June 12, 2025 • 56 mins
Welcome to “Unveiled” Where all conversations are safe, revealing and uncuffed.
Tonight’s show is partnered with – Sage & Soil, LLC, Jenn Chavez Photography & sponsored by WSBI, LLC – Your Resource For Success Podcast.
Here are your Hosts: Carmine and Kimberly Pesce and Chris and Jenn Chavez
What are we revealing tonight! What Did We Learn or Didn't Learn, From Our Parents & Grandparents?
To be a guest on the show reach out to kimberlywsbillc@gmail.com
Want more of Unveiled Podcast Shows Monetary donations to support the podcast are now accepted on 👉cash app $kmclemore, PayPal, GoodPods “tip jar”or go to the website - www.wsbillc.com
Again, we would like to thank you all for listening to us tonight. Will be back next month on a Thursday evening @ 7 pm; Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, Spreaker, YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcast ~ until then enjoy the rest of your evening.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/your-resource-for-success-podcast--2094412/support.
Tonight’s show is partnered with – Sage & Soil, LLC, Jenn Chavez Photography & sponsored by WSBI, LLC – Your Resource For Success Podcast.
Here are your Hosts: Carmine and Kimberly Pesce and Chris and Jenn Chavez
What are we revealing tonight! What Did We Learn or Didn't Learn, From Our Parents & Grandparents?
To be a guest on the show reach out to kimberlywsbillc@gmail.com
Want more of Unveiled Podcast Shows Monetary donations to support the podcast are now accepted on 👉cash app $kmclemore, PayPal, GoodPods “tip jar”or go to the website - www.wsbillc.com
Again, we would like to thank you all for listening to us tonight. Will be back next month on a Thursday evening @ 7 pm; Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, Spreaker, YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcast ~ until then enjoy the rest of your evening.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/your-resource-for-success-podcast--2094412/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Good evening, Welcome to Unveiled, where all conversations are safe, revealing,
and uncuffed. Tonight's show is partnered with Stage and Soil,
Jen Javez Photography and sponsored by WSBI LLC, your resource
for success podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Here are your.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hosts, Cromin and Kim and Chris and Jen. And what
are we revealing tonight?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Well, Jen and crewe Today we have a topic of
what we learned or didn't learn.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
From our parents and our grandparents.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
An unusual topic to pick, but we span several generations here,
and what's really nice is that we'll have different points
of view.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I agree, Hi guys, Hello, Hello, Kim, all right, I've
your glasses, Kim.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh, this is another pair.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Thank you gesture podcast the.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Computer glasses and actually seek what I'm looking at you?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. So they're very pretty.
I thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
See my parents taught me to pay compliments. When you
like something, checkbox.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
For mom, and when you don't like something, keep out.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Shut So you're the host of today's show, so go
for it. Go for so.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I really find this conversation, this topic interesting. Right to
Carmine's point, we do span multiple generations. And we have
all learned something from our parents, from our grandparents, depending
on even when they grew up, whether you're through the depression,
the wars, whatever it might be. And having lost my
(01:51):
mother at such a young age, I consolidate and condense
everything I learned from her into in what I consider
in my mind like a tube period as a child
and as an early teen, right, which are very different
things you're going to learn from a parent as if
you were a twenty sum odd your old person.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So we just joked about paying somebody a compliment.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I don't think enough people give compliments anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
And that's sad to me because there's.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
No harm and no hurt in randomly telling somebody you
like something about them, or that they look good, or
that they're intelligent. Even more importantly, so that was something Rocks.
You can't tell people they're dumb as a box of rocks.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
I didn't say dumb, I said, you said paying them
a compliment, or they're a box of rocks.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I love you, I do Rocks. You are just my favorite. Well,
if you want to kind of bring that to full
circle when it comes to talking about compliments, like you said,
we were raised to you know, pay people compliments and
whether that compliment was a negative connotation or a positive one,
and whether you agree with or not, that's what you
(03:07):
were told. It was kind of okay thing, right, And
today even if you pay a positive compliment, people take
it in a different context. They literally act like it's
it's a bad thing to do, and they'll push it. Well,
what do you mean by that.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Theory of like, you know, opening closing doors?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Right, And we've talked about opening.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Closing doors, whether for your significant other or for just
someone in general. The many people are like, why are
you holding the door for me? It's like, because it's
what I was taught. It's called respect, Come on now.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Right, right, or something as simple as I'm still from
that era of yes ma'am, no, sir, thank you, ma'am,
thank you sir. Okay, you know, and they'll look at
you like you're crazy when you say that. But this
is who I am. This is and raised until this day,
even though I'm almost sixty years old. That's how I talk, right,
(04:06):
That's just that is just who we are. And I
don't think that's taught that much in this day and age.
People still look at that as something being nigga. Oh,
that's just old fashioned. Why are you calling me? Why
are you calling me ma'am? That makes me sound older?
Are you talking to my mother? But it's also.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Thing because I would do it when I first moved
to Virginia and he used to call me ma'am. And
I was gonna throw punch in a day. I was like,
I what, No, you don't do that in New York.
You don't ma'am.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You just don't Midwest. Yes, that's the thing you speak
of the negative connotations as well.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Bless your heart? I never heard that until.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
And I'm trying to remember who it was she and
whoever this woman was, and it'll come to me eventually.
We were having a conversation, She's like, yeah, that's not
nice when somebody says, I'm like, but they said, bless
your heart.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
Yeah, no, it's the tone bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I'm a moron. Cool.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
But you know, even generationally, like so Chris being the
youngest out of all of us, things that his parents
taught him would be greatly different, I would venture to
say than maybe what Carmine learned from his parents.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Just based on generation and what was going on in
the times.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
So I too lost my mom at a very early age.
So the things that I can remember that I that
I learned from her are totally totally different than how
I react today because it was always you had a structure,
and I do have structure, but I.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Mean it was you wake up, you make.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Your bed, you go to school, you do your home,
you come home, you do your home or leave the
house so she could take a.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Nap and you come back before come back for dinner. Right.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It was that structure, which which I think was great,
but it also made me think of the things that
I really wanted to do. Like one of the things
that I wrote down here is to you know, be honest,
be polite. Those are things that that really really the
things I learned from my parents, my father and my mom.
(06:27):
But you know, be honest to a point where you're
not hurting anyone, because sometimes people are very blunt, and
that to me, they weren't raised right, because you can't
just say, oh, you look like shit today, right, It's
like you're honest, but don't say that to someone.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
You know, you say the nice thing, you look nice today,
even though you're thinking, did.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
You look in the mirror today.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I'm getting you assure of the picture of a
box of rocks in it, just to be.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Clear, every vegin get that.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
But the the other things that I look at, the
things I learned that I don't that didn't make me
what I am today, are the things like, don't be foolish,
don't don't look like a clown, and stuff like that.
And to me, sometimes I react like a clown because
I think that laughter is a good thing to get
(07:26):
people to understand some things, but also to be.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Relational, uh stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
So sometimes I'm foolish to a degree where I I.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Break the mold or break the mood.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
And I think that I got from my Catholic school upbringing,
which we couldn't you know, speak when you're spoken to you,
you know, you raise your hand when you want to
talk or go to the bathroom. It was that that
those are the things that I think And maybe you
can speak to that, to the military background of you know,
(08:04):
things like that, But I didn't learn anything from that
other than you need to be yourself sometimes instead of
your parents. It's okay to be a different person than
you were at eight thirteen, sixteen, eighteen, and you have
to learn from your mistakes, not their mistakes.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I agree.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I think so going off of the military thing, and
Kim knows this too, it's you know, it's a different structure,
like you're broken down to the lowest life forming the
build back up. But I think, like one thing, that
not even one. There's been many things to this day,
and I know my father will never listen to this.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
So I can say.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
All these things that he instilled in my brother and
I of one being an individual, be your own person,
and two the hard work ethic.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
And I say that because just real quick story basic
training for Benning, Georgia. We had a kid and we
were doing what we'd like to call area beautification, which
is basically grass cutting in the army. And what we
he walks up to me. He has this push broom
and this guy's like, I don't know how to use this.
I was like, what he use a pushbroom? And all
(09:17):
I can do is I could I just flash back
every time I hear that talk about that story is
my father making us sweep the driveway after we mow
the grass, and it was done a particular way, and
if you didn't do it that particular way, you went
back and you did it again. And the reason is
is because you're learning from from that stuff, from those things,
and you're developing a strong word that get ethic of
(09:40):
making sure is done right, done right the first time,
and making sure that Dad doesn't get mad because you
didn't do it his way.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And I think that the thing too with our parents.
Even though we all want to be they want us
to be ourselves. So we learned that we have to
do so. But it's a foundation. Everybody has a foundation
that they provide, whether we agreed with it or not. Right,
I was telling the Carmine one day that I always
used to think my parents were crazy, and like why
did we have to be the different kids in the
(10:11):
summertime So in the summertime we couldn't go and have
vacation and hang out, you know like the rest of
the kids. Our vacation was you're gonna sit in here
and you're gonna type on this typewriter. When you know,
they would buy us the typewriter, the old the old
fashioned typewriters, and we had to read, we had to
do math, we were in school all year. That well, yeah,
(10:36):
if you want to call it back, that we didn't know.
We didn't understand that back then, you know, we always
cared about it, like like why can't we go out
and play? You know, we didn't understand what they were
trying to prepare us for. But then, of course once
we got into high school, it made more sense because
after in high school, we were able to go work
at the Rock Island Arsenal all through high school as
(10:58):
of students. That was a part of our grading system.
Instead of going to class, they had a program where
we could actually go to the arsenal work there all day.
We actually got paid actual salary. And it was because
of those things that my parents did at that time
that we thought that they were crazy that they made
us do every day in the summer. You know, we
couldn't rip run the streets and hang out with the
(11:21):
other kids. We were sitting there. They set a foundation
that we just were like, no, this isn't normal. You
guys are not normal parents. You know, why are you
making us do this? You know, it was it was
trying to get us to groom us to realize that,
like you're saying, hard work that ethic. They were setting
a standard that helped me till this day. It was
(11:44):
that foundation. I didn't know this is the direction of
my life that I would be going through, just the
just the basic of understanding how to type back then,
you know, knowing that hey, I could type, send me
words permit easily before I even got out of high school.
You know. So it's just realizing that even though we
don't always want to feel like we're want to be
(12:07):
our parents, but we still take some of those things
that we've learned and we instill them within ourselves and
we also will instill them within our children. Right It's
those things that we it's that basic foundation and not
I would think that not every child has a foundation
to build from, a platform to build from. So you
take some of those things, you move them forward. And
(12:29):
even with my son, there's a lot of things that
I utilize that I've got from my parents, and there's
some things that I didn't. You know, my parents I
thought were strict, but they were fair, you know, and
I think some of these kids today could use some
of that.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
Well.
Speaker 5 (12:45):
Then it's like you, just like you are reading my
ESPN right now, we have a like Jen, I have
a really good friend, she's our coach and really good friend.
I guess too. Like she teaches a kid's class and
she has this one kid that just comes in and
she says, he absolutely hates going there, absolutely hates it,
(13:08):
hates being there. But the parents go there right, the
parents work out there right.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
And it's.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I feel when nowadays, in this day and age, that
a lot of parents are negating the parenting aspect by
forcing their children to do stuff that they don't want
to rather than teaching them stuff that they should be.
So it's like, your kid doesn't want to work out cool, great, great, wonderful.
(13:40):
Just because you do it doesn't mean the kid likes it. Right,
ask the kid what he wants to do, but let
him or her no up front, sitting on your butt
in the house is not a viable option.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's right.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
So that goes back to finishing what you start with,
which was a great lesson learned, and I would say
I learned that from my father more than my mother,
just because of her passing was and that is something
that I did with Amanda also was you don't have
to like going to karate, you don't have to like
going to gymnastics, but you're going to finish the commitment
(14:14):
that you made to it and then.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
If you don't want to do it again, you don't
have to.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
However, sitting on your butt in your bed for hours
and hours is not going to work. It is not
something that we're going to do. You will do something
to counterbalance the physical. There's also the mental aspect, right,
you need.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
To be learning.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
To your point, both my parents were educators. My entire family,
my grandmother, she was a principal of a school in Newark,
New Jersey. Aunts all of them, they all were in
the education system. And so in the summer we would
go to the beach and it was great, and please believe,
there were packets and things for me to do, whether
(14:56):
not even a joke, there were times where it was, okay,
five words out of the dictionary, tell me about those
five words. Did it help me with my vocabulary? Absolutely?
But I'm not swearing. I have a wonderful vote. That
is something I've learned from my parents.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
You had an advantage there because in essence, all parents.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Are educators right to some degree, and they don't have
to have a PhD Or a doctorate or something on
paper that says they've achieved that, but they are teaching
and all all, all of our parents were educators, whether
(15:40):
they taught you things that said you're crazy, I'm not
doing this. But for the most part, I was observant
of the fact that, you know, my parents really really
didn't push me to do things that I didn't want.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
To do, but they encouraged me to do it. So
it's different. It was a different type.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Of Yeah, that's the same thing now that I think about, Like,
my parents never really pushed this to do anything. We
said we wanted to do this and do this, and
then after a few times it was like, Okay, I
really didn't like that.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
I wanted to do something else. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The one the one thing, you know, it was always, hey,
if you don't like doing it, or you feel threatened
or whatever, you just don't do it.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
It was it was.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
They encouraged you, but they didn't push like some of
some of the parents in today's society. They push a
sport or they push an activity. Learn the guitar, learn this,
play the piano. It's like, I don't want to play
the piano. I don't want to play the tuba, right,
So it's it's not your choice. But from those things
you learn what you adamantly don't want to do and
(16:48):
what you enjoy and unless you have the ability, unless
you have this this forethought that says I'm gonna hate it,
which most of us do because it's it's like my
parents told me I should do this. You try it,
you say I like this, right, So, so there are
educators because they're pushing us to say, hey, it's not
(17:11):
so you think it's bad, now give it a try.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
If you really don't like it, just drop it. And
that that's that was my up upbring.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So you know that song, I think it's Cat stevens
At sing it Cat's in the Cradle spoon. Wait when
you listen to the words of the song and you
hear the thought the child repeating the actions and behaviors
of the father, I think that is also part of
this conversation. Right, so, do you, uh, you know, continue
(17:45):
what was taught or do you break away from what
you were taught?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Truth and lending.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
There were lots of things I didn't take into my
own parental experiences because I didn't agree with it, or
it just fell short of where I put my bar
for raising a child.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
And some were good, some were like.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Oh crap, I should have done that and learned also
where I would like to think that when we look back,
and not just our parents, our grandparents also. I loved
my grandmother's They were amazing women, strong women, intelligent women,
very different women. My father's mother, may she rest in peace,
(18:29):
was a stay at home mom, and she took care
of house and home, and she had a very big
responsibility with all of my father and his siblings and
my grandfather and.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
The businesses that they ran.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then the flip side my mother's mother, who again
we're going back into the nineteen forties, her husband left,
he moved out to Las Vegas, Nevada's I recall the stories,
and my grandmother raised my mother and my her sister
(19:01):
as a single mom, never remarried. My great grandmother lived
with them. They and that family mentality of having the
elders at home. That was a huge impact to me
because I took that when my father became ill, and
even before he became ill.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
My father moved in with me. Yes, you will live here.
This is not an option.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You're not going often to the sunset to you know,
die on the vine.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So I think that grandparents also add.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Value, and my father had a huge impact on Amanda
for sure.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, my grandparents were very hard valued, not hard valued,
I should say that hurry. There wasn't a lot of
value in certain things. Yeah, because we know, like we
know the story of my grandparents. On my dad's side,
you know, there was a lot of alcohol.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
In that family. There was a lot of a beaut.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
And then on the other side there I never met
my grandfather from my mother's side, he died prior to
me even being born. And I never saw my grandmother
with another man. And the.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
My aunt.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
I haven't talked to my aunt since nineteen ninety seven
because there was a whole family drama thing. So there
wasn't a really a lot of value in that aspect.
I think, like my my ethics and my values came
from my parents just from the amount of like hard
work that they did. And I think that's what that's
the thing that was instilled to me is like I
(20:40):
saw my dad three point thirty every day for forty
two years, got up, went to the job home by
two two thirty.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Right.
Speaker 5 (20:51):
It took us to baseball, took us to cry, it
took us to football, took us to swimming. You know,
it took us on vacation, took us like the Disney
crew when I first came out when we were little.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
You know those things. Just to hear parents nowadays like
I don't have time to take my kids to soccer
or football practice.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It's like, yeah, because I'm too busy. I gotta work.
I gotta do this right exactly.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
I gotta play on my phone, I gotta be on
social media. It's like, you had those kids for for
a reason.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
You need to show them the value of life, you know.
And I think that's my biggest thing for my parents,
not necessarily my grandparents, but that they instill the hard work,
the hard work ethic and the value of like being
able to work to I guess reap the benefits that
you So, I guess that's the way to say it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, I mean even with now, I think about my grandparents.
So I on my dad's side, my grandmother had nineteen kids,
so blessed. Yeah yeah, yeah, everybody else loses, you know.
And she was a single primost majority time, and every
got to meet my grandfather and I'm sorry. There was
(22:03):
this one set of twins and so one died. So
there was eighteen that she ended up raising and you know,
she wasn't you know, didn't have any education. She started
thinking of having kids. Everything we figured around thirteen wow,
because she her family, you know, was in the slavery time,
so they didn't want her there. Uh so pushed herump.
(22:26):
You know, here, there's your first husband. Got to get
you out of here, you know. But she only had
two husbands out of you know, two husbands and having
all those kids. But it was great to see that,
even having as poor as they were, all those kids
became something or somebody. You know, there's always the couple
that a few that you know didn't land right. But
(22:48):
at the end of the day, for her, not even
having the education, she had so much wisdom. And she
was my she was, in my opinion, was my favorite
because there was something about her that it wasn't like
you said about having the education, but she was educated
enough to know how to take care of her children,
how to prepare them for the life that they didn't
(23:10):
even know they were going to have. And so everything
that I see within my dad, I see in her
the strength, the guidance, you know, I look at him
and think that in the resilience that here you come
from this strong, wonderful woman here you you know, you've
been in business for fifty seven years. He didn't know
(23:31):
what his life was going to be like when you
have that many kids. So at fourteen he went on
his own to get because he knew I needed to
have something better for myself, and one day was held. No,
he's not the oldest son. I think he's fourth to
the oldest, but he is one of the there's only
(23:54):
three three of the young of the guys left of
the family, and then a couple more of the girl
girls left, but a few of the girls left. So
it's you know, the process of what they went through
and having to grow up and see where they lived
in a single trailer. Now you can imagine a single
trailer of nineteen kids, poorest family in the whole class
city area, considered the poorest family but at one time,
(24:16):
and so that resilience. Yeah, you know, it's.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Very funny to think about, like everything that we're talking
about right now about you know, things that we did
did not learn from our parents. Of the things that
we didn't learn from our parents is something that we
did learn from our parents and grandparents is resiliency, and
that was never probably never talked about, at least when
I was growing up. Now we already talked about resiliency.
My dad's emotional resiliency is like get up, keep going,
(24:44):
yeah right right, you never use a well.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I love it because my parents always made sure. It's
like we would take these lawn drives on Sundays and
it was always great because my parents would show us.
It made us grateful for what we had and how
hard they work, you know, even with my mom and
you know, I got you know, I love my grandmother
and my step grandfather and even watching her, my grandmother
and grandfather run business for thirty years, you know, so
(25:07):
both sides, they had this work ethic, you know, and
she raised six kids and my grandpa raised to help
her raise her kids and to watch where they come
from nothing and into something, you know, and to see
what they developed. But it was just amazing for them
to show us, hey, you wouldn't be here if it
wasn't for what we do every day, getting up every day,
(25:28):
working hard, building giving you what you want. And every
time we thought that we were you know, like I said,
we thought they were doing something, you got like normal okay,
you just ain't normal. That's too.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
It's like, no, when you're seeing that, it's not normal.
Like whenever we're like, we're about to head down and
see my parents at the end of May. But my
parents are seventy dang dadgum years old. For the first
time of my life, my dad said I had to
call somebody to do this.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I was like, what is wrong? Is there something wrong?
Are you physically okay? You mentally okay? Something wrong? He's normal.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
It's like the weed eater is broken and I have
to fix it.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Like what.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
All right, dad? Whatever?
Speaker 5 (26:09):
Or I'm going to tear apart my whole bathroom and
I'm going to redo it, like everything down to recessed
medicine cabinets so that the wind the mirror slide it's
built in. He redid the floor. It's like, bro, you're
seven years old, take up break man, right?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
But that but there that at work ethic. But and
then I watched my mom and dad. They're both still
had that hardheadedness about I'm going to do this something.
But my dad, I can say, it has slowed down
a little bit more where he's not gonna just get
up and fix something. No, I'm gonna hire. I ain't
doing that no more. But when you think about what
they used to do, like you were talking how my
parents never missed a recital or you know, when my
(26:50):
brother was playing in sports, they there was never those excuses,
I'm too busy. They both worked, you know, he was
running the business, mom was working full time, the whole
nine yard. Was never any excuse of why we can't
do anything. And I'm grateful, you know, I have both
my parents. It's like you said, you know, I listened
to your guys's stories and not been having both your parents,
(27:10):
and you sit back and you hear other people with
their stories and not having both the parents, and then
you you sit back and think, wow, you know, you
don't realize how thankful and grateful that you are that
you do have parents. And when I hear other kids
whining about, well my mom dad won't give me my dollars,
or are you here today? These stories, well, the stories
that you hear today that a child is suing a
parent because they didn't get the We was reading about
(27:32):
one ac I think a month ago. This child was
suing his dad because he didn't get the sports car
that he said he was promised to get for graduating
and I think high school. I's like, if I could
have reached out and reached through that phone and touched
that child, I would reach through the phone and touched him.
Even the judge was sitting there like are you kidding me?
(27:53):
Are we really in court for this? But it just
proves how spoiled these kids are today and how parents
don't want to be parents, they're too busy being their friends.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Well, where did they learn?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
So it's a great shift in what we're talking about
because today the things we're talking about, what we learned
from our parents and who we become is different today.
And we I'm not saying it's totally different, because there
are parents just like.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Us m hm.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
And but to get to that point where you feel
entitled to something, yes, is where did they learn that?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
So I have opinions on that.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Because it's not necessarily that they learned it because there
was that expectation at home like oh look, I'll be
the first to tell you I absolutely made sure my
daughter did not have to want for anything. However, there
were things that had to occur in order for that
to be maintained. You damn well better get good grades.
You damn well better be participating in activities. You damn
(28:59):
well better respectful. Your grandfather needs something, you will be
there to help him. Now, these are things that happen.
Of course, let's go back. So she's twenty six, so
let's go back fifteen years ago or whenever it was.
With the birthing of Facebook and all the rest of it,
we're exposing children to more earlier.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Kids are learning less.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
And I joked about it, and I remember this conversation
very very vividly that I had with two of my
girlfriends at the time, and I was like, yeah, it's
like when we were little and we learned about sex
from our older siblings because they were all talking about,
you know, sex, and you go home and all of
a sudden, now you know what's going on when those
winky conversations are happening.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
It's the same thing for our kids. They hear about
these sweet six what do they call that show sweet sixteen?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Something massive sweet sixteen by super sweet sixteen.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
You can't move up to those expectations.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
But that's the problem is that there's a lot of
influences outside of it, right, you know, like, hey, this
is what I want in my life, Like you can
get hate to be an influencer. Why, Like you're not
teaching anybody anything because you don't have the experience, you don't.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Have the.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
We see it a different way. We see it with spoiled.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Brat right, Yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
But is their value being taught or is that just
the substitute for our kids turning around and being well,
let me tell you what I learned from my parents.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And no parent is perfect, let's be honest. I know
I'm not. But it's about acceptance.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
So are you willing to accept that your parents are
not perfect?
Speaker 4 (30:33):
And mine we're not perfect?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Mind, they could be given their education mine and and
and their financial status right right and and look, I'll
be the first one to admit I I baby my
son to give him the things that he wanted, whether
it's to be sitting in a line of toys or
(30:58):
us for the new Power Rangers that came out right,
you know the night before and tending out over there
right stupid things like that, or or you know, going
to going with him and taking his friends to concerts
all the time. But I enjoyed doing that as like
a chore or anything like that. And it sometimes it's
those little things. It's not the freaking car, but that's
(31:22):
what's expected. And my son never expected a car. You
like it, but he never expected it. And uh, we
all want to give our kids more than what we had,
and that sometimes is a lofty thing in today's environment
because you have those influencers like you said that this
is what I'm getting right and look at me, I'm
(31:43):
the greatest things in sliced bread and and and they're
getting coddled and you know, you get gifts bestowed upon
them that they didn't earn, but they feel they're entitled
for it.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
What do we what are we teaching are kids today?
Because when they go.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
For a job, they're going to be, well exactly, they're
going to be thinking they're a titled to something.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
It's it's kind of.
Speaker 5 (32:07):
Like what's been going on this week with the NFL draft.
There was a particular individual who everybody's like, oh, he
didn't get drafted in the first round, didn't get drafted
the sick round, the third, the fourth, and fifth.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Hey, guess when we stop at two seventy four or something, Yeah,
and get.
Speaker 5 (32:21):
And guess what you want to know the reason why?
Because your dad's an idiot, and you're you're you're playing
in your dad's shadow, and you're really not that good
even though you got a highsmand trophy work just because
your name. Okay, So that right there is the types
of things that we're talking about, like people see things
or they're living up under their parents' name rather than
(32:43):
try to be their their own selves.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Well, and I don't, And then I agree to some
some of what you're saying for other people. But then
also you got to realize it's not just him doing
it is the society. It's the system.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
The system.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
The system puts these kids under too much pressure. And
he's not the only I know you're talking about, and
he's not the only one who's under that type of pressure.
It's all these kids that when they have a famous parent,
or even if you're not famous, the pressure. I deal
with it when I go home because my dad's been.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Known for almost.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Sixty years in the community. I can't even before I
even get home, people know I'm coming home. I almost
hate going home because I can't have any peace to
be with my family and to be with my friends.
And so you know, so it's that pressure that you
don't have to do anything. And if you're trying to
build something for yourself or be people think, you know,
(33:36):
they don't want to see you be successful. They want
to see you.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Fail, which let me pay you that compliment. Why can't
you root for somebody's success, advice their failures?
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Why can't you root for their failures if they come
back from it?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Right?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
What?
Speaker 5 (33:51):
Why can't you root for failure if they come back
from it like you fit, you failed down like and
that that I think that's the one thing like I
got from my father and also being in the army, Like.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Love you, dad, but.
Speaker 5 (34:03):
My dad failing was how he taught, Like you screwed up,
you learned the next time.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
Be in the army every oh.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Sorry, every time everything, Like every day in the army,
you failed at something. But yet when you came back
the next day, you learn about that failure and that
was a success.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
You know.
Speaker 5 (34:24):
It's you didn't get anybody killed, nobody died, good training,
event I five, everybody go. But you know, in today's society,
I think that there's a there's no emphasis on failing.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Like you, you have to teach your.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Kids that failure is a good thing because you learn
from it.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
If you learn from it. If the problem is there
are not enough people who don't learn from it, and
they continue to go through debt that race that you know,
they're a little rat on the wheel, right, So you
have to be able to learn from it in order
to look at it as a success.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I did not have that experience with failure. For me,
failure was not an option, not because it was my
parents that I learned that from my parents. It was
because my mother was debt. My father did the best
he could. My father had a mental breakdown after my
mother died because it was sudden, she was only forty six,
and I ended up living with my sister, her husband
(35:17):
and their children, and a lot I took on myself
of I need to be a success. However I define
that for myself because what else am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
She's got her own family to take care of them.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
At the same time, there's a lesson that was learned there.
Your father, without teaching you it, tauching resiliency, taught you
how to bounce back and like, hey, no matter what,
this has to get done, we're going to go. You
know what.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
The bigger lesson was that he taught me mental health
because my father went into a downward spiral. I can
remember when we were mourning my mother, sitting shiva after
she passed, and he was in the garage, drunk off
his ass in a blind drum and stupor because he
couldn't handle it. And it was right after that, after
(36:04):
the week of sitting shiva, had to figure out what
to do. I went to school for one day in
New Jersey and my sister decided, no, you're going to
come up here to New York, and I moved to
New York.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
My father stayed in Jersey. He took a sabbatical.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
He took a year off from teaching to try to
get his life put together, and we would have the
most in depth conversations about how he had to fight
back to live again, and he did it by journaling.
He wrote poetry about my mother.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
He wrote what is That?
Speaker 1 (36:40):
He would just write about her and his emotions and
how to. I would love to get it published because
it is so profound to read it. He didn't influence
me to focus on mental health. It was when I
was an adult, after having my after having Amanda, that
I sat there one day and I was like, I I
couldn't imagine losing somebody that I loved that much, And
(37:04):
at this stage of life, at fifty plus years of age,
I can now appreciate even more so because that's how
old he was when my mother passed fifty one.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I can't imagine what it would be like losing him.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And so those little nuggets that I don't really think
about are the things that pop up.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Like, oh, that was my death.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And even my sister though, yeah, we talked about grandparents
and parents. My sister and I are ten and a
half years apart.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
She taught me how to.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Kick ass and keep taking names because she has, as
we know, ten children.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I was there, I know, and.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Could you imagine ten kids now and her husband and
her sister, her kid's sister. That what am I supposed
to do with her? And I went through my own
evolution in dealing with how do you Where do I
fit in? Do your parents teach you where you fit
in in a society that expects you to.
Speaker 5 (37:56):
Have No, my parents never taught me how to fit in,
and that was the thing. And my dad we've had
this conversation before. He's like he always said, no matter
what my idea of raising children. Is to make sure
that you were not no, that you were your own individual,
that you didn't conform. Now, the fact that I joined
the army and I stuck with it for twenty years
(38:18):
to this day, I'll tell you that's the most he's
ever seen me accomplish at one time. You know, all right, cool,
thanks that you love you, father, Patti're kind of quiet
over there.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Well right, I know, right, it amazes me. You know,
we've been friends for a long time and we've done podcasts,
but one of the bullets I wrote down is that,
you know, I learned something from you guys every time
we're together that we didn't know before.
Speaker 4 (38:49):
So it's like an awakening, right, awakening?
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Absolutely, yeah, And it's and it's that would be another
different podcast.
Speaker 4 (38:59):
Did we talk about social behavior?
Speaker 3 (39:06):
How it how it grows over friendship and time that
you know, how come I didn't know that?
Speaker 4 (39:11):
Right? It's it's the same thing with the family. Right.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
We talk about our foundation of our parents and grandparents
and what we've become today, but those weren't our only foundations.
We've made our own foundations through friends, relations and things
like that. But the basis for who we are today.
(39:35):
I feel and you could you can disagree with me.
Was born from those foundations, whether we got a lot
of it or a little of it, whether we lost
a parent early, we didn't have the full extent.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
I don't know what would have How if I would
have been the.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Same person if my mom lived into my teens, I
may not because a lot of of who I am
comes from my sister. Yeah, right, And that's that's the
other thing that we should have really put on this
topic is you know, it's not parents and Grandpa's parents.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Grandparents siblings and they played an important role. I know
my sister did.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Right.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
My sister's two years older.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Because your sister became not your mother, right, It wasn't
just your sister, she's your mother too. Yeah. And even
when I see the dynamics of the two of them together,
it's it's amazing because she she loves, loves, loves her brother,
her baby brother. I mean, it is the most beautiful
relationship I've ever seen. Loved that and and she truly
(40:42):
takes on that role constantly. She and then and she
told me and she says, now, I don't have to worry,
are you the oldest No, I'm the baby you're the baby.
Do you have that same, separate, complete, opposite relationship.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
So I found that interesting because I I think, look
at how would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Better?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Better?
Speaker 4 (41:01):
Better?
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Now? Yeah, we had a very big come to Jesus
meeting him and I one time about what had happened
prior to twenty thirteen, and they him and his wife
(41:22):
was very hard to understand what I was going through.
And when they started to get a grasp on it,
they're like, oh, it's not a joke. What Chris has done,
gone through, put himself through.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I think you know. Now it's a lot better.
Speaker 5 (41:39):
We're more we communicate, not like you know every day.
We just communicate every so often, even though he lives
forty five minutes down the road, you know, but we're
complete offices.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Like we are told, if you.
Speaker 5 (41:55):
Met my brother and engaged with his family and us,
you'd be like, there is no way you two a related,
none at all, But yeah, here we are. The other
thing too, is come to find out he went through
something and we got through that too with him, him
and I.
Speaker 4 (42:13):
We talked about that.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
So it was But those dynamics I think are interesting,
like you and your sibling, you and yours, Carmine and
his sister, who I don't want to use the word
envy I have so much admiration is the word. I
want to use admiration for that dynamic because my sister
also took the role of mother, and she and I
(42:36):
are very different physically, we're very different mentally.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
She's she's just brilliant.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
My sister is brilliant and she is There are so
many things about her that I wanted to be like
and found that I could not do that. And we
don't speak every day. Hell, we don't speak every week
or every month for that matter. And our form of
communication is literally quick messages back and forth. Our aunts
and uncles used to joke, Oh, it's like the sun
(43:04):
in the moon two ships passing in the night.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I don't have that stuff in common, right, But that doesn't.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Mean that because you don't have that constant communication that
there wasn't an impact from that person.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I like to think that at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
We all can learn from our parents, and evolution is key.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Absolutely serbsolutely.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Do you think there was a time when the roles
were reversed when you started teaching your parents something.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Oh, absolutely every days. I think I think I do
teach my parents what you know, they look at me
and like, I don't know if they even thought that
I would be who I am. I think that when
they look at me, and I think they thought it
would be more my my brother than have been me,
uh being the business owner, Uh being the you know,
(43:57):
they never thought I would be I think a single
mother for for many years, and then of course now
I'm remarried. I mean, so the things I've kind of
gone through, I don't think they actually expected me to
go through. But at the same time, they I don't
think they thought I was going to be as elevated
and evolved the author, you know, the podcast, the business
owner I am my dad.
Speaker 5 (44:20):
I kind of feel that way with me too, Like
I don't think my parents ever well, I know, I
know for a fact my parents have told me, like
they never thought that I would have ever spend twenty
years in the army. Yeah, and loved every single moment
of it, no matter what.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Yeah, and even for me going to the military that
was not that was not what my mom and dad expected.
Especially my mom, she was like.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
What, especially the choice that you made in the military
Navy on a subah a right, you know, doing things that.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah, so I did things completely opposite than what I
think either one of them expected. I think I hit
my mom harder than to hit my dad. And even
when I wanted to come home, and Dad's like, no,
give me the choice. You're staying. Finish it out, just
like you say, Hey, you made the decision, you're going.
And I cry everyday, be like I want to come
back home. Nope, nope, nope, nope, you are staying. And
(45:18):
so he was the one that made me the tough
you know, the tougher one, and so I stuck it through.
You know, I did what I needed to do, and
I was that more the harder person to learn to
just keep driving and keep going. And I even sometimes
surprised myself and some of the things that I've done
because I just never thought it was going to be me.
(45:39):
Never in a million years that I thought I would
go through this direction in my life that I'm going.
I always thought it would be my brother. Now, my
brother is absolutely, in my opinion, smarter than I am
and more brilliant than I am. But I think he
limits himself sometimes. But I think he's a great person.
He just I think sometimes it's the year of not
(46:01):
wanting knowing how to push it out. But he's done,
he's done great and what he wants to do in
his life. I just pushed harder at what I want
to do, so, you know, and it's so it's just
I just don't know when to stop. I think it's
for me.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
I think that's but that portion right there on the
same way, I think that's like what we learned basic training,
you know, AI t being in the military, you don't
stop until it's done well.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And he was in the military too, he doesn't as
long as I. Yeah, we both been in the military
and not I still didn't stay no longer. It just
wasn't for him. And you know, but it's some things
I was following his footsteps, right so, but you know,
he didn't stay in as many years as I did.
We but he did four and I did, you know, fourteen.
But it was just, you know, I'm following my big
brother type scenario, and and uh, we're just two different,
(46:54):
different people, opposite ends of the spectrum, so to speak.
But it just, you know, you start to think about
some of those things, like you know, we we don't
speak every day, but you know, we're fine. You've got
the chance to meet my brother when he was here,
you know, and it's just one of those things where
it's like, wow, you know, how do you how do
you get two people from the same household be so different?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Right?
Speaker 2 (47:16):
You know, it's just you just be like, wow, you know,
these two are really different. But I just do think
that I took I just took some of the things
that I think they thought he would have had versus
me being the opposite, you know that in that perspective, So,
getting you influenced your sister, it's a great question.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I I I hope I did.
Speaker 4 (47:39):
I just don't know what those things really are.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
I'm there with you on that, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
If I had to to reach and that's that's something
I would want.
Speaker 4 (47:48):
When she listens to this podcast, I'll ask her for
her thoughts. But I think she had certain expectations of
me when we were when we were growing up up that.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
Were made her open her mind as to, hey, we
are different and it's okay, and as long as.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I didn't kill anybody, it was a good thing.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
But I mean I recall, you know, certain things where
she was very disappointed in.
Speaker 4 (48:23):
A couple of things that I did, and I love
her for that.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
But she realized that those things that I did that
she got disappointed and were not, you know, total catastrophes.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
They weren't.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
They weren't really they really didn't define who who I was.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
So I remember when I joined the fire department and
I came home and my.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Father looked at me, and I was like, you did what.
He's like, why is my child running into a burning building?
Like why not?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
And I will never forget this conversation. He's like, it's
the same reason I didn't want you joining the mill military.
My father was in the Korean War and all that
good stuff. And yeah, when I think about did I
influence my father, and I would like to say, yes,
that I gave him an opportunity to think outside of
the box that he had built his life around from
(49:20):
when he was born. He was born in nineteen thirty six,
and very different morals, very different mentality toward things than
when we were growing when I was growing up. And
when I think about my sister, and again I disappointed her.
I'm sure quite a bit made some life choices that
(49:41):
little less than optimal. We'll call it, but I'm still standing.
I didn't kill anyone, I never served.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
A day in jail and all at the end of
the day loved family. You can't what does that look for?
No tail time? Right?
Speaker 1 (50:03):
But you know, we make these choices and we make
these decisions where it's, uh, what do we want to
take from our parents, what do we want to give
to our children? What do we want our children to
give to their children? And it's a lot. I mean,
it's a pretty deep discussion. And to the point about
the influencers that self sense of entitlement. There was never
(50:25):
a year entitled too you will earn what you get
or you won't get it. And I think as we evolved,
we kind of and as society has changed so much
with social media and the Internet. I'll be the first
one to say, as much as we require and I
use the Internet because I do.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
I am a Google and Chat GPT fiend.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
It's caused so much issue in society. It's set that
level of entitlement. It's changed, unfortunately, not all for the good.
The way we perceive other people. It has changed how
I look at other people's values. That scares me about something.
So when we are long gone from this earth and
(51:09):
have go in to our next stage of existence. And
what is somebody going to What are our children going
to say about us? You know, did we teach them what?
Speaker 2 (51:21):
I don't know? Well, like I said at the end
of the day, I mean, we set a foundation. We
can only hope and pray that that foundation we set
form was is valued and utilize the way that they
think is best. But we're not their only outside influence.
So you can only you can only balance them the
best that you can. And you know, when I look
(51:42):
at my child, I think he's doing exactly what I
expect him to and I'm hoping and prayed for. But
the thing for me was all I want my child
to do is to do what I asked him do.
He's done everything I asked him do. But then now
I need for him to do is continue to fly,
for him to continue to have his life because he
can't be me and you don't want I've done everything
(52:05):
I'm supposed to do, but now it's time for him
to continue to fly.
Speaker 4 (52:09):
Period.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Okay, oh father, and.
Speaker 5 (52:13):
I think it's time for words from father.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Oh. Well, first of all, I think this this is
uh was an excellent great discussion. We we we came
across a lot of different scenarios that were covered.
Speaker 5 (52:30):
UH.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
Excellent stories by all. We talked about things we've never
discussed before when we were even together socially, UH or
you know on any of the previous podcasts.
Speaker 4 (52:46):
UH.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
Our parents, our grandparents may not have been our only teachers,
but they still set the foundation of what we are
today or what we you know, or what we have
have for the future. We talked about our siblings at
the later end of this podcast, which were I think
(53:09):
you know a significant role in who we are today,
and I'll call them my foundation partners. Parents, grandparents, siblings
are foundation partners. They those people better prepared me for
the real world and the person that I am today.
What you learn from your parents, grandparents, and siblings doesn't
(53:34):
always relate to how you act today because there are
other influencers there, the people your friends, your school chums,
the people you still deal with today.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
Over very very very many years.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
Work relationships that I have for the past thirty five
years still continue. So those people influence you as well,
and they continue to make.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
You learn and grow. So it's not just related to
the topic. As we talked about.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
One of the things is hard work and ethics are
the two most important things that I learned, and.
Speaker 4 (54:11):
I hope hopefully that they are the things you learned
as well.
Speaker 3 (54:15):
And that's only after be loving, because I think without
it you can't be open and honest to the person
you are today. Yeah, be loving, be stupid at times
without hurting anyone, because stupidity sometimes does hurt people. But
you can only learn these things from our past and
(54:39):
and teach you what you should or shouldn't do. Be
yourself in today's world. This is the most difficult thing
to do. But be yourself. Don't don't don't don't acquiesce
to what other influencers or people say you should be doing.
That's the most important thing I think out of this
discussion that we had today. You know, even though we
(55:01):
look back at our parents and our grandparents, whether they
had a degree or not, it is not important.
Speaker 4 (55:08):
They were all.
Speaker 3 (55:09):
Educators to us and to the person's we've become today.
Uh And with that, the challenge today in being open
and honest and being loving is how we react to
what's happening today in our society and especially to our
you know, uh, LGBT a friends, acquaintances.
Speaker 4 (55:36):
It's a difficult, difficult thing.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
And and and I think that everyone at this table
is open and and to be that loving person to everyone,
uh and not be restricted by some of the things
that parents and grandparents could have taught us.
Speaker 4 (55:55):
And we carry forward. That's my word wisdom.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
All right, all right, great words of wisdom from father
Patt you this evening. So again i'd like to thank
you all for coming on tonight. You guys are always
a wonderful guest to have, wonderful partners to have and
of course to be a guests on the show. Reach
out to me Kimberley, WSBI LC at gmail dot com.
(56:25):
Want more of Unveiled podcast shows. Monetary donations to support
the podcasts are now accepted on cash app, PayPal, Good Pause,
tip Jar, or go to the website. Again, we would
like to thank you all for listening to us tonight.
We will be back next month on Thursday evening at
s mn pm. Excuse me once, yeah, Thursday evening at
m pm once a month. Be sure to follow us
(56:45):
on our heart radio, speaker, YouTube, or wherever you listen
to your podcast. Until then, enjoy the rest of your
evening and good night, bye bye bye
Good evening, Welcome to Unveiled, where all conversations are safe, revealing,
and uncuffed. Tonight's show is partnered with Stage and Soil,
Jen Javez Photography and sponsored by WSBI LLC, your resource
for success podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Here are your.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hosts, Cromin and Kim and Chris and Jen. And what
are we revealing tonight?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Well, Jen and crewe Today we have a topic of
what we learned or didn't learn.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
From our parents and our grandparents.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
An unusual topic to pick, but we span several generations here,
and what's really nice is that we'll have different points
of view.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I agree, Hi guys, Hello, Hello, Kim, all right, I've
your glasses, Kim.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh, this is another pair.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Thank you gesture podcast the.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Computer glasses and actually seek what I'm looking at you?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. So they're very pretty.
I thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
See my parents taught me to pay compliments. When you
like something, checkbox.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
For mom, and when you don't like something, keep out.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Shut So you're the host of today's show, so go
for it. Go for so.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I really find this conversation, this topic interesting. Right to
Carmine's point, we do span multiple generations. And we have
all learned something from our parents, from our grandparents, depending
on even when they grew up, whether you're through the depression,
the wars, whatever it might be. And having lost my
(01:51):
mother at such a young age, I consolidate and condense
everything I learned from her into in what I consider
in my mind like a tube period as a child
and as an early teen, right, which are very different
things you're going to learn from a parent as if
you were a twenty sum odd your old person.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So we just joked about paying somebody a compliment.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I don't think enough people give compliments anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
And that's sad to me because there's.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
No harm and no hurt in randomly telling somebody you
like something about them, or that they look good, or
that they're intelligent. Even more importantly, so that was something Rocks.
You can't tell people they're dumb as a box of rocks.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
I didn't say dumb, I said, you said paying them
a compliment, or they're a box of rocks.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I love you, I do Rocks. You are just my favorite. Well,
if you want to kind of bring that to full
circle when it comes to talking about compliments, like you said,
we were raised to you know, pay people compliments and
whether that compliment was a negative connotation or a positive one,
and whether you agree with or not, that's what you
(03:07):
were told. It was kind of okay thing, right, And
today even if you pay a positive compliment, people take
it in a different context. They literally act like it's
it's a bad thing to do, and they'll push it. Well,
what do you mean by that.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Theory of like, you know, opening closing doors?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Right, And we've talked about opening.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Closing doors, whether for your significant other or for just
someone in general. The many people are like, why are
you holding the door for me? It's like, because it's
what I was taught. It's called respect, Come on now.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Right, right, or something as simple as I'm still from
that era of yes ma'am, no, sir, thank you, ma'am,
thank you sir. Okay, you know, and they'll look at
you like you're crazy when you say that. But this
is who I am. This is and raised until this day,
even though I'm almost sixty years old. That's how I talk, right,
(04:06):
That's just that is just who we are. And I
don't think that's taught that much in this day and age.
People still look at that as something being nigga. Oh,
that's just old fashioned. Why are you calling me? Why
are you calling me ma'am? That makes me sound older?
Are you talking to my mother? But it's also.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Thing because I would do it when I first moved
to Virginia and he used to call me ma'am. And
I was gonna throw punch in a day. I was like,
I what, No, you don't do that in New York.
You don't ma'am.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
You just don't Midwest. Yes, that's the thing you speak
of the negative connotations as well.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Bless your heart? I never heard that until.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
And I'm trying to remember who it was she and
whoever this woman was, and it'll come to me eventually.
We were having a conversation, She's like, yeah, that's not
nice when somebody says, I'm like, but they said, bless
your heart.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
Yeah, no, it's the tone bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I'm a moron. Cool.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
But you know, even generationally, like so Chris being the
youngest out of all of us, things that his parents
taught him would be greatly different, I would venture to
say than maybe what Carmine learned from his parents.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Just based on generation and what was going on in
the times.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
So I too lost my mom at a very early age.
So the things that I can remember that I that
I learned from her are totally totally different than how
I react today because it was always you had a structure,
and I do have structure, but I.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Mean it was you wake up, you make.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Your bed, you go to school, you do your home,
you come home, you do your home or leave the
house so she could take a.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Nap and you come back before come back for dinner. Right.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It was that structure, which which I think was great,
but it also made me think of the things that
I really wanted to do. Like one of the things
that I wrote down here is to you know, be honest,
be polite. Those are things that that really really the
things I learned from my parents, my father and my mom.
(06:27):
But you know, be honest to a point where you're
not hurting anyone, because sometimes people are very blunt, and
that to me, they weren't raised right, because you can't
just say, oh, you look like shit today, right, It's
like you're honest, but don't say that to someone.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
You know, you say the nice thing, you look nice today,
even though you're thinking, did.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
You look in the mirror today.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
So I'm getting you assure of the picture of a
box of rocks in it, just to be.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Clear, every vegin get that.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
But the the other things that I look at, the
things I learned that I don't that didn't make me
what I am today, are the things like, don't be foolish,
don't don't look like a clown, and stuff like that.
And to me, sometimes I react like a clown because
I think that laughter is a good thing to get
(07:26):
people to understand some things, but also to be.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
Relational, uh stuff.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
So sometimes I'm foolish to a degree where I I.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Break the mold or break the mood.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
And I think that I got from my Catholic school upbringing,
which we couldn't you know, speak when you're spoken to you,
you know, you raise your hand when you want to
talk or go to the bathroom. It was that that
those are the things that I think And maybe you
can speak to that, to the military background of you know,
(08:04):
things like that, But I didn't learn anything from that
other than you need to be yourself sometimes instead of
your parents. It's okay to be a different person than
you were at eight thirteen, sixteen, eighteen, and you have
to learn from your mistakes, not their mistakes.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I agree.
Speaker 5 (08:27):
I think so going off of the military thing, and
Kim knows this too, it's you know, it's a different structure,
like you're broken down to the lowest life forming the
build back up. But I think, like one thing, that
not even one. There's been many things to this day,
and I know my father will never listen to this.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
So I can say.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
All these things that he instilled in my brother and
I of one being an individual, be your own person,
and two the hard work ethic.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (08:56):
And I say that because just real quick story basic
training for Benning, Georgia. We had a kid and we
were doing what we'd like to call area beautification, which
is basically grass cutting in the army. And what we
he walks up to me. He has this push broom
and this guy's like, I don't know how to use this.
I was like, what he use a pushbroom? And all
(09:17):
I can do is I could I just flash back
every time I hear that talk about that story is
my father making us sweep the driveway after we mow
the grass, and it was done a particular way, and
if you didn't do it that particular way, you went
back and you did it again. And the reason is
is because you're learning from from that stuff, from those things,
and you're developing a strong word that get ethic of
(09:40):
making sure is done right, done right the first time,
and making sure that Dad doesn't get mad because you
didn't do it his way.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And I think that the thing too with our parents.
Even though we all want to be they want us
to be ourselves. So we learned that we have to
do so. But it's a foundation. Everybody has a foundation
that they provide, whether we agreed with it or not. Right,
I was telling the Carmine one day that I always
used to think my parents were crazy, and like why
did we have to be the different kids in the
(10:11):
summertime So in the summertime we couldn't go and have
vacation and hang out, you know like the rest of
the kids. Our vacation was you're gonna sit in here
and you're gonna type on this typewriter. When you know,
they would buy us the typewriter, the old the old
fashioned typewriters, and we had to read, we had to
do math, we were in school all year. That well, yeah,
(10:36):
if you want to call it back, that we didn't know.
We didn't understand that back then, you know, we always
cared about it, like like why can't we go out
and play? You know, we didn't understand what they were
trying to prepare us for. But then, of course once
we got into high school, it made more sense because
after in high school, we were able to go work
at the Rock Island Arsenal all through high school as
(10:58):
of students. That was a part of our grading system.
Instead of going to class, they had a program where
we could actually go to the arsenal work there all day.
We actually got paid actual salary. And it was because
of those things that my parents did at that time
that we thought that they were crazy that they made
us do every day in the summer. You know, we
couldn't rip run the streets and hang out with the
(11:21):
other kids. We were sitting there. They set a foundation
that we just were like, no, this isn't normal. You
guys are not normal parents. You know, why are you
making us do this? You know, it was it was
trying to get us to groom us to realize that,
like you're saying, hard work that ethic. They were setting
a standard that helped me till this day. It was
(11:44):
that foundation. I didn't know this is the direction of
my life that I would be going through, just the
just the basic of understanding how to type back then,
you know, knowing that hey, I could type, send me
words permit easily before I even got out of high school.
You know. So it's just realizing that even though we
don't always want to feel like we're want to be
(12:07):
our parents, but we still take some of those things
that we've learned and we instill them within ourselves and
we also will instill them within our children. Right It's
those things that we it's that basic foundation and not
I would think that not every child has a foundation
to build from, a platform to build from. So you
take some of those things, you move them forward. And
(12:29):
even with my son, there's a lot of things that
I utilize that I've got from my parents, and there's
some things that I didn't. You know, my parents I
thought were strict, but they were fair, you know, and
I think some of these kids today could use some
of that.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
Well.
Speaker 5 (12:45):
Then it's like you, just like you are reading my
ESPN right now, we have a like Jen, I have
a really good friend, she's our coach and really good friend.
I guess too. Like she teaches a kid's class and
she has this one kid that just comes in and
she says, he absolutely hates going there, absolutely hates it,
(13:08):
hates being there. But the parents go there right, the
parents work out there right.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
And it's.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I feel when nowadays, in this day and age, that
a lot of parents are negating the parenting aspect by
forcing their children to do stuff that they don't want
to rather than teaching them stuff that they should be.
So it's like, your kid doesn't want to work out cool, great, great, wonderful.
(13:40):
Just because you do it doesn't mean the kid likes it. Right,
ask the kid what he wants to do, but let
him or her no up front, sitting on your butt
in the house is not a viable option.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's right.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
So that goes back to finishing what you start with,
which was a great lesson learned, and I would say
I learned that from my father more than my mother,
just because of her passing was and that is something
that I did with Amanda also was you don't have
to like going to karate, you don't have to like
going to gymnastics, but you're going to finish the commitment
(14:14):
that you made to it and then.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
If you don't want to do it again, you don't
have to.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
However, sitting on your butt in your bed for hours
and hours is not going to work. It is not
something that we're going to do. You will do something
to counterbalance the physical. There's also the mental aspect, right,
you need.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
To be learning.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
To your point, both my parents were educators. My entire family,
my grandmother, she was a principal of a school in Newark,
New Jersey. Aunts all of them, they all were in
the education system. And so in the summer we would
go to the beach and it was great, and please believe,
there were packets and things for me to do, whether
(14:56):
not even a joke, there were times where it was, okay,
five words out of the dictionary, tell me about those
five words. Did it help me with my vocabulary? Absolutely?
But I'm not swearing. I have a wonderful vote. That
is something I've learned from my parents.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
You had an advantage there because in essence, all parents.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Are educators right to some degree, and they don't have
to have a PhD Or a doctorate or something on
paper that says they've achieved that, but they are teaching
and all all, all of our parents were educators, whether
(15:40):
they taught you things that said you're crazy, I'm not
doing this. But for the most part, I was observant
of the fact that, you know, my parents really really
didn't push me to do things that I didn't want.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
To do, but they encouraged me to do it. So
it's different. It was a different type.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
Of Yeah, that's the same thing now that I think about, Like,
my parents never really pushed this to do anything. We
said we wanted to do this and do this, and
then after a few times it was like, Okay, I
really didn't like that.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
I wanted to do something else. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The one the one thing, you know, it was always, hey,
if you don't like doing it, or you feel threatened
or whatever, you just don't do it.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
It was it was.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
They encouraged you, but they didn't push like some of
some of the parents in today's society. They push a
sport or they push an activity. Learn the guitar, learn this,
play the piano. It's like, I don't want to play
the piano. I don't want to play the tuba, right,
So it's it's not your choice. But from those things
you learn what you adamantly don't want to do and
(16:48):
what you enjoy and unless you have the ability, unless
you have this this forethought that says I'm gonna hate it,
which most of us do because it's it's like my
parents told me I should do this. You try it,
you say I like this, right, So, so there are
educators because they're pushing us to say, hey, it's not
(17:11):
so you think it's bad, now give it a try.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
If you really don't like it, just drop it. And
that that's that was my up upbring.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So you know that song, I think it's Cat stevens
At sing it Cat's in the Cradle spoon. Wait when
you listen to the words of the song and you
hear the thought the child repeating the actions and behaviors
of the father, I think that is also part of
this conversation. Right, so, do you, uh, you know, continue
(17:45):
what was taught or do you break away from what
you were taught?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Truth and lending.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
There were lots of things I didn't take into my
own parental experiences because I didn't agree with it, or
it just fell short of where I put my bar
for raising a child.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
And some were good, some were like.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Oh crap, I should have done that and learned also
where I would like to think that when we look back,
and not just our parents, our grandparents also. I loved
my grandmother's They were amazing women, strong women, intelligent women,
very different women. My father's mother, may she rest in peace,
(18:29):
was a stay at home mom, and she took care
of house and home, and she had a very big
responsibility with all of my father and his siblings and
my grandfather and.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
The businesses that they ran.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then the flip side my mother's mother, who again
we're going back into the nineteen forties, her husband left,
he moved out to Las Vegas, Nevada's I recall the stories,
and my grandmother raised my mother and my her sister
(19:01):
as a single mom, never remarried. My great grandmother lived
with them. They and that family mentality of having the
elders at home. That was a huge impact to me
because I took that when my father became ill, and
even before he became ill.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
My father moved in with me. Yes, you will live here.
This is not an option.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
You're not going often to the sunset to you know,
die on the vine.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
So I think that grandparents also add.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Value, and my father had a huge impact on Amanda
for sure.
Speaker 5 (19:38):
Yeah, my grandparents were very hard valued, not hard valued,
I should say that hurry. There wasn't a lot of
value in certain things. Yeah, because we know, like we
know the story of my grandparents. On my dad's side,
you know, there was a lot of alcohol.
Speaker 4 (19:57):
In that family. There was a lot of a beaut.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
And then on the other side there I never met
my grandfather from my mother's side, he died prior to
me even being born. And I never saw my grandmother
with another man. And the.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
My aunt.
Speaker 5 (20:20):
I haven't talked to my aunt since nineteen ninety seven
because there was a whole family drama thing. So there
wasn't a really a lot of value in that aspect.
I think, like my my ethics and my values came
from my parents just from the amount of like hard
work that they did. And I think that's what that's
the thing that was instilled to me is like I
(20:40):
saw my dad three point thirty every day for forty
two years, got up, went to the job home by
two two thirty.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Right.
Speaker 5 (20:51):
It took us to baseball, took us to cry, it
took us to football, took us to swimming. You know,
it took us on vacation, took us like the Disney
crew when I first came out when we were little.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
You know those things. Just to hear parents nowadays like
I don't have time to take my kids to soccer
or football practice.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
It's like, yeah, because I'm too busy. I gotta work.
I gotta do this right exactly.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
I gotta play on my phone, I gotta be on
social media. It's like, you had those kids for for
a reason.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Yep.
Speaker 5 (21:18):
You need to show them the value of life, you know.
And I think that's my biggest thing for my parents,
not necessarily my grandparents, but that they instill the hard work,
the hard work ethic and the value of like being
able to work to I guess reap the benefits that
you So, I guess that's the way to say it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, I mean even with now, I think about my grandparents.
So I on my dad's side, my grandmother had nineteen kids,
so blessed. Yeah yeah, yeah, everybody else loses, you know.
And she was a single primost majority time, and every
got to meet my grandfather and I'm sorry. There was
(22:03):
this one set of twins and so one died. So
there was eighteen that she ended up raising and you know,
she wasn't you know, didn't have any education. She started
thinking of having kids. Everything we figured around thirteen wow,
because she her family, you know, was in the slavery time,
so they didn't want her there. Uh so pushed herump.
(22:26):
You know, here, there's your first husband. Got to get
you out of here, you know. But she only had
two husbands out of you know, two husbands and having
all those kids. But it was great to see that,
even having as poor as they were, all those kids
became something or somebody. You know, there's always the couple
that a few that you know didn't land right. But
(22:48):
at the end of the day, for her, not even
having the education, she had so much wisdom. And she
was my she was, in my opinion, was my favorite
because there was something about her that it wasn't like
you said about having the education, but she was educated
enough to know how to take care of her children,
how to prepare them for the life that they didn't
(23:10):
even know they were going to have. And so everything
that I see within my dad, I see in her
the strength, the guidance, you know, I look at him
and think that in the resilience that here you come
from this strong, wonderful woman here you you know, you've
been in business for fifty seven years. He didn't know
(23:31):
what his life was going to be like when you
have that many kids. So at fourteen he went on
his own to get because he knew I needed to
have something better for myself, and one day was held. No,
he's not the oldest son. I think he's fourth to
the oldest, but he is one of the there's only
(23:54):
three three of the young of the guys left of
the family, and then a couple more of the girl
girls left, but a few of the girls left. So
it's you know, the process of what they went through
and having to grow up and see where they lived
in a single trailer. Now you can imagine a single
trailer of nineteen kids, poorest family in the whole class
city area, considered the poorest family but at one time,
(24:16):
and so that resilience. Yeah, you know, it's.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
Very funny to think about, like everything that we're talking
about right now about you know, things that we did
did not learn from our parents. Of the things that
we didn't learn from our parents is something that we
did learn from our parents and grandparents is resiliency, and
that was never probably never talked about, at least when
I was growing up. Now we already talked about resiliency.
My dad's emotional resiliency is like get up, keep going,
(24:44):
yeah right right, you never use a well.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I love it because my parents always made sure. It's
like we would take these lawn drives on Sundays and
it was always great because my parents would show us.
It made us grateful for what we had and how
hard they work, you know, even with my mom and
you know, I got you know, I love my grandmother
and my step grandfather and even watching her, my grandmother
and grandfather run business for thirty years, you know, so
(25:07):
both sides, they had this work ethic, you know, and
she raised six kids and my grandpa raised to help
her raise her kids and to watch where they come
from nothing and into something, you know, and to see
what they developed. But it was just amazing for them
to show us, hey, you wouldn't be here if it
wasn't for what we do every day, getting up every day,
(25:28):
working hard, building giving you what you want. And every
time we thought that we were you know, like I said,
we thought they were doing something, you got like normal okay,
you just ain't normal. That's too.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
It's like, no, when you're seeing that, it's not normal.
Like whenever we're like, we're about to head down and
see my parents at the end of May. But my
parents are seventy dang dadgum years old. For the first
time of my life, my dad said I had to
call somebody to do this.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
I was like, what is wrong? Is there something wrong?
Are you physically okay? You mentally okay? Something wrong? He's normal.
Speaker 5 (26:01):
It's like the weed eater is broken and I have
to fix it.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Like what.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
All right, dad? Whatever?
Speaker 5 (26:09):
Or I'm going to tear apart my whole bathroom and
I'm going to redo it, like everything down to recessed
medicine cabinets so that the wind the mirror slide it's
built in. He redid the floor. It's like, bro, you're
seven years old, take up break man, right?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
But that but there that at work ethic. But and
then I watched my mom and dad. They're both still
had that hardheadedness about I'm going to do this something.
But my dad, I can say, it has slowed down
a little bit more where he's not gonna just get
up and fix something. No, I'm gonna hire. I ain't
doing that no more. But when you think about what
they used to do, like you were talking how my
parents never missed a recital or you know, when my
(26:50):
brother was playing in sports, they there was never those excuses,
I'm too busy. They both worked, you know, he was
running the business, mom was working full time, the whole
nine yard. Was never any excuse of why we can't
do anything. And I'm grateful, you know, I have both
my parents. It's like you said, you know, I listened
to your guys's stories and not been having both your parents,
(27:10):
and you sit back and you hear other people with
their stories and not having both the parents, and then
you you sit back and think, wow, you know, you
don't realize how thankful and grateful that you are that
you do have parents. And when I hear other kids
whining about, well my mom dad won't give me my dollars,
or are you here today? These stories, well, the stories
that you hear today that a child is suing a
parent because they didn't get the We was reading about
(27:32):
one ac I think a month ago. This child was
suing his dad because he didn't get the sports car
that he said he was promised to get for graduating
and I think high school. I's like, if I could
have reached out and reached through that phone and touched
that child, I would reach through the phone and touched him.
Even the judge was sitting there like are you kidding me?
(27:53):
Are we really in court for this? But it just
proves how spoiled these kids are today and how parents
don't want to be parents, they're too busy being their friends.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Well, where did they learn?
Speaker 3 (28:04):
So it's a great shift in what we're talking about
because today the things we're talking about, what we learned
from our parents and who we become is different today.
And we I'm not saying it's totally different, because there
are parents just like.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Us m hm.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
And but to get to that point where you feel
entitled to something, yes, is where did they learn that?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
So I have opinions on that.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Because it's not necessarily that they learned it because there
was that expectation at home like oh look, I'll be
the first to tell you I absolutely made sure my
daughter did not have to want for anything. However, there
were things that had to occur in order for that
to be maintained. You damn well better get good grades.
You damn well better be participating in activities. You damn
(28:59):
well better respectful. Your grandfather needs something, you will be
there to help him. Now, these are things that happen.
Of course, let's go back. So she's twenty six, so
let's go back fifteen years ago or whenever it was.
With the birthing of Facebook and all the rest of it,
we're exposing children to more earlier.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Kids are learning less.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
And I joked about it, and I remember this conversation
very very vividly that I had with two of my
girlfriends at the time, and I was like, yeah, it's
like when we were little and we learned about sex
from our older siblings because they were all talking about,
you know, sex, and you go home and all of
a sudden, now you know what's going on when those
winky conversations are happening.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
It's the same thing for our kids. They hear about
these sweet six what do they call that show sweet sixteen?
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Something massive sweet sixteen by super sweet sixteen.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
You can't move up to those expectations.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
But that's the problem is that there's a lot of
influences outside of it, right, you know, like, hey, this
is what I want in my life, Like you can
get hate to be an influencer. Why, Like you're not
teaching anybody anything because you don't have the experience, you don't.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Have the.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
We see it a different way. We see it with spoiled.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Brat right, Yeah, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
But is their value being taught or is that just
the substitute for our kids turning around and being well,
let me tell you what I learned from my parents.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
And no parent is perfect, let's be honest. I know
I'm not. But it's about acceptance.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
So are you willing to accept that your parents are
not perfect?
Speaker 4 (30:33):
And mine we're not perfect?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Mind, they could be given their education mine and and
and their financial status right right and and look, I'll
be the first one to admit I I baby my
son to give him the things that he wanted, whether
it's to be sitting in a line of toys or
(30:58):
us for the new Power Rangers that came out right,
you know the night before and tending out over there
right stupid things like that, or or you know, going
to going with him and taking his friends to concerts
all the time. But I enjoyed doing that as like
a chore or anything like that. And it sometimes it's
those little things. It's not the freaking car, but that's
(31:22):
what's expected. And my son never expected a car. You
like it, but he never expected it. And uh, we
all want to give our kids more than what we had,
and that sometimes is a lofty thing in today's environment
because you have those influencers like you said that this
is what I'm getting right and look at me, I'm
(31:43):
the greatest things in sliced bread and and and they're
getting coddled and you know, you get gifts bestowed upon
them that they didn't earn, but they feel they're entitled
for it.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
What do we what are we teaching are kids today?
Because when they go.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
For a job, they're going to be, well exactly, they're
going to be thinking they're a titled to something.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
It's it's kind of.
Speaker 5 (32:07):
Like what's been going on this week with the NFL draft.
There was a particular individual who everybody's like, oh, he
didn't get drafted in the first round, didn't get drafted
the sick round, the third, the fourth, and fifth.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Hey, guess when we stop at two seventy four or something, Yeah,
and get.
Speaker 5 (32:21):
And guess what you want to know the reason why?
Because your dad's an idiot, and you're you're you're playing
in your dad's shadow, and you're really not that good
even though you got a highsmand trophy work just because
your name. Okay, So that right there is the types
of things that we're talking about, like people see things
or they're living up under their parents' name rather than
(32:43):
try to be their their own selves.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Well, and I don't, And then I agree to some
some of what you're saying for other people. But then
also you got to realize it's not just him doing
it is the society. It's the system.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
The system.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
The system puts these kids under too much pressure. And
he's not the only I know you're talking about, and
he's not the only one who's under that type of pressure.
It's all these kids that when they have a famous parent,
or even if you're not famous, the pressure. I deal
with it when I go home because my dad's been.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
Known for almost.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Sixty years in the community. I can't even before I
even get home, people know I'm coming home. I almost
hate going home because I can't have any peace to
be with my family and to be with my friends.
And so you know, so it's that pressure that you
don't have to do anything. And if you're trying to
build something for yourself or be people think, you know,
(33:36):
they don't want to see you be successful. They want
to see you.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Fail, which let me pay you that compliment. Why can't
you root for somebody's success, advice their failures?
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Why can't you root for their failures if they come
back from it?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Right?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
What?
Speaker 5 (33:51):
Why can't you root for failure if they come back
from it like you fit, you failed down like and
that that I think that's the one thing like I
got from my father and also being in the army, Like.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Love you, dad, but.
Speaker 5 (34:03):
My dad failing was how he taught, Like you screwed up,
you learned the next time.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
Be in the army every oh.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Sorry, every time everything, Like every day in the army,
you failed at something. But yet when you came back
the next day, you learn about that failure and that
was a success.
Speaker 4 (34:24):
You know.
Speaker 5 (34:24):
It's you didn't get anybody killed, nobody died, good training,
event I five, everybody go. But you know, in today's society,
I think that there's a there's no emphasis on failing.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Like you, you have to teach your.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Kids that failure is a good thing because you learn
from it.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
If you learn from it. If the problem is there
are not enough people who don't learn from it, and
they continue to go through debt that race that you know,
they're a little rat on the wheel, right, So you
have to be able to learn from it in order
to look at it as a success.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I did not have that experience with failure. For me,
failure was not an option, not because it was my
parents that I learned that from my parents. It was
because my mother was debt. My father did the best
he could. My father had a mental breakdown after my
mother died because it was sudden, she was only forty six,
and I ended up living with my sister, her husband
(35:17):
and their children, and a lot I took on myself
of I need to be a success. However I define
that for myself because what else am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
She's got her own family to take care of them.
Speaker 5 (35:30):
At the same time, there's a lesson that was learned there.
Your father, without teaching you it, tauching resiliency, taught you
how to bounce back and like, hey, no matter what,
this has to get done, we're going to go. You
know what.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
The bigger lesson was that he taught me mental health
because my father went into a downward spiral. I can
remember when we were mourning my mother, sitting shiva after
she passed, and he was in the garage, drunk off
his ass in a blind drum and stupor because he
couldn't handle it. And it was right after that, after
(36:04):
the week of sitting shiva, had to figure out what
to do. I went to school for one day in
New Jersey and my sister decided, no, you're going to
come up here to New York, and I moved to
New York.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
My father stayed in Jersey. He took a sabbatical.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
He took a year off from teaching to try to
get his life put together, and we would have the
most in depth conversations about how he had to fight
back to live again, and he did it by journaling.
He wrote poetry about my mother.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
He wrote what is That?
Speaker 1 (36:40):
He would just write about her and his emotions and
how to. I would love to get it published because
it is so profound to read it. He didn't influence
me to focus on mental health. It was when I
was an adult, after having my after having Amanda, that
I sat there one day and I was like, I I
couldn't imagine losing somebody that I loved that much, And
(37:04):
at this stage of life, at fifty plus years of age,
I can now appreciate even more so because that's how
old he was when my mother passed fifty one.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I can't imagine what it would be like losing him.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And so those little nuggets that I don't really think
about are the things that pop up.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Like, oh, that was my death.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And even my sister though, yeah, we talked about grandparents
and parents. My sister and I are ten and a
half years apart.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
She taught me how to.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Kick ass and keep taking names because she has, as
we know, ten children.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I was there, I know, and.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Could you imagine ten kids now and her husband and
her sister, her kid's sister. That what am I supposed
to do with her? And I went through my own
evolution in dealing with how do you Where do I
fit in? Do your parents teach you where you fit
in in a society that expects you to.
Speaker 5 (37:56):
Have No, my parents never taught me how to fit in,
and that was the thing. And my dad we've had
this conversation before. He's like he always said, no matter
what my idea of raising children. Is to make sure
that you were not no, that you were your own individual,
that you didn't conform. Now, the fact that I joined
the army and I stuck with it for twenty years
(38:18):
to this day, I'll tell you that's the most he's
ever seen me accomplish at one time. You know, all right, cool,
thanks that you love you, father, Patti're kind of quiet
over there.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Well right, I know, right, it amazes me. You know,
we've been friends for a long time and we've done podcasts,
but one of the bullets I wrote down is that,
you know, I learned something from you guys every time
we're together that we didn't know before.
Speaker 4 (38:49):
So it's like an awakening, right, awakening?
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Absolutely, yeah, And it's and it's that would be another
different podcast.
Speaker 4 (38:59):
Did we talk about social behavior?
Speaker 3 (39:06):
How it how it grows over friendship and time that
you know, how come I didn't know that?
Speaker 4 (39:11):
Right? It's it's the same thing with the family. Right.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
We talk about our foundation of our parents and grandparents
and what we've become today, but those weren't our only foundations.
We've made our own foundations through friends, relations and things
like that. But the basis for who we are today.
(39:35):
I feel and you could you can disagree with me.
Was born from those foundations, whether we got a lot
of it or a little of it, whether we lost
a parent early, we didn't have the full extent.
Speaker 4 (39:47):
I don't know what would have How if I would
have been the.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Same person if my mom lived into my teens, I
may not because a lot of of who I am
comes from my sister. Yeah, right, And that's that's the
other thing that we should have really put on this
topic is you know, it's not parents and Grandpa's parents.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
Grandparents siblings and they played an important role. I know
my sister did.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Right.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
My sister's two years older.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Because your sister became not your mother, right, It wasn't
just your sister, she's your mother too. Yeah. And even
when I see the dynamics of the two of them together,
it's it's amazing because she she loves, loves, loves her brother,
her baby brother. I mean, it is the most beautiful
relationship I've ever seen. Loved that and and she truly
(40:42):
takes on that role constantly. She and then and she
told me and she says, now, I don't have to worry,
are you the oldest No, I'm the baby you're the baby.
Do you have that same, separate, complete, opposite relationship.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
So I found that interesting because I I think, look
at how would you describe your relationship with your sibling?
Speaker 4 (41:00):
Better?
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Better?
Speaker 4 (41:01):
Better?
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Now? Yeah, we had a very big come to Jesus
meeting him and I one time about what had happened
prior to twenty thirteen, and they him and his wife
(41:22):
was very hard to understand what I was going through.
And when they started to get a grasp on it,
they're like, oh, it's not a joke. What Chris has done,
gone through, put himself through.
Speaker 4 (41:36):
I think you know. Now it's a lot better.
Speaker 5 (41:39):
We're more we communicate, not like you know every day.
We just communicate every so often, even though he lives
forty five minutes down the road, you know, but we're
complete offices.
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Like we are told, if you.
Speaker 5 (41:55):
Met my brother and engaged with his family and us,
you'd be like, there is no way you two a related,
none at all, But yeah, here we are. The other
thing too, is come to find out he went through
something and we got through that too with him, him
and I.
Speaker 4 (42:13):
We talked about that.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
So it was But those dynamics I think are interesting,
like you and your sibling, you and yours, Carmine and
his sister, who I don't want to use the word
envy I have so much admiration is the word. I
want to use admiration for that dynamic because my sister
also took the role of mother, and she and I
(42:36):
are very different physically, we're very different mentally.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
She's she's just brilliant.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
My sister is brilliant and she is There are so
many things about her that I wanted to be like
and found that I could not do that. And we
don't speak every day. Hell, we don't speak every week
or every month for that matter. And our form of
communication is literally quick messages back and forth. Our aunts
and uncles used to joke, Oh, it's like the sun
(43:04):
in the moon two ships passing in the night.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
I don't have that stuff in common, right, But that doesn't.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Mean that because you don't have that constant communication that
there wasn't an impact from that person.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I like to think that at the end of the day.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
We all can learn from our parents, and evolution is key.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Absolutely serbsolutely.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Do you think there was a time when the roles
were reversed when you started teaching your parents something.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Oh, absolutely every days. I think I think I do
teach my parents what you know, they look at me
and like, I don't know if they even thought that
I would be who I am. I think that when
they look at me, and I think they thought it
would be more my my brother than have been me,
uh being the business owner, Uh being the you know,
(43:57):
they never thought I would be I think a single
mother for for many years, and then of course now
I'm remarried. I mean, so the things I've kind of
gone through, I don't think they actually expected me to
go through. But at the same time, they I don't
think they thought I was going to be as elevated
and evolved the author, you know, the podcast, the business
owner I am my dad.
Speaker 5 (44:20):
I kind of feel that way with me too, Like
I don't think my parents ever well, I know, I
know for a fact my parents have told me, like
they never thought that I would have ever spend twenty
years in the army. Yeah, and loved every single moment
of it, no matter what.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Yeah, and even for me going to the military that
was not that was not what my mom and dad expected.
Especially my mom, she was like.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
What, especially the choice that you made in the military
Navy on a subah a right, you know, doing things that.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah, so I did things completely opposite than what I
think either one of them expected. I think I hit
my mom harder than to hit my dad. And even
when I wanted to come home, and Dad's like, no,
give me the choice. You're staying. Finish it out, just
like you say, Hey, you made the decision, you're going.
And I cry everyday, be like I want to come
back home. Nope, nope, nope, nope, you are staying. And
(45:18):
so he was the one that made me the tough
you know, the tougher one, and so I stuck it through.
You know, I did what I needed to do, and
I was that more the harder person to learn to
just keep driving and keep going. And I even sometimes
surprised myself and some of the things that I've done
because I just never thought it was going to be me.
(45:39):
Never in a million years that I thought I would
go through this direction in my life that I'm going.
I always thought it would be my brother. Now, my
brother is absolutely, in my opinion, smarter than I am
and more brilliant than I am. But I think he
limits himself sometimes. But I think he's a great person.
He just I think sometimes it's the year of not
(46:01):
wanting knowing how to push it out. But he's done,
he's done great and what he wants to do in
his life. I just pushed harder at what I want
to do, so, you know, and it's so it's just
I just don't know when to stop. I think it's
for me.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
I think that's but that portion right there on the
same way, I think that's like what we learned basic training,
you know, AI t being in the military, you don't
stop until it's done well.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And he was in the military too, he doesn't as
long as I. Yeah, we both been in the military
and not I still didn't stay no longer. It just
wasn't for him. And you know, but it's some things
I was following his footsteps, right so, but you know,
he didn't stay in as many years as I did.
We but he did four and I did, you know, fourteen.
But it was just, you know, I'm following my big
brother type scenario, and and uh, we're just two different,
(46:54):
different people, opposite ends of the spectrum, so to speak.
But it just, you know, you start to think about
some of those things, like you know, we we don't
speak every day, but you know, we're fine. You've got
the chance to meet my brother when he was here,
you know, and it's just one of those things where
it's like, wow, you know, how do you how do
you get two people from the same household be so different?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Right?
Speaker 2 (47:16):
You know, it's just you just be like, wow, you know,
these two are really different. But I just do think
that I took I just took some of the things
that I think they thought he would have had versus
me being the opposite, you know that in that perspective, So,
getting you influenced your sister, it's a great question.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I I I hope I did.
Speaker 4 (47:39):
I just don't know what those things really are.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
I'm there with you on that, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
If I had to to reach and that's that's something
I would want.
Speaker 4 (47:48):
When she listens to this podcast, I'll ask her for
her thoughts. But I think she had certain expectations of
me when we were when we were growing up up that.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
Were made her open her mind as to, hey, we
are different and it's okay, and as long as.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I didn't kill anybody, it was a good thing.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
But I mean I recall, you know, certain things where
she was very disappointed in.
Speaker 4 (48:23):
A couple of things that I did, and I love
her for that.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
But she realized that those things that I did that
she got disappointed and were not, you know, total catastrophes.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
They weren't.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
They weren't really they really didn't define who who I was.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
So I remember when I joined the fire department and
I came home and my.
Speaker 2 (48:47):
Father looked at me, and I was like, you did what.
He's like, why is my child running into a burning building?
Like why not?
Speaker 1 (48:56):
And I will never forget this conversation. He's like, it's
the same reason I didn't want you joining the mill military.
My father was in the Korean War and all that
good stuff. And yeah, when I think about did I
influence my father, and I would like to say, yes,
that I gave him an opportunity to think outside of
the box that he had built his life around from
(49:20):
when he was born. He was born in nineteen thirty six,
and very different morals, very different mentality toward things than
when we were growing when I was growing up. And
when I think about my sister, and again I disappointed her.
I'm sure quite a bit made some life choices that
(49:41):
little less than optimal. We'll call it, but I'm still standing.
I didn't kill anyone, I never served.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
A day in jail and all at the end of
the day loved family. You can't what does that look for?
No tail time? Right?
Speaker 1 (50:03):
But you know, we make these choices and we make
these decisions where it's, uh, what do we want to
take from our parents, what do we want to give
to our children? What do we want our children to
give to their children? And it's a lot. I mean,
it's a pretty deep discussion. And to the point about
the influencers that self sense of entitlement. There was never
(50:25):
a year entitled too you will earn what you get
or you won't get it. And I think as we evolved,
we kind of and as society has changed so much
with social media and the Internet. I'll be the first
one to say, as much as we require and I
use the Internet because I do.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
I am a Google and Chat GPT fiend.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
It's caused so much issue in society. It's set that
level of entitlement. It's changed, unfortunately, not all for the good.
The way we perceive other people. It has changed how
I look at other people's values. That scares me about something.
So when we are long gone from this earth and
(51:09):
have go in to our next stage of existence. And
what is somebody going to What are our children going
to say about us? You know, did we teach them what?
Speaker 2 (51:21):
I don't know? Well, like I said at the end
of the day, I mean, we set a foundation. We
can only hope and pray that that foundation we set
form was is valued and utilize the way that they
think is best. But we're not their only outside influence.
So you can only you can only balance them the
best that you can. And you know, when I look
(51:42):
at my child, I think he's doing exactly what I
expect him to and I'm hoping and prayed for. But
the thing for me was all I want my child
to do is to do what I asked him do.
He's done everything I asked him do. But then now
I need for him to do is continue to fly,
for him to continue to have his life because he
can't be me and you don't want I've done everything
(52:05):
I'm supposed to do, but now it's time for him
to continue to fly.
Speaker 4 (52:09):
Period.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Okay, oh father, and.
Speaker 5 (52:13):
I think it's time for words from father.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Oh. Well, first of all, I think this this is
uh was an excellent great discussion. We we we came
across a lot of different scenarios that were covered.
Speaker 5 (52:30):
UH.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
Excellent stories by all. We talked about things we've never
discussed before when we were even together socially, UH or
you know on any of the previous podcasts.
Speaker 4 (52:46):
UH.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
Our parents, our grandparents may not have been our only teachers,
but they still set the foundation of what we are
today or what we you know, or what we have
have for the future. We talked about our siblings at
the later end of this podcast, which were I think
(53:09):
you know a significant role in who we are today,
and I'll call them my foundation partners. Parents, grandparents, siblings
are foundation partners. They those people better prepared me for
the real world and the person that I am today.
What you learn from your parents, grandparents, and siblings doesn't
(53:34):
always relate to how you act today because there are
other influencers there, the people your friends, your school chums,
the people you still deal with today.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
Over very very very many years.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
Work relationships that I have for the past thirty five
years still continue. So those people influence you as well,
and they continue to make.
Speaker 4 (53:58):
You learn and grow. So it's not just related to
the topic. As we talked about.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
One of the things is hard work and ethics are
the two most important things that I learned, and.
Speaker 4 (54:11):
I hope hopefully that they are the things you learned
as well.
Speaker 3 (54:15):
And that's only after be loving, because I think without
it you can't be open and honest to the person
you are today. Yeah, be loving, be stupid at times
without hurting anyone, because stupidity sometimes does hurt people. But
you can only learn these things from our past and
(54:39):
and teach you what you should or shouldn't do. Be
yourself in today's world. This is the most difficult thing
to do. But be yourself. Don't don't don't don't acquiesce
to what other influencers or people say you should be doing.
That's the most important thing I think out of this
discussion that we had today. You know, even though we
(55:01):
look back at our parents and our grandparents, whether they
had a degree or not, it is not important.
Speaker 4 (55:08):
They were all.
Speaker 3 (55:09):
Educators to us and to the person's we've become today.
Uh And with that, the challenge today in being open
and honest and being loving is how we react to
what's happening today in our society and especially to our
you know, uh, LGBT a friends, acquaintances.
Speaker 4 (55:36):
It's a difficult, difficult thing.
Speaker 3 (55:38):
And and and I think that everyone at this table
is open and and to be that loving person to everyone,
uh and not be restricted by some of the things
that parents and grandparents could have taught us.
Speaker 4 (55:55):
And we carry forward. That's my word wisdom.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
All right, all right, great words of wisdom from father
Patt you this evening. So again i'd like to thank
you all for coming on tonight. You guys are always
a wonderful guest to have, wonderful partners to have and
of course to be a guests on the show. Reach
out to me Kimberley, WSBI LC at gmail dot com.
(56:25):
Want more of Unveiled podcast shows. Monetary donations to support
the podcasts are now accepted on cash app, PayPal, Good Pause,
tip Jar, or go to the website. Again, we would
like to thank you all for listening to us tonight.
We will be back next month on Thursday evening at
s mn pm. Excuse me once, yeah, Thursday evening at
m pm once a month. Be sure to follow us
(56:45):
on our heart radio, speaker, YouTube, or wherever you listen
to your podcast. Until then, enjoy the rest of your
evening and good night, bye bye bye
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