February 17, 2021 • 18 mins
In this episode we breakdown a frustrating piece of leadership. We hear a voicemail from a leader who is frustrated. Then we learn how to move though it.
Do everything authentically by getting the “Unleash Your Strengths” audiobook at www.eddiepvilla.com
Join the “Unleash Your Strengths” Community here www.unleashyourstrengths.com
RATE AND REVIEW THE PODCAST HERE!
https://ratethispodcast.com/unleashyourstrengths
Do everything authentically by getting the “Unleash Your Strengths” audiobook at www.eddiepvilla.com
Join the “Unleash Your Strengths” Community here www.unleashyourstrengths.com
RATE AND REVIEW THE PODCAST HERE!
https://ratethispodcast.com/unleashyourstrengths
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Okay, I want to talk a little bit about leadership
for just a second. It is extremely difficult because and
I'm reading a wonderful book and I highly recommend you
I'll read it because you have to understand how there
can be a separation from being a leader and being nice.
(00:34):
You know, I follow a lot of great leaders. I
watch a lot of people, and I really take a
lot of notes, and I'm really trying to understand what
kind of leader do I want to be. And there's
often times where a leader cannot be nice. They just
can't because let's just look at it this way. I
(00:59):
want you to think about you right now. I want
you to think about what you really want and you
know how there is this fear inside of you that's
holding you back. Right. I can't help you break through
that fear by being nice. If you come to me
(01:23):
and say, hey, Eddie, I really need to get out
of where I am. I really need it badly. Will
I need it badly? This is where I am, This
is where I really need to be, This is how
I really need to get there, and I want your help. Okay.
(01:49):
I want you to understand that I'm not saying that
I have to be mean all the time, but there's
gonna come a point where I can't be nice about it,
because this fear you have of whatever it is that
you need to do to get what you need to
(02:10):
get done, is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It's
getting meaner and nastier, and it's having more of a
control on you than anything else. I want you to
think about that. In order for me or any leader
to inspire you or challenge you, or dare I say,
(02:31):
push you to overcome that fear for you to get
what you really want, there are going to be times
where I or any other leader is going to have
to be bigger and meaner and nastier than that fear.
But the difference is, and this is the important thing
to understand. The difference is that I am not going
(02:56):
to hold you back like fear does. I am not
going to tell you you can't do this like fear
is doing. I am not going to tell you you
can't be who you are to get what you want
like fear does. I'm reading this great book I recommend
(03:17):
you read it, called Launching a Leadership Revolution. I'm going
to play a voicemail for you in a moment too,
from somebody who's going through a similar situation where they're
feeling like, hey, Doude, I can't be nice and help
people truly get what they want. I'll play that voicemail
for you in a moment. But here's the book I'm reading,
(03:39):
Launching a Leadership Revolution by Chris Brady Orin Woodward Love
this book. I'm going through it very methodically, closely, slowly,
just taking my time because I just think it's an
amazing book, highlighting tons of stuff and one of the
things I want to point out these little things that
I highlighted. It says influence is motivated by discontent with
the status quote and directed toward something better. Right, Those
(04:06):
who are interested in influencing other people are motivated by
a discontent with the status quo, with how the things,
how things are. So when someone comes to me and says, Eddie,
I'm not happy with the status quote, I turn on
and for me it's like, okay, let's become enemies of
the way things are. It's time to make a difference.
(04:29):
Right because leaders, and this is the next highlight I wrote,
leaders can't stand and leave things the way they found them, right.
It's like Hey, this is the way that it's supposed
to be. Then let's change that. And then then the
next highlight I wrote covered is it is from this
discontent and toward their vision with ownership and commitment, that
(04:49):
they exercise influence. Right, Okay, I'm gonna play a voicemail
for you right now, and I want you to understand
that when you decide to take on a leadership role,
you have decided to solve problems, and you have decided
to take ownership of those problems, and you have decided
(05:12):
to teach. But know full well, my friends, is that
when you decide to be a leader, Okay, once you
decide to make that commitment, when you have sacrificed and
suffered and struggled and woken up in the like woken
up in the morning completely sore, your body is aching,
and yet you have to still perform. When you get
(05:34):
to that level, your patience for the things that hold
people back goes away. You have none, You have zero
patients for it because it's it's all, it's not helping. Right.
And then here's the most important part. When somebody comes
to you as a leader and says, hey, I want this,
(05:57):
and then they say I'm going to do this. I'm
going to do this. I'm going to do this, and
then me as a leader, I'm going to help you.
I'm making a commitment to help you. I'm making a
commitment to support you. I'm going to back you up.
And the most frustrating thing that happens to leaders all
(06:19):
the time is that the people that the leaders are
working to help and support and influence give up on themselves.
They give up on themselves, and not because of any
real reason. It's because of a real feeling that comes
from a fake story, a lie, and the lie is
(06:43):
I can't do this, and that manifests into a real feeling,
which is feeling sad, depressed, lonely, angry, which leads you
to do things that are not conducive to you getting
what you want and thus not creating what you want.
And a leader gets to sit back and feel like
(07:05):
they're not enough. They get to sit back and feel
like maybe they don't have what it takes to help
other people move forward in their lives. It is the
worst feeling in the world, my friends, leaders often doubt
themselves because the people they've surrounded themselves with keep quitting
on themselves. I want you to keep that in mind
(07:28):
when you listen to this voicemail. I want you to
hear a leader hurting in this way.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Hi. So, I'm new to strengths and my top ten
I have three influencing, three relationships and three executing strengths,
which I feel like I'm my brain constantly fighting with itself.
(08:06):
I like to move fast. I do love relationships with people,
and I feel like I can't get where I want
to go because I'm at this roadblock with relationships with
people in my business and I'm not moving forward because
(08:29):
I unfortunately need to tell them to get the work
done or hit the road. It's a very nice way
of me saying that. Okay, that's all for now.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, do you understand being a leader is very difficult?
And here's why I want you to imagine that you
are a server. Okay. I want you to imagine you're
in a restaurant, okay, and you're the server, and you
(09:06):
have people come to your table and you welcome them
and you greet them and you say, hey, I'm here
for you. You're obviously hungry, and I'm here to bring you
some food so that you can eat and you can
get what you want right. And then I want you
to imagine that you are people that you're that you're serving. Okay,
they're all excited, like woo, I can't wait to see
(09:26):
what we can get right, And they pick their dinner.
Everyone chooses what they want, and some of them are
a little bit more picky than others or whatever. It
doesn't matter. But you, as a server, write every detail down.
I'm gonna make sure that you get what you want.
And then they take that that order and they go
(09:48):
bring it and you and you, you take that order
and you bring it to the chef and you say, chef,
this is what they want. Do your part, sir, you know,
or ma'am whatever, And and then the chef begins cooking.
And while you're bringing them water or bringing them drinks
or whatever, suddenly one of let's say, let's say there's
(10:11):
a group of four, one of the group of four say,
you know what. I know you've been making my food
for a while, but I change my mind and I
don't want this anymore. I want this other thing. I
heard this as the other thing is way better, so
can I have that instead? And and and you, the server,
you're like, okay, you know, if I'm here to help
(10:32):
you get what you want, you're gonna you know, you
have to do your part. I will do my part.
So I'll go over and I'll let the chef know
that you want something different. Now you don't know this
or sorry, they don't know this for some reason. But
when you go back and you tell the chef, you
see the chef has to stop what they're doing. They
have to clean up what they've been doing. They have
(10:55):
to undo what they were already doing in order to
begin making the new thing that the person wanted. Right, So,
in essence, we are now starting from behind. We are
(11:16):
now way behind because of the process of slowing down
and restarting. And then I want you to imagine, as
a server, you go back to the table and you say, hey,
I got you. We're we stop making what you asked
us to make earlier and we're making a new thing.
So just canna take a few minutes longer, but we
got you. And then I want you to imagine that
(11:40):
customer having frustration like I don't understand, but they don't
say anything. You can just see it on their face.
And then you watch and then you've been to take
how other people at the table suddenly decide that they
want to change their order too, because they like the
new thing. They also like the new thing. They're also like, Oh,
(12:00):
I'm excited about this new thing. You know what, change
my order, to change my order, to change my order too.
I want you to imagine you are the server when
that's happening. And I want you to imagine that those
four people at the dinner table start getting frustrated because
(12:20):
the food isn't coming as fast as it was supposed to,
even though they know in their minds that by changing
their mind, they've they've set themselves in backwards momentum. Even
though they know they change their mind, they are still
demanding the same results that they would have had they
(12:43):
known what they wanted when they first got in. And
you are starting as a If you can imagine yourself
as a server, you're just getting a piece of the pie,
an idea, one little concept of what it's like to
be a leader, what it's like to know that there
(13:03):
are problems that need to be solved, there are people
to be cared for, and what it feels like when
those people don't want to give help themselves get what
they want me I'm gonna share it with this, with
this person and everybody else here. I don't care what
your strengths are. This person's obviously three influencing, three relationship building,
(13:27):
and three executing, which means they love to do everything
in a way that honors their desire to move people forward,
connect with the right people, and make sure things are
done the right way. How does this person know what
are how things are done the right way? Is they ask?
A relationship builder, influencer cares about what you think and feel,
(13:51):
they care, and a person like this where it's in
this order influencing, relationship building, executing. They don't know what
executing is until they know what the people they around
them want. And I'm hoping you're starting to understand now
why why leaders are often pushed to the point where
(14:15):
they're just like, I don't know what to do. Maybe
I'm just surrounded by the wrong people. And so the
advice I would give to this person is the same
advice I would give to those who this person's probably
trying to lead. Get clear about what it is you
(14:36):
truly want, do what you need to do to get it.
Surround yourself with people who are in alignment with what
you want and move away from those who don't. It's
got nothing to do with leaving people behind or any
of that. It's got to do with you just being
(15:00):
honest and stop lying, stop lying to the people you lead,
and stop lying to yourself. I've had to make a
lot of hard decisions in my life when it comes
to certain people. But I'm grateful. I'm so grateful that
I allowed the people that weren't in alignment with what
I wanted. I allowed them. I let them out of
(15:24):
my head, I allowed them the pathway out of my mind,
out of my spirit. I allowed them to move out
of that and gave them peace and freedom to go
find their own calling, Go find their own people, find
the things that they want, because obviously I'm not the
(15:45):
right person for them. That's a really hard decision to make.
But every single time I made that decision, it ended
up being a good for both of us. And so
if you're going to be a leader, you get to
make decisions like that, and if you're going to if
you get if you're going to be someone who is
being supported and led by others, you also get to
(16:08):
make that decision. And maybe it's time to stop biessing,
stop lying, tell the truth, and say, hey, this is
what I want, this is what I'm afraid of, but
I'm here anyway. That's it. I hope this helps. It's
a bit of a longer episode, but as you can tell,
I got a lot of heat on this one. I've
got a lot of fire on this message because I
(16:30):
just have zero sympathy for people who are going to lie,
because I spent you and my friends. You have to understand,
I spent so much of my life lying to myself.
I know what it feels like. And I don't know
how to get you to stop lying by being nice.
I don't know how. I can only tell you, hey,
(16:53):
look I love you, I support you, but you're lying
right now, and I will help you start telling the truth.
I know what it feels like. It's awful, and so
I hope, I hope you choose to start telling the truth.
And so sometimes people and I already know I'm gonna
get emails and messages on this one, so I'm just
(17:14):
gonna make this easy for you. How do you know
when you're lying? When you say something or tell a
story that inspires you to shut down, If you have
a thought that precedes a feeling of shut down and disappointment.
You have told a lie. If you feel drained as
(17:35):
a leader and you feel shut down as a leader,
it's because you are withholding truth. So this person, like,
for example, this voicemail, said I'm just gonna have to
tell people this, and I'm like, yeah, that would like
that would be great idea to start telling the truth
instead of withholding information from the people you lead. So
go tell the truth. And my friends, how do you
(17:57):
know what your truth is? You know your truth because
you know who you are. When you're applying your strength
to everything you do, you get a clear, crystal clear
understanding of who you are and what the value it
is you have to offer. And it's time for us
to learn how to apply that and find people who
see that value and help you help them. So, my friends,
the best way to do that is obviously to get
(18:19):
your Strengths Report. So go to Gallup dot com take
the Strengths Assessment. My goodness, is it that hard? No,
it's not. Go take that strength Assessment and I will
be there to cheer you on, support you, love you
where you are. Join the Unleash your Strengths community and
be a part of the movement where we're helping people
do things authentically and that includes leading have an awesome day.
(18:40):
Go to Unleash your Strengths dot com and we'll see
you on the next episode.
Okay, I want to talk a little bit about leadership
for just a second. It is extremely difficult because and
I'm reading a wonderful book and I highly recommend you
I'll read it because you have to understand how there
can be a separation from being a leader and being nice.
(00:34):
You know, I follow a lot of great leaders. I
watch a lot of people, and I really take a
lot of notes, and I'm really trying to understand what
kind of leader do I want to be. And there's
often times where a leader cannot be nice. They just
can't because let's just look at it this way. I
(00:59):
want you to think about you right now. I want
you to think about what you really want and you
know how there is this fear inside of you that's
holding you back. Right. I can't help you break through
that fear by being nice. If you come to me
(01:23):
and say, hey, Eddie, I really need to get out
of where I am. I really need it badly. Will
I need it badly? This is where I am, This
is where I really need to be, This is how
I really need to get there, and I want your help. Okay.
(01:49):
I want you to understand that I'm not saying that
I have to be mean all the time, but there's
gonna come a point where I can't be nice about it,
because this fear you have of whatever it is that
you need to do to get what you need to
(02:10):
get done, is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It's
getting meaner and nastier, and it's having more of a
control on you than anything else. I want you to
think about that. In order for me or any leader
to inspire you or challenge you, or dare I say,
(02:31):
push you to overcome that fear for you to get
what you really want, there are going to be times
where I or any other leader is going to have
to be bigger and meaner and nastier than that fear.
But the difference is, and this is the important thing
to understand. The difference is that I am not going
(02:56):
to hold you back like fear does. I am not
going to tell you you can't do this like fear
is doing. I am not going to tell you you
can't be who you are to get what you want
like fear does. I'm reading this great book I recommend
(03:17):
you read it, called Launching a Leadership Revolution. I'm going
to play a voicemail for you in a moment too,
from somebody who's going through a similar situation where they're
feeling like, hey, Doude, I can't be nice and help
people truly get what they want. I'll play that voicemail
for you in a moment. But here's the book I'm reading,
(03:39):
Launching a Leadership Revolution by Chris Brady Orin Woodward Love
this book. I'm going through it very methodically, closely, slowly,
just taking my time because I just think it's an
amazing book, highlighting tons of stuff and one of the
things I want to point out these little things that
I highlighted. It says influence is motivated by discontent with
the status quote and directed toward something better. Right, Those
(04:06):
who are interested in influencing other people are motivated by
a discontent with the status quo, with how the things,
how things are. So when someone comes to me and says, Eddie,
I'm not happy with the status quote, I turn on
and for me it's like, okay, let's become enemies of
the way things are. It's time to make a difference.
(04:29):
Right because leaders, and this is the next highlight I wrote,
leaders can't stand and leave things the way they found them, right.
It's like Hey, this is the way that it's supposed
to be. Then let's change that. And then then the
next highlight I wrote covered is it is from this
discontent and toward their vision with ownership and commitment, that
(04:49):
they exercise influence. Right, Okay, I'm gonna play a voicemail
for you right now, and I want you to understand
that when you decide to take on a leadership role,
you have decided to solve problems, and you have decided
to take ownership of those problems, and you have decided
(05:12):
to teach. But know full well, my friends, is that
when you decide to be a leader, Okay, once you
decide to make that commitment, when you have sacrificed and
suffered and struggled and woken up in the like woken
up in the morning completely sore, your body is aching,
and yet you have to still perform. When you get
(05:34):
to that level, your patience for the things that hold
people back goes away. You have none, You have zero
patients for it because it's it's all, it's not helping. Right.
And then here's the most important part. When somebody comes
to you as a leader and says, hey, I want this,
(05:57):
and then they say I'm going to do this. I'm
going to do this. I'm going to do this, and
then me as a leader, I'm going to help you.
I'm making a commitment to help you. I'm making a
commitment to support you. I'm going to back you up.
And the most frustrating thing that happens to leaders all
(06:19):
the time is that the people that the leaders are
working to help and support and influence give up on themselves.
They give up on themselves, and not because of any
real reason. It's because of a real feeling that comes
from a fake story, a lie, and the lie is
(06:43):
I can't do this, and that manifests into a real feeling,
which is feeling sad, depressed, lonely, angry, which leads you
to do things that are not conducive to you getting
what you want and thus not creating what you want.
And a leader gets to sit back and feel like
(07:05):
they're not enough. They get to sit back and feel
like maybe they don't have what it takes to help
other people move forward in their lives. It is the
worst feeling in the world, my friends, leaders often doubt
themselves because the people they've surrounded themselves with keep quitting
on themselves. I want you to keep that in mind
(07:28):
when you listen to this voicemail. I want you to
hear a leader hurting in this way.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Hi. So, I'm new to strengths and my top ten
I have three influencing, three relationships and three executing strengths,
which I feel like I'm my brain constantly fighting with itself.
(08:06):
I like to move fast. I do love relationships with people,
and I feel like I can't get where I want
to go because I'm at this roadblock with relationships with
people in my business and I'm not moving forward because
(08:29):
I unfortunately need to tell them to get the work
done or hit the road. It's a very nice way
of me saying that. Okay, that's all for now.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, do you understand being a leader is very difficult?
And here's why I want you to imagine that you
are a server. Okay. I want you to imagine you're
in a restaurant, okay, and you're the server, and you
(09:06):
have people come to your table and you welcome them
and you greet them and you say, hey, I'm here
for you. You're obviously hungry, and I'm here to bring you
some food so that you can eat and you can
get what you want right. And then I want you
to imagine that you are people that you're that you're serving. Okay,
they're all excited, like woo, I can't wait to see
(09:26):
what we can get right, And they pick their dinner.
Everyone chooses what they want, and some of them are
a little bit more picky than others or whatever. It
doesn't matter. But you, as a server, write every detail down.
I'm gonna make sure that you get what you want.
And then they take that that order and they go
(09:48):
bring it and you and you, you take that order
and you bring it to the chef and you say, chef,
this is what they want. Do your part, sir, you know,
or ma'am whatever, And and then the chef begins cooking.
And while you're bringing them water or bringing them drinks
or whatever, suddenly one of let's say, let's say there's
(10:11):
a group of four, one of the group of four say,
you know what. I know you've been making my food
for a while, but I change my mind and I
don't want this anymore. I want this other thing. I
heard this as the other thing is way better, so
can I have that instead? And and and you, the server,
you're like, okay, you know, if I'm here to help
(10:32):
you get what you want, you're gonna you know, you
have to do your part. I will do my part.
So I'll go over and I'll let the chef know
that you want something different. Now you don't know this
or sorry, they don't know this for some reason. But
when you go back and you tell the chef, you
see the chef has to stop what they're doing. They
have to clean up what they've been doing. They have
(10:55):
to undo what they were already doing in order to
begin making the new thing that the person wanted. Right, So,
in essence, we are now starting from behind. We are
(11:16):
now way behind because of the process of slowing down
and restarting. And then I want you to imagine, as
a server, you go back to the table and you say, hey,
I got you. We're we stop making what you asked
us to make earlier and we're making a new thing.
So just canna take a few minutes longer, but we
got you. And then I want you to imagine that
(11:40):
customer having frustration like I don't understand, but they don't
say anything. You can just see it on their face.
And then you watch and then you've been to take
how other people at the table suddenly decide that they
want to change their order too, because they like the
new thing. They also like the new thing. They're also like, Oh,
(12:00):
I'm excited about this new thing. You know what, change
my order, to change my order, to change my order too.
I want you to imagine you are the server when
that's happening. And I want you to imagine that those
four people at the dinner table start getting frustrated because
(12:20):
the food isn't coming as fast as it was supposed to,
even though they know in their minds that by changing
their mind, they've they've set themselves in backwards momentum. Even
though they know they change their mind, they are still
demanding the same results that they would have had they
(12:43):
known what they wanted when they first got in. And
you are starting as a If you can imagine yourself
as a server, you're just getting a piece of the pie,
an idea, one little concept of what it's like to
be a leader, what it's like to know that there
(13:03):
are problems that need to be solved, there are people
to be cared for, and what it feels like when
those people don't want to give help themselves get what
they want me I'm gonna share it with this, with
this person and everybody else here. I don't care what
your strengths are. This person's obviously three influencing, three relationship building,
(13:27):
and three executing, which means they love to do everything
in a way that honors their desire to move people forward,
connect with the right people, and make sure things are
done the right way. How does this person know what
are how things are done the right way? Is they ask?
A relationship builder, influencer cares about what you think and feel,
(13:51):
they care, and a person like this where it's in
this order influencing, relationship building, executing. They don't know what
executing is until they know what the people they around
them want. And I'm hoping you're starting to understand now
why why leaders are often pushed to the point where
(14:15):
they're just like, I don't know what to do. Maybe
I'm just surrounded by the wrong people. And so the
advice I would give to this person is the same
advice I would give to those who this person's probably
trying to lead. Get clear about what it is you
(14:36):
truly want, do what you need to do to get it.
Surround yourself with people who are in alignment with what
you want and move away from those who don't. It's
got nothing to do with leaving people behind or any
of that. It's got to do with you just being
(15:00):
honest and stop lying, stop lying to the people you lead,
and stop lying to yourself. I've had to make a
lot of hard decisions in my life when it comes
to certain people. But I'm grateful. I'm so grateful that
I allowed the people that weren't in alignment with what
I wanted. I allowed them. I let them out of
(15:24):
my head, I allowed them the pathway out of my mind,
out of my spirit. I allowed them to move out
of that and gave them peace and freedom to go
find their own calling, Go find their own people, find
the things that they want, because obviously I'm not the
(15:45):
right person for them. That's a really hard decision to make.
But every single time I made that decision, it ended
up being a good for both of us. And so
if you're going to be a leader, you get to
make decisions like that, and if you're going to if
you get if you're going to be someone who is
being supported and led by others, you also get to
(16:08):
make that decision. And maybe it's time to stop biessing,
stop lying, tell the truth, and say, hey, this is
what I want, this is what I'm afraid of, but
I'm here anyway. That's it. I hope this helps. It's
a bit of a longer episode, but as you can tell,
I got a lot of heat on this one. I've
got a lot of fire on this message because I
(16:30):
just have zero sympathy for people who are going to lie,
because I spent you and my friends. You have to understand,
I spent so much of my life lying to myself.
I know what it feels like. And I don't know
how to get you to stop lying by being nice.
I don't know how. I can only tell you, hey,
(16:53):
look I love you, I support you, but you're lying
right now, and I will help you start telling the truth.
I know what it feels like. It's awful, and so
I hope, I hope you choose to start telling the truth.
And so sometimes people and I already know I'm gonna
get emails and messages on this one, so I'm just
(17:14):
gonna make this easy for you. How do you know
when you're lying? When you say something or tell a
story that inspires you to shut down, If you have
a thought that precedes a feeling of shut down and disappointment.
You have told a lie. If you feel drained as
(17:35):
a leader and you feel shut down as a leader,
it's because you are withholding truth. So this person, like,
for example, this voicemail, said I'm just gonna have to
tell people this, and I'm like, yeah, that would like
that would be great idea to start telling the truth
instead of withholding information from the people you lead. So
go tell the truth. And my friends, how do you
(17:57):
know what your truth is? You know your truth because
you know who you are. When you're applying your strength
to everything you do, you get a clear, crystal clear
understanding of who you are and what the value it
is you have to offer. And it's time for us
to learn how to apply that and find people who
see that value and help you help them. So, my friends,
the best way to do that is obviously to get
(18:19):
your Strengths Report. So go to Gallup dot com take
the Strengths Assessment. My goodness, is it that hard? No,
it's not. Go take that strength Assessment and I will
be there to cheer you on, support you, love you
where you are. Join the Unleash your Strengths community and
be a part of the movement where we're helping people
do things authentically and that includes leading have an awesome day.
(18:40):
Go to Unleash your Strengths dot com and we'll see
you on the next episode.
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