June 14, 2025 • 30 mins
Dr. Marissa is an Organizational Psychologist, Inspirational Speaker,
Network TV Commentator on
topics of Grief Hope and
Happiness, #1 Bestselling Author of
8 Ways to Happiness from
Wherever You Are, and Celebrity
Host of #1 NBC News Radio and
iHeartRadio syndicated morning
show “Take My Advice, Im Not Using
It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa”
and she has been dubbed the
Asian Oprah!
Network TV Commentator on
topics of Grief Hope and
Happiness, #1 Bestselling Author of
8 Ways to Happiness from
Wherever You Are, and Celebrity
Host of #1 NBC News Radio and
iHeartRadio syndicated morning
show “Take My Advice, Im Not Using
It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa”
and she has been dubbed the
Asian Oprah!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm Cynthia James, and this network is about changing lives,
one woman at a time. Hello, and welcome to Women Awakening.
I'm your host, Cynthia James, and I get the distinct
pleasure and honor of introducing you to fabulous women. You know,
(00:25):
I really believe that this is the time on the
planet where women are emerging and our energy and our
consciousness is needed more than ever. So I'm so excited
because every single woman I've interviewed, and we're close to
two hundred and fifty women around the world now, every
single one has made a difference and is a change maker.
(00:48):
They've taken control of their own lives and they're using
their gifts to make a difference for others. So I'm
really grateful that you're here. We do this every week.
You know. We're on all the platforms Spotify, Tunes, Iheartspeaker,
We're on Amazon, We're on video on YouTube. Just look
for Women Awakening with Cynthia James, and please subscribe, tell
(01:08):
lots of other women because guaranteed you'll be inspired every
single conversation. So today this is actually someone it's a
new friend of mine and her name is doctor Marissa
pay She's an organizational psychologists, inspirational speaker, network TV commentator
(01:30):
on topics of grief, hope, and happiness, a number one
best selling author of Eight Ways to Happiness from Wherever
You Are, and celebrity host of number one NBC News
Radio and Heart Radio syndicated morning show Take my advice,
I'm not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa, and
(01:52):
she has been dubbed the Asian Oprah. Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I'm so happy you're here, and I am delighted as well.
The turn about is fair play.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yes, I was so excited to be on your show.
It was so much fun. Well, I want to start
with how you grew up. You know, people had the
misconception that people just drop in and just create success
and with there's no's, no obstacles, nothing like that. So
how did you grow up to become the Doctor Marissa?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Good question. I grew up in a home where there
was a non recovered tiger mam, so that really shaped me.
I was. It's funny how this topic is coming up
serendipitously four or five times just in the last forty
(02:54):
eight hours, specific questions around tiger Mam. And so I
know you thought I was Swedish, but I'm actually Chinese.
Higher mom refers to the well meaning more mean than
well negative motivation that is offered up by many, many,
(03:16):
many Asian moms, and it is you're fat, you're ugly,
in an attempt to ensure that you are not going
to be fat or ugly. So that's what I call
negative motivation. And so I grew up in this home.
I was born in Canada, where I'm actually broadcasting from
(03:37):
now right now, because I was born in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada,
and then when did my doctorate work in the States
in California. So most of my family is still in
(03:57):
Toronto about area. My tiger mom is in a facility,
has been you know, Parkinson's has been the thing that
has sort of taken her down. She's ninety years old now,
and she was very intent on her children, my brother
(04:26):
and I, but specifically girls are more hard on and
boys are the stars in a Chinese, typical Chinese culture
in the old days. And so that's how I grew
up inside of the home. So you know, I'm one
of the seven out of ten of us who've gone
through childhood trauma. My honorable Moniker Oprah and I was
(04:52):
actually introduced to Oprah as the Asian Oprah by our
mutual love, doctor Michael Burdo back with, So that was
kind of funny. And so when I that was inside
of the home, and I was very much not approved of,
(05:18):
not loved, not supported, not you know, anything that you
would traditionally see as a mom is your best friend,
is your biggest fan. I got completely opposite of that
at home. So outside of the home, I was also
(05:41):
one of the four diverse families in a largely German community.
So Waterloo, Ontario has the largest German settlement outside of Germany.
So yeah, so I grew up outside of the home
also not being approved of, supported, uh any any anything
(06:07):
positive was missing. Let's just say both inside and outside
of the home. So it's funny you say people get
to where they are because they're dropped there. I I
know now because of the teachings of Michael Bernard beck With,
(06:29):
and I actually call myselfself a triple A threat. Uh.
I got sober and so a A and then agape
and then I'm a practitioner of Abraham Hicks so law,
and those three things have allowed me to take all
(06:56):
of the challenges in the I mean shittaki. Let's just
be real. It was crap. I mean it was just
really not what any child certainly. And so when people say, oh,
you chose to come in to to you know that,
and it's like, well, I don't know if I would
(07:16):
have chosen to come into that. However, I do do
know that everything happens for my divine investment.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, first of all, you know, anybody who's having ten children,
you know, healthy or unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Hello. And then coming.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
From a culture that that believes that if you push
someone down, you help them be stronger, you know, I mean,
you know, uh I mine wasn't that mine was highe
because of all the violence and all the craziness. But
I but what I want to say, isn't I just
want to address what you just said said about us
(08:01):
coming in.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I really believe that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Our souls make contracts, and the contracts are this is
my purpose that I'm here to reveal what is the
best way for me to do that so that I
can deliver it in the most powerful way. So clearly,
you wouldn't want anybody to go through what you've been through.
(08:28):
But look at what you're doing today and the number
of people that you are teaching to be happy and strong.
It's very powerful.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yes, yes, definitely. The first part of my life was
feeling sorry for myself that I didn't have that kind
of a mother, I didn't have that kind of a community.
I was teased mercilessly. I was one Chinese, one Chinese family,
one Japanese family, one Black family, and one Indian family,
(09:02):
and then everyone else was blonde or dark haired, blue eye,
green eye, so I kind of looked different and that
that was valuable because I mean, I was called I
don't know if this is derogatory, but it happened to me,
so it's true. So chink is a very horrible name
(09:23):
for Chinese. But I was fat, so the negative motivation
didn't work. So I was actually overweight with zits and
bottom coke bottom glasses. So I was called a chunk.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Oh honey, yeah, you know it can't people be so mean.
It's just I don't even get it, you know. So so.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I did not have very high self esteem. I did not,
but I was smart enough, and I was just talking
about this on the show this morning. I was smart
enough to adopt mother figures my whole life to get
(10:09):
that kind of love or you know, positive attention from
other people. So that was, you know, I learned, and
then a dress what happened here? I came in with
(10:32):
the desire to no power. So what better way to
no power than to be born into a completely powerless
home and completely powerless community? Right? Yeah, right, So it
(10:55):
was I see that now, Like I said that, the
transition which I am so grateful for, from going angry, bitter, lonely,
hating myself no matter what, equating achievement with approval, you know,
(11:17):
trying to satisfy that tiger mom in every way and manner,
youngest to this and the highest grades in this and
blah blah blah blah blah. And yet the inside job
that was had been done was so powerful that nothing
I ever did ever still gave me the sense of worthiness. Right,
(11:44):
So that was missing for such a long time. And
like many people who have had childhood trauma, the majority
seven out of ten Oprah actually says it's as high
as eight out of ten. We then choose mates, we
choose to marry, and we had this conversation on your end.
(12:06):
On my end, I chose a man who wasn't attracted
to me, and you know, and would introduce me as
obese behind my back. And I was not that much
bigger than I am now. So I did that, I
understand now from the law of attraction. I did all
(12:27):
of that consciously, unconsciously, and I'm not sorry. I have
no regrets, Like every single thing that is from a
doctor Michael Bernard Beckwith who said to me. Actually, he
said to a woman, I took a class. The first
class I met him accidentally. He saw me, says, hi,
little sister, and I thought he called everybody that, But
(12:49):
little did I know. So I signed up for a class.
He was talking to another woman and said. The other
woman said, in the class, I can forgive my husband.
Now she said, ex husband. My word is husband, and
I can forgive my husband, but I cannot forgive my mother.
(13:12):
And my ears perked up, and I kind of looked
over as half listening, pretending not to listen. And oh,
by the way, and I came into a got BA
totally broken because that man ended up taking millions of dollars.
I was the breadwinner. I picked a man who didn't
(13:34):
like to work, so I lost not only all of
me internally, all that I had built externally, with money
and all that that went lost, the practice, lost the house,
you know, millions. So Michael said, is it possible, even
(13:58):
with everything that happened to you that was not good,
was there anything developed in you as a direct result
of all of that crap that you actually like about yourself?
And I'm like, oh, I like my determination, I like
(14:20):
my resilience, I like my compassion, I like my you know,
I can do anything. What was it you wanted? All
of those things were a direct right because of what
I had gone through. And you know, like that I
saw on Damascus, all just a complete OMG. I could
(14:40):
live the rest of my life being angry and blaming,
righteously indignant about how I was raised, or I could
see all of this as chiseling that every single point
of pain was my you know, I call him my
ups man. Some people call God or or whatever. It's
(15:00):
my universal power source. He delivers every morning when I
pray and meditate. So he chiseled me all of these
events to.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Become who I am now who Yes, And it's spectacular,
by the way, because because just the revelations and all
the things you've accomplished. But I want to talk about
your book because I think it kind of blends with
what you're talking about. So eight Ways to Happiness from
(15:33):
wherever you are, good news, interesting news in the middle.
So what caused you to write that book? And can
you tell us some of the things that were important
about that book for you?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Absolutely, so, as a result of the triple A things,
I have a tendency to listen to that voice and
the voice with I had lost a two hundred thousand
dollars consulting project. I'm an organizational psychologist, and I was
(16:07):
not happy, but I'm not at all Your sponsoring executive
has been fired. And I hung up the phone, Thank
you very much. I stopped my feet. I got mad
for sixteen seconds, and then I said, I can't wait
to see what good comes out of this. And the
voice says right. And I said I don't have time
(16:31):
to write, and the voice says, you do now. So
I went upstairs and I wrote the first chapter out
of Loneliness into Hope, and I wrote the last chapter
out of Control into Happiness. Wow. I wrote for one week,
(16:53):
every single day, and then on Monday morning, I got
an email from Motivational Press in San Diego who said
we follow motivational speakers on LinkedIn. Are you writing anything?
No literary agent, no asking anybody anything? That was it?
(17:15):
And I funny you should ask sent them the two
chapters and they sent a contract back. I didn't go
with them. I ended up going with a New York
publisher because they had a deal to part proceeds with
to Habitaugh for Humanity, and I would to do that,
but Michael wrote the ForWord. It became a number one bestseller,
national bestseller. And each of the chapters is a way
(17:39):
for you wherever you are in loneliness, in heartbreak, in loss, grieving,
in perfectionism, in sadness. So all of the normal things
you don't have to have had abuse, but the human
condition where we just have this. You know, we tend
(18:04):
to ninety nine compliments, one insult, we go look at
the insult. We seem to want to feel sorry for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It's love, right, And so it's eight ways from wherever
you are to find it's self help on steroids, or's
exercises for it.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And it's just a way for me also to share
what I had gone through, so that you know I'm
not talking out of my assets here, I'm walking from
experience knowing that you know life, whoever said life was
paying free, you know, did such a disservice that book,
(18:50):
and I know it. You know, why do bad things
happen to good people? Well you know what bad things
happened to everybody? Body?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yes, yes, all right, So I.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Want to so hit you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You get this well, clearly the universe, your ups brought
this book deal to you. Yes, so I want to
talk about you getting on the air because I know
there are women that are are listening who want to
do podcasts or who want to be journalists or who
want to be broadcasters. Talk to us about that journey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Okay, another voice, same voice woke me up at four
point thirty in the morning. And this is the second time.
The first time I was in the middle of the
Seal Beach Salon shooting and it was a horrific, worst massacre,
and I, because of UPS man was in the library
(19:45):
with the families. And that was the first time the
voice said right about we weren't allowed to talk about
the crimes. But I wrote about the experience of being
with people in their first moment of grief who had
lost their loved ones. And that article made it to
the front page. And that made me the expert in grief. Right,
(20:08):
So that was all the first time the voice said right.
The second time the voice said radio at four thirty
in the morning. Now, I've been doing some TV work
and you know, network commentary busted on the job, totally
out of control people, And so the word radio is
like what and it's four thirty in the morning, please, like,
(20:34):
can we talk about it anymore? Radio? And this is
back six hundred and seventy six consecutive weeks ago. So
for those of you who are in a math, next
two weeks from now will be thirteen years on the
air on camera. So there were no such things as
podcasts then, right, So woke me up four thirty in
(20:58):
the morning and the voice said radio. I said, I
want to go back to see radio. Radio Radio, go
sit down. Forty four minutes later, I have the title
of the show. Just download it. Take my advice, I'm
not using it. I had all the guest lists, the
format of the show, and the business plan. So that
(21:19):
again was another delivery. That doesn't mean like people who
think the law of attraction is sitting under a boat
eye tree and envisioning you know whatever, your car is
in the garage. No. The whole point of flow and
being in the law of attraction is inspired action.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yes, oh yes, well, and I want to add listening.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
What listening?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
And that's very funny and inspired action because here's the thing.
You could have gotten that message and stay in that bed,
but something in you. So, ladies, I want to tell
you that still small, boys, really is still and small,
but sometimes it can be loud. Mine wakes me up,
(22:12):
usually at like three thirty in the morning because there's
no time in space. You know, it's like really but
but what I love about that is that you listened
and you took action, because you probably would have gotten
there some way anyhow, but this was the moment when
the portal was open for.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
You, exactly exactly. There's no missing the boat in this life.
You know, source is always going come over here, come
over here, what about this? And what about this? And
we can either follow an hour or later. You know,
you don't miss anything. That's why I say no regrets. However,
(22:51):
you know, the easier software way is just to get
your butt out of bed when the voice says, I
feel better now mine's four thirty yours a three thirty,
I got lucky with mine and then and then just
here's another huge thing for anybody who is you know
that like Cynthia and I are very shy, nothing to say,
(23:14):
just kidding. Sarcasm is another service I offer. But if
you are, you know, women who do too much or
women who you know, you're very driven, you're very The
shift here is from forcing to allowing. And I think
it's such. I know you have that, and it's you
(23:35):
can get similar results, but the blood that you shed,
or the anxiety or the hair that you lose, the
forcing way is so unnecessary when you understand that the
universe is a friendly place, that God is always conspiring
(23:56):
for you, never against you, That there is even if
you grew up with people who didn't want the best
for you, there is something greater than them that always
wants the best for you. And when you can just
accept that and believe it and anchor yourself to that knowing,
(24:16):
then it's like I just I just do what I
do in front of me, and I'm a farmer. I
just plant seeds. That's all I do. I think that
would be fun. Okay, let's do that. Someone needs to
do this. This isn't this. I'll give you best example.
(24:39):
I just finish. I'm working on a screenplay and it's
called Life by a Thousand Cuts, and it's surrounding the
relationship with the mother and the daughter and the tire
woman and all of that. Right, So I wrote in
everything's true, except for I wrote in a part for Aquafine,
(25:00):
and it is a funny. It's as if she was
my best friend that I didn't have. But I wrote
it in, you know, as as kind of like, you know,
your higher power whatever, who's really there as your best friend?
But I actually made her a person, and so Aquafina
is it would be perfect for this part. I don't
(25:21):
have any connection to Aquafina, and so I just wrote
it in and I just set it aside. And I'm
at a birthday party of one of my co hosts
in West LA. And you know, a couple months later
and the guy we start talking. He's a casting director,
(25:42):
Da da da. He asked me what I'm working on,
and I told him that is my first screenplay, and
he goes, oh, I can get it to her, so
I don't have to worry about how things are going
to happen. All I need to do is write the screenplay.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's exactly right, that's right. You don't have to know how,
And that's where people get stuck. It's like, how am
I going to do that? I want to know how
people find you? I mean, because you know you and
I I mean definitely sisters from another mother. We could
be doing this for hours. So but how do people
find you and your work and your shows and your brilliance?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Oh? Thank you. The easiest is to Google, use my
assistant Google and just put an Asian Oprah. I'm very grateful.
Never spent any money advertising or trying to put numbers
together because I'm against that. I'm a Kevin cost. If
you build it, they will come, and they're coming. So
if you put Asian Oprah YouTube, it'll take you to
(26:46):
my channel. You put Asian Oprah, Instagram will take you
to doc Balance, if you put Asian Oprah, it'll take
you to my website. So there's plenty of ways with
which to find me. And I'm Facebook LinkedIn TikTok. Don't
tell my daughters, but it's very easy to find me.
(27:07):
And I would love you know, get the book Mondays.
If you tune in on my show, you get a
free audiobook. So it's just something that I offer. And
I have a nonprofit as well, So if you want,
if you're an organization that I have a children's book, Mommy,
what are Feelings that helps autistic children. I have a
(27:27):
moving meditation called balance Taichi Gong that I teach all over.
So if you have a wellness center and you want
me to come and teach Chinese moving meditation, I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
To well that is so beautiful. Well, ladies, pay attention,
you know, run, don't walk to get to her. I
asked the same last question of everybody on this show.
This show is called Women Awakening. What do you think
is the most important thing about women awakening on the planet.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
It's our time. The balance that we provide from head
and heart, from soul and spirit, from body mind, spirit, soul,
from emotional intelligence, from nurturing and strength. It's time and
(28:29):
the world as you see it or knows, it's our time.
And you know, we can be thankful of the pioneers
who have tried to insert and have not been successful
so far, you know, just Kamala and and the one
(28:50):
that gave me an award, Hillary, And you know it's
time though, it really is, but not in an angry way.
You know. Again, we just plant the seat. That's all
we need to do. I don't know who taught me this,
but I have a piece of paper every day I
split it in half. These are things that I get
(29:12):
to do, and then this is the ups man's job
to do, right.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I love that. Well, Doctor Marissa, You're just so wonderful.
I'm so grateful. I'm not just grateful to have you
on the show. I'm grateful to be introduced into your field,
into your presence and your the sisterhood, and thank you
for being here.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Of course, and I'm honored, thank you for inviting me
onto your show. I'm so glad. I texted Michael and
like our water on my show. I had seen you
on stage while he was gone regenerating himself. So I'm
really glad that this happened me too.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
All Right, ladies in this show, the same way, different words,
you know. I want to just remind you you don't
have one more minute to play small. You don't have
one more minute to pretend you don't know. You don't
have one more minute to pretend you don't have the gifts.
Why would spirit universe whatever you choose to call it.
Put you here and tell you you're not worthy, that
(30:21):
would be ridiculous. So what I want you to know
is that you're not just worthy, you're important. You're essential,
and you matter. I really want to thank you for
being here. You can go to Cynthia James dot net
and see the things that I have to offer there,
and my new book and things. But what's most important
for me is that women wake up and remember how
(30:43):
extraordinary we are. I love you, and I will see
you on the next show.
I'm Cynthia James, and this network is about changing lives,
one woman at a time. Hello, and welcome to Women Awakening.
I'm your host, Cynthia James, and I get the distinct
pleasure and honor of introducing you to fabulous women. You know,
(00:25):
I really believe that this is the time on the
planet where women are emerging and our energy and our
consciousness is needed more than ever. So I'm so excited
because every single woman I've interviewed, and we're close to
two hundred and fifty women around the world now, every
single one has made a difference and is a change maker.
(00:48):
They've taken control of their own lives and they're using
their gifts to make a difference for others. So I'm
really grateful that you're here. We do this every week.
You know. We're on all the platforms Spotify, Tunes, Iheartspeaker,
We're on Amazon, We're on video on YouTube. Just look
for Women Awakening with Cynthia James, and please subscribe, tell
(01:08):
lots of other women because guaranteed you'll be inspired every
single conversation. So today this is actually someone it's a
new friend of mine and her name is doctor Marissa
pay She's an organizational psychologists, inspirational speaker, network TV commentator
(01:30):
on topics of grief, hope, and happiness, a number one
best selling author of Eight Ways to Happiness from Wherever
You Are, and celebrity host of number one NBC News
Radio and Heart Radio syndicated morning show Take my advice,
I'm not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa, and
(01:52):
she has been dubbed the Asian Oprah. Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I'm so happy you're here, and I am delighted as well.
The turn about is fair play.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yes, I was so excited to be on your show.
It was so much fun. Well, I want to start
with how you grew up. You know, people had the
misconception that people just drop in and just create success
and with there's no's, no obstacles, nothing like that. So
how did you grow up to become the Doctor Marissa?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Good question. I grew up in a home where there
was a non recovered tiger mam, so that really shaped me.
I was. It's funny how this topic is coming up
serendipitously four or five times just in the last forty
(02:54):
eight hours, specific questions around tiger Mam. And so I
know you thought I was Swedish, but I'm actually Chinese.
Higher mom refers to the well meaning more mean than
well negative motivation that is offered up by many, many,
(03:16):
many Asian moms, and it is you're fat, you're ugly,
in an attempt to ensure that you are not going
to be fat or ugly. So that's what I call
negative motivation. And so I grew up in this home.
I was born in Canada, where I'm actually broadcasting from
(03:37):
now right now, because I was born in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada,
and then when did my doctorate work in the States
in California. So most of my family is still in
(03:57):
Toronto about area. My tiger mom is in a facility,
has been you know, Parkinson's has been the thing that
has sort of taken her down. She's ninety years old now,
and she was very intent on her children, my brother
(04:26):
and I, but specifically girls are more hard on and
boys are the stars in a Chinese, typical Chinese culture
in the old days. And so that's how I grew
up inside of the home. So you know, I'm one
of the seven out of ten of us who've gone
through childhood trauma. My honorable Moniker Oprah and I was
(04:52):
actually introduced to Oprah as the Asian Oprah by our
mutual love, doctor Michael Burdo back with, So that was
kind of funny. And so when I that was inside
of the home, and I was very much not approved of,
(05:18):
not loved, not supported, not you know, anything that you
would traditionally see as a mom is your best friend,
is your biggest fan. I got completely opposite of that
at home. So outside of the home, I was also
(05:41):
one of the four diverse families in a largely German community.
So Waterloo, Ontario has the largest German settlement outside of Germany.
So yeah, so I grew up outside of the home
also not being approved of, supported, uh any any anything
(06:07):
positive was missing. Let's just say both inside and outside
of the home. So it's funny you say people get
to where they are because they're dropped there. I I
know now because of the teachings of Michael Bernard beck With,
(06:29):
and I actually call myselfself a triple A threat. Uh.
I got sober and so a A and then agape
and then I'm a practitioner of Abraham Hicks so law,
and those three things have allowed me to take all
(06:56):
of the challenges in the I mean shittaki. Let's just
be real. It was crap. I mean it was just
really not what any child certainly. And so when people say, oh,
you chose to come in to to you know that,
and it's like, well, I don't know if I would
(07:16):
have chosen to come into that. However, I do do
know that everything happens for my divine investment.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, first of all, you know, anybody who's having ten children,
you know, healthy or unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Hello. And then coming.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
From a culture that that believes that if you push
someone down, you help them be stronger, you know, I mean,
you know, uh I mine wasn't that mine was highe
because of all the violence and all the craziness. But
I but what I want to say, isn't I just
want to address what you just said said about us
(08:01):
coming in.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I really believe that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Our souls make contracts, and the contracts are this is
my purpose that I'm here to reveal what is the
best way for me to do that so that I
can deliver it in the most powerful way. So clearly,
you wouldn't want anybody to go through what you've been through.
(08:28):
But look at what you're doing today and the number
of people that you are teaching to be happy and strong.
It's very powerful.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yes, yes, definitely. The first part of my life was
feeling sorry for myself that I didn't have that kind
of a mother, I didn't have that kind of a community.
I was teased mercilessly. I was one Chinese, one Chinese family,
one Japanese family, one Black family, and one Indian family,
(09:02):
and then everyone else was blonde or dark haired, blue eye,
green eye, so I kind of looked different and that
that was valuable because I mean, I was called I
don't know if this is derogatory, but it happened to me,
so it's true. So chink is a very horrible name
(09:23):
for Chinese. But I was fat, so the negative motivation
didn't work. So I was actually overweight with zits and
bottom coke bottom glasses. So I was called a chunk.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Oh honey, yeah, you know it can't people be so mean.
It's just I don't even get it, you know. So so.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I did not have very high self esteem. I did not,
but I was smart enough, and I was just talking
about this on the show this morning. I was smart
enough to adopt mother figures my whole life to get
(10:09):
that kind of love or you know, positive attention from
other people. So that was, you know, I learned, and
then a dress what happened here? I came in with
(10:32):
the desire to no power. So what better way to
no power than to be born into a completely powerless
home and completely powerless community? Right? Yeah, right, So it
(10:55):
was I see that now, Like I said that, the
transition which I am so grateful for, from going angry, bitter, lonely,
hating myself no matter what, equating achievement with approval, you know,
(11:17):
trying to satisfy that tiger mom in every way and manner,
youngest to this and the highest grades in this and
blah blah blah blah blah. And yet the inside job
that was had been done was so powerful that nothing
I ever did ever still gave me the sense of worthiness. Right,
(11:44):
So that was missing for such a long time. And
like many people who have had childhood trauma, the majority
seven out of ten Oprah actually says it's as high
as eight out of ten. We then choose mates, we
choose to marry, and we had this conversation on your end.
(12:06):
On my end, I chose a man who wasn't attracted
to me, and you know, and would introduce me as
obese behind my back. And I was not that much
bigger than I am now. So I did that, I
understand now from the law of attraction. I did all
(12:27):
of that consciously, unconsciously, and I'm not sorry. I have
no regrets, Like every single thing that is from a
doctor Michael Bernard Beckwith who said to me. Actually, he
said to a woman, I took a class. The first
class I met him accidentally. He saw me, says, hi,
little sister, and I thought he called everybody that, But
(12:49):
little did I know. So I signed up for a class.
He was talking to another woman and said. The other
woman said, in the class, I can forgive my husband.
Now she said, ex husband. My word is husband, and
I can forgive my husband, but I cannot forgive my mother.
(13:12):
And my ears perked up, and I kind of looked
over as half listening, pretending not to listen. And oh,
by the way, and I came into a got BA
totally broken because that man ended up taking millions of dollars.
I was the breadwinner. I picked a man who didn't
(13:34):
like to work, so I lost not only all of
me internally, all that I had built externally, with money
and all that that went lost, the practice, lost the house,
you know, millions. So Michael said, is it possible, even
(13:58):
with everything that happened to you that was not good,
was there anything developed in you as a direct result
of all of that crap that you actually like about yourself?
And I'm like, oh, I like my determination, I like
(14:20):
my resilience, I like my compassion, I like my you know,
I can do anything. What was it you wanted? All
of those things were a direct right because of what
I had gone through. And you know, like that I
saw on Damascus, all just a complete OMG. I could
(14:40):
live the rest of my life being angry and blaming,
righteously indignant about how I was raised, or I could
see all of this as chiseling that every single point
of pain was my you know, I call him my
ups man. Some people call God or or whatever. It's
(15:00):
my universal power source. He delivers every morning when I
pray and meditate. So he chiseled me all of these
events to.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Become who I am now who Yes, And it's spectacular,
by the way, because because just the revelations and all
the things you've accomplished. But I want to talk about
your book because I think it kind of blends with
what you're talking about. So eight Ways to Happiness from
(15:33):
wherever you are, good news, interesting news in the middle.
So what caused you to write that book? And can
you tell us some of the things that were important
about that book for you?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Absolutely, so, as a result of the triple A things,
I have a tendency to listen to that voice and
the voice with I had lost a two hundred thousand
dollars consulting project. I'm an organizational psychologist, and I was
(16:07):
not happy, but I'm not at all Your sponsoring executive
has been fired. And I hung up the phone, Thank
you very much. I stopped my feet. I got mad
for sixteen seconds, and then I said, I can't wait
to see what good comes out of this. And the
voice says right. And I said I don't have time
(16:31):
to write, and the voice says, you do now. So
I went upstairs and I wrote the first chapter out
of Loneliness into Hope, and I wrote the last chapter
out of Control into Happiness. Wow. I wrote for one week,
(16:53):
every single day, and then on Monday morning, I got
an email from Motivational Press in San Diego who said
we follow motivational speakers on LinkedIn. Are you writing anything?
No literary agent, no asking anybody anything? That was it?
(17:15):
And I funny you should ask sent them the two
chapters and they sent a contract back. I didn't go
with them. I ended up going with a New York
publisher because they had a deal to part proceeds with
to Habitaugh for Humanity, and I would to do that,
but Michael wrote the ForWord. It became a number one bestseller,
national bestseller. And each of the chapters is a way
(17:39):
for you wherever you are in loneliness, in heartbreak, in loss, grieving,
in perfectionism, in sadness. So all of the normal things
you don't have to have had abuse, but the human
condition where we just have this. You know, we tend
(18:04):
to ninety nine compliments, one insult, we go look at
the insult. We seem to want to feel sorry for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
It's love, right, And so it's eight ways from wherever
you are to find it's self help on steroids, or's
exercises for it.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And it's just a way for me also to share
what I had gone through, so that you know I'm
not talking out of my assets here, I'm walking from
experience knowing that you know life, whoever said life was
paying free, you know, did such a disservice that book,
(18:50):
and I know it. You know, why do bad things
happen to good people? Well you know what bad things
happened to everybody? Body?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yes, yes, all right, So I.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Want to so hit you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You get this well, clearly the universe, your ups brought
this book deal to you. Yes, so I want to
talk about you getting on the air because I know
there are women that are are listening who want to
do podcasts or who want to be journalists or who
want to be broadcasters. Talk to us about that journey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Okay, another voice, same voice woke me up at four
point thirty in the morning. And this is the second time.
The first time I was in the middle of the
Seal Beach Salon shooting and it was a horrific, worst massacre,
and I, because of UPS man was in the library
(19:45):
with the families. And that was the first time the
voice said right about we weren't allowed to talk about
the crimes. But I wrote about the experience of being
with people in their first moment of grief who had
lost their loved ones. And that article made it to
the front page. And that made me the expert in grief. Right,
(20:08):
So that was all the first time the voice said right.
The second time the voice said radio at four thirty
in the morning. Now, I've been doing some TV work
and you know, network commentary busted on the job, totally
out of control people, And so the word radio is
like what and it's four thirty in the morning, please, like,
(20:34):
can we talk about it anymore? Radio? And this is
back six hundred and seventy six consecutive weeks ago. So
for those of you who are in a math, next
two weeks from now will be thirteen years on the
air on camera. So there were no such things as
podcasts then, right, So woke me up four thirty in
(20:58):
the morning and the voice said radio. I said, I
want to go back to see radio. Radio Radio, go
sit down. Forty four minutes later, I have the title
of the show. Just download it. Take my advice, I'm
not using it. I had all the guest lists, the
format of the show, and the business plan. So that
(21:19):
again was another delivery. That doesn't mean like people who
think the law of attraction is sitting under a boat
eye tree and envisioning you know whatever, your car is
in the garage. No. The whole point of flow and
being in the law of attraction is inspired action.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yes, oh yes, well, and I want to add listening.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
What listening?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
And that's very funny and inspired action because here's the thing.
You could have gotten that message and stay in that bed,
but something in you. So, ladies, I want to tell
you that still small, boys, really is still and small,
but sometimes it can be loud. Mine wakes me up,
(22:12):
usually at like three thirty in the morning because there's
no time in space. You know, it's like really but
but what I love about that is that you listened
and you took action, because you probably would have gotten
there some way anyhow, but this was the moment when
the portal was open for.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
You, exactly exactly. There's no missing the boat in this life.
You know, source is always going come over here, come
over here, what about this? And what about this? And
we can either follow an hour or later. You know,
you don't miss anything. That's why I say no regrets. However,
(22:51):
you know, the easier software way is just to get
your butt out of bed when the voice says, I
feel better now mine's four thirty yours a three thirty,
I got lucky with mine and then and then just
here's another huge thing for anybody who is you know
that like Cynthia and I are very shy, nothing to say,
(23:14):
just kidding. Sarcasm is another service I offer. But if
you are, you know, women who do too much or
women who you know, you're very driven, you're very The
shift here is from forcing to allowing. And I think
it's such. I know you have that, and it's you
(23:35):
can get similar results, but the blood that you shed,
or the anxiety or the hair that you lose, the
forcing way is so unnecessary when you understand that the
universe is a friendly place, that God is always conspiring
(23:56):
for you, never against you, That there is even if
you grew up with people who didn't want the best
for you, there is something greater than them that always
wants the best for you. And when you can just
accept that and believe it and anchor yourself to that knowing,
(24:16):
then it's like I just I just do what I
do in front of me, and I'm a farmer. I
just plant seeds. That's all I do. I think that
would be fun. Okay, let's do that. Someone needs to
do this. This isn't this. I'll give you best example.
(24:39):
I just finish. I'm working on a screenplay and it's
called Life by a Thousand Cuts, and it's surrounding the
relationship with the mother and the daughter and the tire
woman and all of that. Right, So I wrote in
everything's true, except for I wrote in a part for Aquafine,
(25:00):
and it is a funny. It's as if she was
my best friend that I didn't have. But I wrote
it in, you know, as as kind of like, you know,
your higher power whatever, who's really there as your best friend?
But I actually made her a person, and so Aquafina
is it would be perfect for this part. I don't
(25:21):
have any connection to Aquafina, and so I just wrote
it in and I just set it aside. And I'm
at a birthday party of one of my co hosts
in West LA. And you know, a couple months later
and the guy we start talking. He's a casting director,
(25:42):
Da da da. He asked me what I'm working on,
and I told him that is my first screenplay, and
he goes, oh, I can get it to her, so
I don't have to worry about how things are going
to happen. All I need to do is write the screenplay.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
That's exactly right, that's right. You don't have to know how,
And that's where people get stuck. It's like, how am
I going to do that? I want to know how
people find you? I mean, because you know you and
I I mean definitely sisters from another mother. We could
be doing this for hours. So but how do people
find you and your work and your shows and your brilliance?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Oh? Thank you. The easiest is to Google, use my
assistant Google and just put an Asian Oprah. I'm very grateful.
Never spent any money advertising or trying to put numbers
together because I'm against that. I'm a Kevin cost. If
you build it, they will come, and they're coming. So
if you put Asian Oprah YouTube, it'll take you to
(26:46):
my channel. You put Asian Oprah, Instagram will take you
to doc Balance, if you put Asian Oprah, it'll take
you to my website. So there's plenty of ways with
which to find me. And I'm Facebook LinkedIn TikTok. Don't
tell my daughters, but it's very easy to find me.
(27:07):
And I would love you know, get the book Mondays.
If you tune in on my show, you get a
free audiobook. So it's just something that I offer. And
I have a nonprofit as well, So if you want,
if you're an organization that I have a children's book, Mommy,
what are Feelings that helps autistic children. I have a
(27:27):
moving meditation called balance Taichi Gong that I teach all over.
So if you have a wellness center and you want
me to come and teach Chinese moving meditation, I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
To well that is so beautiful. Well, ladies, pay attention,
you know, run, don't walk to get to her. I
asked the same last question of everybody on this show.
This show is called Women Awakening. What do you think
is the most important thing about women awakening on the planet.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
It's our time. The balance that we provide from head
and heart, from soul and spirit, from body mind, spirit, soul,
from emotional intelligence, from nurturing and strength. It's time and
(28:29):
the world as you see it or knows, it's our time.
And you know, we can be thankful of the pioneers
who have tried to insert and have not been successful
so far, you know, just Kamala and and the one
(28:50):
that gave me an award, Hillary, And you know it's
time though, it really is, but not in an angry way.
You know. Again, we just plant the seat. That's all
we need to do. I don't know who taught me this,
but I have a piece of paper every day I
split it in half. These are things that I get
(29:12):
to do, and then this is the ups man's job
to do, right.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I love that. Well, Doctor Marissa, You're just so wonderful.
I'm so grateful. I'm not just grateful to have you
on the show. I'm grateful to be introduced into your field,
into your presence and your the sisterhood, and thank you
for being here.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Of course, and I'm honored, thank you for inviting me
onto your show. I'm so glad. I texted Michael and
like our water on my show. I had seen you
on stage while he was gone regenerating himself. So I'm
really glad that this happened me too.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
All Right, ladies in this show, the same way, different words,
you know. I want to just remind you you don't
have one more minute to play small. You don't have
one more minute to pretend you don't know. You don't
have one more minute to pretend you don't have the gifts.
Why would spirit universe whatever you choose to call it.
Put you here and tell you you're not worthy, that
(30:21):
would be ridiculous. So what I want you to know
is that you're not just worthy, you're important. You're essential,
and you matter. I really want to thank you for
being here. You can go to Cynthia James dot net
and see the things that I have to offer there,
and my new book and things. But what's most important
for me is that women wake up and remember how
(30:43):
extraordinary we are. I love you, and I will see
you on the next show.
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