know ourselves better than anyone else. We know what we're
gonna put energy towards. We know that if I know that,
if I tell you I'm gonna give give something my all,
I'm gonna give something my all, whether that's a friendship,
a relationship, uh a business opportunity. If I say I'm
gonna give you my all, I'm gonna give you my
all towards it. If I show up as a certain
(32:23):
type of friend to you, I'm gonna show up as
a certain type of friend to you. And I and
and I have these expectations that you're gonna be that
same type of friend back to me. So then when
you're not that same type of friend back to me,
guess what. Guess what's growing, Guess what's brewing, Guess what's
eating up inside of me? Resentment. We want people to
(32:48):
match our efforts, match our ways of thinking, match the
way we love, match the way we're we say that
we're a friend. We want people to match the core,
the core decency that we carry. We want people to
match that. It takes some hard lessons and harsh truths
(33:12):
to learn that having those expectations of other people will
always be a way to disappoint yourself because some people
just don't have the capacity. They just don't have it
in them, or if they have it in them, it's
(33:35):
just not that important for them to make room for it.
At that point, some people are gonna feel burdened by
trying to match your efforts. The things that you do someone,
they're gonna feel burdened by it. If they feel burdened
(33:58):
by it, they don't have the capacity at that time.
It's not to say they won't ever have the capacity,
but right now, at this point in time, they don't
have it. They can't. You may have done all of
these things, they can't do that right now because they don't.
They just don't have the capacity. Some people are just
(34:21):
not going to be willing to stretch themselves in order
to meet your expectations. So the sooner you realize not
to hold who you are as a person and the
things that you do as the standard for how other
people should operate, and just let them be who you are.
(34:41):
The sooner you can understand how they may no longer
fit into the character role you expected them to fit
in this story that you call life. The sooner you
can figure that part out, the sooner you can accept that.
The sooner you can decide where to put certain people.
Have to learn how to put people where they belong
(35:02):
in your life. Everybody is not VIP in your life.
Everybody can't be VIP. That's why it's VIP. If everybody
in the club could be fit into VIP, they wouldn't
have a VIP section. If everybody could afford it, you
know what I mean, it just be a VIP. VIP
is exactly what it is. So you have to figure
(35:27):
out how and where to fit people in your life.
That becomes something that's going to be very important for
you to begin to do, because certain people have to
be moved around, like they got to be moved to
different places in order for you to be able to
(35:49):
move to different places. Catch that. Let's keep going recurring
feelings when you play emotion repeat That has to be
probably the most common sign of you holding on to resentment.
You keep replaying, You keep replaying things over and over
(36:13):
in your mind. There's an uncontrollable need to play back
experiences and your negative emotions that you had during that
moment when someone did something to you. You keep playing
that back, playing that back, playing that back, and every
time you play it back, you remind yourself of how
it made you feel. You get angry all over again.
(36:35):
You keep living through that same situation. You keep allowing
that person to just have one more conversation with you,
You keep opening up that access. You run it back
over and over, trying to understand. Sometimes you even try
(36:57):
to justify it. I used to do that. I used
to try to justify when people were doing me wrong
or did me wrong. I tried to justify it because
by me justifying it in some sort of way, that
was me giving myself and giving them an excuse to
(37:20):
continue to hang on to that connection. So you're trying
to justify what you may really never even truly understand.
But if we can grasp onto the concept that we
can't hold ourselves responsible for understanding why a person made
(37:47):
certain decisions in regards to us and just accept things
as is. We can better understand how to cope with
it and then release it instead of being bound and
gagged by it. You're not responsible for understanding why someone
(38:09):
hurt you. You're like you're not It's like you're not
responsible for understanding why they did it. Sometimes people don't
even know. They don't even have a great explanation to
give you as to why they were a shitty person
to you, why they were a shitty friend, why they
were a shitty partner. Sometimes they don't have a good
(38:29):
explanation to give you be just because they're human, And
you know what, that's not the excuse, but it kind
of is. Humans do things, and whatever was going on
in their mind at that time that they did, whatever
it was that hurt you, that's something that they have
to deal with. You're lucky if you get to understand.
(38:50):
If you get the explanation, then you're lucky. I'm not
saying you'll never get explanation. You know it's possible. Consider
yourself very blessed to have been able to have someone
who can really really be self aware in that moment
and really be honest with themselves and honest with you
and transparent, hold themselves accountable. That's a great character trait.
(39:10):
Not everybody gets that. But the restraints placed on us
by resentment is something that resentment that we foster. This
is something that can easily be misrepresented as a problem
(39:30):
that we are unable to be separated from without hearing
certain words or seeing certain actions from people in order
to move on, Like you've got to have that conversation.
Sometimes we tell ourselves we gotta have that closure, we
gotta have that conversation. We gotta know why, why why.
That's going to keep you connected to that for far
(39:52):
longer than you really necessarily have to if you hold
on to that idea, Like you feel like you got
to get an apology. Let me tell you how strong
you have to be to be able to move on
in life with something knowing that someone did something to
you and to never get that apology. Do you know
(40:13):
how strong you have to You're very strong to move
on with your life knowing that you'll never get that apology.
Some of us will never get an apology for certain things.
We just won't. That's just how we just won't. So
should you because you never got that apology? Should you
continue to occupy in resentment because you never got that
(40:36):
resentment is Resentment is negative, that's a negative feeling. So
if you're waiting on someone to do something very specific,
if you're waiting on someone to tell you exactly why,
if you're waiting on certain words, if you're waiting on
someone to say that they apologize, and or if you're
waiting for someone to tell you why they did what
(40:57):
they did, and you're holding on to resentment until you
get that sis, Listen, you might be holding on for
a minute. You never know be prepared to go on
with life without getting that apology. That's just how it is.
(41:27):
You're not gonna always get that. You're not gonna always
get that. That's just being realistic about it. That's a
certain type of freedom when someone can actually give you
those things that can give you the reason why and
exactly what they were thinking in that moment, and like,
if you can get all of that, kudos to you
and that person. But it's just not realistic and a
(41:49):
lot of circumstances are not going to give us that
type of freedom. So in the meantime, guess what you
have to do. You have to put in the self work,
self work in order to build your mindset up big
enough to realize that you are your own freedom in
this situation, and you don't have to rely on someone
(42:10):
else to give that to you. Moving on from something,
healing something does not have to be only want someone apologizes,
only want. Someone tells you why, Only want someone tells
you exactly who else was involved. Doesn't depend on that
unless you make it depend on that. And I'm sorry,
but I just don't want to live my life that way,
(42:32):
and I hope I don't want that for you either.
I don't want you to just be waiting on that
and have terms and conditions for how you process things
in your emotions and start moving in a better way
for yourself. I don't want anyone to have that much
control over your life. I don't want that for me.
(42:53):
I definitely don't want that for you. You have the power
to repair the resentment in such a way that builds
a trust with yourself. Catch that part. You have the
power to repair the resentment in such a way that
builds trust with yourself, trust that you were capable of
(43:16):
getting yourself through some of the tougher moments, even if
you don't have all parties on board, and then the
restoration comes with what you choose to acknowledge and fix.
And given certain circumstances, you may be left with only
what's going on inside of yourself to repair. Because people
(43:36):
ghost people, people continue to lie to you and themselves.
There's a lot of different reasons why you may not
get what you need to get, so you just can't
wait for it. But again, the restoration comes with what
you choose to acknowledge and fix and choose to repair
(44:00):
within yourself. Those other people, those and other individuals, they
have to do that for themselves. And it's not your
job to make someone be ready to do this. If
they're still lying to themselves about something, what makes you
think they're going to be honest with you? So here's
your self reflection question for resentment. Does the emotion that
(44:26):
I have allowed my resentment to control need to be free?
So when you think about anything that you have resentment
towards in your life right now, whatever emotion is attached
to that resentment, does that need to be freed? The
answer should be yes. No one should be saying no,
it doesn't need to be free, essentially saying no, you
don't need to let go of resentment. No, the answer
(44:48):
to that part should be yes. So the second part,
this is a two part self reflection question. How can
I help my under How can I help myself to
understand that I can choose to release it myself for
the bettermit of my life? How can I help myself
to understand it? What do you need to do to
self help? All right, are y'all still with me? Let
(45:14):
me get a little bit of this water, because we're
gonna move into the last part of this. We're gonna
talk about attitude. Are y'all still with me? And then
we are going to I'm gonna drop your uh, the
self discovery journal prompt of course, and then we'll close
it out. We're almost through this, y'all, almost through. So
(45:43):
third part attitude adjustments. Here comes attitude entering the chat.
As if there isn't already enough negativity embedded in the situation,
we allow our attitudes to come in and just knock
everything over. They just came in and knocked everything. Attitude
comes in and just mess the stuff up. Right. Attitude
(46:03):
comes in because ego or resentment may a leftalo side
window open, and the attitude just seeped its way in.
And when that attitude got in, it gave us, It
gave us access to this feeling that we're so that
we can self justify, to make us believe that it's
(46:24):
necessary to have an attitude in that moment, attitude can
come in and cause even more havoc by bringing in
and merging with the likes of stubbornness and entitlement. Does
that sound familiar? I know, Oh my god, this is
this is this is yeah, I can relate to this
(46:46):
attitude mingles with misery, and we know what they say
about misery. Don't invite her in. So while we're all
entitled to feel certain feelings, let's not comeuse that past
with the belief that having a strong and negative attitude
to make your point is the best way when all
(47:08):
else fails. Because when you're not getting anywhere, when you're
not getting the questions answered that you want answered, when
things aren't going away, then you just decide to have
an attitude. And then when you bring attitude and it
is just like that just makes things worse. You may
have tried a lot of different approaches to things and people.
(47:28):
You've given people an ample opportunity to do the right thing.
You may have made a strong and undeniable argument from
your perspective, you may have even pleaded with someone. But
the fact is that when things don't go the way
we anticipate or desire them to go, we are very
likely to begin to operate with an attitude and combination
to everything else that's going on. And if we feel stuck,
(47:53):
if it's like this isn't going anywhere, you get frustrated. Oh,
like I'm over it, and then here comes the attitude.
But when you bring attitude in it, guess what happens.
You're just muddy in your muddy in the waters. Now
things really aren't clear because you've added an attitude. And
when you add an attitude, you might inflict an attitude.
(48:13):
And then they got an attitude. Because you got an attitude,
everybody got an attitude. Nothing is being accomplished. Attitude means
effective communication skills are out the window. So this will
make things harder to see with the necessary scope. Attitude
will take control of the situation with the intention of
(48:36):
getting its way and making a point. So when you're
talking to someone and it's just not going anywhere and
then that attitude clicks on, it's just like at that point,
it's gonna be almost pointless to try for anybody. Until
that attitude is released, nobody needs to say anything. Then
this isn't Once that happens, it's like, this might be
(48:58):
the time to shut this down because nothing productive is
going to happen while attitude is here. An attitude comes
in and it will hype you up. Attitude has an adrenaline.
Attitude comes in and just makes you feel like it's necessary.
(49:18):
But attitude is not really on your side, and in
that moment, it's doing everything it can to seize the day.
At that point, attitude wants you in a place of
what you think is control. You think that because you
have an attitude, you are taking control of the situation
and someone's just going to give in. And sometimes that
does work, but was it done effectively? So attitude wants
(49:42):
you in a place of what you think is controlled
because of the justified anger. But really that's just the
ploy is self sabotage and steal your joy. And how
crazy is it to think that you have somehow become
the key accomplice to the major heights of stealing your
joy and ruining your day. And you did that yourself.
(50:04):
You played a role in that. When you allowed your
attitude to come in and take over, you played a
role in releasing your joy, taking over the day, messing
up the you know what I mean, You played a
role in that. That's why you have to think about
that a certain type of way. That's why we talk
about mindset. When you begin to look at it, things certain.
(50:27):
If you look at it, shift it, and think about
it differently, you will realize how some of the things,
not all of the things, but some of the things
could really have a totally different spin on it based
on how you decide how you choose to look at it.
Checking your attitude at the door of any situation is
(50:48):
going to be necessary for the most effective way to
communicate how you truly feel. You can't really tell someone
how you really feel and have an attitude at the
same time. You can. It is possible to do, but
what I'm saying is it's not going to be effective.
(51:09):
This is going to require patience within yourself, towards you,
toward other people, and towards whatever the circumstances is. Patience
attitude will come in and tear everything up. It's not beneficial.
(51:35):
All you're proving is that you can hold on to anger.
You're proving that you can hold on to anger and
that you're capable of contributing to making yourself unhappy in
that moment while you're getting pissed off because someone else
made you unhappy. But you're you're taking you're taking part
(51:56):
of that to sis. That's the part. That's the part
that I need you to understand. So here's your self,
oh self reflection question about attitude? How does your attitude
affect how you make decisions and how you communicate those
decisions to other people. So it all comes down to this.
(52:28):
The ending of ego, resentment and attitude as an error
in our lives should motivate us. It should motivate us
to challenge ourselves in a very like those very sensitive
pressure points that we have, those can be misconstrued and mishandled.
(52:54):
But ending this error, it should motivate us to take
on a better and healthier way to manage the life stressors.
So when you reverse what we so easily activate in
tough circumstances, and that's listen, that might be hard to do.
(53:18):
It's not always going to be our goal to plan,
and it's very it's it's very likely that we will
use one of these to somehow justify our decisions and
actions while not necessarily being in the best position to
do this. That's a very important part of this passage,
(53:45):
let me, let me, let me, let me go here again,
let me read this again. Reversing what we so easily
activate in tough circumstances might be hard to do, and
it won't always be our go to plan when emotions
are heightened. In fact, it's very likely that we will
use one of these to somehow justify our decisions and
(54:05):
actions while not necessarily being in the best position to
do this. So, in other words, you're in the position
of just being wrongis you're just wrong. You're just wrong,
and you need to be aware of that, and you
need to hold yourself accountable for that, and you need
to figure out a better way other than operating an ego, resentment,
(54:27):
and attitude. We need to find better ways to handle
these different life stressors. But ending this error is what
some of us are just steps away from being able
to do successfully by way of using critical thinking skills
aka adjusting the mindset, critical thinking skills, self awareness, and reflection.
(54:50):
That's a recipe for being able to move out of
the space of ego, resentment, and attitude. Hopefully we're growing
and learning and developing an actual capability to see things
from a bigger and more productive perspective. And that's what
I was talking about, Like when we were talking about resentment,
(55:12):
being able to see that you actually have the power
to release this resentment if you choose to, and you
don't have to wait on someone to apologize. You don't
have to wait on someone. It doesn't mean you gotta continue,
you don't have to fuck with them no more. But
you just have to realize that you can move past
that if you want it. So hopefully we're growing and
(55:41):
learning and developing an actual capability to see things from
a bigger and more productive perspective, a more powerful and
self serving perspective. Self serving in a positive way, right,
self serving in a way that ultimately manifests peace and
calm in our lives, and not in a selfish, self
(56:01):
absorbed way. We want a perspective that teaches us how
to show up fully prepared, to communicate effectively, and to
understand that our feelings are still valid regardless of what
any opposition might suggest. But that when we end this quote,
unquote era. We are making a conscious effort to remove
things that we are clearly contributing to a situation that
(56:23):
hinders it from positive growth. We eliminate the ego, repair
the resentment, and adjust our attitudes. All right, So that
was a lot. That was a lot, And I want
you guys to go and I want you guys to
(56:44):
read this. The link will be in the show notes.
I really want you guys to take that and just
think about it. No one, I don't think anyone is
exempt from this. I think that we all have moments
where we are prone to operating in one of those,
(57:05):
if not all, in certain situations. So while we're in
our solo season, these are just some of the types
of things that we need to be working on. These
are things that are gonna help us. So then when
we come out of our when we come out of
this season, we're gonna come out with like, yeah, like okay,
(57:26):
I acknowledge this. You know how to handle things better,
you know how to have more productive conversations. You've learned,
You've learned some things, and we're gonna put some of
these things to use when we do the self work.
Then come along come the test all right, So before
(57:55):
we close this out, you guys know, I'm gonna give
you guys your our were our self discovery journal prompt
for this entry. So while I get my let's see
which one are we gonna do. I think I narrowed
it down. I actually I had to, but I'm just
(58:22):
we're gonna do. We're gonna do one. So get your
pens and your journal ready, and let's get ready to
throw this self discovery question out there. All right, here's
(58:53):
your self discovery question. I hope you guys have a
good journal. You got you know what, you guys should
have a thoughts of a blog queen podcast journal. Also
fun fact, if you are new to just kind of
being on my platform, I actually do have thoughts with
black queen journals. They are in my storefront, which is
temporarily closed, but I am trying to gear up to
(59:18):
open that up, so hopefully I'll be able to get
those journals back out. They're cute, little black little journals.
I can fit in your purse. Because I'm the type
of person I will journal any and everywhere, y'all. It
don't matter. I could be sitting at a restaurant. I
will have my little journal with me and something will
come to me and I need to get my thoughts out.
But anyways, here is your self discovery journal prompt. Am
(59:42):
I focusing more on what my life looks like than
what it feels like? Am I focusing more on what
my life looks like than on what it feels like?
I thought that was very I narrowed it down to
this one another one where we're just gonna do one,
but I thought it was very appropriate for what we're
(01:00:03):
talking about, because you know, we are focused on how
things may appear to the outward world, what our relationship
status looks like, some of the things that we have,
da da da da da. But we need to be
focused on how we feel. Because you can have all
of the things that the checklist right the quote unquote
(01:00:26):
the checklist as we're supposed to have and still feel
shitty inside. So I don't know about you, but it
is very important for me to have internal peace before
I have all of those outwardly things. I have to
live my life and be okay with myself. I have
(01:00:47):
to be happy within myself. That is far more important
to me than obtaining anything tangible or my life reflecting
to look a certain way so that other people can
think it is this way or that way. That's not
as important to me as what my life actually feels like,
(01:01:08):
what's really going on. Because I want my behind the
scenes and under the table. I want all that to
be calm and peaceful too, so that when I come
to my community and I'm like, yeah, everything, I'm at peace.
I really want to mean that. I don't want to
say that just because it sounds good. I really want
to be at peace. That's goals. When you ask me,
(01:01:32):
what are some of my goals? I want a peaceful life.
While somebody people are talking about dream cars and big
houses and six figures, all those are cute, but I
actually want a peaceful life. Stress kills. Do y'all know
that that's a real thing. Stress kills. I don't want
(01:01:54):
to invite drama into my life. I don't want to
invite people into my life going to bring drama into
my life because my life happens to be drama free,
like for real, drama free. So I wanted to stay
that way. I wanted to feel I want my life
to feel good. I want to be mentally okay. I
(01:02:15):
don't want to have all of the things and be
mentally fucked up. I'm sorry to say it like that,
but it's real. So what are we focusing on? Are
we focusing more on what life looks like or what
it feels like? All right? So you guys, that's it.
(01:02:40):
That's another blog breakdown. Thank you guys for hanging in
there with me again. You guys, I love you so much.
Appreciate you guys for tuning in and just spending this
time with me. The continued support. Shout out to everybody
that supports the platform, that supports thoughts of a blog
(01:03:01):
queen in any way possible. Shout out to all of you.
I appreciate it, I really really do. And another thing
that I would really really appreciate is if you have
not already left your girl a review when this entry ends.
(01:03:23):
When it stops, go over and leave a review for
your girl. Let me know what you like about the entry,
or what you like about the podcast in general, something
that stood out to you. Let me know your thoughts.
I appreciate it. It helps me tremendously when you leave reviews,
but I love to hear your positive thoughts. I appreciate it.
(01:03:44):
I appreciate everyone that shares by word of mouth that
actually shares it. South Carolina and New York and Florida.
Shout out to you all you streamed the podcast the
most for July. We'll see what August is talking about,
because I believe, uh, North Carolina and Texas were kind
(01:04:09):
of in there for a couple of months and in
the top three along with South Carolina is always up
in there. So I got some people around that are
that are tuned in. I don't know who they are,
but they're listening. I'm viewing the downloads. But I'm grateful. Nonetheless,
(01:04:29):
I appreciate it. So I'm gonna go ahead and wrap
this up again. Happy self care Sunday. If you are
tuned into this entry on the day that it actually dropped,
if not, whatever day it is, I hope you're having
a great and successful week, a productive week. I pray
good things come your way. I pray positive energy towards you.
I pray that you have everything that you need in
(01:04:50):
this moment, and I pray that you will only continue
to receive the things that you need. So until next time, you, guys,
I love you and peace and blessings.
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