Ep. 240 Toilet Brush

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Let me finish. This is the first time I committed
a hate crime.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Maybe they'll jerk my dick off or something like that.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah, probably we've disgusted. I'm associate bath.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Any rest ship, any trash ship. You're a worst friend?
Do you want to know why you're all fucked up?

Speaker 1 (00:46):
You're looking at the fucking problems you hang around with.
You're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane and Matt.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm Matt.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm joined today by my friend and co host, a
guy whose mic sounds as good as it has ever sounded.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Shane. Oh yeah, thanks for the mic, man, I really
appreciate that. Can you get me a computer next? Yeah? Really?
I know.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
Uh, you go to your Worst Friend dot com. You
can follow us everywhere on Twitter and Instagram at worst
friend Cast.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
I'm two weeks behind.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
On posting pictures on Instagram. By the way, I work
so hard on those fucking pictures, and I'm up till
like four in the morning, like go go to make
sure they get done. And then the next day it's
just defeat ust where I'm just like it's done. I
don't have to do anything more.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
No, you do.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
You have to post that thing, so go do it,
nothing more to do. I'm told I am the king
of getting to where I can see the finish line
and just going so great. I'm gonna lay down right
here and not do anything else.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, I do that thing where I see the finish
line and then I speed up, and then I fucking
trip and scrape my knees and try and get back
up and trip again and get trampled over by the
three black guys behind me.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Com slash Worst Friend Cass. You get a bonus episode
every week, access to everything ever recorded, entirely commercial free.
So that's cool if you want to do that. Don't
breaking news, breaking news, breaking news. Pete Rose is dead.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Oh the gambling. So what do you know about Pete Rose?
Oh dude, he ruined baseball where he fucking destroyed the sport.
He rotted it from the inside out. He's a fucking
he's the fucking blackheart of baseball. What do he actually
know about Pete Rose? Oh dude, I know he was
a fucking crooked, shady, no good son of a biscuit.

(02:45):
And I know he fucking stole all the MLB's proceeds
and the money that was supposed to go to charity
that he took that he got from gambling, and then
he was he threw every game, and then he's not
allowed in the Hall of Fame because he's was an
alleged and avowed Nazi.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
I thought you were gonna say, because he's white. We
have too many of them in there. We don't need anymore.
Now on every last name has to end with a Z.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Is Mark McGuire in the Hall of Fame?

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Okay, So that's an interesting conversation. Okay, Mark McGuire also
is not in the Hall of Fame. He is not banned,
but the voters won't put him in. They won't put
him in. They won't put Sammy Sosa in. They won't
put Barry Bonds in.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Barry Bob because yeah, he fucking like beat up a
bunch of prostitutes. Right, No, I don't know none of
those things. They were smoke crack and beat up a
bunch of prostitutes.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
No, they were all just steroid users.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh really, I thought Barry Bonds was a fucking crackhead.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
No, Barry Bonds is probably the best example. Look at
his head ready, can you see my screen.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
All of the skull malformation?

Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh man, you see this means even though he's the
home run king, that he's more subservient.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh no, no, I'm not talking about like phrenology. I
was just saying his head is all different now because
he did Royds. Yes, that is correct.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
Here's a comparison with Bonds's head.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
That's fucking crazy. Yeah, that is noticeable. Yeah, he doesn't
even look like he has the same face. He looks
like he cut off Magic Johnson's face and put it
on he. Uh, that's probably the best picture right there.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah, that was whoo and he was. But he he
looks like he's got puffy, fat guy face.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
He's not.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
He was jack ash shit during this time. Yeah, he
looks almost like Charles Barkley kinda.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
So Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player of all time,
but he won't He likely won't get into the Hall
of Fame for a while because he did steroids. But
he if he had retired in the first half of
his career.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
He probably would have been a Hall of Famer. What
about Jackie Robinson him?

Speaker 1 (04:56):
No, No, he has to go in the little wing
on the side, the back, around the back.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
He has to wait for Frank Sinatra to vote him in.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Oh no, no, no, you guys in that league. You
go to the back of the museum. Okay, there's cotton
baseball from one day Rosa Parks showed up in all
catcher gear and stood in the front of the museum
and said, I ain't going nowhere.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Then we let yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then we let
blacks in the Hall of Fame. That was what happened.
That was a good day for America, bad day for sports.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
So Pete Rose is the all time leading hit king.
He has more hits than anyone in the history of baseball.
Okay the way he his number is four two hundred
and fifty six hits. Now a good season, not even
anymore nowadays.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Not. Let's look at the stats from this year.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
Real quick, this is good, this is this is I'm
promise you we're not going to turn this into fucking
sports talk.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
But uh, let me just look.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
So the hit leader this year had two hundred and
eleven hits, right, Okay, you got to be a great
player to get two hundred hits.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
You just have he he's the leader. Well that's what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
So two hundred yes exactly, yes, Well, but you know
it could be a down year or something like that.
So two hundred hits in a season is a great season.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
It's really good.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
To get to Pete Rose's number, you would have to
have a really good season for twenty one years, okay,
never slump and always get two hundred hits, and you
would still be like, I don't know, fifty six hits short?

Speaker 2 (06:40):
How many years do you play? A lot when.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Guys played longer back then, But it's a testament to
how well you could play. A lot of guys also
tried to play later in their career and we're fucking
dog shit.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Maybe it's just a testament to how easy baseball is.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's not crazy to think that, if I'm being honest. Yeah,
it's not crazy.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's not easy.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Okay, all right, right, let's reclarify. It's not easy to
play baseball. It is less physically demanding than other sports.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, it's like if I like lumberjacks, they do their job, right.

Speaker 1 (07:14):
We just like we're not talking ESPN on a fucking
you know, Thursday afternoon before Sports Center comes on.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, it's real sports here. It's just I feel like
the only reason that football players and fighters have to
call it a call it a career, you know when
they're twenty nine is because they keep getting brain damage,
not because sports are hard to do when you're old
or anything.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Yeah, but you know what, you start getting injured if
you don't have a player you can't rely on. You
can't have them on your team. In baseball, your bat
slows down. You don't run as fast anymore. Do you
run as fast as you did when you were twenty?

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Right?

Speaker 1 (07:51):
Now?

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Faster? Really? No? Oh? Okay? I ran you give me
a week, dude, I'll fucking smoke mild back.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
You know, it's so crazy. I ran the forty in
high school and I was unbelievably slow. It's forty yards.
You see how fast you could do it. I like
if I ran my number in the NFL, they would
be like, this guy is a commentator or something, right, yeah,
kill him, murder him. I ran a five point eight

(08:22):
forty right, five point eight seconds the top guys in
the NFL, the fastest ever recorded is four point two.
I am only one point six seconds slower than the
fastest guy in the NFL.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
That's when it comes. One point six seconds.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Well it is, but it doesn't feel like it, right,
if you say it, if you go like a one
point ready, there you go.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
That was it? One point six seconds? You did it. Yeah.
I had a similar thing where when I was in
the Marines, I used to run the three miles really fast.
So they they train you in uh, the delayed entry program,
like when you join up in high school or whatever,
and you're like hanging out with the recruiters, they prepare you,

(09:08):
like by they're supposed to do a mile and a
half I think for the like the recruits or the
entries or whatever. But my recruiters would run us three
miles and then I just got used to that as
my regular amount. So by the time I got to
the Marines, I could run three miles easily. And then

(09:28):
I was just you know, I could do it even
easier after boot camp. And then I got to my
school battalion in Camp Pendleton, and I was I would
have been still eighteen. Yeah. So I met this guy
who was a fucking asshole. I don't even remember his name.
I only knew him for a couple months for that school,
but he was like a track and field guy in

(09:49):
high school, I guess. And I did a PFT one
morning and I guess he wasn't there, but he heard
me say my time out loud and I was nineteen
minutes and he's like, you ran or three miles in
nineteen minutes and I was like yeah. He's like, that's
seriously an Olympics speed. You're lying, you're making that up.

(10:10):
And I'm like, dude, are you fucking kidding me? The
staff sergeant guy was right there, you know, he clicked
the watch and everything at the halfway point. How could
I have faked it? Did? Someone picked me up in
a car and this guy fucking refused to believe that
I could do it? And I don't know that it
was is even a feat, especially now with you know

(10:31):
how athletes keep getting better and better. But I always wondered, like, okay, well,
if let's say eighteen minutes is the the Olympic time,
would it really be that hard to shave a minute off?
And similarly, with the motherfucking vaulting or the sprinting or whatever,
how hard could it be to shave a second off? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (10:55):
I don't know. I've never been much of a runner myself.
I fucking hate it, Like my hell is just gonna
be on a treadmill with no headphones or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
It's so boring to me, it's so boring.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
I can here's the difference, though, I can run all
day if you just give me a basketball to dribble
along with it, like I like doing something, maybe I guess,
and but a goal to me isn't like so I
was looking at your about twenty years old. I understand
you're eighteen, but like, if you can see what I'm
looking at.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
This is the thing.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
You were probably about an intermediate right three miles. I
would even say maybe a little more advanced, because I
think everyone probably slows down, right, Yeah, so yeah, you
were in between there probably. That's impressive. That's very impressive. Actually, well,
I think that especially because like three years earlier, you

(11:50):
looked like a slug.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yeah, I looked like fucking Sam Kinnison after the accident.
The thing is about you not liking the running for
running sake. That that that's like how I always talk about,
like your path is your goal. You know. I think

(12:11):
I've kind of had an internal like vibe for that
my whole life, because my run the goal would would
sometimes be like I'm just going to run until I
can't anymore. That's the goal like I'm just going to
run as much as I can, you know, and I
could just go and go and go and go and
go and go. I think the longest I ran before

(12:32):
the Marines was like seven miles. And yeah, I didn't
need I didn't need like to win the game. I
didn't need any of that stuff. I just really enjoyed, like,
oh my god, I'm going to go further than last time,
or you know, like I'm just gonna I'm just going
to keep going like that. That just felt like so good.
Was like oh, it was like that was exciting. And

(12:56):
I wasn't really thinking about anything during the run, just
like whatever's on my mind, you know. But for basketball,
you are like strategizing the whole time. It's like it's
like running chess.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
So I get I agree with you in playing a game, yeah,
one hundred percent. I mean, just give me a basketball
and I'll just run around a track by myself, dribbling
it the whole time, and I'll tire her out, obviously,
and I'll go to a smaller thing. But I won't
be bored. I am so fucking bored all the time.
It's crazy to me. It's crazy how fucking bored. I am,

(13:31):
like I have to put my headphones on to go
downstairs and piss and then fucking come back up and
take them off.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
I mean, I'm like that a lot of the time. Actually,
Like sometimes, yeah, I just need my thoughts. Like so
I was painting all weekend and getting the house ready
for a party, and yeah, I listened to like I
don't know, five albums in a row, like just different
bands or whatever on my AirPods, and eventually I was like, Damn,
I just need some fucking silence, you know, I just

(14:00):
need quiet.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
I've I've when I've like had to super concentrate to
pay attention to something. I will go to a quick silence,
but I have to really need to dial in or
like I've been editing audio and I know people are
going to say, I know, that's why it sounded like that.
It's not it's the tech. Hopefully I worked it out.
But I've been editing audio while having I have two

(14:23):
pairs of headphones in, Like I'll have one over here
and then one is a podcast I'm listening to, and
I'll if I need it to be quiet, I'll stop
it playing over here, and then I'll edit and I'll
cut and then I'll go back to playing it and
oh my god, it's crazy that which I mean, it's
extreme alter Why what would drive you nuts about that?

Speaker 2 (14:41):
So, like I sometimes I'll be doing the multitasking thing
where it's like I'll be working on something for my job.
I'll be working on something on my phone and then like, uh,
you know, I'll get an im or something at work
and it'll require like thirty seconds of concentration and then
I can get back to what I'm doing on my phone.

(15:01):
And then this will happen like three or four times
in a row, like over the course of a couple
of minutes, and I'm like, all right, one task is
ending right now, you know, Like I'm only I can
only do one thing. I can't. I can't. I can't
keep going back and forth like this. It pisses me off. Yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
The boredom pisses me off more the idea like, oh
my god, I'm gonna be sitting here and doing nothing.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
I don't know, I can't get it out. Are you
scared of being bored? I'm no.

Speaker 1 (15:30):
I think I'm scared of unclouded thoughts. Am I scared
of them. No, I'm scared of fucking I'm scared of them.
I'm scared of them building a housing project behind me.
I'm not scared of my thoughts, but I don't like them.
I'm not a huge fan.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
I used to go to your house a lot, and
I'm pretty sure there is a housing project right behind you.
Not a housing project. There's like a big empty lot
that leads over to a housing project. There's not.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
There's a big quick check, okay, and that.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Leads to the housing project.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
There's no housing project. Enough about the housing project. Back
of the museum, buddy.

Speaker 2 (16:08):
Sorry.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
So here's the thing about Pete Rose, right, Oh, he
was great. He had all these hits, he did all
that good stuff. We'll get back to our fucking brains
in a second.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Don't care about my brain. But he was also.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Betting on baseball. And the problem is, and why you
can't bet on sports, and why it's so taboo and
why it's so bad, is because the only thing you
have that keeps people watching sports is the fact that
it's not predetermined.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
It's whatever, it's the the what is it? The the
integrity of the game. Yeah, well, it's the that they're
watching the game because even when it's like three to
zero bottom of the ninth, there's still a chance, right
like that that team could come back and win at
the end of the game. And that's why sports can

(16:59):
be so sure. And and if you're at the end
of the game there and you bet on your team
to lose, well, then there's really no incentive for you
to win this game for your fans, is there no? Exactly?

Speaker 1 (17:11):
And if it's predetermined, if they were to tell you
before the game, like, hey, by the way, Chiefs are
going to win the Super Bowl today, but we have
a real exciting one plan for you, you'd be like, oh,
who gives a shit? Then, like what I mean, cool,
I'll watch the game. But it's not any different than
watching wrestling at that point. It's a little different, it's not.

(17:31):
I mean, it's a different sport. Yeah, it's outside sometimes
wrestling's outside.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
What oh my god, dude, they they just they have
no limits. Man, They're just fucking disgraceful. First they shit
on their interns and now they have a fucking sporting
event outside.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
I got gen back and all women for men. The
other day, you beat the shit out of her and
let an alleyway something.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
What do you do?

Speaker 1 (17:57):
No, no, no, I got her back for all men,
and she was like, what do you want to watch?
And she was gonna put on some true crime horse
shit right, She's like, oh, look a girl gets murdered
in this one. It's like, oh interesting, cool. Instead I
made her put on on Netflix the Vince McMahon documentary.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
Oh yeah, yeah. I didn't watch it, but I heard
he shit on a girl. So it starts off.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
Really for wrestling fans, and it's a shame because those
things you have to get them into it. But it
starts off with fucking Vince is like, Hey, I'm gonna
buy all these other wrestlers and blah blah blah blah blah.
I don't give a shit about any of that. By
like episode three or four, you hit the era in

(18:42):
which I liked wrestling, which was sixth, seventh, and eighth grade.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
Stone Cold. It was the rock, it was all that shit. God,
you were fucking fucking weirdest kid in my elementary school.
Yeah yeah, I was the weird one. There's this kid
in my elementary school. So okay, And when I was
in sixth grade, I was actually cool. I like I
had a really cool teacher and he was a family friend,

(19:08):
so he like he was like really nice to me
in class. And I became cool for one year of school,
just in that one that one year because my teacher
like built me up, you know, he made me like,
he made me like a little cool guy. And then
all the other kids liked me for that one year.
And then I had to go to junior high or
upper elementary school as they called it in New Jersey.

(19:31):
And yeah, then I was a fucking castigated reject.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
But they call it middle They call it middle school.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Oh do they I went well where I grew up
in South Brunswick, they called it upper elementary school. Okay, yeah, okay, okay, anyway,
the motherfucking uh yeah that year, uh no, the year before,
I was still a reject. Actually fifth grade, I hung
out with my stepdad, Greg's nephew, this kid named Ben.

(20:02):
He Ben looked like Kingpin. No, like he was like
rotund and had just like square to everything, like square ahead,
square shoulders, square hips, just blocky looking son of a bitch.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
Right cartoon Kingpin, not Vincent Dianafrio.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Correct, Yeah, okay, okay, fair, fair yeah, And so he
and he always had like a Triple H shirt or
Chris Jericho shirt on, and it was always like had
holes in it, and the iron on image was always
like cracked to shit and broken apart. And it's like, dude,

(20:44):
he just came to the WWF like six months ago.
How long have you had that shirt?

Speaker 1 (20:50):
You know?

Speaker 2 (20:51):
But go ahead, no, no, I was.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
I was gonna say, that's what happens when you dry
a Walmart shirt cracks like that, Like I know, I
know a thousand percent the kid you're talking about where
it's just see, we didn't have that. We had Fat John,
Big John, I won't say Simeon was his last name.
Big John was our guy whose mom had a lot
of money and she would take came to all these

(21:14):
events and shit. And I was friends with Big John.
So I got into wrestling because I got to go
see wrestling events live.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
And I went to the oh yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
We went to the the Times Square Cafe, the WWF
Times Square Cafe. We stayed at a hill in up
in Times Square. That was because she's got no no, no, no,
no no no, she did not, she did not, But
uh yeah, I was big into wrestling for three years.

(21:44):
You get to high school and it's like, oh wait,
there's legitimate posing around. No, no, no, no, no, I
can't be into man in spandex anymore.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
Well, see, this is how I know I'm kind of
a sexual deviant, you know.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Because do you know how I know I have two
hundred and forty episodes I have?

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Well yeah, and also because I had that thought you had, like,
oh man, there's some serious pussy I could nap. I
had that like fourth or third grade. You know, it's like, oh,
I could be banging any of these hoes. You know,
I can't be letting them know I'm into wrestling. So
I could only hang out with Ben, and he liked wrestling,

(22:22):
So I guess I had to just kind of like
by proxy, get into wrestling because I had to have
something to talk to him about.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
But my small talks your strong suit.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Yeah, yeah, I remember. I got a couple of wrestling
magazines and shit, and I liked the how sometimes they
had blood. But anyway, this kid, Ben, the final straw
was one day I noticed, and I'll tell you how
I noticed. But one day I noticed his forearms in
his hands were covered in warts, not moles or like

(22:56):
lesions or or you know, bliss. There's fungal warts like
shit with root systems and stuff like sprouting out of
his fucking hands. And the way I noticed this We've
talked about this before, but he was the first person
in my life I encountered to ever just go up

(23:17):
to people on the playground randomly and go stuck it
and cross his hands in front of his crutch and
make like an X right above his dick, you know.
And I when I was staring at his you know,
because he would like thrash, you know, he'd thrash his
hips for it and be like suck it and make
this X with his forearms. And I was looking, you know,

(23:39):
like as he was thrusting his pelvis, I was like, God, damn,
wi are his fucking arms covered in those brown masses
you know, those fuzzy spider things. And yeah, I asked
my mom. I was like, why does Ben have those
those brown lesions on him? And She's like, those aren't lesions,
those are warts, and I was like warts. So yeah,

(24:00):
that's when I decided I didn't like wrestling anymore, okay,
because it was for warp people. Yeah, it's a warp thing.
You know, it's like it's for yeah, it's for the
wart men.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
I had crushes on girls as young as preschool. There
was a girl named Sarah that I had a crush on,
and then I got to kindergarten and there was a
different girl named Sarah. So I'm just like, if we're
talking about like who was searching for pussy first.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
It was me. But that's you know, I don't you
know when I was born, I was like, let me
get back of that. I was, I said the same thing,
but mine was a C section, so it was weird. Yeah. Yeah,
they're like, you weren't in the pussy at first. Just

(24:48):
let me try it, just so I know what it's
like to be born.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
So Pete Rose interesting crossover, showed up at multiple wrestling
events and got fucking beat up by guys because you know,
he wasn't allowed anywhere near the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Oh was that staged or like legit? Like he just
got the shit kicked out of him everywhere he went.
Every time he tried to do sports. Vince McMahon him up.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Vince McMahon, the guy who pioneered the WWF, is a
The integrity of the game means everything to him. Okay,
so no, yeah, uh. Pete Rose eventually started gambling on sports,
eventually started gambling on baseball. Then it was found that
he was gambling on baseball. He lied about it for years.

(25:36):
They told him in the early two thousands. I think
it was because I was watching ESPN down the beach
with my family. My dad was so fucking pissed off
at me, so fucking pissed off. We had a two
bed like motel room down at Seaside, right and we
would do this and it was we were I was
in you know, eighth grade or seventh grade or something

(25:58):
like that, and would have made my brother in third
grade whatever. So we went down the beach for like
four days. It was a vacation we went to one year,
which we never did anymore after the fire, Like we
just you know, we didn't do it. We go down
the beach and I stayed up the whole night just
watching TV real low. And it was we only had

(26:19):
one room. It was two beds. It was my mom
and dad in one bed and my brother and I
no home own, no diddy, separate it in another bed.
And I would just lay towards the end of the
bed and just watch TV all night, and then I'd
be tired the next day and wouldn't want to get
up and go to the beach at seven in the
morning because fucking who wants to? And I would go

(26:39):
go on vacation and you never even leave the hotel room.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Blah blah blah blah blah blah. I would catch a
lot of shit for that.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
But I was watching in the early two thousands Pete Rose. Actually,
interestingly enough, there was a thing on ESPN that I
was watching down the beach where it was like, hey,
if Pete Rose just admits he gambled on baseball, we'll
let him into the Hall of Fame. It'll be like
you were an all time great. Your plaque will say
you gambled on baseball, but that your numbers count weird

(27:06):
thin well, I mean, they want to put asterisks on
the steroid user ones, so.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Dude, don't do that.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
But the point is they told him that, they said, hey,
come on out. Interesting fact, the commissioner of Baseball that
banned Pete Rose, I believe.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
Hu Jim Gordon and Pete Rose.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Wait a minute, yep, Paul Giamanti's father.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
Oh man, fucking what a Family of Rats. Huh.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
I love Paul Giamatti first of all. Second of all,
he didn't snitch on Thomas Hayden Church. I don't think
in Sideways.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I don't even know what that movie is. That's about wine.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
He was a wine queer and he's bringing his friend,
Thomas Hayden Church for like a bachelor party. But it
wasn't supposed to be crazy. It was just supposed to
be let's just drink wine. And then Thomas Hayden Church
just goes pussy crazy and starts getting pussy everywhere and fucking.
Paul Giamatti's hanging out with Virginia Madison and he's like
you ever seeing any black guys and mirrors, and Virginia

(28:11):
Manson's like, ironically I have in Chicago. And they both
kind of, you know, grunt and do their weird kind
of fugly but attractive enough for Hollywood faces into the camera. Well,
Thomas Hayden Church is just balls to asshole deep on
Sandra O in a motel room.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
So you said Paul Giamatti was acceptable for Hollywood.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
He's a he's a he's an ugly. He's as ugly
as you'll get in Hollywood, I would say, but it
is still like if he was a middle aged dad,
you would still be like that guy's fine. He's not attractive,
but he's he's fine.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
He's a normal looking dude. He looks like a leftover
prop from the eighties sequels of Planet of the Apes.
He looks like a chimpans he looks like an albino chimp.
That that that you nare?

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Uh let's see hold on, No, especially when he's thin,
he looks good.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Dude, you're a fucking weird person. It look look look,
he looks like he looks like Tim Curry getting electrocuted.
You're right, he does look like Tim Curry. And Tim
Curry's not attractive. The guy's known for playing fucking clowns
and evil mean guys.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
The only people who thought Tim Curry was attractive was
probably skunk Pussy in high school.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Oh god, I know. And she's she fucked me. You know,
she's not a good judge of guys, No, very bad
judge of character too, not just look chacter, real real
bad judge of character. Yeah, you know, Like, but that's
the thing is like she was a bad character herself.
You know, That's why she was interested in me is
because shit attracts shit. I don't know, is that how

(30:11):
that works? Oh yeah, dude, Yeah, like shit attract shit.
You ever notice, like if you're walking through like a
field and there's one pile of shit, you're more likely
to see more piles of shit.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Because it's the shitting field.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah, yeah, dude. It's either where the cow shit or
the dog shit, or the people shit or where the
people who are shiit just go to be shit.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
What was that movie about murder the killing fields? This
is the shitting fields.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Oh yeah, you're likely.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
To find Shane and Matt and all of their high
school girlfriends there.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah. I only had one or two girlfriends in high school. Actually,
I just fooled around with a bunch of like fat
skanky girls.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
And not all of them. Some of them were just skanky.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
True.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Not all of them are fat or fat. Some of
them weren't skanky. Uh.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
It's a ben diagram situation. You have fat on one side,
skanky on the other, and then there's overlap.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
So they tell Pete Rose, all you have to do
is just admit to it. Just say you bet on baseball,
come out do it. We'll put you in the Hall
of Fame. Pete Rose comes out and he goes, I
did I bet on baseball? I bet on my own team.
Never against my own team. Now here's the thing that Ever,
if he's the manager and he bets against his own team,
that's bad because he can like, you know, manipulate in

(31:33):
the lineup or whatever to you know whatever. So he
comes out and he says, I bet on baseball.

Speaker 2 (31:39):
I did. I admit to it.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
Finally after all these years, and baseball went, You're not
getting in the fucking Hall of Fame now, you dumb asshole. No,
and they still won't let him in, and now he
just died.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
That's very sad. Baseball is an abusive ex boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
It really is a black one that really all wallop you.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
Well just because I fuck you again. We together.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
I gotta come in here every day and go to
the back of the museum.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
I really am not getting that. I get it. It's
like a back of the bus thing. But the back
of the museum is the best part of the museum.
No it's not. Yeah it is. No, it's where they
keep all the naked stuff.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
Oh Jesus, no, that's not where they keep all the
naked stuff. When was the last time you were in
a museum?

Speaker 2 (32:25):
Oh? Boy, like eighth grade? Okay?

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Yeah, you and Kiki never just go to museums.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Do you not have anything near you? We have some.
We keep on saying like we should go to the
museum here and look at the stuff. But whatever, Yeah,
fuck it right, you look at it online? You know.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
That's how I feel about travel, truthfully. Oh no, Jen
really wants to go to Ireland, and I just point out,
I'm like, there's fucking tons of pictures on Google of it.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Yeah, Ireland. I don't know, dude, Ireland might be okay,
but they're like, I don't know. I think my wife
Kiki wants to go to Ireland too, actually, And it's like,
what's with girls in Ireland? If you're gonna go anywhere,
you got to a fuck place like Thailand or the Philippines,
or India or someplace he goes, or south somewhere in

(33:17):
South America where you can just fuck a bunch of
people for no money.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
That's what you think your chick should want to do.
All women who desire travel, why would you go to
Ireland with some redhead girl with freckles all over his
nont go to Ireland, go to Thailand where you can
fuck a lady boy. You're streaming in at her it's
at a fucking Hibernians or whatever their organization is called,
where it's all Irish people.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
You just made my case from me that they have
lady boys exactly. It's the best of both worlds. It's
for both of you. It's for a couple.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
The balls are shrunk, but the dick still works, so
you just still get fucked by it.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Yeah, you can suck it too if you want, But
don't let me see.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Some fucking last named fucking Joe or some Yeah. Fuck,
I don't know, man. I I have no desire to
leave this country ever. Oh really, yeah, none whatsoever.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
I mean, I like this country, but I like to
like you, don't. I mean, it's like your house. You
could you just stay in your house all the time. Yeah,
one thousand percent. Yes. I don't want to even go
out back to take a shit.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
I mean, when I have to shit, obviously I go
back there. And you don't want to dirty up your toilet.
It's disgusting. That's for guests.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
What was that thing from Seinfeld?

Speaker 1 (34:36):
A girl he was dating secretly put something of his
in the toilet and he was freaking out because he
didn't know what it was. And then at the end
he found out it was the toilet brush, and he's like, Okay,
that can be replaced toilet brush. You can use a
toilet brush, right, Yeah, I use it all the time.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, well I wouldn't. I mean you use it to
what clean the toilet.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
I think people think it's supposed to be more of
like a like it just sitting there thing like, oh,
this is just the stuff, but we don't actually use
this to clean anything. It's a one time use type thing.
Well that's how they see it. I don't agree. I
would think if you scrub the toilet with your toilet
brush and then you flush, and then you flush again
and get more fresh water and kind of toile it

(35:18):
and clean it out and really rub it on the sides.
So you are in agreement with these people who say
a toilet brush is not for use in toilet cleaning.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yeah, I mean it is, but it's a one time use.
You throw it out every time. It's like, you don't
throw it out every time, you don't use it as
a regular item, use it for when guests come over
like all right before if you haven't been keeping up
on your toilet, man, and so you use it right
before to get the thing nice and spotless, or for
a shit emergency. Come on in, Kevin.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
I'm just scrubbing the shit off of the back of
the toilet right now. I'll throw the brush away. Just
make sure you throw the brush away, Shane, make yourself
at home. What do I look like some kind of animal?
Of course, I'm gonna throw this brush away. Let me
just scrub this hardened shit off off under the lip
of the toilet. Making it a lip is even grosser.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah, exactly. It's like a mouth eating my ship. And
that's the thing, dude. Like it's cheap. It's like eleven bucks, right,
every time you gotta clean ship out of the toilet,
you spend eleven bucks.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
No, I'm I'm especially because we have the cleaner in
the bathroom. So I'll hit the sides with some cleaner. Yeah,
got scraping it all off and then rinse it off
in the toilet and put it back where the toilet
brush goes.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
Fuck you don't, dude, Okay, so here, okay, you don't. Okay,
Oh my god, this can't bother you that much. I'm
not a pig. I am not a pig. It's a
toilet brush. It's meant for cleaning the toilet. I'm going
to explain to you the way I clean my plunger.
And and I'll say this in advance your teeth. Yeah,

(36:52):
with my tongue. No, if you cleaned your toilet brush
as I clean myront plunger, I'd be like, all right,
that's fine. But the way you're describing cleaniness thing you
plunge with it, it's covered in shit.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
You turn it upright, quickly, run out your front door
and hose it down in your front yard while your
neighbors watch.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
No, what you're describing as a kind of taking a fork,
wiping your ass with it, wiping it off with a napkin,
and then putting it back in the cutlery drawer. That's
what you're describing doing here. No, no, no, no, So
the fucking the brush or the plunger. Right, when you
use the plunger, you plunge all the shit down, right,

(37:34):
you do the steps like you say, you run the
clean water of it, You rinse all the ship particles
off the fucking toilet or off the plunger in the toilet.
Then you take the plunger, you hold it above the toilet.
You let all the driplets of water drip into the
toilet once it stopped dripping long enough for you to
gently maneuver it over to the bathtub.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
No, no, you're even worse. That's easy, even worse. That
is a thousand percent worse. And I'll tell you a secret.
Even done, I'll tell you a secret on the Patreon.
Please remind me to tell you that.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Okay, then you you, you get your bottle of bleach.
You douse the shitty part of the plunger in bleach,
and you know it's working because the wood starts to
change color. Then you rinse it off with the hottest
water setting. Then you leave it there. Then you repeat
the bleach step, and then you put it back. That's

(38:29):
how you clean your plunger. If you did your brush
that way, I'd be like, all right, that's that's fine.
You really want to leave it there though, right next
to where you shit. That's gross.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
There's remnants of shit in your tub.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
No, dude, you've just bleached the tub. And after all, all.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
Right, if I put shit on my finger and then
rub the little bleach on top of it. Would you
lick my finger?

Speaker 2 (38:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Dude, how about if I didn't put bleach on it?

Speaker 2 (38:55):
No, because cleans all the shit? Sure? Oh man. One time,
my wife, fuck, I forget what we spilled. We spilled
something like spaghetti sauce or red wine or something when
we had carpet years and years ago. That's bad.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Have you ever spilled oil on tile or hard like
motor oil?

Speaker 2 (39:15):
No, like like cooking oil. And I'm thinking on like
tie I have, I have I oh, and I like
I was slipping for fucking days.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
Oh yeah, yeah, okay, so you spilled pasta or something
like that, right, yeah?

Speaker 2 (39:27):
And we had a stain and I went to work
one day and I came back and my wife was
like freaking out and she's like, I tried to clean
this stain and I met I think I messed our
carpet up. And it's like this, like it looked like
she tie died a section of the carpet. And I
was like, what the fuck did you do? And she's like,
I just I thought it since it's a white carpet,

(39:48):
like I could use bleach because you use your bleach
on whites, and I was like, did you fucking just
pour bleach right on the carpet And she's like yeah,
and then it started to change color and I didn't
know what to do, so I just started sopping it
up and I was like, sopping, how much did you pour?
She's like, I mixed it with a you know, I did,
Like it says on the bottle. I poured a quarter

(40:09):
cup into a measuring cup and then I filled it
the rest of the way to one cup with hot water,
and then she made dinner with that measuring up. Yeah.
I was like, oh my God, Jesus Christ. And yeah,
we had like these bleach stains on our carpet that
we had to cover up with a rug.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Like years, I have to be honest with you, I
hold no, it will against that I don't. I don't
own enough white clothes to know how to use bleach.
I will say this as a thirty six year old man.
I have no idea how to use bleach. I would
have to look at the directions because I really I
don't own white clothes.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
I own nothing. Nothing I own would ever have to
be bleached. Maybe I know bleach because of the Marines
I did a lot of bleach cleaning in the Marines,
and yeah, dude, bleaches. I oh man, oh fuck. In
boot camp, they used to do this thing called scuzzing
the decks right every night. We would have to do

(41:04):
it just as part of cleanup. So they would cover
the whole floor, which is like cement in water, either
from a hose or from a bucket or something, the
whole floor. And it's like a football field sized room
that everybody shares, you know. It's our huge space for
eighty people to live in, you know, but you know,

(41:25):
you could run back and forth. There's a lot of room,
and they would fucking yeah, they would have us put
the bunks on the sides or like stack it all
on one side and then all on the other. And yeah,
we would have to line up like on all fours,
you know, like hands and on our feet, you know,
like we're doing mountain climbers.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah, except your mountain climbers looks like you're either dancing
like Trump or jerking two guys off.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Oh your butt's up in the air, you know, so okay,
all right, yeah, yeah, it's like you're gonna get plowed
from from ninety degrees, you know, from the sky.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
You're just waiting for someone's drone landing your asshole. Drone
fuck yes it drone fuck yeah, buck strike Yeah. But
the uh, the whole point is you're cleaning.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
But they would do it as punishment too, and sometimes, yeah,
if it was punishment especially, they would mix bleach with
the water. And I remember scuzzing the decks and you're
supposed to like so there's all this water pulled up, right,
and then the door at the end of the squad
bay is open, and you run in a line as
a team. It's like twelve for fourteen. It's a whole

(42:36):
line of people all lined up and you're running like
in a relay, right. It's like first team goes three
seconds later, the next team goes, and you're like catching
these waves of water and pushing them out the door.
And this is how we clean the floor every night.
And sometimes when the bleach was mixed with that shit,
it would get in your fucking eyes, it would get
all over your skin and do that shit burns. It

(42:58):
doesn't just burn your eyes, it burns your skin. Have
you ever gotten battery acid on your skin?

Speaker 3 (43:03):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (43:03):
May I've gotten bleach on my skin? Like again, I
don't necessarily use it. But I know what you're talking
about it. Yeah, it's nasty maybe, And this was when
I was younger. Is it like, does it feel like
your skin dries out instantly?

Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, and then it's like if you don't treat it,
like if you don't wash it right away, it really
does feel like it's burning from under your skin, like
the burn is coming out of you. And it sucks. Yeah,
it really sucks. But yeah, bleach, bleach. The point is
bleach is fucking dangerous. Man, it'll yeah, words of the wise.

(43:35):
Don't just pour it on the clothes. That's why there's
like a special dispenser on your washing machine for it. Like,
if you just pour it on the clothes, it'll just
eat through them. You know what you do?

Speaker 1 (43:45):
You pour it into a fucking gatorade bottle and then
you piss to top it off, and you shake it
up real hard, and you throw it at a synagogue.
You hand it to a homeless guy, tell them it's
regular gatorad.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
He opens it. Uh, oh, mustard gas lemon doesn't look
this way anymore. It's okaque now.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (44:07):
That what happens? If isn't that how something must be gas.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Is it? It's ammonia and bleach, right, uh huh yeah,
And there's enough ammonia in piss.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
I don't know if there is enough ammonia and piss,
but there's enough ammonia and the ammonia that comes in
the bottle that say ammonia. Hmm, okay, fair enough. Uh?
What was I going to talk to you about? He rose?

Speaker 1 (44:31):
And now? Oh hey, oh go ahead, what? No, you
were gonna say what? Nothing? I wasn't gonna say nothing.
Have you seen some of the storm shit, the hurricane stuff?

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Oh? Yeah, people are dying, and Florida's under the coast
with Atlantis. Your mom's in Jersey, right, Oh yeah, she's
next to you. Was she in North She was in
North Carolina at one point though, right, And Florida.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Florida's bad. But all the stuff I'm seeing is I
think either's some levy he broke or something broken. Damn
was it? Yeah? Okay, okay, And that one the footage
I've seen of that is fucking crazy, harrowing.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Hi. Yeah, I've been seeing it at the on the
weather channel at my office. That's all they have on
at work. So yeah, I did see some crazy shit.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
I've been watching it on Twitter, and I'm pretty sure
this is Kamala Harris's fault. That's what Twitter tells me,
at least. Well, she was the Damzar, the damn the
damns are Yeah, fucking.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Maybe that's what Oh yeah, maybe that's what it was.
Maybe that's what she was saying, I'm the Damnsar, I'm
the Damzar in six different accents. Uh, i am the Damzar.
I wonder not sart talking like.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Thank you can come or come again, Indian guy. That
was fucking I would vote for, I'd vote for.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Do you think she appropriates that accent every time she's
around her her maternal relatives, she just starts ounding like
a pooh oh, buppy, Oh, I'm so good to see
you again. Uh hold on, I got Oh this is
a sad one. Can you see this?

Speaker 1 (46:07):
But it's nice forgotten dogs rescued after hurricane.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
First of all, you forget them first off, bad pet on.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
Yeah, they're locked in a cage and they're holding on
like fucking Auschwitz survivors, like please help me, help me. Hey,
if you're leaving and you know you can't take your dogs,
which you shouldn't have those dogs. But say you just
can't take them. You got I think you got to
open the gates and let them.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Go right, let them out.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Yeah, what the fuck they're in like a fucking Titanic
situation when they were in the bottom storage and it
was filling up, Like, get am out of there.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yeah. I always wonder about some people, like uh, leaving
their pets behind and making those decisions, like we have
the snakes, right, but it's already like part of our plan,
you know. It's like we had devise this planet a
couple summers ago. During the fire thing, It's like, all right,
we have to evacuate if she goes crazy, Like you
get the kid, get him situated, get him in the car.

(47:11):
I'm grabbing these snake houses one at a time, putting
them in the back seat, and we're out of here.
You know. It should take a couple of minutes to
just pick these whole houses up and just leave with them.
Like they're snakes. Yeah, they're just they're They're not like
a sentient creature like a cat or a dog. But
I'm not gonna let my snakes die in a fire,

(47:32):
you know, to be fucked up. What would you do?

Speaker 1 (47:34):
Would you put them both in one container, and no,
I would.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
Take both terrariums, probably because it would be a hassle problem.
I mean, even if they bite you, it's not a
big deal. Have you ever had to take them to
the vet or anything? Nope? Oh well that okay, that
doesn't help.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Then I was going to ask, like, how how do
you normally transport them?

Speaker 2 (47:53):
If you have, how would you have you had to
just pick them up, just grab them? No, I know,
but you know, Okay, so yeah I would. Uh. That's
the thing is, like, I guess I could if the
situation wasn't so dire, I could take the time actually
to just get them out of their houses. But I
just I assume it would be such a high stress situation.

(48:15):
And if they're so for instance, right like if one
of them, if they're curled up in a ball in
their house, chilling, sleeping, whatever, it's totally cool. Just go
in grab them. They're not going to care, they're not
going to do anything, they're not going to bite you.
They're just gonna stay rolled up in a ball. But
if they're like out and they're hungry and they're kind

(48:36):
of bobbing their head around and they look like maybe
they're hunting. If you reach your hand in, they're gonna
think your food and they're just gonna bite instantly, right
they like, they don't think, they just bite immediately and
then as soon as they realize that you're not food,
they let go. But it's like a super stressful thing
for them when they bite something and it's not a

(48:56):
meal because they want to constrict and then they can't constrict,
and it's yeah, when they get stressed out, it just
makes them act even more erratic. So you're just supposed
to just leave them alone if that happens. So if
one of them was out and about, I would just
grab the whole house. I wouldn't worry about reaching my
hand in there. But normally you would put them in
a pillowcase, tie off an end of the pillowcase, very

(49:19):
very tight and secure so they can't escape, and you
could just keep them close to you in your car,
you know, if you're driving and your body heat will
keep them warm, or if you have to like leave
them somewhere where it's going to get cold, they'll be
good for a while. They'd be good for a day
or two, you know, not a crazy cold temperature, but
like fifty sixty degrees. They could probably survive for a

(49:41):
day or two.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Yeah, but it's really unfortunately if you burn alive in
a house.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Fire, right, Oh so yeah, would that be yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:49):
Yeah, Well, I mean we lost a hamster in our
house fire a little and my cat, the cat was inhalation.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
Well, your cat saved your life, so that's almost like, yeah,
I'm not saying I'm I would be glad my cat
was gone, but I would be like, oh, you know,
like he's a hero. Yeah, he this one deserves a metal.
Oh it was so bad.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
The fireman that came in on our back door when
I was little, that was like we had.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
This like got a cat kit.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Well yeah, they did come out and go we found
a cat in the basement.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
It's dead. And I was like Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
I specifically thought to myself, Oh, I hope it's the
other one and not the one that it ended up being.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Oh man, and then you fucking did you look at
that other cat with resentment for the rest of its life? No,
not really, No, he was fine.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
I didn't really deal with him too much though, but
I wanted my cat to live. So, but the back
door is where my mom kept our litter box. So
the fucking fireman came in and trapes through it and
just walk through cat shit and drug it through the
entire house.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
What a douchebag.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
Everything all already destroyed by smoke damage, by water damage,
by all that shit, and cat shit just smeared all
over the fucking house.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
He probably did it on purpose. He's like, look, I
smeared shit all over the house. Now I'm gonna go
tell him his cat's dead. Check us out. I know,
guy watched this. We had ten more minutes. That would
have been such a good way to end this shit. Yeah,
let's just say something else that's funny. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
I can't. I'm struggling here. I can't figure it out.
I don't know what's funny anymore. I'm looking at pictures
of hurricanes.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Tell me about another pet you had that died. Oh no,
I'll tell you about my new pet. Oh yeah, didn't
you take him to the vet? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (51:44):
So we took David to the vet today, first time,
and there were three things I wanted him to have
checked out. I wanted to see if he was a big,
fat lard ass, because he's a big cat, real big
and heavy fifteen.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
It was my guess came in at ten even. Oh, okay,
that's not huge, No, not at all. I think he's
just a big fluffy boy. Uh. The next piece of
him was he is very goofy.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
I think I explained this to you, gets very snotty
and stuff like that, because his face is real flat,
almost like a pug or something like that. So this
asshole is always crawling under stuff and you know, always
digging his nose into dusty shit and whatever. So he's
always got all this filth and dust on him. I
gotta try and wipe off and clean off of him.

(52:32):
And then he's got the eye or the lack thereof,
if you will, And I want to know.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
I was asking him. I was like, what is behind this?

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Is there like a gross little mutant eye behind it?

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Or is it just a hole or what is it?

Speaker 1 (52:46):
Like? Imagine you just open it, you could see his brain.
Because I don't want to fucking hurt him. But sometimes
it drips and it's really gross.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Okay, so it is puss. Uh, It's it's not puss.
Puss would be an infection. It's just like mucus and
goo and all this and that. Whatever. I thought they
were the same thing. Man. Honestly, I thought mucus every time.
I thought every time I blew my nose it was puss.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Honestly, I think puss is specifically infection.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
No, yeah, you're right, Okay. I just like that word
puss because it's really close to puss. Pussy. Yeah, you
gotta pussy pussy. I want to eat your pussy. I
want to eat your pussy pussy.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
H All the fucking ladies at this place loved David.
They loved his name. They thought it was the funniest
fucking thing in the world.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
It's a good name. I like carson names for cats,
thank you.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
It was a lot better than his former name, Fetti Wop.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Obviously, I thought that was a good name too, though.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Yeah, but I like, that's a good name for like
a pit bull with one eye.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
I don't know what if the cat, like, what if
you just didn't hear the cat's old voice at his
old house.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
What if you're too quick to give him a Russian voice.
But he's a purple British cat. He's not thugged out.
He couldn't even be Jamie Kennedy and fucking Malibu's most wanted.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Yeah, he's fucking lucky to be Idris Elba.

Speaker 1 (54:11):
He's an extra on the Crown. Okay, Like, yeah, he's
he's the new lead in Ridgardtson for Ridgerdson.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Uh what did we call it?

Speaker 3 (54:21):
I titled the episode it anachronistic, Uh asked, fucking.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
No, anachronistic aristocratic fuck fest. I think it was the
name of the last Patreon episode.

Speaker 2 (54:36):
That's so good. Yeah for trademark that or Brest dress things.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
I don't know that you still press things. Uh they
still make vinyl?

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Which who is it for? Is that for cool guys
or is it for dicks?

Speaker 3 (54:51):
Yeah, that's for fucking kids. It's like, uh, it's for kids,
it's for cool guys, it's for some dicks. Like a
lot of people listen to vinyl, not even because of
what I thought before, where it's like, oh, it's the
more raw, pure way to listen to it, which it's not,

(55:11):
because vinyl degrades and it's and like you maybe you're
talking about the experience of a shitty piece of fucking
semi plastic that's gonna break over time. Maybe that's what
you really like, but no, like, if you want the
true integrity to the sound. You actually need digital and
preferably like a digital medium burned onto a physical medium.

(55:34):
CDs just for some reason, sounds so fucking good when
you compare it with like a high quality stream or
even a download.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
A fucking CD just hits difference, hits better. I think
you just did what they do, no, because it's it's
actually I watched a SI Show video about this. This
is a fact, like digital audio is the best way
to listen to music because it can perfect convey what
the producer and the artist are trying to get you

(56:04):
to hear. You can still have shitty speakers or headphones
and that can impede the process. But with just a
pretty decent sound system these days, you can hear almost
anything exactly the way it's supposed to be heard. Whereas
with old music physical formats, it was always like your

(56:24):
there was like this competition right like they were. They
were making albums more bass heavy at a certain point
in time, So then the people making the stereos made
the stereos come with a bass boost, and then they
just started to automatically boost the bass on all their
portable listening devices and stuff.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
That's that's why I can't use Beats headphones because all
I listened to is talking stuff and the beat it's terrible.
I've returned them. I've bought in returned Beats headphones twice,
and I'll fall for it again at some pointint I
know it well.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
You will because doctor Dre he sells a fucking hard bargain,
by my fucking hip bone.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
You're saying two different things, though.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
I want you to know that. No, So I'm saying
digital like on a stream is perfect, right you? But
but but but with a CD. So I have the
experience of listening to certain albums as a CD for
a long time, then listening to digital for a long time,

(57:30):
and then going back and forth. And yeah, I saw
this on a SI Show video. I think there is
something to this last part, but I'll have to double
check it. But in my experience, so maybe there is
something different. Maybe I'm saying that, uh the other thing
about you know, like, oh, you're doing this with vinyls.

(57:51):
Maybe I am saying I prefer CDs because of this,
But there does seem to be a better like a
balance to your your headphones when you listen to the CD.
So if I listen to tools lateralas on my air pods, right,
or just regular headphones. There might be certain frequencies pitches

(58:16):
that are like they're crystal clear, right, you can hear
them perfectly, especially on air pods. But then you listen
to them on the CD and you're like, oh, nope,
I hear that thing. I hear that chime that I
missed last time. It's like, maybe it's a product of
me not getting digital out of a big stereo system

(58:40):
like I have out of CDs. I've never like played
a download out of a big stereo just a CD.
But but yeah, like at least with headphones, there is
more clarity when it comes to a CD. I don't
know why. Maybe it's like an artifact of using a
digital media player and the machine is like constantly having

(59:02):
to catch up, you know, like reading data or something.
It's maybe it doesn't match the speed of the laser
on a CD player. I'm not sure, but there does
seem to be like less scratchiness and stuff, less less
like interference or missing frequencies when I listen to a
CD than on digital. You're right, go ahead, But yeah,

(59:25):
from what I understand, digital way better than vinyl. Vinyl degrades.
Cassette's degrade. Anything analog is going to degrade. Even a
CD will degrade.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Actually, I'm gonna half disagree with you, but not really.
CDs are not compressed most.

Speaker 2 (59:44):
Ah, that's right, they are not compressed. That's probably why
they sound so much fucking better.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Most audio, most digital audio formats are compressed, except for
flack files, which is what that fucking weirdo Neil Young
was trying to push for. Those are those are lossless files,
which means like they don't squish it and put it
within a range or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Huge huge files. They are huge files. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember downloading some flack music before because it was
the only way to get a certain album. And it's like, yeah,
I'm not gonna listen to just this, I'm gonna convert
it to an MP three, you know, because this is
going to take up half a gigabyte of storage for
six songs. I remember downloading.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
I was trying to download some kind of porn movie,
something on Biza or not one of those, you know,
one of the fruit maybe even later once yeah, yeah, yeah,
not real, not recently. Hold on, I'm starting my Lime
wire up.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
But yeah, you know, And I.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Waited hours, hours hours for this point. I mean I'm
edging the whole time, probably just looking at the car,
big turgid dick, just full.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Of blood, not big at all, gorged, just engorged, and
I'm just like, oh God, do this go. Gotta get
it ready, gotta get ready.

Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
Fucking I finished the download and I'm like, nice, this
is gonna be great tugging material. And I fucking double
click to open it, and like Windows Media Player, some
horseshit comes up. No fucking video. It was just like
a flag file or something. Oh fuck, the hottest, most

(01:01:24):
uncompressed fucking blowjob audio you've ever heard in your life?

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
Nice? Yeah, so you united to that? I did?

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
Actually, yeah, like a girl, I jerked off to audio only. God.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
I remember looking at all the porn stuff on Kazan
and stuff as a kid and being like wanting to
because you had to do like the guessing game, right,
Like eventually you learned like okay, m A or MV
four or what you know, m A V or whatever,
those videos will play when I try and download them,
but you know, QTE and f l A C like

(01:01:59):
those to not play. But I remember like, yeah, you
would waste so much time on a download, and then
it would be some unsupported file format and you'd be like, fuck,
you know, I wasted my whole afternoon. I could have
been cherking to the fucking Henna Montana that wasn't out
when I was a kid. I the worst was I

(01:02:20):
started getting these song downloads that was just like the
first verse recut for three and a half minutes or
however long the song was. But it was cut perfectly,
but you thought, are they singing the same verse again?

(01:02:40):
Like it wasn't like a deliberate like like a click
or anything, so you could hear it was repeating.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
So I downloaded all these songs. I remember Queens of
the Stone Age was was one, fucking Seether was another one,
and the songs just were it was. It was like
whatever the first verse is, and then it would go
like and I was like, Wow, they're just doing that
same verse again and again. This is a weird song.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
That's cool. No, I was an asshole, and it made me.

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Really sad when I found out that people were ripping
me off when I was just trying to get music
for free.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
Ripping you off for free? Yeah, But I mean, like
maybe that was there. That was I mean, it could
have just been a cyber weapon. I think you probably
got Manchurian candidated and you don't even realize it. But
like maybe it could have just been somebody's dream, you know,
like take the best part of the song and make
it the whole song and then share it with the world.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
I'm this is a new version, going back to the
beginning of what we were talking about. I am very
much like fucking whatever the new kids are. I just
heard someone say this recently. Jenn't put on Spotify, which
for me, I'm like, all right, not normally a music guy,
let's play some hits. She'll play some hits. But once

(01:04:01):
I get through, like the first chorus, I'm like, oh,
look this up. Play this instead. I don't ever finish
a song.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
And you are, Oh my god, it's just like my
fucking wife. Goddamn you, goddamn you both. Well, how does
she feel about cleaning the shit in the tub? Oh dude,
she doesn't like it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
See yeah, me and your wife two fucking apples. Meanwhile,
the worm over there is fucking biting everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Oh my god. And you dude, she's always she's always
on some worm shit. She's always like, she's always she
got a phobia fucking worms. Dude. Like one time, there
was like some lasagna noodles that had been in the
cupboard for I don't know a year, and I was like, Oh,
we could use them. She's like, you gotta check it
for worms. I was like, why the fuck would there
be worms in there. She's like, it's been there a
long time. And I was like, that's not Worms don't

(01:04:51):
just materialize in pasta.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
You know, I've heard that too. I've heard you can
get worms if you eat raw pasta.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Oh I I looked it. I wasn't just gonna eat
the hard noodles like crackers.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
I still don't want to eat something that even if
you cook at worms start coming out of it, or
if you don't cook it, worms just grow inside.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
Do you what does that mean?

Speaker 3 (01:05:13):
Dude?

Speaker 2 (01:05:14):
How do you think RFK rose to prominence as the
least favorable, least likable Kennedy. How do you think he
got to that point with that voice? You think it
was fucking not killing bears in the middle of Central
Park and then taking them hunting all day and then
dumping them back in Central Park or some shit like that.

(01:05:35):
Like no, it comes from being a man and eating
raw pasta that I claimed I cooked.

Speaker 1 (01:05:44):
All right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Go to
your Worst friend dot com. Follow us everywhere on Twitter
and Instagram. At worst Friendcastpatreon dot com. Slas worst Friend Cast,
you get a bonus episode every week, access to everything
ever recorded, entirely commercial free.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
For your Worst Friend a met I have a brain
worm and it's telling me that I'm shamed. Thanks for listening.
We'll see you next week. You know all of us
all run noble.

Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
You know I'm really gonna miss you got when the
show's over.