January 9, 2024 • 25 mins
🌟 Brace yourselves for the riveting Part 2 of Ocean Eagle's incredible life saga on Episode 332! 🌊 Dive into the depths of his transformative story, where he boldly declares alcohol as poison and unveils the secrets to a joyous, alcohol-free existence.
Join us as Ocean shares his tumultuous journey from a tumultuous marriage to becoming a real estate mogul and an unexpected shamanic healer. Discover the shocking twists, from financial gambles in the family business to profound revelations about control and societal norms.
Ocean delves into the chaos of his personal life, marriages, and a pivotal spiritual awakening that changed everything on May 4, 2019. He sheds light on the struggles, infidelity, and the moment he fell out of love. Brace yourself for an intense, soul-revealing dead letter writing session that led to a life-altering decision.
Learn about Ocean's role as an ancient wisdom master, tasked with balancing masculine and feminine energies. From divorces to global travels, his journey unfolds with unpredictability and purpose. Don't miss the wild details of his shamanic breath work revelation!
🌈 Prepare to be captivated by Ocean Eagle's extraordinary tale of self-discovery, healing, and the pursuit of a harmonious universe. Subscribe now and join the conversation as we unravel the mysteries of life, love, and spiritual evolution. Episode 332 awaits your attention! 🔥🔮 #OceanEagle #SpiritualAwakening #PodcastJourney #EnlightenmentSaga
Join us as Ocean shares his tumultuous journey from a tumultuous marriage to becoming a real estate mogul and an unexpected shamanic healer. Discover the shocking twists, from financial gambles in the family business to profound revelations about control and societal norms.
Ocean delves into the chaos of his personal life, marriages, and a pivotal spiritual awakening that changed everything on May 4, 2019. He sheds light on the struggles, infidelity, and the moment he fell out of love. Brace yourself for an intense, soul-revealing dead letter writing session that led to a life-altering decision.
Learn about Ocean's role as an ancient wisdom master, tasked with balancing masculine and feminine energies. From divorces to global travels, his journey unfolds with unpredictability and purpose. Don't miss the wild details of his shamanic breath work revelation!
🌈 Prepare to be captivated by Ocean Eagle's extraordinary tale of self-discovery, healing, and the pursuit of a harmonious universe. Subscribe now and join the conversation as we unravel the mysteries of life, love, and spiritual evolution. Episode 332 awaits your attention! 🔥🔮 #OceanEagle #SpiritualAwakening #PodcastJourney #EnlightenmentSaga
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Tupash Podcast. Iam Gabrielle. I'm a former New York
Mafia princess originally from Austria. Iam the mother of three and the owner
of Tubash Boutique. And here withmy beautiful co host Masella, my daughter.
Hello, I'm Marcella. I'm adancer, choreographer, model and designer
(00:22):
for Tupash and I say whatever Iwant. My name is Cruz. I
am a stylist. I also ownthe Society Salon in the Design District.
And I am a short, littleMexican with the big personality. What well
they say next, Welcome to theTupash Podcast. The only time alcohol touched
(00:51):
this mouth was I was at apool party and there were a bunch of
clear cups and I picked one up, and somebody set a glass of clear
wine white wine down next to mywater and I grabbed it and it went
into my mouth and I spit itout. And that's the only time alcohols
ever touched these lips in twenty fouryears. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah,
Well it's poison. It's called acool a cool flesh eating demon.
(01:12):
That's what's named after. You know. I think they spend six billion dollars
a year in advertising alcohol because wedon't take it naturally. We have to
be sold it. It's not naturalfor our bodies and it creates toxicity.
Yeah, and I'm not judge peoplefor doing it. I understand what society
has been created. I get it. But when you learn to have fun
and live life, you know froma really healthy place. Shit, man,
(01:36):
I have so much fun in life. I have the best human beings
in my life. Not that youcan't have people that drink alcohol in your
life that aren't great, but I'vegot really solid human beings in my life.
And if they're not, they don'tget to be in my life.
They don't get to be in mylife. So now you went to AA.
You got divorced, right, Yeah, got divorced. Immediately, did
(01:56):
you move? I went up tothe Bay Area of all things, and
my dad had a big cnc Adamachining big C and C operated machining company
that had big contracts with Jule thePacker and KLA ten Core. And I
was just the height one hundred andthirty five employees. I was just the
owner's son. And I went inthere and got paid because my dad wanted.
(02:17):
You know, it's so much woundingfrom what he did. I think,
you know, and that it feltgood to have me around. But
I watched that man on a dailybasis, and what he did and started
gambling with penny stocks, with thecompany money and stuff. You know,
it was toxic, you know,just really toxic. So what happened was
I was at an AA conference inSacramento, and I was walking through the
(02:38):
mall and this woman caught my eye, and I caught her eye, you
know, and uh and and soshe came back and circled back and saw
my name tag from Alcoholics Anonymous conference, because what is this for? And
that's how we started the conversation.I ended up marrying that woman. We
did. She was in Sacramento.That's how I got to Sacramento. So
(02:58):
we ended up. She had afour year old and a four year old
and the six year old two boyswhen I met her, and I didn't
know what to do. I decidedI was gonna get into real estate,
and so I got into got intoreal estate. We got married in the
uh. We got married about ninemonths ten months later in the living room
of a little half plex that shehad assumed from this young couple that couldn't
(03:21):
afford it. Her ex husband dida number on her, trashed her completely.
She brought all that baggage into ourrelationship. You know, I didn't
know that at the time. Buthow old are you at this point?
I'm thirty thirty two, thirty two. I got sober at thirty, married
her right before my thirty second birthday. So we get married, and I
(03:43):
get my real estate license right beforethat, and so married in December and
January. I hanged my license witha broker there in Sacramento, and I
took to real estate like a duckto water. It was like I hated
the car business man. I absolutelyhated the car business. Never wanted to
go back to it. But Igot into real estate. I didn't have
to sell anything, just I'd sellme. That's all I had to sell.
(04:06):
And so I did okay my firstyear in real estate. And here
I am a brand new stepdad.And by the way, her ex husband
did all kinds of terrible things thatwere unlawful. So we get married in
January. I'm a new stepdad tothese four year old and six year old.
I got no model on how toraise kids and then in February,
the I r S and the FEDSknock on our door from all the ship
(04:28):
that her ex husband was involved inwhen they were married. Like yeah,
So so I'm like, yeah,so I'm sitting there in the middle of
this story, your guys story,that exact thing happened to me. Yeah,
yeah, so here I am.Yeah, I ended up. You
know, it was it was reallyinteresting, uh you know, as that
(04:48):
happened, and she was she hadshe had so much rage in her my
ex she has so much rage andhate for this man and the stuff that
she would say to him and screamat him and just he ended up going
to prison. Later on, Iwas a dad to these two boys,
and I had to figure out howto make a living. So I did
Okay. My first year in realestate, I sold seventeen houses, and
(05:11):
I thought that was okay, butI think that's a lot now. Yeah.
By the second that so I startedin January, by the second February,
I had seventeen deals in escrow atone time. Wow. Yeah,
so me and real me and realestate were a thing. I think I
sold fifty five houses my second yearand in the middle of that I realized,
(05:31):
oh, and we sold that nethalf plex moved into a bigger house
pretty quick, and I said,shit, you know, the market's really
kind of taken off. This waslike two thousand and one, two thousand
and two, and I went backand I bought the same model half plex
for about fifteen grand more than we'dsold them. One we got rid of,
and fourteen months later I sold itfor one hundred thousand more than I
paid for it. And she saidthat that's you could do whatever you want.
(05:56):
You know, you flip as manyhouses as you want to flip.
And I said okay. So Itook all the extra money I ever had,
and I think I made one hundredand ten thousand net my part in
May, my second year. SoI started taking money and flipping houses,
and then I was involved with Ihad a friend, this commercial developer,
Paul, and I went to himand I kept kind of bugging and poking
(06:17):
him and said, we need toflip some house. I knew I had
a lot of money, said weneed to flip some houses. And he
finally said, okay, let's dotwo. I said, oh, we'll
do two. Well, I madeso much money on those two goes.
Let's just open an account at thesame bank, and let's just start going.
Well, Paul and I did onehundred and fifty houses together, and
so we just opened up accounts thesame bank, and I'd said, I
(06:38):
need two twenty five for this one. That includes the rehab cost. You
funded one hundred percent. He fundedeverything. I looked up at one point
and I think we had fifteen housesgoing at one time, and I said,
you know, I got three pointfive million of your money out on
a handshake. Everything was in mymy single party LLC. He goes,
(06:59):
yeah, we should do something aboutthat, as I don't know, so
a CBA said, can you guysjust do like a one page something that
we have, you know. So, but I've always I've always been very
trustworthy with people's money, you know. And we did about one hundred and
fifty houses together, and eventually heneeded to move on to other things,
and then I went on on myown and just kept going with I've had
(07:19):
soccer parents put money in. Everybodyknew what I was doing. So I've
owned over three hundred and fifty residentialand commercial houses in my real estate career.
Oh wow, that's amazing. Yeah, just is flipping them you know,
I didn't. Never. I hadfifteen tenants at one point, but
I didn't. I was managing everythingon my own, you know, managing
the relationship. I've coached fifteen seasons, a few sports. I've been a
(07:42):
Boy Scout master for all my boys, been summers at the Boy Scout Camp.
I volunteered in all of my kidselementary school classes up till third grade.
I overdid all the time because Inever had a parent in anything for
me. I never, you know, I know there's balance now that parents
need to have, especially after beinga coach and watching all these helicopter parents
(08:03):
and having them in three sports atone time, and I just a story
after a story of you know,it's too much. It's way too much.
Man. It's like it's just it'spart of the system, right,
you know, it's part of thesystem. We talked about ball before this
thing started. Part of the systemto keep you in sports. And then
the companies that own the companies thatsell you all the equipment, they're they're
(08:24):
owned by Big Brother. They ownit all. It's just they own it
all and they push it all downso they keep you attached all this thing
and what you should do and shouldn'tdo right. Yeah, so it's just
control. We talked about controlling.Yeah, the con is trolling you.
Yeah, the CON's trolling you.So the interesting thing you know about it
is I go through my relationship.You know, it was nine years in
(08:48):
that we had a we had awall in the relationship and she had her
own issues, you know, Ihad mine. Of course, there's two
people in a relationship and uh anduh. But we did three separations in
the last five years of a fourteenyear marriage. You know, we were
apart for a year. During thatyear, I had a nervous breakdown.
I had a panic attack. Youknow, everything fell. I was in
(09:11):
the hospital. I was forty oneyears old, and just all the balls
we were trying to put our marriageback together after being apart for about eight
nine months, going to therapy,real estate company, thirty five agents,
loan company, mortgage company, allthe houses that I owned, the kids,
you know, the all the sportsI was coaching, and it just
all the balls just dropped at onetime and just numbness shot all through my
(09:35):
bodies, couldn't stop sweating. ThoughtI had a heart attack, and it
was a panic attack, and soI got on some medication at that time
for a little bit to help mewith that. And I was grateful for
that, but I know it's nothingI never needed, you know, later
on in life, you know.Yeah, So then you do you have
(09:58):
children with her? We did.We had our own two children, so
we had you know, Kate,and she had Keaton and Caleb. They
were four and six, and thennot long after we got married, we
had Kennedy and Kate. So yeah, my kids are amazing. I love
my kids. Eighteen and twenty ohwow. The Caid's eighteen, just started
Chico College, Chico up in northernCalifornia. And Kennedy's starting her third year
(10:20):
at Santa Barbara and she's taken asemester offish this semester. But just great
human beings, man, Just solidkids, all of them, you know,
just really solid. My son's dabblingsome drinking with his buddies a little
bit, so you know, I'mwatching him. You know, I saw
do just don't drive your fucking car. I said, just go. And
you guys, he's with about twentykids, all from Sacramento. One thing
(10:43):
that you know in my when whenJennifer and I, Jenny and I finally
you know, said we're done forgood. Our house was paid for and
and her the cars were paid for. I didn't have really any debt.
So it's important for me because Ididn't. I had such instability that she
(11:03):
never worked. She was a stayat home mom for fourteen years. I
wanted to keep that in place.So for five years after our divorce,
I made sure she had enough moneyevery month to be a stay at home
mother with our children. That's oneof the reasons that our children are so
so good. It's because they didn't. They didn't they didn't never come home
and not have a parent there,you know. So yeah, so it
was so important. It was thebest. It was one of the best
(11:24):
cos it is. And it's likewe have this society now where both parents
work or the you know, Imean, hell, we don't have dads
at homes anymore. You know.It's like, you know, so that's
all got to be unwound. Andthat's a big part of the work I
do in balancing the masculine and thefeminine energy on the planet right now,
because it's so out of balance,so out of balance, you know,
and the law of the universes order, the law of the universe is balance,
(11:48):
so we have to have it properlyfeminine, masculine. It has to
be in balance so that we flytogether properly. Yeah, it's a big
part of the work. Totally agreewith that. So you guys are still
close Me and my ex. HellNo, I don't like her at all.
I like her. We haven't talkedin almost two years. As kids.
He does like her. We haven'tactually talked in almost two years.
(12:11):
Yeah, and my I love myI love hers being the mother of my
children. But you know, Idon't ever want to have anything to do
with her. You know, It'sjust I did a lot of work around
her because I you know, partof my what led up to my awakening,
you know, was I had agirlfriend that brought a woman named Nicole
Johnson into my life about forty six, and then another girlfriend later brought Kadilla
(12:35):
Matara into my life. And Istarted working with both of these women and
doing the real work. And Ididn't know until work after working with Nicole
for three years that she was ashaman. I'd never heard of shaman's.
I didn't know you would know whata shaman was. I didn't neither.
I learned on this show learned.Yeah. Yeah. People call me a
shaman, they call me a healer. I don't I don't use labels.
(12:56):
It's like one of my favorite booksis The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer,
and there's a part in that bookthe drills who am I? Who am
I? Who am I? Whoam I? Down to I'm just a
being of light, you know,occupying this avatar, you know. And
I've signed a contract before I camehere, and we all have an essence,
we all have a reason of purposethat we were born. Most people
(13:16):
don't find that, so they're stuckin this soul trap. They keep bouncing
them back in over and over,and we got to keep redoing it until
we finally have a moment where youwake up and it's like, oh,
this is this is all bullshit.This is all an illusion designed to trap
me. And until I let goand cut all the cords with all of
the stuff, I can't fly.So I'm all about helping people fly.
(13:39):
I'm all about blowing wom beneath theirwings. So when I started working with
the cole in all those years andthen Kadia, I was working with both
of them, working with both ofthem doing what Nicole and I were doing
a lot of writing. Nicole taughtme about sole retrieval. She taught me
about there's pieces of you that arelost. That like when I was witnessed
what I witnessed at age six,age seven, age ten, age eleven,
(14:01):
age twelve, because my mom movedand left me twice, not just
the one time before that. Sheright before I graduated elementary school, my
mom and earl moved to Odessa fromSan Angelo and left me with a friend
and his mom. You know,when I had stitches in my knee and
playing baseball and had a month anda half of elementary school left and they
just moved, you know. SoI had a lot of the abandonment stuff.
(14:22):
It's huge. It was huge forme to finally get rid of.
You know, I hated being alone. It's like my favorite pastime. Now
It's like, you know, Idon't really like humans. I I don't
really like humans that much. Sodoing that deep in her work with Nicole.
I did a lot of writing withher, and it wasn't until I
was really stuck and I was.Every time I'd go see Nicole, I
(14:46):
would save my ex I would like, you know, because I had had
infidelity, so I must be ademon, right, and I would go
back and do it the same wayagain if I had to go back.
I'm not proud of any anything that, but I don't regret anything. Everything
happens so that I could be thistoday and so that I look back now
(15:07):
and I see the work I wasdoing with Nicole was to She had me
write a dead letter because she wastired of me saving this woman. She
goes, because she knows the detailsof how Jennifer treated me. She knows
the stuff that I put up with, So she goes, why do you
keep fucking saving her? I'm inthese sessions. I'm like, what do
you mean? She goes, therewere two people in that marriage. Whether
(15:28):
there was infidelity or not in fidelity, it doesn't matter. There's two people
in that relationship. When are yougonna say what you want to fucking say?
Because I had a lot of angeragainst her, So what do you
want me to do? So Iwant to write a dead letter? What
the hell is a dead letter?So a dead letter is a letter you
write and you say everything you wantto say that you're not going to send
to her. You're going to bringit to me, and we're going to
go over it. I didn't wantI fought doing this thing. I didn't
(15:48):
want to do it. And thenI finally sat down and ten pages came
out of the nastiest shit you wouldever say to a human being. I
hope you choke on your new boyfriend'sbig ass cock. You fucking see where
I laid it all out. Youknow, it's like you fucking did this
in our relationship and all this fuckingshit. And I was just blah.
Right about page five, I went, oh MG, this is the moment
(16:12):
I left her. This was themoment that I fell out of love with
her. And it was nine yearsinto the marriage. My dad died and
my dad had passed away, andhe hadn't been real involved in my kids'
lives, and he was really involvedin my stepbrother and stepsister kids their kids
lives, and he was only liketwo hours away from me. He wasn't
(16:33):
involved that much. So he uh, So he passes away and I met
the funerals happening, and then mythen wife and I was Mormon by the
way, she was Mormon when Imet her, So I got baptized in
the Mormon church, not once Igot baptized into that fucking church twice,
you know, because I got excommunicatedfor cheating on her, and then I
(16:56):
did all the stuff you're supposed todo. I need two years of repentance.
And then they finally were going toallow me back in, and I
said, fuck you guys, it'sanyway cheated nine years nine years yeah,
nine years, yeah, And uh, like I said, it's it happened
the way it was supposed to happenfor a reason. So, you know,
(17:17):
there was things that went on therelationship that I put up with for
a long time, and it doesn'tmake it right. It's just it happened.
And I don't live with regrets.And so anyway, so I'm working
with Nicole and we're doing a lotof she write and writes a dead letter,
and writing that dead letter is whenI realized that. The moment that
Jennifer said, I don't want theolder boys coming to your dad's funeral,
(17:38):
I'm like, what, Like,I've I've coached all their sports, They've
been sealed to me in the temple, you know, I've volunteered in all
the over mentioned. We're a family. I need my family at my dad's
funeral. I don't want the boyscoming. I'm like that was it.
That was the moment I realized weweren't a family. And I wouldn't have
got there if I hadn't read thatwritten that dead letter doesn't make anything,
(17:59):
you know, by anything, justthat. What are you doing for business
at this point? Still in realestate? No? No, no,
no, no real estate. AndI separated it a long time ago.
No. So what happened for mewas I was doing all this work when
Nicole and Kadia. Kadia was doingsellular energy clearing on me, and I
learned about shaman so I wanted tolearn about shamanism. So I got online
(18:22):
and I saw the gathering of theShamans and it was put on in Sedona,
and it was with Don Miguel Ruizwho wrote the Four Agreements and the
Fifth Agreement, the Five Levels ofAttachment. Him and his sons wrote these
books. I said, I wantto go to that and it was sold
out, and Vicky Higgins, whenI got in contact, was said,
we have a spot for a volunteerif you want to come be a volunteer.
(18:44):
I said, well, I wantto do that anyway, So I
go to the gathering in the Shamansand I meet this woman named Linda Starwulf,
who I've now cut the tie withbecause I needed to cut the tie
with her. But she was themother of shamanic breathwork. I'd never heard
of breathwork, and there's this energyexchange between her and I when we hugged
each other, and it was insane. I'd never felt anything like it before.
So Saturday, I'm assigned to herbreath work workshop and other two hundred
(19:10):
people, eighty five of them chooseto come to her workshop. So I
got eighty five people in a roomgetting ready to do a breath work journey.
And I didn't I was just gonnasit back and watch. I wasn't
gonna participate. And then they putme on the front wall and I did
the breath work journey, and Imean I had a massive spiritual awakening,
huge, I mean ridiculous. AndI was married to my third wife at
the time, who was a doctorpediatrician hospitalist with Kaiser Permanent Day in California,
(19:36):
and she wasn't it. But Imarried an alcoholic and I didn't know
it. I didn't see it coming. I didn't see it because I was
white knuckling for a year and eightmonths. I was white knuckle in that
relationship debacle after tobacle happening with herdrinking. It was terrible. And so
I go to this event and Ilay down and Star Wars starts moving physically,
moving energy on me in my sacralarea, and I mean, I
(20:00):
take off. I'm like eyes closed, flying in the cosmos. Stars and
planets are all around me, andit was very real. And I looked
to my right and there's these twoaluminous beans next to me, and they
point to Orion and they said,you're from there. They said, you're
from there. You're an ancient wisdommaster, and you're here to help this
planet evolve during this time of greattransformation and transmutation, and you're here to
(20:22):
balance the feminine and masculine energy.We've given you a gift at birth that
we're going to now expose for you, and we're going to help you bring
it forward into the world. That'swhat happened. And then after that,
she moves her energy up on myheart chakra and this blue ball just went
like that, and I'm flying allover Earth as an eagle, and I
said, oh my God, I'man egle arch of my back and they
got people losing their minds around meand breathwork, screaming, yelling, and
(20:47):
I'm in my own journey and allof a sudden, just that hit me
on the plants, on the birds, on the rocks and streams. I'm
black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Indian black, I'm male, female,
feminine, masculine, everything and everything. I'm a car, I'm a
house, I'm everything and everything's me. And it hit me like a gat
And right after that, my heartturned to this massive gold heart and just
(21:07):
went gold dust, just blew outall over humanity. And I had this
massive moment of pure love for everythingand everybody on the planet. When I
say I don't like everybody doesn't meanI don't love them. I have a
lot of love and compassion for everybodyon the planet. But at that moment,
I was like, oh my god, I love everybody. And from
that moment forward, and that's Mayfourth of twenty nineteen, it's been a
(21:29):
now chemical process to I went homeon Monday and asked for a divorce.
I started changing everything the illusion Ihad built to protect myself to feel safe.
I started shedding it all and mykids were like, what the hell
are you doing that. I'm like, I've gotten I've had a calling now,
and what do you mean you gota calling? Like I've just been
rearranged on a cellular level and Ihave something I have to bring to the
(21:51):
planet now, like what. Mydaughter was pissed. She was not happy.
And so I started traveling the world. I go to all I could,
Peru, all these places I'm calledto go to, Majorca, Madrid,
lived on the island of Cyprus fora while with doctor Demitriots doing some
work, and I started writing books. The books just started coming and by
(22:15):
next month I'll be a seven timepublished author within a two and a half
year period. The gift of inspirationswas when I self published and then I
republished it through Mainstrem Media with KevinHarrington write and the forward on that one.
The first one I wrote was Crackingthe Rich Code, Volume two.
I wrote that one with Kevin Harringtonand some other authors. That one went
international number one best seller, andit's a co author book. There's a
(22:37):
lot of those things going on rightnow. Then I wrote my own and
self published it, republished it,and then after that I wrote, I
wrote Salt, and both of thoseare out now. I have copies of
those for you guys. So Ihave Salt Surrender except let Go and trust.
That was an acronym that came rightafter my awakening. And then the
(22:59):
next one that's coming out real soon, which is going to be the one
that anybody that wants help is goingto want to buy. It's called The
Gifts of Desperation, a journey backto me, and me means my essence
and that is a thought with anexpansion of the thought, with an affirmation
at the bottom of every page,and there's like one hundred and twenty of
those. I think the Gift ofInspirations is two hundred and eighteen quotes of
(23:22):
mine. And then I just wroteThe Gift of Inspirations Volume two, and
I have that one with my publisherright now as well. And then I've
got a fourteen chapter book that I'mfinishing up. It's called Cosmic Soul or
Science Meet Spirit, and that bookwas originally a book in the CERN library.
There was a scientific, originally scientificbook called Smart Stored Memory Access Retrieval
(23:44):
Technique, and I've now added thespiritual side to that and got permission to
just give scientific credit to doctor Demitratis. And I'm going to self published that
one. I'm going to publish thatone as well, and another one.
I got some more books, kinds. I'm Olivia Gully. I'm one of
the gossip girls here at tupash Podcasts. You can find me on Instagram at
(24:04):
Liv'sworld and if you need me,I'll be crying my Bentley. I'm Marcella,
co host of the tupash podcast.You can find me on all social
media platforms Marcellainery. You can alsofind me on TikTok, Marcella Roinery seven
and I say whatever the fuck Iwant. Yeah, that's right. My
(24:26):
name is Cruz Kofer. You canfind me on Instagram and that's pretty much
it, and let's do some tequilatogether on the next show. If you
enjoy listening to our show, pleasefollow tupash podcast on all social media handles
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(24:51):
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Facebook at Gabrielle Kendler, Gilmore andI have no secret. Thank you for
listening. Thank you
Welcome to the Tupash Podcast. Iam Gabrielle. I'm a former New York
Mafia princess originally from Austria. Iam the mother of three and the owner
of Tubash Boutique. And here withmy beautiful co host Masella, my daughter.
Hello, I'm Marcella. I'm adancer, choreographer, model and designer
(00:22):
for Tupash and I say whatever Iwant. My name is Cruz. I
am a stylist. I also ownthe Society Salon in the Design District.
And I am a short, littleMexican with the big personality. What well
they say next, Welcome to theTupash Podcast. The only time alcohol touched
(00:51):
this mouth was I was at apool party and there were a bunch of
clear cups and I picked one up, and somebody set a glass of clear
wine white wine down next to mywater and I grabbed it and it went
into my mouth and I spit itout. And that's the only time alcohols
ever touched these lips in twenty fouryears. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah,
Well it's poison. It's called acool a cool flesh eating demon.
(01:12):
That's what's named after. You know. I think they spend six billion dollars
a year in advertising alcohol because wedon't take it naturally. We have to
be sold it. It's not naturalfor our bodies and it creates toxicity.
Yeah, and I'm not judge peoplefor doing it. I understand what society
has been created. I get it. But when you learn to have fun
and live life, you know froma really healthy place. Shit, man,
(01:36):
I have so much fun in life. I have the best human beings
in my life. Not that youcan't have people that drink alcohol in your
life that aren't great, but I'vegot really solid human beings in my life.
And if they're not, they don'tget to be in my life.
They don't get to be in mylife. So now you went to AA.
You got divorced, right, Yeah, got divorced. Immediately, did
(01:56):
you move? I went up tothe Bay Area of all things, and
my dad had a big cnc Adamachining big C and C operated machining company
that had big contracts with Jule thePacker and KLA ten Core. And I
was just the height one hundred andthirty five employees. I was just the
owner's son. And I went inthere and got paid because my dad wanted.
(02:17):
You know, it's so much woundingfrom what he did. I think,
you know, and that it feltgood to have me around. But
I watched that man on a dailybasis, and what he did and started
gambling with penny stocks, with thecompany money and stuff. You know,
it was toxic, you know,just really toxic. So what happened was
I was at an AA conference inSacramento, and I was walking through the
(02:38):
mall and this woman caught my eye, and I caught her eye, you
know, and uh and and soshe came back and circled back and saw
my name tag from Alcoholics Anonymous conference, because what is this for? And
that's how we started the conversation.I ended up marrying that woman. We
did. She was in Sacramento.That's how I got to Sacramento. So
(02:58):
we ended up. She had afour year old and a four year old
and the six year old two boyswhen I met her, and I didn't
know what to do. I decidedI was gonna get into real estate,
and so I got into got intoreal estate. We got married in the
uh. We got married about ninemonths ten months later in the living room
of a little half plex that shehad assumed from this young couple that couldn't
(03:21):
afford it. Her ex husband dida number on her, trashed her completely.
She brought all that baggage into ourrelationship. You know, I didn't
know that at the time. Buthow old are you at this point?
I'm thirty thirty two, thirty two. I got sober at thirty, married
her right before my thirty second birthday. So we get married, and I
(03:43):
get my real estate license right beforethat, and so married in December and
January. I hanged my license witha broker there in Sacramento, and I
took to real estate like a duckto water. It was like I hated
the car business man. I absolutelyhated the car business. Never wanted to
go back to it. But Igot into real estate. I didn't have
to sell anything, just I'd sellme. That's all I had to sell.
(04:06):
And so I did okay my firstyear in real estate. And here
I am a brand new stepdad.And by the way, her ex husband
did all kinds of terrible things thatwere unlawful. So we get married in
January. I'm a new stepdad tothese four year old and six year old.
I got no model on how toraise kids and then in February,
the I r S and the FEDSknock on our door from all the ship
(04:28):
that her ex husband was involved inwhen they were married. Like yeah,
So so I'm like, yeah,so I'm sitting there in the middle of
this story, your guys story,that exact thing happened to me. Yeah,
yeah, so here I am.Yeah, I ended up. You
know, it was it was reallyinteresting, uh you know, as that
(04:48):
happened, and she was she hadshe had so much rage in her my
ex she has so much rage andhate for this man and the stuff that
she would say to him and screamat him and just he ended up going
to prison. Later on, Iwas a dad to these two boys,
and I had to figure out howto make a living. So I did
Okay. My first year in realestate, I sold seventeen houses, and
(05:11):
I thought that was okay, butI think that's a lot now. Yeah.
By the second that so I startedin January, by the second February,
I had seventeen deals in escrow atone time. Wow. Yeah,
so me and real me and realestate were a thing. I think I
sold fifty five houses my second yearand in the middle of that I realized,
(05:31):
oh, and we sold that nethalf plex moved into a bigger house
pretty quick, and I said,shit, you know, the market's really
kind of taken off. This waslike two thousand and one, two thousand
and two, and I went backand I bought the same model half plex
for about fifteen grand more than we'dsold them. One we got rid of,
and fourteen months later I sold itfor one hundred thousand more than I
paid for it. And she saidthat that's you could do whatever you want.
(05:56):
You know, you flip as manyhouses as you want to flip.
And I said okay. So Itook all the extra money I ever had,
and I think I made one hundredand ten thousand net my part in
May, my second year. SoI started taking money and flipping houses,
and then I was involved with Ihad a friend, this commercial developer,
Paul, and I went to himand I kept kind of bugging and poking
(06:17):
him and said, we need toflip some house. I knew I had
a lot of money, said weneed to flip some houses. And he
finally said, okay, let's dotwo. I said, oh, we'll
do two. Well, I madeso much money on those two goes.
Let's just open an account at thesame bank, and let's just start going.
Well, Paul and I did onehundred and fifty houses together, and
so we just opened up accounts thesame bank, and I'd said, I
(06:38):
need two twenty five for this one. That includes the rehab cost. You
funded one hundred percent. He fundedeverything. I looked up at one point
and I think we had fifteen housesgoing at one time, and I said,
you know, I got three pointfive million of your money out on
a handshake. Everything was in mymy single party LLC. He goes,
(06:59):
yeah, we should do something aboutthat, as I don't know, so
a CBA said, can you guysjust do like a one page something that
we have, you know. So, but I've always I've always been very
trustworthy with people's money, you know. And we did about one hundred and
fifty houses together, and eventually heneeded to move on to other things,
and then I went on on myown and just kept going with I've had
(07:19):
soccer parents put money in. Everybodyknew what I was doing. So I've
owned over three hundred and fifty residentialand commercial houses in my real estate career.
Oh wow, that's amazing. Yeah, just is flipping them you know,
I didn't. Never. I hadfifteen tenants at one point, but
I didn't. I was managing everythingon my own, you know, managing
the relationship. I've coached fifteen seasons, a few sports. I've been a
(07:42):
Boy Scout master for all my boys, been summers at the Boy Scout Camp.
I volunteered in all of my kidselementary school classes up till third grade.
I overdid all the time because Inever had a parent in anything for
me. I never, you know, I know there's balance now that parents
need to have, especially after beinga coach and watching all these helicopter parents
(08:03):
and having them in three sports atone time, and I just a story
after a story of you know,it's too much. It's way too much.
Man. It's like it's just it'spart of the system, right,
you know, it's part of thesystem. We talked about ball before this
thing started. Part of the systemto keep you in sports. And then
the companies that own the companies thatsell you all the equipment, they're they're
(08:24):
owned by Big Brother. They ownit all. It's just they own it
all and they push it all downso they keep you attached all this thing
and what you should do and shouldn'tdo right. Yeah, so it's just
control. We talked about controlling.Yeah, the con is trolling you.
Yeah, the CON's trolling you.So the interesting thing you know about it
is I go through my relationship.You know, it was nine years in
(08:48):
that we had a we had awall in the relationship and she had her
own issues, you know, Ihad mine. Of course, there's two
people in a relationship and uh anduh. But we did three separations in
the last five years of a fourteenyear marriage. You know, we were
apart for a year. During thatyear, I had a nervous breakdown.
I had a panic attack. Youknow, everything fell. I was in
(09:11):
the hospital. I was forty oneyears old, and just all the balls
we were trying to put our marriageback together after being apart for about eight
nine months, going to therapy,real estate company, thirty five agents,
loan company, mortgage company, allthe houses that I owned, the kids,
you know, the all the sportsI was coaching, and it just
all the balls just dropped at onetime and just numbness shot all through my
(09:35):
bodies, couldn't stop sweating. ThoughtI had a heart attack, and it
was a panic attack, and soI got on some medication at that time
for a little bit to help mewith that. And I was grateful for
that, but I know it's nothingI never needed, you know, later
on in life, you know.Yeah, So then you do you have
(09:58):
children with her? We did.We had our own two children, so
we had you know, Kate,and she had Keaton and Caleb. They
were four and six, and thennot long after we got married, we
had Kennedy and Kate. So yeah, my kids are amazing. I love
my kids. Eighteen and twenty ohwow. The Caid's eighteen, just started
Chico College, Chico up in northernCalifornia. And Kennedy's starting her third year
(10:20):
at Santa Barbara and she's taken asemester offish this semester. But just great
human beings, man, Just solidkids, all of them, you know,
just really solid. My son's dabblingsome drinking with his buddies a little
bit, so you know, I'mwatching him. You know, I saw
do just don't drive your fucking car. I said, just go. And
you guys, he's with about twentykids, all from Sacramento. One thing
(10:43):
that you know in my when whenJennifer and I, Jenny and I finally
you know, said we're done forgood. Our house was paid for and
and her the cars were paid for. I didn't have really any debt.
So it's important for me because Ididn't. I had such instability that she
(11:03):
never worked. She was a stayat home mom for fourteen years. I
wanted to keep that in place.So for five years after our divorce,
I made sure she had enough moneyevery month to be a stay at home
mother with our children. That's oneof the reasons that our children are so
so good. It's because they didn't. They didn't they didn't never come home
and not have a parent there,you know. So yeah, so it
was so important. It was thebest. It was one of the best
(11:24):
cos it is. And it's likewe have this society now where both parents
work or the you know, Imean, hell, we don't have dads
at homes anymore. You know.It's like, you know, so that's
all got to be unwound. Andthat's a big part of the work I
do in balancing the masculine and thefeminine energy on the planet right now,
because it's so out of balance,so out of balance, you know,
and the law of the universes order, the law of the universe is balance,
(11:48):
so we have to have it properlyfeminine, masculine. It has to
be in balance so that we flytogether properly. Yeah, it's a big
part of the work. Totally agreewith that. So you guys are still
close Me and my ex. HellNo, I don't like her at all.
I like her. We haven't talkedin almost two years. As kids.
He does like her. We haven'tactually talked in almost two years.
(12:11):
Yeah, and my I love myI love hers being the mother of my
children. But you know, Idon't ever want to have anything to do
with her. You know, It'sjust I did a lot of work around
her because I you know, partof my what led up to my awakening,
you know, was I had agirlfriend that brought a woman named Nicole
Johnson into my life about forty six, and then another girlfriend later brought Kadilla
(12:35):
Matara into my life. And Istarted working with both of these women and
doing the real work. And Ididn't know until work after working with Nicole
for three years that she was ashaman. I'd never heard of shaman's.
I didn't know you would know whata shaman was. I didn't neither.
I learned on this show learned.Yeah. Yeah. People call me a
shaman, they call me a healer. I don't I don't use labels.
(12:56):
It's like one of my favorite booksis The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer,
and there's a part in that bookthe drills who am I? Who am
I? Who am I? Whoam I? Down to I'm just a
being of light, you know,occupying this avatar, you know. And
I've signed a contract before I camehere, and we all have an essence,
we all have a reason of purposethat we were born. Most people
(13:16):
don't find that, so they're stuckin this soul trap. They keep bouncing
them back in over and over,and we got to keep redoing it until
we finally have a moment where youwake up and it's like, oh,
this is this is all bullshit.This is all an illusion designed to trap
me. And until I let goand cut all the cords with all of
the stuff, I can't fly.So I'm all about helping people fly.
(13:39):
I'm all about blowing wom beneath theirwings. So when I started working with
the cole in all those years andthen Kadia, I was working with both
of them, working with both ofthem doing what Nicole and I were doing
a lot of writing. Nicole taughtme about sole retrieval. She taught me
about there's pieces of you that arelost. That like when I was witnessed
what I witnessed at age six,age seven, age ten, age eleven,
(14:01):
age twelve, because my mom movedand left me twice, not just
the one time before that. Sheright before I graduated elementary school, my
mom and earl moved to Odessa fromSan Angelo and left me with a friend
and his mom. You know,when I had stitches in my knee and
playing baseball and had a month anda half of elementary school left and they
just moved, you know. SoI had a lot of the abandonment stuff.
(14:22):
It's huge. It was huge forme to finally get rid of.
You know, I hated being alone. It's like my favorite pastime. Now
It's like, you know, Idon't really like humans. I I don't
really like humans that much. Sodoing that deep in her work with Nicole.
I did a lot of writing withher, and it wasn't until I
was really stuck and I was.Every time I'd go see Nicole, I
(14:46):
would save my ex I would like, you know, because I had had
infidelity, so I must be ademon, right, and I would go
back and do it the same wayagain if I had to go back.
I'm not proud of any anything that, but I don't regret anything. Everything
happens so that I could be thistoday and so that I look back now
(15:07):
and I see the work I wasdoing with Nicole was to She had me
write a dead letter because she wastired of me saving this woman. She
goes, because she knows the detailsof how Jennifer treated me. She knows
the stuff that I put up with, So she goes, why do you
keep fucking saving her? I'm inthese sessions. I'm like, what do
you mean? She goes, therewere two people in that marriage. Whether
(15:28):
there was infidelity or not in fidelity, it doesn't matter. There's two people
in that relationship. When are yougonna say what you want to fucking say?
Because I had a lot of angeragainst her, So what do you
want me to do? So Iwant to write a dead letter? What
the hell is a dead letter?So a dead letter is a letter you
write and you say everything you wantto say that you're not going to send
to her. You're going to bringit to me, and we're going to
go over it. I didn't wantI fought doing this thing. I didn't
(15:48):
want to do it. And thenI finally sat down and ten pages came
out of the nastiest shit you wouldever say to a human being. I
hope you choke on your new boyfriend'sbig ass cock. You fucking see where
I laid it all out. Youknow, it's like you fucking did this
in our relationship and all this fuckingshit. And I was just blah.
Right about page five, I went, oh MG, this is the moment
(16:12):
I left her. This was themoment that I fell out of love with
her. And it was nine yearsinto the marriage. My dad died and
my dad had passed away, andhe hadn't been real involved in my kids'
lives, and he was really involvedin my stepbrother and stepsister kids their kids
lives, and he was only liketwo hours away from me. He wasn't
(16:33):
involved that much. So he uh, So he passes away and I met
the funerals happening, and then mythen wife and I was Mormon by the
way, she was Mormon when Imet her, So I got baptized in
the Mormon church, not once Igot baptized into that fucking church twice,
you know, because I got excommunicatedfor cheating on her, and then I
(16:56):
did all the stuff you're supposed todo. I need two years of repentance.
And then they finally were going toallow me back in, and I
said, fuck you guys, it'sanyway cheated nine years nine years yeah,
nine years, yeah, And uh, like I said, it's it happened
the way it was supposed to happenfor a reason. So, you know,
(17:17):
there was things that went on therelationship that I put up with for
a long time, and it doesn'tmake it right. It's just it happened.
And I don't live with regrets.And so anyway, so I'm working
with Nicole and we're doing a lotof she write and writes a dead letter,
and writing that dead letter is whenI realized that. The moment that
Jennifer said, I don't want theolder boys coming to your dad's funeral,
(17:38):
I'm like, what, Like,I've I've coached all their sports, They've
been sealed to me in the temple, you know, I've volunteered in all
the over mentioned. We're a family. I need my family at my dad's
funeral. I don't want the boyscoming. I'm like that was it.
That was the moment I realized weweren't a family. And I wouldn't have
got there if I hadn't read thatwritten that dead letter doesn't make anything,
(17:59):
you know, by anything, justthat. What are you doing for business
at this point? Still in realestate? No? No, no,
no, no real estate. AndI separated it a long time ago.
No. So what happened for mewas I was doing all this work when
Nicole and Kadia. Kadia was doingsellular energy clearing on me, and I
learned about shaman so I wanted tolearn about shamanism. So I got online
(18:22):
and I saw the gathering of theShamans and it was put on in Sedona,
and it was with Don Miguel Ruizwho wrote the Four Agreements and the
Fifth Agreement, the Five Levels ofAttachment. Him and his sons wrote these
books. I said, I wantto go to that and it was sold
out, and Vicky Higgins, whenI got in contact, was said,
we have a spot for a volunteerif you want to come be a volunteer.
(18:44):
I said, well, I wantto do that anyway, So I
go to the gathering in the Shamansand I meet this woman named Linda Starwulf,
who I've now cut the tie withbecause I needed to cut the tie
with her. But she was themother of shamanic breathwork. I'd never heard
of breathwork, and there's this energyexchange between her and I when we hugged
each other, and it was insane. I'd never felt anything like it before.
So Saturday, I'm assigned to herbreath work workshop and other two hundred
(19:10):
people, eighty five of them chooseto come to her workshop. So I
got eighty five people in a roomgetting ready to do a breath work journey.
And I didn't I was just gonnasit back and watch. I wasn't
gonna participate. And then they putme on the front wall and I did
the breath work journey, and Imean I had a massive spiritual awakening,
huge, I mean ridiculous. AndI was married to my third wife at
the time, who was a doctorpediatrician hospitalist with Kaiser Permanent Day in California,
(19:36):
and she wasn't it. But Imarried an alcoholic and I didn't know
it. I didn't see it coming. I didn't see it because I was
white knuckling for a year and eightmonths. I was white knuckle in that
relationship debacle after tobacle happening with herdrinking. It was terrible. And so
I go to this event and Ilay down and Star Wars starts moving physically,
moving energy on me in my sacralarea, and I mean, I
(20:00):
take off. I'm like eyes closed, flying in the cosmos. Stars and
planets are all around me, andit was very real. And I looked
to my right and there's these twoaluminous beans next to me, and they
point to Orion and they said,you're from there. They said, you're
from there. You're an ancient wisdommaster, and you're here to help this
planet evolve during this time of greattransformation and transmutation, and you're here to
(20:22):
balance the feminine and masculine energy.We've given you a gift at birth that
we're going to now expose for you, and we're going to help you bring
it forward into the world. That'swhat happened. And then after that,
she moves her energy up on myheart chakra and this blue ball just went
like that, and I'm flying allover Earth as an eagle, and I
said, oh my God, I'man egle arch of my back and they
got people losing their minds around meand breathwork, screaming, yelling, and
(20:47):
I'm in my own journey and allof a sudden, just that hit me
on the plants, on the birds, on the rocks and streams. I'm
black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Indian black, I'm male, female,
feminine, masculine, everything and everything. I'm a car, I'm a
house, I'm everything and everything's me. And it hit me like a gat
And right after that, my heartturned to this massive gold heart and just
(21:07):
went gold dust, just blew outall over humanity. And I had this
massive moment of pure love for everythingand everybody on the planet. When I
say I don't like everybody doesn't meanI don't love them. I have a
lot of love and compassion for everybodyon the planet. But at that moment,
I was like, oh my god, I love everybody. And from
that moment forward, and that's Mayfourth of twenty nineteen, it's been a
(21:29):
now chemical process to I went homeon Monday and asked for a divorce.
I started changing everything the illusion Ihad built to protect myself to feel safe.
I started shedding it all and mykids were like, what the hell
are you doing that. I'm like, I've gotten I've had a calling now,
and what do you mean you gota calling? Like I've just been
rearranged on a cellular level and Ihave something I have to bring to the
(21:51):
planet now, like what. Mydaughter was pissed. She was not happy.
And so I started traveling the world. I go to all I could,
Peru, all these places I'm calledto go to, Majorca, Madrid,
lived on the island of Cyprus fora while with doctor Demitriots doing some
work, and I started writing books. The books just started coming and by
(22:15):
next month I'll be a seven timepublished author within a two and a half
year period. The gift of inspirationswas when I self published and then I
republished it through Mainstrem Media with KevinHarrington write and the forward on that one.
The first one I wrote was Crackingthe Rich Code, Volume two.
I wrote that one with Kevin Harringtonand some other authors. That one went
international number one best seller, andit's a co author book. There's a
(22:37):
lot of those things going on rightnow. Then I wrote my own and
self published it, republished it,and then after that I wrote, I
wrote Salt, and both of thoseare out now. I have copies of
those for you guys. So Ihave Salt Surrender except let Go and trust.
That was an acronym that came rightafter my awakening. And then the
(22:59):
next one that's coming out real soon, which is going to be the one
that anybody that wants help is goingto want to buy. It's called The
Gifts of Desperation, a journey backto me, and me means my essence
and that is a thought with anexpansion of the thought, with an affirmation
at the bottom of every page,and there's like one hundred and twenty of
those. I think the Gift ofInspirations is two hundred and eighteen quotes of
(23:22):
mine. And then I just wroteThe Gift of Inspirations Volume two, and
I have that one with my publisherright now as well. And then I've
got a fourteen chapter book that I'mfinishing up. It's called Cosmic Soul or
Science Meet Spirit, and that bookwas originally a book in the CERN library.
There was a scientific, originally scientificbook called Smart Stored Memory Access Retrieval
(23:44):
Technique, and I've now added thespiritual side to that and got permission to
just give scientific credit to doctor Demitratis. And I'm going to self published that
one. I'm going to publish thatone as well, and another one.
I got some more books, kinds. I'm Olivia Gully. I'm one of
the gossip girls here at tupash Podcasts. You can find me on Instagram at
(24:04):
Liv'sworld and if you need me,I'll be crying my Bentley. I'm Marcella,
co host of the tupash podcast.You can find me on all social
media platforms Marcellainery. You can alsofind me on TikTok, Marcella Roinery seven
and I say whatever the fuck Iwant. Yeah, that's right. My
(24:26):
name is Cruz Kofer. You canfind me on Instagram and that's pretty much
it, and let's do some tequilatogether on the next show. If you
enjoy listening to our show, pleasefollow tupash podcast on all social media handles
and tell all your family and friendsabout it. And tupash podcast is on
Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Also, don't hesitate
(24:51):
to leave us a review, comments, feedback, or ask us any questions
and follow me on my personal socialmedia on Instagram at Gabby dot Talks and
Facebook at Gabrielle Kendler, Gilmore andI have no secret. Thank you for
listening. Thank you
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