April 17, 2025 • 60 mins
Welcome to “Unveiled” Where all conversations are safe, revealing and uncuffed.
Tonight’s show is partnered with – Chris’s Dishes, Jenn Chavez Photography & sponsored by WSBI, LLC – Your Resource For Success Podcast.
Here are your Hosts: Carmine and Kimberly Pesce and Chris and Jenn Chavez
What are we revealing tonight! What makes a "Real Husband" (Trophy Husband). The things that really matter.
To be a guest on the show reach out to kimberlywsbillc@gmail.com
Want more of Unveiled Podcast Shows Monetary donations to support the podcast are now accepted on 👉cash app $kmclemore, PayPal, GoodPods “tip jar”or go to the website - www.wsbillc.com
Again, we would like to thank you all for listening to us tonight. Will be back next month on a Thursday evening @ 7 pm; Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, Spreaker, YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcast ~ until then enjoy the rest of your evening.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/your-resource-for-success-podcast--2094412/support.
Tonight’s show is partnered with – Chris’s Dishes, Jenn Chavez Photography & sponsored by WSBI, LLC – Your Resource For Success Podcast.
Here are your Hosts: Carmine and Kimberly Pesce and Chris and Jenn Chavez
What are we revealing tonight! What makes a "Real Husband" (Trophy Husband). The things that really matter.
To be a guest on the show reach out to kimberlywsbillc@gmail.com
Want more of Unveiled Podcast Shows Monetary donations to support the podcast are now accepted on 👉cash app $kmclemore, PayPal, GoodPods “tip jar”or go to the website - www.wsbillc.com
Again, we would like to thank you all for listening to us tonight. Will be back next month on a Thursday evening @ 7 pm; Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, Spreaker, YouTube or wherever you listen to your podcast ~ until then enjoy the rest of your evening.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/your-resource-for-success-podcast--2094412/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good evening and welcome to the Unveiled Podcast, where all
conversations are safe revealing an uncuff. Tonight's show has partner
with Chris's Dishes, Gen Chawa's Photography and sponsored by WSBI LLC,
your Resources for Success podcast. I am one of your
hosts Chris, My Lovely Wife, Jen and Carmine and Kimberly
(00:24):
Peshe and on tonight's episode for the month of April,
we will be discussing what makes a real husband trophy
or not.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
It's still funny it is no matter how many times
you say it so trophy.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Husband or real husband or whatever you want to call.
It's real significant other.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
We'll keep it so everybody understands. What's your fear, My
Lovely Wife, you.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Are my real husband. Guess yours is a truphy?
Speaker 5 (01:03):
I mean, I don't want to have to say it
any other way, because the bottom line here is.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Do you polish them every night?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
I mean sometimes behaves nicely?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yep, just like the Brass.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Couldn't you had to go there?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
This one might get the most listens for tuning in.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Oh lord, you have to accept certain things that whole
thought of being a trophy wife does extend into the
male world.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Also, trophy women. Trophy wives historically just.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
Stayed home, took care of the house, had to look
a certain way, how to dress a certain way. We're
treated a certain way. I think we've evolved and now
men can be considered trophies. I mean, listen, arm candy,
it's all cut your squat butt.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The grass to the grass, hey, and you know it's
it's you know, as the generations and we all span
different generations here it what was accepted in.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
The forties or fifties and.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Sixties has changed dramatically to a different role.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Absolutely, it's not the visual role as much as it is.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The caregiver, the the person who does everything you need
to have done. True, and what one person seeks is
different than another person.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
I don't think that we put the same I'll call
it attributes to a trophy husband though, that we did
with a trophy wife. Like everything I said about a
woman was all pretty much the physical and what her
skill set was.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Trophy husband.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
So yes, I think it's more acceptable to say trophy
husband than it is to say trophy your wife.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Absolutely, again another double standard.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But okay, although but people say it all the time,
all the time.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
It doesn't make it right.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Doesn't make it right to call it a trophy husband.
But people look at like, dude, you're awesome. You get
to be the guy that stays home and does all
the stuff. But then again, it's like you're the guy
that stays home and does all the stuff. That's a lot.
There can be a lot of stuff. I mean, I mean,
on any given day, I can come up with a
number of things that needs to be done to include
the normal every day chores.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
And then it's also not always acceptable because men were
always known to be the breadwinner, right and women were
always portrayed to be the caregiver, to stay at home mom,
you know, cook the food. There was those roles that
everybody was required are known to do.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
So even today, if you have the so called trophy
husband or the man who stays at home as you know,
the at home hobby who does those chores that we're
known for women to do today, that's not always an
acceptable thing, whether we agree with that or not. But
as we talk about a lot about and even with
our relationship, it's about conforming what's works for you.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I'm not what works for everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Else exactly, and I like, I mean, we'll use me
an example. I absolutely love cooking, and everybody at this
table knows that, right. I put as much heart into
every single meal that I do, whether it's a snack
or if it's breakfast or whatever. I just love doing
it and to not do not being able to do
(04:47):
it sometimes just drives me nuts, you know. Or then
like yesterday, I mean, what did I do yesterday? Yesterday?
We got to pause here, Okay, I got the finger up, No,
don't pause, but talking yesterday, like, I took a part
and I fixed a toilet, part making dinner. I washed
(05:08):
my hands, so you know, I did. We had a
leaky toilet, so I had to fix the toilet so.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I wasn't stick in my hand, not a chance.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
But you know, it's interesting because I think that the
expression of being a trophy anything, trophy wife, trophy, husband, trophy,
significant other, whatever you want to call it, is more
than just a look, and it's more than just a skill.
You don't have to be home, you know, working full time,
both of you, you both work full time. You come home,
(05:41):
you have your chores that you execute, you have your
responsibilities in the house, and to me that makes it
even more a value. And if you think of a trophy,
what does a trophy represent? It represents something of value,
something of worth, something that is.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Important, something that you earned, Oh, I've earned your ass,
not something utilized for participation, right, exactly, not.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
A participation trophy. But you know, the definition has evolved
along with the roles that you play.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
Like.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
You love cooking, and we've discussed this before.
Speaker 5 (06:17):
I perfectly find never cooking a day in my life,
and although I have to come better at it in
the last three weeks.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
That said, you know, here we are, we're in April.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Now and Passover and Easter and all the holidays, and normally,
I mean for me growing up, it was always the
women that were doing the cooking in the house. Absolutely,
and never unless it was a weeknight when I see
my dad doing any of that stuff. Chris is in
the kitchen more than I am gardening. We're both outside
(06:50):
of me. I don't know about you all. I'm sure
it's the same thing Easter.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Who did the cooking?
Speaker 6 (06:56):
Yeah, the women was something that we were doing. Yeah,
we would just do it was the known thing to do.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Right, well, yeah, traditionally right, right, I'm thinking back to
my mom passed away at very early age.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Twelve thirteen was.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
When I was lost her, and I cannot really remember
her traditional role other than being the trophy wife, right
because I know, I know my dad did most of
the cooking after she passed and assumed all those roles,
(07:29):
not only the breadwinner, but you know, and we relied
on each other, my sister and I, and we did
those domesticated roles right except for you know, going out
and having a job. Ours was to go to school,
house was cleaned, cooking things like that. So I think
(07:51):
whoever listens to this podcast, there's going to be some
sort of resonating theme.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Some it's going to be traditional. Some it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Defined more like mine. What I just said, it's gonna
be changed. It's gonna be a reversal. And today we're
seeing more of it now, whether that's everybody's woke or
they're getting married later on in life and they're more
mature and they understand that it's a give and take
relationship rather than a one way thing. I don't know
what that the what the answer is, but I think
(08:22):
everybody who listens is gonna find some sort of.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Commonality in everything that we talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I mean, like I agree the point of parents might
I mean, my parents next year will have been married
for fifty years. Yeah, fifty years, fifty years and to
this day, I can tell you their routine to the tea,
and it's the same routine they've had to the tea.
And the only time I've ever seen my dad cook
(08:55):
is if he grilled something.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
That's really Yeah, she.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Leaves meals for him. My mom's the same way.
Speaker 6 (09:06):
And then parents would be married sixty one years this month,
So it's the same thing, you know, But it's what
they like, it's what they're used to.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Yes, right, So if my mom's gone.
Speaker 6 (09:17):
For a period of time, even though my dad will say, look,
I could take care of myself, you know, and he can't.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
But it's it's just who she is, right, That's what
she likes to do.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
And if it is a long period of time, she
may do a couple but it's not that it's not
that it's required, you know. I mean he can get
up and go and eat for himself and do certain
things for himself. But there I think there was a
period of time where, yeah, she would definitely get up
and say, yeah, I'm gonna have these meals ready for
because I normally be gone for a certain time because
he runs his own business too. And then but I
(09:47):
can remember we were kids, and I remember when there's
times where she worked a second shift, so Daddy would
take us out to dinner and he would try to
make meals and we would be like, yeah, Dad, you
know you're good, but just this is work.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I mean, it's like yesterday, yesterday, yesterday at at our gym,
we were having this exact conversation and are the gym owner?
I was like, yeah, you know, I do you know
the laundry I do so on and so for them
because he's home a lot more. He owns a business
where there are certain hours that they're opening, a certain
hours that they're closed. And then we got into the
(10:24):
conversation about me doing laundry like I when the wife
and I started tating, she wrote on a three by
five card how to do laundry, and I still have that,
and people have seen that and asked me like, why
the hell do you still have this. The event that
I die, I will know how to do by laundry
(10:44):
because if I do it wrong, I'm completely screwed by
the ghost of my wife. You know that's the reason why.
Speaker 5 (10:51):
So I've gotta I got Lord, don't you bring this up?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Well, I do the laundry too, and it's all fun
and games until you lose the sock. Oh no, and
then small hells my sock. I don't know. Maybe I
ate it. No. No, what I'm saying is I'm not
like not.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Let me tell you this is my extent due to the laundry. Honey.
Can you take the laundry baskets downstairs? Yes, dear, honey.
Can you hear the lunges baskets upstairs? Yes, dear, that's it.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
And that was only when I was heard.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's where it starts.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
And stop we're talking. We have had a broken leg,
we have had freaking mouth surgery, COVID everything. Don't touch
the laundry like she literally sat in the chair with
her leg propped up when it was broken and folded
the laundry and made me take it upstairs. Now put
(11:46):
it away, Just take it upstairs because when we went
to bed. Oh no, don't don't say it's.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Not No, it's very true. Said, you know how to
put away laundry.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
There you go see, so we all have different talents.
Doing the laundry is easy because it's just separating. It's
putting the stuff in the machine, taking this stuff out
of the machine into the dryer, and then folding it
to some degree. Sometimes people people do not like the
way you fall things.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
I am when she falls things. It's like, I know
I didn't fall it the way you want it. I
don't cares in the drum.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
But I would much I would much rather have it
folded a certain way, because I do you know that
shirts fit better when you fold.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Them properly and you put the.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Wait, wait, wait, I gotta get one. I gotta get
on the laundry subject.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
I'm gonna he's about to make fun of me.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Listen the tutorial I get from Martha Stewart on how
to fold a fitted sheep. No, that's this.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
No, no, no, no, you cannot do that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Three people to fold the fitted sheet. It's like falling
an American eight people.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
You need two hands.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
You're done. There's corners, people, It's not that ConL corn It.
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Could be difficult sometimes, but you don't need more than
two hands to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
It just takes a little bit longer.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
That's like saying that you can fit a square pegging
around I can.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I think many more people would be divorced.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
If they had over this finished seat, old lord.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Yeah, but so you bring up a good point, though, Commrad, like,
everyone's got a certain way of doing things, and to
the point of being a.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Trophy, because I really I like the concept.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I like the concept of you complete the parts of
me that I'm looking for that make me happy, and
I do the same for you.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Like I think that what the trophy truly is.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
It's I I know what I bring to the table.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Now. I'm not afraid to dine alone, let me be
very clear.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
But at the same time, exactly why dine alone when
you can dine with somebody else and know what they're
bringing to that table.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And that that, to me, is what the trophy is.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
It's the Hey, you know what we were out last
weekend in our garden and it's work.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
It's gross. We finished, we were dirty, we were sweaty,
and he went to give me a kiss. I'm like,
don't touch me. I am so dirty and gross, and
you know what I was like.
Speaker 5 (14:34):
But that's okay for him, right, it doesn't bother him,
and in his mind, I am his trophy wife.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Am I si zero?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Am I big boobed and blonde hair? Well fifty percent there?
But you know, yes, but these other things that we look.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
For, like if somebody were fitty, what is it about
Carmine that fills you that makes him your trophy?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
What would it be?
Speaker 6 (15:04):
Well, I think for us the trophy part for me
is that I've never had anybody in my life who
does does the things that he does. So I never
had anybody who could come home and does the laundry
and knows a tutorial.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Ye, well, just I mean.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
It's important to you how you just folded either now
it is, so that's a good thing, and we ask
you it's like fish fight.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Right and no, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Well even for us, I mean, you know, we get
up and where we make the bed together. I mean,
you know he does, and I have to beg to
do the laundry. I literally have to beg now to
do the laundry.
Speaker 6 (15:41):
If I want to do the laundry, I actually have
to beat him to get to the laundry room because
he loves you know.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And so I made sure that when when she got
home from the trip, there was no laundry other than.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
Than what I had did when I came from Yeah,
got home from my trip, and even then I was like, call,
you know, I did all the lune Jay said, but
you know what, I'll just fold the closes the morning.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
I'm going to the bedroom also, and he's not even there.
I'm like, where are you at?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
What is he doing folding the lundon?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
So it's just who he is. I mean the same
thing with the dishes. He loves washing dishes, you know.
And the only thing we get into it is about
the cooking or when we're in the kitchen by the stove.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
I'm like if I said we need a bigger kitchen
and like, get out the kitchen. We can't. We can't can't.
We cannot cook together. That is that is not a thing.
That is not a thing.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yet last night Popcorn got into it about the popcorns.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Like I thought I was going to kill him. He
thought he was gonna kill me.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
I'm like, dude, get I had to get out of
his way because we cannot cook together.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Did you just microwave up the popcorn? And I don't
like microwave popcorn.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
We tried it, Yeah, we tried this thing was on
on Facebook and stuff. It looked good every everything we didn't.
It's like, well, this really sucks. That's fifty hours i'll
never get back in my life. But well, we'll go
over it later. But I don't want to tell you
that I don't want to do.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Let it go.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Let it go. Yeah, but I'll show you what it is.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
We had just found that those are the things that
we can't do, and we've learned those things we cannot do.
So I like, I do most of cooking around the house, right,
so I found that we just can't cook them together. Okay,
we've learned that very quickly. Like yetnap, get out the
kids when I said, I'm a cook. But we don't
want to hugle with.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Nothing, right and we we we it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
It causes tension for a little bit, yep, because I
tell you yesterday I was pissed about the popcorn. Yes,
it's like I'm reading the instructions because it says do
this first, and it's like put on two minutes, put.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Topcorn popcorn machine. The popcorn says, and it gives you
the automatic exact time that he needed. He didn't want
to hear it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
So I was like, you do it instructions, clearly said,
knowing that microwavest it because he was getting the nerves
just time. At two to four minutes, when it's just
slowing down the pop then you shut it off. She
gets the button, she tells me it's three minutes.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
It's it's under two minutes. I said, but if you
need a little bit more, we can add a little
bit more. Right, But I said, let me just walk
away because he was working my nerves to the end.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
I love working. My nurse said I won't. I will not.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
It was in black and white.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I said, look, and.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Even in the first bat, the first batch, he was
almost worked it up.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
So it was like, you know what we've done.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
We're done popcorn.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
It was funny.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I cook my popcorn on the stove top.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
That's what I'm not either well. And we've done both ways.
We've done the regular homie.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
So we do a lot of things, but we we
just realize that that when it comes to certain things
like the cooking and certain I do, that.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
We just can't do it together. It's just it's too
much tension. And a part of it is that for.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Us, what we were.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
We're so much alike in a lot of ways that
that's the reason why, yes, yes we bang.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
Because we're both stubborn. We've been we've been by ourselves
for a very very long time. So when you're used
to doing everything by yourself, we've had to learn to
figure out how to work together on certain things, right,
and so having that trophy on both sides, we've had
to learn how to do that, even.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
When it comes to certain things like just cleaning the house.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
You know, I like the vacuum. He likes the vacuum.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
I'm like, can you just let me vacuum please? We
got to fuss about the vacuum. I want to vacuum,
you know. So he'll just go clean the bathrooms, like good,
just go clean the bathrooms. And so we just get
to you know, we'll just bring the maiden because it just.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I mean, that's because your stuff that's picked up and
makes you look like a slof it's not to out,
or our PJ is laying out and whatnot, or.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
There's only one thing that is.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
The things that are the things that are weapons.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
That is it, that is the only thing that needs
to be put away. It's two of us in the house.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
The things that annoy us, either together or separately, annoy
us are so insignificant and they're laughable. That's the problem.
That's the great.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So I could laugh at a lot of stuff she does.
She could laugh at a lot of stuff I do,
and I don't really care, right because it's not it's
not personal, not personal, like you're not falling the clothes properly.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
It's it's not like that, you know. It's like, there's
no adversarial thing that I have.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
One personal thing, okay, one, just one. It's the methodology
of cutting an onion.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Well, you know what, I don't think I really know
how to cut it.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Because I think there's a reason.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
There's a reason, because she has asked.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Me time and time again, how do I cut this
to use it for this application because a lot of
people don't understand, like when you cut an onion, and
this is coming from a chef perspective, people, okay, that
you cut an onion for its particular use. So if
you're gonna dice it, you do it away. I've shown
her hundreds of times, but no matter what, it's always
(21:26):
I have to cut this in the middle of the equator.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
It's just like now I can't that's the traditional.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
No, it's not because because now it's like I can't
use it.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I can't use this.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I can't use the onion unless it's either to make
onion rings or to put it in the chopper.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And I just want to dice it by hand.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
It's like killing me.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
You don't have a slap chop? What showing my age?
That little plastic then you put we have something like.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
That, but like I don't use I mean I still,
you know, do everything by hand, Julian, my onions.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Ranger.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
That's the only thing. Every time you cut an onion,
I just want to take it and I just want
to heave it somewhere.
Speaker 5 (22:08):
Wow, because you won't be having any onion flavoring any
of your damn food from now on.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
No, No, I'll just cut it.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I'm just cooking.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
There you go. Solution is already there.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Just keep cooking.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I do, okay until she comes over and she's like
can I help?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Can I do this?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
And I'm like, you're taking so.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Can I say this one thing?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's not the relationships here seem like it's not a
score sheet, right, or a tally of tasks it's the
combination of what you do, what I do, what we
both do together that we consider to be that trophy thing,
(22:50):
which I yes, And I.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Think that's a huge evolution from where it came from.
And you said it before about it being generational. I
think the generations today they want that equality. They want
to know that they can count on their partner. Like
it's not his responsibility to cook every morning for breakfast.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
He right now gets up and has to leave the
house to go to the office. So while he's getting dressed,
I'll make breakfast. And it's fine.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
It's he appreciates that he's eating before he goes. God
help him because it's six o'clock in the morning, but
he's eating and great. And then whichever one is going
to cook dinner, that's what it is. And say, it's
these little things that you want to feel like you're.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Contributing to a relationship exactly. And if if me making
eggs and sausage in the morning is my contribution and
he appreciates.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
It, that that's all that matters or absolute.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
I can't stand him living the dishwasher, well we don't.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
We don't really actually use the dish remind I think
we have to run it like once a month so
it doesn't like it doesn't die on us.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
That's funny because my mom has had her dishwasher for
twenty two years and it's still used for storage.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
She has never used well I know people that don't
cook in the oven and they use that for storage.
There's plates in the oven.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
People don't in the other Yeah, people, yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Okay, it's like you turn on the oven.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Oh no, dishes out o Ours is like that only
because we like we put the cast put the cast
iron there to cook off. Just after you're done when
you're cleaning. It's like, there's this hot pan in here, not.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
To take it out.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
See.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
Now, I wish we had like a younger couple as
a guest today to be like, do you consider your
spouse a trophy?
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Because what is it that they're looking for?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well, I think and that's that's great, a great segu way.
We should probably do a session with like my son
and daughter in law right, not traditional, but all how
they offset each other. And I'm sure that Mike, if
(25:16):
he listens to this, he'll probably kill me for saying this,
but he can be a real pain in the ass.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
But we all can be right?
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Who can? Of course? I mean that's just part of.
Speaker 8 (25:30):
I want to I want to hear about this not
traditional comment, well not traditional where where you know, in
I want to say, the olden days, the man dictated
everything that was done, whether he didn't if he didn't
like what his wife was saying or doing.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
It was like, you need take that off and put
something else on. You need to cook this way, you
need to you know, it's too salty, it's it's too whatever.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
It was always a critique whether you dressed, whether you cleaned,
whether you're cooked, whether you went shopping.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
You didn't get this. To me, it was like you
didn't get the Entemin's donuts. What the hell's wrong? But yeah,
so I think that's interesting.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
It's that traditional mindset of like, so you guys know,
when Chris goes to the supermarket, it's a mission, right,
He goes in, he gets what he needs, and he
comes out and he'll take avery with him.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
And Ave does what Ave does, and I appreciate that.
Speaker 5 (26:38):
So again it's the traditionals. I remember being young, my
mother would go to the supermarket. My dad was home
working in the garden or in his shop or whatever
it was he was doing, I can tell you right
now he was not doing laundry, not even a little.
He was usually smoking in the house too, but again
different times, killing age, yeah, and just hearing some of
(27:01):
the things that people who are younger value. So we
have a lot of people in our social circle where
we work out who are single, and one, you couldn't
pay me to date right now. And I said this
to somebody the other day yesterday who were I think
it was Yesterdayay, you could not pay me to be
(27:23):
in the dating market.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
It is scary. You don't know what is on the
other end of that telephone, that or that internet connection,
the cell phone. I'm saying, that old school.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
Phone, and what are they going to value? What are
they going to bring? Because it's all smoke and mirrors.
Now there's an expression.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
What is that expression where you pretend to be somebody catfishing?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
So this woman was seeing somebody and then all of
a sudden this person became totally different and wasn't being
the same way in their communication.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
It wasn't doing what.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Having that same engagement, if you will, And that segued
our conversation into you know, well, what are you looking
for because she is funny, she's intelligent, she's beautiful, she
is a riot.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I mean, I cannot stress this enough.
Speaker 5 (28:16):
And she's like, why can't I just find somebody who
can keep up with me instead of trying to either outdo.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Me or you know, perfess how much better they are.
Speaker 6 (28:30):
Let's not let's not explain it on the guys. There's
a lot of these women who are just as bad,
if not worse. Fair because we're right now, the biggest.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Thing is about competition. You know, women have to outdo
the men because.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
It's something to prove. It's about you know, societies put
us kind of in that predicament to have to outprove everybody.
We don't need a man for this, we don't need this,
We don't need you for this.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
We only need you for that.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
So this's it's a two way street.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
I could take you with my experience, you know of
having to be after being divorced for almost you know,
in single for almost twenty years before I mean Karma
I got married, and having to go through the process
of trying to date.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It was the worst experience you could possibly go through.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
You know, going through and hiring, going through dating agencies
and trying to do the online dating.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
I've tried it all, the worst experience you can have.
Speaker 6 (29:29):
And if there's there's, I guess you could say there's
no right way or wrong way. You know, you try
to do the traditional way of dating. Nobody even understands
what that is anymore. Nobody understands what it means to
what's the old fashioned term of dating court court. They
have no clue what that word even is.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
It's it's like, what what's corking? You know, if you
say it, they have they don't have no idea. I mean,
I can see karm I understand what courting was.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
He knew exactly what he was doing from day one,
whether I had a clue that he was even doing it,
he knew the steps of it. But the average individual today,
even women today, don't understand what courting means, not at all, because,
like I said, we're so busy trying to be competitive
and compete and say I don't need this, I only
(30:23):
need you for that.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
I have to outprove it.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
Granted, you need to come and be prepared. You should
have your everything on the table and ready to go.
You definitely should be able to take care of yourself.
I always believe that if you can't take care of yourself,
there's no way you could take care of anybody else.
But at the same token, if you're not, if you
don't have your mind opened and ready to be flexible
and know that you have in order to have.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
A relationship, that the two of you will never make
it if you can't bring it together.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
Right, Absolutely, And that competitiveness. It's not just me I
want his attention, So is it me?
Speaker 1 (31:00):
You?
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Which one of us are gonna buy for his attention?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Right?
Speaker 5 (31:03):
It's also I am now competitive with my the people
I'm seeing or I'm dating, and that to me and
I know I am a competitive person. I have finally,
at fifty two, accepted this as fact. I'm competitive with him.
If we're out going for a run, I will absolutely
(31:23):
keep hace with him or be ahead of him because
it drives me crazy if he thinks that I can't
hold my own.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
But at the same time, he could care.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I could care that final half mile is a spring.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I could care.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
No, it's not enough for me.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I could care love, yes, it is.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I don't a lot of people say, like I've I
don't consider myself competitive. The only person I compete with
is myself. Like we get I'll give you an example.
Sometimes you just do some stupid shit because you don't
read instructions right, and you end up wanted to compete
against yourself just because you're like, hey, I can do this.
I can hold three one hundred and twenty pounds static
(32:01):
for thirty seconds. You know, that's when the instruction clearly
said one hundred and ten percent of your the max.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Not are you.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
By that, you know, But I mean there's there's hundreds
of things that I do for us, and some particularly
for her because I know one she enjoys them, or
two because it's it's a benefit for her, Like having
our fireplace. We have a fireplace in our house actually
(32:32):
burns wood in every year since we've been living in
the house. It's like, all right, gotta have wood split, stacked,
ready to go before the November comes in. I can't
touch her because she has rate nods and it's like
touching an ice box for six months, you know. So
she loves having the fireplace going. It's it's an awesome
thing to have, you know. It's just one of those things,
(32:53):
you know, I don't expect her to go out and
freaking whip out the chance star and start felling trees
in the backyard.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
You don't want. We will have no trees in the backyard.
They will all become firewood. But what is one thing
does for you that means more to you than anything?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Wow? Because it's the little thing.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
What happens is must be sitting on a couch, the
nudge over and just lift her shirt from the back.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It's it's like, okay, now I have to scratch your back.
It's like this. It's like love that it is right.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Please, it's like a pitiful please please. That's kind of
so what she does is like so we have like
a two recliners that has like a little thing in
the middle of little console, and she'll like slide her
hand under mine and then she'll put it on top
and I'm just I'll sit there like hit my hand
(33:56):
and it's like yeah, but it's her indication of like
can you kiss the top of my hand?
Speaker 8 (34:04):
Love?
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, he's right there.
Speaker 6 (34:07):
Yeah, I just rub me just please, like just don't
don't you know, don't do the half I don't like
the half thing, like, you know, don't rub the top
of my sh No.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
No, she's got a whole thing. Make sure you get
that done right, that's right.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It's like but it's never like that.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
It's like it's like, you know, it's you know, you
know how you want your backdrop, you know how you
want your backscratched. It's two different things, but it's still
like harder less left, your nails need to be done.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
But he started.
Speaker 6 (34:44):
He spoils me right, so he will rub my he'll
rub my feet, and I just I love it's the
littlest things.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
That's not the it's never and the same thing.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
And the things that she does did aren't like asked for,
but just happ he.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Loves what yeah, whatever, it was.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
Both his head this I was gonna say, chickens and
cows his top top heads.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I got you now.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Into love field.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Mean, but you know it's it's uh, I don't know,
it's it's corny sometimes it's just really Corny's just like
the little thing on the on the refrigerator.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Yeah, I love my love notes.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
You know it makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
So so that's that's that's if anybody gets takes anything
away from this, it's the it's the little things, not
the big thing, not the big things.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
It's not like, oh, you know, it's your birthday and
I bought your a ring.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
It's it's the little things that that that happened day
to day, week to week and stuff like that that
make it, uh, make you a trophy, right if you
want to use that word trophy husband, but a good
husband and those things.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
You know.
Speaker 6 (36:02):
It's like we love flowers. He knows I love flowers.
So we literally almost every week or every the week
or so, we get.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, yesterday when we got our flower, spending like twenty
minutes at a Wegman's saying we're.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Getting our flowers.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
So we wound up getting three of them.
Speaker 6 (36:18):
That that little one, right, and then we have a
little one of where by the so look over towards
the where the books are sitting on see the little
ducky it's.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
A goose or whatever it is that goose ones.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
But that's what makes you happy.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Yeah, And I think being that trophy again, it used
to have just such a negative connotation to it. I
don't think it's negative. I am proud to say that
my husband is my trophy, like I'm his trophy.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
We are a team.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
We we trophy together.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
I guess I don't stick us both on a mantle
dust us off every now and again, Like they're just
things that we do for each other. That one would
mean nothing to anyone else outside of our of us, right,
and it could be something as simple as if we
like I finished that class on Friday, and he came
(37:19):
home and we went out for dinner and it was great.
Celebrate the little things, celebrate each other. To anyone else,
does it matter, not a chance in the world. But
for us, it's Hey, you know what, I want to
celebrate your accomplishment and I want to be here to
support you. And that is something that I think nobody
(37:42):
else needs to understand, and especially at our ages, as
we've identified what's important to us and what's important in
our significant others. It goes back to that evolving notion
of would I have been his choice, excuse me, his
trophy forty years ago?
Speaker 4 (38:03):
Probably not, because he was like six, well.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Excuse me.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
And that's the thing, and that was the war, Okay,
something else to drink.
Speaker 6 (38:17):
And I think that's the other thing that we're all
starting to realize too, is that as you evolved, you know,
with age and time, we wouldn't have thought this way.
You know, we were in our twenties, even in our thirties,
because we're still growing, you still learn and each one
of our experiences, you know, each previous relationship or previous marriage,
you learned from those things. Right, so all the time
(38:40):
that you've had in between, you start to realize, this
is what I want and this is what I need.
So even for me, after nineteen years of being by
myself and then all of a sudden getting married again,
I knew what I needed when I wanted and if
I couldn't have it, I wasn't gonna get married of mine.
There was there was no other, There was no substitute,
There was no butts and ifs. If it didn't come
(39:03):
this way and why I needed it, you can call
it trophy or not, how whatever you want to call it.
If that man could not be the husband I needed
to have in my life, there was never going to
be one again, bottom line.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
And that's okay. I mean that that's what met your needs,
that's what fills you to make you come rite.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Oh, I mean I agree because I know we've said
it on this podcast before. Like I think one I
focused more time on my career being in the army
and probably should have never been in any type of
relationship back then. That was very serious.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
And then two, I'm very grateful for having met my wife.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
And yes, you complete me. Is that your favorite swift?
Speaker 1 (39:57):
No, I mean in all seriousness, No, like it's it's those,
It is the little things. It's just you know, not
too many women could come in. Well, she came into
my life when I was I think I was at
the lowest of lows and and it was bad. And
we not only picked each other up, but we kept
moving on. So kept moving forward, kept moving forward, never
(40:20):
looking back.
Speaker 4 (40:23):
Trophies are good. It's not for participation.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
And that's that's a good word nticipation because trophies and
and as when we go around, I'll just say more
about this, but it's not a participation trophy. It's not
something that you earn and and and can display and
and proudly displayed, because that's not what a relationship a
husband or a wife is. But I'll go more into
(40:54):
that when we get towards the end of our discussion.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
For the final words of the words of the Pete's words,
it's gonna be good from.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Find the pete, We've got about another fifteen minutes before
it's okay.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
I know, you know, if we need to end early,
we can. It's not you know, we don't have to stretch.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I don't finish. He does.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
Look everybody, he said, he ain't ready to end yet,
so we would continue to keep talking until the pete said.
Speaker 7 (41:29):
He is ready to end already hand and it's time,
and when it's time. But now I think that overall,
I just think that our experiences is what counts, and
how we all have grown as individuals is what makes
us understand what we consider our trophies.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yes, and for everyone who's listening to this podcast, I
know you probably can't think coming into this about forty
five minutes ago, thinking, oh, we're going to talk about
how to become a trophy. You can stay home and
do everything. No, it's not about that. It's about the
like the little things like you know, for Chen, I
am one of those guys. I'm still a sap or
(42:12):
some or a gentleman or whatever. You're a gentleman, you're
not right, But I mean I still open the car
door and the door leaning out or in for her
all the time. And it's not because it's a traditional thing.
It's a respect thing. It's like I respect my wife
enough to be well, like, I'm going to hold your
door open for you so you can walk in and unimpeded.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
So there you go.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
Look my big word for the day, unimpeded.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
So that to me is important.
Speaker 5 (42:41):
Same here, same as anything of the what I would
call it. And I do think it's traditional. I think
it's very gentlemanly. And going back to your comment about
being in competition, Oh, I don't need you to hold
my door for me.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
No, actually I do, thank you, absolutely absolutely I do.
Speaker 5 (42:59):
To me, I think that when I look at the
younger men, there are certain things that I as a woman,
regardless of the fact of how much money I make,
regardless of to how successful I am, regardless of to
my independent nature, I want certain things. Maybe it's I
(43:20):
don't know, nature verse nurture, but for me, the fact
that he will hold my seat out for me, that
he'll push my seat in, that'll hold a car.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
Door open, those things make him that trophy.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
Those are the things where if somebody would to say
to me, what is something your husband does for you?
Speaker 4 (43:36):
Yes, the fireplace is important. I'm not gonna lie. I
love a good roaring fire.
Speaker 5 (43:40):
But it's also you know what, he makes sure that
he stands on the outside. Absolutely, I just you're ready
to say that, yep. And those little things.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
That amazes me how many young men are not taught that.
They have no clue about opening a door or walking
on the outside. Your woman is to walk on the inside,
not crossed.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
Please don't do that. Yeah, that's that drives me crazy
when you don't know how to So if you're walking in.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
Yourself pole, you don't split the pole or a fence
post or something. And one of you guys left and
the others right. You're not supposed to do that. It's so,
this is this. Not very many people understand that on
this that will be listening to this.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
It's it's it's it's a quirky thing, right, But it's
the thing that I know too, and and and as
a kid, I knew not to do that, But as
I grew older, I saw it's not important, but it's
important to you, So I try not to do that.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
You let her go first as she walks through.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
And you know we got to go through together. Yes,
you never go straddle the.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Straddle, how are you straddling?
Speaker 1 (44:43):
You're saying like if it's if it's a light say
like this microphone right is a light pole?
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You can't right going together? Right exactly? Yes, Yes, it's
a little it's a little thing, but it's a little thing,
but you.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Know what it's important to her, and that's why she
You know. I think I've as we're.
Speaker 5 (45:05):
Talking, thinking about this word trophy and what it's meant
to me over the years, because I used to make
fun of it. I used to say when I was
in my twenties, I'm good being a trophy wife. I
will work out five hours a day, I will live
in a condo somewhere on a beach and just be
tan and look a certain way.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
And I couldn't be she a red neck, red neck
trophy house. So remember everyone out there that John Deere,
there is hope.
Speaker 6 (45:38):
And I guess for me, I've never understood the concept
of the trophy rex. Have never been one, never been one,
even though I've been married more than once, have never
been one.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Never understood that. Why would I want to be one?
And I wouldn't want to be looked at that way?
Speaker 4 (45:54):
Because in the time frames and the air of growing
up black were never looked at that way.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
We were never considered.
Speaker 6 (46:02):
Pretty enough, we were never good enough, and we had
to be like white women, you know, we had to
have the blonde hair into blue eyes, which we never had.
You know, our bodies are not framed the same. So
there was we were never good enough to be considered
those trophy wives, right, So, and we were never always
we're never been put on pedestal and so to ever
(46:23):
have a thought. And so when you see those things
and you hear those things that were and I can
remember seeing those types of scenarios on TV, I'm like,
I've never seen that before because we've never been considered
that all right, So it's it's it's sad when you
start to think about the concept of how men would
even look at a woman in that perspective. And then
(46:44):
the worst part is that women actually.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
Believe you have to be that way.
Speaker 5 (46:48):
Well, so we've had this conversation you and I I think,
both on air and off air and with the guys
and not is that our gen x specifically.
Speaker 4 (46:59):
We were told I was told growing up.
Speaker 5 (47:01):
I had to be skinny, I had to be blonde,
I had to have my nails done, eyebrows, relaxed, the
whole nine yards. Don't get fat, don't eat that piece
of meat, figure out something, go to gum, go get
diabetes sucking on lollipops, but.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Do not get fat. And you know it's crazy, but
it is so true, and now here I am thirty
years later. I was never a trophy wife.
Speaker 5 (47:24):
I always took care of my own and provided for
Amanda and the rest of it. But there were things
that I did do for myself that brought me to
where I was. When Chris and I met that I
knew that these are the things I need in a husband.
To your point, if I'm going to have one, and
I did not want to feel that I had to be.
(47:47):
We met, I was a size zero. I had nothing
on me but skin and all and muscle.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
But not now. I am good eating.
Speaker 5 (47:54):
You want to stick a plate of food in front
of me, Hello, I will eat that shit and I
will not think twice of that exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Enjoy a ball.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Funny, that's what we had last night, made spaghetti with
some venison meatballs.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
That was something where we got finished doing our chores yesterday.
He's like, what do you want for dinner. I was like,
oh my god, I would love spaghetti and meatballs. He
went downstairs while I was getting cleaned up, made spaghetti
and meatballs, and you know what, it was damn good.
Speaker 5 (48:25):
But so the trophy piece, And I'm sure for the
two of them, because what is it different generations between you?
You both have the same mannerisms. You're gentlemanly, you're intelligent,
you're charismatic, you put humor.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
Before all else.
Speaker 5 (48:46):
You're respectful, which to your point, young men today are
not necessarily taught these things.
Speaker 4 (48:53):
So what is it that the younger generations are going.
Speaker 5 (48:56):
To look for that values or that equals that trophy
Because hopefully it's the same things that we look for
at this stage of our life.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
But you never know, they might want somebody who can
just I don't know. I wouldn't even know.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
So do you see, Chris, do you see people of
your your friends that are of your age group are
not the same as you?
Speaker 3 (49:21):
Because I tell you, I tell you, I.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I'd have to think really hard. I think that for
my generation and work how old, how how forty seven?
Speaker 3 (49:32):
So so do the math?
Speaker 4 (49:36):
I don't do math in years right years?
Speaker 2 (49:39):
So it's if we're being considered like in our mannerisms,
I couldn't say I can't say that I see a
lot of my generation different than what we are. I
can't speak to the earlier general I think.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
I think like where for me, with a lot of
guys and girls that I know that are around, you know,
the late forties going into the fifties, it's it's starting
to come back because they're starting to realize like you
hate to use this analogy, but you catch more bees
with honey than anything else. Right, And to be able
(50:20):
to be.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
I think it has to do with.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Having respect for yourself. Like if I did not have
respect for myself and care about myself, I'm not going
to do that for my wife. And I respect myself
and I care about myself now and that has to
translate over into my wife.
Speaker 4 (50:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
But also, like I don't recall my father teaches me
a lot about it about you know, taking care of
my mom. It was just one of those everyday things.
It was just that's just what it was like. There
was no teachings of it, like you watched as you learn,
(51:04):
and what he did was you know, kind of a
basis for everything that I do now. I guess what.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
People you're friends with, like in your age group, do
you think any of them, like, can you think of
five different gentlemen right now?
Speaker 3 (51:19):
Do they.
Speaker 4 (51:21):
Hold car doors open for this? And I think a
lot of that that also has to do with the military.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
But also yeah, I don't know because there and I think,
Kim this, there's a lot of times where it's like, oh,
you're a hard charger, blah blah blah blah. Just do
you know you be be freaking that person. You know,
you don't have to be nice all the time. You
don't have to be like which I will say now,
(51:47):
you know, looking back at it, I think there is
times when I used to, you know, give porners to
my soldiers, like, hey, bear open a car door. You
bear open the door for your significant other, because that's
the right thing to do. Not it's a respectful thing,
but it's the right thing to do. That's how you
show you know you are worthy of that person, you
(52:08):
know doing certain things. Now I'll say that, yeah, I'll
let you know this.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
I refuse to go.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
With my wife first, I might hold it for about
four point two seconds rather than that, I ain't.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Going in take it.
Speaker 4 (52:20):
He will get so put it hold my person.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
I'll hold it for a second.
Speaker 5 (52:26):
He won't stick his hand in it. He's like, babe,
he'll do that for me if I ask him. If
she asked for it, automatic, he will do if I ask.
You know, you're gonna find my bag, my wallet or
my weapon. I mean, that's really it.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Yeah, I'm like, hey, can you just go in there
real quick? You get something? No problem with that, my
wallet and my weapon, not junk and candies. I do.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
I havenas to keep me at bathe so is that bad?
But again it's a little bit gibs. He does, I
do and everything I'm telling you, man, if I get,
if I get like he DA's zero six in the
morning before I go to work. It's for the betterment
of everyone else.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
You don't have snacks and kiss hungry. Serious, he usually
has snacks for me.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
Oh yeah, here's your candy, honey.
Speaker 6 (53:22):
This is the person that gets up and makes up
our lunches in the morning too. So he takes good
care of us. And it's like, honey, what do you
want peanut butter and jelly or do you want a
turkey seas And like, whatever you fix, I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
With see that drives me nuts.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
I'm not even lie she has decisions.
Speaker 5 (53:38):
If I ask you a question and I'm like, do
you want this or this? And he says whatever you want,
which is make me whatever, it drives me crazy. Tell
me what you want to eat because we always end
up eating the same thing from if we have time,
so it doesn't matter to me.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
It's like if if she says whatever you want, it's fine,
and I make it and then she complains, which never happens,
then I have an issue with it right for a second,
because basically.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Sometimes I don't know what the hell I want. Right
It's like, what do you want to eat? You didn't
take anything out because I don't want to eat anything.
It's in refrigerator right now. I want I want to
go out, right.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
Sometimes I don't want to make a decision until the
very last.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Moment, right, I get that the very last moment. It's like, Oh,
I took out steak, but I really don't want steak tonight.
Speaker 4 (54:23):
Yeah, I'm there with you on that, but it still
drives me crazy. I asked you what you want to eat?
To tell me I'll make it.
Speaker 3 (54:28):
You gotta know now, no, yes.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
Decisions like here here, here's my once, my other little
thing to go to go along with them, right, we've
been married fort for hot hot man, Like, you don't
have to ask me if I want any more coffee?
Is there? So coffee left in the pot and then
it's not in the cup.
Speaker 3 (54:48):
So there you go.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Let's make it happy.
Speaker 5 (54:50):
Can take you eighty hours to drink a cup of
c because I like to enjoy it. I like to
enjoy my hate in the morning to fuel my progress
for the day. It's kind of like the whisky at night.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
I gotta let I gotta like enjoy it. Okay, it's
not about like, hey, look it's blazing hot, let's burn
the taste buds off our. But five minutes?
Speaker 4 (55:12):
No, yeah, five yeah, you're saying you got five minutes.
I was like, you only get to drink five minutes
of coffee.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
I wants to come up with the answer for her,
what do you want to eat?
Speaker 1 (55:22):
No, it's like I don't care.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
You just made it. When that question comes up, I
think sometimes I just say what, like something that's not here?
Speaker 5 (55:32):
Right?
Speaker 3 (55:33):
Like five guys. It's like, oh no, like five guys,
And it's like, oh, I guess we're going, but you
want to know, that's what I want.
Speaker 4 (55:42):
She'll she'll do things.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
Like we did this morning.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
She goes, you know, I think the pickle cauliflowers done,
and I was like, it's not that yet, but because
we have like a thing. Because then she goes so
about having a PISTROMI sound It's like, oh, because I
have to pull the venison out, I have to cure
it for five to seven days. I have to make
the bread, you know, the sauer krauts nut or the
(56:07):
pickle vegan done. Yeah, blah blahlah. It's like, you have
to give me time. I need to tell me ahead
of time, like that might be done next week, so
an hour, not for an hour.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
So pissport planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency
on his.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
Point, but it does because he loves me.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
So so what he'll do is so he'll cure it
real quick, and like, what what's gonna happen? Vacuum se
vacuum seal.
Speaker 4 (56:34):
It, vacuum seal it. See, I know there's solutions to
all of these things.
Speaker 1 (56:38):
She's starting to learn all that stuff, like the whole chefness.
It is just like, oh, he's going to cure that.
He's going to cure the piece of venison to make
you know, venison for straw me it takes about three
days if you wet curate. Okay, I got you, and
then you have to smoke it for an hour.
Speaker 4 (56:51):
And a half to to I'll get the smoker going.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
I have to give that up to tempt collaborative effort.
Speaker 3 (56:58):
I understand that. I understand.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Or when I made what did I make last week?
Speaker 8 (57:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (57:03):
I made baguettes or I made rolls because we had
like some sort of sandwich, oh, chicken parm sandwiches, And
she's like, can you make bread? And I was like, sure,
I'll make the bread. And you know, when I started doing,
she's like, how long does this tank? God dank blaze?
Like you want me to make bread? It takes at
least four hours? Why why does it take for worse?
Speaker 3 (57:24):
Why? Why? Because why is a crooked letter? They can
be strained out?
Speaker 1 (57:28):
What are you doing over.
Speaker 2 (57:33):
All?
Speaker 7 (57:33):
Right?
Speaker 3 (57:33):
You guys?
Speaker 1 (57:34):
Sou and words by father?
Speaker 3 (57:39):
Yes, that to practice that note.
Speaker 2 (57:43):
So yeah, some great conversation today as always, But one
thing is trophy is really the wrong word in my eyes.
Speaker 3 (57:55):
When we talk about trophy.
Speaker 2 (57:56):
Husband trophy wife, because trophy is in a achievement award
to either display or covet like a World Series trophy,
or it's not even a participation award. Just being married
doesn't make it a relationship, right, it's it's it's or
makes a husband husband and a wife a wife. I
(58:21):
think a trophy husband if we keep calling it this,
A good husband, I'll say, is one that your wife
or your significant other does not have a list of
things that you don't do, or even things or a
list that you she would want you to do, because
if you would, you should know that and and then
you have to be able to do it. In order
(58:44):
to make the relationship work, right, you should be aware
of those needs, like I said, and do the best
you can to be consistent about it, caring and most
of all loving and everything you do for her such
as opening the car door like you said, right, uh
uh you said you said earlier a few minutes ago.
(59:04):
That respect for yourself translates to how you treat others
in your relationships. And that's that's really, uh what we're
talking about here, your relationships. So how you all the
things that make you that husband trophy or not is Uh,
it's all those things that.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
You just said, respect for yourself and and how that
translates and what you do for others. So uh, that's
that's my little soliloquy.
Speaker 4 (59:31):
All right, Well we.
Speaker 6 (59:33):
All thank you all for coming on tonight. You guys
are wonderful guests as usual. Thank you for having us
absolutely and of course to be a guest on the show.
And just reach out to Kimberly at w s b
I l C at gmail dot com. And if you
want more of Unveiled podcast shows. Monetary donations to support
the podcast podcasts are now accepted on cash app or
on PayPal, good pods, tip jar, or go to the
(59:55):
website at www w s b I l C dot com. Again,
we would like to thank you for listening to us tonight.
We'll be back next month on Thursday evening at seven pm.
Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, speaker, YouTube, or
wherever you listen to your podcasts. But until then, enjoy
the rest of the evening. Again, good night, good nye
bye
Good evening and welcome to the Unveiled Podcast, where all
conversations are safe revealing an uncuff. Tonight's show has partner
with Chris's Dishes, Gen Chawa's Photography and sponsored by WSBI LLC,
your Resources for Success podcast. I am one of your
hosts Chris, My Lovely Wife, Jen and Carmine and Kimberly
(00:24):
Peshe and on tonight's episode for the month of April,
we will be discussing what makes a real husband trophy
or not.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
It's still funny it is no matter how many times
you say it so trophy.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Husband or real husband or whatever you want to call.
It's real significant other.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
We'll keep it so everybody understands. What's your fear, My
Lovely Wife, you.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
Are my real husband. Guess yours is a truphy?
Speaker 5 (01:03):
I mean, I don't want to have to say it
any other way, because the bottom line here is.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Do you polish them every night?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
I mean sometimes behaves nicely?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yep, just like the Brass.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Couldn't you had to go there?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
This one might get the most listens for tuning in.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Oh lord, you have to accept certain things that whole
thought of being a trophy wife does extend into the
male world.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Also, trophy women. Trophy wives historically just.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
Stayed home, took care of the house, had to look
a certain way, how to dress a certain way. We're
treated a certain way. I think we've evolved and now
men can be considered trophies. I mean, listen, arm candy,
it's all cut your squat butt.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
The grass to the grass, hey, and you know it's
it's you know, as the generations and we all span
different generations here it what was accepted in.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
The forties or fifties and.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Sixties has changed dramatically to a different role.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Absolutely, it's not the visual role as much as it is.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The caregiver, the the person who does everything you need
to have done. True, and what one person seeks is
different than another person.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
I don't think that we put the same I'll call
it attributes to a trophy husband though, that we did
with a trophy wife. Like everything I said about a
woman was all pretty much the physical and what her
skill set was.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Trophy husband.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
So yes, I think it's more acceptable to say trophy
husband than it is to say trophy your wife.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Absolutely, again another double standard.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
But okay, although but people say it all the time,
all the time.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
It doesn't make it right.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Doesn't make it right to call it a trophy husband.
But people look at like, dude, you're awesome. You get
to be the guy that stays home and does all
the stuff. But then again, it's like you're the guy
that stays home and does all the stuff. That's a lot.
There can be a lot of stuff. I mean, I mean,
on any given day, I can come up with a
number of things that needs to be done to include
the normal every day chores.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
And then it's also not always acceptable because men were
always known to be the breadwinner, right and women were
always portrayed to be the caregiver, to stay at home mom,
you know, cook the food. There was those roles that
everybody was required are known to do.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
So even today, if you have the so called trophy
husband or the man who stays at home as you know,
the at home hobby who does those chores that we're
known for women to do today, that's not always an
acceptable thing, whether we agree with that or not. But
as we talk about a lot about and even with
our relationship, it's about conforming what's works for you.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I'm not what works for everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Else exactly, and I like, I mean, we'll use me
an example. I absolutely love cooking, and everybody at this
table knows that, right. I put as much heart into
every single meal that I do, whether it's a snack
or if it's breakfast or whatever. I just love doing
it and to not do not being able to do
(04:47):
it sometimes just drives me nuts, you know. Or then
like yesterday, I mean, what did I do yesterday? Yesterday?
We got to pause here, Okay, I got the finger up, No,
don't pause, but talking yesterday, like, I took a part
and I fixed a toilet, part making dinner. I washed
(05:08):
my hands, so you know, I did. We had a
leaky toilet, so I had to fix the toilet so.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I wasn't stick in my hand, not a chance.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
But you know, it's interesting because I think that the
expression of being a trophy anything, trophy wife, trophy, husband, trophy,
significant other, whatever you want to call it, is more
than just a look, and it's more than just a skill.
You don't have to be home, you know, working full time,
both of you, you both work full time. You come home,
(05:41):
you have your chores that you execute, you have your
responsibilities in the house, and to me that makes it
even more a value. And if you think of a trophy,
what does a trophy represent? It represents something of value,
something of worth, something that is.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Important, something that you earned, Oh, I've earned your ass,
not something utilized for participation, right, exactly, not.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
A participation trophy. But you know, the definition has evolved
along with the roles that you play.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
Like.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
You love cooking, and we've discussed this before.
Speaker 5 (06:17):
I perfectly find never cooking a day in my life,
and although I have to come better at it in
the last three weeks.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
That said, you know, here we are, we're in April.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Now and Passover and Easter and all the holidays, and normally,
I mean for me growing up, it was always the
women that were doing the cooking in the house. Absolutely,
and never unless it was a weeknight when I see
my dad doing any of that stuff. Chris is in
the kitchen more than I am gardening. We're both outside
(06:50):
of me. I don't know about you all. I'm sure
it's the same thing Easter.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Who did the cooking?
Speaker 6 (06:56):
Yeah, the women was something that we were doing. Yeah,
we would just do it was the known thing to do.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Right, well, yeah, traditionally right, right, I'm thinking back to
my mom passed away at very early age.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Twelve thirteen was.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
When I was lost her, and I cannot really remember
her traditional role other than being the trophy wife, right
because I know, I know my dad did most of
the cooking after she passed and assumed all those roles,
(07:29):
not only the breadwinner, but you know, and we relied
on each other, my sister and I, and we did
those domesticated roles right except for you know, going out
and having a job. Ours was to go to school,
house was cleaned, cooking things like that. So I think
(07:51):
whoever listens to this podcast, there's going to be some
sort of resonating theme.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Some it's going to be traditional. Some it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Defined more like mine. What I just said, it's gonna
be changed. It's gonna be a reversal. And today we're
seeing more of it now, whether that's everybody's woke or
they're getting married later on in life and they're more
mature and they understand that it's a give and take
relationship rather than a one way thing. I don't know
what that the what the answer is, but I think
(08:22):
everybody who listens is gonna find some sort of.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Commonality in everything that we talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I mean, like I agree the point of parents might
I mean, my parents next year will have been married
for fifty years. Yeah, fifty years, fifty years and to
this day, I can tell you their routine to the tea,
and it's the same routine they've had to the tea.
And the only time I've ever seen my dad cook
(08:55):
is if he grilled something.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
That's really Yeah, she.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Leaves meals for him. My mom's the same way.
Speaker 6 (09:06):
And then parents would be married sixty one years this month,
So it's the same thing, you know, But it's what
they like, it's what they're used to.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Yes, right, So if my mom's gone.
Speaker 6 (09:17):
For a period of time, even though my dad will say, look,
I could take care of myself, you know, and he can't.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
But it's it's just who she is, right, That's what
she likes to do.
Speaker 6 (09:27):
And if it is a long period of time, she
may do a couple but it's not that it's not
that it's required, you know. I mean he can get
up and go and eat for himself and do certain
things for himself. But there I think there was a
period of time where, yeah, she would definitely get up
and say, yeah, I'm gonna have these meals ready for
because I normally be gone for a certain time because
he runs his own business too. And then but I
(09:47):
can remember we were kids, and I remember when there's
times where she worked a second shift, so Daddy would
take us out to dinner and he would try to
make meals and we would be like, yeah, Dad, you
know you're good, but just this is work.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I mean, it's like yesterday, yesterday, yesterday at at our gym,
we were having this exact conversation and are the gym owner?
I was like, yeah, you know, I do you know
the laundry I do so on and so for them
because he's home a lot more. He owns a business
where there are certain hours that they're opening, a certain
hours that they're closed. And then we got into the
(10:24):
conversation about me doing laundry like I when the wife
and I started tating, she wrote on a three by
five card how to do laundry, and I still have that,
and people have seen that and asked me like, why
the hell do you still have this. The event that
I die, I will know how to do by laundry
(10:44):
because if I do it wrong, I'm completely screwed by
the ghost of my wife. You know that's the reason why.
Speaker 5 (10:51):
So I've gotta I got Lord, don't you bring this up?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Well, I do the laundry too, and it's all fun
and games until you lose the sock. Oh no, and
then small hells my sock. I don't know. Maybe I
ate it. No. No, what I'm saying is I'm not
like not.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Let me tell you this is my extent due to the laundry. Honey.
Can you take the laundry baskets downstairs? Yes, dear, honey.
Can you hear the lunges baskets upstairs? Yes, dear, that's it.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
And that was only when I was heard.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's where it starts.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
And stop we're talking. We have had a broken leg,
we have had freaking mouth surgery, COVID everything. Don't touch
the laundry like she literally sat in the chair with
her leg propped up when it was broken and folded
the laundry and made me take it upstairs. Now put
(11:46):
it away, Just take it upstairs because when we went
to bed. Oh no, don't don't say it's.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Not No, it's very true. Said, you know how to
put away laundry.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
There you go see, so we all have different talents.
Doing the laundry is easy because it's just separating. It's
putting the stuff in the machine, taking this stuff out
of the machine into the dryer, and then folding it
to some degree. Sometimes people people do not like the
way you fall things.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
I am when she falls things. It's like, I know
I didn't fall it the way you want it. I
don't cares in the drum.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
But I would much I would much rather have it
folded a certain way, because I do you know that
shirts fit better when you fold.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Them properly and you put the.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Wait, wait, wait, I gotta get one. I gotta get
on the laundry subject.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
I'm gonna he's about to make fun of me.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Listen the tutorial I get from Martha Stewart on how
to fold a fitted sheep. No, that's this.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
No, no, no, no, you cannot do that.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Three people to fold the fitted sheet. It's like falling
an American eight people.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
You need two hands.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
You're done. There's corners, people, It's not that ConL corn It.
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Could be difficult sometimes, but you don't need more than
two hands to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
It just takes a little bit longer.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
That's like saying that you can fit a square pegging
around I can.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I think many more people would be divorced.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
If they had over this finished seat, old lord.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Yeah, but so you bring up a good point, though, Commrad, like,
everyone's got a certain way of doing things, and to
the point of being a.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Trophy, because I really I like the concept.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
I like the concept of you complete the parts of
me that I'm looking for that make me happy, and
I do the same for you.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Like I think that what the trophy truly is.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
It's I I know what I bring to the table.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Now. I'm not afraid to dine alone, let me be
very clear.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
But at the same time, exactly why dine alone when
you can dine with somebody else and know what they're
bringing to that table.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And that that, to me, is what the trophy is.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
It's the Hey, you know what we were out last
weekend in our garden and it's work.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
It's gross. We finished, we were dirty, we were sweaty,
and he went to give me a kiss. I'm like,
don't touch me. I am so dirty and gross, and
you know what I was like.
Speaker 5 (14:34):
But that's okay for him, right, it doesn't bother him,
and in his mind, I am his trophy wife.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Am I si zero?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Am I big boobed and blonde hair? Well fifty percent there?
But you know, yes, but these other things that we look.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
For, like if somebody were fitty, what is it about
Carmine that fills you that makes him your trophy?
Speaker 4 (15:03):
What would it be?
Speaker 6 (15:04):
Well, I think for us the trophy part for me
is that I've never had anybody in my life who
does does the things that he does. So I never
had anybody who could come home and does the laundry
and knows a tutorial.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Ye, well, just I mean.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
It's important to you how you just folded either now
it is, so that's a good thing, and we ask
you it's like fish fight.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Right and no, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Well even for us, I mean, you know, we get
up and where we make the bed together. I mean,
you know he does, and I have to beg to
do the laundry. I literally have to beg now to
do the laundry.
Speaker 6 (15:41):
If I want to do the laundry, I actually have
to beat him to get to the laundry room because
he loves you know.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And so I made sure that when when she got
home from the trip, there was no laundry other than.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
Than what I had did when I came from Yeah,
got home from my trip, and even then I was like, call,
you know, I did all the lune Jay said, but
you know what, I'll just fold the closes the morning.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
I'm going to the bedroom also, and he's not even there.
I'm like, where are you at?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
What is he doing folding the lundon?
Speaker 6 (16:09):
So it's just who he is. I mean the same
thing with the dishes. He loves washing dishes, you know.
And the only thing we get into it is about
the cooking or when we're in the kitchen by the stove.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
I'm like if I said we need a bigger kitchen
and like, get out the kitchen. We can't. We can't can't.
We cannot cook together. That is that is not a thing.
That is not a thing.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yet last night Popcorn got into it about the popcorns.
Speaker 4 (16:35):
Like I thought I was going to kill him. He
thought he was gonna kill me.
Speaker 6 (16:38):
I'm like, dude, get I had to get out of
his way because we cannot cook together.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
Did you just microwave up the popcorn? And I don't
like microwave popcorn.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
We tried it, Yeah, we tried this thing was on
on Facebook and stuff. It looked good every everything we didn't.
It's like, well, this really sucks. That's fifty hours i'll
never get back in my life. But well, we'll go
over it later. But I don't want to tell you
that I don't want to do.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Let it go.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Let it go. Yeah, but I'll show you what it is.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
We had just found that those are the things that
we can't do, and we've learned those things we cannot do.
So I like, I do most of cooking around the house, right,
so I found that we just can't cook them together. Okay,
we've learned that very quickly. Like yetnap, get out the
kids when I said, I'm a cook. But we don't
want to hugle with.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Nothing, right and we we we it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
It causes tension for a little bit, yep, because I
tell you yesterday I was pissed about the popcorn. Yes,
it's like I'm reading the instructions because it says do
this first, and it's like put on two minutes, put.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Topcorn popcorn machine. The popcorn says, and it gives you
the automatic exact time that he needed. He didn't want
to hear it.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
So I was like, you do it instructions, clearly said,
knowing that microwavest it because he was getting the nerves
just time. At two to four minutes, when it's just
slowing down the pop then you shut it off. She
gets the button, she tells me it's three minutes.
Speaker 6 (18:03):
It's it's under two minutes. I said, but if you
need a little bit more, we can add a little
bit more. Right, But I said, let me just walk
away because he was working my nerves to the end.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
I love working. My nurse said I won't. I will not.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
It was in black and white.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I said, look, and.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Even in the first bat, the first batch, he was
almost worked it up.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
So it was like, you know what we've done.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
We're done popcorn.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
It was funny.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I cook my popcorn on the stove top.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
That's what I'm not either well. And we've done both ways.
We've done the regular homie.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
So we do a lot of things, but we we
just realize that that when it comes to certain things
like the cooking and certain I do, that.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
We just can't do it together. It's just it's too
much tension. And a part of it is that for.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Us, what we were.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
We're so much alike in a lot of ways that
that's the reason why, yes, yes we bang.
Speaker 6 (19:00):
Because we're both stubborn. We've been we've been by ourselves
for a very very long time. So when you're used
to doing everything by yourself, we've had to learn to
figure out how to work together on certain things, right,
and so having that trophy on both sides, we've had
to learn how to do that, even.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
When it comes to certain things like just cleaning the house.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
You know, I like the vacuum. He likes the vacuum.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
I'm like, can you just let me vacuum please? We
got to fuss about the vacuum. I want to vacuum,
you know. So he'll just go clean the bathrooms, like good,
just go clean the bathrooms. And so we just get
to you know, we'll just bring the maiden because it just.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I mean, that's because your stuff that's picked up and
makes you look like a slof it's not to out,
or our PJ is laying out and whatnot, or.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
There's only one thing that is.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
The things that are the things that are weapons.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
That is it, that is the only thing that needs
to be put away. It's two of us in the house.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
The things that annoy us, either together or separately, annoy
us are so insignificant and they're laughable. That's the problem.
That's the great.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So I could laugh at a lot of stuff she does.
She could laugh at a lot of stuff I do,
and I don't really care, right because it's not it's
not personal, not personal, like you're not falling the clothes properly.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
It's it's not like that, you know. It's like, there's
no adversarial thing that I have.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
One personal thing, okay, one, just one. It's the methodology
of cutting an onion.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Well, you know what, I don't think I really know
how to cut it.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Because I think there's a reason.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
There's a reason, because she has asked.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Me time and time again, how do I cut this
to use it for this application because a lot of
people don't understand, like when you cut an onion, and
this is coming from a chef perspective, people, okay, that
you cut an onion for its particular use. So if
you're gonna dice it, you do it away. I've shown
her hundreds of times, but no matter what, it's always
(21:26):
I have to cut this in the middle of the equator.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
It's just like now I can't that's the traditional.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
No, it's not because because now it's like I can't
use it.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I can't use this.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I can't use the onion unless it's either to make
onion rings or to put it in the chopper.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
And I just want to dice it by hand.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
It's like killing me.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
You don't have a slap chop? What showing my age?
That little plastic then you put we have something like.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
That, but like I don't use I mean I still,
you know, do everything by hand, Julian, my onions.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Ranger.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
That's the only thing. Every time you cut an onion,
I just want to take it and I just want
to heave it somewhere.
Speaker 5 (22:08):
Wow, because you won't be having any onion flavoring any
of your damn food from now on.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
No, No, I'll just cut it.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I'm just cooking.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
There you go. Solution is already there.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Just keep cooking.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I do, okay until she comes over and she's like
can I help?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Can I do this?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
And I'm like, you're taking so.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Can I say this one thing?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's not the relationships here seem like it's not a
score sheet, right, or a tally of tasks it's the
combination of what you do, what I do, what we
both do together that we consider to be that trophy thing,
(22:50):
which I yes, And I.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Think that's a huge evolution from where it came from.
And you said it before about it being generational. I
think the generations today they want that equality. They want
to know that they can count on their partner. Like
it's not his responsibility to cook every morning for breakfast.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
He right now gets up and has to leave the
house to go to the office. So while he's getting dressed,
I'll make breakfast. And it's fine.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
It's he appreciates that he's eating before he goes. God
help him because it's six o'clock in the morning, but
he's eating and great. And then whichever one is going
to cook dinner, that's what it is. And say, it's
these little things that you want to feel like you're.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Contributing to a relationship exactly. And if if me making
eggs and sausage in the morning is my contribution and
he appreciates.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
It, that that's all that matters or absolute.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
I can't stand him living the dishwasher, well we don't.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
We don't really actually use the dish remind I think
we have to run it like once a month so
it doesn't like it doesn't die on us.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
That's funny because my mom has had her dishwasher for
twenty two years and it's still used for storage.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
She has never used well I know people that don't
cook in the oven and they use that for storage.
There's plates in the oven.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
People don't in the other Yeah, people, yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Okay, it's like you turn on the oven.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Oh no, dishes out o Ours is like that only
because we like we put the cast put the cast
iron there to cook off. Just after you're done when
you're cleaning. It's like, there's this hot pan in here, not.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
To take it out.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
See.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
Now, I wish we had like a younger couple as
a guest today to be like, do you consider your
spouse a trophy?
Speaker 4 (24:53):
Because what is it that they're looking for?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well, I think and that's that's great, a great segu way.
We should probably do a session with like my son
and daughter in law right, not traditional, but all how
they offset each other. And I'm sure that Mike, if
(25:16):
he listens to this, he'll probably kill me for saying this,
but he can be a real pain in the ass.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
But we all can be right?
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Who can? Of course? I mean that's just part of.
Speaker 8 (25:30):
I want to I want to hear about this not
traditional comment, well not traditional where where you know, in
I want to say, the olden days, the man dictated
everything that was done, whether he didn't if he didn't
like what his wife was saying or doing.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
It was like, you need take that off and put
something else on. You need to cook this way, you
need to you know, it's too salty, it's it's too whatever.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
It was always a critique whether you dressed, whether you cleaned,
whether you're cooked, whether you went shopping.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
You didn't get this. To me, it was like you
didn't get the Entemin's donuts. What the hell's wrong? But yeah,
so I think that's interesting.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
It's that traditional mindset of like, so you guys know,
when Chris goes to the supermarket, it's a mission, right,
He goes in, he gets what he needs, and he
comes out and he'll take avery with him.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
And Ave does what Ave does, and I appreciate that.
Speaker 5 (26:38):
So again it's the traditionals. I remember being young, my
mother would go to the supermarket. My dad was home
working in the garden or in his shop or whatever
it was he was doing, I can tell you right
now he was not doing laundry, not even a little.
He was usually smoking in the house too, but again
different times, killing age, yeah, and just hearing some of
(27:01):
the things that people who are younger value. So we
have a lot of people in our social circle where
we work out who are single, and one, you couldn't
pay me to date right now. And I said this
to somebody the other day yesterday who were I think
it was Yesterdayay, you could not pay me to be
(27:23):
in the dating market.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
It is scary. You don't know what is on the
other end of that telephone, that or that internet connection,
the cell phone. I'm saying, that old school.
Speaker 5 (27:34):
Phone, and what are they going to value? What are
they going to bring? Because it's all smoke and mirrors.
Now there's an expression.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
What is that expression where you pretend to be somebody catfishing?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
So this woman was seeing somebody and then all of
a sudden this person became totally different and wasn't being
the same way in their communication.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
It wasn't doing what.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Having that same engagement, if you will, And that segued
our conversation into you know, well, what are you looking
for because she is funny, she's intelligent, she's beautiful, she
is a riot.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
I mean, I cannot stress this enough.
Speaker 5 (28:16):
And she's like, why can't I just find somebody who
can keep up with me instead of trying to either outdo.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Me or you know, perfess how much better they are.
Speaker 6 (28:30):
Let's not let's not explain it on the guys. There's
a lot of these women who are just as bad,
if not worse. Fair because we're right now, the biggest.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Thing is about competition. You know, women have to outdo
the men because.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
It's something to prove. It's about you know, societies put
us kind of in that predicament to have to outprove everybody.
We don't need a man for this, we don't need this,
We don't need you for this.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
We only need you for that.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
So this's it's a two way street.
Speaker 6 (29:00):
I could take you with my experience, you know of
having to be after being divorced for almost you know,
in single for almost twenty years before I mean Karma
I got married, and having to go through the process
of trying to date.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It was the worst experience you could possibly go through.
Speaker 6 (29:19):
You know, going through and hiring, going through dating agencies
and trying to do the online dating.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
I've tried it all, the worst experience you can have.
Speaker 6 (29:29):
And if there's there's, I guess you could say there's
no right way or wrong way. You know, you try
to do the traditional way of dating. Nobody even understands
what that is anymore. Nobody understands what it means to
what's the old fashioned term of dating court court. They
have no clue what that word even is.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
It's it's like, what what's corking? You know, if you
say it, they have they don't have no idea. I mean,
I can see karm I understand what courting was.
Speaker 6 (30:01):
He knew exactly what he was doing from day one,
whether I had a clue that he was even doing it,
he knew the steps of it. But the average individual today,
even women today, don't understand what courting means, not at all, because,
like I said, we're so busy trying to be competitive
and compete and say I don't need this, I only
(30:23):
need you for that.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
I have to outprove it.
Speaker 6 (30:26):
Granted, you need to come and be prepared. You should
have your everything on the table and ready to go.
You definitely should be able to take care of yourself.
I always believe that if you can't take care of yourself,
there's no way you could take care of anybody else.
But at the same token, if you're not, if you
don't have your mind opened and ready to be flexible
and know that you have in order to have.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
A relationship, that the two of you will never make
it if you can't bring it together.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
Right, Absolutely, And that competitiveness. It's not just me I
want his attention, So is it me?
Speaker 1 (31:00):
You?
Speaker 4 (31:00):
Which one of us are gonna buy for his attention?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Right?
Speaker 5 (31:03):
It's also I am now competitive with my the people
I'm seeing or I'm dating, and that to me and
I know I am a competitive person. I have finally,
at fifty two, accepted this as fact. I'm competitive with him.
If we're out going for a run, I will absolutely
(31:23):
keep hace with him or be ahead of him because
it drives me crazy if he thinks that I can't
hold my own.
Speaker 4 (31:29):
But at the same time, he could care.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I could care that final half mile is a spring.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I could care.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
No, it's not enough for me.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I could care love, yes, it is.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
I don't a lot of people say, like I've I
don't consider myself competitive. The only person I compete with
is myself. Like we get I'll give you an example.
Sometimes you just do some stupid shit because you don't
read instructions right, and you end up wanted to compete
against yourself just because you're like, hey, I can do this.
I can hold three one hundred and twenty pounds static
(32:01):
for thirty seconds. You know, that's when the instruction clearly
said one hundred and ten percent of your the max.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Not are you.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
By that, you know, But I mean there's there's hundreds
of things that I do for us, and some particularly
for her because I know one she enjoys them, or
two because it's it's a benefit for her, Like having
our fireplace. We have a fireplace in our house actually
(32:32):
burns wood in every year since we've been living in
the house. It's like, all right, gotta have wood split, stacked,
ready to go before the November comes in. I can't
touch her because she has rate nods and it's like
touching an ice box for six months, you know. So
she loves having the fireplace going. It's it's an awesome
thing to have, you know. It's just one of those things,
(32:53):
you know, I don't expect her to go out and
freaking whip out the chance star and start felling trees
in the backyard.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
You don't want. We will have no trees in the backyard.
They will all become firewood. But what is one thing
does for you that means more to you than anything?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Wow? Because it's the little thing.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
What happens is must be sitting on a couch, the
nudge over and just lift her shirt from the back.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
It's it's like, okay, now I have to scratch your back.
It's like this. It's like love that it is right.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Please, it's like a pitiful please please. That's kind of
so what she does is like so we have like
a two recliners that has like a little thing in
the middle of little console, and she'll like slide her
hand under mine and then she'll put it on top
and I'm just I'll sit there like hit my hand
(33:56):
and it's like yeah, but it's her indication of like
can you kiss the top of my hand?
Speaker 8 (34:04):
Love?
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, he's right there.
Speaker 6 (34:07):
Yeah, I just rub me just please, like just don't
don't you know, don't do the half I don't like
the half thing, like, you know, don't rub the top
of my sh No.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
No, she's got a whole thing. Make sure you get
that done right, that's right.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It's like but it's never like that.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
It's like it's like, you know, it's you know, you
know how you want your backdrop, you know how you
want your backscratched. It's two different things, but it's still
like harder less left, your nails need to be done.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
But he started.
Speaker 6 (34:44):
He spoils me right, so he will rub my he'll
rub my feet, and I just I love it's the
littlest things.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
That's not the it's never and the same thing.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
And the things that she does did aren't like asked for,
but just happ he.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Loves what yeah, whatever, it was.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
Both his head this I was gonna say, chickens and
cows his top top heads.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
I got you now.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Into love field.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Mean, but you know it's it's uh, I don't know,
it's it's corny sometimes it's just really Corny's just like
the little thing on the on the refrigerator.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Yeah, I love my love notes.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
You know it makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
So so that's that's that's if anybody gets takes anything
away from this, it's the it's the little things, not
the big thing, not the big things.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
It's not like, oh, you know, it's your birthday and
I bought your a ring.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
It's it's the little things that that that happened day
to day, week to week and stuff like that that
make it, uh, make you a trophy, right if you
want to use that word trophy husband, but a good
husband and those things.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
You know.
Speaker 6 (36:02):
It's like we love flowers. He knows I love flowers.
So we literally almost every week or every the week
or so, we get.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, yesterday when we got our flower, spending like twenty
minutes at a Wegman's saying we're.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Getting our flowers.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
So we wound up getting three of them.
Speaker 6 (36:18):
That that little one, right, and then we have a
little one of where by the so look over towards
the where the books are sitting on see the little
ducky it's.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
A goose or whatever it is that goose ones.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
But that's what makes you happy.
Speaker 5 (36:38):
Yeah, And I think being that trophy again, it used
to have just such a negative connotation to it. I
don't think it's negative. I am proud to say that
my husband is my trophy, like I'm his trophy.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
We are a team.
Speaker 3 (36:54):
We we trophy together.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
I guess I don't stick us both on a mantle
dust us off every now and again, Like they're just
things that we do for each other. That one would
mean nothing to anyone else outside of our of us, right,
and it could be something as simple as if we
like I finished that class on Friday, and he came
(37:19):
home and we went out for dinner and it was great.
Celebrate the little things, celebrate each other. To anyone else,
does it matter, not a chance in the world. But
for us, it's Hey, you know what, I want to
celebrate your accomplishment and I want to be here to
support you. And that is something that I think nobody
(37:42):
else needs to understand, and especially at our ages, as
we've identified what's important to us and what's important in
our significant others. It goes back to that evolving notion
of would I have been his choice, excuse me, his
trophy forty years ago?
Speaker 4 (38:03):
Probably not, because he was like six, well.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Excuse me.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
And that's the thing, and that was the war, Okay,
something else to drink.
Speaker 6 (38:17):
And I think that's the other thing that we're all
starting to realize too, is that as you evolved, you know,
with age and time, we wouldn't have thought this way.
You know, we were in our twenties, even in our thirties,
because we're still growing, you still learn and each one
of our experiences, you know, each previous relationship or previous marriage,
you learned from those things. Right, so all the time
(38:40):
that you've had in between, you start to realize, this
is what I want and this is what I need.
So even for me, after nineteen years of being by
myself and then all of a sudden getting married again,
I knew what I needed when I wanted and if
I couldn't have it, I wasn't gonna get married of mine.
There was there was no other, There was no substitute,
There was no butts and ifs. If it didn't come
(39:03):
this way and why I needed it, you can call
it trophy or not, how whatever you want to call it.
If that man could not be the husband I needed
to have in my life, there was never going to
be one again, bottom line.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
And that's okay. I mean that that's what met your needs,
that's what fills you to make you come rite.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Oh, I mean I agree because I know we've said
it on this podcast before. Like I think one I
focused more time on my career being in the army
and probably should have never been in any type of
relationship back then. That was very serious.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
And then two, I'm very grateful for having met my wife.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
And yes, you complete me. Is that your favorite swift?
Speaker 1 (39:57):
No, I mean in all seriousness, No, like it's it's those,
It is the little things. It's just you know, not
too many women could come in. Well, she came into
my life when I was I think I was at
the lowest of lows and and it was bad. And
we not only picked each other up, but we kept
moving on. So kept moving forward, kept moving forward, never
(40:20):
looking back.
Speaker 4 (40:23):
Trophies are good. It's not for participation.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
And that's that's a good word nticipation because trophies and
and as when we go around, I'll just say more
about this, but it's not a participation trophy. It's not
something that you earn and and and can display and
and proudly displayed, because that's not what a relationship a
husband or a wife is. But I'll go more into
(40:54):
that when we get towards the end of our discussion.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
For the final words of the words of the Pete's words,
it's gonna be good from.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Find the pete, We've got about another fifteen minutes before
it's okay.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
I know, you know, if we need to end early,
we can. It's not you know, we don't have to stretch.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I don't finish. He does.
Speaker 4 (41:23):
Look everybody, he said, he ain't ready to end yet,
so we would continue to keep talking until the pete said.
Speaker 7 (41:29):
He is ready to end already hand and it's time,
and when it's time. But now I think that overall,
I just think that our experiences is what counts, and
how we all have grown as individuals is what makes
us understand what we consider our trophies.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yes, and for everyone who's listening to this podcast, I
know you probably can't think coming into this about forty
five minutes ago, thinking, oh, we're going to talk about
how to become a trophy. You can stay home and
do everything. No, it's not about that. It's about the
like the little things like you know, for Chen, I
am one of those guys. I'm still a sap or
(42:12):
some or a gentleman or whatever. You're a gentleman, you're
not right, But I mean I still open the car
door and the door leaning out or in for her
all the time. And it's not because it's a traditional thing.
It's a respect thing. It's like I respect my wife
enough to be well, like, I'm going to hold your
door open for you so you can walk in and unimpeded.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
So there you go.
Speaker 4 (42:33):
Look my big word for the day, unimpeded.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
So that to me is important.
Speaker 5 (42:41):
Same here, same as anything of the what I would
call it. And I do think it's traditional. I think
it's very gentlemanly. And going back to your comment about
being in competition, Oh, I don't need you to hold
my door for me.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
No, actually I do, thank you, absolutely absolutely I do.
Speaker 5 (42:59):
To me, I think that when I look at the
younger men, there are certain things that I as a woman,
regardless of the fact of how much money I make,
regardless of to how successful I am, regardless of to
my independent nature, I want certain things. Maybe it's I
(43:20):
don't know, nature verse nurture, but for me, the fact
that he will hold my seat out for me, that
he'll push my seat in, that'll hold a car.
Speaker 4 (43:28):
Door open, those things make him that trophy.
Speaker 5 (43:32):
Those are the things where if somebody would to say
to me, what is something your husband does for you?
Speaker 4 (43:36):
Yes, the fireplace is important. I'm not gonna lie. I
love a good roaring fire.
Speaker 5 (43:40):
But it's also you know what, he makes sure that
he stands on the outside. Absolutely, I just you're ready
to say that, yep. And those little things.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
That amazes me how many young men are not taught that.
They have no clue about opening a door or walking
on the outside. Your woman is to walk on the inside,
not crossed.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
Please don't do that. Yeah, that's that drives me crazy
when you don't know how to So if you're walking in.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
Yourself pole, you don't split the pole or a fence
post or something. And one of you guys left and
the others right. You're not supposed to do that. It's so,
this is this. Not very many people understand that on
this that will be listening to this.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
It's it's it's it's a quirky thing, right, But it's
the thing that I know too, and and and as
a kid, I knew not to do that, But as
I grew older, I saw it's not important, but it's
important to you, So I try not to do that.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
You let her go first as she walks through.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
And you know we got to go through together. Yes,
you never go straddle the.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Straddle, how are you straddling?
Speaker 1 (44:43):
You're saying like if it's if it's a light say
like this microphone right is a light pole?
Speaker 3 (44:49):
You can't right going together? Right exactly? Yes, Yes, it's
a little it's a little thing, but it's a little thing,
but you.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
Know what it's important to her, and that's why she
You know. I think I've as we're.
Speaker 5 (45:05):
Talking, thinking about this word trophy and what it's meant
to me over the years, because I used to make
fun of it. I used to say when I was
in my twenties, I'm good being a trophy wife. I
will work out five hours a day, I will live
in a condo somewhere on a beach and just be
tan and look a certain way.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
And I couldn't be she a red neck, red neck
trophy house. So remember everyone out there that John Deere,
there is hope.
Speaker 6 (45:38):
And I guess for me, I've never understood the concept
of the trophy rex. Have never been one, never been one,
even though I've been married more than once, have never
been one.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Never understood that. Why would I want to be one?
And I wouldn't want to be looked at that way?
Speaker 4 (45:54):
Because in the time frames and the air of growing
up black were never looked at that way.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
We were never considered.
Speaker 6 (46:02):
Pretty enough, we were never good enough, and we had
to be like white women, you know, we had to
have the blonde hair into blue eyes, which we never had.
You know, our bodies are not framed the same. So
there was we were never good enough to be considered
those trophy wives, right, So, and we were never always
we're never been put on pedestal and so to ever
(46:23):
have a thought. And so when you see those things
and you hear those things that were and I can
remember seeing those types of scenarios on TV, I'm like,
I've never seen that before because we've never been considered
that all right, So it's it's it's sad when you
start to think about the concept of how men would
even look at a woman in that perspective. And then
(46:44):
the worst part is that women actually.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
Believe you have to be that way.
Speaker 5 (46:48):
Well, so we've had this conversation you and I I think,
both on air and off air and with the guys
and not is that our gen x specifically.
Speaker 4 (46:59):
We were told I was told growing up.
Speaker 5 (47:01):
I had to be skinny, I had to be blonde,
I had to have my nails done, eyebrows, relaxed, the
whole nine yards. Don't get fat, don't eat that piece
of meat, figure out something, go to gum, go get
diabetes sucking on lollipops, but.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Do not get fat. And you know it's crazy, but
it is so true, and now here I am thirty
years later. I was never a trophy wife.
Speaker 5 (47:24):
I always took care of my own and provided for
Amanda and the rest of it. But there were things
that I did do for myself that brought me to
where I was. When Chris and I met that I
knew that these are the things I need in a husband.
To your point, if I'm going to have one, and
I did not want to feel that I had to be.
(47:47):
We met, I was a size zero. I had nothing
on me but skin and all and muscle.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
But not now. I am good eating.
Speaker 5 (47:54):
You want to stick a plate of food in front
of me, Hello, I will eat that shit and I
will not think twice of that exactly.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Enjoy a ball.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
Funny, that's what we had last night, made spaghetti with
some venison meatballs.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
That was something where we got finished doing our chores yesterday.
He's like, what do you want for dinner. I was like,
oh my god, I would love spaghetti and meatballs. He
went downstairs while I was getting cleaned up, made spaghetti
and meatballs, and you know what, it was damn good.
Speaker 5 (48:25):
But so the trophy piece, And I'm sure for the
two of them, because what is it different generations between you?
You both have the same mannerisms. You're gentlemanly, you're intelligent,
you're charismatic, you put humor.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
Before all else.
Speaker 5 (48:46):
You're respectful, which to your point, young men today are
not necessarily taught these things.
Speaker 4 (48:53):
So what is it that the younger generations are going.
Speaker 5 (48:56):
To look for that values or that equals that trophy
Because hopefully it's the same things that we look for
at this stage of our life.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
But you never know, they might want somebody who can
just I don't know. I wouldn't even know.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
So do you see, Chris, do you see people of
your your friends that are of your age group are
not the same as you?
Speaker 3 (49:21):
Because I tell you, I tell you, I.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I'd have to think really hard. I think that for
my generation and work how old, how how forty seven?
Speaker 3 (49:32):
So so do the math?
Speaker 4 (49:36):
I don't do math in years right years?
Speaker 2 (49:39):
So it's if we're being considered like in our mannerisms,
I couldn't say I can't say that I see a
lot of my generation different than what we are. I
can't speak to the earlier general I think.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
I think like where for me, with a lot of
guys and girls that I know that are around, you know,
the late forties going into the fifties, it's it's starting
to come back because they're starting to realize like you
hate to use this analogy, but you catch more bees
with honey than anything else. Right, And to be able
(50:20):
to be.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
I think it has to do with.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Having respect for yourself. Like if I did not have
respect for myself and care about myself, I'm not going
to do that for my wife. And I respect myself
and I care about myself now and that has to
translate over into my wife.
Speaker 4 (50:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
But also, like I don't recall my father teaches me
a lot about it about you know, taking care of
my mom. It was just one of those everyday things.
It was just that's just what it was like. There
was no teachings of it, like you watched as you learn,
(51:04):
and what he did was you know, kind of a
basis for everything that I do now. I guess what.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
People you're friends with, like in your age group, do
you think any of them, like, can you think of
five different gentlemen right now?
Speaker 3 (51:19):
Do they.
Speaker 4 (51:21):
Hold car doors open for this? And I think a
lot of that that also has to do with the military.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
But also yeah, I don't know because there and I think,
Kim this, there's a lot of times where it's like, oh,
you're a hard charger, blah blah blah blah. Just do
you know you be be freaking that person. You know,
you don't have to be nice all the time. You
don't have to be like which I will say now,
(51:47):
you know, looking back at it, I think there is
times when I used to, you know, give porners to
my soldiers, like, hey, bear open a car door. You
bear open the door for your significant other, because that's
the right thing to do. Not it's a respectful thing,
but it's the right thing to do. That's how you
show you know you are worthy of that person, you
(52:08):
know doing certain things. Now I'll say that, yeah, I'll
let you know this.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
I refuse to go.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
With my wife first, I might hold it for about
four point two seconds rather than that, I ain't.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
Going in take it.
Speaker 4 (52:20):
He will get so put it hold my person.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
I'll hold it for a second.
Speaker 5 (52:26):
He won't stick his hand in it. He's like, babe,
he'll do that for me if I ask him. If
she asked for it, automatic, he will do if I ask.
You know, you're gonna find my bag, my wallet or
my weapon. I mean, that's really it.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Yeah, I'm like, hey, can you just go in there
real quick? You get something? No problem with that, my
wallet and my weapon, not junk and candies. I do.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
I havenas to keep me at bathe so is that bad?
But again it's a little bit gibs. He does, I
do and everything I'm telling you, man, if I get,
if I get like he DA's zero six in the
morning before I go to work. It's for the betterment
of everyone else.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
You don't have snacks and kiss hungry. Serious, he usually
has snacks for me.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
Oh yeah, here's your candy, honey.
Speaker 6 (53:22):
This is the person that gets up and makes up
our lunches in the morning too. So he takes good
care of us. And it's like, honey, what do you
want peanut butter and jelly or do you want a
turkey seas And like, whatever you fix, I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (53:32):
With see that drives me nuts.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
I'm not even lie she has decisions.
Speaker 5 (53:38):
If I ask you a question and I'm like, do
you want this or this? And he says whatever you want,
which is make me whatever, it drives me crazy. Tell
me what you want to eat because we always end
up eating the same thing from if we have time,
so it doesn't matter to me.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
It's like if if she says whatever you want, it's fine,
and I make it and then she complains, which never happens,
then I have an issue with it right for a second,
because basically.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Sometimes I don't know what the hell I want. Right
It's like, what do you want to eat? You didn't
take anything out because I don't want to eat anything.
It's in refrigerator right now. I want I want to
go out, right.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
Sometimes I don't want to make a decision until the
very last.
Speaker 3 (54:17):
Moment, right, I get that the very last moment. It's like, Oh,
I took out steak, but I really don't want steak tonight.
Speaker 4 (54:23):
Yeah, I'm there with you on that, but it still
drives me crazy. I asked you what you want to eat?
To tell me I'll make it.
Speaker 3 (54:28):
You gotta know now, no, yes.
Speaker 1 (54:30):
Decisions like here here, here's my once, my other little
thing to go to go along with them, right, we've
been married fort for hot hot man, Like, you don't
have to ask me if I want any more coffee?
Is there? So coffee left in the pot and then
it's not in the cup.
Speaker 3 (54:48):
So there you go.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
Let's make it happy.
Speaker 5 (54:50):
Can take you eighty hours to drink a cup of
c because I like to enjoy it. I like to
enjoy my hate in the morning to fuel my progress
for the day. It's kind of like the whisky at night.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
I gotta let I gotta like enjoy it. Okay, it's
not about like, hey, look it's blazing hot, let's burn
the taste buds off our. But five minutes?
Speaker 4 (55:12):
No, yeah, five yeah, you're saying you got five minutes.
I was like, you only get to drink five minutes
of coffee.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
I wants to come up with the answer for her,
what do you want to eat?
Speaker 1 (55:22):
No, it's like I don't care.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
You just made it. When that question comes up, I
think sometimes I just say what, like something that's not here?
Speaker 5 (55:32):
Right?
Speaker 3 (55:33):
Like five guys. It's like, oh no, like five guys,
And it's like, oh, I guess we're going, but you
want to know, that's what I want.
Speaker 4 (55:42):
She'll she'll do things.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
Like we did this morning.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
She goes, you know, I think the pickle cauliflowers done,
and I was like, it's not that yet, but because
we have like a thing. Because then she goes so
about having a PISTROMI sound It's like, oh, because I
have to pull the venison out, I have to cure
it for five to seven days. I have to make
the bread, you know, the sauer krauts nut or the
(56:07):
pickle vegan done. Yeah, blah blahlah. It's like, you have
to give me time. I need to tell me ahead
of time, like that might be done next week, so
an hour, not for an hour.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
So pissport planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency
on his.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
Point, but it does because he loves me.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
So so what he'll do is so he'll cure it
real quick, and like, what what's gonna happen? Vacuum se
vacuum seal.
Speaker 4 (56:34):
It, vacuum seal it. See, I know there's solutions to
all of these things.
Speaker 1 (56:38):
She's starting to learn all that stuff, like the whole chefness.
It is just like, oh, he's going to cure that.
He's going to cure the piece of venison to make
you know, venison for straw me it takes about three
days if you wet curate. Okay, I got you, and
then you have to smoke it for an hour.
Speaker 4 (56:51):
And a half to to I'll get the smoker going.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
I have to give that up to tempt collaborative effort.
Speaker 3 (56:58):
I understand that. I understand.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Or when I made what did I make last week?
Speaker 8 (57:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (57:03):
I made baguettes or I made rolls because we had
like some sort of sandwich, oh, chicken parm sandwiches, And
she's like, can you make bread? And I was like, sure,
I'll make the bread. And you know, when I started doing,
she's like, how long does this tank? God dank blaze?
Like you want me to make bread? It takes at
least four hours? Why why does it take for worse?
Speaker 3 (57:24):
Why? Why? Because why is a crooked letter? They can
be strained out?
Speaker 1 (57:28):
What are you doing over.
Speaker 2 (57:33):
All?
Speaker 7 (57:33):
Right?
Speaker 3 (57:33):
You guys?
Speaker 1 (57:34):
Sou and words by father?
Speaker 3 (57:39):
Yes, that to practice that note.
Speaker 2 (57:43):
So yeah, some great conversation today as always, But one
thing is trophy is really the wrong word in my eyes.
Speaker 3 (57:55):
When we talk about trophy.
Speaker 2 (57:56):
Husband trophy wife, because trophy is in a achievement award
to either display or covet like a World Series trophy,
or it's not even a participation award. Just being married
doesn't make it a relationship, right, it's it's it's or
makes a husband husband and a wife a wife. I
(58:21):
think a trophy husband if we keep calling it this,
A good husband, I'll say, is one that your wife
or your significant other does not have a list of
things that you don't do, or even things or a
list that you she would want you to do, because
if you would, you should know that and and then
you have to be able to do it. In order
(58:44):
to make the relationship work, right, you should be aware
of those needs, like I said, and do the best
you can to be consistent about it, caring and most
of all loving and everything you do for her such
as opening the car door like you said, right, uh
uh you said you said earlier a few minutes ago.
(59:04):
That respect for yourself translates to how you treat others
in your relationships. And that's that's really, uh what we're
talking about here, your relationships. So how you all the
things that make you that husband trophy or not is Uh,
it's all those things that.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
You just said, respect for yourself and and how that
translates and what you do for others. So uh, that's
that's my little soliloquy.
Speaker 4 (59:31):
All right, Well we.
Speaker 6 (59:33):
All thank you all for coming on tonight. You guys
are wonderful guests as usual. Thank you for having us
absolutely and of course to be a guest on the show.
And just reach out to Kimberly at w s b
I l C at gmail dot com. And if you
want more of Unveiled podcast shows. Monetary donations to support
the podcast podcasts are now accepted on cash app or
on PayPal, good pods, tip jar, or go to the
(59:55):
website at www w s b I l C dot com. Again,
we would like to thank you for listening to us tonight.
We'll be back next month on Thursday evening at seven pm.
Be sure to follow us on iHeartRadio, speaker, YouTube, or
wherever you listen to your podcasts. But until then, enjoy
the rest of the evening. Again, good night, good nye
bye
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