April 21, 2023 • 42 mins
In this episode, Aalia is joined by Bryan Ruby, the first credited openly gay active professional baseball player and country music artist. Bryan shares his experiences and insights on the importance of representation and inclusion in sports and entertainment, as well as how storytelling and music can play a role in promoting social acceptance and empathy. He also shares the purpose behind his non-profit organization, Proud To Be In Baseball, which supports and encourages LGBTQ+ youth in the sport. Like, comment, and subscribe! Stay connected with your host on IG: @aalia_unsugarcoated Stay connected to our guest: @bryanrubyofficial
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
From Ubian Studios. You're listening toUnsugarcoated with Aliya bringing you interviews with public
figures and inspirational people speaking on selfimprovement with empowering themes, and I'm your
host, ali Elaneus. Hello,Hello, Hello, and welcome back to
another episode of your favorite social goodpodcast. I am for a second,
(00:21):
I forgot what it was. Don'tmind me, guys, I am just
excited to be back and have anotheropportunity to share an amazing guest with you.
And you know that here we believeevery individual has the power to create
change in their own unique way.Today's episode is particularly special as we are
joined by someone who has broken barriersand shattered stereotypes in the world of professional
(00:45):
sports. This individual has shown incrediblestrength, courage, and resilience in the
face of adversity, all the whileremaining true to themselves and their identity.
Their journey is a testament to thepower of representation and serves as a reminder
that we all have a responsibility tocreate a world where everyone feels seen,
heard, and valued. But thisepisode isn't just about breaking down barriers and
(01:11):
defying expectations. It's also about thepower of emotional intelligence and how it can
bring us closer together as human beings. By embracing all vulnerabilities and sharing our
stories, we create space for empathy, compassion, and understanding and foster deeper
connections with one another. So joinus as we delve into the inspiring journey
(01:34):
of a trailblazer who has shown thatbeing true to yourself is the ultimate act
of courage. We hope that theirstory will not only inspire you, but
also serve as a reminder that representationmatters and that we all have a part
to play in creating a more inclusiveand compassionate world. So let's go.
His love for baseball and country musicseemed at odds with the secrets he kept
(01:57):
hidden away for years, but intwenty twenty one, Brian Ruby made national
headlines when he became the first activeprofessional baseball player to publicly announce he is
gay. Set to be the subjectof an upcoming documentary focusing on Brian's path
through the traditionalist worlds of baseball andcountry music, It will also chronicle the
(02:19):
founding of his first of its kindcharity, Proud to Be in Baseball,
which supports and encourages LGBTQ youth inthe sport. In addition to being a
trailblazing sports athlete, he's also arising country music artist that appeared on the
iTunes Country Top twenty five. Morethan anything, Brian hopes to write music
(02:40):
that speaks to kids who feel theway he did at fourteen years old.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome misterBrian Ruby. You did it not me?
Oh, how are you, myfriend? Good? Thank you for
having me on. Oh, Imean well, first of all, we
are gonna like so some of thepeople have heard, we shot two episodes
(03:05):
as pilots with the live studio audienceback in August. We haven't been able
to share that content, which deeplybreaks my heart. But yes, we
are going to share that with theworld. But in the meantime, we
had to bring you on the showas we continue down that road, because
your story is incredible. You areincredible, and the impact that you have
made is something that I just Ithink matters, and your story matters.
(03:25):
So it's so happy. We're sohappy to have you back. Thank you,
and you you live in Nashville,right, and so tell me,
like you know, first of all, you've been playing baseball since you were
young. Yeah, it's almost twodecades now from when I first picked up
a bat as a kid. It'sstill going though. It's wild. And
how did your experience shape your perceptionof the sports world as you were growing
(03:50):
up? Yeah, I think grownup, Like you know, you you're
in the locker room as a kidwith the other guys, and baseball's a
very macho environment and it's just likenot a space where you see a lot
of queer representation at all. Andyou know, as aid that young kid
who feels all alone, they don'tknow what to do. They watch games
(04:10):
on TV and they can't see arole model like themselves. They you know,
they say, if you can seeit, you can be it.
And you know, I would haveloved to see somebody like me on playing
on TV when I was a kidand dreaming about being a major league baseball
player. And I'm not. I'mI'm a journeyman, independent league guy.
You know, I'm probably here onthe totem pole of all the baseball players,
with the guys playing for the Dodgersthat are down the road and making
(04:33):
millions of dollars. That is notme. As I grew up in baseball
and continued to feel alone and continuedto learn more about myself and come out
to myself and then my friends andfamily and and my teammates. I really,
I guess just had a problem withum. You know, I thought
(04:55):
back to myself as that kid andfeeling alone, and and you know,
seeing that not much has really changedin the last decade or so, right
in baseball, A lot is changedin the world. Lgbt Q representation is
normal, you know, in theworld today, and we've come so far,
and you know, the generation beforeme, the generations before me,
(05:17):
right have fought so hard just forour rights and for acceptance in society,
and and to not really see thatcome through in the baseball world is kind
of why I decided to come out. First and foremost, I've been living
my life and in a relationship likewe're in love and it's amazing, and
I wanted to come out so Icould live my life and right, yeah,
(05:39):
be authentic. And I also wantedto come out just because you know,
I wanted to be the person thatI couldn't see as a kid.
Right well, especially when the narrativeand I you know, even with the
Super Bowl was kind of funny becausesome of my friends that are in the
community, and you know, look, the way that I want to support
the community is from a perspective ofempathy. You know. I there's as
(06:01):
a gen xer who's part of thegeneration who's familiar with people who I mean
took their lives or struggled so muchbecause they couldn't be authentic to themselves.
Meanwhile, we're a generation of peoplewho are like, listen, man,
we don't give an f We arebeing at us like I'm on SUGARCOATD for
a reason, right, So howdare we not extend that same courtesy to
others? But I say that,like, you know, during the Super
(06:24):
Bowl, you know, there waslike, of course, talking the community
once again, bringing up this conceptof manly men play sports, right,
like this toxic mask. To me, that's toxic masculinity when you tell another
man what it means to be aman. Yeah right, yeah, I
think, Yeah, there's a lotto unpack them. For sure, who
I date has no impact on whetheror not I can hit a ninety three
(06:47):
mile an hour fastball, or scoretouchdown or kick a field goal if I'm
a football player, or or orhit a three point or if I'm a
basketball player. Right, it's irrelevant, right, But what it does do
is when you are closeted, itholds. There's just so much, At
least for me, there was.I constantly felt like there's a weight on
(07:09):
my chest and I couldn't be thebest version of myself that I possibly could
be, couldn't play the best couldn'tbe the best friend that I could be
to my friends and teammates, couldn'tbe the best brother to my siblings and
son to my parents, and there'sa lot of of and or the best
songwriter that I could be with myother job and country music, and you
(07:30):
know, there's a lot that thatyou kind of have to work through during
the coming out process. And it'sdifferent for everybody, but um, I'm
glad to be kind of on theother side of it and helping to push
things forward in baseball and try tomake somewhat of an impact in my sport
for the next generation of players thatare like me. Yeah, what do
(07:50):
you feel are some of the mostcritical myths you are dispelling? Myths?
Well, I guess first and foremostthat queer people don't play baseball or do
country music. I think actually probablycountry music has a little bit more representation
than baseball, right. I justreleased a song called Baseball Country. It's
(08:13):
kind of the both best best ofboth worlds, baseball and country music.
I feel like another one of themyths to that you dispel is that if
you do come out, that youstill can have a job, because I
remember previously you had things were toldto you before, like which you know,
I remember working in the music industryback in the day, and I
mean, this is a very truestory. I remember when Ricky Martin was
(08:35):
still not sharing his public publicly,his you know, his sexual orientation,
and oh the record label was like, oh you do that, You're gonna
kill us, You're gonna kill afan base. And so there's these reasons
why, right, So tell uswhat ye told to you and then ultimately
what happened. Yeah, well that'skind of what we work through in the
documentary is I had a coach tellme in April twenty twenty one that if
(09:03):
I came out publicly, I wouldnever ever get a job in baseball again.
And I really struggled with that becauseI love playing baseball and it's my
life and you know, but probablythe thing that I'm most proud of out
of all the things that have happenedsince coming out and since starting our charities,
is just the ability to have keptmy job and to have been offered
(09:26):
more jobs in baseball, more spots, and I'm going to play the summer
playing some tournaments and go overseas alittle bit and continue playing. And it
really hasn't impacted my ability to playbaseball, which is amazing. And I
think that the thing that that isgoing to change our culture, whether it's
(09:48):
in the sports world or in themusic industry, is just you need to
have those examples of people who canhold down a job and be out and
do a good job, right,and then that'll pave the way for people
to come out earlier and earlier,and then it won't even be a thing
anymore. And he was just,you know, certain industries are like this.
(10:09):
I think baseball has a ways togo. Yeah, when we talk
about representation across the board, right, like whether it's large, you know,
big beautiful women like Lizzo who cansell records and dispel this concept of
like no, you've got to beyou know, a bucko five and look
a certain way, right, orwhether it's just in general, just simply
for the fact that, like yousaid, if you can think it,
(10:33):
you can if you can see it, you can be it. And if
you in you know, time andtime again when we talk about representation,
like look at the responses when theLittle Mermaid came out, right, how
many little girls were like, Wow, there's someone on TV like me,
And yeah, that upsets some people. Right. So you had one little
part I remember in the media thatthat when when there was a day of
(10:56):
that intended for inclusion Pride Week.Yeah, you know, you know,
some people didn't like they and youwere the one to say, no,
listen, this is our perspective.So what was that like to be the
person to stay no. Yeah.I think it's like you said, representation
matters, visibility matters. It's rightthere on our on our charity's website,
(11:18):
Proud to be in Baseball dot org. It's right there. I mean,
if you can see you can beat all the quotes that we talked about,
but there will always be detractors.When I came out, it was
incredibly positive. Nine percent of themessages that I got were positive from fans
and from people in the baseball worldand music world, and so I really
(11:39):
think that it's it's becoming more normal, but there will always be those people
that oppose. And I guess atthis point I am used to it.
You know, occasionally you will getthat message, and it's and what I
would like to show when I doget that message. I got a message
last week from somebody whom you knowmessages me. I was a fan who
(12:03):
messed me on Instagram And why areyou you know, why does it matter?
I don't care who you date.Why are you posting all this lgbt
stuff and what I I don't wantto get too dark, but we have
these statistics from the Trevor Project.LGBTQ kids have considered committing suicide in the
(12:26):
last year. Like it's it's tragicto see and it's and on the flip
side of that is is life changingto see how how good your life can
be if you have acceptance and youhave people in your corner. And so
that's kind of why I have spokenup when I've felt the need to.
(12:46):
Some of the baseball players that sortof vocally opposed our charity and kind of
went out of their way to saythat in public and speak out against Pride
Night. Um, you know,they're not in the community, and they
haven't had the experience of growing upand feeling like they're all alone, you
(13:09):
know, and having those darker thoughts, and um, you know it's ironically
some people do, and yet theywill still pass that on to somebody else
maybe for something different. Right,Yeah, No, it's true. It's
it's true. I think like thebiggest thing that I tried to say in
the media when some of the controversyhappened was this isn't for you. Pride
(13:35):
Night is not for it's it's andpride events, and it's it's not for
straight people. There's one hundred andsixty two baseball games every year in the
major leagues for each team. PrideNight is one night, right, you
know, we get one night,right who we are. We have about
fifteen events scheduled coming up in Junewith our charity with Major League Ball in
(14:00):
minor league baseball teams around Pride Nightto bring LGBTQ plus youth groups to the
ballpark and to start integrating these communities. Because I feel like, if you
are a queer kid, and youknow, you watch sports, you watch
baseball, why would you be interestedin baseball. If you can't see people
(14:24):
like you, why would you?You know, why would you? I
would rather? You know, Iwas a baseball player long before I knew
that I was gay, So um, I didn't feel like I should sacrifice
being a baseball player, right right, you know, because of who I
am. But I think if you'rea younger kid and you're you're wondering,
why should I do this if Ican't see people like me, you know,
(14:46):
if this isn't a world that's that'swelcoming to me, And like,
our charity is going to take awhile, but it has to start from
that younger age to just like beable to hammer down that message that you
can be in sports. Right.I want to go back to proud to
be to be in baseball and theinspiration behind that. But before I do,
(15:07):
I want to say, like,you know, you had started,
you came out, you went publicas the first active baseball player, and
now subsequently, of course, othershave started to follow suit. So it's
like you guys are once again disparagingand showing the world at the myth of
like, stop believing that there arenot people in this community already here.
(15:28):
Yeah, because that's a lie.Yeah, their strength in numbers. Yes.
Um, what I always say isI don't believe I was the first
ever baseball player to come out.I think people have have. Um,
there's there's been players, even thoughthe media credited me as that I really
think and were. We've put alink on our on our link tree and
(15:50):
our Instagram to kind of tell somestories of people who you know, maybe
some of these stories have been forgotten, right because they were a long time
ago. There was there was aguy who was out in some capacity to
his teammates named Glenn Burke in thenineteen seventies eighties. No, there's there's
been these people who've kind of beenforgotten about. But but what I say
(16:14):
is I don't think I was thefirst, but I damn sure won't be
the last. Because of all thestuff that we're doing with proud to be
in baseball, there have been playerswho have come out. You know,
since I came out, there's morewho are thinking about it every day,
messaging us because we're the people tomessage and talking through it. And the
more the merrier, that's my philosophy. There's sixteen million people that play baseball,
(16:36):
so there's there's a whole lot morethan a few queer people. So
going back to Proud to Be inBaseball, you know, an amazing organization
nonprofit five three. Can you speakto how this work contributes to the larger
conversation around inclusion and representation as faras like well at least as part of
the inspiration for you and getting itstarted, Yeah, definitely was the process
(17:00):
getting started to start a start upa charity, as you know five O
one C three nonprofits, there's alot of paperwork. I had to do
all the documents with the irs andget it set up the right way.
I set it up because I didn'tfeel like there was an organization out there.
There's lots of LGBTQ charities. We'veworked with some of them. I
(17:22):
mentioned the Trevor Project, a bunchof other great ones. There's lots of
sports charities, but there isn't anythingthat zones in to just focus on baseball
for the LGBTQ community. The queercommunity is large enough, the baseball community
is large enough that there's got tobe somebody whose specific focus is to help
advance the ball forward. You know, can't come from a corporate entity,
(17:48):
who whose purpose is to make money. You know, Major League Baseball wants
to sell tickets and make money andand so that's their primary motive and provide
a good fan experience. And there'slots of ways that we can work work
with those organizations, and obviously it'simportant too, but our direct purpose is
to help LGBTQ advocacy in baseball.We started, we went on wix dot
(18:11):
com. They should sponsor us.They don't, but they should look at
you wix um they all sponsor us. But we went on. We set
up a website. We paid Idon't know, it's like probably fifty bucks
to set up a website, andwithin a couple of days it had spread
around the media that there actually issomething that is specifically focused on baseball,
(18:33):
you know, for LGBTQ causes,and it's sort of just grown organically after
that, and it's it's probably Inever thought of myself as an UM as
an activist. I think I'm moreof an accidental activist. I just wanted
to live my life right. Butit's really bothered me, you know now
(18:56):
that I'm an adult and then I'mon the other side of coming out and
that there you know, there therearen't resources to help younger versions of myself.
I felt strongly that somebody needing todo that. And it's more rewarding
to do that kind of stuff andand to try to advance the ball forward
than any of the actual baseball playsthat I've ever made. You know,
(19:19):
it's it's that that stuff is forme, you know, making a play,
getting a hit and you're scoring arun, and I'm going to do
some more that this summer, probablyfor the last time is probably I'm at
this point. I'm I'm twenty seven, and I'm um getting ready to be
done with baseball and sort of writinga an EP and releasing it throughout the
(19:41):
course of this year. It'll allbe out later this summer. Um,
that's kind of a celebration of mylife in in baseball and the culture around
the ballpark. And I plan toprobably hang them up um and and be
done. You know, at thePLA. I'll always be involved with the
charity stuff, but yeah, everythinghas its course. And you know,
(20:03):
let me ask you, what hasbeen some of the feedback from some of
these young men and young girls thatyou've actually your organization has worked with them,
and what has been what is theresomething that stands out to you that
made you are affirmed that you're doingthe right thing. Yeah. You don't
realize how many people are in thequeer community in baseball until you're the guy
(20:26):
that comes out publicly and you wakeup the next day and you have six
thousand notifications on your phone. Wow. And a lot of them are from
young athletes saying, what do Ido? You know? I don't know
should I come out? I feelall alone and all these things that I
went through, And so the messageshave Some of them have been inspiring,
(20:49):
some of them have been downright depressingbecause of the circumstances that the person's in.
And I always try to say,like, you know, just hang
in there. Um, it doesget better. Tell someone if you're struggling
with coming out. Most people heardabout me when I came out publicly.
I've actually been out for about fiveyears to my friends and family before that
(21:14):
moment, And each time that Itold someone, it took a little bit
of that weight off of my chest, right, you know, And and
I received acceptance and somebody could couldknow the truth about me, and I
could wouldn't have to worry about hidingbecause a lot of mental energy that gets
wasted. Yea, watching what yousay, Yeah, watching what you say,
what you where you go, whatyou do? Like it right?
(21:36):
Um? And you know I've hadentire relationships in the closet in the past,
like in college and where my baseballteammates didn't know and I felt like
I had to keep living two separatelives. Um. But it's really helped
my songwriting as well. Oh,I know, and your songs are great.
I mean your songs that definitely alwayshave I know, the Standouts.
(21:57):
You know you and you have thesesongs that you genuinely see there's a message
in there to empower somebody, yeah, you know that needs it. Yeah,
the Standouts, Like you said,we're actually doing a remake of that
for Pride Month coming up this yearwith Ty Herndon, who was one of
I believe male country singer besides PatrickHaggerty, who was who did Lavender country
(22:22):
decades ago. Ty was the firstI believe to come out publicly and he
came out in twenty fourteen and Iinvited him to be my duet partner on
the Standouts. And that was asong that I wrote last year and released
for Thinking about my grandpa who's sortof my hero, and my sister who's
(22:44):
a teacher and she hasn't got alot of recognition and doing amazing things.
And so we're gonna put a PrideMonth spin on it and you'll hear it
coming out in June. I loveit. What advice would you offer to
young LGBTQ individuals maybe struggling to findacceptance or representation in the sports and entertainment
(23:04):
industries. Yeah, advice just thatthere are others like you. Maybe you
can't see them, but they're there, you know. You have to try
to find them. Maybe you're notin a in a position to come out
publicly, or maybe you don't wantto, maybe it's not safe, but
coming out to yourself is the firststep. And finding one person that you
(23:30):
can talk to and be authentic with, you know, a one trusted friend
or confidant, a mentor, youknow, and just that you know,
we are advancing the ball slowly,but surely. I've always used sports metaphors
to that young person. I wouldjust say, hang in there, it
gets better, you know, andjust keep following what you're passionate about.
(23:56):
And if it is one of theseindustries where you can't see a lot of
queer people. Um, you knowthat's that's no reason to quit the sport
or to quit whatever you're doing.Talk about not even coming out, but
just becoming a professional athlete is atask in itself, and it it's a
lifetime of work, and you haveto be committed and focus every day and
(24:17):
get up and get after it right. And um, it's almost the you
know the same thing I have foundwith with country music and with baseball.
Um, the way that I gainacceptance amongst my peers is just by working
really hard and by continuing to turnout a good product. Whether that's a
(24:41):
song that I write for another artist, you know, they respect me because
of that I help them tell theirstories, or a song that I release
myself, or playing a show andconnecting to people, or showing up at
the baseball field and playing well andbeing good teammate. You just have to
do those things to to a levelthat where you and you know, treat
(25:02):
yourself with respect and show up readyto roll, and and they will respect
you. On that comment of athletes, I have such respect for it for
multiple reasons, not only the dedicationand of course I grew up you know,
reading Michael Jordan getting up in youknow, three am and type of
stuff, or when somebody told youyou weren't good at something. I mean,
(25:22):
you showed the world what you got. You you worked hard. You
know. Shaquille O'Neill used to getmade fun of for his bad you know,
free throws and then he would practiceand wear a carter. But my
thought is like, how how there'salso a repeat overcoming trauma like you or
you know, look, it's interestingbecause you always want everyone to win,
(25:44):
right, but somebody is going tolose in a game. There's just you
know, I mean rarely are thereties all the way. I mean,
and I've been to a basketball Imean, excuse me, a baseball game
that's gone eighteen innings because somebody's gotto win. So there's there's like you
keep saying the metaphor or there's thisvery this the formula of success is understanding.
(26:07):
First of all, just because youlost doesn't make you a loser.
Right, you go back, youlearn, you you get better, you
get smarter, you get quicker,you know, you just show up and
and and ultimately that you can't likethe physical aspect and trauma and recovery.
What that looks like. And Imean to me, it just it very
much symbolizes life. Yeah, totally, totally. In baseball, so you
(26:32):
play one hundred and sixty two gamesa year. If you win a hundred
of them, your team is reallygood. But you still lose sixty two
games, right, right, Soyou have to I don't view it as
a loss. It's it's never trulya loss if you're learning right, and
you just got to take something fromit. Even the best baseball players the
same thing. You get three hitsand ten at bats, you know you're
(26:53):
still fail seventy percent of the time. And when I was a sophomore in
college, I was the fourth stringright fielder on a Division three college baseball
team. Oh wow. And nowI'm twenty seven and I've played in seven
countries around the world in independent baseballin the US, and I'm still going
and it's just about continuing to showup. And like you said about Michael
(27:18):
Jordan, I'm so glad you toldthat story. He was cut from the
varsity team or whatever the famous storyis playing JV in high school. You
know, he's one of the bestbasketball players ever, if not the best.
Yeah, I know Lebron James ismaking a pretty good run for it
here in LA. But it's true, you just got to keep going.
(27:38):
Same thing with songwriting, right,We're writing every day, trying to be
better, trying to improve, andI hope that it's reflected in the songs
that y'all hear right well, whichto me, by the way, I'm
very emotionally intelligent in that sense ofyou've now learned and have these experiences,
you have insight into yourself, andnow you're going out and creating things that
(28:03):
help do that for others. Canyou speak to the role that music and
story play, the storytelling excuse me, can play in promoting greater social acceptance
for the LGBTQ community. Yeah.You think about who has power in our
culture, right, who has influence? Who's an influence? Everybody wants to
be an influencer. I couldn't careless, but people do. Look at
(28:26):
artists. The reason why you can'tcare less is because you're just busy doing
it. You're not focused on tryI feel this. I feel this because
I relate to that comment, likewe're just busy doing it. We're not
trying to like move to somebody thatyou got to put this label on me,
right, Like naturally, we're allinfluencing something or someone, So sorry,
go ahead. True, now that'sa good point, but it is
true in our culture, in Americanculture and Western culture, we look up
(28:49):
to these people artists and athletes andentrepreneurs and and you know, I think
that people if you look at thehistory of queer musicians, there's a long
history there, and some of myfavorite musicians, you know, I love
their music before I even knew anythingabout their personal lives. Talk about Freddie
(29:11):
Mercury from Queen, you know,one of the best ever to step in
front of the microphone, and somany more. You know, I could
go through a whole laundry list ofpeople. But I think music gives us
an opportunity as queer people to gainacceptance from straight people. You know,
they can relate to the songs.I've tried to build all of my songs
(29:34):
in a way that anybody, nomatter who you are, where you come
from, can relate to it,right. And I do think that I
have an opportunity, as a youngerartist in country music who's out from the
start now of my career to justbe somebody where hopefully LGBTQ is not an
(29:59):
issue and I can sing good songsand people know about my personal life and
that's great, and then maybe they'redrawn to that. You know, it's
it's a it's a nice little callingcard, but but it's um. You
know, I can help to showthat people like me can be in that
environment. It's the same thing withour charity Proud to Be in Baseball.
We are literally proud to be baseballplayers, and we're proud to be in
(30:22):
the LGBT community and those things.It's twenty twenty three. Those things are
not mutually exclusive. We once dida story on a young woman who I
was judging a music competition and therewas this young girl who wrote a song
about having to come out to hermom, and you know, I was
moved to tears in you know,because as a parent, I couldn't help
(30:44):
but empathize this moment. You know, she wants her mom to love her,
she wants to be honest, andat the same token, she's trying
to express I'm still the same daughteryou love, I'm still the same I'm
still every I just this is whoI am and I can't be concerned,
you know, I just I needto be me. And you know,
it really moved me because again goingto the back to the part of like,
(31:04):
how dare I tell somebody that theycan't be authentic to themselves in that
way? Right, it's not criminal, it's not I mean, I know,
once upon a time they made andthat's part of the problem. We're
still reeling from what was once aconsidered illegal. But hey, there's a
lot of things that were considered illegalthat you know, drinking, I mean,
I don't not even go I look, I went to law school.
(31:26):
Some of the things I thought,I mean at one point, and for
anyone who might be offended, I'msorry. Anal sex at one point was
on the books and in some statesis still considered illegal with men and woman
like. But that's where people oversteptheir boundaries. I think we forget that
at times. Many times still currentlylegislature seems to overstep these boundaries telling a
(31:47):
person who they can be and whatthey should be, which it's wrong,
and we're breaking the chains of that. You know, you're breaking the chains
for yourself, your generation and futuregeneration to come. Yeah, it's all
it all just comes back to love. Like that's why they call it Pride
Month, like it's it gets madefun of, but it's you just grow
(32:12):
up with so much shame about whoyou are, and it really is amazing
to actually be proud of like whoyou are as a person. And that's
the point of it. You Know, people think is about corporate marketing and
slapping a rainbow logo on T shirtsand selling them at the mall, you
know, for a month, andthen they come down and you know,
on to the next thing. Butit's it's really about us as a group
(32:37):
of people gaining confidence and pride andwho we are and living our lives the
best possible ways that we can,yeah, and supporting the community because we
go through the same Look, nobody'scrying over pink ribbons in October for breast
cancer Month. In fact, theonly people that are usually upset about that
are the breast cancer survivors who arelike, that actually doesn't represent what we
(32:59):
go through. But none the less, I'm saying, nobody has a problem
with that, right, nobody's upsetthat we're taking the time collectively as a
society to support our fellow human beings. So I think that's incredible and I
can't help but think of my youngestdaughter, Sophia, and I ask her
what's her favorite color? She saysrainbow. She's like, my favorite color
(33:20):
is rainbow. And when I thoughtabout it, I was like, that's
a really good answer because you know, she's like, why do I just
have to pick one? And I'mlike, you know, you clever little
girl there, you know, Andthat's amazing about how that story about you
judging the competition. I was justthinking as you were saying that, like,
the best music has to come fromabsolutely has to come from real life,
(33:43):
lived experience. Songs are emotional,that's if we hit people in the
fields, that's where that's that's goodmusic that makes an impact. Right,
How could you be the best possibleversion of yourself that you can be if
you're if you're holding back back anentire set of real life experiences, right,
(34:04):
that makes you unique and that thatmake you a person. And I
love Nicola Tesla who said, ifyou want to unlock the secrets of the
universe, think in terms of frequency, vibrations and energy, and music is
literally vibrations, engine frequencies, thecertain frequencies that you even record on.
It's sick. There's you know,there is a lot that people don't understand
(34:28):
that goes behind it. And that'swhy when you're not feeling good and you
put on a song and you feelbetter and you're immediately literally because the vibrational
pull of that is lifting you likeor can also do the opposite and make
you feel a little you know,like when we're depressed and we're broken up
and we put on the set songs, right, I mean, I feel
good playlist. I got my sadgirl pop playlist. My kids heard Katie
(34:49):
Perry, they heard Alicia Keys.You know, when everything they knew,
they knew when I was in amood because they were like, Mom's playing
all the female empowerment songs. Yourselfup. Let me you know, what
are the next steps for you?You mentioned the EP releasing soon. What
are you most excited about sharing withthe world and how can we support you?
(35:09):
Yeah? Wow, well next stepsfor me? You know, I
am rolling out those songs. They'reall built around celebrating life at the ballpark.
I'm playing baseball just a little bita little more, maybe be done
right about end of the summer.I think that's the current thought, unless
somebody convinces me to keep count,which is a possibility, but nothing saidenced
(35:30):
up. Yeah, and importantly buildingour charity. We have fifteen events coming
up in Pride month with major leagueand minor league baseball teams. That is
a real opportunity to make some reallife growth on the ground, you know,
at the grassroots level with some ofthese groups and start to improve the
environment. And that's only going tobuild from there. It's really just putting
(35:52):
the work in and writing more songs, releasing more music, and playing as
many shows as I can possibly fitin between all the events and stuff.
And I know you actually played toNight in Hollywood, right plan to Night.
Yet when this airs it'll be postso sorry you guys go, But
well I have to come back.Well yeah, you definitely got to come
(36:13):
back play in Hollywood tonight. You'llhear in a few months, probably some
news about our documentary that we havecoming out. I agreed to do it
because I never thought that I wouldbe involved in a documentary at all,
and I really didn't have very muchinterest in getting in front of the camera.
I'm mostly just a baseball player andmusician. But um, I did
(36:35):
it because I needed to see someprogress in the sport and I felt like
if I could tell my story,that could help younger athletes. And this
is the type of thing that Iwish I could have watched as a kid,
because it would have helped me somuch. It would have saved years
of struggling if I had just knownand being able to watch something about somebody
(36:59):
like me. Right, And soall that'll be rolled out over the course
of the next year or so,and I'm sure you'll see me back here
in La soon. Yeah, Imean, I'm excited. We have a
few rapid fire questions for you thatare fun. They come from our team
back get un sugarcoaded media. Sofirst one, what's your go to karaoke
(37:22):
song? Oh? My god,m somebody love queen? Oh, there
you go. If you could haveto be really sorry, really vocally warmed
up for that one, I mean, yeah, late, I give you
kudos because you know, I stilldon't get on karaoke, just quite not
that I'm like the worst singer ever, but you know, karaoke the whole
(37:42):
nother drinks though You're okay, youknow everybody's okay, right right? Um,
If you could have any superpower,what would it be um to fly?
I would love to fly even whenwe're I always try to get the
window seat, like when I'm whenI'm on a plane, because I've always
taken videos post them my Instagram story. When you said that right now,
(38:04):
I was like, that's such agood because I always say that I love
being in different places, but Ihate traveling, like getting there, you
know, connections, all the stuff, especially these days, right everything's delayed.
So but in my mind right now, when you said that, suddenly
I had the picture of like,have you ever been on like a motorcycle
or something you don't have a helmetand like bugs or just coming in.
Suddenly I had this image. I'mlike just like swallowing like flies and everything.
(38:27):
Did Superman get them? But youknow, I'm imagining you get high
enough you're not really running into anyof that. Yeah. True. Okay,
what's the best piece of advice doyou've ever received? Oh my god,
Billy Bean is a mentor and friendof mine, and he has just
(38:52):
kind of told me to I'm sorry, to get real serious, just to
keep pushing and trust myself and kindof trust the process. And also too,
you know, I think us aswe're very similar in getting to know
you. We're both motivated people andalways pushing for something, and sometimes that
(39:15):
can be overwhelming. Like today inthe car on the way here, I
was got three calls about three separatethings that I had to deal with,
and I was a little overwhelmed andin traffic, so that didn't help.
Yeah, La, but it's justsometimes you need to also take a step
back and take a breath and realizewhere you were and then take stock of
(39:38):
where you are and you know,have some gratitude. It's really hard to
feel stressed out when you were thinkingof things you're grateful for. Sometimes I
do that, like of them inthe shower and I'm feeling stressed out to
make a list of five things I'mcrateful for and and you know, continuing
(40:02):
to just kind of give thanks andum, that helps as well. That's
I love that piece of advice andI couldn't agree with you more. Um,
it's so true, so true.So look for our listening audience all
over the world. Um, what'show can they stay connected to you?
On social media? Yeah? Socialmedia. I'm gonna look directly at the
(40:23):
camera here at Brian Ruby Official.That's Brian with a Why Ruby with a
why, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, you name it. You
know Brian Ruby Music dot com.And maybe you'll see us at an event.
I know we're talking to the Dodgersabout coming back. You'll see us
(40:44):
around the country this summer. Soif you're if you see me at a
show or at a at a charityevent, come say hi. Absolutely well.
Thank you so much for being hereand doing this because I just love
your story and I love having theopportunity to share it with the world.
Thank you, Brian, thanks forhaving me on and to our audience at
home. As we bring this episodeto a close, we want to extend
(41:05):
our sincerest thanks to our guest BrianRuby, for sharing his remarkable story with
us today. Brian's journey has beena testament to courage, resilience, and
unyielding determination. We feel privileged tohave been able to hear his story.
Through his life, Brian has demonstratedthat representation is important and that every individual
possesses the ability to make a positivedifference in their own unique way. By
(41:30):
staying true to himself and embracing hisidentity, he has shattered stereotypes and broken
down burrials within the world of professionalsports and continue in country music. This
act has paved the way for futuregenerations. However, Brian's story is not
just about dismantling barriers. It isalso about the power of emotional intelligence and
(41:50):
its ability to unite us as humanbeings. When we share our stories and
embrace our vulnerabilities, we create spacefor empathy, compassion, and understanding.
Concept Quently, we developed deeper connectionswith one another as well. We would
like to thank Brian again for hisbravery, perseverance, and his unwavering commitment
to being true to himself. Heis a true trailblazer and an inspiration to
(42:12):
us all. We hope this journeyhas encouraged you as much as it has
motivated us, and serves as areminder that each of us can contribute to
the creation of a more inclusive andempathetic world. Thank you so much for
tuning in today. Don't forget tocomment, like, and share. Also,
don't forget go to our website www. Unsugarcoaded Media dot com to sign
up for the newsletter so you canknow what's happening with us and stay up
(42:36):
to date. Thank you, we'llsee you next time, and thanks for
letting us be unsugarcoated. Take care
From Ubian Studios. You're listening toUnsugarcoated with Aliya bringing you interviews with public
figures and inspirational people speaking on selfimprovement with empowering themes, and I'm your
host, ali Elaneus. Hello,Hello, Hello, and welcome back to
another episode of your favorite social goodpodcast. I am for a second,
(00:21):
I forgot what it was. Don'tmind me, guys, I am just
excited to be back and have anotheropportunity to share an amazing guest with you.
And you know that here we believeevery individual has the power to create
change in their own unique way.Today's episode is particularly special as we are
joined by someone who has broken barriersand shattered stereotypes in the world of professional
(00:45):
sports. This individual has shown incrediblestrength, courage, and resilience in the
face of adversity, all the whileremaining true to themselves and their identity.
Their journey is a testament to thepower of representation and serves as a reminder
that we all have a responsibility tocreate a world where everyone feels seen,
heard, and valued. But thisepisode isn't just about breaking down barriers and
(01:11):
defying expectations. It's also about thepower of emotional intelligence and how it can
bring us closer together as human beings. By embracing all vulnerabilities and sharing our
stories, we create space for empathy, compassion, and understanding and foster deeper
connections with one another. So joinus as we delve into the inspiring journey
(01:34):
of a trailblazer who has shown thatbeing true to yourself is the ultimate act
of courage. We hope that theirstory will not only inspire you, but
also serve as a reminder that representationmatters and that we all have a part
to play in creating a more inclusiveand compassionate world. So let's go.
His love for baseball and country musicseemed at odds with the secrets he kept
(01:57):
hidden away for years, but intwenty twenty one, Brian Ruby made national
headlines when he became the first activeprofessional baseball player to publicly announce he is
gay. Set to be the subjectof an upcoming documentary focusing on Brian's path
through the traditionalist worlds of baseball andcountry music, It will also chronicle the
(02:19):
founding of his first of its kindcharity, Proud to Be in Baseball,
which supports and encourages LGBTQ youth inthe sport. In addition to being a
trailblazing sports athlete, he's also arising country music artist that appeared on the
iTunes Country Top twenty five. Morethan anything, Brian hopes to write music
(02:40):
that speaks to kids who feel theway he did at fourteen years old.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome misterBrian Ruby. You did it not me?
Oh, how are you, myfriend? Good? Thank you for
having me on. Oh, Imean well, first of all, we
are gonna like so some of thepeople have heard, we shot two episodes
(03:05):
as pilots with the live studio audienceback in August. We haven't been able
to share that content, which deeplybreaks my heart. But yes, we
are going to share that with theworld. But in the meantime, we
had to bring you on the showas we continue down that road, because
your story is incredible. You areincredible, and the impact that you have
made is something that I just Ithink matters, and your story matters.
(03:25):
So it's so happy. We're sohappy to have you back. Thank you,
and you you live in Nashville,right, and so tell me,
like you know, first of all, you've been playing baseball since you were
young. Yeah, it's almost twodecades now from when I first picked up
a bat as a kid. It'sstill going though. It's wild. And
how did your experience shape your perceptionof the sports world as you were growing
(03:50):
up? Yeah, I think grownup, Like you know, you you're
in the locker room as a kidwith the other guys, and baseball's a
very macho environment and it's just likenot a space where you see a lot
of queer representation at all. Andyou know, as aid that young kid
who feels all alone, they don'tknow what to do. They watch games
(04:10):
on TV and they can't see arole model like themselves. They you know,
they say, if you can seeit, you can be it.
And you know, I would haveloved to see somebody like me on playing
on TV when I was a kidand dreaming about being a major league baseball
player. And I'm not. I'mI'm a journeyman, independent league guy.
You know, I'm probably here onthe totem pole of all the baseball players,
with the guys playing for the Dodgersthat are down the road and making
(04:33):
millions of dollars. That is notme. As I grew up in baseball
and continued to feel alone and continuedto learn more about myself and come out
to myself and then my friends andfamily and and my teammates. I really,
I guess just had a problem withum. You know, I thought
(04:55):
back to myself as that kid andfeeling alone, and and you know,
seeing that not much has really changedin the last decade or so, right
in baseball, A lot is changedin the world. Lgbt Q representation is
normal, you know, in theworld today, and we've come so far,
and you know, the generation beforeme, the generations before me,
(05:17):
right have fought so hard just forour rights and for acceptance in society,
and and to not really see thatcome through in the baseball world is kind
of why I decided to come out. First and foremost, I've been living
my life and in a relationship likewe're in love and it's amazing, and
I wanted to come out so Icould live my life and right, yeah,
(05:39):
be authentic. And I also wantedto come out just because you know,
I wanted to be the person thatI couldn't see as a kid.
Right well, especially when the narrativeand I you know, even with the
Super Bowl was kind of funny becausesome of my friends that are in the
community, and you know, look, the way that I want to support
the community is from a perspective ofempathy. You know. I there's as
(06:01):
a gen xer who's part of thegeneration who's familiar with people who I mean
took their lives or struggled so muchbecause they couldn't be authentic to themselves.
Meanwhile, we're a generation of peoplewho are like, listen, man,
we don't give an f We arebeing at us like I'm on SUGARCOATD for
a reason, right, So howdare we not extend that same courtesy to
others? But I say that,like, you know, during the Super
(06:24):
Bowl, you know, there waslike, of course, talking the community
once again, bringing up this conceptof manly men play sports, right,
like this toxic mask. To me, that's toxic masculinity when you tell another
man what it means to be aman. Yeah right, yeah, I
think, Yeah, there's a lotto unpack them. For sure, who
I date has no impact on whetheror not I can hit a ninety three
(06:47):
mile an hour fastball, or scoretouchdown or kick a field goal if I'm
a football player, or or orhit a three point or if I'm a
basketball player. Right, it's irrelevant, right, But what it does do
is when you are closeted, itholds. There's just so much, At
least for me, there was.I constantly felt like there's a weight on
(07:09):
my chest and I couldn't be thebest version of myself that I possibly could
be, couldn't play the best couldn'tbe the best friend that I could be
to my friends and teammates, couldn'tbe the best brother to my siblings and
son to my parents, and there'sa lot of of and or the best
songwriter that I could be with myother job and country music, and you
(07:30):
know, there's a lot that thatyou kind of have to work through during
the coming out process. And it'sdifferent for everybody, but um, I'm
glad to be kind of on theother side of it and helping to push
things forward in baseball and try tomake somewhat of an impact in my sport
for the next generation of players thatare like me. Yeah, what do
(07:50):
you feel are some of the mostcritical myths you are dispelling? Myths?
Well, I guess first and foremostthat queer people don't play baseball or do
country music. I think actually probablycountry music has a little bit more representation
than baseball, right. I justreleased a song called Baseball Country. It's
(08:13):
kind of the both best best ofboth worlds, baseball and country music.
I feel like another one of themyths to that you dispel is that if
you do come out, that youstill can have a job, because I
remember previously you had things were toldto you before, like which you know,
I remember working in the music industryback in the day, and I
mean, this is a very truestory. I remember when Ricky Martin was
(08:35):
still not sharing his public publicly,his you know, his sexual orientation,
and oh the record label was like, oh you do that, You're gonna
kill us, You're gonna kill afan base. And so there's these reasons
why, right, So tell uswhat ye told to you and then ultimately
what happened. Yeah, well that'skind of what we work through in the
documentary is I had a coach tellme in April twenty twenty one that if
(09:03):
I came out publicly, I wouldnever ever get a job in baseball again.
And I really struggled with that becauseI love playing baseball and it's my
life and you know, but probablythe thing that I'm most proud of out
of all the things that have happenedsince coming out and since starting our charities,
is just the ability to have keptmy job and to have been offered
(09:26):
more jobs in baseball, more spots, and I'm going to play the summer
playing some tournaments and go overseas alittle bit and continue playing. And it
really hasn't impacted my ability to playbaseball, which is amazing. And I
think that the thing that that isgoing to change our culture, whether it's
(09:48):
in the sports world or in themusic industry, is just you need to
have those examples of people who canhold down a job and be out and
do a good job, right,and then that'll pave the way for people
to come out earlier and earlier,and then it won't even be a thing
anymore. And he was just,you know, certain industries are like this.
(10:09):
I think baseball has a ways togo. Yeah, when we talk
about representation across the board, right, like whether it's large, you know,
big beautiful women like Lizzo who cansell records and dispel this concept of
like no, you've got to beyou know, a bucko five and look
a certain way, right, orwhether it's just in general, just simply
for the fact that, like yousaid, if you can think it,
(10:33):
you can if you can see it, you can be it. And if
you in you know, time andtime again when we talk about representation,
like look at the responses when theLittle Mermaid came out, right, how
many little girls were like, Wow, there's someone on TV like me,
And yeah, that upsets some people. Right. So you had one little
part I remember in the media thatthat when when there was a day of
(10:56):
that intended for inclusion Pride Week.Yeah, you know, you know,
some people didn't like they and youwere the one to say, no,
listen, this is our perspective.So what was that like to be the
person to stay no. Yeah.I think it's like you said, representation
matters, visibility matters. It's rightthere on our on our charity's website,
(11:18):
Proud to be in Baseball dot org. It's right there. I mean,
if you can see you can beat all the quotes that we talked about,
but there will always be detractors.When I came out, it was
incredibly positive. Nine percent of themessages that I got were positive from fans
and from people in the baseball worldand music world, and so I really
(11:39):
think that it's it's becoming more normal, but there will always be those people
that oppose. And I guess atthis point I am used to it.
You know, occasionally you will getthat message, and it's and what I
would like to show when I doget that message. I got a message
last week from somebody whom you knowmessages me. I was a fan who
(12:03):
messed me on Instagram And why areyou you know, why does it matter?
I don't care who you date.Why are you posting all this lgbt
stuff and what I I don't wantto get too dark, but we have
these statistics from the Trevor Project.LGBTQ kids have considered committing suicide in the
(12:26):
last year. Like it's it's tragicto see and it's and on the flip
side of that is is life changingto see how how good your life can
be if you have acceptance and youhave people in your corner. And so
that's kind of why I have spokenup when I've felt the need to.
(12:46):
Some of the baseball players that sortof vocally opposed our charity and kind of
went out of their way to saythat in public and speak out against Pride
Night. Um, you know,they're not in the community, and they
haven't had the experience of growing upand feeling like they're all alone, you
(13:09):
know, and having those darker thoughts, and um, you know it's ironically
some people do, and yet theywill still pass that on to somebody else
maybe for something different. Right,Yeah, No, it's true. It's
it's true. I think like thebiggest thing that I tried to say in
the media when some of the controversyhappened was this isn't for you. Pride
(13:35):
Night is not for it's it's andpride events, and it's it's not for
straight people. There's one hundred andsixty two baseball games every year in the
major leagues for each team. PrideNight is one night, right, you
know, we get one night,right who we are. We have about
fifteen events scheduled coming up in Junewith our charity with Major League Ball in
(14:00):
minor league baseball teams around Pride Nightto bring LGBTQ plus youth groups to the
ballpark and to start integrating these communities. Because I feel like, if you
are a queer kid, and youknow, you watch sports, you watch
baseball, why would you be interestedin baseball. If you can't see people
(14:24):
like you, why would you?You know, why would you? I
would rather? You know, Iwas a baseball player long before I knew
that I was gay, So um, I didn't feel like I should sacrifice
being a baseball player, right right, you know, because of who I
am. But I think if you'rea younger kid and you're you're wondering,
why should I do this if Ican't see people like me, you know,
(14:46):
if this isn't a world that's that'swelcoming to me, And like,
our charity is going to take awhile, but it has to start from
that younger age to just like beable to hammer down that message that you
can be in sports. Right.I want to go back to proud to
be to be in baseball and theinspiration behind that. But before I do,
(15:07):
I want to say, like,you know, you had started,
you came out, you went publicas the first active baseball player, and
now subsequently, of course, othershave started to follow suit. So it's
like you guys are once again disparagingand showing the world at the myth of
like, stop believing that there arenot people in this community already here.
(15:28):
Yeah, because that's a lie.Yeah, their strength in numbers. Yes.
Um, what I always say isI don't believe I was the first
ever baseball player to come out.I think people have have. Um,
there's there's been players, even thoughthe media credited me as that I really
think and were. We've put alink on our on our link tree and
(15:50):
our Instagram to kind of tell somestories of people who you know, maybe
some of these stories have been forgotten, right because they were a long time
ago. There was there was aguy who was out in some capacity to
his teammates named Glenn Burke in thenineteen seventies eighties. No, there's there's
been these people who've kind of beenforgotten about. But but what I say
(16:14):
is I don't think I was thefirst, but I damn sure won't be
the last. Because of all thestuff that we're doing with proud to be
in baseball, there have been playerswho have come out. You know,
since I came out, there's morewho are thinking about it every day,
messaging us because we're the people tomessage and talking through it. And the
more the merrier, that's my philosophy. There's sixteen million people that play baseball,
(16:36):
so there's there's a whole lot morethan a few queer people. So
going back to Proud to Be inBaseball, you know, an amazing organization
nonprofit five three. Can you speakto how this work contributes to the larger
conversation around inclusion and representation as faras like well at least as part of
the inspiration for you and getting itstarted, Yeah, definitely was the process
(17:00):
getting started to start a start upa charity, as you know five O
one C three nonprofits, there's alot of paperwork. I had to do
all the documents with the irs andget it set up the right way.
I set it up because I didn'tfeel like there was an organization out there.
There's lots of LGBTQ charities. We'veworked with some of them. I
(17:22):
mentioned the Trevor Project, a bunchof other great ones. There's lots of
sports charities, but there isn't anythingthat zones in to just focus on baseball
for the LGBTQ community. The queercommunity is large enough, the baseball community
is large enough that there's got tobe somebody whose specific focus is to help
advance the ball forward. You know, can't come from a corporate entity,
(17:48):
who whose purpose is to make money. You know, Major League Baseball wants
to sell tickets and make money andand so that's their primary motive and provide
a good fan experience. And there'slots of ways that we can work work
with those organizations, and obviously it'simportant too, but our direct purpose is
to help LGBTQ advocacy in baseball.We started, we went on wix dot
(18:11):
com. They should sponsor us.They don't, but they should look at
you wix um they all sponsor us. But we went on. We set
up a website. We paid Idon't know, it's like probably fifty bucks
to set up a website, andwithin a couple of days it had spread
around the media that there actually issomething that is specifically focused on baseball,
(18:33):
you know, for LGBTQ causes,and it's sort of just grown organically after
that, and it's it's probably Inever thought of myself as an UM as
an activist. I think I'm moreof an accidental activist. I just wanted
to live my life right. Butit's really bothered me, you know now
(18:56):
that I'm an adult and then I'mon the other side of coming out and
that there you know, there therearen't resources to help younger versions of myself.
I felt strongly that somebody needing todo that. And it's more rewarding
to do that kind of stuff andand to try to advance the ball forward
than any of the actual baseball playsthat I've ever made. You know,
(19:19):
it's it's that that stuff is forme, you know, making a play,
getting a hit and you're scoring arun, and I'm going to do
some more that this summer, probablyfor the last time is probably I'm at
this point. I'm I'm twenty seven, and I'm um getting ready to be
done with baseball and sort of writinga an EP and releasing it throughout the
(19:41):
course of this year. It'll allbe out later this summer. Um,
that's kind of a celebration of mylife in in baseball and the culture around
the ballpark. And I plan toprobably hang them up um and and be
done. You know, at thePLA. I'll always be involved with the
charity stuff, but yeah, everythinghas its course. And you know,
(20:03):
let me ask you, what hasbeen some of the feedback from some of
these young men and young girls thatyou've actually your organization has worked with them,
and what has been what is theresomething that stands out to you that
made you are affirmed that you're doingthe right thing. Yeah. You don't
realize how many people are in thequeer community in baseball until you're the guy
(20:26):
that comes out publicly and you wakeup the next day and you have six
thousand notifications on your phone. Wow. And a lot of them are from
young athletes saying, what do Ido? You know? I don't know
should I come out? I feelall alone and all these things that I
went through, And so the messageshave Some of them have been inspiring,
(20:49):
some of them have been downright depressingbecause of the circumstances that the person's in.
And I always try to say,like, you know, just hang
in there. Um, it doesget better. Tell someone if you're struggling
with coming out. Most people heardabout me when I came out publicly.
I've actually been out for about fiveyears to my friends and family before that
(21:14):
moment, And each time that Itold someone, it took a little bit
of that weight off of my chest, right, you know, And and
I received acceptance and somebody could couldknow the truth about me, and I
could wouldn't have to worry about hidingbecause a lot of mental energy that gets
wasted. Yea, watching what yousay, Yeah, watching what you say,
what you where you go, whatyou do? Like it right?
(21:36):
Um? And you know I've hadentire relationships in the closet in the past,
like in college and where my baseballteammates didn't know and I felt like
I had to keep living two separatelives. Um. But it's really helped
my songwriting as well. Oh,I know, and your songs are great.
I mean your songs that definitely alwayshave I know, the Standouts.
(21:57):
You know you and you have thesesongs that you genuinely see there's a message
in there to empower somebody, yeah, you know that needs it. Yeah,
the Standouts, Like you said,we're actually doing a remake of that
for Pride Month coming up this yearwith Ty Herndon, who was one of
I believe male country singer besides PatrickHaggerty, who was who did Lavender country
(22:22):
decades ago. Ty was the firstI believe to come out publicly and he
came out in twenty fourteen and Iinvited him to be my duet partner on
the Standouts. And that was asong that I wrote last year and released
for Thinking about my grandpa who's sortof my hero, and my sister who's
(22:44):
a teacher and she hasn't got alot of recognition and doing amazing things.
And so we're gonna put a PrideMonth spin on it and you'll hear it
coming out in June. I loveit. What advice would you offer to
young LGBTQ individuals maybe struggling to findacceptance or representation in the sports and entertainment
(23:04):
industries. Yeah, advice just thatthere are others like you. Maybe you
can't see them, but they're there, you know. You have to try
to find them. Maybe you're notin a in a position to come out
publicly, or maybe you don't wantto, maybe it's not safe, but
coming out to yourself is the firststep. And finding one person that you
(23:30):
can talk to and be authentic with, you know, a one trusted friend
or confidant, a mentor, youknow, and just that you know,
we are advancing the ball slowly,but surely. I've always used sports metaphors
to that young person. I wouldjust say, hang in there, it
gets better, you know, andjust keep following what you're passionate about.
(23:56):
And if it is one of theseindustries where you can't see a lot of
queer people. Um, you knowthat's that's no reason to quit the sport
or to quit whatever you're doing.Talk about not even coming out, but
just becoming a professional athlete is atask in itself, and it it's a
lifetime of work, and you haveto be committed and focus every day and
(24:17):
get up and get after it right. And um, it's almost the you
know the same thing I have foundwith with country music and with baseball.
Um, the way that I gainacceptance amongst my peers is just by working
really hard and by continuing to turnout a good product. Whether that's a
(24:41):
song that I write for another artist, you know, they respect me because
of that I help them tell theirstories, or a song that I release
myself, or playing a show andconnecting to people, or showing up at
the baseball field and playing well andbeing good teammate. You just have to
do those things to to a levelthat where you and you know, treat
(25:02):
yourself with respect and show up readyto roll, and and they will respect
you. On that comment of athletes, I have such respect for it for
multiple reasons, not only the dedicationand of course I grew up you know,
reading Michael Jordan getting up in youknow, three am and type of
stuff, or when somebody told youyou weren't good at something. I mean,
(25:22):
you showed the world what you got. You you worked hard. You
know. Shaquille O'Neill used to getmade fun of for his bad you know,
free throws and then he would practiceand wear a carter. But my
thought is like, how how there'salso a repeat overcoming trauma like you or
you know, look, it's interestingbecause you always want everyone to win,
(25:44):
right, but somebody is going tolose in a game. There's just you
know, I mean rarely are thereties all the way. I mean,
and I've been to a basketball Imean, excuse me, a baseball game
that's gone eighteen innings because somebody's gotto win. So there's there's like you
keep saying the metaphor or there's thisvery this the formula of success is understanding.
(26:07):
First of all, just because youlost doesn't make you a loser.
Right, you go back, youlearn, you you get better, you
get smarter, you get quicker,you know, you just show up and
and and ultimately that you can't likethe physical aspect and trauma and recovery.
What that looks like. And Imean to me, it just it very
much symbolizes life. Yeah, totally, totally. In baseball, so you
(26:32):
play one hundred and sixty two gamesa year. If you win a hundred
of them, your team is reallygood. But you still lose sixty two
games, right, right, Soyou have to I don't view it as
a loss. It's it's never trulya loss if you're learning right, and
you just got to take something fromit. Even the best baseball players the
same thing. You get three hitsand ten at bats, you know you're
(26:53):
still fail seventy percent of the time. And when I was a sophomore in
college, I was the fourth stringright fielder on a Division three college baseball
team. Oh wow. And nowI'm twenty seven and I've played in seven
countries around the world in independent baseballin the US, and I'm still going
and it's just about continuing to showup. And like you said about Michael
(27:18):
Jordan, I'm so glad you toldthat story. He was cut from the
varsity team or whatever the famous storyis playing JV in high school. You
know, he's one of the bestbasketball players ever, if not the best.
Yeah, I know Lebron James ismaking a pretty good run for it
here in LA. But it's true, you just got to keep going.
(27:38):
Same thing with songwriting, right,We're writing every day, trying to be
better, trying to improve, andI hope that it's reflected in the songs
that y'all hear right well, whichto me, by the way, I'm
very emotionally intelligent in that sense ofyou've now learned and have these experiences,
you have insight into yourself, andnow you're going out and creating things that
(28:03):
help do that for others. Canyou speak to the role that music and
story play, the storytelling excuse me, can play in promoting greater social acceptance
for the LGBTQ community. Yeah.You think about who has power in our
culture, right, who has influence? Who's an influence? Everybody wants to
be an influencer. I couldn't careless, but people do. Look at
(28:26):
artists. The reason why you can'tcare less is because you're just busy doing
it. You're not focused on tryI feel this. I feel this because
I relate to that comment, likewe're just busy doing it. We're not
trying to like move to somebody thatyou got to put this label on me,
right, Like naturally, we're allinfluencing something or someone, So sorry,
go ahead. True, now that'sa good point, but it is
true in our culture, in Americanculture and Western culture, we look up
(28:49):
to these people artists and athletes andentrepreneurs and and you know, I think
that people if you look at thehistory of queer musicians, there's a long
history there, and some of myfavorite musicians, you know, I love
their music before I even knew anythingabout their personal lives. Talk about Freddie
(29:11):
Mercury from Queen, you know,one of the best ever to step in
front of the microphone, and somany more. You know, I could
go through a whole laundry list ofpeople. But I think music gives us
an opportunity as queer people to gainacceptance from straight people. You know,
they can relate to the songs.I've tried to build all of my songs
(29:34):
in a way that anybody, nomatter who you are, where you come
from, can relate to it,right. And I do think that I
have an opportunity, as a youngerartist in country music who's out from the
start now of my career to justbe somebody where hopefully LGBTQ is not an
(29:59):
issue and I can sing good songsand people know about my personal life and
that's great, and then maybe they'redrawn to that. You know, it's
it's a it's a nice little callingcard, but but it's um. You
know, I can help to showthat people like me can be in that
environment. It's the same thing withour charity Proud to Be in Baseball.
We are literally proud to be baseballplayers, and we're proud to be in
(30:22):
the LGBT community and those things.It's twenty twenty three. Those things are
not mutually exclusive. We once dida story on a young woman who I
was judging a music competition and therewas this young girl who wrote a song
about having to come out to hermom, and you know, I was
moved to tears in you know,because as a parent, I couldn't help
(30:44):
but empathize this moment. You know, she wants her mom to love her,
she wants to be honest, andat the same token, she's trying
to express I'm still the same daughteryou love, I'm still the same I'm
still every I just this is whoI am and I can't be concerned,
you know, I just I needto be me. And you know,
it really moved me because again goingto the back to the part of like,
(31:04):
how dare I tell somebody that theycan't be authentic to themselves in that
way? Right, it's not criminal, it's not I mean, I know,
once upon a time they made andthat's part of the problem. We're
still reeling from what was once aconsidered illegal. But hey, there's a
lot of things that were considered illegalthat you know, drinking, I mean,
I don't not even go I look, I went to law school.
(31:26):
Some of the things I thought,I mean at one point, and for
anyone who might be offended, I'msorry. Anal sex at one point was
on the books and in some statesis still considered illegal with men and woman
like. But that's where people oversteptheir boundaries. I think we forget that
at times. Many times still currentlylegislature seems to overstep these boundaries telling a
(31:47):
person who they can be and whatthey should be, which it's wrong,
and we're breaking the chains of that. You know, you're breaking the chains
for yourself, your generation and futuregeneration to come. Yeah, it's all
it all just comes back to love. Like that's why they call it Pride
Month, like it's it gets madefun of, but it's you just grow
(32:12):
up with so much shame about whoyou are, and it really is amazing
to actually be proud of like whoyou are as a person. And that's
the point of it. You Know, people think is about corporate marketing and
slapping a rainbow logo on T shirtsand selling them at the mall, you
know, for a month, andthen they come down and you know,
on to the next thing. Butit's it's really about us as a group
(32:37):
of people gaining confidence and pride andwho we are and living our lives the
best possible ways that we can,yeah, and supporting the community because we
go through the same Look, nobody'scrying over pink ribbons in October for breast
cancer Month. In fact, theonly people that are usually upset about that
are the breast cancer survivors who arelike, that actually doesn't represent what we
(32:59):
go through. But none the less, I'm saying, nobody has a problem
with that, right, nobody's upsetthat we're taking the time collectively as a
society to support our fellow human beings. So I think that's incredible and I
can't help but think of my youngestdaughter, Sophia, and I ask her
what's her favorite color? She saysrainbow. She's like, my favorite color
(33:20):
is rainbow. And when I thoughtabout it, I was like, that's
a really good answer because you know, she's like, why do I just
have to pick one? And I'mlike, you know, you clever little
girl there, you know, Andthat's amazing about how that story about you
judging the competition. I was justthinking as you were saying that, like,
the best music has to come fromabsolutely has to come from real life,
(33:43):
lived experience. Songs are emotional,that's if we hit people in the
fields, that's where that's that's goodmusic that makes an impact. Right,
How could you be the best possibleversion of yourself that you can be if
you're if you're holding back back anentire set of real life experiences, right,
(34:04):
that makes you unique and that thatmake you a person. And I
love Nicola Tesla who said, ifyou want to unlock the secrets of the
universe, think in terms of frequency, vibrations and energy, and music is
literally vibrations, engine frequencies, thecertain frequencies that you even record on.
It's sick. There's you know,there is a lot that people don't understand
(34:28):
that goes behind it. And that'swhy when you're not feeling good and you
put on a song and you feelbetter and you're immediately literally because the vibrational
pull of that is lifting you likeor can also do the opposite and make
you feel a little you know,like when we're depressed and we're broken up
and we put on the set songs, right, I mean, I feel
good playlist. I got my sadgirl pop playlist. My kids heard Katie
(34:49):
Perry, they heard Alicia Keys.You know, when everything they knew,
they knew when I was in amood because they were like, Mom's playing
all the female empowerment songs. Yourselfup. Let me you know, what
are the next steps for you?You mentioned the EP releasing soon. What
are you most excited about sharing withthe world and how can we support you?
(35:09):
Yeah? Wow, well next stepsfor me? You know, I
am rolling out those songs. They'reall built around celebrating life at the ballpark.
I'm playing baseball just a little bita little more, maybe be done
right about end of the summer.I think that's the current thought, unless
somebody convinces me to keep count,which is a possibility, but nothing saidenced
(35:30):
up. Yeah, and importantly buildingour charity. We have fifteen events coming
up in Pride month with major leagueand minor league baseball teams. That is
a real opportunity to make some reallife growth on the ground, you know,
at the grassroots level with some ofthese groups and start to improve the
environment. And that's only going tobuild from there. It's really just putting
(35:52):
the work in and writing more songs, releasing more music, and playing as
many shows as I can possibly fitin between all the events and stuff.
And I know you actually played toNight in Hollywood, right plan to Night.
Yet when this airs it'll be postso sorry you guys go, But
well I have to come back.Well yeah, you definitely got to come
(36:13):
back play in Hollywood tonight. You'llhear in a few months, probably some
news about our documentary that we havecoming out. I agreed to do it
because I never thought that I wouldbe involved in a documentary at all,
and I really didn't have very muchinterest in getting in front of the camera.
I'm mostly just a baseball player andmusician. But um, I did
(36:35):
it because I needed to see someprogress in the sport and I felt like
if I could tell my story,that could help younger athletes. And this
is the type of thing that Iwish I could have watched as a kid,
because it would have helped me somuch. It would have saved years
of struggling if I had just knownand being able to watch something about somebody
(36:59):
like me. Right, And soall that'll be rolled out over the course
of the next year or so,and I'm sure you'll see me back here
in La soon. Yeah, Imean, I'm excited. We have a
few rapid fire questions for you thatare fun. They come from our team
back get un sugarcoaded media. Sofirst one, what's your go to karaoke
(37:22):
song? Oh? My god,m somebody love queen? Oh, there
you go. If you could haveto be really sorry, really vocally warmed
up for that one, I mean, yeah, late, I give you
kudos because you know, I stilldon't get on karaoke, just quite not
that I'm like the worst singer ever, but you know, karaoke the whole
(37:42):
nother drinks though You're okay, youknow everybody's okay, right right? Um,
If you could have any superpower,what would it be um to fly?
I would love to fly even whenwe're I always try to get the
window seat, like when I'm whenI'm on a plane, because I've always
taken videos post them my Instagram story. When you said that right now,
(38:04):
I was like, that's such agood because I always say that I love
being in different places, but Ihate traveling, like getting there, you
know, connections, all the stuff, especially these days, right everything's delayed.
So but in my mind right now, when you said that, suddenly
I had the picture of like,have you ever been on like a motorcycle
or something you don't have a helmetand like bugs or just coming in.
Suddenly I had this image. I'mlike just like swallowing like flies and everything.
(38:27):
Did Superman get them? But youknow, I'm imagining you get high
enough you're not really running into anyof that. Yeah. True. Okay,
what's the best piece of advice doyou've ever received? Oh my god,
Billy Bean is a mentor and friendof mine, and he has just
(38:52):
kind of told me to I'm sorry, to get real serious, just to
keep pushing and trust myself and kindof trust the process. And also too,
you know, I think us aswe're very similar in getting to know
you. We're both motivated people andalways pushing for something, and sometimes that
(39:15):
can be overwhelming. Like today inthe car on the way here, I
was got three calls about three separatethings that I had to deal with,
and I was a little overwhelmed andin traffic, so that didn't help.
Yeah, La, but it's justsometimes you need to also take a step
back and take a breath and realizewhere you were and then take stock of
(39:38):
where you are and you know,have some gratitude. It's really hard to
feel stressed out when you were thinkingof things you're grateful for. Sometimes I
do that, like of them inthe shower and I'm feeling stressed out to
make a list of five things I'mcrateful for and and you know, continuing
(40:02):
to just kind of give thanks andum, that helps as well. That's
I love that piece of advice andI couldn't agree with you more. Um,
it's so true, so true.So look for our listening audience all
over the world. Um, what'show can they stay connected to you?
On social media? Yeah? Socialmedia. I'm gonna look directly at the
(40:23):
camera here at Brian Ruby Official.That's Brian with a Why Ruby with a
why, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, you name it. You
know Brian Ruby Music dot com.And maybe you'll see us at an event.
I know we're talking to the Dodgersabout coming back. You'll see us
(40:44):
around the country this summer. Soif you're if you see me at a
show or at a at a charityevent, come say hi. Absolutely well.
Thank you so much for being hereand doing this because I just love
your story and I love having theopportunity to share it with the world.
Thank you, Brian, thanks forhaving me on and to our audience at
home. As we bring this episodeto a close, we want to extend
(41:05):
our sincerest thanks to our guest BrianRuby, for sharing his remarkable story with
us today. Brian's journey has beena testament to courage, resilience, and
unyielding determination. We feel privileged tohave been able to hear his story.
Through his life, Brian has demonstratedthat representation is important and that every individual
possesses the ability to make a positivedifference in their own unique way. By
(41:30):
staying true to himself and embracing hisidentity, he has shattered stereotypes and broken
down burrials within the world of professionalsports and continue in country music. This
act has paved the way for futuregenerations. However, Brian's story is not
just about dismantling barriers. It isalso about the power of emotional intelligence and
(41:50):
its ability to unite us as humanbeings. When we share our stories and
embrace our vulnerabilities, we create spacefor empathy, compassion, and understanding.
Concept Quently, we developed deeper connectionswith one another as well. We would
like to thank Brian again for hisbravery, perseverance, and his unwavering commitment
to being true to himself. Heis a true trailblazer and an inspiration to
(42:12):
us all. We hope this journeyhas encouraged you as much as it has
motivated us, and serves as areminder that each of us can contribute to
the creation of a more inclusive andempathetic world. Thank you so much for
tuning in today. Don't forget tocomment, like, and share. Also,
don't forget go to our website www. Unsugarcoaded Media dot com to sign
up for the newsletter so you canknow what's happening with us and stay up
(42:36):
to date. Thank you, we'llsee you next time, and thanks for
letting us be unsugarcoated. Take care
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.