November 4, 2022 • 33 mins
Mary Lynn is a therapist who works on life stages therapy and midlife with 2 of them being her speciality.
Mary spoke to me about her beginning of practise, why she wanted to go into that field of work and the difference it made to the direction she wanted to go in.
Mary spoke about changing career and the impact it had on her life which was something I felt inspired by.
Mary spoke about the importance of the holistic approach and how it’s benefitted her clients.
This episode is a great listen :)
Mary spoke to me about her beginning of practise, why she wanted to go into that field of work and the difference it made to the direction she wanted to go in.
Mary spoke about changing career and the impact it had on her life which was something I felt inspired by.
Mary spoke about the importance of the holistic approach and how it’s benefitted her clients.
This episode is a great listen :)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello everybody, Welcome to a brand new episode of the
podcast series five. Today I have Mary Lynn, who is
a therapist. She's going to be talking about how she
got into how she got into being a therapist and
all things mental health. So really look forward to having
(00:24):
a shut with Mary. So how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Very welcome and thank you for inviting me onto your
podcast today.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
My pleasure, and so I guess too, I guess My
first question to you is is quite a broad open question,
but what is mental health to you?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
To me, well, mental health is I see mental health
as part of all our physiology, as in, it's not
just our mind, it's actually our mind, body, and soul.
Because I'm an holistic psychotherapist, so that's where I combine
your body and maybe anything spiritual doesn't mean religious, but
(01:07):
spiritual and also what are what thoughts go on inside
our head and how that affects our body. So mental
health to me is is is combining both a physical
and a mental state and also about maybe our where
our thoughts go to would be and how that affects
(01:29):
what we do next. If that makes does that make sense?
Let's say, yeah, So it's not just it's not just
people think it's just your mind. It's not necessarily your mind.
When we think of mental health, it's it's a it's
everything about us. It's our whole body, soul and our
emotions and thoughts and how they affect us. And obviously
(01:50):
we all have mental health, so and we all suffer
sometimes at various times in our life with our mental health.
I believe that I believe that everybody at some stage
has in certain lifestyles, as certain life cycles of that
they may find that they are either in better mental
health than other times. And also they will find if
(02:11):
they're not in good mental health, they're probably not in
good physical health either.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yeah, definitely. And it's interesting as well that you mention
that you mentioned the holistic side, like mental healths not
just the mind, but or so the body and the soul.
So I guess what, why do you think it's important
as well to not only just to not just focus
solely on the mind when it comes to mental.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Health, because it's not just the mind. It's because it's
it's everything about us. And like our body even is
our like our skin or our skeleton, that's our container,
so we have that it's all connected. So if the
mind affects the body, and the body affects the mind,
(02:58):
even by the way we hold ourselves, our pasture and
our thoughts. So a thoughts affect how we are in
the day, even from the moment you wake up in
the morning, and how you hold your body can have
an effect on how you're going to feel that day
or the outcome of that day for you. So we
actually it's all about I believe therapy is about awareness
(03:18):
and about how we develop and how we how we
see the world and how we bring our physical self
into the world each day, and we can change that,
so that's what But it is a good thing. So
once we get awareness on it. So that's why it's
not just physical, it's not just mental, it's it's everything combined. Well,
(03:39):
I believe that, and I know that the research is
now thankfully it says the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, there has been studies out there that have said,
you know, was the saying guy is a healthy body,
is a healthy mind, and you know some sometimes you
just need things you know, good for the soul and
it cleanses it. And in that sense, it's almost like
(04:08):
a release when you not only feel good with in
yourself lot not just mentally, but physically and and you know,
soulfully and and just in general.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yes, And actually you know many people that you know
would say they have high anxiety. They usually have stomach problems, hype,
look pressure, you know, you have heart problems. So it's
all it all effects. So if you have high anxiety,
you're releasing corsol and adrenaline and it's it's an also
(04:45):
acid in the stomach, So it's all one. It actually
links around to each other. It's like a it's a cycle.
It's a cycle of one effects the other and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, for sure, and of thing we really actually look
into the physical, like the physical effects having mental health
can actually have them, like you say, with anxiety can
cause like bad stole problem. So for example, a child
(05:18):
might just say I've got really saw Tommy in you know,
and that is disguised as anxiety, and a lot of
a lot of people don't really look into that, like
the physical like what can actually be a mask for anxiety,
(05:39):
depression and other mental illnesses. So it might just be
something simple as saying I ever saw Tommy, or in reality,
it could be you're having an anxiety or a panic attack.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Exactly and you are to your kids, you know, going
to school, whether whether they're like going into school or
something's happening at school, and that's how they describe it,
that they have a stomach problem.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Or they're they're saying they a pain in their tummy,
and they do. They actually probably do have a pain
in their tummy, but it's probably the anxiety of going
into school that is causing that, so you know, And
and yes, of course there'll be some kids that will
say they have a pain in their tummy and they
don't want to come into school, but it's but generally
if they're saying they've a pain in their tummy. And
(06:25):
actually a lot of people, you know, when I'm working
my clients and they're saying, oh, I'm feeling that, I'm
feeling anxiety, I actually work with them in the body
where they're feeling it. And some will feel it in
their chest, some will feel it in their lower abdomen,
and you know, so we and that's the first that's
when you're working with how to manage anxiety. That's what
(06:46):
we look at. They're your actual body will tell you
before your mind, so you'll feel it for somewhere. So
that's where if you can get in there and be aware, Oh,
I'm feeling the butterflies in my stomach, or I'm feeling
pain in my chest, or I'm feeling something or happiness
in my hands, and that's what we look at, and
then you realize that we can get there before we
(07:09):
start the thoughts in our head.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, for sure. So I guess I want to go
on to a little bit about you now. So when
I when I did some research into you, were in
another career before that, and then you decided to have
a career change to go into psychotherapy. I'm just wondering
(07:37):
what made you want to have the career change to
go into the field of therapy.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Well, a few things led to it. So I actually
I originally started my younger life tourism and travel and
I love that, and I traveled for many years, and
I worked in corporate travel. And then when I studied
tourism and travel, they had they had marketing as part
(08:06):
of the course, and I loved the marketing part. And
then I changed career from tourism and travel and I
went into corporate and marketing and I worked for many hotels,
which is linked to the tourism and travel, and while
I studied marketing, my favorite subject was psychology. And we
(08:27):
also in my background, we had business. We had business
at home and the guest house. So I also I
always have been so interested in people. And I've also
known a lot of family members and friends that would
suffer with their own mental health. And I because I
loved psychology. When I took a career break, because I
(08:47):
had triplets, so I have three, three teenagers now yeah,
so I so I was more just the cost of
childcare and everything, and I also wanted to be with them,
you know, there were we were married a good few
years when they came along, and I took a career
break and while I was off, which I loved being
(09:08):
with my kids. But when they were about four, I
realized I wanted to I would love to go back
to work. And I was in my own I was
in my early forties and actually I work with a
lot of women. That's one of my specialized subjects is
is in midlife for men and women, but especially women,
because that's where my research was. And I returned to
(09:30):
university and I studied psychology and then psychotherapy, and I
have a looked back and I believe I'm in the
best place so I've ever been. You know, I always
enjoyed my other I believe that those were they led
me to hear all my previous careers and my even
having my children, you know, trying to understand my own children.
(09:51):
They've they've certainly held a mirror up to me about
myself and by how we're all very different and how
we respond differently to things or react. And yes, so
I went back to college and studied for six years.
I did it was a seven years in total, but
I did it in six and part time, and and
(10:13):
now I have my own practice, so I you know,
it's just wonderful. I feel I'm very privileged to be
in the position that I am and I've enjoyed every
bit of it.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yeah, that sounds absolutely amazing. The fact that you experience
these career changes too. You know, I really find who
you are because a lot of people would have would
just be miserable in the same old job that you
took that initiative to say, you know, right, this is
(10:45):
what I'm passionate about, this is what I like doing.
I you know, I want to help people. I want
to make a difference. And yeah, that's that's something that
that's something you should be proud of really because oh,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Colin, but I actually and thank you. And that's something
that I work with many people on because I am
extremely passionate especially what I work with life stages and
at any stage of life, you can you can change
career or you can change direction. And we are really
I think, as humans were always looking for meaning and purpose. Now,
(11:19):
not to say that the other parts of my life
didn't have many a purpose. They did, and they brought
me to this place. But this is where I feel
is where I belong. This is I think I had
to go through all the other parts to get to
hear because the marketing helped me with my business, you know,
so I had marketing skills so and also you know,
(11:40):
you're meeting people with travel and that, so I've met
many friends and connections and so that's where it's brought
me to and I believe that that was where this
is where I'm actually meant to be making hopefully making
a difference, I feel, and make a difference and helping
people work through one has gone on for them challenges
(12:01):
in life and obviously telling them much to do with it.
It's very much a collaboration of finding out what the
kind beliefs is best for them.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah, for sure. And I think as well, when you
when a like, when someone finds something that is good
for them, I think that's absolutely one of the most
important things. Because when it comes to therapy, you know,
(12:32):
I've I've found when I've been in counseling before. Yeah,
that there's obviously there's obviously therapy is not for everyone.
I'm a big advocate for it personally. I think everyone
should have someone that can talk to, not just about
the bad, but just someone to talk to about everyday things.
(12:56):
You know. Yeah, it's good to just.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
You know, let you know, let that out to a
complete you know, stranger if you like, and then and
then building that rapport with you know, obviously clients in
your case and you know, and and that's that's a
brilliant thing.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yes, definitely. And what I always say to my clients,
you know, is the difference between therapy maybe and speaking
to a friend or family is you know, well it
should be this is that the therapist is not, first
of all, non judgmental. It's a safe place and we
(13:38):
don't give advice. So it's really it's about it's nobody
knows what's best for them except nobody. Nobody should be
telling anybody what to do. It's really up to the client.
And that's where you have this space because we have
so much stuff going on in our lives that we
don't have this kind of where we can just talk
(13:58):
it through, say might be going on and maybe herpas challenging,
maybe well what would it be like if you did this,
and what would it be like if you did that,
and maybe checking in with their body, what way they're
feeling it, and is there a pull tours or pull against,
But not the herapist leading the client. It has to
it's that's what this is about, and the client actually
makes their own decision, but with maybe a few questions
(14:21):
and challenges, Whereas if you bring to family or friends,
because they have their own experience, they may say, oh
you should do this, Oh you shouldn't do that, or
he's not good or she's not good, or that's not like,
that doesn't suit you. They have their own agenda, but
meant in the best way because they want, But that
(14:43):
doesn't mean it's it's the best for you because.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
You know best. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and it should always
be person censored as to what that person wants and
you know what what outcomes or do they want from
you know, from having therapy. And I guess I guess
(15:08):
as well. I guess I guess as well. When you
when you found your I guess true career, would you
say that you had transferable skills from other roles that
you then used in to god to psychotherapy.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yes, I well, first of all the training, definitely, I
couldn't have done it without all the training. But I
definitely for even marketing and business that like that. I
know that sounds funny with talking about therapy, but you
actually it is a business as well. You know, so
(15:50):
you have to be able to market yourself and actually
I am my business, so I have to be able
to come across as who I am and what I do.
And so that definitely served me well. But also about
you know, working with people all the time. I always
worked in in service industry, so you know that it
(16:11):
was always about it wasn't necessarily a product. It was
always a service. And that's reading people, isn't it. It's
kind of you know, you do business with people, and
why do you do business with people? Because generally you
either get on with them or are you something in common.
So I've always had an interest in people, and I
believe I was good in my in my roles now
(16:31):
saying in marketing or in sales, because I had an
interest in people, and that in turn then has led
me to here. Now. Obviously I needed all all the
skills of my training over the years, and how to
read body language and you know, the subconscious that that's
something that I work a lot with and our own
impulses and you know, how we anger, and all those
(16:53):
things which probably wouldn't have been in my training before that.
But I think that all those into they were all
part of who I became later on in life and
still learning, and I'm still learning, and we'll always be learning.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Absolutely, We're always going to be learning in life. It's
it's boring if you don't if you don't stop learning,
because at the end of the day, learning is what
makes us adapt and evolve as people. And it's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, it's wonderful because and to be learning all the
time then and also our brains the neuroplasticity, so we
are always That's what I be curious, that's always what
I'm saying, even to my clients when they come to therapy,
is that's what you know. There's nothing to be scared
of in therapy. It's it's really been curious about yourself
(17:49):
and understanding yourself. So we're always learning about ourselves, learning
about other people, how we interact with each other, how
we maybe even even the people that we don't like.
I'm always kind of wan I'm always fascinated with that,
even with myself. Somebody that might maybe I kind of got, oh,
what's that about it? And maybe it's usually something in
(18:11):
myself if I see characteristic that maybe I'm not too
mad about it. It's usually when I when I actually
sit back, I kind of go, oh, yeah, that's something
maybe in my shadow side that I don't like about myself.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
Yeah, And as well, I think we live in a
world now where we can be quite easily consumed by
what we see and you know, and that can overwhelm us,
overload us, and our minds can almost go in a
frenzy sometimes because of.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
What we see and what the media and the news perceives.
And I think and I think as well, it can
be really damaging to your thought and your way of
thinking and your overall well being.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Definitely, you know, and that was something that I really
noticed over COVID. So and now we're still in we're
still in a cycle of a lot of bad views.
So what you're receiving a message such you're receiving. So
that's why people should be careful of what, you know,
where they focus their attention or where messages are coming
(19:25):
in to be, you know, especially with social media now
that you know that wasn't such a big thing for
me when I was growing up, but even our teenagers.
But I actually am thinking more so over COVID was
for older people that were isolated, and they constantly had
the because they they weren't meeting anybody or a connection,
(19:46):
and that was really really difficult for a lot of
older people and younger people as well. But they had
the news on and a loop. Many had the news
on in a loop, and I actually think that that
had big effect on their mental health because they were afraid.
Number one, they hadn't any people to talk to. Manny
didn't get to see their grandchildren if they had some,
(20:07):
or their their their own daughters or sons, and I
think that had a big impact on their medical health.
So you have to. You're right about the messaging, you know,
even subliminal messaging. I worked in marketing, so I know,
you know the power of advertising and also stucking those
(20:28):
things my children are really interested in. You don't actually
realize how long you've been on them.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Mm hmmm. Yeah. And you hit them out and out
with the subliminal messaging as well. With all and with
all the people, especially during COVID when they had the
TV on the the news on the lope and know
that plunged was negativity for aout. It was just constant,
(20:55):
constant negativity and you know, and you know, and it
was that it was the case of oh, you know,
we're trying to eradicate this, we're trying to you know,
do something, and it was and you know, it's just
constantly because like you say, the older the older generation
weren't be able, weren't able to see the you know,
(21:18):
grandchildren and and you know, other relatives, and especially for
ones that are living on their own as well, that
didn't have no social interaction, the ones that are living
on their own, and the only background, the noise they
had was the news and you know that and that
and that was probably one of the most saddening parts
about this whole situation.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yes, I agree with you, Connell, and and you know,
are again like what I was saying about our mental
health and our body. So they were they were they
were so afraid they weren't and some of them were
into actually getting out even for walks. So because it
was fear based, you know, they were, they were afraid
and that actually would affect So that's why. And I
(22:01):
am hearing you know more about people and our older generation,
and I don't think we'll know the impact of what
happened in lockdowns for years to come. You know, there's
a probably going to be an increase of Alzheimer's is
going to be I know that's on the older people,
but our younger generation as well, where this is the
time where they go to college and they integrate with
(22:24):
other people and the social skills, even toddlers going to preschool,
interacting with younger, younger children and little boys, you know,
rough and tumble, that's part of life and learning how
we negotiate that. So it definitely had an impact on
people not being and I know will have to happen.
This is just something that we've never been through before,
(22:47):
but never have we been in a situation where to
actually hug somebody we could kill them and we had
to be separated to actually get through this.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah. Yeah, And as well, there's it was obviously hard
for people around my age group, people you know, like
you say, toddlers as well, because you know, that's the
part where they would start to form like meaningful social interactions.
And it's good for them because they can test boundaries, no,
(23:19):
and you know, test the boundaries by knowing right from
wrong and that sort of thing. And and obviously and
obviously due to COVID never denied that. And and as
well with people around my age group and younger going
to college, go, I don't know, get in your first
job or go or finishing like exams or or in
(23:42):
that case like you're leaving set in Ireland. Yeah, because
I know my cousins are currently in the process of
easy in his final year and doing his leaving set.
So you know, that's and that's the thing as well.
It's it's been, it's it was hard for it was
hard for everybody at the end of the day in
(24:03):
so many different ways.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Definitely, and and you know, the leaving sort, I don't
know what it's like in the UK, but the leave
insert is one of those exams. I don't believe it's
the same in every country. But people that are my
age now, you know, nearly in their fifties, will still
have nightmares about their leaving sirts. So imagine the extra
(24:28):
stress and anxiety that was on those younger people in
the time of covid is trying to do their leaving search.
So I don't know if it's the same in the UK,
would you what would what's your living the equivalent? Okay?
And would there be as much stress there coming.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Up to yeah? Oh yeah, yeah that was. There was
so much like panic and unprecedented stress due to incompetence
by by governments and stuff like that with the grading system,
and that had a dramatic effect on course yeh meant
(25:07):
on mental health as a whole, because that's what the
news were perpetuating, right okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
So an extra layer of stress and for many people.
So yes, And as I say, and as you said
about the messaging, you know, the idea really the simplest
way I can say is what you focus on expands,
So if you're focusing on the negative, and some people
they didn't even realize that the negative was coming in
(25:35):
so much, then that's going to keep expanding in your mind,
which is affects your body. But if the other side
of that, I suppose is what I will work with
people is let's see what not that it's just positive,
because that's not really you know, if it's not if
something isn't good, but we can't put a positive spin
on it. But maybe focusing on seeing what is actually
(25:57):
happening and not just all the negative, you know. So
that's where But sadly, in the time of COVID and lockdowns,
we were just all muddling through. Weren't we doing the
best that we could, include including our governments whether we
believe they did a good job or not. But as
I say, it was on precedent times and and nobody
(26:18):
really was aware and we were taken out completely at
a surprise, at surprise level of this was happening.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
M Yeah, for sure. And just going back a bit
as well about about what you do and how you
and you know and what you do with your clients
and stuff. So in regards to major groups, obviously you've
worked with people who perhaps you know going through like
(26:52):
I don't midlife crisis is the wrong term to use.
But people going through through that, people trying to find
and I didn't trying to find something within themselves. People
you know, lostcrife, you know, later years relationships and stuff
(27:12):
like that. Have you ever worked with adolescence people in
sort of early teenage years.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
No, I haven't, even though I have three teenagers myself.
But I haven't because I'm trained eighteen years and uh,
because that's very specialized. Even though I have friends that
work in that area and we would you know, I
would refer people into her, but I work with eighteen
(27:41):
and above, and I have a lot of so many
different transitions in life stages. So would be people going
to college, you know, maybe sometimes women go back to
work after having a baby, so they might be in
their late twenties into the thirties. And then we have
mid life and then also retirement. So at every stage
(28:06):
there's an identity crisis, you know what's going on. But
the biggest one, definitely is I would say, would be
the midlife. That's because you're you're you know, there's an
existential crisis going on there as well, because you realize, okay,
and I haven't got the youth behind me. Now you
know when you're you know when you're younger and you
believe well and you're going to live. Ever so you
(28:26):
don't have that mindset anymore. And actually you're seeing people
even your age and younger or even your parents mightn't
be around anymore. You're you're finding more people passing away
and realizing that it's true, we're all going to die.
So that hits you very much in mid life. So
that's where there's always that you know that that identity
(28:48):
crisis and you'll hear that the term mid life crisis.
But it doesn't mean it's bad. That's what I want
to That's why it's there. It's there for us to realize, well,
you're actually possibly if you're lucky halfway through, now what
are you going to do? I'm making choices. But it
doesn't it's not as easy as that kind of it's
very complex and a lot of stuff goes on and
(29:11):
people get stuck in those in that midlife stage and
they don't know if they're coming or they're going. And
for women, we also have major hormone shifts as well,
and so we have a lot of stuff going on.
That's why it's so complex and a psychological shift as well.
So there's and that's what those idents. But teenagers have
(29:34):
their identity crisis. People in their twenties have an identity crisis.
We're always evolving and changing, oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, we're always evolving, change and adopting as people. As
I said earlier for in the episode, yeah we sometimes
we all, you know, experience the identity crisis of trying
to find out who we are and what we do.
And you know how and how we change as people
(30:05):
because you know, all mis change and you almost change
as a person sometimes. So I guess my next question
is going to go onto this. How can we improve
the conversation around mental health as a whole.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Well, I believe we're getting better. There's still a stigma,
but it's not as bad as it used to be.
I think if we see mental health as holistic, as
in and embodied, it's all part of who we are
each human is it's nothing to be if it gets
(30:44):
of course, if it's getting bad, we need to get help.
But maybe about talking especially young men, I believe I'm
delighted to say one of that. I have a lot
of young men coming to see me and and older
so before when I still training, very few men came
and if they did come, they only came for maybe
(31:05):
eight sessions. So I have long term clients now and
I think it's wonderful. And we had a campaign here
in Ireland to make sure that young men spoke, and
I think they don't. I think they are coming to therapy,
That's what I'm hearing. They're coming, but they're still not
able to talk to each other. So women in another
(31:26):
are much better and speaking with each other about what's
going on for them, you know. I think that. So
I'm all about societal changes and maybe that we understand
and be kind to each other and not judge each other.
And if you need to speak about something, speak about
it and make it. Part of mental health should be
(31:47):
as much as the same as going for physical health,
going to the doctor, going to get that checked if
you've something, if you've something wrong with your arm or
your leg, you don't think anything or talent. Don't mind
telling anybody that you're going to see the doctor. But
we're not as good as saying, well, my thoughts maybe
are or maybe I'm trying to change something and passioning,
(32:08):
or I'm going through a hard time or a divorce
or break up relationship, we should be just as well
able to say that we're going to talk that out.
That's what it is it's talking about. And if you
need more help than your purpose will help you, maybe
you know, whether that's going to your GP for medication
or that's what you a holistic approach that we're all
(32:30):
helping each other and integrating these things.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Absolutely, and we've spoken about us so much throughout this
so I just want to say, Mary, it's been an
absolute pleasure to have you on this podcast and thank
you for taking the time to come on today. Have
you got any final words for the listeners? Are there?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
A final word would be to look after themselves, become aware.
If they need help, please seek it out. Doesn't have
to be a therapist. It can be just speaking to
your friends and let's get the conversation. Open it up
and love yourself, be compassionate and be non judgmental towards
other people. I think then we can be a better world,
(33:17):
you know, and just mind yourself. Thank you, thank you
for having me.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
You're absolute pleasure. And in the meantime, please keep downloading
and share any episodes. It does mean a lot Anyways,
thank you all for listening. Goodbye,
Hello everybody, Welcome to a brand new episode of the
podcast series five. Today I have Mary Lynn, who is
a therapist. She's going to be talking about how she
got into how she got into being a therapist and
all things mental health. So really look forward to having
(00:24):
a shut with Mary. So how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Very welcome and thank you for inviting me onto your
podcast today.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
My pleasure, and so I guess too, I guess My
first question to you is is quite a broad open question,
but what is mental health to you?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
To me, well, mental health is I see mental health
as part of all our physiology, as in, it's not
just our mind, it's actually our mind, body, and soul.
Because I'm an holistic psychotherapist, so that's where I combine
your body and maybe anything spiritual doesn't mean religious, but
(01:07):
spiritual and also what are what thoughts go on inside
our head and how that affects our body. So mental
health to me is is is combining both a physical
and a mental state and also about maybe our where
our thoughts go to would be and how that affects
(01:29):
what we do next. If that makes does that make sense?
Let's say, yeah, So it's not just it's not just
people think it's just your mind. It's not necessarily your mind.
When we think of mental health, it's it's a it's
everything about us. It's our whole body, soul and our
emotions and thoughts and how they affect us. And obviously
(01:50):
we all have mental health, so and we all suffer
sometimes at various times in our life with our mental health.
I believe that I believe that everybody at some stage
has in certain lifestyles, as certain life cycles of that
they may find that they are either in better mental
health than other times. And also they will find if
(02:11):
they're not in good mental health, they're probably not in
good physical health either.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yeah, definitely. And it's interesting as well that you mention
that you mentioned the holistic side, like mental healths not
just the mind, but or so the body and the soul.
So I guess what, why do you think it's important
as well to not only just to not just focus
solely on the mind when it comes to mental.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Health, because it's not just the mind. It's because it's
it's everything about us. And like our body even is
our like our skin or our skeleton, that's our container,
so we have that it's all connected. So if the
mind affects the body, and the body affects the mind,
(02:58):
even by the way we hold ourselves, our pasture and
our thoughts. So a thoughts affect how we are in
the day, even from the moment you wake up in
the morning, and how you hold your body can have
an effect on how you're going to feel that day
or the outcome of that day for you. So we
actually it's all about I believe therapy is about awareness
(03:18):
and about how we develop and how we how we
see the world and how we bring our physical self
into the world each day, and we can change that,
so that's what But it is a good thing. So
once we get awareness on it. So that's why it's
not just physical, it's not just mental, it's it's everything combined. Well,
(03:39):
I believe that, and I know that the research is
now thankfully it says the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, there has been studies out there that have said,
you know, was the saying guy is a healthy body,
is a healthy mind, and you know some sometimes you
just need things you know, good for the soul and
it cleanses it. And in that sense, it's almost like
(04:08):
a release when you not only feel good with in
yourself lot not just mentally, but physically and and you know,
soulfully and and just in general.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yes, And actually you know many people that you know
would say they have high anxiety. They usually have stomach problems, hype,
look pressure, you know, you have heart problems. So it's
all it all effects. So if you have high anxiety,
you're releasing corsol and adrenaline and it's it's an also
(04:45):
acid in the stomach, So it's all one. It actually
links around to each other. It's like a it's a cycle.
It's a cycle of one effects the other and vice versa.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, for sure, and of thing we really actually look
into the physical, like the physical effects having mental health
can actually have them, like you say, with anxiety can
cause like bad stole problem. So for example, a child
(05:18):
might just say I've got really saw Tommy in you know,
and that is disguised as anxiety, and a lot of
a lot of people don't really look into that, like
the physical like what can actually be a mask for anxiety,
(05:39):
depression and other mental illnesses. So it might just be
something simple as saying I ever saw Tommy, or in reality,
it could be you're having an anxiety or a panic attack.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Exactly and you are to your kids, you know, going
to school, whether whether they're like going into school or
something's happening at school, and that's how they describe it,
that they have a stomach problem.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Or they're they're saying they a pain in their tummy,
and they do. They actually probably do have a pain
in their tummy, but it's probably the anxiety of going
into school that is causing that, so you know, And
and yes, of course there'll be some kids that will
say they have a pain in their tummy and they
don't want to come into school, but it's but generally
if they're saying they've a pain in their tummy. And
(06:25):
actually a lot of people, you know, when I'm working
my clients and they're saying, oh, I'm feeling that, I'm
feeling anxiety, I actually work with them in the body
where they're feeling it. And some will feel it in
their chest, some will feel it in their lower abdomen,
and you know, so we and that's the first that's
when you're working with how to manage anxiety. That's what
(06:46):
we look at. They're your actual body will tell you
before your mind, so you'll feel it for somewhere. So
that's where if you can get in there and be aware, Oh,
I'm feeling the butterflies in my stomach, or I'm feeling
pain in my chest, or I'm feeling something or happiness
in my hands, and that's what we look at, and
then you realize that we can get there before we
(07:09):
start the thoughts in our head.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, for sure. So I guess I want to go
on to a little bit about you now. So when
I when I did some research into you, were in
another career before that, and then you decided to have
a career change to go into psychotherapy. I'm just wondering
(07:37):
what made you want to have the career change to
go into the field of therapy.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Well, a few things led to it. So I actually
I originally started my younger life tourism and travel and
I love that, and I traveled for many years, and
I worked in corporate travel. And then when I studied
tourism and travel, they had they had marketing as part
(08:06):
of the course, and I loved the marketing part. And
then I changed career from tourism and travel and I
went into corporate and marketing and I worked for many hotels,
which is linked to the tourism and travel, and while
I studied marketing, my favorite subject was psychology. And we
(08:27):
also in my background, we had business. We had business
at home and the guest house. So I also I
always have been so interested in people. And I've also
known a lot of family members and friends that would
suffer with their own mental health. And I because I
loved psychology. When I took a career break, because I
(08:47):
had triplets, so I have three, three teenagers now yeah,
so I so I was more just the cost of
childcare and everything, and I also wanted to be with them,
you know, there were we were married a good few
years when they came along, and I took a career
break and while I was off, which I loved being
(09:08):
with my kids. But when they were about four, I
realized I wanted to I would love to go back
to work. And I was in my own I was
in my early forties and actually I work with a
lot of women. That's one of my specialized subjects is
is in midlife for men and women, but especially women,
because that's where my research was. And I returned to
(09:30):
university and I studied psychology and then psychotherapy, and I
have a looked back and I believe I'm in the
best place so I've ever been. You know, I always
enjoyed my other I believe that those were they led
me to hear all my previous careers and my even
having my children, you know, trying to understand my own children.
(09:51):
They've they've certainly held a mirror up to me about
myself and by how we're all very different and how
we respond differently to things or react. And yes, so
I went back to college and studied for six years.
I did it was a seven years in total, but
I did it in six and part time, and and
(10:13):
now I have my own practice, so I you know,
it's just wonderful. I feel I'm very privileged to be
in the position that I am and I've enjoyed every
bit of it.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Yeah, that sounds absolutely amazing. The fact that you experience
these career changes too. You know, I really find who
you are because a lot of people would have would
just be miserable in the same old job that you
took that initiative to say, you know, right, this is
(10:45):
what I'm passionate about, this is what I like doing.
I you know, I want to help people. I want
to make a difference. And yeah, that's that's something that
that's something you should be proud of really because oh,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Colin, but I actually and thank you. And that's something
that I work with many people on because I am
extremely passionate especially what I work with life stages and
at any stage of life, you can you can change
career or you can change direction. And we are really
I think, as humans were always looking for meaning and purpose. Now,
(11:19):
not to say that the other parts of my life
didn't have many a purpose. They did, and they brought
me to this place. But this is where I feel
is where I belong. This is I think I had
to go through all the other parts to get to
hear because the marketing helped me with my business, you know,
so I had marketing skills so and also you know,
(11:40):
you're meeting people with travel and that, so I've met
many friends and connections and so that's where it's brought
me to and I believe that that was where this
is where I'm actually meant to be making hopefully making
a difference, I feel, and make a difference and helping
people work through one has gone on for them challenges
(12:01):
in life and obviously telling them much to do with it.
It's very much a collaboration of finding out what the
kind beliefs is best for them.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah, for sure. And I think as well, when you
when a like, when someone finds something that is good
for them, I think that's absolutely one of the most
important things. Because when it comes to therapy, you know,
(12:32):
I've I've found when I've been in counseling before. Yeah,
that there's obviously there's obviously therapy is not for everyone.
I'm a big advocate for it personally. I think everyone
should have someone that can talk to, not just about
the bad, but just someone to talk to about everyday things.
(12:56):
You know. Yeah, it's good to just.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
You know, let you know, let that out to a
complete you know, stranger if you like, and then and
then building that rapport with you know, obviously clients in
your case and you know, and and that's that's a
brilliant thing.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yes, definitely. And what I always say to my clients,
you know, is the difference between therapy maybe and speaking
to a friend or family is you know, well it
should be this is that the therapist is not, first
of all, non judgmental. It's a safe place and we
(13:38):
don't give advice. So it's really it's about it's nobody
knows what's best for them except nobody. Nobody should be
telling anybody what to do. It's really up to the client.
And that's where you have this space because we have
so much stuff going on in our lives that we
don't have this kind of where we can just talk
(13:58):
it through, say might be going on and maybe herpas challenging,
maybe well what would it be like if you did this,
and what would it be like if you did that,
and maybe checking in with their body, what way they're
feeling it, and is there a pull tours or pull against,
But not the herapist leading the client. It has to
it's that's what this is about, and the client actually
makes their own decision, but with maybe a few questions
(14:21):
and challenges, Whereas if you bring to family or friends,
because they have their own experience, they may say, oh
you should do this, Oh you shouldn't do that, or
he's not good or she's not good, or that's not like,
that doesn't suit you. They have their own agenda, but
meant in the best way because they want, But that
(14:43):
doesn't mean it's it's the best for you because.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
You know best. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and it should always
be person censored as to what that person wants and
you know what what outcomes or do they want from
you know, from having therapy. And I guess I guess
(15:08):
as well. I guess I guess as well. When you
when you found your I guess true career, would you
say that you had transferable skills from other roles that
you then used in to god to psychotherapy.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yes, I well, first of all the training, definitely, I
couldn't have done it without all the training. But I
definitely for even marketing and business that like that. I
know that sounds funny with talking about therapy, but you
actually it is a business as well. You know, so
(15:50):
you have to be able to market yourself and actually
I am my business, so I have to be able
to come across as who I am and what I do.
And so that definitely served me well. But also about
you know, working with people all the time. I always
worked in in service industry, so you know that it
(16:11):
was always about it wasn't necessarily a product. It was
always a service. And that's reading people, isn't it. It's
kind of you know, you do business with people, and
why do you do business with people? Because generally you
either get on with them or are you something in common.
So I've always had an interest in people, and I
believe I was good in my in my roles now
(16:31):
saying in marketing or in sales, because I had an
interest in people, and that in turn then has led
me to here. Now. Obviously I needed all all the
skills of my training over the years, and how to
read body language and you know, the subconscious that that's
something that I work a lot with and our own
impulses and you know, how we anger, and all those
(16:53):
things which probably wouldn't have been in my training before that.
But I think that all those into they were all
part of who I became later on in life and
still learning, and I'm still learning, and we'll always be learning.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Absolutely, We're always going to be learning in life. It's
it's boring if you don't if you don't stop learning,
because at the end of the day, learning is what
makes us adapt and evolve as people. And it's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, it's wonderful because and to be learning all the
time then and also our brains the neuroplasticity, so we
are always That's what I be curious, that's always what
I'm saying, even to my clients when they come to therapy,
is that's what you know. There's nothing to be scared
of in therapy. It's it's really been curious about yourself
(17:49):
and understanding yourself. So we're always learning about ourselves, learning
about other people, how we interact with each other, how
we maybe even even the people that we don't like.
I'm always kind of wan I'm always fascinated with that,
even with myself. Somebody that might maybe I kind of got, oh,
what's that about it? And maybe it's usually something in
(18:11):
myself if I see characteristic that maybe I'm not too
mad about it. It's usually when I when I actually
sit back, I kind of go, oh, yeah, that's something
maybe in my shadow side that I don't like about myself.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
Yeah, And as well, I think we live in a
world now where we can be quite easily consumed by
what we see and you know, and that can overwhelm us,
overload us, and our minds can almost go in a
frenzy sometimes because of.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
What we see and what the media and the news perceives.
And I think and I think as well, it can
be really damaging to your thought and your way of
thinking and your overall well being.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Definitely, you know, and that was something that I really
noticed over COVID. So and now we're still in we're
still in a cycle of a lot of bad views.
So what you're receiving a message such you're receiving. So
that's why people should be careful of what, you know,
where they focus their attention or where messages are coming
(19:25):
in to be, you know, especially with social media now
that you know that wasn't such a big thing for
me when I was growing up, but even our teenagers.
But I actually am thinking more so over COVID was
for older people that were isolated, and they constantly had
the because they they weren't meeting anybody or a connection,
(19:46):
and that was really really difficult for a lot of
older people and younger people as well. But they had
the news on and a loop. Many had the news
on in a loop, and I actually think that that
had big effect on their mental health because they were afraid.
Number one, they hadn't any people to talk to. Manny
didn't get to see their grandchildren if they had some,
(20:07):
or their their their own daughters or sons, and I
think that had a big impact on their medical health.
So you have to. You're right about the messaging, you know,
even subliminal messaging. I worked in marketing, so I know,
you know the power of advertising and also stucking those
(20:28):
things my children are really interested in. You don't actually
realize how long you've been on them.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Mm hmmm. Yeah. And you hit them out and out
with the subliminal messaging as well. With all and with
all the people, especially during COVID when they had the
TV on the the news on the lope and know
that plunged was negativity for aout. It was just constant,
(20:55):
constant negativity and you know, and you know, and it
was that it was the case of oh, you know,
we're trying to eradicate this, we're trying to you know,
do something, and it was and you know, it's just
constantly because like you say, the older the older generation
weren't be able, weren't able to see the you know,
(21:18):
grandchildren and and you know, other relatives, and especially for
ones that are living on their own as well, that
didn't have no social interaction, the ones that are living
on their own, and the only background, the noise they
had was the news and you know that and that
and that was probably one of the most saddening parts
about this whole situation.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yes, I agree with you, Connell, and and you know,
are again like what I was saying about our mental
health and our body. So they were they were they
were so afraid they weren't and some of them were
into actually getting out even for walks. So because it
was fear based, you know, they were, they were afraid
and that actually would affect So that's why. And I
(22:01):
am hearing you know more about people and our older generation,
and I don't think we'll know the impact of what
happened in lockdowns for years to come. You know, there's
a probably going to be an increase of Alzheimer's is
going to be I know that's on the older people,
but our younger generation as well, where this is the
time where they go to college and they integrate with
(22:24):
other people and the social skills, even toddlers going to preschool,
interacting with younger, younger children and little boys, you know,
rough and tumble, that's part of life and learning how
we negotiate that. So it definitely had an impact on
people not being and I know will have to happen.
This is just something that we've never been through before,
(22:47):
but never have we been in a situation where to
actually hug somebody we could kill them and we had
to be separated to actually get through this.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah. Yeah, And as well, there's it was obviously hard
for people around my age group, people you know, like
you say, toddlers as well, because you know, that's the
part where they would start to form like meaningful social interactions.
And it's good for them because they can test boundaries, no,
(23:19):
and you know, test the boundaries by knowing right from
wrong and that sort of thing. And and obviously and
obviously due to COVID never denied that. And and as
well with people around my age group and younger going
to college, go, I don't know, get in your first
job or go or finishing like exams or or in
(23:42):
that case like you're leaving set in Ireland. Yeah, because
I know my cousins are currently in the process of
easy in his final year and doing his leaving set.
So you know, that's and that's the thing as well.
It's it's been, it's it was hard for it was
hard for everybody at the end of the day in
(24:03):
so many different ways.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Definitely, and and you know, the leaving sort, I don't
know what it's like in the UK, but the leave
insert is one of those exams. I don't believe it's
the same in every country. But people that are my
age now, you know, nearly in their fifties, will still
have nightmares about their leaving sirts. So imagine the extra
(24:28):
stress and anxiety that was on those younger people in
the time of covid is trying to do their leaving search.
So I don't know if it's the same in the UK,
would you what would what's your living the equivalent? Okay?
And would there be as much stress there coming.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Up to yeah? Oh yeah, yeah that was. There was
so much like panic and unprecedented stress due to incompetence
by by governments and stuff like that with the grading system,
and that had a dramatic effect on course yeh meant
(25:07):
on mental health as a whole, because that's what the
news were perpetuating, right okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
So an extra layer of stress and for many people.
So yes, And as I say, and as you said
about the messaging, you know, the idea really the simplest
way I can say is what you focus on expands,
So if you're focusing on the negative, and some people
they didn't even realize that the negative was coming in
(25:35):
so much, then that's going to keep expanding in your mind,
which is affects your body. But if the other side
of that, I suppose is what I will work with
people is let's see what not that it's just positive,
because that's not really you know, if it's not if
something isn't good, but we can't put a positive spin
on it. But maybe focusing on seeing what is actually
(25:57):
happening and not just all the negative, you know. So
that's where But sadly, in the time of COVID and lockdowns,
we were just all muddling through. Weren't we doing the
best that we could, include including our governments whether we
believe they did a good job or not. But as
I say, it was on precedent times and and nobody
(26:18):
really was aware and we were taken out completely at
a surprise, at surprise level of this was happening.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
M Yeah, for sure. And just going back a bit
as well about about what you do and how you
and you know and what you do with your clients
and stuff. So in regards to major groups, obviously you've
worked with people who perhaps you know going through like
(26:52):
I don't midlife crisis is the wrong term to use.
But people going through through that, people trying to find
and I didn't trying to find something within themselves. People
you know, lostcrife, you know, later years relationships and stuff
(27:12):
like that. Have you ever worked with adolescence people in
sort of early teenage years.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
No, I haven't, even though I have three teenagers myself.
But I haven't because I'm trained eighteen years and uh,
because that's very specialized. Even though I have friends that
work in that area and we would you know, I
would refer people into her, but I work with eighteen
(27:41):
and above, and I have a lot of so many
different transitions in life stages. So would be people going
to college, you know, maybe sometimes women go back to
work after having a baby, so they might be in
their late twenties into the thirties. And then we have
mid life and then also retirement. So at every stage
(28:06):
there's an identity crisis, you know what's going on. But
the biggest one, definitely is I would say, would be
the midlife. That's because you're you're you know, there's an
existential crisis going on there as well, because you realize, okay,
and I haven't got the youth behind me. Now you
know when you're you know when you're younger and you
believe well and you're going to live. Ever so you
(28:26):
don't have that mindset anymore. And actually you're seeing people
even your age and younger or even your parents mightn't
be around anymore. You're you're finding more people passing away
and realizing that it's true, we're all going to die.
So that hits you very much in mid life. So
that's where there's always that you know that that identity
(28:48):
crisis and you'll hear that the term mid life crisis.
But it doesn't mean it's bad. That's what I want
to That's why it's there. It's there for us to realize, well,
you're actually possibly if you're lucky halfway through, now what
are you going to do? I'm making choices. But it
doesn't it's not as easy as that kind of it's
very complex and a lot of stuff goes on and
(29:11):
people get stuck in those in that midlife stage and
they don't know if they're coming or they're going. And
for women, we also have major hormone shifts as well,
and so we have a lot of stuff going on.
That's why it's so complex and a psychological shift as well.
So there's and that's what those idents. But teenagers have
(29:34):
their identity crisis. People in their twenties have an identity crisis.
We're always evolving and changing, oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Yeah, we're always evolving, change and adopting as people. As
I said earlier for in the episode, yeah we sometimes
we all, you know, experience the identity crisis of trying
to find out who we are and what we do.
And you know how and how we change as people
(30:05):
because you know, all mis change and you almost change
as a person sometimes. So I guess my next question
is going to go onto this. How can we improve
the conversation around mental health as a whole.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Well, I believe we're getting better. There's still a stigma,
but it's not as bad as it used to be.
I think if we see mental health as holistic, as
in and embodied, it's all part of who we are
each human is it's nothing to be if it gets
(30:44):
of course, if it's getting bad, we need to get help.
But maybe about talking especially young men, I believe I'm
delighted to say one of that. I have a lot
of young men coming to see me and and older
so before when I still training, very few men came
and if they did come, they only came for maybe
(31:05):
eight sessions. So I have long term clients now and
I think it's wonderful. And we had a campaign here
in Ireland to make sure that young men spoke, and
I think they don't. I think they are coming to therapy,
That's what I'm hearing. They're coming, but they're still not
able to talk to each other. So women in another
(31:26):
are much better and speaking with each other about what's
going on for them, you know. I think that. So
I'm all about societal changes and maybe that we understand
and be kind to each other and not judge each other.
And if you need to speak about something, speak about
it and make it. Part of mental health should be
(31:47):
as much as the same as going for physical health,
going to the doctor, going to get that checked if
you've something, if you've something wrong with your arm or
your leg, you don't think anything or talent. Don't mind
telling anybody that you're going to see the doctor. But
we're not as good as saying, well, my thoughts maybe
are or maybe I'm trying to change something and passioning,
(32:08):
or I'm going through a hard time or a divorce
or break up relationship, we should be just as well
able to say that we're going to talk that out.
That's what it is it's talking about. And if you
need more help than your purpose will help you, maybe
you know, whether that's going to your GP for medication
or that's what you a holistic approach that we're all
(32:30):
helping each other and integrating these things.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Absolutely, and we've spoken about us so much throughout this
so I just want to say, Mary, it's been an
absolute pleasure to have you on this podcast and thank
you for taking the time to come on today. Have
you got any final words for the listeners? Are there?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
A final word would be to look after themselves, become aware.
If they need help, please seek it out. Doesn't have
to be a therapist. It can be just speaking to
your friends and let's get the conversation. Open it up
and love yourself, be compassionate and be non judgmental towards
other people. I think then we can be a better world,
(33:17):
you know, and just mind yourself. Thank you, thank you
for having me.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
You're absolute pleasure. And in the meantime, please keep downloading
and share any episodes. It does mean a lot Anyways,
thank you all for listening. Goodbye,
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