Ep. 231 Bonus Time

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or
you know, like something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted.
I'm associate Bath. You are rested my ship, any trash ship.

(00:36):
You're worst friend. Do you want to know why you're
all fucked up? Just look at the fucking proms you
hang around with. You're listen to your worst friend with
Shane and Matt. I'm Matt. I'm joined today by my
friend and co host Shane.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
I'm Itchy.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
I saw a friend yesterday. Guy, I hadn't seen it
in a long time, and he asked me like, oh,
how you doing, what's going on? Blah blah blah. And
I didn't throw the podcast out right away because it's
I'm not you know, we're not Joe Rogan, but I
never At the end he yeah, I feel shame about
this thing. At the end, he was like, oh, so,

(01:19):
what are you doing? Blah blah blah, And I told
him and I told him, you know, got nominated for
an Avian Award. We've had on some really cool, interesting
guests and he's like, how can I find you? And
here I literally had to stop and go like this,
I go. You can go to your worst friend dot com.
You can follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at

(01:40):
worst friend cast, patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast.
You get a bonus episode every week, access to everything
ever recorded, entirely commercial free. And he goes okay, and
I was like, all right, so Jim is probably listening
right now.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
He made it. He made it through that whole speech.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah. I mean he looked at me like, oh fuck,
this guy lost his mind in the ten years since
I've seen him.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
But you know, he's cool. He's got a whole spiel
for me. He's trying to sell me knives.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Let me tell you, Jim is who the fuck is Jim?

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Did you meet him at a bowling alley or something? No.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
I worked at Best Buy with him. Jim is like
like when some guys go to bed, they're like, oh,
I hope I can wake up the Rock someday, you know,
like just miraculously, whoa just freaky Friday happens. You're the Rock,
and the Rock is some fucking loser somewhere. When I

(02:40):
go to bed, I have dreams about waking up as Jim. Okay,
I know, what you're thinking, this sounds gay.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Or hey, sounds really good.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
That fuck's the thing, man, I fucking I don't know
anything about Jim's fucking, but I can tell you this.
Jim is one of the most handsome guys I've ever
seen in my life. Good shape, athletic, whatever. Jim is
the nicest guy I've ever met in my life. He's
just friendly to everyone, helpful, understands what good customer services,

(03:14):
blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Is he a scientologist?

Speaker 1 (03:18):
No, I don't think he's religious at all. But anyway,
Jim is probably listening and going, what the fuck? Uh?
But Jim, you're good dude. I kept having to shoe
him away. He was like picking up food. We were
both picking up food at this place, and I was waiting.
He just came in because I guess he had called in,
and he would like put his food down. I'm like,

(03:38):
you have a family, Like, get your food, let's walk
towards the door. And he'd be talking to me and
he'd put his fucking food down again.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Hey, hey, well he's just like stobbing at every booth,
putting his food down at the old woman's table.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yeah, pretty much. And it was very awkward because I
was like, I don't want to be taking you away
from your family, Like, what are you doing? Go ahead,
come on check. I will stand and sit and do
whatever and talk to someone for fucking eight hours. If
you give it to me, people have to walk away
from me.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Is Jim black?

Speaker 1 (04:09):
No, Jim is not black. I said I want to
wake up as Jim.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Well, and I know that's why I thought, like, I mean,
you just said you want to wake up as him.
You said he was smit, athletic, handsome, said he talks
a lot. He kept on intruding on other people's meals.
He didn't want to go off to his family.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
That's a good it's a nice way to obtain them, man,
is man? I see how the media does it so easily.
Huh Oh, Jim kept stopping to talk. Must not have
wanted to go home to his wife. Wonder if there's
trouble at home? Hmm interesting?

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh yeah, man, the media does anything just endlessly and write,
you know, like husbands. You know, I learned how to
be a bumbling husband from watching bumbling idiots be husbands
on television and they were spot on because I'm just
as fucking bumbling.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'm not taking this political, but here is a political thing.
I used to point this out to Blandrew years ago.
I go conservative entertainment fucking.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Sucks, yeah, hair religious and values.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
But not even that. Just even the the army tough
guy want they suck too.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
They're just not good, you know, Michael Bay Marathon. Yeah,
I can only make it so far. I could make
it to bad boys too, probably.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Well see, but they would even be exceptions. What they
should have been doing years ago is dumping money into
entertainment in this and that, because so much of that
shit shapes culture. It really does. As much as I
don't want to be the I don't blame entertainment for anything.
Violent video games didn't make the Columbine kids shoot up
the school to me at least, sure, But I do

(05:56):
think things influence people, like I'm not denying. Yeah, yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
The art influences the society influences the art influences the
s It's a give and take. You know.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
People think art is just for like sissy's and homos
and stuff, But you got to remember art is like
the podcast you listen to, what sure architecture Yeah yeah, yeah,
if you make if architects start making everything look like dicks.
They're gonna transition your kids that much easier.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
You know, bace ships look like Dick's.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
They really do. They really engineers? Yeah, uh, you were
talking about husbands. I watched a series on Apple the
other day. Jen and I had a real hell of
a weekend just up to ridiculous time. No, it's like
getting to the point where it's like, hey, you're almost forty.
You can't do this anymore. It's like a guy who

(06:49):
wake up drunk every day. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah, it's like, hey, I like that.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Hey yeah, I mean Saturday into Sunday. I went to
bed at seven am on Sunday and woke up at
three pm.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, that's fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
What my wife, You can't do that with a family,
right she does? Well, well, you got you, so that's fine.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, she's got a fucking butler to take care of everything.
But that's me. But uh yeah, they yeah that shit. Dude.
Maybe it's being a parent that does it to you,
but yeah, I think it is. Actually because you got
to wake up and take care of the fucking kids
and send them off to school so you don't get
a letter from CPS. Why isn't your kid in school

(07:33):
because I teach them at.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
Home and I give them his vaccines myself.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
It's toilet water, but but it makes them strong, make
his immunes to some healthy. But anyway, it was I saying, Oh,
the whole raising kids makes you more responsible? It may
it really like I can't even sleep past seven am

(07:59):
if I want to, if it's my day off, I'm
usually up by five. And if I sleep in, it's
seven at the latest. And I go to bed early
as shit, like no later than midnight usually. And I
don't know what made it change, specifically, because I was
living that lifestyle. Were talking about staying up all night,

(08:20):
sleeping a couple hours in the daytime and shit. But
I stop doing that around like twenty seven.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Oh how old is your kid at that point?

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Probably like seven or eight maybe even no, maybe I
was like almost thirty. Actually, maybe I was twenty nine
or thirty, because you.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Gotta be more involved at that point, though, don't you.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, I think that might have been the catalyst. But
for yeah, months or years even, I would work overnight
all night, get off at like six or seven in
the morning, get home, bring my son to school, come home,
watch movies and TV and smoke weed all day and
and all the time, Like, oh, I should probably go

(09:06):
to sleep. I was probably to sleep, but I'm having
a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
That's what I do every night. Man, I go I
should probably go to bed. I can just get up
early like a normal human and do this same thing tomorrow.
This feels like free time right now.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
It does time so important to get that extra time. Yeah, dude,
that was a big part of the motivating force, Like, oh, man,
the wife's to sleep, the kids asleep, and I got
six hours till the sun comes up and only three
hours after that to work, you know, But I didn't care.
I thought like, oh yeah, dude, I used to stay

(09:40):
up all night watching movies. I watched the whole series
of It's Always Sunny. I discovered all my favorite bands.
I appreciate the time you're having, But eventually you're gonna
just die.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
Yeah, yeah, well so are you?

Speaker 2 (09:56):
No I sleep normal now.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
You'll still eventually die.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
No, because I cut back to three monsters a day.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Oh my mistake. Fucking I think kids pull you into
a normal lifestyle, and I'm hoping they do for me,
because I can't be a scumbag parent, I would feel
too bad about that. I am great at self destruction.
I am really really bad at letting you down.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
Which is a good way for you to be a parent,
so you can well, it will take a while for
you to realize, but eventually you're going to figure out like,
oh shit, no matter what I do for this kid,
I'm always gonna feel like a scumbag. Hmmm.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
No, I'll find a way to delude myself.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Okay, you find a way to lie to yourself, you
know what. You will until they become a teenager, and
then you're gonna be like, oh fuck, I'm starting to
see what all the shit my dad was talking about?

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Like what give me something?

Speaker 2 (11:01):
Just like you know how, like the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree. And I should have listened to
my dad, And if I could go back and redo
everything all over again, I would have never had kids,
because kids make you remind They remind you of your
own death, and they remind you that you're never going
to live up to the expectations you set for yourself. Yeah,

(11:22):
all the shit he was yelling at me when I
was like, you know, thirteen fourteen in the car. Yeah,
but here's the thing. Maybe you will make some progress,
because I've noticed a little bit of progress. I have
broken one cycle. I haven't screamed all this stuff at
my kid yet.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
Oh you haven't. You haven't directly said it to.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Him, right, Yeah, you could be listening right now.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
Yeah, well tell them sign up for the Patreon. We
fucking need the money. Not your money, not to the audience.
We need Deonte's money.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
My dad used to fucking like say. He used to
always try and give me like words of wisdom, and
it would always just come out horribly. For instance, when
he found out that he wasn't my biological dad, his
immediate advice for me was, oh, well, you know, you
shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, meaning I

(12:14):
should go out and fuck other women and impregnate them
so that way I could ensure that I had biological
seed that was mine, because obviously my wife's a whore too.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
I think your dad was probably just applying that to
all women at that point though, to be fair, Oh yeah,
just a broad assessment of broads.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
Yeah. But I mean, now that I'm getting to be
around a certain point in my life, I kind of
see where he's.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Coming from Yeah, my dad never really gave me anything emotionally,
and you know what it was. It was because he
hated his dad so much, which is fucked how that
kind of happens. He hated how his dad was cold
and his dad was violent. Standard me as a dad,
your standard beatings. Dude, I don't know. I'm actually good.

(13:06):
I'm getta can always say that I'm getting to the point. No,
I kind of have the I'm getting to the point
where I'm like, am I too old? Am I getting
too tired? Not old? I get it? Number blah blah blah,
Am I getting too tired?

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Baby? Kid?

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah? Six? Yeah, that was no offense. That's not a
great decision to me.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah, I mean whatever, he's gonna die and the girl
will have to take care of the baby.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
You're not related to that kid at all.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Huh. No, you know that's an interesting sort of familial relationship.
I haven't met the kid yet. I'm gonna have to
go say what's up and be like, hey, your dad
says all women are horse.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
What if your dad was like came to you and
was like, oh, I got this bitch pregnant, and you
were like, whoa, that's weird and it was your mom,
and your mom.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Had a baby, corrected me, stuff put back in.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
They ammed it back in with a reverse plunger.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, they didn't have to cut her open or anything.
They just shot it up or pussy.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Do you ever see those Japanese ones where it's like
a gun They stick it in a toilet and they
click it and it goes and blows everything out the
other end, of course. Yeah, but that's what they would
do with your mother's fucking parts.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Oh that's cool that they kept them, I guess.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, they saved them for later. So anyway, that kid
would technically be more of a your family line that
you'd always thought you were than you are. Yeah, okay,
I just wasn't sure. If I just wanted you to
picture your mother getting impregnated by your dad quote unquote dad.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
That'd be so cool, actually, because then it'd be like.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh, I'm good to have a new brother or sister
who was forty No no, no, no, no, oh cool.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, it would just it would it would make it
so like, oh, my parents bally got back together.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
It was my fault that.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, I honestly have no memories of them together that
I'm certain of I think I might have one memory
when did they split up? Baby? When I was like one?

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Really?

Speaker 2 (15:12):
Okay, yeah, yeah, so it's it's honestly, it's so fucking
bizarre for me. I act, Oh, here's a fucking thought.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Keep that thought. But let me ask this was your
dad as you know him, still your first male figure
you had in your life?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
I didn't know if your mom got remarried between like
one and three or something like when your memories were starting.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
A lot of guys I remember that. Well, she likes
our clip every week, so we use this one. But uh, anyway,
what were you asking me about my dad? Oh? No,
he was uh? Oh fuck? Was I gonna say about
this motherfucker? Uh shit? Something about when I was little?

(16:01):
Oh my god? Oh I used to have no no shit,
this is true. I used to have like upset thoughts
in my head, like of like, oh my god, what
if I walk in on my mom and dad fucking?
And it wasn't like in like a normal sense like
oh that would be gross to walk in on my

(16:21):
parents fucking. It would be like, oh shit, I don't
want them to be together. That's gross and weird. It
was I always had this like this idea that they
just don't go together, you know, mayde us, because I
always saw my dad dating other women just constantly and
they were always arguing. But I used to be like
frightened of the idea of what if they decided they

(16:43):
love each other again? And I was like, oh, shit,
fucking they're gonna kill me.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Like your assumption goes to the fucking murder me, because well,
I'm just useless. They need to restart.

Speaker 3 (16:58):
Yeah, that's what I was thinking, Like, Oh, they got it,
They're gonna try again. Maybe maybe I'm the seed that
sprouted their fucking angst and if they get rid of me,
they can blossom anew.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
My dad never gave me advice. At least you got
advice at least if it was bad advice, sure, but
you can then at least recognize it and be like,
don't listen to anything. I never I When I was
in eighth grade, my girlfriend was cutting herself right and
it upset me. It made me really fucking sad. I

(17:30):
was crying about it. One time.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
I'd be mad about that, be like stop all that
to yourself.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
It was no, it was I was sad. Okay, it
was a little pussy boy, and I remember I was
like crying about. My dad was like, hey, what are
you fucking crying about? And I was like, I'm just
upset about this, and he goes, what is it? Oh,
I tell her? I told him. I was like, oh, yeah,
my girlfriend she cuts herself. He just looks at me.

(17:58):
He goes, is she stupid? Why does she do that?

Speaker 2 (18:01):
I mean, honestly, like that's pretty good answer. Like if
you don't know anything about like what is that cut
your self disorder?

Speaker 1 (18:11):
They don't think that's the Yeah, clinical name bits with
sad marks disorder. Let me explain my sadness. Like their
Native American stripes on my fucking scarification.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Ye yeah, maybe that's like brand it's similar, but it's
so Imagine a tattoo, but instead of a tattoo needle,
they just use a literal surge and scalpel and they
just cut the living fucking ship out of you.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
And what is it to to uh score.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Like permanent disfigurement. Yeah, they cut a piece of artwork
into your skin and it's illegal in the United States.
You have to go to other countries to get it done.
It's fucking disgusting. It's awful. It's gross. Uh, but you
know your vote if you want to have those sad marks.
I think that's what those sad marks were intended to be.
But then the first girl to popularize it wasn't very artistic,

(19:10):
so she's like, oh, I just drew these lines. It's
just a straight line parallel line diagram.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
I interviewed a girl and don't say this name, not
that you'n't even know it, but I interviewed a girl
for this upcoming season. And then you know, I have
to pull all the promo shots and this and that
and this isn't the one, but I don't know if
you can see that there, And then some sad marks, oh,
real sad, real sad on this girl. And then when

(19:39):
you do the interview, you're like, oh, it's because your
brain is fried.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Oh so was she sad first or fried first? I
don't know this fucking fried because she was sad. Haiggs
dick fucking walking around look say, oh look, oh boy.
It looks like she was in one of the deleited
scenes from Event Horizon.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
It looks like she molested kids on Elm Street.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
It looks like she escaped a saw trap.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Yeah, and now she's grateful for her life.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Get him back to the world now by doing fucking porn.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah anyway, Yeah, that was like the kind of advice
I get. Or when I bought Jen's engagement ring and
I went to go show him and I put it
on the I put it on, that was a time
when he actually the only time I believe that he
ever apologized, and that's because my mom called him out
on it.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Oh really, what happened?

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, I went to go show him the ring. I
was proud. I was like, hey, you know, I'm going
to propose to this girl. I love her, blah blah blah.
And I go to put it on the island they have,
like the granite island, and the dog jumps up and
I like kind of push him down, not hard, not
hurt him, just like I don't want them grab in
this fucking engagement ring. I'm holding it. No, I push

(20:56):
him down. I go, oh, come on, My dad goes,
don't talk that way to the dog. Don't ever talk
that way to the dog. Leave the dog alone, don't
bother the dog. So then at that point I was
just like, I'm not like in a mood to be
happy and show you this.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
I'm not now.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, I just kind of closed in and I was like,
all right, oh no I did. I did tell him.
I was like, yeah, I got genis ring. I was like,
all right, is it a good one? Is it nice?
I was like, yeah, it's nice. It's once she would want.
He's like, okay, all right, that's good. Good job, And
then he walked away, and I remember my mom called
him out. She was like, that was you may not

(21:35):
realize you did that, but that hurt him a lot
me and it did. But you know, he's like, I
just didn't want you to be mean to the dog.
That's all. Okay. So even in the apology, it wasn't satisfactory.
You know.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Well, I mean it's hard to be I mean it's
for a guy who got the ship beat out of
him every day. Yeah, it's hard to go much further
than where he was at.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Maybe a guy you've got the shit beat out of
him as a kid, plus no attention because there were
twelve kids, so the only attention he got was negative attention,
you know.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
And that's why I asked you what kind of dad
you're going to be, because that's that's a dilemma. That
you're going to face. It's like inevitably you're going to
have aspirations and ideas like, well, I might not be perfect,
but I'm going to try and do this, and I'll
never ever do this under any circumstances like and then
you're going to find as time goes on, you are

(22:33):
going to fall very short of every like goal you
set for yourself. And it's not because you're bad or
you don't know what you're doing or anything like that.
It's because we learn from our parents and whether we
like it or not, that's pretty much all we know

(22:53):
how to give back. So unless you seek, then you
have to do it a lot. You know, Like I
I think I said before, like therapy should be ongoing.
It doesn't have to be your whole life, but every
once in a while it kind of helps if you're
going through a funk to get in and talk to
somebody and air some grievances and talk about stuff to
kind of get yourself focused and motivated again.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
If your life is going phenomenal better than you could
have ever imagined, you should still see a shrink probably
like four times a year.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah, just for a checkup. You know. It's just like
getting a physical sure and you're heading cough and that's
like that. Really, I think the only way you can
avoid the pitfalls that I'm trying to bestow before you,
it's like without constantly seeking intervention. And I don't mean

(23:44):
like checking every decision to make sure you're doing it right.
I mean without like every once in a while, having
a real person who can give actual advice to say,
you know, I really wish I could say this. I
wish I could apologize for something I said or did,
But it's just like I really don't know how. As

(24:06):
I don't know how, every time I want to, I
get afraid of feeling weak or getting mad at myself
and making the situation I don't know anything you desire.
If you have, like something that's something you want to change,
or you want to improve, or you want to make better,

(24:26):
whatever it is, the only way you're going to do
it is by talking about it with someone else. You
can try a bunch of different stuff, but what you're
going to find, and what I found, is that you
only know how to do different stuff one way because
you've only been taught to do it one day, one way.
So you actually have to bring people into your problems

(24:46):
and talk about them. And so I'm not perfect. I
haven't seen my therapist in like, I don't know, six
months or so, maybe a year at this point. It's
been a while. But I just talked to my medicine
doctor the other day and it felt kind.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
Of theresty it you meant it in a TP somewhere.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
No, we talked on zoom, you know, Larra jacking off together.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
I was picturing Native American your medicine doctor.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Oh oh no, no, just adderall. Not enough fucking psilocybin
or peyote.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, take some peyote. Here, eat this, See a wolf
in the sky.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
Yeah. But my point is, like you're you're going to
see that you're going to be a lot different than
your dad as a parent. But there's gonna be some
things that you just you don't know how to do
because you didn't have a guy to teach you how
to do them in a good way. Here I'm a
great example of that.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Here's the only difference. Okay, it's a huge difference. You
had Deontay when you were howled.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Twenty two early, Yeah, twenty twenty two earliest.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
I'll probably have a kid. He's thirty eight years old.
There is a huge amount of wisdom in those sixteen years.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Appso fuso lutely, and I'm not discounting that at all.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
No, I agree.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, but the thing you can't account for is your
behavior in the moment. So much of the things that,
like our interactions between parents are like impulsive decisions, you know.
I mean, have you ever had a baby overnight at
your house? Like screaming and crying and shit?

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Just one I got at the park one time.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Right, you fucking sold that quick as you found it?

Speaker 1 (26:35):
Huh. I yded them into a dumpster. Here you go
where you belong?

Speaker 2 (26:39):
Ye again?

Speaker 1 (26:40):
No, no, no, I haven't. No I have had yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
No, no, yeah, I'm so you will probably be much
more equipped than I was. But like, that's why I
said it's inevitable, because there's just going to be things
that eventually, like I said before a million times, having
a baby fucking rules. They don't. People who tell you
it's hard to have a baby are lying. Having a
baby is easy unless your baby has some fucking weird

(27:05):
disease that makes them look funny.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Oh man, they've been hitting me with this. Saint Jude's
commercial with nothing but cripples and weirdos we talk about
grosses me out every fucking time.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Oh dude, anytime I see a kid with no eyebrows,
I'm like, get it the fuck out of here, please.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Uh oh boy, the juice. Now, maybe it's not Saint Jews.
Maybe it's like Shriners or something. Uh sorry, go ahead,
you you you no?

Speaker 2 (27:41):
But uh yeah, Inevitably you will reach a point where
like so for me, like I thought it was gonna
be hard having a baby, but then I was pleasantly surprised.
Oh no, having a baby rules. This parenting shit is easy.
You can fucking just leave them for hours at a
time and not have to worry about anything. You know,
they just sleep and then when they wake up, you

(28:02):
smell them before they make a sound.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
When did it catch up to you? How old, oh man?

Speaker 2 (28:08):
Probably ten nine or ten. Yeah, it takes a long time.
It took a long time for me to realize, like,
oh shit, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.
I thought I was good for like almost a decade,
and then it slowly sunk in, like, oh fuck, I'm
a lot more like I have my dad than I thought,

(28:28):
and I have no clue what I'm fucking doing.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
See, I've based so much of my life around the
weaknesses of my dad are my strengths. I don't have
that impulse thing. I really have worked hard on not
putting my fists through fucking thin wood around the house,
you know, walls and fucking doors and such, and I

(28:53):
really don't have that anymore. I'm able to think quickly
in the moment, but I try not to open my
mouth until I have, you know, put the thought into something.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Which is a drawer.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
You know what I get that? You know what I
get that more than you would imagine you do.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
Because my kid pissed an event.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
I have never told anybody this before. Okay, oh boy,
literally never uh oh. My brother and I were younger, Uh,
separate rooms and everything.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
We go together.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
I had like two or three soda bottles I got
caught that I pissed in, right.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
Uh huh yeah, Okay, you're a gaming or something.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
But here's the sad No, here's here's the sad part. Uh,
here's the sad part. So yeah, that's gross. It's like, oh,
you're a bad kier gross, sure, but uh, here's the
sad part. My dad would get up so early, and
we would be up so late that if you would
go downstairs to piss. You know, this is in you know,

(30:11):
middle school or something. If you would go downstairs to
piss or something in the middle of the night, you
would get like, why are you still up? What are you?
And you So it wasn't like a laziness thing. It
was like, oh, I got a piss, so I don't
want to get in fucking trouble. I'm in trouble. You
know why because it was in my bonus time. This

(30:32):
is when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Oh yeah. The habit started young. Yeah, so it was.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
It was and I talked to my brother about it.
It was strictly like we don't want to get in
trouble thing.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
And then it was you watched each other piss in
the bottle.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
No no, no, no, no. No. One time they were doing
something in the like crawl space or whatever, and they
found it and we got in trouble for that.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Oh boy.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
So I've never told Jim that story. I've never told
anyone that.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Did you did you tell them like your parents like,
but we just didn't want to wake you up?

Speaker 1 (31:03):
No either, wasn't Dad you didn't talk back at all. No, no, no,
not to my dad, No, not at all, not until
fucking my twenties.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
I think that just speaks to the weakness and spinelessness
of my dad, because I fucking talked to my like.
Maybe I was just a really bad kid, I'm I.
I think it's a mix of both. But yeah, I
was just a fucking little bastard, dude. I used to
tell my parents I hate at them. I used to
scream at them. I was a horrible fucking kid. Just

(31:36):
completely different.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Yeah I was. I was a good kid, and I
would do all bad shit, but I would never get caught.
My brother would get caught with everything. My brother had
the younger brother syndrome where they cannot get away with anything.
They get caught with everything they try and do. And
either my.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Kid, I'm glad he's I feel like I'm his older
brother a lot of times because I'm I'm just like
I mean, I wish I could be more like a dad.
This is one of the things I talked to my
therapist about, and I'm trying to be more of that
archetypal dad figure I have in my head. But yeah,
for a long time, I think I have kind of
felt like an older brother, and that's kind of like

(32:15):
a thing I think my son has picked up as well,
Like he like in reference to your brother being the
little brother, or my son doesn't get away with anything.
He gets fucking caught for it everything, Like he just
always leaves a goddamn trail of breadcrumbs right to his door.

(32:36):
It's just it's so it's always a no brainer, and
he always denies it.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
You know. See, I can't figure it out with you
as the older brother. I think what it is is
the younger brother never wants to take the steps it
requires to get away with scumbaggery. They want to kind
of they just saw the end result and they're like, oh,
let me get to that, and it's like no, no, no, no.

(33:01):
There was a delicate process in your scumbaggery.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
I had to get I had to, yeah, And I
think I learned that as a teen So I feel
like I was your younger in my young years. Yeah.
And then as a teenager, I really learned to be
sneaky and crafty. I started to get better grades and
just kind of just I got a job and I
just kind of took on an air of responsibility because

(33:25):
I kind of realized, like, oh, that'll keep people off
my fucking back, you know. So I feel like I
developed more of that like cautious mindset as I got older.
But yeah, as a kid, I was more like your brother.
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Because your brother never really lost that impulsivity, right, I
mean he was kind of just like the same the
whole time.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah, well, he drank before I did, remember I named
duntil I was twenty one. I had got busted blacked
out at the you know, the big name circle. You
know how dangerous those circles in Jersey are. That happened
before we met, right, No, I was seventeen. I think
he was thirteen, Okay, so I was already known. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(34:16):
I remember.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
Hearing about it, but I don't remember like living through it.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
And he was hanging out with like fucking college kids
and they got him all drunk and he had alcohol
poisoning in the middle of like this busy fucking road.
He passed out in the middle of the circle. So
not in the middle of the road, but you.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
Know, shitty college kids.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
Yeah, yeah, really to like get a twelve thirteen year
old kid drunk. He must he must have been twelve
because he was not in high school yet.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
Yeah, that's weird, dude, I always. I mean, maybe it's
just how much standards have changed. But like American Pie
and Porky's and shit, it was like they committed so
many crimes as a joke, you know, like sexual assault
and providing alcohol to children and stuff. Yeah, real fun stuff.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
It's just like a racism.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
Racism, Yeah, just for fun. It just seems like, yeah, culturally,
norms have shifted. But I feel like, as people, I
think we kind of shifted too. I think that's a
little like one thing I do kind of notice is
like it's just a little a little bit different now,
And that's just I think how culture changes. But maybe

(35:27):
I'm a fucking old man and I'm just sounding exactly
like my dad. It's dad.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
Do you think your dad would fuck a check like this? Uh?

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Maybe do you want to know her opinions about things?

Speaker 2 (35:47):
I as long as she speaks them with her mouth
and not her fart hoole.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
You mean, like ace Ventura bend over and talk out
of her asshole. Do you remember when fucking Jack Nicholson
did that.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
Jack Nicholson talked out of his ass No, I don't
remember that. Why do that?

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Because he was at the Oscars or something? Uh, Jack Nicholson,
Who am I thinking? Jim Carrey, No, I'll just do
Ace Ventura asshole talking, asshole talking. Wait a minute, Wait
a minute, wait a minute, what's that?

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Maybe it was a golden Golden globes this event.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
No, it's nice.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Doesn't just skip to the part with the asshole showing
on Let's see you try to show you.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
I want to thank my fellow nominees.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
No.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
Yeah, Jack Nicholson's talking out of his asshole.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Dude, he is so fucking coked out of his mind
in this clip.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
He's so cool. Is he Does he have a plastic
bag around this hand?

Speaker 2 (37:01):
I think he does because he just touched his asshole.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
No, but yeah, I know, I know. Why is he
holding the golden globe with a plastic bag?

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Because they were like, look, if you're going to touch
your asshole on.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Statue, Yeah, we only have one statue. May come after
the show. Yeah, fucking Dame Judy Dench doesn't want Jack
Nicholson's asshole. Heored statue.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Okay, we ran it by all the other performers. Judy
Densher is the only one, so everyone.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Else was okay with it. Judy Densch was like, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
I won't have his shit on my hand.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
He's fucking bum rubbed all over the award.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
Was that Swedish? Judy Dench is Swedish.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Now, all right, let me play this lady for you.
She popped up. I'm not making this political because we'll
rip a lot of people on this, but this.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
One looks like a crossing guard.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
This one was especially bad. Child free threatens the patriarch.
We don't need no man. We can do everything he can't.
I'm a bull lit. Taylor's on my side. I'm a

(38:12):
bull list Maga starts to cry, I'm a bull live
and Taylor's on my side, Yes she is. I'm a
bull lift anyway.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
You know how like sometimes you're like, uh, oh man,
if you just uh put ten percent more time into
doing funny video shit and this and that, oh you're
the blah blah blah blah blah. That's the reason I
don't you scare.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
That's the end result.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Every time I make something and I'm like, oh yeah,
I'm really proud of this. I give it a day
and I come back and it always looks just like that.
How did I get that?

Speaker 1 (38:52):
You're right? I've made this video one hundred times. You're
one hundred percent right. Yep. Uh. Yeah. That was just
a really bad song. I don't like that, but it
touched on some mix. That's kind of the talk going around,
and it kind of relates to what we just talked about.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Though.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
I know the end result of this is going to
be I don't give a shit what you do with
your life. You and I both kind of feel that way.
I think about a lot of shit.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
I don't care. I'm not saying you have to. I'm
just saying that if that's what you want to do
with your life, that's an option.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Have you seen the debate between childless people and people
with families?

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Oh? What is it? All the people with families? They
please get do the get out thing with me?

Speaker 1 (39:38):
No, no, no no. Jd Vance caught shit for this
the new the Vice Presidential.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
I finally figured it out. What that is. It's a memoir, yeah,
and a film by Ron Howard. Yes, correct, written by
the soon to be vice president.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
I don't know the poll numbers are closing.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
In man, what does that mean? They're like they're they're
co down hard.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
Well, Trump was up x amount over Biden, and those
numbers have closed since.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Harris, like they've become nearer. I see.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
Okay, all right. I don't know why we got to
talk like we're retarded guys close or like doing fucking
robots on some futuristic ship.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Dude, I don't talk politic, you know, Like, okay, alright,
That's why I don't make YouTube videos either, because it
all comes out sounding like fucking lib lib maga nonsense.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
You know. So you know when someone throws an idea
out that you immediately identify like this is stupid. It
is a stupid fucking idea like plates. But then okay,
but then hands. What we need to be doing is
stretching and flattening out our left or are non dominant hands,

(41:01):
and that way that will act as after it has
been stretched and flattened, we can curve it into a bowl.
We can have it as just a flat plate.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
I don't know about that. Soup would be hard to
eat out of a hand bowl.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
Not if we stretch and flatten it and then curl,
it'll be enormous at that point.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Oh not if we just bind our hands and those
foot binders from ancient China, you know, the ones that
they used for housewives up until like the nineteen forties
to bind their feet into little baby's feet up. But
they adn't. I don't want to make them into bowls.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
I would rather stretch fingers and such and then flatten.
We need to stretch first and then flat. Hey, you
know what, this isn't gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
The idea, like I was saying, where you immediately go,
this is a stupid idea, and then you you think
about it and you go, well, there is a logic
to it, right. Jd Vance came out this week and
said families should get a vote for each child that

(42:08):
the parent can designate. Now again, on the surface, I
go immediately, first, Paul pause. First thought is that's fucking stupid.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
And then the next dumb And what if they vote
for reptar.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Reptile reptile gotta get the reptar?

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Like what if all the kids like start a TikTok and.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Their parents would vote repti.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
And then they convinced their parents like please please, please
love a repti, and then the electorals swung to reptar
and then they have to create this fake dinosaur from
a cartoon. Who's gonna Who's ai are they going to use?
In that? They're just gonna use Tyrannosaurus rex ai. What
does that even look like?

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Leftover Jurassic Park footage?

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Right?

Speaker 1 (42:53):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (42:54):
No, training President on Jurassic Park verse three. Not those
Chris Pratt pieces of shit.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
The first one was okay, the first christ okay.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
The second one was a fucking weird movie. Yeah, David
Cronenberg movie.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Yeah it was terrible. Then yeah they were terrible. No. Again,
the logic behind it is, you know, we always talk
about the shape of the country and for our children
and this and that, you know, families should have more
say based on the number of people that will be citizens.
And again I don't agree with it. I immediately identified

(43:32):
stupid idea, but there is a logic behind it where
I go I can see that like when it Christians like, oh,
you're murdering a baby for abortion, I don't really give
a shit whatever, But like I don't think they're lying.
I don't think they don't actually think it's murder.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
So that's how I know you're not a parent, because
any real parent knows what a disingenuous, fucking lotus shit
that is. If you want your kid voting and deciding
anything about the future, you're fucking liar. You're a fucking
piece of shit and a liar. And you know that
your kid wants exactly the opposite of the things that

(44:08):
you want. So if you had the kid's vote to
use it, you would be voting against what they wanted,
which would not be a vote at all. You would
just be getting two votes, so it wouldn't represent you.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Citizens.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Yeah, but one of those citizens has a view that
is diametrically opposed to you. They want something different, So
it's not actually their vote. It's a second vote for
somebody else's. It's a second chance to do but create
a future that other people don't want.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
We take proxy away from children all the time.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
Or.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Rights, But that's that's a right that's granted to you
when you become an adult, when you become a member
of society. There's a bunch of other rights that aren't
granted to you when you're a child.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Either, all agree this is a stupid idea.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah, this guy ship could fucking resign because he's an idiot.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
I don't know why he has to resign for that.
I don't even know and resign. You wanted to talk
about Kamala Harris dancing.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
I believe, Oh yeah, dude, what is she gonna do?
Dance our way through every war?

Speaker 1 (45:20):
You've seen this ship, folks, Let me play this video.
This is a compilation of her dancing.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Popping her those pink pants.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
It was that was the one you didn't like, right, especially.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
I actually liked that one a lot.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
This makes it look like she's got such a fupa,
though I understand it's just she's sixty.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
Yeah, six year old bitch has got a fupa.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
No, not all of them.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
Oh dude. If they're good at fucking, they do.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
I don't think the dancing's fair.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
What do you mean you think she's cheating?

Speaker 1 (46:05):
No, I think she's half Bollywood, half Harlem, Like, obviously
she's gonna be the best dancer. We shouldn't mean this
is a dance competition. Trump does that thing where he's
jerking the dicks off.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
According to Marr, I love his jerk dance. I think
I I think I said that before Bill. We're gonna
have to check the logs on patreon dot com slash
worst friend cast. But either way, I do think she's
good at dancing. But I think, just solely based on
this compilation alone, she's getting mighty close to overdoing it.

(46:37):
She's like already tearing on the line and they haven't
even won the fucking election yet. Who's that guy? Where's
her husband? I thought her husband's quite.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
No he is, No, that's her husband.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
I think, how is she a part of all these
dance What does that called them?

Speaker 1 (46:57):
How many events has she been at where there's just
mass dancing?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
What is that called a flash mob? It looks like
it looks like she's a flash mob coordinator. If I
didn't know any better, I wouldn't know she was a politician.
Jujit just choreographed flash mobs.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
There's two different versions of flash mobs. There's the ones
where it all breaks out into a dance, and then
there's the one where wah wah gets destroyed and burned
to the ground.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
There's one that might end in your life. That's a
little bit of a Bollywood move. I guess you're right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Yeah, she's half Bollywood, half Harlem.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Oh dude, the Republicans can't win. Huh. They were mad
about JD. Vance's wife for being Indian, and they got
the vice president now soon to be president. On the
other side, what are they gonna do? Either way? They
got a fucking Indian winning, anna do?

Speaker 1 (47:53):
We don't know?

Speaker 2 (47:54):
Ray says, either way, you're stuck with a fucking Indian.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
What's the meme I've been seeing going around? It says
a uh libs justifying voting for a cop, and then
it says conservative or uh yeah, conservatives justifying voting for
a felon, And it's just it's funny, true, is No.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
It is funny because I agree, like it is super
ironic that Kamala locked up like how many black people.
But at the same time, she is a good dancer,
so maybe a fair point people up and you know, like,
you know, not looking out for the community that she
claims to have been a part of and struggled with,

(48:36):
maybe you know, actually harming them systematically systemically through her
career and her rhetoric and her position of power. Maybe
that was actually a good thing because now our president
will win them dance battles.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
Well, we watched that guy. A couple of weeks ago,
who's running for shit? Uh? He had the theory that, like, hey,
we don't need war anymore, I'll fucking throw down with
any world leader.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Oh I love that idea. I think that's so fucking cool. Dude.
I would love to watch Putin fight Kim Jong un,
but they're friends.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Yeah, yeah, it's uh, you know, with Kamala we could
win dance offs, but then I feel like, you.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Know, she'd lose fucking punch offfs though well.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
And eventually the Congo would just be running the world
if everything came down to dance offs, Like I don't know, well, I.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Mean the Greeks were onto something they used to have,
like ten day fuck fests.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Yeah, then weren't they fucking boys in the ass? Generally?

Speaker 2 (49:36):
No, not always so it was. It was sometimes though, right,
it was more nuanced than that.

Speaker 1 (49:41):
Bad enough, There you go.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
They were also supposed to mentor the boy after fucking
them in, before fucking.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Groom them more.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Glad to be a man and not suree like sheer
sheep or or so cock fabric. Yeah, suck cock is
a fucking cocksucker boy in the market cooksucker boy.

Speaker 1 (50:03):
That was my nickname.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, cocksucker ball Aye.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
That was my nickname at my job. They would call
me that in the office. Uh what do I got here?

Speaker 2 (50:16):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (50:16):
You talked about entertainment. Touch on this super quick, so uh,
Marvel has been dying a slow down now.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Again, I didn't even think of the last Marvel thing
I saw.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
I'm not trying to turn this into fucking you know, Hi,
I'm Tucker Carls. I'm look at my this on that.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
But look at you.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Look at the movies that did bomb, the Marvels Eternals
blah blah blah, all that bullshit. Those movies kind of stunk.
The shang Chi one a all stunk.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
I like the shang Chi one. That one was good
because the guy was Ajan.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
Okay, well that's the ultimate.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Yeah, that's the way the guy talks though. That guy
he's in every movie and it's like he always plays
American characters, but he's got that little bit of accent
where he's like, yeah, I'm called Rean Saul, and it's like,
uh uh no.

Speaker 1 (51:09):
He'll be starring this fall in a Reginald Denny biopic.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Reginald Denny, is that a victim of something?

Speaker 1 (51:16):
That was the guy that got dragged out of his
truck in the La Riots. Oh remember.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Oh yeah, well he had a comment man for driving
through that neighborhood when they were riding.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
He won't uh, that Asian gentlemen you were talking about,
won't be playing Reginald Denny, obviously, that'll be played by.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
A black act. He'll be playing the guy with the shot.

Speaker 1 (51:35):
An AAR fifteen ye convenience story.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Yeah yeah, that one thing is property.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
That the AR fifteen's were fucking Apparently that is like
the biggest use case of them ever being applied to
like real world things in like a mass scale.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
All those in Vietnam wear fifteens, not sixteens. Yeah there again,
I said before, they're the same gun, except one doesn't
shoot the auto.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Sure sure, sure, but that that was if you go back,
all those Korean store owners own those guns. There were
some footage we were watching. Were these guys were just popping.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Shots off in this were the weapons legal?

Speaker 1 (52:11):
I don't know, I'd be interested.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
To know that. And it's like if, because I mean,
I'm assuming all these fucking Asian guys weren't.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
Yeah, good point. Yeah, unless California was handing out guns
to illegals.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
No, that's a bad stereotype a lot and I and
I'm I think it's a bad stereotype to say any
particular group specifically just comes here illegally. I've been learning
a lot about border crises lately, and it seems like
the problem with our immigration is definitely just laws not
being passed and nothing to do with influxes of migrants

(52:46):
or walls or people jumping fences or anything like that.
It's simply bad legislation and no incentive to enact anything
because it's a great fucking talking point for political redis.
It's it's like, what are they doing. They're building a wall. Okay,
they could just stop letting five thousand immigrants claim asylum

(53:09):
every day at the border, right, That would be a
lot easier than spending more and more money on a wall.
Just like, Okay, one thousand a day can claim asylum.
You don't even have to end it. You can you
can lower immigration like instantly, just with the way of
your finger, you know.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
But that's like, that's like the argument with gun owners,
like make them illegal. Yes, you're you're saying we take
it from five thousand down to a thousand. Yeah, but
that's just four thousand who go ten miles down the
road and cross.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
That's that's not the reality though. I Mean, there's a
there's a set number of asylum seekers per day, and
that's a cap, and usually it doesn't hit that cap.
Some days it exceeds that cap, and that's why they
set the cap. It's supposed to be like an average,
you know. And this is asylum seekers. This is people
who you know, we talked about this before they come
up to the border. They are actually worthy of asylum

(54:03):
or not. They request it, they're granted it immediately, and
they're given a court date, which is usually years in
the future, and then they live here under like a
resident or what is it, not a resident, like an
undocumented status, but legally so for a certain amount of
time until the court decides if you stay or you leave.

(54:25):
And if there was so many immigrants coming in that
we were having a border crisis in oh my god,
there's just too many immigrants. And we already have a
metric in place, measurable metric to decrease the number of
people coming in. You could immediately reduce the numbers immediately,

(54:49):
and you say, okay, well they're going to walk ten
miles down the road. That's not the reality of how
it works, though, Like people will go, they come back,
they go, they come back, like they come repeated and
repeatedly request asylum. There are things you can do, and

(55:09):
instead we'd rather just argue about it, you know, Like
that's that's the point I'm making. It's like, there's a
real issue there, and both sides are responsible for not
doing anything of actual value, you.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
Know, So why can't we do both? Why can't we
reform that system and build that wall to keep out
people who might be coming the ones who go ahead, I.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Mean, because because then you're just wasting money on a mite,
you know, like you're just you're just kissing. But but
that's the thing is, the reality is the overwhelming majority
of undocumented or illegal immigrants are asylum seekers, not people
jumping fences, not people running from border patrol or you know,

(55:54):
getting smuggled in in box cars or crates. The overwhelming
majority of undocumented folks are people who just walked up
to the border and asked to come in, and they
were allowed to come in. So if you don't want
illegals here, it would be really easy to make that
issue less of an issue.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
I would I am not questioning you. I don't believe
that's true. I don't believe more hit the thing. I
would want to see where that comes from. And also,
there's no way to even account for how many people
are crossing illegally. There's estimates.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
I mean there are estimates, and.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
I mean based on what they're not surveilling the entire
border for X amount of days and calculating whatever.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
Right, But eventually these people, if they do get in
and they didn't seek asylum and give their information, eventually
they are found out because they're spending money, they're trying
to get jobs, their kids are going to school. Eventually
they pop up somewhere, and that these numbers, these discrepancies,

(57:00):
statistics are how they help determine how many people are
coming in being the means I said, versus other tunnels
and shit like that. I'm not saying these things don't exist.
They do. Human slavery is real, drug trafficking is real,
but most drugs come in through legal means, through border crossings,

(57:20):
and most humans who are trafficked are not asylum seekers.
So that's that's the issue, you know, that's the problem.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
I think the real issue is defining what an asylum
seeker is.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
And my question with anybody who walks up to the
border and says, oh, I'm living through humanitarian crisis or whatever,
and the government doesn't ask any questions. So I'm being
critical of this, like not because I don't want immigrants here,
but just because I think it's a stupid law to have,

(57:54):
especially if you want to be critical about the state
of immigration. You know what I'm saying. It's an arbitrary number.
What is five thousand? You know, Like it doesn't come
into account real.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
But maybe it does. Maybe it takes into account economic
stuff what we.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Can cover than that, But it doesn't because it doesn't
take into account like, Okay, what if there is a disaster,
what if there is a volcano or a flood or whatever.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
People immediately that's a versus like the same thing as
the wall. I mean, it's the same what if.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Right legislation is a lot easier to finance than bricks
and mortar, what like, it makes sense to have a
plan in action for when these people get here. It
doesn't really make sense to just piss money away for
a wall when we don't have evidence to support that

(58:46):
large droves of people are coming in via illegal border crossings.
That that's the point.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
There's been a lot of recent documentaries on the border stuff.
Again I would, I would.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
It's very total though. That's the thing is, like you
can see as many stories as you want, but you
have to look at the data. Well, no, but that's data.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
That's who they're talking to. They're talking to the border patrol.
I mean, the border patrol says this is a problem.
You know, the border patrol says they are overwhelmed and
cannot process it. And cannot they say a lot of
illegal people are crossing every day.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
So I heard what you said about them being overwhelmed
and they can't process it. So does that automatically So
you're saying that just automatically leads to them coming in illegally.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
I just don't. Yeah, I don't think your theory on
them coming back day after day, I don't think that.
I mean, it holds non majority of them.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Okay, I see. That's that's the thing, is the data
disagrees with that. I mean, we can look it up more.
Maybe we'll do that on a Patreon where we look
it up, but either way.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
It's more like next week Patreon. That's like gathering data.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
Sorry, my point still stands that if you're probably so
so again, like well, I don't know why, Like I'm
not trying to come at you, but it's like, I
don't know why you're trying to like fight this this
point here, because it's like there is a measurable metric.
It's immediately measurable. Okay. If we're having a problem with

(01:00:16):
undocumented people in the country, we just we just put
legislation in place right now, fuck it, we just stop
letting people seek asylum, you know, and then we see
what do the numbers say? What are the numbers say
in five years fucking two years, and we'll just look

(01:00:37):
at how many undocumenteds are still in the country, are
still coming in, and we'll plot it against the previous
trajectory and we'll see, like, okay, does it look like
forty percent of them stop coming in eighty ninety six,
ninety one three, And it's measurable. That's the point. You

(01:00:59):
don't have to build a wall, right, you don't have
to do anything. You just have to change the laws.
But most sites could do this.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
I'm not coming at you, but if I told you
vaccines do this, this, and this and that and bleak
into the brain. Wouldn't you want to know my sources?

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
Of course?

Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
So everything I've looked into and read about this and
seen interviews with people at the border and this and
that different high ranking border patrol people contradicts what you're saying.
So the reason I'm coming at it is because the
evidence I have gathered in my own head completely contradicts
what you were saying. So yes, I would question it.
And again, if you got that from uh open Opentheborders

(01:01:42):
dot Org, I'd be like, yeah, to me, that's less credible.
But if you told me it was based on this study,
that I would go, oh, okay, good. I'm not coming
at it because I don't believe you. I'm coming at
it to make sure the numbers you were given are accurate.
That's my only question.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Well, I mean, I'm not even quoting number. I'm just
I'm I just I'm telling you what the the patterns
are and the trends and what the the proportions are.
It's the same. Like, I mean, didn't you even say like, yeah,
most drugs come in legally, right? No, I never said

(01:02:18):
that you did you did? So did you look that
up or do you just because I mean I.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
Never said I never said that. Oh I didn't look
at I never said that the DEA.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
I watched an interview with a guy from the d A.
I think the fucking ATF or whatever. Now the U
sounds like it makes sense, Uh No, it was, but
it was multiple heads of things that have I remember here.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Probably the ATF because they trafficked guns with drugs a
lot of the time.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Maybe yeah, like that. But I watched that Wired series,
you know, where they talked to like retired professionals, and
I remember hearing the same thing quoted over and over
in a lot of like drug videos and gun videos
and all and all these different experts would always mention, how, yeah,
most ship that gets here illegally or that is illegal

(01:03:10):
here gets here legally, just like ship from China. Right,
Like the postal service is so inundated with packages, they
can't process and scan through everything. They only they only
search like a fraction of a percent of all the
ship that gets shipped into the United States from China.
So that's why so much ship that is illegal in

(01:03:31):
the United States just gets sent through the regular mail
from China, you know, like they the criminals exploit and
the good ones and bad ones. You know, if there's
such a thing as a good criminal, they exploit the
legal system as it is, you know, good yeah, good criminals,
smart criminals will at least.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
Yeah, but it's not legal once you start moving illegal stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
Right, I understand. But the post office is a legal
it's the it's the legal service, it's a government service.

Speaker 1 (01:04:07):
You're using it illegally.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
You are using it illegally, yes, exactly, what's even the point?
Just just like people who in some people's eyes, would
be coming to our border and using our you know,
I guess no, it would be just they would just
be using it illegally, using the border policy illegally. Hey,
I want to seek asylum. I got it's real bad

(01:04:30):
where I'm from. Okay, we can't ask any questions, and
then you wait for your court date. You're you're essentially
you're you're lying. I guess you're you're basically perjuring yourself, right,
you're lying or committing fraud or something. You're you're lying
to get gain access to the country. So it's the same,
it's the same thing, right like you are you are

(01:04:52):
committing a crime, but what, well, you know, what's the point?
Who cares you're good or bad?

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
I just think, uh, I think all of South America
at this point could probably claim refugee status.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Right at a rate of five thousand people per day, exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
Yeah, until bodies are stacking up outside of the front gate,
then there's argument we need to get it up to
ten thousand a day. Look at the human devastation out there,
you know that happens, Okay, and then even at ten thousand,
bodies are still stacking sure, opens Okay, that's great. Then
Syria floods in because they're in a war zone as well.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
God, so, so you're you're you're painting the picture in
one way, but it could be the other way just
as well, where people are starving and dying on the
outside and we're just not letting them in for any
good reason because we have this big giant wall, you know,
or we don't even need the wall. We could just
be gunning them down right at the border with fucking helicopters.

(01:05:58):
We were the United States, We have the best fucking firepower.

Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
Like that's well, or just not to kill people, it's
to protect our borders.

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
To protect our border yees. So we're just gonna gun
them down before they can get within a mile of it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:09):
No reason, because we can build the wall real high.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
No, we want to keep the driveway to the wall. Nice.
Oh okay, But that's the point is like, we can
what if all day, but we have data, we can
make legislation to do something about it. But nobody is
doing anything about the border, and both sides seem to
bitch about it. I hear Biden bitching all the time
about shit at the border. Oh we got at the border,

(01:06:35):
and it's like, oh, dude, I thought you were all
about open borders. That's what I hear from conservatives all
the time is that you're COMMI and you want open borders.
But it seems like even Biden is not pretty, is
not happy with a bunch of fucking illegals come in
all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
Well that's because most Americans.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Don't want it. So then why don't they do something?
Why don't they make some legislation.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Well they're trying to vote for someone. But Trump told
me he'd start the fucking border wall on day one.
It never got finished. Biden said he was going to
reform the system. It never got done. Obama one of
his big things was a strong border is very important,
and then we opened him up more. You're right, you're
not wrong.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
It is just a talking about the wall. It's gonna help,
you know. That's but data shows that everything we have
been doing does not help. Right, exactly exactly, Try something new, right,
But that doesn't mean build a wall.

Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
It could mean that. It doesn't not mean that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
I mean a wall that people can just climb over
or climb under, dig under, like really it's big enough.

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
Man, both ways, I don't know. I'm not advocating for
the wall, but you put me in a position saying
a wall doesn't work. I bet you I could build
a wall big enough you can't climb over it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
I mean, I'm sure you could, but I'm I'm willing
to bet it would cost way more than the American
taxpayer would want to pay for, especially considering most people
aren't even trying to go that way. They'll just walk up.
I mean, fine, build the wall and leave the leave
the the cap at five thousand per day, and we'll

(01:08:12):
see how the immigration numbers change. And then and then
what do we do when it changes by three percent? Okay,
maybe we should change this fucking asylum nonsense.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Are you saying, oh goodness, someone should do something about
the government wasting money.

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
No, I'm saying if we build the wall, and if
it only changed the.

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
Wall, I'm saying we should waste it all on the wall.

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
No, but that's my question. I mean, if we're getting
outraged about the government wasting money, I got fucking binders
full of shit for you, Like, I mean, we can't
just put our foot down on this one. Let's carry
that through to everything so.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
They don't spend money on anything anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
I don't know. Sounds like you want smaller government.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
I mean that's I mean, it sounds.

Speaker 1 (01:08:56):
Like as far as a wall building, you want me.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
To say that. No, I want a government that takes
action based on data and reason, and that is reasoned,
you know, like it's informed. It doesn't. A wall is
an impulsive like just a blurt out of It's a
Freudian slip. Do you think when Donald Trump said we'll

(01:09:19):
build a wall, he had any good reason to build
a wall other than walls are tall walls.

Speaker 1 (01:09:27):
Walls have traditionally been used throughout history to keep people
in or out of things.

Speaker 2 (01:09:32):
Sure, but this I mean, this is the twenty first century.
We have drones that can carry people. We have excavators
that can be purchased at home depot. We have fucking
speedboats that can go from Tijuana to San Diego in
thirty minutes. I don't know why a wall. If you

(01:09:56):
think that they're nefariously sneaking in, I don't know why
a wall would stop them.

Speaker 1 (01:10:01):
Again, just something different to try. Again.

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
I'm not advocating for this, I'm okay, I just but
it's just like every time you say something to try,
it sounds like you are. So that's why I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:10:13):
No, because I don't because I don't believe the data
you were told. I don't believe those are correct numbers. Okay,
And I also the again that's not on.

Speaker 2 (01:10:22):
You, and I don't want to look it up right now.
I mean we can, but I just feel like range
the time it is.

Speaker 1 (01:10:28):
But there's also the other aspect of it is I
think you're discounting a lot of human psychology, especially from
people in Again, I don't think they're lining up. I
think yes, a majority of them will. I mean, you
you have you read this stuff about how cartels now
are moving their operations from drug to just human trafficking

(01:10:48):
getting people over the order I have it packages, which
is I guess you just don't get raped as much.

Speaker 2 (01:10:55):
And on the way of the United States. I just
want to saw a graph the other day. It had
like all the spots. One was a world map where
it had in red all the places where the most
people are trafficked from. So you had like Thailand, India, China,
all over Africa, south of fucking the whole world as

(01:11:19):
people being trafficked from there. And yeah, who's the biggest
importer of people? The United States? That was the next graph.
The next graph shows you the where the most slaves
to yeh, it's in the fucking United States. And I like,
I'm not buying slaves. I don't know a lot of
people in my neighborhood who can afford a slave, and

(01:11:41):
if they can, they're not sharing it with me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:43):
So I'm assuming I'd be like, cut me a clip,
make make me funny in this one.

Speaker 2 (01:11:50):
Yeah, put me in this one. I want to wear
the pig mask.

Speaker 1 (01:11:54):
I can to work miracles massa and I'd be like,
just make me kind of funny. I ain't no saying
or nothing that might.

Speaker 2 (01:12:02):
Be fun to do for the show. We get a
dark web connection and we see how much a slave
goes for.

Speaker 1 (01:12:09):
I guess okay, I don't want to get into like
who the better slaves are and who they aren't, so
I we'll just.

Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
Regions. It's a good one, I bet anyway, gheit him there?

Speaker 1 (01:12:21):
You know how? You know how we got there? Do
you know how we got to where we are right now?

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:12:30):
But Robert Downey is coming back to the Marvel universe.
Oh no, I don't know how we fucking got there. No,
he's coming back as Doctor Doom.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
Doctor Doom.

Speaker 1 (01:12:45):
Do you have the fucking fucking money they must have
given him to come back?

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
I mean it seems like there he's begging to come
back at this point, like I thought he left and
now he's back as a different guy.

Speaker 1 (01:12:59):
Now they must have paid him so much, fucking probably
fifty million bits and probably five percent of worldwide gross.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
So wait a minute. They asked him to come back
and play a different character and a different property that's
not even connected to the Marvel movies yet but not
yet like through the through the movies, right, yeah, Okay,
so they're asking him basically to come back and helm
a new Marvel cinematic universe is what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
Is there anyone better equipped to do it?

Speaker 2 (01:13:35):
I mean, I can't say I agree, Yeah, there's no one. No.
I was gonna say maybe cap Chris Evans, but no,
you're right. Tony Stark was the leader. He's the guy.
But I think this is a bad idea. I think
Disney is so desperate to revitalize this thing that should
probably die that they were like, oh, well, Bill fucking

(01:14:00):
They'll do anything for Robert. They'll fucking pay a million
times in a row, and I think I might pay
one more. And if it's a piece of shit, all right, dude,
I'm done. I don't give a fuck if Robert Downey
Junior comes back or not.

Speaker 1 (01:14:12):
Some guys go to bed at night thinking to themselves,
I hope I wake up tomorrow as Robert Downey Junior. Me,
I hope I just wake up as Jim Fuck that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:28):
I gotta be Chris Evans.

Speaker 1 (01:14:29):
You got a who'd you rather fuck this week?

Speaker 2 (01:14:32):
Chris Evans or Robert Downey Jr.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
How about we go Bollywood smash hit jd Vance's wife
Kamala Harris.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
Okay, so jd Vance's wife or Kamala Harris. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hmm,
I'm gonna take Kamala just because it's a black and
a Indian at the same time. It's kind of like
you're having a three way.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
Yeah, I'm dead solid.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
It's like you're fucking the Princess and the frog bitch
and Jasmine. Don't do your.

Speaker 1 (01:15:05):
Worst friend dot com follows everywhere black princesses on Twitter.
They made a big deal about that, right, the Princess
and the Frog one was the first black Disney princess.

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
The first and only who didn't do well with the demo?

Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
Who was the first princess of color?

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
Oh? Dude, fucking Pocahontas.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
I think, man, well, did Pokehontas come out after a
lot of Jasmine?

Speaker 2 (01:15:27):
Jasmine? Jazzmine was yeah, no, Ariel because she was a fish.

Speaker 1 (01:15:32):
Ugh agree, fucking pussy stunk. I bet you had aca.

Speaker 2 (01:15:39):
Yeah, you know, they never showed her pussy in that cartoon,
but I bet it was all fucking like it had
gill slits and ship and it was like it was like,
you know, how uh, when you see a fish breathe,
it's gills, like do that flappy thing? It almost looks
like wings, like they feel like this. Yeah, yeah, I
imagine her pussy lip's doing that like a whole versus

(01:16:00):
his mouth.

Speaker 1 (01:16:03):
You're your worst friend.

Speaker 2 (01:16:04):
I'm Matt, I'm Shane. We'll see you next week. Don't
force my mouth.

Speaker 1 (01:16:10):
You know, all of us all crudo. You know, I'm
really gonna miss you guys when.

Speaker 2 (01:16:14):
The show's over.

Speaker 1 (01:16:19):
H