August 20, 2021 • 49 mins
This episode was adapted from "The Barren" as published in The Lift: Nine Stories of Transformation, Volume One - available now on Amazon.com in print and Kindle. This performace originally appeared as a story on the Wicked Library as episode 901, but as it is a Lift story, we wnated to bring it home.
Savannah is desperate to have a baby. When a haughty woman from her past flaunts her own fertility, Savannah starts down a dark path. Can an encounter with a young girl who is much more than she seems keep Savannah from making a choice she'll regret?
Author: Meg Hafdahl | Storytellers: Jessica McEvoy and Amber Collins | Custom Score: Nico Vettese
Get your copy of The Lift, 9 Stories of Transformation Volume One – now available on Amazon.
Art: Jeanette Andromeda of JeanetteCreations.com
Score: Nico Vettese of We Talk of Dreams
A 9th Story Studios Production | Foytik, Collins, Vettese
Support us on Patreon for ad free episodes and extra content.
Listen and Subscribe: iTunes | iHeart Radio | Spotify | Google Podcasts | TuneIn | Stitcher
THEMES:
"The Lift Arrives, (Opening Theme Music:
"Victoria's Music Box, (Victoria's Theme)"
The Lift Closing Theme Music
Composed and Recorded by Nico Vettese of We Talk of Dreams
www.wetalkofdreams.com
FX:
Sound FX: freesound.org, audioblocks.com
AUDIO RECORDING
Producer/ Creator: Daniel Foytik
Executive Producers: Amber Collins, Nico Vettese
Visit The Lift: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
Victoria's Lift and all core characters, places, and situations are property of Daniel Foytik, 9th Story Studios, and 9th Story Publishing and may not be used in any form without explicit written permission.
Savannah is desperate to have a baby. When a haughty woman from her past flaunts her own fertility, Savannah starts down a dark path. Can an encounter with a young girl who is much more than she seems keep Savannah from making a choice she'll regret?
Author: Meg Hafdahl | Storytellers: Jessica McEvoy and Amber Collins | Custom Score: Nico Vettese
Get your copy of The Lift, 9 Stories of Transformation Volume One – now available on Amazon.
Art: Jeanette Andromeda of JeanetteCreations.com
Score: Nico Vettese of We Talk of Dreams
A 9th Story Studios Production | Foytik, Collins, Vettese
Support us on Patreon for ad free episodes and extra content.
Listen and Subscribe: iTunes | iHeart Radio | Spotify | Google Podcasts | TuneIn | Stitcher
THEMES:
"The Lift Arrives, (Opening Theme Music:
"Victoria's Music Box, (Victoria's Theme)"
The Lift Closing Theme Music
Composed and Recorded by Nico Vettese of We Talk of Dreams
www.wetalkofdreams.com
FX:
Sound FX: freesound.org, audioblocks.com
AUDIO RECORDING
Producer/ Creator: Daniel Foytik
Executive Producers: Amber Collins, Nico Vettese
Visit The Lift: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
Victoria's Lift and all core characters, places, and situations are property of Daniel Foytik, 9th Story Studios, and 9th Story Publishing and may not be used in any form without explicit written permission.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Nine Story Studios giving story a voice. Welcome to the Lift, get ready
to take the ride. Hello,I'm Daniel Foytech, and I thank you
(00:35):
for joining us for a special episodeof Victoria's Left. Today we're presenting a
short story that was written for ourcollection, The Left nine Stories of Transformation,
and this story was actually adapted foraudio and appeared on The Wicked Library
as episode number nine oh one,but since it is actually a Lift story,
we figured we would bring it hometoday. I do want to say
(00:58):
thank you to those who are supportingthe show. We're gonna be able to
do some cool things with season fivethat we haven't been able to do before,
and of course we have our miniseries to those who thrive in the
Dark. These things would not bepossible without the support of our Patreon supporters,
and we do greatly thank you foryour support. If you like what
we make here and you want usto keep making it, you can support
the show on Patreon at patreon dotcom. Forward slash Victoria's Left. This
(01:22):
is The Baron by Meg haftall starringJessica McAvoy and Amber Collins. The Baron
(02:19):
based on the short story The Baronwritten by Meg Hoffdall. Savannah expertly positioned
the plastic stick beneath her. Throughthe ragged, hypnotic haze of her lingering
nightmares, she coached herself to pee, whispering to her bladder come on.
(02:39):
Finally, she doused the stick aswell as the edge of her right thumb.
Savannah flushed the toilet, pulling upher linen pajama pants, then setting
the urine soaked rectangle on the ceramiclip of the sink. Tingling hope tickled
up her sides as she washed herhands with mounds of foamy soape. Her
(03:00):
gaze flitted down to the pregnancy test, which still displayed the electronic image of
an hourglass. That physical manifestation ofhope intensified. It gripped every muscle,
causing Savannah to shiver. She concentratedon drying her hands on the buttercream yellow
(03:20):
towel, her internal dialogue a flurryof contradictions. This could be it,
this could be the time. Don'tget excited. It'll only hurt you.
It'll take another piece of you.Keep it together, Savannah, She pursed,
her lips, breathing steadily as shestared into the mirror. Her ebony
(03:43):
curls were a wild, matted mess. Although she tried to keep her focus
on the eruption of fine new linesat the bridge of her nose, her
rebellious eyeballs shifted south, not fregnant. The two stark words were a sharp,
sudden disruption to her bubble of hope. Despair returned, as it did
(04:08):
every month. Savannah staggered back fromthe cruel rejection, fighting the tears that
obscured her sight. Kenji entered theopen bathroom door, mide yawn. He
blinked at Savannah, its dark lashesheavy with sleep. You okay. She
(04:29):
curled in on herself as she crumpledto the icy tile. Her husband knelt
at her side, wearing the samemask of detached concern he always did.
He squeezed her thigh, negative,Why why me, It's going to happen.
(04:51):
It's just a matter of time.His indefatigable optimism burned a hole through
her heart. Sa Anna pressed herchin to her knees, overcome with a
quiet, seething rage. He gaveher a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and
stood Someday we'll look back on allthis like it was a dream. We'll
(05:15):
have a kid, a couple ofkids, and we won't even remember all
the bullshit. Kenji made it worsewith his assurances, with his casual rake
of fingers through his thick hair.She had never felt so alone, drowning
in a pitch black well of grief, struggling to a surface that wasn't there,
(05:38):
that wouldn't reveal itself to her.There was no pinprick of light,
no hope. There was only heralone, an empty, childless husk.
Savannah made it to the clinic ontime. She swiped the badge on the
(05:58):
end of her lanyard across the digitallock. Avette spoke around the green Starbucks
straw between her lips. Doctor harshGone wanted Jamaica lucky. We're stuck with
his overflow. Remember shit, that'sright, it's going to be a long
day. Forget lunchbreak. Doctor Schmidtis going to push through knowing her Avette's
(06:26):
camel messenger bag rocked with the motionas she elbowed opened the door into the
dim waiting room. Savannah switched onthe fluorescent lights. She blinked at the
austere room of gray and cream,unable to see anything but her own despair.
Doctor Schmidt came up behind them asa Vette tossed her cup in the
(06:46):
trash by the reception desk. Morning. Hope you ate your wheaties today.
We're picking up Fred's slack. He'dbetter bring me back a sparkly souvenir.
I wouldn't hold my breath a vet. Doctor Schmidt, effortlessly beautiful and the
mother of twin toddler girls, fiddledwith the crumpled collar of her white coat.
(07:11):
Savannah closed her eyes, allowing herselfto hover in the middle of the
waiting room. She wondered what sortof mourning her boss had experienced. Had
she dressed the girls in matching tightsand polka dot blouses. Had she fed
them equal amounts of yogurt and fruitand lilac bowls? Had she thanked the
(07:31):
universe for her incredible luck? Evena Vette had sixteen year old Bucky,
who came by the clinic every nowand then to drop off mc donald's or
to ask her for an advance onhis allowance. Savannah's eyes popped open.
Her visceral rage had torn a painful, burning hole in her stomach. Her
(07:54):
usual appetite for coffee had drained away, leaving her both tired and nauseous.
Petit, Avett climbed up onto hertowering chair behind the reception desk. Okay,
yeah, I'll get the door.She moved toward the glass, as
though in a dream, questioning theunreality of the morning. Despite the predictably
(08:18):
drab clinic and the normal banter ofher co workers, it was difficult to
accept the not pregnant that had stolenher happiness. A woman waited outside the
half common Schmidt clinic door, sunstreaming across her tanned ankles. Savannah concentrated
on the glint of light, howit played across the stranger's expensive leather pumps.
(08:43):
She pulled down on one bolt withher right hand while loosening another with
her left. When she yanked thedoor open, the waiting woman whisked inside,
peppering Savannah with a fragrant cloud offloral perfume. Good morning. Savannah
kept her eyes on the thin carpet. It was all she could do to
(09:05):
focus on being human, To walk, to breathe, to keep her emotions
inside like bubbling vomit that threatened toescape, would be the most she could
manage. The woman's swollen belly casta shadow on the carpet. Hello,
hot as hell out there, andit's only eight a m. Savannah's ears
(09:28):
burned hot at the obvious attack onher already shriveled psyche. Of course,
the first patient of the day waslargely pregnant. She worked to produce a
response. Uh huh, scorcher Oh. Savannah glanced up at the sound.
(09:48):
The woman's aristocratic, tawny nose caughtat something in the shadowy corner of her
memory. Your savvy savvee chan,Yes Yamamoto now Ferris High, class of
O six. Don't you remember me? The woman reached out her sparkly charm
(10:11):
bracelet, clacking against Savannah's shoulders asshe squeezed the flesh. Savannah's nostrils flared
at the potent perfume. She studiedthe woman's face and the length of her
tanned, extended arm, flecked withseveral dark moles. Their distinct uneven boarders
finally ripped open her mind. Thename fizzled in Savannah's chest as Mackenzie dug
(10:37):
her manicured nails deeper into Savannah's shoulder. Mackenzie Burton, Yes, it's been
ages I didn't know you worked here. M you're expecting it's number four?
Can you believe it? Fertile?Myrtle is? What? Giovanni? That's
(11:01):
my husband. He's an orthopedic surgeonover at Saint Luke's. Mackenzie Burton hadn't
changed much since Ferris High. She'dspoken with the same haughty tone back then,
quick to point out Savannah's cheap shoesor throbbing pimple, and always to
a group of vile, tittering girls. Savannah could sense her memories of that
(11:26):
dark, disappointing time threatening to overtakeher. She concentrated on the ripple of
baby beneath Mackenzie's stress. It movedvisibly, presumably adjusting its cramped limbs.
Oh, he's a mover and ashaker. I'll tell you congratulations. Thank
(11:48):
you. You're a nurse here?Then? Yes, mostly for doctor Schmidt.
Ah, I'm a patient of doctorHascomb's. Although I hear the bastard
is on a beach somewhere. Whogoes to Jamaica in the summer right,
Savannah hovered, unable to unglue hereyes from her former classmates. Corpulent tummy
(12:16):
Yamamoto, you married, Kenji,I remember him, quiet but cheery.
The anger had become black, poisonoussludge. It traveled slowly through Savannah's body
like syrup, coating her veins andfilling her with sinister notions. Kenji Yamamoto,
(12:41):
Oh, yes, after college,high school sweethearts. I think I
remember you two at prom? Rememberthat shit show? What a lark trying
to coordinate five hundred teenagers on aferry boat. How many kids? The
(13:03):
image of the pregnancy test appeared inher mind. Not pregnant, none yet,
It's a blessing. You won't regretit. My children are my reason
for living, missus Burton Rossy.Doctor Schmidt is ready to see you.
(13:26):
I just need to scan your insurancecard really quick, Oh, sir,
right away, Here it is.It was nice seeing you, savvee uh
huh. The hateful sludge slowed itsnauseating course. It cemented itself in Savannah's
heart. She bit down on herbottom, lip tasting blood. In the
(13:50):
handicapped accessible bathroom with a sliding halfdoor for urine sample collection, Savannah allowed
her jelly legs to crumple. Thecool tile floor reminded her of her apartment's
bathroom, where she'd spend an inordinateamount of time. Lately, a fresh
wave of anger had joined her agony. It was the time capsule of her
(14:13):
teenaged horror, cracked like an eggand left to ooze. Mackenzie Burton had
been the archetypal bully, the sortof pretty, marginally clever girl who populated
bad teen movies. Yet she'd beenreal. She had punctuated Savannah's young life
with pointed size and pitying eye rolls, and she'd returned baby, straining beneath
(14:39):
her belly to flaunt her gifts.To remind Savannah years later that some people
have all the luck. That whethershe was Savvy Chan or Savannah Yamamoto LPN,
she would have nothing more than adusty womb full of tumbleweeds. Savanna
(15:00):
and a bit into the sensitive seamon her lip, licking at the iron,
the visceral image of her insides ofa desert with no oasis formed into
something more ominous. She saw thesharp edges of her nightmare. A scalpel
expertly navigated through another's soft flesh,blood and slippery viscera lapped at her feet
(15:24):
like the touch of a foamy sea. It was her own hands in her
mind's eye, working out the prize, the pearl from the oyster. Savannah
watched herself pull out the diaphanous sackfrom the waterfall of blood. She carefully
pierced the placenta, widening and openingin order to see to meet her baby.
(15:48):
It had stark black hair, likeKenji. Savannah gulped in air,
drunk with the possibility of it allhappening so soon. Now, to day
she could be a mother. Today she could hear her baby's cry,
feel the bottoms of its wrinkled feet, smell its unique and intoxicating aroma.
(16:15):
It was only Mackenzie who stood inthe way, pompous, cruel, fertile
Mackenzie. In the fervor of herday dream, Savannah remembered the baby's ripple
beneath the thin fabric of Mackenzie's dress. It was so achingly close. Now.
(16:36):
As she rubbed the thread of bloodon her chin, Savannah understood that
the baby had been calling to her. Hi, Mamma, Le'm me here,
Mamma, I'm ready to come home. The sounds of the busy clinic
burrowed their way into Savannah's ears,doctor Schmidt laughed about something near her office
(16:59):
at the end of the hall.Mackenzie joined in her braying giggle, upsetting
the last shred of Savannah's umbilicus toreality. She concentrated on the smudge of
blood on her palm, understanding,if she navigated through the rage, if
she let the molten hot fire leadher rather than burn her, Savannah could
(17:23):
be a mother today. It waseasy to find Mackenzie's chart. Savannah calmly
clicked the mouse, hovering over thered tab, hitting print page one.
Before a vet could look up fromher paperwork and glance at the screen,
the single page came out warm.Savannah cradled it, absorbing the address written
(17:48):
above Mackenzie's weight and height. Whata bitch startled Savannah folded the paper stuff
and get into the Manila folder containingmiss Armando's prescription instructions. Sorry if she's
your friend, but that blonde womanis hard to take. Always was typical.
(18:11):
Savannah hugged the folder to her chest. The certainty of her convictions straightened
her back. It raised her shouldersand lifted her chin. This was what
needed to be done, This waswhat it would take. I'm going for
a walk, I need some air. I'm sick er. Something you do
(18:36):
look a bit pale. I cancover for you. Thanks. Savannah turned
her back to a vette in orderto slip the paper into the waistband of
her scrub pants. She dropped misterArmando's papers on the desk and headed for
the glittering call of the outdoors.On her way to the glass door,
(18:56):
the patience and the tables smattered withmagazine took on an abstraction in her mind.
She was surrounded by only shapes andcolors, encapsulated by a crushing tunnel
of things that no longer mattered.As soon as the muggy summer air whooshed
through the strands of her ebony hair, Savannah felt better. She strode to
(19:21):
the curb, breathing mindfully through hernostrils. The paper scratched at the skin
of her hip. It was apleasant irritation, one that reminded her of
the task at hand, of theintegral nature of her decision, of her
purpose. Savannah crossed Valley View Avenue, her eyes glued to the brick side
(19:44):
of the mini mall. Some onehanked, but it was tinny and inconsequential.
She shook her head, following thesloped parking lot to her destination.
Valley Mall was an old fashioned structurewith ten doorfronts connected by a roofed sidewalk.
Savannah passed Rooster's Grill, her favoritelunch place, with a vet and
(20:07):
Sally's fabric and craft Maneuvering around theobstacles of people. She began to count
her steps, each one punctuated bythe rustle of the paper against the thin
fabric of her underwear. The AceHardware's door was held open by a thick
rubber maid filled with pool noodles andsquirt guns. Savannah nearly tripped over the
(20:30):
summer goodies as she entered the shop. A man only a brown and blue
shape in her periphery greeted Savannah asshe rushed toward the tools morning looking for
something in particular. Savannah extended herfinger carefully touching the toothed edge of a
(20:51):
hack saw. I'm fine For thefirst time since she'd pushed through the clinic
door. She wasn't sure that wastrue. It occurred to her, as
she lifted the saw up from itshook that she might not have it in
her that what it took to bea mother today might be too high a
price back away, Savannah, stop, this is nuts, amma. I'm
(21:19):
waiting for you. I'm here,mamma. At the thought of her baby
trapped inside Mackenzie, the weakness drainedaway, her limbs. Tingled with the
certainty of her mission, Savannah grabbedthe hack saw, a utility knife,
and a folded tarp. She droppedher bounty on the shop counter. The
(21:44):
faceless man slowly punched numbers into anold fashioned till. He might have spoken
about the weather, but Savannah wastoo tangled in the web of her sharp
thoughts to be sure. A vagueparanoia of being found out, of being
caught and ultimately stopped, threatened toovershadow the excitement of her plan. After
(22:07):
paying with the credit card in herscrubs pocket, Savannah nodded a thank you.
She swung the plastic bag of toolsagainst her thigh. As she stepped
back out into the muggy day,sweat erupted on her top lip. She
licked at the salt, nearly blindedby the intense sunlight. A bench beneath
(22:27):
the feeble shade of the roofed sidewalkcalled to her. Savannah slumped onto the
wooden slats, staring back at thewindow display of sprinklers at Ace Hardware.
She was keenly aware of Mackenzie's address. Now a bit soggy, curled at
her hip, she settled the plasticbag beside her, unable to think of
(22:49):
anything else but the end result,her baby. Her baby wrapped in a
sweet blanket. Kenji would be thrilledan A morphous woman walked by her flip
flop, slapping the cement. Savannahsmiled at the distinctive shopping bag in the
(23:11):
woman's grip. It was from thebaby store, Tina's Tiny Treasures, at
the far end of Valley Mall.It had been a place Savannah actively avoided,
a reminder of her failures, ofan alternate life she had been too
weak to fight for. Not now, not any more. Savannah rested a
(23:34):
hand on her wet brow, peeringover at where Tina's Tiny Treasures would undoubtedly
have their tinted chalkboard. It wouldsay something clever like splash into summer with
our new born swim gear. Shesquinted, unable to make out the pink
gingham curtains. The chalkboard Wasn't there? Either or the painted life sized elmo
(23:59):
that waved mother's in. Leaning forward, Savannah noticed a comforting shadow blocking the
sun's assault. It darkened the edgeof the sidewalk, casting a cool reprieve
across her legs and then her entirebody. Fear stole her breath. The
piercing, intrusive script of her thoughtsstuttered. Savannah stood, disbelieving Tina's tiny
(24:26):
treasures had been leveled. In itsstead was a towering building fused haphazardly to
the subway that shared a wall withthe hardware store. Savannah concentrated on the
strange patch together seen between the sandwichshop and the ancient looking structure Tina's treasures.
(24:49):
The empty sidewalk grew cool. Bloodrushed to Savannah's ears as a summer
breeze shifted the pool noodles outside ace. She moved toward the impossible building,
clutching her purchases beneath her odorous armpit. It was old and at the same
time now. She'd have noticed sucha blight before, surely, yet here
(25:14):
it was stories higher than the squatmini mall. The windows were black,
taunting mouths. Savannah felt herself drawnto the peculiarly sentient edifice. A meek
piece of her consciousness wondered where Tina'sTiny Treasures had gone, and if this
meant she would have to buy hernew baby's clothes at the super Target.
(25:38):
The throbbing forefront of her mind studiedthe building's classical lines. It bothered her
how it was obviously from long ago, beautiful and designed with an architectural eye,
but it had been crudely glued tothe side of an artless shoe box
like subway. The incongruity ate ather as she found herself stepping further into
(26:03):
the cool, enveloping shadow of thebehemoth. Hello. Yes, Savannah answered
back as a question, her mindfuzzy from the confounding building and more from
the feel of the sharp tools beneathher arm. A girl held the door
open with her skinny elbow. You'relooking for the baby shop? Yes,
(26:26):
where's it gone? It was herelast week. Savannah's eyes finally focused on
the small blonde girl. It washere a few moments ago. There was
a woman walking by holding a Tina'sTiny treasure shopping back. How does that
make sense, savvee? That nicknamebrought an image of Mackenzie rotund and insincere
(26:51):
anger caused red polka dots to stippleSavannah's sight. Yeah, clothes, I'm
afraid permanently coming, aren't you.I'm busy, Savannah panted, hearing the
crinkling of the plastic bag at herside. She knew if she didn't go
through with all of this now,the voice inside would get louder, and
(27:14):
it would only work to question her, to prevent her from getting what she
so desperately wanted, and what Mackenzie, it was clear deserved. The girl
with the blonde ringlets was eaten upby the door. She disappeared into the
darkness as it creaked on rusted hinges. Perplexed as to why she'd given up
(27:36):
on her so easily, Savannah followed. It was twenty degrees cooler, maybe
more than the valley mall loot.Savannah's eyes adjusted to the damp darkness.
Her nostrils wiggled at the unmistakable scentof must goose. Bumps etched their way
up her arms, ending at theshort sleeves of her scrub top. My
(28:00):
name's Victoria. Not that what wecall ourselves really matters. I could say
I'm Edith or George. And itwouldn't make a whit of difference, would
it, Savannah? The girl leanedcasually against a wall tattooed with mildewed wallpaper.
Savannah bit down on the sensitive partof her lip where she drawn blood
(28:21):
earlier. This girl, Victoria,she was like the building, an old
thing haphazardly stuck to a new thing. Her formal hairstyle and her velvet dress
with puff sleeves was wholly wrong.The girl patted at something cradled in her
arms and yina her named. Don'tyou huh remember? Savannah's gaze dropped from
(28:48):
Victoria's strangely wise face down to theitem. She carried the baby doll's bald
head and pink, gummy smile forSavannah to stumble back. She goggled at
the impossible. It was more unbelievablethan a building that sprouted from the ether.
(29:10):
It's Donna. She bit harder atthe familiar site, tasting metal.
Donna, her cabbage patch all,the very one she'd walked around the neighborhood
in a cheap plastic baby carriage,the one she'd rocked and fed and dressed.
It had been her own small handsthat had put on the striped pink
(29:34):
sleepsack that Donna wore. As sherested her head on Victoria's arm. All
three of them made their way insidethe confining lift in a surreal quiet haze.
Savannah supposed Victoria pushed the button,but she was too transfixed by the
doll to even notice the door closing. Did you steal her? Victoria clutched
(30:02):
the cabbage patch doll tighter. Theelevator trundled up its vibrations, waking Savannah
from her momentary paralysis. She grabbedat Donna swiftly, removing her baby doll
from the girl's pale hands. Theplastic hardware store bag plummeted to the floor
with a cleanch oh. Savannah pushedher thumbs into the baby's soft metal and
(30:26):
then caressed her cold, bald head. Donna had been part of the Premi
collection, smaller than most cabbage patchdolls. Touching her feeling her weight,
triggered a fresh seepage of rage.You stole her from my things. Savannah
(30:48):
couldn't remember where and when she'd lastseen Donna. Had it been a decade
in the cramped attic bedroom that hadonce been hers or had Donna come to
the apartment and she shared with Kenji, tucked away in a box with old
polaroids and long ago art projects.Whatever the case, this strange girl in
(31:10):
the formal dress had taken her.Here we are. Savannah concentrated on Donna's
synthetic eyes. The earnest nature ofthe painted irises made her at once furious
and melancholy. Her feet moved heroff the lift and onto the second floor,
while her brain only worked to understandthe doll in her grip. It
(31:33):
is approve of stealing, of course, Victoria swung the Ace hardware bag Savannah
had dropped. It blacked against herlittle thigh. Unless it's justified, unless
a person truly deserves what they arestealing. I don't know what you.
Savannah clamped her jaw shut. Whereshe stood. It was like Tina's tiny
(31:57):
treasures better. A row of magnificentcribs stretched down either side of the endless
corridor. Each one was different,mahogany, rustic, timber, gold flecked,
ivory. Breathless, Savannah marveled atthe beauty. Surrounding each crib was
(32:20):
a tableau of what could be.There were rocking chairs, side tables with
the diaper holders of many colors,rocks, toys, and bookshelves decorated with
pewter bears. Like a hapless componentof an electrical charge. She was drawn
to the pretty things, the thingsshe always wanted but never seemed to have.
(32:45):
For it was women like Mackenzie,like doctor Schmidt, or like a
vet who could have babies, nother, not her. As though to
accentuate this point, Victoria has stoodbeside Savannah and patted her empty womb with
her tiny palm. There's something growinginside of you. Shut up. It's
(33:09):
ugly. It's the opposite of whatyou want. It's all the bad ideas
of mean putred thought. Savannah.You don't know, You have no idea
how badly it hurts. A physicalpain shot through Savannah's abdomen. The little
girl paced, finally resting her armon an oak crib. You hate her,
(33:32):
Mackenzie. She was crue to youin high school. Yes, she's
haughty, spoiled, immature. Yes, and she's a mother of three with
another on the way. It's notfair. She wouldn't even care or notice.
Blood coated Savannah's tongue. She bitthrough the pain pleased at the taste.
(33:57):
The oak crib with the giraffe mobileand cheetah printed bumper called to her.
Savannah reached out, touching the railingwith a single finger. Victoria stepped
away, allowing Savannah to wrap herhand around the top rail. It was
real, it was solid. Youwere going to eat the soul. Savannah
(34:21):
stared at one of the soft yellowgiraffes. I don't want to hurt anyone.
That's a lie. You want tohurt her to make her suffer for
being a fertile myrtle, for beinga brat, for being a mother.
You were going to cut McKinzie opento get what you think you desive.
(34:45):
For the first time, Savannah admittedto herself that this was true. She'd
only allowed herself fragmented ideas, butnow she could finally see the entirety of
her plan. At this the weightin her arms changed. She looked down
to find Donna had disappeared. Instead, there was the hack saw, wrapped
(35:10):
in a soft baby blue blanket.Savannah gasped at its menacing teeth. The
giraffe mobile began to spin, trembling. Savannah dared to step closer to the
crib, Pressing her belly against therails. The hack saw slipped from her
(35:32):
arms, sliding to the clapboard floor. Entranced by what she would find,
Savannah peered down into the crib.The vibrant crimson of dried blood caught her
eye. It was smeared against thecloth bumper sides and stippled across the jungle
themed comforter. A lifeless lump wasvisible beneath the gore. Nausea mixed with
(35:58):
the deep well of anger as sheslowly pulled the blanket. You've done this,
You're responsible, and it didn't matter. Savannah's hands shook violently as she
yanked the final inches off, revealingthe blood soaked head of an infant.
Rivulets of red trailed down into thefamiliar pseudo eyes. Savannah grabbed Donna,
(36:25):
naked and tacky with blood, fromthe mattress. She clutched the doll to
her chest, nearly drowning in herown grief and rage. No Savannah staggered
back, her eyes adjusting to hernew reality. The rows of cribs filtered
(36:47):
away, giving form to the sterile, hollow hall of a hospital. It
was the hazy, incomplete set changeof a dream. Hello, where'd you
go? And sadness tooke anger.We don't stop, it will grew larger.
(37:10):
Hello. She raced down the hall, her sneaker squeaking on the waxed
floor. Every room, even thenurses station, was empty. If savannahs
stopped in what looked like a waitingroom, one stalked with magazines displaying bright
pictures of cherubic babies, something rippledinside of her. It was unlike any
(37:37):
sensation she'd felt before. It wasas if her body wasn't her own.
Savannah rested a hand on top ofher belly, shocked to discover it had
taken on a new, rotund shape. She sat Donna carefully down on a
chair, and then returned both handsto her alien stomach. It grew by
(38:00):
the second, straining the tight hemof her scrub top and stretching her pants
to their macs. Oh my god, it was too wonderful, too perfect
to be true. Her belly buttonaudibly jutted out with a pop, while
stretch marks carved uneven lines on hersides. Then the thing moved, twisting
(38:25):
her insights and creating a bizarre rippleat the base of her enormous abdomen.
She reveled in the feel. Tearsmuddied her vision as she desperately searched for
its return against her skin, thescrub pants cut into her flesh. Savannah
(38:45):
slipped them off. A piece ofpaper flitted to the floor. She removed
her top, next, instantly greetedby a swollen pair of breasts that spilled
over the cups of her braw Hadshe willed this to be? Had?
She wanted a baby, so ardentlythat the universe was providing. You have
(39:07):
to decide, you have to letit go. Why. Savannah proudly massaged
her massive belly. Her inner voicewas trying to say something, but she
muzzled it. Suddenly, a whooshof liquid slashed at her sneakers. She
(39:31):
glanced down at the clear fluid thenurse side of her, Waking at the
immediacy of what had happened. Savannahtouched her bare wet thigh, realizing she
was in labor alone. A wallopingpain stole her breath, causing her to
sink her nails into the soft woodof the chair's arm. The anger,
(39:54):
Savannah, it's holding you back.It made you think there's things today make
there's vile plans. Savannah fell toher knees, grasping at her pained middle.
Oh help yourself. In nursing school, Savannah had witnessed many women in
(40:15):
labor. She'd wondered what it mightfeel like a million times, but this
wasn't what she'd expected. Blood,black and viscous pulled beneath her. She
was sure the baby inside the thingwas eating its way out with razor teeth.
(40:36):
Every nerve in her body was onfire. Ratcheting up when she thought
it wasn't possible to hurt anymore,Savannah tried weakly to crawl toward a hospital
room, but her legs gave outand the bloodied muck. She flipped onto
her back, Trying to focus onthe square tiles of the ceiling, her
(40:57):
vision waxed and waned, threatening todesert. Her drumbeats of rhythmic pain shook
her entire frame. Savannah whimpered,wishing she had Kenji or anyone who could
whisper refreshing axioms in her ear andassure her this was natural. But although
she'd never carried a baby in herbelly, Savannah knew this wasn't the way
(41:22):
of things. The pain that blossomedin sight of her was a different animal,
a blistering pimple with only sludge toexpel. She curled onto her side,
and through the agony, could makeout Victoria's patent leather shoes and frilled
socks. The little girl knelt atSavannah's side, her eyes more sincere and
(41:46):
empathetic than Donna's could ever be.She gently stroked Savannah's sweaty cheek. Relief,
yourself a Savannah moaned, knowing thatthis fight changed. She couldn't let
what churned inside of her free inits exodus. It would rip her apart.
(42:08):
Her legs cling together instinctively, shecried hot, fat tears, then
held her breath, ignoring the urgeto bear down and push the lava from
within. It's not fair. It'snot fair that anyone gets to be a
(42:30):
mother, but not me. You'rewrong. It shouldn't matter what we call
ourselves, but it does. Aseam of fire seemed to work its way
through Savannah's metal. She leaned herhead back, the ends of her black
hair glossing through the putrid blood.Victoria grasped her hand. Savannah, you
(42:53):
are a mother. It had beenon since the day you got Donna?
Do you remember? What do youremember? Savannah closed her eyelids, navigating
through the intense pain. It hadbeen her birthday, hot and sweaty,
just like today. Donna had beenwrapped in mint green tissue paper. When
(43:17):
Savannah had seen her, smiling andsilently asking to be loved, she knew
knew she was meant to be amother, the good, warm, happy
sort of mother who was born toit. An incredible sense of purpose burrowed
its way into her tortured mind.She found the strength to sit up,
(43:42):
to take in a long lasting breath. I lost myself. Yes, it's
not about fair, the little girlnodded. Savannah realized the pain was subsiding.
The top of her belly deflated slowlylike a pool float, stuck with
(44:02):
a slender pin. I am amother. The sharp fragments of her rage
splintered. She was left with onlythe purpose, not of cribs and music
mobiles, but of something else.Dressed in her soiled underwear, Savannah stood
(44:24):
up in the sticky pool of heranger. I am a mother. What
will you do about it? Victoriapointed to the chair where Donna waited,
clean and dressed in her sleepsack.Beside her sat the hack saw wrapped in
its blanket. Ashamed of how desperate, how angry she'd become, Savannah hung
(44:51):
her head. Not that not thatshe wasn't certain how she got back on
the sidewalk, or how her scrubswere placed on her clean body. Yet
she was standing in the oppressive sun. Donna Victoria, the building, and
(45:15):
her bag from Ace Hardware had allleft her alone. Savannah squinted at the
assault of light, rubbing her flatstomach with her palm. She noticed that
while the building had disappeared from itstemporary place beside subway, Tina's Tiny Treasures
(45:36):
hadn't returned. The structure was thesame, a utilitarian square, yet it
had a new sign in the window. In fact, a woman with a
brilliant copper hair and a tattoo ofa giraffe on her freckled arm was affixing
the final letter to the glass.Tina's moved over to arland All Plaza.
(46:00):
I think the woman stepped down offa step stool, taking in her work.
Oh all right. Savannah still felttrapped in the whirlwind of what she'd
just endured and what she'd nearly drivenherself to do how's it look straight?
I hope? Savannah took a fewpaces back to read the words Southwest Metro
(46:27):
Child Adoption Services. She trembled,It's straight. Thanks, it's hot as
I'll get out, Savannah lingered,thinking of Donna, who she was now
sure she'd donated to a charity driveyears earlier. We opened next Tuesday.
(46:52):
Okay, would you like a pamphlet? Savannah smoothed down the front of her
billowing scrub top. An emptiness filledwithin her. It was as though she
was suddenly brimming with an indefinable emotion, something she guessed a lot like hope,
(47:14):
Yes, Yes, I would.Today's episode featured Jessica McAvoy as Savannah
and the narrator, and Ambercollins asVictoria. Today's custom score was created by
(47:36):
our resident composer, Nico Vetes ofWe Talk of Dreams. Find Nico at
We Talk of Dreams dot com instreaming on Twitch. Artwork was created by
Jeanette Andromeda, illustrator, artist,YouTuber and all around amazing human. Find
her being creative at Jenette Creations dotcom. Today's author was Meghaftall. You
can find more of her at meghaftalldot com. That's emmyg h a f
(48:00):
d a h l dot com.You can also find more of her work
here on Victoria's Lift and on TheWicked Library, and of course, on
Amazon dot com U
Nine Story Studios giving story a voice. Welcome to the Lift, get ready
to take the ride. Hello,I'm Daniel Foytech, and I thank you
(00:35):
for joining us for a special episodeof Victoria's Left. Today we're presenting a
short story that was written for ourcollection, The Left nine Stories of Transformation,
and this story was actually adapted foraudio and appeared on The Wicked Library
as episode number nine oh one,but since it is actually a Lift story,
we figured we would bring it hometoday. I do want to say
(00:58):
thank you to those who are supportingthe show. We're gonna be able to
do some cool things with season fivethat we haven't been able to do before,
and of course we have our miniseries to those who thrive in the
Dark. These things would not bepossible without the support of our Patreon supporters,
and we do greatly thank you foryour support. If you like what
we make here and you want usto keep making it, you can support
the show on Patreon at patreon dotcom. Forward slash Victoria's Left. This
(01:22):
is The Baron by Meg haftall starringJessica McAvoy and Amber Collins. The Baron
(02:19):
based on the short story The Baronwritten by Meg Hoffdall. Savannah expertly positioned
the plastic stick beneath her. Throughthe ragged, hypnotic haze of her lingering
nightmares, she coached herself to pee, whispering to her bladder come on.
(02:39):
Finally, she doused the stick aswell as the edge of her right thumb.
Savannah flushed the toilet, pulling upher linen pajama pants, then setting
the urine soaked rectangle on the ceramiclip of the sink. Tingling hope tickled
up her sides as she washed herhands with mounds of foamy soape. Her
(03:00):
gaze flitted down to the pregnancy test, which still displayed the electronic image of
an hourglass. That physical manifestation ofhope intensified. It gripped every muscle,
causing Savannah to shiver. She concentratedon drying her hands on the buttercream yellow
(03:20):
towel, her internal dialogue a flurryof contradictions. This could be it,
this could be the time. Don'tget excited. It'll only hurt you.
It'll take another piece of you.Keep it together, Savannah, She pursed,
her lips, breathing steadily as shestared into the mirror. Her ebony
(03:43):
curls were a wild, matted mess. Although she tried to keep her focus
on the eruption of fine new linesat the bridge of her nose, her
rebellious eyeballs shifted south, not fregnant. The two stark words were a sharp,
sudden disruption to her bubble of hope. Despair returned, as it did
(04:08):
every month. Savannah staggered back fromthe cruel rejection, fighting the tears that
obscured her sight. Kenji entered theopen bathroom door, mide yawn. He
blinked at Savannah, its dark lashesheavy with sleep. You okay. She
(04:29):
curled in on herself as she crumpledto the icy tile. Her husband knelt
at her side, wearing the samemask of detached concern he always did.
He squeezed her thigh, negative,Why why me, It's going to happen.
(04:51):
It's just a matter of time.His indefatigable optimism burned a hole through
her heart. Sa Anna pressed herchin to her knees, overcome with a
quiet, seething rage. He gaveher a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and
stood Someday we'll look back on allthis like it was a dream. We'll
(05:15):
have a kid, a couple ofkids, and we won't even remember all
the bullshit. Kenji made it worsewith his assurances, with his casual rake
of fingers through his thick hair.She had never felt so alone, drowning
in a pitch black well of grief, struggling to a surface that wasn't there,
(05:38):
that wouldn't reveal itself to her.There was no pinprick of light,
no hope. There was only heralone, an empty, childless husk.
Savannah made it to the clinic ontime. She swiped the badge on the
(05:58):
end of her lanyard across the digitallock. Avette spoke around the green Starbucks
straw between her lips. Doctor harshGone wanted Jamaica lucky. We're stuck with
his overflow. Remember shit, that'sright, it's going to be a long
day. Forget lunchbreak. Doctor Schmidtis going to push through knowing her Avette's
(06:26):
camel messenger bag rocked with the motionas she elbowed opened the door into the
dim waiting room. Savannah switched onthe fluorescent lights. She blinked at the
austere room of gray and cream,unable to see anything but her own despair.
Doctor Schmidt came up behind them asa Vette tossed her cup in the
(06:46):
trash by the reception desk. Morning. Hope you ate your wheaties today.
We're picking up Fred's slack. He'dbetter bring me back a sparkly souvenir.
I wouldn't hold my breath a vet. Doctor Schmidt, effortlessly beautiful and the
mother of twin toddler girls, fiddledwith the crumpled collar of her white coat.
(07:11):
Savannah closed her eyes, allowing herselfto hover in the middle of the
waiting room. She wondered what sortof mourning her boss had experienced. Had
she dressed the girls in matching tightsand polka dot blouses. Had she fed
them equal amounts of yogurt and fruitand lilac bowls? Had she thanked the
(07:31):
universe for her incredible luck? Evena Vette had sixteen year old Bucky,
who came by the clinic every nowand then to drop off mc donald's or
to ask her for an advance onhis allowance. Savannah's eyes popped open.
Her visceral rage had torn a painful, burning hole in her stomach. Her
(07:54):
usual appetite for coffee had drained away, leaving her both tired and nauseous.
Petit, Avett climbed up onto hertowering chair behind the reception desk. Okay,
yeah, I'll get the door.She moved toward the glass, as
though in a dream, questioning theunreality of the morning. Despite the predictably
(08:18):
drab clinic and the normal banter ofher co workers, it was difficult to
accept the not pregnant that had stolenher happiness. A woman waited outside the
half common Schmidt clinic door, sunstreaming across her tanned ankles. Savannah concentrated
on the glint of light, howit played across the stranger's expensive leather pumps.
(08:43):
She pulled down on one bolt withher right hand while loosening another with
her left. When she yanked thedoor open, the waiting woman whisked inside,
peppering Savannah with a fragrant cloud offloral perfume. Good morning. Savannah
kept her eyes on the thin carpet. It was all she could do to
(09:05):
focus on being human, To walk, to breathe, to keep her emotions
inside like bubbling vomit that threatened toescape, would be the most she could
manage. The woman's swollen belly casta shadow on the carpet. Hello,
hot as hell out there, andit's only eight a m. Savannah's ears
(09:28):
burned hot at the obvious attack onher already shriveled psyche. Of course,
the first patient of the day waslargely pregnant. She worked to produce a
response. Uh huh, scorcher Oh. Savannah glanced up at the sound.
(09:48):
The woman's aristocratic, tawny nose caughtat something in the shadowy corner of her
memory. Your savvy savvee chan,Yes Yamamoto now Ferris High, class of
O six. Don't you remember me? The woman reached out her sparkly charm
(10:11):
bracelet, clacking against Savannah's shoulders asshe squeezed the flesh. Savannah's nostrils flared
at the potent perfume. She studiedthe woman's face and the length of her
tanned, extended arm, flecked withseveral dark moles. Their distinct uneven boarders
finally ripped open her mind. Thename fizzled in Savannah's chest as Mackenzie dug
(10:37):
her manicured nails deeper into Savannah's shoulder. Mackenzie Burton, Yes, it's been
ages I didn't know you worked here. M you're expecting it's number four?
Can you believe it? Fertile?Myrtle is? What? Giovanni? That's
(11:01):
my husband. He's an orthopedic surgeonover at Saint Luke's. Mackenzie Burton hadn't
changed much since Ferris High. She'dspoken with the same haughty tone back then,
quick to point out Savannah's cheap shoesor throbbing pimple, and always to
a group of vile, tittering girls. Savannah could sense her memories of that
(11:26):
dark, disappointing time threatening to overtakeher. She concentrated on the ripple of
baby beneath Mackenzie's stress. It movedvisibly, presumably adjusting its cramped limbs.
Oh, he's a mover and ashaker. I'll tell you congratulations. Thank
(11:48):
you. You're a nurse here?Then? Yes, mostly for doctor Schmidt.
Ah, I'm a patient of doctorHascomb's. Although I hear the bastard
is on a beach somewhere. Whogoes to Jamaica in the summer right,
Savannah hovered, unable to unglue hereyes from her former classmates. Corpulent tummy
(12:16):
Yamamoto, you married, Kenji,I remember him, quiet but cheery.
The anger had become black, poisonoussludge. It traveled slowly through Savannah's body
like syrup, coating her veins andfilling her with sinister notions. Kenji Yamamoto,
(12:41):
Oh, yes, after college,high school sweethearts. I think I
remember you two at prom? Rememberthat shit show? What a lark trying
to coordinate five hundred teenagers on aferry boat. How many kids? The
(13:03):
image of the pregnancy test appeared inher mind. Not pregnant, none yet,
It's a blessing. You won't regretit. My children are my reason
for living, missus Burton Rossy.Doctor Schmidt is ready to see you.
(13:26):
I just need to scan your insurancecard really quick, Oh, sir,
right away, Here it is.It was nice seeing you, savvee uh
huh. The hateful sludge slowed itsnauseating course. It cemented itself in Savannah's
heart. She bit down on herbottom, lip tasting blood. In the
(13:50):
handicapped accessible bathroom with a sliding halfdoor for urine sample collection, Savannah allowed
her jelly legs to crumple. Thecool tile floor reminded her of her apartment's
bathroom, where she'd spend an inordinateamount of time. Lately, a fresh
wave of anger had joined her agony. It was the time capsule of her
(14:13):
teenaged horror, cracked like an eggand left to ooze. Mackenzie Burton had
been the archetypal bully, the sortof pretty, marginally clever girl who populated
bad teen movies. Yet she'd beenreal. She had punctuated Savannah's young life
with pointed size and pitying eye rolls, and she'd returned baby, straining beneath
(14:39):
her belly to flaunt her gifts.To remind Savannah years later that some people
have all the luck. That whethershe was Savvy Chan or Savannah Yamamoto LPN,
she would have nothing more than adusty womb full of tumbleweeds. Savanna
(15:00):
and a bit into the sensitive seamon her lip, licking at the iron,
the visceral image of her insides ofa desert with no oasis formed into
something more ominous. She saw thesharp edges of her nightmare. A scalpel
expertly navigated through another's soft flesh,blood and slippery viscera lapped at her feet
(15:24):
like the touch of a foamy sea. It was her own hands in her
mind's eye, working out the prize, the pearl from the oyster. Savannah
watched herself pull out the diaphanous sackfrom the waterfall of blood. She carefully
pierced the placenta, widening and openingin order to see to meet her baby.
(15:48):
It had stark black hair, likeKenji. Savannah gulped in air,
drunk with the possibility of it allhappening so soon. Now, to day
she could be a mother. Today she could hear her baby's cry,
feel the bottoms of its wrinkled feet, smell its unique and intoxicating aroma.
(16:15):
It was only Mackenzie who stood inthe way, pompous, cruel, fertile
Mackenzie. In the fervor of herday dream, Savannah remembered the baby's ripple
beneath the thin fabric of Mackenzie's dress. It was so achingly close. Now.
(16:36):
As she rubbed the thread of bloodon her chin, Savannah understood that
the baby had been calling to her. Hi, Mamma, Le'm me here,
Mamma, I'm ready to come home. The sounds of the busy clinic
burrowed their way into Savannah's ears,doctor Schmidt laughed about something near her office
(16:59):
at the end of the hall.Mackenzie joined in her braying giggle, upsetting
the last shred of Savannah's umbilicus toreality. She concentrated on the smudge of
blood on her palm, understanding,if she navigated through the rage, if
she let the molten hot fire leadher rather than burn her, Savannah could
(17:23):
be a mother today. It waseasy to find Mackenzie's chart. Savannah calmly
clicked the mouse, hovering over thered tab, hitting print page one.
Before a vet could look up fromher paperwork and glance at the screen,
the single page came out warm.Savannah cradled it, absorbing the address written
(17:48):
above Mackenzie's weight and height. Whata bitch startled Savannah folded the paper stuff
and get into the Manila folder containingmiss Armando's prescription instructions. Sorry if she's
your friend, but that blonde womanis hard to take. Always was typical.
(18:11):
Savannah hugged the folder to her chest. The certainty of her convictions straightened
her back. It raised her shouldersand lifted her chin. This was what
needed to be done, This waswhat it would take. I'm going for
a walk, I need some air. I'm sick er. Something you do
(18:36):
look a bit pale. I cancover for you. Thanks. Savannah turned
her back to a vette in orderto slip the paper into the waistband of
her scrub pants. She dropped misterArmando's papers on the desk and headed for
the glittering call of the outdoors.On her way to the glass door,
(18:56):
the patience and the tables smattered withmagazine took on an abstraction in her mind.
She was surrounded by only shapes andcolors, encapsulated by a crushing tunnel
of things that no longer mattered.As soon as the muggy summer air whooshed
through the strands of her ebony hair, Savannah felt better. She strode to
(19:21):
the curb, breathing mindfully through hernostrils. The paper scratched at the skin
of her hip. It was apleasant irritation, one that reminded her of
the task at hand, of theintegral nature of her decision, of her
purpose. Savannah crossed Valley View Avenue, her eyes glued to the brick side
(19:44):
of the mini mall. Some onehanked, but it was tinny and inconsequential.
She shook her head, following thesloped parking lot to her destination.
Valley Mall was an old fashioned structurewith ten doorfronts connected by a roofed sidewalk.
Savannah passed Rooster's Grill, her favoritelunch place, with a vet and
(20:07):
Sally's fabric and craft Maneuvering around theobstacles of people. She began to count
her steps, each one punctuated bythe rustle of the paper against the thin
fabric of her underwear. The AceHardware's door was held open by a thick
rubber maid filled with pool noodles andsquirt guns. Savannah nearly tripped over the
(20:30):
summer goodies as she entered the shop. A man only a brown and blue
shape in her periphery greeted Savannah asshe rushed toward the tools morning looking for
something in particular. Savannah extended herfinger carefully touching the toothed edge of a
(20:51):
hack saw. I'm fine For thefirst time since she'd pushed through the clinic
door. She wasn't sure that wastrue. It occurred to her, as
she lifted the saw up from itshook that she might not have it in
her that what it took to bea mother today might be too high a
price back away, Savannah, stop, this is nuts, amma. I'm
(21:19):
waiting for you. I'm here,mamma. At the thought of her baby
trapped inside Mackenzie, the weakness drainedaway, her limbs. Tingled with the
certainty of her mission, Savannah grabbedthe hack saw, a utility knife,
and a folded tarp. She droppedher bounty on the shop counter. The
(21:44):
faceless man slowly punched numbers into anold fashioned till. He might have spoken
about the weather, but Savannah wastoo tangled in the web of her sharp
thoughts to be sure. A vagueparanoia of being found out, of being
caught and ultimately stopped, threatened toovershadow the excitement of her plan. After
(22:07):
paying with the credit card in herscrubs pocket, Savannah nodded a thank you.
She swung the plastic bag of toolsagainst her thigh. As she stepped
back out into the muggy day,sweat erupted on her top lip. She
licked at the salt, nearly blindedby the intense sunlight. A bench beneath
(22:27):
the feeble shade of the roofed sidewalkcalled to her. Savannah slumped onto the
wooden slats, staring back at thewindow display of sprinklers at Ace Hardware.
She was keenly aware of Mackenzie's address. Now a bit soggy, curled at
her hip, she settled the plasticbag beside her, unable to think of
(22:49):
anything else but the end result,her baby. Her baby wrapped in a
sweet blanket. Kenji would be thrilledan A morphous woman walked by her flip
flop, slapping the cement. Savannahsmiled at the distinctive shopping bag in the
(23:11):
woman's grip. It was from thebaby store, Tina's Tiny Treasures, at
the far end of Valley Mall.It had been a place Savannah actively avoided,
a reminder of her failures, ofan alternate life she had been too
weak to fight for. Not now, not any more. Savannah rested a
(23:34):
hand on her wet brow, peeringover at where Tina's Tiny Treasures would undoubtedly
have their tinted chalkboard. It wouldsay something clever like splash into summer with
our new born swim gear. Shesquinted, unable to make out the pink
gingham curtains. The chalkboard Wasn't there? Either or the painted life sized elmo
(23:59):
that waved mother's in. Leaning forward, Savannah noticed a comforting shadow blocking the
sun's assault. It darkened the edgeof the sidewalk, casting a cool reprieve
across her legs and then her entirebody. Fear stole her breath. The
piercing, intrusive script of her thoughtsstuttered. Savannah stood, disbelieving Tina's tiny
(24:26):
treasures had been leveled. In itsstead was a towering building fused haphazardly to
the subway that shared a wall withthe hardware store. Savannah concentrated on the
strange patch together seen between the sandwichshop and the ancient looking structure Tina's treasures.
(24:49):
The empty sidewalk grew cool. Bloodrushed to Savannah's ears as a summer
breeze shifted the pool noodles outside ace. She moved toward the impossible building,
clutching her purchases beneath her odorous armpit. It was old and at the same
time now. She'd have noticed sucha blight before, surely, yet here
(25:14):
it was stories higher than the squatmini mall. The windows were black,
taunting mouths. Savannah felt herself drawnto the peculiarly sentient edifice. A meek
piece of her consciousness wondered where Tina'sTiny Treasures had gone, and if this
meant she would have to buy hernew baby's clothes at the super Target.
(25:38):
The throbbing forefront of her mind studiedthe building's classical lines. It bothered her
how it was obviously from long ago, beautiful and designed with an architectural eye,
but it had been crudely glued tothe side of an artless shoe box
like subway. The incongruity ate ather as she found herself stepping further into
(26:03):
the cool, enveloping shadow of thebehemoth. Hello. Yes, Savannah answered
back as a question, her mindfuzzy from the confounding building and more from
the feel of the sharp tools beneathher arm. A girl held the door
open with her skinny elbow. You'relooking for the baby shop? Yes,
(26:26):
where's it gone? It was herelast week. Savannah's eyes finally focused on
the small blonde girl. It washere a few moments ago. There was
a woman walking by holding a Tina'sTiny treasure shopping back. How does that
make sense, savvee? That nicknamebrought an image of Mackenzie rotund and insincere
(26:51):
anger caused red polka dots to stippleSavannah's sight. Yeah, clothes, I'm
afraid permanently coming, aren't you.I'm busy, Savannah panted, hearing the
crinkling of the plastic bag at herside. She knew if she didn't go
through with all of this now,the voice inside would get louder, and
(27:14):
it would only work to question her, to prevent her from getting what she
so desperately wanted, and what Mackenzie, it was clear deserved. The girl
with the blonde ringlets was eaten upby the door. She disappeared into the
darkness as it creaked on rusted hinges. Perplexed as to why she'd given up
(27:36):
on her so easily, Savannah followed. It was twenty degrees cooler, maybe
more than the valley mall loot.Savannah's eyes adjusted to the damp darkness.
Her nostrils wiggled at the unmistakable scentof must goose. Bumps etched their way
up her arms, ending at theshort sleeves of her scrub top. My
(28:00):
name's Victoria. Not that what wecall ourselves really matters. I could say
I'm Edith or George. And itwouldn't make a whit of difference, would
it, Savannah? The girl leanedcasually against a wall tattooed with mildewed wallpaper.
Savannah bit down on the sensitive partof her lip where she drawn blood
(28:21):
earlier. This girl, Victoria,she was like the building, an old
thing haphazardly stuck to a new thing. Her formal hairstyle and her velvet dress
with puff sleeves was wholly wrong.The girl patted at something cradled in her
arms and yina her named. Don'tyou huh remember? Savannah's gaze dropped from
(28:48):
Victoria's strangely wise face down to theitem. She carried the baby doll's bald
head and pink, gummy smile forSavannah to stumble back. She goggled at
the impossible. It was more unbelievablethan a building that sprouted from the ether.
(29:10):
It's Donna. She bit harder atthe familiar site, tasting metal.
Donna, her cabbage patch all,the very one she'd walked around the neighborhood
in a cheap plastic baby carriage,the one she'd rocked and fed and dressed.
It had been her own small handsthat had put on the striped pink
(29:34):
sleepsack that Donna wore. As sherested her head on Victoria's arm. All
three of them made their way insidethe confining lift in a surreal quiet haze.
Savannah supposed Victoria pushed the button,but she was too transfixed by the
doll to even notice the door closing. Did you steal her? Victoria clutched
(30:02):
the cabbage patch doll tighter. Theelevator trundled up its vibrations, waking Savannah
from her momentary paralysis. She grabbedat Donna swiftly, removing her baby doll
from the girl's pale hands. Theplastic hardware store bag plummeted to the floor
with a cleanch oh. Savannah pushedher thumbs into the baby's soft metal and
(30:26):
then caressed her cold, bald head. Donna had been part of the Premi
collection, smaller than most cabbage patchdolls. Touching her feeling her weight,
triggered a fresh seepage of rage.You stole her from my things. Savannah
(30:48):
couldn't remember where and when she'd lastseen Donna. Had it been a decade
in the cramped attic bedroom that hadonce been hers or had Donna come to
the apartment and she shared with Kenji, tucked away in a box with old
polaroids and long ago art projects.Whatever the case, this strange girl in
(31:10):
the formal dress had taken her.Here we are. Savannah concentrated on Donna's
synthetic eyes. The earnest nature ofthe painted irises made her at once furious
and melancholy. Her feet moved heroff the lift and onto the second floor,
while her brain only worked to understandthe doll in her grip. It
(31:33):
is approve of stealing, of course, Victoria swung the Ace hardware bag Savannah
had dropped. It blacked against herlittle thigh. Unless it's justified, unless
a person truly deserves what they arestealing. I don't know what you.
Savannah clamped her jaw shut. Whereshe stood. It was like Tina's tiny
(31:57):
treasures better. A row of magnificentcribs stretched down either side of the endless
corridor. Each one was different,mahogany, rustic, timber, gold flecked,
ivory. Breathless, Savannah marveled atthe beauty. Surrounding each crib was
(32:20):
a tableau of what could be.There were rocking chairs, side tables with
the diaper holders of many colors,rocks, toys, and bookshelves decorated with
pewter bears. Like a hapless componentof an electrical charge. She was drawn
to the pretty things, the thingsshe always wanted but never seemed to have.
(32:45):
For it was women like Mackenzie,like doctor Schmidt, or like a
vet who could have babies, nother, not her. As though to
accentuate this point, Victoria has stoodbeside Savannah and patted her empty womb with
her tiny palm. There's something growinginside of you. Shut up. It's
(33:09):
ugly. It's the opposite of whatyou want. It's all the bad ideas
of mean putred thought. Savannah.You don't know, You have no idea
how badly it hurts. A physicalpain shot through Savannah's abdomen. The little
girl paced, finally resting her armon an oak crib. You hate her,
(33:32):
Mackenzie. She was crue to youin high school. Yes, she's
haughty, spoiled, immature. Yes, and she's a mother of three with
another on the way. It's notfair. She wouldn't even care or notice.
Blood coated Savannah's tongue. She bitthrough the pain pleased at the taste.
(33:57):
The oak crib with the giraffe mobileand cheetah printed bumper called to her.
Savannah reached out, touching the railingwith a single finger. Victoria stepped
away, allowing Savannah to wrap herhand around the top rail. It was
real, it was solid. Youwere going to eat the soul. Savannah
(34:21):
stared at one of the soft yellowgiraffes. I don't want to hurt anyone.
That's a lie. You want tohurt her to make her suffer for
being a fertile myrtle, for beinga brat, for being a mother.
You were going to cut McKinzie opento get what you think you desive.
(34:45):
For the first time, Savannah admittedto herself that this was true. She'd
only allowed herself fragmented ideas, butnow she could finally see the entirety of
her plan. At this the weightin her arms changed. She looked down
to find Donna had disappeared. Instead, there was the hack saw, wrapped
(35:10):
in a soft baby blue blanket.Savannah gasped at its menacing teeth. The
giraffe mobile began to spin, trembling. Savannah dared to step closer to the
crib, Pressing her belly against therails. The hack saw slipped from her
(35:32):
arms, sliding to the clapboard floor. Entranced by what she would find,
Savannah peered down into the crib.The vibrant crimson of dried blood caught her
eye. It was smeared against thecloth bumper sides and stippled across the jungle
themed comforter. A lifeless lump wasvisible beneath the gore. Nausea mixed with
(35:58):
the deep well of anger as sheslowly pulled the blanket. You've done this,
You're responsible, and it didn't matter. Savannah's hands shook violently as she
yanked the final inches off, revealingthe blood soaked head of an infant.
Rivulets of red trailed down into thefamiliar pseudo eyes. Savannah grabbed Donna,
(36:25):
naked and tacky with blood, fromthe mattress. She clutched the doll to
her chest, nearly drowning in herown grief and rage. No Savannah staggered
back, her eyes adjusting to hernew reality. The rows of cribs filtered
(36:47):
away, giving form to the sterile, hollow hall of a hospital. It
was the hazy, incomplete set changeof a dream. Hello, where'd you
go? And sadness tooke anger.We don't stop, it will grew larger.
(37:10):
Hello. She raced down the hall, her sneaker squeaking on the waxed
floor. Every room, even thenurses station, was empty. If savannahs
stopped in what looked like a waitingroom, one stalked with magazines displaying bright
pictures of cherubic babies, something rippledinside of her. It was unlike any
(37:37):
sensation she'd felt before. It wasas if her body wasn't her own.
Savannah rested a hand on top ofher belly, shocked to discover it had
taken on a new, rotund shape. She sat Donna carefully down on a
chair, and then returned both handsto her alien stomach. It grew by
(38:00):
the second, straining the tight hemof her scrub top and stretching her pants
to their macs. Oh my god, it was too wonderful, too perfect
to be true. Her belly buttonaudibly jutted out with a pop, while
stretch marks carved uneven lines on hersides. Then the thing moved, twisting
(38:25):
her insights and creating a bizarre rippleat the base of her enormous abdomen.
She reveled in the feel. Tearsmuddied her vision as she desperately searched for
its return against her skin, thescrub pants cut into her flesh. Savannah
(38:45):
slipped them off. A piece ofpaper flitted to the floor. She removed
her top, next, instantly greetedby a swollen pair of breasts that spilled
over the cups of her braw Hadshe willed this to be? Had?
She wanted a baby, so ardentlythat the universe was providing. You have
(39:07):
to decide, you have to letit go. Why. Savannah proudly massaged
her massive belly. Her inner voicewas trying to say something, but she
muzzled it. Suddenly, a whooshof liquid slashed at her sneakers. She
(39:31):
glanced down at the clear fluid thenurse side of her, Waking at the
immediacy of what had happened. Savannahtouched her bare wet thigh, realizing she
was in labor alone. A wallopingpain stole her breath, causing her to
sink her nails into the soft woodof the chair's arm. The anger,
(39:54):
Savannah, it's holding you back.It made you think there's things today make
there's vile plans. Savannah fell toher knees, grasping at her pained middle.
Oh help yourself. In nursing school, Savannah had witnessed many women in
(40:15):
labor. She'd wondered what it mightfeel like a million times, but this
wasn't what she'd expected. Blood,black and viscous pulled beneath her. She
was sure the baby inside the thingwas eating its way out with razor teeth.
(40:36):
Every nerve in her body was onfire. Ratcheting up when she thought
it wasn't possible to hurt anymore,Savannah tried weakly to crawl toward a hospital
room, but her legs gave outand the bloodied muck. She flipped onto
her back, Trying to focus onthe square tiles of the ceiling, her
(40:57):
vision waxed and waned, threatening todesert. Her drumbeats of rhythmic pain shook
her entire frame. Savannah whimpered,wishing she had Kenji or anyone who could
whisper refreshing axioms in her ear andassure her this was natural. But although
she'd never carried a baby in herbelly, Savannah knew this wasn't the way
(41:22):
of things. The pain that blossomedin sight of her was a different animal,
a blistering pimple with only sludge toexpel. She curled onto her side,
and through the agony, could makeout Victoria's patent leather shoes and frilled
socks. The little girl knelt atSavannah's side, her eyes more sincere and
(41:46):
empathetic than Donna's could ever be.She gently stroked Savannah's sweaty cheek. Relief,
yourself a Savannah moaned, knowing thatthis fight changed. She couldn't let
what churned inside of her free inits exodus. It would rip her apart.
(42:08):
Her legs cling together instinctively, shecried hot, fat tears, then
held her breath, ignoring the urgeto bear down and push the lava from
within. It's not fair. It'snot fair that anyone gets to be a
(42:30):
mother, but not me. You'rewrong. It shouldn't matter what we call
ourselves, but it does. Aseam of fire seemed to work its way
through Savannah's metal. She leaned herhead back, the ends of her black
hair glossing through the putrid blood.Victoria grasped her hand. Savannah, you
(42:53):
are a mother. It had beenon since the day you got Donna?
Do you remember? What do youremember? Savannah closed her eyelids, navigating
through the intense pain. It hadbeen her birthday, hot and sweaty,
just like today. Donna had beenwrapped in mint green tissue paper. When
(43:17):
Savannah had seen her, smiling andsilently asking to be loved, she knew
knew she was meant to be amother, the good, warm, happy
sort of mother who was born toit. An incredible sense of purpose burrowed
its way into her tortured mind.She found the strength to sit up,
(43:42):
to take in a long lasting breath. I lost myself. Yes, it's
not about fair, the little girlnodded. Savannah realized the pain was subsiding.
The top of her belly deflated slowlylike a pool float, stuck with
(44:02):
a slender pin. I am amother. The sharp fragments of her rage
splintered. She was left with onlythe purpose, not of cribs and music
mobiles, but of something else.Dressed in her soiled underwear, Savannah stood
(44:24):
up in the sticky pool of heranger. I am a mother. What
will you do about it? Victoriapointed to the chair where Donna waited,
clean and dressed in her sleepsack.Beside her sat the hack saw wrapped in
its blanket. Ashamed of how desperate, how angry she'd become, Savannah hung
(44:51):
her head. Not that not thatshe wasn't certain how she got back on
the sidewalk, or how her scrubswere placed on her clean body. Yet
she was standing in the oppressive sun. Donna Victoria, the building, and
(45:15):
her bag from Ace Hardware had allleft her alone. Savannah squinted at the
assault of light, rubbing her flatstomach with her palm. She noticed that
while the building had disappeared from itstemporary place beside subway, Tina's Tiny Treasures
(45:36):
hadn't returned. The structure was thesame, a utilitarian square, yet it
had a new sign in the window. In fact, a woman with a
brilliant copper hair and a tattoo ofa giraffe on her freckled arm was affixing
the final letter to the glass.Tina's moved over to arland All Plaza.
(46:00):
I think the woman stepped down offa step stool, taking in her work.
Oh all right. Savannah still felttrapped in the whirlwind of what she'd
just endured and what she'd nearly drivenherself to do how's it look straight?
I hope? Savannah took a fewpaces back to read the words Southwest Metro
(46:27):
Child Adoption Services. She trembled,It's straight. Thanks, it's hot as
I'll get out, Savannah lingered,thinking of Donna, who she was now
sure she'd donated to a charity driveyears earlier. We opened next Tuesday.
(46:52):
Okay, would you like a pamphlet? Savannah smoothed down the front of her
billowing scrub top. An emptiness filledwithin her. It was as though she
was suddenly brimming with an indefinable emotion, something she guessed a lot like hope,
(47:14):
Yes, Yes, I would.Today's episode featured Jessica McAvoy as Savannah
and the narrator, and Ambercollins asVictoria. Today's custom score was created by
(47:36):
our resident composer, Nico Vetes ofWe Talk of Dreams. Find Nico at
We Talk of Dreams dot com instreaming on Twitch. Artwork was created by
Jeanette Andromeda, illustrator, artist,YouTuber and all around amazing human. Find
her being creative at Jenette Creations dotcom. Today's author was Meghaftall. You
can find more of her at meghaftalldot com. That's emmyg h a f
(48:00):
d a h l dot com.You can also find more of her work
here on Victoria's Lift and on TheWicked Library, and of course, on
Amazon dot com U
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